WP Guide

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Step By Step Wedding Planning Guide| Copyright 2010 Red Hot Web Gems India Pvt. Ltd. All Rights Reserved.

Apoorv Kalra is the Co-Founder of Red Hot Web Gems India Pvt Ltd. He is an MBA in Marketing
from University of Texas at Dallas and has been a part of the Internet industry for over five years.
As a passionate young entrepreneur and spokesperson in the field of wedding planning and
search marketing, Mr. Kalra has introduced several technological innovations in the Indian
wedding industry. He is a visionary with a keen eye for the most intricate details. This book is his
attempt at helping the public who feel quite lost when planning a marriage.
Red Hot Web Gems India Pvt Ltd owns Indias largest network of Information resource portals for the soon-to-be
married.

Vidhi Agrawal is the Sr. Editor at Red Hot Web Gems India Pvt. Ltd. She has been associated with
the company since June 2010, writing actively about the various aspects of wedding planning,
trends and traditions. Endowed with a curious mind and a creative bent, Ms. Vidhis experience in
the wedding planning and online publishing industry came in handy during the compilation of the
Step by step Wedding Planning Guide.

About the Authors

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Introduction
Pre-Wedding Preparations
Choosing the Marriage Venue
Types of Wedding according to Location
The Wedding Theme
The Guest List
The Invitation Cards
Arrangement for your Outstation Guests
On the Wedding Day
The Food and Beverages
Photography and Videography
Decorations
Choosing the Marriage officiant
Post- Wedding Events
The Wedding Reception
The Wedding Toast
Gift and Favours
The Honeymoon
Contents

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Deciding on Apparel and Accessories
The Wedding attire for the bride and the groom
The Brides trousseau
Music and Entertainment
Bachelor/ Bachelorette parties
The Mehendi
The Sangeet
The Baraat
The Reception
More Entertainment mantra
Indian Marriages: Some Facts
Some fun facts
Well known superstitions
Important Legal Formalities
Marriage acts and Registration of marriages
The Countdown Begins
12 Months to go
10 Months to go

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9 Months to go
7 Months to go
3 Months to go
2 Months to go
1 Months to go
10 Days to go
1 Day to go
Things that can go wrong
Wedding Traditions of India
Religious weddings
Regional weddings
Wedding vows

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Introduction
When the one man loves the one woman and the one woman loves the one man, the
very angels desert heaven and come and sit in that house and sing for joy.
Brahma Sutras, the fountainhead of Vedanta

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Wedding is the most sacred union of two hearts and souls eternally in a revered connubial knot. It marks the
beginning of a new phase in the life of a couple and adds meaning to their relationship.
If you have decided to get married, then congratulations! We are here to help you out with the marriage
preparations. Grand Indian weddings are in fashion and are liked and appreciated throughout the world because of
their gleam and charm. But marrying in Indian style is not a cakewalk; there are several customs and rituals
associated with it which needs to be taken care of. There are several procedures to be followed and loads of
arrangements that need to be done. So, if you are planning to organize a lavish Indian wedding for yourself, then stay
tuned. We will help you as a guide and will make you aware of different kinds and patterns of weddings, what are the
benefits and what are the dos and donts of an Indian wedding.
A typical, traditional Indian wedding can best be described as a grand-big-fat-happy-chaotic occasion. It is a union of 2
families immediate, extended and even remote members. An Indian wedding is much like a festival with lot of
glimmer and full of fun and excitement. It must be remembered that Indian customs are very diverse, and when it
comes to marriage, and this is true especially for the parents of the bride and the groom, want everything to be done
under the huge umbrella of auspiciousness. Indian weddings are generally a combination of local, religious and
family traditions.
Further, an Indian wedding involves large number of people. If the wedding is a traditional one, the number of
invitees can be anywhere between 500 and 5000. If the couple has opted for a simple, private ceremony, still
planning is required to honour close friends and family members.

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Planning is therefore important, to organize everything in a systematic manner according to your requirement and
budget. Moreover, proper planning leaves no room for confusion and mistakes. Therefore, it is important to start
planning for the wedding ceremony from the day the decision of marriage has been taken, either independently by
the couple, or by their parents in the traditional manner.

In this wedding planning guide, you can get an overview of the different kinds of Indian weddings which are uniquely
different according to religion, and region. Since this is a season of joyful celebrations, certain festive customs are
very Indian, as in, they are indigenous to the land, and are used regardless of whatever religion or region the bride
and groom belong to. They may go by different names in different regions, but their essence remains the same.

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Further, customs or rituals specific to family tradition, or the local ethos, can be incorporated if the family, or the
bride and groom desire them.
In this guide we will make sure you have proper understanding of each aspect of an Indian wedding. From different
kinds of weddings, choosing the venue for getting married, preparing a list of the things to buy or selecting a beautiful
place for your Honeymoon we have it all in this wedding planning guide.
More and more, young people today are opting out of the elaborate wedding routine, and choosing intimate, private
ceremonies. Still, the charm of comprehensive Indian wedding remains. So, be our guest in this wedding season and
take a ride through the pages to get an idea of the complete Indian Wedding.

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There are enormous preparations that need to be done once a couple decides to get married in the traditional Indian
style. You have to take care of the venue, invitations, food and accommodation, guests and much more. Indian rituals
are also difficult and should be carried out religiously. Therefore, the planning should start days or rather months
before the actual wedding day.
Pre Wedding Preparation
A man without a wife is like a vase without flowers.
African proverb

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CHOOSING THE MARRIAGE VENUE
This is a very important task. Since Indian marriages usually take place at certain auspicious times of the year, there is
huge rush for venues. It is therefore imperative that the venue be decided well in advance, so that the bookings can
be done. An advantage of booking in advance is that you may be able to get it at the actual rates or even a little lower
as opposed to doing a last minute booking, where the rates quoted are exorbitant. Make sure that after the booking
is confirmed an advance is paid. This would ensure that the venue is reserved for you and would not then be given to
another person.

You must select the venues for the following occasions:
The engagement or sagaai, where the wedding commitments are made by the elders of the two families
concerned.
The mehendi and sangeet ceremonies.

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The actual wedding ceremony.
The reception.
Things to be considered
It is easily accessible, and convenient.
Proper conveyance and transport facility is available, so that no one is kept waiting. Usually a separate car is
kept for the bride/groom and their immediate families. This is necessary because the time for the muhurat is to
be strictly observed, and simply cannot be missed.
There is enough area for parking vehicles.
There are good amenities available for the event that is to be held there, including a dressing room and toilets.
In case some necessary items/requirements have to be brought in, it should be convenient to bring them to the
venue.
The services provided include adequate seating, decoration, catering and music.
The time allotted for its use is sufficient for all the ceremonies to take place comfortably. It would be advisable
to find out and fix the rate in case of exceeding the time given.
If refreshments are to be served, then the venue should have the arrangements required for this.
If you are planning a destination wedding, make sure the guest list is small since you will be bearing all expenses
of travel and stay. Further, a destination wedding locale could also serve as the honeymoon location.
If you are planning a wedding abroad, then make sure all legal procedures are followed for visas and marriage
license, and all documentation is complete.
It fits into the budget.

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The venue, to a large extent, sets the mood for the many ceremonies. In case one of the parties is from outstation,
special living arrangements for the bridegroom/bride, the parents and any family members or friends that they
choose to bring with them, will have to be made. Consequently, since there are rituals that are specific to the
bridegroom/bride, there have to be a place earmarked for these, so that the rituals can be performed in the right
manner.
It has to be kept in mind that a wedding is a very important event in the life of a couple and their families. So, along
with getting all the ceremonies done in the right way, the bonds between the families have to be forged. Any hint of a
wrong note can be considered inauspicious with disastrous fall-outs. This is another reason why so much importance
is given to the venue in Indian weddings. In fact, once the parents decide on the venue it has to be vetted by the
priest. Marriage rituals starting from the sagaai to the final wedding rituals have to be performed facing a certain

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direction, and it is only the priest who can ensure that. Therefore, before taking the final decision on the venue and
the construction of the mandap, it is necessary to get it cleared by the priest.
In case the two families have decided on a common venue other than their homes, the priests sanction is required
there as well.
For the main wedding ceremony
Choose a religious place of worship.
Community halls attached to the place of worship, in case the place of worship cannot accommodate everyone.
Kalyana mandapams or marriage halls, since they are equipped to deal with large groups. They also have the
facility for providing refreshments that guests might need during the course of the ceremony.
If the ceremony is planned outdoors, naturally a large open area will be required which can be covered with
shamianas, tents, canopies, and awnings. You would need to check the weather conditions to see if this idea is
feasible. The main ceremonies should be held on a dais so that everyone can witness them.

In such cases where a separate venue is chosen for the reception, a general rule is that the venue for the reception
should not be more than 20 minutes away from the venue of the marriage ceremony. This enables all guests to arrive
without delay.

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A wedding conducted according to the Special Marriage Act is usually held in the office of the Marriage Registrar. If,
the bride and groom want to choose another venue where the Marriage Registrar will come, they would need to look
for a venue which is licensed to hold this ceremony.
In case it is decided to conduct the wedding ceremony as well as the reception in the same venue, then the choices
would include:
Country clubs,
Farmhouses,
5-star hotels,
There are some country houses which have been turned into 5-star wedding venues. They cater only to
wedding groups. They are usually on the outskirts of the town, and provide accommodation and all facilities for
the families, relatives and guests of the bride and groom. Both families are therefore in the same area, and it is
very convenient for everyone to attend all functions. Since the chalets/cottages/rooms housing the two parties
are separate, the specific functions can be performed separately as well.

TYPES OF WEDDING ACCORDING TO LOCATION
India has a rich cultural heritage, perfect for traditional weddings. Different locations are ideal for different themes
and forms of wedding. Choose your favourite marriage venue for the wedding of your dreams.

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Royal Weddings
1. Rajasthan
i. Even the simplest ceremony gets a touch of royalty if performed in one of the many palaces in India. Palaces
have vast lawns and gardens, and are located in very picturesque surroundings. Since they have a fairy-tale
quality about them, naturally, this adds to the ambience giving the marriage a very special touch.

ii. The plus points:
An in-house priest.
Separate living arrangements for the bride and grooms parties.
Arrangements for all meals.
All rituals and ceremonies pre-wedding, on the wedding day, and post-wedding are taken care of.
If required, even arrangements for the honeymoon are taken care of.

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iii. Some palaces to choose from:
Jaipur
The Rambagh Palace
The Jai Mahal Palace
The Raj Vilas Palace
The Chomu Palace

Jaisalmer
Fort Rajwada
Gorbandh Palace
Jawahar Niwas
Narayan Niwas
The Neemrana Palace-Fort
The Sariska Palace
The Deogarh Palace

2. Gujarat
i. Gujarat is another state which offers royal weddings. Many of their palaces and forts have been converted
into heritage hotels where Indian weddings are organized. Gujarat, like Rajasthan, is full of colour and verve.
Udaipur
Taj Lake Palace
Jagat Niwas Palace
Oberoi Udai Vilas
Shiv Niwas Palace
Fateh Prakash Palace
The Devigarh Fort Palace

Jodhpur
Ajit Bhawan
Umaid Bhawan
Taj Mahal Hari
Ran Banka

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Local priest
Traditional folk music
Ladies dances for the sangeet
Decorations including floral arrangements
Lunch and dinner
Videography by professionals
iii. Some places to choose from:
Balram Palace Resort, Palampur
The Palace, Uthelia, seven8 kms from Ahmedabad
Nilambagh Palace Hotel, Bhavnagar
Kusum Vilas Palace
Nazar Bagh Palace
Uparkot Fort
Dabhoi Fort
Beach Weddings
1. Kerala

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i. Kerala offers several exotic wedding locations. Kerala is on the South-West coast of India, and curves along
the Arabian Sea.
The wedding feast is a culinary experience and is served on banana leaves.
The groom is brought on the back of an elephant in the baraat.
Classical dance and music performances for the pre-wedding festivities are organized.
Accommodation for family and guests up to a certain number.
Clothes (including costume jewellery for the bride) for the bride and groom, and wedding make-up.
Floral decoration of the venue and special decoration of the mandap.
Weddings in Kerala are quite simple as compared to North Indian weddings. Also, the maximum numbers of
days over which the festivities are spread is 2 to 3 days. However, time is set aside for visiting places of local
interest and sight-seeing.

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Kovalam
Somatheeram
Varkala
Shanghumukham
The backwaters of Kumarakom. You may choose to have the main wedding ceremony in a traditional
houseboat.
Kumarakom Lake Resort
Zuri Kumarakom Resort
The Taj Malabar in Kochi

2. Goa
i. Beach weddings are quite exotic in their own way. Beach weddings have a touch of the unconventional, and
can be quite charming if both families love the outdoors. Hotels and resorts in Goa organize the whole
wedding including accommodation, entertainment, food and beverages, as well as local sight-seeing, beach
parties with live music, and barbecues.
A special choir sings during the ceremony.
The wedding attire of the bride and the groom are made available.
Photography and videography are possible.

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If you choose a theme, the hotel usually makes all the arrangements accordingly.
One bottle of celebratory champagne for the bride and groom are on the house.
Music is traditional Goan, and the food as well.
For a Hindu wedding, arrangements are made for the mehendi, sangeet and all the other rituals that
have to be performed all with that very special Goan touch.
Calangute
Baga
Palolem
Colva

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Island Weddings
1. Lakshadweep
i. This is an archipelago and the islands are located off the South-West coast of India in the Arabian Sea.
Lakshadweep offers excellent facilities for the wedding ceremony and offers a number of value-added
services such as wedding cruises, and chances to explore the underwater beauty.
Kavaratti
Kalpeni
Kadmat
Minicoy
Bangaram

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2. Andaman
i. This is also an archipelago, and is a place of exquisite beauty.
ii. The plus point:
An entire island can be reserved for the wedding parties, making it exclusive. The whole island is decorated,
with the special marriage venue decorated even more elaborately to make it stand out.
iii. Here are some places you can choose from:
Havelock Island
Ross Island
Red Skin Island
Wildlife Sanctuaries
For the daring and adventurous, a wedding can be planned in a wildlife sanctuary provided the necessary permissions
are taken from the local government body.
The three sanctuaries which are ideal are:
Bandhavgarh National Park in Madhya Pradesh.
Corbett National Park in Uttarakhand.
Ranthambore National Park in Rajasthan.

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Mountain weddings
If mountains fascinate you, then India would be the most preferred choice for you to tie the wedding knot. It has a
variety of green hills, step farming mountains and snow clad peaks which add a lot of class and glamour to your
marriage party. Kashmir is considered as heaven on earth and planning your best day at such a romantic place would
be a truly exhilarating experience. There are different venues amongst which the Chalets Naldehra in Shimla would be
the ideal wedding venue.
It would be a good idea to have a few options, just in case your first choice of venue is not available.
THE WEDDING THEME
The venue chosen, in some cases, also becomes the theme. For instance, a Rajasthani or Gujarati palace/haveli
venue, or a venue in Kerala would mean that the dress code would need to be worked out to match the venue.
Likewise for the Beach, Island, or Wildlife Sanctuary weddings, the keyword in theme weddings is homogeneity.
If we think about mixing and matching, then this would apply only to the ceremonies, not to the dress or the other
wedding paraphernalia. All weddings make allowances for the personal touch.
If the bride and groom are from the same background, it is easiest. However, if they want to incorporate their
own vows or some personal touch, this would have to fit into the broad framework.
If the bride and groom are from different states in India, any additional ceremonies or rituals would be easily
accommodated after discussing it with the presiding priest.

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If one of them is from another country, and the couple wants an Indian wedding, there are provisions for that
as well. The Indian wedding ceremony can accommodate all additions or changes.
In case there are two ceremonies involved a civil ceremony and a religious one, the civil ceremony could take
place either in the Marriage Registrars office, or in the home of either party, and the religious ceremony could
take place in a place of worship.
Choosing a theme
This depends entirely on the bride and groom. Since their wedding day is a special one for them, they may decide on
a theme which has a special meaning for them. It could be based on:
A hobby or personal interest.
A favourite film.
A specific historical period.
A retro theme such as the 50s or the 80s.
A season such as Spring, Summer, Monsoon, or Winter.
A favourite place; for instance on a ship, or on a jet, or in a garden.
A fantasy such as an Arabian Night theme.
Something as indigenous as a Village theme.
A romantic theme.
A floral theme. Sometimes just one kind of flower can be chosen to create the whole theme such as the Rose
theme, or Orchid theme or Arum lily theme.

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One colour theme. You can use different shades, but the basic colour remains the same. In Indian weddings
since the groom is usually dressed in cream, it will match with whatever colour the theme uses. Even a dark suit
will not be out of place should the groom decide on a one. However, the colour the groom wears will dictate
the dress code for all the male guests.

It is always better to have a couple of options if you are creating your own theme. It is important because in case it is
difficult to get one theme organized, another one can be chosen. Remember - to keep the following things in mind
when creating your own theme:
Decorations including creating the backdrop.
The attire (including make-up) of the bride and groom, as well as the families concerned.
Dress code (including make-up) for all guests.

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Food and beverages Even if you serve a different kind of cuisine, the table settings and service as well as
mode of serving will have to match the theme.
Make sure you think the whole thing through to the last detail and have enough time to make it happen.
A mantra you could use, the one that never really goes wrong: Keep it simple!
The theme that is chosen should suit the personalities of the bride, the groom and the families. It should always
be remembered that an Indian wedding is a social event and if those attending are not comfortable, there will
be room for inauspicious comments.
For whatever reason, if the bride and groom are unable to handle this work, someone they trust should be
given the responsibility of working out all the details. The end result should be completely authentic.
The budget: This is of the greatest importance when planning a theme wedding. A royal, romantic or fantasy
theme means great expense, since the right ambience has to be created.
Check out the feasibility of your chosen theme with the elders in the family as well as with the presiding priest.
Once again, all the family members attend weddings; choose a theme that can be enjoyed by the older people
and the children as well.
Make sure that nothing inauspicious is incorporated.
The same theme should be used for pre-wedding rituals and post-wedding ceremonies as well so that the
theme doesnt lose its essence. Of course, if you decide on a different theme for the reception, it should not be
too different from the wedding theme, but the two should blend with each other.
The table dcor at the reception as well as the favours should reflect the theme.

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In case you are handing over the wedding preparations to a wedding planner agency, ensure that you
participate in all the major decisions. You would not want to have to deal with something you have not chosen
for the most special occasion of your life.
Would you want an indoor or outdoor wedding? The theme chosen will then have to be adapted accordingly.
Outdoor weddings will naturally be more expensive since it needs more elaborate dcor and lighting.
Colours are very important in Indian weddings. Whether the ceremony is a Christian one or a Nikaah, in India,
besides the specific colours at the ceremony, the other wedding colours used are the same. They have to be
shades of orange, red, maroon, pink, with lots of zari and gold.

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Colours are important in a retro theme as well. So, besides the traditional colours, you could look at psychedelic
colours for the 60s, hot pink (and very little or preferably no black, since black is considered inauspicious) for
the 50s, and neon colours for the 80s.
In case you have chosen a floral theme, where you will naturally use lots of flowers, note that traditional
flowers at all Indian weddings are the jasmine, roses, and marigolds. Orchids, gerberas and carnations are used
quite frequently too.
Since there are certain traditional leaves that have to be used for a traditional ceremony, these will have to be
included in the dcor. The leaves required are:
Banana leaves with the stem (this is usually placed on the four supports of the mandap). Banana leaves
signify prosperity.
Betel leaves symbolize good fortune.
Mango leaves signifying prosperity, happiness and purity.
A tambool which is a combination of a betel leaf, an areca nut, and lime is exchanged at the time of the
sagaai to seal the alliance
The kind of music chosen has to match the ambience created by the theme. During certain times in a traditional
wedding, traditional instruments such as the shehnai or nadaswaram have to be used. But, other than that,
whether you are choosing a live band or getting a DJ or using soft background music, it should match the mood
created by the theme.

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THE GUEST LIST
This is the most important task as well as the most difficult one. In an Indian wedding great thought goes into
planning this. Conventionally, the invitations go from the brides family to guests of both parties.

Points to be kept in mind when drawing up the guest list:
The Budget This is very important. One by one as the expenses pile up, remember to record all of them, even the
tiniest ones, on a spreadsheet. Only then can you have an overview of what you are spending and on what, as well as
what expenses still have to be factored in. Very gradually as the realistic picture emerges, you would realize how
much the wedding expense will turn out to be. Now, you can do your pruning.
Since this is a very big day in the lives of two people and two families, it is important that there should be no
cutting down on the ceremonies and rituals that are important.
The expenses on food and beverages can be looked at again and the menus can be re-worked.

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While the decorations of certain areas cannot be compromised with, there are other areas where the
decoration can be minimal.
Remember there cannot be one final budget. The idea is to stay within a structure and ensure that there is
enough leeway for unexpected expenses.

The Venue This is an important consideration when planning the guest list. Some vital questions that may help you
decide the all-important venue are:
Which ceremonies and rituals are you planning on?
Where would you like to have them at home, or in a venue outside?
Are they to be all in one place, or at different places?
Is the venue you are choosing convenient for the rituals and ceremonies?
What are the expenses involved as regards, dcor, transportation, food and beverages, as well as other smaller
details?

First, decide on the number of guests you can invite. Remember, every guests comfort is important. You would not
want disgruntled guests to spoil this happy and auspicious occasion, or to go back with bad memories
There are some people who absolutely have to be invited. For instance (and this is besides the immediate family),
close family members. If you make out a list, you will see that it falls in concentric circles. You will need to sit with
some trusted person from the grooms side, to get inputs from the grooms family as to whom all they want to be
invited. Since this is a delicate matter, it is advisable to get an older member of the family to handle this.

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The number of guests coming from out of town is next to be decided. Arrangements will have to be made for them.
Consequently, the two points under consideration would be:
How many can be accommodated with the family and friends?
For those who are to be put up in guest houses/hotels, how many days are you looking at, i.e., how many
ceremonies besides the main wedding would you like them to come for? Accordingly they will have to be told,
so that they can schedule it into their own personal calendars. For you, as host, naturally, guests from out-
station mean expenses of accommodation, transport, meals, sight-seeing (if any), and any other foreseeable
expense. Here too, it is advisable to keep room for the unexpected.
Guests from the place of residence
This would include friends of the family. If there are common friends between the brides family and the
grooms family, either a joint invitation can be given, or an invitation from both sides can be given.
If the brides and grooms friends are being invited, naturally their parents too should be given invitations.
During an Indian wedding, children enjoy the most and are a part of every ceremony. Therefore, their number
should also be taken into account.
If some of the invitees are working, then you would have to ask whether,
Would you like your colleagues and others in the organization to attend the wedding and other
ceremonies?
Would you rather have them for only the reception?
Would you like to host a separate reception only for them?

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In case you have to cut down on the guest list
Cut down on colleagues from the place of work. Of course if you have a really close friend, then naturally you
would want him/her to be with you. But other than that, any kind of formal-have-to invitations are not really
necessary.
Do not invite anyone out of a sense of guilt.

One practice is to send out beautifully written cards saying that you are married and would be delighted to have the
guest over for a small informal get together/ reception.
Whoever has been given the responsibility of making the guest list must discuss it with the parents of the bride
and groom.
In a traditional Indian wedding a large number of extended family members and guests arrive for the wedding,
especially if it is the first wedding in the family.
A good idea would be to draw up a guest list which includes family and friends everyone you would like to
witness this very important day.
A guest list needs to be worked-on at least a couple of months before the wedding so that out-of-towners can
get their train/plane reservations done. They will need to make arrangements at their own homes too before
coming for the wedding.
Giving everyone enough time is a thoughtful gesture, one that will help you in your planning as well

A wedding is a new beginning in many ways, so inviting friends and relatives whom you havent seen in ages is a great

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thing. A wedding is also a time for renewing old ties and bonding. While the more the merrier is good, ensuring that
everyone is comfortable is the responsibility of the two families concerned.
THE INVITATION CARDS
Invitation cards say a lot. Consequently, a great deal of thought needs to go into the creation of invitation cards.
There are many rituals and ceremonies, pre-wedding, on the wedding day, and post-wedding. It could be that you
want all your invitees to attend all the functions. It could be that the wedding is to be a family affair, and you are
inviting extended family members, relatives and guests for the reception only.
An important custom to be kept in mind is that in a traditional Indian wedding, the invitation is delivered by hand and
very ceremoniously to all the guests whether they are members of the family, close and extended, friends,
neighbours, members of the religious fraternity you belong to, or people of the locality. It could well be that some
guests are common to both the brides family and the grooms family. The invitation, though, has to go from both
sides.
The invitation cards need to be ordered well in advance since they have to be personally delivered. If they are being
sent by post, either within the country or overseas, that takes time as well. One practice which is catching on very
rapidly when sending invitations to guests in far off places is via the Internet. The invitation is scanned and sent by
email, followed by a personal telephone call. The hard copy of the invitation is sent by post or courier so that the
guest has this in hand as well. How the invitation is given is in itself a mini-ritual, because sacred vermilion, haldi,
sandalwood, sweets, betel nut are given when inviting the guest.

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The main points to be included in a wedding invitation are:
The date, time and venue of the actual wedding ceremony.
The dates, times and venues of the other ceremonies and rituals.
A map of the venue/venues.
An RSVP, or some kind of confirmation that the guest could send back as acceptance or inability to attend.
If there are ceremonies that are unique to the family, it helps if a short description is given. Those who
belong to other communities can then participate whole-heartedly in the various rituals and it is not just
another meaningless ritual for them.

The wedding invitation is the first hint of the theme of your wedding. Give yourself enough time to choose a card
from the thousands of designs available, or create your own card. If the wedding transcends countries and cultures, it
would be good to have something symbolic of both cultures in the card.

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The Themes of a Marriage card
1. Traditional
The design can be the same as the design on the wedding sari/dress.
Choose a particular motif from the embroidery on your wedding attire. These have a distinct ethnic touch.
The motif can be repeated in different colours.
Add embellishments like rhinestones or beads or even a piece of matching tulle.
Religious icons such as Ganesh, Radha Krishna, Shiva-Parvathi, the cross Swastika and Om, the star and
crescent, and the Buddha are often used. Hand-drawn or stylized versions are also used.
The picture of a betel leaf, or having the card shaped like a betel leaf is considered auspicious. In the center
of the leaf a miniature idol of Ganesha is placed. The card is bordered with sanctified red string.
The picture of a decorated doli/palki (palanquin) is engraved/embossed.

2. Contemporary or modern
The themes would be an extension of the wedding theme.

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Could be hand-painted.
Could be on special hand-made paper.
Embossed either on plain paper or hand-made paper.
Could have miniature pictures of the bride and groom.

3. Some other prevalent forms of invitation cards
Wedding scroll: The invitation could open out like a scroll. Use thick, embossed paper so that the scroll is
firm. Use bronze-, silver- or gold- plated slim cases to hold the scroll. The cases could have a small clasp, or
an attractively tied velvet ribbon.
Box invitation: These are made with embossed card material. The box is made of wood, scented if possible.
It is covered with silk, organza or taffeta. The lid can have a special motif fixed onto it, such as the couples
initials entwined. The box would have a small stylized clasp. The invitation/invitations on colour-coded
paper are placed inside.
Henna designs: These are very intricate designs, and if traced on paper and cut out, look very elegant. So, if
the design is cut out on thin cream/cream-gold paper, the background can be in dark red or dark henna-
coloured paper. Adorned with a pearl, or rhinestone, it would make a very elegant card cover. Inside, the
invitation/invitations in matching glossy paper can be placed.

4. Tips on creating your own card
The card should be 5 by seven (for a standard card, not a scroll).

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The paper should be decorated, shiny or textured, or hand-made. You can choose more than one colour so
that you have one colour for close family, one for extended family and other relatives, one for close friends,
and one for your other guests. Colours usually chosen are classic ivory matched with maroon.
You could either choose designed paper self designed, or with a design of your choice.
Once the card is printed with the words that you want, you could decorate it before distributing it.
Use beads, rhinestones, zari thread, tassel, or ribbons to create your own design on the cards. Alternately
you could affix a small charm.
Use a single sheet, or layer the card.
The colours used in traditional cards are red, yellow, green, orange/saffron and gold.
At least one of these religious symbols should be used for Hindu wedding: Ganesh, Om, Swastik, Palki
(palanquin), Betel leaves, or the Kalash.
The font Both colour and size should be chosen with care. The colour of the ink would either be a darker
shade to the paper used, or embossed in gold or silver, or in dark blue, or in a contrasting colour. Black is
never used. The words to be highlighted in bold or in a larger size should be clearly worked out, so that the
entire card looks pleasing.
The format of your Marriage card
The top right side of the card contains couple of lines of a mantra or verses.
The invitation is in the names of the grandparents, if they are living, of both the bride and the groom.
Alternately, it is in the name of the parents. Sometimes, it is in the name of both grandparents and parents. In a
modern invitation, the bride and groom directly invite the guests. The style and wording are contemporary as

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well. It can be in the form of a poem, or something different that the bride and groom feel is meaningful to
them.
Instead of waiting for your guests to confirm, you could enclose an RSVP card with a self-addressed stamp
affixed to it, so that, all they have to do is to post the card. In case the RSVP is mentioned on the card, two
names and numbers are printed where the guests can give a call.
A typical Indian custom is to have With Best Compliments and the names of two immediate family members
or close relatives mentioned.
The left side of the card has the details of the rituals and ceremonies. This would vary in the two cards. While
the pre-wedding rituals are different, for the wedding day, the grooms card would start with the time the
baraat leaves, while the brides card would start with the time the baraat is received. From then onwards, the
cards would have the same rituals/ceremonies.
The time, dates and venues should be clearly mentioned.
Clear maps and directions should be given. You could mention important landmarks near the wedding venue.
You could also mention an alternate route if there is one possible.
Another format is to have only the main wedding ceremony on one card, and other cards may have details of
the other rituals and ceremonies. All the cards should be colour-coded.
The budget of your Marriage Card
This is an important consideration. When working out the budget for the wedding invitations, the auspicious item you
are planning to give along with the card should be factored in. Postage and self-addressed stamps too need to be
included in the calculation.

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If money is not a problem, then naturally you would like to go for an elaborate card and elaborate detailing as
well.
For a moderate budget, simple cards with simple, elegant designs can be planned on.
You can also design simple invitations, and use the money for other wedding expenditure.
Other considerations
In some traditions, the brides family sends out all the invitations, including the guest list given to them by the
grooms family.
The parents of the friends of the bride and groom should be invited.
The size of the venue and the guest list are directly linked, so both these factors have to be worked on
simultaneously. There is nothing worse than having too small or too large a venue. The venue should be such
that there is enough space for the guests to move about freely and the bride and groom to circulate among the
guests.
The invitations should be planned to be sent out at least six weeks in advance, if not earlier. This would give
enough time to get the confirmations, in case hotels and rooms have to be booked and travel arrangements
made. It would also enable your guests to plan their schedules.
One family member should be deputed to handle the RSVPs so that he or she knows the numbers. Naturally,
you are not looking at an exact number, but it is important to have an idea of how much catering is required.
This would help in planning the reception as well as other meals and snacks.
Further, the person in charge of the RSVPs could call and confirm personally, or even remind the guests about
the date.

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ARRANGEMENTS FOR YOUR OUTSTATION GUESTS
Sending out invitations early, especially to those who are in other places, ensures that you get confirmations of those
who are definitely coming. This helps in planning where your guests are going to stay.
Some may come for a month before the wedding to help out with the arrangements. If there is place in the house,
they can be accommodated in the home of the bride-to-be and the groom. Close friends of the bride-to-be and
groom generally stay with the family.
However, if there are many people coming in from out of town, then arrangements for everyone to stay will have to
be made elsewhere, preferably close by. If the guests are staying too far to walk, or there are elderly people in the
group, then transport arrangements will need to be made for them to be brought to the wedding home or biyah-
ghar every day.
There are quite a few options for guests coming from other places. If the wedding is to be conducted in a hotel, then
hotel accommodation at reduced rates is offered to the guests as part of the wedding package. Sometimes the hotel
includes breakfast in the tariff.
Guest houses are available. If your guests are being put up in guest houses, then it is important to see that they are
comfortable, and have modern facilities and amenities.
All meals would be served at the wedding venue for the guests of the brides family, and a similar arrangement for
meals would be made in the home of the groom to cater to his family members who are staying in other places.

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A wedding in another place is also an excuse for guests to have a little holiday of their own. If that is the case, then
sight-seeing tours could be arranged. Giving guests a list of places to see and good restaurants they can try out is a
good idea just in case they want to wander around by themselves.
There are a few dos here:
Request the hotel/guest house to see to it that there are fresh flowers in the room, and maybe a small hamper of
fresh fruits and chocolates on arrival.
In the event of your not picking up your guests from their place of arrival, make sure that there are cabs or other
pre-arranged cars waiting for them. The drivers should be thoroughly briefed about the venue, and they should
stand holding placards with the names of the guests, so that the guests know who is receiving them.
Once the guests reach the place they are staying, give them a call to personally welcome them.
On request, the hotel will gladly put welcoming flowers and a small hamper of fruits in every room the wedding
guests occupy.
Book enough cars so that there is transport available whenever required.
Sometimes, family friends are accommodating and might host a few guests. This naturally makes it special for the
guests.

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On the Wedding Day
"There is nothing nobler or more admirable than when two people who see eye to eye
keep house as man and wife, confounding their enemies and delighting their friends."
Homer, Ancient Greek poet.

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There are several arrangements that need to be done on the wedding day. For example arrangements for food and
beverages, decorations, etc. You may have given orders for them beforehand but these things are organized on the D-
day itself.
THE FOOD & BEVERAGES
Food is an extremely important part of Indian weddings. The occasions that you would need to plan for are:
The sagaai,
The several days over which pre-wedding rituals are held,
The wedding day,
The days on which the post-wedding ceremonies take place.

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A decision that you will have to make regarding the catering depends on what choice you opt for:
Professional caterers,
Home cooks or professionals who specialize in vegetarian wedding cuisine or in the case of Muslim
weddings, cooks who are well-versed in the art of non-vegetarian cuisine,
Hotels/restaurants,
Members of the family.
The areas that would need looking into and which usually fall in the domain of catering are:
Menu planning for all meals and snacks,
Decoration of the venue,
Table dcor including centrepieces on the tables and buffet,
Cutlery and crockery,
Table linen,
Place cards if chosen,
Uniformed waiters,
Buffet arrangement with burners to keep the food hot,
Bar,
Soft drinks and other beverages,
Wedding cake if so decided on.

The first meal that the two families have together is during the finalizing of the alliance, which is the sagaai, or the

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engagement. Therefore, it is important to plan it very carefully. Ideally a vegetarian meal is served, but in some
communities a meal without a non-vegetarian dish is unthinkable. This will have to be factored in.
In any get-together, irrespective of the time, tea and sweets or assorted biscuits and snacks are served. This is an
absolute must.
Usually, the biyah-ghar or the homes of the bride and groom start getting guests from about 10 days to a week before
the wedding. All guests who drop in are served snacks and made to stay for a meal. Relatives, who decide to stay with
the families of the bride and groom, naturally would have all meals with the family.
Sometimes guests, who have been put up in guest houses or hotels close by, have all their meals, starting with the
morning tea, with the hosts.
In many traditional homes, an outdoor oven and cooking marquee is put up where professional cooks with their
masalchis (helpers) belonging to the Brahmin class set the kitchen. Non-vegetarian dishes by professional
khansamas(cook) are also cooked in a different part of the marquee since both the cooking utensils and serving
dishes have to be kept separate. The kitchen of the home should also be considered for the purpose.
In case members of the family are taking over the whole business of cooking, with help from cooks and masalchis, the
cooking is done outdoors, as described above, or if the kitchen in the home is big enough, it can be done here too. In
either case, both the indoor and outdoor kitchens are required.

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Since there is such diversity of cuisine, and this is a festive time full of fun and good cheer, menus with different
cuisines are planned. One universal favourite is chaat, and most weddings have a live chaat counter going.
Snacks, drinks and beverages are in demand throughout the day, so there has to be specific arrangements and
different cooks assigned to this.
If the ceremony stretches for long hours then there should be enough food and drink arrangements to meet the
excess requirements. Keep in mind the requirements of older people and children as well, because their food habits
are specific and need more care and attention.
Even if the family is vegetarian, the guests may not be. Consequently there should be some non-vegetarian dishes at
every meal. The meals reflect:
The region to which the bride and groom belong.
Some traditional dishes.
The local cuisine (for variety).
The likes and dislikes of the bride and groom.

Ideally, a meal would include:
Drinks alcoholic, and/or non-alcoholic.
A variety of appetizers or starters.

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The main course which would have at least 5 vegetable dishes (more if it is a purely vegetarian meal), 3 or
four non-vegetarian dishes, different types of dals (pulses), different types of rice preparations, different
kinds of breads and a variety of salads and curd preparations.
A large selection of desserts including typical traditional Indian sweets and general desserts. Seasonal fruits
and ice creams (including the indigenous kulfi) are part of the dessert too.
Paan.
Serving coffee or tea is not strictly done, but if preferred, can be offered.

Most Indians eat with their fingers. A wash basin or some kind of arrangement for washing and wiping hands and
rinsing the mouth is a must.
Traditional Indian meals are served on banana leaves. Even if china is used for serving meals, the traditional wedding
feast is on banana leaves. In many cases, for this meal, the guests sit on the floor on white sheets. Also, custom may
dictate that there are separate areas for men and women to eat. Sometimes, long trestle tables are set up at the time
of the first ceremony, and are taken down after the last ceremony is over.
Choosing the wedding caterer
Decide on your budget.
Decide on all the meals that would need catering. At this time, it is also wise to plan the meals day by day so
that you have an overall picture. Decide on whether you want the caterer to provide snacks, or whether this is
to be done by other cooks, or whether it is to be handled by members of the family in the home kitchen. Maybe

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a mixing of options would be needed to help you stay within the budget. It is also a good idea to plan a buffer in
case you exceed the budget.
Checking out various options as regards caterers and their rates needs to be started at least 10 months prior to
the wedding. The sooner you book the caterer the better. For the following two reasons:
Weddings happen by seasons, and the caterer you would like, may well be snapped up by someone else.
The rates become higher closer to the wedding date. It would be easier to negotiate the rates if you do it
well in advance.
Though many caterers can be found online, it would be safer to go by personal recommendation.
Plan out the menus.
The caterer should be able to provide both traditional dishes as well as some dishes from the local cuisine.
Decide from where the vegetables, fruits and non-vegetarian foods are going to be bought.
Taste samples of the food so you know what you are going to get.
The caterer should be open to your ideas and suggestions with regards to recipes and spices to be used.
Find out if they handle venue and table decoration as well. If you do not feel convinced, then do not take any
chances. Give the decorations to someone else. Maybe the people who are to decorate the house and wedding
mandap can handle this as well. Alternately, you could get some of your close friends and relatives to handle it.
As a personal gesture, some of the brides family members could be present behind selective food counters.
Whoever is doing the decorations, check to see that it:
Is homogenous,
Matches your theme,
Is aesthetic and elegant,

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Allows for space since waiters, guests, and children will be moving about.

You would need to decide whether you want a sit-down meal, or a buffet. Arrangements will need to be done
accordingly. In a sit-down meal, you will naturally need to plan the seating. This needs consideration since there
are:
The brides family, relatives and guests,
The grooms family, relatives and guests,
Office friends and colleagues,
Vegetarian and non-vegetarian guests,
The caterer should be knowledgeable about cocktails and other liquor that is being served, and the glasses
they are to be served in.

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PHOTOGRAPHY AND VIDEOGRAPHY
Capturing the wedding on film is a very important task. Of course guests and close friends will use their own cameras
to take photographs of moments that are important, as well as general pictures of the wedding, reception, and
guests.

Consulting a professional
Find out how much of the budget should be set aside for this purpose.
Find a good, reputed organization that deals exclusively with weddings. It is always a better idea to trust the
reputation that comes to you by word of mouth.
Sit with the photographer and/or videographer and brief them thoroughly so that those precious moments are
recorded according to your wish.

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List out priority shots for every ceremony. Assign a family member to guide the photographer through all the
ceremonies.
A portfolio shoot is a must and make sure that there are only two other people in addition to the bride and the
groom for the portfolio shoot. Presence of many people makes the couple conscious.
For the videos, do indicate the preferred choice of music for the background.
The photographer and/ or videographer should be invited a day before to see the rehearsal, so that he has an
idea about the whole event and what to expect out of it. Finalize the details of the deal before the wedding.

Remember if the pictures are not clicked at the right time, or there are shots that are unnecessary, it would be a
tragedy, because these moments cannot be re-played, nor are they going to come again. And worse, you would have
paid for something you are not satisfied with.
DECORATIONS
Since all Indian weddings are guided by the stars, auspicious dates are fixed for all formal functions. The first of the
pre-wedding functions is the formal engagement ceremony which takes place after the elders of both families have
agreed to the match.
Therefore, the homes of the bride-to-be and groom are decorated right from this point on. The first thing that goes
up usually is the decorative lights. This has the wonderful effect of creating just the right festive atmosphere, for an
Indian wedding is like a festival!

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Bright, colourful decorations are a sign that this is a wedding home. While lights drape every bit of at least the
faade of the house, the whole yard is decorated with lights as well. The house and yard are also enclosed with
colourful shamianas, marquees or canopies with sides. Bright, colourful rangolis made with rice powder and other
coloured powders are made at the entrance and various other places. Naturally the one at the entrance is the most
elaborate and colourful. The doorway is also exquisitely decorated with colourful hangings called torans or
bandanwaars.
Flowers play an important role in Indian wedding decorations. Since they are a necessity, some thought has to be
given to the kind and quantity of flowers that you would need to order.

The budget How much you would decide to set aside for flowers.

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Bridal dais, mandap, car, entryway, doli, pillars, sehra, varmala and table centerpieces are amongst the most
important areas that require elaborate floral decoration.
The kind of flowers If you go in for what is available locally, these would be less expensive than ordering the
flowers from another place. That would include shipping charges, as well as the fact that there may be some
damage to the flowers. Fresh flowers available locally would prevent these problems.
Who will arrange the flowers Few of the flower arrangements could be taken care of by members of the
family. But in case you are planning for a lot of flower arrangements, then it would be better if you give the
responsibility to professional decorators.
The colours of the flowers must be bright and vibrant.
One flower that has to be included no matter what the other choices of flowers are, is the marigold.
For South Indian weddings, jasmine is a must. Garlands of jasmines are also given to all the lady guests.
The rose is another flower that is necessary for Indian weddings. Rose petals are always used to bless the bride
and groom.
Flowers for the bridal bouquet in Christian weddings have to have a small spray of orange blossoms, no matter
what the other flowers used are. Also, the buttonhole or boutonnire, for the groom and best man as well as
men of the immediate family of both sides has to be planned. It is a single flower or a bud and is usually a white
carnation or a rose. Trivia: the tradition of boutonniere dates back from medieval days when the knights would
pin the flowers presented by the damsels to flaunt their love and acceptance.
No wedding venue is complete without the rangoli. While the outline is traced in white or the design is filled in
with different colours, flowers have to be included in every rangoli.

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In Indian weddings, the wedding ceremony takes place in the brides house. The bridegrooms house is as elaborately
decorated, because this is where the bride is going to be brought after the wedding. Furthermore, there are all kinds
of ceremonies in both houses both before and after the wedding.
After a small ceremony in his house, the bridegroom along with other family members goes to the brides house.
Traditionally he is supposed to go on a beautifully decorated horse. Nowadays, the bridegroom goes in a car. The car,
therefore, is decorated. He may even get onto a horse for the last bit of the journey to the brides house.

Decorating the Mandap
The main wedding takes place in a small, sanctified area called the mandap. It is a four-poled canopy, and is made on
a raised platform or stage, so that everyone can see and participate in the ceremony. The poles are elaborately

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decorated as is the roof of the mandap. Even the simplest of weddings has a mandap, prettily decorated. Of course
the more elaborate weddings have intricately created mandaps. Sometimes, the whole mandap including the roof is
made of flowers. The roof in some cases is dome shaped. The predominant colours used in the mandap are gold and
red. Splashes of pink can also be added. It is also decorated with flowers. There are small seats for the pundits as well
as for the bride and groom. The two sets of parents also sit in the mandap. A small havan is made since the ceremony
takes place in the presence of a sacred fire. It is in this mandap that the wedding vows are taken, the mangalsutra is
tied around the brides neck, and the seven pheras (circumnavigations) of the fire are made. The other close family
members generally stand around the mandap.

When the bridegroom comes to the brides house, he is made to stand on a slightly raised dais for the garlanding
ceremony. The dais is decorated. The garlands are masterpieces in themselves. The bride is brought in by her cousins
and sisters to garland the groom. He then garlands her and they are taken to the mandap. As the latest trend, the

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women in the grooms procession are gifted with scented vials and potpourris and the men are gifted with flowers for
their button-holes.
Two items which every Indian wedding use as symbols of shagun (auspiciousness) are the Kalash and the thaali.
The kalash is a pot in which a coconut is placed. It is ringed with washed fresh mango leaves. It is usually of brass,
though silver can be used as well. The kalash is painted with ethnic designs on the outside. Sometimes beautifully
painted earthen pots are used. The kalash pots can be placed individually, or one on top of the other in order of
decreasing size.
The coconut which is placed on top can be kept in its natural form, or decorated. Sometimes it is smeared with
turmeric paste and a vermilion dot is put on it.
The ceremonial thaali too is decorated beautifully. It is a big thaali made of brass or silver. A plantain leaf is placed on
it.
A swastika symbol, is made in the center. The swastika symbolizes well-being. A small decorative lit diya is placed in
the middle of this sign. Since the welcome ceremony of the groom requires an aarti, the thaali with the ritual fire,
flowers, turmeric paste, sandalwood paste, auspicious red vermilion powder and rice grains are kept handy.
Sometimes an incense stick is also placed on the thaali. An aarti is also performed when the bride goes to the
grooms house after the wedding ceremony. To make the thaali more decorative, all the items on the thaali can be
placed in small colourful clay containers. Another way of decorating it is to cover the thaali in silver or gold paper and
put a zari border around it.

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In case a particular wedding ceremony has some other requirements, these have to be arranged for and put up well
in advance. For instance, the Tamil wedding ceremony has a special occasion when the bride and groom have to sit
on a swing. Their swinging gently on this swing together signifies that while life together is bound to have its ups and
downs, both of them will weather everything together. Consequently a swing is decorated and kept in a suitable
place.
Often traditional instruments such as the shehnai or nadaswaram are played accompanied by percussion instruments
like the tabla or thavil. In most venues there is a separate place ear-marked for the musicians. This place can be a
mandap, or a dais which is decorated. Sometimes there is a small area on top of or near the gate from where the
musicians play as the bridegroom enters the gate. In this case, especially if it is cold, a small canopy is put up so that
the instruments and the musicians are not only protected from the weather, but the arrangement looks attractive.
After the welcome, the musicians then move to the wedding mandap area. Wherever the musicians are to sit, thick
mattresses covered with white cloth are arranged on a dais.
Sometimes, a separate mandap in the form of a temple, or house can be created near the wedding mandap, for the
musicians. This would definitely add to the ambience. If the theme is ethnic, then the musicians mandap can
resemble a mud hut with beautiful designs on the walls with mirror work and motifs.
Whatever the theme of the wedding is, the place assigned to the musicians has to be done up to match. No-matter
what other music is chosen, the music of the shehnai or the nadaswaram is considered auspicious, and there are
certain times in the course of the ceremony where they are required to be played.

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Forms of decoration according to the wedding type
For a church wedding, the Church is decorated with white flowers. The pews, aisle, church door and entrance are
decorated. Sometimes there are festoons below the ceiling to create a second ceiling. The altar is specially decorated
with flowers and candles. The pews are also decorated. Gossamer and organza can also be used as decorating
material along with flowing satin ribbons. The vestry where the bride and groom go to sign the marriage register after
the ceremony is also decorated in white. If the bride has chosen to offer favours to all the guests, then a table near
the entry holds the favours and these are given to all the guests after the ceremony is over and the guests are leaving
the church.
For a nikaah ceremony, either the bride and groom are in different rooms and the Maulvi goes to themseparately to
ask for their consent, or they may sit in the same room. Sometimes, the room is divided by a kind of decorative
partition. Whatever the arrangement, the room where the bride and groom sit is always beautifully done up and
decorated. If they choose to sit on the floor, then the floor of the whole room has thick mattresses covered with
brocade cloth. Alternately, if they choose to sit on chairs, then the maharajah chairs are placed in the room. Chairs
are placed for the family members as well, since they actively participate in the nikaah.
Lighting is important, no matter what kind of wedding ceremony it is. Good, soft lighting adds to the atmosphere.
Videos and photographs are taken, so the lighting should be such that these turn out realistic and beautiful. This is
the most important day of ones life and needs to be photographically recorded in detail.
The traditional Indian wedding is a long drawn out affair. One very important feature of an Indian wedding is the non-
stop eating and drinking that happens. Consequently there has to be a dining area or dining shamiana (tent) close to

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where the cooks are cooking. This kind of large-scale cooking is usually done outdoors in a makeshift kitchen which is
enclosed in a colourful shamiana. There are caterers with their own cooks and bearers/waiters who take over. This
dining area can be done up attractively with long trestle tables and chairs, or sets of small tables to seat four. All
tables are covered with table cloths and runners with a centrepiece of flowers or fruits. The chairs too can have their
backs and seats covered so as to look festive. The buffet is attractively and conveniently located and arranged. Since
there are bound to be both non-vegetarian and vegetarian guests, the two buffets can be placed separately. There
are flower arrangements all around.

Incense stick which forms an important part of Indian celebrations is lit so that the whole atmosphere is redolent with
the smell of sandalwood/jasmine/frank incense. Often during the ceremony, a group of people might want to sit and
chat over a cup of tea. Thus, they are a part of the wedding, and yet doing their own socializing!
CHOOSING THE MARRIAGE OFFICIANT
Rituals play a very significant part during an Indian wedding. Therefore, the choice of the priest is very important.
India is a land of diversity, where people of several religions and castes stay together with peace. People also opt in

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for inter-caste /inter-religion /inter- region marriages. So the officiant or the priest for the purpose of marriage
should be selected with great care.
Prerequisite of a good marriage priest
He should be knowledgeable about:
The Vedic texts and mantras that are related to marriage,
All the legal procedures that are involved in the marriage.
Able to explain the meanings of the chants/prayers so that the bride and groom understand what is happening.
Able to explain the meanings of the various rituals. In fact he should be able to adapt the rituals to the conditions
prevailing, so that participation of all concerned is whole-hearted.
Able to create a meaningful ceremony when the bride and groom belong to different castes so that none of the
elders are offended, and at the same time see that the necessary customs are observed.
Able to explain the meanings of the ceremonies in English, or have an assistant who knows English, and who can
do the explaining, in case one of the parties is a foreigner.
Understand the restraints, constraints and apprehensions of the families so that there is no jarring note on this
happy occasion.
Involved in the whole process right from the time the commitments are made by the two families.

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Post Wedding Events
So they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has fixed together, no
human being must separate.
The Bible

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Most of the Indian traditional weddings last for more than a week. You have much more to expect, even if the main
event is over. There are still lot of rituals and post wedding ceremonies that are carried out. For the couple, now is
the time to be comfortable and enjoy the rest of the events with relief.
THE WEDDING RECEPTION
The Wedding Reception is a very big event. If you are planning on an intimate wedding, then the reception that you
would plan would naturally be in accordance with it. Often, just the close family members and friends would go for a
meal to the newlyweds favourite place. Alternately, the family would host a small get-together with food and drink
at home.
Even if the wedding is a traditional one, the catering is generally given to a catering agency either known to the
family, or recommended by a reliable person. Here again, the venue can either be the home or some other suitable
place. There are wedding reception halls available in 5-star hotels, or one can also arrange the reception in a
privately-run reception hall. In this case, the decoration of the hall is the caterers responsibility along with the menu.
This is done in consultation with the family.
The date for the reception may vary. It can be a day or two after the wedding, or on the same day, depending on the
convenience of the newly-weds, as well as that of the guests. The reception is usually worked around a meal. There
may be multiple tiered wedding cake. In case entertainment is planned or there is to be a dance, then the music or
live band is booked accordingly. In this instance, it might be a good idea to have a Master of Ceremonies who can

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hold the whole entertainment together. Since in India weddings are in definite seasons, care has to be taken to make
all the bookings in advance.
The wedding reception is usually hosted by the grooms family as a mark of welcoming the bride, the new entrant to
their family and home.
According to Indian tradition the engagement and the wedding ceremony is organized and arranged by the brides
family, whereas the post wedding reception is the responsibility of the grooms side.
Things that needs to be considered
Use fabric banners in bright colours draped on the walls and below the ceiling.
Table runners can be elaborate with candles and flowers on them.
Chairs covered with single color linen and sashes of contrasting colors tied around them look very attractive.
The light from colorful aromatic candles floating in bowls filled with water creates a warm ambience.
Ensure that there are sufficient parking spaces for the vehicles.
Make someone in-charge of receiving and recording gifts unless it is specified that gifts are not to be given.

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Wedding receptions can be planned outdoors if the weather is favorable. There is something very festive about an
outdoor reception. If the home of the groom is large enough to host the reception, then theres nothing like it.
Alternately, if the reception venue that has been chosen has a lawn or garden, the reception could be held there. At
one end is a special canopy with a dais. This is highly decorated and a Maharajah sofa or two Maharajah chairs, again
beautifully decorated, are placed on this. The sofa and special chairs can be hired. These are decorated with beaten
silver or aluminum and have red upholstery. This dais can be used for certain pre-wedding rituals as well as for the
reception when the bride and groom receive guests.
Adorning the Reception area
One large shamiana or marquee,
Small canopies over tables for four people,
A side covering with a dome frame covered with flowers, or decorative tinsel and flower streamers from a
central pole covering the entire area.

If a hall is chosen for the reception, then a stage is set up (unless there is already one) with an elaborate backdrop,
specially created for the occasion. There are lots of flowers, lots of tulle and organza and special lighting. A great deal
of red and gold are also used.
Naturally, the way the food is served also adds to the whole effect. If a bar is being planned, then there could be
waiters circulating the drinks, or a bar could be set up in an especially ear-marked place. Here again, the way the
waiters are dressed, and the way the bar is set up should match the dcor chosen.

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Therefore, when you are planning the reception, there are two main factors that need to be considered:
The dcor,
The food and beverages.

Consequently, you will have to decide what percentage of the budget set aside for the reception is to be used for
each of these.
One plan could be to have simple but elegant dcor and a good table. Flowers, candles, table cloths, and draped
chairs with muted lighting create a wonderful ambience.

Some tips are:
Strings of miniature lights draped all over the room with a few well-concealed soft lights,
Martini bowls with floating candles,
Candles in elaborate candelabra,

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Bowls of flowers and fruits on the buffet table or side tables,
Good crockery and cutlery. If it is a small gathering, you could even think of silver cutlery and bone china
crockery,
Lace over-cloth on the table cloths,
Plain table cloths with bright, elaborately worked, zari table runners,
Seasonal and local flowers.
THE WEDDING TOAST
During most of the receptions, a toast is proposed by the grooms Best Man or the brides Maid of honour, or a close
friend of the bride and groom.
Things to remember if you are the chosen speaker
Write down what you would like to say. Once you have the basic gist of what you want to say, you can polish it
and refine it.
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never
have to live without you.
A. A. Milne (1882-1956), English author

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You could mention an anecdote connected with the bride and groom, or some memory you have of both of
them.
You could also include a quotation if you like.
Further when making the toast
Introduce yourself right at the beginning, and mention your connection with the bride and groom.
Say how touching the wedding ceremony was.
Talk about some positive quality about the bride and groom.
Compliment the bride.
Thank the hosts.
End with best wishes for a long, happy and prosperous married life.
Ask everyone to lift their glass and say: To ______ (name of the bride), and _______(name of the groom).
GIFTS AND FAVOURS
The person who is in charge of handling the guest list should be deputed to look after the gifts as well. Sometimes,
cash is given; in such a case the amount should be mentioned against the name.
Once the newlyweds come back after their honeymoon and get down to settling in their new home, thank you cards
must be sent out.

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There are different categories of gifts
Gifts that are given by the parents to the guests. This is done when the parents personally visit the guests to
invite them, and give them the invitation card. This can take the form of a brass/silver/ thaali on which certain
auspicious items are placed; or, it can be something specific to the wedding theme; or some hand-crafted
article that has been specially made for the family to be given on this occasion.
Gifts given to the bride and groom at their bachelor/bachelorette parties. Since this is a party for close friends,
gifts given by them can be fun gifts; or something for their future home. Though it is not very common, but the
person organizing the party can hint at the gifts the bride would like; or decide on, for instance, a dinner set or
bedroom linen and all the invitees would get to contribute to some part of that.
Wedding gifts to the bride and groom. Sometimes, the bride and groom may decide against gifts. In this case, a
well-phrased sentence is inserted in the wedding invitation.
Gifts exchanged by the two families during certain rituals and ceremonies. These generally take the form of
clothes, jewellery, or cash when given to the bride/groom Gifts given to immediate family members would be
clothes or cash. The kind of gift and the cost of it depend on how close the relationship is. It is important
therefore to decide on these gifts early on and get them so that there is no last minute crisis and you dont end
up paying more than what you intended or what your budget allows for. For instance, in Punjabi weddings, at
the time of the milni, all the male relatives from the grooms side are given gifts by the male members from the
brides side. Details of those who is gifted what is decided in advance. This helps in keeping the budget within
bounds

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Shagun or return gifts or favours are given to relatives and close friends as a gesture of appreciation for having
attended the wedding. This could be in the form of boxes of sweets, specially ordered for the occasion. In this
case the store is instructed to wrap the boxes with special wrapping given to them or ordered by the family.

Tips for wedding favours or shagun
When you set aside money for these, do not be either extravagant or frugal. The good thing about Indian
handicrafts is that you can get something unique for every budget.
Whatever you give your guests should make them feel special.
You could decide on different favours, or the same one for everyone.
Souvenirs, if you are designing them would need to be ordered in advance. These would be personal, and the
cost would be less when ordered in bulk.

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Some ideas for gifts
Ornamental serving trays,
Copper, silver, or brass pooja thaali,
Indian miniature paintings,
Wall hangings,
Traditional Indian batik art and craft work,
Kashmiri craft,
Brass, and copper designed wall plates,
Woodcraft,
Thanjavur (Tanjore) plates, bowls, napkin rings, jewel boxes. These are made of copper and brass. The motifs
are from Hindu mythology, or you could order your own design as well. They are encrusted in silver.
Statues or small idols of Ganesh, and Laxmi.
A set of diyas. You get all kinds of diyas from pottery to ceramic and most gorgeously painted and embellished.
Candles in hand-crafted candle holders. Aroma candles are also available in all shapes, sizes and aromas.
Silver coins engraved with Ganesh and Laxmi.
Dry fruit box. These are available as readymade gift items. Alternately you can order the kinds of dry fruits you
would like included. The container could be made of wicker or beaten silver/foil.
Magnets or magnet frames with pictures of the bride and groom.
Silk shawls and stoles. These are available in a large variety, and great range of price and colour. Should you
decide on this, then you can have different kinds for different sets of guests.

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Cotton stoles in different colours with a thin border of zari can be considered. Handloom weaves are gorgeous
and are available in different colours, designs and lengths. Use your creativity to make favours with them.
Chocolates in personalized wrappers with the wedding monogram or the initials of the bride and the groom. A
specially designed hamper containing lots of different stuff.
Every State in India is known for its own indigenous craft. Giving something traditional and indigenous to the
place of the wedding would be special.
All these gifts would have either an engraving of your initials or a card with your photographs on it. If possible,
small cards made with handmade paper can be affixed with the names of the person you are giving the gift to.
Shagun or favours can be ordered, or bought online too from stores which specialize in them. However, for a
traditional wedding, it is the members of the family who personally look into this.

Remember this is a personal acknowledgement of the guest/relative/close friend. Consequently a lot of thought has
to go into it. Anything done in a hurry or in a slipshod manner is only going to create an inauspicious vibe towards the
bride and groom. It is always a good idea to gift the favors to the outstation guests a few hours before the wedding.
this is so because many guests schedule their departure within hours after the wedding or the reception is concluded.

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THE HONEYMOON
Wedding over, it is time for the young couple to go away for a few days. A honeymoon is very important for the
newly-weds. Whether the marriage has been a love marriage, or an arranged one, whether the couple knew each
other before the wedding, or they are strangers, it is good for them to go somewhere beautiful and where they can
be alone. This is the time when the newly-weds lay the first foundation stones of their life together.

The honeymoon is planned either by the parents or the newly-weds. Naturally if it is planned by the parents, the
wishes of the newly-weds as to the destination are respected. On the other hand, the newly-weds might want to gift
this to themselves.
Facts to be taken into account
For how many days are you are planning your honeymoon?
What kind of budget are you setting?
Plan well in advance so that there are no glitches.
Ensure that all travel arrangements are in place.
Hotel bookings and reservations should be confirmed.
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same
person.
Mignon McLaughlin (1913-1983), American journalist and author.

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If the couple is going abroad, then all the necessary documentation should be done, visas obtained and travel
documents, foreign exchange and other details cleared.
Choose a destination where the couple is not viewed as tourist targets.
Carry least possible luggage.

In case the honeymoon package is being planned by a travel agent, it would be advisable to go over all the
arrangements with them instead of leaving things entirely to in their hands. If online bookings are being made, ensure
that you take printouts of all the documents, tickets etc. Whether you are planning an off-the-beaten-track
destination, or a typical honeymoon destination, the advantage of planning in advance is that any last minute
changes/difficulties can be absorbed, and adjustments made.
Honeymoon destinations If the wedding is in a place where it would be possible for the couple to stay on for their
honeymoon, then there is nothing like it. Consequently, after the wedding, everyone would come away, leaving the
newlyweds to stay on. Special arrangements will have to be made in this case as well.
If however, the couple has another destination in mind, then that would be accounted for in the wedding planning
details and the budgeting

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Hotels and travel agents offer ready-made honeymoon packages. So, if you are not sure of planning your honeymoon
tour on your own, you could try out one of the packages offered by a reputed travel agent. It is imperative that the
bride and groom, or whoever is planning out the honeymoon study the itinerary and hotel detail including meals etc
so that the couple can enjoy a relaxing, stress-free honeymoon.
Some choice of honeymoon destinations in India
Kashmir
Himachal Pradesh
Rajasthan
Kerala
The Lakshadweep Islands
The Andamans
Some travel agents offer honeymoon tours in
The South criss-crossing the states of Kerala, Tamil Nadu, Karnataka and Andhra,
The North, mainly in Rajasthan or the hills,
Gangtok and the surrounding hills,
The North-East.

The Kumaon hills
Darjeeling
Ladakh
Goa
Ootacamund
Any of the wildlife sanctuaries

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These range from 6 days and 5 nights, to 1seven days and 16 nights stay.
You might plan a honeymoon abroad. In which case, it would be a good idea to see that all the travel documents are
in order before the wedding. It would also be a good idea to plan everything beforehand so that there is no last
minute rush, or change of plans, or arrangements going awry.

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During the wedding, each bride wants to look like a princess and each groom wants to look the best. So here are few
suggestions about deciding upon the apparel and accessories that would help you to choose your dress for your most
special day.
Deciding on Apparel and
Accessories
If we share with caring, lightheartedness, and love, we will create abundance and
joy for each other. And then this moment will have been worthwhile.
Deepak Chopra, Indian spiritual guru.

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THE WEDDING ATTIRE FOR THE BRIDE AND THE GROOM
Deciding on the wedding dress is an event in itself. Pared down, there are two main ceremonies: the engagement
ceremony and the wedding. However, in a traditional Indian wedding there are other functions as well such as the
mehendi, sangeet, baraat, reception, vidaai, and grihapravesh or entrance into the grooms home.
Traditional auspicious wedding colours are red and gold. In some cases, green is the auspicious colour. In a Church
wedding, the brides colours are white/ivory and gold. However, for the reception, the bride would wear something
in red.
Depending on the various customary traditions the wedding dress is either gifted by the bridegrooms family to the
bride, or the brides family is asked by the grooms family to decide on what the bride is to wear. They then bear the
expense of this particular dress. The brides family too gifts one wedding outfit to the groom. Here too, the groom
could be asked to choose what he would like, and the brides family would bear that expense.
The wedding wear gifted by the grooms family to the bride is worn either at the wedding for some particular
ceremony, or for the reception.
The Brides attire
There is a wide range to choose from for wedding wear for a traditional Indian wedding. There is:
The sari (both 6-yards and 9-yards).

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The lehenga which is a long skirt with a matching blouse or choli and a dupatta. A second matching scarf can be
used for ceremonies where the scarf has to be put over the heads of the bride and groom, as well as for the
pheras when the end of the scarf has to be tied to the end of the grooms dupatta.
The shalwar-kurta-dupatta - Here again another matching but not as elaborately worked dupatta can be used
for the pheras and other rituals, if required.
The gharara/sharara-dupatta, and an extra matching dupatta for the pheras.
The dhoti-blouse-kavani for Kerala weddings. While there are different size of bands of zari on the dhoti, blouse
and kavani, the kavani might be embroidered as well.
Full-length gowns - Christian brides might opt for this. All kinds of patterns are available. The dress comes with a
veil which can be either short or long depending on the style of the dress.

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Whatever dresses the bride chooses, they are works of art.
The material is silk Benarsi, Kota, Mysore, Kosa, Ikat, Tussar, or Kanjeevaram, Brocade, Tissue, Chiffon,
Bandhej, Bandhini, Fench lace, Crepe, Shamoi-satin, Valkalam, Chanderi, or Paithani. It depends on the region
the family belongs to. Sometimes, brocade is used as well.
The wedding dress is embellished with zari, or zardosiwork, and gold/silver thread embroidery. Crystals,
sequins, and lace are also used.
There is no one particular shade of red, the bride may choose the shade that suits her. Sometimes a dash of
pink makes the wedding attire even more glamorous. In Maharashtra, green is considered auspicious, so the
bride wears a green sari with traditional zari work on the sari in gold and silver threads.
The shade of white ranges from pure white to cream to ivory for the dress with matching veil.
The bride may choose to wear her mothers wedding sari.
Many designers have a wedding section, so that is an option you could look into. Or else, the bride might want
to design her outfit herself, and work out the matching accessories.
The Indian bride wears quite a lot of gold as well Bangles, necklaces, chains, rings on her fingers and toes,
anklets, and earrings. The bride might have to wear armlets and a waistband if custom so dictates.
Indian brides wear a nose ring .
If custom requires, then the brides forehead is decorated with delicate designs made with sandalwood paste.
Nowadays, the bride might choose to wear platinum, white gold, or even silver jewellery. Glass bangles are also
in fashion. The traditional chuda (red and ivory bangles) is a must in some communities. The Bengali bride has
to wear a loha or iron bangle along with special bangles made from conch shell (shankha) and lacquer (pola).

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Hair ornaments ranging from the mang and borla which is pinned in the parting, to very elaborate ornaments
are worn on the sides of the head, and woven into the hairdo.
All brides wear flowers in their hair, so that too needs to be planned for.
Jewellery stores have a wedding section, and are quite amenable to creating something original just for you.
Matching sandals, shoes, bags/clutches for each outfit for each occasion are also worked out. Some weaves and
colours that are commonly chosen are:
For the sangeet Lachcha in tissue and zardosi. The colours are usually pastel. Try the sorbet colours like
mango, peach or pista.
For the mehendi Sari in Benarsi or Kanjeevaram silk with traditional motifs. The colours chosen are usually
wine or ochre.
The wedding, of course, has the most elaborate dressing.
For the reception Saris, lehengas, ghagra-cholis in tissue, organza or silk with embroidery or zardosi work. The
colours to choose from are maroon, burgundy, wine red, or pink. Sometimes blue or green are also worn at the
reception. The jewellery worn is usually traditional.
The Grooms attire
The Indian bridegroom wears either traditional ethnic wear or the western suit. Nowadays, the wedding attire is
usually a mix of the Western and Indian.
If the groom chooses Indian wear for his wedding, he will usually change into a suit for the reception. There is a wide
range of ethnic wear to choose from. Some options are:

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The achkan - This is a long coat with a mandarin collar, made of light material and is usually cream. Nowadays,
though, grooms go in for dark colours as well. Dark or cream, the achkan has rather heavy zari work on it. It
does not have a lining. The achkan is worn over a long shirt. Refrain from Achakan if height is a constraint
The sherwani - This is a knee-length coat with a lining. It is made from suit material. While the traditional colour
is cream, it can be of a dark colour. The sherwani is heavily embroidered with zari, stones and Swarovski
crystals.
The kurta - This is a long shirt coming down to the knees. It is heavily embroidered and is in cream or a dark
colour.
The churidar - These are tight-fitting trousers with gathers near the foot. It is made of lightweight material, and
is usually either white or cream.
The shalwar - Instead of the churidar, the groom might want to wear the loose flowing shalwar with his kurta or
achkan. This is made of lightweight material, is wide at the top, has a drawstring waistband, and is narrow at
the feet. The colour is cream or white.
The turban or safa - This is usually in pink. Turbans are made of fine cotton. Over this, he has a sehra or a veil or
flowers covering his face. Grooms Safa is ornamented and remarkedly different from that of the other baraatis.
South Indian weddings require that the groom be bare-chested for the ceremony. In that case he wears a silk
dhoti with zari.
Some communities have the groom dressed in silk dhotis with a broad zari border, and a silk kurta with gold
buttons. The dhoti is tied in different ways depending on the community the groom belongs to. The dhoti is
usually white or cream.

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The groom might choose to wear Western clothes; in that case he can go for a 3-piece or even 2-piece suit, both
for the wedding as well as the reception purpose.
The bandh-gala suit - This is an East-West combination. The jacket is the normal jacket length, but with a
mandarin collar. The trousers are the normal suit trousers. This is in suit material and is usually of a dark colour.
The fabric is silk, terry wool, or brocade.

The footwear that goes with ethnic wear is heavily embroidered juttis (shoe) or mojaris. In case the bridegroom is in
dhoti, then he would wear open sandals. With western wear, he would wear the appropriate shoes.

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All wedding dresses take a long time to make if they are being made to order. Even if one goes to a wedding
boutique, one has to keep aside ample amount of time for stitching and fittings
While many sites offer online purchase of bridal wear and grooms wear, a point to keep in mind is the fit. This is one
day when clothes have to fit perfectly. Therefore, it would be a good idea to get them in advance and get the last
minute adjustments done by a local tailor.
If a tailor is making your wedding wear, then fittings would need to be scheduled in to avoid any last minute glitches.
Once again, it would be good to remember that in India, weddings usually happen in definite seasons. Consequently
last minute decisions are to be totally avoided if one is to have a stress-free wedding.
While these are ideal arrangements, everything depends on the family. The two most important things are the brides
and grooms feelings, wishes and desires, and the budget.
It must be mentioned that while the wedding attire is very personal and makes for family heirlooms, wedding attire
for the bride and groom can be hired for the day. The families could get these well in advance, and have them
cleaned and made ready to wear. After the ceremony, they are returned. This would considerably decrease the
expense on attire, especially since so many kinds of dress are needed for the different ceremonies and rituals.
Guests attire
The colour of the attire that the lady guests wear, if there is a theme, is specified in the invitation. Shades of the
colour could be chosen. Gentlemen are usually dressed in dark colours if they wear suits. If they decide on Indian

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wear, then they would wear colourful, embroidered kurtas or sherwan is in cream or dark colours, with white/cream
churidars, or bandh-gala (closed neck) suits in dark colours. Male guests may have to wear a safa (turban) if custom
dictates. All women wear flowers at the wedding.
THE BRIDES TROUSSEAU
Planning the trousseau is what takes a lot of time and energy. The reason a bride is given a trousseau is because the
first few days at in-laws place are the most challenging for her. Since she is going to a new home, she might feel
inhibited about asking for what she needs. It is best to send her to her new home prepared. Even if the newly-weds
are leaving for their own new home immediately after the wedding, having a trousseau makes it a little easier for the
bride

Along with different outfits in different materials for the first few days, matching accessories are included. Clothes
that are packed can include trousers and matching shirts/kurtis if you like western wear. Otherwise the trousseau will

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have the usual embroidered and embellished shalwar-kurta sets, saris, lehengas, in both bright and pastel shades for
morning and evening wear. The bride will have to be a part of many gatherings from dinners to teas, as her in-laws
welcome her and introduce her to their family and social circle. Some clothes for ordinary home wear are also
packed.
Different kinds of jewellery, as well as a whole range of shoes/sandals, bags are included. The vanity box contains all
the cosmetics the new bride may need initially. Toiletries, nightwear and lingerie form an important part of her
trousseau.
An Indian bride is always given a box of linen as part of her trousseau. This includes bed sheets, pillow cases,
counterpanes, blankets, quilts, curtains, cushion covers, table cloths, table mats, and all kinds of bath linen.
The bride may also take some family heirlooms to her new home. These things play a significant role in knitting the
generations together
Some families have the tradition of starting a Hope Chest when their daughter is born. Through the years, this chest is
filled up with something or the other that their daughter would need to start a family. It is filled until the day the
daughter gets married. The Ultimate addition to her Hope Chest is her trousseau.

Married couples who love each other tell each other a thousand things without
talking.
Chinese Proverb

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Music and Entertainment
Let us share the joys. We are word and meaning, unite.
You are thought and I am sound.
Hindu Marriage Poem

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During Indian weddings, music and entertainment play a very important part. As we know, in India, marriage is
celebrated like a festival. Different occasions and customs are a part of Indian weddings. The fun of music and
entertainment begins about a week before the actual ceremony. Flair of parties and outings are organized to enjoy
the happiest moments in the life of a couple.
BACHELOR/BACHELORETTE PARTIES
The bachelor or the bachelorette parties, mark the period of transition from singlehood and independent lifestyle to
a completely committed married life. In the recent past, these parties have become more creative and meaningful
and are mostly meant for the joy and camaraderie rather than only drinking and sensual pleasure.
Bachelor party for the groom
A bachelor party for the groom is thrown by the best man/dearest friend/inner circle of friends. This is usually a time
for all-male talk and jokes, with lots of drinking, dancing, fireworks and gaiety. A kind of the last time to let yourself
go before you bite the dust!
It is always a good idea to plan these bachelor parties at least a week before the Big Day. Having a stag party the night
before a wedding just may not work out well for the groom. Better to have a fresh groom, than a hung-over oneor
worse, a damaged one
If the groom is not the socializing kind, then a small gathering of friends in a pub, or someones house, food, a few
rounds of drinks, and music will do the trick.

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However, if a do is being thought of, then planning and organizing it is important right down to the last detail, just
so that there are no embarrassments for the groom. Consequently drawing up the list of invitees and sending out the
invitations is of paramount importance. A few guidelines are:
Have only close, trusted friends,
Make it clear that friends of friends are not welcome,
Dont invite the grooms workmates unless you are prepared to invite them all. Uninvited guests from the same
workplace might make it embarrassing for the groom at best and messy at worst,
Close relatives of the bride, or common friends of the groom and bride may be invited.
A thumb rule is that whatever is planned should be in good taste. Also, it is about the groom, and not a general
bash for everyone.

Sometimes, close friends decide on a surprise party. This can work out well if well-planned. Naturally, the groom
would not know about it till he gets to the venue. In fact, the night of the party, first you could take the groom, or
meet up with the groom in the usual place where you all hang out, and then from there take him to the planned
venue.
Bachelorette party for the bride
A girls night for the bride-to-be, is organized by her close friends. This is called a hen or bachelorette or stagette or
kitchen tea party. It is also known as the bridal shower. In India, it would be the close female relatives who organize
this.

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The bachelorette parties are usually organized in the brides home.
The girls might want to have a bash, in which case it would be organized in a hotel, or in a close friends house. A
surprise party could also be planned for the bride-to-be.
Another form of party which is of late gaining popularity is at a spa or resort, where the bride-to-be goes with a few
of her intimate friends for a pampering-indulgent weekend.

The mehendi ceremony, or haldi-mehendi ceremony, and sangeet, though will definitely take place in the brides
house. Since these are very elaborate, some older ladies will have to be roped in to help organize this event.
If the budget permits, then a flower-seller could also be called who would make gajras (garlands) for all the women.
Alternately, gajras are bought and given to each lady. The bride-to-be, of course, has a lot of gajras woven into her
hair.
There would be a lot of food, music and dancing, and the married women tease and provoke the bride-to-be. The size
of the hen party depends on the bride-to-bes preferences. Gifts for the new home might also be given at this party.

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A few tips:
Plan this a few days before the wedding,
Make sure everything is well organized,
If gifts are given, then someone should make a record, so that thank-you notes can be sent after the wedding,
Since there are professional henna artists available, they should be chosen and given fair notice so that they
come prepared,
The songs are usually traditional, so a dholak (double-sided drum) should be available.

Whether it is a bachelor party or a bachelorette party, the grooms and bride-to-bes wishes should be respected, and
everything should be elegantly done. After all, it is a part of the wedding memories!
There are event management companies that you could work with to plan your friends bachelor or bachelorette
party. These companies have theme nights on offer, which could be considered. However, since the traditional
parties have their own special charm, a theme which could be worked around the traditional would be great!
Traditionally these bachelor and the bachelorette parties are sponsored by the friends of the bride and the groom.
Therefore, the budget for these parties is not included in the wedding budget.

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THE MEHENDI
Music and entertainment are an inherent part of an Indian wedding. To a certain extent, Bollywood has played its
part in this. Bollywood movies also have a great selection of songs that can be used at this time. Starting with the
mehendi celebration the fun begins.

Organizing the event
A DJ can be arranged who will take care of the music. Or, the bride can either select the songs herself, or her friends
can do the selection along with her. These can be put into the playlist in an iPod, or a disc can be burned, and played
at the time of the mehendi. Professional mehendiwalis are called in. While the bride has a very elaborate and
intricate design made on her arms right up to her finger tips, everyone at the ceremony gets the mehendi done on
their palms. Sometimes a bangle seller is also called in so that everyone can choose glass bangles to wear. A dholak is
a must because folk songs are also sung. Either the older ladies in the family who know the songs can sing these or a
professional group can be hired for the occasion.

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THE SANGEET
The Sangeet is another festive occasion. Theres lots of music at this ceremony. This ceremony is specially performed
at the brides place. The families of both the side come together and enjoy this event with songs and dance. The
sangeet ceremony is performed after the mehendi.
Special Features of Sangeet
You can get family members and friends to put up a skit, or a special dance, or some particular item featuring
the bride and groom.
You can have a theme for the sangeet. Songs can be used to portray different anecdotes from the life of the
bride and the groom or their courtship period. Bollywood has a plethora of song for every ceremony related to
the wedding. performances are often staged on these songs.
Professional performers can be hired for the evening.
There are traditional songs that are sung at this occasion.
Certain dances such as the garba, dandiya, bhangra are done at this ceremony.
The dhol and dholak are favourite instruments at this occasion.
THE BARAAT
The baraat, is when the bridegroom and his family come to the brides house (or marriage venue) for the wedding
ceremony. This is a slow procession bringing the groom. For the wedding ceremony, it is best to go traditional with
music from the shehnais, nadaswarams, santoor or even the flute.

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Excitement of the event
Usually a band is hired, which belts out filmy numbers, while a group of grooms friends and family members dance,
stopping frequently on the way. Firecrackers are burst on this occasion, especially as the baraat nears the marriage
venue. This is the moment everyone is waiting for in the brides house, and while the bride cannot leave her room,
her friends give her a running commentary on what is happening. In various cultures, it is considered ominous for the
bride to watch the baraat of the groom, hence the commentary. Sometimes as they reach the home, the grooms
parents join in the dance.
While the Christian wedding does not have the baraat, the bride may choose to have the mehendi and sangeet
ceremonies. Moreover, at the Church, it is traditional music that is used: the Bridal Chorus is played when the bride
enters the church, and the Wedding March is played after the wedding ceremony is over and the bride and groom
walk through the congregation leaving the church. Other music includes hymns or anthems that are special for the
bride and groom, and appropriate to the ceremony. The Church Choir can sing a special song, or a close family friend
can sing a special solo.

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THE RECEPTION
The reception is the most important post-wedding event in India. Its the time when everyone can let their hair down.
All the tension associated with the wedding is over, and everyone is out to have a good time.

Entertainment associated with the Reception
There may be dancing, and the first dance belongs to the bride and groom. The song played for their dance is their
favourite song. Subsequently, a special song can be played if there is a cake-cutting ceremony. Otherwise, there can
be soft soothing music played gently in the background. This is a time when guests generally go to felicitate the bride
and groom. The choice of music should be vast and pleasing. One of the family members can take over this duty, or a
professional DJ can be hired for the occasion. Sometimes, a dance troupe is hired to give a performance, either
classical dance or something contemporary, in good taste.

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MORE ENTERTAINMENT MANTRA
There are various other occasions during an Indian wedding where fun and entertainment play an important part.
A fireworks display to end the night.
Sky lanterns You can get personalized ones which can be released into the sky at the end of the reception.
They light up the sky and look wonderful.
Keeping children occupied is necessary and a magician, or games, or a movie can be organized so that they
wont come in every ones way.
A Unity Candle This is a candle which the bride and groom light together. Each guest is given a candle which
they light from the Unity Candle, symbolizing their witnessing and participation at your wedding.
Guest Book This can be done in many ways. Ideally, there should be a picture of the guest and a line or two
from them. It can be in the form of a book. This in itself can be quite taxing. It is therefore a good idea to plan
out something for late night where you can relax. Since a wedding is also a time when relatives, who you may
not have seen for many years, arrive, you should attend to them. Breaking the ice and getting to know them is
best done over a friendly meal. If you find out that they have any food preferences, you can get your favourite
haunt to arrange for these. In fact keep a table booked for late night binges and get-togethers.
In case you are of a classical bent of mind and prefer classical music and dance, you could organize a mehfil or
mini concert, where you can get professional classical musicians to perform. Classical dancers can also be
contacted to give performances.
Having qawwalis and sher-shairi evenings is also a popular form of entertainment at this time. You can have
your guests take part in this evening, and make it a family entertainment, or get professional entertainers.

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Since this is essentially a time for bonding and picking up threads, having a certain amount of time every day
when the whole family, kids included, get together is ideal. It can be around a bonfire, toasting marshmallows,
or munching snacks, and everyone reminisces, shares photographs, swaps anecdotes, and generally brings
everyone else up-to-date on their lives. This is also the time when old sorrows, unhappy times, old
disagreements, and regrets can be buried. It is a time of renewal.
If the family is musically inclined, sing-song evenings can be a perfect time for bonding and catching up. A
Karaoke Box can be set up in one side of the reception venue and friends and family members could go and sing
a few lines of their favorite songs
Sometimes, space permitting, families put up a small stage in their yard where everyone gets a chance to put up
some entertainment for the rest of the family. It could be skits, one-act plays, musical performances, choirs,
recitations, depending on the age and inclination of the family members. At these family gatherings, only close
friends may be included, but usually after the days chores are over, it is family time.
If you enjoy fairs, then one day can be assigned to creating a fair. Comedians, mime artists, jugglers, and
magicians can entertain the group. Caricaturists can give everyone caricatures as a memento of a fun time
together! There can be small games organized, including Finders Keepers where clues are given to find the
hidden object. Rides can be organized too for the children.

Entertainment plans are made keeping in mind the guests who are coming for the wedding. There are bound to be
lulls during the course of the wedding. You wouldnt want your guests to be at a loose end, or lounge around
aimlessly. It is the responsibility of the families to create happy and good memories for the guests. It is also the
responsibility of the hosts to see to it that the children are looked after, and kept occupied leaving their parents time

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to pick up old threads. Meals, especially if it is an outside caterer, must be served on time. Thoughtful hosts try to and
find out the preferences of the guests, so that their favourite foods are included. One evening can be given to fast
food binging!

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Indian Marriages
Some Fun Facts

I seem to have loved you in numberless forms, numberless times, in life after life, in
age after age forever.
Rabindranath Tagore (1861-1941), Indian writer extraordinaire

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An Indian wedding has several distinct and diversified features which you wont be able to get anywhere else. There
are several norms and rituals which need to be followed religiously. In each of these rituals there is a special place for
different members of the family. While some of the rituals are need to be done by the brother, some are done by the
sister-in-law, while some other rituals are meant for the maternal uncle. These rituals are meant to involve and unite
all the members of the family. These customs add a special charm to these wedding ceremonies and have individual
and extraordinary significance associated with them.
SOME FUN FACTS
Some of the interesting facts about Indian marriages are listed below.
There is a ritual where the sisters-in-law (could include female cousins too), hide the shoes of the new brother-
in-law, and demand money for them. It is only when the brother-in-law gives them the money that they return
his shoes.
Among the Parsis, the new brother-in-law has to keep his hands in water till he promises to give money to the
sisters-in-law.
Sometimes, the sisters-in-law threaten to pour milk on the grooms shoes unless he gives them money.
Another ritual is when seven strands of thread are used to tie the hands of the bride and groom. These threads
are removed only when the sisters-in-law are paid off!
A Gujarati custom is when the brides mother tries to catch the bridegrooms nose when he comes with his
baraat. This is a reminder that since he is going to take away the daughter of the house, he has to look after and

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cherish her. A Marwari custom requires the groom to sit in his Mother in laws laps and is given gifts upon doing
so
A shallow basin is filled with a mix of water and milk, and a ring and some coins are put into this basin. The
basin is then placed in front of the bride and groom and they are given seven chances each to fish out the ring.
The one who gets the ring first is supposed to be the dominant person in the marriage.
When the groom brings his new bride to his house, his sisters close the door and refuse to open it till he gives
them money and gifts.
In some communities, if the bride and groom are holding each others right hand for the pheras, a sacred cloth
is placed over the hands to ward off the evil eye.
Among the Punjabis, a set of chudas (red and ivory bangles) are given to the bride to wear for the wedding
ceremony by the maternal uncle. This is considered a good omen for the bride and is supposed to bring good
luck to her in her new home.
Punjabi brides wear kaleeres which are silver or gold plated ornaments tied to the chudas. She is supposed to
shake her kaleere over the unmarried girls in the family. The girl on whose head the kaleere falls is the next to
get married.
Chero pakaryo this is a fun custom in Gujarati weddings where the groom has to pull at the sari of his mother-
in-law as she passes, indicating that he wants more gifts
Aathwas this is a Kashmiri custom. The couple is required to cross their arms and hold hands. Their hands are
covered by a cloth. They are now told to pull off the engagement ring. The one who pulls off the ring first is
going to be the head of the family!

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Another Kashmiri custom is that the eldest aunt refuses to let the newly-weds enter their home unless she is
given a gift of cash or jewellery.
Kaal ratri is a Bengali custom. On the second night after the wedding, the bride and groom are not allowed to
look at each other.
WELL KNOWN SUPERSTITIONS
We all become a bit superstitious when it comes to an important event like marriage. Here are some important points
to avoid while the ceremony is on. While you may not want to follow all the superstitions mentioned, you might like
to keep some of them in mind.
The two surnames should not begin with the same letter. There are pundits who will work out alternative
spellings.
The bride should not write her new name with the grooms surname before the wedding. This is a point to be
taken into consideration when planning a honeymoon abroad. Of course the couple could use their individual
passports and the bride can legally change her name when they get back.
Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays are not lucky in some communities. The number 13 is avoided by all.
Only if there is no other alternative should the marriage be arranged at a time other than the auspicious
marriage seasons.
The bride should not make her own wedding dress.
The bride should not wear her complete wedding dress before the wedding day. In case there is a rehearsal, she
should leave a few stitches undone.

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The bride should cover her head and face. The veil is to protect her from the evil eye or evil spirits.
After she is fully dressed and ready, the bride should take one last look at herself in the mirror before leaving.
She should not come back, though, to look at herself.
The Maid of honour and bridesmaids are dressed very much like the bride. This is to confuse evil spirits.
During the grihapravesh in her new home, the bride has to put her right foot forward first.

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Important Legal Formalities
Two souls with but a single thought, two hearts that beat as one.
John Keats (1795-1821), English Romantic poet

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MARRIAGE ACTS & REGISTRATION OF MARRIAGES
Increasingly in India, young people choose their own mates and not necessarily from the same religious group (or
caste) or State. They may opt for a basic ceremony preferring to use the money they would have spent on a wedding,
on setting up their new home.
Still, if they go by their parents wishes, then eclectic ceremonies can be planned out.
All Indian marriages have to be registered. Even if the marriage register in the Church is signed by the bride, groom,
their parents and witnesses, it has to be registered in order to be considered legal. Make sure someone in the family
is deputed to find out all the details, and get the necessary documentation done so that there are no lapses here.
Knowing the marriage laws in India helps, especially because of its mind-boggling diversity. There are personal laws in
each religion, all unique and different, which govern marriage and divorce. The different marriage laws are:
The Christian Marriage Act
The Hindu Marriage Act (includes Hindus, Sikhs, Buddhists and Jains)
The Marriage and divorce Act for Parsis
The Marriage Act for the Muslims
The Special Marriage Act
There are some common conditions such as the groom should be 21 years of age and the bride should not be
younger than 18 years of age. Further, they should not be within the prohibited degree of the relationship.

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For a Christian marriage, banns have to be published three Sundays before the wedding. Here again, if anyone has
any objection, it is communicated to the Parish priest within this period.
The Hindu Marriage Act provides registration of a marriage that has been solemnized. Both parties have to appear
before the Marriage Registrar along with their parents/guardians/witnesses one month from the date of the
marriage.
In the MuslimMarriage Act, the marriage is a written legal contract. Each partner is allowed to include conditions. It
also permits a man to have four wives, provided he can treat them equally.
The Special Marriage Act is for people who are from different communities. There are certain rules which have to be
fulfilled. Here the registration is taken as the actual marriage. Further, the notice for marriage is put up 30 days
before the fixed wedding date in the Marriage Officers office. If anyone objects to the marriage, it has to be
communicated to the Marriage Officer within the 30 day period.

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The Countdown Begins...
Trust is the first step to love.
Munshi Premchand (1880-1936), Foremost Hindi-Urdu writer of 20th century

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After you choose your life partner and plan to get married, there are several arrangements that need to be done. You
may even feel anxious and confused about deciding upon events and things. If you want your marriage ceremony to
be the perfect one, here is a complete checklist that can help you out.
12 MONTHS TO GO
The date is decided either by the couple or according to the Vedic calendar, the Panchang. Choose two or
three options in case the first choice is not available or suitable.
Start checking websites or talking to family and friends about details of the various ceremonies involved.
Decide whether there is there to be a separate engagement ceremony or will all the ceremonies be on one day.
Decide whether you would like to handle the wedding yourself, or whether you would like to have a wedding
planning agency involved.
Are you thinking of a traditional wedding, or a theme based wedding.
If the wedding is a Civil Marriage, details regarding documentation required have to be worked on. The
Marriage Officer has to be met, and notice has to be put up, 30 days prior to the wedding day, in his office.
If the wedding is to be a religious ceremony, then the place of worship has to be contacted to see if the date
you have chosen is convenient for them. The priest, purohit, maulvi, religious leader has to be free on that day
as well. The date can then be finalized. In case of Christian wedding banns have to be published three Sundays
before the wedding in the Church that the family attends. All legal paperwork, documentation, contract that is
required has to be worked on so that there is no problem at the last minute.

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You might want to include certain rituals in the main ceremony. In that case, you will need to work them into
the traditional ceremony in consultation with the priest. Other non-religious ceremonies and rituals are decided
upon too at this time.
In case the wedding is to be in another place, then the requirements for conducting the marriage there have to
be found out. Any clearances required, or reservations to be made will then need to be obtained/done.
Venues for the mehendi, sangeet, bachelor/bachelorette parties have to be decided.
Start corresponding with family and friends you would like to invite giving them the date of the wedding and
the place where it is to be conducted. Informing them informally helps them to mark the date in their calendars
and make travel reservations. You can tell them that the formal invitation will follow, but since you are keen
that they attend, you want to give them fair notice so that they keep themselves free for the happy occasion.
Set the budget.

If a loan is to be taken, it would be good to contact your bank at this point.
Either set up a separate wedding account, or keep a budget spreadsheet ready.

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Get estimates for everything. These are recorded and the expenses are put down as they are made. This is one
sure way of keeping on top of the budget. Remember: you NEED to be in control of your budget you would
not want to impoverish yourself, or worse land in a debt you cannot repay.
The bride-to-be and the groom now start thinking about and getting ready for the big day.
10 MONTHS TO GO
Start on the guest list. This is a good time to see if you have left anyone out. Importantly it is a good time to pick
up threads of relationships and friendships. Besides the people you definitely want to come, your guest list
would include extended family, distant relatives, both yours and your parents colleagues at work, family
friends, and neighbours.
If you are getting people from out of town, decide whether you are going to send them their tickets. This is an
expense that will have to be factored in.
Remember that out-of-towners will need to be put up, and catered to. Consequently this is the time to explore
hotels/clubs/country houses/guest houses to find out rates. In case your close friends or close relatives are
willing to have house guests, these can be worked on as well.
Draw up a list of caterers, have meetings with them, and get their rates. This will help you decide on what
should be budgeted and how much leeway you have.
Travel, accommodation and catering expenses will help you decide on your guest list.
The bride-to-be and groom need to start thinking about their wedding wear. Check out styles, fabrics,
designers, tailors. Think about colours and accessories. If there are boutiques that deal with wedding wear, this
is the time to start going to them and talking to them about what you are looking for, whether it is a style that

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will suit you and that you will be comfortable in. You will also get an idea of costs. This will help you in your final
decision and choice. If you are getting your wedding wear made to order, then keep time for fittings.
The bride-to-be and her parents also need to start work on the trousseau, so that there is enough time to get
the things that the bride-to-be would need.
Lingerie and accessories are also to be decided along with different clothes. This is one thing that usually gets
left for the last and then there is panic buying which never works out.
The clothes of the parents and siblings are also decided at this time.
If you want your wedding to be colour coded, then this has to be kept in mind while choosing all the different
outfits.
Usually the best friend/friends of the bride-to-be and groom organize the bachelor/bachelorette party.
However, if your family or you decide to host it, then you have to decide:
The venue,
The guest list,
The food and drink,
The entertainment.
The mehendi ceremony and the Sangeet are the other two important rituals that have to be organized. Certain
points have to be kept in mind:
The venue,
The mehendiwali and the bangle seller if bangles are going to be worn at this ceremony have to be
arranged,
The guest list,

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Getting the dholak,
If so decided, then calling in a DJ to handle the music,
If the dandiya is to be done, the dandiya sticks have to be organized.
It is a good idea to have one person who is close to the bride-to-be and the groom to handle the tiny details
such as:
Who will have the garlands ready for the Jai mala?
Who has charge of the rings and/or the mangalsutra?
Who keeps the gifts of clothing that arrive from the bride-to-bes home or the grooms home and which has
to be changed into during the wedding ceremony?
Start thinking about the decorations for the:
Wedding home,
Marriage venue, the place for the Jai mala, the mandap, and where the traditional musicians are going to
sit,
The place where daily meals for out-of-towners attending the wedding are to be,
The venue for the Wedding Reception.
At this stage, thought has to be given to a photographer and videographer.
If any entertainment is being planned for the days preceding the wedding and the wedding day itself, the
people concerned should be contacted to know if they are free, and their charges.
If you have planned on favours to be given on the wedding day to the guests, decide whether you and the
family are going to make them, or whether you are going to buy them. Either way, ensure that there is enough

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time, and find out how much it is going to cost so that it can be factored into the budget, and a final decision
made early enough.
The order for the wedding cake, if you have decided on one, has to be made at this time.
It is also a good time to start thinking about the wedding vows.
9 MONTHS TO GO
Wedding stationery:
Invitations:
Simple or elaborate,
Directions to the venue,
RSVP.
A short description of the various ceremonies and their meaning and significance for the guests.
Order of worship if it is a Christian wedding.
If you are planning on a formal dinner reception, then would you like a table plan and name/place cards.
Printed vegetarian and non-vegetarian menus.
Thank you cards.
Book the florist which are the venues that require flowers, and what kind and colour of flowers. Furthermore,
since the bride and lady guests wear flowers (gajras) in their hair, this has to be thought of.
Book the beauty parlour or beauticians who will come home and attend to the bride and all the lady guests in
both households.

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7 MONTHS TO GO
All transportation needs to be booked at this point:
From place of arrival to the accommodation.
From the accommodation to the wedding home every day.
If the wedding is to be at another venue, then transporting the bride-to-be, the groom, the parents and all
the guests to that venue.
Taking all the guests back after the wedding.
Back to the place of departure.
(If lists are made and all routes planned, then this can be given to the person in charge so that there are no
glitches and everyone reaches their destinations on time)
Settle on the honeymoon the location, and the number of days the newly-weds are to be there. Once this is
decided, then reservations and bookings should be made. If travel abroad is decided, then the necessary
documentation has to be done, and visas etc applied for.

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Start deciding on the kind of jewellery to be worn on the wedding day, and what is required as part of the
trousseau. If there is a design that has to be copied, then talks with the jewelers should be initiated.
Begin the beauty and the diet regime if you need to shed a few kilos before the wedding
3 MONTHS TO GO
Go for your first trials of the wedding wear. Adjustments can be made if needed, and changes, if required, can
be made.
The wedding rings and mangalsutra design have to be decided on and preferably bought. This should not be
done in a hurry. You may want some engraving to be made on the rings as well.

Check out the make-up you are going to use, and hair style that you want. If possible, you could try out your
bridal make-up and hair style so that you know how you are going to look. Moreover, it is important that the
hair style does not interfere with the veil/ghunghat and you are comfortable. We are looking at long hours and

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it is absolutely essential to ensure that what you wear and how you dress does not cause any discomfort or
stress.
Visit the venue for the reception. Decide on how the tables are going to be placed; see to it that there are
enough places for each guest to sit comfortably; the size of and what kind of centrepiece the tables should
have. If there is to be entertainment, then that area has to be marked out.
Start buying your trousseau.
Send out the invitations.
2 MONTHS TO GO
Get confirmatory RSVPs. These are from people who live out of town. Depute someone to keep a count of who
all are coming, their arrival and departure details, and where they are to stay?
In case you have not heard from them, a phone call to them is in order. They will know that you really want
them to attend the wedding.
For those who live in the same town, and for close relatives, the done thing is to take the invitation card
personally to their homes. Sweets are also given along with the card, as this is auspicious news and in India the
custom is to sweeten the mouth of the person you are giving the auspicious news to. If you like, then other
small mementos can be given something which is specific to your family tradition, or something specific to the
location of your home.
Keeping a list of guests who attend is necessary so that you can send them personalized thank you cards/notes
after the wedding. A photograph of the bride and groom is also sometimes enclosed with the thank you
card/note.

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Confirm all the bookings.
Confirm menus for all the meals.
Start checking to see if your trousseau is making progress. Your trousseau should be in the final stages of
readiness for packing.
Music for the various ceremonies is to be worked on. If you are going in for a Church service, then besides the
traditional music for the procession and recession, the hymns, anthems, lesson readings, prayers and vows (if
you want to add to or change the traditional wedding vows). For the other wedding ceremonies, you will need
professional musicians for the main ceremony. If you have decided on a DJ to handle the music, this is the time
to consult with him/her and decide on the music to be used. If you want a live band at the reception, or any
other ceremony, this will have to be booked, and consulted with about the kind of music you would like to
have. In case your friends are handling the music, sit together to ensure that the music chosen adds to the
atmosphere.
Guest book this is also a good idea, as your guests can sign their names in and write a few lines for the bride
and groom.
1 MONTH TO GO
Both the bride-to-be and the groom need to go for the final round of fitting.
This is the time when the bride-to-be and the groom need to start relaxing.
Bachelor/bachelorette parties happen in this last month. It is advisable to have these parties at least a week or
10 days before the Big Day.
Mehendi, sangeet and any other rituals/ceremonies are slated in.

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If you want to have a rehearsal, this is the time to schedule it.
In case any of your friends are to speak at the reception, they need to be told now so that they have enough
time to prepare.
Get a complete health check up done and brides can consult gynecologists for ways to prevent their courses
from coinciding with the wedding or the honeymoon.
10 DAYS TO GO
Make a final confirmation with various vendors and other services providers.
Check the transportation arrangement and incorporate changes, if any. Take down the vehicle number and the
contact number of the chauffeur driving every vehicle.
Check with the caterer and update him with the final guest count and any other changes.
Plan out the wedding schedule and hand over printed copy of those all the vendors and the guests. Include the
timings for snacks and meals also, for the convenience of the guests.
A final round of fitting is in order. Try out everything, ranging from the dress, shoes, jewelery to bags and
clutches.
Brides must prepare their emergency kit keeping all the necessary stuff and entrusting the kit to one of her
bridesmaids.
Final dance rehearsals if lavish arrangements have been made for the sangeet.
Packing for the honeymoon and final check of all the documents, specifically their date of validity.
Mind and body relaxation whenever possible. Visiting an aromatherapy center or spa clinic four to five days
before the ceremonies begin helps a lot in enlivening the spirit.

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1 DAY TO GO
Hang up all the clothes the bride-to-be and groom are going to wear.
Check all the accessories are ready.
The bride-to-be and her friends and other lady family members go to the Beauty parlour, or get the beauticians
over to the home.
Decorate all the venues.
Arrange for a person who will receive all the gifts and keep a record of them.
Check with the person you have requested to keep the wedding rings/mangalsutra, if he/she has them.
Ensure that the Jai malas are ready.
Send your personal luggage to the place where you are to spend the first night. If you are leaving for your
honeymoon the same day, ensure that the entire luggage is packed and ready, and all your travel arrangements
are in place.
Try and have an early night so that you are rested for the next day.
Sleep or take nap whenever it is possible during the ceremonies. Bride and Groom often find themselves
overworked and bereft of all the energy due to the long ceremonies that take place one after the other.
If you wear lenses, then do not under any circumstances use it for more than 10-15 hours at a stretch. You do
not want a sore eye on your wedding day, or do you?
Finally: After the couple returns from the Honeymoon, and has settled into their new home, or their rooms in
the family home, it is time to send out the Thank You cards to your close relatives and guests.
Gifts to be given: This is a personal gesture and its importance lies in the bonds that are made and preserved.

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THINGS THAT CAN GO WRONG

You will have to be very careful about going ahead with the marriage plan. For your convenience we have listed some
points that need to be taken care of.
The budget this is the area where the greatest errors can happen. Even the simplest traditional wedding costs
a lot of money. Common errors happen in estimates taken, or in the records that are kept of money spent.
Work out an itemized budget. Your budget spreadsheet should show if you have taken a loan, pertinent details
of the loan, estimates, advance payments made, and money spent. It is a good idea when making estimates to
keep some leeway. Dont forget to factor in fees that have to be paid, donations that have to be given, legal
fees, and other small expenses. In fact, no expense is really small everything should be factored in and noted
down. Keep a certain amount of money for emergency expenses. In fact your planner should have a column for
estimated cost and beside it a column showing the actual costHowever, try, as far as is possible, to stay within
the budget.
Make lists for everything This will help you not to get caught up in niggling details, and importantly will keep
you focused on the big picture.
I first learned the concepts of non-violence in my marriage.
Mahatma Gandhi (1869-1948), Father of the Nation

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Focus on the task in hand. As this is a distracting time and a thousand things will need your simultaneous
attention. Try to keep the perspective and concentrate on doing one thing at a time.
When taking estimates, shop around for the best deals, and then get it all down from the vendors in writing.
This way there is no chance of the prices/costs changing.
Negotiate with the places where you are putting up your guests so that you are assured of the best deal.
Form a good team of those whom you can entrust with specific responsibilities, and who will see them through.
Remember, everyone will want to give their advice. You, therefore, need to know which to keep and which to
politely sift out.
Check, confirm, and double-check all bookings well before the last month.
Ensure that the invitation is worded perfectly. In fact, see that any communication is perfectly written. If
directions to the venue are given they should be clear and unambiguous. Also make sure that you have enough
time to comfortably visit all those to whom you have to personally convey the invitation. A rush-rush invitation
will never be welcome.
This is a time of togetherness with family make sure that everyone is included.
Do not leave anything for the last week, and certainly not for the last day. It sounds contradictory, but everyone
will be able to enjoy the wedding only if every little detail is in place before the big day. Good organization is
tedious and time consuming, sometimes, but it pays off big dividends.
Try to be and stay realistic. Sometimes hard decisions might need to be taken. This is also a time when no one
can say No to the bride-to-be or the groom. However, remember that you want happy memories, and do not
leave your parents to pick up bitter pieces.

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Travel plans are often jeopardized in India due to sudden delays in the arrival and departure of the trains and
the planes.
Security is an important issue and make sure you have perked up the security arrangements at all the possible
places connected with the wedding. special security arrangements are made in case of destination wedding as
the entire bridal procession with all its expensive stuff will be travelling to a different place.

A traditional Indian wedding is a time when two whole families get together. Enjoy the occasion!

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Wedding Traditions of India
Book Supplement
I am this, thou art she;
I am song, thou art verse;
I am Heaven, thou art Earth;
We two together shall live here,
Becoming parents of children.
Atharva Veda

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India is a uniquely different country. It has unity in diversity. There are diversified forms of wedding according to the
religion and region. Each has its own tradition, culture and heritage. So before going ahead with an Indian marriage, it
is good to have a complete idea about different styles and patterns of marriage and what the marriage rituals are.
RELIGIOUS WEDDINGS
India is a country where people of different cultures and religions come together and live peacefully. Their rituals,
being different, are distinct from one another. The different types of weddings according to religion are explained
below.
The Hindu Wedding
The proposal for the girl and boy is made by close or extended family members, close friends, or a well-wisher. An
astrologer is consulted. He matches the horoscopes and provides information on the ceremonies that needs to be
performed. The auspicious date/dates and an idea of the location is also suggested by him (specifics are worked out
later by the families).
After the proposal has been accepted by both families, an announcement is made. This is called the Sagaai or Roka or
the Tilak. The parents of the bride-to-be go to the grooms home for this ceremony. Sweets and gifts are exchanged
between the two families. If so desired, a meal can be hosted. Usually the bride-to-be and the groom are not present
at this ceremony, since the agreement is formalized between the elders of the two families. If, the bride-to-be and
groom are present, then they may exchange garlands and/or rings.

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1. Pre-wedding rituals
Mehendi ceremony Mehendi or henna is applied on the hands of the to-be-bride and hymns or folk songs are
sung during this ceremony.
Sangeet ceremony This is meant especially for the ladies of the two families.
Haldi ceremony This ceremony is held on the morning of the wedding day. The bride is smeared with paste of
turmeric, sandalwood and rosewater.

2. On the wedding day
The Baraat from the grooms house arrives at the brides house
Varmala
Kanyadaan and Saptpadi
The marriage ceremony is held according to traditional rituals.

3. Post-wedding ceremonies
Reception.
Vidaai, this is when the bride is formally sent to the bridegrooms house.

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The Christian Wedding
If the couple has not chosen each other, close or extended family members decide on the girl and boy. After the
bond is formalized, the date for an engagement ceremony is fixed. This takes place either at the house of the bride-
to-be or a venue chosen by the two families. The parish priest blesses the young couple, and talks to them about the
seriousness and sanctity of marriage. The couple exchange rings. They may decide to take a vow at this time.
The bridal shower or bachelorette party.
The stag or bachelor party.

The bride and groom leave their respective homes after prayers and blessings.
The groom arrives at the Church with his Best Man and Page Boy a little before the wedding.
The bride arrives at the Church with her immediate family, and Maid of honour. The bridesmaids and flower
girls arrive at the same time too.
At the appropriate time, the groom goes in and stands at the altar with the Best Man and the Page Boy carrying
the rings.
The Flower girls are the first in the Bridal procession and they scatter flower petals on the aisle as they move
towards their places near the altar. The Maid of honour is next, followed by the bridesmaids.

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The bride walks down the aisle to the strains of the Bridal March on the arm of her father to meet the
bridegroom.
The Priest conducts the Wedding Service. During the service there may be hymns and an anthem chosen for the
occasion by the bride and groom. There are also selected readings from the Bible. The priest may or may not
give a short sermon about the sanctity of marriage. Vows are taken by the bride and groom and wedding rings
are exchanged. Here, either the traditional vows are used or the bride and groom may choose their own vows,
something which holds special meaning for them.
Lastly the Priest pronounces them man and wife, blesses the young couple and the congregation, and
pronounces the benediction.
The couple goes to the vestry and signs the marriage register with witnesses.
To the Wedding March, the couple walks down the aisle of the Church.

The reception.
The bride leaves for the grooms home.
The Buddhist wedding
There are no formal ceremonies in a Buddhist wedding. The couple can have a registered wedding, or they may go to
one of the few Buddhist temples that are licensed to conduct marriage ceremonies.

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A Buddhist wedding takes place in two parts. The Buddhist part: where the couple offers prayers in a Buddhist
temple and gives gifts to the monks. The non-Buddhist part: where the couple follows traditions and customs specific
to their families.
Matching of horoscopes- This is not strictly necessary, but many people are superstitious, and do not want
anything to go wrong. So, after the horoscopes have been matched, the grooms family, along with the lama of
the temple in their locality, decide on a date on which the proposal can be made to the girls family.
Chessian- This is the betrothal ceremony. Prayers are offered, and the proposal is made. The maternal uncle of
the bride has pride of place in this ceremony. After prayers, all the guests share the Madyan which is a
ceremonial drink.

The bride, groom and the two families, go to the Buddhist temple. The bride and groom bow in front of the
Buddha. They light candles and incense sticks. The Vandana, Tisarana and Pancasila hymns are sung, and the
couple recites the wedding vows that are found in the Sigilovdda Sutta.
The parents of the couple then put a loop of strings on the heads of the bride and groom joining them together.
The couple makes offerings of flowers, food, sweets and money. Sometimes, a red paste is put on the foreheads
of the bride and groom.

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There may be a wedding feast or reception.
The couple leaves for their new home.
The Jain wedding
Jains are strictly devoted to their community and prefer to marry within their community, so that the child born
becomes Jain only. Their style of marriage is very sophisticated with a grand public announcement and a variety of
rituals.
Laghana Lekhan - In this ritual, a puja is done in the house of the bride-to-be. Close friends and relatives attend.
The mahurat, or auspicious time of the marriage is decided at this ritual. Once it is decided by the priest, the
date is sent to the grooms house.
Lagna Patrika Vachan - The groom wears the traditional headgear, washes his hands and performs the
Vinayakyantra puja, and then the priest reads out the aforementioned letter which has come from the house of
the bride-to-be and which gives the date for the marriage ceremony.
The Sagaai - The Sagaai or engagement ceremony takes place the same day as the Lagna Patrika Vachan is read.
After the Vachan is read, the brother of the bride-to-be puts a tilak on the grooms forehead. He also gives him
gifts which include clothes, a coconut, sweets, money and a ring. The elders then bless the groom.

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Mada Mandap - The Mada Mandap takes place one or two days before the wedding in the houses of the groom
and the bride-to-be. These rituals are performed by a priest.

The Baraat from the grooms house arrives at the brides house.
The Kanyavaran or Kanyapradan.
The Granthi Bandhan and Phere.
The Mangal Geet.

Ashirvad The elders of the family bless the couple.
Sva Graha Aagaman or welcoming of the bride at her new home.
Jina Grahe Dhan Arpana tradition of giving alms to the Jain temple.
Reception.
The Sikh wedding
The customs followed during a Sikh wedding is somewhat similar to Hindu weddings. But one main difference
between the two forms of wedding is, while Hindus use Vedic texts, on the other hand Sikhs follow their holy book
Adi Grantha or Guru Granth Sahib during the wedding ceremony.

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Shagun or tilak It is better known as Kurmai. On this occasion the brides family goes to the grooms family
with sweets, jewellery and clothes as gifts. The groom gets a gold ring, gold mohre (coins) and a kada (bangle)
from the brides father or guardian.
Gana or sacred thread ceremony During this ceremony a chunni or a veil is gifted to the bride by the grooms
mother and aunties.
Mehendi and Vatna Prior to the wedding the Vatna ceremony is conducted. Early morning a paste of sandal,
turmeric, rosewater and cream called ubatan is applied on the brides body and she is then scrubbed clean.

Gharoli ceremony The Gharoli ceremony is celebrated at the grooms house where his sisters-in-laws and
other female relatives fill in an earthen pitcher or Gharoli with water from a well or Gurudwara.
Milni This is the main ceremony and is held in the Gurudwara. The Sikh wedding normally takes place before
noon. Several hymns are sung and the couple is made to sit before the Adi Granth (religious book of the Sikhs).
The priest tells them about the obligations of marriage, it is followed by Lawaan when the bride and the groom
hold both ends of a scarf and takes four rounds around the Granth Sahib and then they are declared husband
and wife.


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Reception.
Vidaai or doli.
The Parsi wedding
Fire plays a very important role during Parsi wedding as they consider it to be the most sacred. None of the rituals are
complete without the use of fire. The achoo meecho or eliminating the evil eye is compulsory before every single
ceremony. The Parsi weddings are mostly performed either on the first day of the month which they call Hormazd
Roe or on the twentieth day of the month, which they name as the Behram Roj. Parsi weddings are mostly conducted
during the evening, after sunset.
Madhavsaro - It is celebrated four days before the wedding day. The families of the bride and groom plant a
young tree (usually a mango tree) in a pot, accompanied by prayers by the family priest. The pot is then placed
at the entrance of the home. The plant is to be watered for 8 days then transplanted.
Adarni is three days before the wedding day. The grooms family comes to the brides home with gifts for the
bride. Family, friends and neighbours sits down for a meal together to celebrate the occasion.
The Supra nu Murat is the day before the wedding day. It is a mehendi-haldi ceremony. Traditional songs are
sung, and four married women are given a supra containing betel leaf, betel nut, turmeric, dates and a piece of
coconut. These supras are exchanged seven times among the four women: cross-wise, length-wise and breadth-
wise. A fifth lady sits in the middle with a dry turmeric powder. This is made into a paste and applied to the
bride and groom.

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According to the Zoroastrian faith, the time immediately after sunset or very early in the morning is auspicious
for marriage.
Nahan - The home is decorated with rangoli.
Dressing in traditional attire. The bride is dressed in her Madhavate which is a white sari with heavy gold
embroidery. The groom is in Parsi Dagli and Feta which is a white long kurta-like shirt, and a black cap.
The Achumichu is performed at the Fire Temple.
The Ara Antar which is a variation of the first look of Hindu marriage.
The Chero bandhvanu when the couple exchanges rings.
The haath borvanu -This is when the brides sister puts the grooms hand in a glass of water, sprinkles milk on
his show and removes the seven strands that the priest had tied around the couple during the ceremony. She
can then demand gifts from the groom.

3. Post-wedding
Reception.
The bride leaves for the grooms house where the grooms mother again performs the achimuchu ceremony.

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The Muslim wedding or the Nikaah
Muslim wedding or Nikah rituals extends up to three days. The marriage rituals usually revolve around the bride and
the groom approving their marriage in front of the witness. In different parts of the world, these rituals are
performed in different ways and customs. There is no special mahurat for the Nikaah. It is held either in the brides or
the grooms home.
Istikhara - This is when the priest asks blessings from the Almighty Allah. The grooms mother then visits the
brides home with sweets.
Imam-Zamin - In this ritual, a silver or gold coin wrapped in silk is given to the bride by the grooms mother. The
coin is tied on the upper arm of the bride.
Magni is when the close family of the groom visit the bride, and the two families exchange sweets and fruits.
The Manjha and mehendi ceremonies are when the bride is dressed in yellow, and turmeric paste is applied on
her body. Elaborate mehendi designs are then made on her hands and feet.

The baraat arrives from the grooms home bringing the groom. Musicians play traditional music. The brides
brother and the groom share a glass of sherbet.
The Nikaah - A Maulvi (priest) presides over this ceremony. He reads the Quran, and then the Ijab-e-Qubul
(formal proposal is made by the groom and accepted by the bride) takes place. Mutual consent is of the

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greatest importance. The Meher is given. This is a monetary arrangement made by the grooms family for the
bride.
The Nikaahnama is signed. The Maulvi and the Walis (the two fathers) are the witnesses. This is the contract
which contains the terms and conditions that both parties have to abide by.
The groom then seeks the blessings of all the older women.
Men and women sit separately for the marriage feast.
After the meal, the couple is made to sit together for the first time. Their heads are covered by a dupatta. They
recite prayers as instructed by the Maulvi. Then the Quran is placed between them and they look at each other
for the first time through mirrors.

Rukshat is when the bride leaves her home. The brides father places his daughters hand in the hand of the
groom.
Welcoming the bride. The mother of the groom holds a Quran over the brides head as she steps into her new
home.
Chauthi - On the fourth day after the Nikaah, the bride visits her parents.
Walimah - This is the grand reception hosted by the grooms parents.

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The Arya Samaj Wedding
This wedding is based on the teachings of Swami Dayanand Saraswati, who founded the Arya Samaj. The ceremony is
Vedic (not religious), and very straightforward. The Arya Samaj wedding is completely unpretentious, and not at all
lavish. The vows are taken during the Panigrahana ceremony. An interesting ritual is the Dhruvnakshatra when the
bride and groom look at the Polestar together. This indicates that they should always stay together like the star which
is always in the same position in the sky.
Ladies Sangeet The female friends and relatives mostly attend this ritual at the brides house and sing
wedding and folk songs.
Mehendi This is also held at the brides place and the female friends and relatives attend this ritual. A paste of
turmeric and sandalwood powder is applied on the body of the bride-to-be and then it is scrubbed clean. This is
the process of purification before applying mehendi (henna) on the hands and the feet of the bride-to-be.
Brahmbhoj During the early hours of the wedding day, 16 Brahmins are fed as it is a customary of the Arya
Samaj and they consider it to be auspicious.
Chudha and Nath On the wedding day, the maternal uncle of the bride gives her red ivory chudha and nath
(big round nose rings) and helps her wear it on her hands and nose respectively.

2. On the wedding day:

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The bride and the groom exchange garlands. The bride gives the groom a pitcher of water he washes his feet,
hands and his face with it. Then she puts the mixture of honey, curd and ghee onto the grooms cupped palm
and he scatters the mixture in all directions and has the remnants. This ritual indicates good health and
nourishment for the family.
Thread ceremony and yagnya In this ceremony the groom needs to wear a sacred thread and worships the
Fire God.
Kanya Daan The parents of the bride hands over their daughter to her new family and blesses them to be
together always.
Pratigya Mantra The couple hold each others hand and take wedding vows after which they walk around the
fire.
Shilarohan In this ritual the brother of the bride conveys his blessings to the couple by placing her foot on a
stone. This indicates that their marriage would be steady as a rock.
Parikrama During this ritual, the couple walks four times around the fire. While the bride prays for the good
health and healthy relationship, the groom promises to be respectful towards all women.
Kesh Mochan The groom unties the hair of the bride gently and recites mantras promising her that he will be
gentle and kind to her and never hurt her or let her go throughout the life.
Saptapadikriya - During this ritual the end of the brides saree is tied with end of the grooms shawl and they
take seven steps which signify the seven important needs.
Suryadarshan - During this ritual the couple worships the Sun God.
Hriday Sparsh- The couple promises to be gentle and kind hearted towards each other by touching each others
heart.

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Sindoor Daan - in this ritual the groom fills the parted hair of the bride with Vermillion or Sindoor. This is done
thrice.
Dhruv Darshan -The couple views the Pole star or Dhruv tara as well as the two stars of the Great Bear
constellation, Vasisth and Arundhati. The Pole star signifies consistency in relationship while the other two stars
signify togetherness.

3. Post- wedding rituals
Reception Reception is normally held at a wedding or a banquet hall.
Taking off the Chudha The Chudha which the bride wears on the wedding day is taken off in this ritual. It is
held between one month and one year after the marriage and usually done by the sister-in-law of the bride.
REGIONAL WEDDINGS
India is a vast sub-continent and different places in India have their own specialty and distinctiveness. The different
kinds of marriage according to the region are explained below.
The Kashmiri wedding
The first step is the matching of the teknis or horoscopes. Once the commitment is made, and the date finalized, the
Vanna or engagement ceremony takes place. This is essentially between the elders of both families. They meet in the
temple, and exchange flowers. The girls family hosts a grand feast. Also, in both homes the eldest aunt prepares var

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(kheer) which is offered to the neighbors and relatives. Gifts including money, dry fruits, and a pot of misri are sent to
the boys house from the girls family. The wedding mahurat is either in the morning or at night.
Livun - This is the ritual where cleaning of the home is done. A traditional cook, the waza, sets up a mud and
brick oven.
Wanwun - This is like the sangeet where friends and neighbors join the family in music sessions.
Maanziraat - This ritual is to be done a week before the wedding. The homes of the bride and groom are
decorated. The rituals of the traditional bath and mehendi take place.
Two or three days before the wedding, 51 thaalis of sweets, fresh and dry fruit, dates, ghee, sugar and gota (a
special mixture of nuts) is sent to the grooms house by the brides family.
Two days before the wedding, the grooms family sends jewellery made of flowers and tinsel to the bride. She is
then dressed using these.
The Diugun ceremony - The bride and groom have their ceremonial bath in their respective homes. This is
followed by a puja. The family is expected to fast till all the wedding nuptials are over. The brides parents give
their daughter clothes, and her trousseau. Jewellery, especially the dijaru which is an ear ornament is given to
the bride.

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The grooms family sends the sanzvaru to the bride. This is a gift of cosmetics, a small mirror, sindoor, a shawl
and special paan wrapped in varq or silver/gold foil. The bride is supposed to use these cosmetics for her make-
up during the wedding.
The devgon ceremony is observed in both homes. There is a havan and puja, followed by a kanshiran when a
veil is held over the head of the bride and groom (this ceremony is in their own homes) and a mixture of water,
milk, curd, rice and flowers is sprinkled on them. The bride is given her wedding clothes by her maternal uncle.
A peacock feather is tied to the grooms turban with a gold thread.
The baraat arrives at the brides home bringing the groom. The two fathers exchange nutmeg. The bride and
groom are then led to the mandap for the ceremony.
All the wedding rituals are performed in front of the sacred fire and seven pheras are to be made by the bride
and the groom.

Vidaai the bride is blessed by her parents and sent to the grooms house.
The newly-weds are welcomed into the grooms home by the grooms eldest aunt. A pair of pigeons is released
in celebration. The aunt feeds both of them, and then the bride changes into clothes that are given to her by
the grooms parents.
During the visits to the brides home the Satraat and Phirlath the newly-weds are given clothes and gifts.
On the Saturday or Tuesday after the wedding, the brides family sends roth khabar to the family of the groom.
This is a 1 metre long and 21/2 metre wide cake decorated with nuts.

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The Punjabi wedding
The rituals of a Punjabi wedding are similar to a Sikh wedding. A Punjabi wedding is full of fun, very vibrant, and has a
carnival atmosphere! Bhagra the dance which most of the Punjabis love to do during the ceremony adds charm to the
event. Punjabis are very strict about their community and they tend to marry within their community.
Roka - The first ceremony is the Roka ceremony. This is the formal engagement ceremony. The announcement
of the forthcoming wedding is made. Gifts, sweets, fruits and dry fruits are exchanged.
Sagan - The Sagan ceremony is held either in the grooms home or in a banquet hall. A pundit performs a havan.
The father of the bride-to-be applies the Tilak, which is made of kesar, rice grains, and flower petals, on the
forehead of the groom. The relatives and friends of the bride-to-be bless the groom, and give him sweets and
gifts.
Chunni Chadana - The Chunni chadana ceremony is done at the brides home. The grooms parents and close
relatives attend this ceremony. The grooms sister or sister-in-law gives the bride-to-be a red sari.
Mahendi - The mehendi and Kwar Dhoti ceremony. Mehendi is taken to the house of the bride-to-be by the
grooms sister and brother-in-law. During the Kwar Dhoti ceremony, dry fruits, especially dry dates are given to
the brides family. The ritual involves the bride-to-be eating one half of a date. The other half is given to the
groom to eat.
The Sangeet - This is a time for music and dance in the homes of the groom and bride-to-be. Wedding folk songs
are sung to the accompaniment of dholaks, or dhols, and a harmonium. Each member of the family, irrespective
of their age, participates in this event.

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The churha or bangles ceremony. A havan is performed by the pundit, and a red thread or mauli is tied on the
brides wrist.
The maternal uncle of the bride-to-be gives her the clothes she is suppose to wear at the wedding ceremony.
The maternal uncle and aunt then put red and ivory bangles on her wrists. These bangles are first touched by all
those who are present as a mark of their blessings. Kalira (small traditional ornaments in beaten gold and silver,
or gold-plated), are tied on the bangles. Flower petals are showered on the bride-to-be. Prasad (sweets offered
to the gods during the havan) is given to everyone.
Vatna - Four earthen lamps are lit, and the bride-to-be is made to sit facing them. A paste of turmeric powder
and mustard oil is put on the bride-to-be by her friends and female relatives.
The ghara ghardoli ceremony - The siblings of the bride-to-be go to the nearby temple and bring back holy
water for the bride to bathe in. She then dons her wedding finery.
The Sehrabandi - After the Vatna and ghara ghardoli ceremony, the bridegroom wears his wedding clothes. A
puja is performed, and then the grooms father and elders tie the sehrabandi on his head. He also ties a pink
turban that has been blessed by everyone present.
The Ghori chadana - A small ceremony is performed to ward off the evil eye, and sweets are given to the mare
that is to carry the groom. He then gets on his mare ready to go to the home of the bride-to-be in a baraat or
procession.
The Milni ceremony - When the groom arrives at the brides house, he is welcomed with garlands and rose
water is sprinkled on him and the other guests, and they are warmly welcomed.

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Varmala - This is the exchange of garlands between the bride and the groom.
The kanyadaan and phere - This is the most important part of the ceremony. The kanyadaan is when the brides
father gives his daughters hand to the groom. Then there are the mangalpheras around the sacred fire,
followed by the sindoor ritual when the groom puts sacred vermilion on the parting in the brides hair. Lastly,
he ties the mangalsutra around the brides neck.
For the blessing, the couple touches the feet of all the elders of both families and is blessed by them.

3. Post-wedding Ceremonies
The vidaai - The bride leaves her home and goes with her husband to her new home.
The bride has to cook something sweet at her in laws place.
The Sindhi Wedding
The Sindhi wedding follows Vedic rites. Parents of marriageable girls and eligible bachelors give a Guryanni (the lady
match maker) the horoscopes of their children. She then locates suitable matches for them. Auspicious days for a
Sindhi marriage are the Satyanarayan Chandsi or the day of the New Moon. A priest studies the horoscopes of the
bride-to-be and the groom and fixes the wedding date.
Kachchi misri Misri (candy sugar) and coconut are given to the bride-to-be and the prospective groom.

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Berana satsang 10 days before the wedding day this satsang is organized in the name of the Sindhi god
Jhulelal. This also signifies the beginning of the wedding ceremonies.
Pakki misri The formal engagement held one week before the wedding. There is an exchange of rings between
the bride-to-be and the groom in the presence of family and close friends.
Mehendi ceremony is held at the residence of the bride and the groom. At this time traditional wedding songs
are sung.
The Sangeet is usually held at the brides home. A lot of enjoyment including dancing and singing takes place on
this occasion.
Saagri On a particular evening, the grooms married sisters and cousins come to the brides home with
jewellery made from the jasmine/mogra flowers. They dress her in silk, and put the flower jewellery on her.
Flower petals are showered on the bride. Later when the groom arrives, he is welcomed with garlands and
there is a dinner party held.
Ghari puja Is done in the homes of the bride-to-be and the groom.
Santh The night before the wedding, seven married ladies apply oil on the girls head. An earthen pot is kept
in front of her and she is asked to break it at one go.

The Baraat arrives bringing the groom with great fanfare, music, singing and dancing. They are welcomed by the
brides family.

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Swagatam At the entrance of the home, the bridegroom places his right foot on top of the brides foot. He
then enters the house. The brides brother washes his sisters, and the grooms feet with milk and water.
Hathialo The bridegrooms dupatta is tied to one end of the brides sari/dupatta. Their hands are tied together
with the sacred thread. Prayers are then offered by both of them.
The main ceremony is conducted by a priest in front of the sacred fire. He reads verses from the Holy Books.
The couple goes around the fire four times. The groom touches his forehead with the brides hand. Their heads
are then held together signifying their union.
Kanyadaan The brides parents give the hand of their daughter to the groom.
Vidaai The bride leaves for her new home.

Reception.
The datar ceremony When the bride is welcomed to the grooms home. The grooms parents wash their new
daughter-in-laws feet. The bride sprinkles milk throughout the house. The grooms parents then cover the
brides head. An important custom is when the bride places a handful of salt in her husbands hand. He has to
give it back to her without spilling any of it. This is done three times. The bride performs the same ritual with
other family members. This is to signify that just as salt blends with food to give it its taste, she too should blend
with the family and be a part of their joys and sorrows. Chhanar or Dev uthana The totemic deity is removed
signifying that the whole wedding ceremony is finally completed.

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Sataurah The newly-weds visit the brides parental home for the first time. They are given gifts, and sweets by
the brides parents.
The Gujarati wedding
Gujarati weddings are filled with symbolic rituals. These rituals act as a guide to instruct the couple to lead a happily
married life. The Gujaratis have utter respect for their wives and handover the keys of the house to them after
marriage. The wives are expected to take care of the home. Whereas the husbands take major decisions and wives
follow them.
Sagaai This is when the formal announcement of the marriage takes place. The ceremony is at the grooms
home. The brides family arrives with the Matli, which is a steel container filled with sweets and gifts for the
groom and his family.
Mandap mahurat A few days before the wedding, a Ganesh puja is performed in both the homes.
Griha Shanthi This is a rituals performed for maintaining peace and tranquility in the family.
Pithi This is the ceremony in which turmeric paste is applied on the bride and groom.
Mehendi The brides hands and legs are covered with exquisite designs. During this ritual, traditional folk
songs are sung.
Garba The night before the wedding both families come together to perform the garba.


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Gujarati weddings are generally held at night.
Ponkvu The groom arrives at the brides house and is welcomed by the brides mother. She does an aarti to
greet the groom.
Jaimala The bride and groom exchange garlands.
Madhuparka The grooms feet are washed. He is given a drink of milk and honey.
Kanya agaman The bride is brought to the mandap by the maternal uncle. The bride and groom are separated
by a curtain called the antarpaat. When the priest starts the ceremony, the antarpaat is lowered and the couple
exchange garlands.
Kanyadaan The brides father washes the grooms feet and gives him the hand of his daughter.
Hasta milap The grooms dupatta is tied to the brides sari. Rose petals and rice are showered on them by
those witnessing the marriage.
Mangalpheras As the priest chants the mantras, the couple walks around the sacred fire. There are four
pheras. The groom has to recite certain mantras as well.
Saptapadi The groom helps the bride touch seven betel nuts with her right toe while they both recite the
seven vows of commitment.
Saubhagyavati bhava Seven married women from the brides family whisper good wishes and blessings in the
right ear of the bride.
Shubh ashirwad After all the rituals are over, the couple seeks blessings from all senior members of the family
as well as friends present.


148

Vidaai The bride leaves her home.
Ghar ni Laxmi The bride (Laxmi, goddess of wealth and good fortune), is welcomed with an aarti before she
steps inside the house. At the entrance there is a vessel filled with rice. The bride is to gently knock the vessel
with her right foot, spilling some rice.
Reception.
The Maharashtrian wedding
Maharashtrian wedding takes place according to the muhurat patra which is set up to maintain and measure the time
before the actual moment scheduled for the marriage. The brides usually adorn green or yellow coloured saree and a
half moon is designed on her forehead as a sign of good luck. The bride worships Goddess Parvati in the entrance
until she is asked by the priest to come onto the dais.
Shakar puda Exchange of sugar between the families. The grooms parents give the bride a sari signifying
acceptance of her.
Various pujas take place in the two homes.
Haldi ceremony.


149

The seemaan puja is performed when the groom arrives at the brides home. The grooms feet are washed by
the brides parents and he is welcomed into the home with gifts.
The Antarpaat is placed between the bride and groom. The priest chants the wedding mantras, the antarpaat is
removed, and the bride and groom exchange garlands and perform the mangalpheras.
The Laxminarayan puja is performed for the bride and groom.
Kanyadaan and tying of the mangalsutra is then executed.

3. Post-wedding ceremonies:
Reception.
Changing of the brides name. Her new name is traced on a plate of rice.
Varaat or vidaai.
Grihapravesh of the bride in her new home.
Tond dhune and Vyahi Bhet. Gifts are exchanged between the two parents on behalf of the newly-weds.
The Tamil wedding
The Tamilian weddings are quite simple though they have a fairly large community. The Tamil calendar is consulted
before fixing the date of marriage. And according to the Tamil Calendar the dates from July 15th to August 15th
(Aashad), September 15th to October 15th (Bhadrapad) and December 15th to January 15th (Shunya) are considered
ill-fated. Consequently weddings are not held in during those months. The Tamilian brides usually wear a bright
coloured saree adorned with flowers in the hair.

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The Lagna Pathirigai is read by the priest. At this time he also announces the details of the wedding.
Muhurtam Prayers are offered by the two families the day before the wedding.
The groom comes to the wedding venue a day before the wedding day. He is welcomed warmly and the brides
brother puts a tilak on the grooms forehead.
The families fast the day before the wedding. Prayers are chanted through the day.
The Naandi ceremony is performed to honour the ancestors, and ask for their blessings.
The Nicchiyadharatham is when the brides parents do a Ganesh puja.

Mangal snanam and Kashi Yatra The bride and groom are given ceremonial baths at their respective homes.
Then the groom says that he is going to Kashi and is not interested in setting up a home. The brides father has
to stop the groom and bring him to his home where he is welcomed by the family of the bride.
Exchange of garlands and swing ceremony Garlands are exchanged by the bride and groom and they are made
to sit on a swing while ceremonies are performed around them. This is to show that while life has its ups and
downs, they are together through it all.
Kanyadaan.
Tying of the mangalsutra.
Saptapadi The bride and groom go around the fire seven times.

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Exchange of gifts.
Grihapravesham When the bride enters the house of the groom.
Reception.

In other marriages that take place in South India, the main customs remain:
The muhurtam
The Kanyadaan
The tying of the mangalsutra
Grihapravesham
Reception
Rituals and ceremonies that are dictated by family tradition are included.
The Bengali wedding
The Bengali community has the essence of warmth and gratitude within themselves. They are considered as the
intellectual community of India. The unique feature of the Bengali wedding is the blowing of conch shells, they
consider it to be sacred and it is mostly blown during any holy or religious ceremonies. It is also blown to attract the
attention of the guests towards the ceremony. Huge number of customs is followed during a Bengali wedding.

152

Adan Pradan This is when the lineage of the bride and groom are traced back seven generations by the priest.
The Patri-patra confirms the alliance.
The Vridhi puja to honour the ancestors.
The ceremonial bath. Water is brought from a nearby temple for this bath.
Gifts are exchanged between the two families during the gae halud tattva and the adhibas tattva.

Haldi and ceremonial bath - Conch shell bangles are dipped in turmeric water and put on the brides arm, and
then the bride is dressed in all her bridal finery.
The groom is welcomed with the blowing of conch shells and ululation.
The bride is carried into the mandap, and after a short ceremony when she walks around the groom seven
times, there is the shubho dhrishti when they see each other for the first time.
The exchange of garlands between the bride and the groom. This is done 3 times to the chanting of the
mantras.
The Saat paak and sampradhan ceremonies are conducted when the kanyadaan is done and the bride walks
around the groom seven times.

Vidaai.

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Bou baran and Basar ghar is when the bride steps into her new home. At the threshold she has to dip her feet in
a paste of red lac dye and milk, and as she steps in the imprint of her feet are made on the floor of her new
home. The grooms sister then takes her in. She is given red and ivory bangles, and the loha(iron) or a steel
bangle.
Bashi baye is when the groom puts the sacred vermilion in the brides hair parting. Prayers are offered to the
Sun god.
Boubhaat A feast is set out for the family, relatives and guests. The bride makes a rice preparation which is
served at this time.
Dira gaman is when the newlyweds visit the brides parental home for the first time after the wedding.

Oriya and Assamese weddings share common features with the Bengali wedding. Again, family traditions and local
culture add to the colour and festivities.

It is good to remember too that though the actual wedding ceremony is dictated by religious affiliation, they also have the local
traditional flavor.
Further:
The North Indian wedding This is the most elaborate form of wedding which stretches along many days.
There is a lot of fun and gaiety that goes on throughout. These weddings are very ostentatious.

154

The South Indian wedding These weddings have a lot of traditional cultural programs during the days
preceding the wedding. The bridegroom is welcomed in the local temple and then taken to the kalyana
mandapam. One interesting custom is when the feet of the bride and groom are washed with milk and dried
with silk cloth by the father of the bride.

The East Indian wedding This includes Bengal, Orissa and the Northeastern states. The common ceremony is
the kanyadaan. Other wedding rituals are specific to the state. The Assamese ceremonies are not very
elaborate, but here the traditional wedding meal is held before the actual wedding ritual.

The West Indian wedding Here we are talking about Maharashtra, Gujarat and Rajasthan. Maharashtrian
weddings are scheduled in the morning or late evening. After the wedding, there is usually a Laxmi Narayan
puja that is held.

WEDDING VOWS
According to Hindu tradition
The seven vows of marriage symbolize the seven promises made by the bride and groom.
The ceremony is performed in the presence of the sacred fire or havan. The place where the havan is done is
beautifully decorated too.
All weddings in the Hindu tradition have the chanting of Vedic mantras.

155

Before taking the vows, the bride sits on the right side of the groom. But after the pheras, she sits on the left
side.
Of the seven pheras, the groom leads the first four and the bride leads the next three.
The meaning of the vows taken with each of the seven pheras are:
1
st
- That they would pride a prosperous living for the household/family, and avoid all the hindrances to a
healthy family life.
2
nd
That they would develop their physical, mental and spiritual powers in order to live a healthy
lifestyle.
3
rd
That they will earn and increase their wealth by righteous means.
four
th
That they will acquire knowledge, happiness and harmony by mutual love, respect, understanding
and faith.
5
th
That they will be increase their family and be responsible for their children. They also pray to be
blessed with healthy, honest and brave children.
6
th
That they will have self-control of the body, mind and soul and that they will have a long marriage.
seven
th
That they would be true and loyal to each other and remain companions and best of friends for
their lifetime.
According to the Muslim tradition
The Maulvi reads certain texts from the Quran.
The bride and the groom have to give their consent willingly.
The groom gives the bride the Meher or compulsory gift.

156

The couple signs the Nikaahnama which is a legal marriage document.
After this they are made to sit together. They repeat certain prayers after the Maulvi.

Certain points have to be kept in mind in a Muslim wedding:
The prenuptial agreement and conditions in the marriage contract have to be discussed and agreed to before
the wedding.
In case the couple is from two different countries, legal and immigration issues need to be dealt with before the
wedding.
Arrangements have to be made separately for male and female guests.
According to the Christian tradition
When the rings are exchanged, these vows are repeated by the groom and bride:
I, ______, take you, ________, to be my wedded (wife/husband), to have and to hold from this day onwards, for
better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, til death do us part:
according to Gods holy ordinance, and thereto I pledge you my love and faithfulness.
As the groom then places the ring on the brides ring finger, he says the following oath:
With this ring I thee wed, with my body I thee worship, and with all my worldly goods I thee endow: In the name
of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Ghost. Amen.

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The priest then exhorts the congregation with the words: Whom God has joined together, let no man put
asunder.
In some Christian weddings, the ring is placed on the finger of the bride by the priest as a symbol of the bond
between the bride and Christ.
Very often, the bride and groom decide on special vows that they create, instead of using the traditional vows.
Inspirational poems may be used.

No matter what the tradition is, some form of vows is taken publicly in the presence of witnesses.
Young Indians, increasingly, are not allowing themselves to be stopped by considerations of caste and creed.
However, even though they may choose their partners, the families may want to have some sort of ceremony and a
reception.
In these cases, the bride, groom and the elders of both families sit down with the priest and work out a ceremony
that everyone is comfortable with.
Very often, since two families are involved, there are special customs belonging to the individual families. Further,
relatives may come up with all kinds of demands. It is important, therefore, to sift through all the customs,
ceremonies and rituals and plan something which everyone agrees to. Most importantly, it has to have meaning for
the bride and groom.

158

If we share with caring, lightheartedness, and love, we will create abundance
and joy for each other. And then this moment will have been worthwhile.

Deepak Chopra, Indian spiritual guru.

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