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x o o g c N v H
9 \ r l l s \ "
THE PREMARITAL COUNSELING FIANDBOOK
Values are very important because they tend to infuse many of the
other issues involved in an interracial marriage. A value reflects what is
important to the person and what may be seen as good or bad, right or
wrong, important or unimportant. Values can be reflected in dress, reli-
gion, food, the way one behaves in public or when guests are enter-
tained, and morals.
Food is an issue for many Not only the type of food or the way it is
cooked and eaten, but many other factors emerge as well. Consider
these cultural differences. A Chinese wife may use her own chopsticks to
pass and serve food to family members and guests. For her, this is away
of showing respect, kindness, and intimacy But to herJapanese husband
this is dirty and disrespectful. In his own culture a person uses his own
chopsticks and his own bowl. In aJapanese funeral ceremony the chop-
sticks are used to transfer the bones of the dead from the monk to the
family member. The emotional involvement in these conflicting customs
overrides the intellectual understanding of the differences.u
The Irish drink at wakes, the
Japanese
have ritual tea ceremonies, and
Jewish
sons express love to their mother through the extent of their
appetite. Food issues involve what is eaten and how it is prepared, when
the main meal is served, where it is eaten, and how it is eaten. Some
cultures have the main meal at noon, others in the evening. Even in our
country many farm people refer to lunch as dinner and the large meal is
eaten at noon. This can be an adjustment for a city person marrying a
farm person.
Sex is an issue. Such things as contraception, menstruation, family
honor, affection in public, hygiene, dancing, dress, and holding hands in
public all could be issues.
Male-female roles will be an adjustment. Much of this will have to do
with the issue of male superiority, which differs from culture to culture.
In some societies male dominance is subtle, in others it is blatant. In
some cultures there is a blending of roles, whereas in others there are
prescribed standards.
The use of time is yet another concern.
\Wtrat
is late in one culture is not
late in another. Some cultures are more relaxed and unhurried than our
American system. Some people are used to a large meal at noon and then a
nap. If a person marries and moves to his spouse's country he not only
has to adjust to the person but to the timetable of the land as well.
The other main adjustment areas are where the couple lives, politics,
friends, finances, in-laws, social class, religion, dealing with stress, illness
and suffering, raising children, and language/communication.?
Raistr
Let's consider the la,st rl..',- llr:
interracial couples ts the ct'l:;-:,
cally are marginal to r\\-o dr::e::
couple in an interracial r::e;:iig=
those faced by children .i:--r- .
Not infrequentlr r.r:=
-'
:'
the same familr: The c- i. ::: ::
likes the other. Or the :i:::-:
':
rejects the other. Th:: :' ,aJ,r
of the fact that ni-o chrl;:::-
:::
Our cruel and comP<-:-:' :
---,:
breeds." so the cruii:.
---:-:-
'
impose upon unbom
-ei:,a:r:l:
Albert Gordon St2tS:
Persons anticiPeu:.: -:
-' :
may be. have an imP-:--.:.: .':
enough to sav d-rat su;i
-:-:-::
lems
'when
the tin-..
-
:.---
major psychological ::
-
:-r:::-'
children of the interr-..::--.:
'
-
sizes the importance
':
:':-:.-.
ly that the chiid
rr ill c, r=
-:-:.
doing some damag< : :..:.- >:
'
Children mav be i:-c :?-1:1u
pleasantness. People c:i: li: :,,:r
be considered.n
Children are a\\ are rri
-
. : ::
of three. Both white and :l::.. ;::
acteristics of white childrer
::::.
children.'o Many interract:l :, ;::,'
had children. The child bc:
-::,c:
values, family background. r.: t
unable to resolve br-the
-iri
:
the way a child is hand-c: r:
forth, are involved here :.:-=
--.
246
L I z Z
a l p p l h l ' u e l s y ' u 1 r c 1
a q l w q l n s ' s a ; r u 1 n c
a u o s
' e J e q
p a ^ l o ^ u l a J ? ' r I J o J
o s p u u ' t r t q e n x a s
J o
s u o D s a n b ' S u t l o o q c s ' p a l p u ? q
q p f l q ) r d e a o . a q i
' l p l r q J a q t ; o S u n u z u a q J
' s e A I r J E
p l l q t u a t u p a q l L q a . t l o s a - l 0 1 a l q z u n
u a e q s u q a l d n o c a q t l ? q l
s e n s s l : a q l o . ( u z
p u z ' p u n o : 3 > 1 c e q
L l l u r u J ' s a n 1 z ' r
u r s e f , u a r a J l p
a q l r o J
l u a u r p o q u a
a q l s e u o f , a q
p l l q l a q J ' u a J p l l q )
p u q
. b q t
l p u n
e u l J p l p L a q t
r c q t
p I E s e e q s a l d n o c
I e l f , e l r a l u l
d u e p 1 " , ' u a . i p 1 1 q c
> l l r l q o r s e l n q l r l l e a a n z S a u a . r o r u u 8 1 s s e p w u a r p l l q ) a l l q a
J o
s f , I l s l J a l J u
- - r z q c p : r s d q d a q l . l e ; a . r d 0 1 p u a l u a r p l l l { r > l J ? l q p u s a l l q a q } o g
' a a J q l
J o
a 8 z a q r d q d l p e g r l e q l u l q l l ^ a s a f , u a r a g l p r o l o )
J o
a r r . ^ a e e r z u a r p l l q S
6
p a J e p l s u o f , e q
t s n t u
s J o t c e ; a s a q t
p u u ' 1 a n ; l p u z a l p s o q a q u u J a 1 d o a 6
' s s a u l u u s z a l d
- u n r e q r o
p u u $ l r u t u a r
I a r u J J o
s l u a l d l r a ; a q l a q
^ E r u
u e r p l l l { 3
J I a s L u q
o l a 8 u r u z P a u o s 3 u 1 o P
t n o q t l . ^ d
$ l l o l q p e o r
J o
a z E u a q l q S n o l q l a r u o J
I I I ^ a
p l l q l e q l r c q t
' { 1
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l o u
q
t l
, s u o l l E I I I J r
s n o 1 8 1 1 a t
p u z . ( p t u u J
J o
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r z q t
p l J o ^ 6 . e u l o p a a l s r 8 u p t 1 1
' p a l J J r u r J a l u l
a q l
J o
u a J p l l q J
a q l r o J a l q n l o s , ( 1 p r a l l o u
a r u r c q l
s u a l q o r d p c r S o l o q c ' & d
; o [ e r u
s a r n p o ; d , ( p u a n b a . r ; a S z u . r e r u l a l u l
, , ' s a t u o f ,
a r u p e q l u a q a , , s t u a l
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u a o . o J r a r 4 r e l l o s o t a A E q
I I I ^ .
u a J p l l q J
q J n s
l u q l
f , z s o l q 8 n o u a
1 o u
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u J o q u n o r u o p r 8 1 l q o l u z l r o d r u l
u B e u q
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d e r u
. { a q r a . , r o 1 u I q f , n t u J a ^ a l & o q ' s a S e l l u r u - s s o l c
S u p e d l c l l u z
s u o s J a d
: s a ] e l s
u o p J o c l ; a Q 1 y
8 ' u ^ a o
J l a q t
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s u o l l u J e u e 8 u : o q u n u o d n a s o d r u l
o l r q 8 r . r
a q t a ^ e q s l u a : u d J a q l a q . ^ a s t u o t l s a n b
I E I J t u f ,
a q l o S
, , ' s p a e J q
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I I p s
a r n l l n J a r p p a d r u o c
p u e
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r n o
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q
t u a J a g r p
a r c [ y u r c l a L U E S a q l u I u a r p l l q f , o a ] l 3 l { l } l u J
e q l
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u r u a > l u r u u e r p l l q f , r a q t o u a q , u p a l e t u f f i e s l s l q ; r a l { l o a q l s n a [ a ' r
l n q
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J o
p l l q r a q t o t s a l e t t u a : r d
a q l J o r a q l o a q l s a { l l
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p a r o l o J a q t s a l o l p l l q l p a r o l o o a q 1 d 1 1 u e 3 e t u r s a q l
u r e u o t q 3 1
. { : a . , r . E p u r p l l q J
r y e p . L r a , t
u s l a r e q l . { p u a n b a . r ; u 1 l o y
: s a t r r ^ e g e t u g
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E q J n s
J o
u a J p l l q J d q p a c r ; a s o q i
o 1 u o s u e d u r o J u l
l u ? J l J r u S l s u r
a q u e f , a S e t t r c u s
I s r s g r J a l g
u z u r a l d n o c
a q ] . { q p e J E J s l u e u ] r s n f p e a r { J
. s a r n l l n r
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a q l r a p l s u o ) s , l a ' I
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s f l c v n n N l ^ l ] v u n f l n l u g , r N l
r ' u o l l e ) r u n r u u o c , , a B z n
s s a u l l r ' s s a : t s q l l a o ' E u l p a p ' u o 6 [
' s c l t r y o d ' s e . L r l a l d n o J a t I e J a + l r
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B u a q t p u e u o o u ' w l e e w
a 8 r q e o r
J n o u B q t p s r J J n q u n p u ? p a x s J a J ;
l o u s l a J r u l n J e u o u r a l u l s l
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l u e u a a q t q S n o r p : a t p
p u z
' s a l u o t u a J e f , E a l
I ? n l l J
a - t r q J
, . s a ) u a J a g r p
a q
- 1 o
t
s r u o l s n J E u l p l u u o c
e s a q t u r l u a w
e q l 0 1
{ u o u
e g l t u o { p u 3 p
a w
}
- d o q c
a q t d u o r u a t e J
I e r a u r y
e s e t n
u t o s r q s a s n u o s : a d u a J r u l n t r u r
p u ? q s n q
e s a u z d z f : a q o r
r n g
. , b a t
L e . u e s r
q q t
t a q . l o g
' u s a n 8
p u e I
o t s l o n s d o q f , u 1 1 A . o J a r { a s n , i z u a g r y
J a p r s u o 3
' l l e l d ,
s u a S . r a u r a s r o l x
s 1
t 1
, ( e m a r p r o p o o J
J o
a d i l a [ . [ r
-
- J a l u a
a : u s t s a n 8 u a q ^ a J o J I q r E
- l 1 a :
' s s a " I p U I p e D e l J e J
e q u E t r s 3 r
; o
t q E y " r ' p e q : o p o o 8 s e u 3 a s a q r
s l
t ? q
d ,
$ J a l J a J a n l e l
v
' a 8 z r r r a n r
a q t
J o
L u z r u a s r y u 1 o l p u a r i a r p
X O O S C N V H
C \ T E 5
THE PREMARITAL
COUNSELING FIANDBOOK
Eastern, and many European, are much more authoritarian than others.
Others, such as North American, Scandinavian, and some island cultures
are more lenient and permissive. If these two different orientations mix
in marriage and parenthood,
there will be conflict.
punishment
and dis-
cipline styles are the major conflicts over child rearing in these families.,'
Nonetheless, children can be a bonding agent in an intercultural mar-
iage, actually strengthening it.
"The
birth of a child frequently solidifies
blacVnonblack marriages when other attempts at reconciliation have
failed," writes Fred Prinzing. He argues rhar as God uses children in the
Scriptures to illustrate the true meaning of love, so He can use children
to bind together an intercultural couple.', And another writer disputes
the argument that an interracial couple cannot bring happiness to their
children.
[People
may agree in general that
"like
belongs to like," but]
there is no authoritative evidence that an interracial home life is
harmful to a child...
"Like"is
an exrremely imprecise concept that
covers a great deal more than skin color.',
Communication
Communication and language problems
do not
just
involve the lan-
guage.
In the beginning of a relationship struggles to understand the
other person are accepted and even intriguing, whereas later they be-
come a major problem. In speaking different languages there is more
possibility
that the messages can be distorted or not fully understood. A
positive word in one language may be offensive in another. A ritle in one
language and culture may have a much different interpretation in an-
other. The humor of one culture is not necessarily the humor of another
culture. Language can affect the balance of power in a relationship. Usu-
ally the person speaking his own language in his own country
(and
his
partner is not) has the advantage and power. The more fluent person has
more influence.
Gestures and body language can have different meanings. Silence
means different things in different cultures. Even eye contact varies. For
an Arab, trust is developed through eye contact whereas for a
Japanese
too much eye contact is rude and can become offensive. The distance
that one stands in relationship to another person varies. One of my grad-
uate students was raised in Chile and would stand about six inches away
from my face when talking to me. At first, I was quite uncomfortable
since my personal
space had been invaded. But after he explained the
248
T\-|LA:1-l:
difference to me and I raie; t:
and I purposelv w'ould smnd ;1,.-',
more flexible.
In one culture charactcn:t:::
rect, probing. and aggreis:','e r:i
-
sive since that culture
r-alues :er:
It is true that the di-fferr:;cr .
same to some degree for !t-,- :,-,;
They are more pronouncr: ::- r=
and the person living in
-:.=
:
-
:t
outnumbered,
and loneX'.
-
For any pastor or cour.ic:
':
I
ples, it is imperatir-e to t--t;
-
rrrr
recommend reading the i],-,, i,r'rr
falls,by
Romano, and ha,''e t"e ;,
ful and practical. tr{ost of te
,-:,;:
understood the issues ani ;:ie:
time and clarification
g-ith
s'-r::-
"
P.{TTER\{S,
How can the counsei:: :;-:
their cultural differences' >e'.-i:o
the
"one-way
adjustment' r:
ru::l
terns and takes on the Fai:r::-
:t
strong and dominant thff
--:c',
:e
ture take on its reliptit,n. :-',.:
-
their only alternatir-e ii:-:(
-
-.
:
son will never be fulh' :ble :
-
';:
denies the aspect of a pc:. . :.
i
.
-
for a while, but in time it L:-i-.-r"
Some work out thei: Jd::-*ir
or alternatives. Each is
n-:i--:g :
ences. The problem n-ith .
-
r:-:r
thing to get something. ,: : :=:
fully satisfied. I prefer the
r,.'-:j ,'
but sufficient negotiaui It ..----r:
given up something. the-" .r; :.e
and maturiry to occur. ) . rt:---tr.
thing one wav this tins
':-:
---.=
end up learning to dt rh.r.
'-:. -:...
6 , 2
' d r q s u o n e y a :
r r e q ] u I s l q i o p o i E u t u ; z a l d n p u a
s a l d n o o
l s o r y
' a t u p
x e u
a q l d e . , t
- l a q l o
a q t p u z a I r J I t s l { l d e , t a u o 3 u 1 q t
- a r u o s
S u r o p s u e a u r S u t s l u r o : d r u o f , s a l u n a r u o s J n f , f , o 0 1 d l l J n l e l x p u z
a t u n s a > l e 1 s I q J
' e t u o o l n o
a q l q t l a p e w a l d a . l e d a q t ' S u l q l a u o s
d n u a . t r 8
s e q u o s . r a d q c u a q 8 n o q t u a l a t z q t
o s s I n J ) o u o p e p o 8 a u l u a I J I J n s l n q
' s g o a p e r a J u a r e q t a l l o s a r q t u y a a p s i l p r o ^ a a q i . l a ; a - l d
1
' p a 1 ; s p r s
L l y g
s l a u o o l q
' E u r , , $ s p u s
t o u
$
J o - a p u l
a l { t u a r y o p u e ' E u r q t a u o s l a 8
o t 3 u 1 q t
- e u o s d n s a , L l 8 u o s : a d e
w q 7
s 1 a s r u o : d u o f , I { l F & u r a l q o " l d e q l
' s a J u a
- J e J I p
s , : a u t : z d e q t 0 1
t s n [ p e
o t a . t 1 8 o l 3 u 1 1 t . n s I q f , e g
' s a l p e u J a l l u
J o
e s r u o : d t u o c g o s s a c o : d a q t q 8 n o ; q r s a n l n J l J l p r l a q l
1 n o
> l J o ^ l . a u o s
t u e r u l u a s a l
s p a a r q , f p n s n
t l
e u r l l u l
l n q ' a l l q a t z l o 3
4 : o , r o ,
d z r u
l 1
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, ( 1 u a . r a q o q . ^ a . l o { t l t u a p 1 s , u o u a d e
3 o
O a d s e
a q l s a l u a p
u o r l f , E s l l { r a s n e f , a q ' p a g s } e s
a q J o
l l r u q n s
o t a l Q e . { l l n l a q J a l e u
I I I ^ a
u o s
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p I o A E o 1 . ( e a a , d l u o a q t
q
1 l
a ) u l s e l l r c u r a l l e , ( 1 u o
" l l a q t
$ s q t s a y d n o o a u o s J o g
' a 8 e n 8 u q
p u u
' p o o ; ' u o 1 8 1 1 a . l
s l l u o e > l e i a J n t
- l n r
i e r . { t
o l u 1 E u p u o c a u o d u e l e q t
p u u u a p d a q r
t z q l l u ? u l t u o p
p u e 3 u o : 1 s
o s a q d e u s a - r n t l n J a r u o s
' a s n o d s
a l { l J o u ; a r z d a q l u o s a > 1 8 1 p u z s u J a l
- r z d
. r a q J o s l q d n s a , t t 3 u o s . r e d a u o q ) I q e u I
, , l u a u l l s n l p e
. ( e a l - a u o , , a q l
s I a u o
' e l q e l w ^ e
a . r e s u : a n e d S u p s n [ p z
I B r a A a S
l s a J u a r a g l p
p r n l l n ) r I a L P
o t S u p s n l p z
q 8 n o . l q t
4 r o a t
a l d n o c a q t d y a q r o l a s u n o J a l { l u m
^ e o H
I N i I W f f N f O V i I O S N T I I L I Y d
' s J a q t o
q l l ^ d . u e q l a l d n o c e q J n s q l l ^ & u o l l m l J l J e p p u e a I U p
a J o u s a l e l
1 l r n g
' r u a q r
8 u l c e ; s a ) u a J e g l p p u ? s e n s $ a q l p o o l s J a p u n
. { l l e n r u e , r a q t p & p a > l r o ^ a a ^ E q
I
r r p
s a l d n o r a q i
J o
t s o l 4
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p u e
1 n 3
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1 I
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s E s l q l p e a . l a l d n o c a q l a , r e q
p u e ' o u e u r o g l q ' q q {
- 1 ? d p u D s a s a a a n d , a & o w o w
p . t n q n ) ' t 2 1 u J > l o o q a q l S u t p z a : p u a l u l u o ) a r
p l n o . ^ d .
I
' s a n s $
a q l
J o
a y q e a 8 p a l . n o . o u { e I U o J a q o t a . t p e . l a d u r l
q
r 1 ' s a l d
- n o J
I z r f , e r J a l u l
S u r l a s u n o J u l p a l l o u I J o l a s u n o J . r o : o l s r d d u e . r o g
, , d 1 a u o 1
p u e ' p a ; a q u n u l n o
' p a t z l o s r
I a a J
o l s u r 8 a q u o o s p u E I u 8 t a ; o g e q t u l E u r t 1 1 u o s . r e d a q t p u e
' p a D a u u o r
L l p u o l l o u a e . l o t u
' a s u e l u l
a J o t u ' p a c u n o u o ; d a ; o u r a ; e L a q l
' a a . r 8 a p - a J u a r a J l p
a q l s l
t e q t t n g
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. l o ; a a ; 8 a p e u o s o l a r u ? s
a q t a q , { u r u s a y d n o J
I ? I f , e r r e l u r
L q p a t l c s a J u a r a J l p e q t 1 3 q 1
e { u l s l
1 I
' e p q n s
p u e
' l a a : c s t p ' a l l l z l u e l S u l a q s a n l u l a J n l l n J
] e q l
a J U I S e A I s
- u a J o a : e d a q t J a q l o u z u l
l n g
' p a t d a r c e
a : e a r u s s a ; E 8 z
p u e ' 3 u l q o ; d ' t c a :
- 1 p
' a , t p e r s u o u e p
' l u n 1 q ' 4 u a g S u l a q
J o
s J I I S I J a 1 c E J E L p a J n l l n ) a u o u I
' a l q l x a l J
a r o u
a q o t 8 u p ; z a 1 p a d o l u a
I
' a ) B J
s I L { o l a s o l J p u e l s p p o ^ a d l a s o d - l n d
1
p u e
U a l
u o J r u o J q p
L u
' s a t u E
p J a l a s I U I q o t p a > l l e i
I
p u e a I U 0 1 e ) u a J e g l p
a q i p a u r q d x a
a q r e u e
r n g
' p a [
a l q z ] J o J r u o c u n a l l n b s ? . r \
I
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. { z , t r z s a q c u r x r s
l n o q e
p u u r s p 1 r r
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J o
e u o
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u o s : a d
-
a J u u l s l p e q J
' a ^ r s u a g o
a t u o H
a s a u z d e f u J o J s p a J a r { . .
D r t r l o J
J o d
' s a r J E A
l f , z l u o f , a d a u a r g
' s a
e ) u e l l s
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t u a J a g l p e 1
s z q u o s : a d
t u a n l J a r o r u a q J
- r e i
s q p u u ) f u t u n o c u a r o s q u r a 8 r
- n s n
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J e q l o u u
J o
J o u r n r . { a q r . , ( l p z s s a u
- u e
u r u o l t z t a : d : a l u l
t u a J a g t p
L
a u o u r a p p
v
r a q l o u ? u r a - \ r s . r . [ ; l
V ' p o o t s r a p u n
d g r y
t o u
r o p e u c
a - r o [ u s r a - l a q t s a 8 z n 8 u u l t u a - l a g
- a q
d a q t r a l e l s z e r a q , a l ' 8 u 1 n 8 g :
a q l p u e t s r e p u n
0 1 s a 1 3 3 r u r s d n
- u E I
a r { l a A I o A u r
r s n [ t o u
o p s " u ]
, ,
l i
l z q t t d a c u o c a s r c a ; d u r
- i 1 a u x
s r a J r l e u o q
I u r J s J J a l u r
u E t
f t n q , , ' a r y 1
o t s 8 u o l a q a x r l _ .
J r a q t o l s s a u l d d e q 3 u r : q
t o u u r s
s a l n d s r p J a t r J n e J a r p o u e p u t -
- - - a
u a J p F I f , 3 s n u E f , a H o s ' a ^ o l
- l c r
e q l u r u a J p l r q J s a s n p o c s E t E w
a A E q u o l t E I I I J U o J a J
t e
g d r u a u e
s a r J r p r l o s . { p u a n b a : y p p { l E
J o
L F
- J E r u
I u J n t l n J J a l u t
u e u l
t u a 8 r B r _ r
r r ' s a r p u e J
a s a r { l u l S u u e a , r p l l l t l " :
- s r p p u s
l u a u q s r u n d
' D I I J u o l
e q
X I r u s u o l l E l u e r J o
l u a J a J l p o - \ \ r a
s a J r u l n ) p u P I S r 3 r . U o S p U E
' u z l \ r u
' s J a q l o
u e q t u B r J e u J o r . D n u a J o u J
THE PREMARITAT COUNSELING FTANDBOOK
One method that doesn't work well is to reject all aspects of one's
culture and attempt to create your own or go to a country different from
either person's culture. This produces a significant loss for both individ-
uals, and they come to be known as
"culture-poor"
couples. It's as
though each person is cut adrift and has given up his or her roots.
The most frequent method of adjustment is blending the two cultures.
Some call this mixing, some blending, and others cor$enstts.
Naturally this is the ideal. It involves the sacrifice of the least impor-
tant issues, those that are not tied into the person's identitlz A sense of
identity and rootedness is left intact. They may have conflict, but they
return to the issue again and again until there is resolution. One of my
relatives married into a Hispanic family Their Thanksgiving holidays are
unique in that they have their own turkey dinner but also eat with her
family the traditional dinner of enchiladas. The husband's attitude was
"This
can be fun and a new learning experience." Individuals who are
rigid and set in their ways will have the most difficulry adjusting. Attitude
makes a great deal of difference.
Consider all of the above possibilities with your couples and let them
evaluate the consequences of each and then decide whether to marry
They may not have considered all the implications of their choice, and
this is where you may need to pose the possibilities."
PRTPARING IN ADVANCE
For healthy adjustments and understanding before the marriage, the
couple must take certain steps for the advance preparation in interracial
marriages. If one partner has parents living in another country visiting
the home country is a must, whether the couple plans to live there or
not. This may be financially costly yet experiencing the home of their
future partner and capturing the flavor of the culture over a two- to-
three-week period
of time is a worthwhile investment. It needs to be this
long for the
"best
behavior" period of time to diminish and reality to be
experienced. This will give the person an opportunity to observe family
roles, malelfemale role allotment, meal preparation and variety, avail-
ability of resources in the city or country political structure, attitude to-
ward one's own country stability of the country and the like. Many
interr:icial marriages occur between people who have been reared in
the same city but in different areas. This makes it easier to enter the
other person's culture for a time.
I\lEi:i-.1
Spending time s-ith one r::
-''ti
the partner's taste in fneni'" :rs
ers, sense of humor. and hrrs i-rsP
Studying the culture
'-ri
r...-,
movies, films, and even see:Jngl :
ly add much to one's a\\'arer : .
of any people in the corru:t
':::.
would be worth his tin-re :elnr5
missionaries from one,* hr:ll,c ;jl
in that culure can be an c:,--r-.cr
Sampling the other cui::r.: :
their country most of the rri:,e
metropolitanarea or harirg i:.ie
for that countrywill be help;-;i
If there is a language dde:c:*;
will continue throughout
..::e::
i
be important. I have seer. :::':-'
the couple can colTlJnunr-]:=
:-
ner's friends or familv lTlctr:lrclr
learned, then books. mu':- ,j-.'
culture.
L\TF3IIII
Romano offers five q-s::1 : :-i
helping the couple Cooir.ltr
--:=
1. Vhat was it that anr:-:=-' .'-
other's foreign chanrce:: r;- :s
intriguing about that :,c:s'--::
2. Vhat needs might L'e ::
':,=-
person might be tulrri-::g'
'I
fulfill them
iust
a-s
*'e1,'
3.
Describe what rr-as c,{.i::t:-a
Vhen were vou 2tt;-;-l=* --
:
family crises occurnn:
:: _-J
was quite favorabie I l,r"-:i'ri
-
Support system in
-j^--r:
::.-.::
marry?
250
I S Z
a ( r J e r l . ] u
n o I u a q . ^ e e ^ B q
I I r
d n o d u e q l t u e u r u o r l l u a t e q l
u l t u e l s f , s
u o d d n s
: a t e a : 3 z a r a q t s e r 6
2 s d l q s u o l r z l a l
p e x l u p J E e o l a l q z J o ^ e J a l l n b s z . , r o '
t e q t
S u p t a s
I o o q ) s
z u r n o L a J a / N
z a l u p
t e r . D l e
E u u r n c c o s a s p c , ( y r u z ;
r o p u o s : a d d u e a : a q t a J a / N
l J a q t o
q J ? e o t p e l ) e I D E n o l ' a - l a , t t u a L I & \
' l a u
n o d
J o
o ^ a l a q l u a q a . a 3 1 - r n o d
u 1 8 u u : n c c o s z ^ a l e t l a l
a q l J f , s a c
' g
z i l a ^ &
s B
l s n f u a q l
1 1 1 g p g
e r n t l n ) u . r o , o ; n o L r u o { a u o a u o s p l n o S
l S u l l l l J l n J
a q
t q 3 1 u
u o s : a d
r a q t o a q l t e q l
a B e p r c t u
p r e ^ a o t n o l , 8 u 1 1 a d o : d a q
t q S n u
s p a a u l u q A .
' Z
a u o s J a d
l ? q l l n o q B
E u l n 8 r " l l u l
s u A
l u r l l \
l u o r p e n t e
a q t u l
u e d
e . { q d s c p s l . l a p e f f q J u 8 l a . l o J s , J a q l o
q l e a p r p
t u a u a l u q
a . o I
l r a q l o
q ) e a 0 1 n o . { p a p z : } t z
l z q l } l
s e ^ a . l s q l N
' I
, , t i J J e u J
o t u o l s l ) a p J l a q t
J o
s u o l t z c l l d r u l a q l J e p l s u o c a l d n o c a q r 3 u 1 d 1 a q
u r a s r e J u u J J o l a s u n o ) u
l e q i
s a n s s l J o s u o l l s a n b a r r r J s J a J o o u e t u o u
S N O I I S I N O I N V I U O d I I I
' a J n l l n f ,
a q t E u r u : z a 1 ; o u e d
E e t u o ) e q u z l s L U I I J p u e
' J t s n t u ' s > { o o q
u a q l ' p a u ; e a 1
s 1 a 8 z n 8 u z l s , u o s : a d r a q t o a q t u a q , r 6
' s r a q l u a r u
l . 1 p e ; r o s p u 3 l . { s , r e u
- r : e d a q r q l l n a
{ l u i
o t a l q ? u n s ? 4 . a u o
1 n q ' a l e o p n l u r u o f ,
u e o a l d n o c a q t
e J a r . { . ^ a S u l l a s u n o r u . r a o d r u u I a s l J e s u o l l e n l l s u a a s a A B q
1
' l u e l : o d u l
a q
1 1 r a o .
a E e n 8 u l s , r a q t o q c z a 3 u 1 u . l z a l ' a J I I ; l a q l
t n o q 8 n o r q l
e n u l l u o )
I I I
A
s a 8 z n 8 u e l
l u a r a g l p
e q t J o a s n a q l
p u e a J u a r a g r p a 8 e n 8 u e l u s I a r a q l J I
I n J d l a q
e q
[ l ^ a . f u l u n o c
] E q r
r o J
e J e J p J u p u e t s e q t > l o o ) a s n o d s p p u a r o d a q l E u r , t z q J o e e J e u z l 1 1 o d o : t a r u
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Y O O S C N V H
D \ I E S
4.
THE PREMARITAL COUNSELING FIANDBOOK
What are your feelings about the people from your partner's culture?
\Vtro else do you know well from this culture? Have you ever spent
any time in your future mate's country or culture? V/Lrat are your feel-
ings about cultural differences? V4rat are ten specific differences in
your future mate's culture compared to your own?
Ask the couple to do the following during the next week. Make a list
of the eight major adiustments they will each have to make during the
first five years of marriage that are based upon the cultural differ-
ences. Ask them to write out a description of what their marriage and
family life will be like in ten years if they lived in his culture. If they
lived in her culture.
In addition, the counselor should evaluate the couple's Family History
Analysis carefully for cultural differences, strained relationships, qpe of
home, and so forth.
Interracial marriage can be a challenge, but the counselor can help an
interracial couple work toward a fulfilling marriage
just
like any other
couple. And as with any other couple, the depth of their relationship
with
Jesus
Christ and a willingness to be led by God can assist them in
making the necessary adjustments.
NOTES
1.
\ffen-Shing
Tseng,
John
F. McDermott,
Jr.,
and Thomas \il Maretzke, Adjustmmt in
Intercultural Mani.age. (U.
of Hawaii, 1977), p.
33.
2. tbid.,p.22.
3.
Dugan Romano, Intercultural Maffiage (Yarmouth,
Maine: Intercultural, 1988), pp.
xii-xiii.
4. Ibid., pp.3-14, adapted,
5. Ven-Shing Tseng, Adjtstment in Intercultural Marriage, pp.
96-97.
6. rbid.,p.97.
7. Romano, Intercultural Mariage, pp. 28-106, adapted.
8. Dwight H. Small. Designfor Cbristian Marriage
(Old
Tappan, NJ.: Revell, 1959), p. 749.
9. Albert I. Gordon, Intermanriage (Boston:
Beacon, 1954), p.
354.
10. Ven-Shing Tseng, Adjustrnent in Intercultural Maniage, p. 67.
11. Romano. Intercultural Mamage, pp. 54-87, adapted.
12. Fred and Anita Prinzing, Mixed Messages (Chicago:
Moody, 1991), p. 11,2. Chapter 12,
"Mixed
Identiq,:
rVhat
About the Children?" includes several suggestions to help in-
tercultural parents develop a healthy identity in their children.
)<)
I\-fES"r_l-It
13.
"Ar"
Interracial Homes Bac :- r
r-::-,:
M. Larsson, ed.
(Chicago' ll:j:r
,:.
:
sages, p. 771.
14. Romano, Intercultural
-llan-tl?.
:n;
75. Tseig, Adjtlstment in I rten:ii,'.iirril' -',j
16. Romano, Intercultural
-r[atr;7:;
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