Escolar Documentos
Profissional Documentos
Cultura Documentos
by Don McGuire,
Larry Gelbart,
Murray Schisgal
& Elaine May
MICHAEL DORSEY
Dustin Hoffman
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Dustin Hoffman
JULIE NICHOLS
Jessica Lange
SANDY LESTER
Teri Garr
RON CARLISLE
Dabney Coleman
LES NICHOLS
Charles Durning
JEFF SLATER
Bill Murray
GEORGE FIELDS
Sydney Pollack
George Gaynes
APRIL PAGE
Geena Davis
RITA MARSHALL
Doris Belack
DIRECTOR
Sydney Pollack
TOOTSIE
1.
Tootsie
by Don McGuire, Larry Gelbart,
Murray Schisgal & Elaine May
FADE IN:
ACTOR'S CHARACTER BOX
A monocle, different pairs of eyeglasses,
rubber appliances, various makeups, a
collection of dental applications, an
assortment of brushes. A hand comes into
frame and removes a small bottle of spirit
gum. The other hand applies the spirit gum
to an upper lip.
TOOTSIE
2.
MICHAEL DORSEY
This is improvisation, you're the writer.
You're the playwright. When somebody
writes a play, they decide where the highs
are, where the lows are. Right? Now you do
it. And you may not be high where they're
high in the writing. You may not be low
where they're low in the writing. You may be
high on "but." You may be high on "and."
TOOTSIE
MICHAEL DORSEY
Of course, they were doing it for dough...they
were doing it for dough the same as
everybody does it for dough. But the
question is in the last analysis. What were
they doing for dough? You and me for dough
we were advancing our little non-Prussian
careers. So when all hell broke loose, and the
Germans started running out of soap...and
figured, "What the hell? We might as well
cook up Mrs. Greenwald!"...who the hell do
you think stopped them? [annoyed; looking
up from the script] Pardon me, is my acting
interfering with your talking?
3.
ACTOR 3
In the name of the Father, the Son and the
Holy Ghost...I commit your soul to God.
MICHAEL DORSEY
[as tolstoy] My friends
The voice of an ENGLISH DIRECTOR stops
the rehearsal.
ENGLISH DIRECTOR
That's super, Michael. But i wonder if you
could move center stage on that last speech,
and then die.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Why?
ENGLISH DIRECTOR
The left side of the house can't see you at all.
MICHAEL DORSEY
You want me to stand up and walk to the
center of the stage...while I'm dying?
The English Director appears from the
house.
ENGLISH DIRECTOR
Well, I know it's awkward, but we'll just have
to do it.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Why?
ENGLISH DIRECTOR
I just told you. Now do it!
ACTOR 1
Sasha. Quick! Get a priest!
MICHAEL DORSEY
Because you say so?
MICHAEL DORSEY
[as Tolstoy] No, Sasha, no priest.
ENGLISH DIRECTOR
Yes, love.
ACTOR 2
But you're dying, Count Tolstoy.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Not with me as Tolstoy.
MICHAEL DORSEY
[as Tolstoy] I know.
TOOTSIE
EXT. RESTAURANT
On a busy New York street.
MICHAEL DORSEY [V.O.]
...you got ninety--ninety-five percent
unemployment. Right? It's never going to
change. You're an actor...
INT. RESTAURANT
Trendy. Crowded.
MICHAEL DORSEY [V.O.]
...you're in New York City. There is no work.
But you gotta find ways to work.
4.
COOK
What's the veggie on that?
MICHAEL DORSEY
Baked potato.
JEFF SLATER
How'd it go today?
MICHAEL DORSEY
Terrible. Did you rewrite the last scene?
JEFF SLATER
I did the necktie scene.
MICHAEL DORSEY
How is it?
JEFF SLATER
I'm very excited. I think it's gonna change
theatre as we know it.
MICHAEL DORSEY
I hope so. We'll work on it when we get home
tonight.
As Michael hustles off, a WAITRESS hustles
in, confronting Jeff.
WAITRESS
That's my flounder.
JEFF SLATER
No, no. That is my flounder.
WAITRESS
Robber! [annoyed; grabbing plates and
moving off] Ordering: One flounder...
The Cook is also confronting Jeff as he
continues to steal bites of food.
COOK
That's for the customer!
JEFF SLATER
I eat these things so if the customers ask if I
eat his food...I can say, "Yeah, I eat his food."
TOOTSIE
JEFF SLATER
That's good. That's very good.
MICHAEL DORSEY
How does one not be depressed?
MICHAEL DORSEY
You rewrote the necktie scene, right?
JEFF SLATER
Yeah.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Good, good, good... Without the necktie?
JEFF SLATER
With the necktie.
MICHAEL DORSEY
With the necktie?
JEFF SLATER
Yeah, with the necktie.
MICHAEL DORSEY
With the necktie?! The necktie's what's
wrong with your play. You take the necktie
out, you got something.
JEFF SLATER
What's wrong with you?
MICHAEL DORSEY
What's wrong with me? I'll tell you what's
wrong with me. What's wrong with me is it's
very depressing to be disagreed with.
JEFF SLATER
Ah! Depression. Today's your birthday,
Michael, and you haven't mentioned it all
day...
MICHAEL DORSEY
Don't start in with that.
JEFF SLATER
...you're forty years old...
MICHAEL DORSEY
I'm a character actor. Age has no effect on
me.
5.
TOOTSIE
SANDY LESTER
To Michael...who's been my friend for...six
years. Was it that long? And who is my
coach. And he's just great. He's a great
coach, a great actor. He's a great guy
and...this is a really dumb speech. Let's get
drunk. Happy birthday!
They all sing Happy Birthday, as a large cake
is brought forward.
LATER: Michael approaches a woman
named PATTY, sitting alone.
MICHAEL DORSEY
How you doing? Michael.
PATTY
Patty.
MICHAEL DORSEY
You an actress? Terrific face.
PATTY
No.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Nice blouse. Who'd you come with?
AT THE TABLE: Jeff is surrounded by his
girlfriend DIANE, and a handful of others.
JEFF SLATER
I don't want a full house at the Winter
Garden Theatre. I want ninety people who
just came out of the worst rainstorm in the
city's history. These are people who are alive
on the planet...until they dry off. I wish I had
a theatre that was only open when it rained.
AT THE SOFA: Michael holds court with
Sandy and others.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Strasberg said you create your opportunities,
and he's right.
SANDY LESTER
Uta said that.
MICHAEL DORSEY
I don't care who said it. The point is, Sandy
6.
TOOTSIE
LINDA
You saw that?
MICHAEL DORSEY
Good work. Really! You have a great singing
voice.
JEFF SLATER
I don't like it when people come up to me
after my plays and say..."I really dug your
message, man." Or, "I really dug your play,
man. I cried." You know? I like it when
people come up to me the next day...or a
week later and they say... "I saw your play.
What happened?"
LINDA
Thank you.
MICHAEL DORSEY
I felt like there was an aura between us when
I saw it. I'm not kidding. I don't know you,
but I know you. I'll bet I can tell you
something that you don't know about
yourself.
LINDA
What's that...what's that?
MICHAEL DORSEY
I'll bet you like to run barefoot on the beach.
LINDA
Michael, why are you so wired?
MICHAEL DORSEY
It's my birthday. I haven't worked in two
years.
LINDA
That's it? Nothing more?
MICHAEL DORSEY
Yeah, it hurts me. Why don't you be the last
one to take your coat off my bed tonight.
We'll talk.
LINDA
Fine. All right.
ANN
Since an hour ago?
MICHAEL DORSEY
Will you? Serious?
MICHAEL DORSEY
Oh...no, you didn't. That's a good point. Let
me talk to him, he's upset. I'll call you. I
promise...
LINDA
Give me a hug.
They hug.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Thank you for liking me.
7.
TOOTSIE
8.
SANDY LESTER
I've been trapped in that bathroom for half
an hour. What kind of a party is this?
[looking around] God, you guys are having a
good time, huh?
JEFF SLATER
Well, it was late, and I wanted it to be a
surprise. I invited ten people. They all invited
ten people. You met about forty new people
tonight and I think they all liked you. I heard
nice things about you. You've got new
friends...
SANDY LESTER
Sorry... I'll have to remember that if I ever do
a scene where I'm trapped some place. You
know?
MAN HOLDING BEER
Yeah.
AT THE PIANO: A Middle-aged woman
named ROZ listens to Michael playing the
piano.
ROZ
That's nice, Michael.
But Michael's attention is on a much
younger, more desirable female.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Thanks. Who is that?
ROZ
It's Mallory. She's married to John.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Oh, yeah.
AT THE TABLE: Jeff holds court only for
his girlfriend DIANE. The others have
dwindled away.
JEFF SLATER
I did a thing about suicides of the American
Indian. And nobody cared--nobody showed.
And I think the American Indian is as
American... as John and Ethel
Barrymore...and Donny and Marie Osmond. I
think it's really sad but I think that,
nowadays, when people dream they don't
MICHAEL DORSEY
I had a good time. I just didn't know half the
people.
TOOTSIE
SANDY LESTER
No, I'm not worried about that audition
tomorrow...
MICHAEL DORSEY
Why?
SANDY LESTER
Because I'm not going to get it.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Why not?
SANDY LESTER
Because I'm completely wrong for it.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Why? What kind of a part is it?
SANDY LESTER
That's okay. It's cheaper to get mugged. Let's
walk. The fares are really insane now
anyway.
SANDY LESTER
A woman!
MICHAEL DORSEY
Why didn't you have a good time?
SANDY LESTER
I did have a good time.
MICHAEL DORSEY
What's wrong?
SANDY LESTER
Nothing's wrong.
MICHAEL DORSEY
What? What?
SANDY LESTER
Nothing... I'm... Nothing! I'm perfectly fine. I
just cry like this, like a tic.
9.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Will you tell me what's wrong, or I'll kill you.
MICHAEL DORSEY
All right, Sandy, wait a minute. This guy
treats you like dirt... because you're a
woman and he's a big doctor, right? But
don't take that. You can talk to him on his
level.
SANDY LESTER
Nothing's wrong, Michael. I'm really very up.
SANDY LESTER
Show me what you mean.
MICHAEL DORSEY
You're worried about your audition
tomorrow, aren't you?.
MICHAEL DORSEY
[reading] "You're wrong, Dr..." [to Sandy]
What are you doing a Southern accent?
TOOTSIE
SANDY LESTER
[as Emily Kimberly] "You're wrong, Dr.
Brewster. I am..."
MICHAEL DORSEY
Go on.
SANDY LESTER
[as Emily Kimberly] "You're wrong, Dr.
Brewster..."
MICHAEL DORSEY
What do I do, hit you with a stick?
SANDY LESTER
[as Emily Kimberly] "You're wrong. I am very
proud to be a woman. And I'm proud of this
hospital. And before I see it destroyed by
your petty tyrannies..."
MICHAEL DORSEY
Have the anger...don't show it to me.
SANDY LESTER
[as Emily Kimberly] "...I'll recommend to the
board that you be thrown out into the
street."
MICHAEL DORSEY
Don't lose it.
SANDY LESTER
[as Emily Kimberly] "Good day, Dr.
Brewster."
MICHAEL DORSEY
Don't whine like you're second-rate actress...
SANDY LESTER
Don't get mad at me!
SANDY LESTER
[as Emily Kimberly] "I said good day!"
MICHAEL DORSEY
Well, stop being a doormat then!
A moment.
SANDY LESTER
I'm not a doormat!
MICHAEL DORSEY
Act right now! Do it!
10.
MICHAEL DORSEY
...Not bad...pretty good...
SANDY LESTER
Did you feel how much I hated you?
MICHAEL DORSEY
Yeah.
TOOTSIE
EXT. TV STUDIO
People hustling in and out. Busy.
11.
SANDY LESTER
Is this what I'm supposed to look like this?
MICHAEL DORSEY
That is what you look like.
SANDY LESTER
[snapping] That's not funny, Michael.
MICHAEL DORSEY
That's good. Keep that. Don't lose that anger.
RITA MARSHALL, Executive Producer of
Southwest General, glides through the lobby,
a COSTUME DESIGNER at her heals.
RITA MARSHALL
No sequins, Alfred. She's attending her
husband's funeral. [to Assistant] Jacqui? As
soon as Ron gets here, in.
ASSISTANT
Lester? Lester? Sandy Lester?
But Sandy is struggling with Michael and her
coat.
SANDY LESTER
Yes, here. [to Michael] Stop it!
RON CARLISLE, the Director, and JULIE
NICHOLS, the actress who plays Nurse
Charles, appear from the elevator, arm and
arm.
LOUDSPEAKER [V.O.]
Julie Nichols, make-up, please.
RON CARLISLE
[after kissing her quickly] Bye-bye.
Julie moves off to make-up. On his way into
the studio, Ron greets the actresses about to
audition.
RON CARLISLE [contd]
Good morning, ladies.
ASSISTANT
All right. Please bring your resums and
follow me.
TOOTSIE
SANDY LESTER
Okay, wish me luck.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Fuck you.
SANDY LESTER
Thank you.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Fuck you.
SANDY LESTER
Thank you.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Go.
SANDY LESTER
God bless you.
As Sandy disappears into the studio, a PAGE
strolls through, leading a tour.
PAGE
Here you'll recognize some of your favorite
characters from Southwest General...
including John Van Horn, who has played
the venerable Dr. Medford Brewster since the
very first episode aired some twenty years
ago. Now if you'll follow me we'll head into
Studio B, where the episodes are actually
taped...
LOUDSPEAKER [V.O.]
Andrew Donovan, report to Wardrobe,
please.
Michael doesn't even have time to sit before
Sandy reappears from the studio.
SANDY LESTER
I didn't get it.
MICHAEL DORSEY
What?
SANDY LESTER
They wouldn't even let me read.
12.
MICHAEL DORSEY
What do you mean they wouldn't let you
read?
SANDY LESTER
I mean they wouldn't even let me read. They
said I wasn't right physically--that they want
somebody tougher. Something...I don't
know... So I'm going home.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Okay, I'll walk you.
SANDY LESTER
To San Diego?
MICHAEL DORSEY
What are you talking about?
SANDY LESTER
I'm talking about I'm going home. I'm getting
out of here! I hate it here! God! I'm thirtyfour years old! I paid twenty-four dollars for
these glasses. That's all I do is buy things
to...
Sandy fights Michael as he drags her to the
reception desk.
SANDY LESTER [contd]
I want to be a waitress. I'll be anything...I'll
be a wife...
MICHAEL DORSEY
I wasn't gonna resort to this, but you're
gonna read.
SANDY LESTER
I don't want to...
MICHAEL DORSEY
Shh! Shh! Shh! [to Receptionist] Excuse me,
is Terry Bishop working here today?
RECEPTIONIST
No, he's no longer with the show. Mr. Bishop
is rehearsing The Iceman Cometh for
Broadway.
MICHAEL DORSEY
He's what?
TOOTSIE
13.
RECEPTIONIST
He's rehearsing The Iceman Cometh for
Broadway.
SECRETARY
[on phone; being warned by Receptionist]
Michael, he's tied up right now. I swear!
MICHAEL DORSEY
That...that was my part. I was supposed to
be up... I got to see somebody. [to Sandy]
Don't do anything rash.
SANDY LESTER
Will he be back?
GEORGE FIELDS
No, no, no. Michael Dorsey is a name. When
you want to send a steak back Michael
Dorsey is a name.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Okay.
TOOTSIE
14.
GEORGE FIELDS
I will not get sucked into this conversation,
Michael. I will not.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Okay, look... I sent you a play to read that
my roommate wrote. It had a great part in it
for me. Did you read it?
GEORGE FIELDS
Where the hell do you come off sending me
your roommate's play for you to star in? I'm
your agent, not your mother. I'm not
supposed to find plays for you to star in. I'm
supposed to field offers--and that's what I do.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Field offers? Who told you that? The agent
fairy? That was a significant piece of work. I
could be terrific in that part.
GEORGE FIELDS
Nobody's going to do that play.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Why?
GEORGE FIELDS
Because it's a downer, that's why. Because
nobody wants to produce a play about a
couple that move back to Love Canal.
MICHAEL DORSEY
But that actually happened.
GEORGE FIELDS
Who gives a shit?! Nobody wants to pay
twenty dollars to watch people living next to
chemical waste! They can see that in Jersey.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Look, I don't want to argue about it. Okay?
I'm gonna raise the eight thousand dollars
myself so I can produce his play. And I want
you to send me up for anything. I don't care
what it is. I will do dog commercials on
television. I will do radio voice-overs.
GEORGE FIELDS
Michael, I can't put you up for any of that.
TOOTSIE
MICHAEL DORSEY
Why not?
GEORGE FIELDS
Because no one will hire you.
MICHAEL DORSEY
That's not true, man, I bust my ass to get a
part right! And you know I do.
GEORGE FIELDS
And you bust everybody else's ass too, that's
what you do! A guy's got four weeks to put
on a play you think he wants to sit and
argue about whether Tolstoy can walk when
he's dying or walk when he's talking or sing
when he's walking...
MICHAEL DORSEY
That was two years ago, and that guy's an
idiot.
GEORGE FIELDS
They can't all be idiots, Michael. You argue
with everybody! You've got one of the worst
reputations in this town, Michael. Nobody
will hire you.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Are you saying that nobody in New York will
work with me?
GEORGE FIELDS
Oh, no, that's too limited. Nobody in
Hollywood wants to work with you either. I
can't even send you up for a commercial.
You played a tomato for thirty seconds and
they went a half a day over schedule because
you wouldn't sit down.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Yes, it wasn't logical.
GEORGE FIELDS
You were a tomato! A tomato doesn't have
logic! A tomato can't move!
MICHAEL DORSEY
That's what I said. So if he can't move, how's
he going to sit down, George? I was a standup tomato. A juicy, sexy, beefsteak tomato!
Nobody does vegetables like me! I did an
15.
TOOTSIE
16.
ASSISTANT
George Fields is your agent?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Why am I not right, Mr. Carlisle?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Yes.
RON CARLISLE
Well, I'm just trying to make a certain
statement here and I'm looking for a specific
physical type.
ASSISTANT
Okay, ladies. Please bring your pages and
follow me.
Dorothy and the others are up quickly, off to
the studio.
INT. TV STUDIO B
Technicians are moving sets. Ron Carlisle is
making notes in his script.
RON CARLISLE
Rita, I hate this line, "You have every right to
happiness."
RITA MARSHALL
Cut it.
ASSISTANT
This is Dorothy Michaels. Our director, Ron
Carlisle.
RON CARLISLE
Hi, how are you?
ASSISTANT
That's our producer, Rita Marshall. Dorothy
didn't bring a resume, but George Fields is
her agent.
Ron looks up from his script to give Dorothy
the once-over.
RON CARLISLE
That's impressive... but gosh I'm afraid
you're not right for this role though, honey.
Thanks for coming by.
FLOOR MANAGER
Page two-o-five you want camera one or two?
RON CARLISLE
Camera two, and tell Art.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Mr. Carlisle, I'm an actress...a character
actress. I can play this part any way you
want.
Ron puts his arm around Dorothy, leading
her from the room.
RON CARLISLE
Honey, I'm sure that you're a very, very good
actress. It's just that you're a little too soft
and genteel. You're not threatening enough.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Not threatening enough? How's this?
[suddenly volatile] You take your hands off
me or I'll knee your balls through the roof of
your mouth! [all sweetness] Is that enough of
a threat?
RON CARLISLE
It's a start.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Yes, I think I know what y'all really want.
You want some gross caricature of a woman.
To prove some idiotic point like power makes
a woman masculine...or masculine women
are ugly. Well, shame on the woman who lets
you do that...or any woman that lets you do
that. And that means you, dear--Miss
Marshall. [tossing script; turning on Ron]
Shame on you, you macho shithead.
Dorothy storms out of the room, leaving
everyone stunned.
RITA MARSHALL
Jesus!
RON CARLISLE
What is idiotic about power making a woman
masculine? [remembering Rita is present]
...not that that was my point.
TOOTSIE
17.
RON CARLISLE
I like her...accent.
RITA MARSHALL
Miss Michaels, just a minute...
LOUDSPEAKER [V.O.]
Nancy Wiser to video.
JULIE NICHOLS
Hi.
RITA MARSHALL
Was that for real or were you auditioning?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
[as Michael] Hi... [back as Dorothy] Hi. I
gotta get these pages back in order quick.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Which answer will get me a reading, Miss
Marshall?
JULIE NICHOLS
They'll never know the difference.
RITA MARSHALL
Well, good for you. Come.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
I'm a little nervous.
JULIE NICHOLS
Just think of them as something friendly.
Like a firing squad.
Dorothy is stealing a peek at Julie when
she's interrupted by Ron's Voice on the
Loudspeaker.
RON CARLISLE [V.O.]
Miss Michaels, we're going to do a camera
test now.
CONTROL ROOM: Ron leans into the
microphone.
RON CARLISLE [contd]
[into intercom] Let me have a right profile,
camera two. Camera one, a left profile.
DOROTHY MICHAELS [VIDEO]
What side?
RON CARLISLE
She said that?
RON CARLISLE
[into intercom] Left side.
RITA MARSHALL
Mmm-hmm.
TOOTSIE
18.
RON CARLISLE
[into intercom] What?
RITA MARSHALL
Now, let me see exactly what you showed us
a while ago. Cue her, Jo.
RON CARLISLE
[into intercom] Wait. What are you talking
about? My left.
DOROTHY MICHAELS [VIDEO]
Your left.
RON CARLISLE
[into intercom] Miss Michaels, nobody's
talking to you.
STUDIO FLOOR: Dorothy stands alone,
confused.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
I'm sorry. I thought you wanted my profile.
CONTROL ROOM: Rita stands over the
Asst. Director.
RITA MARSHALL
Not so close on camera one.
ASST. DIRECTOR
[into intercom] Camera one back off.
RITA MARSHALL
[into intercom] I'd like to make her look a
little more attractive. How far can you pull
back?
RON CARLISLE
I gave her that direction.
CAMERAMAN
How do you feel about Cleveland?
RITA MARSHALL
Something more, though.
CONTROL ROOM:
RON CARLISLE
I don't know. It's your decision, but there's
something about her that bothers me.
RITA MARSHALL
[into intercom] Knock it off.
RON CARLISLE
[into intercom] That's good right there,
Herbie. All right, Dorothy, honey, we're going
to try one. Okay?
RITA MARSHALL
I like it. [into intercom] We'll send the
contracts over to George today, Miss
Michaels.
TOOTSIE
19.
GEORGE FIELDS
Wait a minute...
DOROTHY MICHAELS
I'm new in town, and I'm awfully lonely. I
wonder if you wouldn't mind buying me
lunch?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
I wonder if you could you help me? I'm
looking for the Russian Tea Room.
GEORGE FIELDS
You can't come... [calling Maitre d'] Gregory,
this woman...
GEORGE FIELDS
This is the Russian Tea Room. Right
here...you're standing in front of it...
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Oh, well, my stars! So it is. Well, this is very
embarrassing.
GEORGE FIELDS
Yeah, well...this is it.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Thank you, very much.
He goes in. Dorothy sweeps in after him.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Don't. It's okay....it's okay... George...
George...George... [as Michael] It's Michael
Dorsey, okay? Your favorite client. [as
Dorothy] How are you? [as Michael] Last time
you got me a job it was a tomato.
GEORGE FIELDS
Oh, no, no, no...
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Yeah. Swear to God.
GEORGE FIELDS
Michael?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Yeah.
GEORGE FIELDS
Oh, God! I begged you to get some therapy.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
I know. You also told me that no one would
hire me.
GEORGE FIELDS
Jesus Christ, you think this is gonna make a
difference?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
I got a soap, George. I'm the new woman
administrator on Southwest General.
GEORGE FIELDS
You're what?
TOOTSIE
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Congratulate me! They almost didn't hire me
'cause they thought I looked too feminine...
A WAITER approaches.
WAITER
Something from the bar?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
...isn't that amazing?
GEORGE FIELDS
Could you get me a double vodka right away,
please.
20.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
You want to bet?
GEORGE FIELDS
Don't sit...
Two people in the business, PHIL
WEINTRAUB and JOEL SPECTOR, stop by
the table.
PHIL WEINTRAUB
George.
GEORGE FIELDS
Hi, Phil.
WAITER
For the lady?
PHIL WEINTRAUB
You know Joel Spector.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
How about a Dubonnet with a twist?
GEORGE FIELDS
Hello, Joel. How are you?
WAITER
Yes, ma'am.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Thank you. That's a lovely blouse.
WAITER
Thank you.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Welcome.
The Waiter moves off.
GEORGE FIELDS
You're not gonna get away with this.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
I got away with it. Look around.
GEORGE FIELDS
I don't believe this.
Michael slides closer, George keeps his
distance.
GEORGE FIELDS [contd]
I mean, I just don't believe anybody else is
gonna believe it...
DOROTHY MICHAELS
I missed you!
GEORGE FIELDS
Then he definitely...
DOROTHY MICHAELS
You're such a tickly-wickly. You never were
before. We go back years. We haven't been
introduced.
JOEL SPECTOR
Joel Spector.
GEORGE FIELDS
I'm sorry...
PHIL WEINTRAUB
Phil Weintraub.
GEORGE FIELDS
Sorry. This is Michael...
TOOTSIE
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Dorothy Michaels. Nice to meet you. May I
say, Mr. Weintraub, that you are the best
director...
GEORGE FIELDS
[under his breath] Producer.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Sorry. Producer on the Broadway scene
today.
PHIL WEINTRAUB
Thank you. Thank you, Miss Michaels. Hope
to see you again.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Let's have lunch.
21.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
For what? I gotta have something to wear
besides this.
INT. BLOOMINGDALES
Dorothy stands before a SALESWOMAN and
a long mirror.
PHIL WEINTRAUB
Fine.
SALESWOMAN
I won't let you not buy it. It's the best dress
you've had on.
GEORGE FIELDS
Call you.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
I think it makes me look dumpy.
SALESWOMAN
That's because you're wearing ankle straps.
Believe me, with a few alterations...
DOROTHY MICHAELS
He's handsome. You should represent him.
GEORGE FIELDS
You are psychotic!
DOROTHY MICHAELS
No, I'm not, I'm employed. [touching George
under the table] I got the whole world...
GEORGE FIELDS
Don't!
EXT. BLOOMINGDALES
Burdened with packages, Dorothy struggles
to flag a cab.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Taxi! Taxi! Taxi!
DOROTHY MICHAELS
I won't make fun of you.
GEORGE FIELDS
Don't get close to me!
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Loan me a thousand dollars till payday.
GEORGE FIELDS
For what?
TOOTSIE
22.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Where will I say I got the money? What am I
going to do? Tell her somebody died and left
it to me?
TOOTSIE
MICHAEL DORSEY
I want to take you to dinner. It's time we
celebrated something.
SANDY LESTER
To Return to the Love Canal.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Hurry up.
SANDY LESTER
I'll jump in the shower.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Hurry, hurry, hurry!
Alone, Michael starts to rummage through
Sandy's dresses. Holding them in front of
him, looking in the mirror.
MICHAEL DORSEY [contd]
[as Dorothy] Why, yes.
Just as Michael drops his pants to try one
on, Sandy appears from the shower, wrapped
in a towel.
SANDY LESTER
You know, we can stay here if you want to,
and... [sees Michael in his underwear] What
are you doing?
23.
SANDY LESTER
I know. But sex changes things. I've had
relationships where I know a guy, then have
sex with him...and then I bump into him and
he acts like I loaned him money.
MICHAEL DORSEY
That's not me. I'll call you tomorrow.
SANDY LESTER
I know there's pain in every relationship. I
just want my pain now. Otherwise, I'll wait
by the phone...and then I'll have pain and
wait by the phone. It's a waste of time.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Let's make it definite. Dinner tomorrow.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Oh, God! I'm... Sandy, I want you.
JEFF SLATER
Mom?
SANDY LESTER
You want me?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
[as Michael] What do you think? Hurry. I'm
late.
MICHAEL DORSEY
I want you. I want you.
Pants still around his ankles, Michael walks
to her with inviting arms.
JEFF SLATER
Turn around.
Michael does a simple turn.
SANDY LESTER
Will I ever see you again?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
How do you do, Jeff? It's nice to meet you.
MICHAEL DORSEY
We've known each other six years.
JEFF SLATER
You look very nice. Nice...
TOOTSIE
DOROTHY MICHAELS
[as Michael] But the hair's not right.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Dorothy Michaels. Southwest General.
JEFF SLATER
No, you got kind of a Howard Johnson's
thing going on.
SECURITY GUARD
[checking clipboard] Oh, yeah, Miss
Michaels... That's TV Two. Straight ahead,
first right.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
[as Michael] Do something. I can't be late my
first day. Come on.
Jeff pulls and pushes at Dorothy's wig.
DOROTHY MICHAELS [contd]
[as Michael] Easy, easy!
JEFF SLATER
It's not your head.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
[as Michael] Okay?
JEFF SLATER
Let's see... Well, it works.
24.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Is that clock right?
SECURITY GUARD
Right on the money.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
I couldn't get a cab.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
[as Michael] But what?
FLOOR MANAGER
[to a passing Technician] Hi, Bobby. This is
Miss Michaels.
JEFF SLATER
Don't play hard to get.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
How do you do?
FLOOR MANAGER
You'll be in Room Four, Miss Michaels. We'll
need you on set in about fifteen minutes.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
I'm sorry.
APRIL PAIGE
That's ok.
TOOTSIE
25.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
[struggling with door] Oh, Jesus.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
I have to kiss Dr. Brewster!
APRIL PAIGE
It's quite all right. I'm April Paige.
APRIL PAIGE
Oh, yeah... He kisses all the women on the
show. We call him "The Tongue."
DOROTHY MICHAELS
[trying to look anywhere but at her] My, what
a nice-looking table.
APRIL PAIGE
Really?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Yes, it's very smooth. And that's a very good
idea. A socket for a plug.
APRIL PAIGE
Yeah, well, we got everything.
RON CARLISLE
Okay, quickly. Now, the tubes have pulled
out of Rick's nose. Julie, there's been an
alert at your station. Rick, get on the floor.
That's why the tubes pulled out. Now when
Julie starts stuffing the tubes back up your
nose...you grab her. I mean Hard.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
[sneaking a peak] Yes, I see.
APRIL PAIGE
Just push all that out of the way. Make
yourself at home. Okay?
There is a knock.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Yes?
The Floor Manager sticks her head in and
hands Dorothy two blue pages.
FLOOR MANAGER
One more thing, Miss Michaels. I forgot to
give you these.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Thank you... Oh, are these for today?
APRIL PAIGE
They always throw stuff at you in the last
minute. You could lose your mind around
here.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
[reading pages] My goodness!
APRIL PAIGE
What's wrong?
JULIE NICHOLS
In his condition?
RON CARLISLE
Absolutely. He's been out of his mind since
he fell through the ice. You're delirious. You
think she's Anthea.
CORRIDOR SET: Dorothy looks through the
doorway, JOHN VAN HORN close behind her.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Mr. Carlisle, I-RON CARLISLE
[to the room] Jesus Christ! I wonder if we
could have a little more hammering around
here?!
Once the room is silent, Ron turns back to
the Violinist.
RON CARLISLE [contd]
Now, when you grab her, maybe you even
say, "Anthea! Anthea!"
TOOTSIE
VIOLINIST
Good. Is my violin somewhere in the room?
RON CARLISLE
Your violin sunk. It's at the bottom of the
lake.
CORRIDOR SET:
DOROTHY MICHAELS
The violin fell through the ice.
JOHN VAN HORN
He was playing during the thaw. You're
Dorothy Michaels, aren't you?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Yes.
JOHN VAN HORN
I'm John Van Horn. We're up next. [a couple
of squirts of breath spray]
PATIENT'S ROOM SET: Ron confronts
Julie.
RON CARLISLE
Now, Julie honey, when he grabs you, you've
got to be torn, to struggle. Because you know
you've got to get those tubes stuck back up
his nose. But at the same time you realize
you're in the arms of a man whose music
was everything to Anthea. It was her whole
life. This is a man who stood by you after
Ted's breakdown. [turning to crew] Bernie,
get me a bagel and cream cheese. Will ya?
BERNIE
Julie, you want anything?
RON CARLISLE
No. She's fine, thanks. So it's a struggle, but
you're struggling with yourself as well. You
understand?
26.
JULIE NICHOLS
And I lose, right?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
I thought when Dr. Brewster...
RON CARLISLE
[guiding her to floor] Get down here a
minute. Now, then, Rick, it says when she
comes down to her knees...it inflames your
TOOTSIE
RON CARLISLE
You will enter from here, cross over to this
mark.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
I know my mark. But I thought...
RON CARLISLE
The corridor scene will be played right here.
Okay?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
See, I just wanted to ask concerning the
doctor...
Ron slams the door in Dorothy's face.
VIDEO TAPE ROOM: The VIDEO TAPE
OPERATOR is swigging from a bottle of celery
tonic.
ASST. DIRECTOR [V.O.]
Places, please. Stand by, tape is rolling.
FLOOR MANAGER [V.O.]
Five, four, three...
STUDIO FLOOR: The Floor Manager cues
Julie and the Violinist. They begin to
struggle.
VIOLINIST
Anthea! Oh, Anthea!
ASST. DIRECTOR [V.O.]
Freeze up. Ready one twenty-five.
JULIE NICHOLS
I have to get these tubes in...
John Van Horn enters on cue, stealing a look
at the teleprompter before exclaiming:
JOHN VAN HORN
[as Dr. Brewster] Nurse Charles! Are you
insane?
Dorothy Michaels is close behind.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
[as Emily Kimberly] I'm Emily Kimberly, the
27.
TOOTSIE
28.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
[as Emily Kimberly] ...and not consider it a
threat? I'm afraid, Dr. Brewster, that you
have underestimated me. If you want to win
me over, you'll deal with my mind...and not
my lips.
CONTROL ROOM:
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Well, you know, you were good too...
RON CARLISLE
Cut it.
ASST. DIRECTOR
And stop tape.
EXT. TV STUDIO
DOROTHY MICHAELS
You know, Mr. Carlisle, It was just an
instinct. I kept remembering what you said
to me about my character being more
threatening?
AUTOGRAPH HOUND
Can I have your autograph? I've been
watching the show forever. You're so great.
Wonderful! Oh, thank you!
JULIE NICHOLS
It was a good instinct. It would've been mine.
RON CARLISLE
Wait a minute. I'll handle the instincts here.
Now, it happened to be a very good instinct,
toots. But next time you want to change
TOOTSIE
JULIE NICHOLS
Tell me about it next week.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Good night.
Ron is at the cab, calling back impatiently.
RON CARLISLE
Julie, come on, baby.
JULIE NICHOLS
Can we drop you somewhere? And maybe
you'd like to join us for a drink?
MICHAEL DORSEY
No, thanks. I feel like walking.
JULIE NICHOLS
Okay, bye.
Ron guides Julie into a cab with a gentle pat
on the butt.
29.
MICHAEL DORSEY
He told me what he wanted. I didn't say
anything. I did it my way. He bawled me out.
I apologized. That was that. I think Dorothy's
smarter than I am. I just wish I looked
prettier. I look in the mirror and...maybe I
can just get a softer...hair or something,
because she deserves it.
Phone rings. Jeff starts for it.
MICHAEL DORSEY [contd]
Don't answer that!
JEFF SLATER
Why not?
MICHAEL DORSEY
It could be for Dorothy. Please.
JEFF SLATER
Why'd you give them this number?
MICHAEL DORSEY
The show has to contact me in case they
change the schedule.
JEFF SLATER
I'll find out.
MICHAEL DORSEY
They can't think Dorothy lives with a man!
It's wrong for her.
JEFF SLATER
It could be for me. Answer as Dorothy.
MICHAEL DORSEY
I can't! What if it's Sandy?
JEFF SLATER
If it's Diane, how do I explain there's a
woman here?
Phone stops ringing.
MICHAEL DORSEY
I'll get a service tomorrow.
JEFF SLATER
[gathering coat] When you were playing
Cyrano and you stuck a sabre in my
TOOTSIE
30.
APRIL PAIGE
I don't know. I don't write the shit, you
know.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Where are you going?
JEFF SLATER
To Diane's. That way if anybody wants to
reach me, they can talk to me.
FAN 1
Did you give Melanie an overdose on
purpose?
MICHAEL DORSEY
What do you think I'm doing this for? For
you, for the play, for Sandy...
DOROTHY MICHAELS
I have to be tough. He just wants my body.
FAN 2
Dorothy, you're so bad.
FAN 3
You look just the way you look.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Thank you. You're very attractive too.
Julie appears with her father, Les.
JULIE NICHOLS
I want you to meet my dad, Les.
LES NICHOLS
It's nice to meet you.
LES NICHOLS [contd]
I feel I know you already.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
I just love your daughter to pieces.
A LIVING ROOM: Women playing cards and
watching Southwest General.
MONTAGE:
OUTSIDE TV STUDIO: Fans, waiting for
autographs.
AN OFFICE: A Secretary types while
watching a hidden TV.
TOOTSIE
JEFF SLATER
I can't write any clearer than I can write. It's
in English.
Michael stops to window shop for jewelry.
MICHAEL DORSEY
What about those?
JEFF SLATER
For Sandy?
MICHAEL DORSEY
For me, for Dorothy. Not exactly, but that
kind of idea.
JEFF SLATER
It's a little overstated.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Really?
They see Julie and Ron.
MICHAEL DORSEY [contd]
Wait a minute! Jesus! That's her.
JEFF SLATER
Nurse Charles!
31.
TOOTSIE
32.
EVERYONE
Not too close!
ASST. DIRECTOR
Okay, hold it there.
RON CARLISLE
And cut it!
BEN
Good night, Dorothy.
ASST. DIRECTOR
Stop tape.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Good night, Ben.
JULIE NICHOLS
That's some day, huh?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
What? Oh, you mean about doing it over
again. Tell me, does that happen often?
JULIE NICHOLS
Every once in a while. You know, we actually
had to do it live once.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Yes.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Live!
JULIE NICHOLS
You should have seen Van Horn's face. Of
course you couldnt see Van Horns face. He
was so panicked we had to shoot him from
the back. Want some wine?
RITA MARSHALL
Hold it. Good news, children. Our brilliant
engineers have again erased a reel of the
show. So we have to retape fourteen, fifteen
and sixteen. [groans from everyone] It's
either that or do it live, tomorrow.
TOOTSIE
DOROTHY MICHAELS
No, thanks. I better be getting on home. I
have to wash my hair. Thanks anyway.
JULIE NICHOLS
Dorothy?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Yes?
JULIE NICHOLS
Listen, I know this is exactly what you want
to hear right now now...but we've got twentysix pages tomorrow, and I was wondering... if
you could find it in your heart to come over
and run some lines with me tonight.
JULIE NICHOLS
I could make you something to eat. [to
someone passing] Night, Fay. [to Dorothy] I'm
a born defroster.
33.
MICHAEL DORSEY
No, no. I dont have the right shoes for it.
And I hate the way the horizontal lines make
me look hippy...and it cuts me across the
bust.
JEFF SLATER
I think we're getting into a weird area here.
MICHAEL DORSEY
This is smart. What about this? Seriously.
JEFF SLATER
You looks like you should be ringing a school
bell.
MICHAEL DORSEY
This may seem silly to you, but this is our
first date. I just want to look pretty for her.
JEFF SLATER
You couldn't wear pants?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
It wasn't nothing.
MICHAEL DORSEY
No. Pants? [a glance to his butt] I can't.
JULIE NICHOLS
Come on in. I'll put them in some water.
JEFF SLATER
What about this thing?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
What a big apartment. What a lovely, lovely
room.
TOOTSIE
34.
JULIE NICHOLS
Is it?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Who's Amy?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Yes, it's yummy.
JULIE NICHOLS
My daughter. She was fourteen months old
last week.
JULIE NICHOLS
I had a decorator do it. Before the show, no
money. Since the show, no time.
MRS. CRAWLEY, 60ish, severe, appears from
a bedroom, wearing her hat and coat. She
startles Dorothy.
MRS. CRAWLEY
Amy is asleep. Finally.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
[aside to Julie] Scared the daylights out of
me.
MRS. CRAWLEY
Miss Nichols, that child is never going to
learn anything if you keep-JULIE NICHOLS
Thank you, Mrs. Crawley. Dorothy, Mrs.
Crawley.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
I'm sorry, I didn't know.
MRS. CRAWLEY
Nice meeting you.
Mrs. Crawley exits.
JULIE NICHOLS
Scares the shit out of me.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Scared me to death.
JULIE NICHOLS
Drop your coat here.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Who is it?
JULIE NICHOLS
Amy's nanny. And she hates me.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
I didn't know you had a baby.
JULIE NICHOLS
You got any kids, Dorothy?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
No, no, no.
JULIE NICHOLS
Were you ever married?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
I haven't been that fortunate. I was engaged
once, though, to a brilliant young
actor...whose career unfortunately was cut
short by the insensitivity of the theatrical
establishment.
JULIE NICHOLS
They killed him?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
In a manner of speaking. Sutton gave up
acting, and me as well. He's working now as
a waiter in a disreputable restaurant. I don't
want to talk about it.
JULIE NICHOLS
Maybe you'd like a little wine?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
No, I think I'd better keep sharp when we
work, you know?
JULIE NICHOLS
You mind if I ask you a question? Do you
worry about using so much heavy makeup
on your skin all the time?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
No. I don't worry. I have a little...moustache
problem I'm a little sensitive to. Probably just
too many male hormones or something.
TOOTSIE
JULIE NICHOLS
Some men find that attractive.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
I know, I know. I just don't like the men that
find it attractive. I take it you're divorced?
JULIE NICHOLS
No. I've never been married.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Perhaps I'll just have one little drink.
35.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Oh, you mean he's... You mean you have a
good relationship.
JULIE NICHOLS
I dont know What's a good relationship,
Dotty? Can I call you Dotty?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Oh, please do.
JULIE NICHOLS
Ron's smart and he's funny. We got some
things in common. Listen, you know a guy
whos interested in a woman who wants her
dinner at four...is unconscious by nine and
goes to work at dawn?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
But how does he treat you?
JULIE NICHOLS
Oh, that! Listen, you dont think I do this
without a plan, do you?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
What do you mean?
JULIE NICHOLS
There are a lot of men out there. I'm
selective. I look around very carefully. And
when I find the one who can give me the
worst time...that's when I make my move.
TOOTSIE
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Try answering as if the question took you by
surprise.
JULIE NICHOLS
What do you mean?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
I'll ask a question. You just answer it.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
but I should mind my own business.
JULIE NICHOLS
It's all so complicated, isn't it?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
What?
JULIE NICHOLS
Okay.
JULIE NICHOLS
All of it. Truthfully, don't you find being a
woman in the eighties complicated?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Why do you drink so much?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Extremely.
JULIE NICHOLS
When you grow up the way I did, an orphan
raised by a sister sixteen years older...you
have few illusions.
JULIE NICHOLS
You know what I wish, just once?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
There you go.
JULIE NICHOLS
It made a difference?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Yes. You got it.
JULIE NICHOLS
Thanks, Dorothy.
Finished working, they put their scripts
down.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Why do you drink so much?
JULIE NICHOLS
Because it's not fattening...and it's not good
for me. How many things can you say that
about?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
You telling me that I should mind my own
business.
JULIE NICHOLS
I just don't think you should worry about it. I
mean, it's nice of you, but
36.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
What?
JULIE NICHOLS
That a guy could be honest enough just to
walk up to me and say..."Hey, I'm confused
about this too. I could lay a big line on you,
we could do a lot of role-playing...but the
simple truth is, I find you very interesting...
and I'd really like to make love with you."
Simple as that. Wouldn't that be a relief?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Heaven. Sheer heaven.
JULIE NICHOLS
Ron was supposed to come over last night. I
had dinner all ready for him. He never
showed up.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Oh, my Lord! What time is it?
JULIE NICHOLS
It's ten-thirty.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
I gotta go. Listen, forgive me for rushing off
like this. It was a wonderful dinner...
TOOTSIE
37.
SANDY LESTER
Well, it was dark but, yes, I thought she was
fat. When did Jeff start collaborating on his
play?
MICHAEL DORSEY
She's an excellent typist. Look, I'm not
having an affair with that woman. It's
impossible.
SANDY LESTER
I don't want to make trouble. I shouldn't
have people over. They never show up. I'm
sorry. I feel guilty. You feel guilty. I'm sorry.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Don't do that. Don't apologize because I'm
three hours late. You should be furious.
SANDY LESTER
You've been great to me. You helped me with
the audition for that soap. It's that soap!
That soap! Did you see that cow they hired?
MICHAEL DORSEY
Cow?
SANDY LESTER
They must've gone a different way. She is
awful.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Well, I heard she was pretty good.
SANDY LESTER
Baloney! She's supposed to be tough, right?
She's not tough. She's a wimp!
MICHAEL DORSEY
Maybe it's the lines. She doesn't make them
up.
SANDY LESTER
Well, I think she should. They couldn't be
any worse.
TOOTSIE
38.
FEMALE PATIENT
I can't act with this.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Oh, shut up.
FEMALE PATIENT
Ron?
TOOTSIE
39.
GEORGE FIELDS
Listen to me, Michael, you have nothing to
say to women.
MICHAEL DORSEY
That's not true! I have plenty to say to
women. I've been an unemployed actor for
twenty years, George! You know that. I know
what it's like to sit by the phone waiting for it
to ring! Then when I finally get a job, I have
no control! Everybody else has the power and
I got zip! If I could impart that experience to
other women like me...
GEORGE FIELDS
You've got to listen to me, Michael, there are
no other women like you. You're a man!
MICHAEL DORSEY
Yes, I realize that, of course. But I'm also an
actress.
GEORGE FIELDS
Michael, I don't think we should argue about
this. I mean really...
MICHAEL DORSEY
I'm a potentially great actress. I could do
Medea, I could do Ophelia, I could do Lady
Macbeth, just like they did in Shakespeare's
day... Why don't you get the writers at the
agency... I could do a great Eleanor
Roosevelt... We can do the Eleanor Roosevelt
story!
GEORGE FIELDS
[incredulous] The Eleanor Roosevelt story?
MICHAEL DORSEY
Yes. What's the matter with that?
GEORGE FIELDS
Michael, listen, Phil Weintraub's party is
Saturday night. Let's just go. Forget it--have
a good time--have a couple of drinks. Don't
take yourself so seriously.
MICHAEL DORSEY
He never invited me to a party before.
GEORGE FIELDS
I'm inviting you--me...
TOOTSIE
40.
BARTENDER
Can I get you something?
GUEST 1
He did a fabulous job on your eyes.
RON CARLISLE
Yeah. Vodka on the rocks with a twist,
please.
GUEST 2
I can't blink for a week. Really.
SUZANNE
Hi.
SANDY LESTER
I don't like it here.
RON CARLISLE
Hi.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Stand up straight. What do you want?
SUZANNE
You don't remember me, do you?
SANDY LESTER
A double champagne. [noticing buffet table]
What is this? Just serve yourself?
RON CARLISLE
Yeah...yeah... When I came in the door, I
thought you looked familiar. What's your
name again?
SUZANNE
Suzanne.
RON CARLISLE
Suzanne...hmmm...
Phil Weintraub follows Julie, as she
continues toward the terrace.
JULIE NICHOLS
Call Pamela Green, my agent.
PHIL WEINTRAUB
There's a lot of interest over at Paramount.
I'll know after the first.
JULIE NICHOLS
I'll read it after the first.
GUEST
Hi, Julie.
JULIE NICHOLS
Hi.
TOOTSIE
PHIL WEINTRAUB
Actually, I'm not that crazy about the script.
I'm having a rewrite done and I'd like to show
you some of the changes. Maybe we could
have dinner...
JULIE NICHOLS
Call Pamela. She handles me for dinner.
Finally Phil gives up, and Julie disappears to
the terrace.
BAR: Michael is still watching Ron and
Suzanne.
RON CARLISLE
[to Michael] Do you have a light?
Michael eyes Ron up as he lights his
cigarette.
RON CARLISLE [contd]
How've you been?
SUZANNE
Great.
RON CARLISLE
Good.
SUZANNE
You look wonderful.
BUFFET TABLE: Guests are astonished as
Sandy pilfers food, wrapping it in a napkin
and stuffing it in her purse.
SANDY LESTER
Silly me, I already had dinner. I didn't know
there'd be so much food. It's for my dog...he
likes fruit...
BALCONY: Julie is alone, drink in hand,
looking at the spectacular view. Michael
appears, leans on the rail near her.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Mike Dorsey. Great view, huh? Only Phil
could afford all those lights. You know... I
could lay a big line on you... and we could do
a lot of role-playing, but the simple truth is
that I find you very interesting. And I'd like
41.
TOOTSIE
42.
APRIL PAIGE
You were wonderful.
JULIE NICHOLS
He wasn't. He asked for a raise.
JULIE NICHOLS
[a look to Dorothy] Thanks to my coach.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
I'm sorry about what happened out there. I
was...a little upset...
DOROTHY MICHAELS
No, you did it yourself.
JULIE NICHOLS
Was it okay?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
I loved the middle part...
Ron watches, unhappy.
RON CARLISLE
So much for the mutual-admiration society.
Let's move on to item seventeen. Jo, clear
this set. I'll need Alan, Tom and John.
Tootsie, take ten.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Ron? My name is Dorothy. It's not Tootsie or
Toots or Sweetie or Honey or Doll.
RON CARLISLE
Oh, Christ.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
No, just Dorothy. Now, Alan's always Alan,
Tom is always Tom and John's always John.
I have a name too. It's Dorothy, capital D-OR-O-T-H-Y. Dorothy. [storming off; to
another actor] Excuse me, doctor.
Ron looks at Julie, but she's off to find
Dorothy.
FUNERAL PARLOR SET: Casket. Flowers.
Julie finds Dorothy standing alone.
DOROTHY MICHAELS [contd]
Did somebody die?
JULIE NICHOLS
Violinist.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
I didn't know he was that sick.
JULIE NICHOLS
Listen, what're you doing for the holidays?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Why?
JULIE NICHOLS
Well, the baby and I are gonna go up to my
dad's farm--upstate. It's not exactly the fast
lane, but it's kind of fun. Maybe you'd like to
come along? You know, since my dad met
you, he's your biggest fan.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Is Ron coming too?
JULIE NICHOLS
Would that make a difference?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
...well...
JULIE NICHOLS
Actually... I think he has to stay in town and
work. If it matters, I've always hated women
who treat other women as stand-ins for men.
It's not that, really. I'd just like you to come.
TOOTSIE
MICHAEL DORSEY
[into phone] We will, Sandy, right after the
weekend. I'll call you Monday. Okay?
Thanks. Bye-bye. [hangs up] You know
where my pink nightgown is? With the
flowers...
We now see that Jeff is in the room, eating a
plate of lemons, watching Michael pack.
43.
JEFF SLATER
Listen to me.
MICHAEL DORSEY
What?
LES NICHOLS
Wait! Let me get those.
JEFF SLATER
Stop packing. Don't do this.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Oh, well, thank you.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Why?
JEFF SLATER
You should not do this.
LES NICHOLS
Strong little thing, aren't you?
MICHAEL DORSEY
In two weeks, I'll never see Julie again, and if
I do it'll be as Michael Dorsey...and she'll
probably throw a drink in my face. Where's
my make-up kit?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Well, no.
JEFF SLATER
How long can you keep lying to Sandy like
this?
MICHAEL DORSEY
Oh, come on, it's for her own good. I never
told Sandy that I wouldn't see other women.
Come on. And if I did tell her, it would only
hurt her feelings and I don't want to hurt her
feelings. Especially since Julie and I are just
girlfriends.
JEFF SLATER
I'm just afraid that you're gonna burn in hell
for this.
MICHAEL DORSEY
I don't believe in hell. I believe in
unemployment...but I don't believe in hell.
LES NICHOLS
Here we are. I'll set up the crib in a second.
You girls unpack your bags and we'll...
TOOTSIE
44.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Wait. Are we sharing?
JULIE NICHOLS
Special up here, isn't it? I'm glad you came.
LES NICHOLS
Most of the upstairs is still shut off. Besides,
I know you girls. No matter how far apart I
put you, you'll sneak back together and
spend the night giggling.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Listen, can I tell you something?
He leaves.
JULIE NICHOLS
He still thinks I'm twelve. Which side do you
want, dorothy?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
[uneasy] I think the one closest to the
bathroom.
JULIE NICHOLS
Don't worry, I won't take up much room.
LES NICHOLS
Good. [to amy] Bye-bye.
LES NICHOLS
Take it between your thumb and forefinger.
Then let every finger roll down individually.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Like this?
LES NICHOLS
That's it, yes.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
My goodness.
The cow kicks a bit, startling Dorothy.
LES NICHOLS
You'll be all right.
Dorothy watches Julie gallop on a horse;
Dorothy holding Amy; Dorothy and Julie
prepare dinner; They all sit and have dinner
together.
LATER: It is dusk. Dorothy, Julie and Amy
sit on a large 2 seat swing.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
No, I was just...
LES NICHOLS
I brought this sweater for you.
Les wraps the sweater around her shoulders.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
That's very nice of you, Les.
LES NICHOLS
Thank you.
Instead of sitting opposite Dorothy, Les
squeezes in the seat next to her, putting
considerable strain on the swing.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
I wonder if we're going to get any stars out of
the sky tonight?
TOOTSIE
LES NICHOLS
I've got my stars. You and Julie...
Les suddenly smacks a mosquito on his neck
causing Dorothy to immediately cover her
chest.
45.
JULIE NICHOLS
They thought they saw this elk. They stalked
it around in the dark for a couple hours.
They finally got it cornered up against
Charlie's barn. Just about the time they were
ready to blast its head off, it mooed.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
It was a cow?
LES NICHOLS
Enough laughing at your old man. You know
this one? [singing] "For it was Mary..."
JULIE NICHOLS
It's beautiful.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
[plunking notes] Wait a minute.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
I should've transposed it.
LES NICHOLS
"Mary..."
LES NICHOLS
It's wonderful for a lady to play piano.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Quit. Mama insisted.
LES NICHOLS
Who wants another drink?
JULIE NICHOLS
You better take it easy. Remember Injun Joe.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
What's that?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Bravo!
LES NICHOLS
That was Julie's mother's name. Mary Juliet
Cooper.
LES NICHOLS
Don't you tell that story.
JULIE NICHOLS
Well, I'm going to bed. Well, Dorothy, you
wanna hit the hay, as they say on the farm?
JULIE NICHOLS
There's this bar Daddy hangs out in...
DOROTHY MICHAELS
I think I'll... You and... Both of you go to bed.
LES NICHOLS
I don't hang out there.
LES NICHOLS
I'll stay up. I'll stay with you.
JULIE NICHOLS
One night he and Injun Joe threw back a few
too many...
JULIE NICHOLS
Well, I'm going. Good night.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Hard liquor.
LES NICHOLS
Good night, dear.
Julie kisses her father.
TOOTSIE
JULIE NICHOLS
Good night, Dad.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Sleep well.
JULIE NICHOLS
Be good.
Julie is gone. They're alone again.
LES NICHOLS
Nice girl, isn't she?
46.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
You know I am too, actually.
LES NICHOLS
You know, I can remember years ago there
wasn't talk about what a woman was, what a
man was. You just were what you were. And
now they have all this stuff about being like
the other sex...so you can all be the same.
Well, I'm sorry, but we're just not. Not on a
farm, anyway. Bulls are bulls, and roosters
don't try to lay eggs.
LES NICHOLS
Really?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Never.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Yes.
LES NICHOLS
I'm sorry. Please, sit down.
LES NICHOLS
My wife and I, we were married a lot of years.
People got it all wrong, you know. They say
your health is the most important thing. But
I can lift this house off the ground. What
good is it? Being with someone. Sharing.
That's what it's all about... Julie tells me
you're not married.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Very sweet...very sweet...
LES NICHOLS
I'm kind of glad Ron didn't come up.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Thank you.
LES NICHOLS
I thought you'd be more like one of them
"liberators."
They sit in front of the fire.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
You know, I'm not really like the woman on
the show. I mean, that's just a part...I'm not
all that militant.
LES NICHOLS
Don't get me wrong. I'm all for this equal
business. I think women ought to be entitled
to have everything and all, et cetera. Except,
sometimes I think what they really want is to
be entitled to be men. Like men are all equal
DOROTHY MICHAELS
No.
LES NICHOLS
Like another drink?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
No.
LES NICHOLS
You sure?
TOOTSIE
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Yes. Oh, well, you know what? I think it is
about that time.
LES NICHOLS
Thanks for staying up and talking.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Don't you mention it.
LES NICHOLS
You have beautiful eyes.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Oh, well, thank you. Good night, Les.
Dorothy offers her hand to shake. When Les
tries instead to kiss it, she removes it
quickly, and scampers off to bed.
INT. BATHROOM
Dorothy is into her suitcase.
47.
JULIE NICHOLS
I guess so. I don't remember her very well. I
remember her helping me pick out this
wallpaper. I'd chosen one with great big,
purple flowers on it. And she said to
me..."Just remember that once you choose
it... it's gonna cover the walls of your room
for a long, long time." So I tried to imagine
what those big, purple flowers would look
like...on all the walls of my room...every
night when I was falling asleep...and every
morning when I was getting dressed. So I
said to her, "Which one would you choose?"
And she said, "The one with the daisies and
the little rosebuds...because daisies are such
homey flowers...and rosebuds are so cheerful
and always waiting to bloom."
DOROTHY MICHAELS
That's lovely.
JULIE NICHOLS
I made a million plans looking at this
wallpaper. I was always waiting for these
rosebuds to open.
Michael is moved. He reaches over to gently
stroke Julie's hair.
JULIE NICHOLS [contd]
That's nice. My mother used to do that too,
sometimes.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Good night, Julie.
JULIE NICHOLS
Good night, Dottie.
Michael rolls over...but his wig doesn't roll
with him. The back is now the front.
TOOTSIE
48.
RITA MARSHALL
You know, Dorothy, you're a complicated
lady. On the one hand, you're a real pain in
the ass. I've got one of the most expensive
directors in soaps--I owe myself a quarter-and you've got him defensive and hostile.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
I don't mean to.
RITA MARSHALL
However, we're getting two thousand letters a
week...and we've picked up three share
points. And it's largely due to you. You are
the first woman character who is her own
person. Who can assert her own personality
without robbing someone of theirs. You're a
breakthrough lady for us. We're picking up
your option. You'll be with us for another
year. Congratulations.
Though we're looking at Dorothy, we know it
is Michael that takes a huge gulp.
GEORGE FIELDS
[into phone] You did. You signed a standard
contract.
TOOTSIE
49.
CONTROL ROOM:
MICHAEL DORSEY
[into phone; as Michael] I signed a contract,
but I didn't know I was gonna be working for
the rest of my life as a woman!
GEORGE'S OFFICE:
GEORGE FIELDS
[into phone] I know it, but you gotta find
some way to make it work. [checking figures]
Look, they're willing to pay. They're gonna go
from six-fifty to eight-fifty an episode.
CONTROL ROOM:
MICHAEL DORSEY
[into phone; as Michael] You get me out of
this. I don't care how you do it, or I'm gonna
to go in right now and tell them.
GEORGE'S OFFICE:
GEORGE FIELDS
[into phone] Tell them what? That you
deliberately put an entire network on the
spot? That you're making a fool out of
millions of American women every day?
They'll kill you! Look, I've got a Secretary out
there wants to be like Dorothy Michaels. I'm
ready to fire her. Michael, we're talking major
fraud here. Major fraud! You can't tell them.
What about me? You think anybody is gonna
believe I wasn't in on this? I mean, they'll kill
me.
CONTROL ROOM: Frustrated, Michael has
taken the receiver from his ear as George
continues his rant.
GEORGE FIELDS [V.O.] [contd]
Come on, this is not like ruining yourself
walking out on some play. This is ruining me
too.
GEORGE'S OFFICE:
GEORGE FIELDS [contd]
You can't do it, Michael. You gotta make it
work.
TOOTSIE
DOROTHY MICHAELS
I'm not the one breaking up with Ron.
JULIE NICHOLS
I'd buy a ticket to that. You have influenced
me though, Dorothy. I've been seeing Ron
through your eyes.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Julie, I don't want that responsibility.
JULIE NICHOLS
Why not? Why shouldn't you influence me?
You wouldn't compromise your feelings like I
have. You wouldn't live this kind of lie, would
you?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Well, no, I wouldn't. But...
JULIE NICHOLS
Of course not. And you're right. It's just... I
deserve something better, you know. I don't
have to settle for this. I really don't. It's just
that I've always been too lazy or too scared or
too something...
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Don't be so hard on yourself.
JULIE NICHOLS
What the hell? I'll live, won't I? Maybe not
happily, but honestly. Sounds like something
you'd say.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
You mustn't idealize me. Honesty, in many
ways, is a relative term.
JULIE NICHOLS
Listen, my father's coming. If he calls, don't
say anything about this, okay? He's driving
down tonight. I'm sure he's gonna want to
see you.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Me?
Doorbell.
50.
JULIE NICHOLS
Oh, God! It's Ron. Oh, Dorothy, God bless
you. Wish me luck now.
Julie gives her a quick peck.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Always.
JULIE NICHOLS
I feel that little moustache. You should put
some makeup on it.
Julie opens the door, letting Ron inside.
RON CARLISLE
Hi.
JULIE NICHOLS
Hi.
RON CARLISLE
How're you doing? [noticing Dorothy] What's
going on?
JULIE NICHOLS
Dorothy's gonna sit with Amy. I'll be right
back.
RON CARLISLE
Okay.
Julie disappears down the hallway, leaving
Ron and Dorothy alone.
RON CARLISLE [contd]
Hi, honey. You don't mind if I call you honey
when we're not working, do you? [pouring
glass of wine] Nice dress.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Thank you.
RON CARLISLE
You don't like me, do you? I mean, I can
respect that...but there's not many women I
can't make like me. Why don't you like me?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
I don't like the way you treat Julie.
TOOTSIE
RON CARLISLE
Oh?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
I don't like the way you patronize her, I don't
like the way you deceive her, I don't like the
way you lie to her.
RON CARLISLE
What do you mean?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
You want me to go on?
51.
JULIE NICHOLS
Dorothy, she never wakes up. But in case
she does, there's applesauce in the fridge.
You can just give her a couple spoonfuls and
I'm sure she'll... Are you sure you'll be okay?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Don't be silly. How much trouble can a baby
be? Go on.
LATER: Dorothy comes flying out of the
bedroom holding a screaming Amy. She tries
running very fast circles to clam her down.
RON CARLISLE
No, I know what you mean. Look, Dorothy, I
never promised Julie I'd be exclusive--I never
said I wouldn't see other women. It's just
that I know she doesn't want me to see other
women...so I lie to her to keep from hurting
her.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
That's very convenient.
RON CARLISLE
No, wait a minute. Look at it from my side.
See, if a woman wants me to seduce her...I
usually do. But then she starts pretending
like I promised her something. Then I
pretend I did. In the end, I'm the one that's
exploited.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Bullshit, Ron! You know what? I understand
you a lot better than you think I do.
RON CARLISLE
Really?
TOOTSIE
52.
JULIE NICHOLS
Dorothy?
JULIE NICHOLS
And I don't want you to take this the wrong
way. But since I met you, I'm so grateful to
have you as a friend...and yet...I've never felt
lonelier in my whole life. It's as though I
want something that I just can't have. You
know what I mean? Do you?
JULIE NICHOLS
How's Amy? She any trouble?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Oh, not at all. She was an angel. Are you all
right?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Julie! My God! Let me explain.
JULIE NICHOLS
Fine.
JULIE NICHOLS
Please, don't say anything.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
There's a reason.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
What's the matter?
JULIE NICHOLS
I understand the reason.
TOOTSIE
53.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
No, no, no! That reason's not the reason.
See, I'm not the person you think I am. Just
wait a minute now...
JULIE NICHOLS
Tell him.
JULIE NICHOLS
Nobody is.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Tell him what? That I...
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Please.
JULIE NICHOLS
Dorothy, it's me.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
No, it's me.
JULIE NICHOLS
No, it's me.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
No, it's me.
JULIE NICHOLS
No, it's me. I'm just not well-adjusted
enough. I'm sure I've got the same impulses-I mean, obviously, I did have the same
impulses...
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Please don't make me do this.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Don't jump to conclusions about that
impulse. That impulse is a good impulse,
Julie. If you could just see me out of these
clothes...
DOROTHY MICHAELS
I can't.
JULIE NICHOLS
No, no no!
DOROTHY MICHAELS
[into phone] Hello? Hi, Les. I'm fine. How are
you...? Tonight, sure. Tonight?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
What? What?
Phone rings.
JULIE NICHOLS
That's my father! You've got to tell him.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Tell him?
JULIE NICHOLS
You gotta let him down gently.
JULIE NICHOLS
You owe me that.
TOOTSIE
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Just water.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
I could tell at once.
LES NICHOLS
Water and bourbon.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Make that a straight scotch.
LES NICHOLS
Scotch and bourbon.
The Waiter leaves.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
I'd like to...
LES NICHOLS
Let's dance.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
What?
54.
MAN
Emily, we love you.
WOMAN
You're fabulous!
MAN
Just wonderful. Wonderful. You're even
prettier in person.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Thank you.
Les spins Dorothy, but she ends up facing
the wrong way.
LES NICHOLS
It's my favorite dance.
LES NICHOLS
I'm sorry. I forgot that you're on your feet all
day. Come on, sit down.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Oh, really, I don't dance.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Yes, I think we should stop.
LES NICHOLS
You'll love it.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
What?
LES NICHOLS
Thank you. I was real happy you could come
out tonight. I know you usually got a lot of
lines to learn.
LES NICHOLS
Follow me. Follow me.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Please, I don't... You know what? I'd...really,
I'd rather not.
LES NICHOLS
Just relax.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
You're very good.
LES NICHOLS
My wife and I took a course.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
There's something I'd better say.
LES NICHOLS
There's something I want to say too.
Wouldn't it be funny if we both said the same
thing?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
It'd would be hilarious. But I don't think
what I have to say is what you have to say.
TOOTSIE
LES NICHOLS
Well, mine's pretty simple. I'm not too good
with words anyway. I only took two pictures
in my whole life...my high school graduation
and my wedding. And my wife stood next to
me in both. Now I never thought I'd want
anybody to fill her place. All that changed
last weekend.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Lester...
DOROTHY MICHAELS
[as Michael, under his breath] This is a
nightmare.
LES NICHOLS
Lesley.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Lesley...
LES NICHOLS
Don't interrupt me. I gotta do this in one go
or I won't get through it. I know this is kind
of quick, but that's how I am. Never did
believe in not getting down to it.
Dorothy gasps, as Les opens a box
containing a wedding ring.
55.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Oh! Oh, no...no...
LES NICHOLS
[taking her hand] Don't say anything now, I
know it's fast. But take time to think about
it.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
No, you cannot come up! I have a terrible
headache.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Please...
LES NICHOLS
If you say no, at least I'll feel you took me
seriously enough to think about it.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Would you mind? I just need to be alone. I'd
like to start thinking it over as soon as
possible.
Dorothy is up and off, leaving Les a little
bewildered.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
No! I'll see you on the set tomorrow and we'll
talk about it. [from building doorway] Go
home. Have you been drinking?
Dorothy disappears into the building. Not
giving up, Van Horn scans the windows,
looking for a light to come on.
TOOTSIE
DOROTHY MICHAELS
What?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Then how can you be a has-been?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Shhh! Are you out of your cotton-picking
mind? Come on up! I'm on the third floor!
Hurry before someone calls the cops! Jesus!
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Were you ever famous?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
I beg your pardon?
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Come in, but you can just stay a minute.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Oh, all right, but I...
As Dorothy pours a quick drink, Van horn
checks his reflection in a piece of mirror
hanging over the sink.
JOHN VAN HORN
Nice mirror.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Here... [handing him drink] What is it that
couldn't wait, John?
JOHN VAN HORN
Dorothy...
56.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Please, John, please! Perhaps another time.
JOHN VAN HORN
Don't turn me away, it'll kill me!
DOROTHY MICHAELS
It's not you personally--I don't want to get
involved emotionally at this time.
JOHN VAN HORN
Then I'll take straight sex.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
I don't want to hurt you.
JOHN VAN HORN
I don't mind.
TOOTSIE
57.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
Oh, shit!
JEFF SLATER
I think I can imagine.
MICHAEL DORSEY
No, no, you can't. I saw the look in his eyes. I
was in big trouble. If you don't come in, I'm
in the Daily News the next day.
JEFF SLATER
How do you do?
JOHN VAN HORN
How do you do? I'll be going.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
I think it's best.
Embarrassed, Van Horn starts for the door.
JEFF SLATER
Gee, I hope I haven't...
JOHN VAN HORN
No, I hope I haven't... I want you to know, for
the record, Jeff, that nothing happened here
tonight.
JEFF SLATER
How did you ever let him in?
MICHAEL DORSEY
What do you mean how'd he get in here? He
was singing.
JEFF SLATER
Is he that good a singer? What do you...?
A knock on the door.
MICHAEL DORSEY
That's him! That's him! Tell him I'm in the
bedroom crying. Don't let him in!
A Voice from the other side of the door.
JEFF SLATER
Thank you, John.
MICHAEL DORSEY
It's Sandy.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
My lips are sealed.
Jeff watches Van Horn slip out the door,
then turns on Dorothy.
JEFF SLATER
You slut!
Michael collapses in a chair, removing wig
and earrings.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Look, look, look, don't start in with me. Don't
do that. Rape is not a laughing matter. That
JEFF SLATER
Sandy? It's Sandy!
Michael runs to the bedroom, pulling off
clothes.
MICHAEL DORSEY
I can't let her see me like this.
SANDY LESTER [O.S.]
I hear you in there.
HALLWAY: Sandy pounds the door.
SANDY LESTER [contd]
Jeff, open the door. It's me, Sandy. Open the
door!
TOOTSIE
58.
JEFF SLATER
Sandy, is that you?
SANDY LESTER
Yes!
JEFF SLATER
What time is it? I fell asleep, I guess. I was
having a nightmare and...uh...You were in it.
[turning on kitchen faucet] ...uh...Mike is in
the shower.
BEDROOM: Michael is still pulling off
clothes.
MICHAEL DORSEY
I'm in the shower! I got soap in my eyes! I'll
be right out!
LIVING AREA: Jeff is unbuttoning his
clothes.
JEFF SLATER
I'm not dressed. All my clothes are in the
other room. I was asleep. I was dreaming. It's
funny, you were in my dream. You had big
teeth...
HALLWAY:
JEFF SLATER [O.S.] [contd]
...but you were still a nice person.
SANDY LESTER
I had big what?
LIVING AREA:
JEFF SLATER
I gotta get something on. I'll be right back.
SANDY LESTER [O.S.]
Are you having a party or something?
BATHROOM: Michael is in the shower,
scrubbing furiously.
MICHAEL DORSEY
I'm in the shower!
TOOTSIE
59.
SANDY LESTER
You treat me like I'm a jerk.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Hi, I was taking a shower.
MICHAEL DORSEY
What are you talking about?
JEFF SLATER
He was in the shower. Good shower?
SANDY LESTER
I called you every night and you didn't return
my phone calls...
MICHAEL DORSEY
Good shower.
SANDY LESTER
Why haven't you returned my phone calls,
Michael?
MICHAEL DORSEY
No, it's... It's my new answering machine--it's
no good. I'm going to answer my own phone
calls. I went to six stores to get you your
favorite kind. Chocolate-covered cherries...
JEFF SLATER
Since I'm awake, I think I'll go do some
writing. Excuse me.
SANDY LESTER
[overlapping] ...chocolate-covered cherries?
[taking box] That's sweet. Oh, and a card...
MICHAEL DORSEY
Wait, I'll be back. I got a present for you.
MICHAEL DORSEY
No, no, no! Don't, don't read it! I was very,
very, very angry when I wrote that!
SANDY LESTER
[reading card] "Thank you for the lovely night
in front of the fire. Missing you, Les." This
isn't even for me. [throwing card at him] This
is another girl's candy.
MICHAEL DORSEY
I wouldn't give you another girl's candy. I
swear.
SANDY LESTER
Well, then, whose is it?
MICHAEL DORSEY
Mine.
SANDY LESTER
A guy named Les is sending you candy?
MICHAEL DORSEY
Yes. He's a friend of mine. He can't eat
candy. He's diabetic.
SANDY LESTER
Why is he thanking you for a lovely night in
front of the fire?
TOOTSIE
MICHAEL DORSEY
My mind's a blank.
SANDY LESTER
Michael, are you gay?
MICHAEL DORSEY
In what sense?
SANDY LESTER
Michael, just be honest with me. Tell me the
truth! For once in your life tell me the truth!
Because these stories they are very
demeaning to me... [calming herself in a
chair] No matter how bad the truth it it
doesn't tear you apart inside like dishonesty.
Dishonosty! At least it leaves you with some
self-respect and some dignity.
MICHAEL DORSEY
You're right... [sitting with her] Okay. Okay.
I'm not gonna lie to you anymore. I'm gonna
tell you the truth. Sandy...I'm in love with
another woman.
Sandy's scream is blood-curdling. She is up
and throwing a tantrum. It is obvious she no
longer has a problem with anger.
SANDY LESTER
What are you saying to me?!
MICHAEL DORSEY
Sandy, please. Don't...
SANDY LESTER
You liar! Why do you do this to me...
MICHAEL DORSEY
We never said "I love you." We went to bed
one time.
SANDY LESTER
I don't care.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Sandy, you're one of the dearest friends I
ever had. But let's not pretend it was
something else or we're gonna lose
everything we had!
60.
SANDY LESTER
I never said "I love you." I don't care about "I
love you!" I read The Second Sex... I read The
Cinderella Complex! I'm responsible for my
own orgasms! I don't care! I just don't like to
be lied to!
MICHAEL DORSEY
You asked me to be straight with you.
SANDY LESTER
I knew this was right. I didn't tell you how I'd
feel about it though, did I?
MICHAEL DORSEY
Please, tell me what can I do?
SANDY LESTER
There's nothing you can do for me. I just
have to feel like this until I don't feel like this
any more...and you're gonna have to know
that you're the one that made me feel this
way! Schmuck!
MICHAEL DORSEY
Are we still friends?
SANDY LESTER
No, we're not friends! I don't take this shit
from friends, only from lovers.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Wait a minute, wait a minute! What about
the play?
SANDY LESTER
Yes, what about the play? I think I should
tell you to shove your play. But I won't,
because I never allow personal despair to
interfere with my professional commitments.
I am a professional actress! [after catching
her breath] So, are these real chocolatecovered cherries?
MICHAEL DORSEY
I think so.
She tucks them under her arm and starts for
the door.
SANDY LESTER
See you at rehearsal.
TOOTSIE
61.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Oh, Sandy...
GEORGE FIELDS
Oh, that's not so good, Michael.
SANDY LESTER
Don't call me.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Look, I gotta get back to my life. Now you've
got wall-to-wall lawyers in that office, right.
There must be some kind of way to get me
out of this show now.
GEORGE FIELDS
We've been through this a million times...
MICHAEL DORSEY
Why can't I die? Why can't Dorothy have an
accident? I mean, we can use our
imaginations. This isn't the toughest
problem...
GEORGE FIELDS
You want to kill somebody and bring back
the stiff, that's okay, but she'd better look
exactly like you because I'll tell you
something those people don't miss a trick.
MICHAEL DORSEY
These are nice people--these are good people,
George.
GEORGE FIELDS
Something is... What is weird about you...
Since when do you care so much about what
other people feel?
MICHAEL DORSEY
I mean if I didn't love Julie before, you
should have seen the look on her face when
she thought I was a lesbian.
GEORGE FIELDS
Lesbian? You just said "gay."
MICHAEL DORSEY
No, no, no. Sandy thinks I'm gay. Julie
thinks I'm a lesbian.
GEORGE FIELDS
Well, sleep with her and she'll...
GEORGE FIELDS
I thought Dorothy was supposed to be
straight.
MICHAEL DORSEY
I slept with her once and she still thinks I'm
gay.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Dorothy is straight. Les, the sweetest, nicest
TOOTSIE
62.
GEORGE FIELDS
A guy named Les wants you to marry him?
LOUDSPEAKER [V.O.]
We're gonna take a short break, people.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Yeah. No, wants to marry Dorothy.
RITA MARSHALL
Hold it, hold it! Slight change of plans,
children. Our future ex-tape editor has just
spilled a bottle of celery tonic all over the
second reel of the show airing today. So we
have to redo Emily's party scene, live.
GEORGE FIELDS
Does he know she's a lesbian?
MICHAEL DORSEY
Dorothy's not a lesbian!
GEORGE FIELDS
I know that, but does he know that?
VOICE
Live?
MICHAEL DORSEY
Know what?
RITA MARSHALL
Quick, quick like little bunnies. You have
twenty-six minutes. Get into wardrobe and
reset.
GEORGE FIELDS
That...well...I don't know.
MICHAEL DORSEY
You know he gave me a ring? He gave me a
diamond ring.
GEORGE FIELDS
What did you say?
MICHAEL DORSEY
What do mean what did I say--I said "I gotta
think it over." I went into the ladies' room--I
almost pissed in the sink. I'm in trouble,
man!
TOOTSIE
63.
INT. TV STUDIO B
Cameras & technicians scrambling about.
ASST. DIRECTOR [V.O.]
Stand by. Quiet, please, on the floor. Stand
by. Twenty-two and twenty-three come down
to eighteen. Hold it. That's good.
The Floor Manager starts the count.
FLOOR MANAGER
Five, four, three...
The last two counts are silent as she cues
the actors.
LIVING ROOM SET: The actors are all
dressed in evening wear, and hold drinks.
Dorothy stands at the top of a long curved
staircase.
HOSPITAL OFFICIAL
Let's all raise our glasses to our guest of
honor, Miss Emily Kimberly.
Applause from the party guests, she is
flattered.
HOSPITAL OFFICIAL [contd]
Emily, we're looking forward to having you
grace us with your presence...for many years
to come.
LES NICHOL'S KITCHEN: Les sits at the
kitchen table, eating a sandwich, watching
the show on a portable.
MICHAEL & JEFF'S LOFT: Jeff lounges in
a chair, watching the show and applauding
along with the party guests.
TOOTSIE
64.
RON CARLISLE
Oh, no! Not live.
ASST. DIRECTOR
Get her back to the prompter.
RITA MARSHALL
Let's see where she goes.
DOROTHY MICHAELS [VIDEO]
[as Emily Kimberly] He drove my mother to
drink.
LIVING ROOM SET:
DOROTHY MICHAELS [contd]
[as Emily Kimberly] In fact, she went riding
one time and lost all her teeth.
CONTROL ROOM:
RITA MARSHALL
What? What?
RON CARLISLE
Oh, Christ!
LIVING ROOM SET: The other actors are
cringing in anticipation.
DOROTHY MICHAELS
[as Emily Kimberly] And the oldest daughter,
the pretty, charming one, became
pregnant...when she was fifteen years old
and was driven out of the house. In fact she
was so terrified that, that, that the baby
daughter would bear the stigma of
illegitimacy...she decided to change her name
and she contracted a disfiguring disease...
After moving to Tangiers, Which is where she
raised the girl as her sister. But her one
ambition...
RON CARLISLE
Any preference of shots on this one, Rita?
CONTROL ROOM:
DOROTHY MICHAELS
[as Emily Kimberly] ...was to become a
CONTROL ROOM:
RON CARLISLE
What score?
STUDIO FLOOR: The tension is palpable
among the crew.
TOOTSIE
65.
RITA MARSHALL
Don't, don't, don't panic.
DOROTHY MICHAELS [VIDEO]
[as Emily Kimberly] ...owe it all up to her!
But on her terms!
CONTROL ROOM:
RON CARLISLE
God, here come the terms.
LIVING ROOM SET:
DOROTHY MICHAELS
[as Emily Kimberly] As a woman...and just as
proud to be a woman...as she ever was... For
I am not Emily Kimberly... [pulling off glasses
and eyelashes] The daughter of Dwayne...and
Alma Kimberly... No, I'm not... [pulling off
wig, revealing himself as Edward Kimberly]
I'm Edward Kimberly, the reckless brother of
my sister Anthea!
Julie and Van Horn are speechless.
SANDY'S LIVING ROOM: She screams.
CONTROL ROOM: All are stunned.
RON CARLISLE
Holy Christ!
LIVING ROOM SET: With a towel Michael is
wiping away the last of Dorothy Michaels.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Edward Kimberly, who's finally vindicated
his sister's good name.
STUDIO FLOOR: A Technician faints away.
LES NICHOL'S KITCHEN: Les tries to take
a bite from a sandwich that isn't there.
MICHAEL DORSEY [VIDEO] [contd]
I'm Edward Kimberly. Edward Kimberly...
CONTROL ROOM:
RITA MARSHALL
I'll be damned.
TOOTSIE
66.
JEFF SLATER
That is one nutty hospital.
CONTROL ROOM:
RON CARLISLE
I knew there was a reason she didn't like me!
ASST. DIRECTOR
Commercial.
RON CARLISLE
Cut it!
ASST. DIRECTOR
Cut!
LIVING ROOM SET: Distraught, hurt, Julie
slowly crosses to Michael and punches him
in the stomach...then storms off.
LES NICHOLS
Hey, Robert.
CUSTOMER
Hi, Les.
Les orders a beer and relaxes. Michael slides
down the bar and takes the stool next to
him. It takes a moment, but Les eventually
recognizes him with a scowl.
MICHAEL DORSEY
[puts ring box on bar] I thought you'd want it
back.
LES NICHOLS
[his eyes on the TV, pushing ring back]
Outside. Give it to me outside.
TOOTSIE
67.
MICHAEL DORSEY
[to Bartender] Can I have a couple of beers?
[a moment] Does Julie ever mention me?
Les can't stay mad at him and gives him an
affectionate punch on the arm.
EXT. TV STUDIO
Mid-day. Busy. Julie emerges, alone.
JULIE NICHOLS
Taxi!
She signs autographs...until she notices
Michael leaning against a car. She turns and
walks away. Michael runs to catch-up.
MICHAEL DORSEY
I know. I apologize.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Hi. [silence] I saw your father. I drove up to
see him in that bar he hangs out at.
LES NICHOLS
The truth is, you were okay company.
JULIE NICHOLS
He doesn't hang out there.
MICHAEL DORSEY
So were you.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Oh, yeah. I forgot. How's Amy?
LES NICHOLS
I could have done without the dancing.
JULIE NICHOLS
Fine.
MICHAEL DORSEY
You know, you're very good.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Your dad and I had a couple of beers and
shot a good game of pool. We had a really
good time together. How's it going?
LES NICHOLS
I'm seeing a real nice woman now.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Oh, really?
JULIE NICHOLS
Terry Bishop's back on the show. April lost
her radiology license...
LES NICHOLS
You think I didn't check her out?
MICHAEL DORSEY
I meant with you.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Can I buy you a beer?
JULIE NICHOLS
I know what you meant. So you're pretty hot
after your unveiling, Michael. What's your
next triumph?
LES NICHOLS
You got six bits. Yeah.
TOOTSIE
68.
MICHAEL DORSEY
Well, I'm going to do this play with a couple
of friends of mine up in Syracuse...
MICHAEL DORSEY
I'll loan it to you, but you gotta give it back.
It's my favorite...
JULIE NICHOLS
Good. I've gotta catch a cab, Michael.
JULIE NICHOLS
What are you gonna use it for?
MICHAEL DORSEY
Julie? Can I call you sometime? Look, I don't
want to hold you up. I just did it for the
work. I didn't mean to hurt anybody.
Especially you.
JULIE NICHOLS
I miss Dorothy.
MICHAEL DORSEY
You don't have to. She's right here. And she
misses you. Look, you don't know me from
Adam...but I was a better man with you, as a
woman...than I ever was with a woman, as a
man. You know what I mean? I just gotta
learn to do it without the dress... At this
point in the relationship there might be an
advantage to my wearing pants.
Finally Julie allows herself to crack a smile.
MICHAEL DORSEY
The hard part's over, you know? We were
already...good friends.
JULIE NICHOLS
Will you loan me that little yellow outfit?
MICHAEL DORSEY
Which one?
JULIE NICHOLS
The Halston.
MICHAEL DORSEY
The Halston? Oh, no! You'll ruin it. You'll
spill wine all over it.
JULIE NICHOLS
I will not.
THE END