Religious Adolescents, Perfectionism and Self-Esteem

Cultivating a healthy well-balanced faith in youth

Abdul H. Saad



Adolescence is a time of mixed emotions and rapid change. Narrowly defined,
adolescence begins somewhere around age twelve through to age nineteen. It is a time
of accelerated biological, psychological, emotional and spiritual change. It is within
this period of rapid change that youth acquire their unique identity and develop their
worldview. Adolescence is also a period of spiritual development. With the massive
changes to the developing brain, increased ability for abstract thought and awareness
of social responsibilities and roles, religious faith and practice begins to play a more
important role in the devout youth. Cultivating a healthy and balanced faith, one that
gives meaning as well as comfort, and guides proper moral conduct, is a gradual
process. Such a process needs the right environment and supports. There are many
potential setbacks to the development of a strong and balanced faith in youth. Such
setbacks are often seen in those youth whose religious faith takes on a rigid and
perfectionistic style; a faith which although outwardly is practiced, inwardly provides
little comfort or inner-direction.

Religious faith allows a human to live up to his or her true potential, as a being
created by God to fulfil a purpose on Earth and enter into the eternal felicity which
comes from knowing God. As such, faith gives life meaning and beauty. It is both an
inner and outer adornment which gives a believer certitude, inner tranquillity and
grace in his or her social relationships. For some youth, the process of faith
development can be interrupted, succumbing to a form of developmental arrest. For
these youth, religious faith is associated with excessive anxiety and fear, rigidity in
thought and perfectionism in religious practice. At times, faith itself becomes so
difficult that its inner dimension is lost and some may even abandon religious practice
all together.

Perfectionism in religious matters is often a key sign that the process of faith
development has become interrupted or arrested. An example of such perfectionism is
extremely unreasonable standards for levels of concentration during prayer, leading
the adolescent to harshly judge his or herself for temporarily losing their
concentration during prayer. This then leads to a cycle of further doubting and
anxiety, prayers are repeated excessively and in some cases, prayer is abandoned
altogether because the youth cannot live up to the standard they have set for
themselves. Convinced that God could not accept their prayer, they abandon it
altogether. Such perfectionism often manifests itself as an anxiety disorder, involving
obsessional levels of doubting and compulsive repetition of religious practices until
the youth is satisfied they have done it right. In such an example, the youths own
internal unreasonable standards are imposed upon faith, leading faith to lose its beauty
and ability to provide tranquillity.

Another indicator of interrupted faith development is excessive rigidity in matters
pertaining to salvation. It is both healthy and normal for a religious person to have a
strong affiliation with his or her school of thought, for if this were not the case, why
would they be following it? However, at times, there can be seen an overly punitive
attitude toward anyone outside the youths school of thought or religion (or, those
within their own school of thought who do not agree with them on all religious
matters). The world becomes black and white, and the youth is convinced that they,
above all others, have access to the truth. We witness in these times highly
emotionally laden rhetoric between those who purport to follow Ahlul Bayt (a.s.). A
rhetoric which at times goes so far as to deny others the opportunity for salvation
because of theological and jurisprudential disagreement. Such attitudes and rhetoric
ultimately reflect the underlying lack of self-esteem in those who make such charges
against their fellow believers. It is in these very instances that faith becomes hijacked
as a means to deal with inner conflicts relating to low self-esteem and feelings of
inferiority. By viewing the other as inferior and belonging to the wrong group, self-
esteem is enhanced in those youth (who believe they belong to the right group)
struggling to overcome their own negative self-view.

In addition to perfectionism and rigidity, another disturbing element of disrupted faith
development is grandiosity, which is related to perfectionism and rigidity. Grandiosity
occurs when a person develops a view of themselves as beyond reproach in religious
affairs, as having gained the peak of wisdom and as not needing spiritual direction
from others. Fellow believers may be viewed with disdain and the youth becomes
self-assured due to their adherence to the religion in terms of practice and avoiding
sins. The danger in this instance is over-confidence and feelings of moral superiority
over others lead to a loss in the ability to introspect and self-correct. It is in contrast
with such an individual that the individual whose moral conduct falls short of the
Sharia, but who is acutely aware of his deficiencies and seeks forgiveness, can be
much more God conscious in those moments of self analysis and desire to overcome
evil. Such grandiosity is dangerous for it masks the underlying vulnerable feelings of
defectiveness, guilt and shame, which if not dealt with, will likely lead to sin in the
longer term. For it is those who view themselves as morally superior who are most
prone to fall. Their feelings of superiority deceive and lull them into a false
confidence, making them vulnerable to immense psychological pain when the veneer
of moral superiority is shattered.

The ultimate consequence of these harmful influences upon faith is ultimately the loss
of faith, in some way or another. For most, the consequence is not as severe but can
include a reduced vitality in their faith and unstable level of faith commitment
depending on the youths emotional state. A youth can become so rigid, isolating,
perfectionist and grandiose, that his or her faith loses its ability to uplift him or her
spiritually. In their heart of hearts, such individuals suffer immensely and the
suffering is largely private. Inwardly they are deeply aware of the disconnect between
the inner and outer manifestations of their faith. As such, they become vulnerable to
depression, anxiety and, in some cases suicidal thoughts.

So what can be done to ensure that the youth develop a faith that is rewarding, self-
reinforcing and leads to life free of excessive and irrational anxiety, guilt and feelings
of over-burden? At this point it is very important to note the following: it is normal
during adolescence for there to be features of perfectionism, rigidity and grandiosity
in matter of faith. What is not normal, however, is for these features to persist and
dominate the youths religious outlook, well into adulthood, to a level where the inner
dimension of faith becomes full of angst and psychic conflict.

The foundation of faith development begins in the home. If a youth is to be shielded
from developing a faith which is merely ritualistic and obsessive, and serves to protect
him or her from inner feelings of shame, then parents need to be less critical.
Excessive parental criticism, in whatever form, is poison to a youths spiritual
development. Love of a child based on their academic performance or religious
observance leads the youth to the self view that their worthiness only comes from
doing certain behaviours. This in turn leads to increased feelings of inferiority, putting
the youth in danger of using faith and religious practices to restore their self-esteem.
Faith becomes a way to deal with underlying self-esteem issues, rather than a free
expression of ones innate nature, which is to worship God. In certain youth, such a
home environment can eventually lead to the total loss of faith and even militant
forms of non-faith.

The other role desperately needed comes from our scholars and religious lecturers. It
is important for the religious leaders of the community to have knowledge of the
psychological dimension of faith development. Part of the religious leaderships role
is to help youth develop beyond this early stage of faith development toward a
generous, dynamic and fuller faith. There needs to be an awareness of the need for
each youths spiritual psychology to be taken into account in matters of religious
instruction and education. A youth with low self-esteem and critical parents is much
more vulnerable to teachings that stress the need to conform, Gods punishment and
displeasure and the inferiority of all those outside of ones school of thought. For such
teachings play into the youths insecurities and often lead to rigid and obsessional
perfectionism and ultimately the loss of true faith. There is a need to develop a much
more integrated view of the Creator Gods infinite compassion and mercy must be
emphasised, as must the Divine plan for multiplicity of languages, races and creeds.
There is also a desperate need for scholars and lecturers to meet the needs of those
youth with spiritual temperaments that are attuned to the mystical and metaphysical
dimensions of faith. For these youth, too, are at risk of religious disengagement if
mosques and centres cannot transcend the purely theological and legal dimension of
faith.

The good news is, for most youth, such a period of perfectionism and rigidity is left
behind once they enter into their twenties. The danger is, for a substantial proportion,
proper spiritual development is not attained and faith is arrested at the more
narcissistic youth level. These are at times the very youth, who with good intentions,
go on to further religious studies and occupy leadership positions within religious
establishments, further damaging the next generation of youth and further alienating
those who have successfully transitioned to a more uplifting and mature level of faith.

And God knows best.

Abdul H. Saad is a Clinical Psychologist in Sydney, Australia.