What is a Good Communicator?

Watch your thoughts; they become words.

Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits they become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.
Author Unknown.

This quote that I have used is one that I received from my Interpersonal
Communications course. I thought it was so true so I wanted to include it in my
discussion about what it means to be a good communicator. There are many
things that make someone a high-quality communicator. One thing that I feel is
extremely important in communication is listening. So many times we say we are
listening to a person but are we? We might be listening to a person pour their
heart and soul out to us but are we really listening? Do we really hear what they
are saying?
You cant fake listening. It shows.
----Raquel Welch, actor
Something that makes a person a good listener/communicator is a person
who paraphrases. Paraphrasing is a means of clarifying anothers feeling by
reflecting our interpretations of his or her communication back to him or her. Its
another way to demonstrate that you comprehend what another person feels. It
confirms what the other person feels when you mirror back the content and the
feeling of what another person says. Saying things like, So it sounds like you
were really angry over what happened. Is that right? will let the other person
know that you really understand what theyve just told you.
Another aspect of good communication that goes along with listening is being
mindful. Mindfulness is a concept from Zen Buddhism that refers to being fully
present in the moment. To be mindful is to keep your mind on what is happening
in the here and now. When we are mindful we dont let our thoughts wander
from the present situation. We should not be thinking about our day or our plans
for tomorrow. We should be focused on the conversation at hand and not
pretending to listen. A lot of people act like they are listening but really they are
not.
Something else that is essential when communicating is being non-
judgemental. We all have different perceptions of life and different experiences
that weve been through. Its often hard to keep our opinions from entering our
minds when listening to someone elses thoughts or opinions. However, in order
to be a good communicator we need to put our opinions aside and focus on what
the person is trying to say. Even if we do not see eye to eye with what the
person is saying we need to forget about it and be there for the other party. This
is something that can be hard to do but makes for very effective communication
when done.
There are so many important parts of being a good communicator but I cant
possibly list them all. The one I want to end with is the concept of being
assertive. All of the aspects I mentioned above were things that a person should
do for the other party involved. However, this last one focuses on our own needs
and values. Being assertive and asserting ourselves is very important when
communicating. It is just important to affirm and accept ourselves just as we do
others. Being assertive is not about putting your needs above those of others
rather its the opposite. Its about being honest and letting the other person know
what you need without being aggressive. This can be difficult to do however can
be very effective if used in the right way.
Many people think they are being over powering or too aggressive when they
are only being assertive. Its about listening to that little voice inside our heads
that we sometimes ignore. That is usually the voice we need to pay attention to.
It is your inner instinct telling you what you need and its important to let it out.
Assertion is a matter of clearly and non-judgementally stating what you feel, need
or want. How is the other person going to know what you want if you keep it
inside? This should be done without finding faults in others and what they want.
You must make your feelings knows in an open and expressive way.
Without all of these crucial elements we cannot communicate in an effective
way. Communicating takes practice and patience. We have to learn how to
properly communicate first before we can do it well. All of us come from different
places and our perceptions are all diverse. This is going to have an effect on the
way we correspond with others and we need to remember that. By practicing
these simply strategies we can all become better communicators. Each situation
brings about an experience we can learn from which will help us the next time we
happen to be in that situation. We all have the potential to be good
communicators. If we put our differences aside, listen to ourselves and to others
we will effectively be able to use our skills and have positive communicating
experiences.
Reference

J. Wood & A. Schweitzer. Everyday Encounters. An Introduction to Interpersonal
Communication. Third Edition. 2006 Nelson.


Reflection

I included this assignment in my portfolio because more than anything in
life it is important to be a good communicator. However, how does one become
a good communicator? The answer is simple: it takes practice. One doesnt just
become good at communicating. It takes years to develop good skills and our
experiences shape the way we will communicate with others. Even at thirty-three
years old I am still learning how to convey my feelings to others and learning how
to communicate in the most effective way.
The course, Interpersonal Communications, really helped open my eyes to all
the different ways to communicate such as paraphrasing and active listening. I
know that in my professional practice as an EA I will have this course and my
skills to look back on. I think that I still have a lot to learn but Ive gained some
new confidence and knowledge that I will carry with me when I begin working at a
school.