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The Stony Brook Press - Volume 27, Issue 5
The Stony Brook Press - Volume 27, Issue 5
” No v e m b e r 1 0 , 2 0 0 5
F e r d e r e r J r . , D e n n i s J . , P r o c o p i o , M a r k J . , M a r t i n o , M i c h a e l D . , S m i t h , B e n j a m i n A . , T s u e , D a n i e l A . , E s p i r i t u , A l l a n M . , T e s s a r , J o n a t h a n , O n e t o - S i k o r s k i , R o b e r t C . , K a d i n g , M a t t h e w R . , L i e t o , W i l g e n e T . , J a c k , D e r e n c e W . , J o h n s o n , A d a m R . “ A . J . ” , M a r t in , D a v i d J . , B y l e r , W i l l i a m J . , H o d s h i r e , M i c h a e l P a u l , D a m e r o n , J o e l P . , R o j a s ,
K e n n y D . , H i l l I I , R a y m o n d D . , G u y , S h a k e r T . , B a n a s z a k , D e b r a A . , J u t r a s , D i l l o n M . , L i g h t n e r J r . , D a n i e l R . , E c k f i e l d J r . , R ob e r t F . , K r e m m , J a r e d J . , M a c k i n n o n , M i c h a e l J . , W o o d , W i l l i a m W . , W i t k o w s k i , J a m e s , W a l l s m i t h , T h o m a s A . , G e n t r y , L e w i s J . , P ar k e r , E v a n S . , A c e v e d o a p o n t e , R a m o n A . , R o b e r t s o n , M i c h a e l T . , M o n r o e , C h r i s t o p h e r
T . , H o e f f n e r , B e n j a m i n D . , S p e a r s , J o n a t h a n R . , A l e x a n d e r J r . , G e o r g e T . , C o c k e r h a m I I I , B e n n y G r a y , B u t l e r , K e n n e t h J . , T h o m p s o n , C h r i s t o p h e r W . , D a v e y , S e a m u s M . , S w i s h e r , T y l e r B . , P u m m i l l , R i c h a r d T . , R u s s o l i , A n d r e w D . , S z w y d e k , S t e v e n W . , D o n e s , J ac o b D . , M e r c k , D e n n i s P . , M o r a J r . , A r t h u r A . , A n d e r s o n I I I , N o r m a n W . ,
F r e d e r i c k , K e n d a l l K . , R o s a r i o , J o s e E . , F o l k s J r . , T o m m y I k e , N a h v i , R u s s e l l H . , B a r t e l s , D a n i e l D . , F r a n t z , L u c a s A . , P o s t o n , C h r i s t o p h e r M . , P i l l e n , P a u l J . , H i l d e b r a n d t , C h a d R . , B u b b , D a n i e l S c o t t R . , A d a m s , M a r k P . , H a r d y , R i c h a r d A l l e n , B y r d , T h o ma s H . , W a t k i n s , T i m o t h y D . , C o r b a n , J e f f r e y W . , S u m m e r s , V i n c e n t E . , B o s w e l l , S a m u e l
M . , C o n n e r , B r i a n R . , C e o , B e r n a r d L . , T u c k e r , R o b e r t W . , B a b c o c k I V , H o w a r d E . , P o n c e R u i z , L o r e n z o , F u r m a n , D o n a l d D . , G r i j a lv a , J a m e s T . , H u n t J r . , K e n n e t h E . , K i m m e l l , M a t t h e w A . , J o h n s o n , L e o n M . , B o n i f a c i o J r . , J e r r y L . , S n e e d , B r a n d o n K . , H o d g e , Je r e m y M . , J a me s I I , L e o n G . , H a r p e r J r . , G a r y R . , E s c o b a r , S e r g i o H . , G r e e r ,
Nicholas J., Fifer, Eric A., Kenny, Patrick Brian, Frye, Jason L., McVicker, Daniel M., Cabino, Shayne M., Cherava, Nicholas O., Robinson, Jeremiah W., Raines II, Carl L., Bedard, Andrew D., Joplin, Brian K., Large, Bryan W., Stalvey, John R., Berry, Sean B . , V a n d e r b o s c h , J a c o b T . , P a n k e y J r . , L a r r y W a y n e , B a e z , R o b e r t o C . , R o a r k ,
T i m o th y J . , K y n o c h , J o s h u a J . , W e s t b r o o k , M a r s h a l l A . , S c h e l b e r t , J e n s E . , J a c o b s o n , E l i z a b e t h N i c o l e , A r n o l d , D a n i e l L . , S l e b od n i k , E r i c W . , W i e g a n d , L e e A . , P u g l i e s e , G e o r g e A . , B r o w n , O l i v e r J . , M o r i n J r . , S t e v e , B e n f o r d , J a s o n A . , T u l i a u , T u l s a T . , Ho w e , C a s e y E . , W e n d l i n g , M i c h a e l J . , W a l l a c e , A n d r e w P . , A l l e n , H o w a r d P . , O r t e g a ,
E l i j a h M . , G r a h a m , S h a w n A . , S c h e l l e , D a n i e l R . , D u n l a p , B r i a n E . , N e u b a u e r , P a u l C . , D e r r i c k , A n d r e w J o s e p h , J o n e s , K e v i n M . , M c L a u g h l i n , S c o t t P . , S o n o d a J r . , M i k e T . , A r n d t , T r a v i s M . , R a y m o n d , P i e r r e A . , A l l e r s I I I , W i l l i a m A l v i n , E g a n , M i c h a e l , M o r rison, Lawrence E., Dooley, Mark H., Evans, William L., Fernandez, William V.,
N e l o m , R e g i l i o E . , F o r d I V , D a v i d H . , D e c k a r d , M a t t h e w L . , G i f f o r d , A l a n N y e , S i l v a , A l f r e d o B . , S w a n b e r g , S h a n e C . , M a c r u m , R ob e r t D . , C a m p b e l l , J e r e m y M . , A r c a l a , K u r t i s D e a n K . , E v e r e t t , C h r i s t o p h e r L . , M a r t e n s , R o b e r t N . , J o n a u s , J u d e R . , V i l o r i o , F ranklin R., Bohling, Matthew Charles, Williams, Jeffrey A., Williams, Luke C.,
P a r s o n , L o n n i e J . , H o l l a r J r . , R o b e r t L e e , D r a u g h n J r . , G e o r g e R a y , A m e s , J a s o n E . , M i l l e r I I , L o w e l l T . , R u t h , M o n t a S . , F e s t e r , G r e g o r y J . , H a y , D e n n i s P . , R u b a d o , C h a r l e s R . , K o l a t h , O b e d i a h J . , M a r t i n e z , J o s e p h L . , S h e a , T i m o t h y M . , J e r a k , I v i c a , D i es i n g , T r e v o r J . , C h a p i n , C h r i s S . , D i a z , C a r l o s J . , H u n t , J o s e p h D a n i e l , L i e u r a n c e , V i c t o i r
P . , K a t h i r i a , H a t i m S . , R o m e r o , R a m o n , N u r r e , J o s e p h C . , C a t h e y , J a m e s J . , M o r r i s , B r i a n L e e , A r c a n d , E l d e n D . , P a r t r i d g e , W i l la r d T o d d , D o y l e , J e r e m y W . , B o u c h a r d , N a t h a n K . , S e a m a n s , T i m o t h y J . , F u h r m a n n I I , R a y M . , S t o k e l y , M i c h a e l J . , S t r i c k l a n d , T h om a s J . , D i n g l e r , J o s h u a P . , S a y l o r , P a u l A . , R u i z , J o s e L . , T a y l o r , S h a n n o n D . ,
H a w n I I , A s b ury F., Reese Jr., Gary L., Green, Toccara R., Derks, Brian K., Giaimo, David L., Bell, Rusty W., Herrera, Evenor C., Benson, Michael A., Carrasquillo, Miguel, Detample, Nathaniel E. “Nate”, Ostrom, Ryan S., Kulick, John, Pellegrini Jr., Genna r o , S t r a u b J r . , F r a n c i s J . , K a l l a d e e n , A n t h o n y N . , R i o s , H e r n a n d o , G o n z a l e s C o r d o v a ,
R a m o n E . , R e y n a , S e f e r i n o J . , C o m l e y , C h a s e J o h n s o n , J e f f c o a t , B r a h i m J . , K r o u t , K u r t E . , D e r e n d a , R o b e r t V . , B a l l J r . , T e r r y W . , W a l d e n , B r e t t E u g e n e , T h o m p s o n , N i l s G e o r g e , S i m o n , C h a d J . , R e e d , A a r o n H . , K r e u t e r , D a v i d K e n n e t h J . , D y e r , C h r i s t o p h e r J en k i n s , H o f f m a n , J u s t i n F . , H a r p e r , B r a d l e y J . , C i f u e n t e s , M i c h a e l J . , S c h r o e d e r
I I , E d w a r d A u g u s t , B e r n h o l t z , E r i c J . , W i g h t m a n , W i l l i a m B r e t t , B e l l J r . , T i m o t h y M i c h a e l , S t r a i n , A d a m J . , G a n e y J r . , J e r r y L ew i s , W a r r e n , C h a r l e s H o u g h t o n , G i b b s , M a t h e w V . , W a r u i n g e , K e v i n G . , F r a s e r , G r a n t B . , S t e w a r t , D a v i d S . , B l o e m , N i c h o l a s W i l l ia m B . , H u l l , T h o m a s C . , M c N a u g h t o n , J a m e s D . , M o n t g o m e r y , B r i a n P . , G r a h a m
I I I , J a m e s R . , B o s k o v i t c h , J e f f r e y A . , R o c k , N a t h a n i e l S . , D e y a r m i n J r . , D a n i e l N a t h a n , C a s t l e b e r r y J r . , R o g e r D . , C o u l l a r d , D a v i d J . , C a r r o l l , J a m e s D . , S w a n e y , R o b e r t A . , S c h e u e r m a n , J a s o n D . , J o n e s S r . , D a v i d R . , A n d e r s o n , V i c t o r A . , H a g g i n , J o n a t h o n C., Shelley Sr., Ronnie L. “Rod”, Guerra, Ernesto R . , L y o n s , C h r i s t o p h e r P . , W i l l i a m s ,
A n d r e L . , T o l l e f s o n , J o h n O . , J a n s k y , B e n j a m i n D . , M y e r s , E d w a r d L . , B u t l e r , A d r i a n J . , H a r t i n g , A d a m J . , M o n z o n J r . , M i l t o n M . , T a y l o r , C h r i s t o p h e r J . , V i l l a t o r o J r . , R a m o n A . , T h o m a s , J o hn F r a n k , K i n l o w , J a m e s O n d r a , F u l l e r , C a r l R a y , B r u n s o n , J a c q u e s E a r l “ G u s ” , D a l l a s J r . , E r n e s t W . , M o n t e f e r i n g , J a s o n W . , O p s k a r , B r y a n J a m e s ,
Y o u n g b l o o d , T r a v i s L . , G i l l , S t e v e n P . , M c G i l l , A r t h u r R . , F a r r o w , J e f f e r e y J . , J o h n s o n , L a v e n a L . , W i l l i a m s , R o n n i e D . , T i a i , F r a n k F . , S a n c h e z J r . , E f r a i n , W o o d , R o n a l d T . , P e n a - R o m e r o , J o r g e L u i s , C o o p e r , T r a v i s S . , H a r t l e y , J a r e d D . , H i n e s J r . , T i m o th y J . , M o u n c e , C l i f t o n B l a k e , J a m e s o n , T r i c i a L . , W i n c h e s t e r , C h r i s t o p h e r D . , Y a h u d a h ,
B e n y a h m i n B . , S u t t o n , T i m o t h y J . , K o v a c i c e k , R y a n J . , G o o d r i c h , J o s e p h P . , B r a d f i e l d J r . , H o b y F . , W o o d s , E r i c P a u l , C a r i a g a , D e y s o n K . , B r i g h t , S c o t t i e L . , M a z z a r e l l a , A n t h o n y M . , D i c k i s o n , C h r i s t o p h e r W . , C a m b r i d g e , L y l e J . , B r o w n , J e r e m y A . , M o n t g o m e ry , R y a n J . , M e r c e r , C h a d M . , C a r r i l l o J r . , R a f a e l A . “ T . J . ” , Ho r n e d o , M a n n y ,
H a l l J r . , R o b e r t E . , S h e p a r d , S t e v e n E . , C o u t u , M a t t h e w S . , M a r i o t t i , K e i t h R . , K a u f m a n , C h a r l e s A . , P i n e d a , C a r l o s , M u y , V e a s h n a , P o w e l l , C h a d W . , P h e l p s , C h r i s t o p h e r W . , T a c k e t t , J o s e p h M . , C l a r k , R e g i n a R . , C h a r e t t e , H o l l y A . , V a l d e z , R a m o n a M . , D u p l an t i e r I I , A r n o l d , V a u g h n , B r i a n A . , H o s k i n s , C h r i s t o p h e r L . , I d a l s k i , N i c h o l a s R . ,
S t e w a r t , J a m e s D . , K i l p a t r i c k , C h r i s t o p h e r R . , C r u m p l e r , A d a m J . , H a r r i s , N o a h , L o n g , W i l l i a m A . , M c N u l t y , M i c h a e l L . , H o r r i g a n , R o b e r t M . , H e l d t , E r i k R . , C o m e t a , A n t h o n y S . , M a l o n e y , J o h n W . , J a i m e , J e s s e , M a y n a r d , C h a d B . , B a e z , C e s a r O . , W h i t l e y , D i on M . , T r o v i l l i o n , T y l e r S . , F l o r e s , J o n a t h a n R . , C l e m o n s , N a t h a n B . , J o n e s ,
2000+
A n t h o n y G . , Klinger, Joshua P., Hayes, Michael Ray, Kuhns Jr., Larry R., Kinslow, Anthony D., Mattek Jr., John J., Byers, Casey , Prince, Neil A., Lapinski, Stanley J., Lee Sr., Terrance D., Arnold Sr., Larry R., Kilpela, Andrew J., Castillo, Mario Alberto , C h a v e z , D a n i e l , S q u i r e s , B r a d D . , S e y m o u r , D e v o n P a u l , K e e l i n g , T h o m a s O . , E d w a r d s ,
M a r k O . , M u r r a y , D a v i d J o s e p h , B i r c h , D u s t i n V . , F a s n a c h t , M i c h a e l J . , T u c k e r , M a r c L u c a s , K a s h m e r , D o u g l a s E . , A l l e n , L o u i s E ., E s p o s i t o , P h i l l i p T . , A r i z o l a J r . , R o b e r t o , C r o w e , Te r r e n c e K . , B u r r i , E r i c T . , R o m i n e s , B r i a n M . , S m i t h , J o n a t h a n L . , M i n i n ge r , R o b e r t T . , W e s t h u s i n g , T h e o d o r e S . , P o e l m a n , E r i c J . , U l b r i c h , B r i a n S c o t t “ S c o t t y ” ,
V a s q u e z , J u s t i n L . , F r e n c h , C a r r i e L . , M e n d o z a , A n t o n i o , V i l l a r , L i n d a J . , C a s e , V i r g i l R . , N i e d e r m e i e r , L o u i s E . , E d m u n d s o n , Ph i l l i p C . , R a m o s , M i g u e l A . , L a n g m a c k , S t e v e n M . , C r a t e , C a s e y , D o w n s , W i l l i a m , S t a r r , J e f f r e y B . , F r e s q u e s , J e r e m y , A r g e l , D e rek, Cortes III, Victor M., Smart, Albert E., Barnhill, Michael S., Sayles, Phillip N.,
L o u r e y , M a t t h e w S c o t t , S c o t t , J o s h u a M i c h a e l , M a i d a , M a r k A . , C r o c k e r , R i c a r d o A . , W i m b e r g , D a v i d N e i l , S i l e r , A l f r e d B a r t o n , H a h n , P e t e r J . , W a l l a c e , J e f f r e y R . , D r i e r , C h a r l e s A . “ C h u c k ” , C o l l i n s , R a n d y D . , F i s h e r , D u s t i n C . , V e r d u g o , R u s s e l l J . , B r a z ee , J o s h u a T . , B a r r o n , B r y a n E d w a r d , P a r k e r , S a b u r a n t “ S a b e ” , L u n s f o r d , A u d r e y
D a r o n , V a r n a d o , D a n i e l R y a n , P e r e z , C h r i s t o p h e r S . , M o r t o n , B e n j a m i n C . , W i l k e r s o n , C h a r l e s T . , C r e a m e a n , T y l e r L . , S c h a l l , K e n n e t h J . , O g b u r n I I I , J o h n B . , M o r g a i n , C a r l J . , S e e s a n , A a r o n N . , S c h a m b e r g , K u r t D . , W e n t z , B r a d A . , S e m b l y , B e r n a r d L . , F e l l , Robin V., Eisenhauer, Wyatt D., Walker, A n t w a n L . “ T w a n ” , R i g g s , W e s l e y R . ,
S i m p s o n , J a c o b M . , G i l l i c a n I I I , C h a r l e s C . , A n d e r s o n , T r a v i s W . , Z e i g l e r I I , K e n n e t h E . , J o d o n , A n d r e w R . , S m i t h , J o h n M . , D a vi d s , W e s l e y G . , I v y I I , K e n d a l l H . , D i x o n , C h r i s t o p h e r R . , E r d y , N i c h o l a s B . , G r a n t , J o n a t h a n W a l t e r , C a s t l e , S a m u e l T y r o n e , G re z , J o u r d a n L . , S c h m i d t I I I , J o h n T . , B o r d e l o n , M i c h a e l J . , B a l d w y n , S t e p h e n P . ,
G o o d w i n , A n t h o n y L . , M a h d e e , M a r c u s , P r a z y n s k i , T a y l o r B . , M e s s m e r , N i c o l a s E . , D e r g a , D u s t i n A . , E c k e r t J r . , G a r y A . “ A n d y ” , In g r a h a m , T h o r H . , P h i l i p p o n , L a w r e n c e R . , G i v e n s , S t e v e n R a y , W i e n e r , J e f f e r y L . , M a r z a n o , M i c h a e l A . , P o s t a l , M i c h a e l V . , G r a ha m , L a n c e T a n n e r , C e p e d a S r . , A a r o n N . , B r o o k s , W i l l i a m J . , S a x t o n , S t e p h e n
P . , M c G e e , J o h n E . , L i t t l e , T o m m y S . , S p a h r , J o h n C . , H i n z , K e l l y C . , L u t t e r s , D e r r i c k J o s e p h , P a r k e r , K e n y a A . , G a r c i a - A r a n a , J u a n d e D i o s , H a r t i n g I I I , R a l p h J . “ J a y ” , F r a n k , S t e p h e n W . , D e b l a n c , D a r r e n A . , C o o p e r J r . , C h a r l e s S . , G a d s d e n , C l i f f o r d V . “CC”, Roc khol t J r. , Ri c ky W ., M urra y J r. , Ro b e r t W . , M o r r i s , E r i c W a y n e , E d e n s ,
W i l l i a m A . , K i s e r , T i m o t h y C r a i g , T r e m b l a y , J o s e p h S . , R i c e , D a v i d L . , M i l l s a p , T i m m y J . , W a l t e r s J r . , G a r y W . , P r i n c e , K e v i n Wi l l i a m , K e n t , A a r o n A . , D a v i s J r . , A n t h o n y J . , C o l b u r n , G a v i n J . , G u y , R o b e r t A . “ B o b b y ” , M o r t e n s o n , M a r t y G . , C a n n a n , K e l l y M ., Pfister, Jacob M., Wessel, Kevin S. K., Thornton, Steven W., Huff, Sam W., Knott,
J o s e p h L . , S i r ko, St even F., St evens , Randy Lee, Lo zad a Jr., A ngel o L., Toy Sr., Tromai ne K ., H u ds on, A aron M ., Rami rezgonz al ez, Al ei na, Edge, J ames C., Li nde muth, M i chael B. , M il l er, J ohn W. , Lopez III, M anuel , D i ckens , Tyl e r J ., LaWa re , Cas ey M . , D a vi s, K e v i n D e w a y n e , V e n e g a s , J u a n C . , G a r c i a , J a v i e r J . , W a t k i n s , G l e n n J . , K i n c h e n ,
J e r e m i a h C . , K e n n e d y , S t e p h e n C . , D i l l , C h r i s t o p h e r W . , R i c h a r d s o n , W i l l i a m D . , S h e r r i l l , J a m e s A l e x a n d e r , T a v a e J r . , I o a s a F . , D e n g k h i m , T e n z i n , R i m e s , G a r r y w e s l e y T a n , M c N a r y , R o b b i e D . , T o t h , E r i c L . , R i d g l e y , K e n n e t h L . , M o r r i s , K e l l y S . , W e l l s J r . , Charles G., Lee, Samuel S., Sinclair, Isiah J., Godbolt, Lee M., Richardson, Bryan
J., Bruce, Travis R., Smith, Kevin S., Thomason III, Paul W., Martinez, Francisco G., Hughes, Jonathan A., Lewis Jr., Lee A., Payne, Rocky D., Heltzel, Paul M., Kieffer, Ricky A., Torrence, Joshua L., Griffith Jr., Donald D., Wilson, Nicholas E., Koch, Ma t t h e w A . , F r a n k l i n , M i c h a e l W . , B o s s e r t , A n d r e w L . , E a c h o , D o n a l d W . , S o l o r i o , J u a n
M . , T w y m a n , W a d e M i c h a e l , M c G o w a n , S t e p h e n M . , G a r c e a u , S e t h K . , S a l e m , A d r i a n a N . , G r i m e s , S e a n , J o n e s , M i c h a e l D . , P u g h , R o b e r t S h a n e , L w i n , W a i P y o e , A l i , A z h a r , R o b l e s , L i z b e t h , N e g r o n , J u l i o E . , G i e n a u , R i c h a r d B r i a n , A n d e r s o n , D a n n y L . , G i l e s , L a n do n S . , N o w a c k i , A n d r e w W . , C h o i , M i n - s u , F a r n a n , C o l b y M . , H e n r y , C h a s s a n
S . , B r e w e r , A d a m N o e l , M o s k i , J a s o n L . , D e e m , M i c h a e l S . , C r a c k e l , A l e x a n d e r B . , G r e s h a m , D a n i e l G . , P a l m a t i e r , J a c o b C . , S t e f fe n e y , E r i c M . , O l i v i e r , N i c h o l a s J . , A s t o n , T r e v o r D . , O l s o n , J o h n T . , D a y , D a v i d F . , T i m m e r m a n , J a s o n G . , L h o t k a , J e s s e M . , M al s o n , A d a m , C l a r k e , K e v i n M i c h a e l , T r a h a n , S e t h R . , G e r t s o n , C l i n t o n R . , G i l ,
C a r l o s J . , H e r n a n d e z , F r a n k B . , H e n d r i x , J a s o n R . , R a h a i m , J o s e p h A . , O s b e y , T i m o t h y R . , C a r t e r , J u s t i n B . , B e l l - J o h n s o n , K a t r i n a L a n i , P l u m o n d o r e , A d a m J . , P u s a t e r i , C h r i s t o p h e r M . , A r c i o l a , M i c h a e l A . , S a l i e , D a v i d J . , L a k e , C h a d W . , B r an g m a n , D a v i d J ., K n o x J r . , R e n e , G o o d i n g , D a k o t a h L . , R a n g e l , R a y , S h e p h e r d , K r i s t o p h e r L . ,
M c N a i l , R o b e r t A . , P e r e z J r . , R i c h a r d A . , R o b b i n s , W i l l i a m T . , H o u s b y , J e s s i c a M . , H e n t h o r n , J e f f r e y S . , W o b l e r , Z a c h a r y R y a n , A l l m o n , J e r e m y O . , W i c h l a c z , T r a v i s M . , T o r r e s , D a n i e l , B a y o w , S t e v e n G . , C l i f t o n , R i c h a r d C . , S h e r m a n , S t e p h e n R . , C o o l e y , S e an M i c h a e l , M a h e r , S e a n P . , B r o c k , S e a n L e e , H e n d r i c k s o n, R o b e r t T . , W a r r e n ,
M a r k C . , R e d i f e r , J a s o n C . , Z i m n y , C h r i s t o p h e r E . , S w a i n I V , H a r r y R . , S e r r a n o , N a z a r i o , M i l l e r I V , J a m e s H . , J a m e s , L i n d s e y T . , J a c k , E d w a r d E . , T a y l o r , K e i t h E d w a r d , H e a l d , B a r b a r a , J o n e s , C h a r l e s S . , C a s t e l l a n o , S t e p h e n A . , R y m e r I I , L y l e W . , F a r r a r Jr . , A n d r e w K . , Z a u n , M i c k e y E . , E v a n s I I , M i c h a e l S . , R e e d , J o n a t h a n R a y , R a m s e y ,
C h r i s t o p h e r J . , R o d r i g u e z , J o s e p h E . , B o n i l l a, O r l a n d o A . , B e a t t y , J o n a t h a n S . , L u n a , K e v i n M . , R a g i m o v , M o u r a d , S h u m n e y , D u s t i n M . , J o h n s o n , S t e p h e n P . , H o p p e r , B r i a n C . , S a i n t v i l , G a e l , H o u s e , J o h n D a n i e l , S p e n c e , J o s e p h B . , S c h u b e r t , N a t h a n A . , R a m o s , Hector, Moore, Nathaniel K., Starr Jr., Mi c h a e l L . , K l e i n , A l l a n , F u l l e r , T r a v i s
J . , G i b s o n , T i m o t h y M . , K e l l y , S e a n P . , G o r d o n , L y l e L . , K i m b l e , D e x t e r S . , J a f a r k h a n i - T o r s h i z i J r . , S a e e d , H e r n a n d e z , T o n y L . , R a i r d a n , R h o n a l d D a i n , A l a n i z , P a u l C . , B o w l i n g , J o n a t h a n W . , S c h u m a n n , D a r r e l l J . , S m i t h , M a t t h e w R . , M a c i e l , F r e d L . , W e a v e r, Christopher L., Linn, Karl R., Strong, Jesse W., Bland, Brian D., Kinzer Jr.,
W i l l i a m S . , K n i g h t , T i m o t h y A . , G i l b e r t J r . , R i c h a r d A . , E t t e r l i n g , J o n a t h a n E d w a r d , F i n k e J r . , M i c h a e l W . , M o o r e , J a m e s L e e , Gr i m e s , K y l e J . , B u r k , T a y l o r J . , S w a n k , B r e t t D . , Ad a m s , L e o n a r d W . , Y o l k i n , V i k t a r V . , L e o n - P e r e z , J e s u s A . , M a r i n J r . , J a v i e r, Carlson, Michael C., Stevens, Joseph W., Rangel, Jose C., Hoe, Nainoa K., Lusk II,
J o e F e n t o n , C h i l d r e s s , K y l e W i l l i a m , S u l l i v a n , C h r i s t o p h e r J . , F o n s e c a , J e s u s , G e e r , G e o r g e R . , V i t a g l i a n o , T h o m a s E . , O b a j i , Fr a n c i s C . , K a m o l v a t h i n , A l a i n L . , S w i n d e l l , N a t h a n i e l T . , P a t t e r s o n , J a y t o n D . , H o l t e r I I I , P a u l C . , H o l l o w a y , M a t t h e w W . , R o d ri g u e z V e l a s c o , J u a n R o d r i g o , B e c k e r , G u n n a r D . , M a c k , B r i a n A . , S m i t h , M i c h a e l J . ,
M a n u e l , W i l l i a m F . , S w e e n e y I I I , R o b e r t W e s l e y , M c F a r l a n e J r . , D w a y n e J a m e s , F i t e , J o s e p h E . , G u a s t a f e r r o , D a n i e l F . , C o m e a u x , K u r t J . , M u r p h y , W a r r e n A . , F a s s b e n d e r , H u e y P . L . , F r i c k e y , A r m a n d L . , B a b i n , C h r i s t o p h e r J . , B e r g e r o n , B r a d l e y J . , C i s n e r o s - Al v a r e z , J u l i o C . , D a v i s , Z a c h a r i a h S c o t t , V o n r o n n , K e n n e t h G . , W o o t e n I I I , C u r t i s
L . , D e p e w , C ory R., McHalffey, Jeremy W., Marcum, Joshua S., Buie, Jimmy D., Washington, Bennie J., Houser, Thomas E., Parrello, Brian P., LeBrun, Jeff, Smith, Jason E., Ficek, Damien T., Sanchez, Oscar, Nelson, Craig L., Lehto, Jason A., Briones Jr., Pab l i t o P e n a , N y r e n , N a t h a n i e l J . , O l s o n , T o d d D . , R i v e r a - S e r r a n o , J o s e A . , P h i l l i p s ,
J a m e s R . , S m i t h , R a l e i g h C . , B a r n e t t , C h r i s t o p h e r W . , H i l l e n b u r g , E r i c , P e t s c h e , N e i l D . , A y r o , L i o n e l , P o u l i n S r . , L y n n R o b e r t , D o s t i e , T h o m a s J o h n , C a s t r o , J o n a t h a n , J o h n s o n , R o b e r t S . , H e w i t t , C o r y M i c h a e l , K a r p o w i c h , P a u l D . , M e l o , J u l i a n S . , J a c o b s en J r . , W i l l i a m W . , V a n K o m e n , D a r r e n D . , R u h r e n , D a v i d A . , M a s o n , N i c h o l a s C .
“ N i c k ” , O D e l l , R o b e r t D . , B a l d w i n , J o e l E g a n , M e z a , B a r r y K . , F a r m e r , D o n a l d B . , S w e g e r , F r a n k l i n A . , M a r t i n e z , V i c t o r A . , A n d e r s o n , M i c h a e l D . , T i m e , T i n a S a f a i r a , V r o m a n , B r e n t T . , W a r n e r , R i c h a r d D . , L o p e z , H i l a r i o F . , B l a z e r , M e l v i n L . , R a m s e y , J o s h ua A . , C l a i r d a y , J a s o n S . , S t e w a r t , I a n W . , D i c k i n s o n , J o s h u a W . , B l a n t o n , J e f f e r y
S . , K i r k , J e f f r e y L . , H o y t , R o b e r t W . , R u n d , G r e g o r y P . , A d l e s p e r g e r , C h r i s t o p h e r S . , R e n e h a n , K y l e J . , L e a c h , P a t r i c k D . , S h i el d s , A n d r e w C . , W i l l i a m s I V , A r t h u r C . , K i m , I n C . , G i b b s , T o d d C l a y t o n , S t u b e n h o f e r , M a r k N . , E g g e r s , K y l e A . , W a r d , A n d r e w M ., T r o s t I I I , M a r v i n L e e , R o o d h o u s e , E d w i n W i l l i a m , T u i a l u u l u u , S a l a m o J . , B o a t r i g h t ,
M i c h a e l L . , M i t t s , D a v i d A . , B e h n k e , J o s e p h O . , G a s i e w i c z , C a r i A n n e , I r i z a r r y , H e n r y E . , L e , B i n h N . , W y a t t , M a t t h e w A . , M a h l en b r o c k , D a v i d P . , H a r r i s o n , G e o r g e D a n i e l , F i s h e r , D a v i d M . , P e n a , J a v i e r O b l e a s - P r a d o , K o l d a , Z a c h a r y A . , W i l s o n , B r y a n S . , G ue r e c a J r . , J o s e , C a l d e r o n , P a b l o A . , E n g e l d r u m , C h r i s t i a n P . , U r b i n a , W i l f r e d o F . ,
SOLDIERS
H a y e s , E r i k W., Magaoay, Blake A., Davis, Daryl A., Hanson Jr., Charles A., Shackelford, Michael B., Martinezluis, Trinidad R., Benish, Stephen C., Brooks, Adam R., Lee, Carl W., Christensen, Jeremy E., Bosselmann, Kirk J., Smith, Michael A., Lucero, Josh u a E . , F a i r c l o t h , B r a d l e y M . , W i n k l e r , J o r d a n D . , H o u c k , D a v i d B . , M e y e r , H a r r i s o n
J . , G r a n t , B r i a n K . , H o l m e s , J e f f e r y S c o t t , C a n t a f i o , R y a n J . , M a r k u , G e n t i a n , N o l t e , N i c h o l a s S . , D i a z V a r e l a , S e r g i o R . , E d i ng e r , B e n j a m i n C . , E b e r t , B l a i n M . , C o h e n , M i c h a e l R . , W e l k e , J o s e p h T . , R o u s t u m , D a v i d L . , B r y a n t J r . , J a c k , H e r e d i a , J o s e p h J ., D o w n e y , M i c h a e l A . , W e s t , P h i l l i p G . , A r m s , B r a d l e y T h o m a s , B r o w n , D e m a r k u s D . ,
G a v r i e l , D i m i t r i o s , N o l a n , J o s e p h M . , F i g u e r o a , L u i s A . , H a n k s , M i c h a e l W a y n e , M c C o n n e l l , D a n i e l J a m e s , H e f l i n , C h r i s t o p h e r T . , W u l l e n w a b e r , L u k e C . , F l o r e s - M e j i a , J o s e R i c a r d o , C a d d y , M a r s h a l l H . , Q u a l l s , L o u i s W . , M i l l e r , W i l l i a m L . , P a r k e r , B r a d l e y L ., H u n t , I s a i a h R . , R a p i c a u l t , P a t r i c k M a r c M . , S m i t h , A n t o i n e D . , P e r a l t a , R a f a e l ,
Ailes, Jeramy A., Swain, James E., Thompson, Lance M., Desiato, Travis R., Kielion, Shane E., Ryan, Marc T., Ziolkowski, Nicholas L., Burger Jr., Dale A., Payton, George J., Perez, Andres H., Dempsey, Kevin J., Larsen, Cole W., Lu, Victor R., McLeese, Justin D., Ellsworth, Justin M., Norwood, Byron W., Velez, Jose A., Sims, Sean P., Bryan,
Benjamin S., Dima, Catalin D., Matteson, James C. “J.C.”, Anderson, Nathan R., Medina, Brian A., Prening, Brian P., Anderson, Nicholas H., Iwan, Edward D., Branning, David M., Maher, Jarrod L., White, Raymond L., Strader, Morgan W., Shields, Jonathan B., Holder II, Theodore S. “Sam”, Bowling, Theodore A., Blecksmith, James P.
“ J P ” , G i a n n o p o u l o s , P e t e r J . , R e p p u h n , J u s t i n D . , D o e r f l i n g e r , T h o m a s K . , B u r n s , K y l e W . , H u e y , S e a n P . , C a n n i n g , W e s l e y J . , R a m i r e z , G e n e , M i l l e r J r . , D e n n i s J . , P i c k e r i n g , A a r o n C . , O t t o l i n i , M i c h a e l C . , J i m e n e z I I , R o m u l o J . , W o o d s , J u l i a n , M a l c o m J r ., D a n T . , H o d g e s , E r i c k J . , S i m p s o n , A b r a h a m , J a m e s , W i l l i a m C . , S e g u r a , J u a n E . ,
C a r u s o , D a v i d M . , F a u l k e n b u r g , S t e v e n W . , L a r s o n , N i c h o l a s D . , T r o t t e r , J o h n B y r o n , M o o r e , H o r s t G e r h a r d “ G a r y ” , S l a y , R u s s e l l L . , W o o d , N a t h a n R . , B a b b i t t , T r a v i s A . , C o r n e l l , T o d d R . , W e l l s , L o n n y D . , A u c h m a n , S t e v e n E . , L a m , J e f f r e y , H a m m o n d , N a t h a n i el T., Warns II, Robert P., O’ Donnell, Shane K., Ries, David G., Zapp, Thomas
J . , P a l m e r , J o s h u a D . , R a m e y , B r a n d e n P . , W i s d o m , C l i n t o n L e e , C l a r y , D o n A l l e n , F r e e m a n , B r y a n L . , L a n g l e y , S e a n M . , T r a n , Q u oc B i n h , M c V e y , O t i e J o s e p h , B a k e r , B r i a n K . , Y o e m a n s , J u s t i n R . , C a m a c h o - R i v e r a , C a r l o s M . , W e n t z , C o d y L . , B a r o , J e r e m i a h A . , H u b b a r d , J a r e d P . , W e b b , C h a r l e s J o s e p h , L y n c h , M a t t h e w D . , F o x , T r a v i s
A . , B y r d I I , J o h n T . , B o w , Je r e m y D . , L a p k a , C h r i s t o p h e r J . , C o u r t n e y , K e l l e y L . , S c a r b o r o u g h , M i c h a e l P . , R i e d e l , A n d r e w G . , L u k a c , J o h n , F o r t u n e , M a u r i c e K e i t h , D o w n i n g I I , S t e p h e n P . , B a t t l e s S r . , M i c h a e l , A k i n t a d e , S e g u n F r e d e r i c k , L e m o n , J e r o m e , O l iv e i r a , B r i a n , S l o c u m , R i c h a r d P a t r i c k , B o l e s , D e n n i s J . , G a d s d e n , J o n a t h a n E . ,
B a s c o m , D o u g l a s E . , E h r l i c h , A n d r e w C . , B r e n n a n , W i l l i a m I . , J o h n s o n , C h r i s t o p h e r B . , S a l a z a r , W i l l i a m I . , B u r g e s s , A l a n J . , O we n , M i c h a e l G . , S c h r a m m , B r i a n K . , S a n t o s , J o n a t h a n J . , V a n d e r t u l i p , J o s i a h H . , B e a r d , B r a d l e y S . , H a w k i n s I I , O m e r T . , W a t e r s , D a v i d L . , B a r b r e t , M a r k A . , R e g n i e r , J e r e m y F . , M o r e n o , J a i m e , B a k e r , R o n a l d W . ,
S o l t e s J r . , C h a r l e s R . , G o n z a l e z , V i c t o r A . , F e l s b e r g , P a u l M . , P h e l a n , M a r k P . , P i n t o r , D e n n i s L . , W e g e r , M i c h a e l S . , W y a t t , D a n i e l R . , Z o o k , I a n T . , M a r t i n e z , O s c a r A . , M e r v i l l e , C h r i s t o p h e r A . , O s b o u r n e , P a m e l a G . , B u r b a n k , M i c h a e l L e e , M o n r o e , A n t h o ny W . , R u s i n , A a r o n J . , P r e v e t e , J a m e s E . , R a m s e y , C a r s o n J . , H a l v e r s o n , A n d r e w ,
V o s s , M i c h a e l S., Brown, Andrew W., Jacobs, Morgen N., Kim, Jeungjin Na “Nikky”, Cawvey, Jessica L., Morgan Jr., Richard L., Potts, Christopher S., Pettaway Jr., James L., Collier, Russell L., Hennessy, Jack Taft, Uvanni, Michael A., Nolan, Allen, Jones, R o d n e y A . , C u n n i n g h a m , D a r r e n J . , T i t c o m b , J o s h u a K . , D e n n i e , M i k e A . , P r e w i t t ,
T y l e r D . , S i c k el s , K ennet h L., V i l l anueva, J os el i to O ., Cox, G rego ry A ., A l l t on, Eri c L., J ohnso n, D avi d W., Moxl ey J r., Cl ifford L., Unruh, Robert O l iver, Boyl es , Aaron, L educ, Rya n, M ate o, Ramon, F ol mar, Ti mot hy, K oeni g, Lanc e J ., H a rri s , A da m J . , Smi th , B e n j a m i n K . , S o r a m , S k i p p e r , S t a h l , N a t h a n E . , C a t e s , S t e v e n C . T . , H e n r y , J o s h u a
J., Harrington, Foster L., Adams, Brandon E., Price, James W., Rosenbaum, Thomas Chad, Ebert, Christopher S., Stern, Andrew K., Rintamaki, Steven A., Howman, Gregory C., Uhles, Drew M., Shea, Kevin M., Brown, Tyler Hall, Demand, Jacob H., Machado-Olmos, Cesar F., Puckett, Mathew D., Soltau, Adrian V., Brown, Dominic C.,
I s e n b e r g , B e n j a m i n W . , W e i s e n b u r g , D a v i d J . , M e l u a t , J a y g e e N g i r m i d o l , T h o m a s , C a r l , H a l a l , M i c h a e l J . , H a g y J r . , G u y S t a n l e y , P o i n d e x t e r , J a s o n T . , W e t h e r b e e , A l e x a n d e r E . , C e d e r g r e n , D a v i d A . , D a c l a n J r . , E d g a r P . , F a u l k n e r , J a m e s D a n i e l , D e L e o n J r . , La u r o G . , M a r t i n e z , M i c h a e l A . , S p a r k s , J a s o n L . , D r a k e , C h a d H . , P r i c e , T i m o t h y
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DEAD
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R u b e n , R e i s s , B r e n d o n C u r t i s , G i f f o r d , J o n a t h a n L e e , C l i n e J r . , D o n a l d J o h n , P o k o r n e y J r . , F r e d e r i c k E b e n , H o d s o n , N i c o l a s M i c h a e l , W a l t e r s , D o n a l d R a l p h, P i e s t e w a , L o r i A n n , W i l l i a m s , M i c h a e l J a s o n , J o h n s o n I I , H o w a r d , G o n z a l e z , J o r g e A l o n s o , G a r i b a y , Jo s e A n g e l , R o s a c k e r , R a n d a l K e n t , A d d i s o n , J a m a a l R a s h a r d , F r i b l e y , D a v i d
Keith, Slocum, Thomas Jonathan, Bitz, Michael Edward, Chanawongse, Kemaphoom “Ahn”, Buesing, Brian Rory, Adams, Thomas Mullen, Orlowski, Eric James, Tobler, Brandon Scott, Kennedy, Brian Matthew, Gutierrez, Jose Antonio, Child ers, Therrel Shane, Beaupre, Ryan Anthony, Aubin, Jay Thomas, Waters-Bey, Kendall Damon
Indicting Libby
By Brian Barash
The White House has been reeling this source, Libby, gave her express permission to there is no sufficient evidence f o r e i t h e r t o b e
week from the indictment of Vice President release his name did she relent and was formally indicted.
Dick Cheney’s Chief of Staff, I. Lewis “Scooter” released from jail. Many conservatives, on the other hand,
Libby Jr. Libby was indicted on the last day of have decried this investigation as politically
a two-year federal grand jury probe lead by US motivated and believe the charges are the result
Special Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald. of manufactured charges and an overambitious
Libby has been charged with two counts of mak- Special Prosecutor. However, it would be wise to
ing false statements to federal agents, two note that Special Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald
counts of perjury and one count of obstruction is also a Republican.
of justice for misleading and deceiving the Whatever you may believe, there is no
grand jury about how he learned that Joseph questioning the fact that this scandal has dealt
Wilson’s wife, Valerie “Plame” Wilson, was a a serious blow to an already weakened White
Central Intelligence Agency operative. The House. The White House has come under fire
Special Prosecutor, as well as many liberal and this year for the lack of progress in the Iraq war
anti-war groups, has claimed that Libby and as well as the mishandling of Hurricane
possibly others in the White House were Katrina, the latter of which eventually lead to
involved in purposely outing Agent Plame as the resignation of FEMA director Michael
political retribution for a report written by her Brown, a political appointee of the Bush
husband. Administration.
Th e report, written by retired career Most recently the White House has come
diplomat and former US Ambassador Joseph under fire by Democrat’s in the Senate, whose
Wilson, alleged that President Bush’s claims of minority leader demanded a rare closed session
Uranium being sold from Nigeria to Iraq for use of Congress November 2nd to deal with the lack
in weapons of mass destruction was false infor- of progress in the investigation i n t o w h e t h e r o r
mation used to inflate the cause for war. After n o t C o n g r e s s w a s m i s l e a d b y t h e c u r r e n t a d m i n-
this report was released, New York Times w r i t e r SOOO CLOSE TO CHENEY istration in the months leading up to war in
Judith Miller as well as Robert Novak released Courtesy of Powerful Zoom Lense Technology Iraq.
columns naming Plame by her maiden name, President Bush’s administration is
thus ending her career as a CIA undercover The probe also put many other White hurting so badly from all of this bad publicity
operative and possibly putting her in harm’s House figures on the defensive against possible that the President’s overall job performance
way. charges from the continuing investigation, rating by the American public has dropped to a
As a result, the grand jury probe that including President Bush’s senior political career low of 39%. Instead of attempting to
ultimately ended with the indictment of Libby advisor, Karl Rove. Many liberals contend that return the country and politics thereof towards
was launched. During the investigation, many these indictments are just the beginning, and the center, he has chosen this week to nominate
involved parties were asked to testify before the that they represent the first insights into a an extremely conservative Supreme Court jus-
grand jury, most notably reporter Judith Miller, broader scandal. Some even believe the crimes tice that will likely lead to another standoff
who spent 85 days in jail for refusing to release could go as far as Dick Cheney and possibly with Democrats from this already embattled
the identity of her source. Only when her even to Bush, although it’s widely believed that administration.
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INDEX
Jacquie Bachman Irv Novoa
Melissa Bernardez
James Blonde
John O’Dell
Rachel Eagle Reiter
!"### More Troops Dead Page %
Philip Camacho
Sarah Cassone
Kristine Renigan
Justin Rowe Anti$Bush Rally! Page !&
Tom Clark Tiffany Russo
Juliet DiFrenza
Joe Donato
“Joey Batz”
Safdia
Reviews! Pages
Mike “Bublz” Fabbri
Rob Gilheany
Madeline Scheckter
Natalie Schultz !% $ &&
Sam Goldman Tom Senkus
Tara Lynn Groth
Paula Guy
Karen Shidlo
Christine Tanaka
Sports! Page &'
Jackie Hayes
Trevor Hirst
Lena Tumasyan
Marcel Votlucka Top Ten! Next Issue!
Olga Kaplun Alex Walsh
Adam Kearney
Yve Koon
Brian Wasser
Meri Wayne
SBU$TV Page! Page &(
“The Count” LeComte
Antony Lin
Ricky Whitcomb
Brian Wong Ask Amberly Jane! Page &)
John Mascher Jessica Worthington
James Messina
Jamie Mignone
Ed Zadorozny Sex and the Brook! Page '#
Ali Nazir
Mike Nevradakis AA$EZine Page '!
Jason Ng
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Page 6 Editorials
Co m p iled By Cla u d ia To lo za & Ro b Pea r sa ll
U.N. Becoming Stricter in its Zero Tolerance sleeping. The powerful tornado was reported to have winds at more than
Policy 1 50mph. The tornado has been classified as an F3 on the Fujita Scale,
A U.N. official was sentenced to 3 years in jail by which ranges form and F0 to and F5, F5 being the strongest. This torna-
a court in Kosovo. The official was found guilty of sexual do marks yet another natural disaster that has hit the United States this
misconduct with a minor. This sentencing comes at cru- year along with the series of strong hurricanes which have caused a lot of
cial time for the United Nations, which recently faced damage.
criticism after a report released by Refugees
International, a follow up report to Prince Zeid Raad al-Hussein’s report.
In his report , Prince Zeid Raad al-Hussein accused U.N. peacekeepers of 2005 New York City Marathon
sexual misconduct in exchange for aid in the Congo. This sentencing Today in the ING New York City marathon, the race
shows that the U.N. is trying to enforce its zero tolerance policy which for the finish line for the m en came down to the last sec-
was criticized by Refugees International as not being strict enough. ond. The winner of the marathon came to Paul Tergat from
Kenya. He was able to defeat last year’s winner, Hendrick
Violent Riots in France Ramaala from South Africa, by fractions of a second. The
Over the past week, numerous violent riots have winner for the women was Jelena Prokopcuka from
overtaken the city of Paris. The series of riots arose from Latvia. This proved to be an important win for
the deaths of two Parisian youths who were fleeing from Prokopcuka, who received a $160,000 prize. This
the police and died when they were electrocuted. The is the first time in the marathon’s history in
teenagers ran away and hid near a transformer and were which the women receive a bigger prize than the
accidentally electrocuted. This incident enraged many men.
m i n o r i t y g r o u p s w h o l a s h e d o u t i n a n g e r o v e r t h e i r f r u s-
tration over issues such as racism, police treatment, and unemployment.
Rioters have created a state of chaos and have caused much destruction;
it is estimated that more than 1000 cars have been set on fire. These NYPIRG: Tireless...Tonic Salesmen?
series of riots has hurt France’s image in the international arena since Kate Contino from NYPIRG was at the
its shows a lack of control of the French government. This incident also Student Activites Center last Wednesday in full
d e m o n s t r a t e s t h e l a c k o f a t t e n t i o n b e i n g p a i d b y t h e F r e n c h government sleazy salesman garb. She was acting out the
to resolving issues dealing with immigration. part of the state in their newest bill to get your
dollars for their work. The Higher
Anti-Bush Protest in Argentina Education Plan for Guaranteed
On his recent trip to Argentina, President Bush Tuition Hikes would increase
was received with a series of Anti-Bush protests. tuition for incoming freshmen
President Bush visited the Mar de la Plata region of e v e r y year. The increase would
Argentina in order to attend the fourth Summit of be tied to the Comsumer Price
the Americas to mainly discuss, among other Index. Students can
things, the Free Trade Area of the Americas hardly afford
(F.T.A.A.) trade accord. One of the biggest Anti- tuition as it is and
Bush protestors was Hugo Chavéz, President of Venezuela. Chavéz T A P r e m a i n i n g s t a-
who has mad it clear that he is not a fan of President Bush and his tionary. NYPIRG has
policies, especially the F.T.A.A., and has organized a huge rally been spearheading
with 25,000 people in an stadium in Argentina. The series of the effort and
rallies that occurred during the summit this past weekend at opposing the hike
times turned violent and led to many arrests. This incident ever since there was
comes at difficult time for President Bush who is facing low the a n n o u n c e m e n t o f
approval ratings in the United States and is obviously not well p u b l i c s e n a t e h e a r-
received in Latin America as well. ings on October 6th.
20
News In Brief Page 7
...Because Jack Thompson Won’t
By Joey Safdia
Jack Thompson. A man you would think Despite being an avid G r a n d T h e f t A u t o kids around the world and donating to charities
t h a t t h r o u g h a l l h i s b i g t a l k a n d h i s a l l e g e d c o n- fan, even I must say that this game is pretty with the s ame goal. They would be helping to put
cern for our nation’s children that he would t a s t e l e s s , though not harmful to society or t a x d o l l a r s i n t o e d u c a t i o n r a t h e r t h a n w a r , i d e-
care enough about these children to donate America’s youth in any way. ally making American schools not something to
$10,000 to charity, a donation he promised to But that’s not all. He claimed that if be embarrassed about. They would be fighting to
make. You would think he would care, wouldn’t someone were to answer his challe nge and cre- end wars that take the lives of children around
you? ate this video game, he would donate $10,000 to the world, along with the lives of the mothers
Now this may seem like a very strong the charity of that person’s choice. With all that and fathers of children in this country. But
allegation if you don’t know what’s going on in consideration, one could only imagine how they’re not. They are fighting against an enter-
(after all, I care about the children but I’m not livid he was when someone actually d i d t a k e tainment industry which has been proven more
d o n a ti n g $ 1 0 , 0 0 0 t o c h a r i t y ) s o l e t ’ s s t a r t t h i s him up on his offer and create the M o d e s t often than not to have no link with kids commit-
story at the top. Jack Thompson is a Florida Proposal game. ting violent acts. Their only weapons are wild
lawyer who has embarked on a campaign against T h es e a nt i -game act i vi s t s excl ai m left accusations against the gaming industry and
violence in video games. He denounced violent and right that their purpose of trying to get community (such as Thompson’s claim that the
“ m u r d e r s i m u l a t o r s ” s u c h a s Grand Theft Auto: v i d e o g a mes banned in this country is to protect video game community has “little frontal lobe
San Andreas and has led a lawsuit against the children, so you would think that after activity”), and incoherent “log i c ” j u s t b a r e l y
Rockstar Games, the creators of the aforemen- Modest Proposal was created, Thompson would linking games to murder. It is this that shows us
tioned game, claiming that it was the game that have upheld his end of the deal and donated the sorry state our society is in. Sure every
led 18 year old Devin Moore to murder three $10,000 to charity to help underprivileged country has the proverbial bad apples that spoil
police officers in 2003 (even though part of his children. Wrong. Thompson retracted the offer the bunch, for example depraved and psychotic
defense was that his childhood was full of men- when his idea for a game became a reality, murderers like Devin Moore, but one would
tal and physical abuse). In light of the contro- claiming the whole thing to be a joke and a t h i n k t h a t i n s t e a d o f p o i n t i n g f i n g e r s a n d c a s t-
v e r s y a r o u n d Grand Theft Auto’s “Hot Coffee” satire, though he originally stated that, “The i n g b l a m e a t a n y t h i n g t h a t i s n ’ t r e m o t e l y p o l i t-
mod, which featured your character having sex, o f f e r o f $ 10,000 is real”. ically correct, steps would be taken to ensure
he challenged anyone to make a video game Mike “Gabe” Krahulik, one of the co-cre- that these types of crimes don’t ever happen
w h i c h h e c a l l e d Modest Proposal, a pun on ators of the online comic P e n n y A r c a d e, d e c i d- again. But this won’t happen. While politicians,
Jonathan Swift’s famed satirical essay “A ed to step in at his point, e-mailing Thompson lawyers, and “concerned parents” bicker
Modest Proposal.” and informing him that he believed Thompson’s amongst themselves about what to do with these
The concept of the anti-violent video offer to donate $10,000 was pretty small com- violent video games, someone will go out and
game lawyer’s violent video game is to go around pared to the game-based comic’s donation of shoot schoolchildren and police officers for
killing video game executives. You play as Osaki over $500,000 in its charity event, “Child’s completely unrelated reasons while using video
Kim, a man whose son was killed by a 14 year Play”. Thompson’s response was to threaten to games as their defense. The problem with our
old video game fanatic wielding a baseball bat. sue if Gabe e-mailed him again. As a result, society is not what video games our children
To avenge his son’s death, Kim embarks on a Penny Arcade sent a $10,000 check to the play, it’s what we do, or rather don’t do, to
quest to kill the creators of the games, the exec- Entertainm ent Software Association Foundation address the problems that arise when the bad
utives of the companies, the lawyers who with the words, “For Jack Thompson, because apples begin to spoil the bunch.
defended Rockstar and Take Two Interactive, the Jack Thompson won’t” written on the bottom. Now that I’ve got all that out of the way,
store managers and cashiers of the stores that This goes to show who is really looking I’m going to go play some Grand Theft Auto: San
sell the games, video arcades, everyone at the out for the people and who just wants to drag A n d r e a s, and to top it all off, I won’t go out
Electronic Entertainment Expo (E3), and the others to the dirt. If Jack Thompson and other afterwards and shoot cops! Shocking, isn’t it,
family members of most of the already previ- anti-game activists really cared about children Jack?
ously mentioned victims. so much, they would be helping less fortunate
Page 14 Reviews
Hey, Who Ordered the Reviews?
I Knew the Ushers
By James Messina
The Long Island Play Project has put d i f f e r e n c es were to the detriment or benefit of antagonism between him and her. And as a last
together a production of a provocative play t h e p r o d u c t i o n p r o b a b l y d e p e n d s o n t h e i n d i- particular detail which I took strong issue with:
( a l l i t e r a t i o n , h o ! ) e n t i t l e d Boy Gets Girl, w r i t t e n vidual. at one point in the written v e r s i o n , T h e r e s a
by Rebecca Gilman and directed by Lauren W hen I read the play, I was impressed receives a letter which threatens to “… fuck
Rosen. On Thursday, November 3r d, 2 0 0 5 , I by the work’s ability to tackle the difficult [her] where [she’s] small.” But in the acted ver-
came and saw the play on behalf of this fine issues surrounding how we interpret the sion she states it as being, “… fucked in the
newspaper and left satisfied. The play is about male/female dynamic. At first, the play had me ass.” The first one sounds much more degrading,
a woman named Theresa who goes on a blind date thinking that it would be a romantic comedy, which was, I think, the point the playwright was
with a guy called Tony. There’s not much chem- b u t I p e r s o n a l l y f e l t i t t o o k a t u r n f o r t h e s e r i- trying to convey. Theresa had an element of
ist ry, but Tony can’t take a hint. Theresa flat ous very near to the beginning. After an initial naïveté in the written version which is
out denies his advances; Tony’s still slow to chuckle or two poring over the text, I quickly d e s t r o y e d b y h e r a w a r e n e s s i n t h e a c t e d v e r-
catch on. Then the stalking begins. b e c a m e e ngrossed by its darker side, and I don’t sion. I supported the idea to include comedy,
I thought the play was well done. I’ve recall having but I was less fond of the idea to add the conflict
never seen a Broadway play, but back laughed once between Mercer and Theresa. The same goes for
Upstate, in the land of cows, I managed after the second the change in the letter. I don’t think these were
never to skip a school trip. Boy Gets or third scene. necessary changes.
G i r l w a s a w e l l - d o n e p r o d u c- While watching If you haven’t read the play, then the
t i o n , n o t u p t o p a r w i th the play I ended divergences are of less note than the overall
the touring companies up laughing a impressions of the work. And my impressions
I’ve seen, but pretty number of times though, in this were more favorable. The
close. The acting usually to lines that actors/actresses were all good, though my favor
wasn’t going weren’t featured in the lay towards some more than others. I thought
to win the w r i t t e n v e r s i o n . I p e r s o n a l- Sophie Vanier, who plays the protagonist
cast any ly approve of the decision to Theresa, was overacting at times and that some
Tonys, the try and add a little comedy of her postures/affectations didn’t feel natural.
stage wasn’t to this piece, but I think that Robert Colpitts, who plays Theresa’s boss
going to blow you in doing so it sacrificed a lot Howard, was also not my favorite. His accent
a w a y w i t h i t s r e a l- of its force by replacing it wasn’t the best, and at one point he affected a
ism and attention to with levity. There wasn’t a limp poorly. Kat Sarfas portrayed Detective
minutiae, but saying deep examination of the Beck, a woman who helps Theresa with her
the production was implications of stalking, there stalker situation. In the written play I imagined
passable would be an wasn’t as much tension. her as almost a mother figure – indeed, at one
understatement. I’d A n o t h e r , m o r e s p e c i f i c , d i f f e r- point, Theresa and Beck hug. This hug was omit-
tell my friends to go ence which affected the play was ted in the acted version, and the general tone
see it, but that having the inclusion of a tension between Kat adopted was one of brusqueness and almost
b e e n s t a t e d , a n y o n e f a m i l- two main characters, Mercer and of dismissal. I don’t know whether to blame the
iar with the written play Theresa. In the written version, direction or the actor for Be ck’s attitude, but I
w i l l f i n d n u m e r o u s d i s p a r i- Mercer is supportive of Theresa and f e e l i t w a s a d e f i n i t e m i s i n t e r p r e t a t i o n r e g a r d-
ties between the text and the tries to help her. In the acted version
acted play. Whether or not these this is also true, but there’s a very clear Continued on next page
Reviews Page 15
Hey, Who Ordered the Reviews?
I Knew the Ushers Continued... Off-Lost Movie
Night - Fallen
By James Messina
Continued from previous page humble reporters.
& The
less. Brian Avery, Eric C. Webb, and Ashley Random thoughts:
Straw, who played the characters Mercer, Jazz was played at most scene switches. I
Tony and Harriet respectively, all did very good caught punk rock once, some weird
jobs, and I was impressed by their abilities. My breakbeat/trance once, and Fiona Apple once.
Frighteners
praise goes out to Jonah Rosenberg, who por- But mostly jazz. You know how disappointed you
trayed cult film hero Les Kennkat. He received are when you keep expecting to hear more Fiona
the majority of the laughs, and well-deserved Apple, and you don’t?
they were. My singular problem with Kennkat
was that he was supposed to be an old m an, but
Sounds from the environs would occa-
sionally be laced into the music used for scene
By David K Ginn
was clearly in his twenties – this is an error that switches. A car alarm was used once. Once too LOOK
I can’t reasonably blame the actor for. Were I to many. Damn that sucked, I hate that noise. WHAT
vote on one particular performer having done the I understand the play took a comedic rather than YOU
best that night, it would be him. Though once dramatic tone, but there were some times people MISSED
more, this is not to insult the others, who were laughed where the tone was 100% serious as a Courtesy
all talented. heart attack. At one point the detective recom- of what
With regards to the other aspects of the m e n d e d T h e r e s a f i n d a n a p a r t m e n t w i t h a d o o r- you
play, I was equally impressed. The stage crew man. Chuckling ensued… for no reason. Perhaps missed,
moved efficiently, the costumes were freakin’ I’m dumb. fool!
sweet an d the lighting was well-done. The Some girls were loudly stifling giggles in
props/stage were also very good given the mini- the back for at least five minutes. Were I the sort O f f -L o s t Movie Night rocked here at the
mal nature of the stage. Of particular note were of fellow who carried a shovel with me at all office, and we enjoyed it all by our lonesome.
the constant presence of Dunkin’ Donuts around times, I would’ve solved that problem. You know, Two weeks ago, we watched the I d l e H a n d s a u d i o
Kennkat, the beautiful posters present for the ‘cuz I would have hit them. commentary. That rocked. Last week, we
interview scene between Theresa and Kennkat, One dialogue was about the kind of watched The Frighteners at 8 and Fallen at 10.
and the baseball memorabilia surrounding underwear Theresa liked. What can you tell That also rocked. Both movies kick so much ass
Theresa. The inclusion of minutiae like these about a person from the underwear they have? I in their own way. You guys should have been
made the play more interesting. wear unadorned cotton boxers in solid colors; there. We had food, drinks, and even a bit of
I enjoyed my evening at Boy Gets Girl a n d get back to me on that. love.
thought it was quite good. I’d say if you have Mercer said three times, “I’m calling the The Frighteners is what happened when
some time on your hands, it’s worth checking police.” My idea: That’s enough frequency to Peter Jackson came to Hollywood. Enough said.
out. The play is running November 3r d- 6t h, a n d h ave a drinking game. The phrase, “Where do I He makes Hollywood look good. F a l l e n i s w h a t
t h e 1 2t h a n d 1 3t h at the Staller Center for The get off?” was also used multiple times. Combine happens when people read the bible and listen
Arts Theatre Two. Tickets are $7 for SBU stu- the two for…m o r e d r i n k i n g! to Mick Jagger. Enough said.
dents. You can buy tickets upon arrival or call What happens if an actor gets wood on stage? No
(631)632-ARTS. Lastly, I’d like to thank Steve pun intended, that was serious, and it has got to Lost is on every Wednesday at 9. Off-Lost is
and Elizabeth for their cordial treatment of two suck. every Wednesday at 8 when Lost airs a re-run
Page 16 Reviews
Hey, Who Ordered the Reviews?
New Zealand Music For Imbeciles (How to
“Extend” Your Ear-Drum’s Experience)
By Paula Guy
Imbeciles! Here! I am trying to broaden THE MINT CHICKS –Fucking rock and roll. permanently into the shape of an upside down
your cultural horizons. Try spinning something Scream and holler and jive and scratch against rainbow. Listen to the song “Hope.” Gorgeous,
other than that stinky-pinky new Staind the wall with your rock’n’roll mellow, sincere, with a slice of th at beautiful
album in your little walkman (or try voice. I fucking love the Mint earthy pessimism, that comes from living by the
shuffling something else in your Ipod). Chicks, they have one of the ocean and watching the world come and go
Pick up some New Zealand music. most energetic live shows around you. Fat Freddy’s Drop’s album B a s e d
I have complied a around. Their two EPs A n t i - on a True Story is a mine of soulful, soothing,
short guide to this T i g e r a n d Octagon Octagon, fucking divine rhythms. I want to fall asleep
little niche of were full of taught, elastic every night listening to this band. I want to
sound, from the little riffs, frantic drums, wake up every morning listening to this
South Pacific, in and the urgent voice of lead album. I am in love.
case your eardrums singer Kody Neilson, leap-
are keen to ing off the studio walls like P-MONEY – scratch-a-licious hip hop man
embark on a gymnastic bat. Their full- This guy’s got a pretty fast set of hands. He has
s o m e e x p l o- length debut, Fuck the b e e n p l a c e d 3r d a t t h e w o r l d D J c h a m p i o n s h i p s
ration. Golden Youth, r e c o r d e d i n a and supported Public Enemy. He has collabo-
New secluded hut in Northland – rated with many of New Zealand’s hip-hoppers
Z e a l a n d New Zealand’s home of secret, (Scribe, Che Fu…). The man has an ear for
music is hard deserted beaches, was a little danceable beats, and has several of his own
to pin-down. It weaker – longer songs, more art- a l b u m s , Magic City a n d Big Things. A t a l e n t e d
has little exposure rock interludes, straying from the producer also, P-Money is one to watch out for.
on an international urgency of the EPs. Definitely a
stage, and often suffers from being over- band to watch though. Angular, CONCORD DAWN – gorgeous soundscapes, dirty
influenced by international musical trends energetic, and tuneful little shits, beeps…
(a little garage-rock scene emerged in the they are. Check out the singles Yummy. I a m going to be dancing to Concord
wake of the Strokes, etc, although this was “Blue Team Go”, and “Licking Dawn (and a plethora of other rampaging New
more a case of record companies rushing to Letters.” I want to jump around and Zealand dance acts), in a few weeks under neon
cash in and sign similar ‘trendy’ bands). throw firecrackers in public lights. I will be covered in fuzz and probably
However, the land of Aotearoa spaces whenever I very happy. Yehe. Concord Dawn are sexy, and
(‘Long White Cloud’), does seem to give birth hear those m a k e m e d a n c e i n l i t t l e c i r c l e s l i k e a h y p n o-
t o s o m e r a t h e r w o n d e r f u l , s ne a k y , s e x y songs. Hell tised kangaroo. On their new album, U p r i s i n g,
bands, many of whom deserve more exposure. yeah. there are plenty of tracks to investigate – the
I will try to introduce you to a vari- opener “Morninglight” is gorgeous – sexy bass,
ety of musical experiences from these FAT FRED- ge ntly distorted vocals. They have musical
shores. DYS DROP – tastes wider as the Pacific Ocean, sampling
So here goes the guide: music for Slayer on “Raining Blood”, mixing heavy hair
your soul to throwing riffs with tight skanky drum and bass
PLUTO – sexy sneaky tunesters skank to breaks. Oh! And listen to the stealthy rhythms
This band is folky and sexy at the same Soulful reggae is a of the track “Ninja.” I want this song as my
time. Divine keyboards, mixed with popular sound in soundtrack when I turn super-hero/and or start
heavy, swaying guitars. Their first Aoteoroa. New Zealander’s purchase robbing banks.
a l b u m , r e d l i g h t s y n d r o m e has a few more Bob Marley per capita than
gems, “Hey Little”, and “She’s Jive”, any where else. Maybe it stems The delicious list of New Zealand music
but does not possess the consistency of from the abundance of beaches and goes on and on. Some other lovely antipodean
their follow up album Pipe Line the excellent ganja which goes bands are the Sneaks, the Rabble, the
Under the Ocean, w h i c h c a r r i e s along with many summer Blackseeds, Katchafire, Che Fu, King Kapisi,
some dirtier riffs and makes you experiences. Fat SJD, Dimmer…..yes….the lists goes on an on.
wanna dance even more. Pluto Freddie’s Drop sound Now you have hopefully been encour-
generally make me want to like a beautiful boat aged. Go listen to some Kiwi music!
stroll through a forest and swaying gently through Amplifier.co.nz has a lot of information on New
make campfires and dance the South Pacific waters, Zealand artists, and mp3 snippets of plenty of
around them with a banjo and a spreading their lazy lovely sound great tunes. Smokecds.com probably possesses
disco-ball. No banjos feature in as they go. They gots the reggae the most plentiful selection of New Zealand
P l u t o ’ s m u s i c – j u s t i n s t r u m e n t s t h a t Courtesy of Matt Willemain b e a t s , t h e y ’ l l m a k e y o u m o v e music for sale on ze internet. Clean out your
inspire banjo thoughts. They did y o u r h i p s w i t h o u t y o u e v e n r e a l- tired eardrums! Acquire some South Pacific
have a giant disco-ball at a show once though. I ising it. They also gots the soul that makes you sounds, my child. Your neurons will rejoice.
danced! w a n t t o s mile so wide that your mouth stretches
Reviews Page 17
Hey, Who Ordered the Reviews?
Arrested Development: Season 2 DVD
By David K. Ginn
I watched this show by accident. It was
playing in the office, so I decided to sit and
watch. I laughed my fucking ass off. Not only
is this show unique, intelligent, and creative,
but it also maintains a huge cult quality.
In season 2 we see Michael Bluth (Jason
Bateman), president of the Bluth Company ever
s i n c e h i s d a d ( J e f f r e y Ta m b o r ) w e n t t o p r i s o n
for embezzlement (or minor treason). The peo-
ple who make his life miserable are: his
socialite mother, Lucille (Jessica Walter);
his spoiled twin sister, Lindsay (Portia de
Rossi); her mismatched ex-psychiatrist-
t u r n e d - a c t o r h u s b a n d , T o b i a s (Mr. Show’s
David Cross); their wannabe-rebellious
daughter, Maeby (Alia Shawkat); Michael’s
older brother, and (sort of) professional In one
magician, GOB (Will Arnett); and Michael’s episode,
younger, sheltered brother, Buster ( Tony Hale). the family believes
The show follows Michael as he tries to run the that George Sr.
c o m p a n y , d e a l w i t h t hi s c r a z y a s s o r t m e n t o f away with the laugh track, (Michael’s dad) is dead and plans a
people, and find ways to spend time with his emotional family bonding, taboos funeral for him. Unfortunately, there’s no body
meek-yet-charming son, George-Michael on content, and… film. The show is to be found. In this same episode, GOB is
(Michael Cera), who harbors a secret crush on shot entirely on digital video, ashamed of not making the cover of a magician
h i s c ou s i n M a e b y . which gives it a very realistic yet magazine and vows to top himself. Anyone who
What ends up happening is a circus that captivating style. As I said before, knows GOB, and knows the show, can guess
in each episode starts small, blows up, and still the show’s innovation and adaptation immediately that part of the episode’s climax
manages to sew everything up before the credits actually hold it back, and the reason for this is w i l l i n c l u d e a n e l a b o r a t e i l l u s i o n ( “i l l u s i o n s ,
r o l l . Eac h ch ar act er h as t h ei r o wn amb i t i o n s, that audiences need time to realize that the Michael, i l l u s i o n s . Tricks are what a whore
and their own separate storyline that criss- world has changed. A r r e s t e d D e v e l o p m e n t w a s does for money… or coke.”) that fails horribly.
crosses with everyone else’s and usually ends not a casualty of this delay, thankfully, and is As the family is sitting in grief and discussing
with a climax so absurd it keeps you laughing b e g i n n i n g to pick up mainstream momentum. what to do about the lack of a body, the diehard
through the credits. Much like Seinfeld, which This show could have ended up in the “not ready fans slap their foreheads as GOB stands up
presented four different people with different for you yet” pile very easily (and it almost did). because in that instant they’ve f i g u r e d o u t w h a t
stories that would all end up coming to a head, Luckily, during its hour of judgment, the cult he’s going to say: that he shall (à la David
Arrested Development offers full justification fan base saved the day. Because of everyone who Blaine) take his father’s place in the coffin and
f o r w h a t , a t t i m e s , c o u l d b e c a l l e d p u r e a b s u r d- was so obsessed with this show, and their let- survive without food or nourishment in what
ity. ters to Fox Television, A r r e s t e d D e v e l o p m e n t will be the most acclaimed illusion ever.
The first season picked up a very large was picked up for a third season and is now What’s even better is when it’s actually
cult fan base, but it was never considered to be playing. Woohoo! It just shows that some things attempted. In the same vein as George-Michael’s
truly mainstream. There are obvious reasons ( l i k e S t a r Trek: Enterprise, w h i c h e a r n e d n e a r- campaign video (you have to see it to truly
for this. The show is unlike most of what’s on ly enough money from its cult fans to film understand), the climax completely defies your
T.V. because it has done the impossible: it has another season and still perished) need to die, expe ctations. At those times, y o u r e a l i z e t h a t
resurrected the T.V. sitcom. T.V. sitcoms dwin- and others need to live. just about anything can happen on this show.
dled and died slowly because they refused Now, about the show. Season 2 includes a load of regular guest
to adapt. It’s pure Darwinian logic. Every character has their characters, including the famous Bluth family
Television has changed, and if the quirks, and the more you get to attorney Barry Zuckerkorn (Henry Winkler, in a
p r o g r a m s d o n ’ t a d a pt t h e y w i l l know them the funnier they role that, I believe, shows he can exist beyond
die. Seinfeld came about at a get. This is the only show The Fonze), George-Michael’s Christian-conser-
time when there were few sit- I ’ v e s e e n w h e r e p r e- vative girlfriend Ann Veal (Mae Whitman),
c o m s t h a t w e r e n ’ t c l i c h é - r i d- dictability is a driving Lucille’s shady housemaid, Lupe (B.W.
den and formulaic. Seinfeld force. You know exactly Gonzales), and the tit-flashing, incriminating-
took the formulas and clichés, how each character will information-holding, ex-secretary Kitty
tore them apart, and put react to a given situa- Sanchez (Judy Greer). These regulars really
together a jigsaw puzzle that tion, and yet somehow hold the show up when it’s needed, and are
amounted to- well, nothing. it ends up going far amazingly talented. Like certain props (i.e. the
That was adaptation. People beyond what you’d Stair Car and GOB’s scooter), the RGs are called
wanted to see a lack of fami- expected. This is the upon at just the right moments to knock things
l y v a l u e s a n d m o r a l e t i- tool of the show. They out over the edge. The main cast, in my opinion,
quette, because that’s put you in Michael’s would begin to seem isolated and unreal if not
where T.V. was headed. place, the place of the for these regular supporting elements. They
A r r e s t e d r e s p o n s i b l e form their own world, and it’s through the con-
Development does the same brother/son/father tinuity of that world and its minor details that
thing, except over fifteen who’s surrounded you feel totally captivated.
years later. Popular culture by idiots he’s Don’t worry if you haven’t seen the first
has never been static, and with known his entire season. Definitely see it, but you don’t have to
the importance of technology life. He knows watch it to get into the second season. I’m not
growing exponentially the every little thing going to go over any special features because I
dynamics move more quickly about t hem, every watched a ripped DVD and had some navigation-
with each year that quirk…yet still a l d i f f i c u l t i e s o n m y s e v e n - y e a r - o l d D V D p l a y-
passes. A r r e s t e d they surprise er. I’m sure they’re great, though. Maybe some-
Development and amaze him one else can review them.
decides every day. Dudes, definitely watch t h i s s h o w .
to do
Page 18 Reviews
Hey, Who Ordered the Reviews?
Great Comic Books #2:
Batman Year One and The Dark Night Returns By Thomas Mets
The Dark Knight Returns Miller to tell the defining stories of the second- method of breaking the average page into six-
Writer/ Penciller- Frank Miller most recognizable comic book superhero. teen panels rather than the traditional nine
Inker- Klaus Janson Miller decided to write The Dark Knight panels allowed him to make the s t o r y f a r d e n s e r ,
Colorist- Lynn Varley R e t u r n s when, at 30, he became upset at the idea use cinematic pacing, and ensured that every
Letterer- John Costanza that he was a year older than Batman, and bor- splash page would be striking. He was also
rowed many of the ideas Alan Moore was using innovative in his use of moment-to-moment
Batman: Year One i n Watchmen (Which he, and pretty much transitions (i.e. the Joker slowly puffs a ciga-
Writer- Frank Miller everyone else working at DC at the time got to rette over the course of 3 panels) as opposed to
Illustrator- David Mazzuchelli view before the general audience). He told a j u s t t h e a c t i o n - t o - a c t i o n t r a n s i t i on s ( i . e . t h e
Colorist- Richmond Lewis simple story about a middle-aged Batman com- Joker stabs Batman, Batman punches Joker) far
Letterer- To d d Kl ei n ing out of retirement, after Gotham City goes to more common in superhero comics. These were
Hell without him, and the backlash that follows. pretty much non-existent in American comics,
Batman was created by Bob Kane. Y e a r However, his Batman is a far darker hero will- and frequent in the manga which Frank Miller
O n e, a n d T h e D a r k K n i g h t owe much to the work ing to snap the backs of criminals, torture was one of the first American creators to read
of Bob Kane, Bill Finger, Jerry Robinson, Dave h e n c h m e n f o r i n f o r m a t i o n ( i n c r e a t i v e & e n t e r- (He later repaid the favor by drawing the covers
Fleischer, Max Fleischer, Joe for the American editions of
Shuster, Jerry Sie gel, and Dick Lone Wolf & Cub). The manga
Sprang influences may explain why
Miller is better than any other
Until the 1950s, American creator at portraying
Batman was the dark detective a fight scene, as evident in
of a darker city. Then the book Batman’s battles with the
Seduction of the Innocent c o n- Mutant Leader, the Joker, and
vinced parents that comic Superman. The last match was
books were the only things unexpected to say the least,
responsible for the bad things even though the entire story
their children did (theft, leads into it. The, “Who would
homosexuality, accepting peo- win a fight – Batman or
ple of other races & religions Superman?” debate began here,
as equals, etc) and Batman sto- because Frank Miller was
ries became a lot tamer, and screwed up enough to ask, and
wackier (Batman in space!) to answer that question.
s u r v i v e u n d e r t h e n e w r e g u l a- While Miller’s Batman is
tions of the Comics Code a man of absolute morals willing
Authority (imposed to assure to do what is right and nothing
parents that their children else, his Superman has compro-
would not be corrupted by mised his principles, and
comic book stories.) These become the minion of a corrupt
tales were adapted into the government which denies his
campy adventures of the 1960s very existence in order to be
Batman TV show, and resulted allowed to continue saving the
in the majority of the public world. The final battle has been
thinking that Batman is Adam controversial to t h i s d a y , t o s a y
West. There were a few decent the least. Some believe the story
creative runs in the Batman has corrupted the very idea of
books in the years after that, Superman, while others have
but it was Frank Miller’s run declared it the best battle/
on th e character which m o m e nt i n c o m i c s . Miller
restored his distinction as the understands and exhibits the
dark knight, influencing the awe Superman should inspire
mood of the top-grossing Tim with excellent sequences such
Burton movies, the Timm-Dini as his first scenes with
cartoons, and every other Superman in action (Hell – any
IT’S A THIN, CHIAROSCURIC LINE THAT THE BAT-MAN WALKS,
depiction of Batman since. T h e Courtesy of MoralAbsolutism of his scenes wi t h S u p e r m a n i n
D a r k K n i g h t R e t u r n s w a s p u b- action), and a White House
lished at the same time as exchange between Superman and
W a t c h m e n (Great Comic Book #1) and has had a t a i n i n g w a y s w h i c h p u t D i r t y H a r r y t o s h a m e ) , the President, in which the stripes of the
tremendous influence on mainstream coverage a n d a p p r o a c h a b a t t l e w i t h a f a r s t r o n g e r , American flag slowly dissolve into the second
of superhero comic books, the eventual darken- younger, and dumber enemy as if he were a sur- most recognizable American Symbol. These
ing of comics, and the pub lication of comic book geon, and the mudhole they’re fighting in an s e q u e n c e s a r e o n l y m a d e b e t te r w h e n M i l l e r
t r a d e p a p e r b a c k s ( n o w r e f e r r e d t o a s g r a p h i c operating table. This Gotham is filled with ter- illustrates the circumstances under which
novels.) rified civilians, psychos who kill for the fun of Batman can stand a chance of beating Superman.
C r e a t o r F r a n k M i l l e r f i r s t b e c a m e it, and cops who don’t know if this masked vig- After he wrote & drew Batman’s last
k n o w n a s a n i l l u s t r a t o r , a n d w r i t e r o f D a r e d e v i l , i l a n t e i s a hero or a lunatic.. a d v e n t u r e i n T h e D a r k K n i g h t R e t u r n s, F r a n k
during what has become known as its definitive The book has a dark sense of humor, as M i l l e r w r o t e Year One about Bruce Wayne’s first
run (I’ll cover it soon in this column.) The man F r a n k M i l e r s a t i r i z e s e v e r y t h i n g f r o m i n e f f e c- year back in Gotham, and Lieutenant James
had a love of the Batman mythos since he was a tive politicians trying to make as few decisions Gordon’s first year in a very corrupt city (the
child, and Daredevil Editor Jo Duffy often shot a s p o s s i b l e t o a f f l u e n t l i b e r a l s s p e a k i n g o u t f o r tale has become my favorite cop drama to date).
down his ideas because they were more appro- the rights of criminals in neighborhoods they’d Miller had the opportunity to tell the stories he
p r i a t e f o r t h e d a r k d e t e c t i v e t h a n t h e b l i n d never live in, and moronic TV hosts (in one case a l l u d e d t o i n D a r k K n i g h t, such as Gordon’s
a t t o r n e y w i t h s u p e r - s e n s e s . I t ’ s n o s u r p r i s e a perfect caricature of David Letterman) who attempts to bring down the world’s greatest
that he went on to do great things for the char- say “ Th at ’s just rude” when the Joker promises
acter, although I doubt anyone was expecting to kill everyone in their audience. Miller’s Continued on next page
Reviews Page 19
Hey, Who Ordered the Reviews?
“Citizens in Petrol”
That’s how I envisioned the end of this movie. Everyone on the set being drenched
in high-octane super unleaded grade A petroleum and then being set on fire in front of
a live studio audience. That would have at least been entertaining.
There is not much good about the movie. The acting is bad. The writing is vomit-
worthy. The characters are so lame that you just want to hit them over the head
THIS MOVIE BLEW with a Black and Decker toaster oven. I don’t know what happened here, but this
Courtesy of the movie that really blew movie sucks.
Reviews Page 21
Hey, Who Ordered the Reviews?
Hanson Comes to Campus, and They’re More
Than Just Dreamy
By Adina Silverbush
Hanson graced Stony Brook University and brought with them a documentary about they weren’t good enough for someone, “Jeff”,
with their presence on Sunday Nov. 6t h. That’s their struggle with the music industry. who never even played in a band. Jeff Feinster,
right, Hanson, those three brothers that sang Sick of being told by the music industry their former record executive, continued to give
“MMMBOP” when most of us were in junior high that “you are what’s wrong with your music” the Hansons non-constructive criticism
school. Their hair was long and blonde, and and tired of being made to feel inadequate throughout the documentary. Isa a c , s a i d h e f e l t
because their producers don’t understand bad for Jeff, saying, “it just wasn’t in him, he
their music, Hanson, after years without an didn’t have the music fan element.” The
album release, broke away and formed their Hansons used themselves as an example in their
own record label, 3CG. I asked Zac Hanson documentary; there are far too many musicians
what 3CG meant and he said the 3 obviously being drained by these large corporations, who
refers to the three brothers, and the CG to simply don’t get what the music is about.
car garage. He feels that music should be Ideally, they want to start a m u s i c r e v o l u t i o n
ab l e t o stand up in every situation, even with like that of the 60’s. Music is about bringing
a crappy amp and a less then ideal space. No people together, and artists shouldn’t feel
matter how much money and special effects muted because of big business.
y o u a d d to your music, in reality it all comes Whether you enjoy Hanson’s music or
down to whether the music is good. “Great not, you can’t complain about the message they
songs, great performers and passion and not are bringing. Musicians deserve free speech
production value,” he said. If you sound just like the rest of us. Their documentary was
good in a car garage then you’re good. The long, and the boys now have shorter brown hair,
band will be signing other artists to their but they still had plenty of giggling girls at
THERE IS NO “ME” IN DREAMY, label as long as they feel strongly about their Q and A at the Tabler Arts Center. Overall
Courtesy of Jowy “Fingers” Romano their music. I was impressed by how intellige n t t h e y s e e m e d ,
The Hansons really wanted to reach out p l u s t h e y t r e a t e d u s P r e s s people like real VIPs,
girls thought they were dreamy. You may have to their peers, which is why they’re coming to giving us a 20 min. private question and answer
thought they were done, now that their voices universities. They said, “we’re all the same session. Yea, I got my picture taken with them
were no longer pre-pubescent (yea I totally got people as you are and we have the pow er to too! Also, everyone who took the time to come
to use that word in two articles in a row) but change it [the music industry].” They want to out got a free copy of their new CD, except they
t hey came to Stony Brook to tell us no! Isaac save others from being subjected to what they accidentally gave us a copy of their greatest
(24), Taylor (22), and Zac (20) Hanson are back a n d m a n y other groups have suffered through; hits, and “MMMBOP” is on it, so I’m happy!
Page 22 Reviews
Seawolves Men’s Soccer Holds Off Catamounts
On Senior Night
By Antony Lin
In a rematch of the 2004 America East pleased with the tackle, Kouadio got up and gave Matt Chew attempted to chip Moschella from 40
Playoffs, the Stony Brook Seawolves squared off Lynch a few shoves. Right winger/defender yards out, to no avail.
against the Vermont Catamounts. As in 2004, Zachary Norwood came over and shoved Kouadio. The Catamounts would get their best
the Seawolves defeated the Catamounts, who Defender Yahaya Musa would join in as well, as opportunity of the second half in the 71st
were ranked #19 nationally, 1-0 in front of a he and Kouadio exchanged shoves. Musa and minute. With the ball falling right to
home crowd at LaValle Stadium. Kouadio were booked by referee Hossam Saad. Crasilneck, Crasilneck made a cut to the right.
Seniors Chris Scarpati, Dorin Djura, Rob “It was an emotional game. One of their His shot from 22 yards out wo u l d sa il o n l y
Fucci, Chris Megaloudis, John Moschella, players just happened to be out of control,” said inches wide of the far right post, past a diving
Douglas Narvaez, and Mark Zajkowski were all Markovic. Moschella.
honored during the pre-game for Senior Night. On the ensuing free kick, Kouadio con- Vermont would get one last chance with
“What a way to go out,” said Scarpati. “It t i n u e d s h oving players in the box as the two seconds left off a free kick from 26 yards out.
was an all-around effort from the team tonight. linesman, Joseph Carrone and Ken Heller looked The Seawolves wall was able to do its job as time
We now have to try and take it to another level.” on. ran out.
The cold weather and occasional rain did The Seawolves had another excellent “The game was tough and tight,” said
not stop the 400 supporters from being vocal chance in the 43rd minute, off a cross from midfielder Matt Avellino. “We got ourselves a
throughout the match. Stony Brook stuck with Megaloudis on the right wing. His cross was huge result. We did what we needed to do to win.
its usual 3-5-2 formation, while Vermont used flicked on by Narvaez, which found Scarpati. Hopefully we can get another match here at
a 4-4-2. Scarpati’s touch from point blank would go just home.”
“There was fantastic fan support wide of the post. As the match ended, another brawl
tonight,” said Seawolves coach Cesar Markovic. The second half would see the broke out, started by Kouadio once again. Both
“They were into the game and it helped us a lot.” Catamounts apply more pressure to find the sides gathered to stop the confrontation. The
Stony Brook had the first opportunity of equalizer. Despite a talk from Vermont head affair ended as Kouadio ran and h i d b e h i n d s e v-
the game in the 5th minute off a set piece on the coach Jesse Cormier, Kouadio looked to provoke eral Vermont players.
left. Midfielder Michael Palacio’s service found things for the third time in the second half by The matched marked the first time the
Megaloudis, whose header would sail just high running into Moschella, long after Moschella Seawolves were victorious over a ranked team.
and wide of the near post. c l a i m e d t h e bal l . The h ome s i de’s s upport e rs “We came out and put forth a special
Midfielder and forward Pete Halkidis began jeering each time Kouadio touched the effort,” said Markovic. “We played the 19th
would end up netting the game-winner for his ball. team in the country and we knocked them off.”
first collegiate goal in the 21st minute. Off a I n the 59th minute, left winger Tamer With the victory, Stony Brook improves
short corner, Narvaez touched it to Palacio, who Mohamed nearly made it 2-0 off a lackadaisical to 4-1-1 in America East, and 9-3-3 overall.
returned it to Narvaez. Narvaez sent an inswing- play by goalkeeper Tom Critz. Mohamed’s chip Vermont fell to 3-3-1 and 10-4-2.
ing low cross finding Halkidis from 12 yards pass into the box, which took quite a hop due to “It was a great win, an emotional win,”
out. Halkidis’ one-timer found the back of the the wet surface, slipped through the hands of said Markovic. “I thank [the seniors] for every-
net for the 1-0 lead. C r i t z , n e arly sneaking into to the near post. thing. I am extremely proud of them.”
“It was a tough game and an important Two minutes later, Vermont defender
one,” said Halkidis. “The goal
was my first collegiate goal. It
was a play that we practiced on
throughout.”
Three minutes later, the
visitors would come back with
thei r first opportunity of the
match. Defender Justin Geibel
m a d e a c u t t o h i s r i g h t a n d b e n d-
ed a shot from 24 yards out just
wide of the far post.
Vermont’s best chance of
the game would come in the 25th
minute. An attempted clearance
deep in the back deflected off of
Geibel. The ball sprung towards
goal from point blank, forcing
Moschella to make a fantastic
reflex save.
The visitors would
threaten again in the 32nd
minute. Off a turnover at mid-
field, forward Jordan Crasilneck
shot one from the right wing
within 18 yards out, which was
denied by a diving Moschella.
Things would get quite
physical starting from the 41st
minute on. Defender Martin
Lynch’s attempt to win the ball
from striker Lee Stephane
Kouadio, who was not wearing
his normal jersey number for the
night, resulted in a foul. Not
Sports Page 23
Examination of a Common Lie
(Bitterness Ensues) By Alison Schwartz
“How are you?” ing time and I wish I could be you just for one know how you feel and why. Deal with it.
It’s such a simple question, but there’s a d a y . This question is a force of nature, like
choice you have to make when you answer: to lie But those people aren’t me. I wasn’t born urinating, maybe. “How are you?” Why even ask
o r t e l l t h e t r u t h . D o e s a n y o n e r e a l l y t e l l t h e that way. I ache, I bleed, I scream, I rant and it if you don’t really want to know, you just want
truth when it comes to that question, or do they rave, I explode, I melt, I disintegrate, I succumb to be told what you want to hear? Do I plaster on
say what everyone wants to hear? It’s truly t o t h e i n n e r d a r k n e s s w i t h i n . I s m i l e a n d l a u g h a fake grin and tell people at work that I’m good
mechanical, automatic. In fact, you probably when I feel like it, not when others want me to when I’m as low as the fucking ground? Of
don’t even think about your course. Guilty as charged. I’m a
answer before it flows from phony . A s ha m. A h y p o c r i t e .
your lips: “I’m But that’s how you get by
good/fine/OK/pretty good.” in this world, right? You bend
Do es an y o n e r eal l y ca r e the truth. You wear a mask.
how you are, or is it just a cour- People like co n s i s t e n c y . T h e y
tesy question, as automatic as a don’t like change. They don’t
comment on the weather, know how to react to reality.
meant to mask reality? People are plastic. They want to
No one wants to hear h e a r t h a t e v e r y t h i n g i s f a b u-
that you’re dying inside, that lous in the world and that life
you’re struggling to stay afloat. is wonderful, because how do
That you have so much inner they react to the truth? They
rage that you want to take a crumble. They don’t know how
brick and destroy something to react. “I’m sorry to hear
beautiful (why does that sound that.” Bullshit. You just care
familiar...?). That you cracked about yourself. You’ve been
your tooth on a half-empty programmed to say stuff like
glass, tripped on your that whenever you hear bad
shoelace, swallowed your gum, news. And then people treat
and stepped in dog excrement y o u d i f f e r e n t l y a n d a r e a w k-
a l l i n t h e s p a n o f t w e n t y m i n- ward around you because
utes. You’d be a whiner, a you’re some de p r e s s i v e i n v a l i d
downer, brewer of social dis- that doesn’t know how to smile
comfort (anything but that!). or something.
The closest you can You tell t h e t r u t h o n e
come to a real answer without day, creating fear (without hav-
p e o p l e l o o k i n g s h o c k e d o r MR. BEAR, YOU DO NOT CARE, YOU’RE THINKING, “DID I BRUSH MY HAIR?” ing to become the drooling zom-
a p p a l l e d o r s t u n n e d i s “ I ’ v e Courtesy of Matt Willemain bie that consumes brains for
been better.” Does that really a f t e r - s c h o o l s n a c k s ) , a n d s u d-
efficiently convey inner turmoil? For some peo- feel like it. I’m too analytical not to observe this denly you’re an outcast. Well, ladies and gents,
ple “I’m good/great” IS the honest answer to that c o n s t a n t t r e n d a n d I b e l i e v e t h e s u s t a i n i n g o f I ’ d r a t h e r b e a n h o n e s t o u t c a s t t h a n a p o p u l a r
question. And I’m happy for you. I applaud you such served as breeding ground for the emo- l i a r ( I r e a l i z e t h a t c l o s i n g l i n e s a r e s u p p o s e d t o
h a p p y - g o - l u c k y w i n n e r s t h a t l e a d s u c h a tionless drones that walk the earth (Dawn of the b e s t a r k , i n s p i r i n g r e v e l a t i o n s , b u t I t h i n k I ’ v e
c h a r m e d e x i s t e n c e . Y o u a r e t r u l y b l e s s e d w i t h Dead, anyone?). failed miserably). Adieu, my minions (and don’t
the fortune of being happy (or being a good If I ask how you are, I care enough to ask ask me how I am unless you want to know next
enough actor to feign being happy) all the fuck- and I want more than a single word. I want to t i m e , p u n k s ! ) .
Young Girl
By Jo Ann Campise
All of a sudden, the songs sound like Attach? Sometimes, I see people holding hands
o r c h e s t r a t e d o r g a s m s . T h e g r a s s a p p e a r s g r e e n- and they are look ing in opposite directions – not
e r - a l t h o u g h e v e r y t h i n g l o o k s g r e e n e r w h e n j u x- even talking – it becomes a leash, a habit, it
taposed with the black hole. The dip of empti- becomes boring. Hands are what you use to
ness – well, not empty – just finished. And it is reach, touch, and hold people (notice I didn’t
a new day for you. Full of possibilities. You put say things – that’s a whole other issue I’ll get
your best smiling face on – and not because I into another time).
told you to, but because you just can’t stop A palm reader once told me I had good
laughing. Because everything is great. And why palms – he said all the people in my life now are
shouldn’t it be? And then your mind starts to like running water – and I’ll fin d t h e r e a l p e r-
wander and you drift away. son of my dreams at age 26. He said I’d be suc-
I carry 3 lucky charms with me – sou- cessful at age 36 and well-established in my
venirs of great times – actually-fuckin’ good career at 40-something. I would have 1 child
times. Times where I feel like I am sitting in most likely – maybe 2. Maybe. He said to write
front of a mirror staring my soul in the eyes. things down and stay focused.
I’ll tell you about soul – when your soul is sat- Now, I don’t know if I believe him – I
isfied everything and is in tune. You can be believe that it sounds like the average American
with a ton of people but you sigh on the inside girl’s life. But I’ve got a little secret – I’m not.
a n d y o u r eyes flutter. See, I don’t believe you Its possible that this could happen – this
need to just be with one person – if you are in old Indian man gave me insight on one path my
love with that person you can be with 100 peo- life might follow – I might do something else –
ple...at a time. And yet when you are with that DAYDREAMING but its only by choice, not by chance. Because,
one person you know it all just feels real good. Courtesy of handholders anonymous no matter how you live your life you will always
Hmm... I’d better start thinking about that live it perfectly, because it is your life, and
shit for school that’s due... hmm... some photo Now I’m daydreaming. The clouds are only you can have this life. Even if you don’t
p r i n t s . S o m e p r i n t m a k i n g p r i n t s , a n d s o m e p h i- really cool shapes. I am losing focus. achieve what you strive for as perfection, you
losophy studing… ugh. You know, I think I feel Your hands aren’t hands. They are a body. h o l d y o u r l i f e in the palm of your hand. I hap-
more euphoric when I don’t think about that What’s it mean when you walk around campus pen to be holding a cigarette, which I’m going to
s t u f f , w h e n I just feel. holding your lover by the hand? Do you think go smoke now.
they will run away? Do you need to connect?
Page 24 Insights and Personal Exposition
It’s Funny Becuase It’s True. slapped with a whip? It hurts! “courtship” always, what’s that word, crazy?
So now it’s mid-semester – another word Eventually, after all of the desperation The guy is afraid to say something wrong
for this is ‘midterm’. The word ‘midterm’ is and searching (oh and you’ve searched far and because she’ll snap and then cause another
appropriate because it tells you two simple wide, you even tried to get that cute blind girl relationship fight. It’s you against the big dou-
words in one word. It is the middle of the term, to like you for “you”) you find a mate. You get ble standard monster where it’s o k i f s h e d oe s
hence midterm. If it were two weeks into the that mate of your dreams and you’re so happy things but fucked up if you do it. You know what
semester then it wouldn’t be mid-term, it would that you feel like t he world couldn’t get any bet- I’m talking about, there are certain things that
be two weeks into school. Keeping this in mind, ter. a girl can say that if a guy were to do it, she
I don’t understand why teachers like to call The beginning of a relationship is would flip. For example, one day my girlfriend
their exams a “ midterm”. If you have four tests always so nice and sweet. You guys are like “oh said, “Wow, that guy is hot.” I didn’t think any-
in a class and each one is called a midterm, then hey, how was your day… You’re so funny you thing much of it and simply said “ok.” A few
I believe there is something wrong with your crack me up you silly goose… oh don’t say that days later, I pointed out a girl was hot… bad
grammar. Two weeks into a class is not midway, about yourself you will always be pretty to me.” idea. She turned into a transformer. You know
it’s not the center of the term, nor is it middle. You and your new favorite mate are holding those innocent looking trucks that turn into
If the semester is a piece of paper and you fold hands everywhere you go, showing PDA (Public killing machines, that’s what she mutated into
it in half you would not get a symmetrical fig- Displays of Affection) to the point where you right in front of my eyes. I had to find a shield
ure, no- it would be uneven. In order to solve n e e d o t h e r p e o p l e t o c e n s o r y o u f o r i n a p p r o p r i- to block the torturous tumult. I like that
this problem of epidemic proportions I have ate behavior. You know, the PDA goes out of expression because of the T’s. Go ahead, read
defined a new classification system to solve this h a n d w h e n you end up missing your stop on the that line aloud for a second and say “torturous
confusion and utter deviations from proper LIRR, naked, and in a remote part of Long Island, tumult.” Don’t worry if anyone around you is
grammar. Assuming you have a class with four trying to explain to the conductor why you were wondering why you’re talking to yourself just
exams, the most appropriate word for the first tell them it’s because you had t o s a y “ t o r t u r o u s
exam is a ‘quarterm’, since it is taken during tumult.” And the n, encourage whoever is next to
the first “quarter” of the semester. The next you to say it too, it’s simple and rolls beauti-
test can be the beloved ‘midterm’, a test smack fully right off the tongue, torturous tumult.
dab in the middle of the semester. Then you fin- No matter what I said, she always had a
ish it off with another ‘quarter-term’ and then “torturous tumult”. If a beautiful girl ever
finally- the dreaded final. needed CPR and I was the only person around
No matter what term it is, I’ve been par- that was certified in CPR and gave the girl
tying more often this semester, so that means mouth to mouth, she would seriously say, “so
I’ve been drunk on many occasions. It’s weird did you enjoy kissing that other girl? I know
because no matter how drunk you are, there is you jumped to give her mouth to mouth so you
always a sober part of your brain that sits back can have an excuse for kissing someone else, I’m
and watches you make a fool out of yourself. It’s just not good enough for you, maybe if I had
like while you drink you give your brain the plastic surgery you would notice me more!”
night off and it sits there eating popcorn and Girls, you deny it, but you know- it’s true. You
watches your every move. I’m sure you all can let the insecurities get the best of you.
relate – it’s that little voice that’s like, “Oh Mo, [Most] girls have no reasoning, they don’t
you dumb fuck, go ahead see what happens if believe in it. When God was making woman he
you step on the gas harder, come on… OHHHHH, must have said “Reasoning? Ha! They don’t need
hahaha I knew it you dumb fuck, you’re so that.” I have no dou bt that the female sex gets
drunk.” And it’s weird because while you’re mad on a whim. Just a random urge every now
drunk you can actually HEAR this voice. Your and then to cause another tumult. On some
drunken ass body is aware of the sober mind’s mornings girls wake up and say to themselves,
presence but it ignores it. Your body says, “I HA HA HA “Hmm, what am I going to do today, I know- I’ll
know I’m wasted, voice of reason... but I’m still Courtesy of Matt Willemain a pick a fight with my boyfriend and get him
going to do it anyway, I’m going to take advan- really mad.” They work out the d e ta il s as t h ey
tage of that drunken girl.” caught doing reverse cowgirl in the middle of brush their teeth, they have it elaborately set
Right now I want to talk about something the car. up so that you fall into the trap and when you
else – females. Females are what I like to call, an But then, but THEN – your new mate least suspect it, they get you! The fight is never
‘enigma’. An enigma is defined as “somebody or changes. You guys are together for a while and over. There is no other way to explain it. I think
something that is not easily explained or then all of a sudden the niceness just evapo- girlfriends lie in bed after a lon g d a y o f f i g h t-
understood.” If I were the author of a thesaurus, r a t e s , i t d i s s i p a t e s , f o r u s e o f a n o t h e r a p p r o p r i- ing and think to themselves “That was a really
a synonym for ‘enigma’ would be ‘female.’ Let me ate synonym. What used to be a singing dove has great fight, what should I fight about tomorrow?
tell you why females are such enigmas. You may turned into an evil crazy three-headed monster. Maybe I’ll tell him he blinke d h i s e y e s t h e
not agree, but I’m going to address my issue Emphasis on the three heads mind you, because wrong way.” I don’t know why they do it, like I
anyway because I know a lot of guys out there she’s not as crazy as a regular monster, that said – females are an enigma: the unsolvable
can relate on what I like to call “solving the would be an understatement, no – she is as crazy puzzle of the universe.
unsolvable puzzle,” a.k.a. “a relationship.” as a monster with three heads. Then suddenly Then comes the break-up. Breaking up is
Since I just came out of a pretty long relation- you go from “I want to be with you for the rest the worst part because no matter how much
ship I am doing my part for society in con- of my life” to “FUCK! What did I get myself anger there is in the relationship, you always
tributing my theories on this enigma and maybe into??? This crazy bitch gets mad if I say ‘hello’ want to end it peacefully. What’s the most com-
one day they will help us g et closer to the solu- the wrong way!” mon thing people say when t h e y b r e a k u p ?
tion. In my last relationship I said this to my “Baby, it’s not you – it’s me.” Bullshit, of course
You see, when a person is single long girlfriend, “Hey.” Now it seems harmless since it’s “you,” because if it wasn’t “you,” then I
enough they lose control. We say things like, i t i s a s t a ndard greeting among English speak- wouldn’t be trying to leave “you.” The only time
“Oh man... oh man, oh man, oh man... I need a e r s l i v i n g i n A m e r i c a , b u t t o h e r i t w a s u n a c- that works is if one of the mates decides that
girlfriend! I can’t go on ONE MORE DAYYY with- ceptable: “What? That’s it? Just hey? You don’t they are g ay, in that case it’s not “you.”
out a girl in my life!” In their eyes, life begins ask me how I am or give me a hug and kiss? Unfortunately that’s not how it hap-
to suck and seeing everyone else with a partner Whatever, I guess you don’t even like me any- pened for me. We were having this heated fight
just adds salt to the wounds. It feels like you more.” How do you respond to that? “Uh… I um, one time and I got so mad at her, I said, “Fuck
just got a huge gash in your chest and someone apple.” Because nothing can go wrong with you I’m going before I do something really bad,
dropped you in a sea of salty water and then, apple, who doesn’t like apples? No one, apple is like dump you!” And she softly said, “No Mo,
immediately after, you get slapped right across just a safe word. It’s over…” then I paused and thought – “SWEET!
the chest, with a whip. Have you ever been Is it just me or is the female half of a I DIDN’T HAVE TO DO IT!”
Column-in’ Page 25
SBU-TV Lineup
Monday & Tuesday A Message from the Producer of the
5:00
5:30
-
5:30: World Business
-
6:00: Think Talk Campus Cooking Show, Who is Not
Nearly as Talented as the Host
6:00 -
9:00: National Lampoon
9:00 -
9:30: Cooking: for
Those Who Don’t By David K. Ginn
Know How to Message: The Stony Brook 6. When the oven timer goes beep more. The smell is the absolute
Cook campus cooking show, beep beep it’s time to start cooking most inviting cooking smell you will
9:30 - 10:00: Ski & Snow Cooking: for Those Who Don’t the meat. S e t t h e o v e n t i m e r f o r create. Truly. Mmmmm....
Know How to Cook, airs on another eight minutes after it 9. When the oven timer goes beep
10:00 - 12:00: Seawolves SBU-TV channel 20 _______ g o e s o f f. Then take a big-ass fry- beep beep yet again it’s time to add
Sports ing pan, the biggest you can find, some cheese, bitch! Take that fuck-
12:00 - 12:30: Ski & Snow and put it over the big-ass burner. ing pan out of the oven, lay it some-
Recipe for Fucking Awesome Take as much meat as will comfort- where where it won’t ruin things,
12:30 - 1:00: Broken Radio ably fit on the pan, with enough especially unsuspecting, innocent
1:00 - 2:00: In Focus Cheese Fries room to break it up and stir it later, flesh. Coat it with half a bag of each
2:00 - 4:00: USG Senate and put that meat on that fucking cheese, making sure that just about
Ingredients: the entire surface is
4:00 - 4:30: Late Night with covered. If you use a
Beverly Bryan One bag of French fries
bit more now it’s okay.
Chop meat
4:30 - 5:00: The Silly Spider Put that shit back in
Cooking spray
the oven when you’re
Monkey Fiasco Garlic powder
done.
5:00 - 5:30: Ghoul a Go-Go One small bag of shred-
10. Stir that fucking
ded cheddar cheese
5:30 - 6:00: Ski & Snow One small bag of shred-
meat.
11. W h e n c h e e s e h a s
ded Monterey jack cheese
begun to melt about
Wednesday & Thursday One small bag of shred-
halfway, it’s about
ded mozzarella cheese
t i m e t o a d d y o u r d e l i-
One tablespoon of love
5:00 - 5:30: Ski & Snow ciously c o o k e d g a r l i c
meat. Make sure you
5:30 - 6:00: Broken Radio Directions: taste it first to test its
6:00 - 6:30: Think Talk 4. Once all the Jews are
garlicness. If it is not
6:30 - 7:00: World Business garlicky enough, feel
slaughtered, you may try
free to add a bit more
7:00 - 8:00: In Focus to invade France. If need
powder and stir it in
8:00 - 10:00: USG Senate be, substitute methane
before applying to the
gas for cyanide. Once
10:00 - 11:30: Indi Film fries. Also remember
you’ve created your
that ‘it s ’ i s t h e p o s s e s-
11:30 - 12:00: Clips & Quips ‘final solution’, you can-
sive form of the pro-
12:00 - 12:30: Late Night with ...
noun ‘it’ and ‘it’s’ is
Beverly Bryan Nope. Wrong book. MMMM...LET IT DRIP IN YOUR MOUTH the contraction of ’it
Courtesy of Gluttony and Lust is’. Don’t ever confuse
12:30 - 1:00: Cooking: for those, or I shall turn
Those Who Ah! Here it is!
you into a eunuch.
Don’t Know How 1. Preheat oven to 450 degrees.
pan. 12. Add the rest of the cheese even-
to Cook 7. When meat starts to sizzle, it is ly over the freshly applied meat.
2. Spray a large cookie sheet evenly
time to break it up. Do it. Use your After everything is done and taken
1:00 - 3:00: Seawolves Sports with cooking spray and lay fries in
spatula and give it hell. Break it up care of, place the entire pan of fries
a s i n g l e l a y e r.
3:00 - 3:30: Ski & Snow 3. Spray fries lightly with cooking
into taco meat, bitch. back in the oven and wait for the
3:30 - 4:00: Think Talk 8. When the meat begins to brown cheese to melt above the meat. When
spray.
just a little bit, but with still a lot this happens, you’ve scored. Take
4:00 - 4:30: Late Night with 4. Heat the largest top burner on the
of raw and sizzling goods, coat all that pan out, and place it on heat
Beverly Bryan oven to 7 .
the meat evenly with a layer of gar- protector thingies on your kitchen
5 . On ce o v en i s p r e- heated (that
4:30 - 5:00: The Silly Spider lic powder. Make sure the top sur- or dining room table. Let your com-
annoying little beep that happens),
face is covered. Then begin to stir it mie side come and out and use
Monkey Fiasco put the pan of fries in the oven.
in, using the meat’s own grease to knives and forks with your friends
5:00 - 5:30: Ghoul a Go Go Make a note of the time, and set the
create a marinade. Stir it very well, and dig the fuck in.
oven timer for eight minutes.
5:30 - 6:00: Ski & Snow until you can’t see the powder any-
Editor’s Note:
Can’t argue that point...
...pop
WATCH ME GO P O P
Courtesy of Matt Willemain
Da Funny Page 27
Sweating
By Jeremy Falletta
I’m sitting in class and all the windows There’s a garbage can propping the door I’m going down hard but it’s not me, I’m
a r e o p e n a n d i t ’ s J a n u a r y a n d i t ’ s c o l d e r t h a n open, a little guy, and I’m trying to maneuver still watching from over there. Suddenly there’s
the arctic in here and I can’t stop sweating. It’s my way around it and it’s not working. I can’t this dull flaring pain in my side and I’m not at
b e e n s i x h o u r s s i n c e I f i x e d a n d I ’ m s t a r t i n g t o lift my leg high enough to get it over the little my desk anymore, I’m lying on the floor between
get the shakes. My eyelids are fluttering. bastard and my stomach is gurgling now and I’m the classroom and the hallway and I’m scram-
I need to get out of here. If I bling to get up. Some of my fellow
have to listen to one more droning s t u d e n t s a r e s n i c k e r i n g a n d m y p r o-
undergraduate commentary on fessor’s face, I know without seeing
female infidelity in Jacobean plays it, is ashen.
I’m going to tear my hair out. I I’m running down the hall
think the girl sitting next to me is and the door swings shut behind me
noticing that I’m acting strange. I in the absence of the little garbage
need to fix. I need to get out of here. can that I hate so dearly at this
It’s 3:50 and my guy won’t moment. The door it clangs shut and
be around until at least 7. I’m it’s so loud it startles me and I jump.
thinking about hitting the street I’m concentrating on trying not to
and seeing what I can scrounge up trip over my untied shoelaces and
- I don’t like going to another my stomach is doing somersaults and
pusher, but it’s getting really bad. I just know I’m going to puke. My
Last time I fixed, it didn’t last skin is clammy and I c a n f e e l t h e b i l e
nearly as long as it usually does. I working its way up my esophagus
need to score, and I need it now. and I don’t have much time to get out-
I’m getting more sidelong side.
glances from the over interested The door at the end of the
girl next to me. I think her name is hallway is painted this brilliant red
Maria, but I wouldn’t put any stock and it has white lettering across it
in my memory of such a trivial and there’s something funny about it
thing. She’s openly staring at me but I can’t quite place it an d I keep
now and I’m rubbing my neck like I CAN SEE CLEARLY NOW, running because there’s nowhere
an addict and what I really want to Courtesy of Modern Pharmacology else to go. I hit the door running and
do is roll up my goddamn sleeve I’m through and the sunshine is
and scratch the inside of my elbow so this fuck- s w e a t i n g bullets and I can’t turn around no not hurting my eyes something wicked.
ing itch goes away. But it won’t go away. It never now turning around is not an option, I need to And then it hits me, I know what was
goes away, except when I f ix. get out of this door. So of course I see myself funny about the door as I stand there scratching
I ’ m s t i l l s i t t i n g t h e r e b u t I f e e l m y b o d y kicking the goddamn thing and it’s falling over the inside of my elbow through my sleeve and
getting up and I’m twitching now and I feel and it’s banging on the ground and there are before I know it the alarm is going off, loud and
m y s e l f w a l k i n g t h r o u g h t h e d e s k s t o w a r d t h e fucking soda cans - soda cans! - in the pail and obnoxious and reminding me of the headache
back and I feel the professor’s eyes on my back they’re clattering all over the linoleum floor of I’ve been trying to ignore for the past hour. It
and oh god she knows, she knows I’m a user and the classroom. Everyone is turning around, see- sounds like some kind of dying duck, trying to
she’s going to say something about it. My legs ing what I see from my empty desk, and oh my bark quack his way into hell or wherever ducks
keep moving and I’m watching myself walk out god Jesus fuck I’m tripping. I’m stumbling and go when they die and get it over with already.
from my empty desk. I’m going to fall.
Editor’s Note:
What do you know? It’s back by popular demand. Editorial Space. You
all know you wanted to see it. Don’t deny it. You love the Editorial
Space, you need it. This awkward space was brought to you by random WE HAVE YOUR GRATUITOUS
article sizes. I will now write whatever is said to me next:
SLAVE GIRL, AND IF YOU WANT
“Shot through the heart and you’re too late.
You give love a bad name.” HER BACK, COME AND GET HER.
Bon Jovi is on and he speaks to me.
MEETINGS WEDNESDAYS AT 1 pm
STUDENT UNION ROOM 060
Page 28 Ways to cool off the human body
Ask Amberly Jane
Let’s talk confessions. normalcy. All I can draw from is my own scato- you, e-mail me if you get a chance and I’ll
Everyone has these greasy little devils logical trip down the gravy train. (God, that’s sketch some of you if you like.
lighting afire the inner Chantilly lace. Secrets disgusting. Why do I write these things?) P.A.
that blow holes through your ‘normal’ veneer. Here’s some confessions for you: Most
Old ghosts; Snickering skeletons. You want to d a y s I w i l l f u l l y h a l l u c i n a t e . I r i d e a r o u n d c a m-
squeeze them up inside, squeeze so hard they pus on my bike, imagining the people around me AJ,
extinguish out your fingers, and forget about breaking into dance numbers, and then fellating Long-time reader, first-time writer. I
them completely – but you can’t. The memories each other on the street, while ribbons of taffy jerk off a lot. Sometimes five, six times a day.
lurk like prowling pirates in the shadows. They c u m sp o o l around everyone in orgasmic rapture. I’m not seeking advice or anything, I just want-
lurk like rogue el ephants amongst gazelles. Bit of a romp, aye! ed to tell you that your picture didn’t help.
They lurk like the awkward face-touching guy I confess: that I realize it’s over – Thanks.
at last night’s party. because I’m not the type you bring home to HandsAcrossTheNation
Maybe you secretly hate your best mother.
friend and want them to fail, or found your I confess: it would be hot to fuck a guy
mom’s dildo, and used it. Or cheated, that’s a big who has just gotten into a fight, with a black eye, I’m glad I could be of service.
one. Stolen garbage from someone famous. Hurt swollen lip, bloody knuckles... Good Glory, it deserves mentioning that
others, or privately delighted in their pain. And I confess that someday I would love Mr. Breath of fresh air, tasty energy himself,
Maybe you rolled your brother’s hamster down to have sex on a school bus. I also confess that I strolled back into town. The load is lighter with
the hallway like a bowling ball ... and it died. had a pretty fucking wonderful threesome the you here, my friend.
P oked a retarded kid. Rang in the new year in other night. (The compliments were unneces- Keep the letters coming...
t h e s a m e f a s h i o n a s m a n y A m e r i c a n s : m a s t u r- sary, but thank you.) AskAmberlyJane@hotmail.com
b a t i n g a l o n e w i t h c r a p p y m u s i c o n i n t h e b a c k- Yes. Confess. Unburden your soul. Be
ground. Put a carrot up your ass or a cucumber accepting of other’s deviations. Raise your
i n y o u r s n a t c h . O r w a t c h e d a s y o u r d r u n k p r o- moistened hands, grab your hamsters, shove the
fessor jerked off on your floor. carrot a little higher, smoke grandma’s pot, and
Guess which confessions are mine. jerk-off to visions of stabbing your boss in the
T h e i m p e t u s f o r t h i s d i s c u s s i o n : I h a p- eye with a pen.
pened upon grouphug.us, an anonymous online Yay for deviance!
confessional. People do some crazy fucked-up
shit. Like the girl who, instead of using tampons
or pads, uses bread. The dude who really likes Amberly Jane,
the taste of his own cum. A guy who cried while I j ust wanted to say thanks, yes INDEED,
watching a tire commercial. Those who have thank you for the porn! It’s up on my wall, and I
i t c h y c r o t c h e s , a r e s c a r e d o f f r u i t , s p e n d g r a n d- took another one for my friends wall. Well Done.
ma’s money on pot, hate their lives and dream of We all need more penetration in our lives!
stabbing their bosses in the eye with a pen. Ducky88
Many people feel unloved, inadequate, insecure
... and addic ted to socially-unacceptable porn.
There are those who wish for simplicity in a AJ,
complicated world, and one truly sad soul whose Why is OK that we vote for our ‘leaders’,
greatest moments in life have been with heroin. go off and die and kill for our country - but we
It’s an addicting website, always some- can’t have a drink?!? I know this is not sex
one’s car crash to witness. But these miles of related, but it pisses me off , and I’m just put-
confessions drive home several points: ting it out there. (Don’t know if you’ll print
1)Deviance is more normal than you might this, fuck it.)
think, oxymoron be damned. 2)Embrace your Oh, thanks for the nudie pic last week!
inner freak – there is a lways someone more ( W a y t o t e l l t h e s e n a t e t h e y s h o u l d t r y t h e p o s i-
fucked up than you. 3)This universal fucked- tion btw.) I have no sex happening right now, so
up’ness could help with social relations. Like – jolt to the pecker was appreciated.
I’m fucked up, you’re fucked up. Let’s be fucked Calypso Joe
together, and fuck!
But navigating our varied dynamics is a
bitch. Many times the ones that you love, and Amberly Jane,
the ones that love you are not the same. I don’t I met you at a press meeting this one
know what to tell you. Humans are a wily bunch, time and I realy wanted to ask you if that was
even when we get what we think we want, shit your real eye color. It’s bloody amazing.
f a l l s a p a r t . W e a r e f l u i d c r e a t u r e s w h o a r e c u r i- Remember me, I drew the erotic renaissance- LOVINGLY DUBBED THE “DOUBLE HELIX”,
ous and kinky, but we pretend to adhere to false style p encil drawings. It was good talking to Courtesy of Miss Amberly Jane