MY PARENTS

K.S. Parvatham Ammal died at the age of 71,during December

1986, two month after m! marriage , the im"rotanat miletone for
which he eem have held her breath, after devoting a lifetime
toward her home and famil!. She belonged to the generation of
woman for whom acrifice came before elf. #he $orld $ar %%
generation i often hailed a the greatet generation in recognition
of the enormou acrifice the men and women of that era were
a&ed to ma&e.
'! mother, Paravatham who died (6 !ear ago at the age of 71
wa nearl! a life long reident of Pattamadai ) Kala&ad in
#irunelveli Ditrict, where the live river #ambarabarni flow
throughout the eaon. She migrated to *omba! for fulfilling her
dutie to her children in late fiftie in +uet of her children, higher
education. She will remain a true re"reentative of that generation
in m! view and all the reaon wh! it wa called the greatet.
-er life wa neither e.traordinar! in an! wa! nor even remotel!
connected to the larger event of the da!/ nor, her acrifice of
hitoric magnitude. $hen war wa raging ele where, he wa a
!oung wife and mother who lived with her huband, cloe &nit,
tradition bound, "uritanical, "rietl! 0oint famil!, which he
embraced a her own. And the acrifice he made were of the
1ever!da! &ind,, li&e giving u" omething here and omething
there o that other could benefit. #he women of her generation
were one who were accutomed to ma&ing, without +uetion.
2i&e mot women of her time, m! mother wa raied to believe
that the need of other came firt. #he idea of "am"ering oneelf,
omething that women of m! generation claim a 1their right,,
would have been dimied b! her right awa! even if it did occur
to her.
'! maternal grand mother wa the e"itome of trength/ her
contribution in educating her on were noteworth!. 3ot
withtanding the trauma, "ain of arthriti and rheumatim, which
cri""led her movement, he managed to educate all her three on,
who were the firt in our famil! tructure to ac+uire a degree. A
ha been the tradition m! mother, the eldet in the famil! too& care
of dometic chore. She wa e+uall! re"onible for motivating,
encouraging and u""orting her brother to "urue higher
education though he herelf wa a "rimar! chool dro") out.
At age of 14, he married m! father a 5edic "riet with great
a"iration and even greater talent. '! father migrated to *omba!
along with hi !ounger brother and wa wor&ing a a chief "riet of
6am 'andir at 'atunga, acting a the ole breadwinner of not
onl! m! famil! but alo hi brother, famil!. %n 1974, with the
bleing of -i -oline 8agadguru Sree San&arachar!a Swamigal
of Kanchi Kama&oti Peetam, the Athi&a ama0 #em"le attained it
full)fledged tatu b! intallation of idol of 2ord Sree
6amachandra, Sitadevi, 2a&hmanan and -anuaman in a "eciall!
created 9arbagriha. #he big *an!an tree outide the tem"le i
believed to having fulfilled the deire of the devotee.
*ac& at a time when even a ru"ee went a long wa!, hi meal!
alar! a tem"le "riet had to travel that e.tra mile to "rovide for
1: "eo"le ;me, m! ( brother, ( iter, 4 uncle, hi brother
famil! of 4 "eron and 4 of m! mother brother< '! mother
managed the famil! budget with the remittance he made and
managed her famil! of 7 children meticuloul!, without reorting
to regular borrowing. . She bought a rental houe at Pattamadai o
that her children and her brother could "urue higher, +ualit!
education where renowned 6ama Seha %!er -igh School wa
located. She alo accommodated two of her famil! friend, on
who had come to ta&e high chool education in that houe.
Prior to thi, m! mother aumed the eldet daughter) in) law of
the 0oint famil!, re"onible to the fulfillment of the need and
welfare of her huband, "arent, ome of hi ibling and their
children a well. #hi role and the new realit! that came with it =
he acce"ted gracioul!. %n return he earned the love and re"ect
of ever! one in her new famil!. #he warmth and &indne were
e.tended to her ide of the famil! a well.
#hrough thee initial !ear of hardhi" thi !oung woman
tood olidl!/ encouraging her brother and all her children to
"urue modern education. At the ame time he managed to
maintain e+ual chord and harmon! in holding cloel! the tie with
her elderl! in)law, at Kala&ad.
All thi of coure, did not mean that he wa a mee& woman.
'! mother wa a woman of grit which wa "articularl! evident
during tr!ing ituation when &ith and &in became ill and needed
care. She wa not the &ind who would be afraid to ta&e care of
everal ta& at once. She never winced at wor&, her own or that of
other, thrut on her. $ith the tewardhi" of an arm! general,
marhalling her meal! reource, he ran a large houe hold of her
own that at time included the e.tended famil! of relative and
friend a well.
%n the earl! fiftie when m! eldet brother com"leted hi SS2>,
he directed him to hift to *omba!, and earch for a 0ob.
Ardent devotee of the 6am #em"le, who had "rofound re"ect for
the >hief "riet ;m! father<, hel"ed m! brother in getting a
mediocre 0ob. '! brother wa unable to co"e u" with the tedium,
"oie, the tre and train, of urban life. 3or did he e.ude
confidence in hi 0ob. '! father ue to receive com"laint from
hi boe who are alo devote of the tem"le that hi on hi bland
in hi 0ob. ?maciated, weather beaten, unable to overcome
"erecution with confidence m! brother returned to Patamadai. '!
mother continued her incere tirele, "ur"oeful miion of
arranging for a 0ob to m! brother. She we"t at the houlder of all
and undrie at Pattamaadai, im"loring them to arrange for a 0ob to
hi on. . 6ecogni@ing, the ordeal of m! mother and re"ecting her
incere miion, her cloe friend 'r. Pahi mami re"reented m!
brother, cae to her huband 'r. >hella""a %!er who held a
managerial "ot in a multinational ban& at *omba!. -e arranged
for a ervant "a to m! brother for underta&ing the 0ourne! to
*omba!. 'r. >hella""a %!er not onl! ued hi clout to arrange for
a decent 0ob to m! brother in a multinational *an& but alo enured
that he i at "eace with hi wor&. %n a month time m! brother
lived u" to the e."ectation of hi u"erior and hi confidence
with the 0ob made atifactor! "rogre ,reulting in he being
confirmed into the ervice of the ban&. $ith the additional
income, of m! brother u""lementing the famil!, and igh of relief
of hi confirmation in the ban& 0ob m! father conerving hi
aving dared to bu! a tenement under the *omba! -ouing *oard
allotment cheme at an obcure uburb called >hembur. A little
about the then ituation at >hembur. >hembur wa not "art of the
cit!. #here wa ingle line rail connection from Kurla but it wa
not connected to main line. #here wa no govt. mil& u""l!. 3o
*?S# ervice.
*ut till m! mother decided to hift her famil! to *omba!.
Arugalit! wa a wa! of life for her. She hifted the entire houehold
article, including the 1Ammi, and 1Attu&al, ;grinding tone<,
carr!ing me ;the !ounget child of the famil!< in her arm from
Pattamadai to *omba! underta&ing the tireome third cla team
engine travel. %n "ite of the fact that it wa her maiden tri" to
*omba! he made u at eae through out the 0ourne!. During the :)
da! travel, not even a ingle na!a "aia wa "ent on bu!ing food
from outide a he managed to "ac& home made food to lat the
entire 0ourne!.
%n *omba! too her da! would t!"icall! be filled with chore he
did or u"ervied/ u""l!ing endle cu" of frehl! brewed coffee
to viitor who came to our houe, ending freh, home coo&ed
brea&fat, lunch and dinner to 0ut about an!bod! &nown to her ;if
the! were in need< and m! father. She wa alwa! being "re"ared
to offer food and a variet! of nac& at a moment, notice to a
tream of viitor, guet that included relative and m! friend.
6ight from cleaning the wahbain, toilet in the earl! morning,
brooming and mo""ing the floor, arranging for m! father, "oo0a
material, cleaning the "oo0a room, ma&ing %dli batter for ne.t da!
in a hand grinder, to "rin&ling bleaching "owder in &itchen in&
and bathroom at night wa ingle handedl! carried out b! her. %n
addition to thi her outdoor chore included dail! "rocurement of
+ualit! vegetable and "roviion from the mar&et bargaining for
the 1fair "rice,, he decide. She carried the vegetable and
"roviion load without ecort or coolie. She develo"ed her own
-indi)'arathi)#amil dialect with vendor and he wa ver!
"o"ular with them. $henever % ued to cro the mar&et along with
her mot of the vendor will greet her a 1AmmaB. She wa a true
intre"id human d!namo, who never ever whi"ered the word tired.
-er greatet talent wa that he could coo& a variet! of delicacie
for more than 1CC "eo"le without an! aitance during function
and fetival. ?ven while attending function of friend Drelative
he would radiate cheer and tre"a into their &itchen ei@ing the
initiative from them and with Elan and eae finih the "re"aration
of food mar&ing that occaion, before the cheduled time. She wa
a ource of comfort to man! familie and friend in thi regard.
-er manner wa direct. She "o&e her mind. $hen it came to
e."reing an o"inion) and her o"inion were ought fre+uentl! =
her ingle "ointedne came clear. #a&ing on the welfare of other
wa rather a econd nature to her. %n a 4CC)+ft abeto)roofed
houing board tenement he "rovided "ace, time, comfort and
in"iration to, m! uncle, m! couin brother ;who he inited
hould 0oin her in *omba! for hi 0ob "lacement<, me and m!
ibling and alo other relative. All the member of the large but
cloel!)&nit famil! were treated uniforml! with e+ual love and
care for each.
During thee !ear through hi own remar&able tale of hard
wor&, tenacit! and winning wa! without tri&ing com"romie on
"rinci"le, m! father aw that fortune of m! famil! roe
meteoricall! a he managed to arrange for a decent 0ob for m!
elder brother alo, e.erting hi divinel! influence on men in
re"onible "oition who can throw their weight.

*alancing the aving in the ban& account he decided to bu! an
ownerhi" flat at >hembur and we moved to "aciou houe. ?ven
though her life now wa much more comfortable, m! mother never
forgot where he came from and remained the ame im"le,
elfle "eron that he had been earlier. And thi Fforgiving and
giving "iritB of her hel"ed man! in the communit!. #ogether with
m! father he became a nurturing and guiding force for a new
generation of m! niece, ne"hew who continue to cherih fond
memorie of her.
'! father had an athletic build and countenance that e.uded a
ublime charm and te0a. A rudra&aha mala around hi nec&, a
dee" 5ermillion tila& on hi forehead and a "rawling long &udumi
made him loo& divinel! intene and 1te0aa. #he famil! member
and hi friend hugel! re"ected him for hi age advice on variou
iue and fair "ronouncement in matter of di"ute.
Proteting againt the frea&ih behaviour, under the guie of good
management b! the managing trutee , who e.ercied diguied
hegemonic control and e.hibited e."anionit deign in hi0ac&ing
the erenit! of thi "lace , commerciali@ing it ,b! "lanning
intallation other idol , againt the baic tenet of it founding
ob0ect , to atiate their own greed and "eronal "ower '! father
+uit the tem"le 0ob. -e loathed commerciali@ation of tem"le b! the
Sama0 authoritie. -e often lamented for "erforming, 1archana,,
of the hundred of devotee in a "ecified morning and evening
hour againt hi conviction a he had to ta&e often hort cut
route to "leae them for he could not chant the full 1hlo&a, of
re"eating each devotee, 19othram, and 1na&htram, and in whoe
name he had to "erform. 3or did he "refer to earn underta&ing
ritualitic ta& of the communit! even though he wa much ought
b! well)wiher and religiou head in our communit!, a he hated
commerciali@ation of 5edic "rofeion. -e wa a great San&rit
cholar, matering the 19rantham cri"t, and all 5eda, lo&a and
Shatra. *ut he never believed in atronom! and man god.
During the time m! father wor&ed for the tem"le he too ued to
viit home onl! once in two to three da!, a there were no
tran"ort ervice from >hembur to 'atunga in thoe da! at
4.a.m, which wa the time he would return home after "erforming
the F9ana"ath! "oo0aB. ?ven if he did come home braving all
odd, it wa too late in the night when he would reach home. At
that hour of the da! % ued to be alee". ?ven when he would leave
the ne.t da! to reume hi dutie at the tem"le, it ued to be too
earl! in the morning for me to be u". -e would leave earl! enough
to catch the crowded firt Ambernath local to 'atunga, wal&ing all
the wa! from chembur to Kurla tation ;4 &.m wal&< following the
railwa! trac& and all the while % would till be alee". '! father
having been omewhat a rebel himelf aw no "oint in "reaching
conformit! nor did he e."ect from me.
GGGGGGGGGG
% am the !ounget of their 7 children. >oming of age in the
1o"inion filled, 196C,/ m! idea were ha"ed b! the o called
F6adical ;H< Philoo"hieB. % for one often loo&ed thing
differentl! from m! mother, father, brother and iter.
F9eneration ga"B, a catch "hrae bac& then, defined our relation. %
fought to have m! wa! in ever! thing. % got a decent 0ob on
com"leting m! degree ;firt in m! famil!< % "urued trade union
"hiloo"h! intead a building a career in the *an&. % wa motl!
awa! from home and % ued to viit m! "arent a "er m! weet
will and deire. #o m! ur"rie m! mother never o""oed
vehementl!, m! life t!le but wa worried that % mied good home
food. She would "re"are m! hare of food ever!da! irre"ective of
whether % went home or not. While I used to lead morchas in the
vicinity of our locality at Chembur raising full-throated slogans
on behalf of few organizations that I and my close knit friends
formed from time to time, espousing some trade union or social
cause, my mother, (if she accidentally happen to locate me
during her outdoor work) would trespass and wade through
the crowd without any inhibitions or preudices to ust tell me
!today I have prepared your favorite dish" #o come home"$
She did o""oe man! of m! "lan but he alo agreed to meet
me half wa!, which meant that he had to re)evaluate ome of her
conviction. % did man! thing % wanted to, inde"endentl! and
mall victorie gave me enough head! feeling. -er greatet
atifaction wa m! marriage to a girl of her li&ing and choice. .
'! wife wa the grand daughter of m! father, iter who died at
"rime of age. '! mother !m"athi@ed with the "light of m!
mother) in) law who had een viciitude of good and evil
fortune. 'ore over m! wife wa reared in m! father elder
brother,;Periyappa< famil! which !mboli@ed true 5edic hatar
a m! F"eri!a""aB "racticed 1agnihothra,;4< de"ite facing bro&en
marriage of hi daughter, true to hi conviction. . -i onorou
rendering of 5eda would reonate throughout the houe, infuing
it with an aura of divinit!.
#he tor! of thi agnihotris firt two daughter i a lachr!moe
tale of un"roductive, battered, hattered married life, tragic
e"aration at the earl! tage and therefore having no ibling. -i
third daughter wa married to an academic cholar, *.A in thoe
da!, a good high chool teacher. a cloe relative, who lot hi
wife at the earl! !ear, *ut he uffered a "aral!tic tro&e after
0ut few !ear of hi married life and he wa ta&ing care of him
till the ret of hi life, running from "illar to "ot for hi
treatment. She alo did not have an! children. *ut thee couin
iter of mine nurtured and nourihed man! ibling in our famil!
tree. % am told that the, thottil ;cradle< which had winging crib or
'thooli' ; ) a hammoc& thatI hung from the ceiling rather than a
tand. to hel" the bab! lee", alo called in %ndia a 9hodi!u or
ghodi!a "ronounced it a J9od)!uJ<wa winging continuoul!
li&e one, heart beat or a the agni of that acred, erene
agnihothris houe for man! !ear. #hat hi lat on com"leted hi
9raduation in Airt >la -onor brought the much awaited cheer
in their otherwie not o bliful life. -e came to *omba! in earch
of a 0ob and got a good "lacement becaue of their bleing in a
multinational "harmaceutical firm. -e ta!ed with u till hi
marriage to m! Peri!a""a, firt iter,; m! Athai < third
daughter who wa wor&ing with a 3ationali@ed %nurance firm.
De"ite being a rationalit % will evaluate '! 1Peri!a""a, to be
above all the Shan&araachar!a, of that time and of toda! for hi
im"licit!, erenit!, atvic "rinci"le and hi utter devotion to
5edic cience and "hiloo"h!. '! wife wa a balance mi.ture of
"iritualit! and modernit!. '! mother) in )law and m! wife filled
the vacuum in m! life caued due to m! mother, death vindication
of m! mother correct choice and acce"tance.
A wee& after m! marriage on 41)1C)1986 m! mother had her
econd "aral!tic tro&e. 8ut a !ear ago he had the firt tro&e.
Demontrating will "ower and courage he fought the attac& boldl!
and +uarel! and reumed her houehold chore def!ing medical
advice. #hough % could viuali@e the onet of another "aral!tic
attac& on the da! of m! marriage itelf, he "retended to "ut a
brave face, u""reing the !m"tom 0ut to enure that m!
hone!moon "lan doen,t get aborted. Since m! in law were
em"lo!ed, m! wife accom"anied me in the morning on m! onward
0ourne! to m! office. % ue to dro" her at our >hembur houe to be
with m! ailing mother and ait m! father throughout the
treatment "eriod of m! mother, which of great olace to them. .
Since % ued to go home late , after attending to m! mother for the
full da! , after m! iter in law return form wor&, he learned to
go to 3erul inde"endentl! after catching a tate tran"ort bu from
>hembur in the evening #o go to m! houe at 3erul to attend to
our uual houe hold choru.
%n her waning !ear, her bone and 0oint had become too
fragile and left her bed ridden, crutche de"endent and wa in
chronic "ain, indeed a "unihment for a women &nown for feit!
"irit. -er bod! could no longer &ee" "ace with her mind, which
wa till over drive. And !et, he never to""ed "racticing her own
uni+ue brand of loving and caring.
-er bod! graduall! ravaged b! erie of debilitating ailment,
tireome, "ainful treatment, that the bet and mot com"aionate
care could not do much about and overcome b! unbearable "ain,
m! mother Parvatham ;mountain < finall! gave awa! in her battle
to live, in a government ho"ital. She i greatl! mied b! children
and grand children.
$hile m! initial reaction wa to lament the cruel blow fate ha
dealt our famil!, robbing u of two generation of guidance %
remembered the following tor!K
A man with deep deotion and !aith in "od dies and !inds
himsel! wal#ing along a $ea%h& 'is li!es eents !lash in !ront o!
him and parallel to this( he !inds two sets o! !ootprints )his and
"ods*& 'e than#s "od !or $eing with him thro+gho+t his li!e& $+t
then he noti%es that d+ring di!!i%+lt times o! his li!e( there are only
one set o! !ootprints& ,hen he meets his Ma#er( he $itterly
%omplains o! a$andonment d+ring di!!i%+lt times& "od smiles and
says- My silly %hild( those are My prints( !or( it was . who was
%arrying yo+ on my sho+lders d+ring those periods/
Amma( whereer yo+ are( . am s+re( the sel!less and deoted
mother in yo+ is %onstantly $lessing +s and praying !or the wel!are
o! all& .! . %o+ld em+late yo+r 0+alities een in the tiniest $it( . will
s+re t+rn o+t to $e a $etter person& May "od $less eery %hild with
a mother li#e yo+/ May 'e rest yo+r so+l in pea%e/ . will %ele$rate
yo+r li!e than mo+rn yo+r passing away& Yo+ will %onstantly
remain in my tho+ghts& . will miss yo+ tho+gh Ma
Ln the occaion of the firt death anniverar! of m! cloe friend
Sharma=a friend "ar e.cellence, while inaugurating the 'adhuram
A""lam factor!, which he launched, deigned and wor&ed for it
wherein Sharma, mother ;a re"lica of m! mother< , a native of
#hrvai!ar , the "lace where the carnatic claical maetro
#h!agara0a wa born and lived. = "artici"ated, hared the dia,
over"owering her emotion and tear, a new reali@ation wa
dawned on me, as . %o+ld see my mother in her. -
!%hough the merciless fire consumes mortal remains, the
intrinsic, inane, human &ualities and love of a mother and
their memory engraves in our heart for eternity- as
'others do not e(pire" %hey inspire"$
After m! mother death m! father went through bout of
de"reion for a "rolonged "eriod. $ith me migrating to 3erul
e"arating from the 0oint famil! oon after the marriage, other in
m! houe em"lo!ed, he felt too lonel! in the houe. Si. !ear after
m! mother death i.e. during 8anuar! 199( he died of "aral!tic
tro&e li&e m! mother. % wa with him through out hi "eriod of
ho"itali@ation doing three hift, a % did to m! mother, and he
died, before m! e!e li&e m! mother, with none of m! famil!
member around. -e wa ver! ha""! and "roud that % wa
nominated a the Director of the ban& re"reenting wor&men b!
the 9overnment in 1991. *ecaue of thi elevation, eeing me
dro""ed b! the *an&, vehicle during *oard 'eeting, finall!, he
a""reciated m! conitenc! in union wor&. . During the "eriod of
hi ho"itali@ation before going to coma tage he wa in "rofue
"raie for the "rinci"le % hold in union and ocial life. , above all
being hel"ful to other in time of need, albeit the fact remain, %
did not raie to hi e."ectation neither "irituall! nor materiall!.