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Warning: The grammars for the fixed part are

extremely poor
Describe a difficult decision you have had to make while in a leadership role.
What factors influenced your decision and what was the final outcome?
(maximum 200 words)
As an assistant coach and manager of the bantam basketball team at
Richmond Secondary, I keep statistics for every game, calculate each
players season averages, and scout at opponents games. One of my vital
responsibilities was cutting players from the tryouts. A good friend of mine
for many years, Alex, a very shy individual, appeared at practice. It was a
concern for me throughout the tryouts, because as a basketball player, one
must show physical and emotional dominance. It was crucial to put the team
before my personal feelings. I was very upset that he, despite his efforts, still
did not make the final cut; however, as a coach, I had to look at the bigger
picture. As a long-time friend, I was glad that he decided to attempt
something new, so this made it even harder for me to make the
decision (this part can be take out if it reach the words limit). In order to
manage the team in a feasible size, cutting players from the tryouts is
necessary; as a coach, my main goal is for the team to achieve success, but
my goal for Alex was for him to use this event as a motivation for him to
improve as a player and grow as a person.
I see that you want to try to convey your objectivity in this example
that when it comes down to making critical decisions, you wont let personal
interferences get in the way. That is good, but considering that your first
choice is Arts, this kind of cut-throat attribute frankly isnt the best fit for UBC
What you did well here is providing an example of a situation where
you had a ___ situation, and explaining how you handled it. This ____ is
usually some variation of a leadership challenge. I would actually suggest
focusing this leadership challenge in other scenarios, such as in a group
situation where the group was deeply divided, or that a group was in disarray
that needed to get something done.

However, if youd like to stick with this example, heres the key to
making this a standout response: rephrase some of the content to really
EXPLAIN how you turned a seemingly loose-loose situation, into a winwin one. Here, you are forced to make a difficult decision, a choice. Did
you do anything after to help your friend who is just frankly not good
enough? Generalizations such as basketball players[needing to] show
physical and emotional dominance isnt that helpful, but explaining why was
he not good enough, and how did you diagnose the problem would make this
a very strong response.
Yea, I felt like this respond had a loose end. My initial conclusion was
After the tryouts, I would often visit Alex to help him train some of skills he
needed for next years tryout; at the same time, I decided to take him to
experience different things in the community, for example the winter carnival
he was a volunteer I recruited. I want him to be attached to different events
hoping he will become more outgoing and outspoken.
Try to implement the PEE formula for a tighter paragraph. Also, be
very clear and concise with your writing. Focus on explaining the rationales
behind every move. What I would do even, is just try explaining the situation
in one or two sentences, then dedicate the next few sentences explaining
why you did what you did.
The focus of this right now is just content revision. After you;ve
consider my initial feedback and send me your revisions (if any), I will then
focus on making the paragraph stronger.

Describe a group project or experience that required collaboration. How did

you foster teamwork? (maximum 200 words

Working for my schools bantam (it is usually just called bantam, but
bantamweight works too, I would pick the one that works better in this
sentence)basketball team as an assistant coach and manager, I saw, from
the first day of training, that the main problem the major issue with the
grade eights was their immaturity was their lack of discipline . During the

practices, they were all too self-centered; this made it really hard for them to
follow orders. We saw little success with the team during the first few
games. Around five games into the season, I realized that very often,
coaches give out verbal threats to regulate the players, but there is seldom
action behind their words. From that moment on, I introduced a transition
day (a team bonding day where players are compelled to communicate with
each other) for the teamI slowly changed up the pace for each practice.
Usually, practices are aimed to improve players skills, but I decided at the
same time that these practices will mend the teams focus. After each
practice, there would be 15 minutes of team-bonding time, where each
player will need to single recognize out something they did right and wrong;
this kept it friendly but at the same time competitive. It was a great way for
each player to see each other on the same level, and give everyone a sense
of attachment to the team.

This example is great. But I am still not getting what this transition day is.
Try explaining the concept behind transition day to me, or to another
friend, and dont think about writing fancy to impress UBC. Tell me exactly
what it is, what you do, the purpose behind it. And then finally, the results
and outcomes. Also, how did you think of this idea? What did you see in the
team, that led you to this implementation?
The concept of transition day is a day where, as a coach, I decided to change
the mentality of the team. Its a day where I felt like I need to give the team
a complete makeover. The result was rather superb; each player was able to
communicate with each other, this was rather important, since their
improvement in communication also brought it up on the court. This was
actually a method that was introduced to me by junior basketball coach for
my school; I was the manager for him at the time.

Describe up to five activities that you have pursued in one or more of the
following areas:

leadership/group contributions (e.g., student government,

community activity, family responsibility; involvement in Aboriginal
culture or community)


academic achievements (e.g., research project; success in a

contest; prize for high standing)

sports (e.g., team membership; participation in competitions)


creative and performing arts


(Totoro caf)

service to others
(50 words)
leadership/group contributions (e.g., student government, community
activity, family responsibility; involvement in Aboriginal culture or
I am an English and Math tutor at the Pathway Aboriginal Centre. My main
duties are to interact with aboriginal children to help them achieve
academic success. I usually work in a one-on-one environment with
children aged 6-13.
sports (e.g., team membership; participation in competitions):
I am the team manager for bantam and junior boys basketball team at
school. As a manager, I report stats during games, scout against opponents
teams, calculate players season average and give feedback. As an assistant
coach, my main duty is going over tapes for each game and running drills.
creative and performing arts:
I was part of a group named Rin3D with RMCS Richmond Multicultural
Community Services (RMCS) for nearly two years. The teams focus was to
spread awareness of bullying in and outside of school. I was an actor who
performed many plays focused on anti-bullying. The main target groups are
elementary to early high school students.
Since working at the Totoro Caf, a Taiwanese bubble tea caf, starting
July 2014, I served as a waiter and I was responsible for making drinks
and snacks. One of my main duties is to close the shop, at the same time

dealing with the needs of customers and handle the payment for each
service to others:
For the last two years, I have been engaged in a peer tutoring program at
Richmond Secondary, where I use my spare time to help students
unfamiliar with Mandarin address concepts in which they needed

Tell us more about one of the activities you listed above, explaining what
your goals were, what you did to pursue them, the results achieved, and
what you learned in the process. (maximum 200 words)


My first intention of joining Richmond in 3DDiversity, Dialogue, and

Drama (Rin3D) with Richmond Multicultural Community Services (RMCS) was
to gather the 30 volunteer hours I needed for graduation. As I spent more
time past my initial commitment, I felt a sense of attachment to the group
when we performed acts themed heavily on anti-bullying. These
performances were eye-opening and refreshing for the participants. It was a
two-year ride that completely set a different focus for me as an individual.
After I accumulated my 30 volunteer hours, I realized that bullying is an issue
that not only occurs within school, but a problem that fails to be addressed in
society. As someone who has been bullied before, I wanted to make a change
not only to those who have been bullied, but at the same time, to those who
bully. After my visits to over ten schools, I was glad to see a positive change
among students after raising awareness to those who watch and bringing
support to those who are in need. I believe the issue of bullying cannot
be addressed individually, for it is a collaborative effort involving a
community that is willing to help.
This is good, but you didnt completely answer the question. After
reading, I get a sense of your good intentions and thoughts, but I dont get a
real sense of what you actually did. Lets break it down.
This would be more than 200 words if I put these parts in:
Youve already explained to me what the group is about, now tell me
What are your goals? this can be an example of a project you did as a
group with 3D
After slowly becoming attached to the group, my goal wasnt simply to
get the 30 hours of volunteer, but to frame a community without bullying; I
am slowly trying to achieve that through the numerous workshop with
different schools. These workshops primarily focus on the theme of antibullying.

What did you do to achieve that goal? did you teach a class? What
kind of projects did you do? How did you raise awareness about bullying?
In these workshops, our team will setup plays to showcase the effect of
bullying; in these plays Im an actor who portrayed as someone who has
been bullied. I use my acting skills to bring out the emotion within the
What are the results? How do you know its successful? What are the
deliverables? Did the teachers appreciate it? Did the students do a
feedback survey?
The teachers thought the plays were educational, they shown their
appreciation by spreading our names around the community; however we
never did any feedback surveys. It was hard for us to monitor the results,
because we rarely go back to the same school and perform, therefore the
successfulness of these workshops cannot be determined, I thought this is
something that should be put in the response.
Also, what did you learn, and what are some improvements for next
One of the most important lesson I learned is . I believe the issue of
bullying cannot be addressed individually, for it is a collaborative effort
involving a community that is willing to help. The improvement I wouldve
made is to give follow-ups for these workshops, track the results of these