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E n g i n ee r i n g T h e

ALPHA
The Banned Chapter

By John Romaniello and Adam Bornstein

Roman Descending

How I Spent Eight Months


with No Sex Drive, Ruined My
Relationship, and the Untold
Fall of Roman

NOTE: If you want to read this essay in context, it would have


appeared as an interstitial passage between chapters 5 and 6.
We recommend you read it when you get to that point in the book.
The story will make the most sense, and the information in
Chapter 6 will be more impactful.
I dont know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.
Woody Allen

ve made it a point to read a lot of books in my life. These books have

covered everything from the Legend of Zelda (yeah, Zelda), to economic theory,
psychology, philosophy, history, and more pop culture than you can shake a stick
at. One of my favorite types of books are those that focus on success, and what
fuels man to become better and push farther than what mere mortals are capable of
achieving.
Ive read these books, taken their advice, and been able to distill both good and bad as a
result. But from my own experiences, theres one element in these success books that

Roman Descending

is always overlooked. And this isnt just a slight oversight; its a massive and glaring
omission.
Which is why this chapterwhile deeply personal and potentially viewed as graphic
contentwas so important to write.
This is a story about how my sex drive and my life were intimately intertwined. One
thing thats important to note as we talk about sex drive is that all drive actually comes
from the same place. What I mean is the same physiological reaction thats responsible
for sex drive, is also responsible for ambition, success in business, competition and
motivation. When that part of your brain shuts downor is not functioning as well
as it can or shouldits much easier to understand how sex and success are closely
connected.
And that connection is exactly where we need to start. For this story to make sense
and be applied to your own lifeyou need to realize that this isnt as much a personal
anecdote as it is a warning and maybe the answer to so many of your frustrations.
Where Men Derive Power
I have always been an exceptionally sexual being. I cant pinpoint the exact moment
when it started, but the evolution definitely began as I started to change my body
and transform physically. Starting from the time I was in high school, I became an
extremely sexual man. This could be said for many high school guys, but sex was
legitimately a big pat of my personality and my life. It wasnt just the seeking of sex; it
was an endless fascination with its nature and powerwith intimacy, with male-female
interaction.
But thats just my background to understand context. This story didnt occur in high
school. My tale starts when I was about 24 years old. And by this time, it was very
clear that I had developed two very distinct gears in my approach to the opposite sex:
extreme, devout monogamyor extreme promiscuity. There was no in between. Either
I was in a completed committed relationship and having a lot of sex with one woman,
or I was single and having a lot of sex with a lot of women. Either way, I was having
sextheres no need to quantify how much, just think a lot.

Roman Descending

As a result of these two full-throttle gears, I, like most young men, defined myself by
my aspects of sexualitymy virility, desirability, and performance all factored into my
assessment of who I was as a man. Before you judge me too harshly, I blame evolution
for this. In that regard, I was an avatar of most men. Regardless of your level of sexual
activity, feeling actualized as a sexual being is a factor in self-esteem; this is just one
of the idiosyncrasies of being human. While it certainly applies to women, for men, the
relationship between self-esteem and sexuality is especially strong. This is just one of
the (many) complications that comes of being born with a penis. Put another way, from
the perspective of evolutionary psychology, your manhood and your, um, manhood are
indelibly tied together.
Its a deep psychological connection that we all experience. If you dont believe it,
consider for one moment how many men think they are bad in bed? Im going to guess
close to zero. Thats because men need to derive confidence in the bedroom, so that
they can carry over that confidence outside the bedroom and into life. Confidence
breeds confidence. Success breeds success.
And these catalyststhe stronger the physiological response they createthe bigger
the impact. Evolution and psychology notwithstanding, speaking purely personally,
my sexual identity was part of my overall identity. And thats exactly why sex is so
important to you, and was so essential to me.
So. Thats context.
Lets get into the story.

Once Upon a Time

was 24 years old and had spent the majority of my adolescent and young

adult life as a very sexual being. By that point, Id had a few serious relationships
of 1-2 years, several casual relationships of weeks or months, and a slew of casual
lovers that, when I was single, I referred to as being in the rotation. (Note: for
women reading this, I mean no disrespectas it happens, 90% of my sexual partners
were friends or acquaintances with whom I had an arrangement. You know how these
things go.)
Anyway, Im not saying this so that youre forced to think about me naked (which, now that
I said that, you probably arethe mind is weird, huh?) or to brag about all the notches on
my belt. Im just trying to really drive home the point that sex was a big part of my life.
Where was I? Ah, yes. I was 24, and I had started dating an amazing girl named
Aleksanda. A Polish beauty with piercing green eyes, she had a ridiculous body, an
adorable pixie nose, and a smattering of freckles that I truly adored. For reasons
pertaining to her privacy, I wont share her last name, but it was just as Polish as her first
name; and if she sounds a bit like a female villain in a Bond movie, it would be fitting
because she looked like one too.
She was a true beauty, but she was also a great catch in other regards. She was
exceptionally intelligent and extremely savvy as an entrepreneur; by 24 she owned a
percentage of three businesses, and was building an empire off a single $20,000 loan
shed gotten from her parents three years prior. Aleks was a great girl, and when we
met we had a whirlwind romance. We spent all of our time together, and she essentially
moved into my apartment. My family loved her, and while my friends werent pleased
that they werent seeing a lot of me, they liked her. We started traveling and saw much of
the world together.

Once Upon a Time

The relationship was great in every way. Our sex life was incredible; it was just the right
amount of tenderness mixed with enough crazy shit that, well, I know I cant print and
be published. To that point, it was the best sex Id had in my life (impressive, all things
considered).
Within six months we moved in together. We got to go shopping and pick out new
furniture; we had more fun decorating that apartment over 5 weeks than I think most
couples do in a year. Neither of us had a lot of experience cooking, so we bought
cookbooks and tried to learn together. Some of our cooking turned out fantastic, and
we preened with pride as we considered throwing dinner parties; some of it turned out
horrific, be we laughed and kissed and relaxed as we ordered some healthy take out.
Things couldnt have been better. Until they got worse.
Much worse.
The trouble started about four months after we moved in. Slowly but surely, Aleks and I
started having sex less and less often. What was amazing was that it didnt seem strange
to me, at least not at the time.
When we first moved in we consistently had sex twice per day. And then it was once a
day. That became three times per week, then once a week...and eventually just once per
month. The regression was as puzzling as it was dramatic.
When You Lose ItYou Lose It
Now I realize what some of you might be thinking: Bro, welcome to relationships.
My response: fuck that. Ive been in relationships and had consistent sex. More
importantly, if youre in a relationshipany relationshipand you dont desire sex, you
have a serious problem. Thats not an opinion; its a physiological fact. And the sooner
men wake up to that reality, the sooner your lives will start to take the shape you want.
Well touch on that in a bit, but I want to give you some more background on this.
At some point, Aleks finally approached me and asked why we werent having sex. And

Once Upon a Time

while this might sound crazy, I didnt even realize what had happened. I think the greatest
shock of my life was when I realized that it was my fault we werent having sex. I didnt
want to have sex; I was no longer interested in sex.
My first response to the conversation was overcompensationlike a stubborn client
training with an injury, I knew it was a problem but instead of trying to address it, I
ignored it by pushing through. In other words, I tried to force myself to have sex even
when I didnt want to. In the beginning, this worked, in the technical sense of the word:
sex happened. When I did do it, I sometimes felt like I was initiating out of guilt, or
acquiescing out of obligation. Unfortunately, I didnt really enjoy it, and I began to have a
hard time achieving orgasm.
After a few months, my efforts dwindled; Aleks picked up the slack and tried to initiate
more. I would try to make it happen, but then I started making excuses and trying to
change the subject. Eventually, she stopped trying as often, and then stopped trying
altogether. We settled into a rhythm of watching our favorite shows on TiVo, cooking
dinner, and snuggling into bed without even considering the possibility of sex.
At first, I was bothered by the voidthe hole left by not wanting sex, and all the extra
time on my hands from not having it. For a time, I wanted to want sex. Eventually, it
stopped bothering me. Then, in moments of reflection, in the early hours of the night
when I was pretending to be asleep in an effort to avoid another conversation about it, I
was bothered about not being bothered about it. And then that stopped too.
You can probably surmise that it had nothing to do with Aleks; its not that I was bored of
having sex with her or found her unattractive. I just literally had no sex drive. And once
I digested that reality, it catapulted me into a strong cycle of depression. Remember, my
identityall mens identitiesare in some way connected to their sex drive. And because
my identify was so closely tied to it, once it was no longer present I began dwelling on it.
It caused stress, it caused frustration, and it crushed me.
But this story isnt about my strugglesits about how my problems represent a growing
number of men who are troubled by the same issues. Men are less interested in sex.
Its a hormonal issue, but its also a social one. In the interviews we conducted for this
book, we found more than 300 men suffering from the same issues; low sex drive, lack

Once Upon a Time

of interest in sex, and a variety of other lifestyle problems that we simple shrug off as
normal when theyre not. Just as bad, we talked with hundreds of women, the majority
of whom shared the same revelation: their men had lost their mojo.
The stereotypical portrayal of the viral, testosterone-charged man still exists, but its
reality seems to have a much shorter shelf life. Its a serious problem thats connected to a
host of other health problemsfrom fat loss and muscle gain to cardiovascular diseases.
As weve discussed, this is the main reason weve written this book. But part of sharing
the message is creating awareness and education that whatever you think is normal with a
dwindling sex drive is not; plain and simpleits a health issue. And something you need
to act upon immediately.
Aleks did everything she could to try and fix the problem. She would come into the
bedroom at night in ridiculous lingerie. Id tell her she looked great. That she was
absolutely stunning. And then, after a moment of silence, Id pick up the TiVo remote and
ask, Soooo you want to watch Lost or Dexter?
We went from being lovers to roommates. There was still affection and love, but a lack of
sex led to a lack of intimacy. And naturally, that forced us to grow apart.

The Warning
I tell you this story for many reasons. The first is not only comprehending the role and value
of sex in your life, but also that once sex is in a relationshipits removal will kill it.
During the last 8 months of our relationship we might have had sex 8 timesand one of
those instances was on Valentines Day and another on my birthday. Awesome. Were 25
years old and Im on the sex schedule of a 60-year old married couplesex on birthdays
and holidays.
It was very difficult. She would touch me, and I would react terribly. Imagine trying to be fed
your favorite meal when you have a stomach virus. Thats exactly what happened to me.
As a result, we grew apart. We stopped spending as much time together. Eventually, it

Once Upon a Time

10

became hard for us to even speak because the pink elephant in the room was all we could
think about. But I cared about her so much, and I felt guilt and shame. Im a man. Im
supposed to want sex and make it happen. And I couldnt. Add to that the reality that I felt
that she was experiencing guilt and shame, so I felt added guilt for her emotional struggles.
But the problems werent reserved for my relationship. These problems crushed me as
a man, and infiltrated every aspect of my life. Looking back, I didnt even realize all
the different ways it corrupted who I was, how I interacted with others, and what I was
capable of achieving.

Hitting BottomAnd Climbing Back Up


Needing to spend some time away from each other, we picked up hobbies. Aleks joined
a ballroom dancing class with her best friend. At the same time, I began playing more
poker. It started as 5 hours and quickly progressed to 10 and even 20 hours per week.
Next thing you know, we both had second jobs. She was out dancing and I was playing
poker.
Then, one night in April, jus, I came home around 2:30am. Id had a shitty round at
the poker table, and if I recall took a loss of about 3K; certainly not my worst loss, but
not a good night, either. I entered the apartment slowly and quietly, hoping not to wake
her. I didnt turn any lights on, undressed in the dark. It wasnt until I actually climbed
into bed and reach out for my cuddle buddy that I figured out she wasnt there. I knew
she had been out dancing, but she hadnt stayed out this late before. I realized that Id
never gotten home before hereshe was the one who had to come home to an empty
apartment, whereas Id always has someone waiting for me. I realized shed been getting
the short end of the stick, and that added even more guilt.
I stayed in bed and just let my mind wander, and for a moment or two I might have
almost drifted to sleep, but not quite. I wasnt exactly waiting up, but rather trying to
process my feelings certainly made sleep impossible. She eventually came back at 3:30;
she had still been out dancingor at least thats what she told me. I had no reason not to
believe, but for the first time, I began to think, actually, I have every reason not to believe
her. She has every reason to believe I wasnt really out playing poker, either.

Once Upon a Time

11

We made small talk and a few jokes; she showed me one of her dance moves and
I described a bad beat at the poker table. Our laughs faded, and it was time for the
inevitable. SoI think we need to talk.
After nearly eight months of incredibly infrequent and probably lackluster sex, my lady
and I called it quits. A dearth of sex is dangerous in any relationship, is it leads to lack
of intimacy and a widening fissure between partners. Some relationships can survive
that; mine couldnt. Shed had enough of feeling unwanted and unattractive, and Id had
enough of feeling guilty about making her feel that way.
The breakup wasnt necessarily a surprise, but it was very strange, as breakups go; or at
least, as mind had always gone. Whereas all others Id experienced were sort of sudden
and rash, the result of a really bad fight or someone doing something to break the last
straw, this was different. When you break up because of a fight, you have a shield of
anger to hide behind; you can focus on the thing that pissed you off, and the thoughts of
the hurtful words the other person said keep you
In my breakup with Aleks, though, there was no overwhelming anger or any anger at
all. I didnt have any overly strong feelings about it; even the idea that she might have
been cheating on me didnt affect me overlyin a detached sort of way, I really couldnt
blame her. There were no truly strong feelings about anything at that point in my life, but
with specific regard to the breakup, there was justsadness, I guess, is the right word.
There was a feeling of removal, and of depression, but rather than being a sharpness
caused by pain, it was more of a dull aching loss.
The next day, I packed my stuff and prepared to move out. Aleks, being the awesome
person that she is, made things easier on me by helping out. We worked in my office and
smiled wistfully as we pulled books off the shelves and packed them away. We moved
into the bedroom and had an awkward conversation about whether either of us wanted to
hang on to pictures from our vacation album. We split them.
In the main room, we looked at the paintings on the walls and remembered what a pain in
the ass it was to hang them evenly and get them just right. We took a second to look at the
furniture, and remembered picking it out and arranging it in a way that made her happy.
We needed those moments, I think; needed a second to savor the memories and appreciate

Once Upon a Time

12

what wed had before we began to mourn its loss. When everything was packed, we
stood in the living room and looked around, basking for one last moment in our apartment
before it became her apartment. We hugged, and promised to stay friends. And then it
was done. I gave the keys, and there was no more we, no more us. There was me, and
there was Aleks.
And then we said goodbye.

Life Outside the Bedroom


Low T Damages More Than
Your Sex Life

uring those difficult 10 months I was struggling with my libido, I was


dealing with a few other factors at well. Some of this was my fault: being depressed
and unmotivated, I fell into terrible patterns. I wasnt taking care of my body. I was
fatter and less muscular than I had been in years. My workouts were basically just
going through the motions. My diet went to shit, of course.

But it didnt stop there. In business, I stopped being motivated. I wasnt outgoing and stopped
picking up clients. If people cancelled sessions I didnt make a big effort to reschedule. I just let
things fall into decay.
And most importantly, I had no ambition and was making no progress on my long-term goals.
Something I havent touched on yet is that when I first started dating Aleks I was working on a
bookor, at least, a treatment for a book. When we first moved in together, wed make a joke
about me spending time in my office planning world domination. I would spend a few hours
a week in there, working on articles, making changes to the book idea. It was fun. But when my
sex drive plummeted and then completely disappeared, I lost all creativity.
And that was just the first domino to drop. That lack of production caused me to question
whether I could even be successful. These questions sapped me of all motivation and prevented
me from writing. As a result, that book project sat on a desk and gathered dust.
During the Ordeal , things didnt move, didnt progress. It was more stagnation than stasis.
My business did not increase. My writing did not improve. I did not did grow as a person (that
would happen later, as a results of the trial). If anything, I traveled backwards in every way
possible. And I think I almost died of boredom.

Life Outside the Bedroom Low T Damages More Than Your Sex Life

14

I didnt want to do anything. I did not feel, I did not experience, and I did not live.
And the cause of all of it: Low testosterone.
You see, I had my testosterone tested when I was 22. Back then, I was reading bodybuilding
magazines and everyone was talking about testosterone and growth hormone. I was curious, and
naturally I got mine tested. And the numbers were high. Make that very highan impressive
890ng/dl (nanograms per decaliter).
After I bottomed out, I started looking for answers. And if it wasnt for a routine doctor visit,
I might have never realized why my life had taken a turn for the worse. I had checked my T
and it came back as 390 g/dl. My doc said this was normal but I knew better; this is right
about the point where research suggests many men begin to experience to symptoms of low T.
Unfortunately, that still fell within the range of normal, because that range of is so vast.
Depending on which lab you get tested at, average can be from as low as 260ng/dl to as high
as 1080ng/dl). Meaning, that if youre at around 800ng/dl and your testosterone falls by 50%,
youre still within the reference range, and therefore, not be considered low. (As a related
aside, this is something I humbly suggest needs to be addressed by the medical community.) The
healthy range for testosterone is vast. For me, 390 was extremely low.
That was my light bulb moment.
It was that discovery that led me to research all the different ways that low testosterone could
disrupt and destroy a mans life. And dig deeper into ways to naturally fix the problem. My
experiments started with my diet. I focused on getting my insulin under control by manipulating
carb intake. After all, if insulin is high then growth hormone is low. And when growth hormone
is low, testosterone is oftentimes low too.
I followed the low carb protocol for a month. A nearly identical program can be found in this
book. I started taking apple cider vinegar, R-alpha lipoic acid and cinnamon. Everything was
geared towards improving insulin.
Sure enough, the weight started to drop. I increased my saturated fat and ate more animal fat,
butter, and fish oil. And I combined that with a heavy lifting cycle, some strategic density training
sessions, and focused more on my sleep. Every day I went to bed and got up at the same time.

Life Outside the Bedroom Low T Damages More Than Your Sex Life

15

With each and every change, I saw changes. Physically, mentally, and sexually. I got back in
great shape. I had more energy. I wanted to succeed again. And my sex drive returned.
Within a few months, I was reborn. I was back to the futurebut better than before. So I did
what made sense: I tried to get Aleks back.
Only at that point, she was dating her ballroom dancing instructor.
As the saying goes, the only way to get over one woman is to get under another. With my libido
finally ramped up and ready for action, I resolved to do just that.
And that drive, led me to a breakthrough that has forever changed my life.

Roman Resurgent

How the Return of My


Sex Drive Helped Me Make
6-Figures in Four Days,
Find a New Relationship
and Write THIS Book
NOTE: To read this essay in context, you should know that it was
originally included as part of Chapter 6, specifically, after page 121.
We recommend you read it when you get to that point in the book. The
story will make the most sense, and the information in you read in
Chapter 6 will be driven home more fully.
Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power.
Oscar Wilde

t has been said that, behind every great man is a greater woman. While

many gentleman would probably argue against this female propaganda, it might
surprise you that this statement actually fairly accurate. We could discuss the
virtues of woman (there are many) and what a good woman can do to improve a
mans life (a lot; trust me, the right woman will up your game.) But the real truth
about the influence of a good woman has more to do with how a woman can activate
your sex drive in a way that makes you a greater man, a more successful man. And
even a better man. The Alpha man, if you will.

Roman Resurgent

17

In order for this to all make sense, lets take you back to my own alpha evolution. If
you recall, my fall from #AlphaStatus resulted in the death of the old me; my lower
testosterone morphing me into shell of my former self with no discernable forward
direction. This led to many things, including despondence and the end of a relationship
with a great girl. I struggled for close to 8 months, and things seemed hopeless.
But once I recognized the issuelow testosteroneI began a course of testosterone
revitalization that sparked my sex life and my ambition. My quest began in earnest,
and while I could certainly share the details with how I increased my testosterone and
reclaimed my sex drive, most of that was covered in the beginning of this chapter, and
the rest will be covered afterwards. So, lets just get to the good part: the story.
Before we move into it, I just want to touch on one noteworthy thing that happened
during this time. Anyone who knows my story in the fitness industry know about
the big party at the Beach House. Basically, I was invited by my friend Evan to go to
a party in the Hamptons over Memorial Day weekend. I was on the road to recovery,
but still out of shape, and understandably freaked out. As the story goes, I had to figure
out how to get in shapein moment of brilliance borne of desperation, I came up with
an idea for a program based on hormonal manipulation1 , intended to help lose the last
5-15 pounds. It worked, and I went to the beach party. But that was just the beginning.
Lets look at the rest of the story

Hat tip to Charles Poliquin

Once Upon a Time

Fast-forward about 6 months after I began my quest to regain my sex


drive. At this point, it was nearly fall. The beach party had come and gone, and

although I hadnt gotten into contest ready shape, I had my abs back and was pretty
dense. After the party, I just kept training, using the methods Id developed, and got
leaner and gained all my muscle back. I was maintaining about 192 and 8% bodyfat.
My sex drive was back, business was picking up, and I was finally feeling like I was over
Aleks. Things were good.
At this point in my life, although I had a lot of clients in the city, I was primarily working
out of a gym on Long Islandthe gym owned by my Mentor, Alvin; the very gym Id
made my transformation in all those years ago. It was a great place to work and to train,
a good place for running a personal training business. It was also a great place to meet
women; particularly women between the ages of 18-26 (relax, I was 26 by this point and
my cutoff was 21).
You see, the gym was located in an area that was close two three college, and one medical
school. My boss was active in the community and really liked offering big discounts to
students, which helped the gyms image, and brought us business. Out of all the gyms in
the area, we had the best student deals. As most college kids are watching their funds, we
serviced a lot of students.
Every year, between August and October when people started classes and getting to know
the area, wed get a fresh crop of youngins joining the gym. This was helpful to me as
a manager, because it gave us a large pool of potential employees whenever we needed
new staff. As a trainer, there were a lot of potential clients (some, interestingly, prioritized
health over drinking). And as a guywell, lets just say there was a lot of option.

Once Upon a Time

19

In other words, every Fall brought a surplus of hot new girls to the gym.. And Im not
talking Minnesota in the spring hot, when every girl who sheds a layer of clothing
suddenly appears to have lost 20 pounds and looks amazing. Were talking more early
2000s FHM hot (in fact, one of our membersa girl named Tesswas actually featured
in FHM).
I dont want to give you the wrong impression, so let me just state outright that I didnt
make it a habit to sleep with our members. Personally, I always developed crushes on
some people but didnt usually make a move. I try not to mix business and pleasure. But,
occasionally I would see a member at a bar andwell, you know how that goes.
Anyway, at some point during the rush of new members, my future walked
into the gym.
One day while working the training floor, I saw a girl signing up at the front desk. I
caught a glimpse of here, and did a double take. She wasnt actually a girl; standing at
58, she was a woman, and ho-lee shit was she put together. She was fairly muscular,
but in a I played sports kinda way, not a bodybuilder kinda way. I dont mean to
objectify her, but Ill just give a brief rundown of what drew me to her. She had these
gorgeous, athletic thighs, an amazing bubble butt, and a tight body. I didnt notice this
when I first saw here, as she was wearing a jacket, but when she came out of the locker
I noticed that contrary to all logic, despite being thin, she had these massive DD breasts.
Im not really a boob guy (ass man for life), but Im also human and couldnt help but
notice that defied the laws of physics and smashed them into two sports bras to keep them
contained. And did I mention she had a beautiful face, jet-black hair, and bright blue
eyes?
The first time I saw her, I couldnt even control myself. I blurted out, Damn girl. It
was a raw reaction, but completely honest. She was fucking gorgeous. Thankfully, I was
completely across the room, and she couldnt hear me. My client turned around to look at
her and said, oh, hell yes. Boys will be boys.
My libido, it was safe to say, had returned. In the words of George Costanza: Im back
baby!

Once Upon a Time

20

Leveraging The Drive


Nothing happened for the next two months. Well, not exactly nothing. Out of respect for
her, I tried not to gawk at her too much, but she caught my eye often; and most of the
time, when I looked at her, she was looking back. After a while, it because obvious that
my admiration for her was mutual.
Over the course of the two months, we began to eye fuck each other unlike anything you
have ever seen. Seriously, we were like the Romeo & Juliet of eye fucking. We wanted
each other, but neither made a move. I thought it best not to date members, and Id heard
she had a boyfriend, anyway. So, rather than have a normal conversation like normal
people, we just looked stared, each one of us watching the other, checking to see if the
other was watching back.
Watching her revealed a lot: this girl trained really hard. And she was a beast when it
came to strengthshed bang out RDLs with 185, overhead press with 40-60 pound
dumbbells. Ill restate my earlier admiration: damn, girl. Now, it was great to see her take
her workout so seriously, but equally great was how much she would sweat. She worked
out in shorts and a tank top most of the time, and while the cut of the clothes was not
meant to be revealing, her physique made it so. Needless to say, there was a lot of sweat
covering a lot of visible skin. I have kind of a thing for sweat, and I maintain that if you
and your partner have sex after a great workout, youll hear the voice of God immediately
after.
So, shed train, and the sweat would form beads her skin. Her tank tops were woefully
inadequate, and from across the room I would see the sweat beads clearly, having taken
up real estate on her breasts. This happened every single time she worked outfor two
months straight. I couldnt stop thinking about her. When she was in the gym, Id look
at her, standing there, all sweat and out of breath, and the only thing I could think of was
that I wanted to tackle her and lick her clean. That thought and the image of spun in my
head for weeks. To that point in my life, I had never wanted anything like I wanted her.
As you can probably surmise, my sex drive was back in force, and for the first time I felt
like the old Roman again. It was a nice feeling, despite the mounting tension.

Once Upon a Time

21

Of course, this story has to go somewhere, so lets get to it. Her name was Christine, but
behind the desk, we called her House. She was a med student at the local osteopathic
school, NYCOM, and so the nickname It was partially in deference to the show House,
but primarily came from the fact that she was built, as the old saying goes, like a brick
house.
Ill be honest and admit that I had no intention of making a move. Outside of my
sometimes malleable no fucking with the members, rule, I was also a little gun shy.
Keep in mind, I was coming off of a painful break up and had been out of the dating
game for a while. My confidence, crushed during my struggle with low Testosterone, was
returning but still shaky. I was so attracted her that I felt intimidatedfor the first time in
years, I was nervous about talking to a girl. And so I did nothing, content to admire from
afar.
Fate would not have it so. Neither would Christine. One day, after months and months
of eye fucking, she got my number from the girl at the front desk2 . She gave me a call
which I missedand left a voicemail inquiring about personal training.
I listened to the voicemail four or five ties and tried to detect some sort of covert message
behind the message. Every time I played it back and she kept saying Im interested in
training, but all I kept hearing was Im interested in fucking like the apocalypse is
imminent.
Now, I love hot girls. And I love sex. But I love being a successful businessman more.
And while my dont date members policy was a bit malleable, I had another policy that
was set in stone. Simply, I did not train women that I was supremely attracted. I had a lot
of friends who slept with their clients, and it never ended well. I could see how in any
case, it might lead to a really bad situation, but in this one it was pretty much a guarantee.
So when House approached me, I tried to pass her off to four different trainers. But she
said no. Her response was bulletproof from a training standpoint. She told me,
As a side note, I want to mention that this was a major breach of protocol; my employees knew not
to give out my number to anyonethe policy was to take their number and Id call them from the gym.
Its a testament to how obvious my desire for this girl was that my front desk girl Karen, who was a
stickler for the rules, gave out my number.

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Listen, Ive watched everyone in the gym, and I like your philosophy. I like your
approach, and your clients appear to see faster results than anyone else. And thats what I
want. If Im spending extra money, Im only interested in you.
After that talk, it was tough to resist. On one hand, I felt proud as a trainer to have my
work recognized. And on the other hand, that little voice kept saying, Oh, fuck yeah,
bro. House totally wants it!
Still, sensing that I might break my own rule, I came up with the only excuse that could
work: I lied. Not a big liejust a white one to protect both of us. I told her that I had no
room for clients, that my roster was completely filled and I couldnt possibly squeeze in a
new client. BUT, if she wanted, I would do one session with her, and then write her a full
program that would help her reach her goals.
The $500,000 Workout
Four days later had our training session, and it went well. To my credit, I was completely
professional; theres an old saying that God gave men a brain and a penis, but not
enough blood to run both at the same time. In this case, my brain had won out, and I
stayed completely focused on explaining things. I spent half of the time conducting an
assessment, and the other half walking through some of my training principles. We ended
with a high fiveshe was a cool chickand she paid me the tremendously discounted
price Id quoted her. I got her email and said Id send her a program soon.
That night, I tried to figure out what approach I would take to writing this program. If
you recall from my fall from Alphawhen my testosterone and sex drive disappearedI
mentioned that I was working on a book project. When I lost my way, so did this project.
When I recovered, I started working on it again; however, the project had shifted. My
experience with regaining sex drive had changes some of philosophies on training and
nutrition, and I had begun to jot them down in my spare time. At no point had I immersed
myself into the project. I hadnt really figured out a way to communicate the information.
But that night, I decided to go back and review what I had started. Just to get the
brainstorming going.
I look at all my notes and told myself: Im going to write this chick the best fucking

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program in the history of time. And she will be amazed. And then she will want to fuck
me. Now, look, I didnt consciously think that. I was a subconscious thing that I only
recognize in hindsight. Still, subconscious or not, its a pretty ridiculous thought: write a
great training program and a woman will lust after you and want to lead you to her bed.
But its not actually that ridiculous. In psychology there is a phenomenon known as
projection. In the simplest terms, projection is when you want someone, or to impress
them, and you project your ideas of whats impressive onto them. Whether they will
actually find these things impressive is obviously unclear, but what is clear is that you are
assuming it will have an impact. You guys know what Im talking about: youre at the
gym, and you see a hot girl; suddenly decide to add more weight to the barbell and find
your hidden Herculean strength. Your subconscious thought process is, This girl will
want me more if I can lift this weight.
This general behavior is a remnant from our ancestors, when catching the eye of a
potential mate might involve being physically impressive. Its the same reason why some
athletes perform better with big crowds or rise up in clutch moment. And the reasoning
behind it is simple: we want people to view us a certain way. And like us. So we do
things that wenot theybelieve will help make this a reality. Its a transfer of energy
from desire to productivity, output, or strength.
So there I am, projecting this idea on to her, assuming that writing a great training
program might make her want me. Now, heres where it gets crazy, heres where you can
start to see how important sex drive is to your success.
Heres what happened: For over a year, I had wanted to work on this project, write this
book, or put my thoughts down. I could never muster the motivation to do it. But when
it came to impressing this girl I wanted so badly, all of a sudden motivation was not an
issuethats because sex drive comes from the same places as all drives do; its literally
the same part of your brain.
And so I sat down, and in a lust-fueled haze, churned out 8,000 words in one night. It was
a program and workouts, design and explanation. It was a distillation of all my theories
and research on fat loss. It was the best lessons I used and applied with clients to get lean
over the years, as well as aspects of the program Id used to recover from low T, and
the beach party. I wrote and I wrote, and where there once was a drip, there now was a

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deluge. Lack of motivation and writers block were simply not issues. And when I was
done, I had that Jerry Maguire type of mission statement feel.
When I reviewed what I had created, I though it was by far the best training program I
had ever written. I truly believed that in addition to impressing the pants off of House,
this program was the next generation of fat loss. It was innovative and differentbut with
proven effectiveness of hundreds of peoplethat would change the game. Sensing that
House didnt need 8,000 words of rhetoric and theory, I eventually edited my thoughts
into 3,000 words on rationale and created 4 types of workouts that rotated over a week.
It was still epic, but more concise. I was proud of it, and proud of myself. I attached it to
an email and sent it off to Christine, silently thanking her for providing the motivation for
getting me to finally set pen to page.
On Friday afternoon, just three days after sending the program, I saw her at the gym.
I checked in and asked how the program was going. She had a few questions, which I
answered. We drifted into small talkI dont remember much of the conversation we,
but I do remember that she mentioned that she and were friends were going to head to
The Downtown, the local bar. She concluded with, you should come! The unintentional
double entendre wasnt lost on me, and Id be lying if I said my mind didnt wander.
We wound up meeting up at a different bar; she with one of her friends, I with two of
mine. The conversation was free flowing and greateveryone contributed, and we all
laughed a lot. My two friends, being awesome guys, told a few stories that made me
sound exceptionally cool. We stayed out for a bit, but the night has to end eventually. We
said goodbye and went off separately. I was feeling suddenly ALPHA, and decided I was
going to make it happen.
I sent her a text: Sooo
Her response: Do you want to come over?
My answer: I guess I could stop by for a bit.
Now, I should mention that we didnt sleep together. We hung out and talked, and at
around 3:45 in the morning she finally made a move and kissed me. Things were moving
alongmy shirt came off, and her hands roamed my body. Man, thank God I was lean
again. And then something hilarious happened: my phone started ringing. I silenced it.

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Ringing again. She asked the obvious question: who would be calling you at 4am?
Finally, I checked my phone: it was Aleks. You gotta be kidding me. The Universe is
funny.
That ended the night on an awkward note, but it was easy to overcome. Christine and I
went on to date for over a year. To this day, I think shes one of the most beautiful women
Ive met. And on some level, I just might still believe that she was interested because I
wrote the greatest training program shed ever seen.
Life Outside the Bedroom How High Sex Drive Makes You More
Successful
More central to the story than the eventual sex we had (which, by the way, was insane) is
what my desire for her did to my career and my business. My drive to succeed was fueled
intensely by an innate desire to be suitable for her. Remember, sex drive isnt just about
sex; its about being suitable for a mate. She was a med student. She was going to be a
doctor. Could she really consider dating me seriously? I didnt know if she could consider
me a long-term match. I mean, sure, I was very successful as a trainerthat was really
the height of my training career, and I was commanding a $250+ hourly rate and had a
few pro athletes on my roster. Still, I felt inadequate. I just couldnt imagine her saying,
Yes, Im an ER Surgeon, and this is my husband, the trainer.
The drive to be good for heror perhaps good enough for herled me to start making
changes in my business. I wanted to do more than what I was doing. I wanted to write and
change more peoples lives, but I also wanted to travel and start other business and not
work so much. I called my buddy Joel Marion, and he suggested that I start a blog.
I began looking into the world of online fitness; it seemed like something I could
really be successful at. And so, while dating her, I decided to take my business online.
I started blogging and began a new business venture. Even though I had zero readers
and no audience, I knew it was only a matter of time before I hit on something big, and
established myself as more than a trainer; that it was only a matter of time until I was
more, period.
I decided to release a digital information product. Once again, my desire for Christine

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26

would prove beneficial; the product I wanted to release would be based on a rotating
training program and hormonal manipulation. I sat down and over the course of a few
months, wrote the product and fleshed out the ideas more full. I designed what came to be
known as Final Phase Fat Loss. That product was literally based on the program I wrote
for Christine. Although the methods were in place before I had met her, it was my desire
for her that had forced me to finally put them on paper. Indeed, some sections of the
original 8,000-word email I wrote her were copied and pasted into what became the final
manuscript.
Theres a long and involved story about product creation, but thats more of a discussion
about business and marketing, so well leave that for another day and another book.
Suffice it to say that Joel and I launched the product. And it generated $465,000 in gross
revenuein just 4 days. My take home was just about $70,000about half of what I
made in a year working at the gym. I felt accomplished. I felt successful.
Our launch of FPFL was lucrative, but it was also productive. After the launch, I had
a mailing list of 20,000 people, and that allowed me to generate income and grow my
business. I stopped training as much and focused on writing more articles and getting
published in more places. That launch set me up to run an online business, which has led
to many successesincluding the writing of this book.
In fact, the genesis of Final Phase Fat Loss is has evolved and been refined and tweaked
several times, and its influence can be seen in the book you now have in your hands:
Engineering the Alpha. Adam read that book and was fascinated by many of theories and
decided to research and dig deeper. Together, we evolved some of those basic theories
into what I originally intended for the book: To create a new evolution in fitness. To get
better results and offer a different approach to everything that was being offered.
In many ways, my sex drive is responsible for my success. Directly. I had this idea
that was great and could help lots of people. And it turns out that I was right. But I
never would have acted if I didnt have the motivation and ambition. And the thing that
gave me that was the intense desire to sleep with this girl. My sex drive allowed me to
actualize the dream of writing a book and starting my business. That business, in turn has
allowed me to set up four other businesses, write the book I always wanted, and live the
life of my dreams.

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Although our relationship ended a few months after the launch (for reasons mostly related
to my lingering insecurities and newfound workaholism) I fell comfortable saying that
it was one of the most formative of my life. She motivated, inspired me and supported
me. That motivation, inspired by my sex drive, change my life in profound ways. I owe
Christine a huge debt of gratitude for helping me get there.
It might seem complicated, but its actually quite simple. Without sex drive, you dont
have your motivation. It is what allowed me to shape and mold my life and bend it to my
will, simply because I have the drive to do it. And no matter what your goal is, as long
as you have that drive, you wont look back and wonder about potential. Youll be able to
apply, push, and achieve.
That is what greatness is about.
And thats why in many cases, the woman (or man) is needed to make you a little greater.