The Only Thing That Can Heal Your Emotional Wounds?
Have you been hurt before?
Have you ever been rejected by others? Ridiculed? Maligned? Gossiped about? Have you been cheated? Betrayed? Lied to? Stolen from? If your anser is yes! then I"m riting to the right person# $hat means you have emotional ounds! and my big message for you is that there"s only one thing that can heal your wounds. Let me start by tal%ing about something of great cosmological and eternal significance& My bloody ingron toenail# Sometimes called hangnail# Let me translate that in 'ilipino& hangnail is kukong nagbigti. (nyay! ould you believe my ingron toenail lasted for to years? Because the nail %ept re)groing! puncturing my ound again and again# $he ound got infected and my entire toe as filled ith foul)smelling yello pus# *I apologi+e for grossing you out# I"m actually doing it on purpose and having fun#, $his is my claim to sainthood# If St# -rancis of (ssisi had his stigmata! I had my to)year old bloody ingron toenail# (fter to years! my mother scared me to death and said if the ound doesn"t get ell! they might have to cut off my toe# I loved my toe# So I visited a doctor# (nd he said he had to pull out half of my toenail# I fainted# I still remember that fateful day# $he anesthesia didn"t or% because of the pus# So I felt li%e San Loren+o Rui+ ho as tortured in the same ay# *'lease mention this tiny detail in my sainthood application#, Here"s ho the .oc did it# Step /& He pushed his scissors in beteen my nail and my toe! all the ay to the very end# $he pain as so horrific! I as ready to recant anything he told me to recant# 0ven my love for peanut butter# Step 1& He cut my entire toenail into to# 2Snap34 Step 5& He got his metal pliers and yan%ed out half of my toenail# Blood and pus spurt li%e a little fountain# But it or%ed# My ound as no free to heal itself# 6hat lasted for to years too% only a fe days to heal# 6hy am I telling you this gory story? $o tell you that your emotional ounds are just li%e physical ounds# Bitterness is li%e the ingron7it %eeps the original ound alive by puncturing it again and again# So your emotional ound doesn"t heal# (nd your soul gets infected# If you"re not careful! the emotional ound can gro until it amputates parts of you! sloly %illing you# I"ve met people li%e these# I pity them so much# $hey"re li%e the living dead# $hey are alive but they"re dead# Li%e Minette! for instance# Pressing The Rewind Button Again Minette"s husband left her three years ago# But hen you tal% to her! it as li%e it happened yesterday# (dultery is one of the deepest ounds a human heart can have# (fter entrusting your entire life to one person! that one person betrays that trust# But I believe even the emotional ound of adultery can be healed# I"ve met many ives hose husbands became unfaithful7and they ere able to move on by the poer of forgiveness# But Minette couldn"t forgive# Because everyday! she pressed the 2Reind4 button of the most hurtful scenes# $oday! Minette has cancer# It doesn"t ta%e a psychologist to connect the dots# Her bitterness as eating up her body as ell# But it doesn"t have to be this ay# I should %no# I Forgie For !el"ish Reasons I as se8ually molested tice! not by strangers on the street! but by an older cousin and by my on youth group leader# 6illiam Bla%e said! 2It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend#4 $hat"s so true# $hose traumatic events arped my thin%ing! opened my life to addictions! and gave me self)contempt that ould affect my entire life# I hated myself# I as ashamed of myself# 9h yes! my ounds ere deep# :et in my heart! I"ve forgiven them# $otally# I"ve released the bitterness in my soul# 6hy? Because of a very selfish reason# Remember& -orgiveness is first of all a gift you give yourself# I forgave because I anted peace# I anted to move on ith my life# I anted to get rid of the emotional baggage# I anted to be free# (nd today! I am3 Let me share ith you one more personal e8perience; When You Forgie# You Bless Your Future Many years ago! I started a tiny business ith a friend# I as the investor and he as the guy ho ran the sho# 9ne day! I sa him ith a ne cell phone# ( really cool! top)of)the)line thing that had everything you could thin% of7camera! video)cam! G'RS! missile guidance system! and an umbrella# 26o! that"s a great cell phone!4 I said# 2$his is a gift# Someone gave it to me!4 he said# $he ne8t time e meet! he brought a ne laptop# 2$hat"s really nice!4 I said# 29h! this is also a gift;!4 he said# ( fe months later! the business collapsed# (fter loo%ing at the records! I reali+ed I as the one ho gave them to him3 He as stealing from the business# ( year later! he came to me and as%ed for forgiveness# I forgave him even before he as%ed for forgiveness# Here"s the reason hy I forgave him# (gain! I did it for selfish reasons# I didn"t ant to aste any of my time and energy trying to get the money bac%# Instead! I anted to use all my time and energy to earn ten times what I lost. I used my frustration to create more ealth# I anted to focus on the future! not the past# I anted to focus on my dreams! not my ounds# Imagine if you lost one peso# (nd you have to options& Spend one hour loo%ing for that one peso or spend that same hour earning '/<< somehere else? ( bitter person ill choose the first option# =ra+y but true# $oday! let me report to you& I"ve earned many! many times hat I lost from that tiny business# $his is the poer of forgiveness# It heals your ound and blesses your future# $hat"s hy I believe forgiveness is one of God"s greatest inventions3 Let me tell you ho to forgive; !tage One$ %et Angry -orgiveness is not a one)stage process# It"s a to)stage process# Here they are; Stage 9ne& Get angry. Stage $o& Release the anger. $hat"s it# .on"t be shoc%ed! but anger is the first stage of forgiveness# :ou have to admit the hurt# :ou have to ac%noledge the pain# :ou have to say! 26hat he did to me as rong#4 Some people thin% forgiveness is pretending nothing bad happened# $hat"s not true# If you"re angry! feel the anger# But you must e8press your anger in a non)hurtful ay! ithout screaming or attac%ing# Bring your anger before God# Share your pain to a fe trusted friends# (s% for prayer# Go ahead! cry# 9ffer your tears to God# (nger heals because it"s about loving yourself7and love alays heals# (nger means you"re standing up for you# (s an abuse victim! I had to do this# (nger is needed to rebuild my bro%en personal boundaries# Ho long should you stay in Stage 9ne? >ot too long# Because anger has an e8piry date# How &ong Hae You Been Angry? Here"s the truth& Bitterness and anger is one and the same thing# But Bitterness is anger past its expiry date. Let me illustrate# I love spaghetti# Served hot! it"s onderful# But left on the %itchen counter for a hole day! it may still be good but be careful# (fter to days! you may get an upset stomach# (fter one ee%! there"ll be more germs than spaghetti# (t that point! the plate of spaghetti has become poison ?ust li%e anger# If anger stays too long in your heart! your anger no longer heals but %ills# 6hen anger turns into bitterness! it"s poison# $he Bible says! 2the sun must not go don in your anger#4 I believe it# 08cept perhaps for severe ounds *li%e abuse! adultery! betrayal! etc#,! I feel Stage 9ne should not last for more than a day# I"m tal%ing about the regular hurts e encounter everyday# Before nightfall! move onto Stage to# But deeper ounds may need ee%s or even months of anger and grief# -or deeper ounds! I believe there"s no clear divide beteen Stage 9ne and $o# $here"ll be an overlap# But your movement must be toards Stage $o# Because that"s here the real magic happens# !tage Two$ Release Anger
In Stage $o! you decide to forgive# @ey ord& .ecide# It"s not about feeling! but about willing# $he feelings of anger can linger *that"s normal, but the decision has already been made in your heart# Remember! Love is a decision! not just a feeling# If forgiveness is love! then forgiveness is a decision too# But here"s a very important footnote& Forgieness isn't ne(essarily )ringing )a(* the relationshi+ to where it was )e"ore, If you caught your boyfriend cheating on you! hat should you do? -orgive him3 But that doesn"t mean you have to get bac% ith him again# $hat"s all up to you# Let"s say you caught your boyfriend cheating on you tice# 6hat should you do? (gain! you have to forgive him# >o! do you get bac% into his arms? If you"re a psychotic ith sadomasochistic tendencies! go ahead# :our desires ill be granted# Forgieness is also not o+ening u+ yoursel" to more hurt, -or e8ample! if your alcoholic husband beat you up! you still need to forgive himA But do you bac% into the house? >o ay# :ou run aay and never see him until he gets counselling and stops drin%ing for B months# Forgieness Heals The -Enemy. $he cousin ho molested me has long been dead# So forgiving him in my heart as enough# $he youth group leader ho se8ually abused me is still alive# (fter 5< years! I have yet to face him# :ou see! I reported his name to a Bishop! as%ing that he be barred from doing any religious or% until he gets help for his perversion# I had to protect other young boys ho may be or%ing ith him# He has yet to come to me to as% for forgiveness# But even if he does not! I"ve forgiven him7and sent that 2spiritually4 to him# $he guy ho stole money? (s I said! he as%ed for forgiveness! and I as able to say to him! 2I forgive you#4 6hen you forgive someone! you also offer healing to that person# 6hether he accepts it or not is not your concern# (nd by some magic! you don"t only heal yourself and the other person# :ou also heal all your loved ones# Forgieness Heals Eeryone In Your &i"e
Imagine a room of ten people# (nd one person there stepped on poop# *Sorry! my article is really gross today7about ingrons and poop# But bitterness is gross#, Sloly! everyone in the room smells the aful stench# 9nly one person has the poop! but everyone is affected by it# Bitterness is li%e that# It ounds everyone# :our family# :our friends# Bitterness is an evil spirit and people feel it# $hey smell the poison# $hey sense it# $hey ant to run aay# Sometimes! hen I enter a home filled ith conflicts! I feel the collective ound of the family# :ou cannot breathe# But hen a person forgives! he"s li%e opening a indo in a smelly room because one person stepped on poop# -resh air comes in# If bitterness ounds everyone! forgiveness heals everyone too# My last story is a story that I created! adapted from other sources# Be blessed as you read it# The !on Who Hated His Father 2Hi ?ohn!4 the priest greeted his favorite nephe# 2-r# =hris!4 the young man said! his voice betraying his troubled soul# $he cleric felt so much pity for the teen# 2I heard you"re having problems ith your father#4 ( fron formed on ?ohn"s face# 2:ou %no him# He"s your brother# :ou %no he"s impossible to deal ith# He"s so selfish# He"s so cruel;4 He fought bac% his tears# 2$ell you hat! son!4 the priest tried to sound encouraging! 2let"s pray for him#4 He stood up and pinned the photo of the boy"s father on the all# 26hat"s that?4 ?ohn as%ed# $he sight of his father"s face stung him# He clenched his fists# $he priest said! 2It"s just a ay to help us pray for him# It"ll be our visual connection to your father#4 2But I don"t ant to pray for him34 the young man shouted# (t that moment! the phone rang# 208cuse me! son!4 -r# =hris said! 2let me anser this call and I"ll get bac% to you right aay#4 He left the room# ?ohn found himself alone! staring at the photo of a man he despised ith his entire being# Seething ith rage! he sa a %nife on the %itchen counter# 9n impulse! he grabbed it and ran bac% to the photo of his father# 2I hate you34 he screamed! and stabbed the photo many! many times# $hat as hen -r# =hris ran bac%# 29h my God;!4 $he priest said! as he could only loo% in horror# His energy spent! ?ohn thrust the %nife into the photo one last time# He too% one step bac%ard! panting# 2?ohn! I had other photos there!4 -r# =hris said# 26hat?4 $he young man loo%ed at the priest# -r# =hris al%ed to the all and removed the damaged photo# ?ohn couldn"t believe his eyes# Because underneath it as ?ohn"s photo# (lso torn# $he priest e8plained# 2(fter praying for your father! I anted to pray for you! ?ohn#4 $he young man loo%ed at his damaged photo# His face as torn! punctured by the same stabbing he himself made# $ears rolled don his chee%s# But even as his vision blurred! ?ohn noticed that there as something else behind his torn photo# He pulled it off the all# Cnderneath his photo as the picture of ?esus! His face! also torn! also ounded# (nd ?ohn collapsed on his %nees! and ept for a long time# 7 < 7
$his is the ultimate reason hy e forgive& Because even if e sin against God! He still forgives us# 6e don"t deserve His love! but He loves us anyay# Heal yourself! my friend# -orgive anyone ho has ronged you#