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Reader Question 1-
Help! I really need some advice. Ive been married to
my husband for a while now, and we knew each other
for two years before that. Ive always known he
wasnt the best at picking up his things or keeping his
place organized, but I was hoping that might change
after marriage.
That hed be more thoughtful. fter all, he was very
attentive in other ways before we married, taking me
out to movies and restaurants, giving me all kinds of
attention and complements and being very supportive
of me and who I am.
Hes romantic enough that he not only remembers our
anniversary every year, but even the day he proposed
and when and where. !ut his sloppiness is driving me
crazy! He never cleans up the kitchen and I" I let him
cook #which he loves to do now and then$, I spend at
least an hour or more cleaning up after him.
%h! nd another thing & he often blurts things out in
public that totally embarrass me. This is something
he didnt do before we married. Hell point out some
girl he sees that he thinks is not dressed
appropriately, say when were eating out, and 'ust
blurt out loud what he thinks about it & making people
turn and stare.
%r, if were having a conversation, hell up and start
singing some song he knows from a word or statement
Ive said. Is there a logical reason for that(( ny
advice would be helpful, and thanks!
)y response...
2
Ok. First off, even though you didnt notice some of those
behaviors while you were dating, they had to have been there.
This isnt ust something that !o!s u! out of nowhere. "m willing
to bet that, at the time, you were so wra!!ed u! in liking what
you were seeing that you overlooked them, right#
$ut now that youve been with him a while, those same little
things that you manage to overlook, are becoming the same things
that are driving you nuts. %nknowingly, what you did and have
done is train him in a way that tells him that those things are &ok
with you. 'ou didnt mean to do that, of course, but thats what
you did. 'ou didnt set boundaries and limits that covered those
as!ects. (o, heres what " can tell you.

)hen he does or says something that mortifies or embarrasses you
and youre in a !ublic !lace, the best thing to do * es!ecially if its
really bad * is to +uietly get u! and leave. ,ont do that, though,
until youve had time to talk to him about these things.
-et him know s!ecifically what it is he does thats embarrassing
you. )hether its discussing or talking bad about someone in
!ublic loud enough for others to hear, or clowning around, or
whatever. ust let him know. ,ont nag, dont be mean.
Then, the ne/t time he does it, without embarrassing him, ust
wi!e u! off your face 0if youre at a restaurant1, get u! and leave.
(ure, it will frustrate him, and you may need to remind him after
youve left, what it is he did s!ecifically and why you left. $ut
eventually, as long as youre res!ectful in your a!!roach in setting
this limit, he will change. "t will take some time, "m sure, but he
wont want you to be walking out on him like that.

The same goes with what he does about the singing. (to! whatever
it is youre saying, and walk away. 2o matter what he does to get
you to talk to him, at that time, ust +uietly tell him something
like.

3on, " can tell youre distracted right now, and dont want to talk
to me. " feel very frustrated when you do that, so "m ust going to
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go do something else right now. "t really wasnt that im!ortant,
and maybe we can discuss it later.
$y doing this, youre communicating your frustration, while at the
same time, treating him with res!ect and consideration. "f you do
this enough, he will sto! it.
Again, because he really doesnt want you walking away like that.
3e wants you to feel comfortable and be able to talk to him. )hen
you walk around in a way thats not angry or frustrated, you kee!
your self4control. 3e cant accuse you of being overly dramatic,
because youre not. That makes him think about what hes doing.

As to the other, the not !icking u! after himself or hel!ing clean.
)ell, again, you set yourself u! for that by not setting the
boundaries in your relationshi! early on. Thats the best time to do
it. 'ou might have said something like.

" can understand when a !erson lives alone that maybe its easy to
get careless about !icking u! and cleaning u!. " sure am glad you
wont be like that after we marry though, because " really like to
kee! things in order and clean. "ts so much more !leasant and
cuts down on bad odors as well as the chance of bacteria, germs
and bugs.

'ou wouldnt have been !ointing the finger at him s!ecifically in
saying something like that, but at the same time, youd have let
him know your e/!ectations and limits in a reasonable way. "f he
wanted to !lease you, and obviously he did or he wouldnt have
!o!!ed the +uestion that would have gone a long way into starting
him thinking about changing those habits.
Then, after you married, you might need to lightly tease him a bit
when he didnt !ick u! something, or take dishes to the sink, etc.
* but chances are, hed have started working with you then and it
wouldnt be such an issue now.

That doesnt mean he cant change. 3e can. 5ust now it will take
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more time and !atience on your !art to get it going. "f youve
been nagging and !ushing and denying him things, like se/, that
needs to sto! * com!letely.
"nstead, start out by telling him that its difficult for you to always
be cleaning u! and !icking u! after him. "f he wants to cook, fine,
you love his cooking * but you cant enoy it as much when he
leaves the kitchen a wreck for you to clean u! after. )hile hes
cooking, you might even go in and start cleaning u! around him,
like youre hel!ing out.
Theres a good chance hell take over and start doing it himself
because few cooks like someone else in the kitchen when theyre
cooking, es!ecially when theyre messing around with what
theyre doing. After the meal, you can smile as you !ick u! your
!late and things to take to the kitchen, and give him a kiss on the
cheek, thanking him for the wonderful meal and taking him by the
arm, !layfully !ull him into the kitchen with you to hel! clean u!.
After a while, once you show your a!!reciation for all this,
chances are hell start doing it on his own. "t ust takes time and
!atience and lots of loving, sincere a!!reciation for every little
thing he does.

The same can work on his clothes, with one small e/ce!tion. "f
hes really bad about tossing things on the floor and leaving them,
and youve +uietly let him know that it makes things harder for
you when he does, then sto! !utting them u!.
"m not saying leave them on the floor * after all, they may be
honestly in your way, or start smelling, or whatever. "nstead, !ut
them away6 ust not in the laundry or anything like that. )hen he
asks where his clothes are, say something like.

Oh, "m sorry. " was in such a rush that " accidentally !ut them into
this bag of old clothes " was taking to 7oodwill. " thought you
didnt want them anymore.

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Or

" was in such a hurry, and " was having such trouble working around
them that " ust tossed them in a trash bag and !ut them in the
garage 0or wherever it is you might want to !ut them1.

'es, this will change what hes doing. )hy# $ecause obviously he
wont want to be re!lacing his clothes all the time, or having to
dig them out of a trash bag. "n this way, you are still being
res!ectful, while setting boundaries and kee!ing yourself sane.

3o!e this hel!s8 And remember, youre in control of what you
acce!t from your man and what you wont.
Reader Question 2-
I have loved my man for the longest time but now he
tells me that he isn*t in love with me anymore. How
do I re+attract him(
)y response...
" am sure that you must be going through a series of negative
emotions right now.
"nsecurity, frustration and a feeling of ho!elessness are the most
common during this situation but these feelings won9t really bring
him back. 3owever, there are certain things you can do right away
which will increase your chances of getting him back in your life.
-et9s discuss some of these in more detail...
Stop letting the negativity take over -
$efore anything else, ensure that you don9t drown yourself in
negative emotions. 'es, it9s really difficult when you know that
your man doesn9t want you the same way he used to want you in
6
the !ast but your feelings won9t change anything.
The only thing which will get you some results is action. 'ou will
have to do certain things right away if you really want things to
im!rove.
So what shall I do?
"n order to attract him again, you will have to do something
com!letely different than what you are doing right now which
means that you will have to dis!lay your best self.
,o you know that you might have been doing certain things
without really being aware of it which, have !robably brought you
to this !oint# 3ere are some of the !ossible reasons why he doesn9t
feel attraction for you anymore...
Acting really needy.
$eing a bit clingy.
2ot giving him enough s!ace.
:alling him too often.
:om!laining about things.
$eing negative.
Trying to change him.
Asking him to do things he isn9t comfortable with.
2ow in order to re4attract him, you will have to do the e/act
o!!osite of all the above behaviors.
Instead of being needy, you will have to act as if you dont really
need hi! at all"""
'es it might be really difficult, but you will have to act as if you
don9t want him anymore if you really want to re4attract him. There
is ust no other way to do it.
$eing needy isn9t attractive, it sends out the message that you are
ust too de!endent on him to feel better about yourself. And let
7
me assure you that no guy wants a woman like that in his life.
Instead of being clingy, you will have to co!pletely avoid hi!
for the ti!e being"""
"t9s normal to feel down and de!ressed during this time but it9s not
okay to let these feelings take over. These negative feelings can
drive you towards doing all the wrong things such as 4 :alling him
too often, telling him how much you love him, asking him to take
you back etc.
'ou will have to dis!lay that you are strong enough to let him go
and are not bothered about it that much. "f you can do this, then
not only will you increase your chances of getting him back, you
will also feel better about yourself in the !rocess.
I!portant things to keep in !ind -
"t9s really difficult to do the right thing when you are feeling
down, but always remember that the only way to get
yourself in a better !osition is to focus on doing the right
thing even if you don9t feel like it.
"t9s really im!ortant to give him enough s!ace because
unless you give him s!ace, he won9t really miss you. The
only way to re4attract him is to first let him go and then
work on making your life better.
Another really im!ortant thing you need to remember is
that nothing is really !ermanent. (ome women feel that
they will never feel good about themselves after a man
reects them but it9s only a !hase and like everything else in
life it shall !ass too.
Reader Question #-
)y man has started taking me for granted. ,ill
avoiding him make him attracted to me again(
8
)y response...
;ost women feel that if they make it a habit to avoid their
boyfriend once in a while things will get better in their
relationshi!.
$ut you see before you even think about doing something like this
you should first answer a very im!ortant +uestion which is 4 )hy
do you want to avoid him# )hat are your reasons for doing so#
...Is it because you feel that he isn't giving you the kind of
importance you deserve?
...Is it because you fear that things have changed and maybe he
doesn't like you the way he used to?
...Is it because he just doesn't seem interested in you anymore?
...Is it because he has stopped spending quality time with you like
he used to do in the past?
" am sure you can list more reasons but the big !roblem is that
there is a huge difference between avoiding him !ur!osely and
giving him s!ace.
)hat you should rather focus on is giving him s!ace, but if you
avoid him e/!ecting a certain outcome then you might only end u!
making things worse for you. -et me tell you why...
$ou cant force hi! into doing things for you"""
"f you are thinking about avoiding him ust because he isn9t doing
certain things then you will only create more friction in your
relationshi!.
"t9s the wrong mentality to ado!t because what you are really
telling him is that 4 %nless he does <'=, you won9t really stick
around.
9
This also means that you are kee!ing scores which will further
frustrate him. "f you feel that something is missing in your
relationshi! and maybe you need him to do something for you,
then the best way to do that is to be direct and talk to him about
it.
3e won9t magically know what you e/!ect out of him therefore
avoiding him might not really work.
It can turn into a nasty ga!e after a while"""
"f you get into a habit of ignoring him any time he doesn9t give you
what you e/!ect, then this can very well turn into a nasty game of
mani!ulation after a while and will further increase the tension in
your relationshi!.
"""%ut does it really work?
)ell in short, yes8 "t does work. "f you start avoiding him out of
the blue then he will definitely start to wonder what caused it and
in the !rocess he might even fear losing you due to which he will
show an increased interest in you.
$ut again, you shouldn9t avoid him ust because you feel that
things are starting to get a bit dull in your relationshi! or you
aren9t getting what you e/!ect from him.
The only time you should avoid him should be the time when he
wants some s!ace from you, and men do need s!ace from time to
time. That should be the only time you should be away from him.
&he big proble!"""
There are a lot of women out there who understand that if they
avoid their boyfriend sometimes, things do get better. $ut here is
the big !roblem with that 4 "t doesn9t make things better
!ermanently.
3e might show an increased level of interest in you momentarily
but once you fall back into the same old routine again, he might
10
start taking you for granted once again.
Therefore, as "9ve already stated, the only best way to deal with
this situation is to actually have a detailed conversation with him
on this subect. 'ou will have a very fulfilling relationshi! if you
make it a habit to talk things out with him instead of avoiding him
out of the blue.
I!portant points to re!e!ber -
2ever think that giving a man some s!ace is the same as
avoiding him. 2ever mi/ the two.
,on9t turn your relationshi! into a game. 2ever avoid your
man ust because he isn9t living u! to your e/!ectations.
;ake it a habit to talk about your issues with him instead of
avoiding him.
;en need freedom once in a while, therefore once you
sense that he is indirectly asking for some s!ace6 make it a
!oint to let him have it.
-eader .uestion /+
I have been dating this guy on 0 off for about a year
now 0 he wants to take things to the ne1t level. !ut I
am not so sure about it, please help(
)y response...
" am sure you have heard several stories about women who fall for
a guy and after a few months into the relationshi! reali>e that he
wasn9t the right one and that9s the time when everything becomes
ust too hard to handle.
(o " am guessing that you are stuck in a mental cycle of confusion
and aren9t sure whether the man you are with is even right for you
or not.
11
)ell, worry not8 "t9s a good thing that you are actually +uestioning
your scenario at the moment as the more you wait, the worse it
might get. 3ere are some useful insights you can use to finally
figure out if he is right for you or not...
'ow do you feel around hi!? (eelings will reflect the truth"""
3ow do you feel around him most of the time# ,o you feel
fulfilled, oyful and satisfied most of the time or do you
consistently feel down, misunderstood and frustrated#
The feelings you e/!erience around a man will be a very good
indicator of whether you are in a nourishing relationshi! or a to/ic
one. $ecause if you consistently e/!erience negative emotions
around him then there is something wrong for sure.
"n such a situation you have two o!tions, the first one being to talk
things out with him and discuss all the areas which need critical
attention in your relationshi!.
Or, if he isn9t getting your !oint of view and is still sticking to his
own then you two weren9t com!atible enough to start with and
your relationshi! will end sooner or later as he isn9t the right one
for you.
)o you fully accept each other?
3ave you fully acce!ted your man and does he fully acce!t you#
Are you two com!letely comfortable with each other or are you
two always trying to change each other#
There are many cou!les out there where both the !artner9s try to
control each other and in the !rocess they create a lot of friction
and negative feelings in the relationshi!.
"f you have always struggled to acce!t your man the way he is, and
have always found yourself making efforts to change him in one
way or the other then he isn9t right for you. 'ou would be better
12
off going for a man who you can fully acce!t even with his flaws.
*here do you see your relationship going + years down the
road?
:an you imagine a future with this man# )here do you see this
relationshi! going ? years down the road# :an you imagine it being
better or do you fear that it might get worse#
"f you feel doubtful about this and aren9t really sure where the
relationshi! will be in ? years from now then this is a very good
indicator of how well you really know your man.
"f you two were com!atible and good for each other, you will have
no doubts about the future and will know that things will be far
better than what they are at the moment. $ut if you are doubtful
then this is a clear indicator that maybe you are with the wrong
man.
,oints to re!e!ber -
"f you mostly feel good and !ositive around a guy then he is
right for you but if you consistently feel negative and !oor
around a guy then you are in the com!any of the wrong
man. 'ou would be far better if you let him go.
A good relationshi! is a result of a good mutual
understanding and com!atibility. "f you feel that you two
don9t really share a good level of understanding and are sort
of ust surviving with each other then he is not the right one
for you and you will have to end it sooner or later.
-eader .uestion 2+
)y man says he isn*t ready for commitment yet, what
do I do(
13
)y response...
)ell !re!are yourself for some emotional torture. ,o you know
that all humans want certainty in life es!ecially when it comes to
their relationshi!s but nothing can be more difficult than having to
deal with a guy who ust can9t make u! his mind about you8
2ow the big +uestion is 4 3ow do you deal with him# )ill he ever
commit# )ill he ever finally make u! his mind# 3ow long will it
take#
'ou see these +uestions will always be there. $ut the biggest
+uestion is 4 (hould you even be around when he can9t make u! his
mind# -et9s get into a bit more detail here...
"f it9s been really long then it9s !robably a @2O@ 4
(ounds awful but this might be the truth in your case and some
day you will have to acce!t it. 2ow " am not saying that there are
no e/ce!tions to this.
'es, there are men out there who do change their mind after a
few years but that doesn9t mean that every man is like that.
Really think about it 4 "f a man has doubts about you in his mind
right now, what makes you say that those doubts will go away with
time# "n fact8 ,o you know that in most cases a man gets even
more doubtful with the !assage of time#
"s there something " can do to convince him#
)ell 2O8 There isn9t anything you can do to convince him. "f he
really wants to be with you, he will do it. $ut if he doesn9t, he will
always have one e/cuse after another.
14
(o honestly s!eaking you would be wasting your time if you are
!lanning to convince him to commit to you. And at the end you
will only end u! with even more frustration.
(o what9s the solution#
The only solution to this situation is to give your man a lot of
s!ace. 'ou should sto! calling him com!letely for the time being.
,o not do any of the routine stuff you normally do around him.
'ou must let him know that you aren9t okay with the fact that you
have to stick around him when he can9t even make u! his mind
about you. The faster you do this the better it9s going to be.
One of the two things are going to ha!!en after you start avoiding
him...Aither he will want you more than before and will want to
commit to you.
Or he will not be bothered at all with your move and will act as if
nothing ha!!ened.
"f he isn9t really bothered, then it9s more than obvious that he
didn9t want to be with you to start with and was only kee!ing you
around till the time he found someone else.
'ou can9t cure his commitment !hobia 4
Again, it9s really im!ortant that you understand this. 'ou can9t sit
around a guy in ho!es that you can cure his commitment !hobia
and can make him change his mind about you.
7uys who are commitment !hobic have dee! rooted insecurities
attached with the to!ic of commitment.
The only best way is to let him go and find someone who wants to
commit.
15
-ife is limited therefore don9t waste your time on someone
who doesn9t even want to be with you. 7o for someone who
wants the same thing as you do.
The !rocess is very sim!le 4 "f he truly loves you, then he
would be more than willing to commit and if he doesn9t then
there is no real !oint in being with him because your
relationshi! won9t really get anywhere.
"f you don9t end things now and still want to stick around in
ho!es that he might change his mind then you are only
setting yourself u! for a lot of !ain. There are things in life
you can change and then there are things you sim!ly can9t
change. 'ou can9t change his mind about you therefore don9t
waste your time in trying to do so.
-eader .uestion 3+
)y boyfriend mistreats me 0 even insults me on
certain occasions. How do I make him respect me(
)y response...
$efore " get to anything else, let me first tell you why you are in
this !osition right now. "f your man doesn9t give you the right
treatment then it9s not really his fault. 'es this might be a bit
shocking but it9s still the truth.
)e train others on how they should behave around us. "n short, we
are the ones who determine how someone else would treat us. "f
your man isn9t giving you the right treatment then you have
directly or indirectly rewarded his !oor behavior. -et me e/!lain
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this in more detail...
%oundaries need to be set early"""
,o you know that it9s really im!ortant to first have certain
boundaries and a solid set of standards# "f there are a few things
you !ersonally will never let a man do then it9s really im!ortant
that you make that absolutely clear to him early on.
(ome women are so much under the influence of attraction that
they let the man do almost anything he !leases and in the !rocess
he sort of gets trained. 3e starts to think that whatever he is
doing around you is com!letely fine and you are okay with it.
Although internally you might not be okay with it at all.
-earn to punish the bad behavior and reward the good
behavior"""
Always remember that he is very likely to kee! re!eating the bad
behavior unless you form a habit of !unishing him at the right
time.
For e/am!le 4 let9s say that you aren9t okay with the fact that he
never calls you and you always have to call him. "n such a scenario
this is what you should do...
First tell him that you don9t like the fact that you have to be
the one who always has to call.
And second, let him know that you aren9t really going to call
him at all from this !oint on, and you will only talk when he
wants to call.
At the same time make it a !oint to first stick to the above two
rules and then try to ignore him for the ne/t few days. ,oing this
will send out a very strong signal.
17
And in the !rocess you are softly !unishing him due to which this
whole thing will stick in his mind and he will make it a !oint to
call you more often.
At the same time make it a !oint to reward any good behavior
which comes from his end. For e/am!le if you want him to take
you out more often, then try this 4 Avery time he takes you out say
the following to him 4
"John !ou are such a wonderful boyfriend. I don't think there are
many men out there who work this hard to keep their girlfriend
pleased. I am blessed to have you."
And now, he will take you out even more because every time he
does, he gets a reward in the form of a com!liment.
I!portant points -
"f you want him to treat you the way you deserve then first
you need to start !unishing him for his bad behavior. 2e/t,
let him know what kind of behavior you really e/!ect from
him and make it a !oint to not settle for anything less.
A relationshi! has to be mutually beneficial and it9s
im!ortant for both the !artners to give each other the right
treatment. 2ever be a string along ust because you fear
losing him. "t9s always better to kee! your self res!ect
instead of losing it in order to kee! him.
-eader .uestion 4+
)y boyfriend is e1tremely insecure 0 always tries to
control me. I have told him to stop this behavior but
it*s not working. ny advice would be great. Thanks!
18
)y response...
"n the sim!lest of terms insecurity is a state of mind where one
doesn9t feel good enough. The !roblem is that if you are stuck with
a guy who is highly insecure then your relationshi! is going to be
one hell of a roller coaster ride.
'ou will always see him getting e/tremely !ossessive and ealous
most of the time to the !oint where he might constantly sus!ect
that you are cheating on him.
And he will always struggle to deal with any sort of a disagreement
between the two of you. Aven the sim!lest of things would be
taken as a !ersonal attack by him, which can make things a lot
difficult for you.
2ow let9s discuss what you can do in order to deal with him...
Its not you, its hi! -
"t9s really im!ortant that you get this right away. 2ever take any
res!onsibility for anyone else9s behavior even if it9s your own
boyfriend.
'ou see insecurity isn9t something one develo!s overnight. "t9s
normally a result of series of events which occurred in a !erson9s
life.
Troubled childhood, lack of love from !arents, unrealistic
e/!ectations, lack of acce!tance in social environments etc might
be some contributing factors.
And here is the im!ortant bit 4 'ou can9t fi/ him. All you can really
do is talk to him about this. 'ou see, you can9t make him feel a
certain way or feel more confident towards things. 3e will have to
work on it, not you.
19
Its ti!e to openly talk to hi! -
'ou will have to be very direct about certain things with him right
away. )aiting might only make it worse because the more you
ignore certain behaviors from him the more he will do them.
$ecause when you ignore something which you disagree with, the
other !erson gets the indication that you are okay with it and its
fine if he re!eats it.
Therefore the ne/t time your boyfriend does something that you
disagree with, talk to him about it o!enly. Try something along the
lines of...
"John" I really love you and I really want our relationship to be
fulfilling for both of us. #hat's why I need to let you know that it
really hurts me when you behave like this."
*hat if he still continues to act insecure?
)ell, in that case you can9t really do much. "t9s not something
which is within your control. The best thing you can really do is
talk to him about it and work on some !ossible solutions but if he
isn9t o!en to all that then there would be no !oint in !ushing him.
"f he really wants to be with you, then he would be willing to
make all the necessary adustments in his life to make it work.
It will end sooner or later -
One of the biggest !roblems of insecure !eo!le is that they
struggle to maintain a healthy long term relationshi!s. The ty!e of
relationshi!s they have always involve a lot of drama in one way or
another.
"f your boyfriend has shown no signs of change then it9s an absolute
certainty that your relationshi! will end sooner or later.
I!portant points -
20
,on9t try to change him because that would be a com!lete
waste of time. Beo!le won9t change because you want them
to change, they will only change when they are ready to
change.
2ever reward any kind of bad behavior. )hen you ignore
something you are indirectly showing your boyfriend the
green flag. 'ou are letting him know that it9s okay if he
re!eats the bad behavior once again.
"f things aren9t getting better as you e/!ected then what9s
the whole !oint of even being with him# "f there is no
!rogress whatsoever, then you are only wasting your life on
something which is never going to work out.
-eader .uestion 5+
He wants space 0 I am scared that he is done with
me. ,hat do I do(
)y response...
(o he finally said it8 And let me make a wild guess here 4 you are
freaking out# "t9s normal to freak out. "t9s normal to fear the worst
because men have a tendency to get distant even when everything
seems normal.
They ust do this out of the blue and it can sur!rise anyone. (o my
first advice to you would be this 4 ,O29T )ORR' TOO ;%:3.
"t9s com!letely normal for a man to get distant and ask for s!ace.
$ut here is the main issue 4 (ome women do not get why a man
would want to get distant all of a sudden and in the !rocess they
end u! making some very drastic mistakes which worsens their
situation.
3ere is a list of things you should never do.
...2ever act sad or des!erate when he asks you to give him some
s!ace.
21
...,on9t ask him to e/!lain why he wants s!ace because you will
never get a satisfactory answer.
...,on9t ask him if he is thinking about breaking u! with you.
...,on9t ask him about how long he is going to stay away from you.
...,on9t !ush yourself on him when he is trying to get distant. -et
him have his s!ace.
)omen become e/tremely insecure even at the thoughts of being
away from their man. "n their mind they imagine the worst
!ossible outcome and feel that maybe things might end.
3ere is the truth 4 Things might not be as bad as you are assuming
them to be but if you act des!erate or needy then your worst
nightmare might come true.
Take this as a test. ,emonstrate to him that you are emotionally
strong and don9t really need his su!!ort. 'ou are someone who will
let him have his s!ace and won9t bug him at all unless he decides
to come back himself.
3ere is a list of things you must do when he asks you for s!ace...
-et him know that you agree with his decision and you need some
s!ace too in order to figure some things out. -et him know that it9s
OC if he wants to be away from you.
Try to be very casual about it and don9t sound sur!rised. Act as if
you e/!ected this.
-et him know that there are a lot of things you have been wanting
to do but haven9t been able to do it yet. And let him know that
this will be a good o!!ortunity for you to do those things.
;ake it sound as if it9s a good thing that he is asking for s!ace. Act
as if you needed some s!ace from him as well but were scared to
ask him. This will gently knock him of his high horse and he will
feel a bit reected.
;ake it absolutely certain that you do not contact him in any way,
sha!e or form unless he contacts you first. -et him miss you.
There is a famous saying which goes 4 "t9s not really about what
ha!!ens to you, but the only thing that matters is what you do
22
about what ha!!ens to you.
The way you behave and tackle this situation will determine
whether he will really come back to you or not. Therefore, make it
a !oint to follow all the above instructions strictly and !ut it into
action right away.
-eader .uestion 6+
He clearly said he doesn*t want a relationship with
me. 7o should I 'ust be friends with him(
)y response...
)ell, it9s never an easy decision when you want a relationshi! and
he doesn9t. "t9s never easy to deal with the !ain of knowing that
maybe things might not go as you !lanned.
$ut, the big +uestion still remains 4 (hould you still be friends with
him# 3ere are some useful ti!s for you...
.an you really accept hi! as a friend?
'ou should first ask yourself whether you can even stick around
him as a friend or not. $eing friends is com!letely different than
being in a relationshi!. "t9s more casual and things might not be as
intense as you e/!ected them to be.
At the same time you really need to figure out your reasons behind
sticking around as ust a friend. "f you feel that some day he might
change his mind about you and will magically start to see you as a
!otential lover then you are only setting yourself u! for massive
!ain.
,on9t be his friend in case you want to convince him to acce!t you
as a lover, it might not ha!!en ever and you will only be stuck in
the cycle of constant !ain and frustration.
23
/ital points -
Only take the friendshi! route if you are ready to acce!t
that you might not ever be in a relationshi! with him.
"f you still have feelings towards him which you can9t seem
to get rid of then it9s better to end things than to be ust
friends.
&e!porary pain /s long ter! pain"""
The decision is com!letely in your hands. 'ou have to decide
whether you want to remain in !ain forever or do you want to get
rid of it once and for all.
;ost women are confused in this de!artment, they tend to take
shortcuts and end u! doing all the things they shouldn9t do
e/!ecting things to get better, but this always backfires and things
end u! getting worse.
Therefore another im!ortant thing you need to kee! in mind is to
first figure out e/actly what ty!e of feelings you are e/!eriencing
and make a decision based on those feelings.
For e/am!le, take out a sheet of !a!er and answer the following
+uestions as a yes or a no...
$% & 'o I still have intense feelings for him?
$( & )ill being friends with him cause me pain or pleasure in the
long run?
$* & )ill I be able to accept the fact that he might date other
people while I am still a friend?
$+ & )ill being his friend benefit me or harm me?
And really think about all your answers. "n case, you can clearly
sense that being his friend will only cause you more !ain than
!leasure in the long run then it9s highly recommended that you end
24
things right away.
/ital points -
,on9t do anything under the influence of emotions. "f you
still have feelings for him then you might be driven towards
taking anything which comes your way. ,on9t be his friend
ust because you still want him around, this will only make
everything more !ainful.
'ou can9t convince him to get into a relationshi! with you
therefore try to convince yourself that it might not ha!!en
at all. After all, the only !erson you can control is yourself.
"f you end things right now then you will only suffer
tem!orary !ain but if you become his friend e/!ecting that
some day you will get what you want then you have only set
yourself u! for !ermanent !ain.
-eader .uestion 89+
I constantly obsesses over a guy. How do I control my
urges(
)y response...
(irst thing - Its not nor!al to be obsessed"""
2o it9s really not. 2o matter what others might tell you, if you
think about someone all the time to the !oint where it drives you
cra>y then there is definitely a !roblem you need to work on.
And this !roblem has nothing to do with the guy in +uestion but it
has everything to do with you. 'ou really need to work on yourself
before everything gets com!letely out of control.
*hy is it to0ic to be obsessed?
Beo!le !ut their whole life on hold when they are obsessed with
25
someone. They have no idea how big of an im!act this can have on
their life in general.
*here does this feeling of obsession co!e fro!"""
"t basically develo!s when you know you can9t have the guy. 'our
mind isn9t ready to acce!t the fact that he won9t like you the way
you want him to and in the !rocess gives you this very negative
feeling.
2ow in order to get rid of this negative feeling a !erson starts
doing all the things they believe will hel! them which include
obsessively calling the guy in +uestion, stalking him and even
trying to s!y on him.
This will usually !ush the guy even further away and you will again
be left with the same old negative feeling once again.
'ow do I get rid of this nasty feeling?
"t9s not going to be easy, let me be very honest about it right here.
There isn9t a button you can !ress and magically make the guy
disa!!ear from your thoughts.
)hat you can actually do is sto! doing all the things which harm or
hurt you. )ith time these negative internal feelings will start to
go away and you will start feeling much better once again.
'ere is what you can do"""
7et a sheet of !a!er and kee! track of your thoughts. Try to do it
in the following format 4
...I feel like checking his face book right now. ,hould I do it?
...If I do it" will it make me feel good or bad?
...If you know that it will make you feel bad" then ask yourself &
)hat is something else I do can with my time right now which will
help me?
And list all !ossible things for e/am!le 4
26
7o out for a walk.
:all a friend or a family member.
,o some !ending work which hasn9t been done yet.
:ook a meal.
)alk the dog.
Anything you can think of. 5ust !ut it all down on a !iece of !a!er.
After you are done with the list, you will instantly have a lot to do
on your !late.
:arry on this e/ercise every time you get urges to do anything
which makes you feel negative or bad. After a few days your
obsessive thoughts will go away and you won9t feel obsessed
anymore.
I!portant note -
,uring this e/ercise you will still get obsessive thoughts and that
will be the time when you will have to make a solid decision on
what you really want to do.
"f you give in to these urges and start doing all the things you used
to do before then you will again find yourself in the same black
hole of negative emotions. The only way out of this is to take
!ositive action towards the right !ath. Therefore make sure that
you stick to this !lan.
-eader .uestion 88+
I have a lot of conflict in my relationship. )e and my
husband 'ust can*t stop fighting. ,hat should we do(
)y response...
3ere are some !ossible reasons why you have so much conflict...
,ossible Reason 11 - $ou want to alter your !an"""
This can be a huge !roblem in any relationshi!. 2ot ust for the
27
woman but for the man as well. Really hear me out there8 ;ost
women do not understand this at all.
"n the female world offering advice or suggestions is considered as
an act of love and kindness. $ut in the male world it9s considered
to be the e/act o!!osite of it. ;en hate any advice or suggestion
unless they directly asked for it.
One of two things will ha!!en any time you attem!t to offer
advice 4
Aither he will instantly fight in the form of an argument or he will
flight by com!letely avoiding you and will go into his little shell.
$oth the scenarios aren9t healthy.
A lot of women do it unknowingly and don9t understand why their
man gets distant when they are ust trying to talk to him. They fail
to see the bigger !icture D don9t understand what they are really
doing.
"n the man9s mind when you offer him advice or even tell him to do
something a certain way he starts to feel 4
8+ -e'ected 4 $ecause by offering advice you are telling him that
he is doing something wrong. )hich is a big blow to his ego.
:+ ;nappreciated 4 3e starts to feel that maybe you are indirectly
telling him that he isn9t good enough.
<+ =ontrolled 4 2ow this is the big one8 ;en value their freedom
more than anything and would like to make u! their own mind
before they do something. They don9t want to be told what to do
even if you know they need hel!.
(o you are offering advice thinking that it will hel! him but he
assumes that you are trying to control him and will become su!er
28
stubborn which will create a lot of friction between the two of
you.
Solution -
(hare what you feel without offering any advice or asking him to
change. 3ere is a good e/am!le 4
"f your man is u!set about something D you aren9t sure what it is.
"nstead of asking him too many +uestions about it D then trying
offer advice on what he should or shouldn9t do ust say the
following...
"-oney I can see you are stressed right now therefore I will just
leave you alone for a while. .lease know that I am around
whenever you need me."
And kee! it at that.
$y doing this you have given him enough s!ace to unwind on his
own D have !roven that you don9t want to control or alter him in
any way.
,ossible Reason 12 - $ou are co!!unicating your intentions or
feelings in the wrong way"""
,o you get su!er frustrated when he is always distracted when you
are trying to tell him something and want him to hear you out#
And conse+uently do you end u! arguing by calling him out on his
behavior# 3ere is something you need to understand 4 ;en aren9t
going to change D become everything you want them to be
overnight.
"n your world 4 'ou are telling him that the cause of your
frustration is something that he should or shouldn9t do. And you
want him to really do something about it.
29
$ut in his eyes 4 3e ust feels that you are being overly dramatic
and !unishes you by getting distant.
7et this 4 'ou ust can9t change the way nature made them. 'ou
can9t alter their basic make u!.
)hat you should rather do is try to understand why men do what
they do, and how to get your !oint across in a way which will
make him @7et it@.
Solution 4
"nstead of trying to convince him to feel a certain way or see the
situation the way you see it by arguing, nagging or forcing your
views on him. 'ou can ado!t a different a!!roach.
5ust by making slight changes in the way you talk to him...'ou can
get what you want.
3ere is an e/am!le 4
"f you have been dying to s!end some +uality time with your man
but he always seems to be busy here is an a!!roach you can
try...(ay the following to him 4
"John I really appreciate how hard you work to keep me happy. I
am really glad to have a man like you in my life. I am sorry if I
was a bit harsh on you the other day...I was frustrated because I
miss the special moments we used to share together. I would
really like you to spend some time with me like we did in the
past. I am really sorry if I said anything which hurt you. I honestly
didn't mean it."
$y saying the above you have not only communicated your
message effectively but now he will be ten times more likely to
hear you out and will be more rece!tive towards you in the future.
30
,oints &o Re!e!ber -
'ou can9t force your man to feel a certain way ust because
you want him to. ,ro! the illusion that you can some day
change him to match your needs. This is the root cause of
most conflicts in any relationshi!.
;en crave a!!reciation, acce!tance and freedom. -earn to
give them all three.
3e can9t see your side of the story when you are trying to
force your o!inion on him. 2egotiate in a way which shows
him that you understand his side of the story D don9t want
him to change. -earn to !resent your view in a non4
udgmental manner D he will ha!!ily give you what you
want.

-eader .uestion 8:+
,hat do men want in a relationship( ,hy are they so
puzzling(
)y response...
"t9s funny how women com!are men to a crossword !u>>le. They
assume that men are so mysterious in their ways that they have to
a!!ly some s!ecial formula to solve the so called mystery. $ut
again that9s not the case.
There is no need to feel ho!eless here. The !rimary reason why
women face disa!!ointment in this area is because what they
think men want in a relationshi! is not what men actually want.
'es that9s right8 )hat you !resently believe about what a man
wants from you might be the very thing which is creating a lot of
friction between the two of you.
-et me give you some clear cut ti!s on what guys really want in a
31
relationshi!. A!!ly these in your relationshi! and your man will
give you everything you want...
Step 11 - 2en want to feel good and there is a way to do it"""
,o you know why some women always get to attract and kee! the
!erfect guy yet others struggle# )hat do these women understand
which the rest don9t#
'ou see8 These women understand something about men which
most other women usually ignore. )e all want to feel good about
ourselves right# (o do men8 (ounds sim!le so far#
)ait8 "t9s not really that sim!le. $ecause if it was a lot of women
out there would know how to use this to their advantage6 and
would already be in great loving relationshi!s. $ut both you and "
know that9s not the case for a lot of women out there.
Avery man wants to feel valuable in a relationshi! and the best
way to do that is to show him regular a!!reciation. )omen do not
understand the !ower of this but it can be the very difference
between a sweet loving relationshi! and a messy one.
;en need to be reminded time and time again of how much you
really a!!reciate being around them. And a good way to do it is to
use the following words around him once in a while...
"I really appreciate all the things you do to make me feel good. I
am blessed to have a boyfriend/husband like you in my life."
"I really love everything you have done for me. !ou are a great
boyfriend/husband. I know you will never do anything which will
hurt me."
2ot only will this make your man feel good being with you but it
will also make sure that he will follow through will all his little and
big commitments towards you.
32
Step 12 - -et hi! know that he isnt locked in a cage3 Set hi!
co!pletely (R44"""
,o you know what men really hate in a relationshi!# They
absolutely hate it when they are stuck with a woman who is ust
too demanding. 2ow in your world you might feel that you aren9t
that demanding but in his world he is feeling like he is locked in a
cage.
Aver had one of those moments where no matter what you said
your boyfriendEhusband ust wasn9t ready to listen to you# And did
it lead to a bitter argument where he ust started getting more
and more distant#
2ow in your view you might be thinking that if he was a good
boyfriendEhusband he should be concerned about your needs and
shouldn9t behave like this.
$ut in his world you are only being a su!er annoying, nagging
girlfriendEwife who doesn9t really have any concern for his own
feelings.
(o do you see now how it can be really difficult to handle for both
the !artners# "f you want something from your !artner there is a
way you can use to get the message through to him.
-et9s say for e/am!le you want him to take you out and you know
he is usually busy...2ow either you can force him to do it...For
e/am!le 4
!ou & 0an we please go out today?
-im & 1o I am busy.
!ou & 2s usual !ou are always damn busy. !ou never have time for
me.
-im & 0an't you see I work so hard to keep you comfortable? !ou
33
are so unappreciative.
!ou & )hatever
And end of story...
3ere is the right way to do it..."nstead of ust asking him to take
you out and then getting angry when he says no...Try the following
line...
"-oney I know you have been really busy lately and I know you do
this to give me a comfortable life. I was thinking that maybe we
can go out tonight as I miss the times when we used to have our
little special moments together. I completely understand if it's
not possible today. 2fter all work should always come first."
And then check his res!onse. " can almost !ositively say that you
are twice as more likely to get a !ositive res!onse from him when
you use the above statement.
'ou see if you ask him out and e/!ect him to take you out...he
feels somewhat !ressured. $ut when you ask him to take you out
yet you let him know that you are com!letely OC if he says no.
That9s when he doesn9t feel any !ressure and is more likely to say
yes.
;en aren9t a big !u>>le you need to solve. They are !retty
sim!le if you actually !ay close attention.
"f there is too much conflict in your relationshi! then your
beliefs about what men want in a relationshi! might be
wrong.
;en crave a!!reciation. -et them know that you think
highly of them and res!ect them. And they will give you
everything you want.
34
The saying which goes 4 @If you really love someone you
should set him free" is true. ,on9t demand anything rather
gently re+uest and he will follow through with your re+uest.

-eader .uestion 8<+
How do I know if he is right for me 0 is good
boyfriend material(
)y response...
"n order to determine this you have to ask yourself F im!ortant
+uestions...
Question 11 - Is he open with his feelings?
There are two categories of men out there 4
8+ >motionally mature.
:+ >motionally immature.
;en who are emotionally mature are very o!en about their
feelings and won9t mind sharing what they feel about you o!enly.
They will also discuss dee!er relationshi! issues very o!enly and
will be more than eager to discuss where the relationshi! is
headed.
Amotionally immature men on the other hand are very6 closed
about their feelings because they9re basically confused. They don9t
really know whether they want a relationshi! or not.
'ou see these are the men who would kee! a woman around till
the time they find someone better. And even if they do find
someone better they are still not sure about where they want
things to go.
'ow to identify an e!otionally i!!ature !an -
35
An emotionally immature man will go into his shell every
time you try to discuss anything which involves his feelings.
3e will always be reluctant to talk about serious
relationshi! issues.
An emotionally immature man will always send out mi/ed
signals. One moment you will feel like he wants you and
another moment he will act as if he doesn9t even like you.
An emotionally immature man will always find it difficult to
effectively communicate with you. 'ou will always feel a
great deal of difficulty when trying to get your !oint across
to him.
"f you are stuck with an emotionally immature man then your best
bet is to let things go for the time being. -et him sort out his
feelings and figure out what he really wants before you take things
further.
Question 12 - 5re you two co!patible enough? )o you share a
co!!on purpose?
,o you know where women actually make the big mistake# "t9s
when they fall for a guy and decide to have a relationshi! with
him ust based on attraction.
"t9s that im!ulse of the moment where everything feels right. $ut
the !roblem is that attraction doesn9t last. This is the reason why
so many cou!les after a few days of dating decide to live together
only to reali>e later on that they can9t stand each other.
"t9s very im!ortant to first determine what your man wants out of
a relationshi! and then figure out if it matches your !ur!ose.
"f you are with a man who isn9t ready for a relationshi! but you
still hang around anyway thinking that some day he will change his
36
mind then you are waiting for a disaster to ha!!en.
3aving a common !ur!ose is really im!ortant which means if you
want a relationshi! then your man should want the same. "f he
wants casual things and isn9t really sure about whether he wants a
future with you or not then he isn9t good boyfriend material.
'ou would be better off finding someone who wants what you
want.
'our choice of a man will determine your level of emotional
well being. $eing with the wrong guy can negatively affect
all areas of your life. Therefore choose wisely.
Amotionally immature men might be fun to be with at first
but will give you a lot of !ain in the long term. Amotionally
mature men might be boring to be with at first but will give
you a lot of !leasure in the long term.
,on9t get into a relationshi! only because you are attracted
to a man. Attraction is like a bubble gum. "t9s all sweet
when you chew it for the first few minutes but after that
it9s tasteless.
:om!atibility is the main factor which determines the
length of a relationshi!. :ou!les who are com!atible lead a
more fulfilling life filled with oy and satisfaction in
com!arison to non4com!atible cou!les who got into a
relationshi! ust because they were attracted to each other.

-eader .uestion 8/+
,hat ?o I lways "all for )en ,ho ren*t Into )e( I
am tired of men who use me 0 then run away.
37
)y response...
"f you are constantly finding yourself in the com!any of men who
don9t like you back then you are making certain mistakes without
the reali>ation that you are making them. That9s why it9s really
im!ortant that you do something about it right away before it
hurts you more.
3ere are some useful keys which will hel! you figure out why you
kee! falling for men who don9t like you back and what you can do
in order to get out of this !ainful circle...
&he %ig Reason - $ou are not reading their true intentions
properly"""
The key is to see men for what they really are and that9s the
hardest !art. A lot of women assume that if a man is checking
them out or finds them attractive then maybe he is hinting that he
would like to be in a relationshi! with them.
)hich6 is com!letely false.
'ou see here is how it normally goes 4
'ou are at a !arty and can see this hot guy standing across the
room. 3e is directly staring at you and you can see that he is also
interested in you. 3e comes over...'ou two start chatting.
Averything seems great. 'ou are having an absolute blast...Then he
takes your !hone number and !romises to call you back. 3e calls
you...takes you out on another date. 'ou have a great time, he
dro!s you back to your !lace and you kiss him goodnight. $ut he
doesn9t want to sto! there.
3e wants to take things further. 3e wants to come in. "nternally
you know that you need to say no to this as it might be a bit too
early but the im!ulse of the moment is so strong that you ust
can9t sto! him and you two end u! slee!ing together.
38
(o far so good right# 2ot really.
This is where it all gets a bit messy. 2ow you find yourself
endlessly calling him only to find out that he isn9t really interested
in you the way you were interested in him. And this is where the
drama ends.
5nd here is how the circle works -
'ou assumed that he wanted a relationshi! ust because he
was !hysically attracted to you.
After he sle!t with you he got what he wanted and now he
isn9t showing the same level of interest in you anymore.
'ou feel even more insecure because now his level of
attraction towards you has dro!!ed substantially D you
can9t figure out why.
'ou start chasing him more and he starts avoiding you more.
"t9s normal human nature to want the things which we can9t easily
have. -et me break it down again for you 4
)hen you like a guy but he doesn9t like you back two things
ha!!en 4
8+ @ou feel re'ected.
:+ @ou don*t get his validation.
Reection is one of the worst !ossible things a human can go
through therefore the instant reaction of the mind is to do
everything to either avoid reection com!letely or change the
situation.
And this is where some women try to convince the guy to like
them by doing s!ecial things or treating him ultra nice which
39
doesn9t really work.
The ne/t thing you aren9t getting from him is validation. This
means that somewhere down the line he is saying that maybe you
aren9t good enough for him due to which your self4esteem takes a
huge hit.
And in order to recover from this hit you try to again seek his
validation and in the !rocess chase him around.
&he real solution -
'ou have to understand that if you kee! falling for men who don9t
really like you back then it9s not the man9s fault. 'es this is a bit
difficult to understand but you really need to get this.
'ou can9t make a man react a certain way or do things only
because you want him to do them. (imilarly you can9t make him
feel a certain way towards you when he has already reected you.
" am not saying it9s com!letely im!ossible. (ure there are things
you can do to get his affection. $ut we aren9t on that subect
today.
'ere is what you !ust do -
,on9t !ut the guy on a !edestal only because you feel that
he is cute. "t9s always im!ortant to take things slow and
don9t ever give him more value than he actually deserves.
,on9t give him easy se/. (ure it might all feel right in the
im!ulse of the moment but getting !hysical with him too
early can be a big mistake.
"f a guy tells you that he likes you and is attracted to you
then it doesn9t mean that he wants a relationshi! with you.
,on9t confuse his liking for dee!er attraction.
40
"f you find yourself obsessing over a guy, calling him more,
trying to figure out what he is u! to then you have clearly
fallen for him. (to! yourself right there and control your
emotions. 'ou shouldn9t make any efforts towards him
unless he is already into you.

-eader .uestion 82+
Is it possible to change a man(
)y response...
3e won9t change because you want him to. 3e will only change
when he is ready.
First of all !lease understand 4 'ou don9t control his mind, you
don9t run his life and you can9t make him do things unless he
!ersonally wants to do them.
3e is another human being and his life decisions will be
com!letely out of your control ust like your life decisions are
com!letely out of his control.
(ure both of you can influence each other but that doesn9t mean
that one or both of you will do everything e/actly as the other
!artner !leases.
"f you are sitting there ho!ing that some day your man will change
for you then you are knocking on the wrong door. And here is the
big thing 4 3en do sometimes change but often that change is
short lived.
Gery soon they return back to their old behavior. Again " am not
saying that all men are like this. There are men out there who do
change for their !artner but it9s not very common.
41
(o can a woman really change a man# )ell in one word 4 2O8 And
even if she does attem!t it9s going to be one big hill climb and in
the end the reward might not be what she e/!ected. 3ere is
why...
$ou will always feel unhappy if you depend on hi! to !ake you
happy"""
"t9s normal to have e/!ectations from your !artner, it9s normal to
look u! to them for a lot of things but the big !roblem is this 4
(ome women com!letely de!end on their !artner for emotional
satisfaction and always find themselves in constant !ain because
of it.
3ere is some truth for you 4 A relationshi! can never make you
ha!!y.
" am sure you9ve heard this before a million times but this
statement is e/tremely significant.
'our !artner can9t do everything e/actly as you want him to
therefore there will be some disa!!ointment along the way. And
you ust can9t change that.
The only way to be ha!!y in a relationshi! is to first acce!t that
your !artner has flaws and will do things you don9t like or agree
with. "t9s ust a normal !art of being in a relationshi!. "f you can9t
handle this truth then you will always end u! with unha!!iness
and disa!!ointment.
I!portant points -
A woman can not change a man to match her !references.
Aven if a man does change tem!orarily he will always return
back to his old self sooner or later. "t9s better to change
yourself and acce!t that your !artner wouldn9t change
instead of wasting energy on trying to change him.
"f you are constantly trying to change your man then the
42
whole foundation of your relationshi! is already flawed. A
relationshi! only works when two !artners acce!t each
other the way they are. The moment you try to change your
man you can start counting the days before your
relationshi! ends.
"f you believe that when your man will change life is going
to be so much better then you are day dreaming. -ife won9t
get better when your man will change, it will actually get
better when you change.
,on9t give your emotional !ower away by de!ending on him
too much for ha!!iness. True ha!!iness only comes from the
inside and not anything outside of you. Therefore first find
that within you, because once you do, you won9t seek it
from outside sources.

-eader .uestion 83+
I really like this guy at work. How do I impress him(
)y response...
)hen we like someone we e/!ect them to like us back right# "sn9t
that ust common human nature#
And if we aren9t sure if the other !erson likes us we naturally try
to do things in order to win them over.
$ut does it always work# )ell sometimes it does and sometimes it
doesn9t. -et me first start out by discussing why it doesn9t work.
3ere are some of the common false beliefs women have when it
comes to the subect of @"m!ressing guys@.
The best way to im!ress a guy is to tell him how much you
like him, com!liment him and if you do it all right
eventually he will be flattered and will like you back.
"f you want to win a guy over then you must act really nice
43
around him and give him everything he wants or else you
might u!set him.
"f you want to im!ress a guy you must learn how to make a
guy com!letely comfortable around you. That9s why it9s
im!ortant to figure out what he likes first and then do those
things.
All these so called tactics don9t really work in all situations...(ure
they might work in some cases and might even get you tem!orary
results but you won9t achieve anything solid if you have the above
mentioned beliefs.
"n fact8 ;ost of it will only work against you...3ere is why...
$y making attem!ts to im!ress him you are indirectly saying
that you don9t feel that you are on the same level as him
and feel that he is more attractive due to which you need to
im!ress him.
'ou are telling him that he is beyond your reach due to
which you need to do things in order to win him over.
This is why it9s not a big sur!rise when women constantly get
reected when they follow some of the above theories.
2ow let me share with you what you should rather do...
"9ll give you a big secret...Ready# Ok...3ere it is 4
7T%A T-@IBC T% I)A->77 HI). A>-I%?!
)hen you follow the mentality that you need to im!ress him in
order to win him over you have automatically handed him the
!ower to reect you. 'ou have already told him that you like him
more than he likes you and he has the !ower to reect you now.
;en are only im!ressed by women who never make any attem!ts
44
to im!ress a guy. -et me break this down a bit more for you...
*ould you naturally do it or is it 6ust being done to i!press a
guy?
Really think about it. Try and monitor your actions around a guy
you like and try to figure out if you are doing any of the things you
won9t normally do. 2e/t ask yourself why you are doing them#
A lot of women subconsciously get into the @" need to im!ress him@
mode and end u! doing a lot of things they won9t normally do in
order to win him over.
)omen assume that unless they alter their !resent !ersonality
they might not be able to im!ress a guy. $ut here is a twist 4 ,o
you know that a guy can sense when you are trying to win him over
and when you aren9t#
And once he can sense that you are making attem!ts to win him
over he will certainly not be im!ressed.
-earn to detach yourself fro! the outco!e -
"f you really want to win a guy over then you need to detach
yourself from the outcome. )hich means6 you have to sto!
worrying about who likes you and who doesn9t.
That9s the time when guys will really start to like you. )hen you
aren9t bothered about making someone else like you, you won9t
make any artificial efforts to win a guy over and you will only
!resent your natural authentic self which will make you the most
attractive !erson around.
I!portant points -
7et rid of all your needy habits. 7uys are never im!ressed
when you try really hard to win them over. They are only
im!ressed when you never make any attem!ts to im!ress
45
them.
"f you find yourself doing certain things you won9t normally
do and saying certain things you won9t normally say around a
guy then you have given your !ower away. 'ou don9t have to
alter your !ersonality to match anyone else9s !references.
-earn to be yourself.
)hen you aren9t worried about what the world thinks of you
that9s when you are truly free. And that9s when your true
!ersonality will shine. Therefore learn to detach yourself
from the outcome.
-eader .uestion 84+
I am not sure about his feelings towards me. 7hould I
ask him how he feels about me(
)y response...
"t can be really scary even thinking about asking him how he feels
about you. $ut when you are stuck in a state of confusion where
you aren9t sure how he feels towards you, what should you do#
3ere are some things you must consider...
'ope for the best but prepare yourself for the worst"""
"f you are !lanning to ask him the big +uestion then it9s really
im!ortant that you first !re!are yourself for the worst because he
could say something which might not !lease you at all or maybe
even something you weren9t e/!ecting.
2ow let9s go back to the big +uestion 4 (o should you ask him#
)ell, " would say asking him isn9t really a good idea.
$ecause the moment you ask him how he feels about you, you are
46
indirectly giving him the !ower.
)hat you are really saying is this 4 I really like you and I hope you
like me back too.
2o matter how tem!ting it is, you should never be the first one to
ask him how he actually feels about you.
*hen he really has feelings towards you, he will let you know in
one way or another"""
3ere is the thing 4 A guy will let you know how he feels about you
either directly or indirectly if he truly has feelings for you. 3e will
never hold it back even if he is the most, shy !erson out there.
This doesn9t mean that he will directly come u! to you and will tell
you how he really feels about you. $ut his actions will do all the
talking...3e will 4
,pend more time with you.
-e will try to keep you happy.
-e will always try to impress you.
-e will always be there for you.
-e will call you regularly.
-e will get jealous if you talk to other guys.
-e will be possessive towards you.
These are only a few signs which will make it absolutely clear to
you that he has s!ecial feelings for you.
And here is the kicker...
5sking hi! !ight scare hi! away"""
;en hate it when women chase them or act needy towards them.
$ecause in their world they take this as a threat to their
freedom..."f you ask him how he feels about you, he might start
thinking 4
Is she already looking for a relationship? I am not even
47
ready for it yet.
)hy is she trying to rush things?
)hy is she pushing me to tell her how I feel?
)hat are her e4pectations?
Therefore you are very likely to get either a confusion answer or
no answer at all because asking him means you are !utting him
under immense !ressure.
And at the same time you will also convey insecurity and neediness
which are very unattractive traits due to which he is very likely to
form a negative o!inion about you.
"f he really likes you, he will make it obvious to you in one
way or another and you won9t be confused over the +uestion
of whether he likes you or not.
"f you haven9t seen any signs that indicate that he likes you
so far then it9s useless to ask him. "t might only worsen an
already bad situation.
"f you have already made the mistake of asking him and he
hasn9t given you a clear answer, then he doesn9t really have
serious feelings about you. "t9s bitter but that9s something
you will have to acce!t.

-eader .uestion 85+
I have a friend 0 we are only se1 buddies. !ut lately
he is acting like we are in a relationship. How do I
handle this( ny advice(
)y response...
This is ha!!ening because 4 3e is confused about his feelings...
48
" am sure you are aware that attraction isn9t a choice. "t9s not
something one can choose, therefore if a guy is treating you like a
girlfriend but at the same time only claims that he wants to
remain friends with benefits then this means that he is in dee!
conflict within himself.
3is logical brain is telling him that it9s better to remain friends
with benefits but his emotional brain is telling him that he should
be with you.
(o what !art of the brain wins in this battle# )ell the logical brain
will win on some days and the emotional brain will win on other
days. $ut there isn9t going to be a conclusive decision.
That9s why you will always see him getting distant on some days
and then acting as if you two are already a cou!le on other days.
So!eti!es people only want things as long as they cant have
it"""
And once they get it, they don9t want it anymore. Therefore since
you two are !resently friends with benefits he knows that you
aren9t e/clusively dating him. )hich !robably bother9s him.
3e knows that you can go out any time and date any other guy
whenever you !lease or maybe you are already doing it. And this
can cause him to feel a lot of attraction towards you which goes
beyond ust being !hysical.
And it9s a well known fact that we want things which are beyond
our reach or which we don9t !resently have.
Its ti!e to !ake everything clear to hi!"""
"f you can clearly see that he is acting su!er !ossessive towards
you and is already treating you like his official girlfriend then you
have to let him know that this isn9t a !art of the deal.
49
"f you really like him and, want him to be with you, then you
should let him know in a very direct way that you would like things
to go beyond what already e/ists. "f he agrees to it, then it9s good.
$ut if he still isn9t sure then it9s really im!ortant that you draw the
line right there.
$ecause if he treats you like his official girlfriend, you will start to
feel the same way towards him as well and in the !rocess you will
start to develo! feelings for him sooner or later.
And eventually you will only hurt yourself emotionally when you
reali>e that he isn9t even sure about what he wants from you.
,on9t give him the !ower to hurt you this way. ,raw the boundary
and let him know what you are and are not okay with.
$ou !ight have to let hi! go"""
"f you don9t do it right away then you are only going to feel hurt in
the future. "f he is sending out mi/ed signals and is trying to be
much more than friends with benefits but at the same time doesn9t
want to commit to you then he is !laying emotional games.
'ou will find yourself stuck in this >one of un!redictability where
you wouldn9t know what to e/!ect out of the whole situation you
have with this guy. 'ou should let him go at the right time before
things get worse.
I!portant points -
"f a man is unsure about his feelings for you then it means
that the answer is no. 3e won9t commit to you and is only
kee!ing you around till he can sort out his feelings.
,on9t let him !lay with your emotions. "f he doesn9t want a
relationshi! then he should strictly kee! it as friends with
benefits, therefore make that rule absolutely clear to him.

50
-eader .uestion 86+
I am not too sure if he will ever want a relationship
with me or not. Is it possible to convince him(
)y response...
-et me start off with some bitter truth for you 4 Almost every man
out there who says he doesn9t want a relationshi! will actually get
into a relationshi! at some !oint in his life. That9s a guarantee.
$ut the !erson he will be into a relationshi! with may or may not
be you. 'ou see when a guy says that he doesn9t want a
relationshi! what he is indirectly saying is that he doesn9t want a
relationshi! with you. -et9s discuss this in a bit more detail...
If he wants a relationship with you, there wouldnt be any
e0cuses"""
"f he has a clear mind and really wants a relationshi! with you
then no e/cuse in the world will be big enough to sto! him. And at
the same time if he is unclear and isn9t sure about whether he
really wants a relationshi! with you or not then every e/cuse will
seem really big.
)hen a guy starts looking for more e/cuses on to be with you
instead of looking for reasons to be with you then its really obvious
that he doesn9t want a relationshi! with you.
%ut what if he changes his !ind?
)ell, we have already established that if a guy really wants to be
with you, he won9t make any e/cuses.
$ut " am sure now you are wondering, well what if he finally
changes his mind and is ready for a relationshi!# )ell " would like
to ask you 4 )hen do you feel that time would come#
51
"f he isn9t ready for it right now, when do you feel he is ever going
to be ready# And at the same time how long are you actually
willing to wait# 3ow long are you willing to handle the confusion,
!ain and frustration of not knowing when he is going to finally
make u! his mind#
If things arent getting better, theyre only getting worse"""
"n the !rocess of thinking that maybe he might change his mind
some day many women ust stick around anyway and let things run
the way they are running.
$ut do you know what actually ha!!ens in the !rocess# Things
actually end u! getting worse. )hen you want a relationshi! but
he doesn9t, you have two !eo!le with com!letely different goals.
Therefore you will !ush him towards your goal and he will try to
!ush you towards his.
And in the !rocess you will only e/!erience more arguments,
disagreements and frustration. Aventually you will reali>e that he
isn9t going to change his mind and is always going to be confused
about you.
And that would be the time when you will feel the need to let him
go. Always remember that...
$ou cant change his !ind, or persuade hi! into wanting a
relationship with you"""
And the sooner you get this the better it9s going to be for you.
,on9t sit around thinking that someday you will be able to convince
him to want a relationshi! with you. "f he is scared of a
relationshi! right now, what makes you say that he will be less
scared in the future#
'ou can9t make him want a relationshi! and at the same time you
can9t convince or !ersuade him either. "t ust won9t work, and the
harder you will try, the more distant he will get from you.
52
So what do I do now?
(o what can you do# ,o you really have two many o!tions# 3ere
are two things you can do 4
,tick around and hope he will change his mind.
5r
6et him go on good terms.
" would suggest that it will be better to let him go momentarily.
$ecause if he really wants you6 then he will come back for sure.
$ut if he doesn9t, then you were with the wrong !erson to begin
with. Always remember 4 There is another !erson out there who
will be more than ha!!y to be with you. (o go find that !erson
instead of wasting the !recious moments of your life waiting for
someone who doesn9t even want a relationshi!.
"f he doesn9t want a relationshi! then he is indirectly saying
that he doesn9t want a relationshi! with you. 3e isn9t saying
he doesn9t want a relationshi! at all because some day he
will be in a relationshi! with someone else for sure.
,on9t wait for him to change his mind about you, if he hasn9t
made u! his mind already, what is he really waiting for#
:ut him off and let him miss you. -et him know that you
aren9t going to sit around and wait for him if he isn9t ready
for a relationshi!. "f he can9t make u! his mind about you,
then let him know that you can9t make u! your mind about
him either.
53
-eader .uestion :9+
How do I know if my man will never commit to me 0 is
only keeping me around till he finds someone better(
>very time I raise the topic of commitment, he comes
up with a million different e1cuses. Alease help!
)y response...
"f your man kee!s making e/cuses after e/cuses over the to!ic of
commitment then you might be in dee! trouble. :onfusion in this
de!artment is never a good thing.
The truth is that most men suffer from a !hobia to commit. $ut
how do you know if you are one of those unlucky women who is
stuck with such a man# 3ere are some useful signs...
'e is only interested in se0"""
"f you reali>e that your man is mainly interested in se/ and wants
to be with you only behind closed doors then it is a very alarming
sign that he will never commit and is selfishly involved with you.
Blease be on your guard right away, as !rolonged break u!s hurt
more.
7ever !akes plans with you"""
"f he talks only about his own future !lans or ambitions then it
means that he is not interested in a long term commitment with
you. "f he is never interested in what you want to do and is
selfishly interested in doing his own and accom!lishing his own
goals then he is almost treating you like a doormat.
'e has hinted that he is not really into !arriage 8
co!!it!ent"""
(ome guys know themselves and their !riorities well and confess
candidly that they are not looking for marriage. $ut some women
still ignore this and actually end u! taking this as a challenge.
54
And in the !rocess, they wait for the guy to change his mind which
never ha!!ens.
Shies away fro! being introduced to your parents"""
(ince his intentions are not very honest, he will always avoid
meeting with your !arents. "f he agrees to see them and then does
not turn u! 4 should s!eak volumes to you.
'e will avoid talking about the future"""
'ou can !ut him to a small test by talking about your future
together 4 like marriage, children etc. "f he is genuine and wants
to take his relation to a higher level, he will sound as keen and
e/cited as you are. "f not, he will show disinterest and always
change the to!ic or !ost!one discussion.
'e will start getting distant"""
"f he starts avoiding you and !retending he is busy and unavailable
whenever you wish to discuss about your future !lans. "t means
that he is scared of the to!ic and is not very likely to commit to
you. $oth of you are at different wave lengths 4 ,angerous
situation.
2akes derogative state!ents"""
A man who is not interested in marriage will always critici>e
cou!les who are !lanning marriage or commitment of any kind.
'ou should cleverly take this as a hint of his disa!!roval for
commitment.
(ond of his freedo!"""
A man who loves his freedom too much is a dicey character to be
involved with. 3is s!ace and his freedom will be of utmost
im!ortance to him always. ;ay be he cherishes his freedom so
selfishly that he will never even think of becoming serious with
one !erson. Terms like engagement and marriage are very far4
fetched and literally unthinkable for a !erson of this kind.
55
)iscouraging e0a!ples"""
3e will always tell you that marriages never last in the !resent day
and age. 3e will give you very crafty e/am!les of divorced cou!les
and broken marriages to convince you that marriage isn9t really
that im!ortant after all.
Irresponsible with his finances"""
"f a man is not going to commit he will have no incentive to save
for a rainy day. )hen a man is ready to commit he will start to
make !lans for the future including financial !lans, therefore if he
is still being ultra casual about the whole deal then it9s obvious
that he doesn9t !lan on committing.
'e will try to cover up and lie"""
;aking e/cuses and telling lies will be second nature to him. This
is because he is not being fair and true to you in the first !lace.
$ecause he has no intentions of committing to you at a later stage,
he will try to kee! you fooled for as long as !ossible. 3e will tell
you anything at all to kee! you +uiet8
'e will hate to discuss co!!it!ent"""
"f he does not want to commit to any one !erson, it is obvious that
he will never want to talk about marriage or a long term
commitment of any kind8 3e is guilty of taking you for a ride so he
will never be able to discuss something that is serious and binding
in any way. 3e will refuse to talk about these subects with you.
'e will dislike confrontations"""
$ecause he loves his @single@ status and bachelorhood too much to
give it u!, he will hate to admit it to you. (ince he is having a
good time ust casually dating you at !resent he will want to kee!
it that way for as long as !ossible8
This is why when you try to confront him regarding his future
!lans, he will get u!set and show you that he does not want a
confrontation of any kind8
56
'e will be a !aster procrastinator"""
'ou should know by the way he kee!s !utting things off 4
es!ecially where commitment or marriage is concerned 4 that he
actually has no desire to settle down and commit.
3e will always have one e/cuse after another whenever it comes
to the to!ic of commitment.
'e will try to hide you away"""
"f he has no !lans or intentions to tie the knot and commit to you,
wild horses would not be able to make him do it8 3e will hesitate
to introduce you to his !arents. 3e will try to hide you away from
close friends and family because he knows that his intentions are
not !ro!er and he is being untrue to you.
'e wont be e0clusive"""
"s he com!letely e/clusive to you yet# Or can you clearly see that
he is still o!en to dating another woman# One of the best ways to
figure this out is to actually read how he behaves in a social
environment where there are many females !resent.
"f he o!enly flirts with them and e/changes !hone numbers then
it9s really obvious that he is only kee!ing you around till he finds
someone better.
'e will always be !oody and tense"""
The fact that he is not being sincere and does not want to commit
will !ut a lot of !ressure on him. "f you find him becoming moody
and tense every time you try to bring u! the subect of
commitment, then it !roves that he is very negative about the
whole thing and does not want to marry you.
" ho!e this list answers your +uestion. 7ood luck.
57

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