True Believers

Current Revisions
6/29/12
Thom Dunn
10 Westerly Street #1, Jamaica Plain MA 02130
203.645.2073
ThomDunn@gmail.com
CHARACTERS
Chad Mailer, early 30s. Comic book writer, creator of Night
Shift. High aspirations; doesnt get the attention he thinks
he deserves. Seriously didnt mean to make Wolverine gay.
Billy Horowitz, early 20s. Amateur comic book journalist
(read: video blogger) and Cyborg Rights Activist (he has a
pacemaker). Avid cosplayer.
Ted Thompson, 40s. Comic book editor, currently at DC Comics.
Worked on Night Shift with Chad. Recently divorced. She took
his entire Star Wars collection in the settlement. Yes, that
includes his Han Solo in Carbonite coffee table. Not that
hes bitter or anything.
Chloe Long, 20. Small town girl from Kansas. Flying to the
city for the first time in her life to finally meet her
online boyfriend in person. Shes a little nervous.
Kt Watts, 20s/30s. Artist on Night Shift (as Katie Tulle).
Also wrote the final issue (as Kt Watts). Recently sold the
movie rights to her slice-of-life graphic novel Robots Still
Love You (Until Their Batteries Die). Her roller derby name
is SnatchBox 20.
Calvin Elder, early 20s. By day, a mild mannered aspiring
comic book artist. By night, he dons the mantle of...Avenger!
No, not The Avenger. Just Avenger. You havent heard of
him? Calvin didnt make him up. Hes an original creation.
Ensemble/Box (any age). Comic writer and professional druid
magic user (or at least thats what he says). Actually knows
how to pronounce Cthulhu Ftagn.
Additional ensemble roles.
SETTING:
A Comic Convention in a big city, and several bars nearby.
NOTE: The script is broken down into Panels and Splash
Pages that all weave together like a tapestry. Or, well,
like pages of a comic book. Panels all work together to
form one page on the stage, while Splash Pages take up
the entirety of the stage.
BILLY
Good evening, humans, and welcome back. Today was the first
day - well, preview day at Comic-Con. As most of you know, I
was banned from last years -
CALVIN (O.C.)
You werent banned! You were grounded!
BILLY
(ignoring Calvin)
Ignore that. This year Ive got a new secret weapon that some
of my fellow cyborgs out there might be excited about. This
years target: Chad Mailer, creator of Night Shift and the
man who not-so-infamously turned Wolverine gay. The goal is
simple: just the complete and utter annihilation of his
wretched comic book career. I was able to forge a pair of
exclusive press passes for the weekend -
CALVIN (O.C.)
You mean your Dad got em for you?
BILLY
Would you stop? Yes, okay, that Patriarchal Oppressor who
calls himself my father got them for me. Anyway, Phase 1 of
our plan is complete, and the seeds of destruction have been
planted. Keep checking back over the weekend for more
updates...
FADE OUT.
A SPLASH PAGE:
The next day at the New Horizons
Forum. Ted stands behind a podium,
moderating, while Chad and BOX, who is
dressed in a bizarre Wizards robe, sit
behind their name tags at a table
facing the audience. There is an empty
seat next to Chad reserved for Kt
Watts. As we enter the scene, Box is
in the middle of a painfully long-
winded diatribe.
BOX
...fictional characters that are more real, more alive, than
us beings of the flesh. What we call superheroes are in
fact self-replicating hyper-memes, viral creatures that worm
their way into our collective cultural consciousness and
perpetuate their own existence through the longevity of their
stories.
FAN
Right. So you dont like the Hulk. Okay. Thanks.
11.
TED
Okay, so next question for our New Horizons Forum. Yeah?
FAN
(nervous)
Um, yeah. I wanted to um like after Doomsday killed Superman
um uh and there were like four Supermans or Supermen and then
he came back and theres like a new Superboy comic too and I
dont know if thats in continuity or if thats like from
before he died or is he a new Superman, but as a boy cause
Im really um more of Marvel fan like Captain America is way
better but then Batwoman like broke her spine or whatever
but shes not a wheelchair now so shes like a lesbian and
stuff but sometimes makes out with dudes? Or else Im just
gonna stop reading comics and -
KT
(yelling, out of breathe, from
offstage)
Wait! Wait. Sorry! Im here!
KT Watts bounds into the room, dressed
only in a large refrigerator box. She
clumsily runs up the aisle, bumping
into audience members, and lobs herself
onto the stage, rather then using the
stairs.
KT
Im good. Im good. Here now. Sall good. Woo! Sorry. Out of
breathe. Whats up?
TED
(frustrated by this
interruption)
Kt. So gushingly glad you could join us, 45 minutes later.
(to the audience)
Clearly any introductions I make will pale in comparison to
that fine entrance, so ladies and gentleman, the creator of
Robots Still Love You (Til Their Batteries Die) and the
artist on Night Shift, Kt Watts.
CHAD
Holy shit. Katie?
KT
Hey, stranger.
CHAD
You look...different.
KT
Its the refrigerator box.
(to the audience)
12.
Hi everyone, sorry, thanks. I got my schedule confused with
the Women In Refrigerators forum. Its the Feminist Hoo-Ha
whatever panel about women in comics. You know, like when
Green Lanterns girlfriend got stuffed in the fridge? And
anyway I swear its a lot less boring than it sounds --
obviously, Im wearing a refrigerator box which, side note,
is incredibly difficult to run in -- and if its any
incentive for you to come, I may or may not be naked
underneath. Cool? Awesome. Anyway, Ted?
Ted motions out to the next audience
member to speak to the forum. Calvin
approaches the microphone.
CHAD
I remember you. Youre the - youre the Avenger, right?
Sorry, Avenger.
CALVIN
Yeah. Just Avenger. No the.
CHAD
No the. Got it. Anyway.
CALVIN
First of all, I wanted to say to Kt that I really enjoy your
visual style. You have a really interesting and unique
aesthetic that, as a comic book artist myself, is really
inspirational.
KT
Ooh. Thank you.
CALVIN
My question is, I know that there were some scheduling issues
when you guys were working on Night Shift, and that Kt, you
ended up actually scripting the end of the series, which was
absolutely brilliant, by the way. I was wondering how much
changed between, Chad, what you had originally plotted, and
Kt, what you ended up writing.
Beat.
CHAD
Um, well, uh, actually, she, um, Katie - Kay Tee, sorry,
she had, uh, you know shed been, uh, she did the art, so -
Chad gets nervous and chokes. Kt
notices and tries to cover.
KT
Yeah no nothing really changed at all. Chad and I were - we
were really close through the whole process, and we spent a
lot of time bouncing ideas back and forth.
13.
So I pretty much knew where we going anyway. And then when
Chads schedule got all messed up, I was just able to step in
- with a little help from our fantastic editor, Mr. Ted
Thompson right over here, back when he was still a spry young
assistant - and we, yeah, we were able to finish up the
story.
CHAD
Uh, yeah, she pretty much covered everything. And obviously
did a fantastic job on the ending as well.
KT
Cause Im awesome.
TED
Alright. Next?
Ted motions out to the next audience
member to speak. Billy, dressed as a
Cylon, is next in line for a question.
CHAD
(privately, away from the
microphone)
It was. It was really great.
KT
Yeah. I know.
BILLY
(nervous, stuttering, panicked)
Uh...um...I, um...did...well...uh...can...
TED
Excuse me? Did you have a question, or...?
BILLY
Right, right, uh, sorry. Sometimes it takes me a moment to,
uh, to process my queries.
TED
...Okay.
BILLY
I guess I just, I wanted to know, um, how do you feel about
the portrayal of Cybernetically-abled humans in the realm of
science-fiction fantasy? I realize that were an
underrepresented minority group, but we still have a voice,
even if that voice is mechanized.
CHAD
Ill go first, I guess. I think Cyborgs are cool. I mean, you
got Cyborg from the Justice League, the Cylons from
Battlestar obviously -
14.
BILLY
The Cylons werent cyborgs. They were actually androids, at
least originally, before they created the 12 humanoid models
using bio-organic technology which youd know if you ever
actually watched the show. But no, you probably refer to
Number 8 as an Oriental just because shes Asian. Or would
be Asian if she werent a Cylon which stands for Cybernetic
Lifeform Node. Would anyone else care to speak? Box?
BOX
It is rare that science and magic are able to find common
ground, but those of us who forced to exist within these
extreme and disparate worlds -
CHAD
Hey, whoa, Let me finish here. Im not like some closet
Cyborg racist or something. I dont think any of us have
consciously chosen to misrepresent Cybernatically-abled
humans in our work. Is that the PC term?
KT
Just - out of curiosity. Because I think this is fascinating,
but - what part of you is it thats cybernetically enhanced?
Unless thats not a costume and I just made the most ignorant
statement of my entire life.
BILLY
Thank you for asking. I was actually born with a hole in my
heart, it had yet to finish forming, and I spent the first
several months of life attached to machines to keep my heart
working properly. Once I was strong enough, they performed
the surgery and installed a device in my chest that would
allow my heart to function.
KT
You mean like a pacemaker?
BILLY
Well yes, some people call them that.
CHAD
Im not entirely sure that a pacemaker qualifies you as a
Cyborg.
BILLY
And I dont think its fair for you to place your
heteronormative social restrictions on me based upon your own
misconceptions of what a cyborg is or is not, you bigoted
pig!
Billy storms away.
15.
TED
(covering nervously)
I would just like to clarify that those of us here at the New
Horizons forum do not intend to misrepresent any of the
unique and wonderful cultures that share this great
world with us. So, with that -- next question?
FAN
Which established comic book character would you like to
write for that youve never written before?
TED
Box? Why dont you start us off.
BOX
Ive had a strong affinity for Howard the Duck, ever since I
was a sapling.
KT
Gambit. Loves me a womanizing Cajun mutant. And theres
something about a man in pink.
CHAD
Superman. Hands down. He was the first superhero, and hes
still the best. If look at the characters history, hes
always been such a crucial part of the...of the history. Of
comics.
Ted motions for the next question.
FAN
So far youve all touched on your careers and your past work,
but can you tell us about what youre working on right now?
TED
That is actually a fantastic segue, thank you. Ladies and
gentlemen, if I may, I would like to announce that Box is now
exclusive to DC Comics, give it up for Box! I know were
short on time, but would you like to say a few words?
CHAD
No fucking way!
(privately, to Ted)
You gave that asshole a fucking contract? Seriously?
TED
(privately)
Not now.
BOX
Comic Books - the combination of words and still images -
have existed since the dawn of man. What began as mere cave
drawings has evolved into the greatest human artform.
16.
As such, it is truly a privilege to be a part of the company
that gave us the worlds first superhero. It is not a
coincidence that Superman is an alien, both literally and
figuratively, but that he found a greater humanity within
himself and prevailed, bringing peace and justice to a
volatile world hanging on the brink of the Second World War.
CHAD
I just fucking said that!
KT
He used bigger words.
BOX
For nearly a century, Superman has evolved along with us, and
inspired us to rise up from oppression, and fight a never
ending battle for something greater than ourselves. An ideal
so far beyond us that it could have only blossomed from the
hearts of man. And although it is a battle that he can never
truly win, his resilience is what carries us through.
CHAD
(privately to Ted)
I cant fucking believe this. Do you hear this guy?
TED
(privately to Chad)
Yeah, I do, and hes gonna move a lot of units.
(to audience)
Anyway were very excited to have Box on our team now. Lets
hear what the rest of our panelists are up to. Kt?
KT
As some of you know, my graphic novel Robots Still Love You
was picked up by a movie studio. Weve got a director
attached and everything, so its keeping me pretty busy. Ive
got a few other things in the pipeline that I cant
technically talk about but that may have to do with either
time travel, or Fraggle Rock. Ive already said too much.
TED
Chad? How about you?
CHAD
(embarrassed)
Finishing up my run on Rocket Raccoon and Groot, which you
guys should totally check out if you havent. I got some
other stuff coming up that I cant really talk about yet -
TED
Great, thanks, Chad. Anyway it looks like weve got time for
just one more question, so make it good. Yeah?
17.
BILLY
(dressed as Galactus)
Hi, yeah, this question is for Chad. Exactly what were you
thinking when you turned Wolverine gay? Besides ruining one
of the most popular comic book characters in the world.
CHAD
(to Kt)
I didnt make him gay, I -
BILLY
Im sorry, what was that? Some of us in the audience are
having difficulty hearing you. Can you please speak directly
into the microphone?
CHAD
I said, I was thinking I would do something creative that
would make a kick-ass story. And for the record, I did not
make him gay, I made him a victim, and if you seriously think
that this has somehow ruined Wolverine for all eternity, then
maybe you should try fucking something thats not your left
hand, and youll realize that sex isnt always so black and
white. Oh, and switch-hitting doesnt count. Thanks for
reading though. Does anyone else have a question theyd like
to ask?
TED
(away from the microphone)
Chad! You cant say those kinds of things!
CHAD
Why not? He attacked me! Im just defending myself!
TED
Oh would you look at that were out of time okay. Thanks
everyone for coming out, thanks to our panelists, and -
BILLY
(bold, out loud)
Behold! The Cyborg Head of Stan Lee, the bodiless prophet of
the coming age!
He reveals...well, the Cyborg Head of
Stan Lee, mounted on a base with
excessive tubes and wiring (presumably
used for life support)
BILLY
Speak, thine Prophet! Enlighten us with your wisdom!! Show
them how thou art the Herald, like Galactus unto Christ
himself!
Billy pushes a button.
18.
CYBORG HEAD OF STAN LEE
Excelsior! Stay tuned, true believers! With great power must
also come - great responsibility!
Stunned silence like WTF
BILLY
The Prophet has spoken.
BOX
I believe hes referring to the responsibilities of the
artist to illuminate truths through his work.
CHAD
Oh my God shut the fuck up you sound like Alan Moores ass
hole.
TED
Is that...Billy Horowitz? Frak, it is! Security!
BILLY
Shit.
Billy starts to run, but at the last
second, turns back to the mic:
BILLY
Magneto was right, bitch!
Billy takes off. Calvin follows.
TED
(panicked)
Right, thanks again for coming out everyone and enjoy the
rest of your convention! Feel free to stop by the DC booth,
weve got tons of free stuff were giving away so, yeah. Take
care!
Ted checks his watch and bolts down the
stairs as the crowd disperses.
CHAD
Hey, Ted! Wait a second
(to Kt)
Wait here, I just gotta -
Chad gets up and runs after Ted,
grabbing him before he has a chance to
leave the room.
What the fuck was that?
TED
Billy Horowitz! Hes this annoying video blogger, he just
does this stuff to make a scene.
19.
His dads some bigshot lawyer for Warner Brothers, so we
couldnt touch him if we tried. Frak! He wasnt here last
year, so I thought -
CHAD
Im not talking about that! Im talking about Box! You gave
that asshole a contract?
TED
(checking his watch)
Frak! Im already late. Listen, well talk about this later,
okay?
Ted runs off as the rest of the panel
disperses, leaving Chad alone.
A PROJECTION:
Chloe, back in the MMORPG, begins
composing a note:
CHLOE
So good news and bad news. I guess Ill start with the bad
news - the airport lost my luggage? So I gave them your phone
number to call in case they find it cause my phone was
dying. Oh, but thats the other bad news, I think I left my
cellphone in the cab on the way on the way over here? So
thats why Im leaving you a message in the game. Oh, but I
almost forgot the good news! My flight landed early. I mean
after it was delayed last night. So I decided to catch a cab
and surprise you at the convention center, so you wouldnt
have to go all the way out to the airport, and then so thats
where I left my phone. But, um -
A PANEL:
It is revealed that Chloe, while
engaged in the MMORPG, is sitting near
a wall in the lobby of the convention
center, with her laptop plugged in. She
wears a Slave Leia costume, with a zip-
up hoodie on top. She is speaking into
a computer headset. Kt enters.
CHLOE (CONTD)
(still in the MMORPG)
I wore something special on the flight that I think you might
like. Thats kinda part of the surprise.
KT
Excuse me -- do you mind if I charge my phone here for a
little bit?
20.