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Hi
Kids!
This
is
God
speaking.
Today
I
am
going
to
tell
you
a
story
about
a
Christian
named
Billy.
Like
a
good
Christian
he
always
took
the
time
to
help
those
in
need...
...and
every
Sunday
he
went
to
church
to
pray.
He spent his evenings studying the infallible Word of God...
...
and
thought
he
had
learned
right
from
wrong.
He was sure he would never give in to Satan’s temptations.
He
proclaimed
his
love
for
Me
to
anyone
who
would
listen...
...but
if
Billy
really
loved
Me,
he
would
not
have
sinned
against
Me
by
eating
lobster.
Whatsoever hath no fins nor scales in the
waters, that shall be an abomination unto
you.
KJV – Leviticus 11:12
He
would
have
known
that
I
hate
lobsters
just
as
much
as
I
hate
gays.
Thou shalt not lie with mankind as with Whatsoever hath no
womankind: it is abomination. fins nor scales in the
KJV - Leviticus 18:22 waters, that shall be an
abomination unto you.
KJV
Leviticus 11:12
=
=
And
if
Billy
had
really
loved
My
Word,
he
would
have
stoned
his
neighbor
when
he
found
out
he
was
a
homosexual.
If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth
with a woman, both of them have committed
an abomination: they shall surely be put to
death; their blood shall be upon them.
KJV-Leviticus 20:13
Since
Billy
was
too
weak
to
follow
My
law,
I
had
to
use
a
drunk
driver
to
take
care
of
the
“situation”.
Then the LORD rained upon Sodom and
upon Gomorrah brimstone and fire from
the LORD out of heaven.
NKJV - Genesis 19:24
In
his
unrepentant
state,
Billy
let
his
wife
teach
a
Sunday
school
class.
The
World
might
say
this
is
OK,
but
I
do
not.
34
Let your women keep silent in the churches, for they are
not permitted to speak; but they are to be submissive, as the
law also says. 35
And if they want to learn something, let
them ask their own husbands at home; for it is shameful for
women to speak in church.
NKJV- 1 Corinthians 14:34-35
Billy
showed
his
contempt
for
Me
when
he
divorced
his
wife
just
because
she
had
a
nervous
breakdown
and
bludgeoned
him
with
a
weed
whacker.
16
For the LORD God of Israel says
The
Bible
is
very
clear
that
cheating
is
the
ONLY
acceptable
reason
for
divorce.
Every
night
he
spends
with
his
new
wife
is
a
sin.
9
I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for
marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman
commits adultery."
NIV - Mathew 19:9
(The
Bible
says
it
and
that
settles
it.)
Billy
forgot
that
the
Flames
of
Hell
are
Eternal.
Just
like
his
Marriage
was
supposed
to
be.
...He shall be tormented with fire and
brimstone in the presence of the holy angels
11
and in the presence of the Lamb. And the
smoke of their torment ascends forever and
ever; and they have no rest day or night...”
It
turned
out
Billy
was
nothing
more
than
a
Cafeteria
Christian
who
took
a
pick‐and‐choose
attitude
toward
My
Word.
17
And it is easier for heaven and earth to pass
away than for one tittle of the law to fail.
NKJV - Luke 16:17
He
was
a
hypocrite
who
spent
his
time
bewailing
the
sins
of
others,
instead
of
his
own.
5
You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then
you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.
NIV – Mathew 7:5
Parting verses
"Listen and understand. 11What goes into a man's mouth does not make him 'unclean,' but what comes out
you know that the Pharisees were offended when they heard this?" 3He replied,
"Every plant that my heavenly Father has not planted will be pulled up by the roots. 14Leave them; they
15
are blind guides. If a blind man leads a blind man, both will fall into a pit." Peter said, "Explain the
parable to us." 16"Are you still so dull?" Jesus asked them. 17"Don't you see that whatever enters
the mouth goes into the stomach and then out of the body? 18But the things that come out of the
mouth come from the heart, and these make a man 'unclean.'
God: Harold
Neighbor: Anonymous
Phillip Humphreys for his consistent willingness to go way over the line
in the pursuit of the absurd.
And everyone else who took time out of their day to be a part of my book!
Thanks!
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