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How
To Talk To Someone About Privilege Who
Doesnt
Know What That Is
December 7, 2012 by Jamie Utt
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your family?
Are you kidding me?!? Screw him! Ive never had anything handed to me!
And so the story goes.
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How many times have you tried to discuss privilege with someone who is well-meaning but
who has no sense of their own privilege and gotten a similar result?
After a while, my friend brought up my blog post that pissed off him and his dad so much,
and we discussed it.
It didnt go well. He immediately got defensive, and the conversation ended in anger.
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As I reflected upon our talk, I took stock of some of the tools I have been given over the
years from my diversity work to make this conversation more accessible and less hostile.
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I decided to try again, so I reached out to my friend. The second conversation was tense at
times, as any conversation about privilege can be.
But this time it went really well, and I think it did because I worked hard to change the tone of
the conversation.
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trying to talk male privilege with your dad, white privilege with someone on the bus, or righthanded privilege with your golfing buddy, here are a few things to consider before jumping
into the conversation:
Does that mean that all privileges are equal? No. Im right handed and in turn, dont have to
drag my palm through the ink when I write. Thats a privilege I have by the nature of my birth.
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That is not to say, though, that my right-handed privilege bears the same weight or social
responsibility as the privilege that my skin color, gender, wealth, or sexual orientation afford
me.
Say
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will not address the real and powerful ways in which they do not have privilege. So they
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Just because we benefit from one form of privilege doesnt mean that we benefit from all
forms of privilege.
When
we realize that, we can work together with people who share our privileges and those
who
dont to build something better!
All that meant, though, is that the white folks got to be the lords over people of color while
the wealthy whites still had their boots on the necks of poor whites!
These privileges dont help us as white people nearly as much as they hurt us!
Similarly, male privilege may benefit men tremendously in certain ways. But in others, it
restricts us into a tiny box of masculinity. I dont know about you, but I am sick of trying to fit
into my gendered box, the Act Like a Man box.
I want my gender expression to be free and independent of those aspects of masculinity that
hurt men and women violence is acceptable for solving problems, boys dont cry, men are
the lords of their household, men must know everything even when they dont, etc.
The privileges are marginal when we look at the system of justice that can be built on the
other side of this struggle!
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asked for this, and one little person cant change a system thats been around for
hundreds of years!
In both cases, we need to remind the person in question that feeling guilty doesnt even need
to enter the equation.
Theyre
right they didnt do anything to earn those privileges. So feeling guilty about them
doesnt
make a lot of sense.
But a mentor of mine once said, If we inherit injustice, we should never feel guilty. We are
not responsible for that past. However, if we choose to do nothing about it going forward,
then we have plenty to feel guilty about.
Remind the person that they shouldnt feel guilty for their privilege but encourage them to act
to undermine the system by refusing to simply live in their unchecked privilege.
Which brings me to number 5
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