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The Real Man Inside: How Men Can Recover Their Identity and Why Women Can't Help; by Vern
Becker
Author: Barton, Edward Read
Publication info: Transitions 19. 3. (Jun 30, 1999).
ProQuest document link
Abstract: There are many ways that we can listen to our unconscious. In the Iron John story, the boy is
instructed to sit quietly next to a spring of water. For many centuries, the image of water or bodies of water has
symbolized the depth and nourishment of the human soul. In the New Testament, Jesus had a conversation
with a woman next to a well, and he did not hesitate to make the parallel between the water in the well and the
"living water" of the soul that he could give (John 4:10-15). So if we want to find out what's in our soul and bring
it up into our conscious life, we need to go fishing. I don't think it's any accident that seven of Jesus' disciples
were fisherman. Though we're quick to describe their role as fisherman for other followers (Matthew 4:19), it's
clear throughout the gospels that the disciples also did a great deal of "soul-fishing," that is, searching their own
inner lives. If we take the time to cast our lines into our own uncharted waters, we may just snag something of
our true identity (p. 132). Many religious people consider the mythopoetic branch of the men's movements to be
a part of the New Age Movement. The religious right and fundamental churches have declared war on the New
Age Movement. With men's work being perceived as part of the New Age Movement, these same religious
people seem to fear a similar threat from the mythopoetic involvement of men. Accordingly they are suspicious,
if not prepared to condemn outright, men's participation in this type of work for the man's own personal spiritual
growth. To clarify this misconception was one of [Vern Becker]'s main reasons for writing The Real Man Inside.
He sees that the church has many diverse environments which are aimed at assisting men (and women) to get
in touch with their "emotional/spiritual center...and if we use discernment, we can plug into the aspects of the
[men's] movement that fit for us, that stir our souls most" (pp. 97-99). These are the parallels Becker sees
between the Christian church and men's involvement in mythopoetic men's work.
Links: Linking Service
Full text: THE REAL MAN INSIDE: HOW MEN CAN RECOVER THEIR IDENTITY AND WHY WOMEN CAN'T
HELP: by Vern Becker. Zondervan Publishing House, Grand Rapids, MI (1992) With the Promise Keepers filling
stadia with men, and borrowing some the mythopoetic insights for the furtherance of their evangelical, Christian,
men's programs, it is appropriate to see if there are responses from other Christian men. In The Real Man
Inside Becker weaves a narrative which references a wide range of mythopoetic writers to create a very
understandable introduction to the mythopoetic branch of the contemporary men's movement. Becker identifies
the following as key functions of the mythopoetic men's movement: First, the movement emphasizes the need
for initiation of men from boyhood to manhood. Second, the movement encourages men to engage in soul-
tending. Third, the movement challenges men to find strength and support in the company of other men.
Fourth, the mythopoetic movement uses myth, fairy tales, symbols, archetypes, rituals, dreams, art, and poetry
to convey timeless truths and to bring about healing. The movement challenges men to reawaken the parts of
themselves that have to deal with initiative, forthrightness, clarity, resolve, respect for the earth, and connection
to God (pp. 92 - 96). There are aspects of these that sound much like parts of the seven promises of the
Promise Keepers. Becker does two other things in his book. In the narrative he intersperses references to the
Old and New Testaments to show that the initiation, drumming, myths, soul work, and group work with other
men complements and enhances the other spiritual activities of men. An example of this is: There are many
ways that we can listen to our unconscious. In the Iron John story, the boy is instructed to sit quietly next to a
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spring of water. For many centuries, the image of water or bodies of water has symbolized the depth and
nourishment of the human soul. In the New Testament, Jesus had a conversation with a woman next to a well,
and he did not hesitate to make the parallel between the water in the well and the "living water" of the soul that
he could give (John 4:10-15). So if we want to find out what's in our soul and bring it up into our conscious life,
we need to go fishing. I don't think it's any accident that seven of Jesus' disciples were fisherman. Though we're
quick to describe their role as fisherman for other followers (Matthew 4:19), it's clear throughout the gospels that
the disciples also did a great deal of "soul-fishing," that is, searching their own inner lives. If we take the time to
cast our lines into our own uncharted waters, we may just snag something of our true identity (p. 132). The
second aspect of this book which is very interesting to the reviewer is Becker's use of quotes from members of
his own men's mutual peer support group, and his disclosure of a part of his own story and struggle. This
amplifies the struggle men go through to escape the binds which this society places on men. Becker challenges
the public's misconception of men's emotional work, and the opposition of much of organized religion to
mythopoetic men's work. Many religious people consider the mythopoetic branch of the men's movements to be
a part of the New Age Movement. The religious right and fundamental churches have declared war on the New
Age Movement. With men's work being perceived as part of the New Age Movement, these same religious
people seem to fear a similar threat from the mythopoetic involvement of men. Accordingly they are suspicious,
if not prepared to condemn outright, men's participation in this type of work for the man's own personal spiritual
growth. To clarify this misconception was one of Becker's main reasons for writing The Real Man Inside. He
sees that the church has many diverse environments which are aimed at assisting men (and women) to get in
touch with their "emotional/spiritual center...and if we use discernment, we can plug into the aspects of the
[men's] movement that fit for us, that stir our souls most" (pp. 97-99). These are the parallels Becker sees
between the Christian church and men's involvement in mythopoetic men's work. I have been an active member
of mythopoetic men's peer support groups for eight years and have participated in over seventy-five men's work
events in that time period. The spirituality that is present with fifty men sitting around a campfire on a Sunday
morning sharing their hurts, pain, losses, and grief is very healing and empowering. To this reviewer this
experience is much more healing than the traditional Sunday morning service. Becker likewise refers to his
personal experience with men's work and uses quotes from members of his support group to provide examples
of the pain that men feel. Becker provides some questions that we, as men, can ask ourselves to begin
analyzing our own lives. Some of these questions are: What is the overall plot of my life so far? What are the
strongest forces that have guided my life? What kind of quest or journey am I participating in? (p.166). Though
Becker continues to self-disclose during the last three chapters, he does not continue to use excerpts or quotes
from the members of his own men's support group. I believe it would have made the book more plausible if the
last three chapters had also included such. Then there could have been more men in their own resonance
voicing their real feelings of the connection between their own spirituality, their inner work, and their God.
Becker's use of interview data from members of his support group was of interest to me because of my similar
research with members of my own men's support groups. Two brief excerpts from those data indicate the
spirituality that is felt by members of support groups from participation in their support groups and weekend
events. I grieved the leaving of my son to marry my current wife. My mother died when I was 18 and left me.
This event caused me to grieve that. My grand-father popped up in my consciousness during a process out in
the woods during that weekend gathering....This was very healing for me. I see men's meetings and gatherings
as very important for men to allow their nurturing, loving side to come out.... I synthesize my experience and
other's experience and use it for daily lessons for life. Realizing support at gathering from other men and that I
had the freedom to grieve deeply, participating in the sweat lodge, and the drum beating, made me feel that I
was 100% accepted for who I was. If I can grow more confident and integrated, I can become a fully inner-
directed parson... Another man relates: Sweat lodge is more experiential. There is a feeling of a higher power,
or higher spiritual entity, or god which comes into being in the sweat lodge with the activity of prayers, both
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verbal and silent, being led and shared by most men in the lodge. The sweat lodge becomes a safe way for
men to release anger, grief, shame, and guilt and allows them to grieve their losses and to start to deal in a
more healthy way with their own inner processes and feelings. Sweat lodge is totally spiritual....In the sweat
lodge the prayers are helpful and allow men to talk to their god which I refer to as Wonkatonka which means
grandfathers. In summary, The Real Man Inside fills a gap in the rapidly growing literature on mythopoetic
men's healing work without preaching. The book integrates the concepts of the Mythopoetic branch of the
contemporary men's movement with scriptural references. It is done in a meaningful way. As a Wesleyan
minister who has been in classes with me for a year said after reading the book, "I finally understand what you
have been trying to explain to me about the men's movement for the past year. I really enjoyed the book." I
recommend the book to all ministers, others in organized religion, and those in the teaching and healing
professions who are concerned with men's souls. Illustration (A Native American Dream Catcher)
Subject: Literature; Men; Nonfiction; Organizations; Religion; Spirituality
Publication title: Transitions
Volume: 19
Issue: 3
Pages: 10
Number of pages: 0
Publication year: 1999
Publication date: Jun 30, 1999
Year: 1999
Publisher: National Coalition for Men
Place of publication: Manhasset
Country of publication: United States
Publication subject: Men's Studies, Political Science--Civil Rights
ISSN: 0886862X
Source type: Reports
Language of publication: English
Document type: Book review
Document feature: Illustration
Copyright: Copyright National Coalition of Free Men Jun 30, 1999
Last updated: 2010-06-07
Database: GenderWatch
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