Story 1 Parades and horses

Renee had been married for a long, long time. Her favorite part of being married was the
weekend, when she was with her two horses. On the weekend, Renee was at the stables from
morning until dark. She fed, groomed, and rode her horses. She was an excellent rider. She
would ride the horses bareback on Saturday, and then she would saddle them up on Sunday.

Renee loved parades. She used to say, “A parade isn’t a parade without a horse.” Renee
loved parades almost as much as she loved her horses. She belonged to an email list of
volunteers for parades. She regularly checked out the state website list of parades to see if there
were any new parades that she didn’t know about. All the state parades were organized in her
computer. In the Parades file, she listed the date, drive time and distance, parade time, contact
people, and other details she felt were important.

She knew the parade director of every town within a four-hour drive. She never stayed
overnight. She always left the parade in time to get her horses back to the stables before
“bedtime.” She had to feed them before they turned in. Her horses seemed to like parades, too.
They knew a few tricks that always impressed the children.

Renee was very generous with her time and her horses. But owning horses wasn’t cheap.
You had to rent the stables, and there were always veterinarian and feed bills. Renee knew how
to cope with expenses, though. Her vet always gave her a 10-percent discount for paying cash.
She always bought the no-name, generic feed for the horses. Her vet had told her it was just as
healthful and tasty as the brand name stuff. She always bought economy gasoline. And on parade
days, Renee always packed her own lunch and ate with her horses.

Story 2 The Big wedding

 Ann and Bob were in love. They were going to get married next year. They had known
each other since they were in the third grade. They were both 20 years old. True love was
something that Ann and Bob knew everything about. There was hardly anything they disagreed
about. Even when they disagreed, they settled the disagreement in such a way that both were
totally happy. This was truly a match made in heaven.

They had already made plans for the wedding. It was going to be a big wedding. Every
relative from both families had already been notified about the date. All their friends knew about
the big day. The invitations were already printed. The priest, the church, the reception hall, and
the limousine service were ready to go.

Nothing was being left to chance. This was going to be the happiest day of their lives. Ann
had gone to several wedding web sites for ideas and help. Of course, she had also consulted her
mother, grandmothers, aunts, and married friends about how to plan the perfect wedding.

Each one of them tried to tell her that there was no such thing as a perfect wedding. There
was always at least one thing, or more usually one person, that made the wedding a seeming
disaster at the time. But of course, like the disaster that happens on your vacation, that incident or
person would be what makes the wedding more memorable.

“Oh, you should have been at my wedding,” said Aunt Mabel to Ann. “My brother James
was in charge of the rings that Kyle and I were going to exchange. On the wedding day, James
presented the ring to Kyle, who put it on my finger. An hour later at the reception, I took the ring
off to admire it and read the inscription. I gasped. The jeweler had spelled my name ‘Mable’ as
in table. My name, as you know, dear, is spelled Mabel as in label. So I went to the ladies’ room
and cried for almost half an hour. No one could console me.”

“So, the moral of the story, my dear,” chimed in Aunt Prudence, “is to make sure that Uncle
James isn’t in charge of getting your rings engraved. Not that you would have a problem. How
could anyone misspell your name—it only has three letters, and two of them are the same.”

“Aunt Prudence, you know that isn’t true,” said Ann. “Half the people I know spell my
name with an ‘e.’ But, Uncle James is not in charge of our rings, so I’m not worried.”
Story 3 Doo n,t be in hurry

Chelsea was a saleswoman. She worked for a medical equipment manufacturer to sell
medical equipment to hospitals. She drove all over Los Angeles County five days a week. She
was not the world’s most law-abiding driver. When all the freeway lanes were at a dead stop, she
would scoot along the emergency lane. She rarely met a stop sign at an empty intersection that
she obeyed. She always slowed down enough to make sure the intersection was clear, and then
zipped on through. She usually talked on her cell phone while driving. While driving and
yakking, she would often drink a soda or eat a sandwich. Her hands, legs, and mouth were
always busy while she was driving. She was born, she often bragged, to multitask.

Last night she had to show a customer how to operate a new device. The customer was a
slow learner, so Chelsea ended up leaving the hospital half an hour later than she had planned.
Then, of course, she got stuck in Friday evening rush hour. She was going to be late for her date,
but the nearby mountains blocked her cell phone from calling Sebastian and telling him.

She was already irritated, and things seemed to be getting worse. Then all the traffic
stopped. Chelsea drove immediately over to the emergency lane and continued driving along it.
She was making good progress. She couldn’t believe she was the only one in the emergency
lane. Usually several cars would follow her lead. Then she saw the red flashing lights in her
rearview mirror. The officer pulled her over and walked up alongside her car. He was young and
good-looking. Chelsea felt better.

“Do you know why I pulled you over, ma’am?”

“Yes, officer. I’m illegally in the emergency lane.”

“Is there a reason that you are in the emergency lane?”

“Officer, my boyfriend left me after he got me pregnant. I have constant morning sickness.
I’m just trying to get to the nearest store to buy my medicine.” She looked at him imploringly,
with big, sweet, innocent eyes.

He looked at her for a long moment, then handed her license back.

“Okay, ma’am. Take the first exit you come to. I hope you’ll be feeling better. I’m
Anthony, by the way.”

“Thank you so much, officer Anthony.”

The officer walked back to his car and Chelsea drove on. This was the second time that
excuse had worked for her. She had one more errand to do before she got home. She had to mail
a package. She got to the mini-mall at 7 p.m. No parking was available, except for the
handicapped space. Chelsea whipped right into it. She would only be a minute, she told herself.
All she had to do was run into the mailbox store, get the package weighed, and pay the clerk.

There was no line in the store. Everything was done so quickly that she was whistling while
she walked back out to her car. Then she stopped whistling. There was an envelope on the
windshield. She opened it slowly. She knew what it was, but not how much it was. She screamed
when she saw the amount. A dog started barking.

Story 4 A Signer helps students

Joan’s job is to use American Sign Language to enable instructors to communicate with
English-speaking deaf students. She went to school for three years to get her certificate.
According to Joan, learning ASL was not that difficult, but learning to be an excellent interpreter
could take a lifetime.

Three years after enrolling at Pierce College, Joan graduated as a Certified ASL Interpreter.
Plenty of job opportunities were waiting for her. She likes the college environment, so she
applied for a job at Newton Community College, a school with 28,000 students. There are 22
hearing-impaired students at NCC. Joan has worked with most of them.

They are very friendly with her. Often they invite her to have a cup of coffee after class.
They talk about school and about what they hope to do after graduation. Sometimes the women
talk about personal things, especially about how hard it is to find “Mr. Right.” Joan agrees with
them, saying she herself has given up on finding him. They also talk about their favorite movies,
books, and music. Even deaf people can “hear” music. Many are good dancers.

Joan is one of the four interpreters on campus. Two are full-time; Joan works part-time. She
accompanies a deaf student to class. The student sits in the front row. Joan usually sits near the
teacher, facing the student. She signs as the teacher talks. If the class is less than 90 minutes
long, there is only one interpreter per student. If the class is longer, there are two interpreters per
student. They alternate; one interpreter will sign for 20 minutes, and then the other will.

Joan will go back to school soon. She wants to become a Certified French Sign Language
Interpreter. She already speaks French fluently; her mom taught it to her. Her mom also taught
Joan that American men are hopeless. She frequently told Joan that only a French man knows
how to make a woman feel like a woman. Joan idolizes her mom, and takes her advice to heart. It
will take Joan about three more years to get certified.

What then? Then she will leave California, move to Paris, find a romantic French
boyfriend, and live happily ever after. That’s her plan.

Story 5 Looking for mr. right

Because Debra had just bought a new laptop computer, she decided that she must start
cutting back on some expenses if she could. Her long distance phone bill was one expense that
sprang to mind. She was paying almost $30 a month to Horizon, her local phone company. That
$30 covered her residence line and various taxes, surcharges, funds, fees, and services. It also
covered her local phone calls—those to locations within 12 miles.

But she was paying another $40-$80 a month talking to her best friend and to her boyfriend,
both of whom lived more than 12 miles away from her. But how could she not talk to her best
friend and to her boyfriend? Could she tell them she was having budget problems, so could they
please call her in the future? Could she just call them less often—a lot less often?

Fortunately for Debra, she found the solution a month later, when she tearfully discovered
that her boyfriend and her best friend were seeing each other behind Debra’s back. Debra saw
them kissing in his car outside of a restaurant that all three of them liked to visit occasionally.
Debra immediately called Horizon to cancel her long distance service. The female customer
service representative asked if she was sure she wanted to do this. Debra said, “Yes, I’m sure.
All men are jerks.” The representative agreed enthusiastically with her.

Debra was only on her new computer for a week before she discovered Computer Dating, a
service that promised: “Ladies, you will get to choose from hundreds of men in your own ZIP
code area. New selections every day. Only $29.95 a month!” As much as she hated her
boyfriend, Debra knew that not all men were alike. Maybe Mr. Right was waiting for her on her
computer screen. Maybe he was living only a block away. And she did happen to have $30
available.

Story 6 Enjoy the movie

There was a new movie at the theater called, “Why Don’t You Love Me As Much As I
Love You?” It starred the young and handsome Tad Biff and the young and beautiful Jenny
Lopez.

Barbara invited her sister Laura to the movie. Both of them were big fans of Tad, even
though both of them were over 40 and should have known better. They picked the 5 o’clock
show on a Tuesday evening, figuring that the crowds would be thin. For Barbara, thin crowds
meant fewer annoying people.

The lobby was almost empty. There was only one man at the food counter buying popcorn
for his young son. As they walked by, Barbara said, “What a cute little boy! What’s your name?”

“I’m Benton and I’m almost 5 ½ years old,” the boy said proudly.

Barb and Laura walked inside. They picked their favorite seats, right in the middle of the
whole theater. There was no one within 20 feet of them.

The theater darkened and the movie started. A few minutes later, some people sat directly
behind Barb and Laura. Barbara couldn’t believe it. The theater was 90 percent empty, but these
people had to sit right behind her. She hoped that they weren’t loud, obnoxious jerks.

A minute later, Barbara felt a bump on the back of her seat. Then, another bump. Then,
another. Someone was kicking the back of her seat. Barbara tried to ignore the kicking, but it
wouldn’t stop. Steam was now coming out of Barbara’s ears and nostrils. She turned around and
yelled, “Stop kicking my seat right now, you jerk!”
 It was Benton. He spilled his popcorn, wet his pants, and started bawling. His father yelled
at Barbara for yelling at Benton, and Barbara yelled back at the father for not controlling his son.
The father took his son out to the lobby to minister to him, and Barbara resumed watching her
movie. “You didn’t miss a thing,” said Laura.
Story 7 Bad news Good News

A routine check of the main building on the Rest in Peace Cemetery in Santa Fe turned up
thousands of cardboard boxes containing the remains of cremated people. An inspector from the
state’s Cemetery and Funeral Bureau found the boxes stacked neatly in various rooms of the
cemetery’s main building. Instead of having names of the departed, most boxes simply had dates
inscribed on them. The dates went all the way back to June 14, 1930.

The owner of the cemetery, Mrs. Marbles, said she had just bought the property a year ago.
She said she had never even been in many of the rooms of the main building. She said that she
had bought the cemetery solely for its land value.

“As we all know,” she said, “God keeps making people, but He’s not making any more
land. It’s only a matter of time before all this land is going to be needed for the living. When that
happens, this property will be worth at least ten times what I paid for it. I’m already in
discussions with several condo developers.”

The inspector said that it looked like most of the remains were from the 1930s to the 1970s.
He figured that the people were probably homeless people whose bodies were never claimed at
the funeral homes. The funeral homes cremated the bodies and then gave the remains to the
cemetery for proper burial. He said that even though these remains were up to 75 years old, they
would be buried with dignity and respect.

“After all,” he said, “all of these people had relatives at one time. They might even have
children and grandchildren living right here in Santa Fe.”
Story 8 Rest in peace
Story 9 Topless on TV

A woman’s activist group based in Fresno said it is probably not going to protest as it had
planned. The group, called Boobs not Bombs, occasionally rallies throughout the state to protest
such things as environmental destruction, equal rights for women, and an end to the war. To get
media attention, they usually remove their blouses and bras.

“We didn’t do that originally,” said Diane Boxer, “but we never got any media coverage
either. As soon as we took our tops off, we got nationwide coverage. All of a sudden we were on
the six and eleven o’clock news. Unfortunately, it just shows the shallowness of men, who run
all the media nationwide. We are concerned with issues, and they are concerned with tissue. But
nowadays, even the wrong media coverage is better than no coverage.”

About 20 members of the group had planned to protest the governor’s speech today. He is
trying to drum up support for his proposition requiring school teachers to pay for their students’
books. But when Gov. Arnold heard about the protest, he called the state’s attorney general. The
governor knew that no one would pay attention to his speech if there were topless women
nearby.

The attorney general told the group that their “display” would cause multiple auto crashes
and corrupt innocent wide-eyed children. He said that if they dared to go topless, they would be
hauled off to jail.

“We have held fifteen protests statewide and have yet to cause one accident or corrupt one
innocent child,” scoffed Boxer.

“These are wonderful ladies, but they do not understand. Some day they will understand,”
said Gov. Arnold. “Everything I do, I do for the people.”
Story 10 The Big one

According to geologists, a huge earthquake will probably hit California within the next 20
years. If it hits a populated area, the number of deaths will greatly exceed the 1,070 deaths
caused by Hurricane Katrina in Louisiana.

Three California quakes between 1987 and 1994 killed more than 100 people and caused
billions of dollars in damage. From 1994 to 2000, the state spent several billion dollars
reinforcing bridges, overpasses, and buildings. But budget problems have halted these repairs.
Today, more than 1,000 schools and hospitals—not to mention thousands of other government
and private structures—throughout the state do not meet earthquake standards. Many of these
buildings will collapse like a house of cards if they are in the immediate area of a quake.

As usual, the state is between a rock and a hard place. If schools use their budgets to
reinforce their buildings, they will have little money for teachers. Classes will be discontinued.
Everyone’s priority, of course, is to keep the schools open.

“All we’re doing is crossing our fingers,” said a state legislator. “But that’s exactly what
they did in Louisiana. They could have fixed the levee system for about $10 billion. But they
didn't; they just crossed their fingers. Now it’s now going to cost $100 billion to rebuild New
Orleans. Here in California, we’re saying that we can’t afford the $10 billion. But where are we
going to get the $100 billion to rebuild everything afterward? People never learn. They always
close the barn door after the horse escapes.”
Story 11 Register to vote

Because of alleged widespread voting fraud, Arizona has become the first state in the union
to require that voters show proof of US citizenship. To register—or reregister—to vote, Arizona
residents must now show a birth certificate or passport. registration is required whenever a
resident changes addresses. This requirement will cause problems for citizens who have lost their
birth certificate or who don’t have a passport.

“These problems will be settled in time,” said Barney Fife, an election official. “Our
priority is to prevent noncitizens from voting. Over 3,000 immigrants voted—illegally—in the
last governor’s election. Voting is a vital right that belongs to citizens exclusively, not to every
Tom, Dick, and Harry that has just immigrated to this country.”

Critics of the new law say that it will disenfranchise thousands of legitimate voters. Mrs.
Thelma May agrees. She just moved to Tucson from Phoenix. She has to reregister now in order
to vote, but has no birth certificate or passport.

“I've been voting all my life,” she says. “I voted for JFK in ’60. But I'm on my third
marriage—I do hope it’s my last—which means that my last name has changed three times. The
Biloxi hospital I was born in was destroyed by hurricane Camille in 1969. All its records—
including my birth certificate—ended up in the Gulf. My only copy of my birth certificate was
lost when my drunken first husband fell asleep on the sofa smoking a cigarette. The entire house
burnt down. I’ve lived in Arizona for the past 25 years. I’ve never even set foot outside America,
and now I've got to prove that I'm a citizen of the United States? Damn bureaucrats!”
Story1 2 Unhappy Birthday

A drunk driver speeding along in his SUV on the 60 freeway last night killed three of four
people in a sedan. The sedan had slowed to a crawl because of construction work on the 60. Four
lanes were merged into two. The Department of Transportation crew was making repairs to a
three-mile stretch of highway. Hundreds of bright orange traffic cones guided the merger. Four
heavy duty trucks were parked in the emergency lanes. Their brightly glowing signs said, “Slow.
Be prepared to stop. Construction ahead.” Vehicle traffic had slowed to about 3 mph.

Missing all of these warnings, the drunk driver, going at least 50 mph, plowed into the
sedan. The sedan driver, a computer programmer, was a recent immigrant to America. In the
passenger seat was his wife, and in the back seat were his 6-year-old daughter and his 8-year-old
son. It was 9 p.m. The family had been at a restaurant to celebrate the little girl’s birthday. They
never knew what hit them.

The impact of the collision caused the sedan to explode in flames. Somehow, the sedan
driver managed to crawl out of the car seconds after the explosion. Third degree burns covered
much of his body. His chances for survival are slim. His life, as he knew it, is over. His loved
ones were burned beyond recognition. The car was a skeleton of metal.

The 28-year-old drunk was not only unhurt, but was able to escape from his smoldering
SUV and run away, leaving two whisky bottles behind. The police tracked him down this
morning. He claimed that his brakes had failed. It was revealed that he had four prior convictions
for driving under the influence in the past 10 years.
Story1 3 Coming to the rescue

A 20-year-old man, driving under the influence and at excessive speed early yesterday
evening along New York Drive, died after clipping another car. Buddy Allen was dead at the
scene of the accident. Apparently, he was not strapped into his seat belt at the time he collided
with a car in front of him.

Allen was doing about 60 mph on the 35 mph street when his SUV overtook and hit a car
driven by Steve Frohman. Frohman, a scratch golfer, had just finished an unpleasant round of
golf. He said he was doing the speed limit when he happened to look in his rear view mirror and
saw a car coming up on him fast.

Certain that he was about to get rear-ended, Frohman managed to get halfway into the
adjoining lane. The speeding car hit Frohman’s new sedan, then hit a curb, and became airborne.
Allen flew out of the car, landing on grass near the base of a light pole. Frohman, braking to a
stop, saw Allen land on the grass. But the unthinkable happened. Upside down but also flying
through the air, the SUV struck the light pole and dropped straight down, landing squarely on
Allen.

Frohman ran over to the SUV. Seeing both of Allen’s feet under the SUV, Frohman tried to
rock it back and forth so that it would roll off Allen. Not succeeding, he dialed 911 on his cell
phone. Police and paramedics arrived within a few minutes. Frohman was still trying to roll the
SUV off the victim when they arrived. The police told him to move back. Four of them rolled the
SUV off the dead body. The paramedics did not even check the airway; they knew a dead person
when they saw one.

One of the police officers congratulated Frohman on his attempt to save Allen.

“I wasn’t trying to save him,” said Frohman. “I was planning to knock his teeth out for
damaging my car.”
Story 14 Because god says so

The Dover Area School District in Pennsylvania is being sued by a group of parents after it
added “intelligent design” to the curriculum presented to high school biology students.
Intelligent design, the parents argue, is false science. It is simply a clever phrase for creationism.
Creationism is based on the Book of Genesis in the Bible. It is the belief that, in six days, God
created the universe and all its creatures, including Adam and Eve, the first humans.

School district officials believe that evolution is merely a theory, and a flawed one at that.
They argue that, if students taking biology must learn about evolution, these students must also
learn about intelligent design.

“There are two sides to every story,” said Daryl Scopes, a district official. “Darwin’s theory
of evolution is just that—a theory. Not one scientist has ever proved that it is valid. The whole
idea is absurd. Darwin wants us to believe that all Earth’s animals, from ants to elephants, have
one common ancestor—the sponge! How ridiculous is that? We decided that our students must
be aware of the true facts, as described in Genesis. God created the first man—Adam—in His
own image. From one of Adam’s ribs, God then created Eve. God put Adam and Eve in charge
of the Earth and all its creatures. Adam and Eve were perfect humans. But then they listened to
the evil serpent and ate the forbidden fruit, and life for them—and us, their children—has been
far from perfect ever since. That’s a beautiful story and, more important, a completely true
story.”
Story 15 Learning English

According to the 2000 US Census, 39 percent of people who live in California do not speak
English at home. In Las Casas, a city in southern California, 79 percent of residents speak little
or no English at home or at work. To combat this problem, Las Casas is instituting a program
called Love My English. Program funding will come from government grants and corporate
donations.

The program has two goals. One is to improve residents’ English so that they can get better
jobs. The other is to provide more qualified workers for corporations throughout the county.

“We are desperate for good workers who speak English,” said Sydney Rove of Containers,
Ltd. “We have nationwide truck routes for good drivers, and we need salespeople in almost
every state.”

“We want everyone in Las Casas to speak English,” said Ivan Libby, administrator of the
school district. “They don’t have to speak fluent English, of course, just survival English—how
to give and get directions, order food, visit the doctor, read labels on food and medicines—the
basic stuff. Once they're able to read and write more English, they’ll be able to get better work
and they’ll be more confident. We hope this confidence will inspire some of them to go on to get
their high school diploma and perhaps even get a degree from a community college or a
university.”

Currently, most Las Casas residents qualify for only low-paying jobs. In fact, the pay is
often so low that residents need to work two jobs to make ends meet. This program will help
them get better-paying jobs not only in California but also nationwide. The district will mount a
huge advertising campaign to alert residents to the free program. Love My English will be
offered at various sites and times to reach as many residents as possible.
Story 16 Drinking is fun

Charles, a 29-year-old painter, tried to beat an 83-car freight train across the railroad tracks
yesterday and lost. Fortunately for Charles and his two friends, the train hit the bed of his pickup
truck. The force of the impact separated the rear of the truck from the front. The rear end of the
pickup flew about 200 feet west of the front end. The train was traveling at 50 miles an hour
through an industrial district. It was fully loaded with appliances and new vehicles from the east
coast. There were no mechanical arms or flashing lights at the railroad crossing -- only a stop
sign on either side of the two-lane road.

The accident occurred at 4:30 p.m. on a sunny afternoon. Charles and his two co-workers
had stopped at a neighborhood liquor store at about 3:45. There they had bought a case of bottled
beer that was on sale for $9.95. By the time they got to the railroad crossing, they were all
feeling good. They saw the train coming and they heard the horn blowing.

"I was going to stop," said Charles. "But Tommy told me that the train wasn't even close.
He said that if he was driving, he could drive over the tracks, make a U-turn, drive over the
tracks again, and then drink a whole beer before the train arrived.”

When the police arrived, all three friends were sitting on the ground under a shade tree
about 50 feet from the front end of the truck. None of them were even scratched. The train and
crew suffered no damage or injuries. The engineer just shook his head.

“They think it's exciting, but it's just stupid,” the engineer said. “These guys might be in jail
for a little while. But I guarantee you within a year they’ll be out drinking and driving and racing
trains again.”

The police charged Charles with driving under the influence, running a stop sign, causing
an accident, reckless endangerment, and littering—broken beer bottles were all over the place.
They charged his two friends with drinking in a moving vehicle and littering.

A city official said there are no plans to install flashing lights and mechanical arms at this
crossing, partly because not enough accidents occur there and partly because the city does not
have sufficient funds to pay for such safety equipment
Story 17 A Mad adder

A zoo employee was bitten by an African puff adder, a large poisonous snake. He was
trying to put the snake into a bag so that it could be moved to a new snake house. The snake
handler was wearing heavy gloves and thick boots, but the adder sank its fangs into the man's
neck. The handler squeezed the snake’s neck tightly, forcing it to withdraw its fangs. He then put
the snake into the bag and tied the bag.

He called the zoo administration to report that he had been bitten. When an ambulance
arrived at the new snake house, neither snake nor man was there. The paramedics started walking
back toward the old snake house. A few moments later, they found the man lying unconscious on
the trail. Curiously, the bag with the snake in it was covering the man's head and part of his
chest.

The paramedics handed the bag to another zoo employee, who delivered the snake to its
new home. They then delivered the handler to the city hospital. A hospital spokesman said that
the man was in good condition. He said that viper bites can cause a lot of tissue damage in the
immediate area of the bite if not treated properly and quickly, but it looked like this victim would
recover completely.

The zoo director said that this particular adder had a nasty reputation. This was the third
time in six years that it had managed to bite someone. Fortunately, the previous two victims also
recovered fully. In the future, he smiled, they might call the bomb disposal unit to handle the
snake.
Story 18 Put up with it

The pounding was driving Edward crazy. A new neighbor had just moved into the
apartment below him. The newcomer was deaf, or seemed to be, because he played his stereo
loud enough for the whole building to hear.

On the first day that he heard the stereo blasting away, Edward marched downstairs and
politely told the newcomer that his stereo was too loud. He asked the new tenant to turn the
volume down and keep it down as long as he lived in the building. The tenant appeared surprised
and embarrassed, and said, “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize it was that loud.”

So, Edward returned upstairs, feeling good, because he had taken a stand and politely let the
newcomer know that loud music was not going to be tolerated. The next day all was quiet, and
Edward continued to be pleased with himself. The following day, Edward thought it must be
Fourth of July, because a marching band was playing on his street. Of course, it wasn’t Fourth of
July, and it wasn’t a marching band. It was the new neighbor who was playing his music loud
again.

Edward was not one to repeat himself, feeling that each time you repeated yourself, you
diminished the value of your words. So, he did what he always did with offensive neighbors—
grin and bear it. Eventually, they would move away. What else are you going to do?

In Los Angeles a year ago, a woman had complained to her upstairs neighbor that he was
playing his drums too loud and too often. The drummer repeatedly ignored her. He told her to
stop whining. One day the woman walked upstairs and shot the drummer in the head and his
girlfriend in the chest. The woman was sentenced to prison for 20 years.

The dead drummer won’t bother anyone anymore with his drums, but the woman might be
wishing now that she had learned to grin and bear it. Being sentenced to prison for 20 years is
probably much worse than having to listen to drums blasting overhead. At least, if she were still
living in her apartment, she could always move. When you’re in prison, you don’t have that
option.
Story 19 What’s in the box

Perry’s 32nd birthday was today. His wife, Amanda, had promised him something special.
Perry couldn’t imagine what it might be. He already had everything he needed or wanted.
Whatever she was going to give him, it was definitely going to be a surprise. She had not asked
him whether he wanted anything, and he had not dropped any hints suggesting that he was
hoping for something. In fact, his plan was simply to watch TV and ignore the event. There was
certainly nothing interesting or exciting about turning 32.

When he got home from work, he changed into his shorts and a T-shirt and took their dog
Pretty Boy for a walk. When he returned, Amanda had also gotten home from work. She gave
him a kiss and told him happy birthday. He thanked her and asked what the surprise was. She
told him that it was on the pillow in the bedroom. He went into the bedroom and found a brightly
wrapped package with a big blue bow on it. He brought it out to the living room.

“Why don’t you try to guess what it is?” Amanda suggested.

“Okay,” Perry replied. “It’s not a motorcycle or a houseboat. It’s not my Christmas bonus.
It’s not another pet; I don’t see any air holes in the wrapping and I don’t hear any sounds.”

“Well, maybe it’s a turtle,” Amanda smiled.

“Yes, that would explain the silence, but turtles still need to breathe,” Perry remarked. “It’s
not a book or a video or a CD, is it?”

“No, you’re not even close. Remember, it’s something special.”

“Well, you’ve got me,” Perry said, puzzled. Something special in a box that was only about
one cubic foot. He told Amanda that he gave up. She told him to unwrap the box. After opening
it, all he found was a little rubber doll.

“What’s this?” he asked.

“It’s a boy, silly! I’m pregnant,” Amanda beamed. “And his name is going to be Perry, Jr.”

Story 2 Independence day parade

It was, as usual, a hot and sunny July 4--Independence Day. Eight-year-old Jeffrey was
excited about the annual parade. He wanted to see everything, and he wanted to see it now. But
the parade wouldn’t start until 10 o’clock. His mom Julia tried to keep Jeffrey in check. She
made him clean his room and take the dog for a walk. When he finished these chores, she walked
with him to the parade route, which extended about two miles along Main Street.

The parade, as usual, was wonderful. It started with the high school band and a marching
drum band. Then followed about a dozen government dignitaries in convertibles, smiling and
waving at the people they were usually lying to. After that, there were clowns, jugglers, exotic
cars, racing cars, and classic cars. Interwoven among the cars were Boy Scouts, Girl Scouts,
students representing various elementary schools, the local mountain rescue squad, and local
realtors throwing out free candy with their business cards attached.

Three bands played music from their rolling truck beds. The parade contained more than
500 participants and lasted two hours. Flags, balloons, and trash receptacles were everywhere.
The sidewalks were full of spectators. Leashed to their owners, about 200 dogs also attended the
parade, most of them sniffing, barking at, and playing with each other.

The final part of the parade was the fire trucks, blowing their horns and spraying all the kids
who ran out into the street yelling and laughing. Jeffrey ran out with about 20 other kids and got
totally wet. His shirt clung to his body. Water was squishing out of his shoes when he finally
came back to the sidewalk. A huge smile was on his face.

“That was great, mom!” he exclaimed. “Did you see that? When I grow up, I’m going to be
a fireman.”
Story 2 Millions of dollars

A 58-year-old grandmother in Massachusetts won one of the biggest prizes in U.S. history
—$294 million. If she had taken the 26-year payout, Doris Stevens would have received $11
million a year for 26 years, before taxes.

Mrs. Stevens decided to take the lump sum payment. People who take the lump sum get
paid within 60 days, but their total payment is reduced by almost 40 percent. Mrs. Stevens’s
lump sum was $168 million, but after the federal tax was applied, she received $110 million.
That’s the amount that Mrs. Stevens got to put in her purse.

Recently divorced, Stevens says that her ex-husband has already called her to ask about a
“loan.” She laughed. “I wouldn’t lend him a quarter to call the police if he was getting robbed.
Let him borrow money from his new young girlfriend who makes him so happy.”

What is she going to do with her windfall? “Well, the first thing I'm going to do is to help
out my children and grandchildren, of course. Next, I hope to revolutionize the housecleaning
industry.”

A housecleaner for her entire life, Mrs. Stevens says she’s going to establish a National
Housecleaner Helper Corporation. Her corporation would focus on giving seed money to various
individuals and research firms to develop more efficient and more powerful housecleaning
solvents and tools.

“When was the last time you saw something new in housecleaning?” Mrs. Stevens asked.
“They keep claiming they’ve invented new products that remove any and all blemishes, but they
still haven’t invented a product that removes an ordinary ballpoint ink stain from your ordinary
white shirt. This industry needs some new products. I hope to revolutionize the cleaning world,
so that my ‘sisters’ will have an easier time of it in the future. We’ve all spent too much time on
our hands and knees. If men had to do housecleaning, you know that they’d be inventing more
powerful products every week.”
Story 2 A Good buy

Christopher loved to shop at thrift stores. Almost a month ago, he bought a popular word
game that uses little chips of wood with different letters on them. As he was purchasing it, the
clerk said, “Oh, look, the game box hasn’t even been opened yet! That might be worth some
money.”

Christopher examined the box and, sure enough, it was completely enveloped in factory-
sealed plastic. When he looked at the box cover, he saw that beneath the name of the game and
the description was a copyright date of 1973.

“You should put that up for auction on the Internet, and see what happens,” the clerk said.

“Yes, you’re right,” Christopher agreed. “I think I’ll give that a try. The rarity of something
is part of what increases its value, and I can’t imagine there being very many unopened boxes of
this game still around 30 years later. Maybe it’s worth millions!”

“Well, if it is, don’t forget who told you about the wrapper,” the clerk smiled.

“No problem. You’re getting a percentage of anything over $10,” Christopher said. The
game itself was priced at only $1.99, and the clerk gave Christopher the usual 10 percent senior
discount.

“You’ve got yourself a deal, partner,” she replied, laughing.

At home, Christopher went online to several auction sites looking for his specific product.
He couldn’t find it anywhere on the auction sites. Then he typed in the name of the word game
and hit Search. The response was 5,543 sites containing that name. Christopher examined the
first 10 sites and found a site that listed people looking for various versions of the game. Over
the years, the game had been produced using different chip sizes, colors, materials, and even
fonts. In addition, different game boards were produced over the years, themselves consisting of
different colors and fonts. The game board had never changed in size or material. Most of the
game seekers seemed content with used games. Only a few even mentioned “fresh” unopened
games. Those who wanted unopened games all promised top dollar. Christopher emailed all of
them, telling them what he had.

Two weeks later, Christopher went back to the thrift shop. He said to the clerk, “How are
you doing, partner?”
 She looked at him for a second, then recognized him and said, “Oh, hi, partner!”

“I’ve got something for you,” he beamed. “I’m sorry it didn’t turn out to be millions.
Maybe if I waited another 20 years, but by then the plastic wrapper might have rotted off. Here’s
your share.” He handed her three $100 bills.

“Wow!” she exclaimed. “Thank you! You’re such a nice partner. How much did you get for
it?”

“One thousand. I hope that you’re okay with 30 percent.”

“Okay?! I’m thrilled! I never expected to see a dime. We’ll have to do more business
together.”

“You got it, partner!” Christopher smiled.

Story 2 Blind And kind

Philip is 55 and blind. He has been blind since birth. He says he does not feel like he is
missing anything, because he cannot imagine what sight is like. He can smell a rose, but he
cannot tell if it is red, white, or blue. It does not matter to him; he enjoys the beauty of the scent
itself.

People sometimes take pity on him, but he tells them he is a contented man; he does not
feel cheated by Mother Nature. The doctors never figured out why he was born blind.

But his life is not a bed of roses. It is difficult for him to travel. He cannot drive, of course;
he travels by bus. At home, he cannot just look out of the window to see what the weather is like,
and then dress appropriately. He can’t look at the clock on the wall to see what time it is. He uses
his Braille watch or a special radio for that.

He must always put everything in the same spot in his apartment. If he doesn’t, “I’ll spend
forever looking for it,” he laughs.

Philip can look for and look at, but he cannot see. He says strangers often correct
themselves when talking to him. They’ll say, “I see,” meaning “I understand.” But then they
think they’ve been rude, so they’ll correct themselves and say, “I mean, I understand.”

Philip has never seen a good movie or a bad TV show. He has no idea what a sunset or a
full moon looks like. He is a musician. He plays the saxophone, but not in a band. Four times a
week, he travels to Old Town in Pasadena on the bus in the afternoon. He gets off at the bus stop
and then finds his way across the street to The Cap, a hat store. On the sidewalk in front of The
Cap is his “spot.”

He unfolds an aluminum chair and assembles his sax after taking it out of the case. He sits
down and starts warming up. He puts a hat, upside down with change in it, on top of the case.
“The change keeps the hat from blowing away,” he says. “It also lets people know where to put
their donations. I usually spend about four hours here. I’ll earn from $10 to $30. One evening I
made almost $100. Another evening, someone stole everything. I guess he needed it more than I
did.”

Story 2 Love hurts

 The old house was sold. A new house was yet to be purchased, so Randy was going to rent
for a while. He was moving from Virginia to California. The move would put some memories
behind him. He was looking forward to a fresh start.

Randy and Nora got married six years ago. It was the first marriage for both of them. Eight
months after the marriage, Nora found out she was pregnant. That was good. When she started
getting stomachaches, they figured it was the new baby. But then she miscarried.

The stomachaches, however, continued. In fact, they got worse. It wasn’t a simple
stomachache. It was liver cancer. Then it was stomach cancer, lymph gland cancer, breast
cancer, and brain cancer. It never stopped spreading. There was little hope, but Nora battled the
daily pain with smiles and few complaints.

After five years of doctors, hospitals, chemotherapy, and surgery, Nora lost the battle. More
than one million dollars was spent on medical bills, more than ten thousand prayers were said by
family and friends—all to no avail. The only time that Randy asked the doctor for his honest
opinion, the doctor said, “She might have six months.” Nora died seven days later. Just before
she died, she silently squeezed Randy’s hand.

The mover took six hours longer to load the moving van than he had estimated originally.
Randy wondered how much extra this was going to cost him. After the mover and his crew had
departed for California, Randy noticed a 3-foot scar in his new hardwood floor. It looked like the
crew had dragged his heavy metal bed frame. Randy hoped the new homeowner wouldn’t
complain about it too much. He wondered how many damaged goods were in the moving van
right now.

The phone rang. It was the California-bound car transporter. He told Randy that his truck
was at the corner of Fifth and Main, and he would wait for Randy there. Randy walked out to his
car. In five minutes, he was at Fifth and Main. He gave the transporter the ignition key and
watched him drive his car up the ramp onto the truck. There were five other cars already on the
truck. The transporter said, “I’ll call you in nine days,” and drove off. Randy hailed a cab.

Eleven days later, Randy got the call. The transporter said he would be in Milroy, Randy’s
new town, in three hours. Five hours later, the transporter arrived. Randy watched as the
transporter backed his car down the ramp. The car was filthy. The transporter explained that bad
weather had slowed him down—tornadoes, rain, and dust storms. “No locusts?” Randy
wondered to himself.
 Randy drove his car to the carwash. While sitting in a chair waiting for the car to be
finished, he saw a young pretty woman introduce herself to an aging TV reporter. She proceeded
to laugh at his every word, touching him occasionally on the hand and knee. Randy wondered if
a woman would ever come on to him like that. Then he thought about Nora squeezing his hand.

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