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The Wisps summoned all of their energy to try to resuscitate God. Thinking
only of the bar they left behind, the Wisps flew in patterns around God, and
sang their greatest devotional tunes. "Yes, Jebus loves us. Yes, Jebus loves
us," they sang, and it was good.
Crack! A bolt of lightning tore through the room, which happened to be a
manger, and Jebus lay in the center of the hay, silently.
"Hey look, it's Jebus. Guardian of the Galaxy. King of Kings. Ya know, the
savior? The messiah? God?"
"That's not God. Hey, how is God?" a Will O' Wisp asked. "He was sick, the
last time I heard."
"He transitioned to a nether plane. He's on Earth, now. In a manger,
somewhere. Probably not even crying about it."
The Wisp looked at his friends, the other Wisps, and lost his breath. They
looked like two Wise men. He looked at himself. He, himself, was human.
"Where and when are we?" the Wisp asked.
"We're witnessing the birth of Jebus," the other Wisps answered.
"May we pray we don't see television invented for at least another two
thousand years."
"Indeed. Then we couldn't watch:"
Planet Sprok
"without the humans noticing!" Tune in next time
The fees for killing the dinosaurs would go to the owners of the weapon, a k a
God. It was a Genesis device he carried with him from far off in the Milky Way
to start life in the Solar System.
"Humans on Earth will surely foil God's plans!" said all the Martians. But God
had other plans.
There was a long path of footprints in the sand. You, my friend: you were
walking with God.
"God," you said. "If humans were brought to Earth from a nuclear missile sent
by martian criminals in the future, why would I not learn all of that until
visiting /r/writingprompts?"
"Because you weren't a real science fiction writer, son," God said. "They've
known all this stuff for a generation. But yes, it was my plan for humans to
populate Earth. I am cleverer than that, I say!"
"Then what was your mistake?" you asked.
"Letting my Will O' Wisp planet Sprok die."
"I'm sorry, you let a planet die?" you asked.
"Yes," God said. "It froze over when it became Hell. There are a bunch of
Marines, there. They go there to regroup when they die."
"What kind of God are you?" you asked, and ran off the beach into the sea,
lucid dreaming your way back to Neptune. God had sunk to capturing Wisps
to tell his story, it seemed.
Tune in next time on
Planet Sprok
God was, in fact, blind. He saw only a virtual reality. It seemed that in this
world that he saw, North Korea was indeed another militarized state. It was
not the same Earth of the people who fell to this future world that
momentous day, but it was a very similar version of North Korea.
God was the world's greatest man. That day, he was an assassin. He gutted
the leader of North Korea, mistaking him for the one represented on the
television, and lived up to his name: God. Or Dog, backwards.
Tune in next time on
Planet Sprok
It turns out, most of this was the Martians' doing, wasn't it, puppy dog? A new
campaign to redirect the flow of the human population has them teleporting
humans all over the solar system. And what's God's Kingdom but the solar
system itself? With Jupiter, Neptune, Saturn, Earth. . . Oh, and Mars.
Mars was a hellish death pit of no return, where super humans were
imprisoned and nobody thanked God for its existence.
So God, with his 3 squads of Marines, and his knowledge of the billions
recently teleported to planet Earth, had his plate quite full of a rather
challenging set of tasks. First, he had to feed the Marines.
"You know, the Martians are all criminals themselves. That's where they take
the super villains," one marine said, off-the-record.
"Those freaks would be like hell on Earth if they got out."
"What are these, fish sticks? I demand space crackers!"
The Will O' Wisps groaned. Now that planet Sprok was officially hell, their
property values were going to go way down. And with all the unwanted super
criminals flying around space, they'd probably be busy with God fighting for
peace and justice. But they just wanted some nice coffee!
Tune in next time on
Planet Sprok
with a television on your head tripping acid. We've been waiting thousands of
years for your return to sanity. Your roommate is pissed."
"Oh, God," God said, and took off his very warm hat. A crack formed beneath
his feet and spread nearly to the ends of the planet Sprok. Here, a god,
bridging the gap between computer generated worlds and the real one,
taking off his virtual reality suit without a second thought for his followers.
Truly divine.
In another divine moment, four billion human beings popped into existence
on the planet Earth at that exact moment. The event was imperceptible to
the Wisps, but God noticed. Oh yes, he did. Yes, God noticed. Yes, yes he did.
What does God do with all these humans? Tune in next time on
Planet Sprok
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