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Life Style - All Or Nothing
Bangaloreans are known all over India and the
world for their happy-go-lucky attitude and fun-
loving personality. Whether we're busy on
nature walks, eating out at cool restaurants,
checking out the latest movies, guzzling down
beers at pubs, shaking a leg at the nightclub or
busy building our bodies you can be sure that
we're putting our heart and soul into it. t work
or at play we give our best and it's either all or
nothing, no in-betweens. We bang away with
passion and don't give up until we get the
desired result. !othing but the best for us
Bangaloreans.
"f course, we also realize that with fun comes
responsibility and we do our best to be well
informed citizens and netizens, trying to make a
difference to the lives of people and animals who
are not as privileged and fortunate as we are
and to the environment. #hat's why there are
organizations like the $ed %ross, &' (&eople 'or
nimals), shraya "rphanage and others who
specialize in making a difference. fter all, we
Bangaloreans are deep individuals who
understand that as human beings we owe
responsibility to this planet to make it a better
place to live in. We were lent this earth by our
children, we didn't inherit it from our
forefathers. Bangaloreans are committed to
improving the lives of the generations to come.
TV Facts
Did you know that
Most 2- to 5-year-olds watch ! an average o" 3# hours each wee$% or more than & hours each
day.
Prime time ! has an average o" ' violent acts every hour( children)s programming has an average
o" 2' violent acts every hour.
he average *merican child witnesses &5 acts o" violence on ! each day.
+hildren watching ! may see 5,%,,, ! commercials each year.
he average *merican "amily has the ! on "or '.2 hours every day.
-orty-"ive percent o" *merican homes watch news during dinner.
he average news item runs no longer than &5 seconds.
.nly #, percent o" children)s viewing time is spent watching children)s television( the other /,
percent is spent watching programs designed "or adults.
TV violence
0undreds o" research studies show that ! violence has serious e""ects on children and adolescents.
+hildren may
develop strong emotional "ears(
become less sensitive to the pain and su""ering o" others(
become 1immune1 to the horror o" violence(
gradually accept violence as a way to solve problems(
imitate the violence they observe on television( or
identi"y with certain characters% victims and/or victimi2ers.
Parents can limit the negative effects of TV violence
3e"use to let children see shows $nown to be violent.
3e"use to buy violent videos.
+hange the channel or turn o"" the ! when something o""ensive or violent comes on.
!erbally show disapproval o" violent episodes.
4mphasi2e the belie" that violent behavior is not the best way to solve a problem.
+ontact parents o" your children)s "riends and agree to en"orce similar rules about the length o"
time and type o" program or video the children may watch.
+ontact ! stations and ma5or advertisers and e6press concern about violent programming.
Take control of the remote!
Most ! remote controls now have a parental control option that allows parents to program in only the !
stations that they approve o". his is especially important "or "amilies who use cable !. 7n some
communities the local cable station also can install a devise that will bloc$ unwanted programming at little
or no charge.
Who is watching?
8se your child)s age and development to guide you in choosing ! programs.
7n"ants and toddlers are interested in the bright% color"ul% moving ob5ects that are on !. hey also en5oy
the music and may 1dance1 to a "avorite commercial 5ingle. +ommercials generally hold their attention
well% but during most programs you will "ind them crawling or toddling o"" to another activity.
Preschoolers have longer attention spans and are able to watch short programs. 0owever% they o"ten are not
able to understand the whole story o" a program. hey can remember only small pieces o" what they see
and o"ten cannot tie everything together. Much o" this is because they do not yet have a good understanding
o" cause and e""ect. Preschoolers who watch adult ! shows 9even good "amily programs: o"ten get
con"used. hey may see someone singing and then a "ew seconds later see someone sic$ in bed and
conclude that singing ma$es people sic$. Preschoolers also may become "rightened by something as simple
as a man)s "ace in a cereal bo6 or a tal$ing shoe.
;chool-age children understand much more than preschoolers( however% they o"ten misinterpret what they
see. ;chool-agers can distinguish between reality and "antasy portrayed by live actors versus cartoons% but
may have di""iculty interpreting more subtle messages. -or e6ample% they may wholeheartedly believe that
a certain brand o" shampoo will truly ma$e their hair shine li$e the commercial model)s hair% or that <rand
= o" soda pop will ma$e their li"e more e6citing. ! violence also has a real impact on school-agers. Many
children will develop strong "ears o" being attac$ed% $illed% or $idnapped. 7mages o" war or domestic
violence on the evening news can be 5ust as "rightening as a "ictional show during prime time.
0ow do you $now i" children need reassurance> .bserve their e6pression while they watch !. Loo$ "or
signals o" "ear% admiration% e6citement% or anger. *lso be prepared to answer ?uestions about se6% domestic
violence% abortion% and other topics that may worry children.
TV should be a choice, not a habit
-or ! to be an e""ective tool% it should be a choice% not a habit@ +hoose "rom the ! schedule each wee$.
46plain to your child the three $inds o" ! programs-the $ind they can watch alone% the $ind they watch
with parents or parental supervision% and the $ind that is absolutely o"" limits. Prevent arguments by letting
each child choose one or two programs at appropriate times% and mar$ their choices with di""erent colored
mar$ers. *lso% help your child avoid the ! 1glut rut1 by encouraging them to watch a variety o" shows:
comedies% sports% nature "ilms% documentaries% and news. 4ven the news may need adult interpretation as
real li"e can be as "rightening as ma$e-believe.
Put TV in its lace
Aeep ! sets in "amily areas "or "amily viewing. * ! in a child)s room is not as easily monitored and may
be given more importance than homewor$% reading% and physical e6ercise. * ! in the $itchen or dining
room is sure death "or "amily communication. 7" you want to stay in touch with your $ids put the ! in
another room.
Talk back to the TV
a$e some time to watch ! with your $ids. Loo$ "or e6amples o" how people treat each other. <e
sensitive to e6amples o" cultural diversity% spiritual values% and political behavior. al$ bac$ to the !.
+hallenge ideas and statements made. ."ten% a "ew well-timed comments about your "amily belie"s or
values can be more e""ective than a month o" lectures. *lso% tal$ about the di""erence between real li"e and
ma$e-believe. <e sure to point out that in real li"e% solving problems generally ta$es much longer than 3,
minutes and can be done in a peace"ul manner. Bhen watching commercials% challenge the $ids to "igure
out what gimmic$s and techni?ues advertisers use to sell their products.
What about music videos and talk shows?
Many children now have opportunities to view music and roc$ videos on !. *"ter-school viewing o" !
tal$ shows is also a growing concern o" many parents. he "ollowing themes are trouble-some "or children:
*dvocating and glamori2ing abuse o" drugs and alcohol
Pictures and e6plicit lyrics presenting suicide as an 1alternative1 or 1solution1
Craphic violence
Preoccupation with the occult: songs about satanism and human sacri"ice% and the apparent
enactment o" these rituals in concerts
;e6 that "ocuses on controlling sadism% masochism% incest% devaluing women% and violence toward
women
he *merican *cademy o" +hild and *dolescent Psychiatry has e6pressed serious concern over the e""ects
o" this material on children and suggests that parents care"ully monitor their children)s viewing. * good
general rule is 1when in doubt% pull the plug out@1
Teach children to be TV critics
.ne o" the most help"ul things you can do as a parent is to teach children to ?uestion and thin$ about what
they watch. 4ach time you watch ! with your children ma$e at least one critical viewing comment. ;oon
your children will catch on and may start ma$ing a "ew comments o" their own. -or e6ample:
#. 17 wonder i" they could have solved the problem without using a gun.1
2. 17" the cereal tastes so good and is so good "or you% why do they have to put a toy in it to get you to buy
it>1
3. 1;he)s pretty% but 7 wonder what she really loo$s li$e when she wa$es up in the morning> 7 bet she
doesn)t wear ma$eup to bed.1
&. 1Bhat would happen to that guy i" he crashed all those cars in real li"e>1
Dhttp://www.nncc.org/Parent/ga.tv.htmlE
*nger is a "eeling that all children e6perience. *n in"ant)s hungry cry% a toddler)s temper tantrum% a
preschooler)s angry push% a school-ager)s hurt"ul taunt% or a teenager)s hostility are all vivid reminders that
anger is no stranger to childhood. *nger is part o" li"e. ;ometimes li"e hurts. ;ometimes li"e is not "air. *ll
children will e6perience anger in one way or another. *nd all children will learn how to cope with their
anger-sometimes in a way that is 1help"ul1 and sometimes in a way that is 1hurt"ul.1
Why is it imortant to teach children about anger?
*nger is an inevitable part o" li"e% but some ways are better than others "or dealing with it. Be live in an
increasingly turbulent world. ;ome children live in violent "amilies or communities% others see violence
graphically depicted on !. 7t may be hard to believe% but the average child in the 8.;. witnesses &5 acts o"
violence on ! each day. *dded to ! violence are tal$ shows and music videos that advocate and
glamori2e drug and alcohol abuse. Pictures and e6plicit lyrics o" many musical groups present suicide as an
1alternative1 or 1solution.1
*ll o" these in"luences can have a power"ul e""ect on how children relate to their world and solve problems.
7n today)s world% learning to cope with anger and "rustration in a positive way may be one o" the most
important tools your child ever learns.
What we hoe children learn!
o e6press anger nonviolently: 7t is .A to "eel angry% but it is not .A to hurt someone because we
are angry.
o recogni2e angry "eelings in themselves and others.
o learn how to control angry impulses.
o learn sel"-calming techni?ues.
o communicate angry "eelings in a positive way.
o learn how to problem solve.
o learn how to remove themselves "rom a violent or angry situation.
o learn how to avoid being a victim o" someone else)s angry actions.
Taking charge of angry feelings
Learning how to 1ta$e charge1 o" angry "eelings is an e6tremely important li"elong s$ill. +aring adults can
help children learn how to handle anger in ways that are e""ective and help"ul.
1a$ing charge1 o" angry "eelings means developing a bag o" 1tric$s1 or coping s$ills that can be used "or
di""erent situations. Fi""erent things wor$ "or di""erent children. Parents can help children cope with anger
by teaching them to
rela6%
communicate%
problem solve%
change their environment% and
loo$ "or humor
"earn to rela#
*nger elicits a very physical response "rom most children. Muscles tense% hearts pound% and stomach aches
may develop. +hildren can be taught to recogni2e these physical reactions and can learn how to rela6. .ne
o" the best ways to cope with a harm"ul physical response to anger is by doing something else physical.
0elp children calm their anger by using the "ive senses: touching% smelling% tasting% hearing% and seeing.
;?uee2ing play dough% splashing in water% running around outside% listening to music% painting a picture%
tensing and rela6ing muscles% ta$ing slow deep breaths% or eating a healthy snac$ are all good responses to
angry "eelings.
+hildren who respond well to touch can be taught how to massage their own nec$ or arms as a sel"-calming
techni?ue. hese same children also may "ind a great deal o" com"ort in stro$ing or caring "or a pet.
$ou might say
G 1Maybe it would help to draw a picture about how you "eel.1
G 1* warm bath sometimes helps to wash away angry "eelings.1
G 1Bhen you "eel hungry and irritable% tell me you need a snac$.1
G 1;it down and ta$e slow% deep breaths until you thin$ you have calmed down.1
"earn to communicate
+hildren can be taught to e6press or communicate their "eelings in a variety o" ways. -or some children this
may mean tal$ing things over with a "riend or caring adult. * stu""ed animal or "amily pet also can be a
good listener.
+hildren can o"ten e6plode in anger% yet not be able to tell you what their anger is all about. his may be
because their abilities to reason and thin$ through things logically are o"ten not well developed yet.
each children to identi"y their angry "eelings by using the "ollowing statement: 7 "eel HHHHHHH when
HHHHHHHHH because HHHHHH. -or e6ample% 17 "eel angry when Martha calls me names because it
embarrasses me.1
he idea here is to help children reali2e that there are always hidden "eelings and actions beneath angry
emotions. 7n the e6ample above% being embarrassed and humiliated prompted angry "eelings. Learning to
recogni2e the hidden emotions behind anger is an important "irst step in learning how to resolve anger.
;ome children may also "ind it di""icult to use words to get what they need. Learning to say please and
than$ you are big steps "or some children. .ther children have even greater di""iculty as$ing "or help or
as$ing other children i" they want to play. ;till others need to learn how to be assertive when another child
1bullies1 them.
*dults can help by teaching children the words they need to say and coaching them as they learn to interact
with others.
$ou might say
G 1*s$ i" you need help.1
G 1;ay to ;ara% )May 7 please play with you>)1
G 1ell Martha% )7 won)t play with you i" you call me names.)1
G 1;ay to Ion% )7 am playing with the pu22le now% you may have it a"ter lunch.)1
G 1ell someone how you "eel be"ore you lose control.1
"earn to solve roblems
.lder preschool and school-age children can be taught to problem solve as a 1prevention1 tool "or getting
angry. *dults can coach children through the problem solving steps:
9#: stop the action% especially i" someone is about to get hurt%
92: listen to each other with your eyes and ears%
93: name the problem%
9&: thin$ o" di""erent ways to solve the problem%
95: choose a win-win plan that meets everyone)s needs%
9': carry out the plan% and
9J: evaluate how well the plan wor$ed.
Most young children will need adult help in thin$ing through this process. *nd it does ta$e time. he
advantage% however% is that a"ter doing this process over and over% young children soon will become "airly
good at identi"ying a problem and coming up with di""erent options "or solving the problem on their own. *
child that has lots o" practice in thin$ing o" di""erent ways to solve a problem is much more li$ely to solve a
con"lict in a positive way.
$ou might say
#.1;top. 7 see two $ids getting very angry. Let)s see i" we can solve this problem.1
2. 1Let)s listen to each other. Bhat seems to be happening here>1
3. 1;o Iason and +arey both want to play with the pu22le.1
&. 10mm. Bhat solutions could we come up with>1
;olution #: Kou could set a time and ta$e turns.
;olution 2: Iason could play with it until dinner. +arey could play with it a"ter
dinner.
;olution 3: Kou could play with it together.
;olution &: Be could toss a coin to see who gets to play "irst.
;olution 5: Be could put the pu22le in the closet and no one could play.
;olution ': Be could get out another pu22le.
5. 1Bhat sounds li$e a good solution>1
'. 1.A% let)s get out another pu22le.1
J. 17)ll chec$ bac$ in a "ew minutes to see how you are getting along.1
"earn to change your environment
+hildren can be taught to change their environment. ;ometimes in an angry situation it is best to wal$ away
until everyone can cool o"". 4ncourage children to remove themselves "rom the situation i" their strong
"eelings are getting out o" control. 0elp them identi"y special 1cooling o""1 places where they can be sa"e
and regain control.
*dults also can help to structure the overall environment so that it promotes good behaviors. +lean% orderly
rooms and regular routines go a long way in creating a peace"ul atmosphere. +haotic schedules and
cluttered environments o"ten leave children "eeling con"used and "rustrated.
$ou might say
G 1Bhen things don)t "eel right% it is .A to wal$ away.1
G 1a$e a brea$. +ool down Ia$e@1
G 1Bal$ away when you)re angry% come bac$ with a smile.1
G 1Bhen things seem wild and cra2y it helps to slow down and do something ?uiet.1
G 17t is very upsetting to "ind bro$en toys all over the "loor. Let)s prevent angry "eelings by pic$ing things up
and putting them where they belong.1
"ook for humor
0umor is a great antidote "or anger. Bhenever possible% help children to see the humor in a tense situation.
3esponding to an angry outburst in a calm way with a gentle smile will o"ten help di""use the anger.
Learning to laugh or 5o$e about your own anger helps children put things in perspective.
$ou might say
G 17)ll bet we will laugh about this later.1
G 1Kesterday% 7 was as angry as a wet cat@ <ut today 7 "eel 5ust pur-r-r"ect@1
G 1+an you see anything "unny about this> Maybe we could ma$e up a
"unny story about this situation.1
Teach children what to do
elling a child not to do something wor$s best when it is "ollowed by something they can do.
$%& '($ )%T!
<rea$ something
;cream at someone
<ite someone
<e mean to a pet
0urt yoursel"
hrow a temper tantrum
0it somebody
*&T $%& '($!
0ug a stu""ed animal
0ave a good cry
Fraw a picture
al$ things over
3ip up old newspapers
Bal$ away "rom the situation
Play with clay or water
<ounce a ball
a$e deep% slow breaths
*s$ "or help
Listen to music
Co someplace ?uiet to cool down
Parents get angry too!
." course% parents get angry. *nd remember it)s .A to get angry( 5ust be sure that your anger doesn)t ta$e
over. 8se the opportunity to show your children positive ways to deal with anger. eaching by e6ample is
an e6tremely important parenting tool.
7denti"y your own angry "eelings. +hildren ?uic$ly sense when you are angry. ;aying% 17)m mad% 7)m upset%
7)m "eeling really angry%1 teaches children how to tal$ about their own anger.
46plain why you are angry. 3emember that young children o"ten thin$ that they are somehow the cause o"
your anger. * statement li$e 17 am really angry that the car won)t start%1 helps children understand what is
really behind your anger.
Feal with anger in a positive way. ;aying to children% 17 am really angry about that bro$en 7 am going to
ta$e a "ew minutes to calm down on the "ront porch and then we will tal$ about what happened1 sets a good
e6ample.
+s it %, to fight in front of the kids?
Lo "amily is an oasis o" peace and harmony. *ll "amilies have disagreements and arguments "rom time to
time. Batching parents argue can sometimes be a little scary "or children% but seeing them resolve their
di""erences in positive ways can o""er tremendous stability and security.
+hildren should not be an audience "or physical violence or e6tremely hostile arguments between parents.
he impact o" witnessing this $ind o" anger can have "ar-reaching e""ects on children.
-hronic anger
;ometimes anger gets in the way o" normal everyday living. Bhen anger is e6tremely intense or is
happening too "re?uently% it may be time to get help. * divorce% an abusive e6perience% a 5ob loss% or a death
all can trigger e6treme anger. o ma$e matters worse% sometimes these same di""icult situations may
unearth past "eelings o" hurt and anger that were thought to be buried long ago.
.ngoing anger "eeds on itsel" and can be e6tremely destructive "or "amilies. 7" things get too out o" hand%
you may want to consider see$ing the guidance and support o" a counselor or "amily therapist.
D%-&'.)T &/.0-%P$1+23T
Lational Letwor$ "or +hild +are - LL++. Part o" +K-43L4% the Lational 46tension ;ervice +hildren
Kouth and -amily 4ducational 3esearch Letwor$. Permission is granted to reproduce these materials in
whole or in part "or educational purposes only9not "or pro"it beyond the cost o" reproduction: provided that
the author and Letwor$ receive ac$nowledgment and this notice is included:
1erinted with ermission from )ational )etwork for -hild -are 4))--5
%esterreich, "5 67889:5 2etting (long! When +;m (ngry
<Pm 79=>?5 (mes, +(! +owa /tate &niversity .#tension5
Dhttp://www.nncc.org/Parent/ga.angry.htmlE