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THE

BRIDE

OF

DREAMS

BY

FREDERIK

VAN

AUTHORIZED

TRANSLATION

MELLIE

VON

MITCHELL
NEW

EEDEN

BY

AUW

KENNERLEY

YORK

AND

MCMXIII

LONDON

COPYRIGHT,

BY

1913

MITCHELL

THB-

NORWOOD*

KENNERLEY

PLIMPTON.

PRESS

MASS*

U'S'A

THE

BRIDE

AS

approaches

one

day,

round

clump

of

overtopping

it, the

old

and

shaped
of

top
is

sunshine

pale
the

that

town,

of

built

them

and

exotic

Cannon
were

power

They
they

sculptured
treasures,

stood
filled
as

bore
had

with

their

of

is

had

side
with
on

little

lived
short-

gaily-

gilded carvings

battleships.

harbor,

with

plate

ramparts

and

habitant
in-

The

china.

and

the

in

citizens
and

importance

authority
and

fishing

collected

furniture,

their

in

the

proud

were

portraits painted

and

crow-stepped

and

fa9ades

dome-

dreamy

and

escutcheon

tically
fantas-

sun-mist

little

some

and,

flooded

the

of

tall,

the

Then

grandeur.

sense

people
an

the

on

the

sea

either

to

prime

houses

fine

and

in

with

vessels

stories

drift

Holland's

entered

its

foliage

embellished

vessels

with

land

It

the

ramparts

green

worldly

merchant

gables

The

waters.

in

once

flaunting flags
boats,

to

yellow

illusion

rigged

the

seems

grayish

the

on

bell-tower

blue.

barely visible, and

only

sees

ornamented

cobalt

deep

one

trees

from

city

little

my

summer's

on

DREAMS

OF

in

gorgeous

world.
of

it,
at-

BRIDE

THE

tire,they

and

names,

and

terse

pretty

they spoke picturesquelyand

befits

as

DREAMS

things their

the

gave

OF

lantly
gal-

mental
people leading a flourishingele-

life.

lives

longer
in
the

is

all this

Now

few

the

streets

But

it is

color

are

of

the

in

of

memory

through
the

dark

fee.

prosperitytoo;
and

well

kept.

vigorous personal life;

lives,but

former

as

days.

an

shadowy

canals

portant
unim-

lies
is

It

only

lovely
tasy
phan-

its charm

constitutes

that

All

the

faded, the splendor and

life,through the unreal

its dream

of its past.
"

for

greater life. Its charm

and

furniture

museum

clean

are

curiosities for

the

look

In

ship,a

steamboat

are

and

It still

gone.

part

the

in the

have

the bloom

lows
quietly fol-

market

peace,

houses

longer

no

and

pageant

order, and
and

and

china,

be viewed

paintingsmay
is

the

city no

great world-ship.

fine houses

and

strangers,

There

the

little

but

fishingsmacks,

The

still anchored.
the

its own,

sailingyachts

of

couple

of

wake

the

harbor

life of

The

long past.

reflectingthe light

streets
drawbridges, the pretty quaintly-lighted
with
the red brick
stoops,
gables, bluish gray

chains
tar

palings,the

and

and

the ramparts
of

beauty
a

young

shops, the

rope

with

tall sombre

only

it all possesses
the

faded.

the little old

It

can

no

elm

trees

the

tal
acciden-

on

longer, like

ful.
blooming creature, will to be beautibeautiful involuntarily,
no
longer as a

and

It is

"

harbor

BRIDE

THE

pieceof

life,but

human

its loveliness is
a

brief

OF

DREAMS

pieceof

as

afterglow of
splendor of

vivid

of individual

And

nature.

the

patheticthrough

blazingup

life.
In
but

stream

of

for the

accomplishment

I live
to

the

great river,

even

as

expected of

some

from

money

of the

The

and

town,

and

foreign

name

"

taking
my

the
and

nursery,

coat

in summery
of the

shall

twelve

be

doctor

and

also

to

go

income

an

small

the

the

have

my

gray

weather

town.

along

When

see

the

and

known

as

you

read

mourners

and

the

quieted
to

me

my

larly
regu-

dike
my

to

white

ties
peculiari-

this, reader,

buried, respectably and

hired

all

sea

felt hat
are

outskirts

accustomed

They

walk

earn

lessons.

past have

grown

as

It is

club.

the

on

nursery

Muralto.
same

notary

and, besides,

by givingItalian

people

best

ever,
notoriety whatso-

no

regarding my

rumors

down,

and

I have

that

known

the

me,

I do my

eccentric.

an

with

I associate

old man,

last task.

of my

have

on

tributary

live,an

the obscure.

notice, and

escape

flows

now

small

"

obscurelyamid

not

is

life

quite sphere, where


in
as
lazilyand reflectively
this

coach

simply,
with

with

black

plumes of the second class, and a wreath from the


I gave lessons ; from
burgomaster'swife, to whom
the notary, who
something
occasionallyearned
through me ; and from the orphanage because, as
treasurer,

always kept

the

accounts

in order.

This

is

it to be.

I wish

as

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

THE

When

this

read

you

livingpersonalitymay no longer stand in your


My individual being may no longer engage
way.
my

your

attention.

truth

for you.

I know

lucid ideas from


avowed

has

Never
a

and

accepted new

man

unless he

contemporary

prophet, that

venerated

and

veil the

this would

how

were

is to

an
a

say,

corrupted and lost. I will not let myself be


corrupted and give myself up as lost, and yet I

man

that

know

thoughts

my

from

by

my

in this

livingfellow-men.

Therefore

petty world

the

life.

I have

under
did

choice.

no

Were

freelyand honestly, I
worshipped.

or

other
age

"

but

such

they

peace

these

the

pages

the

are

my

mind

the

nor

people of
hatred

up

this

nor

cept
ac-

straint
I live in self-re-

Thus

among

myself

on

one

of the

reject without

slavishness.

and
But

neither

is the nature

of my

either locked

be

deserve

cannot

without

should

it

speak

I to

I peace

burden

confer

not

cepted
ac-

slavishness
have

heavy

be

to

great

without

conviction

free

tremendous

and

too

are

lowly.
doors

of

the

of

cage

suppressed life. Only by these writingsdo


the tumult.
keep the peace within and master

my

It
not

is

hard

from

thoughts.

arousing,

but

For

orderly and
and

And

they

struggle;

are

what

concise.

am

Readers
and

too, and

from

weary

it

"

restraining my

from

write

easilybored,
dulled

be

must

clear

nowadays
crave
no

are

and
patient
im-

excitement.

longer hear

so

THE

clearlythe
I have
the

BRIDE

ring

true

the

summits, and

the

of sincere

that

so

summits

social

conviction.

for this will be read.

peace,

still built

DREAMS

OF

Yet

It will strike
of

system

to-day

is

everythingslowly spreads from

and

the

to

penetrates

lowest

very

layers.
Do

disagree,reader?

you

Do

accept

you

ing
noth-

dependen
higher authority,but judge everything in-

on

for
Then

it is

the summit
about

all the rest

and
beneath

or

Then

have

solelyfor

I also

the

lucky

hands.

Allow

that

but

to

would

and

to

last

or

lose you.

reader, with

embrace

part.

your

exertion!
to

judge

little

dependen
in-

such

world

patience

Sweet

You

without

you

and

are

for the

it has

spoils
sensible

are

having given

attention.

I write

this for

without

restless

way

you

because

understanding;

you

do

because
to

look

at

for

last

what

you
so

not

because

seeker and
a
dissatisfied,

and

unknown;
your

to want

not

faithful

act

find, that

without

won

You

painstakingon

not

enough

go

then, dear

some

are

let you

not

Listen

such

me,

do

you

thought, dear, precious,freelyjudging

treasure

ranged

expresslyand
at

me

on

of mankind

rest

this

reader.

to

is

"

written

are

you

authority

How

you.

fallen into your


in

on

Then

of mankind

All

you.

believes

and

accepts
not.

yourself?
just you I need.

have

long

want

you

lover

of the

turned
has

are

on

gently

BRIDE

THE

driven

and

pushed

OF

DREAMS

because

you;

intent

opened

wider

and

toward

which

everythingseems

this

I write

who

are

reached

for

the

and

but

cannot.

of

compromisers,

the

And

who

circle

the

wants

to

their

have

you

want

be

to

the

and

evil;

despises the

who
this

also

for

you,

love his enemy,

and

advocates

anxiety
truth

; there

they

ter
bet-

had

plenty of pleasant

amusement.

who

reason,

far

as

logic reaches, they

flatterers

stop their

and

"

are

for

stake

their

around

lious
rebel-

contented, the adjusters

of

slaves

proud

write

entertainingbooks

and

of

something else

read

longer
by fate.

wicked

blatant

against too

feel that

the

shun

who

those

God,

ears

even

complaisant and

The
and

no

you,

earnestly good

lead.

to

who

you,

the

prospect

refractory and
slavery.

all

just.

the

on

the

wantonly

the

and

meek

of

this for

for

yes,

tired

child, not

as

write

you,

maturity

treated

more

for

this

write

are

are

eyes

your

too

in

tread
as

the

cord

be

cannot

my

readers.

Only

he

forsaken

the

read

can

who

with

me

nevertheless
world

and

new

profitand
I

an

am

era.

have

am

old

true

word

"
"

he

understanding.
man

proclaiming the

lonely and forsaken, but

share

the life of the

"

the

has

word, who

the

overcome

idolatry of

Listen, then:

glory of

has

in the

gods.

great

human

BRIDE

THE

I sit here

with

its

serenelyin

look

past generations. I
I hear

continuous

the

in the tall elms

on

gullsspeaking

of

And

sea.

match

mightiest,a
to

the Most

to

import, from
me

think

me

has

that

knows

nor

Had

in

not

in

and

shrugged

deeper
makes

me

seethinglife within

But

one

no

be

ever

it,happily,

sees

all you

after

dear

so,

halo

in

of

glory

citizen's

my

undoubtedly have

taken

and

shoulders

your

but

would

not

and
wise.'^),

with

fierychariot

it

so

dazzling raiment,

clothes, then

when

of

about

this, (is

you

reader, though you


came

gods, even

tremble,

persons

the

me!

told

the

of this

discovered.

been

the

life; it shall

semblance

some

spark

with

Sometimes

of the

one

life of

gotten
quiet,for-

this

I rule

I wrestle

High.

of the

screams

mightier than

am

fate.

glance, with

careless

of

and

sea-breeze

briny

solitude

for

wishes.

my

the

and

the

of

vast

feel that

life,I

bow

the

the harbor

upon

dike, and

in the

yet,

out

of

memories

and

murmur

the

sombre, cool, old house,

my

of old wood

odor

musty

DREAMS

OF

for

me

poor

fool.
But

hold

In

are
a

gone

rich sage,

still a

person,

step beyond
Now,

person.

this now,

person,

am

because

I write

and

peace.

my

You

now

but

that
more

now

"

dear
am

while

is also
than

reader, but I have


dead

you
now

that,

are

for
and

and

longer

no

reading this.
me.

am

therefore

no
can

to

say

what,

you

OF

BRIDE

THE

10

from

any

DREAMS

would

person,

annoy

you.

For
that

there

you

submits

meekly
and

aside

then

"

its

tranquil

is

left

only

to

being

again,
message,

as

still,
closed

patiently
when

small

up
as

opened.

book,
and

ever,

laid

sumes
re-

parents

MY

childhood
Milan

loom

up

days
and

dreams.

purely

of

like

one

tradition;

impression,
how

knows

the

so

much

that

the
and

childhood

nineteenth

and

marble

carriages

and

with

lace

wide
my

proud

man,

dressed.

thick,

He
wavy

ries,
memo-

what

dream,

not

remember

the

of

it, and

memory

already

was

from

fell

century.

It

home

wide

courtyard,

half

days.

days

Our

state.

Como

olden

the

in

clearly distinguish

and

changes

home

near

pictures

ray

year

or

is

Memory

first
who

distorted

to

like

year,

and
a

tale.

vaguely-told
My

estate

cannot

does

only

and

paternal

in

me

these

but

picture

the

memory

dream-memory,

aristocrats

country

before

is

in

our

vaguely

half

what

Italian

were

was

most

had
and

stone

with

and

servants

father

with

spouting

dolphin

the

at

shiny

black
hair

glossy
11

statuary,

velvet
silk

as

fastidiously

ties.

tall,

groomed
and

whiskers
that

luxury

had

We

wore

time

of

pillared

water.

colored

and

of

time

my

palace

of

stairway

collars

was

middle

the

towards

fell

over

suits
I

member
re-

dark,
and

long,
his

THE

12

forehead

BRIDE

with
with

always

creaked

decided

manner,

his

which

softly.
and
of

he

so

or

it much

"

fact

child

his

large,gray

the

is unable

with

eyes

seemed

As

child

appearing

I
to

of it, gave

blonde

Northern

her great

beauty

for himself
she

had

rings underneath,

and

that

she

though

as

Only

shakable
equallyun-

I know

dark

confidence

determine

to

mother.

own

it often

fair

very

obeyed.

power

praisedfor

vividly suggested
the

silent

struggle

nature:

gay,

but

had

wept.

the

with

an

tears

And

me.

father

my

in

ance
resist-

her

tive
aggrieved, painful, sensi-

cool,

was

to

less firm.

more

indifferent
never

heard

and
them

politelytempered tension
dignifiedhouse, during the stately meals,

the

would

his

none

quarrel,but

even

of

that

was

and

but

voice, her complexion,her expression,everything

Her

in

and

without

very

I heard

about

that

with

that

immensely by

himself

daily and,

was

whom

woman

make

shoes

calm

being myself quite conscious


thought.

mother

My

leather
a

tight

wore

equally restrained.

this conflict

do

He

had

He

givingorders

could

and
saw

curl.

impressed me

resisted him

mother

my

DREAMS

gaitersand patent

gentleway

with

artful

an

trousers

OF

as

the

saw

servants

sometimes

joke

the

and

hum

saw
a

it.
tune

Yet
from

my
an

father
opera

his
laugh boisterously with
about
friends; but mother
always went
silently
and
the thick
gravely, gliding over
carpets like

BRIDE

THE

spectre and,

her

at

DREAMS

OF

13

best, showing but

wan

smile.
We

wealthy and prominent people and

were

felt

parents
think

that

about
in

town

after

it now,

Holland,

all I feel

cool, well-bred

strongly.

very
here

where

in

I shine

father, as

well

the

as

their
and

high position just

complete, and

mother

wanting. My
fashion

was,

did

draped

two

guishing,
pale,lan-

they

and

righteous,

sidered
con-

it

much

how

was

tasteless

the

be-ruffled gown

in

see

and

for my

"

For

in how

see

did not

her

"

not

provincial

for my

distinguishedmother.

boots, then

own

my

for

compassion

when

And

little

my

my

thought herself so elegant and stately,


her owii
physical beauty and natural
grace
solute
barely saving her from becoming an object of abwhich

she

"

ridicule.
how

And

father

my

his traditional

much

already been

power

undermined

did
of

know

not

heredity had

the democratic

by

ideas

everywhere astir.
luxury

Our

respects.

too

neck
an

on

suffered

I have

chillypalace;
the

ofttimes

dark
very

lavatory

proud

and

which

money,

but

where

lighta

candle

bitter

cold

in many

in the

might break
night one
stone
stairway; in some

at

and

foul

parts

disgustingstench

which

of

had

in order

my

cost

in broad

great
one's

slept in stuffyhovels;

the servants
was

strangelydeficient

was

father
enormous

was

one's

there
very

sums

daylight one

to wash

vailed;
pre-

hands.

had

of
to

I feel

think

OF

BRIDE

THE

14

for

compassion

of how

DREAMS

proud

art

treasures

he collected

and

paintings by distinguishedartists
which

contemplate for

he would

which

monocle,

and

intricate

critical

paintingswhich
daubs

of

It

value

no

was

dreamed

by

other

that

of

dream,

his friends

parents

dreamed

I dreamed

the

gathered into
carriageand
of the

son

with
fine

of
our

feel

bonnet,

and

my

mother's
of calm

this Italian

ness.
perfect soberin the

absorbed
the

with

white

mother's

my

her

by

hat,
hair

side in the

little prince,the little


the

see

people bowing

breathe

the

lavender

and

clothes.
and

chants
mer-

the thick,blonde

on

myself the
"

on

stand

net.

in

velvet

large diamond

Contessa

sensation

the

purple

glory

Dutch

And

wholly

profound respect.
perfume of frankincense
from

my

the

see

small, round

"

and

plume

still become

can

illusion.

them

social

the

by

with

"

confidentlyas

as

of this little seaport town.


dream

the present time.

at

wholly successful

Italian

my

through

reallyonly trifling

were

whatever

dream

all

time,

subject of long

speculationswith
after

bought

the

of

hours

the

formed

when

father

my

And

pride at

faint,
ing
exhal-

recollect

the meals

with

heavy pretentiousplate,the great bouquets


the violet hose of the clergy who
were
roses,
guests, the fragrance of the heavy wine.

And

delusion
a

man

touched

am

of

so
as

when

think

of

the

self-

cal
proud, arbitrary,critical and sceptifather, who was
prejudiced so
my

this

completely by
would

have

pomp

of

and
older
to

that

assuredlyfiner,even

while he

as

reallylivingin

was

"

the

was

father

my

quite comprehensiblethat

is

feud

I sided

who

was

Also

that

with

older

thought
of

state

that

did

and

than

I, took

my

tend

not

strange how,

by

subjectof
increase

to

books

and

and

games

glances,the
entrance,

our

the

part

of the

suddenly

the

beyond

family

which

circle and

nifican
sigfore
beat

toward

suspense,

in

imminent

ken

know

our

arrested

employed

our

we

Little

these

passionshidden

artificial tone

events

in

in

children,the peculiarsignsof dreary

of momentous

It is

modesty.

absorbed

and

conversations

the

us,

strife,which

yet quite aware


tears

to

that

notice

to

take

conflicts, apparently wholly

part.

submit

the

my

children, we

as

sister,

my

means

no

family

father's

began

soon

very

the main

myself was

fact

mother,

would

in this
that

my

father

my

this, and

us

civic

scornfullyupon the
seventeenth-centuryHollanders

was

He

decline.

It

15

down

which
Italian civilization,

surpass

sad

DREAMS

illusion of his greatness.

looked

these

yet

OF

BRIDE

THE

must

we

knew

pass

full

without

comment.

well that

side and
mother's
on
priestswere
my
But
father
fought against a coalition.
of warmth, gentlemother
I felt a sense
ness

that

my

with

my
and

over

to
was

as

was,

the

had

tenderness, and
her

side

about.

long

before

Her

already

I knew

beauty,

what

which

been
the
I

won
test
con-

heard

16

THE

BRIDE

deference

the

praised;

sanctity, which
which
no

the

sphere of sufferingand

considered
dared

mother

my
with

her

which
I

tension

and

days,

and

only

pray

with

and

secret

which

my

Then

father

we

could

all

profound

that

so

not

to her

me

score

speedilyended.

did

would

the

quets
ban-

appear

for

side for

few

weep

and

and

began

bleak

one

early,a large

very

wandering that
through
through

her

jokes

that

with

was

mother

conferences;

there

church

to

on

fend
de-

passionatelyand
for long
Strange gentlemen came

she

me.

morning,

he

frivolous

aggravated

summoned

when

moments

conflict

my

whatever
would

heroically met

became

ceased

made

this chivalrous

But

did

sometimes

giant who

strictlyfollowed
the

and

proudly
gravity.

her.

to

I went

piety, and

father

power,

she lived

reason

against him.

to

my

man,

get

very

faithfully,and

admonitions

in which
heart

could

this

for

but

"

great

tears

great

and

anything

pleased

The

father

with; her

met

as

chivalrous

my

my

her

saw

yieldingto nothing or
with faltering
mockery;

resist

only

drew

DREAMS

recognized

dared

all this

"

father, otherwise

my

one,

OF

coach

appeared

for

two

us

northern

Africa,

We

years.
Asia

Europe, through America,

grow

fond

one

place

of it, or

so

long

feel

life of

restless

for

in

in

departed.

continued

remain

winter

elled
trav-

Minor,
and
time

myself

at

never

that
home

18

THE

BRIDE

OF

mind

which

of

humanity

strength of

the

DREAMS

had

himself

from

inherited.
three

On

ones,

them, whom

he called

as

that

priestlyrobe

without

called

he

whom

into

sensation

snake.

And

scorn.

"

he

as

of

timid,

all the
me,

sion,
aver-

own

behold

shuddering as
humbly living,

he

with

feared

did

fervid

with

he neither

whom

whom

he

whom

"

despisedthem

finallywomen,

despised,but

nor

his

me

the

philistines,

much

as

black

Secondly, the bourgeois,

contented, narrow-minded,
hate

with

yet unexpectedly

cannot

sight of

the

not

not

was

and, in spiteof

successfullyinculcated

so

at

he hated

of his race;

fierce vehemence
he

father

my

the
approached. Firstly,the priests,

be

to

types

hated

scoffing

dread.
And

lookingback

now,

great

distance,

upon

not

only healthy, natural

him

to

such

for

it

that

tenderness

exaggerated care

from

that

understand

now

youth

my

me,

but

so
was

drove

bitter,

impassioned feelingsof opposition and revenge


of
born
painful experience.
mortifying and

or

too

keep

his

sought

enemies

than

Besides
that I

in

life,more

for love

now

were

now

in the
the

was

there
am

him;

successor

That

hands.
still

for

cunning

me,

had
philistines

and

Priests, women

of

one

been

he

too

would

world,

out

mighty
at

least

of their

great satisfaction

from

he

grudge against his

me.

inconsistencies

quite able

to

in his character

explain,but which.

THE

as

child,seemed

He

BRIDE

posed

as

he

him

made

"

say,

and

him

speaking to
and

"

promise

he

did

where

good

science

natural

shield

and

did

man

shocking to me.
took
pleasure in
He

called

God

men

and

amused

of

of natural

ence
sci-

with

respect.

ture,
Na-

always

beautiful

and

spoil her.

not

I '11 tell

get the chance

Only

was

fool me,"

that

you

if I

speak

according to him,

19

he won't

But

hereafter."

nature

of

sport

his face

straightto

so

and

ingenuous piety.

at their expense.

would

and

queer

very

great joker, who


himself

DREAMS

free-thinker

ridiculingmy

OF

called

He

only securityin life,weapon

our

against priestly lies

and

religious

hypocrisy.
And
also

taking

faith
he

music.
him

visit the

pretend
But

in the

the

Blessed

by
This

hours

Virgin

poetic
my
that
and

he

temples regardlessof

the

was

own

musical

chieflyfor

go

Catholic
with

very

the

churches

the

wreathed

with

sacred

I also

holy water
before

in prayer

and

an

saw

and

even

image

flowers

and

of
lumined
il-

candles.

knowledge of

drew

he

went

incomprehensibleto

was

church,

to

Wherever

He

to

crossinghimself

kneeling for

one,

him.

confessed.

they

would

frequentlywent

with

me

failed to

never

no

father

yet my

having
illogical
workings of an

the

and

musical

the unbeliever

the

it

devout

was

not

father

yet

as

tically
artisBut

temperament.

conclusions, and

I considered

me,

ing
surpristhe

perverted through

true

evil in-

BRIDE

THE

20

fluence.

prevailed. My

of

image

all that

her

beauty,

for

shine

faithful

of my

I shall not

strange

and

to

When

me.

in

root

them.

beautiful.

the

rooms

we

be

than

parted

of the

me

countries

about

But

as

woven.

in

garden

or

cities

for

the

first few

many
little
take

not

absorb

not

of

recollection

in the

corners

which

can

which

I would
bed

to

of

some

of which

the

took

"

derful
won-

nished
fur-

ever
what-

mother,

my

I could

play

with

galleriesin

open

in the brook.
at

were

on,

pleasure

no

for

dreams,

my

further

journeying by rail, a novelty


me

ber
remem-

they undoubtedly

airy

dams

derings
wan-

traversed.

we

tell you
I

ject
sub-

meant

I went

absorbed

the

began

seen

does

from

material

build

not

pewter

when

house, where

little sister under


rose

small

travelling. I longed
country

our

and

and

or

boy

she

it does

clearer

even

shall
a

me,

the

which

have

must

of little cosy

have

with

vast

road

things about

I do

not

"

I must

True,

for

too

have

the

on

suffering,

arduous

Indeed,

is young

inhabited, of

found

never

soul

picturebooks,

certain

I had

and

sights,but they

surroundings

and

devotion.

long

my

beautiful

her

tenderness,

ardent

on

the

stripped her

angelic holiness,the

father.

my

about

much

her

and

dwell

with

by little,with

in pure

me

had

trivial,commonplace

little

to

mother's

absence,

memory

was

unlovely, and,
tears, her

DREAMS

her

despite

Thus,

influence

OF

that

times, and

Only

and
my
the
the

ested
time, inter-

above

all the

THE

BRIDE

the

trip across
and

Chicago

crossing the
of

Only

certain

have
Thus

Minor.

Asia

father

my

most

wretched
all

journey
should

been

I, and

could

we

the

accuse

them.

I stood

at

Amidst

face, sallow

wan

father's

and

drawn

glisteningstreaks
of
He
words

of

pistolin

of command

the brown,

sometimes

saw

with
the

the

back

peering into

hand

about

eyes,

and

an

sion
expres-

repeated a

from

again,while
us

in

came,

to

me

tune, with

and

few

times
some-

ing
mock-

unintelligible,
replies.

me

I realized

scorching wild

his

illness,with

mournful, sometimes
to

hot

will.

and

over

boundary separatingour

comes

side

the

habitants
in-

dirty,

fierce,self-interested,indifferent

the wild

Still the

of

scorching

stubborn

and

over

tones, loud, but


I

each

the

perspirationand

gleaming heads

angry,

in

to

vengeance

troop

from

deadly fatigueand

had

their

and

had

wanted

we

horses, for

thieves

my

tainted

thieves

when

no

in

helplessin

Meanwhile

get

feared

recollection.

ill from
lain

had

eagerly debating Syrians


street

sidered
con-

somewhere

day

belongings,and

on

we

both

tavern.

our

still

lasting significance

sharper

had
and

places, and

was

with

miserable

We

food,

stolen

retained

phia
Philadel-

risky undertaking.

moments

remember

steamboat

by

perilousand

small

only

were

ocean

when

America,

to

ocean

21

DREAMS

OF

life from

beast

I hear

fiddlingand

how

odor

the sound

faces,

narrow

was

death.
of the
of

beating of

place

onous
monot-

drums

in

22

THE

the

distance, and
above

leaves

desolate

to

did not

He

The

want

had
shut
to

hostile

from

conquer.

childlike faith

it

so

actually

surprisednor

glad.
and

wandering continued,

the

it

was

world

and

who

father

my

it hostile

made

me.

did

We
and

day

after

made

sandy roads,
only by

wisps
would

long march

began

Then

would

why

he

served

then.

much

very

should

we

he

he
let

until

"

did not

purpose
follow.?

we

die?

says.'*Why
ourselves

be

chewing
what

realize

to

speak, nor

not

I bore

me.

could,

I
"

time.

all this

pleasant

hardships continue
as

this ?

we

purpose,
could

us,

did

at that

it.'* If

do

What

plaguing

and

complaints from
bravely,as bravely as

no

something

and

father

I be able to endure
does

began

guided

were,

we

any

ponder

to

as

ing
along scorch-

boy, humming

My

he endure

tired

that

guide

foot

on

and

weak

straw.

against it

up

finallyprocure

half-witted

of

all

sufferingmeans.

would

I had

neither

was

feelingthat

out

me

father

my

will-power. And

life of

bitter

that

At

world, seemed

die, and

to

out, and
irksome

dition
disagreeablecon-

long while.

palm

me.

in his tremendous
turned

This

continued

knew, indeed, that

the

rustlingof

papery

heads.

have

DREAMS

mankind, the whole

all

and

the

our

must

time

OF

BRIDE

follyand
have

long

How

thought.

but

"

And
ship
hard-

to bear

it

thereby.'*Will
Or
Is
does

will

these

all this God


God

tormented

do

it,

so.f*"

hours

after

Then,

there

Is

23

wandering,

silent

of

justice,

this

By

this

ness,

put

had

and

abruptly
That

wanted.

had

footsore-

would

pleasure.

had

we

"

answer

this

exertion,

evidently

washed

all

warded
re-

father

My
of

need

be

all

his

did

gies
ener-

on.

when

But

this

and

He

walk

to

for

whether

proportional

reply.

"

father?

meant,

thirst

by
not

DREAMS

question:

single
"

OF

BRIDE

THE

ourselves
There

is

did
Power

reached

finally

not

with

only

could

not

seaport
he

seawater,

power

please

the

said

"

It

me.

avail

me.

was

ure
pleas-

Ill

well, dear

CONSIDER
these

writings.
with

thrilling
what

and

the

you

Illusion

dark

is

about

happening
that

word.

tattered
also

say

known
un

and

from

vital

the
the

from

wild
waters

the

the

from

swimmer

mountain
near

.f^

stream

the
Because

from

from

who

struggles
And

shore.

24

to

more

the
toward

waters

can

only
and

slowly

it has

been

penetrate

the

wherefore

still

the

are

to

foul
I

very

life

my

out
a

me.

and

desire

the

as

revealed

fleeting

to

things

worn

there

truths

unknown,

phers,
philoso-

the

for

"

all

And

the

hands
use

to

try

illumine

already

moving

swiftly moving

like

old

passionate
to

of

my

illusion

no

realities.

known

in

its

rapidly

unrevealed,

struggle

is

of

adventures.

destroy

to

things,

and

the

"

lost
is

very

constant

my

it

unknown

revealed,

to

it has
there

"

flowing

times

these

I have

But

us.

At

rag,

seek

they

to

and

up

word

all-powerful

which

but

of

selves
our-

occupy
attendance

clear

can

of

purpose

to

and

background

the

with

not

adventures,

words

my

is

recital

glowing

extent

for

It

the

the

reader,

revealed

the

lasting,

slowly

ing
flow-

centre

of

the

quiet

this

hard

also

hold

26

THE

on

us

to

coax

BRIDE

the real

as

with

satisfaction

comfort

the

with

perhaps

or

golden happiness.

of

the

fulfilled

duty

of

with

privilegefor

universe

does not

aiFords

age

be

the

I know

big

word

as

With

home

with
pure
as

the

their

suffer

go

to

such

themselves

liberated
and

revolution

of

ladder

to

as

"

all your

for

paper

ing
scal-

write

flauntingit

the

countenance

or

deceptionof

oratory

paper,

legal tender
stripof

the

who
philosophers,

of the

reason,"

contented

Europe

the

as

themselves

who

is worse,

piece of

beaming

"

are

that

upon

you

and

what

height upon

old

real,
hackneyed, transitory,un-

such

not

priestsor
to

in my

stuff.

hollow
And

plaint
com-

of the

ruler

deem

the

ter-of-fact
practical,rational, mat-

of trouble

off with

put

making

Nothing
who

persons,

the

eternity

on

the

epicureanpersons,

amount

vast

and

melancholy amusement

of these

and

of

case

them.

those
wise, especially

so

honor

such

me

foolishness

in

magistracy

conscience

finallywith

ghost

your

other
an-

mighty,

honors

or

"

and

good

tries

one

drink,

hereafter, a brief

reward

the

to

of

flatteryof

promise
the

This

tempting food and


pleasures of being rich

the

still others

DREAMS

with

you
with

OF

good

will

for

fore
be-

pains.

citizens go
ten,
is writ-

which

on

might,"

and

so-styledfreed peoples of

the

by the hosts
honestly paid

of
with

the

French

worthless

assignments.
What

my

father

let

me

gain for

my

trouble

did

not

seem

out

to

to
me

he

obtruded

comforted

and

wearied
I

was

tall lad,

replicaof

said.

ever3^one

to

brought

came

answer

in the

stab

assume

On

sea.

as

tall and

to him.

pay

any

But

attention

to

into closer contact

come

But

to

me,

beauties of art

long
and

the

days

old-fashioned
and

we

I could

of nature,

the

were

seemed

never

did
any

ways
al-

"

son

blance
strikingresem-

father

attention

father

women

this,nor

before

for

the

The

bearing

with

I carried

which

to

went.

my

Italian,

bearing.

Especiallyfor

of interest.

country

return

my

back

accustomed
we

pure

which

towel

lowlier

wherever

And

words, this loftiness

"

nearly

after

quickly

more

elegantly dressed, with his


and melancholy eyes
pompousness
"

dark

sallyof

called

turns

one

in my

early grown

attracted

the

who

arab,

than

slap with

"

to

me

I had
we

it

proud,

my

proud bearing and

my

to bathe

way

forced

and

vexed

fiercer attacks.

even

me

upon

imitated

my

delighted

"

sharper

getting for
on

the

of

high and mighty.''

so

country, where

own

measures

lad

it

I remember

street

"

in my

ward.
re-

copiously

have

lad

hold

better

so

me

upon

As

me.

indignantParisian
:
Hey, boy, why

me

he

me.

father, as
an

of

prospect

approached maturity,

as

could

nor

diversityof life,the beauty

which

would,

reasonable

any

The
world

fair return,

me

27

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

THE

ever

see

jects
subto

him

woman.

appreciatethe
glance from

the

THE

28

of

eyes

had

BRIDE

woman

the

was

offer.

to

OF

That

DREAMS

all life

accounted

primarily

outweighing

gold

precious of

most

much

alloyed
un-

as

and

anguish

trouble.
I will

avail

may

to be exact

try

write, and

dead

sweetheart

when

and

were
were

discouragement.
dear

to

hatefulness

of this

beams
to

shine

been

great
five

over

passivepart

at

chose

me

her

which

as

myself
tall

and

went

out

of

boy

pale Hollander

certainlynot
one

in

the

very

to

or

of

of

speakably
un-

to

me.

bored

me,

gloom

and

never

of

also

was

loathsome

the

vital pangs.
when

recall

to

chief est

seek

the

as

it

of
was

seems

lad, whom

attractive

bright summer's
starlight,with

now

girl who

when

it

eve

the

the

attention

the

joys

And

have

played

the

But

friends.

and,

was

invited

and

began

I cannot

old.
it

first

the

of life

joy
but

me,

time, and

friend

important

importance

six years

or

of

desert

ever

possessed

me

the

the

times

of friend

most

bestowed.
right willingly

thought only
a

in

brightly for

more

much

and

barren

is difficult for

It

the

while
am

pain they brought

never

of other

in

tedious,

or

The

and

me,

thought

oasis

an

consolation

my

read.

thoughts were

dull

never

the

interest

greater

They

"

amidst

such

old

privilege

and

Even

duties

and

cares

absolutelysincere.

I shall be

always

was

thoughts.

my

that

nature

amorous

very

of

myself

and

later

love, I

boy,

to

wandering

me,

proached
apgether
to-

proposition of

THE

eternal

friendship. The

is called

common

proposal.
with

met

Our

Later,

such

in

of

they
the

none

and

fish.

also

for

fisher
so

and

nice

brown-eyed

lad,

because

he

swim

like

bigger, it

In

these

relations

who

that

won

with

the

subject of

the

blood

rise to

the

treasures

these

devotion

of

I may

through

unresponsive. For
and

how

the

Genius

of

young

all too

its destined

all,man

tender

Humanity
and

has
to

course
woman

it

But

this

ardent

and

night

still make

can

when

I think

squandered
I know

now

that

they

green

as

endowed

us,

alike,born

forever

with

For
a

so

grass,

which

life-longtorture.

on

life at

responsive might
instinct,with

of

too

were

wandering

remained

side I had

easilyone

turned

are

that

myself lucky

count

father's

And

cheeks

wan

my

unresponsive beings.

that

my

love.

my

heart.

most

enthusiast, fervently pining,filled day

his show
my

the

always

was

was

taught

with

impressed me

greater worldly wisdom,

dice,
preju-

therefore

well, and

was

of

child

caste

travellingsalesman

collegesongs

me

I loved

row

ments
attach-

as

diverse, but

very

later, when

this

seldom

all these

nothing

could

too

scruples.

I.ivornian

German

young

have

transitoryand,

less intense.

And

possessed what

women

cares

and

29

repliedthat he had
eternityto dare accept

and

were

strong

so

lad

among

love

barefooted

was

pale

travellingmade

brief

search

DREAMS

conscientious

constant

very

OF

and

sense

conception of

vague

BRIDE

have
the
from
we

twofold

BRIDE

THE

30

be

the

and

nature,

contorted

OF

DREAMS

pliant young
its

and

shoot

can

easily

so

rightfulgrowth permanently

warped.
maiden

The

began

look

to

indeed,

in

saw

her

on

with

disparity,between

of

entertained

moments

very

brief

It must

I first
that

buried

have

been

that

of

everythingelse
a

so

not

whether

fair northern

between

eyed

the

under

walked

me

so

blonde.

coy

But

but

places.
common-

of ten

age

bright eyes

not

it

of

and

girl,

higher bliss,

give me.

This

that

oblivious

about

blonde

due

was

never

was

like

one

was

ing
mov-

to

the blood

could

of

ern,
south-

lass fascinate

black-haired

and

vehemently and intenselyas a blueEspecially the English type, the

well
cool, self-possessed,
as
and

old.

insightwere

the

mother, but

dark-eyed and
interest

and

all

dream.

I know
my

and

engrossedme,

event

thought

and

experienced that peculiarand

an

greater

regarding the
ing
cordialityembrac-

forthwith

looking into

yet the

fervent, and

very

young

revelation

and

had,

intimacy

not

notion

vague

boy friendshipcould

in

but

was

woman,

of

twelve, that

maid.

and

intimacy and

and

these

it

some

an

all, man

of

intimacy,with

an

youth

intimacy gloriousif
of

lover's eyes.

unspeakable joy
atoning for all,but

peculiarhigher joy

great joy

long before

the

found

surpassing and

even

the lover

me

as

somewhat

maiden, slender

and

haughty
yet strong.

with

hair, attracted

wavy

with

irresistible

an

difficult matter,

and

speak carefullyif
these

and

is

delicate and

well

deliberate

must

things.

feelingsovertake

us

child,we

as

Alice

only

or

Bertha

powerful emotions
it is

all that

Alice

personality,that it is
interests us so intensely,
and

who

Bertha

and

deeply penetrate

more

it is the

think

est
inter-

power.

would

we

31

attention

my

of these

meaning

When

only

inspiresuch strange

can

of bliss and

just Alice

that

or

desire.

above

And

just Bertha

or

and

whose

more

acquaintance is so eminently desirable.


sion,
retain this illuhow
is it possiblethat we

intimate
But

and

live and

even

enviable
each

DREAMS

patience,dear reader, it

Have

the

OF

BRIDE

THE

though

feels this

ofttimes

it may

be

in

know

we

that
and

other

some

transferred

it

see

pleasant and

"

when

"

interest

same

even

die in it

from

to

one

another?
in love

Being

is the

desire

fathom

to

interestingsecret, indispensableto
beloved

maiden
the

that

every

attracts

about

her,

this

givesto
attractive

not

the

of her
and

that

receptivitythat,

accidental

Thus

in

wanderer
creature

us,

ray

dark.
kind

so

in

The

tracts
lightat-

know

we

this

shed

simply

among

creature

of

Yet

can

it is

all.

us

our

many

diance
raown

sands,
thou-

particularher

power.

I think

herself

one

as

most

can

sought

positivelysay
in my

that

beloved, but

it

the

was
re-

32

THE

flection

of

affirm it,my

must

this.

windows

When

longest and

of

many

though

years

this

on

They
by
for

while
cult

they

all the

in

resemblance

charring under
The

last

of

and

with

about

he
hero-friend

poor

classics
until

series, the

in
able

that

it

few

to

was

not

ship
friend-

and

lying

curling

eyes,
of

commercial

his

him

puppet

him
sequently
sub-

positionof
he

which

swered
an-

stammered

in

from

the

plagiarism

fatherland.

and

match.

young

maintain

I met

life

hated.

his

fluent

even

heroes

as

of them

one

ingenuousness

years

out

personal

aside

correspondence in

with

decked

glory. I saw
watering place, and

of his romantic

after

ing.
record-

ideal expectations,

flame

the

fervent

German

of

avenging

week

by

cast

the

was

my

worth

my

pierced

traveller, longest retained

only

dering
pon-

of German

to

photograph

see

wash-bowl

my

I would

in anxious

in their

later, when

no

still

that

me

is not

ritual

rudely dismantled
can

last,

herself,her

imagination,worshipped

and

showed

she

wondrously

puppets

with

"

loved

spent

friends

boy

were

fertile

my

little of

higher certainty,

any

I have

son
rea-

my

subject.

list of my

The

whom

willinglyrelinquishfor

not

though
comprehends

certaintyto

the

through

But

her

shines

also

as

devotedly, then

most

is
personality,

own

it.

heart

think

that

well

as

I discovered

in which

eyes

DREAMS

light

common

one

other

through

OF

BRIDE

All went

well,

again

and

but

skeleton

ticed
no-

site
more

all

if

barren;

too

and

this

of

equal

good

will

sex

is

to

the

and

too

erts
des-

by

other

akin

exalted

expect, besides,

those

in

feelings somewhat

detect

To

by abysses all

closelybarred

all too

doors

deep, by

grateful. The

be

confronted

is not

if he

so

can

himself

sprouting within

sex

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

THE

34

he

soul

his

to

own.

friendshipsbetween

imputing
Deity

much

too

in

whose

power

hand

we

live.
For

then, it

me,

and

Emmy,

worth

and

she

whether

her
and

look

to

at

pretty

was

She

from

that
an

I heard

"

that

as

old

an

lovelychild."

compliment,
to

but

in such

me

sidered
con-

strong

occurred

never

to

interested

was

say

others

critical
aesthetically

when, after I had


year,

cannot

whether

or

it

that

I remember

really

interested

degree
her

prised
sur-

her

over

gentleman referringto
it

sounded

like

me

me

point.
stand-

and

already known
It flattered

of

who

ing
interest-

the most

me

knowing.

so.

intense

to

but

"

Tenders, the

English-Scotch merchant,

an

beings seemed

all human

Bertha,

or

particularlyEmmy

more

of

daughter

Alice

not

was

wholly

her
sonal
pernew

me.

that

I know
that

she had
of

in

heavy

say

that

or
so

to

she

lithe and

was

yet quite robust,

lightgrayish-blueeyes

thick
waves.

It is

give even

attracted

hair

blonde

an
me

that

and

framed

in her.

saw

of what

face

her

quite impossible for


intimation

dance
abun-

an

me

it

to
was

her first in her

THE
home

own

her

saw

lady, and

and

of

silent

is

brothers

like

arch
said

and

her

that

even

costs,

the cost

had

life would

When

with

What
seemed

tender
could

be

could

And
her

blonde

make

yet

dear,

to

treated

in

me

was.

what
some-

She

and

the

when

fathom

young

hair, which

me

all
at

ably
miser-

me.

it all the

making
"

"

dear

with

fervent

happy

mingled

pity.
of

and

cordial

this?

led

She

pleasant

family relations,

pleasures, ball

thought

of

would

her

push

games,

everything

"

our

her

supple limbs,
she

at

but

seemed

English girlof
I

for

secret

excursions, dances
an

the

particularto

very

meaning

and

foster

ever

feelingof mournfulness,
how
dear
she
myself :
"

the

out-door

boat
tea-parties,
that

good parents,

luxuries, man}'^

this, thus

pain

entirelywell

life,with

and

and

have
to

I said

pronounced

feelingof

it then

as

greatest treasure;

my

was
inexplicable,

is ! "

than

more

mother,

did

approach

I staked

mingled

pity.

me

concealed

feeble consideration

more

after

her

anything

nature

of my

And

moment

ing
mysterious feel-

good comrades,

she

though

the

now,

toward

felt I must

ant
pleas-

pleasantly ingeniousmanner.

her

But

say.

of

by

nothing particular,nor

illusion that

mother,

from

And

to
inexplicable

as

35

brothers, sturdy, clever,

to

affectionate

was

her

lads.

attraction,which

fiftyyears,
She

of her

her

drawn

was

DREAMS

OF

in the company

Scotch
staid

BRIDE

time

happy.

playful ways,
thick,
back

now

wavy,
and

36
then

both

with

my

her

that

love

Goethe

the

meant

that

spirits.But
giant

their

sweet

the

which
and

he

Let

But

it is the

and

work

be

must

woman

before
Now
about

can

we

I turn
and
the

Emmy
had

on

before

they

of

is

whom

Every

life that

all his

from

proceed

to

yet the

me

all

employed,

understood

was

the

point

if to

cover
dis-

who, when

woman

manhood,

completely won
She

as

crystal.

first
to

and

man

and

facet

ever.

as

between

love

another

youth

for

treasures

and

past

regulated

the

was

weighs
out-

and

man,

are

we

of the

form

Tenders

part.

their

reader, and

which

better

Yet

Vulpius were

proceed to friendship.
love-life
the jewel of my

hidden

grown

friendship.

mystery

first the

offer

to

price.

love
a

contemplate

absolutely,and
her

of

that

hold

of

be

to

greatest

small

time

much

as

the

tual
intellec-

an

themselves.

patient,dear

be

is

had

secret

of

communion

What

power,

of

it too

carefully. My
matter

think

willinglybarter

would

us

would

humbled

wisdom

count

yet

One

us.

worthy

conceals

woman

ships.
friend-

Christiane

and

that, for

well

as

great

have

equals in

willinglybowed

in

up

of these

nonsense.

and

Donati

mates,

is

Dante

just

intellectual

would

one

or

Gemma

on

all it is

beginning,nothing comes
They merely divert

the

welled

tears

compassion.

See, reader, after

DREAMS

hands, the

sheer

from

eyes

OF

BRIDE

THE

first

me
woman

at

without
I

once,

effort

eagerly

BRIDE

THE

it

sought, though
and

probably
sought

ten

I had

deepest reverence

But,

said

as

this

to

girls had

and,

me

I have

as

but

always repelledthese approaches.

Without

"

obedience
I

was

subjected on

never

life,my

unworthy

and

while

on

But

this

the

other

itself

When

seeking had

me.

and

come,

the

retained

of childhood
and

there

for

the

mingled with
lost

than

motherly

window

the

with

it

in

of the

something
with

girls
my

in which

later

my

of

time

and

driven

appeared

that

little adventures

feelingof regret
kiss

blown

hotel

me

south

of France, the embrace

and

in

chambermaid

pressed into my hands


Spanish girl somewhere

by

young

madic
no-

Naples, the extraordinary,more

cares

roses

ence
influ-

exactness,
irritating

bitter

street

then

opportunities. The

from

Vienna,

days

acting

manner

of these

memory

had

I exalted

assailed

was

by overwhelming passions,it
I had

culiar
pe-

manlier.

and

eifective

on

my

of my

see

hand

oh ! the subtle and

avenged

whose

in the association

nobler

boy friendshipsas

me

of

myself,

account

feelingmade

own

childish and
women,

me

This

with

boyish tradition, to

to

in

confessed,

boy friendshipscould give me


obstinacy inexplicableto
in

before,

glance from the eyes


promise of higher joy than

of them

one

37

in the

found

also

the

previous

years

flattered

indeed

DREAMS

detectingthe prospectiveman
of him.
aware
myself become

me,

I had

before

some

with

was

shrinking fervor.

had

OF

the kiss

on

the

in the
on

my

38

which

cheek

listeningto

dark

music

some

simpletonthat

indignantly repelled

which

and
!

was

how

"

garden

fully
scorn-

"

often

and

teasingtenacityhave they haunted


dreamy days and sleepless
nights,when

in my

icy

crust

but

the

of

girlshad

also

grown

favors.

And

intervening,I

century

of mutual

game

truth

time

the Unseen

of this

One

now

without

in my

occurred
the

between

also afford

subtle

smile,and

amusement

secretlydirects

to

me

was

to

wondrously

as

green

for

seek

to

up

the

figures

the

time

consider

interestingof

mysterious and
life. And

perhaps, as I, you

reading the writingsof


lovers

exactness,

among

which

deal with

father

led
that

me

to

and

tain
cer-

alarmed

me

"

all the

too

have

the

great

mankind,

And

question?

fared in this matter

most

always

"

of

felt

guished
distin-

and

yet

enigmas

certain

exclaim

timacy
in-

of

well-nighthe

connection

this very

connection

any

emotions

blissful

It had

grass.

continuallyoccupied me
which
only
physical sensations
because
I thought them
unhealthy.

My

this

opinion that

that

did you

half

father's

reader, that

dear

Tenders, I

Emmy

when

melted,

with

watch

cannot

who

the

gracefuldance.

Remember,

never

even

indeed

it must

been

long

me

proportionallymore

hide-and-seek

recognizesome

many

had

boyish pride

of their

chary

met

felt in

what

with

to

DREAMS

suddenly

once

oh, obstinate

"

and

I stood

where

OF

BRIDE

THE

want

of

But

how

man

who

"

like the

hesitation

much

after

glasses in

his

dropped

the

glass. He
extraordinary
that

for

he

very

such

with

up

and

failed

now

encouraged

He

reason.

very

bring me

wisdom,

and

care

when,

foot, stepped preciselyon

tried to

had

and

room

deliberation

and

his

down

carefully set

dark

39

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

THE

boyish

my

girlsand courtingand did not oppose


partialityfor boy friendships.The terrible
of

scorn

thereby

thus

instinct and
he did not

see,

in this

he

regard

the

time

to

came

do

neglectedto

gratitude,respectedas long

seized with

blind
and

he

and

"

so.

to

indeed

notice

my

have

him

to

been

very

air of

perplexity,my
at

possible.

as

wanderings

abstraction, my

he considered
weeping in bed
final enlightenment come.
Between

sensitive, proud and

two

like my

and

father
most

it with

customary

his
never

My

myself,this

difficult task.

painfuland

life.

ening
bright-

spent
father

more

had

But

undaunted

pallor,
agonies

my
the

"

time

for

refined

tures
na-

was

he

most

performed

determination.

uncomfortable

brought

and

confusion

apparent

and

was

deaf

very

abroad

Tenders

everythingthat suggestedher, my

nocturnal

I have

that

glowing passion for Emmy

must

not

clear

it became

when

But

my

when

and

life,

for

making myself unhappy

sensitive

very

my

my

natural

and

sound

my

risk

prudishnessconcerning everything
pertaining to my body he, rightlyand to

My

of

warping

to

seem

enlightenme

my

of

ran

my

books

hour
and

in

prints

mumbled

and

me

he

dared

deal

good

of

Beads

voice.

hollow

his

DREAMS

demonstration;

better

for

OF

BRIDE

THE

40

look

not

under

at

in

breath

his

stood

perspiration

on

brow.
had

he

When

as

thought

child

end

to

itself

secret

bound

much

too

to

with

Insensible

my

And

room.

"

shriek
and

heart.

of

wept

distress.

as

The

though

"

tractive,
at-

strange,
fascinated

secret

before

to

Then

would

fell

like

now

could

lips.

my

more,

once

name

the

secret,

humiliation,

and

pain

rose

and

it.

leave

"

the

out

the

repulsive

first

crushed

was

life.

barrassed
em-

my

wrong,

But

to

me

there,

Emmy

name

done

life.

mysterious,
me

has

revolver.

my

and

nervous

room,

who

was:

wanted

the

left

down

weep

went

shivered,

ing
cry-

despairing

upon
out

the

it,

help

to

my

my

bed

very

therefore, without
be

must

lopped
do

Reader,

deep regard
who

boy

veneration

and

vital

ago,

so

not

scornfully,but

We

angel.

But

are

try,

have

in the

right way,

that

And

had

not

as

you
a

found

it

much

like
the

an

boot

with

"

like

is to

it

as

you

fifty

gentle irony
the

on

der
shoul-

Quiet, laddie, be
of

possible,

say

comes
everything bethink

you

devotion.''

learned

this, dear

same

consternation
but

the

She
a

this

of

is indeed

poet

her

ent
rever-

wiser.
and

lover

and

would

too

to

came

way

to

have

not

reader, does

not

alter

the

not
candistressingtruth, and one
disharmony bearable by denying it. So

and

is certain
my

their

into

appalling."

so

mysterious
make

that

self of

my

knowledge

philistinethen

all

But

deep

flowers

quickly as

as

caused

if the

love, and

that

strange mingling

Do

Tenders,

Emmy

at

yourselfto this, then

would

of

discord

kindly:

quite bearable.
thing

because

pat the boy

dismayed.

reconcile

to

much

so

you

great foolish

the

and

softly laugh

him

and

ape

of

men

now

admonish

and
not

I demand

function.

sympathetically.

"

fit.

for

between

carries

former

myself

years

that

toes

would

the boot

imagine

not

important

that

so

difference

the

most

these
sentimentality,

any

off

DREAMS

lay helplesslyweeping

strange
with

OF

BRIDE

THE

42

that

horror

father's

ing
assertion,declar-

wholly unreasonable,

attempt
fit.

my

at

lopping

I resisted

off my

affected
toes

to

me

make

passionately,
maintaining

inexorable

an

road

had

branches

course

This

was

father's

my

reproached

him

for

in

reader,
facts
From

for

That

has
we

are

there
father

strange
the

accustomed

and

tender

to

from

generation

us

launch

my

the belief in
And

more

very

now

amorous

Together

with

tant
imporin

here

tal
acquitruin

to

gone

For

in
suredly
as-

deny. Every

cannot

for

and

and

once

callingthese parents
the

the

genealogicaltree
beyond

woes

Adam

accusations

at

all,

sin and
of these

and

should

even

ill

Eve
I then

Powers

which

generationhave imprinted in
their inviolability.
to

observe

strange

tence,
sen-

I hold

and

Dithecantropus Erectus,

have

sentment.
re-

designing.

mother,
to

I follow

guilt. But

or

guilt I

and

bitter

thorny labyrinth.

of human

is

never

most

tribunal

strayed

and

it is not

lute
disso-

to

impenetrable darkness?

have

Cupid's flowery

one

"

I have

the

forgotten little town,

all who

once

pronounce

whereof

unimpassioned

and

thus

dangerous

feelingsof
we

vile

and

other

But

Can

suit

still lie in
my

dreamy

it with

and

and

me,

but

the

and

low

the

on

work.

not?

Why

to

out

fanaticism

leadingto
cynicism.

noble

the

disclosed

eagerly

43

my

and

Emmy

hastily and

whose

path

for

father

wandered

DREAMS

separation between

lofty sentiments
things my

OF

BRIDE

THE

what

makes

and

illogical.I

but

also

my

of

the
am

very

not

matter

only

sensual

still
of

nature.

to
strong susceptibility

the

of

joys

OF

BRIDE

THE

44

overpowering impulse
of these

the contact

such

in

about

there

communion

soul

two

DREAMS

of

mighty

propagation.

Before

had

brought

currents

been

the

painful manner

the

went

low, dark,

physical instinct had filled me with a continual


with
restlessness
and
though not very distressing
The
doubt
concerning my health.
splendidequilibrium
of

other

my

this

itself to

functions,

that

tained
main-

has

day, always outweighed

this

doubt.

when

the

all the

more

But

occupied
I

brain

can

facts

explained it

came
be-

absorbing and

enticingand

so

was

thoughts that,

my

wonder

man,

half

secret

again

ponder

over

even

their interest, and

old

an

that

and

again

such

comparatively simple

infinitum, without

ad

now

without

having

human

them

lose

really arrivingat

any

conclusion.

Physicians
and
out

of

and

good

physician
much

he

as

time

same

would
also

their

among

day

without

be

And

us

fine words

there

point
may

be

physicians,every
exception, in so
physician,is

philistine.With

comprehension

in the
how

called

I would

though

men

unpoetical and

serve

But

reader, that

our

tions
pathologicalcondi-

sexiialis.

noble

their

and

still

of

of

speak

libido

dear

to you,

very

would

for

their

the

tions
explana-

things that

because

at

are

yond
be-

their science is

unphilosophical,
they

do

not

least.

could

one

of

these

present-day sages

THE

reasonablyexplainto
human

OF

DREAMS

that

in

BRIDE

such

type

me

character?
and

in

it

refined

then

highly cultured

and

ignoble

and

beautiful

my

aversion?
whence

its

overpowering, in

member

of the human

race

And

if any

bar

in the
with

would

freaks

strange

his

summit

and

we

series of

names

ately
immedi-

not

all

this

plague by

his

sliining

honored

most

Arezzo

father

also
of

do

de

Arnaut

"

and

poets

Verigord,

all those

rime

it stand

d'amore

usar

duty,

but

had

his dearest
this

Guittons

his

father

"

dolci

with
differently

Shelley,Byron, Heine,
My father's deed arose

the

on

for

penance

Guinicello

Guido

Is

years?

deeper meaning that Dante


the mount
of redemption lets

weakness

the

from

che

Did

exceptionsand

of

and

of

of

should

nature,

lipswith

here

Are we
not acquainted
historyof mankind?
Sophocles' very significant
sigh of relief at

it without

very

speak

of

being delivered

of

its

unworthy,

impertinent and

so

presence,

and

some

coupled

was

for

impulsegood

really low

lofty

without

animals

part ignoble,whence

no

were

"

this

Were

and

strong working

very

sensitiveness

exaggerated

an

noble

I, certainlynot

as

right,dared call myself, the


of an
to all
impulse common
with

45

mai

leggiadre.

Dante

himself,with

Goethe?

wholly

from

an

different

imagined

sense

consequences

46

BRIDE

THE

OF

DREAMS

probably expected. He must


knowing what
thought that now,
he

than

either

would

my
torn

nounce
straightfor matrimony or rehad
He
satisfactorily
boyish love.

steer

piecesthe veil of illusion


and more
mysterious than

to

loftier

and

he knew
also

He

me.

valiantlytrue
shield her

this world

by

life

my

her

my

rest

of

it

love with
the

intention

as

their

the

and

desire

of

bridge

higher than
profaning
think

about

wooing

vivid

and

of
and

me

wedding

And

imagination and

liberty,were

as

granting them

had
what

something sacred

and

holy, I

their

not
my

now

stilled.

not

aroused

were

lawful

from

as

And

females

and

keep

that, the passionssuddenly awakened

food.
of

her

every

natural

as

of

world.

slumbering hounds
for

out

peal
ap-

my

baseness

sacrilegeto

thousand

craving recognitionand
The

against the

above

image

father, fed by

my

I felt

let my

of the

one

with

But

and

shield

dangers

ever.

as

I considered

confound

of the

to

body serve
earthlypool of mire.

thought.
to

he wished

ardentlydevoted

as

Emmy

with

held

as

gation
propa-

witchery

in difficulties and

to

and

the

across

her

common

confidence

behold, I remained

ever,

something

woman's

"

which

that

nature.

But

to

from

expected my

advice

for

kindred

here

concerned

was

which

surelyhave
it implied, I

and

ored
clam-

the

slightest

father

pointed

portion,but what,
was

devouring jaws

determined
cost

what

to

it

OF

BRIDE

THE

would, they sought other

47

DREAMS

food

threatened

and

to

destroy me.
"

what

But

the

solution

model

I would

The

will

of

scheme
ahead

lamp

far

as

the

For

life.

light he

to

must

for himself

see

The

hounds

whether

from

Blessed

is he who

proper

prey.

without

death

to

to

And

would

children

do

booty

retain

you

threaten

not

responsibleand

each

myself

would

least, after

at

have

sooner

for intimate

Thames.
lawn
the

blue

and

there

the

situated

the

to my

feet

of

theory.

narrow

I had

your

experienced,
policeagent
father.

in London

on

the

well-trimmed
emerald-green,
multi-colored
flower-borders,and

porcelain vases,
on

back

of

smooth

The

with

was

starve

to the nearest

gone

advice, than
home

Emmy's

what

that,

let them

mutilate
of

their

thinks

confidence

their sensibilities for the sake


I

who

will

escaping.

offer them

unbridled

to

And,

day they

can

the

through.

is certain.

some

himself, he

for

seek

or

little

thus

the

him

to

his

rubbish

and

not,

woe

for

up

ness.
dark-

forthwith

can

into the

that, too, there is no

And

danger

shoves

reach

can

food, that

want

only

draw

he finds his way

or
intentionally

be awakened

called to

is not
how

sider
con-

you

reader

it,young

confusion

brought

do

"

question?

He

he

as

what

"

of the

is not

old Muralto

"

ask ;

nothing about

do

it,old hermit

about

do

you

reader

young

you

would

summer

extended

afternoons

the

to

the

water,

family sat

on

BRIDE

THE

48

OF

DREAMS

partaking of tea, feeding the swans


swimming by, and watching the gay traffic, the
the

chairs

cane

"

multitude

graceful little

of

dressed

in

gig-rowers
regular
friends

of

swish

match

on

training,shooting by

with

which

the

lightemanated

at

mingled

with

human
seemed

my

strains

assumed

the

is

there

Not

flood of

father, and

my

all my

fair

father

strange and,

most

that

and

had

when
cent
inno-

told

me

at

it makes

behind

from

us

race,

Tenders,
every

for

of

person

dangerous city. The


purity is so successfully
itself

horribly manifest,

only Emmy

her type and

and

bright,merry,

excitinginfluence,when
leers

boats
house-

happy people,

of music

with

angelichuman

glaringly and
more

this

night.

temperament,
of

and

ming
swim-

ugly fairy-tale.

an

London

glamour

of flowers

world, then

but

But

side ; the luxuriant

suburbs

I lived in the

all

amidst

way

by shouting

competitorsin

their

every

echoed

followed

and

oars

by, full
floating
from

softlyblending
lar
muscu-

making

cheered

tumult

ably
fashion-

white, the

horseback;

on

in

women

violet, pink and

of green,

tones

and

men

with

crafts

all the

exercises

and

the black
the
but

cultured

more

demon

denly
sud-

veil.

of

woman

every

English

woman,

possessedfor me something lofty,something holy


of other
and
tries
counirreproachable. The women
still bore

animal;

some

there I could

resemblance

still conceive

to

the
and

female

imagine

50

THE

in their

own

OF

BRIDE

boat, in affectionate
and

greatly embarrassed
did not

to

seem

to

all the

And

view.
the

pure

the

impure
whom

to

human

old hermit

The

the

the

to

old

heaven, despitehis
the

human

satiated
the
did

he

or

like

excitement

same

and

through

Paris
a

had

hotbed

seduction, on

wiser

words

ardent

giant city exposed


in all her

of

precious
the

Muralto

indeed
thank

though seldom,

love-life

would

It has

sage.

years,

consider

in these

wanton

the

many

mourned

eyes

of

and

natural,

poeticlover

young

man,

feel better

reader, but

the

dim,

naturalist

the

that

the

could

loss.
of

to

disharmony.

or

days

such

at

gard
rean

tress,
pleasingdis-

former

days

herself

he

naturalist

philosopherwithout

sweet

not

deeply
And

soul

philosopherMuralto

from

distance

long

occurred

old

as

and

remark, that
a

admired

of whose

love-life seemed

my

philosopher.

ancient

here

ous
hide-

so

and

not

to

peculiar

could

unexciting as

and

that

plainly on

so

bright mirror

of the world

breath

the

common

was

the

creature

wholly
me

appear

I honored

more

to

that

and

itself

obtrude

and

me

here

the natural

depravitymade

inborn

be

to

it occurred

Then

be to blame

myself must

Emmy

me.

appeared

or

that

attitudes

distressed

them

see

thereby.

undisturbed
I

DREAMS

"

yet

times, but
may

err,

experience!
of first true
now

my

And

love

ened
enlightI, who

in

child
passed as an innocent
hailstorm
of sensuality and
a

singletwilighteve

in London

THE

had

four

which

BRIDE

five

or

and

in the

imbedded

remain

seed with

sweetbriar

fibres of

thorny
which

arrows

and

flesh,smarting

the

Hke

burning

barbed

as

memory

51

particulars of

the

encounters

in my

remained

DREAMS

OF

has

one

itching

cactus

or

into too

come

close contact.
the

When
cast

race,

conviction
which

the game

as

the

aside

her

pride and,

needs

English
chastity
casts

"

though

she

longer

no

"

their

profession,

certain

homage

or

the

to

grace

and

lofty secret

desecrate.
German

or

God

"

bunglers !

with

differenc
in-

need

charming glamour

and

game

Latin

from

of love

natural

poor

they must

But

it

make

the sorry

play

as

their

country, of

my

away

still retain

they
and

of

women

be

off her

gracious

modesty

were

glad

! let

us

that

say

as

who

woman

these

downrightly

as

she

to

lays

need

though

not

the

carry

greater

absolute
depth of her fall resulted also in a more
like
hopelessnessof ever arisingagain. Cold, business-

and

practical,they
regard the human

and

unexcited
But

as

just

dreadful

the
to

this class

reminded

as

old

an

the

day,

me

unmoved

and

philosopher.

toward

and
of

English
queenly love,

pure
my

who, fiftyyears

parks

profession

distinction,this sharp and

between

the present

the fine London


manner

or

nobly represented in

creatures

their

on

love-life

naturalist

contrast
so

woman,

and

carry

ago

ably
prob-

twilighthaunted

in the most
the

and

unabashed

recently

received

BRIDE

THE

52

fatherly disclosures
passions

aroused

Was

for

them

well

it

hideous

this

Let
reader.
caused

not

satisfied with
fast

also

did

Then

not

shame, but
who

followed

the

and

him

to

when

Emmy
and

who

let

could

nature

demands

the

marmots.

tractable

race?
the

mine

nor

unknown

hidden

Breeder

involves

it

honor

no

of

account

with

than

that

power

ape

had,

and

pasturage

angel
to

my

love

for

impure images

that
my

he did

drove.

of attraction.

thanks

match-making, gone

the

glory,

I, what

surprise you
away

turing
pas-

or

my

savage

drive

The

design.

the

me

their

of

that

probably

were

honor

knew, better

not

destroy

to

render

he entrusted

Neither

never

willingly

were

would

this

rear

the

and

to

alone

they

Possiblythey

of docile cattle
I choose

beasties

your

contentedly to

both

discernment

and

that

genealogicaltables and selected


cate
deliwith
fathers, uniting them

the

mothers

indignation, dear

submit

yours

accord

tormented

or

yourself

count

The

leaves,

will, or

you

procure

hyenas.

trouble, that

leash.

too

they would,

Eat

your

lettuce

at

matrimonial
But

arouse

much

then

carrion!

gladly believe

you

would

they

wolves, became

became

dogs

roar.
up-

heart

filled my

food.

other

were

untamable

an

that

themselves

though

newly

hungry dogs raged blindly.

creature

"

to

me

the noble
for

good

within

the

this stirred

just

"

tormented

The

DREAMS

OF

The

human

our

father's

fatallywrong.

onciliation
rec-

ling
bunghope-

THE

less

BRIDE

had

separation
the

and

thoughts

My

startled

of

white

the

London

beast

in

suffer

difficult

direct

to

flies.

could

lily

in

stinking
parks

seething
or

drive

scarcely

carrion

was

what

with

wild

own

paths.

desecration

fatherly
of

as

wonder

them?

had

thoughts
a

off

them

from

of

lesson

swarm

away

brought
black

his

accessible
in-

seemed

angel

keep

chamber,

my

53

no

the

But

me

the

sought

would

up

DREAMS

arisen,

sacredness.

Emmy's

as

OF

roomful

the

then

the

nocturnal

one

that

EMMY
her

developed

her,

inconsistent

this

all

strife

the

in

all-

an

trembling
deep

the

by

self-

confusion

household

intimate

and

ing
wildly-blaz-

and

caused

usual
un-

courted

of

changes

self-reproach,

being

but

not

capricious

shyness

dismay,

"

years

devotion,

sudden

violent

shrinking,

the

the

naught-fearing

and

happiness,

and

all

is

as

age,

three

made

sixteen,

was

curiously

with

way,

contempt

in

but

that

For

country.

my

steadfastly,

daring

and
at

when

old

years

acquaintance,

fully
in

nineteen

was

of

my

soul.

Emmy
a

make

can

excellent

an

now

natural

dear,

good,

as

was,

without

say

and

and

partiality,

child,

simple

born

housewife

loving

to

and

consort.

often

How

to-day,

with

little

gentle

into

little

stay

"

hint,
and

and

two

safe
So

I, the

patriarch
would

knowledge,

present

journey.
a

that

imagine

the

boats

prosperous

needed,

my

between

stepped
two

currents

on

little

would

loving

everything
54,

steered

easily

word

would

joint
have

of

of
have

the
and
been

direction,
have

been

BRIDE

THE

well.

these

But

OF

DREAMS

idle and

are

not

was

three

was

her

years

though

junior. Emmy's

parents

liberal-minded,like

were

insensible to rank

though

the Catholic

faith.

the

amiable

English people not

most

he

would

been

had

surelynot

Italian

noble

young

family, even
Thus

title,and

and

precludedthe

have

too.

suitor, even

undesirable

so

thoughts,
after-

tormenting

perhaps quite erroneous


I

55

their

from

brought

in

up

child

complacently bore with


than is
stormy adoration, less hidden by me

my

customary

the

among

English, schooled

restraint; she waited

be

old
It

enough

much

from

hidden

out

less curious

well, much

and

would

knows

body

boy.

not

be

able to

everythingat
had

thought

Though

our

the

me

express

more

though

as

better

and

of the
not

coming

think

teries
mys-

about

it, and

in any

other

and

continued

flames, my

longer in

of my

heart

and

wished

to

hiding from

reserve

my

the

still,my

London

than

place,as though yieldingto the


of his son.
pronounced pressure
Perhaps
purposely

it

yet she

right time, as though

travellinglife

stopped oftener

he

formed
in-

for her.

father

time

surprised,and,

sooner

does

until

suit

my

to

and

course

She

while

press

seemed

concerning the
than

the

me

dare

to

sometimes

urgently.
a
girlwas

self-

patiently; gently, almost

imperceptibly,encouraging
should

in

thoughts.

submit

him

me

the true

to

un-

this
the

state

And

after

when,

again on our
timid
sign to
Valentine's
full

colored

rosy

evident

was

rude

of thanks

long
to

wrote

it, which

course

as

the

her

of

her

in my

the

and

beautiful

as

parative
com-

studied
make

to

spent the winter

nothing of

about

well

the

as

the

invisible

its

as

great,
of

be

"

beings with

like animals

and

the
a

of

that

missing in

love, the pure

base

gray,

the

elements

being

well be

not

desecration,

smoke-darkened

sea.

sensually visible

our

being, the cells of the body,


life and
independent nature,

are

and

wished

thoughts

my

fog-bound city across

to

very

beloved,

my

I noticed

there

could

sort

All

seem

scandal, though I fully realized

big city.

our

letter

I had

diary

appointed.

Berlin, but

the

Just

about

father, who

my

of me,

something of

and

churl,

with

met

London

thought

London

swarmed

came

rapturous

get-me-not
for-

it

I, awkward

from

away
I

in

him

of

peace.

diplomat

with

of blue

denial.

was

and

St.

elegantly

whence

and
her

subjectswhich

the

from

source

rejectionand

As

with

hand

enough to me,
enough to send
for

first

On

correspondence.

woman's

The
was

the

gave

fingertips offeringa bouquet

curved

cool

who

were

we

of which
I knew
significance
scrap-picture arrived, representing

the

meeting,

Emmy

was

into

enter

DREAMS

first

our

it

way,

day,

well,

OF

BRIDE

THE

56

manifest
so

the

peculiar
of

elements

and

passions
They
peculiarnature.
desires

children, hearkening

"

to

the

only

her

redeem

day,

and

with

emotion,

went

about

world

and

hat
I

and

might

Thus

but
I

for

be

how

and

not

that

has

that

good,
that

want

to

their

if the

downward

we

are

and

the

need

does
own

way,

And

these

told, the

same

are

and

his

for

the

he

guidance
that
always

yet

sink

the

mind

given us
nature

own

patient;

nor

rest;

of

hungry

patient;

demand

and

also

defile themselves.

to

and

and

moods

were

howl

reasonable

government

unguarded.
as

buzz

rest

never

spirit,that
have

And

to

still

There

control, apparently
neither

are

themselves

from

them

to

natures

right,

in this world.

there

and

reasonable

be

may

saint

melancholy

"

"

Man

actually

out

twenty.

again,discouragements
through the dusky parks.

whine
to
dogs continued
continued
to
thought-flies

that

heart

what

smoothly

Emmy

come

returned
walks

straw

I.

have

weeks, long months

followed

light,
sun-

in my

matter

no

so

and

seventeen

was

great

reallybelieved

unworthy

run

the

broad-brimmed

"

everything might

things do

of

us

May
dizzy

trembling and

the

wife,

my

awaited

longer wavered

no

dially
cor-

hair, golden in the

her

dress,

her

saw

bright,sunny

her

shining eyes

her

wanted

she

on

positivelydetermined

was

seeing nothing

save

saved, and

was

when

tion
devo-

her

carriage that

meet

and

me

the

the

to

white

the

And

station

suburban

the

DREAMS

encouragement,

me.

from

bowing
at

her

presence,

could

OF

BRIDE

THE

58

fatally
leaves

by

which

ture,
naac-

cording to

OF

BRIDE

THE

father

my

is

DREAMS

59

always good

if

does

man

spoilher.

not

So

disturb

to

not

as

dear

reader, which

your

own

driving of
you,

I shall mention

and

my

This

defeat.

hurt

you.

I fell under

the

need

not

and
between

the

of the

his attention

father

could

to

came

said

hope, Vico

will remain

When

we

upon
upon

an

careful

dog

sharp

in the

say

so

poral
cor-

contrast

that,
has

as

duck-yard,

into

the

mouth
self-

accursed

There

's

steadilyfixed
without

remain
one

nothing

morning,

mio, that you

Italians

it

as
a

suspicion.

installed himself

in all

have

remained

an

small

perceivethat

attentive

invitation
work

to

and

that

would

someone

with
set

us,

we

together

up

of art, and

hearing

application,so

and

things."

friendlyconversation

me,

upon

nobleman

complete

give it

not
room

my

there, and

with

following

anyway."

me

With

and

the

"

one

man

rupture between

finallythe

and

makes

that

lost with

look

of the

ducks
inquisitive
"

contempt

enter

old

the

as

strangler,

an

incomprehensible contradiction,

decoys

"

precaution of

English purity and English lewdness

who

He

struggle

"

effect

to

my

joint influence

excitingan

my

troublesome

particularsof

spiritualdesires,

its

with

the

make

might

more

fatallyarisen

the

things:

team
no

agination
im-

by excitingyour

you

gladly
zealouslyassist
something good
we

BRIDE

THE

60

fine be

and

carrying

of

When

I hear

landers
Hol-

two

conversation,

it

villageschool

repeating

sounds

penal task, careless, slipshod,unwillingand

their

embarrassed
"

on

children

like

more

forth.

brought

DREAMS

OF

if

"

only they get


"

father," I answered,

My

how

quitewell
I do

wish

you
know

not

he

Do

I believe

or

self
him-

comport

refer
are

know

be, but perhaps

to

should

you

circumstance,

with.

over

nobleman

how

everything.

in

it

to

any

ticular
par-

speaking

you

"

generally?
"

If

all intimate

avoid

must

Vico,

persons,
have
"

recognizegenerally that

you

in mind
is

That

intercourse

remains
can

saw

too.

that

the

To
we

have

body,

"

Without

they

remain

agreeing

of

either

side

then

And

this:

"

and

speak plainlyhere,
reply:
know
as

desires
in the
the

It is certain

spiritthat

we

And

to

mate
call it inti-

you

this

body

singleproof.
question: natural
as

do

spiriton

I must

but

this

thing
some-

painfully. Slowly

said

no

long

as

distance?

first I make

itself from
have

the

start

sharply, he

that

I have

yet

ignoble desires?

have

fear, Vico, that

But
this

where

father

my

eyeing me
"

First

infinite

an

nobleman

at

ignoble

included."

plain,father.

to ask.

more

with

intercourse

therein

are

nobleman

particularinstances

the

"

natural

rate
sepa-

nothing
the

concerns
are

can

never

and
ond
sec-

ignoble

channels."
"

first,"I replied, I

shall let it rest, because


and
But

do

we

If

ask.

ignoble,how
how

do

Have

"

If I

"

use

what

reflect.

to

lose

to

"

the

Let

us

I have

then,

that

come

into
"

with

"

you.
you
deal
not

age.

I don't

The

with

realized
he must

that

in

call

noble
ig-

moment

order

not

the

eral
gen-

from

turn

lest

son,

and
low

believe

do

in

or

not

you

both
care

do

not

contact

others," said I, bitterly.


said:

you

I understand

bad, but

very

and

vileness

into that

that

passionsthat

seek

Take

desires

me

in this baseness

desires and

we

it."
low

in

that

that

say,

surely talked

child.

to

entangled

low.

impatient and

grew

popes

become

we

the vile and

with

vile

unnatural
But

conversation

happily established

contact

father

were

the

from

the vile and

My

for

discrimination

calls natural."

is all I wished

the

But

of

asked.

he

beware,

aversion

an

"

ignobledesires?

and

particular.

in words.
have

and

natural

discrimination, father, I

Then

not

in all men?

good

my

father

to

ignoble

to

me

father

ground,

to

thus

desires

power

arrested

more

and

my

my

father

My

much

drive

unnatural
no

you

that, Vico?

it

can

anyway.

gives me

is natural

me

ent,
differ-

too

other

distinguishbetween

desires and

noble

61

are

each

second

all natural

Are

"

in

then

things?
And

the

to

desire

natures

our

understand

not

answer

your

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

THE

you

are

common

relief from

them

in

when

have

to

absolutely
at

with

your
un-

62

THE

worthy,

licentious

I have

OF

BRIDE

already

forget that

moments

defilement,devastate
I do

"

Very well, but

yourselfabout

trouble
"

what

is

humble.

Can

You

life."

proud

to

low-graded creatures."
be

to

proud.

is well suited

me

not

through

can,

also be too

reason

deliver

you

ugliness?

and

in

passing on

Do

father."

such

gladly have

I would

you

should

you

danger

I not?

entire

your

forget that,

not

the great

have

you,

few

"

Of

persons.

warned

in

DREAMS

have

yourself

keep

to

me

all this lowness

from

me

But

it

aroused

in me."
"

**

"

I?

By

time

I had

captiveand

badly

with

it, and

can

chop
human

beyond

to

's not

prevent it.

drive

With
listened
said with
"

you

need

get

One
must
not

of

these

to

first

thing is plain
get married
seek

the

long

very

or

finest

to

words.

now,

that

go

to

the

father

my

Then

he

scornful

boy,

that

Well, happily you

soon.

fear

visions.

my

pitying,half
me

I cannot

me."

outspoken

little laugh,half

put

can

the better.

sooner

anxious, painful eagerness

an

these

away

I shall

lost with

I foresee

but

hands,

power.

much

so

ate,
desper-

am

It will end

cat.

bad, that is certain,and then the


There

is certain.

off my

thoughts and

my
is

nothing

and

eyes

control
That

do

Now

tormented

father, that

me,

that

explanations. Before

comparative peace.

my

called,frowning angrily.

scientific

your

like

out

father

my

refusal.
wears

You

can

petticoat.

be bashful, Vico

Don't

blood,

pure

got

laughed
"

shall

and

name,

fine, strong,

what

have

can

you

noble

the

supply

Be

money.

for

want

you

of

worthy

not

a
preservative,

who

father

to

assure

had

father

My
"

calm

and

whoever

surely,and
mother

drains

can

it

all mothers

were

lad!

into your
black

her

I would

me,

for their husbands?

passions are
that

my

sible,
exaggerated,impos-

Then

reasonable,

got

been

pitying smile, but

nonsense!

your

to

low

painful:

children

bore

it not

and

man."

attempted

fanatical

foul

own

words

heavens, Vico ! what

Good

who

such

spoken

name

safety valve,

that, had

you

artificial and

was

as

for my

is that I should

holy being, whose

pronounce,

drain

challengedthe

have

and

pure

that

believe

meaning

decidedly your

passions.

face,

deeply indignant.
theatrical
laugh.

use

am

be

have

up,

Most

make

You

63

asking."

DREAMS

handsome

healthy body.
calm, my boy,
the

OF

BRIDE

THE

You

head.''

Your

the

worthy,
un-

low,

and

"

mother,

It 's terrible

friends.

early poison

not

are

foul

not

Do

thoughts

of

how

her

child."
"

then

If

one

it

of

was

my
not

my

mother.

worthiness

own
through my
through outside persuasion.

understand

thoughts,

parents poisoned my

that, because

realize

my

consciousness,
But

he

my

is

father

un-

not
not
can-

stranger

to

and

deepest
though your

my

But,

me.

been

be

lost

both

wrath
look

and
and

struck

the

and

home

the

mind.

the

wondrous

my

cancy
va-

while

he

shall

We

that

painfully

more

"

brought

to attain.

from

mother

got
!

see

up,

"

save

he

since

of

and

that

tortures, my

our

night, in

gave

my

stand
under-

that

her

she

country

our

departure

composed

raptures,
my

of

writing to

tears

conversation

surely

name

the

sion,
impres-

I knew

me.

first time

about

One

the

would

the

self-contempt.I

into

stared

not

I also knew

many

love

my

lifted

father

still remember

had

he wished

letter to her
all my

It's

gloom, long-nurtured

After

man

thought

Amid

and

words,

perhaps

stilllived and

that

foresee

room.

poor

that

I '11

now

it matter?

My

was

all, I retained

was

For

the

of what

above

seat.

that

of the

out

me

full of

it at the time.

Again

it

look

with

room.

desperation.

sighed,and

contrary

the

forehead

wonder

by

walked

does

his

to

from

years

young

marry

Scornfully shrugging

about

ran

with

what

all ! "

after

hands

not

in three

oh!

positively.And
shoulders, I

does

pelled
re-

is idle.

advice

your

your

have

already

hopelesslylost.

anyway,

only I,

good, father,

moreover,

of seventeen, and

man

Even

feelings.

would

English girlof twenty

An

"

had

advice

DREAMS

sacred

most

expressing it

of

manner

OF

BRIDE

THE

64

from

entered
a

which

my

long, passionate
I told

of

struggles,my

deep self-degradationand
no

facts, for young,

sensi-

66

is

mother,

est

redemption?
father
how

is

them

off

with

at

it

which

my

being,

and

good,

bring

make

and

me

so

the

long

time
from

benumbed
kissed

and

fervor.

Italians

We

here

in

and

affected,

my

small
even

the

like
to

town

kissed

read

the

for

the

itself
of
with

and

always
be

we

flood

warm

pour

more

would

though

with

and

and

heart,

are

myself

eyes.

tormented
all

hid

not

every

hope.

bolted,

could

seemed

and

and

envelope

contents,

And

hope.

least

all

my

sent

post-office

the

securely

streamed
the

the

to

after

tore

and

pages
much

without

room,

many

went

came

for

when

witnesses.

still

thinking

without

last

benediction,

cried

or

there

of

always

wrote

vainly

hands

that

tender

thing

is

me,

nature

straits

venture

my

and

And

good,

answer

in

trembling

tears

be

the

the

paper

it

strain

toward

But

Is

for

help
that

terrible

weeks

two

day,

DREAMS

"

this

In

my

What

such

unhappy?

for

still

it

can

into

me

there

speaks?

and

OF

BRIDE

THE

wholly

over

course

greater

little,

called,
be

out

of

what

theatrical
without

VI

1AM

far

as

who

those

lives

of

and

never

and

the

her

admirers

forget
dead

conscious

clearly
a

blind,

how

we

the

face

faults,

senseless

of

so

druggist

botanist,

has

the
of

my

praise

our

so

and

her

thinking,

ing,
feel-

and

many

Deity,

or

teach

us

to

in

homage
monstrous

cruelty.
the

little

gradually

bounty

consider

finally

religion

proselytes

most

her

responsible

torture,

is

never

carelessness,

they

and

relentless

worship
makes

the

much

much

Nature

and

in

who

scholars

her

thing,

rificed
sac-

admiration

amazing

force;

persist

can

so

or

have

beauty,

upon

ural
nat-

offered

who

her,

whether

us

living, a being

or

her

stress.

have

and

with

they,

apprise

to

who

Nature,

bestows

she

philosophers

themselves

call

reverence

praising

even

"

of

question

sufficient

understand

to

cease

best

ready
al-

ago

the

with

those

thus

without

peace

the

preference

everything

speak

I know,

service

the

to

mother

my

themselves

by

years

many

so

to

philosophers,
their

that

as

to

put

never

Even

it

addressed

which,
have

of

proud

town,

renounced
67

which

served
unob-

nowadays.
who

his

is

Even
a

slack

clever
Prot-

BRIDE

THE

68

for

estantism

ardent

an

he

When

his

of

and

devout

search

southern

truly

to

DREAMS

accompanies

occasionally,on
stirred

OF

to

me

for

nature

nursery

my

plants, he

enthusiasm

make

to

for

place
but

Nature,"
the

and

"

of his adored

dead

stars

"

This

nature

the

"

inspiresin

him

is all very

lovable, but

his

beloved
Whether

begins.
also

of

what

he

part

as

admiration
slums

Nature

should

counts

of

and

curious

so

be the
the

opponent

product

and

great good

and

as

else

products
why his

if so,

before

the

only partly,

is that
and

man,

beautiful

man

their

or

of, and

enemy

often

considers

turn

it then

sea

good

he

and

if not,

peculiar something

the

and

sudden

the

something

man

nature,

make

Amsterdam;

and

ends

Living

thusiasm.
slighteren-

no

quite difficult not to cause


embarrassment
by asking him where
that

"

clouds,

it

find

had

Bible

periodical entitled

sight
all the

"

His

Nature."

be

can

the

at

insects,birds, plants,trees, meadows,

wonders

ship.
wor-

has

yet

ated
cre-

should

debarred

of

unity

from,

all other

things.
Yes, yes,

great
and

careless

beautiful
so

of

deal

dear

thoughtlessbabbling, and
way

Nature

forth, without

with

the

those

of

prate
and

among

or

mean.

my

Mother

knowing

even

But
fellows

of

or

and

in

so

vague
and
and

on

distinguishing

exactness

yet there

do

men

Nature,

nature, and

human

slightestdegree

reallysay

that

reader, I know

have

what
also

they
been

good friends,like

my

Spinoza, and

comrade

amiable
friend

Goethe, who

hollow

phrases

proved
Nature

much

as

knowable

into

of

some

her

in the

who

they do,
domain

to

and

never

is

bring

all that

to

judge

yet

let

as

yet

right to praise

men's

force

products,

for

least

well-nigh constantly

things, and

as

her

greatlybeloved

my

care

also

sufficient

with

not

and

these

about

thought

did

69

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

THE

us

of

baboons,

say:

drunkards, philistines,
tyrants, grand inquisitors,
and

bad

buildingsand

modern

aesthetically
disapproving
call this

to

then, the

See

quite

was

opinion

have

to

hole for every

nail.

"

Nature,

subject to

sin.

has

she

to offset nature

is the

wonder

of Divine

us

redemption
than

power

be

believe

of his blood.

performed

sin, but

faith

powerfully
miracle

from

has

as

been
there

grace,

and

and

us

in

Christ

nature

blood

and

in

bring

him

toward

scaldo

ferro

mai,

ne

che

can

is the

required
redeeming

is

the

so

shall

deeply

into

salvation,and
corruption, the

wrought things
a

That
we

of Grace

fall

works

which

more

can

none
can

and

to

over

of Christ

Miracle

the

Then

in

through

Christ

in

delivered

nothing

'

non

hole

is the miracle.

The

sin.

redemption,
to

She

**

But

of

mind.

is blind and
son/' she wrote,
decree
which
we
Through a Divine

Satan.

of

over,
more-

mother

my

young

dear

my

penetrate

medium

from

nail for every

cannot

find

and,

natural.

plausibleto

really seemed

ethically

an

sense

I received

answer

as

in

verses,

natura

batta

incude.'

**

DREAMS

this is

whereof

letter

The

OF

BRIDE

THE

70

adored

and

first

the

In
profound impressionon me.
a
came
as
tangible,livingtoken

greatlyvenerated

which

struck

now

familiar

the

feelingsby

natural

to

of

tones

the

thankfully

me

parted
de-

old, tender,

with

And

something entirelynew.

so

piety,

experienced ears

more

my

place it

well-nighas

"

mother,

of the

saint; then, too, it awakened


childish

made

fragment

as
thusiasm
en-

eager
and

ently
rever-

accepted each of these proffered thoughts,


actly
exfittingand arranging them until they seemed
in my

discovered

I had

which

fillthe gap

to

life.
spiritual

Exactly !

of

influence

the

just

what

who

also

had

felt.

must

but

I had

us

Thus

not

ask.

this

is

the

On

nature

free

Divine

side

other

decree.

To

Of

it.

own

You

Why?
certain

tent
ex-

difficulty,
the

"

spiritbecomes

the

too, I

is left to its

perhaps transferring the


thus
firmly pronounced,
"

was

is God,

That,

allure.

to

This

us.

upward.

times

unhesitatingly
to

draws

but

"

at

Satan

once

shuts

felt.

draws

and

desires

who

Satan

through

is downward

trend

Nature's

door
ciled
recon-

something impenetrable

course,

remain!

may
And
It
the

was

the first time

field of my

sprouting
fifty years,

Christ.

salvation:

the

now

this word

vision,like

in the

garden

it is not

of

yet

new

was

brought

plant

that

my

life.

Now,

full

grown,

but

into
saw

after

gives

BRIDE

THE

blossom

promise of

transformations
First

it has

what

not

human-God,

but

what

who

that

was

drew

I had

upward

me

The

felt.

again, did
had

knew

of him.

more

offer

to

her

morning
the

pronounce

she

Lord,"
that

yet

could

knew

did

whereof
learned

drew

nothing.
and

long

as

and

prayers,

with

"

he

as

in her

but

she

spoke.

At

when

was
mained
re-

ily
fam-

I heard

Christ,

Jesus

such

doubt

creative

I felt

customary

was

not

the

who

impression that Emmy

words

it

Satan

lived, died
me

good,

me.

the

It

and

felt,God

had

God,

man,

words.

Christ

affect

gained

of sense,

all well

"

Of

he

not

Words,

imperceptibleto
Now

it.

I had

that

assurance

risen

Man

downward

me

with

me?

to

the

are

devoid

word

do

to

Divine

Marvellous

undergone.

hear

to

71

DREAMS

fruit.

and

I seemed

knew

and

OF

our

expressive fervor
that

she

the

time

of

power

positively
I had

the

not

suggested

word.

So,
queer
the
who

in the

course

suitor

that

dear

of

I was,
asked

girl and

morning gallop,I,

merry

began
her

theologizewith

to

"

squarely:

Emmy,

"

is Christ .^^
Now

in my

artlessness

questionedby
person,

about

friend, would

earnest

good

manifest

heartilygive the
seemed

an

I had

desired

thought
and

not

acquaintance
pleasure

and

information.

exceedinglysurprised and

that

indifferent
and

dear

gladly
But

even

one
any-

and

Emmy
alarmed.

72

but

Don't

"

be

I want

why

Do

wish

you

That
want

that.'*"

'

though

seems

as

with

it."

"

Of

without

you

I know

course

feel that

"

to

said

do

they

Lord,' it

our

what

only

what

knowing

reallyknew
!"

me.

Christ,

Jesus

say,

you

to

Protestant?

difference

words

satisfy

not

is."

turn

no

use

When

mean.

to

makes
to

he

does

I also want

nothing.

what

that

but

Emmy,

me

is and

Christ

not

is

taught

Catholics

you

sure,

It tells

me.

"

asked.
To

"

that

but

Emmy,

aren't

Emmy
"

"

voice.

of

tone

what
some-

of him."

more

"But

in

said

religious."

thought you were


I surely am,
know

she

reserved

and

please her,

all

at

her.
"

that?

know

you

sullen

to

not

evidentlydistressed

more
"

DREAMS

question did

the

though

as

OF

BRIDE

THE

you

meant

the least bit

Emmy,

crossly.
"

Can't

To

my

make

you

continued

it clear

to

me,

astonishment

then ?

"

seemed

Emmy

unpleasant topic of conversation.


with.
to get it over
It seemed
as
though she wanted
God
who
She began, as though unwillingly,about
think

to

had

been

risen
"

may
now?

this

an

born

again

man,

died

had

for

our

sins,had

"

No, Emmy,
all be very

all that

true, but

means

what

nothing to me.
good is that to

If he died, well then, he is dead

"
"

It
me

74
how

glad

OF

BRIDE

THE

she

when

was

question and

Christ

croquet

DREAMS

last

at

began

talk

to

the

abandoned

and

tennis

of

conversation

this

Although unformulated, yet

that
in truth
to
me
Emmy
positivelyrevealed
knew
nothing of Christ, but used the word on her
sponding
parents'and society'sauthority, and as a corre-

realitypossessed nothing

fleeting
phantom of a good and
long hair and pointed beard,
yet living,

"

and

and

man

beautiful
who

vague,

with

man

and

dead

was

yet God, existingeverywhere


who

and

nowhere,

but

contradictory qualitiesis probably

these

known

easily

which

images,

with

him,

and

cannot

that

words

through

in

addressed

and

and

resemble

not

pleasantly ingratiating

are

familiar

the

most

pictures

need

all

of

account

on

of

tones

precious

associations.

for

scorn

the

greatest

Surely
of
are

man,

in

in

faith

is

reality;
merely

senses,

But

we

and

will not

we

no

and

very

comparison

our

my

his

father

imprinted

ties
unreali-

still retain

left to

it

covering

me,

me.

there

realities which

he

treasure

all his sin toward

grades

of

this kind

from

suggested images, and

and
as

adopted
readil}^

I had

But

to

illusion
what

only

are

call

phantasmagorias
realities,created by
fleeting
the

we

eternal

apprehend

which

there

"

must

give to

with

be

human

of

and

immutable

our

soul

and

higher origin.

creations

honors

BRIDE

THE

alone

due

hollow

words

yet

with

the

was

Pray

me

and

will not

and

even

Satan

chastise

so

the

as

rich

was

Now
and

had

to

been:

the flesh."

subdue

of

causes

soul.

advice

Mother's

and

gift had

fight Satan

to

was

aid.

pronounce

in my

confusion

and

75

maternal

the
but

"

of God

for

and

of

necessary

God

on

DREAMS

suggested phantoms.

idea

for

discord

all that

"

Christ

ideas

this sad

call

adore

value

no

Divine,

nor

the

Thus
as

the

to

OF

I tried

it

immediately with trusting ardor, and behold!


it really helped. I hardly dared
't was
true
"

believe it
I

seemed

myself,it

prayed night
upright way,

and
to

almost

morning

and

delicate

ice-cold water,
forced
seemed

beside my
rather

bed
up

go

well ! of that

is strange
consider

though

with

the

maternal

an

in

deal

great

what
an
on

on

the

when

even

that

For

down

again

Satan

hand,

floor.
than

with

sleeping
I would
Satan

"

convinced.
positively

most

with

that

God

was

descending into

upper

the hard

on

anyone

stranger

foot, and

on

getting the

God

as

ing
makclothingmyself insufficiently,

himself

with

I felt

God.

food, bathing

marches

to be

inal,
orig-

own,

myself,denying myself

imposed penaltiesupon

wine

in my
which

the power

upliftinginfluence,callingit

good.

too

blind

man

arrogance

It
can

exception in this regard, as


earth
would
enjoy and prefer
ing
deep with Satan than ascend-

high.

I went

wisdom

to

And

it may

all this
deemed

be

called

trouble, the
salvation

even

while

possible

only through a miracle,


not
compel, and by faith
I

honestly desired to,


it had

even

net

which

of the

faith

not

would

that
the

it had

tions
evolu-

encirclingmeshes
the

same

gested
sug-

before

once

turned

in alarm.

away

helped,there

evolutions

the

For
about

that.

above

all, purer

felt

soon

and

horseback,

country,

not

in the

consider

the

infamy

often

heart's
This
of

shock

of

worshipped

content,
success

faith

without
not

was

my

of
and

the

mother's

solutely
ab-

croquet,
in

walking

fall

her.

not

out

and

from
But

result

my

loved,
beher

saw

her

adored

the

I did

wiped

thinking far

in Christ, but

produced by

and

dangerous parks.

unworthy

one

and

went

not

and

timidated
considerablyin-

respectfulaloofness

as

be

to

rowed, played cricket

rode

maintained

Satan, if

stronger.

studied,

doubt

no

was

cheerful,braver,

more

routed, yet seemed

nor

myself.

these

by

it into

land

in

awaken

not

see

which

from

which, though

in Christ

entered

now

could
I, certainly,

which

I could

little fish did

The

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

THE

76

to

my

ahead.

of

miracle,

probably

of

letter and

of

the
a

glad

strong

auto-suggestion. But it seemed to confirm her


thus
wisdom
and
to
prepared the susceptibility
deeper suggestions.

During
through
clearer

these

its

to

me.

I had

exercises

of virtue

countervailing influence

Satan's

became

crafty,evil power,
officially
recognizedby my
The

image

whose

ever
istence
ex-

declara-

of

tion

itself with

yet

that

that

all

again,awaited

arose

of

actions

himself

demeaned

as

fested
mani-

the

At

time

engender
also

are

suggestions.
auto-

himself, surreptitiously

his chance,

weak

and

unguarded

and

suggestion can

retreated, hid

Satan

77

stronger reality.

know

reality,and

DREAMS

obviously flattered

was

war,

I did not

OF

BRIDE

THE

taking advantage
and

moments,
a

in

live and

very

word

one

sagacious

Satan.
cleverest

His

of my

advantage
weeks

of

little
fell

sleep and
of

to

the

After

few

food,

clothing, I naturally

kind

Tenders

I should

be

family

tended

would

elsewhere

not

than

home.

own

Behold

finally
taking

virtue.

insufficient

it that

in their

of

excess

in

self-torture, over-fatigue,scant

ill,and

hear

artifice consisted

splendidchance, which

Satan's

excellent

He

account.

kept

still

as

he turned
a

mouse;

impure thoughts, no visions, no troublesome


dreams
The
annoyed me.
hungry dogs which
no

had

now

domestic

by

the

that

though

and

to

pets

were

look

as

upon

hushed,

Satan's

first

by

faithful
the

suggestion,
auto-

subsequentlyby my illness,and finally


promise clearly betrayed in my actions,
would

grant

them

nobler

prey.

Indeed,

I did not

else could
ardent

come

it

acknowledge it to myself, to
these daily more
lead
tender

relations

"

between

the

what
and

desperately enamored

speedilyrecuperating patient and

the

dear

78

THE

The

flame

with

beef

of

voice

I could

in these

such

What

God

time!

house

my

anticipation of

nickels

of

instead

"

bless

ain't gone
I

love!
the

her,

the
on

chair
the

thanked

and

her

for

before

to

to

came

say:

gentleman

morning!

bring

"

the

young

get

she

And
the

up

would

us

at

later
once

dainty

some

me

And

first sit

perchance
at the

followingday,

loving care,
of

before

gown

regalement.

bed, but

the bed.

either

her

for my

my

all her

an

approaching footstepsin

her

chats, when

beside

was

old

long past days

rustling of

edge of
I

would

of

of

little

merry

he

if the

this

with

scow

these

concocted

she had

on

in the little

with

she

as

jag

who

blissfullyintoxicated

the

morning,

end, when

me,

sound

the

which

also

of

aroma

beheld

on

got

indeed

am

heady

the

and

ary
liter-

of

shore

though

as

smiling in

fisherman

the

under

heart, and

my

the
on

up

from

expression

Well,

been
hours

pennies,and
hauled

from

way

smiling in sweet
by the wayside got

children

lay calkinghis boat


harbor
peered out
attentive

all the

I have

activities, smiling and


The

disobedience

by

afternoon

my

remembrance.

self-indulgence,

to

mistress.

what

to

nursery

my

eggs

honor

to

time!

adoration?

swiftlyquenched
and
sweet
malaga

was

gentle commands

charming

his

to

possiblyrecognize Satan's

not

I think

could

to

martyrdom

tea, soft-boiled

wine, and

DREAMS

insensitive

assuredly not

nurse,

nor

OF

BRIDE

she

really knew

bent
what

very
and
over
we

about

were

it seemed

so

"

consciousness

her

the

each

other

on

shed

when

she

had

these

"

for

"

are

could

never

of

then

know

dear

the

very

as

upon

that

and

perceivedfrom
that
it lies

must

grow

oaks.

the

grass,

swans,

sunny

kernel

whom

to

about
of

loved

listened

subtle

served
ob-

I have

best

valued

behind

us,

and

one

beauty

at

few

which

lovely days
I

spent

round

in

shadows

ous
glori-

hammock

between

turf

green
sun

of

upon

the

sparkling,gently flowing Thames, the


the gaily crowded
boats, the kindly,

happy people

radiance

glacier,
clearly

more

be

can

smooth

the

saw

ago,

are

and

full flavor of

the

the

above

bliss

perception.

weather,

stretched

and

of

moment

Long

distance

old to taste

summer

white

certain

is

happiness

its setting.

rock

beauty

distance.

still followed

There

the

most

when

very

sublime

very

still

that

and

joy

than

imperishablematter

more

the

that

too

dure,
en-

they not,

of our
earthly joys,
highest summits
shine most
radiantlywhen our sun is near
But

tears

undeserved

the

yet

usually look

we

blessed

the

things,

are

which

reader?

gone,

kissed

had

we

"

And

lips.

least,perhaps

at

me

happiness,which

of this

grace

to

clearer

was

79

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

THE

me,

joy,

the

best, and

all this
to

and

in their

wavy,
who

summer

Schumann,

midst,

golden

only

lent

glory.
and

penetrating fragrance of
the wonderful
fragrance

I
the
full

hair

as

of her

the

I read

the

true

Heine

breathed

the

linden

soms,
blos-

of

poignant

THE

80

BRIDE

melancholy
our

and

senses

and

had

yet

wondrous

truly
then

But

lazy
last

life

and

Heine,

parting
pressed

restored

was

gift,
to

my

our

lands

many

so

the

the

of
the

through

made

to

And

also

perhaps
brought

in

den
lin-

great

Emmy's

golden

mer
sum-

shine.

to

me

which

heart

I
and

and

the

mindful

conversation

to

small

health

Emmy,

unsatisfactory

rather

nestled

though

as

touch

not

perfume

was

she

as

ended.

was

the

fragrant

just

power

sun

it

become

had

tree

that

so

does

through

smelled

never

that

deeply

travelled

blossoms,
linden

has

love

had

DREAMS

longing

sweet

ere

Heart.

OF

offer

gratefully
began

to

of

on

our

back
horse-

antidote

an

Testament

New

lovely,

and

peruse

for

as

reverently

diligently.

practical common
of waiting.
more
few

and

set

years

of father

time

is their

different
different

it in

of

of wrong,

but

the

I had

recently
in

liar.

of

one

that

the

was

of

out.

the

And

one

would

should

not

I would

soul
think

this
be

tions
transac-

reality.'*
I

the

tainly
cer-

arrogance
him

make

fine set

of

with

which

was

gradually

that

the

preciousand
so

had

books

but

women,

oaths
my

collectingof

bric-a-brac

tion,
civiliza-

England,

first of

quarrellinghousehold

that

suppose

youthful

be

to

try

we

Thackeray's

with

oath

solemn

This

if

natural

be pure

mended

for

of

perhaps

may

we

to

broken, patched and

fitted

ribly
ter-

man

of modern

come

and

man,

pure

sworn
a

the

corruption,of unworthy

statement

no

may

man

possiblythere might

that

out

then

the

for

but

"

moral, ideal and

the

between
When

stead

good

periods hide

read

are

the

how

and

"

shepherd lad

reader, what

frank, dear
such

years

for
significance

Testament

borne

have

periods

temperament.
Old

The

seven

years

stories, from

in the love

Jacob's

few

lightlythese

how
down

written

demanded

sense,

"

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

THE

82

the

tion
ambiable
break-

generallypraised

encouraged. I, at least, have had to pay


with
melancholy,
dearly for this hobby, and
tinuous
construggles, self-torment, self-reproachand
and

worry
and

the

if now,

most

in the

it has

embittered
emotions

beautiful

end, I,

at

least, saw

the
of my
the

best
life.
way

years
And

clear.

BRIDE

THE

dear

reader

but

"

begin again,from
know

how

yet

that

through

how

act

for

one

of

the

like

hero,

throw

it

cat, I
But

unjust.
know

not

all I

yet,
not

was

stronger

was

so.

into

drawn

after

I advise
this

there

is consciousness

bear,

I know

with

be

even

and

is

I would

door.

rebellious

and

guiltto
willing
for

this burden

ease

if

but

"

of

sense

giving
unfor-

and

unworthy,

justly ready

to

in my

reader, relentlessly

your

as

worry

place

of sin and

who

us

of

vile and

the

now

dear

out

to

all this

remorse

you,

guest

toward

with

give to

certainly continue

us

toilers.

poor
The

constitution

convention

are

of

moreover

struggle,because
so

little

societyand the precepts of


to ease
so
badly qualified
fest
societyand moral law mani-

comprehension

difficulties. Where
there

and

that

know,

besides

and

bear

still call it

it I do

yes !

"

nounced
pro-

rebellious

and

once

greater majority.

not

house,

prevented

weakest

this

would

like

nature,

have

the

But

our

equally disgracefuland

fought

than

nevertheless,

own

I could

to

beginning,I should not


better.
I would
surely never

was,

my

have

should

the very

to

still consider

the

83

"

And

to

if I

truly !

but
what
promises again
impure and unworthy, I

make

to

DREAMS

OF

where

strong

were

knew

the world

of the

I felt
walls

no

no

of

nature

danger

ever,
whatso-

of strict convention

positivelythat

offered

true

defence.

would

cumb,
suc-

With

of

one

girl or

of eroticism

shadow

in

arisen
and

and

left

safeguard

than

I detected

in

respect
laws.

not

were

have

better

But

innocence

as

soon

as

ferent
indif-

and

totallystrange

woman,

me

together for

us

herself,her

Emmy

tractive,
at-

sent

impure thought would

all moral

have

witnesses, and

scruples and

own

my

have

or

With

me.

lovely and

danger

without

weeks

and

days

without

might

cent
inno-

another

or

how

matter

no

journey

on

DREAMS

friends

Emmy's

woman,

one

off

OF

BRIDE

THE

84

this peculand repulsive,


iar
ugly even
weakness, usually paired with good nature,
in an
almost
indicated
which
ner
imperceptible manto

the

that
at

me,

parting

the

from

beginning

in

would

fall

myself

lost

modesty

already

felt

spite of

all conventional

assault, I

first

my

of

wall

restrictions.
I sometimes

ugly

vainly
would

woman

her

advances

the

least

with

have

herself.

it.

It

castingoff

her

await

even

her

debasement

only

out
true

love

When

that

body

my

of

for

refuse

not
was

as

though

and

not

shot

say,
my

range

request

I must

at all costs
as

long

heart.

behind

nor

prevent

by

my

own

she desired

as

My
the

of

excess

an

woman's

woman,

stumble,

me

by

how

repel

me

Every

make
As

modesty
is to

make

to

could

even,

simply by humbling
could

be

to

imagine

to

coolness.

stony

attractive

chivalry,I

endeavored

heart

walls

mained
re-

of my

Emmy.

physical

desires

and

spiritualsensibili-

BRIDE

THE

ties

are

never

severed

once

the first

could

veil of

while, with

the

how

and

nor

any

deemed

in

that

permanent

fashion, from

that

freedom
For
and

in

all the

well

I know

between
that

one

strange

ever

And

rest, I

this

call
to

was

circumstance

absolute

good-natured
that

neither

dear

see,

would

me

reader,

regulate the strange


valid

in

angel

for

up,

do

to

leave

each

to

and
the
and

his

fragilehouse.

constitutionally
strong

was

soul

that

the visible and

people

and

conceptionsof good

narrow,

and
little,

cise
exer-

tified,
entirelyjus-

childhood

it will not

in

most

me

knew

who

and

ape

different

balanced

the

things

it is to

And

me.

her

and

you

by

inclined

over

and

of the persons

between

beautiful

Emmy,

did not

power

to

connection

such

before

women

In

madness

to

Emmy,

me

possible. Thus

have

life.

for

respect were

me

highly necessary

two

of

noblest

seduce

could

ties
possibili-

along seeming

came

low-born, sensual

coarse,

woman

have

excited

exception

jealousy in

Emmy

be

guilelesstrust

of

want

and

throughout

slighestalluring

Emmy's

other, they

the

modesty drop

beautiful,sweetest
the

85

passionatelove

that

woman

let the

to

remain

and

pure

my

bodily desires

my

from

one

confusion

sad

spiteof

DREAMS

entirelytogether again

grow
of

OF

nervous

and

breaking down
invisible

Of

body.
part

troubles

disease

of the
of

our

bond

nature

nowadays

was

me.

the most
in my

perplexingand
that
difficulties,

ing
confound-

when

the

BRIDE

THE

86

it

by

by

consciousness

activity and
this

All

of

and

I did

as

only

can

you

with

help it,but

I cannot

at

contrary,
have

must

of

this

by

even

honor

would

maintain

conscience

for

it need

not

Satan.

remain

My

the

same.

life

in

struggle, the

these

him

be;

to

he

help me,
it with
In
and

me

because

able

for he

all

But

science
con-

the

Pure

gnaw.

is satisfied with
the

torments

one

which

of

being
"

tion,
tradi-

of

to

do

anything

really suffered

his life task

was

at

to

under

stake.

he even
seriouslyconsidered
helplessness
following the example
covertly proposed our
his

of

certain

he

declared

girl was
from

man

poor

told

long, secret
only my father

was

years

fierceness

suspected,without

world

real, live devil

cheap group-fabrication,and

any

to

seems

I have

as

"

low
fol-

should

explanation. On

who

elemental

and

it not ?

moral

was

the

rated
invigoincreased

an

the

fort,
com-

time, by declaring it

the

hushed

is not

it

save

contemptible artifice

most

it

Perhaps

flagrant conflict

order.

and

that

punishment

misdeed.

the

in

renewed

thought,

for

me

and

"

upon

you,

rewarded

capacity for enjoyment.


does
badly
agrees
very

traditional

the

of

clearing

life, a

you

he

feelingof physical refreshment

with

DREAMS

his way,

finallyhad

had

ape

OF

worse

aristocratic
he

knew

engaged
excesses,

English

families

where,

positively,a pretty
to

keep
until

the

son

the time

of

for

servant

the
a

as

house

respect-

able

with

allusion

mere

passion, little
shall

How
of

what

life is

than

for

between

my

strugglingof

two

being in

clouds

and

the snake
**

sea

of

The

many

and

change, a

dark

therefrom

toward

strange,

Emmy
to

Before

so

she

often

draw

back

long

strongly

somewhat

his

as

wild

I, but

behavior

my

and

uneven

so

turmoil."

the
self-contempt,

by it, and

cious
capriwas

so

more.
a

English

young

equallygood

right

care-free

check

made

rival:

measured
own

the

little

had

built

more

of

sublimityand

and

and

felt hurt

officer,equally handsome,
and

calm

Many

despair resulting

careful

ideal

struggle with

terrible

distress,the shame,

that

earth, between

inextricablyblended."

"

And

like the

was

years

and

outwardly

an

anxious

life,an

painful

more

deadly dispute,rising

eagle of

scale

and

in

me,

in his love

earthly brutishness.

Feather

For

these

heaven

the

"

never

pride.

reminder

every

degrading

in

powers

fallingbetween

and

such

to

child?

and

parent

life and

sent

indignant

to

it,that

unbearable,

more

girlwas

me

entitled

recognizesas

man

87

the

and

roused

was

account

we

never

Mj

as

DREAMS

remuneration.

liberal

the

But

arrived

had

marriage

home

OF

BRIDE

THE

to

somewhat

and

somewhat

and

virtue.

look

at

calmer,
more

For

sured
as-

these

BRIDE

THE

88

qualitieshe
bitterness

secret

man.

pure

could

at

the

for

disgust

such

sincere, and

they

for

this

feel the

would

But

my

strong

and

English

my

that

me,

reason.
was

it in

to

ways
al-

habits

and

coarsenesses

seemed

and

it tormented

thoughts

valued

furious

me

time

my

present.

are

mocking non-comprehension.

same

hypocrite

me

well

themselves

women

no

make

it with

knowing

anyone

when

freer tone

answered
And

calling

coarse
enough to make
comparative strangers and

toward

jokes
behavior

that

with

caddish

often

assume

call

those

even

are

Such

for

him

men,

to

but

me,

many,
country, in Spain, in France, also in Ger-

In my

sexual

to

cause
recognized his superior rights,be-

I took

bred,

hateful

was

DREAMS

OF

same

in

as

friends

this

respect.
rival.Captain Truant,

My
in
and

everything and

pleasant,but

looked

upon
of

lower

realized

that

man

and

he
as

me

race

he

toward

could

would

think
a

duke's
and
a

So

title,but

Persian

match

for

without

there

any

pretty
mental

also

are

noblemen,
a

is to

who

say,

are

cultured

civilization.
it very

herself

True, I had

foreign type.

he

that

blonde

away

upon
and

money

Japanese,
therefore

Turkish
not

English

scruples, with

unsuitable

sweet, well-bred

throw

rect
cor-

cordial

was

quitehide

backward

and

great pity to have

dark

not

he

me

Italian, that

an

English girl like Emmy


a

politeand

was

yet

maiden.

the

calm

90

free.

looked

at

shaking her

toward

head

ail you,

your

mind

than

had

to

my

head

get

force

"

"

as

you

not

much

else

one

worthy
shall

trouble

of

bark

rough

sobs,

I felt

when

me.

and

voice

Never
ever

of you,

stand

in

Vico

"

of

you."

she became

that

Of

course

bad.

she asked, not

kindly
un-

severely.

more

can

said:

cautious.

more

off

hand

worthy

not

am

I realized

and

her

I shook

choking

tell me,

No, Emmy.
no

further, leaning

suspect something very

to

but

jerk

in

touch

cooler

Can't

the

use.

no

was

tears

shoulder.

my

dropped

began

It

little

against

nervous

and

not

somewhat

on

face,

her

felt the

fists.

ardent

the

expression of

restrainingmy

shoulder

hand

strangely

so

she said.

with

Do

went

upon

!"

Vico

But

she

behave

bear.

my

hand

and

by

is

is it that

What

you

could

and

up

gentle hand

The

that

clenched

and

coming

"

Vico?

tone, the dear

more

tree,

said, gently

she

gently compassionate voice,

confidential
were

Then

"

me?

Her

with

does

What

lurkingin

my

are

and
while, irresolutely

me

expression.

sorrowful

"

You

me.

."

She

"

to

DREAMS

yourself bound

consider

not

OF

BRIDE

THE

and

your

yourselfabout

"

love

Think
you.

I want
way

what

that

no

you

I love
I

But
.

to

be

longer.

will become

you
am

happy.
Do

not

of me."

"

boy

Poor
"

OF

BRIDE

THE
!"

it

Is

said

91

DREAMS
and

earnestly

Emmy

really something

derly.
ten-

able?
insurmount-

so

"

"

it

no
"

God

more,

with

half

resignedthan

More

farewells

Such
also

look

often

there

I liked to

and

the

not

passion,and

swift

made

afforded
I avoided

visited

there
of

his

with

which
a

friends.

of

use

Captain

few

weeks

later

receive

the

what

realized

noble

enough

Among
him
"

the

fellow

lucky

to

those

stepped

wish
who

there

to

him

saw

spare

also

was

gallant capting
I felt

vantage
ad-

this

to

up

"

by

an

the

fellow

quented.
freenter

congratulations
and

meant

me,

he

seated,
read.

to
was

not

me.

noisilygreeted and

blusteringlittle
whom

the

also

Truant

the

My

still occasionally

paralyzed, icy feelingI remained


which
I pretended
staring at the paper

But

that,

purpose

perseverance.

house, but

evening and

one

vehement

him.

club
And

here

But

equality of

prosperous

Emmy's

the

have

and

reconciliations.

singlenessof

and

resigned.

see.

overridingall scruples,wins by
rival

half

by reconciliations,yes,

mutual

the

not

following

Emmy,

place before

taken

followed

farewells

was

said

sorrowful,

have

been

several

!"

Vico

you,

of

!"

bless you

bless

God

me

by

Think

Absolutelyinsurmountable, Emmy.

lated
congratu-

officer,nicknamed

others, an
with

cant,
insignifi-

monocle,

particularaversion, because

for

he, al-

though

volubilityand
the

laugh

drunk

had

then

his

with

English jokes successfully


the

me,

ing
stranger. Loudly laughhe

and

came

close

stood

me.

asked

Dina,

about

how

"And

"

he

and

now

talking to Harry

and
beside

on

DREAMS

dupe, when

would

measure,

brutal
turn

the

himself

ever

good

OF

BRIDE

THE

92

now.'^

"

the

braggart

Truant.
Hush

hush,

discretion,if
the

But

!"

man

please!

you

tipsy fop

"

said Truant.

little

"

would

be

not

shut

so

up

quickly.
"

Will

authority to

give me

you

place, Harry?

vacant

authorized

lawfully

As

fill the

forter?
com-

"

"All

get rid

to

All

right!

right!"

said

Truant,

Harry

of him.

distinctlyheard and comprehended


everything. Or rather I only comprehended that
by a word of authority I had suddenly obtained
But

I had

permission to
The

do

exactly

body

desired.

body, desperate from the long


desired vengeance
serpent and eagle, now

of

and

destruction.

The

the chairs, everythingin


fashion

began
with

and
.

my

tormented

struggle

what

to

the

room,

agreeable,even

an

fade,
silent

the gas

to

lights,
ant
pleas-

float,to wheel

murderous

about

resolution

that

in like

forefathers
Truant

by

circumstances
of the masculine
the

throat.

had

characterized

line,I clutched

my

Harry

BRIDE

THE

these

If

memoirs

American

that
fists

boxing
knocked

would

to

the

state

Muralto

they

laws

the

by

the

soul

very
I

That

upon

of

year

same

their

and
last

duel,
his

stamped
and
but
and

Harry
wife.

journey

Vico

as

Vico
that

and
those

by

him

ent.
pres-

at

in

highly

respect.

together.

time

eyes
but

father

cepted
ac-

the

my

went

with

not

was

dishonor,

his

that

conflicting

which

Emmy
and

prefer

blows

ugly

country,

officer,

ling
Kip-

and

Truant

separated

excuse,

Italian

thing
Any-

consequences,

cowardice

only

not

husband

and

me

tised
prac-

the

Yet

some

of

English

vexed

to-day

as

morals

and

greatly

for

nounce
an-

Rudyard

course.

other

challenge

of

Harry

difficulty

to

his

up

or

unconscious.

of

deadly

with

were

The
the

each

without

but

politic
with

public

that

English

an

be

corner,

for,

truth:

93

doubled

the

stand

dealt

night,

that

not

would

ease

into

of

find

Englishman

with

him

short

it

the

DREAMS

to

were

publisher,
here

and

OF

which

to

India

entered

as

VIII

IN

youth

my

and

poet,

though

and

vaguely

shatterer

herd,

of

beauty

the

and

bliss,

making

But
call

it

the

intimate

but
wished

first,

Medea

did

that
I

could

I
was

equally
which

forming

her

suggestion,

the

from
for

and

joy,
these

all

may

even

and

felt

always

entities

though

father-in-law

ing
say-

barrier

and

and
into
kill

must

this

the

great

personal

my

as

the

admire

separate
felt

both

are

me

of

speak

we

so,

Let

me.

cure,

as

and

JEson,

"

do.

not

my

of

administering

before
with

characters,
sorrows,

into

property.

them

you

metamorphose

to

emotions

public

suit

have

myself

not

honor

wholly

searcher

reality

then

perhaps,

thing.

same

singers,
when

did

verses

and

of

term

not

was

poet.

unwillingness;

impotence,

also

me

the

wanderer

but

of

it

destroyer

lover

called

employed
yet

group,

characteristics

are

am

idol-hater,

an

they

random,

at

For

unjustified.
a

sometimes

people

impotent
in

their

weaknesses,
new

own

my

way

follies

personalities
94

imaginary

create

to

with

revealed
and

my

my
tues,
vir-

independent

life:

as

friend

dear

my

and

Faust, Egmont

and

Divine
But

love,

intimate

too

these

send
to

my

of

aU.
Moreover

into

nature

own

role

let it

such

but

it

also

love

not

bard

world.

that

sacred

and

verses

and

singing birds,

as

in

and

edification

make

applause;

friend

Nietzsche, who

the

actor

had

his Alfonso

lances
dians,
come-

much

perceive how

to
an

histrionic

always

artist.

truly humble

the

have

must

is the

as

and

against actors
seem

my

well-sustained

moved

proud friends,Shelleyand

and

it.

little

decidedlylacked

of mankind
less

not

the human

humiliatingto

he himself, like all poets, is


Here

the

human

tirades

does

of

delightand

mask

young

vehement

emulation

proof

too

world

the

aspire for

of my

custom

mility
hu-

me

into

the

found

to

it

relief and

own

of

attempt

put
into

out

Werther,

great delight

strong

admirable

never

to

been

great grief seemed

My

created

enrichingof

could

myself

have
also

an

and

Creator

95

Tasso.

and

consolation

DREAMS

Goethe

it must

I realize that
and

OF

BRIDE

THE

surely

my

Goethe.

seemed

In

to

see

the
the

courtier.
Ariosto
Carl

Goethe

his

August.

And

the

great

bards

of

freedom

century, Shelley, Byron,

Hugo

courtiers

Demos.''

they not
I

and

d'Este

am

not

an

of

enemy

King
of

of

the
Ah!

King Demos,

and

past
were

I know

96

BRIDE

THE

that

his

and

rule

all

until

kings

But

be

to

his

there

like friend

Nietzsche,

realization

of his worth

to be

and

keep body

to

of
istine

the

Demos

that,

So

power.

be

together,I
all now,

And

here,

be

play

vi coactus

potent
im-

courtier,

must

and

much

too

forgottennook.

it be

he

without

the

by

And

shall

help

yet

for

even

in my

weakness

because

thing
some-

the

and

phil-

not

for

of
instability

and

himself

not

of

tyrants

Lord

am

he

ones

with

I wrote

first

redeemed

to my

mother

throne

be

driven

shall

righteous Lord.

still
think

the

critical and

these

are

the

us

profound
know

to
or

about

could

it and

I strove

sorrow

who

this Christ

redeem

read

us,

and

diligently

preciousgift.

mother

reply,which

of

effort

had

Emmy's
My

days

greater

even

who

and

his power,

prefers.

these

In

ascend

and

mighty

more

this

chains, proclaimingto King

fault-finding
subject,but

in

againsthim,

theless
applause; while I, a lowly slave, neverthrough my quietmental activityenjoy the

highestfreedom

was

ander.
Alex-

to

I had

again

unwillingto

soul

part, though

human

off

and

after

actor

an

glory, as

wished

to rebel

and

into this

driven

was

lord

supreme

courtier, I always lacked

and
self-denial,

the necessary

have

replace

rules

prosperity and

imagine, must

he

May

Christ

King

him

I wish

Diogenes,

DREAMS

is at hand.

earthly realm

men.

among

OF

wrote

I read

me

long prolix

letters

in

and reverently,
unattentively

heart

communed
intimate

for

into

is,though
her

all that
And

with

all

all the

living and

sea

things,I

of the

their

from

he

And

and

in

this

And

early

not

believe that

of
was

be

how

this man,

who

like

calendar.

that

he

some

what

the

the

mysterious
it dead

so

aside

it.

knowing

tiful
something beaupeople and the

for

boon

absolutely would

could
had

do

been

what
able

Hollander.

none

to

do,

But

strange god, by chance

I revered

him

Yes, I wished

might

with

with

revelation,such

perfectlycommonplace
here, and

in the

as

the

of

yet another,

themselves

that

and

livingmen

life lead

greatest countrymen

my

regarded him

way

living or

to

did

me

the

soul

matured

my

for

even

such

was

man

him

done

though the
themselves
ugly.

grand,

things were

this

world-life

pictured this

prove

to

as

patriots.

vision

and

without

world-life

vaster

it

doubt

some

about

had

personal

own

there

father

my

awakened

showed

he

And

speak.

and

"

befits Italian

meaning

everything,be

life of
to

the

with

dead

Sea

showed

he

"

North

with

that

saw

the

thing
every-

meaning.

newly

my

as

"

the

acquired a meaning,

prejudice,as

life of

coast

voice

of Rembrandt,

and

then

And

her

soul

perceiveit

not

most

There

ears.

this first visit I went

on

unbelief

do

call lifeless has

we

the works

see

being with

we

and

aspects

other's

each

me

DREAMS

heart, whispering the

to

secrets

became

sea

OF

BRIDE

THE

98

above
in

I
carnate
in-

all the saints


vague

be Christ, for

sort

then

of
I

what

should

know

fine to

manifest,

Rafael

and

and

be

and

salvation

and

mean

and

ugly

anxious

an

out

something
it

ray

great

of the

task

poor

us

were

ever

so

to

seems

everlastingbeauty,
of

faint

the

ugliness,and

again accomplished,the great

was

me

bring

to

visible,perchance

was

dark, dreary cloud

it

desperate struggle

least

at

there, it

was

in

and

is beautiful

by

that

canvas

unlovely,

dwells, and
even

fort
com-

more

in the

though

even

in many

like

life

is

nature

is

there

yet

beautiful

as

^een

human

revealinghow

beings. Yes,

imperfect,as

"

in

the divine

be

can

human

but

imagined;

Angelico,and

Fra

beautiful

Titian, how

can

and

Giotto

as

be very

it may

For

believe.

to

99

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

THE

solation
con-

offered.

finallyI visited with my father the little


life,
villagewhere Spinoza led his quietphilistine's
And

and

patientlybored

confined
I

saw

thoughts

could

the little house


and

of

heard

of this

equanimous

myself

no

example

better
as

It has

the

time;

little

was

soul

with

such

come

an

outlet.

which
And

after

when

scape
quiet,peacefullandlonely,sober, chaste life
devout
to

Jew, I desired
be able

for

follow

his

thought

at

to

longer than
more

continued

necessary

to

rubbing
charge my

high potency that, as his, it


bright sparks in isolation. But now
about

the

possible.

as

world

rough

emit

and

through

the

the

and

the

find

and

stronger

with

hole

lot than

soon

taken

the

all, and

I would

not

would
it has

contradict

BRIDE

THE

100

you

if you

who

drew

said that

for

labors

the

for

other

On

the

day

was

free

informed
she

was

the

cordial
There

she

the

hair

heard

with

eyes

paler

knees

kissed
with

me

before
on

emotion
her

saw

amber
one

on

heart

behind

closed

the

of

door

soft,

"

guidly
lan-

when

face, with

another,

the

and

now,

beneath

and

the

near

me

delicate

my

own.

blonde
lace

with

I fell upon

hands.

up.

She

I trembled

cool, soft lips,and

the fine countless


so

white

chain.

lifted

I felt her

once

the black

and

black

face

same

deep rings under

her, kissing her

the brow

tints and

the

in black

dressed

was

great silver crucifix


my

years

My

invitingme to enter.
stood, tall, straight,the

much

She

many

voice

the

showing silverywhite

veil.

the

last I

at

"

lightgray

them, but

of

front

so

I stood

as

she

that

when

me

memory.

trembled

north

the

again.

saint, adored

my

and

from

arms

for

day

moreover

hoped

and

my

that

me

and

journey

in her

from

letter

ways,

Holland

porter in

hotel

not

already dear

reminded

own

her

clasp me

apartment

with

in

she

my

on

hands

my

their

by

task, had

life's

age

hol}^ dusky light of

and

sleek

go

again

see

in the
beat

of

momentous

to

was

of my

in which

stop

at last

might

sanctified

regions

came

that

would

It

to

me

Spinoza

reasons.

arrived

now

and

dwelling sphere been

me

mother

DREAMS

Rembrandt

was

fulfilment

this meditative
to

it

the

to

me

OF

pale

violet

little lines
And

and

ing
cross-

I breathed

the old familiar

was

been

I should

mother,

my

and

awe

eration
ven-

distinguishedwoman

stately and

this

for

felt

have

It

she not

had

Even

ender
lav-

brow.

my

upon

of consecration.

moment

breath

pure

and

of frankincense

perfume

felt her

and

101

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

THE

expressionof long and patientlyendured


her
fresh, well-preservedold age, her
affliction,
solemn, dignified
garb and the peculiarsphere of

with

her

chastity that

purity and
my

and

threatened

longed

foulness

in my

through

her

soul,

in the

her

years

from

her,

still

Thus

greatly

it

revered

feared

influence

of

an

that

the

the

could

power

power

unknown

now

position
tance.
impor-

saw

my

nations

some

priestessesand

of witches.

potency,

lover.

the

minor

why
of

of his

sexless

it, when

comprehended

tains
sus-

fulness

of

not

part

new

derstands
un-

clothed

creature

another

toward

ternity
ma-

well

wisdom

with

male, and

the

conceived

sibylsor

and

if she

in the

Man

remains

ever

fulfils

mother, and

purify

life,when

her

human

new

is directed
and

should

can,

positionand

new

higher dignity.

Woman

so

period of

last

it, become
a

uglinessand

power.

slipsaway

with

she

mind

my

flood of tears.

all the

that

so

to

came

reveal

to

her.

surround

to

relieve itself in

to

confess,

to

Woman

humiliation

and

shame

All

seemed

I felt the
natural

secration
con-

solve
forgive, purify, bless, ab-

prophesy wholly according


prerogative,but stronger here where

to

priestly
God

and

BRIDE

THE

102

it than

ordained

Nature

and
officially

driven

make

meeting,had

first

thought

of my

with

had

fresh

serious

complexion and
down

low

twisted

to

knot

dressed

in black

breast

pin

plaitsof
shy

and

but

in

with

which

hair.

saw

her

eyes

that

she

had

that

pretty

appreciated.
gentle

She

lace collar

enclosed

while

shining with

gold

brown

somewhat

mother,

my

tion
kindly satisfac-

allowed

been

and

some

greeted

also

was

the window

at

that

temples,braided

in back.
white

eyes,

glossy hair

the

were

embarrassed

and

dark

over

stood

She

was

and

immediately saw

brought

and

This

moment

I remembered

veil.

other
an-

than
beauty,quitedifferently

large, dark,

white

was

the

this

of

aware

For

room.

have

at

even

become

soon

the

whose

Emmy,

She

full confession

I not

taken

woman

young

undoubtedly

sister,but then

sister had

it.

would

in

person

authority

human

conferred

formally

to

me

DREAMS

where

impulsive nature

My

my

OF

to

witness

this

Lucia

del

scene.

mother

My

her

Bono,
And

could

notice

the

two

deal

and

that

not

this

for the elder


In

the

visits to

one

mother

was

adopted daughter.

Lucia's

veneration

deep

mine,

as

talked

meeting was

unbearable
my

as

had

women

this

and

that

almost

was

that

that

me

friend

faithful

mother

my

told

about
an

and

me

for
also

great

important event

alone.

grief for
and

her

my

lost love

beautiful,

these

sympa-

THE

companion

thetic
it

and

long

suspicious

discouraged

silent

he

realized

He
both

current

did

felt

and

what

catastrophe.

was

from

from

been

sweeping

the

from

and

listless

his

his

compressed

going

father's

my

made

and

solace

greatest

saw

suddenly

and
had

we

which

tightly

ask,

103

my

glances,

was

not

that

before

aged,

appear

DREAMS

became

which

air,

man

OF

now

not

was

and

dark

BRIDE

still

orous
vig-

almost

lips,

variably
in-

that

on.

did

not

seized

us

speak.
by
toward

an

But

we

irresistible

an

table
inevi-

IX

HOLLAND

the

whereof

be

may

frame

the

hermit

who

towns

easily

can

from

the

heavens,
he

people
the

ancient

his

cell.

turn

of

clouds

hermit

to

Sometimes

life, instructive
with

because
and

consider

enough

to

with
ass

But

on

and
one

conceit,

and

in

would

rats

owe

agreeable
dis-

and

live

of

quiet

little
of

think

good

on

my

town

them,
this

To

am.

would

insight, they

reputation
I

Were

man.

my

as

they

them,

of

really

as

sharper

them

treat

attitude

revelations

this
how

see

respectable

and

modest

them

with

haughty

the

interesting.

myself

which,

attitude,

let

never

the

toward

their

of

vast

But

annoying

in

the

of

the

"

spiders

are

inhabitants

show

never

the

too,

and

the

gods

sea.

they

little

peaceful

assume

toward

amid

contemplation

the

learn

must

place

meditation

the

and

pressive
im-

most

dwelling

and

the

to

sometimes

terms

inward

painting

the

fit

cows,

revelations

greatest

is

It

dreamy

meadows,

hazy

as

constitutes

part.
for

described

humble

equals by

being

then

me

call

as

ural
natceited
con-

cad.

point

we

understand
104

each

other,

"

106

BRIDE

THE
life's task

my

challenge it
It

was

who

the

of

round

the

her

the

felt

biting
he

was

for

sailing

from

the

safe

homecoming,
the

deadens
a

weighing

total

sion
submer-

It

then

was

melancholy, as
toothache.

gnawing

willingpupil, eager

emotions

violent
wild

me

breaking

rigging.
his

passions

and
and

the

ocean,

this tumult

it deadened

in

hand,

one

waves

for

found

in

to

amid

mense
im-

driving

pennant

and

wood

contempt,

of

fallow

rope

bow,

happiest;

And

the

to

other, the eye travelling

while

breaking of

on

taut

horizon, from

chances
or

he

in the

trembling the

against

slave

about,

above, the tugging

sail to

boat

me

whistlingwinds, seething foam,

strainingtiller

from

made

not

them.

thrillingsuspense

surging waves
the

I should

I think

deceive

prefer to

father

my

amidst

clouds

DREAMS

undisturbed,

and

intoxication
out

OF

tortured

all the

as

by

self-

of lost

pangs

love-joys.
In

Holland,

hired

boat

had

understand

of
Yet

One

father

North

lake

and

in

rough

any

rash

and

few

oilskins,and
waist, had

the

weather

we

had

Scheve-

to make

would
small

weeks, he managed
him

the

not

was

enterprisesin

I followed

afternoon

Sea

immediately

and

trouble

quitesome

the

had

ocean,

that

after

object

my

sail the

to

ningen seamen
gulf or

too

to

him

Italian

an

not

mit
per-

sailboats.
attain

his

gladly.
sailed

out, dressed

in

skipper who, submerged to


pushed us off the shore through

our

the
the

had

breakers,
hours, for

it difficult for

nodded

had

had

else and

caprices of

the

North

hour

an

had

coast

which

above

my

the

thing
someputed
com-

formidable

and

gray

like

father
to

faint

lay

horizon

mist

rudder.

the

hung

foam

deck, glanced

then

"

line

luminous

the

on

quently
fre-

was

holding the

thin white

and

land

as
silently,

on

dwindled

breakers.

the

toward

at

watch,

my

said:

and
"

about, father, it 's time."

Come

hear,

to

seem
"

of

penetrated and

ago

sailed

we

wont,

our

of

father

My

Sea.

For

The

long

and,

current

strong

thinking

were

two

in

set

land.

to

us

he

though

as

ebb-tide

breeze, the

north

within

back

be

the

time

107

DREAMS

to

us

that

at

make

would

warned

fresh

the

with

OF

BRIDE

THE

It 's time

did not

and

to

in

!"

about

come

want

toward

I turned

hear.

He

had

closely,luffingsharply,
and

drawn,

was

him

Then

the

not

repeating:
that

saw

hauled

staring fixedlyand

did

He

the

sheet

he

sail
main-

tightly

straightahead

His
large yellow sou'-wester.
eyes had
the hard
grim expressionof old people who after
a
long life of struggle still fight for the bit of
breath
left them, or of indulged and long-tortured
invalids,or of the starved or shipwrecked who no
the

under

longer
their
gray
"

feeling for

have

own

distress.

whiskers

what

before

and

anyone

Between
his

I had

anything

or

his

close-cropped

tightly pressed lips I


never

noticed

but

"

two

saw

sallow

deeply furrowing

lines
felt

as

"

pity,such
though the

wind
"

and

You

began

He
there

though

were

him.

about

waves

no

said

three

years

be

lost.

I think

would

you

suddenly

I asked.

regardlesslyas

talking away
no

"

father?

ails you,

What

griefwhich

now

eyes

before

him

of all the

very

once

consciousness.

penetrated my
"

at

felt for

never

my

All

cheeks.

realization

under

suffered

he had

his

I had

as

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

THE

108

that

ago

right.

are

you

this time

by

You

are."
"

father, I think

No,

beginning to
"

You

do

not

in her

know

the

They

suck

replace
her

She

makes

sorrow

God

the

"

the

attracts

of

prints
in

the

error?

part

healthy

archangels

her

object

as

scars,

you

do

you

vulture.

life-blood

and

and

Was

heaven.
she

worship, and
hanging

matter,
better.

exactly
there

her

are'

ness
bitter-

feet,covered

the

and

in

and

gloom

corpse

sores,

masses

murders

of

hideous

horrible

more

dull

papers.
"

woman,

the

pierced hands

blood, wounds,

spittle,

harpy;

gall. Melancholy

are

with

cross

your

has

Suffering,pain, grief,trouble,

picturesher
a

is

Part

half

away

these

am

ruin.

see

mother

Your

She

monsters?

idols.
"

well.

clutches.

it with

salvation, Vico, you

see

it very

again

mistaken.

was

salvation."

see

I understand

And
the

as

barbarians
ever

dirt

more

on

with
and
that

colored

depicted
devilish

"

if salvation

And

for
"

!"

Jew

mouth

his

eyes,

"

"

contempt

Jew

barteringmorality? Buy!

can

be

you

can

can

be

price and

mankind

the

for
and

bargain!

contract

Blood

of

son.

My

bond

deeds

Do

upon

everywhere?
Jewish

They

have

will make

to

see.

the

made

of you

heir !

law!

the

bond

'

hated

are

infected with

been

priesthood,the
of

too.

cause
be-

resentment

bastard

God

himself

And

that

my

black

brood.
and
son!

they
my

"

sufferingon
Tears

Jew

bond

My

crave

Germanic

Jewish

one

child,the
The

then

reads

the Jews

it has

The

poison.

is

is instinctive

It

feels that

the world

forfeit of my

know, Vico, why

you

vermin,

head!

my

penalty and

The

the

his

price,nothing

Thus

my

to

of sinners

the blood

If not

What

holds

is the fixed

all

My

so

he

Shylock,

is

blood

for

"

'

"

everything

Buy!

Salvation
cheap !
of a singleJew.

corpse

that.

the

let it be

dirt

God

! his bond

change

can

learn

you

bought ! If you are but willingto pay,


Salvation
to heaven.
go anywhere, even
bought for a slaughtered human
being.

fixed

bond

did

! where

this

demption
re-

ing
snapped at me with glitterdrawn
utterable
disdainfully in un-

father

my

pain,

price of

the

sufferingwas

sins?

our

with

only be bought

can

If all this

father?

109

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

THE

father's

my

began

to

face

flow from

was

terrible

his fixed eyes.

BRIDE

THE

110

I tried
it 's
"

'11 go

We

on

freezingin

mad.

All

us

make

you

What

with
What

these

did

for

hereditary sin?

ha !

hereditarysin
debt!

Once

the

at
"

Come

But
"

he called

Go

ahead,
then

And

considered
"

whilst
what

death.

And

we

it must

be

real

life of most

is

no

honor

back

men

and

attempt,
!

tary
Heredi-

"

one

standingupright

!"

greater vehemence

even

!"

about

the

over

and

sea

do:

Vico, there
must

live

as

life too.

no

and

about

"

I looked

to

is

ha!

Ha!

vigorously:

with

I tell you

tell you,

an

father

about,

sin!

for

get

idea."

an

I cried

mast

received.'*

crafty,bartering Jew

such

I made

more

Did

you

invention

an

child.

usurer

did

What

ance
accept-

own

value

"

Hereditary

be to invent

must

it?

! what

What

this

his

of

debts, Vico?

this

accepted by

sly,heartless

get

you

blood

son

burdened

had

and

us

his

of

pleasure,and

the

going

was

blood

he himself
on

the

again.

out

thrust

will and

for

Jew

"

with

there

I sat

! the

son

which

debts

own

paid
What

his

of

against our

us

he burst

off sin with

his

"

with

said

veins, fearinghe

my

once

blood

The

buy

to

at

he

yet,"

airiness, and

blood

"

about, father

come

while

affected

ghastly

Do

DREAMS

!"

time

over

"

him.

calm

to

OF

slow

merit

is life and

long

Death
miserable
in

as

is

we
no

there

is

can.

But

life.

The

death.

maintaininga

There
life that

should

enervated, four,
do

men

not

wanted
and

yet

that

shame

teach

something began

Then

soul, like

snake

about

waves

to

very

and

not

am

you

be

The

to

flow

and

ern.
cav-

the

tinglingdown

Yet

to

as

he

my

not

was

harpy?

by

even

shall

die if it should
But

father."

my

red-rimmed

fixed,now

eyes

abundantly.
in

be

to

Will

me

you

Will

reason?

Will

softer, trembling

much

true

saved?

your

believe

teachingme.

your

not

the

cried
you

life and

you

without

more

yourselfbe

accursed

wind

how

from

"Will

voice:

forget the

finger tips.

murdered,

!"

Vico

her

even

tears

began

to

in

rise up

from

afraid, father.
well

quite as

I won't

let

Are

"

spoke firmly:

be necessary,

"

die.

succeed

not

forth

True, I felt

me.

my

coward

know

die.

to

stir and

to

goaded

I, too, began

"

how

to

you

greater

even

I did

But

that

shame

live,and

still less

live.

you

is

It

bloodless,

"

afraid?

back

to

know

shall

how

know

have

life.

rotten

they

to

now

my

called death.

truly be

more

111

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

THE

you

Will

then?
save

your

you
cious
pre-

abjure this

you

sinister

the

escape

band?"
But

replied:
whomever
that

"

I shall
I find

curses

Then

irritated

was

my

his

save

worthy.

and

excited

myself,I
I do not

and

shall

proudly

be

respect

to

true

the

man

mother."

face

changed horribly,he

lifted up

OF

BRIDE

THE

112

DREAMS

trembling right hand,

his

off the

knocking
the

damp

canvas

from

cap

hair

gray

thereby awkwardly
his head

fluttered.

in Michel
Angelo's
sign of doom
:
screaming loudly meanwhile
"

Then

I had

started, but

him

the

only

the

that

he

ideas,

thought
he

that

his hand

!"

you

left

to

attempted

have

up

across

in

see

the tiller.

to grasp

"

But

from

and

by

these

at

wounding.

him

to

mind

infected

clutch

than

At

my

been

should

sounding

nothing, walked

said

you,

imprecation!

an

flashed

also

must

more

weapons,

curse

utmost

very

my

sentiments

such

to

judgment,

curses

Testament

tried

the

himself

Jewish

Jesus'

maniac.
raving, irresponsible

time

same

father

be indifferent

to

last

hear

you

Your

of Old

enough

not

me

do

you,

Muralto.

Lodovico

in

curse

made

He

tliat

so

behind
!"

About

I cried.
"

and

with

hand

us

of

directly
Even
the

he

pulled

instead

hauled

at

that

and

that

and

on

sheet

had

greater
!"

so

that

scorn

I cried

the

cried

sailingbefore
the

the

with

beam

fiercely,

tiller out

violentlytoward

it

of

my

himself,

so

it struck

wind

mainsail

closely

fixed.

I desired

time, yet

father

my

wrenched

death
I would

now

Seamanship
still

!"

well ! about

Very

teaches

for bad

out,

eagerly as he
have
instinctively

did

of

but

as

scorn

manoeuvring.

hastilycutting the

the sail fluttered

death

out

into

the

"

taut

wind

sisted.
re-

head
Blockrope

like

for

WHEN

upon

four

wave-swept

nothing

has

of

after

I had
I had
but

been

once

successful

is to

be

won

treasure.

was

did

gain by

portant
im-

thing
it

highly ;

stubborn,

was

ever

but

after

to

life

value

the

cost

to

so

this

effort?

others,

me.

hard-

What
of

none

glorious

them

of

of

so

as

induces

what

of

attempt

everything there

know

all these

And

desperate

dearer

this tremendous

it?

joy,

the

become

concerning the

frantically at

My
my

that

against

forsooth, praise

desirable

and

sea

maintenance

before

so

it, it had

I make

Why

trouble

to

resistance

known

whom,

so

life

my

determined

Now

the

for

with

wood,

the

but

though

incited

of

me

of

benumbed

us.

valued

never

robbing

do

to

piece

consider

to

all, even

indifferent

so

fought

begins

thing, one

and

about

round

fallingnight, one

wet

hours,

to

and
it

cling to

much

pain

and

?
father

mother

reasonable

had
and

taught
the

beings

me,

and

priestsdenied
who

ought
114

to

no

one,

it, that
act

not
we

even
are

reasonably.

BRIDE

THE

To

and

it is

for

naught
then.

felt

Spinoza,

myself

who

by

for

sober

these

words.
be

could

have

merely

different

in

love

it.

that

and

life must

suffer

willingto

be

liberal

as

be

"

Yes

mother,"
But

Father

denounced

must

be

to

who

he

the
I

the first

on

parted

I defied

as

these

his

are

curse,

the

trouble

he

stead
in-

throws

his

fosters

ness
lazi-

recovery.

my

distress.

and
cursed

blockhead.'
not

himself

saved, dear

of

day

all

balance

who

been

while

the
'

him

but
superstitious,

much

of

cost

thing
some-

as

lets

the

he

has

life

my

for

generous

disturbs

chair

off his

I said

and

He

highest strivingin

the

balance, and

now

at

ing
feel-

strugglefor

and

and

preserving it, and

sion
pas-

this

good

cabbages to his neighbor'shogs


and
injustice.

own

Jew,
out
with-

wished

he

And

grasping Jews and Hollanders


Right remains right. Love demands

is for

of

it because

Jew

opposition

Spinoza.

imagined

are

pushed

in

me

inborn
to

believe

not
even

Italians, but

of

nature

"

I did

give

God

love

stirred

was

to

the

than

My

return.

true, not

could

best

be

we

in

or

justice.

should

one

truth

return,

if

that

of

Jew

able.
unreason-

label

may

sider,
con-

the

from

of his age.
love

of

do

to

idea

my

more

says

expecting

idea

well, you

"

also

was

considers,

me

Jewish

naught

That

then

with

everyone

If

115

something undesirable,I

oneself for

exert

DREAMS

OF

me

and

am

not

ories.
comforting mem-

I resisted

him

and

re-

BRIDE

THE

116
tained
that

he

for

has

preserved

there

without

been

fear

that

is

salvation;

no

should

you

God

But

repentance.

that

so

you

me

not

it had

boy.

my

father

cursing and

he died

tells

Who

that

it so,

unhappy

your

what?

"

die?

willed

has

God

DREAMS

right and

to

me

for

But

not

was

for

better
"

life.

my

OF

for

live

him."
"Preserved
then?

me

The

stars, the
me?

is

How
"

love.

to

and

fixed

the

nebulse

needs
.

"

preserve

need

You

he need

Does

sun

the

and

way

that, mother?

wished

He

the

of

creator

milky

him?

live for

to

me

through

you

Therefore

him.

his merciful
must

you

live for him.^^


"

for

If

and

me

needs
not
"

need

I for

not

him.

him.

him

soul.

You

must

suffer

be

must

for

him.

equally

dear

to

God

is

you

surely

"

all your

ready
have

and

who

anyone

heart
offer

to

bear

received

sorrow

because

and
all to

life and

it must

"

it

to

thing
every-

Joy

live

must

"

be

You
.

can

willing to

him.

from

I
with

love

You

How

But

must

You

he

then

for another?

help himself live


of help.
in need

all your

be

mother,

him,

all
from

comes

him."
"

reason

my
when
I

Dear

my

trusted

mother, then
and

my

father

gave

that

these

surely have

I must

from

tastes
me

watch

things

would

him

received

too.

and

And

compass

point right.

THE

I then

of Heaven

the

another.

from

the

come

from

of

the

How

"

devil, and

is the

And

heal you,
"

Is it less

thank

the

which

is

he

made

feel

and

to

him?

and

row
sor-

one

it

though

or

come

is bitter
it

just

though it
differently."

what

need

you

to

"

should

And

Almighty for first lettingme


unpleasant enough already,

and

pleasing

from

come

taste

not

bitter

taste

He

necessary?

glad

this be

is sweet

bitter,therefore

giving a

Creator

it matter

it

quinine

bitter

Vico ?

miserable

Almighty

can

I cannot

calls

reason

and

can

must

fore
Where-

happiness desirable

Sugar

God.

tastes,

My

wretched

reprehensible,whether
from

117

and

then?

sake

calls

DREAMS

point wrong?

being? What

taste

my

them

Earth.

and

supreme

And

these

lead

to

for

life,even

reason

receive

it nonsensical

to

gives me
that

suppose

did

OF

God

when

And

BRIDE

thankful

tastes

the

to

has

made

sweet, but

and

me

over
more-

which
that

so

gives happiness

for

not

even

get sick,

medicine

whatever

for

affliction and

bitterness."
"

That

is your

that
away

your

through

into

pride, Vico

pride.

love

Learn

you.

Your

to

love

to love

Learn

God

thankfullyto accept

the

father
God!

stilled
in-

Lay

humbly

and

bitter from

him."
"

can

Listen, mother.
repeat

myself

it all
that

might

after

you

say

now

Yes

exactly

feel it all too.

But

! yes !

and

suade
per-

then

118

lie.

would
rather

help

thankful

be

he

If

me

it.

then

desires

no

reason

afflictions

for

and

creator

the

I know

sweet

I would

that

so

jto God

bitter

is my

for

DREAMS

made

has
can

call the

should

or

lie if I

should

why

God

And

not

OF

BRIDE

THE

tiful.
beau-

the

ugly

he

is also

sponsible
re-

feelings of

and

his

creature."
"

What

I tell you,

understand
You

I
be

poured

out

to

true

light.? You

shut

what
advise
"

But

"

would

unless

to

and

hear

will

grace

the

of

sake

not

the

yourselfto

want

to

hear
and

obey

to

standing.
under-

surely do

you

what

accept

light,mother.

every

so

what

consider

everything.
obey
gladly,I cannot

to

ever

am

told

advised

and

me."

break

God

May

your

self-conceit ! "

my

sighed.

What

collective
which
years

is open

acceptableto

mother

his

son
rea-

people,through love, tell and

wiser

heart

accept

seems

that

blind

want

grace.

you."

My

and

and

and

human

for

not
can-

You

their

so,

surely will

teaches

willingto
though I

am

heart

lightof

faith.

And

you.

your

older and

pray

loves you

who

wish

church

only
over

mother,

to

trust

can

your

the

the

again through

all who

as

now

something you

except through

be bom

must

is

Vico,

type

here

written

have

of

I had

following.

hundreds

many
with
With

is

my
the

mother

an

average
of

and

tions
conversa-

during

the ten

zeal
indefatigable

of

BRIDE

THE

flies incessantly
buzzing up
window

againsta

our
a

aggressivelove,

more

in my

that

the human

other.

herd

And

to the

considered

like two
their

defensive,
militant.

less

of the

ableness
reason-

convictions, neither

simply

was

accustomed

struggle

was

one

idolatryof

the

true

falls

before

on

as

trying

to

almost

all

the true

word,

we

education

that

had

of

of diiferent
another

one

said that

now

made

thought

to

The

four

hours

boat, my

father's

grim sinkingface
such a deep gash into
first I would

dream,

in

which

of

one

the

the father's

was

my

the
for

my

eyes,
and

young

awaken

the

old

my

had

help

feud

struck

morning
thing was

in

fluence:
in-

ears,

tender

every

whole

the

the capsized

on

ringing in

before

as

maternal

suspense

curse

through again, crying

it

continued

of anxious

his

at

too,

holding up

until

the

oppose

though they
and through me.

me

faith

refractory,just

me

as

about

fellow-man

our

his knees.

the mother

father

idol

missionaries

symbol

And

with

imagined that by merely talking,talkingwe


the word
which
ourselves
we
finallymake

could

that

the

whereof

natures

cratic
auto-

another

the

conceit

this

and

mother

on

feelingsand

our

two

subject the

two

universal

noticed

us

between

both

the

by
of

of

more

self-assertion,none

Possessed

one

striking

one

upon

peculiarindividuality.My

own

but

and

tenacious

thrust

to

119

down

and
two

we

pane,
tried

persons

DREAMS

OF

voice

soul
from

lived

hoarse

from

screaming

lonelydusky

dreams

would

they

these

did

till late in my

and

whenever

recur

the

across

gradually

very

cease,

long

so

my

life

of resistance

power

weakened.

was

These

mother's

been

right now.?

life

worth

was

defiance

your

the
the

to

These

live and

the

depths

these

compelling
dwelt

power

soul
and

within

mighty voice, and

did

that

this power

weaker
of

want

the

and

to

herd, which

beset

every

me

more

once

sounded
issued

whence

seemed

strong coercive

listen.

And
in

father

to

Was
had

possess

force

when

observed

soon

proportion

discouraged.
my

vain

find

which

increased

more

mother.'*

your

distressingthoughts.

me

not

tinuing
con-

In

to

surance:
as-

doing right by

vision.

my

this

in

morning lighthad

fearful

of

seek

was

that

warnings

the

morning when
dispelledthe

your

really

"

father

your

are

you

you

now

adhering to

the

were

must

that

that

that

desperatelydefended?
taken a heavy responsibility

You

assurance

and

wrong

so

had

mother

your

have

and

if he

sure

you

What

have

yourself.

upon

Are

you

you

that

sure

you

saving?

life which

of that

By

Are

your

ideas

what

And

death.

to

event.

chosen

and

rejected his

sacrifice?

this

deserved

"

him

peating
warnings, re-

terrible

the

father

have

You

driven

thereby

of

repelledyour

side.

like

me

upon

lesson

stern

have

You

acted

dreams
the

"

Only

sea.

evil memory

cried

I had

as

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

THE

120

as

it the

taught

I felt
voice
me

to

BRIDE

THE

122

For

it

is

hardly

the

and

himself

render

the

making

everyone

wearing

and

out

account

wherefore.

and

why

DREAMS

see

trying to

anyone

of

to

strange

greatest efforts

OF

self
him-

to

the

Especially

thoughtful people cut a strange figure,


usually they all disagree,or only agree about

so-called
as

their

and

ignorance;
complacently without
own

their efforts

pretend

of

manifest

not

but

little power

for

otherwise,

to

machinery

would

free, such

as

true

faith

much

concerning the

words

living

on

earnestly persevering
They
reaching a conclusion.

believe in the

to

yet they go

them.

attract

sheer
to

come

their

It is

standstill

reader,

dear

truths

and

and

the

truly
find

I, would

opportunity to gather the leading truths


them, and, wrapped in glowing formula, so
throw

perceive them

and

their

before

them

pick

them

up

feet that

their

as

so,

entire

no

to

do

have

good

uncertainty,the
a

all

idol, because

important

most

from

you,

in

they

word, but

in

for
terously
dex-

they,
own

discoveries.
Lucia
also

del

Bono

bright,clever and,
and

me,

good

her

parents,

into

her

noble
and

home

whatever

we

mother
was

the

could know.

as

Italian

beautiful, but
mother

my

She

who

had

assured

had
taken

adopted daughter, was

her

mother

Whatever
said
nearest

And

woman.

mother

my

as

saint, her oracle.

wished

only

not

was

soon

true,

was

to

God's
I

did
what

will of

was

lost
her

her

good,
mother

anything

perceivedthat, among

BRIDE

THE

things,mother

other
become

only

for

suitable

"

me

with

is

face

the

love

never

can

fervently than
of the

world,

Emmy,

shield

everywhere for

temptation.
there

that

myself.

humiliating,
particularlyfor
haughty nature,
from

away

and

men

be

but

God

To

me

temptation

not

like to

myself

and

and

proud

turn

match

for

overpowering

defenceless

in the

of women."
this mother

splendid and
denies

left

I have

with

willingto fightan
has

in the

is bitter

It

does

I feel

enemy.

would

majority,
hands

an

who

and

one

is

was

tions
tempta-

escape

like

one

the

If I remain

know

more

love

the vile.

I shall nowhere
to

and

this

from

me

make

promises.

truly
even

squarely

realitytoo

and

was

Now

and

again

more

"

veranda.

resolves

"

to

and

low

enough

seen

hotel

woman

strong enough

not

when

mother

believe, myself, in these

to

trines
doc-

the

to

of salvation

way

my

I look

promises,but

solemn

to

holy

have

other

no

the

on

sidered
con-

life.

said

once

her

indeed

may

"

alone

in

all, there

After

for

such

to

sions,
pas-

my

monastery,

myself

reconcile

once

and

however

pets,

to

loss

Emmy's

Through

myself peculiarlyfitted

"

Lucia

wished

long

voracious

Satan's

if I could

123

unchanging persistenceof

the

through

had

wife.

my

DREAMS

OF

and

replied:

lofty

than

suppresses

transitory feelingsin

"

There

that

all the
order

to

of

is
the

no

life

more

monk

who

lower, worldly and


let the

eternal

de-

BRIDE

THE

124

velop the
to

consecrate

If

only
"

am

you

No,

mother!

not

strong enough

I want

and

will I remain

good.

then

hands

kind

his

power."
You

And
Think
demons
"

fall

will not

of

how

and

succumb

to

least.

give you

them

away,

to

give an

Lucia

came

in

me

too, Vico.

tormented

much

what,
could

who

by

well

conquer

"

my
my

of her

room.

know

I would

too

feel

would

demons,

as

frightenme

not

from

mother

An-

pretty,

and

fright,but you can


more
easilythan
Vico

not

that

monsters

them

do

too

them

would

that, and

troubled

much

are

idea of the true


out

about

they

ladies

With

all those

read

imagine

you

say.

I know

They

before

Did

paints them, they

Than

had

there either.

were

that

They

And

Teniers

"

I have

pretty

should

ashamed.

in the

the

of Padua?

poetic,I

again

petted

temptations."

temptations.

tonius

saints

the

weeks.

and

in peace

you

paintings,proves

on

my

leave

and

life,only then

monastery

absolutelypure

an

Satan

ill in

because

world

nursed

was

then

even

the

dear.

!"

tried it for three

I have

Ah, mother, what

seen

Vico

just

abstemious

an

and

can

Satan

be in

fell ill and

by
"

lead

it

resist

to

deal

requiresa good

do

to

I must

environment

But

it

yourselfwholly to Jesus,
are
strong enough for that

fleshlydesires.

my

But

freely.

more

DREAMS

OF

my

dreams.

easilydrive
"
"

asked.

But

strong disinclination
nature

of my

visitants,

"

do

What

It

Vico

"

mien,

curious

was

look, her
to

dark

it could

that

could

and

painful interest, the


yet deeper.
That

will

If Christ
to

"

she

realized

in

said

deep

became

shame

voice

solemn

emotion.

with
"

fine ! "

is

deep

all too

of

blush

was
a

suppress

help betraying an

not

it

felt it and

she

when

and

"

that

not

mother

from

travelled

eyes

She

painful surprise.
blush, however,

change

cleverlyconcealed

she

of

expression
peculiar wide, shining

the

With

great

but

me,

to mark

priesthood."

the

enter

"

embarrassed

almost

grave,

to

face.

Lucia's

on

with

wants

this, little daughter !

to

say

said

mother

my

you

125

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

THE

he

Oh,

good

to

will

you

she

am

still half

surely accept

!"

said

you

Lucia, in

than

spoke

"

Emmy's

Jesus

be

will

he

tone

cording
ac-

heathen."

trayed
be-

which

certainty concerning the

more

whom

two

you

"

I said ;

only accept me,"

being
Christ

of

our

Lord."
"

do

How

well?

so

"Do

with
*'

shall

What
know

we
"

What

asked

you

explainto

him?"

she

the

little
I

would

whether

Lord
you
you

Do

me

cried

comprehensive

reply, mother

dear

"

you

Can
know

surely,Lucia

so

attentive.

asked, immediately
him

that

know

you

"

know

you

what

he is.^"

ately,
passion-

out

smile at mother.

He

asks

whether

Jesus."

yourselfreply, Vico,
knew

me,

your

if she

mother?

"

126

THE

I
two

women,

said

"

know

for very

But

my

him

much

near

as

her

near

time.
had

always

remember

can

you

all the

you

I have

me.

Lucia

than

had

not

is she with

long

as

have

leaves

never

me

Then

better, Vico,

you

long,nor

Jesus

the

thoughtfully regarded

mother, for

you

DREAMS

obviouslyconvinced.

so

your

him

OF

silent, and

was

know

BRIDE

and

day

night."
I said

nothing,but

intimating that

she

of Jesus.

more

eagerly than

And

here, yet
to

and

weak

it

this

rub

and
my

me

more

all

not

was

is

very

instructive

of

convenient
to
no

were

the

sponge,

mother

it all to

repeat

firm

and

whole

realities.
was

no

with

word

all sorts

of

bounds

and

suggested slate

our

eternal

tirely
en-

transitory reality.

if there

from

suggested
and

to

explainingby suggestion,we

out

clear

it

though

existence

meaning easilyadaptable
to

far

"

captivatingand

was

nor

Suggestion
but

tell

gladly,

long

too

implied the

me,

neither

and

"

and

on

go

she did it

encouragingly,

absolutely lucidlyexpressed, not

connected

and,

her

at

should

Emmy,

clearly and

you

looked

tions;
explanaend

no

might
of

well

as

life,with

beautiful

world

No, the Christ

of

of Lucia

suggestedfancy,but

ing
liv-

reality.
But
Of

My
an

what
the

was

Bible

he.''

the

two

mother, despite her


Italian

Catholic

knew

women

Northern

education

little.

very

origin,had
as

well

as

had

Lucia.

THE

BRIDE

this,for valid

In

did not

They
of his

his death

deservingof

And
of

nor

teachings. It
and

all

much

person,

the

another

New

adventures,

his

Jesus

as

nor

his martyrsuffering,
dom,

to them

to be above

seemed

if the

"

Nazarene
had

narrates

identify him

borne

have

never

the

with

curred
oc-

Deity

mother.

my

that

it

might perhaps

to

me

now

of

Testament

it

worshipped by
But

life of

known

not

name,

to

is forbidden.

meditation.

if I had

whom

that

Bible

127

of the

his

was

DREAMS

the

reasons,

speak

historical

an

OF

needs

I must

that

assume

all information

regarding the being,personally wholly


unknown
two

to

women

was

me,

that

and

of

of

millions

found

be

to

occupied the

so

lives of these

human

in these

sides,
beings be-

ancient

writings,

the

of which, contrary to my
English translation
mother's
I began
now
wishes, I faithfullykept
"

read

to

But
a

to

power,

more
us

its detriment

his

four

obvious

Hiob:

as

fanatic

declarations, and

resolute, his character

I found

full of
a

master,

retold

with

falsifications.

And

was

just
as

times

sensitive

delicate,more

thought, just

light.

touching narrative
written
by the hand of

of this narrative

than

attention.

and

and

hero

closer

even

nothing to give me

beautiful

dramatic

and

renewed

I found

very

but

with

very
and

bold

in

and

even

mortal,

nearer

akin

to

flightof

his

the

unmoved

the

human

immoderate

certainly less strong,


less

bellishments
em-

by

the

in
less
lot

was

the

creation, by the thoroughly human

this wonderful

ings
struggle,his disappointments, waver-

of his

truth

DREAMS

mighty hero of the older


deeply stirred by the reading of
than

threatening him
drama.

OF

BRIDE

THE

128

weaknesses, his courage

and

discouragedbearing,his
fluence
caused
by the inexplainable self-deception,

his

and

alternatelyproud

very

of
fatal

his

childish

his
and
and

necessary

result

heroic
But

followers

human

of

what

all this have

did

which

which, through which,

they lived

to

any

for

example
even

security,

which, in which

as

"

careful

many

who

was

she

threatened

to

Lucia

tragedy
and

all their

for

her

in

the

the

been

as

well

theus
Prome-

"

ing
lovingbe-

steps and

versations
con-

presence

when

her, I became

taught

for

tain
livingfoun-

gratefullydrew
forsake

But

attentive

and

Lucia,

fair

the

suffered.

mighty

path.

which

had

the

blance,
resem-

they might

of

hero

their

with

that

that

directed

through
mother,

he

now,

lightupon

from

for

derful
won-

millions

and

little outward

me

other

named

that,

wisdom

human

the

with

their

and

joy

death

the

name,

it seemed

rest

but

nothing

the

my

in

fish live in the water?

as

found

And

immutable

"

mother

my

all their

found

do

to

with

shed

but

strength.

her

have

desired

weakness

with

the

worshippers,

manfully not evaded,

reality in

and

truly tragicending, not

foreboded,

of

self-denial,

and

that

her
vinced
con-

the divine

BRIDE

THE

130

found

have

If

to

broaden

topple

we

just

our

seek

must

we

build

as

had

we

herd

does

than

we

need

not

its

Jew, who,

have

now

his enslaved

meek, the

No
so

have

felt

than

he, when
to

as

have

of

the

years

anguish from

redeemer,
new

the

whom

the divine

it

called

king,

as

the

man,

whole

earth

flown

Christ, so profoundly,

his subdued

from

to

was

reality,which

clearly living in

more

Alexandria,

centuries
the

cry

them

to

tragicheroic figureand
many

for

known

have

and

country

ingenious

pregnant.

millions

many

the

to

out

great and

Chrestus," with

"

can

one

urgently

more

eighteen hundred

countrymen

felt herself

The

attained.

leading

than

more

Christ, pointed

as

heaven

been

wisely responding

ago,

wisdom

individual

following.

it must

True,

wise
foundations, other-

our

our

once

higher,

higher and

the

imagined

in

commonplace things.

such

with

bold

make

towers

over

happiness

nor

Therefore

speak plainlyof

would

we

loneliness,
spiritual

contentment

wisdom.

unshared

and

life.

is neither

There

mind

tranquillityof

peace,

in this dead

to

DREAMS

of bliss in the utmost

foretaste

more

OF

he

created

chose
be

personificationand

the

desolate

and

the

himself

mighty
that

name

and

for

so

accepted by mankind,

epithet

of

this

same

reality.
But

fearfulness

charge
he

him

withdrew

gravely
his

own

that

with

person

Jewish
from

the

BRIDE

THE

which

strugglein
or

be

to

art

into

changed
have

might

What

masterpiece of art,
Parthenon,

how

in

man

false

like the

the

or

ithe

as

of

creations

the

or

of

Athene

Olympus, showing

of

Zeus

Hiob,

the

or

poor

wonderful

of

book

of

history.

of

elevated

and

Vinctus,

fered
suf-

work

true

piece

humanity

Prometheus

Iliad, or

and

noble

gladdened

blinded

sufferingand

the

his

131

perish,and

let his hero

he

wished

even

DREAMS

OF

rises

artist

the

highestabove personalpettinessand weakness, how


the highestperfection,
the genius in fiction creates
such
has

has

as

as

now,

truth

living human

been, have

still

mutilated

immortal

Pauline

pot

has

inspiration

and

joy

but

"

the beautiful

of art

work

had

world

might

Egyptian

become

evil

an

in the

mixed

and

and

have
with

Byzantine

Chaldean

podge,
hodgewretched

spirit for

kind.

For
the

with

actually

ever

beneficent, embellished

and

metaphysics

sorcerer's

as

beautiful

more

Christian

barbaric

which

falsifications

imitation.

of

has

us

"

occurrence,

rudest

neglectedthem,

and

figureof Jesus,

human

the

race

brought

miserable

been

to

impossibleefforts

and

any

after

historical

gloriousshapes of Phidias,

The
than

world

blood,

in flesh and

seen

invented

an

the whole

driven
of

been

never

eighteen hundred

dupe

of

years

this marvellous

his work,

changed

history.

know

in
no

fatal

the

world

dramatic
hour

from

stronger proof

has

been

genius and
fiction to
for

the

ex-

BRIDE

THE

132

istence of

malicious

amusing

our

And

the doves
the

on

that

joy

would

and

unconfounded,

was

that

and

urged

had

had

men

mightily

so

them

and

with

earnestly

revealed

smooth

beauty
what

the

bridle

soul, who

own

to

power
the

give us

miracles, and
a

human

human

faithful

strongly
peace,

word, and

true

this

of

voice:

instead

looking
the

through

for

of

them

if

they

to

the

deep
to

alone

has

of

worshipping
outward
signs and

beautiful

creations

of

seduced

to

be

and

word

and

in their

deification,to stupid imitation,


falsification

it

learned

and

genius letting themselves

to

God

their

warncr

desires

"

the

perceptible will

whisperings and warnings of


borne
and
nature, if they had

follow

and

in

himself

constant
true

extent

attentively hearkened

and

my

if,unprejudiced

audible

so

of

out

asked

such

in

spoke

the

earth

reignon

now

the

on

the

softlywhispering

I wander

over

hours

and

warm

in the

coo

gaze

for

musing

pressure,

pleasure in

takes

it is

cit}^walls,

quiet little city and


of water,

devil who

night, when

and

elms

DREAMS

errors.

many

calm

sea

OF

to

cism,
fanati-

reality,to

of poverty,
sicklypursuit of pain, glorification
fear of knowledge, scorn
of the world, hatred
of
beauty,
stray sheep!
poor
Then
the great and
and
good works of Greeks
"

Romans,

of Indians

thoughtfullycarried
esteemed, and

the

and
on,

Saracens
art

garden

of

would

have

been

preserved,knowledge
peace

made

verdant

BRIDE

THE

with

While

fountains.
of

thousands

to

inspired

grossly
be

good

of

though
the
and

his

and

by

the

voice

gloriously

by

forth

heralded

crucified

of

in

you

risen

and

again.

the

me,

me

live,
dead,

is

and

you

also

the

do

in

asunder

trumpets,
in

itself,

longer

flock

You

made

nevertheless.

No

directions.

devil

spent

soon

the

the

game

increase.

drive

dogs

the

has

sick

the

different

hear

lose

poison

shepherdless

and

lie,

destroyed

reader

my

shall

but

of

hundred

truest

favorites

flat

image

cheer,

good

move,

powers

the

the

error.

falsehood

The

the

poetical

sensuous

But

by

in

die

must

dearest

his

pure

again,

because

of

one

two

and

again
Christ

cross

besmirched

was

true

the

beautiful

most

he

utter

the

upon

that

alas

now,

these

from

beauty

hearts,

death

bitter

word

of

springs

clear

133

DREAMS

OF

my

reader,
and

as

"

learn

that

victoriously

XI

IT

found.

was

it

high

digger
mother
time

the

by

own

that

way;
as

address

every

prayer

and

to

one

is

and

in

forcibly

.^^ As

deception

observe

to

belief

the
But

also

that

is

tiny

he

church

carries

lay
of

the

with

in

134

of

exhortations
soul.

own

it is

that

and

self-

for
still

and

during
shame

Is

ble
possi-

continue

to

worthily

village,

my

through

image

coffin, already

fisher

in

Nevertheless

and

pose

long

someone

possibility

it

the

and

to

an

youth,

acting

My

vation,
reser-

which

self-observation

playing

body

in

praying

is

one

man,

usually

and

child

oneself

that

for

The

constant

one's

greater

clam-

too,

uttered

changes

act

any

creates

one

through

did

of.

sure

suggestion

protestations

there

not

was

letter

dunes

prayed

with

write

the

reward.

and

body.

say,

invocation

of

Deity

is

thrown

and

Rhine,

me

the

might

one

whose

words

of

side

of

promised

with

father

my

had

foot

the

the

there

went

the

at

of

claim

of

body

nor'-wester

shore
mouth

to

the

stormy

on

the

came

before

up

from

far

not

weeks

three

was

at

he

honestly.
this
the

act

game

assumes.

closed,
it

in

seemed

in

as

survivingspiritmocked

father's

though

my

for

words
trifling

the

thought

to

and

of

sea,

reach

candles

reed-covered
which

the

roaring

sand

hills,and

When

funeral

for my

would,

mother

if

the

sun

and

With

make

can

could

not

all

seem

sunshine, and

and

to be

the

the

realized.

vintage

browning foliage,merry

"

and

length
barren

most

tion.
consolaof

blessed

life

the

that

beforehand

At

of

ing
deceiv-

whose

the

even

fulfil all the

many

Northerners,

place of refuge and


little more
experience

imaginary Italy.

indeed

of the

considered

Italy

travelled

memories,

distance

with

pectation,
ex-

wonderland

childish moods,

increases

of

for

seen

sweet

it is to all

of dear

separation,and
country gleam as

not

the

to

company

the

of

charm

of

have

in the

thousand

sweetness

back

thought,I

with

beauty which

might

in

I had

leave

to

There, in Rome,
way

Italy,that
combined

of the world

the

from

talking little,full

usually deep

me

decided

we

my

the continent

women.

lured

find

Solemn,

swiftlyacross

with

with

eye

earth

her

country.

anywhere,

church.

years,

the

over

glowing

upon

over,

was

native

and

two

the

looked

wind

the

sea.

the

Holland

of

priest

the

of

voice

chanting

settingsun

the

across

ing
childish the burn-

How

the

seemed, with

of clouds

soul

the

move

stars.

the

and

to

me

I, foolish boy,

which

with

and

and

sun

135

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

THE

real

promises

beginning they
It commenced

golden light

country

folk

and

of

did

with
upon
song;

136

THE

of

gleam

solemn

BRIDE

better

North:

home

world

who

beloved

mother

flexible

for

craving
without

in

that
the

with

as

lad

that

what

and

they
I

then

native
it

task

land

and

the
of

Hundreds

writers

fancies

sensuous

with

and

rude

and
poor

the

street

little

how
do

can

reason

or

say

did

not

that

heart

my

with

charm

which
held
I be-

when

emotions

do

to

fulfil in these

can

delight you

can

comfort

writings.

with

you

the

with

for

subtle
a

ment
mo-

visions, warming the cold

beautiful

dolent
in-

spiritby colorful, glowing or gracefully


tion
words.
My task is to give lastingconsola-

woven

through the
thought, so that
in

the

the
not

Ah!

my

nothing

that

duty

my

kind?

my

has

It

of

wildness

on

convince

on

stirred

again.

at

say

into

simply

people
If

could

here

dwell

cannot

Dutch

beings of

are

to

and

soul.

soul!

penetrates my

dared

barbarians:

inmost

this

being

down

sings something

among

me,

my

Northern

penetrates my

of

sounds

elegance

roughness

the

and

great joy of the people's

dignity,not

who

rags

rude

teU

certain

dull

something wanton;

vigorous

and

circles:

coarse

the

beauty

lowest

very

the

myself

do

to

and

and

tongue,

after

like

something graceful and


the

DREAMS

glorious sensation

people

among

OF

all

calmer

and

sorrows

force

unsensual
you
can

will

know

taste

of
a

every

unchanging
point of rest

pleasure with

attention.

In Rome

my

disillusionment

came

with

the

rainy

138

BRIDE

THE

the

into

fellow

citizens
this

In

the

gale on

sea-dike

open
hear

cannot

wind

its

than
hills of
But

much

so

fare

beauty
and
and

of the

fear.

but

and

But

in

smaller

also, and
and

"

in

nobleman

or

inn,

hall

or

But
and

higher
countries

The
were

manity,
hu-

horde

of

minority nobler,
caddish

more

often

stand

out

of

as

than
see

prince

Dutch

the

lage
vil-

ment.
respectableentertain-

more

and

your

life

the

sea

safer

are

of middle-class

below

of

to

bility
respecta-

level than

in most

above.

first
the

is the

inmates

standard

here

landers,
Hol-

minority

great

imagination I

purse

your

the average

for

the

world
a

among

the

among

ing
bloom-

salutary

more

present

loafer

and

of dulness
ugliness,
passions stifled by

the horde

and

Neapolitan tramp

should

genitive soul

beautiful

country

no

lift

theless
never-

the Italians

is

evil of

exists

beauty

to

in Holland

that

the

in the

Everywhere

sensitive
cads.

more

unfelt

great

is suffered

glowing life
sadly among

preferred by
the

would

land.

sharp anguish

than
and

For

still

the

to

razes

methodical, cleanly and

more

nation.

prosperous

man,

imply

the

luxuriant,blue-skied

native

not

and

anguish

the sunny,

beautiful

this does

low

standing alone

rude

among

my

this

envy

less

head,

petty

my

it.

bends

ground everything that


up

where

beclouded, chillyland, where

gray,

restless

bleak,

DREAMS

OF

ones

that

priests,whom

sought

my

father

in my

native

had

always

land
made

THE

me

shun.

not

satisfythe

intuitive
ah

me!

the

best

the

his

by

could

great

that

goes

herd

has

address

out

the

which

"

I
in

myself
each

from

the

one

magic
neither

But

less than

none

the

face

much

adapted

to

beginning

from

the

into

whose

suggestion
hands

of deference

his

environment,
in

appearance,

and

Subsequently he

and

He

that

be

I must

bony,
or

was

foolish
committed

making

"

geois
bour-

genial,talkative, good-natured,and made


kindly intended speech to which I sat and
distressed

the

rose

illusion.

also

heavy unwieldy body,

strengthenmy

the conviction

back

impressed

tastelesslyfurnished

upon

one

political

jovial,half cautiouslycunning, more

boorish

me

prelates of

and

was

his outward

nor

refer

to

youthful errant,

me,

and

name,

gloomy apartment

with

quence
elo-

there, my

influential

and

of salvation.

pressed

style,

and

her

of the Vatican

withhold

subjugation.

half

mistaken

enabled
;

guide

to

path

not

sadly

rank

intimate

an

celebrity,was
into

in

lacked.

were

powerful

most

age,

swiftly

logicalargumentativepower
we

self
her-

evidently

so

versed

someone

positionand

the

she

and

easilyand

be

did

I.

the very

of

wisdom

her, seemed

to

heard

139

reason,

my

should

knowledge

and

Her
to

of

what,

the

and

mother

sentimental

wants

true, if I but

But

mother's

that

of

convinced

her

OF

My

thought

DREAMS

BRIDE

less
was

very
little

listened
a

fused,
con-

appearance.
me

to

the

care

of

BRIDE

THE

140

of

one

his

willed, ambitious

doctor
I did

her

her

as

could
the

I would

street

the

saw

under

the

they

bore

the

appointed

was

and

an

was

he

our

came

of

people

gained sufficient

edge
knowl-

to

me

man

young

I knew

to

the

young

with

help

this

At

me

"

the

for him

these

But

extravagances.
to

for

once

conceive

contempt.

hero

that

vain.

moment,

and

Italian
for

the

guilt
ing.
toil-

were

ignoble character.

an

one

hatred

longed

anyone

though

as

mark

insignificant
man,

not

learned, in

of

some

be

would

from

out

was

the

of

on

pleasant
positivelyun-

It

shepherd,then

my

his labor

deadly

But

peering

poor

spiritual world

as

priest,nor

often

my

had

them.

sentiments, the desires, the ideas

the

peopled

with

faces

in which

moved

and

long. Even
repulsion when

very

foreheads

sooner

no

of the

time

their

upon

painful

reallybelieve quite

felt hats.

rough, black

And

He

shudder

villainous

misery

all that

through

she

visit,as

on

pictured

insignificant,
coarse,
and

for

it

carry

I went

not

had

father

my

not

this first

sake, too,
I could

circles which

bad

tremendous

the

hopeful expectation by

agitation.For

so

notice

experienced at

betrayed

mother

let my

not

that

in the

scrutinized

priest, who

young

strong-

very

well-nighimpertinent searchingness,like
his patient.

with

shock

pale, seemingly

manifest,

soon

was

as

DREAMS

disciples,a

younger

timid, but,

me

OF

are

expected
and

pretension,but

when
fell

considerably below
devil

the

him

to

him

out

of my

by

the

of

mark

kick

to

of meditation

house

learned

have

liked

in my

Here

sea,

hero, I wished

have

would

and

door.

the young

that

the

141

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

THE

consider

to

talents,great

priestpossessedmany

nature, a
learning,a keen knowledge of human
careful
clear, practicalmind, an ambition
enough
for attaining the firmly
not
to seek base
means
and

goal,

whether

inborn, acquired, or

confirmation, and

further

of mind

to

allowed, seemed
the

oh!

But
these

people.

deadly
Their

with

the

confession

beautiful

flowing stream,
and

making

fruitful

; not

the

well
and
to

stood

in

in
cut

proportion

to

off the coupons

itself

of

himself, so

practisedin

all

watering

world;

was

box
strong-

times

needs, they

so

in his

lives,safe and

of
tranquillity

well versed

it

square

stated

at

as

constantly changing,

spiritualconsolation.
He
was
so
astonishinglycalm,
sure

not

was

revealed

their moral
of

faith

of their

which,

stocked, from

of

continuous

entire

corner

ligion
re-

under

heavy, unchanging, tightly shut,


that

his

assurance

its substance

with

might

desirable.

most

of

living,blooming thing that


and
distress
delight, daily
more

those

sterile

and

richer and

all his

among

him

to

no

sufficient tranquillity

him

himself

set

needed

adopted,

gave

acquire the things which,

to

which,

religious conviction

desired

mind

only,
went

and

tremendously
patriarchs,so

logicaldisputes,so thoroughly at

home

all the

in
and

all the

with

up

he

poor
locked

in

up

in the

hollow

adrift

upon

not

to

his

of

issues
he had

of

wild

science

in which

he

ropes,

and

unmanageable

either, and

caught

convincing phraseology
artfullypainted panorama
I

separate

exacting

was

the

with

they could
it

as

just

to

submit

I felt it my

as

were

duty

to

not

break

tented
con-

better

no

ideas

the

ploys
em-

world.

was

understand
to

devil

true

and

days

people, who
I did not

be.

duty

in those

fine and

the

free

his

to

argument,

is the

which

the

from

us

them

correct

that

but

"

troublesome

hitched

word, the

the

logicalsnares

all these

and

the

to

his

was

knew

than

better

He

reality.

formulas,

the true

bug
wood, helplessly

of

or

it

miserable,

system, like

piece of

truths

faith,

yet how

and

naked

mates
case-

take

And

earth.

on

well

as

his

dare

waters

words,

of faith

might

fanatic

and

car

he

dead

the

his

of his

formulated

narrow-minded

citadel

how

me,

alleys,the

of the

doubters

seemed

the

though

as

DREAMS

and

caves

bastions

the

it seemed

that

OF

BRIDE

THE

142

that

they

of the
loose

than

felt

group,
from

it.

tues,
recognizethe relative value of their virlike cyphers, in
because
to me
they seemed

I did not

front

of

which

the

naught-fearinglove
I

was

man

his due

absolute

path

timid

still too

of

highest virtue, the


reality,was
missing. And
of

unit

of
and

too

modest

cold-bloodedly,to

sinceritywith him,
pride

which

each

and

to

break

give every

the

to mount

truly pious

bond
the

man,

of

steep
"

as

BRIDE

THE

and

you

I, dear
will

losingtime,

life and

and

the

name

man

though

with

as

the

shining halo
the

priest:

her

ascend

all kinds

innocent

pale, calm
as

though

desires

that

knew

he

was

the

fine

This

the

toward

seeking,the

and

When

wanted

blind

and

lame

and

rhetorical

evading

paths,

me

with

of

congealed
"

It

desired, and

feel

and

him

made
a

and

I saw,

of
possibility

word,

true
to

by
fectly
perhis
was

burning

my

could

vine,
di-

and

and

him

loved
helplessly

no

in

believed, felt

to

was

mistaken

He

and

me.

be

not

nothing.

that

to

it

highest humanity,

eyes

unutterable
so

smashed

self-satisfied countenance.

his

they

thereby took

expression of ignorance upon

and

it

and

growing

winding

My

head

follow, escaping

of

life.

she

wanting in him.
this path, he became
to

erted
ex-

hand

her

very

has

highly, and

constantly reaching out

refused

he

my

him

I could

the continuous
were

own

from

the

upon

is

this he may

read

influence

honored

pavement.

tentacles

life

idle

present: he

at

you

effect

and

was

this

when

tremendous

admired

upon

here

Through negative

pope.

mother

cernment
dis-

loving signal light, in

already a cardinal, and

subtle

the

struggle.

I shall not

be

143

alas ! is

"

strength,and

God's

of

DREAMS

obligedto take
penalty of
pleasure,under

reader,

against his

strife and

OF

say

desire

thing
everythe

thus

vehemently and
longed-forreality,as it was
I

not

felt,I apprehended; there

doubt.

And

thus

I learned

BRIDE

OF

important

truths

THE

144

two

most

about

chiefest

the

that

is

say,

prattle

less,and

just

to

no

more,

for mutual
all

part of

most

be

than

other

his

human

this

wiser

and

me

to

him

and

and

kindred

the

of

as

and

of

godly,
I, and

the

servile

was

he
his

all this took

all

contrary

again

had

equals and
place

of

God's

all the

the

subtle

child, the

beautiful

light of

crier

his

out
with-

ruling idea

"

clear

judgment
What

Grace

the

came
beand

impress

teacher

timid

public opinion

of

impels

peasants, the

loyal soldiers,the judge


the

else!

the

personality!as
market

free

guidance.

persuasion! nothing

personality on

the

they contended, through

only by

Revelation?

as

what

absolute, with

the

now

his

that

them

on

realizingit, through personal influence,

never,

directed

and

group

not

more

mother

my

large

they do

groups.

mother

him

not

accept with

himself

from

adopted

of men,

thrust

human

that

selves
them-

thinking that

on

is

what

my

saw

spirits,and

their

sense

yet I

from

adopted

the

than

that

feel and

priest considered
better

groups

in

men

feelingslet

go

no

quate
inade-

best

the

even

and

beings or

talk,

conviction,as

masterly eloquence only proved

to

and

and

constraint, but

talk

mere

misleadingand

as

they,and

they themselves conceive


independent judgment

all

chatter, worth

and

profound and sacred


ruled by other men,
or

this

For

being is

our

communication

necessarilybetter
realize

first that

speech; secondly, that

their

by

DREAMS

eral
gen-

witness,
"

impels

BRIDE

THE

146

merely
little

of

more

helps one
If

all hold.

lost

the

of

arms

ask

seemed

to

it had

not

him

with
Do

to

or

who

slightfeather

is the

Here
he

saved

him

she was,

to

And

evil cannot

be

lost.

make

Satan, and
me

better
did

ever

As

the

evil

one

than

turn

his nature:
himself
to

in

Just

I,

as

as

and
so

any

tinue
con-

believes
even

wanted

Nietzsche,

was

so

whoever

good

over

of

in mind!

simply had

scapegrace

bolt

well

but

"

saved

Satan

manifested

he

because

Not

tender

breath,

this

hold

reader;

young

now

all,nothing but

himself.

him.

the

later

voice

pitied with

mother's

my

believingin
as

my

reader.?

dear

after

clearlyand unmistakably that


evil

in

death.

profound explanation

me

away

unworthy;

into

whom

Satan

Satan, dear

me,

mocking emphasis whether


either to continue
living

me,

upon

than

less

none

to

then.

far

father's

saved

Lucia,

was

was

my

with

because

compassion
a

better
go

know

you

with

been

it

I deemed

crown;

me

beautiful

the

whom

one

ruin,

beloved

My

lost her

had

saint

nothing

has

but

"

close to

stood

ever

had

too
politics,

the divine.

with

do

particular proficiencywhich

that

in

on

possesseda

ambitious, who

and

clever

the

DREAMS

OF

evil, I

kind

kind

that

faced
he

human

did

being

me.

if to

himself

manifest

followingthe

of all

custom

incarnate.

came

very

plainly,Satan,

came
mighty principles,be-

into contact

with

young

with

and

prince

of

known

to

his

fallen

that

brown

that

eyes,

cruel

the

above

lipped mouth,

in

sarcasms

over

straightthin-

the

long chin,

the

uttered

feminine

almost

high,

low

furtively,and

out

kindly,while

narrowing, twinkled
most

peeped

in

hidden

to be

rather

eyelids hung

His

them.

any

forehead

his low

appeared

horns

two

of the

that

emphasize this,

if to

as

above

locks

angel
arch-

an

closely than

more

even,

of

name

resembled

that

angels

He

me.

way

under

face

his black

twisted

such

it

the

bore

who

seminary student,

147

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

THE

voice.

yet it

And

than

more

In

the

was

an

place, by

Irishman

jokes

he

also, because

but

wrath

learned

look

to

life.

between
as

when

Once

was

make

him

sensible

"

You

of

his
come

time

their

and

made

of what

was

and

to

arguments,
at

an

he

susceptible;
seemed

who

had

potent
im-

to

"

not

yet

recognize

teachingsand

attended

had

and

unwillingnessof

impotence

I had

wont,

priestly institution
meshes

as

one

sharp

he

great, dumb,

my

teacher

young

my

my

he

only

of

the

between

the contradiction

very

universal

at

upon

was

for

wit;

those

of

the

was

the

at

which

"

something

understand

mankind

full

which

to

his

of

me

circles.

clerical

in

met

reason

and

attracted

who

man

had

anyone

first

delicious

to

just this

was

their

conversation

myself, in which,
fruitless

lackingin
free myself
said

opportune

in

efforts to
the entire
from

the

leaving:

moment,

dear

BRIDE

THE

148

The

Muralto!

Count

been

in

vacant

it any

assume

already

are

company.

more

toward
of

aware

and

remark

Michael.

found

learn

you

It all

depends

double

leara

the

That

"

the

on

himself

would

his

office as

starve

business

we

at

firm

of

and

concern

that

"if

on

careful

business

good

the

head,

thoughts.

your

exactness,

has

same

I shall

that

verge

trading

because,

honor

in

he

how

Michael,

man

nothing

to

must

we

way

of the business.

private thoughts out

Without

foolish.

Our

question

to

know

to

which

In

sacred

merchants

and

played, dear

Well

is all."

the most

upon

is

order

our

afraid

am

but

but

on

order

keep

to

They

is such

there

said
difficult,"

so

not

great astonishment

wished

business.

keep

to

"

and

me

private bank-account

with

upon

the directors.

bookkeeping. Every

"

in

all, I

not

long

need

you

with such thoughts in


possible,
to become
a
priest.

only

do

has

it

"That's

has

But

immediately began

Above

wish

to

ingenue

thick."

aroused

interest.

of

it now,
too

on

DREAMS

role

our

thing as laying it
This

OF

learn

never
a

merchant's

ingenue!

"

business

is

merchants
in

prison.
there

and

rightly call

's
the

trade."
Michael

said

foolishness.

look

To

the

Holy

The
no

harm
sacred

it

I may

be its

youngest

Father
world

whole

consider

down

longer naive,

most

existence.

no

all events, it is still the


in

look

to

servant

in that.
business
worthy
trusta

great

and

am

thankful

that

wits

about

mj

demand
ideas

my

not

as

confusion, I consider

cause

moderate.

and

in

all

nothing

like

is

It
There

's

so

soldier.?

will fit every

little

each

which

fitting its
true

Each

for

fish

make
you

will

find

and

have

care

that

net

in

exactly
is

doctrine

just for
get through
is

he

that

wanted

and

No
law

no

coffin of

mesh

and

order, said

fashion

Can

very

uniform

the

large

the

on

trance

dimensions.?

own

everyone,

must

lid

the

screwed

he

as

the

keep

to

become

grandmother, who lay in


get out again. Can you

to

keep

of
private account
the ledger of
carefully separate from
that

farmer

his

if I

it can,

The

also

me,

practicalaffairs.
the

time

same

pleasure.

firm, so

just

the

at

149

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

THE

all.

the

meshes."
"

your

than
what
for
"

out

I must

cynicism
the

all

to

and

hypocrisy of

about

say

seems

tolerable

more

obstinate

you

Michael, that

admit, brother

me

the

law

worthy

upright
prelates.And
more

our

that

I think

be

cannot

just

of consideration."

"

Cynicism ! hypocrisy! brother


with
My
a
silencinggesture.

Michael

"

dear

cried
young

rotten
apples.
wildly you throw
your
clever animal, but
A dog is a good-natured and
for that reason
it is not doggish to discriminate

man,

how

correctly. And
do

as

understand

not

hypocrisy is
of

the

which

long
that

as

you
proper

artless
and

blockheads
successful

primal Christian virtue,the practising


belongs to the highest religious

BRIDE

THE

150

duties

will

nothing

to

became

more

more

passions in

me

weakening
beasts

get

is blocked
The

Rome,

often

at

weeks

which

does

to

than

like unto
the

me

before

easy

in my

every

wild

our

its

course

the rudder.

to

just

put

in

London,

band
for

hunt

shamelessness

cold

With

ship when

of

And

that

in

it

out
not

was

peculiar temptation

itself forth

with

with

debases

defencelessness

the

riotingand

maenads, go

men.

but
charming thoughtlessness,
and

still.

were

disappointedin humanity,
who
give ear to the women

was

not

difficulties

my

in life

joy

less attention

night, upon

many

and

troublesome.

rein, as

vociferous

more

ranting

and

looser

began

the turbulent

disappointment,they

in

spiritand

amazement

sight,the dogs

in

again ended

pays

suspicious.

appallingcondition

meanwhile

the

more

more

attitude

my

ful
long as I lived in the hopeshipwrecked who believes that

safety is

of

said

As

of the

this

and
and

calmed

not

same.

restive, bold

grew

which

profound

and

But

were

of

when

curious

system.

suspense
the haven

changed

God."

of

Kingdom

with

long

Trinity, so

cautious

began

the

the

remained

reserved,

social

our

the

mother,

to understand

But

the

conversation, about

my

and

of

come

this

After

of

DREAMS

already taught by

nothing

More

OF

wanton

good-natured
ered
discov-

itself,had
and

or

made

of

me

an

prey.

The

assumed

complex feeling of

self-con

fear
light-heartedness,

of

tempt, shame,
undesired

en-

BRIDE

THE

and

counters,

yet

not

in the

deservingof

envy;

there

in face

consider

to

shown

this
it

was

douche

cold

heart

struck

flame
brightly flickering

visage of

"

into

out

Well

mother

"

Well

such

at

match

the

he

and

three

we

wall,

lit up

the

after

first

perplexed,
laughter.
in

out

his

from

words

"

again .f^

meet

I stood

there

most

absolutelyand

ashamed,

self-control.

something resembling a

cried

my

the

of

witches'

reader, that

miserably confused

bit

moment,

suddenly

!"

over

on

and

me

temerity

devilish burst

met

shall

confess, dear

has

and

Michael, who,

then

and

When

utterly without

for

cautiouslyand
truly

tongue,

Macbeth:

brother

me

met

shock

when

the

at

man,

of

temptress having

having leered

better

monstrous

my

broke

in my

as

less.

or

aristocrat's

Satanic

antly
luxuri-

conscience, is

bad

when,
especially

oneself

more

miserable

proud

soil of

dark

that,
aggravating circumstance
entire haughty priesthood,one
has

an

dared

most

the

is the

of

Thus

thieves

disreputablehouses,

flourishes

case,

of

of

shadow

in the

of Rome's

doorways

151

despicablefear

more

cut-throats, that

and

DREAMS

OF

But

I stuttered

reproach

and

out

cation
justifi-

:
"

"

I,

at

least,wear

Neither

do

no

clerical

I," said Michael

garb."
"

am

incognito

private business."

on
"

Oh

double

!"

said

scornfully
;

book-keeping!

"

"

concerning

the

152

"

let

don't

on,

and

it well.

But

Perhaps

I '11 be

turned

about,

not

overtook
"

Two
"

he.

fair

Like

me

might

we

as

instinct

an

Brutes

we

the

converted

don

must

it your

follows

man

so

Michael, but

are,

us

morrow,
to-

hide

and
I do

foulness.

and

rottenness

I at

myself. You,

saintly garb

your

instinct

an

hopelessdisgrace.

most

I loathe

it.

the

in
self-preservation

for

of

both

acknowledge

under

Michael

pursuit.

well have

in the
self-justification

least

who

woman

also."

desperate danger,

"

some

negatives constitute one positive,"said


virtue.
It
sinners
Two
together arouse

sinner

most

by

me.

to

seems

her

disappointed in

been

the

from

flatteringremarks

very

had

already

street, followed

the

swiftly up

ran

had

frightI

in my

But

not

you."

envy
"

It does

have

We

portion
to

where

one

filth and

of

that
and

they

fleas and

has

every

work

confession

befit us,

not

God

whom

one

me

you

double

the

later."

back

of

Michael, with

said

Concerning

disturb

me

"

remembered

have

book-keeping,you
go

"

smile.

sweetish

his most

ingenue !

dear

Exactly,

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

THE

one

must

off

created
of

us

it does

alone,

belong

to

and

all

chop

with

Muralto,

dear

after

his

been

saddled

not
as

image.

own

with

enviable

seem

you.

loathe

to

can

to
to

go

large friendly circle,

are

the

bitten
same

by

the

hatchet.

same

We

154

ority,which
life which
reveal

to

and

This

is

itself.

story that

know

it all too

we

this process.

In thousands

generation the

life

new

group-ideas. In
subjected to the
the

by

the

in
hide

of

by

Thus
a

for

this

without

still

time
peace

bright, true

of every
the

break

it is

old
and

overcome

very

few

it breaks

and

then

is annihilated

of

soul

and

body

insanity,as

others,

an

disheartening

as

and

in you

as

way

way

of

of

the

tiny

seed

assimilation

growth.

I have

years
the

in

withstands

birds

about

wandered

world, apparently wholly

belonging to it,but inwardly totally

independentlife of

my

inwardly struggling without


in

battle

until, strengthenedand
of

undergo

thousands
to

not,

you
to

ones

disguise,as

and

estranged,leading an
all

human

self
maintaining itworld, protected by a tough

twenty

and

few,

In

the

stranger

subjected

moment,

out, finds

and, thrown

like

In

for

hostile

pretext

swallowed

only

and

reader, it finds

dear

me,

well, do

torture, suicide,or

inspiringexample
warning to many.

the

constantly repeats

tragic destruction
of

death

from

attempts

old.

total, absolute

into

of them

most

loose, prevails for


in

the

not

are

could

move.

old

And

reader?

to

inner

an

and

anyone

separation

I had

an

You

in

back

me

inner

which

in

find

not

drove

prevail,of

make

not

could

none,

solitude
world

I could
I

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

THE

own:

rest,

apparently hopeless;

taught by

brief

living,of blithe, vigorous

period
action

THE

and

BRIDE

nameless, deep

I have

sorrow,

glad delightand

mother

of

my

priesthood.

that

the

passive calmness

to

her

observer

the

bear

This

the

which

which

did not

scheme.

show

and

marriage
only sorrow

head
"

not

in me,
"

am

the

subtle

from

ordinary

very

gradually
lack

man
hu-

come

of

self-

difficult for

she

readily abandoned
son

priest,for

realization
she

But

and

the

of her

intended

compassion,

is not

to

shaking

the

overcome,

viper's

Vico?"

poor

obedient

to

that

which

you

mean?

is most

divine

mother."

Your

human

Mother,

this is true

sense,

Or

man
hu-

your

"

what
the

hide

pride

crushed,

pride?
"

forced

achievingthe

now

your

in

I had

seeing her

favorite

So

customary

practice
of

that

of

her head, she said

it with

to

irritation.

saw

proud hope

probably

grown

plainly that the


constantlymore
grew

without

time

would

so

her

of
possibility

"

mansion

the

listened

had

desires.

and

these

perception in

She

undercurrents

passions
observe

nothing

continuous

through

but
resignation,

to

with

future.
my

me

entered

now

joyous insightupon

I told

to

155

with
and
trust
tion,
resignafeelings,
voluntary hermitage,to build with

this last

come

DREAMS

different

wholly

of the

OF

!'

other

truth

means

save

exactly

as

the
our

have
sense

eye

for

we

that
tells

tinguishin
dis-

tells
'

us

us:

this

156

THE

is

'

light!

and
me
'

light,or
because
"

call it

you
cannot

"

But

Ah, dear

their

happiness,but
pleasure and all joy
Listen

and

right.

that

learned

have
for

if you

But

all of us,

obey
life

that

we

of

we

to

devilish

is

false

not

to

me

call

The

ness
happi-

believe

that

was

given

we

chaos

must

and

trolling
deepest, all-con-

very

passionsis

tell

perfectly

that

world

your

no

selves
flingour-

are

you

invention

our

God

should

has

created

not

follow

all-controlling
passion he
God

and

make

all

that

for

happiness
the true, lasting,
ness,
peace-givinghappisometimes
mistakenly seek in idle

pleasures. If
that

joys

now

if you

anger

happiness,which

and

offence.

an

for

joy,

is

I,
"

my

never

Saviour."

said

careful

want

joy

then

"

!"

these, I '11 admit

on

basis
and

you,

sacrifice

to

of the

love

be

must

we

desire for

your

resigned."

I have

bubble.

second, mother

away

not

to be

that

longer wholly suppressing


that there are
me
phantom

to

what

Do

Vico.

people would stop


happiness. It is all deception

known

the

see

only

happiness, don't

my

vanity, a bright soap

"

wrong,

see

learned

I wish

son,

for

seeking
and

Would

"

mother?
"

you,

I have

desire

!'

warm

"

with

you.

you

is

is darkness,' where

right?

argue

right to

seems

this

right,'where

is

this

'

this

say

DREAMS

OF

skin

our

'

have

you

BRIDE

fool

who

has

has

us

the

with

life

tion
inten-

profound,

most

planted

given

the

in us,

to

then

cripples.

Profoundly
the

find
toward
is

wish

to

follow

nor

do

another
see

to

none,

none

mother

but
Then
I

earth

she

did

lure

as

shall

heavens,

him

for

deny

to

to

sad

her

to

of

shrug

eyes

ders,
shoul-

the

reply.

not

dropped

word,

better

rightly

her

understood

none,

And

handkerchief

with

have

person.

as

able

be

it

nature."
her

head

from

me

will

the

in

or

slavishly

so

carried
her

shook

and

on

other

beauty,

turn

for

star,

always

toward

Never

any

profoundest

true,

My

in

to

me.

guiding

one

myself

subject

wish

to

"

myself,

light,

destroy

to

searched

toward

impulse

happiness

to

my

have

as

157

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

THE

"

to

whether

see

than

she

to

drive

stood
under-

herself.
"

Is

Lucia

n't

We

coming?

were

to

the

Pincio?"
The
a

handkerchief

did

not

knew

that

this

gave

that

know

Then
was

Of

"Lucia?

moment.

in

and

dropped

that

estranged

nevertheless

had

to

to

her

is
go

guessed
from

me

eyes

she

course

intended

you

her

my

unconscious

sparkled

coming.
with

us."

right,

and

mother,

while

desire.

it

XII

Holland

CALL

I
and

beauty

is

black,

wildly

with

enhancing

in

still, clear

hide

luminous
when
a

the

tinted

fairy

blue

the

when

tread,
blue

when

"

striking

breathes

of

all

that

of

the

the

bliss

is

sounds
clock

on

driving

in

"

one

158

this
must

cloudless,

gold^

and

wondrous

mony
har-

with

pails

heavy

of

cobalt

harmonious
tower

cart,

and
to

selfsame

have

in

merged

trees

the

to

goes

the

Hollanders

coarse

wrapped

poetic evening

the

sides

on

sea

sun

home

come

their

at

in

dreams.

the

orange
of

unite

haze

homeward

from
seems

shadows

milkers

balancing

rattling

cows

the

the

with

fully,

of

from

city

ing
mean-

more

flooding

heavens

and

pastures

radiance,

beauty

when

eve,

bell-tower,

blue-green

ants
inhabit-

and

describe

or

"

entire

deep mysterious

little

my

the

tender

peculiar

seen

"

the

the

September

behind

cities

is

it

dispiriting

weather,

explain

to

have

and

canals,

with

its

Sometimes

indescribable

an

everything

must

dream.

mild

trees,

resembling

One

calm,

its

impossible
and

of

because

country

inhospitable

in

sparkles

that

as

suddenly,

country

dreamy

from
to

all
the

the
that
dull

peaceful,
seen

it thus

understand

to

how

much

illusion

wondrous

of

of

glow

and

beauty

days

when

the

in

some

simplest object gleams

heavenly splendor

for

resembles

dreams,

the

159

this

all

our

inexplicablemanner
with

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

THE

fillour

can

unspeakable

and

the

with

memory

bliss of it.
the inhabitants

But
do

like

not

the

by

deserved

better

the Hollanders

at the club

dreamier

broker,

is

that

than

people

dreamer

stand
under-

As

selves
them-

flattered,though quiteerroneously,when

casuallyremark
much

dreamy.
but

little country

dreamy

compliment

countrymen

feel
I

called

word, it is

own

my

be

to

of this

they.

blockhead

little fellow

Italians

the

and

with

the

To

are

lander
Hol-

dullard, and

gray

beard

and

littleleeringcunningly-stupid
eyes, who

thinks

self
him-

our

he

because

smart

very

profit everywhere
account, always states

and

he

it

what

knew

never

knows
thus

with

thus
the

And

strong

doctor

mulatto

natured
that

less

all

type

dreams
for

are

them

is

punch

before

Dutch

peasant

flooded

f at

"

by

the

than

even

cordialityand

medicine
rum

of

"

his

satisfaction
dream.

to

sleepshe sleepsabsolutelyand

eke

to

swell

to

much

was

how

j ovial

bank

that
he

When

is conscious
when

out

he

young

of nothing,
is awake.

fellow

of

popular for his goodstale collegejokes


says

and

"

pathologicaland the
a
good cigar and a

best

stiff

retiring.
in his blue

blouse, on

golden evening

sun,

meadow

amongst

160
the

black

of

BRIDE

THE

and

outline, is
himself
than

and

the

of

the

country

barefooted

humblest

his black

light,is enough
of the
is

bad

of

Now

it also

more

awake
third

better

has
so

vivid

and

always
many

than

when

clear

as

ception
con-

whereof

rare

loungers of

he

equally

course

among

the Toledo

shopkeepers in

and

to

seems

than

he

for

the

sank

several

into
times

who

sons

Kalver-

from

arise

it.
in

And
my

he who

ness
unconscious-

sleepyhead and
dark
nights are

lie like

to

dreams

that

pulsing life.

shame
to

utter

the

whom

with

rich

hours, and

called

be

to

he

sleeps,and

part of his life in

seemed

we

that

me

he who

deserves

dullard, than
also

portly,blond-bearded

the

among

hills
foot-

Amsterdam.

at

spends a

have

are

in

golden evening

beauty

dreamers

officers and

the merchants

straat

is

as

of

of

lad, clambering

in the
to

it,

But

the Piedmontese

concert

and

revealed

yielded.

peasant

dreamer

broker

thousands

In the cities it is of

everywhere,
Naples

has

goats

grand

the sleek,smart
in

of

singletone.

reverie

even

dreamer

has

many

singingdown

and

behind

how

or

the

when

he

But

little

And

Ruysdaal

record

papers

golden gilders their


my

him.

only recognize it
or

undulating

beauty.

this, as

of

background

in fine

dream

beside

cow

Rembrandt

the

dunes

green

nothing

the

DREAMS

cattle, with

marvel

doctor

as

and

pale

knows

less

such

white

and

white

OF

To
a

for

stone

sleep no
after

it

me

wiser

having

early youth

perienced
ex-

that

OF

BRIDE

THE

162

branching antlers, should

blessedness.

the

impels
in rank

it is the second

all the

us

mighty passion

so

the

"

toward

and

sublimity,

this, though

to

hind

beautiful

most

for

seek

untiringly to

of life,is subordinate

for the secret

of

the lead

our

Even

which

knowledge,

of

toward

beauty,

purest

take

impulses and passions


guarding them, is the impulse

and

uniting
toward

flock

timid

and

wanton

DREAMS

of the flock.
And

if in

sleep

our

distinctlythan

more

give them

then

not

reader,
to

"

the

as

the

profound

point

now
new

life and
of

union

should

"

we

closest attention?

our

first

we

purest bliss,

out

to

idea, strange
the

present world,

with

pulsing

the

I would

this

And

perceive,
day life,signs of the

in the

and

highest beauty

dreams

and

first

till

"

now

thought-child

promise, born
experience and

future
my

dear

you,

of

the

plation
contem-

The

solution

of

the

do

you

of

secret

lives lies in

our

dreams.

our

You
is not
least

think

"

attainable
not

through

to

the

to

mortal
medium

not

"

that

this

solution

man.

Nor

indeed

man.

And

yet all mankind,

is it

of its naturalists, is

"

at

patiently

hopefullyseeking it. But, though they have


that is useful, measuring
much
already unearthed
finer and
and
recording and comparing with ever
and

sharper instruments, they


direction

that

are

inevitablyleads

still

digging in a
into a blind alley.

BRIDE

THE

that

the

attract

reach

not

where

the

the eyes

which

and

unmeasured,
do

into

the

begin

hear, the

not

cerning
regionscon-

much

enlightenmentas

than

more

manifestations

as

concerning the sphere

"

day.

long

As

as

the

among
and

reader

sympathizer, are

traditional
the

creed

became

words

of my

with

intercourse

discoveries
forthwith

which
before

of

the world

has

not

possiblefor

in this

life,with

beauty
and

me

life amid

to

moments

have

low

to

and

of
lands

the rich

my

and

and

aroused

nightsfull

none,

from

alone

monotonous

the

path

is

contentment

souls

rapture

est
lat-

I could

and

Thus

unruly.
sordid

from

me

nor

the

alienation

find peace

narrow,

brief

these

me

and

me

lighton

my

and

brothers,

discover

Thus

made

aside

study, I

hero

yet pointed out

For

of

and

trod.

had

me,

for

narrow

great

And

group

contemporaries,nor
science could satisfyme,

outlet

had

one

no

them.

my

an

see

too

too, dear

you

of the

ideas

the

of suggestion,

of

one

know

the breakers

just as
pathfinders,

therefore, also, when

neither

therefore

dreamer;

myself among

count

always been

I have

remember,

can

vivid

and

great

must

it

the

extend

want

we

even

yes,

"

But

ears

do

the

with

end

and

shut, the

are

ones

searchers,

the

grave

body.

feel,and

skin does not

of

the

sleep,yet unexplored

of

of

attention

beyond

withering of

the only
day-life,

of

manifestations

the

For

163

DREAMS

OF

sea,

barians.
bar-

daily
by the
by work

of marvellous

164

observe

and

record

all that

of

fields of the

DREAMS

gratefullyand attentively
by day. Thus, despitethe loss

dear

was

consciousness

"

OF

realities which

mystic
of

BRIDE

THE

to

me,

being

useful

the

The

wilderness

promise of

with

Lucia

of

this

Elysian

The

dreams

their

it

had

vehement

deadly, hopeless

and

saw
a
or

not

of

furniture, and

could

with

and
a

then

small,
walls

in

too

vivid

struck

me

inexplicable,

remember

room,

without

windows

about

in

the

dream.

corner

terrifyingweird

narrow,

some

sion
impres-

other
by day; ancourtyard
square

even

with

overgrown

ivy, which

descripappallingbeyond tion,
of meetings
again blissful dreams
and

strange youth

garden, or

the

"

you

with

dreamed

shudder

me

by high

also gruesome
"

in

moving

make

of

one

was

be

to

drous,
disgust or the wonwere
quite disproportionate
explained by, the things we

object,whose

indistinct

acquaint you

must

and

bare, gray

riage
mar-

long, outwardly

immediately

terror

experienced

dream

enclosed

the

sensations

perfect bliss
could

unknown,

And

intensity.

of my

you

bliss,that

and

of terror
not

are

to, and

and

earth."

observations.

nocturnal

surely
that

del Bono

I
period following,

my

the

later birth

Before, therefore, speaking to

prosperous

in

laborer

future, ploughing

For

to

in the

happy

am

or

maiden

in

some

unknown

rocky valley with giganticgolden-

in

old

my

this

delight.Only

youth

it

who

make

would

sense,

scenery
The

him

and

the

friend

not

weird

first the

At

it

mysterious, for
objects and
its
a

in

great deal
all kinds

life I have

are

to

and

in

about

than

improper

of remedies.
been

that
more

no

of

rain

will make

the

endure.

more
countable
unac-

cent
inno-

most

usually seek
doctors

the

and

throughout
and

observer

talk

have

gest
sug-

long

come

culation
and improper cirindigestion
of this nightly
the cause
and wind, though a frail condition

one

Wait, my

experienceda

any

some

circulation

But

close

times,

of.

dreamed

digestionand

poor

to the conclusion

terror

scenes

girl.

much

seemed

simplest and

the

the

and

resemble

indeed, talk of nightmare and

cause

much

without

not

connected

was

my

day-life.

my

terror

with

way

We,

of

sweetheart

or

in

meet

glorious; later it was


several
girl returned
did

the

earliest

marvellously happy

often, and

very

terror

that

my

would

of

"

In

singleword,

me

around

boy

though

by

me

love.

whom

boy

was

and

dreams

with

dealt

blissful dreams

plain to

was

would

recounted

impressions

its

even

when

happy

me

dream

yes ! that

"

make

can

age

vividlyrecall them.
No
one
hearing such
be able to comprehend
or

weeks

with

filled me

memory

and

delightfor days

sweet
now

trees, whose

chestnut

leaved

165

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

THE

as

well

as

the other

reader, until you

dreamer

as

I am,

and

are

you

harder
as

old
shall

for

see

OF

BRIDE

THE

166

yourselfthese terror-inspirersand

blood-

work

in the

curdlers, these buffoons


which

shapes in

life-like

in

know

their tricks

so

and

tracks

track

to

the game

loathsome

with

corpses

and

playing

causing
of

the

you

face

see

tricks

it did

things

filled

with

of alarm

mud,

or

now

fear,
the
prehend
ap-

you

malignity and
be, duly

its

knew

you

because

and, if need

their

"

without

you

before

"

you

path

on

in their wretched

them

dog

their swamps

degree
slightest

all these

the

as

"

spectaclesbefore

as

You

peculiarscent of gruethem
unfolding their

their

fantastic

them
to

it were,

as

to

the

dwelling sphere.

besmirching your

"

depressing you

cause

their

reeking with blood,

battlefields

shall learn

inventions, and

them,

dark

and

portrayed

malicious

shall

You

someness.

Teniers

and

You

by

"

jestersat

manner.

furnishings of

shall learn

or

and

Breughel

them

queer

DREAMS

to

dare

chastise

them.
These

"

and

The

of

the

are

ghastly people

world's

Indeed,

sages

would

existence

Goethe,

nor

Shelleycalls

realm

of the

miserable

whose

activityneither he,
the

that

creatures

and

seers

ever

not

this

doubt

nor

of

dreams/'

and
any

restless
other

doubted.

signifythat

responsiblefor the multitude


horrible, utterly vulgar, heinous and vile or
are

ourselves

illusions
all bear

an

that

menace

unmistakable

of

we

of

scene
ob-

night and yet


imprint of thought and
us

at

BRIDE

THE

with

imagination,compiled
thus betray
and
low-thinkingone?
in which
of

of
it

to

you

Or

do

hold

contrived
It

that

chance

on

by day against my
on

absolve

irresponsible.For

Not
of
I

only

dreams,

in

the

exasperated

as

though

my

most

sacred

feelingswere

shafts

of

it

was

not

shame

ridicule.

only
and

with

wrath

not

sleep renders
I, myself,
was

it

wicked

And

about

absurdities
after

often

resolutions

very

ones

morning

to

also

I discovered

draw

most

their

morning

with
on

nose

seemed

and

after

night

the

by

It

surprise,but
that

the

Night

led

earnest

and

low-minded

and

also

fashion.

the

done

it.

me.

and

ridiculous

most

carry

I would

night had

of

have

not

upon

to

me

low,
honest, well-meaningfel-

an

baseness, but

the

imposed

was

that

of malicious
I would

that

excuse

dream-life

in the

things,and

fully
art-

passions,also

night, and

at

I knew

Muralto,

felt all kinds

this?

incited

I had

war

troublesome

the

with

myself

who

And

beget such

can

The

guard

my

I, Lodovico

it?

escape

deception that

of

sort

indignant defiance.
me

fear

responsiblefor

soul

to

put

der,
mur-

complexities?

this

was

dream

of

retinue

lies to

own

your

believe

you

horrid

lies upon

discoveryand

do

all the

with

through covetousness, of
cent
kill and inciting
the inno-

plottingto

"

the

guilty of

be

yourself to

though

know

not

you

murder

bloody

theft,or

of

know

you

tion,
delibera-

and

reason

thinking mind

Do

167

DREAMS

OF

ing
grow-

awaken-

168

THE

ing, how
could

on

me

it was

determined

it and

carried

on

well

life with
not

the

the

and

act

fication
self-puridoubled,

was

which

another,
has

day
the

by

same

by night

one

of
me

and

by day,

upon

physical senses
to

say

it is the

forces

stand

I may

for

as

For

react

and

not

Thus

well

as

aced
men-

defending my

salvation

same

myself
what

night, and
form

sleep to
which

been

been

nightly

life.

morning

the

judgment.

little clearer

of

means

toward

are

accustomed

by night

by day

as

senseless

the

they

have

it. I would

great advantage.

to

This

judgment,

lifelongstruggle

advance

soul, and

made

free

and

fooled.

it must

and

to endure

not

and

indeed

and

mind

my

vehement

my

being

as

myself,

earnestly sought

healthy soul
that

again been

infusion,that
suggestion,

confounded

and
was

from

issue

DREAMS

OF

I had

absurdly

not

thrust

BRIDE

should

had

occurred

the

in
fixed

memorize

to

to

evening

carefullyin
throughout

me

before

going

to

resolutions, auto-suggestions

continue

working

also

in my

dream

life.

And

realized

that

first essentials

the

observation, attention, self-consciousness


dreams.
his

life.
of

realize

tie of

would

Thus

guard.

all to
the

Who

while

that

memory

Every

sleep,like

night
Theseus

was

be

must

dreaming, I

wanted

and

dreaming

connecting
I stood
with

before

not

with

me

the

Ariadne's

in

also

cheated

not

were:

be

above
to

the

dark

thread

on

lose

day-

cavern

in his

170

able to create

these

as

the

at

awake

in the

sound

deep

eye, of

the

clearly
my

of

how

the

sent

includes

shut
that

could

reproduce

light

vibrations

less

no

structed
con-

tions
vibra-

objects

complicated
of

molecules

attained,

now

and

the

world

there

must

be

and

from

out

actly
exas

of

mote
day-lifere-

something

which

combinations
infinite

molecular

reality,while

observed

all these

been

impressions with

were

calmly

the

upon

wonderfully

trillions

identical

and

thus

"

I recognized

have

day-lifewhich

are

results

same

were

eyes

of what

billions and

these

felt

midst

oughly
thor-

now

swift
fine,infinitely
infinitely

construction

and

"

of

light,which

combination

time,

the effect upon

explainedby

whose

same

sleep,I pondered

visionary impressions

of

DREAMS

ing
compiled movextraordinarily

And

images?
wide

OF

BRIDE

THE

motions

of

with

an

absolutely equivalent effect.


before

And

reader,

you

having yourselftasted such delight,


cannot
imagine my elation when, on

that

success,

that

found

awakening, I

had

attempt had

my

gone

on

met

observing

with
tively
atten-

"

thinking deeply
observing,and thinking
clearly,with full recollection and calm self"

and

in that

consciousness
of wonder

and

mysterious,senseless sphere

deception.
"

sion
deluphilosopherswill talk of
philistine
that only the perceptions of
contend
and

The
"

day

are

But

real
have

and

said

those

of

it before:

sleep a
there

delusion.

mere

is

no

delusion,

or

the

day

the

perceptions of sleepare
do

richer

promises
life,but

has

what

clearness

and

them,

with

which

the

the

to

me

hard
I

reach

of

act

and

study

joy

found

has

not

all

me

in this

forsaken

helped me

has

bear

to

also,above

with

and

all,to try
this

voluntarily in

hoped

point where

practice,to

constant

longer

first elation I
the

filled

success

fortitude.

observe

to

and

could
my

first

comfort

domain

searched.

day-lifeare

this

the

precisionwith

and

purpose

determined, by

accuracy

In

same

life with

further,

contemplate

would

that

present day and

now

study
in day-

of the mind

realities of

unexplored

their

found

are

ture,
na-

is steadiness

the

and

day,

than

tion?
atten-

no

they primarily demand

delight at

My
the

revelations

that

of their

senses,

our

connected,
un-

it follow

strangeness
of

need

no

because

And

deserve

they

the very

Through
which

that

or

does

more
fleeting,

more

mysterious, does

exist

not

realities

What

beyond perception?

possess

more

they

171

DREAMS

delusion.

everything is

"

OF

BRIDE

THE

that

I could

still greater

to what

extent

senseless
I

might

pass

go

sphere.

sometime

from

waking

sleepingwithout loss of consciousness,and night


after night contemplate the dream-sphere with all

to

the
life.

calmness

of

Moreover,

demonic,
also

to
to

seek

dig

day
I

"

thus

doubling
fight the

my

evil

hoped

to

the

pure

and

heavenly and

up

from

the

unknown

perception,other precious facts.

entire

world

and
haps
per-

of

172

THE

Of

course

BRIDE

OF

in

myself

field

and

put

the

time

to

spared

writing for

your

for

further

research.

the

path pointed out

than

me,

you,

will

perusal, well

if

reader,

my

them

as

guide
follow

can

you

in

penetrate further

and

me

repeated

bequeath

that

tent
con-

honest

of

be

ordered

I know

by

I must

will

To

gain

we

series

which

others.

by

test

can

unknown.

leavingbehind

observations

be

slowly

very

wholly

so

with

careful

and

with

exaggerated expectations met

my

disappointment. Only
ground

DREAMS

I.

the present I will

For

although

expectations were

my

hoped for, yet

measure

only brieflymention

not

not

fulfilled in the
of

one

any

that

them

was

wholly disappointed.
retain

To

the

night throughout
that

and

were

they

is

nothing
three

two

or

The

conditions

excellent

body,

entire
The

came

to

good nights
for

sleep

moments

of

tion
observa-

be

weeks

follow

and

absolute
Neir

in

then

satisfactory observation

body

and

the

passivenessand

are

calm.
i tristi lai

comincia
presso

senses

la

mattina.

are:

mind

the

la rondinella

again

succession.

deep refreshingsleep toward

che

tion,
dura-

Sometimes

the

era

"

of brief

intervals.

for

observe

after

of

to

long

night

duration

continued
at

mind

health, perfect equilibriumof

when
of

ever

and
there

the

achieved.

never

of

clearness

in

and
ing,
morn-

state

alle

few

carne

times

only

with unbroken
I

was

Then

all at

sensation

had

and

before
A
to

I have

long

wonderful

desired

the

sleep
termined
de-

found

refreshment

its needed

the

suspension of
invisible

vital
But

being.

conditions

favorable

in the

weariness

whose

body,

my

senseless and

are

rare;

the

myself glidingrapidly through


the

made

of

series

this

me

deep sleep.

deliberation

calm

lest it should

perception, anxious

of

sphere

when

occurred

realize with

with

that

extremely
feel

fallingasleep

quicklyinto

necessitatinga

usually I

This

relief that

acted

activities of my
these

fell

in

thought, enjoyed, observed,

longer felt,had

without

I succeed

did

and

conviction

no

pensier presa,

divina.

I would

joy

and

glad

quasi

and

once

of

come,

da'

men

consciousness.

tired

very

vision

sue

pellegrina

nostra

mente

dalla

piu

la

che

173

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

THE

of it.

most

has

observations
all:

above

pass

there

that

clear

made

various

are

mediately
gaining consciousness, one imrecognizesby their peculiaratmosphere,

spheres which,
impossible more
what

depths,

on

closelyto

describe.

fields

what

of

One

knows

observation

one

traverses.

There
world

its

of

is

day-life
"

landscapes

altered.
is meant.

sphere

It

and

is not

wherein

the

we

earth

same,

have

we

habitations
the

see

"

but

all
we

again
seen

the

with

strangely
know:

this

174
Thus

and

over

paternal home
but in its
luxury
"

in

and

England
dream

the

image.
Sea

dream

they

themselves

it is

old-time
Lake
also

always
the

forest, and

remain

day.

without

and

same

the

dream

the realities of

the

saw

Pisa, and

but

"

its

Moreover

near

London, differing
totallyfrom
But

with

city

night

many

of Gombo

the North
and

sea,

the

dream

the forest

and

DREAMS

again

over

my

Como

OF

BRIDE

THE

exception I immediately recognize them.


Thus

there

this

In

it is

sphere of ecstasy

and

wholly

which

the undoubted

unlike

sense

realityof

the

vast, splendid,more

sees

pattern,

with

admiration.

And

with
In this

intense

very

qualities. One
and

with

sees

them,

wondering

meanwhile

and

the

feet

still

as

and

clothes

waking hours.
less clearlylighted

with

worn

own

rivers,but

overwhelming
tinctly,
perfectly dis-

full consciousness.

peculiarbody

definite

the
that
"

opened

eyes

feels one's

one

at

death
the

and

seas

them

sees

feels one's

sings

lie there

reality,
though

thing,
every-

corporal feeling and

and

speaks

wonderful

of

also possesses

one

the

admires

sharp intensityand

sphere

of

according to earthy

fillingus
one

strongest, and

and

or

indeed

and

great joy.

our

mountains, trees,

beautiful

with

views

one

landscapes,fashioned

more

idea

impossible to give an
with

and

of self is

consciousness

our

clearness

One

is

top
the
one

clothes

by day.

of

wide

mouth

and

voice

one's

"

sleepingbody

should

one's

hands

sees
one

It

own

resembling

wears,

is all

little dif-

it is

ferent,

through running

as
fleetingly

seen

175

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

THE

changes also through the influence of


pronounced will. But one recognizesthe dreamrecognizesthe waking body,
body exactly as one
water, and

it

when

has

one

the

retains

the

calm

and

dream-body
it

for

more,

not

can

smell,but also think

one

such

unwonted

cannot

compare

and

day

And

sense.

free

might
it

deep sleep of
sphere

is

very

soar

reason

and

fly.

But

chasm,

and
more

that

lightand

It feels

waking body is wrapped in the


weariness, the dream-body in this
the

yond
delightfulbe-

abilityto fly is always


proclaimerof the advent of the joyThis

this

but

it

cannot

Ascending requires exertion


failure

discern

even

perception of
speak of a new

soaring power is
dream-body can safelydescend

sphere.

taste

acuteness

sense

any

And

! this last it does

always supple,light and

the infallible

and

feel,hear,

Yes

an

perceptions

sense

clearlyand

good

for

it.

wakened

waking body

see,

it to

lying

been

wholly dead,

subtlety and

description.

The

only

with

can

though

"

it has

of mood.

delicate subtleties
with

that

all the

the

ing
awak-

on

activelystirring,

have

possesses

pendent
inde-

been

not

would

energiesof

all the

and

knows

still,though
noise

remembers

has

one

both, each

of

One

body

waking body

unaccustomed
the

other.

the dream

that

but

the

And

it.

to

recollection

sense

of

returned

again

despite the greatest

rise
and

to

into

the

est
deep-

height.

every

often

efforts.

unlimited.

not

meets

with

176

BRIDE

THE

The

observation

careful

the

into

body

one

OF

DREAMS

of the

other

reversion

of the
is most

awakening

on

remarkable.
One

wake

always

can

And

sphere.

to

waning

with

its distinct

The

above

high

the

at

folded

is

distinct

so

the

lying

is the

follows
and

we

out

and

raised

and

right side,

eyes

with

arms

ever,
howimpossible,

seems

of

speech, of

and

yet there

consciousness

muscles, of the open

one

sings,but
sleepingbody, still

the

this

into

imagine,assumes

us

it shouts

its

on

each

bodies,

two

stretched

arms

the breast

over

let

it knows

time

death,

as

the

dream-body,

joy-

recurring anH

ever

when

the head, and

same

an

this

bodilyrecollection,merge

attitude, with

an

it is

me

wonder

never

another.

voluntarilyfrom

of transition
singleindescribable moment
of the
regain the physical consciousness

sleeping body

the

with

silent, immovable,

of

having lain
quite another

memory

in

unseeing,

attitude.
Who
of

once

times

observed

has

observed

the

of this

of

and
reintegration

and

perception. No

father's
of the

call it " soul

that

can

"

"

or

hundreds

meets

with

decline

exclude

no

possess

we

part

spectre

separate itself

from

the

and

flat

decay

possibility

consciousness, will

will he dare

more

of any

existence

the

of renewed

opinion that

I have

longer

it, no

suppositionthat
visible body does not

denial

we

this,as

of

or

sign or

my

proof

being,whether

our

"

to confirm

by

another

the visible

name,

body.

178

THE

safely,that

right and
surround

as

of

ocean,

the

is the telluric

green

spheres

describe

this

meaning
my

But

and

life,just

of the

color

more

vation
slowly,by repeated obserall

more

minutely in

other

can

naturally not

be

unknown

to

writings. The
computed solely

of

Years

ing
know-

perspective of seeing and

where
itself,

only

before

for the purpose

history of
know

to

my

record

pages

fall

may

philistines.For
of the

could

we

only

believe

note

tastic, and
sober

because

of this nocturnal

sary
neces-

life of

greatly influenced my
by the fear that

they

will look

for

will be

hands

of

the

it

upon

lot.
these

as

idle

an

invention, in the styleof

by Rudyard
their

Kipling or

some

H.

G.

dear

You,

amusement.

of

herd

ready sympathizer,will easily recognize

and

the

life,it

the

tales

Wells, conceived

rightlyfollowingthe

into

curious

as

wonder

reader,

in

something

it, undisturbed

phantasy,

of

career

observation, for it has

the

universal

trust.

brief

support

gation
repeated investiby followinggenerations are still required.

opens

If

and

color, the color of

color,the

observations.

an

and

favor

thorough knowledge of
impressions. I have tried

acquires

one

from

divine

vaster

Very gradually,very

full

DREAMS

earthlyexistence.

limited

these

OF

is the cosmic

Blue

me.

and

sky

BRIDE

of

am

truth.
a

am

anything

faithful

and

devoted

truth;

but

naked

she reveals

herself

do

not

but

phan-

follower

deny

by night instead

of

of
her

by

day,

and

to

me

it does

whether

remains

revelation

does

or

not

179

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

THE

to

come

revelation,

the

through

me

senses.

the

That

situation

and

by
I

could

child

profound sphere

without

in my

Euphorion,

Helena.

This

metaphor
its vast
The

landscapes.
joy-sphere,however,

pranks

and

of

spook.

I had
bling
resem-

winged

is

to

and

Faust

though
deep wholly as a
joy-sphere with
deeper

"

inevitablyfollowed

sphere of

the

waking by

toward

their

still

beautiful

the

and

already compared

word

the

only

which

from

cares

child

sphere lay

than

"

the

understand

must

one

ceived
per-

Once

creatures

"

rangement
ar-

they

in which

and

mortal

dream,

Goethe's

area

of succession.

most

which,

definite

the

as

order

but

men

likely,because

consider

joyous encounters,

very

some

well

as

voluntarily awaken

not

to

fixed

in

was

day,

in

appear

adhere

dream-spheres

the

This

with

demons

sphere

is

easily

the
sees
visionary objects
recognizable. One
able
sharply and clearly,but they have an indescribA single
yet very distinct spectralcharacter,
or
anything of the
object, a brush, a horseshoe
kind

may

the horror

suddenly
and

is to
it is

very

common

let you

morning,

before

my

eyes

ghastlinessissuingfrom

recognizeit
A

come

as

an

invention

and

by

diately
it,I imme-

of the demons.

pleasantry of this demon pack


awaken
apparently. You
imagine
open

your

eyes,

look

around

and

BRIDE

THE

180

bedroom.

recognize your
however,

OF

When

all at

see

you

DREAMS

that

once

strange, something weird


the

room

chair

"

different,unaccustomed,
that

realize

you

still dreaming

are

The

spectres.
I

me,

wake.

false

sharp

and

land

without
when

it

demons

bloody,
But

have

mocking

immoral

when
clear

and

better

than

and

the

dreams,
obscene

images

the
and

convey

in

to

shape

us

and

that

color.

as

by

it.

they
And

very
Then

vile, offensive,

joy-sphere and
of

presence
in

thus

mind, I

action, while
describe

I cannot

and

were

day,

dreams.

themselves

Teniers

not

are

memory

Breughel

have

This, however, the artists could

them.

me,

frequent

the present

to

traversingthis spectralworld.
them

the

me

dreamers

even

consciousness

the strange

see

strong

spectre sphere with

most

from

come

made

to

dream-domains.

consciousness

the

of

occurred

caused

clear, I easilylet myself be deceived


come

world

lightinterested
voluntarily as easilyand

knowing it, and


my

you

experiencesof

few

once

that

intense

other
of

this

longer

no

all at

in

nervously

ment
gar-

thing
every-

"

and

times

curious

and

from
from

as

This

The

outlines

I woke

calmly

it

awakening

light

landed

after

But

alarm.
slightest
its

few

first

frightenedand

was

efforts to
this

have

and

thing
some-

empty

yet awake,

not

are

you

is

spectralabout

and

an
by itself,

moves

rise,

to

there

stalks about, the windows, the


is

want

you

trayed
pornot

constantly changing

they

do

this not

only

of

their

accord

own

sometimes

them

but

curious

feel

my

become

nameless

obtrusive

too

to

of the

lash

that
alone

If this

form.
much

for

shout

at

and

you,
test
one

such

all my

efforts
low

my
the

old

visitations and
true

to

and

me

of

does

even

good

no

forthwith

appears
I

assure

does there

freer

vile

has

helped

the demons.

struggleswith
lightof

new

demons

than

more

me

to

temptations. Thus,
tales

than

morning

fightingthat,

transmitted

in the

too

them,

strugglewith

by day,
and

pable
pal-

or

becomes

refreshed,never

more

this sort

was

stand
under-

yourself experience it if you


by personal observation, that

successful

by

plastic

thrashing. And

happier, serener

also

certain

if that

which

"

sound

awakens

Yet, it

whip

will

you

never

follow

from

statements

my

after

for

command

begone," and

givethem

and

"

"

them,

wish

I must

loudly

tance
dis-

strange

visible,audible

they

sphere, thought

spectralcompany

I must

me

sounds

never

in truth

senseless

of

expression in shape

at

must

efficacious without

is not

them

authority and

you

the

in

even

when

perhaps

reader, but

dear

you,

This

whip.

keep

of

about, and

and

dread

can

words

by vigorous
a

bering
throngs num-

varies, yet

them

grow

by making

moved

I have

over

old

the

Amid

shapes.

power

again

and

command,

my

blue, and

or

of them

hundreds

at

181

myself by letting them

amuse

assume

though

also

smaller, black

larger or

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

THE

come
over-

much

regarding
has

evil

appeared

experience.

I must

Here

waking body

our

and

comfort

in

But

thought.

of

in the control

grief,in

in

"

stirringemotion

"

It then

control.

or

that

subtlety of

in

weaker, namely

itself in countless

gances,
extrava-

contemplating judgment does


even
deplores,but is powerless to

curb.

this

From
learn

must

we

of peace,

passion. Once kindled to passion


joy, in rapture, in every soulit very
speedilygrows beyond

looses

countenance,

check

it is

and

the

which
not

of mood

sense

also

and

respect

one

regulate

to

conclusion

the

I draw

control

and

passions by day, for though the senseless


enriched
by everything the day-lifeconveys
it

only

can

and

dream-body

our

vision, in the

happiness,

strange

very

in sensitiveness

"

of

keenness

feeling,in

respects it is superior

In many

dream-nature.

our

"

against

you

warn

DREAMS

important peculiarityof

and

to

OF

BRIDE

THE

182

life is

it,

to

ciplined
dis-

and

itself of well-mastered

avail

our

passions.
Therefore
without

abiding

If, with

danger.

haughty

little

more

repented, for
and
and

And

manner,

carried

was

could

no

extravagances,
sorrow,

along by

restrain

could

self-

assume

if I associated

tribe, I
their

I,

myself

to

soon

ness
wanton-

the

longer subdue
nor

never

much

to

the bold

familiarlywith

folly,I

disgrace and
toward

reserved

and

little too
induced

confidence, I let myself be


less

is

demon-sphere

in the

my

in my

ter
laughown

wrath

them.
this

most

especiallyapplies to

licentious-

BRIDE

THE
of which

ness,

They

advantage.
I

success.

long
and

when

But

Thus

reader,
from

stand

passions are

animals

of
and

batted.
for

at

the

body

material

only

demon

above

the

body,
harvests

resulting

are

be
is

taming

Demons

and

has

longer

what

nocturnal

is

domestic
the

to

The

nature.

tamed,

that

sions
pas-

never

com-

the

master, and

which

wasting

can

of

away

power

to

main
reour

tame.

by day.

sown

life

domain.

accomplished by day,

fading
no

mies
ene-

are

useful

difficult to

more

demons

household,

own

me.

of

struggle with the


is extremely stimulatingto the soul,
brood
all through the knowledge, the clearer comprehension,

obscure
In

our

invisible to the senses,

this

effect

individual

own

should

this

the
own

our

personal

own

night they
after

Yet

our

to

emotions
And

of

rightly,dear

me

friends, the

our

belonging

economy

the better

passions.

outside

over

power

fight. Struggling with

struggling with
and

But

demon

As

consciousness

of my

salutary

and

woman.

I have

they get
the

regards

as

this

is not

this

much

sexless

are

or

understand

must

you

man

the clearness

is dimmed

memory

they

as

clearly realize

as

them.

It

that

alternately appear

can

with

weakness

my

take

to

in lascivious

masters

past

are

noticed

soon

183

particularlyready

are

practisedon

and

pranks

they

DREAMS

OF

the

deeper insightwith

being and
better,

spheres impure

the

lust

its

no

to

our

less obscure

higher
and

regard

base

or

besiegers.
deeper dream-

lasciviousness

do

not

do,

BRIDE

THE

184

Love

occur.

however.

sphere,
a

curious

and

it

of

humiliation.

raptures

though

very

more

peculiar

quality

aversion

and

separation.

is

it

similar

to

beautiful

that

disgust,

and

is

is

in

it

eliminated

leaves

with

any

shame

unions

love-life

and

it

feel

tranquil.
vile

with

with

we

are

the

joy-

matters

which

there

the

to

carries

for

acteristic
char-

unfailing

sexual

never

lust

Yet

splendor

pertaining

and

that

unknown

almost

an

over

passes

disregard,

suggestion

of

everything

that

DREAMS

transports
But

of

OF

and

of

day,

But

the

behind
subtle

186

BRIDE

THE

all the

grown

and
still

great
nooks

of

in its

only

And

owners.

the
with

satin

the

Christmas
the

showed

old

had

paving

under

entwined

and

about

abode

and

me,

and

my

not

often.

not

continued

to

mother

They
which

attain

I could

which
maid

to

probably

of my

the

life.

thirst

for

see

it,or
and

the

the

stone

and

quiet, temperate

by myself the

meals,

us,

but

reckoned

books

gathering

tion
consecra-

with

Lucia
and

aside

among

her

saw

that

from

years,

the

good

way

and

my

inner

knowledge.

the

But

"

stone

and

stucco

quietlywent my own
studied, followingonly the guidings of

years

white

columns.

live with

be

of

and

rigorous,tranquil,secluded

were

may

where

find in Rome.

the

at

as

hind
be-

and

"

through

withdrew,

by study

life endeavored

her

the

of

still there

was

way

extent

according

pink

crumbling

their

pushed

this

Into

the

the

thousands

the

brooklet

of

front

sheen

pillared portico,

from

roses

The

rose.

caretakers

were

with

in the

home

at

gentle breeze,

mountains

of the

rooms

its smooth

primulas,the purple erica,and


and

few

we

moire

or

by

derness,
neglectedwil-

directlyin

lake, with

the

were

though

as

touched

was

beautiful

inhabited

we

comers

garden was
deep blue,
it

DREAMS

house, making ourselves

and

instead

more

OF

waited, waited, and

women

did not
the

heed

enfant

it.

Bernard

terrible

among

I did

not

jamin
Shaw, the Benmy

brethren,

THE

tries his

BRIDE

best

wins

the

there

is

who

woman

and

surely

herd

common

him,

for, desires

and

him

seated

useful

instincts,of

child.

But

woman

in her

does

the husband

Lucia

was

She

features

in her

criticism

teachings

the

of

the

facets

"

honor

as

that

some

an

the

"

yet of firm

firm

build

and

had

which

she

all its

her

That

mental

the

personal
might

called honorable

ity
real-

all the power

Thus

it

spiritual
belonged.

be

what

tion
concep-

and

fixed,clear, clean-cut

as

un-

out
With-

the

unalterable

ingly
dar-

and

sentiments.
to

the
but

women,

less of that

showed

sublime.

with

diamond.

ages

only, but

father.

Titian's

of

bining
com-

usually she

woman,

possessedfor
the

to her

was

deep-

beautiful

take

the

large

to

group
was

livingand

of

and

give,and

subjectedherself

she

her, tradition

to

her

true, and

to

feelingsand

conventional

The

because

spirit.
Latin
characteristically

also

was

Germanic

the

had

exuberant
She

want

gentle

softer, and

were

eyes

primarily

of

is not

all to

very

regular, massive
her

woman

man,

good

higher than

character.

of

not

give as well, above

values

desired

all this

the

interest

lieve
be-

to

and

the

the

quiet,unnoticed, luring and

activities
to

the

to

the

after

that

"

than

were

one

selfish ends

accepts

reverse

this

in

if

But

it is the

the

not

imagine

only

finds

she

should

187
that

truth

more

suspects.

one

world
and

man

considers

thereby
cares

the

show

to

DREAMS

OF

social
and

mutable
im-

variable,
was

now

BRIDE

THE

188

dishonorable,

considered
she

of the

lastingkernel

and

vice

she

me.

She

also

no

which,

myself sometimes

was

which

fact

French

And

step.

did

not

husband

and

she

it

ingenuous

into

be turned

would

soon

as

What

his honor.
the

home,

were

for

But

the
her

be menaced
be she would

her

had

honor
of

sacrifice her
been

bounds
did

had

never
as

indulgence

stepped.
over-

were

his

riage
mar-

yet jeopardized
honor

wife, the

family

name

which

of

these

"

realities,which

might
if need

life to defend.
in

reared

majority

this way

before

actions, and

certain

ognized
rec-

preferred

Lucia's

man

circumscribed

by

tion
equallyrigidcondemna-

an

honor

disturbed
un-

blindness.

that

countries

her

though

and

me

assumed

young

in Latin

had

She

so

painfully.

perfectright to

conventional

as

it

to
me

wife, and

realized

also

But

light

Englishwoman's need
prematrimonial purity

annoyed
or

with

over

impressed

feel the

had

dissipations,

allusions

illusion of

thinking,yet

Emmy's

bore

the

upholding
that

she

to

seem

in both

passed

it often

that
She

she

bachelor

young

himself

allowed

to

constantly

must
a

which,

despised,but

she

That

this

enviable

very

I, she

as

life's behest.

at

of mind

which

the

Through

peace

seemed

tendencies

no

ideals

curtail
like

had

for

seek

did not

that

on

versa,

changing idea.

often
perplexities,

in my

of

DREAMS

possesseda serenityand

she

of

and

reflected

never

OF

luxury,

large

and

fortune

on

at

ing
reachher

dis-

BRIDE

THE

she

But

posal.

mother's

simplicity.That
it I dare

about

forever

my

mother

and

worthlessness

hear

observe

her

for

endangering

The

with

not
want

conscious
with

admitting
in

and

it to

whole

biology,my

great endeavor

to

writ of the
and

in

of my
Thus

lasted

bound

was

have

mind

my
to

win

as

women

it,

strength of
about

word

And

it
sorbed
ab-

was

physics,in physiology

mind

engrossed

was

deciphersomething of
phenomena

of life and
the dark

degree to penetrate

some

in the

the mysterious

Nature,
recesses

nature.

own

the
for

and

intent,but

themselves.

chemistry

possible

peace.

not

saying

ever

resisted

was

obstinate

all the

arrange

I therefore
as

serving
de-

making
match-

to

determined

deliberate

of

time

same

motherly

I did

were

women

their mind, without


or

the

at

household

because

sistance.
re-

the miserable-

nothing,however.

two

thing

stubborn

only thing

much

the

other
an-

was

disagreeablyto

and

as

little

as

earthly life,and

son.

machinations

profitedme

it.

on

her

utmost

this

me

the

as

the

strategy she sought

lose this game

to

of the

thought,

just

my

unconscious

secret

marriage

without
It

with

how

silent

for

talkingof

attention,

our

and

rich

and

hereafter

blessedness
of

say,

cared

maintaining
most
impressed me

It

the

not

with

house

mother

my

189

give it

to

for

reason

ness

seemed

never

lived in my

and

DREAMS

OF

conflict

years

was

unequal

finallyfound

"

and

though

it

myself conquered

BRIDE

THE

190

for

than
I

had

unconscious

the

conquered

in the

illusion that
the

this, mark

it

longer

no

that

moreover

is

finer

no

myself

the

was

macy
diplo-

acting,

the

and

devoted

most

all

But

conquering party.

well, with

sible
pos-

diplomacy of women.
tained
withal
wholly main-

and

been

attacking and

the

was

responsible. There

alone

was

it

back, and

draw

to

me

DREAMS

I felt that

by surprise.

as

OF

selfish
un-

love.

in

Actually
never

with

was

Lucia

that

in

for

would
than

union
the

seem

make

for

call her

she
this

her

and

balance

to

as

conceit
power

that

rational

of

very

sentiment,
for

love,

do

also

well-considered

life.

own

that
and

and

had

for

thus, from

that

rose

never

all

son.
rea-

and

believed,that

affection

suffice

giving direction

I lived
my

able
lov-

happy

sensible

many

everyone

solid basis

mother

my

happy,
my

passion.

reallywas

more

me

passion mightier than

this

making

in my

our

her

for

mad

reason

believed, as

for

common

and

must

lacked

so

paroxysms

people, and

I could

same

most

height of
And

staid

the

But

'

to

me

her, because

creature.
to many

But

excited

Emmy

love

must

charm

everyone
she

this,despite

admired

just
mysterious, impenetrable something

Lucia

loved

and

great

what

character.

certain

that

for

and

beauty

stainless

to

del Bono
her

Tenders,

Emmy

years' companionship.

many
her

with

as

nature,

amorous

my

love,

in the
nature

own

out

very
tirely
en-

the head-

BRIDE

THE

of

quarters

OF

DREAMS

191

self-consciousness,could

my

dispose of it, always followingthe


I should

her seemed
for

I thus

whom
and

who

me.'^

as

to

But

I should

what

I had

felt for

Then

how

life to

my

accorded
wife

my

True,

have

to

her

again swore

also

faithful

and

to

Now

less

no

make

own

human

person

such
to

my

I would

be

her, and

to

servient
happiness sub-

is, according

person

word, also
he

mask, has

his ideals

breeding.
to

that

ever

And

live himself

believe himself

of human

if he
into

to be what

the

he

part

wrought

such

worth,

means

it
so

the

cere,
simply sin-

has

assumed

to

mask, and

so

wholly uncomplicated,but

according
tries

I also

husband

be
living,

and

intention.

"

there

for himself

naive

in acting

no

fragile

of this

so

the

wrong

saw

good

primitivemeaning
no

with

mankind
I

feel.

hers.

every

is

disappoint

expected to

never

exemplary

all times

at

desire

to

"

and

would

seemed

humiliation, I should

such

to

woman,

myself perfectly capable of it, and


less sincerely
oath
to myself an
no

considered

with

part

better

do

surely never

from

feigna love which


no
longer faced

such

she

feel

ever

Emmy,

excellent

what

would

save

could

an

brotherlyuprightness,and

meant

happy by marrying

That

believe.

devote

to

Lucia

doubt.

woman

not

than

make

beyond

another

could

of

counsels

deliberation.

reasonable
That

freely

role,

of fitness

honestly,he
that

he

pretends. Thus,

can

fol-

192

THE

lowing his

BRIDE

himself

fashions

and

be

the

he

assume

form

own

of
plasticity
is called

indeed

the

part

best

This

that

lover

true

of my

in

and

followed

the

saw

mother's

The
the
their

voice

former

that

in

far

Lucia

expected
the history

as

was

and

she

and

honoring

be

she

as

with

which

wisdom, and she

her

tial
essen-

accepted

it all

of

mark

She

desire, that

own

wished
she

sumed
as-

she
her

to
so

for

whatsoever.
difficulty

no

it, with

had

continued

the

trusted

in

to hearken

of the herd.

wild, sultry sirocco

snowy

love.

reallyfillthe

husband

suggestion of

complacence

and

become

related

pleasing

and

between,

honestly hoped

I would

past,

not

was

affection

time

devoted

my

everything would

to the

just estimation;

confidence,and

my

is

simply tried

nature.

some

I also

reverently,as

same

and

Lucia

boundaries

thus

and

me.

heart

to

knave

toward

degrees of

would

nature

find

to

unattainable

and

and

difficult and

not

form
the

moved
re-

ably,
nature, he fails miser-

my

the

emotional

was

true

my

efface

to

the

merge

But

far

part

ideals

played

entirelyforeignto

my

enact

cided,
de-

wretch.

Thus
one

itself.

manifests

his true

will

pronounced,

more

scoundrel

ideals,he moulds

personalitywhich

mask,

his

from
the

into

unchangeable it

and

to

form

respected the

more

would

others'

or

own

DREAMS

OF

caps

of

the

extent,

had

mountains

the

mimosas

suddenly
to

about

bloomed

melted
half
pro-

BRIDE

THE

194
force

the

of

landing place
before

event

The

church

the

and

Lucia

formed

and

earth.

on

and

roses

returning
line

multi-colored

music,
of the

good days
and

serene

was

though

cheeringas

candles, and

long

ran

though

as

on

the

draperies trailingthrough

songs

still in the

of

at

as

urchins

street

even

hundreds

with

lake,

water,

cathedral

the

to

the

from

up

joy
signifiedan additional
of
was
fragrant with masses

gondolas

our

lined

The

was

The

represented.

were

boats

our

there

with

radiant

Como

royalty.

and

us,

this

were

we

Borgias.
ness,
quiethappi-

with

beaming

hepatica blossom, a little bashful,


responding archly and merrily, and her fine
like

but
clear

of
a

of

arrival

the

of

populace

street

violet

only the

Not

glittering
pageant.
crimson
clergy were

and

but

DREAMS

OF

dimmed

eyes

She

tear.

it

me

beautiful

comedy
When

the

by only

nothing ahead

saw

not

was

that

the

hard
It

scene.

and

to

of

sun

not

was

enacted,
sank

sustain

us

but

I sat

contemplating

magnolias, the snow


glitteringgolden in

of
the

the

the

bliss,

lake.

The

mountain
colors

much

in this

role

or

lovelydream.

the

terrace

tating
medi-

colors

of the

darkly

green

foliageof

on

mountains

sky,

and

slopes and
merged

and

the

opposite,

evening light,above

luminous, pale greenish blue

purplishviolet

so

part

my

perhaps

as

shimmering well-nighblackish

blue

slightest
suspicion

happiness,a regularGod-pleasing life.

welcome

For

blue

the

it the

below

the

soft

steel

became

one

THE

the

with

BRIDE

this

marking

me,

representative
back

back

looks

of

one

as

to

to

the

buoy

rounding
sur-

table
unforget-

which

look

we

life

of

journey

our

on

blossoms

lemon

moments,

repeatedly

skipper

the

of

fragrance

195

DREAMS

OF

the

as

lighthouse

or

passed.

brilliant

sharp
of

and

the

of

thought

the

more

myself,

of

and

real
"

which

why

the

when

myself
and

compared

and

impressions
asking

day,

really

dream-world

my

of

night
I

the

was

two

with

most

worlds

the
those

truly
was

XIV

THERE
which

well

it

in
and

Then

them,

others

first,that

you

you

had

the

day

had

that

that

if you

But

that
one

relation

of

I
we

say

them,

them

their

call

these

from

without

proofs

it is not
and
ever

is but

God

nice
to

seen

of

cerning
it,con-

are

him

presumptions

and

who
196

fool

to

the
is

fully
scorn-

It

people

superman,
even

for

value

presumption.

thrust

ions,
vis-

causes.

not

"

chapter,

regularityin

presumption

away

before

Long
last

or

these

passing

dream.
in the

dead,

degrees of certainty. Nietzsche

reason,

has

that

that

says
so.

with

culiarit
pe-

ber
remem-

are

persons

whose

you

two

not

met

to

who

persons

do

others

see

the

formed

All

of different

these

your

I told

presumption

all that.

in

happened

observed

usually

persons,

observed

had
the

dead

of which

already

have

as

ing
distinguish-

vividlyof

shortly after having

forgotten

and

no

dream

also

are

it has

may

or

surely been

have

doubt
very

in

dream-world

without

you

your

the

probably

dreamt

you

in

reader,

Without

moreover

near

dear

I, but

as

died.

have

sphere

you,

such.

as

that

you

is

is

for

whom

slighterthan

THE

BRIDE

presumption, into

God

Christ

and

father

are

and

skin

their

be

from

and

reader.
the

presumptions.

mother, too,

your

deduced

but

are

sumptions,
pre-

experiences,aroused

their

imply

to

seem

eyes

by
and

for you.

to conceal

Thus

waggishly

experience than

more

though they

even

superman,

what

as

nothing beyond experience,dear

Believe

Your

hands

idol.

contrived

But

their

197

DREAMS

OF

presumed

when

that

sphere,and
sleepingman
always

the dead

the

this

retains

also have

cannot

sphere and

fore
there-

and

own

the illusion that

living,
ference
the dif-

grasp

his

their

of

dream-body

there,he

enters

between

that

the dead

are

still alive.
I had

Now

on

still

was

terror-dream

beginningregularlyrepeated itself.
This dream
I consider
nothing but
echo

in

violent

the

deeper

shock

that

waking

my

this

Beyond

of

chasms

attach

of
him

sailingwith

expediiton. But this belonged


of which
I spoke before, which

last

our

that

First

father.

my

this dreamed

before

often

very

the

it

to

at the

of

had

body

the

painful

soul,

my

to

no

the
tained.
sus-

deeper

significance.
But

as

of

wholly

came

in

perceptiblydifferent

with

walked

around

dream

then

my

though

father

my

shoulders
he

was

and

while
cried.

trying his

best

acter,
char-

different

which

sphere, in
he

put his

It seemed
to

show

to
me

arm
me

the

THE

198

he

did

remember

not

that

asked

for.

Latin

it

moreover
nonsense.

to

him,

and

some

such

of

out

words,
also

and

make

think

me

I woke

fullythat

and
my

suddenly
making
The
was
remorse

he

me

shiver

first hours
who
for

had
his

that

I knew

nounced
pro-

the

and

is to

say:

apparently

was

just

wondrous

sign
de"

plas-

nonsensical

as

in the

dream

between

word

sensible

meanings

interchange thoughts
knew

well

very

that

in which

way

the

at

wanted

father

my

the

this

formed.

was

it took

me

was

struck

me

like

from

head

to

after

waking

communed
at

with
me

long

dead.

father

rage

remember

relation

also
I

has

and

something about

about

butterflydecoration
Then

intention

awaking

on

see

longer

construe

and

"

it

wings,

species. But

and

the

his

word,

can

nonsense

without

time

one

as

ous
curi-

different

wholly

and
spirit,

and

the

butterflywith

Latin, that

said

and

fine

pointing to

he

for

of

part

dream

wings

name

is

dead

was

embarrassed,

no

good

my

or

there

he

let him

only

was

"

my

fond

was

my

to

word

But

the

raodic

to

that

word

species. The

on

than
unexpectedly gets more
So as also to do something on

evident

he knew

usuallyso sparing.

was

pleasehim, I caught
blue
arabesques on

the

DREAMS

side somewhat

his

by

child

as

which

of which

walked

to

OF

of tenderness

marks
and

BRIDE

time

And
cold

ize
to real-

this realization

whirlwind,

foot.
I

was

sure

that

me,

that

he

in the

last

it

felt

moments

of his life,and
toward

tender

OF

therefore

cried

ornamented

the

from
that

the

day

are

to

of

hostile,

spendthriftand a miser.
but
undergoes this
regularly befalls
that

the

at

when

Even

of

end

No

day

one

and

of
philistine,

man

so

after

I face

so

acter
firm in charit still

And
many

years,

night with

the

its

unbelieving expectancy.

fallingasleepI

transition,and

turns

dull

influence.

me,

critical

with

wonders

even

another

devotee
religious

and

poet

me.

different

so

possible,as though by

in the company

atheist, of

only

realize

cannot

the next

the
I

morning

ing
com-

again

everythingwas, and am surprisedthat


doubt
and
ever
forget it, just as we see

how

know

I could

again
that

clear

yet

night, the two are so


they alternatelyseek to supplant one
been

an

unusually

was

the

of

those

absolutelyas

had

albeit not

impressionsof

the

But

as

meaning,

full of

and

of

wings

and

thought his pointingto


the butterflyimportant

I also

me.

199

DREAMS

BRIDE

THE

the

face

the

image
completely.

of

in

our

men

in this age, that

like

deadly frost

blossoms
cruel

of

their

steep

group

are

surprised

have

faded

so

prodigious fallacyof

most

cripplestheir aspirations,and
low

bends

between

group

this

struggle between

can

be reached

and

kills the

growing wisdom,

young

walls

and

and
could

memory

mightiestand

The

love

we

one

"

heart
is the

belief and

and

tender
ing
erect-

tween
heart, be-

fallacy that

unbelief

through something

that

in

verdict

they

call

200

BRIDE

THE

Reason

that

and

Word.

But

of

and

is

the

only
as

in

of

that
the

truth,

"

most

ancient

expecting
to

get

the

nearest

illogical.'^

the

of

the

realm

of

the

But
the

truth

in

actual

not

where

perience
ex-

and

Reason,

nation,
and

the

see

the

logical

reasoning
did

of

language,

reason

and

True

realm

childish

confuse

patient

truth.

call

we

actual,

that

the

word,

and

Athens,
"

in

of

what

not

person

Logos

lead
himself

young

In

the

weapon

only

realm

symbol.

Reason

its

as

rules
the

in

scheme

bears

reason

imagination,

DREAMS

OF

deed
in-

must

father

his

Plato

logos

is

While

gazed

my

The

subtle

carried

after

death

Shall

be?

smell, taste, touch


can

clearlyas
clearly I

to
"

"

something

words

strange

to

her

and

shake

her

rested

so

"

without

had

close

come

doubtfully,as
about

her,

to

her

her

listen.

I asked

she

what

well

very

fold her
head

Then

in my

and,

I heard

arms.

with

the

motion

again

mouth,

I remembered
upon

At

surprise me.

sounds

as
as

me,

and

But
slender

though I
of a wildly

galloping beast, a trampling of hoofs


path.
hollowly on the wooded
once

face

stay?"

I wanted

fingers on

at

As

dear

awake

unusual

not

them, and

with

you

Then

did

understood

I
say

"Will

should

here.

"

her, somewhat

at

were

moment

saw

tion
percep-

yet entirely."

These

meant

hear,

whisperinglyreplied:

Not

the

the

life

"

Emmy?

there

she

the

spoke calmly:

I looked

Then

and

alive

thinking this, she

it you,

though

now

and

trees

am

will

perceiveafter death,

was

and

me

Is

rest,

sense."

While
up

while

cannot

and

these

seldom

Surely

too?

positiveas

as
see

now

now

now,

body

be

never

play.

perceive,see,

we

then

subtle

so

"

or

she would

what

their

on

play from which they


How
day. I thought :

night

"

DREAMS

her, wondering

at

thoughts

say,

OF

BRIDE

THE

202

that
And

sounded
re-

all

that
heavy responsibility
knew
that this trampling

THE

BRIDE

gallop was

connected

drive

to

or

great

fear

But

"

was

put

And

fetch

me

end

to

this

felt

while

me,

an

to

horrible,

sounds

the

came

nearer.

smiled

Emmy

I shall

Then,
where

tender

"

smile

gracious

again."

come

the

at

the

met

sky,

could

not

face

toward

of

father

my

life, a

he

horse

or

but

it

to

the

ing
narrow-

Then

of
and

"

nearer

terror.
row

proaching.
ap-

bull

came

shield

to

mingling of
of

space

all

trees, the
he

walked

her, saying:

diver who,

the

dreamt

meanwhile, only

only

moment

and

light, one

of
air

dreaming

and

two

place,
spheres of

turning around

consciousness

from

took

as
again relieving,

regains his balance,

the transition
I had

and

up

strange transition

chaotic

of the

loses

water,

rose

oppressing,then

sensation

small, and

very

appeared,

rolling together

moment

and

late ! "

this that

is like

beeches

galloping beast

"

though

as

It is too

which

fear

my

Emmy

After

until

distinguishwhich
sideways through

once,

pale

the

saw

black,

was

and

nearer

straight lane,

red

path gleamed

mossy

It

"

the

of

alternatingbrownish
appeared
green
spruce

lightgreen

and

end

very

the

blackish

at

to

It

203

said:

and

the

risingin

DREAMS

it.

happiness.

and

nearer

with

Emmy,

away

serene

choking

OF

now

ago,

up

and

and

the

under
down

daylight,
"

waking.
actuallywoke.
to

I had

thought

And

that

could

there

be

never

those

to

the

which

senses.

in my

Emmy
in

our

arms,

opened

which

of

red

thick
carts

stood

glossy hair
wife

in the

which

glance

disarray

was

love.
in

cold, soulless

the

wardrobes,

pealing,

were

cracking.
in it I

dishevelled

of

still

the world

about

and

as

other

clasp each

doors, bells

out

It

other's

saw

to mine

next

stirred

to

to

white

the
It

other
An-

dark,

saw

on

morning.

was

my

thoughts and
like

commotion

bee-hive

against. Vainly
and

harmony

restore

My

me.

knocked

has

someone

sought
by calm

peace

in

myself

reflection.

strongest feelingwas

inexpiableguilt.
oppressed
toward

looked

agitationseized

violent

feelingswere

My

each

her

Lucia.

"

to

spread

"

so

whelming
over-

ears.

and whips were


rattling,

bed

on

seen

her, her

wanted

Out

carpets.

were

cushion

I had

apartment, mirrored

hotel

and

body

dazzling,more

in my

awakened.

perplexed as

voice

and

eyes

my

I had

luxury

and

tasted

had

we

belong

to

without

seen

her
had

we

out

senses,

life

more

ever

eyes,

and

"

all turned

Emmy

"

I had

positivelyas
lived

yet

memory

and

body

ceptions
per-

waking.

on

came

distinct

and

the

astonished

was

then

But

clear

the

to

"

morning

many

after

now

dream

such

life without

in the
as

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

THE

204

me

this

Much

after

my

one

graver

of

guilt,terrible,

guiltthan

had

youthful errings.

gentle,dark-haired

woman,

who

ever

Guilt

lay

sleepingby
become

wife.

For

able

loved

we

made

And

I knew
to

me

all it
her

seen

other,

permitted to
was

deceit

and

spoken

I should

as

to

fright.

nervous

also

father

my

this meant.

the

manifestation

went

which

me

had

"

not

her.

ing
appear-

of

instance

an

oft-propounded correspondence of
of the

how

her

Might

distinctlythis night be

so

death

and

quietly,dressed

and

spirit?

anxiety I got

my

to

be

with

the

In

"

never

and

back

came

but

what

where

but

"

with

Emmy,

seen

after

memory

shiver

me

only

each

still existed

another

Then

I had

205

this other.

to love

Emmy

whom

I had

stillexisted.

her, and

DREAMS

side, and

my

my

Emmy

OF

BRIDE

THE

up

out.

The
smoke

air
from
We

the

already

last

farewell.
and

forsaken

the

of

wood

and

houses,

formed

cool

I roved

balance

about

returned

only
from

and

the
and

work

sent

of

bidding
covered

snow

the

the

soft tender

the

transparent

bridges, towers

white

of the

snow

afternoon
more

mountains

and

than

"

spiritual

my
ever

and

estranged

world.

telegram

to

harmony.

woods

in the

winter, which

lake, the light brown

on

noble

the

umns.
straight col-

here

and

of the

toward

human

the

and

layer

restored, but
the

in

up

mountains,
green

antique

rose

Italy, was

thin

sparklingly fresh,

Lucerne

at

bright emerald
the

and

houses

were

had

roofs

keen

was

Emmy's

family

In Lon-

"

don

this

Not

night,but

I attached

died.

fact

the

that

she

though
I

her

mine.

showed

Lucia

sad

my

I wished
with

not

did

and

utmost

not

calm.

ask

It

was

would

and

She

ingly
willthan

more

me

had

she

as

spond
corre-

she, and

been

introspectivemood.

me

do,

thereby explaining

message,

tell,just

to

the

the

and

forgave

did

me

had

many

really mine,

now

she

so

it had

made

died

Truant

ago

time

that

death

was

remain

Mrs.

months

point of

I knew

certaintyof

ever

"

as
significance,

the

And

Truant."

Emmy

three

no

exactly.

as

Mrs.

DREAMS

the reply:
night came
Simla
January."

fever

the

OF

address

Wire

toward

to

BRIDE

THE

206

always

met

her

discretion

in my,

to

had

hoped

that

me

inex-

humors.
plainable,
if

But
would

feel itself free, that

now

would

be

now

bestowed

now

now

felt it

wife, but

side and

as

it

who

went

out

I had

seen

so

whose

as

the

cold

day

not

was

bore

desire

with

great

toward

the

the

presence
never

daylight could

done, and

only

who

one

reverse.

felt that

fervent

being whose
I had

procured

for

I had

slept by
fair

whose
me

my

passionate

wished

tenderness, and

had

love

miserably

was

I had

wrong.

clearly,whom

unutterable

had

what

name.

my

her, she

heart

my

entire

my

exactly the

was

fullyrealized

only

and

on

effect

The

deceived.

she

perchance

image
to

brace
em-

voice

bliss such

brought me, and the clear,


not
dispel. I longed for the

THE

all

night
I

felt

day

that

the

to
arms

should

of

And

the

have

perhaps

burn

to

weakling,

man

adulterer,

an

earth

on

the

by

abused

ever.

would

into

taken

my

assumed

an

ever

another

in

of

news

conscience

my

more

tenderness.

guilt, which

lulled

on

than

and

loyalty

been

offer

to

had

certainty

friendly mask,

of

able

be

whom

feeling

bitter

with

never

wife, than

my

207

DREAMS

and

"

woman,

appearance

began

long,

poor
as

OF

BRIDE

with

myself

might

her

death,
tensity
in-

greater
as

coward,

for

something

have

imputed

that
to

no

me

as

guilt.
But

knew

that

is

sin
deed

realized

the

as

sad

patience

its

but

whole,

law

Maker.

to

for
and

the

bad
of

often

which
the

sake

out

of

had

and

and

acted

just

salutary

must

of

and
submit

the

respect

sacred
to

the

have

I, thus

as

consciousness
of

consequence

pernicious,

law,

pain,

would

never

baneful
we

with

distressing

logical

as

effect

individual,

this

the

not

are

writhed

who

one

and

remorse

judgment

guilty

as

that
of

free

my

condemned

"

while

then,

even

but

for

for
love

character
sublime

it

humanity

unjust
with

that

will

the

and
of

of

XVI

order

IN

actively

dream

world,

actual

the

by
It

swift

in

on

is

after

usually

full

before

time

next

before

in

that

and

like

of

instruments

had

and

him
full

he

was

first

the

one

the

during
astronomical

as

sun.

calling

on

so

memory,

selected

in

one

some

for

this

father.

my

seen

with
that

the

of

eclipse

determined
And

was

an

just

the

do

distinctly

hand

at

very

evening

every

the

be

that

more

upon

pace.

with

shall

once

"

rushes

dreams

then,

is

it will

observation

had

dream.

purpose

never

tool

during
I

it

the

out,

what

And

stamped

ready

moments

Thus

asleep,

Sometimes

happy

plan

up,

dream.

my

falling

formulated

getting

short,

too

delay

to

these
I

ing
Dur-

everything

able

that

consciousness,

morning

my

of

one

usually

that

so

being

my

is

betimes

plan.

fleetingly.

flight

without

me

time

too

pass

the

upon

the

it

upon

the

in

thing

resolve

must

dream

incidents

soar

out

carry

definitely determine

and

the

to

times

many

consciousness,

dead,

never

happiness.
208

in
never

in

the

my

dreams,
with

sphere

the
of

but
ory
mem-

light

210

to

see

to

see

my

father.

my

father

Then

saw

before

out

is

BRIDE

THE

Oh

sunny,
little

"

inside," said I.

through

many

continued

my

when

This
I had

known

left

he

and

He

mild, and
"

!"

"

his voice, even


Then
tried

to

day,

him

and

than

as

when

his face

and

was

bright.

!"

and

with

him.

mio ! "

And

seeching
be-

heard
it

was

his face.

was

hand

my

hand

my

press

it

ditional
ad-

an

suit, top boots

toward

Vico

And

father

younger

Father

than

more

I gave

"

I walked

Good

I ;

there.
sitting

like my

clear

ran

room.

him

blue

I made

expressionon

shone

said

to

saw

dark

The

gesture
say

! I

He

him, but

see

room

exactly

wore

his eyes

Father

him

not

him, only much

me.

"

small.

and

empty too,

behold

felt hat.

did

from

looked

he

low

I shall find him."

room

And

time

house,

and

search

room.

I wanted

landscape spread

green

Here

rooms

the last

saw

father !

yes ! my

!"
a

me,

DREAMS

OF

and

he

took

it seemed

to

it.
cost

He

him

physical exertion.
said,

I
It
he

was

tried

or

utmost

with

I must

he

and

looked

something, but

I have

effort

"

seek

do, counsel

at

saw

that

mildly.

me

I could

not

stand
under-

forgottenit. Thereupon, with


to express
myself clearly and

fervor, I asked
I

glorioussensation;

warm,

sincerest
advice?

forgivenme

you

his best

it

me

Have

murmured

He

the

"

for
me

!"

the

"

best.

Can

Tell

you
me

give
what

he

But
Then

and
"

without

my

Father,

the

"

him

butterfly."
that

he

the

meant

the blue

with

last dream

in the

say

I understood

And

"

is Christ?

what

it :

anything about

having resolved
said,

unexpectedly

in me,

questionarose

I heard

Ask

211

nothing.

old

an

Then
"

said

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

THE

butterfly

decorated

wings.

I asked:
"

Can

tell

you

Then

with

and

"

gently and

only his

saw

that

thing
every-

dawning, and I lay thinking over


and impressingit on my
memory.

felt

with

him.

absolutely certain

went

to

sleep again
after

happens
I related

and

thing
every-

had

spoken

dreamed,

knowing

without

quently
fre-

as

this kind, that

of

dream

but

dream,

my

that

head
The

awoke.

was

"

no

"

very

vanished

dream

"

shaking
day

his head

he shook
in my

nothing?

me

that

sleeping.

was

That
and

morning

voice

day, Vico
the

in my

was

I had

the

**

words

repeatedlyI

And

of his

sound

the

Good

tried to recall

tones.

this dream
of

because

day

with

ears,

mio ! "

exact

extraordinarilyrefreshed

was

the whole

And

happy.

at

Emmy,
the

myself whether

time

some

and
I

I should

time

before

had

asked

was

take

still in

Lucia

the

first appearance

for

advice,

conflict
for my

with

wife.

XVII

"

little

your

"

after

Lucia

looked

at

to

then

in

you

of

trinkets
candles

Regarding
in

to

her

She

but

to

wired

to

lavish

dreams

of money,
was

she

appeared

"

further.

no

had

and

tained
re-

popular superstition

attached

by

pecting
unsus-

importance

the

Pope,

to

to

the

lets,
amu-

ing
offer-

saints.

maintain,

it

some

chastity:

Catholic

she

held

although
of blood

creed, elaborated
of

accuracy

I
To

singlestrikingproof.

of water,

me,

kindly

Then

strict

blessed

detail, the

every

many

thoughtfully

questionedme
a

the

of

country.
to

so

then

full of delicate

Lucia

remained

much
of my

with

said

understand.

and

had

asked

only

vision, did n't she?

I nodded
She

Lucia

silentlyand

me

then

while, and

Oh,

"

died,

her."

earnestness,
"

had

I, myself, had

Because

friend

late that

so

you

left Lucerne.

had

we

inquire about
for

wired

after?

months

days

they

is it that

XOW

TT

"

which

never

dream

she

tinued
con-

heard

from

of

flowers,

it all meant

thing,
some-

always equallyvaguely asserted,


212

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

THE

213

equally inaccurately observed, and with equally


it
accounted
little foundation
proved. For me
and I carefullyguarded
absolutelyworthless
was
her

making

it

But

was

dream

partner

of my

strange

and

that

remarkable

her

whereof

and

tain
cer-

attached

nifican
sig-

no

made

dream-lore

no

with

mention, always repeated itself in connection


a

night and

in my

mine

experienceof

certain

and

experiences.

own

she herself

which

to

things

these

in

against contradictingher

day

life.
another

Whenever

with

union

of my

brown, sometimes
of them

three

or

did her

but

it

black,
;

there

"

of

dreamt
for

it

For

serious
and
on

this

temptation

our

And

mother

me

been
as

too

and

Como,

at

journeys

numerous

to

again

years

with

her

worried
I

know

the

that

sometimes,

as

peaceful

very

horses.

only she,
as

other

soon

she had

story that

troublesome

well

fallen into

the

she would

not

idea

quite inevitable

was

"

again

warning.

covert

I had

innocent

by

be two

least

the

which, after

"

down

she had

having

stern

bore

frightenedher,

when

failed, whenever

never

secluded

come

was

or

also would

and

me

horses, without

me

of

dream

and
always faithfully

She

unsuspectinglyreported to
that

my

white, sometimes

was

they menaced

harm.

no

would

frightenedher

Sometimes

her.

she

Lucia,

that

horse

large,wild
upon

across

life,threateningto endanger the soundness

in

path

stepped

woman

but
women

my
I

been

have

known,

have

way,

I would

advise

this.

to

chance

and

proper

to

me,

it

may

in

dear

reader,

have

persons

also

have
if

have

women

But

meaning.

we

not

should

After

make

first vision of

my

state

of

To

Lucia

did

not

the

"

out

And
fact
and

from

life,the

iar
pecul-

happiness.

solicitous,but
could

nor

of

sense

I approach

guilt.

life as

At

youth

applicationto study, the

absence

of

of

the

atmosphere

temptation, the
little

domestic

support and

given me

appearance

baseness

and

with

travelled

Lucia

itself that, mindful

to

to

for what

The

lawful.

fought

and

fore
be-

kept

of difficulties.

revealed
her

close

all this had

when

sin and
and

The

serene

circle

inward

and

without

this

innocent!

temptationsbesettingmy

simple, rural

me

such

as

the men,

I lived in

myself her husband,

vanished.

pure,

into consideration

the

tender

kind,

was

feel

her

had

universal

reservations

Emmy

calm

outward

with

ascertained

yet

sowing suspicionbetween

Como

peculiarly

more

take

we

strange

associated
a

tention
at-

pay

also be

the

strange

to

been

it may

this

warned

may

wonder,

no

DREAMS

presumable slightcooperation of

the

that

It

and

me

meaning, and
the

you,

coincidence

but

"

OF

BRIDE

THE

214

me,

of

the

love

Emmy's

charged myself with


considered

everyone

temptation against

which, bitterlyashamed,

now
repeatedlyyielded,
but
hapless prostitutes,

strange

no

just

^hich
I

theless
never-

longer went

from

the

out

beautiful

amiable

and

all have

would
but

sounded

for

once

all it

life in its

own

It

was

forced.

whom

woman

of

when

I had

when

occurred,

for

heart

life

and

I had

yieldedto

led for many

and

love

were

forced

that

so

of

and

my

wife

to

interest.

lusts
counted
ac-

me

tortured

life.

children

and

grieved bitterly

task

My

my

marriage, I

loveliness

and

beauty

in

knew

my

hard

as

other

the

as

as

strange

the wild

all who

charms

relations

and

strained, and

and

natural

my

years

just

was

well

as

account

on

Lucia's

ordered

devotion

much

one

While

long

and

be

not

myself how

I told

incongruous
not

people,

would

intriguesof

to the

were

lucky

me

My

that

judged,

untamed.

remained

and

world

the

other

It

spiritresponded to

my

nevertheless

wife.

my

to

queer

avail

no

succumbed

But

woman.

so,

made

originalway

the
differently

unhappy

I had

very

was

215

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

THE

did

not

was

giant

task that often

seemed

and

what

I attained

nothing unusual, nothing but

what

was

expectedas

everyone
a

good

husband

fell

short,

showed

me

When
in the
power,
clear
to

me.

and

no

mighty

self-understood.

and

effort

enormous

too

for me,

tract
at-

father, but

it cost

me,

would

one

I
one

no

and

how

was

knew
far

believed

have

called

I
me

the
still
or

sympathetic understanding.

I had

in

succeeded

night and thus


the nights in

knew
which

dream-sphere became

summoning
that
I

my

father

possessedthis
penetrated to the

all the

more

important

216

THE

And

OF

BRIDE

when

had

DREAMS
in the

Emmy

seen

common

dream-sphere,in the sphere of the dead,


being myself clearly conscious,
that

thought
the

of

sphere

eludes

said
for

me

great

before,
months

as

after

morning

this

clarityhad

sometimes
the

soon

once

the

good, happy

three

four

or

But

pointed
disap-

not

after

perception

dreams

are

day.
I

dreamed

would

think

in

"

some

me

one,

beg

meanwhile

that

was

Emmy

!"

crowd

in the rain.

little friend

through
call
I

but

!"

among

mind

my

some

one,

said

to

indeed

did

my
look

I must

giving publicityto

but

the

the

name.

matter

thought

that

too

was

Then

searchingand calling:

Meanwhile,

ant
pleas-

very

walked

Tenders

something very intimate,


important, I had to say
through the

not

would

night

realized.

street

pardon,

your

Emmy

blessed

Hastily

Emmy.
I

forth

the

it shot

light that

summon

comrade
for

of

ray

all

perception

excursion

I walked

people. Beside
youth. Suddenly

of my

tiringand

of

crowd

like

that

the

completely

mountain

long

Then

of

moments

the

on

summons

all, came

most

come.

succession.

project was

my

was

clear

nights in

last, after

at

in which
It

and

fore
besuch

was

this

inexplainablecause

some

as

open

order.
ordinary confused, insignificant
at

first

I awaited

suspense

and

out
with-

my

should

perception

that

vexed

call her

to

was

morning

and
as

with

and

night,

For

clear

And

me.
a

morning

but

"

ran

Emmy

I should

be

Then

the

the

refuse.

After

that

its

slope a

saw

"

door

she

it

"

upon

it rested

blossoms.

smelled

the

as

her

wound

had

head

her
and

myrtle

little reddish

the

and

orange

her

at

and

though

twigs

of

the

they

were

fragrance

sweet

serious

ance?
assur-

distinctlythe small, shiny

saw

I looked
very

give me

around

of

wreath

and

leaves

green

that
She

her.

ferent
quitedif-

people are

can

in braids

hair

blonde

that

it.

from

resemble

not

closely.

up

thick

does

How

came

and

Waiting room,"

figureemerged

happens

in dreams.

and

down

knocking

"

it said

She

she?

often

so

and

mountain

is."

which

on

it,preying upon

heard

foaming

sea

big ship, and

above

house.

it be

Can

And

of

saw

hurriedlyflew

opened slowly.

it

and

house.

"There

thought:

luxuriantlywooded

the

into

went

wake

gullsflyingaround

saw

on

the

in

as

me

DREAMS

and

myself soar

I felt

beneath

OF

BRIDE

THE

218

absorbed

and

"

soms.
blos-

orange
her

in her

dark

eyes

"

deep

own

thoughts.
Then

I folded
that

"

Are

came

than

was

you

there?

after

all ! "

any

I woke

also, for
tired.

it

moment

up,
the

no

her

in my

she and
How
It

arms

I called
sweet

very

was

of my

waking

longer sad,

first time

after

but

such

I knew

and

:
passionately

out

of

that

you

happy

very

you

happier

"

life has

tively
posi-

been.

ever

serious, and

dream,

trifle

THE

did

making
"

find

not

whether

Lucia

she

said.

full

heavy

when

let

It

me

kept

pass.

quiet

cry

me

You

long
close

he

asked

speak

or

lying

were

believe.

was

stood

and

tears

was

did

splendid
white

or

him

frightened
not

harm

and

early.

about

and

red

and

to

me."

that

with

creature

tail

beside

still

awake

was

dream

disquieting

mane,

eyes.
not

"

219

sleep.

such

horse.

white

heard

my

sleeping,
had

again

had

in

tranquilly
I

she

DREAMS

of

marks

any

noise

No,"

OF

BRIDE

ing
glitterhe

death,

would

but

XVIII

few

VERY

will find
these

them

anything important

idle

scholar

will

is

solved
the

"

and

hollow

few

should

is

dream

has

something.

I cannot

furnish

to

the
that

facts
my

creations

me

it
at

could

was

of

my

pronounces

"

Open,

sesame

unspeakable

Then

ders
won-

"the

glad, considering that

he

with

surely
as

my

be

upon

positiveproof, dear
my

beloved

are

peared
ap-

Some

accounted

imagination, but
220

who

betrothed.

observations
own

it well

the

probably

nocturnal

have

to

this

you

night

his

one,

reality,saying:

and

said

reader, that

all the

to

fulfilled."

wish

an

matter

Mind

he
"

as

untrodden

is contented

man

then

which

admission

this

of

And

mystery.

pretends

of dreams.

mystery

phrases,

give

who

me,

the

is such

of

words

few

his

tine
philis-

The

consider

There

before

entire

entire

will

settled.

lying

the

he

sider
con-

imagination for

the

smilingly utter

authority, whereby
book

will
lay philistine

of

play

in

curious

or

speedilyforget them.

and

amusement,

explained

The

records.
an

reader, excepted,

dear

people,you,

proof

as

not

of

merely

that

they

THE

concern

BRIDE

world

There

was

and

the

that

and

in the

The

proofs.
that

We

communicate

firm

my

the

is

reason

has

obstinate

while

away;

also

can

the observations.

subsisted.

to

one

Galvani

the

other
an-

observed

of

small

peated
re-

of
significance

is like the

piece of amber,

muscles

"

by

plete
gained com-

I observed

the

dead

like

frog
that

phenomenon

in which

unbelievingridicules,but
of new,

the

easily

who

have

value

rubbed

of the

would

those

only

what

For

from

contraction

the germ

ing
feel-

cation
communi-

lines of

repeated observation

tiny spark

of these

suggestivelines,not by
clear as
proofs were
tal
crys-

rock,

assurance

the

the

certainties

primal

as

them
and

occurred

need

no

subsists,nor

never

proofs. Though

that

I had

But

had

me,

intuitive and

along

the

to

feelingalong

illusion that

reason

peculiar nature.

gains by experience. The

this

in

are

the
correspondence between
things seen by me at night

life.

an

and

also

primal feelingof certaintyis

one

of

221

others

has

which, unknown

waking

DREAMS

which

which

indeed

heard

words

with

and

communion,

OF

the wise

sees

never-guessed-at
conceptionsand

deeds.
that

From
at my
a

summons,

double

did

night when

not

life,in
seem

more

of

with

as

Emmy

the

in the

my

which

appeared

Emmy

bride, I
the

night.

led for many

incidents

important
A

to

to

me

of
than

successful

joy sphere of

the dream

me,

years
the
the

day

servation
ob-

reunion
was

to

BRIDE

THE

222

best and

the

me

the

than
The

dailylife.

recurringonly
the

long

had

years
them
the

that

of

better

Yet

and

deeds

can

visions

deeper meaning,

define

nights than

by

and

saw

the

was

lead
and

barren

not

it

not

death

in
nary
ordi-

that

and

sensitive

could

they

with

accordance

has

men

satisfied,
un-

the

penetrate

destruction

and

the

at

of

end

and

attache

worked
and

Outwardly
all who

showing

me

sweet,

later
my

pretty

healthy children,I
luxury

and

countries, first

or

wife
had

plenty,and

the

of

seekingto
who

harm

bore

enough

did my

work

be

I had

me.

four

me

money

could

therefore

without

me,

as

legation.

as

prosperous

envied

me

ill will

as

was

and

diplomat

secretary

as

life

knew

different

in

wishes, which

father's

my

sanctioned, I became

mother

lived

and

the

career.

In
my

with

and

unavoidably threatening them

their

effects
after-

though

as

the

but

wise

many

because

so

few

crowded

me

empty,

thousands

so

during

deep

measure

of

not

was

that

already left

experience;

life

times

night,

day.

life

my

to

seems

and

the

of the

events

of

days

many

it

by

by

in the

impression and

the

now

flown

number

of my

perhaps lasting but

outweighed
so

incident

solitarymoments

and

year,

I desired

that

faction,
grateful satis-

more

fortunate

limited

minutes, in force

events,

with

most

few

DREAMS

joyous event,

most

remembered

and

more

OF

for

with

fair,
life of

apparent

devotion
of

OF

BRIDE

THE

and

Transferal

success.

frequenttravel, and

world.

civilized human

DREAMS

saw

223

the

was

of

large part

the

Madrid,

lived in sunny

We

cause

fragrant with acacias and carnations, with its


lent
subtle
dangerous atmosphere, its elegantlyindoculture, its desolate

of crime

Marseilles, full
felt safe ;

never

in

"

surroundings ;

Paris, where
illusion that

they

they

still live
the

are

luxury
without

and

misery, full

happily

on

of

leaders

of

immutably

in its

dangerous
life,but

intellectual

villain ;

hardened

prosperous,

in

"

in the

civilization;

sign of improvement, like

much

ful
beauti-

in blithe and

"

in its sombreness, hardened

grim

we

sagaciously

so

less self-satisfied London,

in the not

"

they strive

culture

for
diligently

rabble, where

and

orderly,methodical, soberly

bourgeoisBerlin, where
and

in restless

"

strong,

St.

wanton

extremelypolished,yet withal
in vain, amusing
ever
equallybarbarous luxury ;
of
all thought of the possibility
Vienna, where
Petersburg,with

its

"

still

has

higher culture
the

insulting
;

in

Washington,

with

"

buildingsof
blase

air

midst

of

state

of

long

its trim

play

at

as

affected
and

white

in

state

bustling,bourgeois, informal
world

real, where

Metropolis and

where

"

that
the
even

as

style,with

and

calm

little,neat, doll-like Hague,


consider

and

lawns

green

in confectioner's

intenselylivingAmerican
to

given up

curiously grave

aristocratic

the

been

ago

finallyin
is

good
the

so

its

the
but
the

difficult

Hollanders

diplomatic

chic

could

the
that

have

not

the

without

well-cast

and

very

and

the

and

what

I did

how

had

the

last

observe

I should

therefore

could

unless

"

they

too, that

the

colleaguesdid

bitter

self-derision

nothing

but

for the

Something

an

daily work;

vigor and

of

formal

And

and

sort

may

of

carried

the

But

task

what

profitand

not

the

for

his

Government

fancied

with

on

it remains

ing
bicker-

fact

fights for

man

without

largestmorsel.

fightdirectlyfor
with

of

cureani
melancholy epi-

lies in

identifies himself

admit,

independent

their

be

religion

I must

the

not

severance
per-

stand
under-

remarkable

on

not

for
greatest profit,

diplomat does
but

on

time.

next

grand scale, yet


exceedingly narrow-minded

and

fine forms

say

insignificant
persons,

Diplomacy

and

in it I could

continue

and

return,

others

were

not

heard

how

advanced

most

membrance
re-

But

wholly governed by the power


conventional
and
patriotism.

my

the

account.

cheerfullypersevere

do

I would
in her

the

to her

neglect my

that

miracle

and

seen

contrary, I performed it with

solelyon

the

without

me,

what

calmly,

out
withexperiences,

looking forward

considering of
not

existence

this

befell

stage.

nocturnal

again

without

and

borne

of

aspect

preoccupation with

of

Emmy,

amateur

stay of my

constant

again

DREAMS

well-nighcomic

acquires the

world

the

OF

BRIDE

THE

224

the

profit,

own

he

resents.
rep-

really personal

one?

zeal, the enthusiasm, the satisfaction

that

Thus

of the

the

diplo-

BRIDE

THE

226

pathetic to
share

of

human

every

body

needs

the

through

hollow

the

the

of the true

art

of her

age

no

the

"

she

for

But
the

meditative

the

most
a

had

Hebrews

to

enter

and

still touch

her.''

the

like

of

fleetingshadow

And

in the

reallyand

in the

poetry

wholly feel,

thought

science

and

not

that

be

seek, because

only in

all the

wonderful

God

about

consecration

these

for.

sought

which

round

had
ages,

been

indicated

in vague,

and

part impotent, expression,began


character

of

to

by
for
quire
ac-

reality. I

speak, to hear, to see, to taste, to


touch, to create things and beings,and

learned

smell,

did

that

new,

ished.
van-

living,direct expressionof

must

me,

could

age,

realized

one

found, and

is

to

she

of her

in these

her

of

of the divine.

sense

which

in the

"

Ages

long

declaiming priests
magnificence of the churchly

tones

outward

music

impressionsfrom

and

Middle

brought something

edifice

or

the

of

the

as

dead, nerveless

the poetry of the

could

thoughts

and

sounds

was

daily

much

as

livingthought, the soul, had

How

Only

it

But

her

purification,

and

spiritneeds

bath.

consecration

the

Faithfullyshe sought

me.

consecration, edification

that

which

DREAMS

OF

to

into

relations

with

what

seemed

to

me

having the body


independent beings, without
doomed
is positively
that which
to destruction
take part. What
generationafter generationhad
"

"

repeated

one

chimera,

or

after

the other

suggestion,the

as

empty

existence

sound, idle
of

world

BRIDE

THE

the

beyond

had

senses,

I knew

beside
a

the

rested

DREAMS

for

I had

actual

another

animce

an

one,

227

become

me

that

now

ordinary

world

proper

OF

cor

perience,
ex-

body,
with

pus

of

perception; and this knowledge


as
equally good foundations
every

upon

knowledge concerning the existence of his


niable
ordinary body. Time and again I faced the undeone's

wonder
selfsame

of

the

I, from

the space

as

What

another

by day.

some

nothing

takes

room

up

is neither

what

we

of

the

one

perception of

of

ways

but

here

there

nor

place,could

my

arrive

in many

worlds,

the

evidence

same

full of

And

no

realize how

can

all with
of real

for

me

human
the

this

phantasy

perfect and

defective

work

in

me

an

influenced

stirringfrom

proper

space,

beauties
matter

different and

conjunction

for

which

that

ego

all with

existence, all full of life,

is the effect of actual


In

of

only knowing

one

the

neither

totallydifferent world,

sensations, full of

this became

"

ous
numerinfinitely

I, without
in

and

room

become

had

"

That

thought.

call

occupies space,

nor

concluded

being that

our

ordinary fact, the knowledge


all my

and

presumed

that

"

is

had

sages

by speculation
place

of observation,

centre

same

the

perceivedby

space,

the

how

and
of

transports

ence.
simple experi-

it from
much

hearsay
more

found
pro-

experience.
eternal

error

of

the

wishing to flydirectlytoward

complete revealed itself. All


of the human
imagination errs

the
in

wanting

OF

BRIDE

THE

228

its creations

make

to

in human

beautiful, in

too

perfection,such

soulless

affording a

DREAMS

by

art

its

after

decay

is manifested

as

period

every

of bloom.

unmixed

and

world

insensible

The

constantly wander

do not

nobility. I

loftiness

full of pure

is not

in flowing conversations
Elysian fields,absorbed
regarding important questions with
and
dignifiedbearing.
spectres of noble stature
all reality,the realityof the beyond is unAs
expectedly
in

there

full of

fantastic, full of surprisesand


disillusions; but
and

this is of supreme

picturedregarding it. And


importance in the practice of

has

subject

to

same

reason

that

to
new

the
to

can

awaits

of familiar

nothing in
again repeat
equal the ecstasy of even
"

in the
And

new

this

for
be

equal

given nothing

all, he only
and

sounds

actual

our
a

have

we

ployed
em-

tones.

day-life

singleawakening

sphere.
would

who
that

appeared

had

world, because, after

the

use

clusions
con-

ties
facul-

the

say

"

tion,
crea-

the

would

us

life

own

from

To

own.

Beethoven

that

combinations
I

our

nothing new

assertion

our

by practice and

life made

in this

part

with
day-life,

our

which

powers

daily

our

will, built up

our

gathered in
and

is in

world

the insensible

that

stimulating

more

anything the imagination

than

beautiful

more

whole

the

on

at

then
my

now

confront

probably
summons

as

the
my

me

with

dear
bride

the

being
and

sertion
as-

that
made

BRIDE

THE

in her

supremely happy

me

creation
would

reply

of the
whole

of his

Does

it make

to

and

"

of

distinction

the

product
also

are

his wife

and

else than

thing, vehemently
of

name

of

the

and

the

idle

with

mark

the

and

sun

and

subtle

there

But

is the

is

stars

potently

thought image

endowed

of

name

Everything

imagination.

very

tensely
in-

and

reliable

two?

enervated

give

we

the

or

know

anyone

God's

whether

fancy

imagination,the

imagination ;

one,

the

and

same

strong,

line between

anything

were

between

works

is weak

children

and

difference

does

of

entire world

the

much

felt, the

reality?

own

imagination.

the

and

one

that

proofs

family included,

product

also my

was

arms,

can

for

with

senses,

229

only reply as he himself


agnostic philosopher,if the

the

to

him

asked

latter

him

to

"

DREAMS

OF

tive
crea-

boundary

and

the

personal being

ated
cre-

and

reality.
absurd, in the lightof

How
seemed

to

believers

joys
with

as

"

its

and

death

change
had

into

been

the

All that
what

we

by

idea

common

though

the

of

the

earthly life

misery would break off


and
suddenly, without
bliss the

purer,

the

so-called

with

all its

all at

here.

Here

continuously, we

right

to

reward

from

on
weave
on

once

transition,
miserable

more

earthlyexistence.
can
expect is directlyconnected

attained

we

and
not

the

me

now
experience,

my

with

earth, imperceptibly
our

future,

high, as

com-

BRIDE

THE

230

pensation for

OF

of
irrespective

awarded

and

disaster,accounted

and

sorrow

DREAMS

action

any

part,

our

on

by personal activity,personal ability,personal


of the joy and ecstasy we deem
achievement

but

the

desirable.

most

knowledge

closer

the

Therefore
the

immaterial

reality does

the

earthly life

and

humanity,

their

of

believed

have

and

that

transports

obtained
life

waking body, also


aches, the melancholy

lost

the

the

our

the

the

also knew

that
the

harmony

with

and

defective

mortal,

dependent upon
day body through

into

brought

in

only from

For

are

the

by

for here

tain
at-

being with

dejection proceeding from


of this body: but I
nature
and

can

transitorybe compiled.

immaterial

my
of

and

heaviness

conception
mis-

phantasy

all desire and

we

the less

decease

or

repose

the

that

alreadybe sought

can

knew

now

striving

in the

defective

and

from

away
all

of

taught.

will,must

transient

study

ascetics

life,in this earthlysphere.

mortal
the

and

idle

No, the blessedness


at

lead

cooperationwith

the fanatics

as

not

and

its

joys
happiness

active,wise

an

the

development

of all mankind.
The
with

effective

serener

my
and
the

moods

beautiful

more

soul

labor
"

the

transports
scenes

and

the

my

days, the

my

life, the

loftier also

of my

influences

gladder
are

nights,the

behold, the

more

crowded

more

the
more

tions
exalta-

ous
glori-

beneficent

undergo.

and

the

often

True,

but

the

necessary

higher
after

jection;
deepest de-

very

that

know

and

is

struggle for

the

happiness, when

common

inwardly hopeful

all

am

am

right road.

the

on

more

splendor

earthly affliction

of

consequence

and

the

this

when

only

of

time

brighten a

to

comes

231

sublime

of most

dream

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

THE

But

misery, affliction

poverty, want,

good guides toward

not

are

desires

smothered

and

better

life,

travelling

good

not

liness
lone-

and

companions.
will

The

brightlyin

happiness

for

of

some

the

higher through

but

the

and

to

keep

is the
It

of

spark

that

not

into

folly when
want.

for

ground

the

strivingfor

game

of

which

unites

we

abundance
wealth

bloom

of

our

stand

ourselves
He

another

who

created

link

is the

is

nature

us

between

child,broke
after

to

out

only nurturing

can

in

we

our

called.

play

sole destination

God's
we

he

long

feel ourselves

our

abundance
to

that

shown

beauty, whereto

of abundance

which

sorrow;

being.

came

But

land

beauty

cannot

like

higher life,we

in the

Only

often

luxury and,

stand

could

period of

has

all

up

gladnessburning

human

of every

so

visiblyglowing,

of

lamp

man

shoots

accumulated

remain

must

sacred

primal duty
is true

its flame

all the

joy

the

that

us

burn

indeed

may

must

and

And

nature.

learn

the

to

if
custom
ac-

it.
leads
Him

us

by

and

us

the line of
does

not

joy,
exist.

BRIDE

232

THE

Though

the

That

us.

is

of

voice

luring

is

Forgive
to

men

courage

them.

God's

and

to

before

go

disagreement

will,

the

facts.

most

over

know

that

confirmations

But

you

of

shall

and

over

there

long-known

the

keep

sions
conclu-

them

ancient,

because

to

the

join

must

again,

originality

among

that

see

facts

well-known

and

if

reader,

dear

me,

many

truths.

and

will

the

gloom,

continues

happiness

our

dismal

through

misunderstanding.

but

are

lead

way

DREAMS

OF

very

be

simplest

repeated
they

their

lack

hold

to

the

on

BRIDE

THE

234

OF

lightenment,and in the
do it by day with
never
and

alone.

bashful

I cannot

pray

I abandon

and

life

immaterial
times

the very
to

but

me,

But

unable

visions

Emmy

that

Christ.

saw

many

of

the

always

world

inner

but

what

blue

heavens

all

in various

natural

call

we

strongly urged;

shapes

from

conclude
the

perceptible to

senses

never

skies

clouding with

brightening or

"

and
and

existence
the
or

seen

beauties

flaming evening

an

as

living,

or

invocations

my

have

ardent

image,

times

perceivedanything

at

to

consciousness,

affected

it is that

about

when

had

at

it.

higher beings, whose

these

At

even

prayer,

beings,dead

at

the

control.

divine

true

passionate and

my

is

gene

with

my

restrain

as

feeling

passions in

all

fact

not

when

this

prayer

as

have

But

to

has

man

night

at

Human

always

circumstances.
prayers

at

appeared

almost

came

But

remarkable

in my

as

of

to

absolutelynever,

angel or

for

exaggerated and

never,

invocation

by day

seems

am

the

now

even

fear

viction
con-

am

embarrassed,

passion during

moment,

daytime

going beyond

"

I could

earnestness,

the

In

even

"

devout

my

much

so

myself to

passion,sometimes

Christ.

way

and

ridiculous, for gene.


gone

same

eloquence.

eloquent,but

DREAMS

signs
from

anything
sunlight;

radiant

zons,
hori-

promising

or

warning significance.
And
is

this

where

repletewith

the

history of

human

stories of visions

of

tion
civiliza-

angels,of

BRIDE

THE

Christ.

of

and

Mary,

like,yet it proves

we

the
create

their

Marys,

while

yet

their

have

their

the

it

for

as

that

because

non-appearance,

king

long-hairedman

as

of

child

and

and

wise

be

to

the

Father,

old

was

the

God,

Jesus, of

as

to

angels,

the

as

had

of

their

not

until I

man,

understand

to

demons

it

for

longed

vocation
in-

enough

not

The
but

seen,

as

simple wish, the

Jesus, their God

often

old, bearded

an

that

235

explain this

may

is
self-suggestion

Ages

prayed
enough

We

visionary image.

Middle

DREAIVIS

OF

of

glad

apparition of
white-robed,

winged

man

simply have been nothing but


images, spectral deception or impotent
angel,would

an

as

fancied
human

phantasy.
Does
life

not

that

simplest reason

our

is

beings,whether
have

senses?

Do

limited

all endeavors

not

to

create

to

something

been

the

with
must

impossibleone
that

also

teach

Christ, or

of
above

that

our

can

five

nation
imagi-

Has

not

the

being always
wings?

Yet

higher being,higher life

beauties;

us

all

remain

man,

with

man

his

and

art

superhuman
of

God,

with

man

but

its form

unimaginable as long

faculty and
at

is

there

exalted

more

and

manner

that

us

life, all higher

perfected humanity?

conception of
know

or

perceptibleto

sole

we

human

superman,

form

no

than

more

tell

knowledge

clear

reflection

remains
as

have

our

ceptible
impertive
percep-

not, in

present quite inconceivable, increased

that

higher sphere, and


awarded
shapes, though

in

be

phantasy, must
much
seemed

to

sphere.
changed

to

the

ground

and

There

yellow spots.
of

speciesof
Then

men

quite clear,

still I

that
my

color

blue

there

"so

to

me.

Of

earth

!"

that

human

felt,but

was

trees

saw

and

cried,

"

another
not

in this

that

sky

it resembles

blue

color

the

and

on

The

inhabitants

kindly disposed
I have

hills

or

membrance,
re-

something

raptures.
my

no

ing.
understand-

cordial

I fell into

clusion:
con-

and

and

and

the

and

atmosphere

givesthe

words

or

yet

attention.

close

pay

is oxygen

there

resemblingthem,

tude
multi-

dressed

gazed at the
immediately drew

language

but
Then

and

extremely sympathetic

toward

but

intensely

was

our

were

with

consciouness

atmosphere. I went on
landscape changed repeatedly.
to

scape
land-

waves,

on

it is oxygen

too," because

it

I remember

was

began
that

remember

seeing the

but

happy, luxuriouslylivingmen.

"

though

different

sea,

ocean

demons,

not

planet, and
Thus

like

human,

park,

also bushes

remembered

the

of

speckled

were

were

and

wholly

festive, richly

happy,

beings. They
a

to

moving

magnificentlyblue

beingsthat,

creatures.

many

was

and

familiar

"

peopled with
that

the

night I dreamed
something else,

One

by Dantesque

worlds

belong

to

me

formed

saw

resembled

they

as

all their

therefore

erroneous.

indeed, I

Sometimes,

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

THE

236

"

earth ! "

my
and

earth.

beloved

my

Then

Just

resembles

America

as

it,"I thought in

yet differs from

and

thing
every-

earthlythings and

from
"

them.

yet resembled

of

me

that

noticed

somewhat

differed

Europe

it reminded

emotion, because

with

wept

237

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

THE

my

dream.

this I

Upon
and

part

saw

that

it

the way

my

and

farther

eyes

travelled

rocks.

rose-colored

behold

to

and

the

at

me,

left,was

mountain

distant

mind

fully conscious

was

clear

was

terrific

the

"

prospect.

the

at

all

faint-

ridge of

the

everythingwith peculiarsharpness and

saw

My
I

along

Below

mighty abyss, also

terrible

luminous

dizzy extent,

"

sea,

perspectivestretched

The

oppressed me.

farther

out

affectingand

so

uninhabited

and

the

of

rising out

steep, but

and

barren

perspective of mountains,

chain

mountain

into

came

tinctness
disand

time

made

depth

dizzy.

me

Thereupon

saw

slate-colored

like baked
and

the

were

earth.

thought

like

clay,the

They

my

the

They

luxurious

mind

were

busy

with

something, about food


Laughingly they explained:

whether

Then

pointed

back

"

That

toward

"

these

in this land

had

wood

or

red

work

at

just

fire and

One

brownish

hard

people

them

here."

other

were

crossed

demons.

not

"

who
perchance the proletarians,

supported
seen.

derness.
strange beings in the wil-

beings also

Human
was

two

I
I

now

asked

believe.

is

the

scarce

land

238

where
"

THE

BRIDE

I had

left the

it is not

Yet

OF

DREAMS

people livingin affluence :


there.^^
Thereupon they
"

scarce

intimated, how

laughed,feigningindifference,and
I
of

these

this, that
be

it should

even

would

now

that

All

I awoke

so.

I did
dare

not

and

into

be

can

all

do

as

other

no

and

art

that

depended

and

explainentirely.

much

scientific

analysis and

fixed, universal

thought
selection,

and

lasting
There

revelation

than

of

that

by

all and

ative
cre-

for

personal revelation signify,


dividual,
the receptivityof a singleina

on

could

and

comprehend,

science,established

would

What

meaning

waking perceptions.

our

true

of

all.

the

perception during sleep teaches

the

buildingup

truth,

essential,that

not

not

to

exactly as
comparison, critical

and

envious

not

were

pondering

demands

us,

they

things were

dream, which

this

of

that

longer remember,

no

be affirmed

in

few words

and,

the
unreceptive?
suggestion, forced
upon
it not be as though the Divinityentrusted
Would

by
to

apostlethe

the

himself

he

where

convincing thousands,

found

had

only

one

susceptibleto persuasion?

apostle
"

of

work

revelation,spread by inculcation

draw
me

me

to

the

away

work

study

from

in it with

because

of

the

the

world

and

pressure,

all the

I learned

else than

immaterial
of
more

to look

did

day, but
zeal and
upon

such

Can

be anything
by authority and servility,
passing fancy, and fleetingdeception?
Therefore

the

"

not

caused
faction,
satis-

this world

THE

as

BRIDE

field of

real

our

shall

count

on

OF

DREAMS

labor, where

the

riches

of

higher plane

239
that

vision

are

prepared.
only give us slighthints,the

Dreams
be

But

dreams

my

and

seclusion

and

purest bliss.

were

joy,

could

also

showed

never

lead

and

transcendent

wave

festive bliss.

the

were

whether
the

them

they

would

the

were

of

dawning

sound
were

to it ; and

confidence

toward

and

Thereby
learned

all.

our

all

they

know

not

future

or

but

enthusiastic

titudes,
mul-

people streaming
solemn
rhythm, with

in

of clarion.

feelingof

bright and
from

of

in

festive

jubilationand

into

beloved

my

dreams, and

countless

marching
I,

happy

"

together and
and

taneously
simul-

already existingreality

processions of

beloved

universal

proclaimers of

spectaclesof

see

and

often, such

beautiful

most

bride,

human

"

of radiant
had

which

were

as

dream

my

beings

along myself

I have

highestjoy

enthusiasm

carried

"

solitude

Unspeakably happy

fillingmany
beings

the

to

meeting with
surpassed by those in

great

that

me

of

moments

they

must

in this life.

done

the

work

And

part thereof,
festiveness

and

we
we

two, my

belonged

of unlimited

possessed us, liftingus

up

tracting
joyous mood, and yet not demutual
affection,but transfiguring

strengtheningit.
""

as

through repeated experience I

to understand

them

"

truths

were

pointed

out

BRIDE

THE

240

to

once

saw

large

house

it

with

in
and

And

them,

there

did

no

was

directions,

give

to

they

and

path,

alacrity.

due

was

down

builders,

the

point

or

and

personal
tormentingly
effectual

the

prehended
com-

did

therefore

felt

reform.

and

path

not

from

social

my

better,

and

what

dered
hin-

out

the

life.

impotence

dawning

the
"

blessedness

universal

pure

and

comprehended

upward

his

on

of

one

knew

better

hints

clearly

more

brightly

more

and

work

the

each

that

least,

very

work

these

man

fact

which

direction.

slightest

and

of

the

entire

understood

more

the

to

to

the

need

with

swiftness

incredible

advanced

an

out

building

people

many

laying

command

The

ever

dream

my

Thus

way.

anything.

out

rays

symbolical

peculiar

marvellous

to

one

in

me

DREAMS

OF

shone

chaos

of

all

But

to

for

our

the

bring

me

fused
con-

more

about

THE

242

faces

and

BRIDE

OF

the

paper.

on

as

DREAMS

And

this

on

mess-

they build their treaties, with this messing


they enact laws, and thus messing,blunder-

work
work

squandering they

and

their

clothingand

their

words

From

employed

the

food,

habitation.
and

understood

wrongly

arose

their

prepare

bloody frenzy

wrongly

of revolutions,

grim party-rage, the useless slaughteringand


disputing and the fatal dissipationof thinking

the

and

working
the

and

that

joy

all wanted

they

which
I

other's

each

and

Word

True

they employed
how

saw

but

safety
"

miserable

confusion

from

tie of love,

so

wretches, and
this

people

once

who

the

same

thus
more:

with

for

and

no

how

pulse
imthe

of their power

rich

and

they

all

own

and

one

same

poor,

because

luxury and abundance


through neglectof the
thinks

happy

in

attains

because

thing.

mighty

group-sense,

individual

the

"

the

the

wretchedness.

into

luxurious

be

can

that

terms.

personal,independent

weakened

corrupted and

realizing

conviction, to their

and

craving

own

thing,for

same

time

from

grouping

the

saw

the wholesome

mean

the

different

same

reasonable

and

And

and

many

acted

judgment

alone

one

the

at

thought they

is

happiness,not

giftof Christ, warrant

sacred

and

herd-instinct, the

the

of

son
rea-

destroyed their

men

all acted

they

faith in

their blind

In

powers.

word

there
know

that
world

he
of

blessedness.
are

no

that

two

they

our

the

of

the

saw

to

group-sense,

influence

the

through

start

poor

who

envy

would

known

had

rich;

of self.

the

poverty

and

proof against luxury

than

possible without

were

and

though

As

but

and
though self-insight

as

currents

catchwords

nothing

better

be

fatal

up

hollow

of

over-estimation

ridiculous

the

243

demagogues taking advantage


good instincts,of the craving for luxury,

And
of

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

THE

tion
self-restric-

culture;

though

as

perfect maturity of every individual, which


ciency,
the very
demands
highest organization and effithe

ideal,

and

which

could

be

in

is called

name

attained

practice,without

all

at

development,

the

Christian

once,

without

without

patient

discipline.
All this I saw,
of

activitybound

superiors.

me

fixed

to

in

worked

could

beyond

this

I do ?
duties

and

to

my

group-confederacy,
diplomats, and to

of

immediate

meant

sphere

My

definite

politicalworld

the
go

what

and

expulsion and

ostracism.

Well, yes,

speak

more

the entire
sarcasm

clubs

freely.

There

smilingly,as

sometimes
of

national

me

people
hears

ridiculed with

rank,

and

cynical

the

riors
supe-

though regrettingthat

In these circles many


escape

"

circles
sometimes

one

higher dignity forbade

speech.

"

and

diplomaticservice
by those of inferior

listen
their

in the

them
a

this freedom

sharp word

too, in regard to the

prosperity,

still

of

would
ture
struc-

everywhere

BRIDE

THE

2U

based

the

upon
the

mighty

the

concerning
and

art

of

when

And

human

from

"

too

as

wisdom,
confusion

vague

"

as

red

their

of

chaos

the

Christian

the

something

say
"

the

rassed
embar-

gifts

some

of

there

known

was

sometimes

obligedto

characteristic

thought,

often

so

garding
re-

whom

with

earth

yet

were

also

and

weaker,

on

highest

beauty.

ideas, I

ones

who

foolish

DREAMS

of the

want

associated, and
and

OF

duke,"

or

diplomat."

with

conviction
that
nothing could weaken
my
chaos is busy arranging itself,
at first blindly,
cruel indifference
to suffering,driven
a
by

an

inscrutable

But
the

clearer

impulse

consciousness,

but

"

graduallypairs itself

proportion as higher wisdom


with

active

wider

It

there

Messiah,

is

foolish

more

would

be

be

not

must

that

me

history in

in human

hero,

power.

plain to

was

skill,in

insight,more

more

with

by degrees

no

if there

which

room

moralist

the

one

for

time

was

awaiting

were

men

redeemer, it is
than

ever

that

ion
opin-

No

ours.

in

our

prophet.

age

he

But

preaching repentance,

speculativebuilder of systems, not a


lamentations
and
warnings, but a poet
a

man

in

not

of
very

deed.
than

Riper
advent

of

general
the

an

and

advent

was

revolution

French

for

the

organizingand suggestivelypowerful
for
time
ruler like Napoleon, is our
of

who

the

the

wise

will make

and
use

high-minded
of

the

istrator,
admin-

group-confed-

THE

the

eracy,

BRIDE

also

knew

this

hero

should

the

of

time

soldier

as

talents

is

becomes

longer

no

preserving. The
world

that

of

course,

aid.

secondary

of

the

The

police,

preserver.

the

the

of
qualities

general,the abilityfor

organizing,for ruling and


these
The

for

the entire

only

more

the great generals

of

of force

power

covers

and

before.

qualitiesand

The

brute

war

the

peace

But

be.

alliance

tolerates

honor

the

245

stronger

ever

establishing,
only

commercial
and

what

past, the
for

needed

than

to-day

DREAMS

much

so
herd-spirit,

consolidated

is

OF

Messiah

of

who

organizer

remain

the

the

equally
time

our

brings

operations and

for

order

bearing of

sponsibility,
re-

necessary.

must

be

into

the

half-conscious

the

hero-

confused

action

of

our

in the time
of the generals,it
as
society. And
the great dreamers
of
was
only the poet-generals,
a

such

world-realm,
who

heroes

shone

as

Alexander,

Caesar

through

all the

out

geniuses,so in
poet organizer,the dreamer
who

and

attain

will

still

time,

our

of

and

poleon,
Na-

ages

it will be

world

as

the

fellowship,

greater heroism, and

much

lastinghonor.

more

The

time

phrases

of

and
of the
But

the

past, and

of

eloquenceis

oratorical
even

who

time

of the

he who

logiconly

America

orator

knows

also past.

The

blind

young

outgrowing the
solelyan orator.

is
is

drama

how

and

of music

to handle

elusive

these

tions,
na-

ity
author-

is not

mighty

can

turn

the

course

of

will

follow

him

though

he

suggestive expedients

have

Ibsen

and
But
to

into the wilderness

them

lead

some

the desert.

or

probably

and

the

hero

of the

these

And

suggestively

and

my

not

the

was

rests

peace

this

the

see

philistines,

knowledge.

"

"

Soter

of mankind,
But

shall be

born

with

which

statistics

below

and

speedilymoreover,

majority
the

race

if I

And

the

I had

of

has

need

myself

of

cannot

certainty
of

number

is

surely as

as

after

sons

birth

His

still know

and

of

what

I knew

infallible

number

and

in my

this

be

to

those

niuses
ge-

above

approaching,
the

of

birth

man-slaughteringwar.

him, Christ
be

requireshim.

he, still I

can

be

Baptist, testifyingof him, happy

enthusiastic
dishness

the

foretell the

normal.

the

and

for

I knew

defectives, the

and

attempt

not

him.

with

John

this

upon

requiredof
he

For

the

among

I could

drama.

or

that

shall

green

ing.
gift for ruling,for organizing,for leadof
the power
not
not eloquent. I had
was

hero,

man.

one

led into

satisfied and

hermit

it, I, old

say

music

in

maturity dawning.

of

day

shall be

and

pastures

perchance

or

be

herd

shall the

then

only

come

times, the poet

new

shall be united

powers

rare

it will

soon,

organizer,will join hands with the one


mighty through music and drama,
that

ner
Wag-

it.

proved

day,

that

pass

herd

The

humanity.

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

THE

246

solitude, in this desert

provincialism.

his
and

of cad-

XXI

been

married

1HAD

youngest

child

returned

to

Little

had

fair

were

as

the

things

it.

have

them,

to

its forced

would
the

nearer

make
strain.

long

and

the

I felt

as

was

its

being

and

daily companions
I

call

remained
for

approaching

tained
re-

I should
fear

having

I grew,

when

intense

more

not

them

older

The

me.

I did

age

became

die without

death, but

revealed

prospect quite unbearable


247

mother,

content
ever-growing dis-

An

though

die without

dren
chil-

felt my

their

affection

time

be doomed

My

symbiosis,I might

my

lived.

sphere of

the creatures

been

powerless,the

me

peace

satisfied and

up.
to

to

quality.

saw

to

and

inmost

really having
life,this

them

gathering in

was

the

brought

from

my

and

the

wholly

is attached

that

with

Yet

stranger

to

affection

an

"

well

and

creature

every

Order

so

fastened.

quietdevotion.

with

attachment

growing

life.

seemed

Lucia

household

her

in my

where

destiny are

family, prosperity in

my

activities.

ruled

of

my

when

old

Holland,

same

rope

changed

reigned in
my

this

and

years

eight years

was

of my

strands

many

seventeen

my
to

to

true
me.

BRIDE

THE

248

DREAMS

OF

I lived on,

strengthenedonly by
seemed
as
though they

it

but

spurring me
to

to

on

outbreak.

an

something
They became

nights,

dream

my

driving and

were

more

to

"

act,

an

and

rarer

countered
en-

greater difficulties in attainingthe light


in

and
but

desperatestruggleto

the

attain
could

longer

no

I called

grew

of

Moreover
As

soon

always

lost

its power

the

old

are

knows

one

older

one

And
and

could

no

longer

when

and

though

as

dimly, the
their

wanton

seduction

to

same

as

most

easilyevaded.

harder

to

shame

and

stincts
in-

maternal

allurement, which

her

the

the

for

stronger.

more

Lucia's

in

spoke

became

and

life in

greater;
appears

one

longer

weak, sometimes

was

easier but
years,

no

greatly desired, I

so

influence

tormenting

through

of my

the

and

was

I could

of life burns

their

it

in earnest, the voice

husky

seemed

had

not

joy

satisfied,and

were

what

way

successful.

more

are

anew,

force my

dying man.
temptations
my

regain

tricks

pray

the flame

as

demons

Often

sky, I

it sounded

Emmy,

tones

of

ecstasy

dream-body
the

blue

unobstructed

the

dreams.

garrets, corridors.

chambers,
see

in my

seeing Emmy

the

big

with

and

the

contrast

the

to be before

oneself to be, becomes

But

cities

bear

began

the

vancing
ad-

tempt
self-conbetween

world, and
more

me,

what

painfulthe

grows.

the while I knew

intentions

and

even

that

I harbored

planned

deeds

thoughts
for

which

life

abilities I should

new

"

in

seemed

nothing

in

change

unreal

my

submit

if I

deed
in-

was

must

but

"

disturbed

and

the

was

about

bring

incited

that

submission

though

as

me,

could

existence.

to

something

was

acquire,

surely never

that

view

willing humbly
there

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

THE

250

greatest

very

sin.

last

extremity

But

the

filled

perilsof

acquired for
To

die the

death

an

honor

The

before

day

The
was

little

of

fell

rose

the

from

!"

rest, and

sing

and

deeper?

my

and

in

reallyI
move

retained

deepest dejectionto
of

life

am

"

not

vast

the

let the
at

about, flyand

perceptiveenjoyment."
doors

night, I
transition

wondrous

thought ;

is

boyhood, and I
be, then why not

from

asleep that

joyous, soaring
heaven

father.

my

pressed.
expeditionI was deeply dewas
blowing strongly, but it

and

fallingasleep
In

in the

companion thought as
postponing our undertaking.

day

I did

as

When
was

wind

summer

our

again

greatest bard,

Shelley,my

still

with

Sea

all it must

I sink

before

now,

North

desired

after

If

thought:

of

attraction, as

former

the

had

was

sailingexpeditionshad

their

me

brought to the
aversion and disgust.

with

me

my

I sailed

when

days

before

suicide

Wanton

wooded

Soon

that

knew

sciousness.
perfect conI suddenly

light,free,

the

"Thank

dream.

body sleep now,

all tired
soar

after

now.

thorough

with
I

can

out

was

landscape under

of

sunny

blue

For

sky.
been

not

beautiful.

so

soared

and

world

enchanted

was

I met

upward.

251

dream

the

time

long

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

THE

and

myself all the time, I said


not
perceptive enjoyment
only wanted
me
spiritualand
being to understand
aloud

ful
grateing
talk-

and

bird,

had

to

"

that

but

mental

communion.
I

saw

white

dreams

him

Then

"

over

"

but

Emmy,"

and

smaller

than

But

I went

to

I talked

Then

cloud

the blue

sky.

proud

was

to

saw

fold her

From

error.

smooth

blonde

I
out

and

I had

hair.

though

as

talked

with

pretty well

This

and

was

happy

in my

and

not

But

arms.

my

symbol

it

her.

mastered

of disaster.

afraid
she

was

of

long

line of

and

gone;

human

beings in

then

But

wanted

thoughts declined, but

happiness. The dream


often
as
symbolical significance,
sense

mistake

pointed to a dark, threatening


which
was
slowly drawing up over

perfect clarityof
my

not

the maiden

thunder

called

same

nevertheless

walked

Dutch, which

always.

as

approaching, younger

with

her
I

danger.
had

this

high

time.

that

by

maiden

Emmy,

and

Emmy,

soared

no

noticingmy

meet

and

it I

Elsie," and

most

beloved, just
knew

feared

the

"

was

nary
in ordi-

which

fear

no

there

my

repeated,without
dim valleyI saw
a

were

myself

me

I felt

sea

called

before

But

but

animal

the

"

alarmed

most

dream-animal
above

bull

the
not

attained

happens. I
bondage, like

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

THE

252

them

procession of slaves, and among


priests.And I said things that I knew
a

life,heresies

their

others
about

and
religion,

false

by

hatred

their

but

anger,

with

far out

soared

And

seize

was

the

was

wanted

touch

to

the

them, and
saw

large

might

none

priests.

saw

only

one

deny

to

me

sort

laughed

But

me.

There

everyone

there

prieststried

the

and

priests

of silent

that
the

do

and

to

even

them

paralyzed

this,

when

them, and

at

was

tion
recogni-

could

fact

above

and

me

But

them, enteringit from

above

astonished, and
that

tures
crea-

the

above

Then

moss.

green

windows.

the

by

brought

the poor

saw

out

permission of

without

enter

evil

the

cost

sive
peculiarlybeautiful and impresmighty pillarsof gray stone and

most

temple, with
carpeted

I soared

powerless.

was

building,a

would

fright and

with

growing pale
pale with

about

many

they

with

gesture.
there

And

but

no

palsiedpride or
of

self-consciousness

calm

was

authority

triumph

and

"

hatred

herein,

freedom, personal

good

beautiful

and

emotion.
I awoke

When
Dutch
had

with

I had

hers

and

form

before.

was

indeed

my

seen

we

little

her

the

whether
face

in such

sailed with

city,which

talked

I had

doubted

she, although

followingday
toward

surprisedthat
And

Emmy.
been

indeed

The

was

was

it

like

youthful
wester
stiff sou'then

to

BRIDE

THE

the

for

see
were

rain

sea.

My

first time.

and

frail little craft

When

harbors.

and

us

waves

the

the little

the

billows.

with
which

pier for
the

with

us

calm

had

the

and

yet
The

to

pier which

the
in

with

who

stood

out

ran

stood

to

water

see

into

the

watching

whether

we

unusually

was

drowned

that

with

this time

fect
per-

it

was

his

at

last, by dint of skilful


sail
of

entrance

excited

way,

and

we

the
the

safely

ran

port.
sober

He
landers
Hol-

little

answering cheer.
glided along past the line of people

up
we

Hungarian sparkledwith

furled

narrow

sent
as

toward

distinguishthe

and

have

I knew

of the

eyes

manoeuvring,

Then

bailing her

fillwith

could

We

pleasureand pride when

shouted

into

be.

black

through

the boat

gathered

but

boat

pecting
directlyheading, ex-

see

I would

happy.

mist,

deep

gazed

landing safely. I

composure,
not

to

of the

up

we

in the

in gray

nose

the
was

sea

of

rear

keep

interest, anxious

mute

make

should

stone

crowd

sea.

the

on

the

were

rigging break.

people

harbor

suspense

we

minute

every
or

mute

keep

refuge

city veiled

to

yellow

The

sinkingher

was

had

We

busily,and

the

saw

little

yacht

full to

taken

dashing over

were

and

the

we

had

rising

our

right course.

there

and

donned

hands

fisherman

deserted, the

the

in the

time

to

rough

I had

our

253

time

with

and

had

we

DREAMS

From

showers, mist,

companion

oilskins

before

OF

thronging

the

stone

quay,

amid

the

stupid
and

indifferent

pair of

attention, that
relief,in

coolly

critical

fishermen, rough

seemed

the

Amid

of

out

still

pale

stood

men

wet,

blonde

She

had

thrown

she had

run

cheeks.

around

just

her
she

as

though

as

straightat

me

with

interest and

woman,

about
shawl

gray

house

the

from
us.

or

suspense

dark

for

with

as

blowing

expressionof

an

caught

young

hair

watch

to

was

from
a

bareheaded, the
her

weather-

and

lightup gladly

to

faces

boys'

wood,

full of intense

eyes

little face

anxiety.

DREAMS

carved

though

as

sightof

or

of the

the faces

beaten

OF

BRIDE

THE

254

looked

She

and

concern

gladness.
I nodded
woman

has

to

her,

Italian,seeinga

every

as

in his danger
manifesting concern
the general attention, would
aroused

gaily and

nodded

her

for

her
smile

and

waved

her

to

She

sympathy.

nodded

back,

though

as

just

sweet

which
do.

to
a

gave

thank
little

rassed
blushing,nor embarand
confiding as
grave

not

but
prudish
though she had expected it.
or

At

the

glances I
I had

"

exchange
had

of

curious

this

sensation.

forgottenmyself for

recognizemyself, and

as

greeting

if

moment

It

did
saw

thought of
and
without
dream
yet consciously drawing
inferences
or
comparisons, I for a moment
entirelygone from the ordinary waking world
in the land of dreams
again.

not

fit in the

life of

the

day.

if

as

was

and

everything

these

and

not

did
my
any
was

and

"

Hallo

! Muralto

called

With
seemed
if

everything I
I

though
hand

the

of

boat

with

the

as

more

once

she had

But

shawl

gray

of the

and

us

me,

only just caught sight


hurried
she

though

as

now

went

home,

What

ails

she

as

She

port.

glad, light step

as

to

eyes

woman.

young

and

to
sufficiently

senses

my

it

absence.

long

way

familiar

my

figure in

solelyfor

come

to

the little square

along

great

been

the quay.

slender

crossed

garian
Hun-

my

earth, and

to

hook,

the

of

from

vanished

off

had

back

the

those

sought

been

again after

came

over

back

came

saw

it

saw

Before

!"

out.

if I had

as

255

hook

the boat

"

shock

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

THE

had

and

calm

well satisfied.
"

's the

What
?

Do

matter
see

you

ralto
Mu-

you,

anything particular

or

"

"

anyone.?
"

Did

quay.?
"

"

her.

of

know

no

went

ourselves

one

the

there

that
you

I did n't remark

pretty girls

were

them."

knew

here.

"

I 'm

here

for

the

hotel

and

the

ordered

dried

and

dinner.

everything that, despitethe rain, was


of the little town, later

gables,the

the

first

curtly,abstractedly.
to

and

Hungarian,

course

that

not

time," said
We

the

said

I knew

here, but
"

standing on

woman

I asked.
!"

No

the young

see

you

narrow

so

dear

to me,

little streets,

warmed

looked
to

"

the

be

at
seen

pretty

glisteningwith

BRIDE

THE

256

the

in which

little
dignified

that

After

drink, and

with

structure

mine,

pretty,

seen

gable,

yet

and

without

of

semblance

had

sky

tiled marble
the

young

the

quay,

We

was

so

nifican
sig-

any

of

character

found

me

that

melancholy

decided

so

who
from

came

went

us,

before.
that

was

But
she

was

noble
Her

that

wooden
had

the

chamber.

upon

nodded

and

I had

and

that

long,

eyes

were

bright and

I had

seen

in

only

one

the

than
time

gracefuland

ning
run-

Again

confounded

nevertheless

features

ceiling,

stood

eyes

white

and

out-buildingand,

more

very

early.

stopping

the blue

into the upper

even

and

yesterday

straight in

me

cordially. I

hotel

the

down,

gone

sail back

to

the brown

flooringand

looked

lustre

of

morning

vestibule, with

woman,

past

hands.

had

the

merry.

the

leaving the

were

in the

moment

and

for

"

cleared, the wind

had

blue.

was

we

fine

all I

possessedme.

weather

The

and

after

dreams

itself

sleep

gently elevatingjoy,

As

so

night I slept without


But

long

other

or

and

food

good acquaintance of

some

little friend
abstracted

That

with

that

said

companion

my

some

quiet,so

day

the

saw

its free-stone

regaled ourselves

we

surely have

must

she

thought it

live,and

now

I also

sea.

in

groaning

creaking and

its tall windows.

and

the

DREAMS

yellow raging

the

storm,

house,

elms

sombre

the

water,

OF

to

mark
re-

she had

aristocratic

had

the

clear

of

eyes,

pair

XXII

As

soon

I went

day

the way

the

beyond

the locks

not

mentioned

my

felt

of
a

married

strange

woman.

To-day

it

sheet

of

it had

who

looked

appeared

wild

and

sparkled

waves

in

windmills

lay

rosy

perfect dream
instead

way
hours

lay

full of

and

of

three,

lightand

as

as

drifting isle

leafy,blue-gray crowns

before.
with

and

steeplesand

before,

the

of the

about

six hours
and

bliss.

trees

my

they

were

little

My

The
with

in

me
on

bright glow

of the blessed.

258

time

sun

their

was

sunny

sweetly pensive in

as

with

friendlyas

the

placid round

splendor.

by

great yellow

the

with

shores

The

guilt

splashed against the

sweetlysoothing murmurings
little boat.

The

wicked

of

day

peaceful and

as

theless
never-

charmed

summer's

blowing.

and
I had

but

sense

himself

feels

warm

breeze

water

little

The

man,

with

one

o'clock.

secret

knew

Hague

Lucia,

to

that

of

was

light eastern

eight

for

now

no

I left The

encounter

none

took

and

before

free

myself

water

daybreak

At

was

make

sailingagain.

out

and

this time.

me

could

as

of

city
light
sun-

round,
the

little

THE

belfry peaking

them, appeared

above

out

of water
"

"

Du

bist

Das

there, and

all assumed

through

meditated

phantasy
words

the

on

of Moricke
he

the

able

was

beauty,

yes,

dreamed

Orplid that

boys

were

harbor

"

to-day
at

me

dark

all the

the

"

with

the

"

with

youthful
few

so

that

there

fisherman

the

shines

waking

green

of

thrill

the

not

afar,

more

behold.?

we

the

on

anyone

caulking his boat,


dark

like

thousands,

hardly

was

sat

fishingin

many

ured
meas-

deep, mysterious,

filled

has

for

lands

few

of the

waters

everything exactly as I can still see it


future dwelling-housealready looked
my
friendliness

familiar

window-eyes

the

inevitable

the

stove

Dutch

pipes

harbor, where

the

it smelled

rustling elms;

the dinner.

imagination.

I landed

quay;

lend

ably
presum-

yearningly passionate
real longing.
Is
with
a

with

When

Orplid

to

ingless
mean-

magic glory it

of my

to which

"

myself,

than

people,who

the power
land

the

between

wondrous

glowing splendor,which

real

"

at the contrast

lived

"

leuchtet

trivial life of the

and

Land

Orplid, mein

feme

I smiled

I sang.

if

as

sparkling silvery

the

tranquilly floating above


sheet

259

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

of

the

from

out

its

in the

doves

cooed

of

pitch and

tar

cool,

softly
and

of

peat-smoke,which rose from


the fishingsmacks
lying in the
fishermen's

wives

were

cooking

already

were

loved

attire

shop

stepped
with

"

flower-pot,at
"

the

to

been

I felt like
a

gallant

successful

trifle faster
with

would

with

the

Clivia
to

on

of

glad expectation
at the thought of

directlyfor

made

not

out-house, after

the

hotel

man.

prize after
only

beat

perhaps

"

eyes

tend
usually at-

heart

felt

entious
consci-

married

claim

My

my

summer's

shyness, the
that

the
as

on

point-

I also

city.

nervousness

shame

times

such
this

on

as

of the

before

of

with

adventures

present itself

with

couple

never

examination.

first visit he had


the

out

schoolboygoing to

little fear

I asked

where

already

little Dutch

beloved

gables

stone

inevitable

the

directness

scruples,the
the

barber

side chambers

dark

have

but

absolutelynone,

none,

the

Love,"

or

as

you,

blank, unabashed
in my

Sunday

Toelast."

de

gallant adventure,

day

"

in

rarely passing stranger,

have, indeed,

confessed

the

basins, past

ancient

"

behind

from

peeped out,

my

shops,

rope

shop, past

with

Fortune

at

loudly through

of the house, from

daughters

hotel

little

brightlypolishedbrass

the

representing

the

statelymansions

the few

the

of

as

pected
longingly ex-

solitaryvisitor

out

and

the

sounded

when

street

empty

goal

my

myself wondering

past

door-bell

the

where

went

toward

lover, smilingand
assurance.

DREAMS

ahead

straight

went

though

OF

BRIDE

THE

260

type

too

that

the father.

keeper.

his appearance.

At

my

From

long wait, a big lazy Dutch-

place of

full of

cigar ashes,

his mouth,
his feet.

and

after

When

drooping

moustache

perhaps
"Are

which

Dutch,

at the

Italian
*'

the

in

"Yes,"

though
'*

Van
"

She

we

are

the

!"

's

indelicate

to

not

then

you

said

"

say,

'11 go

in

asked

any

nounced
pro-

taking

the

rate.'^ "

uncertainty.
just as curtly, as

Are

through

you

soon

sleepagain."
the

"

man.

of Juffrouw

father
"

lives in this house?

have

have
that

the

embraced

communication

compliment
know

"

She

has

no

father.

foundling."

I could

could

had

other

of

answer

to

Vianen, who
No

nose

I still spoke with

disagreeablestate

he wanted

But

lost.

hotel-keeperat

the

came

Then

now?

time

crooked

Vianen?

Van

for

except

was

now

flushed,

the

self
my-

accent.

are

you

I asked

saw

in

his mouth.

cigar from

"But

vest

slipperson

said the ofi'ensive father,without

!"

No

sleepyeye

one

Mynheer

you

holder

small

been there, but

once

paper

clean-shaven

under

in this face

open

his face, I

into

countenance,

and

tie,an

little conflict with

some

full-moon

"

and

soiled shirt

flowered, green

worn,

looked
finally

silk cap,

cigar in

ill-

slovenly and

very

missing collar

the

261

DREAMS

suit, a black

fittinggray
in

in

on
shuffling

came

man

OF

BRIDE

THE

and

expected
his brutal

unsightlyboor.

seemed
the
from

to

me

the

His

piest
hap-

gladdesttidingsthat
him.

He

rudeness, which

could

not

he in Dutch

BRIDE

262

THE

fashion

seemed
"

like

subject"
him

this

would

loveliest moments

in

dark

of

for

was

chamber

at

thus

Dutch
of

charm

grace,

after

was

all much
could

one

"

longer
Then

to

The

that
I

was

around

speak

The

word

opening

an

and

sure

the

that

had

forted
com-

race

can,

forth

in the

solitaryeye
a

geniuses

family

most

but

this

ling
found-

of any

it unnecessary

to

subject.
tell Juffrouw
who

someone

Van
sires
de-

urgently

"

fell from
also

With

of

genius

ancestors

the

gaping

mouth

and

opened perceptiblywider

hippopotamus emerging

scrutinized

thing were

solace.

found

is

blind

ism,
provincial-

distinction;

kindly

to her.?

"Urgently?"
"

lovelyday.

noble

now

you

there

cigar now
of

and

the

would
that

Vianen

the

of the

also

sweeter

too

preciate.
ap-

vista of distant, mistily

presuppose

nationality. I
talk

able to

be

a
womanly
provincialhotel-keeper,

noble

one

anywhere, bring

through atavism;

me

it was
freely,

of boorishness

and

time

the

being descended

not

perspectives. To be
myself with the thought

any

for

was

like

me

thing
some-

talkingaround

hardly

this

suddenly revealinga
romantic

of

more

"

foundling

lusty candor,

rudeness

indeed

I breathed

"

for

advantage

he

DREAMS

be bothered

that

blessing. The
from

take

to

I won't

"

OF

from

like

the water.

while.

he

growled,

as

improbable and

Yes, urgently."

though
also

such

improper.

THE
"

!"

Hm

OF

BRIDE

paper

mouth-piece with

mouth

and

shuffled back

the while
be

going

on

slippersto the
stirringseemed

his

on

remarkable

brains

later

Elsje

house,
outto

black

the

underneath

in the

his

into

cigar back

the

the

stuck

He

Dutchman.

the

said

263

DREAMS

cap.
A

moment

was

reallyless

now

I knew

But

she

deeply when

blushed

it

saw

it than

for I also

she

time

although

me,

for

reason

joy,

was

This

came.

there

last

time.

her

eyes

saw

sparkling.
"

is it you

Oh,
"

"

Did

!"

wish

you

to

it is convenient

If

speak
to

restrained

with

she said

with

me.'' "

Van

Juifrouw

you,

prise.
sur-

Vianen?"
"

friend

French
"

is
of mine

doubts

good!"
as

and

said

The

not

table

she found

would
Toelast

particularfriend

cover,

felt

has

long

steel

since

somewhat
I

refreshed

room.

remember

can

chairs, a crocheted

cane

tea-set, horrible

"

in sweet

good.

Everything lovely and


I not
give to see it once

walls.

man
gentle-

other

Elsje, leaving me

into the upper

red

what

to

went

"

either."

We

over

n't your

you.''

alone.

sea

Hungarian,

"Oh,

the

Did

room.

upper

with

come

crossed

the

step into

Just

been

cover

engravings
adorable
!

more

the

on

"

But

what
"

de

rebuilt.

embarrassed,

yet

not

pressed.
op-

myself by gazing quietly

into

her

eyes

clearly.

Did
the

on

last

It

in the

or

too

intimate,

stood

watching

was
me.

you

rain

the

pretty

was

part of

only

see

only

account

our

on

"

"

gravely.

nodded

Yes

drowned.

be

quitefrequentlythat

afraid

was

indeed

has

It
little

yachts

And

there

blowing.

wind

face

rightlythat

I guess

would

the

much

too

Sunday?

that

I could

judge.

not

pier out

She
you

Whether

I could

beloved,
"

DREAMS

soft, bright eyes.

homely
too

OF

BRIDE

THE

264

happened
with

sunk

were
no

was

that

of

way

saving them."
"

Yes,

that
"

we

we

and

the

saw

know

did you

from

people looking out


that

realized

how

But

"

coming?

were

Well, I

quay

off well.

came

there

was

the

boat

in

peril."
"

would

But

boat

too ?

eyes.

Her

dared
"

not

I have

when

"

She
But

or

yet

other

any

be

to

you

at

me

her

gathering in
as

she

though

laughed at.

night before
strangely anxious.
Only

morning.
so

looked

timid,

face did I become

did

shook

mist

feared

felt

your

of me?

saw

all

never

saw

Then

dreamt

it

uneasy

too.

sounded

answer

say

was

it for

and

silent

remained

thought

long.

done

"

she

Then

have

you

know

my

The

tranquil."
face ?

Had

you

"

her

cannot

head.
say

"

that

Not
your

that
face

know

of.

is strange

THE

of those

dark

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

266

and

foreignerstoo,

is not

Dutch

my

yet quite irreproachable."


"

You

me," she said again,

to

stranger

no

are

softlyand earnestly.
I believe

then,

that

gazed

and

felt

both

did not

probably

knew

keeping we

room

used

since

bed
"

"

"

"

each

other

for

the

without

of
responsibility

our

with

who

but

us,

One

in whose

everything and

in

time

long

findingit
oppressing.

with

rest

best

safe.

were

last she

your

nothing

though

as

situation

At

at

said

embarrassing or

in the least
We

we

got

put

to

you

were

"

saying:

up,

It has

rightsagain.

last and

here

surelywant

You

been

not

saved

your

linen."
Did
I

thought

Did
Yes

This

she

was

so

so

said

"

artlessly.

known

I had

feel confused.

me

experienceof

woman's

love

no

that

dispensewith

can

playful dissembling,and so thought that


after all.
I began to consider
mistaken
was

about

already quite an
twenty

years

some

she

sought in

me

me

and

man

for

substitute

she

that

formerly known;

her

unknown

for her

was

apparently

Perhaps

younger.

she had

one

took

old

other

replied,that it
conception or

have

would

what

from

totallydifferent

had

women

made

!"

"

back.?

come

would."

you

hope

you

I would

that

then

know

you

father

unengaging

sembled
re-

haps
peror

sup-

determined
"

Will

do

you

the

me

city this

the

about

and

attractive

"I?"

she

asked

glad

very

to

evident

like such

me."

pleasure.

first

firmly
guide

my

It looks

But

to.

being

little town

with

267

all this,

of

favor

afternoon?

pretty

be

DREAMS

prepared myself for


to disappointher.
not

porter.

OF

BRIDE

THE

"I'll

must

you

eat

something."
"

Will

your

Elsje
"

smiled

Who?

surprised and

Jan

"

no

difference

me

either."

Baars?

him.

to

thankful

How

I '11 see

that

Then

while

three

o'clock

And
full of

When

expectancy

as

astonishingto
round

an

straw

tailored

lightgray

she

was

lady

artistic Hollanders,

quaint
most

old

simple

suit, a lavender

For
as

national

tasteless

birthday.
it

people

boorish

on
soon

the
as

costume,
in the

silk tie
and

was

she

means

standing collar, a

the

at

angel and

an

dressed, and

what

white

among

of her town.

women

and

of tasteful distinction.

appearance
a

as

his

on

had

with

see

hat,

child

she

out

quickly.

eat

you."

behind, blithe
a

me.

said:

with

out

made

'11 get dressed

eating I

I '11 go

went

authority over

get something to

you

makes

! that

words

I remained

we

achieved

she

scornfully.

no

no

proud

room

're

you

bit

has

He

objections?

no

Why

"

these

Hastily leaving the


"

"

stepfatherhave

well-

"

and

bourgeois

point of dress the


they discard their
are

probably

world, and

the

of these

the

of

women

probably
As

the

even

walked

we

the residents

saw

window

Dutch

North

very

worst

along

the

with

provincialtown

are

dressed.
hot

peeping at

screens

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

THE

268

quiet

streets

their wire

through

us

we

well-nigh angry

amazed,

glances.
"

Do

"

Elsje.
"

And

"

whole

don't

of

about

what

I anxious
We

to

in his

the

"

no

The

Amid

corner.

sion
expreshave

myself think
accost

good, anyway.

And

I do not

hear, nor

It

the

was

am

silent,cool

door-keepersat nodding
relics of that

old, stout,

people that, a few centuries ago,


their earthly life with beauty
surround

merry

here,

"

dares

museum.

there.

deserted

and

talk

to

find out."
to

went

left who

one

other

to each

they say

said

Elsje?

pretty

exactlywhat
them

It does

it.

that, Juffrouw

personal dignity:
is n't

there

something

Elsje, with

I do

"

at?

again."

mind

and

that

Now

right.

give them

said

power

taught them

me

"

being stared

are

week

you

no!

Why,

we

will

That

for

about

how

see

you

the

amid

prints and

strove

and

to

fort
com-

paintings of

the

vessels ; the porflag-bedecked


traits
magistrates, charmingly elegant and

graceful,gorgeous,
of

autocratic, the muskets


the medals
fine

placards,the

porcelain from

together
a

and

few

in

hours

and

this

of

the

East

cuirasses
rare

and

and

bibelots

profound

and

intimate

the

brought

West

little sailor's hamlet,

lances,

we

spent

happiness.

THE

Elsje knew

very

and

she

such

listened

desire

eager

that

it made

her

not

had

indeed

to

read

much

in

demanded

To

Ah

the

means

the

wandered
the

colored

wind,

heavens,

the

to

to

dike
the

her

it grew

into

is

as

cooler,we
gateway

the open

to

what

is

to

the

of

the

sea

back

came

to

our

now

my

lous
marvel-

and

of

her

the

ing
glitterground
back-

rose-colored

I told

sky, and

flame-

against

Venus
brightly-sparkling

against the

up

green

settingin

sun

attention

colors

greenishwhite
Then

of the

such

gullssoaring motionless

the

the

of the

deal

circle here.

old, dark

walked

We

I drew

flightof

begged

world," said Elsje

and

the

watched

we

and

though

narrow

vast

great,

through

majesty.

nursery,

small

thicklywooded

fields,where

for

"

scholar

daylightfaded

out

deference.

charming

When

the

no

edge,
knowl-

and

good

seen

rapt

days.

our

are

you

across

and

! I live in such

me

with

by

oracle

an

such

in my

faith

feel confused

for

me

was

explanationswith

my

learning, with

me

stand,
under-

quick to

was

unlimited

take

world, yet I

she

to

for

such

attention, with

"

but
little,

269

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

all I knew.

conversation

of

the

morning.
"

Have

you

often

"

Yes,

going
before.

to

forebodings as

when

happen
It

never

in

to

"

perilon the sea?


something important
always when

approaching

was

such

me,

fails."

good

or

bad,

I know

is
it

BRIDE

THE

270
"

This

it

time

be in the harbor

should

quite a

stand
I

of your

her

her

and

that

and

I did

by

foolish

relish

so

yacht

blowing.
they

can

weather."
I would

that

I knew

face

of your

and

it

Elsje, looking straightat

look

with

not

Dutch

was

want

risk

to

sobriety and

But

happiness must

wanted
rest

on

I wanted

"

to

and

no

tell me,

Do

you

my

name?

had

know

saw

I knew

one

respectfulself-

I had

spoken of

you

never

about

too

my

"

of

rightness
up-

positionclear.

my

yet

subtle

was

honest

had

anything

deal with,

to

foundation

make

Yes, really,
Elsje; and

of you,

be

firm

trolled
con-

Italian

an

was

and

But

there

this

to

her

fragilehappiness

my

And

this

I
had

girlI

extravagances.

in

that

I reflected

ness.
tender-

before

kisses.

and

tears

with

melted

kneel down

to

me

eyes.
heart

my

desire

hands

control.

wind

in and

of you,

innocent

myself,for

"

little

were

assured.

said

this

I felt

now,

such

rough

dreamt

frank,

Before

"

with

but

sail

not

your

"

name."

"Really?"

cover

like

more

and

I had

you.

with

bit

calm

was

must

fishingsmacks

all the

Even

see

You

Boats

recklesslyagain.

"

said, smiling sweetly,

nevertheless.

alarming

"

good, though, I hope?

was

Yes, good," she

"

DREAMS

OF

never

to

you

heard

of

me?

Do

heard
And

me.
me

you

either?
know

"

your

name

in the hotel

nothing of

you

wise
register.Other-

until I

saw

you."

Also

not?

"Really

271

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

THE

."

not

"What?"
"

That

four

"

children?

I burst

effort to

brave

have

and

married

am

good

roughly in

out, almost

and

myself nothing

spare

wife and

to

my
risk

the worst.

Elsje

without

in

wife

good

and
"

married.

probably
"

know

"

She

she

am

not

was

not

asked

I deemed

knew

enough, and

and
I
well

care,

without

silent and

thinkingof
the

her

same

roof.

now

enough

that

day.

understands

one

night. With me
I am,
sleep grows

advancing

who

words.

as

happy

"

But

she knew

ourselves

in dreams

happiness,that

Or

though

as

know.

to

that

saw

little that

the

with

is true.

that,

her

about

in mind

balanced

but

after

happy

probably myself tell her


for

more

does

slept very

night
under

no

one

as

after

more

I also

communicates

elusive

were

you

happy, Elsje, that


until to-day."

necessary

spoke

felt

We

that
not

are

you

that I would

what

we

But

nothing

thought

and

thought

it."

No, I

rather

and

children," she repeated

four

softly,pensively.
all,I

tively
long,attencerned
distinctlydis-

me

compassion.

tender
"

at

I
thoughtfully. What
her glance was
a
questioningdoubt

and

startinggazed

drives
in

But

years.

it away.

bright

cloud

also,
more

it is not
I

lay all
of joy,

lay peacefullybreathing

Then

toward

morning

I had

BRIDE

THE

272
short

that

which

dream,

for the

measure

transference
little

my
I

city,Elsje

yet estranged from

was

terrible,I

woke

up

My

all been

the

cried

and

in that

way,

my

with

tears.

reallywet

and

sobbed
face

And

anguish

My

desperatelyand

and

then

pillownow

my
the

"

of

relief,the
the

reality

newly-found happiness, my

my

ory
dawning memsome
day, of Elsje's win-

yesterday'sbeautiful

of

and

ways
her

dream

world.

transition,the gloriousrealization
of

and,

Hague

old, gloomy life,worldly

in my

and

The

containing my
sailing excursions,

it had

"

I dreamt

joy.

my

me

gave

letter

Japan.

to

terror

office at

found

again deep

was

its dark

by

in my
I

coming home,

DREAMS

brightnessof

back

was

OF

frank, fervent look

the

and

ready sympathy

tender

then

really comprehended

me.

was

no

would

what

life had

human

all without

not

die after

my

solitary breakfast

eyes,

compassion. Only
been

had

longer a stranger

life,the sacred

in her

in the

won

me

given

world

"

back.

having been entirely

human.
At

into

which

greet

back,

yacht

but

me.

would

anchored

go
in

duties,stopped a

that

said

home
the

room,

upper

the

shining,Elsje, amid

was

sun

of her domestic

pressure
to

the

in the

I had

no

moment

time

to

sail

by train, leaving the

harbor,

to

call for

it the

followingSunday.
"

That

is well

considered," said Elsje, with

roguish little laugh

of

comprehension.

XXIII

^'

\EAR

I
II

Lucia,
have

like

had

We

in

looked

and

to

then

followed

her

was

the

endeavor

careful

before

we

that

quet
ban-

court

looking

over

Lucia

night.

"

is

to

n't

she

said,

surely something

seen

in such

you

good

what

foolish

bridge it.

seated

were

abyss yawned

vast

we

between

undertaking

spoke slowly:

something good, something


whether

know

I don't

paused

is

It

me

then,"

me

silently. When

I shall

attentively,and
a

very

succeed

of that."

barkened
I

arrived

time."

and

convincing you

again

an

it
But

Lucia

stood

with

realized what
worlds

good.

dress

I have

long

two

"Yes,

from

room

my

our

in

had

is n't it?

quietlyI

home

gala

our

regarding

spiritsfor
I

would

and

mind

my

moment?

interestedly.

up

Come

good,

me

tell you

to

off

it

come

which

letters

"

have

to

just

and
the

something

hear

bed."

to

go

will you

moment,

precision in

my

so

as

endeavors

understanding.
274

to
to

again

proceed
bring

and
with

about

THE

"

So

have

you

spiritsnow,
I

has

good
there

And

you.

that

the

highest content
A

vast

thing
some-

cause
be-

happy

not

that

it opens

up

rest, of

and

human

any

calm

sea,

it, and
of peace

gloriousprospect

me

expect.

that

you

was

found

I have

for

than

happier

am

to

better

in

am

something lacking in my life,


with
can
explain to
difficulty

was

now

happened.

that

something

that

it proves

and

so

275

DREAMS

noticed
rather

or

It is

was.

OF

BRIDE

being

and

of peace

ocean

can

joy...."
Lucia
"

Let

me

this

that

"

for

you

for

me,

affection

my

to-day

nodded

If
I

me,

Does

the

call

now

love

not

best
.

but

Will

believe

you

me

But

shadow

the

saw

and

this

signifyto
faith

still

to

and

youthful brow.

me

and

believed

love

and

this

desire

the

in

faith.

happiness of
that

believe

judge

the

of

he

this

self
him-

ness
happi-

Well
to.?

our

"

?
.

of

day

weakened,

never

loved

upon

know

also

"

ever

and

one

care

And

pretty, placidcountenance

have

you

can

"

from

has

mutely.

her

loved

the

home.

contractingthe white,

frown
"

this ?

I tell you

passingover

our

deeper.

constantly grown
Lucia

faithful love, your

your

children,

our

until

marriage
when

listened

intently.
begin by saying that I am profoundly

gratefulto
for

and

waited

?
"

"

said

Lucia.

"

Where

are

you

ing
lead-

276
"

Would

have

nothing, to

Can

True

to divide

Lucia

bowed

settled

unites

head

she

great

all other

us

the truth

and

gold

of

clay

"

away.'

fixedlyat

her

clasped together convulsively.

her

around

ment
comple-

very

in

stared

and

deeper

was

something of

to take

is not

her

hands, which
frown

of

in this differs from

love

That

feel

you

love

greater

power

and

strengthens

affections.

The

still

the

believe that

to

you

ing,
great aifection,noth-

Yes, that

even

from

nothing

it?

DREAMS

possible for

it be

it detracts

love

OF

BRIDE

THE

and

bitter

pretty

expression
Then

mouth.

she

whispered hoarsely:
"Who

is it?"

Now

endeavor.

my
"

First

from

truth

with

any

"Is

But

which

was

the

saw

the

hopelessnessof

on.

was

followed

Do

general facts

of the

one

particular. Do

indicated?

and

the

train

you

disagree

you

that

of

know

I cited?

her

"

thoughts:

Thorn?"

it Countess

This

all I
I went

judge

she

But

for

Lucia,
contemplate generalities,

those

the

it

and

once

well-known,

said, had

live at

to

come

mundane

beauty who,
The

Hague

on

account.

my
"

What

anxious

motive
to know

happiness?

have

the person

You

feelingsshould

you,

care
one

for

cherish

that
me,

Lucia,

for

gives me
don't

toward

so

much

What

you?
some

being

one

who

THE
makes

BRIDE

beloved

Lucia

"

glanced at

miserable

sophisms.
than

better

were

this

worse

childish

thankful

her

happiness.
deeper in my
then

Only

end

with

now

But

men.

head

regret

it and

falsehood
did not

at

knew

has

only

it threatens

just as

makes

to

I had

of you

as

it

make

and

sort

I resolved
the

to

which

still

But

bility
impossidid

not

resolutelyto persist. It

clearing of

I had

about

absolute

attempted.

it.

life from

my

hopefullybegun.

so

directly,and

me

now,

so

sink

you

the

she went

that

appreciate it, Vico,

speak

that

though I ought to be
destroyed my domestic

as

really felt

answer

you

esteem."

essential

was

these

that

you

who

tempt.
con-

furtively.

always thought

my

That

of what

That

on.

immediately

you

is what

expected

gentleman. But then do speak openly


loyally too, without these wretched
tries.
sophis-

and

Tell

Tell
to

nonsense,

to

good

of

laugh

disappoint me
that is terrible enough.
But
don't
by foolish self-deceptionof this

you^

"

over

That

woman.

every

by

him

swiftly and

an

other

hanging

was

does

scornful

me

make

Vico,

Come,

277

"

laughed, a short,
She

and

happy

person

measure?

beyond

DREAMS

OF

me

hope

is.
know

Say

who
and
it

what

me

it is.
to

as

whether

have

I
Let

fear.

directlyas
it is but

know

me

Tell

right

me

what
.

possible,so
a

know.

to

have

how

bad

that

I may

passing infatuation

it

or

us

That

worse.

and

me

"

the tears

and

call the

"

!"

No

"

Not?

is it then?

it is

bad,' then

."

worse

her

into
.

bad

as

chief.
handker-

Who?
.

"

she

Do
...

her

she

Does
her

all."

at

this

pronounced

known

you

know

don't

You

"

Have

If

"

her?

"

'

sobbed

Lucia

"Who
know

stood,
under-

well

be

to

possiblyimagine, or

Lord

tremble

to

passing infatuation.

of this

reverse

can

you

began

anxiety

my

wholly unlike

It is

you

voice

continued:

as

her

came.

Falteringlj,in
"

children."

these last words

At

awaits

what

know

may

our

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

THE

278

live

great

The

at

she

Is

long?

with

tonishment.
as-

Hague?
of

person

rank?"
"

in

She

live at

not

her

only

housekeeper in

"

Lucia
tearful

looked

is

it

rank."

no

relief

on

it

her

could

possible?
are!

Is

What
.

she

She

And

head.

her

men

."
.

shook

pretty?"
Drily and coolly I
I

have
rank

Her

then

But

that?

is

"How
creatures

*'

thus

"

surprise and

up,

paused, reflected,
again:

time.

countenance.

Vico!

"O

hotel

Holland.

of
short

very

but

Hague, Lucia,

The

provincialtown

little

known
is

does

young

then
happy
un-

and

say

answered:

neither

one

nor

the

other

"

"

In

and

"

husband

That

have

we

had

Oh

much

for

enough
fresh
"

But

It is n't that

of

making
spirituallyunhappy
I wanted
"

Why
"

did n't you


Because

"Why?
try

to

give

Was

then

But

and

old?

too

often

you

no

see

it.

not

for

speak

have

been

useless."

Tell

what

you

missed.

you

"

that.

bility
possiI

was

death.

sooner?

"

it would

what

not

give me."

me?

you

always

all

of

longed
could

have

warn

me

have

happy.

understand

you

happen

you

not

nothing

something that you


but why didn't
man,

Poor

that

missed.?

means.

any

make

sake."

it is

Lucia,

to

fail to

growing

And

respect."

man

now

entirely well

is

was

your

Am

by

Must

you.?

dear

for.

was

never

it you

was

excitement?

No,

be

to

Until

you

Lucia, I realize

me,

what

Guido

in that

are

men

feigned happiness for


"And

also

Vittoria

this should

forgive.

to

reproach

to

winter.

! that

Forgive

been

appreciate it,

too, Vico.

happy.

so

this

debut

have

tried

then,

you,

"

me.

it.

to

you

to

been

nothing

alike all
"

have

just

again.
How

wife

her

you."

to

you

were

her

Lucia

grateful for

am

good

dear

excellent

and

good

wife

good

think

quiteyoung."

I fall short.?

did

nothing,

is

she

been

Wherein

Vico.?

n't

Have

think

I do

pretty, but

279

would

believe that you

I don't

exactly.

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

THE

long

for.

Let
I

will

me

do

THE

280
what

for

can

this
.

not

Can

not

that I should

prevent
save

weeks

from
that

say
in

Let

And

"

have

known

twice, and

have

her

known

should

you

"

be

so

help you."
expression of

her

but

eager

her

her

to

hand.

her

except

"

short

very

only spoken

even

touched

never

It

happened.

I not

but

deeply?
is only

my

had

time, Lucia,

"

give?

ingly.
gazed at me beseechhopelessness of making

what

And

has

she

understand

only

time

the

which

deeper

sin?

have

you

me

Deeply pathetic was


with
helplessness

sinking so

this

short

so

lost?
irretrievably

her

What
able to

be

not

from

you

you

you

it be that

can

is it?

Can

two

DREAMS

What

you.

other
.

OF

BRIDE

."

yet

!"

What

said
"Is

amazement.

Lucia, with vehement

and

more?

it

nothing

happy
spirit

"

?
friendship
A
spiritlove, I
"

"

do

With

have

Men

with
:

No,

Then
violent

You

as

you

Lucia,

Oh,
are

she

phantasies. And

will it remain

I don't

not
rose

so

and

and

Vico,
of

man

you

honor.
."

and
.

wide, searching

"

to

want

remain

say."

I believe you,

know

such

certainlywill

"

maid

whispered emphasis
"

"

hotel

lie.

not

eyes

rather

would

deceive

you.

It

so."

walked

about

the

room

in

emotion.
but

my

God, Vico,

what

possesses

contemplating the greatest

wrong,

you?
the

282

THE

BRIDE

sobbing

and

crying and
implored me

and

begged
her

then

least

at

OF

DREAMS

hands.

kissingmy
have

to

the

with

pity, if

children

She
with

not

and

with

myself.
Then
"

I said:

Dear

day,

that

it.

me

to

can

In

the

for

the

latter

even

than

She

"

perhaps

got

see,

have

be

me

control

suffer,

you

see

wish

you

must

you

be

to

and

shall

Of

she

the

upright

do

and

You

now

her

ize
real-

for.

hope

Then

tears.

covering
re-

Satanic

charm

I desire

course

bear

to

has

been

ness.
upright-

your

everything

I shall pray

for

and

you."

stood
what

in front
now?

of

me.

"

you

into
sufficiently

made

Lucia," said I, rising.

came

to

uttered

said:

endeavor

you,

Yes, but

that

her

dried

the best of it and

Thank

in which

tone

words

my

Vico, that
you.

"What

"

would

you

light

following

do

nothing more

up

upon

But
"

call the
from

me

night

or

me

this choice:

the

more

she had

make

to

me

temptation not

herself,she

cast

make

case

more

the

for

deter

or

you,

night

the

have

you

you."

that

"

you

you

grows

was

them

can

only leave

yourself,
stronger

into

or

deceive

than

more

darkness

upright?

It

more

no

see

toward

no

change day

to

power
into

Lucia,

her

put

mean?"

asked,

not

thought-life.
into a
me
position

entering
which

THE

BRIDE

known

have

myself
in this

have

much

Of

consideration
much

as

duly
"

hearsay

and

claim

thought

never

will

you

that

me,

live

women

possible. That

as

from

surely
will

you

all I

after

you."

Lucia,

course,

for

283

of

experience. Thousands
But
position,that I know.

me

may

from

DREAMS

to

so

spare

only

OF

shall spare

you

myself, but

for

much

as

possible."

as
"

I do
You

You

will

of

of

of

into

the

intuitive tactics
shrewd

and

troops

until

best

honor

children

The

I felt that

yield in

good

respect my

the

drag

our

it for

you?

upon

us?

You

family,

the

the

careful

main

like those

are

general, who

battle

she had

now

woman

his

saves

almost

seems

declared

point, I

name

"

streets?

of

the

our

dren.
chil-

our

won't

name,

bring public disgrace

won't

won't

ask

not

herself

could

lost.

ready

refuse

her

to
no

concession.
"

"

What

do

That

all

That
the

world

our

I could
"

So

which

this

avoid

you

not

you
for

demand

you

of me,

remains

all

public

household

scandal.
as

"

between
That

withhold

my

us.

before

it was."

slightlydisdainful

yourselfyou

secret

remains

suppress
would

Lucia?

smile.

uprightness,

greatly desire,from

so

the

world?"
"

do

Oh,
care

"

Of

Vico,
for us,
course

you
don't
I do."

will

promise

you?

"

me

that.

You

BRIDE

THE

284

"

And

family.

your

sensible

is

"

"

I
And

of

the

Even

obligations

your
most

corrupt

man

those."

of

too

DREAMS

sensible

are

you

toward

OF

sensible

am

do

you

Lucia."

them,

of

that

recognize

have

you

wronged

me."
"

That

Lucia

have,

not

"

but

now,

before

this."
"

then

But

amends,
it 's

somewhat

to

free.
not

make

even

this

children

our

taking

step

far

as

Then

knowing

we

that

take

wished
we

life

to

not

pry,
then

you

ask.

Spare

each

of

pronounced

far

just

enough

tion.
exaggera-

weak.

said

other

when

easy

nor

was

account

had

go

not

heartedness

friend,"

dear

possible

lutely
abso-

you

do

all

is

it

answer

my

well,

Very

is

and

in

half

neither

Therefore
"

That

when

"

you,

But

some

disgrace."

critical

with

and

leave

question

prepared,

not

was

blow

the

allusion.
too.

make

to

shall

not

an

family

our

spare

See

it.

shall

want

mitigate

do

to

easy

so

surely

you

I.
your

good
an

"

shall

as

desires."

night,
idle

wish.

well

XXIV

not

ITgiven.
was

strict

But

and

still it

definite

self-reproach.
unbeaten

that
is counted

herd,

virtue

as

is vice

in

the

skulked

how

the

half

to

safe

wolf

of

keep
of

unbounded

shall

medium

between

extravagance
The

it remains

how

knew,

balance

the

how

the

upon

easily the

into

and

knew

giddy

down

the

of

sense

gulfs

of

madness.

to

find the

consistency and

exact

reckless

all

in

know

bold

tendency
like

of the

confederacy of

one's

falls

always

member

But

fanaticism, hysteria,bigotry
Who

What

fanaticism.

by

freedom,

all tenderheartedness

how
originality,

pathfinder,overwhelmed

high,

measures.

faithful

the

out
with-

the

overcome

seceder.

difficult it is to

steep, lonely paths

chooses

have

in the

immediately beyond
group,

who

leads

der-hearted
ten-

He

should

tracks

yieldingfrom
deplore, though

was

that

I had

promise

toward

self-sacrifice is

others, beautiful

harmony

and

helps along

who

has

in the

given them

to

with

all

and
our

us.

285

But

useful

other

battle

common

an

stinct,
inwhen

instincts,

for

Christ,

this instinct

can

be

and

perverted
for

passion

heroic

in

feud

open

nothing
And

lose.

would
remained

fear

not

fanatic

sufferingwould

not

should

I should

then

And
world

break

"

anyone
a

mother

for

itself,as
I

to

might

in

saw

mock

by

what

do

right

would

be

action

my
to

or

clear

at

to

the

an

right.

with

it is
untrue

me,

left.

Should

was?
that

then

in

war

conflict
I

done

well

as

I deemed

my
as

matter

no

I had

that

lay

Lucia's

that

just

always

the

union,

be

it.
the

there

day,

remorse

not

what

knew

rest

signify, powerless

convince

children

also

me

would

I turned

whether

let

feel

if I did

consciences

Two

which

my

for

my

conviction

my
I

right.

consideration.

much

and

and

torture,

firm

brave

to

livingand

or

self-torture

myself

between

refined

how

Lucia

on

so

have

all, in the arbitrary breaking of

above

bonds

all this

of

danger

For

live

to

own

my

high salary

absolutely beyond

I did
the

the

save

doubt

position,be

my

still

was

most

declaring an

I should

mother

had

and

without

lose

to

me

who

being

against me,

should

circle.

My

too.

had

myself

the

world

my

lead

this meant

whole

the

expelledfrom
poverty

into

hunger

highest,holiest

and

"

included.

children

as

with

against society. For

have

should

and

asceticism

consistencymust

the

me

emotions

blessed

into

as
self-mortification,

that

re-awakened

wild

run

myself openly

unite

DREAMS

thirst into drunkenness.

gluttony and
I knew

OF

BRIDE

THE

286

the
I

right to
life,to

THE

assert

the

thingseternal
true

It
fallen

not

first

want

it

little

hours

that

awakened

had

When

I went

might

me.

accompany

intuition
and

by

Elsje

pater-familias
real,

and

town

restricting

who

it alive.

kept

boat

my

and

of

sense

my

raised

have

sport-

whether

fourteen, asked
In

starting

was

Guido,

son

her,

no

guiltlessness
objection,

the

object

me

at

the

journey
plan.

my

his

pretence thwarted

awaiting

of

station

and

long conversation, in which I for the


time
experiencedwhat a blessingit is to be
oneself as one
to give oneself freely,to show

had

best to be, to hold

misunderstood,
as

always,

he

immediatelyinterposed,with quick

clever
was

irresolute double

an

my

guessing at
a

theless
fetters, never-

my

spent together with

perhaps

would

his mother

but

like

explain.

world, hiding my

seaport

for E

of

to

want

happy

same

get

loving youngster
I

at

it and
to

night before

the

disappear

possiblethat I, after

was

of the

man

only

still led

years

life in the

the

wrench

vigorous

prosperous

who

to

's another

There

I should

to excuse,

life, apparently the

it to

pursue

blessedness, and

"

said

and

bog,"

for many

true

to
feelings,

in the face of the world?

it clear how

make

and

and

in the mire.

I do

this

the

287

DREAMS

the pure

be

merely

into

stone

To

and

Christ

to

would

OF

sentiments

true

our

remain

BRIDE

with

back

even

but

nothing

though
the

same

one

for

fear

expresses
limited

of

we

first
able
likes

being

oneself

means,

to-

BRIDE

THE

288
ward

human

DREAMS

OF

the

being having
all

comprehensive faculty as
with

love

here

For

men.

its

limited

same

interpretive

the

infinite

power,

completes the defective,and


falteringphrases is able to erect

few

of

has

listener

by

whom?"

'*

her

With

What

"

Lucia."

After

about

and

"

world

will you

said

first
say
was

Elsje

But

be

wife,

calls my

the

have

say

not

never,

about

nevertheless

and
a

spoken

of

singletime.

"

me?

quite frankly, Elsje? And


just as frankly whether what I

tell you

tell

me

"

was

"Yes,"
"

must

"

name.''

did you

"May

signed
de-

Elsje."

home,

at

and

been

applied but
plan.

spoken this, I

had

wife."
What

cause
be-

intellectual

no

quite frequently forgotten myself


my

lofty

speaker

beginning

us

the

children."

is her

and

this fixed

whom

of my

"

both

in

very

of

use

spoken

"With

mother

the

with

I have

"

from

understanding,

higher wisdom,

harmony
"

plan

from

is made

material

and

sympathy

beautiful

the

in

magic

that

structure

was

I said

right?
said
that

still

she

I had
after

sight and
that

Elsje, shyly and

would

wanting

said, Elsje.?"

met
two

in my

of

woman

brief

give me

softly.
encounters,

the

life.

whom,

at

I could

great love which


Was

that

rightly

290

BRIDE

THE

"And

did Lucia

"

first

She

yield?"
whether

asked

nodded.

"

"

What?

"

That

Oh!"

proud

would

sacrifice for

duty
is

much

to

care

and

for her

dreadful

very

dreadful

more

n't

You

word

myself

sophist.

this consideration
is of much
us.

my

greater

Consider

all the

after

that

"

you

"

Consider
grieved her.
so
nobly forgivethis to

have

like Lucia

the

than

that

remember

for

defend

remains

and

anger

had

seekingto

always

woman

Consider
it my

secret."

indignantly:

sinner, and

man

Elsje!

import

women

then

And

be

really cared

never

I felt while

nature

Dear

much

she

!"

And

by

Elsje vehemently with

Then

her

remain

cried

stood, poor

say.

for

would

promise that though, did you?

There

"

world

everythingwould

Never

did n't

that

condition."

one

That

"

surprise.

to

the

before

either.

on

"

husband.
"

that."

promise

right,Elsje.'*"

was

yielded,but

she

Then

that

think

She

to

silent.

Elsje remained
you

remain

it could

refused

spiritfriendship.
"Do

DREAMS

OF

how

how

few

their

bands.
hus-

past makes

children.

grace
Dis-

thing for them, something


than
can
probably
you

comprehend."
"

I consider

but
illogically,
a

lie before

the

just
to

disgrace,"said Elsje,
point, to want to keep up

that

the

world."

"

THE

"

should

would
a

not

of

not

want

terrible

DREAMS

then, Elsje, what

Consider

me.

OF

BRIDE

see

sorrow

it would

children

my

them,

upon

for

mean

again. They
I should

recognizeme.

to

291

and

am

bring
fond

very

them."
"

Would

forgiveit.?
"

Not

"

asked
of

one

their

I fear.

remember

that, beside

also

lose

position. My

Lucia
"

is

wealthy,but

Would
"

asked

poorer.?

ironical

In

fashion

had

again

adore.

mean

if

were

you

directness

naive

the

me.

only

."
.

suffer

Elsje, with
to

they

...

not

am

it

were

wife

perfect sobriety, though


sounded

it,to

children, I should

my

health

your

Even

mother, whom

And

my

understand

to

try

Elsje.

them,

of

account

on

of them

none

and

question almost
a
impolitic
very

reserved

weakest

my

ment
argu-

for the last.


"

that !

Not

much

too

that !

Not

but
.

should

spoilt

perhaps
the

have

am

whole

...

world

and

against me

that

know

don't

if all

."
.

felt that

end

going

was

doubt

by myself casting a

sacrificing
power

of

wrong,

love.

my

thus
upon

I
the

would
self-

Elsje helped

me

of it.

out
"

Yes

May
?

Then

listen !

by
from

you,

speak quitefrankly with

now

so

the

greatness

suddenly

so

am

and

of that
so

dazed,
which

you
so

too ?
whelmed
over-

I receive

that
bewilderingly,

292

BRIDE

THE

must

you
It

ridiculous

satisfied

than

be

to

know

world.

be

able

cared

for

"

is

"

And

like to be with

confess

would

it

openly

in Lucia's

my

I should

to

agree

religionwith

of

one

always
all the

really
moment

beside
and

that

think

power.

I should

husband

of

these

before

me.

lived

sorrows

never

to

you

know

you

for

me,

of the

place,and

n't want
it would

as

all the

matter

marriage

experienced their

upon

I don't

"

to

and

world

not

another,

Lucia

the

strange

think

it, that

bear

terrible than

it is

not

what

cost

looked

were

Of

I would

you,

to

were

much

too

feelings. Your
grief for
can
comprehend. But all

nature.

if I

you,

I judge
difficulty

understand,

like to

for

to bind

But

I should

that

And

cared

you.

have

should

and

eternallygratefulto

that

"

my

things and
only

night,

own

should

money

this

my

I don't

contrary

be

not

offer me,

would

you

again

you

if in your

children
rest

that

should

after

saw

according to
the

that

me

least

never

forgive me

your

to

judge rightly.

to

once

am

should

at

me

DREAMS

much
more
getting so infinitely
could
have
hoped for or expected.

ever

Though
yet

the

with

that

now

expect

not

seems

OF

me

n't
and

secretly

much

more

divorce."

divorce.

her.

That

Catholic

is indissoluble."
are

yourself,also

you,

voutly
Catholic, de-

Catholic?"
''

Lucia

says

Elsje looked

that
at

me

religionwhatever."
anxiously.

I have

no

BRIDE

THE

"

just hoped to learn so


concerning that. It occupies me

Is that so?

much
all

from

And

you

I had

Even

day long.
ready

293

DREAMS

OF

for

I have

now

put all

I had

you.

hundred

tions
ques-

in

my

trust

up,

Elsje?

up.

I must

you."
"

"

began
''

fear

to

"

That

are

troubled.

was

secret

It

No,

other.

or

with

is safe

know

see,

you

birth."

of noble

am

not

still you

have

know

how

"

understood

proud,

I have

That

assurance.

she

not

are

you

me.

but
Do

not.

you

"

name?

my

of that."

joking,but

was

got

and

signifiesnothing, Elsje

proud
"

like to, but

would

"That

."

you

fear, Elsje.

man
distinguished

"

me."

Trust

me.

to

unpleasant

some

without

Speak

brought

n't

was

she hesitated

that

saw

brought

you

confession

another

so

were

Brought up?

make

faith

what

In

"Well?"
"

found

in

she

too
the

I have

thing that, as
delightedme.
is

it

she

because

the very

"Oh,

no

only

an

felt

aureole

that!"

was

parents."

this

herd, and

Vianen, because

and
deeply humiliated
heart I laughed, because
now
my
showed
herself apprehensive of

said

And

Van

me

Vianen.

near

She

of

called

They

as

ashamed.
after
the

voice

disgrace,

of romance,

cried;

all

"that

had

All

already knew.

little

poor,

dear

upon

the grass

was

OF

BRIDE

THE

294

week

one

by

DREAMS

have

crying,it

as

and

Elsje laughed, reassured


let

They

become

me

Mennonite!"

slightestidea

"

be

To

ites that

attached

to

"

And

"

Why
if

they would

another

let you

the
"

knew

I don't

now

rather

with

be

later,when
But

just
know

little

as

yet."

yourselfbe baptized.'^
in that.
was
surely no wrong
"

you

serve

choose

the

well

they would

apprenticeshipwith

an

another

then

with

Jews

the

and

Protestants,

then

with

the

."
.

Not

tions
varia-

yourself choose.

can

have

Mohammedans
"

only

let

yes, there

Romans,

ritual

child, when

would

you

eighteen I
And

as

Israelite,but

an

and

still you

to

and

of the Mennon-

good custom
baptize you

or

was

choose.

first have

the

hadn't

this creed.

to

whether

confirmed

when

look!

don't

Catholic

are

I.

of the innumerable

one

yet know

Roman

you

be

it 's

sure

they

don't

you

then

home

of Protestantism.

sects

or

the

her

into

me

Jan

Not

ethical
theological,

that it must

knew

But

took

said

what

were
peculiarities

what

happy.

child."

"Ah!

down

Likely it

Mennonite.

his sister who

Baars, but
as

the

royal child,Elsje!"

"

laid

was

desperate mother.

of

thought

to mention

the

Hindus,

the Buddhists

and

Shintoists,"said I.
So

that

you

would

need

seven

lives before

BRIDE

THE

you

could

And

yet it is

that

you

so

the

how

and

and
them

hear
break

believe

all

that

that

of

talk

about

them, then

everyone

is that

in her
of

all

are

it

live

never
lessly,
care-

on

be wrong,

and

who

thinks

arrived

Then

absurdity.

assured.

and

the

I threw

out

think

be wrong,

for

deal

at

to

were

"

it 's absurd!

Why

not

differently

must

equally certain

have

do

they all

But

the other

never

you

if you

And

wretch.
or

simply

They

already a great

was

solitude,to

this

be.

it.

possiblenow?

thought

they probably

it, so

their hearts

yet they
I

would

only feign assurance,

they is a miserable
and so one
differently,
How

people just

they might perhaps

than

and

it?

believingsomething different,and

all

terrible

assume,

it so?

necessary

very

very,

rightthing,is n't

how

consider

never

so

necessary,

choose

and

295

yourself be baptized,isn't

let

understand

can

DREAMS

OF

Elsje,

realization

ing-line
sound-

my

"

"

"

do

I love

best to

about

"

he

how
the

you

read

to

time

think

What

of Jesus

read

the

with

his

Mary

picture or

Do

Catholic.
tell

you
"

me

I asked

When

I think

of him

as

know

all about

him?

as

should

of them, but

you

about

Christmas

shepherds.

Mother.

image

an

derful
won-

child, and

Jesus, I always think

of

it

little

earth

on

came

"

I think

especiallytoward

"

and

star

of Christ, Elsje?

more

little child

like to

have

that 's considered


of Jesus

"

Christ, Elsje."

and

can

THE

.296
"Isn't
"

that

They
I

believe

that

is

all

knows

and

knew
I have

the

thousands
the

by

of

what

And

probably

Chinese

too

do

mean

they

that

there

like to

lives

that

they

with

of
and

most

something by
felt

mean

Christ,

ready
al-

lived.

the

child
and

have,
and

Jesus

they

it ?

it

made

images."

"

mother

holy

few

mother

then

the word,

such

the

But

best, those

the

that

"

by

least presume

I at

speak

made

earth

the

mean

humanity.

have

Mother

older than

saviour.

holy child, a

the

who

is said to have

would

you

Ordinary people

now

the

Jesus

this Christ

Jesus

of years

the

Child, and

"

And

us.

I don't

Christ, and

call

can

Egyptians, and instead of Mary and the


Child
they spoke of Isis and the Horus

Christ

"

one

called

man

know
positively

before

images

seen

men

loves

long

exactly like
was

all

we

Christ, because

say

I do

which

from

names

lived

But

something that

and

only

there

DREAMS

same?"

prefer to

Christ.

was

the

are

choose.

OF

BRIDE

with

wiser

it, and

child

when

men

believe,Elsje,
who

something

really
real

that

something

mean

ones

the

and

that

mean

they

that

is

equivalentto humanity."
"

for

Humanity?
is

me

that

me,

an

and

nothing to me, an
Right, Elsje, I readilybelieve
"

words

can

that

be

is

filled with

Jesus

me.

lovingbeing,who
manity
exalted,holy being. Hu-

living,beloved

helpsand supports
"

nothing to

means

empty
it.

knowledge.

word."

But
There

empty
are

THE

298
all the

humanity

in her

of

discern

can

And

much

is thus

That

OF

leaves.

by Elsje

DREAMS

BRIDE

heart

own

more

it, and

all

"

the

than

even

should

why

exalted

Elsje
and

Jesus,

Christ, because
"

I
are

you

somewhat
"

you

Elsje,

do

what

know

not

what

"

know

Elsje

Only they
they would
And
sort

would

at

"

least

be

not

So

thank

do

as

not

Christ.

you

are,

not

of

both,

and

I know

you

do

know

my

quitepositively

both

other's

Jesus,

the

mean

same

knowledge."
Christ

my

too,

God!"

Yes, though perhaps

better
was

them

of

modest

as

quiteplainlythat they
thing and that they requireeach

"

I said

find what

concerning

see

"

race.

recognizethat it is their ignorance.


I am
no
professor and no Elsje, but I stand
of between
the two
and know
something of the

observations
and

human

the

most

observed

has

professorshave

the

incomprehensible,because

difficult and

don't

they

it difficult,

find

you

and
concerning man
really,the professors would

equally

and

if I still find it

me

observed
But

call

to

best."

name

Forgive

dear

course,

because

prefer

of her

difficult."

too

Of

that, I

is

speaks

that

be

stupid, ignorant creature,

learned.

so

is

I like that

such

am

it

professors

It

she

when

means

humanity.

it not

personal, thinking, loving being?


think, that

all perceived

is after

than

the

this Christ

not

professors.
who

as

And

brought

me

well

as

Elsje, yet

I believe
to

Elsje

that
so

it

that

THE

I should

learn

should
I

too
true

to know

better

him

testify of

gained courage
world

whole

the

Here

do

But

"

Jesus,

not

for

Christ,

or

assure

you

vowed

not

that
as

the

shall

I
soon

for

once

light shall

his

as

and

no

But

had

you,

again

swear

spare

shine

by

are

distinct.

to

nothing

His

they proceed

as

it to

never

to

you

know, Elsje.

swear

all

at

stop

want

originalfount

would

"

speculation

"

all the world?

suggestions

out

of

always equallypositiveand

means

up,

world

I don't

and

clearly from

remain

to

good opportunity

...

promptings

him

the

his

know

I don't

through
though

give

found

openly, before

it

perhaps

against me."

woman

does

And

steadfastness
to

from
bringing the man
back
to practicallife.
"

and

"

him.

not

stand

299

better,

and

Elsje, and

to

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

I
"

nothing

clearlyand

mistakably
un-

for me."
"

Mennonites

We

Elsje, with
with
"

That

is

the

you

Bible

swear

no

anything,

foretell
"

good,

it is

Therefore

only

pretty pride

You

either,"said

swear

in

her

creed, confessed

little conviction.

so

things

never

may

my

do

Elsje with

mild

is indeed
is

Jesus

said

surely followed
more

for

future
not

that

"

know

even

one

of

have

to

least
dare

myself

the best

taught.

of all.
not

too

I not

promise
little to

actions."

promise

to

be true

disappointment.

to me?

"

asked

"

better, I

do

what

But

true.

if love

"

be

become

would

It

to

be

you

lie, a

it?"

and

for

all that

ask

for

more

when

thankful

I shall be

Elsje,

it will

faithfulness

my

love.

profound

believe

surely

weaker?

grew

of

you

do

would

feint,wouldn't
"

assure

that

profound

So

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

THE

300

never

get," said

than

wish

you

give me."

to

had

laugh

to

the

from
I do

call

not

them

diplomatic world

them, I

what

"

with

friends

"

among

venture
gallant ad-

theology

quaintances
ac-

my

friend

of

say

much

so

had

never

would

they

what

thought

third

the

at

meeting.
But

reader,

dear

you,

that

comprehended
what

others

will

from

draw

and

brothers

for

masks
that

you

will

and

things that

more

Elsje, I

learned

You

will also

amorous

probably
I did not

But

I could

make

our

me

and

water

theology,
not
only

are

and
merely names
inward
reality. So
me

tell

to

yet

few

theologizingwith

taught.

and

Dutch

been

same

in my

succinct

as

often

allow

and

if it had

the

to

doubt

remarking it that

as

love

and

no

in

have

voir,
reser-

same

that

and

sisters,but

one

the

keep separated

air-tight compartments,
science, poetry

probably long

as

thus

interpreter.

speak

I have

myself

without

understand
in

my

quiteas

fluent

written

down.

here

understood

spoken,because

just
Love

as

well

served

XXV

1WILL

discreation

great

rather, fearful

or

timidity,that

minded

of

resolve

was

for many

It

was

indeed

the

not

the

darkest.

this

most

feared

hard

years

The

fearful

highest vital spirits,dread


that
guide and rule us
powers
struggled and

see

my

and

clearlyand

way

this

of

the

evil

had

suffered, but

Only

vainly sought

charms

wicked

no

was

did

for

not

help

without
and
sure

the

soul

them

the wild

my

no

it

on
more

passions were

the

hand

of

the

he knew

what

he

wanted.

because

what

pronounced

I minded

terriers,and

without

"

still carried

demons

sport, but

woman

I knew

shame.
all my

temptations also

and

dispelled.I (lesiredone

and

relaxingof

guidance.

The

be

"

"

wretched.

and

longer miserable

struggle.

warning

the

vanished.

Elsje.

dejection

the

by

my

life,albeit

my

and

gloom

evil,marked

and

to

true

and

the

from

family

my

period of

hardest

narrow-

me

remain

alone

prudent

was

and

deterred

abandoning

to
sphere of activity,

It

it

yet decide whether

not

301

master

had

were

ing,
falter-

desire

right.

their

nified,
sigTo

nal
noctur-

than
now

grown

ing
barktamed

firm

for

and

whom

to

one

in

Emmy
did

begged
whether
did

tell her

to

me

surpriseno

it and

her, and

saw

be

she would

in

some

much
would

have

impressiveand

more

have

for her

been

is that

the truth

she

and

anything
for

strangers, who

to

them

awaits

had

know

me

it,

without
about

of

science

evidence.

evidence

heard

been

reader, I refer

dear

of

remembered

never

the

dreams, that

but

all this

longs
be-

supernatural, which

to

you

ing
hav-

ever

my

my
"

through

and
general investigation

more

it

reader,

anything

require such

not

anything

the

it, and

dear

you,

noticed

stronger

let

summons

my

did

obtained

told

that

it.

part

my

have

about

convincing as

for

never

me

And

desired

more

rather, to be exact, that she

or

asked

of it.

sensible

should

greatly as

But

she

Elsje hoped devoutly

way

it

that

more.

once

so

that

also

Elsje

call herself

would

of her.

saw

not

hear

to

one

some

still

Elsje's jealousy, and

excite

not

them.

occasionally,but

dreams

it will

dor,
splen-

life I had

in my

confide

could

my

and

often,

first time

the

sublime

their former

attained

dreams

My

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

THE

302

of

some

for

which,

my

other

writings.
I

lived

now

before

the

And

most

Lucia

world

relations

our

remarkable

assured

tranquil,since

from

separated

me

that
no

and
her

remained

the

peculiar fact

dreams

longer

although

Lucia,

shared

were

her

much
room.

same.

is that
more

The

wild
dreams

than

more

corporal proximity

how

it

remarkable, because

this

consider

stayed

now

ever,

away.
show

to

seems

supernatural

aifects

also

in her

her

troubled

latelyhad

that

horses

303

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

THE

influences.

that

"

And

would

relief

expected

threaten

and

stay

Should

that

resistance

price.

service
transference
the

deem

act

it is of
as

that

argue

myself

he

And

with

still too

were

that

young

our

and

me

matic
diplosudden

"

then

I would

"

the

myself entirely
too

he

was

remain

feignstrength

tinguishi
quite capable of dishuman
tendency to

were

is

consoled

right,I
that

consideration

the

what

clearlymust

conduct

own

our

offer

attitude

see

avail

no

I would

in the

free

this
not

though

with

country

know
does

fate

matter

no

befall

to

good.

Should

everyone

arrived

weakness, but who

and

her,

expect,

then

me,

which

another

to

good.

weak, and

from

was

doubting attitude,

destiny.

with

may

moment

for

and

her

tear

to

from

for

Elsje

in

man

this

and

on,

abandon

never

Kefalls the

often

as

fullyresolved

had

thing I

One

still too

children

my

much

in need

of

guidance.

my

Often

too

prayed in my
enlightenment.

counsel

and

is that

sign or

we

the

counsel

is

have

decided

ourselves

approaching
without

dreams, imploring

our

event

help

But

my

experience

accorded

never
or

acted,

us
or

has

already

and

knowledge.

fore
be-

before

been

mined
deterWe

are

comforted

helped in a choice, though we are


encouraged after we have chosen

never

and

of

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

THE

304

knowledge.

our

and

unreasonable

to

by Lucia,

the

however

soon

cruel

this seemed
inclined

am

lieve
be-

to

of it.
salutary significance

and

toward

secrecy

but

me,

in the beneficent
The

times

Many

best

the

to

world,
assumed

altogether

an

undesirable

and

different, unfavorable

desired

much

so

aspect.

though explained by
frequenttripsto E
passion for sailing,could not fail to arouse
my
comment,
especiallyas I usually went alone and
My

declined

also

how

matter

favorite

company

often

he

The

Hague,

knew

what

This

by

no

And

asked.

Thus

the

attracted

on

soon

seaport.

great agitation or

any

quainted
ac-

everyone

similar circles will

these and

with

time

same

little

circles, as

indignation in Hague

of

twelve

or

place, very

the

to

aroused

means

first

me

acquaintancesfrom

my

in the

men

no

is

the

at

Guido,

son

my

landing there

days.

summer

of

sailingyachts, ten

for

port

sometimes

them
fine

the

readily

understand.
I

looked

was

simply

man,

scandal
whether
caused

upon

as

because

did

not

and
mix

able
honorup

in

spoke of things of that kind,


they concerned myself or others. It now
and

many

never

one

moralizing toward

reproaching presence

that

satisfaction

chastitywhich, despitea
or

moral

very

total

absence

the
of

others, yet by its


is

ever

in

halo

of

display
mutely

painful evidence,

unbearable
of

freed

I had

pride that

to

world

the

that

spared

of

which

Elsje, to

was

it went

though

felt virtue

sitive,
painfullysen-

this

from

out

as

condemnation

most

now

acted

the

and

equally

ity
generos-

and

me

sin, where

comprehension;

its

all

was

friendly,sarcastic

though forgiving me
beyond

It

myself.

the

me,

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

THE

306

telligent
unin-

same

herd.
often

As
look

of

as

anxious

at last taken

had

now

her

dear

lipsremained
my

of

spoke

We

nearest

to

of

the

great
that

we

And

had

and

everything that

of

speak.
was

wait

what

and

men

affliction,
would
most

difficulties and

attain

the

great

deal

And

help

spoke

and

sense
a

suffer.

gladly.
of

heavy

the

felt

unspoken,

so

the

heart

And

way

dawning

understand

to

parting

heard
a

we

seeking in

and

remained

without
and

bear

the

every

had

and

of the

without

her, and

let her

until I should

experienceand

to

at

yet have
her

about

questionme

dreams, of the best and

blessedness.

something
leave

little face, her

could

conquer

truths, trying

would

only

waited

full of

world

Christ, groping

other.

did not

struggle so

it,of my

could

purest
of

toil and

from

beautiful

pale

But

hearts, of the difficulties of life,why

our

had

grow

love

our

we

we

She

family either.

her

and

She

shut.

question whether

the great resolve.

asked,

eyes

the

suspense

in her

read

Elsje again, I

saw

each

again

that

whereof
never

she
did

blessingthat
because

I must

I
I

she

For

womanly

tender
And

could

she suffered
endurance

infinite
love

the

sorrow

both

that

and
is

Remorse

that

the

But
her

consumes

soul.
bad

thing,a weakness,

permit

and

the

weakens

morbid

myself, for

in

remorse

no

it harms

these

for

punishment

of

years

that

best

against the self-reproachwhich

But

us.

is

being, in

contented.

kernel

the

power

like hers

of her

kernel

touches

symptom.
is in

the

The

soul

life,she is satisfied and

body

know

in

as

myself that

bear.

delicate

pure,

long

as

her

of

she could

pure,
suffer.

can

hide from

not

than

more

only

as

for love

made

natures

by degrees I

of

suffered

suffered, she

307

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

THE

is

wavering,

It is always there, like a dark


struggle in vain.
demon, silently
awaiting its favorable opportunity
hour of the night,when
in the third or fourth
sleep
evades

me

awaits

and

and

ask

mutely

till the

darker
gone

as

ask

so

from

long

thin, and

so

in my

of old

cheeks,
the

luxurious

the children

the housewife
toward

amiable
Pardon

fresh

an

and
old

soft

let

her

for

an

swer,
an-

deeper
the

and

red

the

lipsso

into

their

blood

had

delicate

nose

colorless .f^

everythingcontinued
healthy and happy : Lucia
home

and

correct
me,

and

wait

tions
ques-

why

"

and

sank

bright eyes

the

and

breast

my

answer

my

growing hollows,

became
And

it sits upon

then

"

diligentas

without

ever,

not

friendly
un-

fering,
sign of spiritualsuf-

hearty.
man,

dear

reader,

if he

spares

himself

and

does

not

years.

He

is not

like to

give in

One

night

the

at

with

an

The

I dreamt

me.

"

the

on

feet

under

my

spark

of bluish

betokened

the

had

later.

would
"

had

Lucia

that
Her

face

I had

was

never

Elsje
it

be,

"

she had

the

pected
long-exI dreamt
I carried

that
The

ice cracked

was

snapping

lightning. This
afraid.
came

same.

the

glorious sense

escaped
letter

it with

of

lips.

my

and

few

recognized

positivelywhat

awaited

old

stood
I under-

the

dreamed

I felt

God
seen

it

now

peared
ap-

equal-longing.

bright.
wanted

transferal, detained
be

not

knew

and

Thank
also

flash of

the

my

the

and

and

crack

was

was

saw

But

!"

ice.

I had

also

envelope.

last

hended
compre-

and

me

that

Elsje

fire like

But

Thereupon

every

of which

letter

relief,and

knew

at

longer had a title.


ment
large official docu-

no

come.

and

ill,but

contents

and

great plain of

hand.

you

was

fleeingwith

across

weeks

for

it

that

Rome,

was

The

an

for

that

he meant
too

not

walking in the
old man
sitting

was

envelope too.

is not

This

transferal

her

saw

was

saw

and

letter

title

does

and

strugglewas

the

from

that

the

in his

that
I

of

end

letter

said,

Then

of tears

opened

and

man

friend

anxious

these

expatiate on

Hague

that
name

DREAMS

melancholy.

to

proclaimed to
park

OF

BRIDE

THE

308

deceivinghim

to

by

ask

the

by doing

the

ambassador

thought
so,

but

that

I had

for

I should
a

suspi-

cion that Lucia


behalf.

She

another

sense.

"

good
"

secretlyexertingherself

was

she

It

to

That

to

in

thing
some-

"

too,"

me

and

trembled

hand

my

seems

look, quickly!

something good

seems

replied;

Just

me.

"

said.

in my

it, but

relief from

expected

too

Rome,"

From

309

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

THE

heart

my

beat.
"

Where?

"

Stockholm,"

"

Thank

The

story

That

! but

No

of

ended, Lucia, but

has

face.

is not

here

hand

can

"

going."

not

am

cried

out

"

you

resignation."

in my
and

then.'*

."

in Holland."

Remain

"In

Holland?

my

money?

on

the

then

shadow

and

darkened

resignation

"Your
"

"

refuse."

can't
"

Lucia

impossible,"she

's

advancement."

severelyand gravely,so

while

turning point.

I read.

is ended."

her

upon

with

said

bright look

anxiety fell

"

her

at

her

reached

!"

here

story

I looked

"

"

replied,

Heaven

wretched

that

Lucia, the while

asked

"

Vico, that

without

And

of me,

demand

can't

Live

salary?

this liaison?

continue

And

you

that

No,
is too

much."
"

Lucia,
of

"And
"

That

there

is

something

else I want

to

mand
de-

me

to

you."
that
you

is?"
release

me.

That

you

allow

put
for

end

an

as

have

want

ask

opportunity

the

is

wife
the

before

will

you

this

do

to

"

really my
wife

my

whether

you

stillthe father

of the house?

make

to

much

as

you

not

wife, Lucia, who

world.

grant

you

head

us

takes

."

not

are

The

whom

and

And

can

world

The

are

we

Don't

you?

children?

of my
"

and

wife

"Release
freedom

this falsehood.

to

and

man

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

THE

310

give

me

by dissolvingour

marriage."
Italian

her

Then

I had

gestures, as
Give

break

what

Vico?

How

cast

do

humble

have

give up

my

me

ordinary bourgeois woman,


would long ago have poisoned?
in the wrong

you

disgraceyou
children?

I still love
you.

"

and

hoped

and

come

it all you

bringing upon

are

Go, Vico, and

"

you

back
do

to

this

borne
would

you
me.

this, now

"

be

I shall

another
I

yet

abet

and

the
my

upon

provoke

for

me,

ing
capable of murderbecause
I pitiedyou
have

soon

But

and

yet

rightsfor

doing me
me

don't

should

and

I have
that

are

you

Should

"

you

me

whom

an

her and

Would

and

you

I did

what

deadly offence?

to

crazy,

you

off still further

Would

more?

the

before.

Are

would

women

bear

me

break?

cannot

many

and

pardon
now

God

matic
dra-

Opportunity

opportunity?

you

and

her

seen

never

mosity
ani-

and

rage

vehement

with

face, and

her

upon

"

with

intensity. She spoke

in all its

itself

revealed

temperament

now

enough

that

on

of it

top

yieldnothing

of

more.

THE

nothing.
with

marriage

A
man,

you,

"

I go,

Lucia,

for

good.

going
"

Are

shall

That

drunk.

or

crazy

Off

"

You

understand
will not

am

again."

me

see

her .? And

to

well, I

me

what

shall you

Surely not

on

money."

your

children?"

gladly

the

see

they won't,

But

me.

see

but

"

know.

the

"And
I

be dissolved.

"

I don't

"

are

311

excuse."

going

you

live on?
"

only

DREAMS

cannot

you

"

be your

can

OF

BRIDE

children

if

will

you

they

will

surely see

to

that."
"

I '11

it.

shan't

You

good to them, Lucia, and


get entangled in lies as little as
people

able

to

hope

for

"

it is
with

cope

Poor

we?

never!

Never

Good-bye!

it.

or

them

to

possible. For

distressing.Others

reconciliation

need

us,

advise

Be

some

them.

see

!"

children
"

to

see

are

So

we

better

need

not

agreement between

an

"

it

swear

God

by

and

by

cent
inno-

my

children."
"

I do

not

shall make
leave

swear,

any

further

of absence

again. Forgive
A
*'

me

need

not

and

that

hand

in my
each

probably

not

if I have

grieved you.

come

laugh

see

ignation.
res-

other
tended
I in-

"

! intended

no

ill!

I shall demand

attempts.

day

fear

ill."

sarcastic

Oh,

you

this very
shall

We

no

but

Say

that

to

Satan

312

when

to

want

have

then,

go,

Then

packed

up

the

And,
the

station

the

first
"

laughing,

"

well.

"

Lucia

able

And

grow,

will

and

good."
at

me

officials.

It

crying

for

as

haven't

"I

I.

little

so

to

earn

be
in

was

for

brought

know
with.

how

of
Now

it.
you

strong."

so

can

so

manage

clever,

you

will

again."

lawfully

married

either.

that."

to

said

nothing,"

and

money

give

never

and

good

so

cannot

we

dispense

the

reason

said

are

you

be

may

much

as

need

we

"That's
world

for

embraced

Elsje
of

eyes

noon.
after-

same

coming

am

at

money."

And

surely

affairs

my

that

torture.

public.

Elsje!"

much

Oh,

the

the

laughing,

in
is

There

along

"

before
time

"

regulated

in

was

and

sobbing

you

God

And

too.

end

to

clothes,

wired

had

time

it

and

legation

If

fire.

soul."

thought
some

off

right

go

your

on

mercy

DREAMS

everlasting

the

before

stand

you

OF

BRIDE

THE

The

"if

Elsje,
ceremony

shall

see

only
we

how

well

the
well

can

shall

there

taken

to

and
the

and

"

lodgings in
regulatemj positionas

had

far

sphere of

entire

superiors

my

activities

my

cable,
practi-

was

as

effect the rupture with

to

from

Toelast,"

de

correctly

as

possible.

as

been

had

what

made

originalityin

"

world

quite

above

or

the

And

raise his

of

average

the

his

ruler, wander
Just

where

there
these

practiceI
feared

all and

by
away
fact

have

was

was

than

of

looked

more

fallen

indeed

by

strong

or

ward.
down-

upon

to

an

sometimes

as

my

compatriots,

my

turning
and

efficient aid esteemed

My

none.

pitied than
prey

an

"

possibilityof

remained

the

originalin

more

any

say,

aspirationsof practicalaccount,

into

thus in

be but

above

actions

they would, upward

absolutely no

was

is to

in his

if he

may,

because

private thoughts

That

in

ality
person-

far

aspirationstoo

manifests

private thoughts

this

then

even

masses.

he

aspirationswhich

itself

it manifest

unless

ruling personality.
not

vigorous originalityis

all, a

intolerable

must

unpleasantly obtrusive
matic
opinions. In the diplo-

any

actions

"

harmless,

popular everywhere

me

and

active, helpful worker,

an

impersonal, without

as

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

THE

314

sudden

lapse, and

scorned.

breaking
I

was

ambitious, selfish

happened

to

the

was

in

said

to

woman,

best

of

men.

I received

many

moralizingletters

kindlyadmonishing and gravely


from

my

chiefs and

from

former

compatriots.
efficient

so

be

myself

saving

saved

and

that

taught
endured

dolt,

he

dirty lout,

all

did

toward

Elsje

through

nor

the

about

have
is not

in novels
there

is

But
the

buzz
if

or

one

far

as

hum

goes

as

ahead

no

one

is not

wrong,

afraid

and

the excitement

wondrously quickly and


what

it contended

I could

boor,

things.
by

us

self
him-

trouble

not

gossip, nor
burgomaster,
And

customers.

provincialworld

it is sometimes
the

In
in

tured
pic-

beginning
hive.
bee-

disturbed

quietlyand, just

experienced beekeeper, lays

hand, if

ing
train-

stood

the

Dutch

Jan

intentions

my

about

comedies.

and

was

he

did

his

and

dangerous by

as

his

churl, but

that

about

that

noticed

later

He

generous

nor

nor

baker

Baars

Jan

and

thin, and

minister,

the

about

Jan

ment.
environ-

Dutch

life.

fact

conventions,

about

by

speak, the
a

honorable,

were

and

thick

kind
the

of

convinced

Once

from

respect.

narrow-minded

of

sorts

tolerate

present

my

to

to

so

schooling of

the

Without
have

to

me

let

not

myself

therein

learned

touchstone

the

was

would

and

qualitiesbeneath

Dutch

apparent unpleasantnessI
Baars

drowning

poor

concealed

even

good

whose

Baars,

the

callers, faithfullyassisted

all

not

of

like to lose

organized noble

even

obdurate

I remained

But

man.

the

315

did not

they

They

power.

for

endeavors

that

saw

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

THE

hold

shows
and
the

it could

with

that

one

as

firm

tends
in-

subside
asperities

petty
never

world

endure.

erates
tol-

316

BRIDE

THE

But

Elsje

"Elsje!"

and

had

said

I,

have

wavered

must

brave, but

rupture

with

but

making

the

the direction

world?

follow
but

the

know,

knew

see

to the world.

"

good
"

how

and

that

asked

Christ

that

and

can

calls
must

we

this for

find

never

On

over

the

ever

so

some

no

it is not

be

to

anything

arise

matter

Yes, Elsje,but then

it.

from

"

to

seems

do

the
And

us.

it must

me

salutary effect,when

dares

one

it

But

in

not

only a dark,

saw

would

Elsje?

me,

have

honest,

that

does

alluringto

the contrary, I

I do.

always

world,

happinesswould

our

understand

I believe

that

see

And

personal joy

misapprehension

after all

capacitiesfor

the

course,

If

it be

highest,though

you

For

of

we

radiate

manner

Do

suppressed.

be

that

happiness.

foul

thing,
some-

versal
alone, for the highesthappiness is uni-

ourselves

I did not

achieved

highesthappiness,the brightestlight;

I also

some

ness
useful-

my

my

and

light of joy,

the

this

personal happiness with


also doing some
good to

my

thereby

how

we

of others, and

and
qualities

seek

through

us

the

now

shall

Elsje

increase

perhaps

of all

know

originalityprevail.

my

myself,if

I did

should

restrained

have

wretched

arrival, "I

my

because

only

I have

For

under

not

after

day

world

my

greater plans.

also because

will I have

I did

made
a

feared

had

long, not

so

in life.

own

DREAMS

knowing this,I

not

life for

OF

what

what

he

considers

it costs

people must

people

also

him."
see

and

the

don't

less

good

and

at

all in

our

see

do

they

wrecked

ralto, he has
of

victim

he throws

now

caprice,an

love

for

world.

the

that

the

no

attitude

And

That

out

For

in this

unity

also

that

and

every
stands
under-

man

for

now

the

of the

realization

act.

is

usuallyquiteright.
the unity of the
menaces
is its

mon,
com-

eyes,

Elsje,

true

my

own

for

deceivinghimself."

of

said

the

and

is very

too

in his

wisdom,

toward

whoever

cast

nothing new

noble motives

from

than

by

the world

is

for

"

deceives himself,

moreover

man!"

alarmed

first time

his passion,

blessedness

That

reallysins

dear

"Poor,

the

become

ness
prospects, his happi-

his eternal

he acts

one

Mu-

happens frequently. And

art better

no

"

Poor

restrain

not

his

his follies for

takes

world's

could

righteouscause.

for
one

has

sinner

unhappy

fine and

his life,he

amourette.

It

pretendingthat

say

it

consider

cannot

They

away

will add

some

"

he

woman,

they

so

either.

beautiful

and

good

and

know,

not

they

impelledme

What

case.

that

And

beautiful.

dons
aban-

he

that

something better

it is for

feel that

317

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

THE

security,it

is

It must
group.

sacred, holy,

And
it cannot
Polynesians say.
each particularcase, whether
possiblyinvestigate
'

taboo,'

as

the seceder
a
or

the

is

perhaps

faithful follower

simply an

truly originalspiritor

weakling.

in the

face

understand

That

of the

the

seceder

rightly.^^

Christ,

eccentric

himself

condemnation.

world's
"

me

must

of

Do

fool
prove
you

said

"No!"
don't

OF

BRIDE

THE

318

think

you

believe.

quite,I
it

good

secede

to

not."

or
"

I shall

That
of

Both,

the

are

unity,his judgment,

holy

and

every

resistance.

But

and

good

vigorous

has
and

the

tree

is

not

union

he

the

is

its

burst

new,

better

old

the

constitute

our

new

cells

of

the

cells, the
and

guided by
voice.

the
But

manity
Hu-

forth

of

the

single cells

the

kernel

body

corporal
germinal

no

are

are

of

has

two

cells

that

too

developed.

will

new

cells from
The

the

seceders,

longer tolerate
directly called

Humanity, by

minal
ger-

the

and

Christ's

be men,

with

patience,designed for

stern

they

great strength and

growing.

sending

of Christ

of

Genius

the

are

and

group

with

ing
burst-

who
originalspirits
of

is met

perfect growth

union, forming

organisms
in the body

is

groups

branches,

bark,

organs,

prehension.
com-

The

organization. Our

principalkinds

our

incomplete, defective.

function

is the

That

that

old

above

disturbance

Christ

dividual
in-

becomes

of the

constantly developingnew

shoots.

union

herd-

they cohere,

beautiful

attained

yet

is still

union

through

which

and

The

better

far exalted
the

Therefor

the

The

cells.

stronger, mightier, more

the

herd-men

of.

need

sists
con-

mighty unity through which


the
great organic body, whereof

lives,it is his

his

of

"

has

Christ

Humanity

you.

the

form

men

explainto

principalkinds

two

seceders.

own

"not

Elsje,

whether

know

DREAMS

must

then

also

OF

BRIDE

THE

DREAMS

endurance

and

constant

hate

and

persecute

them

For

those

them

them.
this process

of

the real, true


to

create

good

only

if

and
who

and

persecution
and

better

herd-man

the

"

struggle. The

world

withstand

can

annihilation

union.

and

existingorder

must

hilate
possibleanni-

seceders, elected by Christ

new

to be

union

has

319

are

able

and

Therefore

it is

to

respect the existing

as

it is called

if

"

one

the

But
strength for that and nothing more.
it is good to break
this order
if one
feels oneself
light
very distinctlyimpelledto it by the inward
of Christ, by true
sciousness
knowledge, by the firm conof

with
and

truth,

absolute

inevitable

survivingher

hatred

one's

and

just

to

the

power

struggling,for

enmity of the world, for


persecution,for proving
secede

good right to

It is not

has

one

enduring and

resistingthe
indeed

knows, knows

moreover

certainty,that

abilities for

the

and

denounce

and
the

be

to

world

nal.
origiand

to

glorifythe martyrs. Christ does not want martyrs.


He wants
conquering triumphant originals.
The
patience of the martyrs is a virtue, which he
bestows
but

virtue

And

the

on

world

"

but

which

which
for

to

must

the

to

Thus

from

the

persevere

sake

my

dear

union
and

conquer,
not

punishes according

breaking
power

with

virtue

sake,

own

his privilegedservants,
originals,

of

to

husband

the

yield.

to

sought

for

victory.

his deserts

has
to

be

not

its
The

him, who

overestimated

his

triumph."
will not

be

martyr,"

said
the

OF

BRIDE

THE

320

Elsje,

DREAMS

always practical,and

as

keeping

to

point.

"

if he

Not

with

only

them:
for

is your

'Where
world

my
'

have

We

Christ's

with

gospel?
bought

you

dealing

are

goods,

before

came

thorns, might he

of

crown

If I

help it.

can

our

ask

not

And

what

with

your

his

with

Christ

joy
guish?
an-

goods, Elsje,

is his sorrow,

sorrow

our

is his

joy and we may not squander anything


for nothing. Even
the Jesus
of the Bible-drama
bought his gospel of joy too dearly. The just

joy

price

for

his

paid,

the

gospel

the

of that

joy

world,

soon

as

is

as

Elsje
long,
I

for

for

do

but

Christ

to

pay

benefit

"

is not

of

would

also

with

how

to-day

But

you

is

this

for
are

and

there

said

Elsje, with

so

For

to

world,

in it.

But

I did

I want

Therefore
am

no

I live.

wavered

and

how

am

so

little

well,

me

for

myself,

quite ready

whatever

good

not

fice
sacri-

just account

his

to

Understand

personal sorrow

of Christ.

yet

brighten this

still is.
do

weak

in whom

has

shall be built of material

Christ.

want

been

yet

of this

all believe

joy

life

for

not

naught

But

kingdom
could

know

Elsje, I
for

joy

nothing.

achieve

can

the

yieldfor nothing, nor

to

want

there, but

we

mortal

as

poor

never

kingdom

heavenly kingdom
as

has

his

Though

come.

of thorns

crown

is for

is also my

the

good.

nothing."
so

much
her

strong
you

and
can

you
do

know
for

charming pride.

the

so

much,

world,"

the
and

life is

new

America?"

"To

Elsje;

"Yes,

are

willing?

you

of

proximity

shall

earth, but

remote

some

stand

in

the

what

aware

of

divine

what

is to

and

the

how

I shall go

Then
"

in

whirl

for

tender

and

of

child?

"Why

become
best

what

in deed

anything
the

he

country

yet quite

sure

the

not

palled
ap-

but

prospect,

as

overwhelming images.

new

will there

still be

for

And

and

room

little,

"

Elsje?

not,

dwellings and
born

and

thoughtful:

small, peacefulhome?

the

shyly :

in this battle

And

of

mankind,

us

not

am

the

it."

grave

she asked

time

frightened by

or

though

about

looked

Elsje

of

it, for I know

people, though

of

intensively
best

can

with

achieve

can

I know

it is there.

shall

We

midst

most

expected

intends

If I

me.

the

cape
es-

ful
pain-

corner

very

There

be

Christ

of

expects

world.

human

growing

the

of life.

sphere

fiercelyburning life,in

most

are

in

ourselves

bury

"

old

my

shall

We

Evade

the evil tongues in Holland.

not

stirring,

intensely."

seething most

and

foaming,

DREAMS

the

where

country,

new

OF

BRIDE

THE

322

tender

many
The

there.

There

too

peaceful

are

little children

fighting does

not

also
go

on

constantly."
"

I shall

she was,

in

see

that

good

time.

am

ready," said Elsje.

And

XXVII

stood

WE

Atlantic

in the

with

sky heavy
light gray and
a

clear

of the

the
and

zlingly.
the

in

The

the

calm

to

which

side,above

one

white

dark

and
to

on

into mist

out

daz-

shone

about

flurry,glittering

and

contrasting
of

screeching wildly and

sign of

and

sea,

gulls round

background

bow
rain-

houses,

colors

bright sunlight

and

of

brown

faded

flowed

bright

under

sea

fragment

the

cliffs

grayish-purple,

whirling,livingsnow

the

with

screaming
"

of

Thousands

ship,like

sharply

the

which

of the

lightemerald-green

blackish-graycloud
against

scene

the little white

with

land

green

rich

short

limpid blue, a

stretchingstraight across
dull

our

rain clouds

trans-

great

color-thirsty

and

Dark

rain.

white

risingout

of the

risingabove

hills of Ireland,

us

steamer

drank

eyes

and

the deck

upon

clouds

"

ceaselessly.

covenant," said I, pointing to

the

the rainbow.
"

such
"

Do

you

really believe,Vico,

signs to
What

Elsje

do
looked

men?
you
at

that

God

"

mean
me

by
with
323

'

God,' Elsje.?"

pensive wonder.

gives

"

Do

OF

bride

the

324j

then

you

DREAMS

believe in Christ

only

and

not

in

God?"
"

When

employ

I
After

them

not

"

the

what
one

believe

with

Christ.

an

one

equallyin

may

from

idea

but

image,

predictionsand
is the

idea,

an

in which

believe

asked

see

them

in

firmed
con-

faith that
herd-men

originalsand

and

poets
all

are

of."

need

God

does

"And

give

not

such

then?"

signs

Elsje.

Patience, child ! first


do

the

higher being
sun,

that
But

emotions

of what

this

made

I behold

here

and

of whom?

Of

For

earth

Surely.

sign,are

more

than

manity.
hu-

experiences
perceptibility
Being,
point to a supreme

inward

our

which

created

the

Almighty, who

and

all the

stars,

on

and

whom

all is

to

signs and only

comforting spectacle.

and

Christ?

than

the

come

follow.

conclusions

glorious, beneficent
is a sign. But
That
and

fixed

scholar

every

make

can

scholars

and

Because

hypothesis,and

by experience. This

then

or

more

absolute
certainty,but
hypothesis,without
an
ever-increasingdegree of probability,so

that

"

tion
observa-

and

Why?

form

I could

as

thing.
some-

signsof Christ, outward

professorscall

may

mean

something

picture,not

thought

mean

many

inward, that

and

of

I say
so

it to

I want

years

when

obtained

I have

word

beginning to

am

less distinct

his

many

whom

the
all

and

sun
we

subject.

know
No

the
is

matter

earth

ent
dependwhat

THE

think

we

It is

BRIDE

impossiblenot

or

God

no

name."

to

said

Nature,

"

Dear

earth

it

is
feeling,

such

we

call it Nature

for

Being.

still

give

it

again God,

me

all that

"

is not

living

"

"

at

living,feeling,
loving being.

sun,

325

better

"but

Elsje;

just like Christ, is


and

whether

"

something else,or

or

"Yes,"

And

arrive

always

must

we

DREAMS

OF

Elsje, only

in

the

beginning of this
century, before the professors had yet thought
out their impossiblehypothesis of a dead
matter
and

soulless Nature,

few

words

have

and

when
*

he

Of

The

Is

is the

"

they

have

fessors
pro-

half

gone

Shelley,

twenty, he

eternal

will have

named

was

than

and

the

in

wrote

world

element
.

moveless

pillarof a mountain's
weight
active, livingspirit. Every grain

Is sentient
And

only

which

we

poet

who

poet

which

older

not

was

all this varied

Soul

This

was

wisdom

again, before

further.

century

the

forgotten and

remember

to

forth

set

there

the

world

Remember

both
minutest

atom

of loves and

these

them

unity and

in

words

comprehends

hatreds.*
will

well, Elsje, I
and

more

once

part.

translate

them

peat
re-

for

you."
And

I did

consisted

so,

only

for

Elsje'sknowledge

in what

she had

learned

of

English

from

me.

"

I continued

Then

the

world

and

child

every

Lord's

the
maker

back

did

as

them,

But

Spinoza.
be

can

or

their

called

brought

truth, only by

the

is to

that

to learn

has

science

natural

God,

to

world

Atheist, just

an

modern

all

The

prayer.

ought

table
multiplication

the

necessarilythan

more

the

from

since the poet of the

forth

brought

Jesus-Drama,

issued

words

magnificent original spirit

most

has

DREAMS

These

and

strongest

OF

BRIDE

THE

326

these

words."
"

Of

before

"

and

the earth
"

gloriousspectaclea livingsign of
the sun?
Elsje asked.

is this

Then

!"

course

also

are

of

emotions

relations

nearer

joy

to

these

"

All

ity.
sublim-

of all that

characteristics

and

love

sign.

outward

an

splendor,beauty,

the

their

But

yet be long

it shall

but

such

of it is:

These
is divine.

"

I ;

comprehend

we

understand

we

said

inner

our

do

we

not

comprehend."
"

And

"

deities

as

"

asked

outward

operation

the

of

signs thereof
Nature,'
and
of life

that

as

are

the

is fixed

force

issue from

and

the

what
of

the

plants

these

But

physicallaws.
of the Almighty.

they

the

humanity,
that

power

wife.

my

point
signs I have seen
limited, imperfect beings

celestial bodies.

the

in

the

All

"

God?

all

and

gravitationand
These
And

to

seem

call

alone
still we

supreme

can
are

Power.

or

animals,
work
The

unchangeable.

scholars

to

Laws

of

all chemical
be
not

signs
sure

"

Life

sensible

tells

consciousness

inner

Our

signs

the

of

the

that

us

preme
su-

the

finite,temporal. But

be

cannot

327

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

THE

Life

supreme

according

to

temporal and point to


that we
perceiveis not a

faulty perception are

our

all

is

there

put it:

irreversible

standstill.

This

processes.

be

must

the

of

and

Beside

the second-class

stood

us

last land

the

toward

of

trying

to

catch

something

carried

on

in low

tones

scarfs

arms;

brown

in

and

tall

blond

felt hats
Siamese

their

around

Poles

cool-blooded
with

of

and
and

in

wark
bul-

vainly

language strange
with gailywomen,

heads

shabby

and

conversation

our
a

of

the

across

Europe,

Small, dark, Slavonic

to them.

caps;

is

perceptible

passengers

gazing

large emigrant steamer,

their

Life

it."

signsof

colored

the

It

condition.

highest

discover

also

shall

we

are

Life.

supreme

the

irrefutablythat

there

satisfyour

not

local, temporally restricted

know

more,

does

and

we

scholars

the

As

increasingentropy

consciousness

inward

We

to

come

that

motion

of

laws

The

mobile.

perpetuum
know

Universe

The

end.

an

coats

and
and

in

children
astrakhan

Scandinavians,

square-jawed,
patient; short, sturdy Italians
of pale; a handful
gay cravats

jugglers

or

gymnasts

with

flat

gold-embroideredcaps on, and tired,listless faces,


melancholy and pallid from cold and seasickness.
this dirty chattering human
amid
And
blage,
assemdevouring

nuts

and

oranges,

sometimes

828

THE

BRIDE

making

music

and

of life

they

had

expectationof
eyes

her

with

these

amid

"

amid

the

our

subtle

strange

saw

dark-rimmed

joy

of her

the

could
hours.

was

hands

word
of my

She

all the

understood

in the

overflowing

ways

that

cried
my

were

heard

because

heart

inmost

wringing
nothing of

my

second

and

my

children
silent

would

for

fall

absence, it

was

torn,

the

entrails

them

before

one

rich

sublime

my

they
of

that

to

of

that

exceptionof

the

from

leads

memory

often

more

sad, though with

imagined

they

I had

this little

with

herself

deeply dejected

though

as

and

pride

cheerful,but

very

all the

me

with

age

of

and

Above

that

strange
soul.

not

When

ill,or

herself

globe,making

grave

make

false

my

together from

gentle melancholy

thought.

like

grew

life.

new

myself was

and

shiningwith

rubbish.

blown

in all sorts

profoundly

wife

conversation

quiet

troop of humanity
loved

delicate

"

Elsje put to shame


gladly and helpfullybusied

and

vague

their

but

But

of

the

her

and

plant amid

exotic

quarters

battle

pleasurein

sweet,

my

and

pale,delicate features
singing,eating,chatteringand gaming

joyous fervor,
and

now

eyes,

and

wealth

future

with

and

through

gone

anxious

fierce and

usual

dulled

half

all

gaming,

the

frightenedby

DREAMS

OF

of
my

or

my
parture
de-

ing
brief, comfort-

daughter, the

third

in

teen.
children, a shrinking,gentlegirlof sixwrote

in Italian

for

it became

too

us

for hours

hand

of colors

on

of

peace
Dear

sometimes
very

have

seems

sea

stars
"

then,

that

is

"but

yet

it

had

you
for

moreover

Still it is

me.

the

"

good, Elsje, not


it is

though

even

remains

just

as

made

God

This

tiful,
beau-

sun

and

the

I have

Christ

nearer

to you,

have

n't I?

Yes, but

"

True,

intimate

also

and

and

father

our

them.
above
then

when

then

they

are

love

truly our

most

is

see

that

can

we

It

we

but

us,

we

mother

and
Later

And

confidants.

When

real.

is

hide

the

further

no

or

really brought

of his

made

therefore

to

"

him

robbed

wish

oppressing. Inwardly
There

And

"

to

near.

there.

stand

much

profound incomprehen-

its

nearer

wrong

in these

!"

truth,
God

always

being
thinking,feeling

"

me

Elsje;

inaccessible

and

And

taught

though

as

already terrifyingin

siveness.

to

and
justification

our

true," said

wicked, awful
is

that

felt that

we

lie

could

you

and

distant

For

time

From

mind.

man,

comforting

gloriousplay

great things

thoughts.

our

sat

we

blue-black, seethinglight-

the

great things alone


"

the

gazing at

waves,

of

spoke

we

and

endurable

foaming snowy-white.

occupied

our

DREAMS

more

in hand

the

blue, and
time

OF

BRIDE

THE

330

him
are

perfection."
dearer,

children

more
sider
con-

we

perfect. Thereby
that

they

they
have

do

beloved

stupid,childish

indeed

faults

them, faults
and

we

too.

and

all,

trusted

tendency

al-

BRIDE

THE

to

ways

is

above

when

he

said

there

add

that

And

Memory.
Christ
feel

the

loftiness
that

there

has

created

are

yet

above

and

beyond

his

humble

and

will

faults
which

he

number

of

comprehension,
and

with

is

equal

he

weak

equally

the

wise

near

profoundness."

the

to

that

power
that

there

all

beings,

and

yet
in

learns

perfection:

lives

and

low
fol-

ity,
sublim-

higher

and

one

to

incomprehensible

in

faulty

and

able

when

be

powerful

who

be

man

without

in

ness.
Good-

one

superiority

infinite

Most-Sublime,
all

be

and

and

but

blessedness,

also

him

him,

then

is

truly

perfect

one

all

in

spoke

but

was

may

may

an

Bible-Jesus

pure

there

331

perfection

there

only

to

that

The

that

DREAMS

demand

to

us.

will

to

and

expect

that

OF

far

lofty
all

of

of

power
all

them

and

etrates
pen-

XXVIII

1D0

not

dear

give

to

propose

reader, and

has

Elsje's parentage
to

and

me

the

have

Mr.

Conan

America

to

I wish

But
man

fare

may

maintain

position

plan
the

of the

that

efforts
I sowed

thing
and

trip

my

and

I myself

failure.

complete

distinctlyrealize

that

ordered

to

that

the

faithfullyperseveres

in

knowing
that

later

generaland

to

the

learn

that

foreseen

were

have

endeavor

is

his perseverance

in the great

helped to bring about

peace.

possiblethat,

my

aware

his failure

victoryand

It is

"

of

sort

soldier, who,

untenable,

hopelessfailure
and

that

position without

charge, though

his
a

is

of the

romance

everyone,

you

the

as

unknown

directlythat

in what

make

to

life.

colleagues.

first,considered

at

too

for

public libraries

tell you

resulted

look

not

remained

For

his

and

Doyle

prises,
sur-

story of my

for

well-stocked

your

I will rather

So

motive

is left unused.

foundling
you

always

pretty

must

you

in the

thrillingexcitement

dramatic

you

were

though

even

after

seeds

that
332

it seemed

wise,
other-

all beneficial and


are

still in

ful,
fruit-

state

of

THE

germination and
shoot

But

repent
lets

what

that

find

enchanted

quiet
what

down

as

dear

you,

the

shall

words

my

mighty ferment,

who

also

strongly,and

so

me

and

in this

that

of those

heads

in the

me
me

and, like

their way

find

stirred

made

this alone

write

can

edge
knowl-

new

sacrifices

my

And

order,

abilities.

has

contentment

here

I need

the

my

this

And
of

forsakes

never

assurance

on

and

of

will

gone

out

gained in

none

and

peace

am

this and

best

actions.

my

lonely life,because
has

the

333

carried

I have

regret

of

none

me

know

not

understanding.

and
rich

I do

it, to

know

I do

after

it. I have

understood

as

so

about

trouble

not

DREAMS

only long

plants.

as

up

OF

BRIDE

work

reader,

nality,
experienced the painful blessing of origi-

have

know

and

what

with

contact

it is to

Christ,

the

live

ate
immedi-

in

Genitive

Spirit of

humanity.
efforts and

shone
"

one

wonder

This

is

poured
that

an

of

of the

the

themselves

out

the true

ing
increas-

ever

light

brighterglow

describe, because

it and

to

insincere
over

every

respect it, and


enthusiasm

it in riotous

scruples to employ

to indicate

tinued
con-

marriage.

true

know

and

vain

my

sublimity,one

and

difficult to

so

mankind,

steadier

ever

eloquence and

one

of

beauty

professesto

insincere

So

with

the

anguish
of

void

out

confusion

dark

through
painfulexperiences,

terrible
and

the

all

Through

any

streams.

word

wonder, because

have

with
where-

all words

THE

334.

have

OF

BRIDE

pollutedand

been

DREAMS

defiled

through

horrible

misuse.
wonder

is

originalspiritwho

has

The

the

true

all domestic
the
on

herd,

conventional
of the

all the

moment

long

seemed

terrible

anguish of
all

apparent happiness,how
to

the

mighty

gained

were

intimacy of
into

destroy

peace
these

among

tute,
substi-

in what

lived

dured
en-

of

rupture
affection

and

this, how

"

this

sorry

slightthe anguish

pared
com-

things that

transcendent

and

to

I have

violent

only

rest

miserable

attachment

of

to

union.

happy

as

of

man

would, if he had

I have

is
insignificant

how

the

domestic

as

glory.

bonds
firmly-knit
but

for

imitation,

true

world
the

it

happiness and

great human
a

found

hesitate

not

power,

great that

so

perfect tenderness, the real


ing
conjugal love, the complete melt-

the

"

true

of

one

cells in the

two

great body of

humanity.
I have

good
oh !

"

qualityand
also that

by

falser

far

the

than

this

respect

turn

and

majority

were

back

of

most

men

And
oh !

"

herd-man

this

herein

immediately, because

inferior

false union.

and
to

riages
mar-

by

to true
susceptibility

left free

Christ

most

still inborn, that

conventionalist

if he
the

with

that
are

"

own

the elemental

"

conjugal happiness is
weakest

most

my

in this matter

far the most

believe

to

reason

to

deep
do

so

would

elemental
that

"

still works

it is the

the

even

most

in
stinct,
inwith

directly
deep-

THE

seated,
has

BRIDE

DREAMS

absorbing passion

most

335

with

which

he

ocean

of

equipped us.

And

with

even

grief,confusion
herd

the

bonds
would

crusade

against
the

land

be

to

road

and
and

what

follow

the

arise
lead

break

were

of the

all

untrue

appalling knowledge
them

such

to

on

matrimonial

lie, since

glory and the riches of the promised


regained. Many would perish on the
would
be trampled
pine away,
many

perhaps

they

the

would

lead

to

the

that

zeal

this

hesitate

not

know

with

even

"

disaster

fanatic

in

of

vision

itself to

apply

to

clear

and

Originals and

on

OF

had

curse

begun;

and

name

my

but

the

denounce

prize is

worth

the

sacrifice.

Marriage
sacred

is without

human

through
is

dissolved
true

one

with

the

of

one

institutions, but

inward

churchly ritual
truth

doubt

truth,

and

make

can

in

wanting

and

it sacred

it.

And

formula

if the

better

false

broken

most

sacred

only

civic

no

the

inward

thousand

than

marriages

marriage prevented or one


of sincerityand
semblance

or

untrue

one

sacredness

upheld.
Christ

But
is

yet

Our

in the throes

world

of God.
not

the

is yet in distress

true

is

as

But
less

of

my
as

birth,in

brother

I add:

painful.
marriage from

and

the

said

wound

healing wound;

And
the

He

pains of growth.

Hebbel

anguish.

what
untrue

fore
there-

distinguishes
is this

very

THE

336

BRIDE

qualityof pain.
what

I suffered

OF

DREAMS

did I suffer

Never

the

In

through Elsje.

and

happiness there

is contentment

in

everlastinggnawing

the

real

an

desire

longing,a

oneself

to express

closelyunited,

fully,the

more

be bound

to

to

emotion, by
and

to

express

happiness,by

what

life and

be

to

never

blessingof

the

ich

Mich

ganz

of

pain

von

of the

like

that

knew

our

love-life of
cup

of life I

stream.

side

of

in

welfare

regard

by

us,

wish

our

at

words

her

with

in

arose

tief

devout
me:

gestillt
begniige
tender

of

all the

Christ.

By

the

recognizedthe

one

tang
water

through
with
of

from

the

pain

."

siderations
con-

and

concerning present
wholly dying
gentle, never
And

quality

cares

was

to

ments,
peaceful mo-

mysterious,

love-life

our

company.

gazing

sorrow.

and

powerless-

other's

love, independent

firmly,

depth

serenest, most

was

more

experienceconstantly

other's

Moricke's

world

great

to

heil'genWerth

in my

"

bring

deinem

and

future

each

Anschaun

there

to be

our

the

deinem

mit

then

even

that

so

Wenn

her

by

I sat

attention

and

in the

when,

Even

desire

uncertainty

would

each

the desire

"

by

another

our

parted

ing
tortur-

everlastingly.Elsje

one

death

and

together more

anxiety for

our

apparent

complacency,

more

constantly tormented

were

ness

**

morey

indissolubly,more

more

for

Lucia

through

echo

this I

great
in

our

the world-

THE

338

it, because
will

be

than

DREAMS

would

disobedient

these

of

influence

the

the

mass,

be

depends

possible.

voice of the herd.

Did

independently,they
the

But

enough
voice

Original element,

the

few

hates
the

man

But
felt
reveres

by

destroys
is

if the
the

"

to

to

the

in advance

of
originality

him, and later

make
ence
influcloser

of

as

of

something

humanity,

Genitive

our

Spirit,

ferventlyas

originalindividual

does

herd

him.

herd, then

feel

the

now

original,the

group.

voice, the

And

closelyand

nearly as

who

act

own

Genius

of the

originals. If

and

and

changed through

herd.

group

all still bound

is all too

the

to the ideas of the group.

of the

the

not

to

individuals, original

the

stand

the

though

as

powerful enough

All

are

is

group

shall be the stronger, the

few

members

the

subsist

not

union

no

think

the
not

may

members

humanity's
by

originalideas

they

the

few

some

followed

of these

their

of

could

Christ, and

themselves

which

the members

understand

to

of

of

through

otherwise

group-formation

influence

the

tions
group-forma-

strength of

obedience

the

on

The

of life.

Not

herd,

judge independently,because

feelings

voice of the

the

these

group-ideasand

continuallychanging.

are

and

he finds his conditions

in which

would

ideas
to

he

wild, and

run

falsifyhis

twist and

completely
But

he

otherwise

sooner

herd

OF

BRIDE

That

follow, but

not

is the

martyr

"

of his

age."
singleindividual

the

and

respects and

statues

in his honor

it follows
it erects

is

and

eulogizeshim.

talent

more

And

all the

339
if the

more

seceder
and

presses
im-

one
amazing
peopleby the displayof some
while
Meanorganizing,dramatic or musical.

"

this leader

and

than

the

unison

bring

with

the

has

example

nothing
in

organizationmore

outer

inner

done

life of

humanity,

Christ's

being.

own

consideration

This

led

thoughts,and yet
standing so much

my

that

he could
with

one

the

talent

organizing
and

the

all

for

whom

would
that

in his inclinations
than

nearer

influence.

an

the

and

"

demands.

originaland

too

signifya

useless

ings
feel-

the herd,
some

still

the

ability,the

the

mediator

better,

herd

ates
toler-

between

me,

practicallyunqualified,
make

to

attempt

an

absorb

extraordinary

some

which

Thus

man

Moreover,

with

ruling power

and

I to

learnedness, or

as

"

for

independent to

prestigelent by

other

qualityor
aplomb,

exert

seek

to

me

and
sufficiently
intelligent

himself
and

martyrdom,

prevail
the herd,

in its

unoriginalityis yet so greatly in


stirringferment of my ideas.

of the

Before
made
to

DREAMS

personallysuggestivepower,

possesses

OF

BRIDE

THE

my

call the
name,

as

governor

member

choice

mind

my

neared

we

man

he
of
of

as

from

the
the

American

that

persons

for
qualified

my

shores

had

had

purpose.

need

come

I shall

Judge Elkinson, concealinghis


is still in the public
He had
eye.
his state
the

and

at

my

Supreme Court,

arrival
the

was

real

been
a

highest tri-

bunal

in the

It

States, sovereignin its judgments

United

esteemed

and

was

DREAMS

of this

men

the white

the

Hudson

of

the

giant city rising from

and

saw

little

the

from

blowing

tug-boats rocking

and

amid

out

among

shrill whistles

the great

for prey,
the

splashingwater.

Upon

the

elongated

mouth

stretched

river

of the

the

toward

tall

appeared

be

to

pack-ice.

the

one

up

on

like

was

Wall

the

activity,where

though spurred

yet unregulated and

by

on

the

the

the

island
like

other

were

other

end, there

the

the

upon

that

so

of

point

the blocks

where

facing each

stood

of

the

of

mighty city,
houses
piled

block,

upon
at

heaped

There

set
centre

block

of masonry

masses

and

sea,

coating

protruding into

densely packed conglomeration of

up

as

island

solid

and

ing
hunt-

sea-monsters

with

ice from

wide

waters

running quickly in

ships,like

the

valiant

the

turbulent

the

covered

were

and

sky,

on

of

centre

strong icy wind

blue

steamed

we

buildingmasses

the

wide, grayish-yellowstream.

realm.

mighty

clear,cold, brightday when

up

was

the most

only admitting to membership

and
trusted

OF

BRIDE

THE

340

est
high-

ing-blocks
giant build-

Street, the

stony growth seemed


the

restless

uncomprehended

stir, the

instinct

of

accumulation.
As

we

drew

colors, the

buildingsin

soft

the

nearer

reds

we

and

saw

the

creamy

clear, smokeless

delicate, fresh
whites

of

the

atmosphere, the

BRIDE

THE

white

exhausts

OF

the

sky, and
houses,

heating systems, standing


flagsagainst the light blue

row,

upon

light with

severe,

myriad

the sea,

the

of

globe

who

streamed

this land

to

all the

from
of

fixed

tioning
ques-

arrivals

new

future

the

strong,

square,
grave,

glances reviewing the


across

of

myriad dark, twinklingeyes

row

and

firm

341

the

of

like little white

out

DREAMS

from

quarters
and

promise

expectation.
Then

the

followed

impressionsof

the

confusing and

landing,where

the

seems
compelledby experience,

against the instreaminginvasion


and
investigates

and

apparently
we

animals

were

the

me

bitterness

/, the
here

come

of

with

with

ments,
ele-

ing,
humiliat-

endurance

though
alleviated

standing in the long line


about
cials
by the gruff offi-

aristocrat, who

proud

than

otherwise

treated

and

itself

of undesired

strictness, as

cheerful

for examination, ordered


"

tion,
na-

be examined.

and

Elsje'ssmile
for

to

great

guard

to

selects

heartless

confounding

had

surrounded

distinction

never

by luxury,

as

honored

an

guest.
When

finallyreleased

were

we

in the noise and

life,where

the
ants

selfish

of that

seeking of

the

few

uncomprehended power forced


mysterious and curious order,

"

seemingly aimless
or

bees

one

sees

and
a

orderless

selves
our-

tremendous

and

secret

into

the

tumult

found

and

is

by

together
as

out

of

agitationof

well-plannedstructure

THE

342

arise,

BRIDE

rattling of

the

amid

"

the

ill-keptpavement,
trains

elevated

ceaseless

the

the

the

graceless

this

attracting attention, in

or

of

thunder

between

running

and

worn

signs, designed solely for

buildings and
business

trucks, the

the

of feet upon

thousands

of
shuffling

DREAMS

OF

doing
so

eminently
pre-

incomplete,imperfect, half-barbarous
and

world,
half-polished

wife, overwhelmed

her

the world

to

this

did

everything

that

here

the

town,

the

city

preys

find it in

where

the

directlyto
spots
be

can

enced
inexperiof those

one

the immediate
of nature,

found

midst

to

outwardly
put

up

move

It

further

did
to

man

wooden

sheds

or

barns,

soon

"

would

houses

that

as

though

probably
one

may

comparativelylittle money.

not

look

invitingfor

the choice

the well-sustained
where

than

temporarilyby people who


for

in the

found, built of unsightlyboards,

better

no

on

occupy

be

of

quickly and

colony. There
carelesslygrowing human
woody, rocky territory little,dingy,
are

ity
vicin-

still wild

in the

neglectedprecinctsof

remote,

houses

as

day, knowing

upon

villagesin

wild,

run

the

went

scattered

again

or

me

still attracted

powerless to

me,

in

arrival, but

of

confounded, clingto

with

remain

not

vaguely

dear, delicate

my

of life.

tumult

saw

sought everythingthat

she

though

and

and

woman

tomed
accus-

of
solidity

Dutch

house, and

intimacy of

Dutch

landscape,

nature

through long-continued

symbiosishave

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

THE

together in

grown

343
harmonious

union.
the woods

through

all

Everywhere

down
tumble-

were

houses, heaps of rubbish, crockery,old iron

dirt,

and

left

and

down

chopped

trees

to

underbrush, annoying signs of the

burnt

of

by,

between

the

colors, rushed
their

But

all it

that

the

boards,
sign-

and

was

home, and

long

of

years

with

all the

sufferinghad

left

the dear

sion
illu-

waiting

into

in her, Elsje

joyously began to turn


of pining and
these years

of

of

rows

smoke.

after

energy

long

painted in glaring
trains, besmirching everything

monstrously drawn
with

imity
prox-

heedless, careless, prodigal human


close

And

world.

rot,

reality.
when

And
somewhat

the

humble

habitable,
with

stocked

dwellinghad

the

kerosene

night,so
while
Elsje
at

when
a

daily

threw

lamp

that

I could

sewed

and

table with

to

young
to

the

help

domestic

few

been

wan

of

completeness

countenance

cover

and
upon

light

the paper
head

thoughts,
"

of

the housewife

found

who

came

hours, thereby giving to the

household, according to Dutch


air

made

pantry

busily,her

mended

girlhad

read

great satisfaction

negro

its circle of

sit and

tenderly solicitous

full of
and

was

extremely fresh

provisions,an

bedroom,
spotlessly-kept
which

there

when

been

"

and

then
in her

ideas, a
I

necessary

Elsje's
clear, dark-ringed
saw

upon

eyes

Only
its

or

then

perfect

distressing

shone

that

light

memories

OF

BRIDE

THE

344

above

out

all

gloomy

forebodings.

sad

DREAMS

saw

radiant
realization

faithful,

her

glory,
of

but

its

loving
also,

frailness.

alas

nature
! with

in

the

THE

346

OF

BRIDE

DREAMS

the original,
thus
nothing,but he inclines toward
making the entire herd more
adaptable to change,

while

he

lacks

originalsto
herd

the

ever-dangeroustendency of

break

loose, and

The

ideas of human

elemental

little brother

has

English gentleman
in the

as

nations

of

in the

Shaw's

become

ideas

humanity,
The

"

term

them.

enriching oneself
oneself
oneself

without

groups

of

lawful.

But

themselves

by

"

ancient
the

is comprehensible,

herd

and

Un-Christian

means

the

group-ideas of

craft,

doing

any

by

these

In

these

It is

one

of

may

of the

without

enrich

craft, at

one

the

even

this

And

great herd, that

work,

calling

lawful,

admitted.
form.

not

ably
unmistak-

so

the

many

were

nations

of the

riching
en-

enriching

things

among

generally

means

the

measure.

great herd

the

others, the

of

cost

or

worst

the nature

tency
consis-

times

in the very

zation,
civili-

mediately
originalim-

every

Christian, include

honorable

of the

just

of

actions

true

is with

means

bound

un-Christian

moreover

the

at

so

Christ.

to

un-Christian

applied to

the

Anglo-Saxon

which

hostile

as

type

that

with
recognizesas conflicting
of

the
And

extinct

or

current

are

the

group.

tremendous

West-European

from

rarer

lament

entire

the

respecting

diverge

nature, the

becomes

"gentleman"

my

ideas

group

of

in

the

of the union.

sacredness

the

more

alive

keeps

virtue
lofty,indispensable

upholding the

and

of

the

oneself
expense

self
onerestrictedly,
un-

of

THE
the

of the

herd

made
Reason

conceivable

The

and

nigh impossibleto

new

the

as

The

respecting

time

of

only

the

and

him

this

from

It is well-

without
originality
of

the

still
of

anarchists, forming
to

the

great herd.
the

at

same

feelings,

strainingof

truth

that

honest

people succeed
represented the fast

gentleman,

and

knew

possiblethrough an
suppleness of mind, fineness

in.

appearing
disthat

dinary
extraor-

was

feeling,and

or

group,

original human

one's

Primal

ever,
changed, how-

group-ideas and

Elkinson

type
for

and

hostile

forcing and
sagacious and

Judge

has

union

few

"

one's

preserve

stand

preserving

demands

deviation

herence
co-

possible.

socialists

that

groups

unprecedented magnitude

in this process.

separating from
without,

347

unparalleledfirm

gentleman
rarer

grown

and

"

of

type

its

and

great

so

DREAMS

the

Only

poorest.

very

OF

BRIDE

of

tact

philosophic broadness

of

view.
in the

Honest

strict

naive

uprightness

than

any

that

"

some

other

giving
desired

himself

be

to

honest.

distortion

necessary

union,

the

as

the

with

patients.

He

humane
the

was

the
not

word, with
be any

of the
at

least

impression that
He
forgave
demanded

by

physician does

lies he

also

he could

he

But

everyone

of

member

faithful

astuteness.

sense

tells for

comprehended

the

more

herd,

with

capable of
he always
himself
the
not

good

the

group-

charge
of his

the relativeness

OF

BRIDE

THE

348

of

ness

and

everywhere
great

Growth

opinion.

excluded, but
the

support

tiveness

and

"

character

of

man

thereby

were

and

he

was

cised
thereby exer-

influence

beneficial

posi-

the

cost

it were
as
personaldevelopment,actuated
love, by a preservativeinstinct

by

the

most

His

masses.

moral

code

respect which

though

his

neither

could

He

called

that

maintained

it with

the

as

judge

he

by

rogue

rogue,

mankind,
to
was

admit

considered
a

harmful

that

the

an

the

though

mutable.
im-

"

sacred

for the law,


him

exclude

means

any

as

same

told

philosophic reason

conscious
un-

the

point

demanded

of

for

broad

as

beyond

complete comprehension
he

at

but

group-ideasallowed,
He

was

of

sake

herd, that

the

of

fixedness

for

these, for the


to

His

everyone.

regularityafford.
depend on him absolutely;

and

"

called

for

development

necessary

not

cumstances
extenuating cir-

demand

sacrificed

he
so

could

One

his

in

lay

power

nevertheless

was

found

he

that

broad-minded

so

but

communion,

all

faulti-

conceptions,the

of

of words, the vagueness

DREAMS

that

injustice.

he realized that

complete forgiveness;

means

anarchist

monster,

criticism

to

enemy

though

even

anarchistic

an

of

he had

society

well founded.
If the

group-ideasand

calling themselves
wretchedly vague,
science and

hollow

the

group-union of

socialists,had
confused

and

rhetoric,he would

been

not

based

those

on

so

pseudo-

perhaps have

joined

that

brotherhood.

he

For

American

of

measure

in that
union.

But,

he would

"

intuitive dislike of bad


wholesome

if it is

in the

socialist

representedby
herd

uncultured

than
a

had

very

realization

about

union

of this group

upon

the

the

With

try

my

but

to

this man,

then,

luck.

had

He

according

very

he

referringin

his wealth,

I called

York,

and

as

had

body.

clean-shaven

soon

as

received

was

Elkinson

muscular

him

face

that
rich

might

by clever,

of

had

this

fine mansion

Toward

was

me

jokingly
connection

I knew

he

was

cordially.
large, bony head upon

He

all sorts

he
cuse
ex-

to

the sage.

of Seneca

on

it his natural

to

commissioner

Washington and in New York.


would, as a philosopher,sometimes
example

it

that

group-ideas perfectly lawful

to

in

the

entirelybased

so

I considered

large undertakings,and

of

the

Moreover

transfer

grown

transactions, as

money

ers,
lead-

the union.

for

respect

him

And

better

much

badly formulated,

negative,so

Originalswho

of the

weak,

so

and

fanatic

by

movement.

was

impossiblefor

was

driven

the

had

people.

nothing

saw

followers

sorry

brought

he

old

shun

one

inferior

the

natural

makes

aristocracy that

group

in

as

the

company,

"

gentleman

gentleman," he

every

full

resolution.

"

have

as

the

had

and

courage

representedthe
confederacy just as well

And

349

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

THE

in New

most

was

of

not
a

yet sixty,and

youthfully fresh

lean,
his
and

still thick

His

the

and

be

himself

clear, gray,
the

imposed

upon

twinkled

his eyes
with

of the

and

middle

thin-lippedlarge
would

who

man

the

let

not

of

out

put

or

at

nance;
counte-

occasion
slightest

roguishness,evidence
jestingand

for

inclination

generalAmerican

commanded

steady eyes

subtle

expressionof

an

the

energy;

marked

respect and

the

strongly-pronouncedjawbones,
firm chin, lent him
an
expression

large teeth and


of will-powerand
mouth

snow-white, but

was

full, parted in

and

cut.

DREAMS

hair

His

ruddy complexion.
trimly

OF

BRIDE

THE

350

joking.
"

It

kind

ralto,very
been

you

kind

is very

of you,

assigned

the

to

how

again.'* And

to look

indeed

dear

my
me

the

are

again.

up

post

Mu-

Count

Have

Washington

at

and

the

title,Mr.

El-

countess

children.?"
"

kinson.

about

bother

Don't

It must

be

using

my

to
distressing

your

democratic

spirit."
The

mocking

On

atavism

as

though they

joyed
en-

sally.

my
"

twinkled

eyes

the
!

contrary
It

does

us

on

the contrary !

good.

We

are

that

"

above

is

such

things,to be sure, but just as eager to do them


a
as
worthy professorto sing the collegesongs at
a

reunion."
"

Then

pleasure.
become

regret
I

am

no

that

I must

longer

citizen of your

depriveyou
count

and

republic."

of this

intend

to

that

"What's
that

is

"

that

after

all."

it 's

pity to

Would

No

excellent

And
"

No

by
be

never
"

H'm

Judge

eyes

vanished

as

my

make

it?

The

Elkinson.
and

"

his kind

of my

lot.

Muralto.
with

and

her

is my

is

the

judge.

companied
ac-

such."

grave,"

very

the

severe,

with

heart, I recounted

Mutely

to you.

and

roguish twinkle

assumed

my

wife, but

true

grave,

he

as

to

like you.

men

Contessa

simply as possibleand
uprightness that would make

appeal

have

of such

use

positionclear

who

that

"

expressionof
Then,

yet

and

museum

emigrant, poor,

an

woman

And

disappearing."

lawfullyrecognizedas

H'm

said

remains

to make

here

come

to

say

completely with

I wish

it 's

castles.

date.

need

We

powers.

madame

broken

I have

glad to

are

Muralto

Contessa

old^life.

can

we

"

does

feudal

and

another

into

me

titles

these

of

rarer

are

me.^^ "

working

what

have

put

support

after

one

see

you

the state

counts

out

you

this transaction

With

unpracticaland

are

"

Italian

"

one

as

I believe

by

sailingvessels

with

as

They
a

is lost

citizens.

American
same

"

do !

hearty

as

American.

true

something

Perhaps

than
the

of

expect

think

"

is not

enthusiasm

Your

should

decision."

remarkable

Well, well, well!

tell me?

you

351

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

THE

the

in his
rable
inexo-

the trusting

strongest
the

tudes
vicissi-

he listened to my

story,

BRIDE

THE

852

of this

make
"

expect
what

now?

are

positiondoes
not
"

not

life to

know

expect

of

sense

you

offer

you

do you

to
deep sensibility
of
passion is one

after

have

enough

that

sense

present

your

chance

much

all you

of

cess,
suc-

country."
desire

or

the word.

I shall endeavor

I want.

What

But

and

in this

even

I do not

tender

the

boy,

experienceof

and

characteristics.

longer

no

that

know

call

national

your

"

asked.
finally

he

here

we

case.
"

now?

And

DREAMS

touched, wondering what

and

obviouslyinterested
to

OF

to

can
in the Ameri-

success

is all

frugal existence
that.

obtain

By giving

lessons, for example."


"

had

And

by
!

No

have
old

in that

me

to

be in any
"

direction?

degree supported

asked

the

ful
care-

practicalAmerican.

and
"

hoped

you

"

not

did

the

not

to

you

slightestintention

of

come

acquaintancesby presuming

for

that.

burdening
on

our

I
my

former

relations."
"

Good

"

I know
a

"

!"

bit

You

don't

them

too

what
You

you?

You

woman,

friends
"

Elkinson

honestly.

well for

that," said I,

haps
per-

scornfully.

know

position.
of

said

If I had

it would

signify for them,

easilyput yourselfin
defy public opinion for the

but

should

can

you

can't

do

thought

it for
that

expect that
your

they

your

their
sake
mer
for-

sake."
were

friends, I

THE

354

BRIDE

OF

DREAMS

glanced at me with a look, sharp, cold


He thought
penetratingas a dissecting-knife.

Elkinson
and

"

"

On

the

"

system

that

asked

he

contrary

he

to deal with.

of

from

release

tem.
sys-

un-Christian

inhuman,

breaking through

The

had

gruffly.
the

"

shattering

The
morals.

it was"

what

he understood

wall of horrible

institutions."
"Which.?"
"

and

all, that

of

First

of the

The

he

does

nothing
and

morally

squandering of

lawfully

the

products
and

weaker, approved
without

control, by

agency

of

farmer, the laborer


The
the

the

of

labor

common

through
The

men.

property

by
the

honorable,

of craft,

middle

countless

unlimited

tolerated

accounted

even

means

rich, even

exploiting of

The

irresponsiblepersons.

is

eration
remun-

remuneration.

deserve

to

the

"

he

simply because

rich

condemns

everyone

maintains

nevertheless

everyone

though

which

the

tenant-

the tenant-farmer.

owner,

manufactory, the factoryhands


The

share-holder, the manufacturer.

landlord,

the lessee ; the lessee,the sub-lessee ; the sub-lessee,


the

lodger.

others, while

The
the

speculator, and

speculatoragain exploitsall
thus

ad

word, of mutual

in

one

of

no
irresponsible,

system

in which

crowning

of

master

less

what

ideal is to

do

finance

infinitum.
ruthless

the

exploitsthe
The

system,

exploitationand

ruthless,squandering.
each

holds

in view

nothing himself,to

as

the

squan-

without

der

measure

possiblework

as

asking

they

and

none

which

under

that

is further

and

can

that

of its suicidal

declared

thinks

that

"

know

we

not

are

with

cent

of the

system

higher element
A

system

originaldesires
other

any

of

or

men

tion
considera-

any

preserve,

that

that

believe in

is

only

nothing

disappear because
system that can only

to

lasting and

remained

Elkinson

serener

to

him

who

education

and

by

necessary

capable of
open

eyes,

shall

seek

ever

ruin."

own

finished

wish

is doomed

development and,
their

with

character.

men

per

by large masses
one

no

because

better,and
be

than

or

approve

maintained

humanity

est
rich-

highest possible

trace.

the

that

the

perfect bloom.

maintained

system

ninety

from

and

happiness.

science,no

no

to

of

been

ever

and

givespeace

the

live.

even

that

to

none

removed

sentiments

has
"

attain

can

man

art,

no

many

demoralize

system

is lost without

wealth

as

they

to the core,

least

at

have

to

how

development

system by which

in

and

are

bring

of

355

out
withpersonalprofit,

own

nation

can

grade
national

and

care,

the strongest. A

and

DREAMS

slowlybut surelymust

impoverishevery
to

or

for his

who

that

system

OF

BRIDE

THE

speaking.

The

silent

while

expressionin

after

his eyes

had
was

now.

As

his head.
"

criticism
"

But

Government

nothing new,"
what

new

aid.? "

he said,nodding

remedy

do

you

pose.'^
pro-

"

initiative ;

publicopinion,the
how

And

than

More

has

heads

that

Use

no

the

Give

but

no

bite, and

something to
Clearer

will hear

of facts

it, or

little as

as

of

sible,
pos-

deed

the

milestones

your

it that

of
other
an-

shepherd dog

your

to

take

Make

out.

and

label and

men

talk

has

who

mother

the

And

see

clearer

impossible.

not

flock find

the

on."

graze

well!

"Very

metaphors,

Eastern

no

"

Elkinson

Judge

psychology of

individuals

of which

the

it is

state,

out.

worth

is

acquainted

composed.

He

conducted
laws

He

knows

thousands

and

their

abilities.

the

he knows

and

mass

organized and
undertakings, instituted
their

two

facts."

American

carried

child with

name

own

make

guideposts. Let

bark, but

effectual.
not

of it and

do, act, carry

your

the

ing
noth-

democracy

potion another

color.

shepherd'sstaff

with

"

ings
meet-

"

me

proved

dead

for

would

if you

better, give it

"

it

social

child is ashamed

color

and

to

seems

has

its

more,

no

name

more.

your

pamphlets ?

"

The

enough.

itself made

the

borne

powerful

"

enough?
"

ment
Govern-

necessary,

That

"

exactlynew either,nor
one
deformity like the

Is

ernment
Gov-

"no

instinct."

orations

"

the most

with

group

addresses

? and

it

said

perhaps, if

Begin

assistance.

"

laws,"

morals, then

First

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

THE

356

and
of
He

has

erned
gov-

cial
commerseen

them

individuals,

enjoys

the

THE

universal

confidence,and
alone

His

name

and

of the very

best

of

the group

in which

"

How

As

every

Select

what
the

his

works."

concrete

if you

business,

staff of the

that

so

of the

it
to

great herd

the

know.

late
Formu-

marked

out

the

way,
the

they shall gain.

as

out.
not

herd

quickly as
And

on

them

of

the

graduallygo
be

of their
less

own

and

straction
ab-

is fed

and

possible,and

its instincts
the way

beforehand

object

Teach

least about

the

in
"

heed

teach

them

fightand

what

"

first to follow and

in following,
and
gratification

and

the

reality

concrete

the

your

of
gratification
marked

once

them,

tell

visions of the future.

or

that

see

stabled

and

comprehend

find

to

his

organize, practically,systematically,

it find

well,on

general

frightening
by peculiar,unusual

troublingyourselfin

sheltered

ness
busi-

every

missed, without

terms, theories

And

course

please.

capable and

course

always aiming directly at


without

As

every

most

them

in the

be

cannot

one

then

that

higher

evil,than

lives and

more

is essential for

doubtful

And

plan

chief idea

or

now

began always.

group

forms

army.

off any

he

group-

and

and

good

imagine the beginning.^^

you

man

them

better

customs,

wrong,

form

"

do

"

right and

him

Let

moreover.

group-ideas,with

still and

Clearer

help of thousands,

the

ethics, better morals, better


standards

357

great influence.

possesses

guarantees

with better

group,

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

then

accord, if it
less in need

they

agrees

of

to

will

with

guidance.

358

THE

Promise

as

but
possible,

as

result,and

the

bj

little

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

show

and

that

predictnothing

prove
not
can-

you

immediately prove."
"

Thus

organization?
non-political

cal
ethi-

An

"

corporation?
"

proposition.
for

business
and

much

proposition,judge,

business

But

great and

making

good time,

eat, must

have

and

have

its future

If the group
much

and

enough

greater wealth

by

"

herd

only learns

that

it

of

is possible.

that

obtain

can

much

"

happiness and

more

another

longer pilferingone

no

kind

before

than

even

must

abundance

What

kind

much

and

have

must

Every

more

accumulating as

assured.

is indifferent.

business

for

money,

business.

quickly as possible. The

as

must

holy

business

tent
con-

and

mutual
agreement
squandering,but by intelligent
and
by restriction of personal boundless liberty

"

of the whole

sake

the

for

And

your

part in this affair?

own

"

the

As

part

How

do

"

imagine that?

you

welfare."

common

of

match

at

forest fire.

For

myself full of profound satisfaction,for the outer


I shall come
to talk
world
absolutely obscure.
is the
then.
and
with
now
Judge Elkinson
you
man,

the

of his

benefactor

people, the

liberator

of mankind."
"

And

glory,no
"

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for
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you

"

nothing?

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money,

no

"

disinterestedness

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incredible

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it is

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natural

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glory

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is

vision.

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with

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shall be

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it

greater

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think

found

mass

who

sages

In

Elkinson, have

quality. Humanity

do.

the

aid

the

formulas

of

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let

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find

would

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the

that

exercises

scholar,

the

each

his

own

artist,the poet. And


for
that

the

good

every

member

alone.

the

and

the
when

herd

and

Humanity
by the light

advance

think

it must

thinking
"

statesman,
this

completed,is

of

of these

peculiarfunction

only

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it must

masses,

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business-man,

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abstractions,

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reflection,

contemplationand

organizedly,so

the

and

or-

instinct,or

uncomprehended

way

think, and

for

the work
at

this

greater

what

out

am

But

act

way

blind

own

for

only

safe

than

nonsense

coveries
dis-

all.

me

not

itself think

few

affords

of correct

of

ganization
or-

example.

an

organizedly. No
its

culiar
pe-

sensible

as

need

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by

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slinga

would

process

own

practicallife

incorrectlyinterpretedterms

of

our

very

organized

honor, glory and

money,

very

involves
so

the satisfaction

Judge

as

take

may

you.

that

are

different

contemplative,speculativeand

and

herd

work

in what

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you

enjoyment through

unhappy,

involves

We

enjoyment only
can

359

different functions.

our

Practical

honor.

and

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work

of

function

desires.

love

DREAMS

outcome

different

Every
passions and

My

OF

the

the

organization

there

will

chance

participate

THE

360
and

more

the others, that

delightsof

also in the
world

thinkingfunctions, and

in the

more

of free

and

men

anarchistic

poor

thus

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in which

flaming ideal

moths

still scorch

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and

majors, a trulymature

full-grown humanity,
the

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

their

wings."
"

dear

My

that

Faustus,

to whom

out, all that


but

would

in

placing me

are

you

Muralto, in

Mr.

sign

ambition

his

"

will

gladlygive you
the

"

good

Until

now,

the

after

But

other
"

all that

opinionsvery
is

That

grateful to
I

hope

search

to

be

your

counted

considered

myself

criticism."

At

"

the

that

And

guiding spirits."
only an opinion,as all

to

open

for

thing
some-

demons."

was

possible!
you

have

without

capable of gettingon
"

the

should

bad

pardon

name.

occasion

friend,

my

held
he

probably

whether

or

Dr.

desire, if

will

sign your

every

deepest conscience
among

will

than

do

to

positionof

could
You

name.

comparison, I hope."
Certainly, but you
more

the

reallyfeel

imaginableglory was

every

human

way

am

very

ence.
interestingconfer-

most

we

rate

any

continue

may

it another

time."
"

I gave
there

"

Much

your
to

you
at

address.

any

obliged!

confidence

entertain

my

of

and
me.

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posal
dis-

moment."
"

feel

by

the

Once

myself

honored

high opinion you


more

"

many

by
seem

thanks."

THE

362

usually

One

woman's

the

OF

attaches

little

judgment
faith

perfect

creative

mighty

confusing
to

favorable

of

see

oneself

light.

pure

DREAMS

value

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man

spirit

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for

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reflected

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calming

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loving

loves.

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and

power
and

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upon

comfort

wondrous

not

BRIDE

also

And

it

and

ficial
bene-

glass,

in

is

XXX

SHALL

campaign

firmly convinced

But
be
the

idea,

new

idea

and

this

skilfullyand

their

life.

own

succeed

did

the

and

"

not

not

yet

not

prove
One

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even

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the

oneself

ings
graftciently
suffi-

not

was

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had

Still this

does

principle.

too

often

sagacious,broadest
363

by

grafting did

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I

as

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right

remind

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practised in

and

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as

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them

to

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botanical

becomes

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Now

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to

the

impossible to

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and

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ill contrived.

or

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of

plan

that

fault

is not

Elkinson

like

not

It

of

one

which

and

practice.

men

it had

of

aware

will be

and

correct

was

the

unpracticable

was

I remain

that

admit

never

that

no

mind,

364

THE

is led to

assume

OF

DREAMS

different fundamental

reasonable

by
is

BRIDE

The

arguments.

even
always indispensable,

ideas

solely

element

of

purely

scientific

in

faith

questions.
I said to

What

entirelysufficient
into

powers

but

The
that

marriage

of my

in

me

in

afford

contact

with

once

also

he

expectedof

as

much

it may

everywhere

club

there, in
conversations

gained
and

or

with
the

and

in the

him

see

and

me

he,

as

of

vincing
con-

then

and

evinced

as

much

as

could

illogical

words

my

stood

longer

formerly,

was
an

on

met

me

distinguishedcircles, had
salon, carried
me,

and

the

purpose

of

now

mindedness

on

above

impression that

with

end

position. But

no

we

Had
the

in

him

influence

slighterbecause

equal footing.

not

the

seem,

interviews

opportunity

in his

man

private

broad

and

interest, kindliness

would

he

that

the

to

came

this to be

me

indeed

I did

him.

foreseen

and

secret

was

circle of Elkin-

the

I had

to

enough

keeping

be

ent
differ-

illegitimate

my

nevertheless

thought

with

often

outside

intercourse.

but

confer

too,

stances
circum-

oftener, from

it

the

in

favorable

poverty and

stood

now

social

sure,

him

unfavorable, hampering circumstance


because

son's

stir his

to

told

been

in different words.

and

persons

and

him

more

heard

have

would

it been

under

if he had

or

convince

to

action, had

words

same

Elkinson

Judge

of

the

same

all, had

spoke

he

he

tionally
inten-

rousing

him

THE

BRIDE

OF

action, he would

to

these

then, I
ideas

same

initiative would

own

DREAMS

am

lated
assimi-

have

sure,

and

have

365

seemingly

commenced

to

his

on

act

upon

them.
the

But
of

position and

their

because
logical,

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spoken by

though they
the element

man

convincing lose

are

when

persuasive power

the

upon

distinction

eccentric,even

or

that

arguments

be

may

erratic

an

exactly as

of faith and

of trust

wanting.

are

Thus

the

liberated

spirit and

my

and

honestly assert
time

had

When
he

could

had

stop

at

the

upon

his

the seed
take

and

us

of my

lessons
to

I
endeavored

in

arms.

to

I tried

languages
editors

make

and

find

to

strove

magazines

short

articles
of

great

pupils to

to

of

ideas

tinued
con-

provide a
ground for

to

fertile

seeking a

composed

mail

of

this first attempt, but

thoughts.

the

same

powers.

coat

working restlessly,trying
living for

the

my

his

to

courage

myself,at

buckled

longer move

Hot

convention, which
me

gave

maintain

knight

no

I did

social

crippling effect

the

from

release

gain

and

in

mission
ad-

papers.
news-

which

importance

interestingand readable.
Urged by
attempted to write short stories,
necessityI even
and

value

complete failures however, and


hours of struggle and inward
miserable

which
me

For

were

purposely

unworthy

manufactured

and

art

is

humiliatingas

caused

shame.

just

as

true

art

sipid,
inis

sacred

and

also

tried

to

with

had

used

besides

Now

ran

who
with
a

to

and

make

another

an

happy

or

People

have

would

even

name,"

forming

of

the

not

sound,

"

and

in

influential
world

the

riches.
chance

warn

this

minute

one

thing
every-

my

would

one

campaign

it is called.

of

ple
Peo-

one

hastilyto

spare

me.

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over

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fabulous

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no

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reform

to

"

more
bravely entered, I saw
I was
facing. In
difficulty

out

or

knew.
and

"

cranks

calculated

category

and

ingeniousinvention,

in that

against me

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carry

success.

pursue

millionaire

to

listen to

available,

in America.

have

They

it

livingworld
to

system,

idea

lost, that

was

"

called

realize their

counted

Once

But

troublesome

everywhere and

giganticscheme.
and only want

person

less

but

flourish

to

infallible

an

most

with

met

are

seem

about

go

the

as

other

Elkinson.

Judge

harmless,

many

who

there, and

of

powder at the first onslaught.


as
great danger of being looked upon

fools, who

tiresome

interest

best

my

the

of

one

the

him

others

all the
up

worship,

engage

rightlyselected

and

is divine

of time.

influential persons
I had

last

The

exalting.

first waste

the

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

THE

366

centre

through

of

distinctlythe
order

should
And

I had

which

on

be

to

have

making

to
a

"

this is in conflict with

but
a

fatal

able

to

make

the

name,

suggestive influence

essential worth

so

ing,
work-

through

idle

contemplative

and

nature

of

will make

action

he

unashamed,

being honored
is

instincts

anything

that

printedor

it for

bear

could
it of

that

bring

to

it discussed

it

own

my

sonality,
per-

should

that

he

for

It is harder

else to act

contrary
the

uphold

be

willing
that

realized

if I

and

name

my

see

impossiblefor

was

end.

disposition. To

of

horror

quite indifferent

was

sake,
him

serve

for anyone

For

equipped

been

limelight. To

Christ's

But

me.

he has

in

ity,
personal-

name,

disagreeable.I

thus

only

myself to
than

the

very

pleasure

it

tant
transitory,spectralunimpor-

to hear

even

for

work

renowned.

and
a

man

for this.

tend

would

into

being

will

insurmountable

an

most

my

to me,

had

myself

The

am.

unadulterated

celebrated

and

he

name,

finds

the suitable

But

to

of
capacity the power
indispensable.Wisely

in his

with

realityas

lover of

367

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

THE

demanded

me

the

exert

to

Original

to his natural

truths

important

myself to be the sole and responsible


always ready to make
any
supporter, I was
sacrifice.
But
to fightfor my
career,
person,
my
I knew

whereof

did not

name,

my
also

So

rarely met
for
the

attract

with

success.

days, weeks,

months

and

slightestresult.

Elkinson, stayed away

A
after

pupil, sent
few

out
with-

I worked

weeks

to

me

me

"

journalistswho

had

known

me

in

by

without

perhaps because he may have


marriage.
something about my illegitimate

paying

thus

in the least and

me

former

heard
Some

days

and
superficialfriendliness
But
they did
something for me.

with

received

me

promised

to

nothing

do

speedily absorbed

"

interests.

Of

brought

into

of

hundreds

conversations

with

his

folly.

through
as

also does

forget
Muralto, shipwrecked

great, tremendous, busy


the

in

restlesslyonward

rushed

me

him

to

prosperity again begets prosperity,so


misery grow like a snowball rollingdown

The

hill.

own

been

presidential

the

for

reason

own

he had

that

for

consideration

their

in

again

Elkinson, I heard

sufficient

candidacy;

Just

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

THE

368

world

about

fog

ing,
striv-

"

seeking,building up and demolishing,urged


by uncomprehended impulses and considered

on

"

than

more

no

me

that

worker

this

heavy

and

the

the machine

that

catches

in

its wheels.

And

yet I knew

that

obedient

tool

structure

most

that
precious gifts,

that

was

the

was

entrusted

had

that

power

same

its blind

tures
crea-

as

tremendous

of the

lost

thousand

the

under

crushed

are

cruel

tread,

of

any

had

urged

with

me

me

less
care-

way,

my

on

responsiblefor

my

strengthand

proportion as

the

want

its

for

my

weakness.
in

And
my

little house

struggle for
the
to
age
worn

same

grow

when

and

more

grew

existence

and

more

that

reigned in

real and

more

anxious, in

more

also

began

proportion this

humble

home

dearer

approaching

to

man,

more
out, still,

me.
even

was

though
than

ever

not

the

yet tired

the
and

before, longs for

BRIDE

THE

370

able to

not

wished

teach

to

devout,

and

horror
this

in truth

"

slunk

laugh

of

dared

assail her
the

but

and

and
and

as

the

increased

tenderness

the

pressure

"

grim

who

had

the

that

dearest

ure,
greatesttreas-

her

when

she

the battle that

saw

Her

her

consumed

with

keeping

up

it tortured

pain.

unfailing

me

sand
thouwhen

exhaustion.

saw

Her

yield under

me

whereby I noticed that


it
as
responsiblefor my suffering,

she felt herself

sake

her

with
me

for me,

home

well-nighpowerlesswith

for

man

And

my

more.

and
of

variations

heavy

sublimity.

cheerfulness

brave

waging,

was

and

enemy

herself upon

she menaced

physicalbeing all

was

house

the

of

devout

truly

beautiful

falsely

shortlyand at such great sacrifice.


though Elsje'sdauntless efforts to

and

patience

fiercest

sacredness

comforting

prepare

she

my

most

so

It seemed

was

into

offered me,

won

she

every

revenged

scorn

she struck
life had

to

I had

the bride

and

Christ's

terror

poverty

friend

Jesus'

which

the poverty

to escape,

men

proclaimed as

poverty from

The

give.

DREAMS

OF

of care,

that

I had

given up

life of

my

prosperity.
Then
that
the

the time

of

our

greatest troubles, came

expected and
highestblessing maternity.
which

Elsje

for

longed

had

as

"

I too

it with
how

at

had

desired

fervent
could

now

fatherly devotion

the child

and

had

longed

tenderness, picturing to
bestow

without

all

the

for

myself

interest

and

self-constraint,from

THE

BRIDE

OF

natural

instinct,from

should

love this child

DREAMS

371

overpowering love.

How

and

delightin the sight of


its development day by day. Recallingwith bitter
how
soming
sorrow
vaguely and distantlythe lovely blosof

because

had

hoped

now

the

all to be

air, has

dreams

my

what

promise
subtle
felt

Toward

as

of

she

of her

feign hopefulnessand
but

"

to

me

that the
of

my

myself

my

un-

the

as

tenderly

to

as

this.

with

me

less
relent-

dailyclearer

take.

The

glad

the

eyes

sweet

and

faith, would

would

test, to the keenest

be

absorbed

child,toward
enter

into
not

my

never

being

in

Elsje I

her

sweet

deceive.

side

my

could

tasies
phanI knew

teasinglyheld
behold.

the

out

I knew

conviction,the strength

submitted

torture.

the

announcement.

tranquillysat by

I could

genuinenessof

insensible

my

pictureof happiness was


that

and

calamity threatened,

would

tiny garments

prospect

sense

diabolically
mocking sound,

falseness

at

in

it became

it and

full

yet breathed

forward

that

calamity

Elsje

sewing

that

it had

perceptivefaculty of

the

sweet

I knew

this

had

me,

lovely miracle.

ferventlyloved,

as

betokened

form

this

foreboding dwelt

certainty.

in the

perception

devoutly looked

dark

clear

before

been

ever

passed by

father

delightin

to

child

discussed, as
But

with

and

abating interest
no

had

participatedwith my entire
growth and their development, I

after

word,

Surely

children

not

in their

being
of

Lucia's

to

the

severest

Then

through Elsje's peculiar condition,


certain
spirituallongings speak so

too,
makes

which

clear

became

loudly, it

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

THE

372

to

carefullyhidden from me.


She always questionedme
And

I wish

"

Oh,

"

Why,

that
"

Do

hold

taken

had

long

you

nodded

She

her.

do?

you

It

been.

!"

"

homesickness

was

her.
"

in Holland?

be back

mutely,

had

like you

dream

upon

to

"

Holland," she said softly.

to

understood

so

her:

would

What

had

dreams

my

where

escaped

to go

try

about

seen,

that I could

Elsje?

I should

Then

had

words

the

once

"

whom

and

what

she

what

me

in

immediately added

but

livelier tone:
"

I don't

But

want

mind

to

you

that,

dear

my

long as you consider your work here


is not
patient and can
yet accomplished. I am
there is a possibility
But
very well wait a while.

husband,

after

all,isn't there,

bigger
"

as

that

"

go

endeavors

If my

than

we

they

have

so

"

when

back

to

is

live in Holland?

with

meet

child

our

better

no

far, Elsje,we

can

little
"

success

just as

well

live in Holland."

Then
"

no

longer restrainingherself,she

I should

been

had

born

have
in

thought

so

Holland, amid

bright pretty little


clouds, near
lovely Dutch
could already early have
in

it

Dutch
our

shown

lovely if
the green

said:

baby

my

pastures
the

house, under
sea.

him

And
all the

then
beau-

tiful

things that
and

museum,

dunes.

Here

ugly
I

have

only

and

the

the

373

in Holland

remain

to

hard, and

big, so

here

the

money,

she

the time

to

could

be

not

in Dutch

the

in the

Holland

with
And

her

she had

where

her

mind

and

her

been

learned

in

so

and

No,

also

purpose.

things

has

for

couraged
dis-

home
induce

sociological

practicaldirection,

your

For

if I

that

But

yet

That

is
in

to
a

led

say

to

that

human

way.

listen

the

to

deeds .?"

Christ

his purpose,
for

has
then
that

like superstition.

thought seems
like

hither,

you

thoughts into
assume

think

to

me

influences others

he

such

of

others

particular,for

in

think

divine

and

move

to translate

me

stupid

drawn

easilyalso

Elsje.

influenced
can

who

Jesus
now

is it

husband,

Dearest

could

"

aversion

said:

that

you,

its

test

child

brought up,

to

attempt
and

society to apply

knowledge
biological
"

useless

was

desire

her

wrought fatallyupon her system.


One
day when I had again returned
after

I had

strength

growing

strange country,

the diet of the land

the

that

had

Even

But

than

knew

had

trip.

environment.

the food

have

not

constantly occupied

But

fulfilled.

would
take

longer

no

strictlynecessary.

wish

she

the

"

promised

and

the

in

and

houses,

so

our

"

paintings

peasant

everything is

her

to

DREAMS

"

considered

at

we

little town,

quaint

so

OF

BRIDE

THE

regarding
Yes,

of

if Christ

374

THE

went

to work

that

he did not

"

But

loves

with

the

ness

of

little

And

human

for
often

must

all, but

us

laws.
all

Are

not

our

body

he

suffer.

His

all

Cannot

tendencies

our

full of

slightwound

wonderful

still,to

and

impulses,

which

good,

are

than

more

nevertheless

And

with

Think

what

birth

to

not

and

is not

comprehe
ingenuity in-

an

it

thousand

give

dividual
in-

the

danger.? Is
not help
we

Must

or,

through

acts

laws

full of

everything again compiled


us.?

nificant
insig-

impulses degenerate.'*

defects.?

to

how

perfect,any

not

of

account

no

always

the

know

knows

under

He

power.
we

yet take

all, but

improve continuously.?

heal

divine

he

ruthless-

seeming

things, instincts

serve

for

and

individuals

us

better than

us,

are.

universal

must

good

and

worries, because

they
that

toward

acts

body,

own

surprised

thinking,feelingbeing,

force, of

know

be

should.

we

is

might

we

greatness

and

our

as

he

natural

us

then

still he

us,

cells of

great,

act

DREAMS

OF

man,

exalted

love

our

as

though

that

can

BRIDE

to

means

times

human

new

more

being!"
"

the

But

new

plantsand

construction

ingenious.

as

Let

me

say

of
Is

Jesus

animals

plant

that

all

instead

are

or

of

too, and

animal

an

the

bom

work

of

Christ,

is

just

Jesus?

I love

that

better."

name
"

Yes, there is perhaps something more

in this

name.

When

in

my

dream

intimate

asked

my

BRIDE

THE

father

about

beautiful
And

Christ, he

markings

is.

It is

One

began

of

the

me

butterfly.

suspect what

to

either

other:

the

to

vious.
simple,so perfectlyob-

reallyso

or

out

wings

375

DREAMS

pointed

the

on

this in mind

with

Jesus

OF

this

butterfly

made
it was
or
originatedaccidentally,
tion.
intention,feelingand thoughtful considera-

decoration
with

For

centuries

has

been

when

the

in

many

so

in

finallycould

contradictions

and

that

tried their best to prove


of

that

which

is

Phidias

is
to

know

that

be the accidental

forces.

one

That

the earth, that

great

also

be

are

ings
mark-

to

or

statue

And

think

by
lutely
abso-

improbability. But

sun

and

human

of blind
of

One

blind

the stars

than

this

"

being should
forces,supposing
or

unconscious

revolve around

Egyptian hieroglyphicsare
all this is
the granite
on
"

cidental
aceven

improbable. But then they must


living,thinking, feeling and reasoning

deal

beings that
and

or

speak

the

scratches

flower

product

the

they

foolish than

improbable

more

may

beautiful

formation.

of extreme

a
butterfly,

then

contrary is impossible.

the

prove

nothing

that

tions
imperfec-

many

Rembrandt

accidental

an

merely speak

can

more

even

etching by

an

so

the

And

dentally
originatedquite acci-

butterflyhad

the

it.

longer believe

no

almighty, perfect Being,

an

tence,
Omnipo-

Supreme

responsiblefor

held

scholars

the

God,

less

have

still

created

flower
butterfly,

constantly creating and

and

man

changing

376

BRIDE

THE

OF

DREAMS

with incomprehensible
genuity,
inthem, with infinite skill,

nevertheless with

perfection.
imever-recurring
And
probablybeingswho are by no
means
always in harmony with one another,that
and
fightand struggleamong them, supplanting
replacingone another, whose desires,endeavors,
far beyond the comprehenare
sion
joys and sorrows
individuals as we
of insignificant
but whose
of life we
nevertheless clearly
discern
expressions
and species
as
races
as
gling
strugseparate entities,
side by side, sometimes
with, sometimes
sharplyoppositeto one another. The beingthat
has created us, whose spirit,
sibility
mind, will and sendoes our
binds us together,
as
body its
cells,into one great unity,outwardlyimperceptible,
but perfectly
evident to our inner sensibility,
of Humanity, the Primal Reason, the
is the Spirit
but

"

Genitive Soul of Mankind


"

Thus

animal

"

and
How

every

plantthen

and

"

must
Certainly,
every species

soul,
own.

of
species

have its Jesus.?

must
"

every

Christ."

"

cell in every

these entities are

have its genitive


individual has its

connected

and

how

that the
they are separatedfrom one another
will learn gradually.They are scarcely
biologists
at the beginning
of their knowledge."
the Supreme Omnipotence nevertheBut God
less
this
just calmly tolerates all this struggle,
and this imperfection."
suffering
Certainly for it is."
"

"

"

"

and

Jesus
a

to

"

Yes, it is
in it.
but

Middle

Ages

truly

and

nature.

knew

she

who,

as

is manifest

than

ours,

but

their

of him

itself to

as

belongs to

we,

love

my

Emmy

not

was

for

deep

as

Elsje.

you,

perfect

with

any

generation.

modern

more

never

"

humanity.

of

branch

perfectlymated

be

never

can

phase
is

their

faulty.

more

She

ours.

ancient

more

much

was

knowledge,

earlier

an

him

much

was

entire

their

in

of
sensibility

love for

My

and

Jesus

Middle

are

inner

on

of the

outgrowing. The
lived in him fervently,

we

Their

it reconcile

But

livingfaith

piety belongs to

blossom

tantism,
Protes-

designedfor something better.

was

definite realization
Lucia's

false

dead,

she

really,as

stronger

tion
contradic-

no

see

lived

Ages, which, however,

can

in

Emmy

lived in the warm,

Lucia

And

Elsje.

so,

"

is that.?

How

to you.

stranger

always remained

has

Lucia

But

me.

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

THE

378

and

as

It

Never.

strong
a

was

superficial,
personal sentiment, not
powerful to
encouraged by return, not sufficiently
much

more

further.

out

stream

through Emmy,
that

in my

Emmy

learned

never

I did

as

dreams

for

herself,and then brought

my

power

of love has

development,that
otherwise

than

as

privilegethat
*'

And

do

you

attained

I shall
the
Jesus

through
it

as

to

were

to

me

kind
man-

And

you.

reserved

Elsje, so

me

that

perfect,glorious

to

never

love

be

able to

regard

the greatgreatest blessing,


est
ever

let

experience."

me

believe,dearest,

even

though

now

THE

work

your
that

believe

and

highest

best

of

of

judging,

"

wife

shall

write
in

He
it

all

His
into

and

human

it

up

own

regard

firmness

and

way

and

our

forsook

in

faculty

exert

shall

not

His

into

exalted

is

to

testify
own

so

are

by

and

everything

leave

invented

and

the

to

our

body

machine

give

through
my

am

noblest

my

sensibility

powerless

am

not

down

Perhaps
;

and

and

as

as

according

act

impulses

our

ours

responsibility

wisdom

now

influence,

recognize
I

ingenious

most

though

shall

The

us

responsibility

comprehension.

inclinations.

above

the

bring

by

bility
responsi-

my

Our

our

what

whose

exalted

And

than

gave

beyond

care.

my

to

who

Him,

But

benefitted

be

goes

knowledge.

my

to

above

it

But

obedient

and

far

it.

further

simply

here,

useless

entirely

nevertheless

beyond

no

goes

remain

shall

379

DREAMS

"

love?
"

OF

should

humanity

our

BRIDE

man.

direct

of

time,

rest.

Him.
will

practice."

child,"
me.

said

my

poor

XXXI

THE

child of

When,

after

born

hundred

brother

my

his

Christ

in

lauded

the

enter

life

tongs

of

he

until

iron,

this

of

only-

child, who

the

he

cutting sarcasm
would

not

it

with

into

dragged

was

and

"

his

lost

life,he bitterlyreviled

With

wisdom

day.

one

earlier,it befell
he

that

of

sorrow.

only

years

Lessing

singleday

lived

love

our

night departed

same

again.
brother

My
not

devout
sufficiently
and

majesty

had

Christ
in

had
his

also

of Human

called

testimony

him

the

afforded
to

the

Mankind

the individual

is not

my
a

him

no

the bitterness
I wiU

not

the
the

he

did

Bible-Jesus, the

for
too

belief

the

But

the

which

high

price,

reconcile

not

him

of life.

laud

mortal.

did

yet

true, living

fancy.

and

solace

strength.

my

overwhelming
poor

The

product of human
future
Glory of

sufferingof

amid

testify,and

to

spare

beauty,

Being

undergo.

to

but

man,

the

revere

artificial
in

devout

to

greatness

sufferinghe
not

Lessing was

as

sorrow

As

long
880

as

one

my

was

as

weak

might expect
wife

survived

in
of

her

THE

love

child, my

or

for her

there

while

But

nothing or

was

cheerfulness

was

no

the

and

knowledge,

had
sensibility

grief.

and

been

old

exists

above

as

me

is

age,

for
ture,
crea-

from

stifled

the

there is

which

and

higher

And

so

that

death.

He

sufferingand

is

is

and

row,
sor-

always

more

contemplated.
I knew

within

dwelt

youth

tiny spark

most
in-

our

something

wretchedness

eternal

and

this

through

which

excess

ourselves

time

above

of my

midst

gladness

in

contemplates

than

in the

and

himself

exalted

by

height of

age

all

though

contemplate

pain, old

thereby

that

for

me

to

me

broken

even

and

we

observes

accurately

that

from

spiritual,intellectual

dulled

long

As

the

consciousness, so long too


who

force

ness
bitter-

resignation,and

forsake

not

the scientific eye,

that

wardly
strength out-

to

one

crushed, beaten

knowledge, could

with

the

me

gave

381

faded, faUing leaf.

of

DREAMS

show

display of
a

OF

nothing that might resemble


she too was
taken
despair. When

to

me,

BRIDE

of

contemplative

power.
I

which
a

knew
we

and

forgot

never

live does

littlemore

or

not

less of

take

that

the

anxious

Eternal

in

account

of

sufferingand

does not

spare

of seeds to

perish in

order

his creatures.
It suffers thousands
that

knew
a

one

that

of them
the

cravingnow

may

pain
grown

attain

I felt

perfect growth.
the

was

useless

and

after

effect

that I should

I
of
no

382

longerbe

sensible of it

been

had

of

as

DREAMS

soon

saw

to doubt

reason

no

blessedness

and

above

joy

life had

been

tial
unessen-

of the

supremacy
because

few

short

to

suffer

the

utmost

as

all human

beings,but

of

knowledge

shone

above

all my

made

of

years

that

endure.

weak, weak

was

inconceivable
a

the

all sorrow,

I, insignificant
individual,in

from

what

unattainable.
I

could

I considered

as

desisted

attained, and

and
And

OF

BRIDE

THE

spark

bright tiny star

And

it

reader,
upon

is upon
that

this

little

like

out

infirmities.
dear

twinkling star,

fix your

I would

dark

an

attention, and

not

frailties.

my

What

else is it but
that

weakness,

able
weakness, miserable, lament-

is

spread

before

out

us

in the

bitter invective

speechesagainst Life by those who


pessimists,by Schopenhauer, Wagner,

called

are

Ibsen, dragged along


life toward
I

that

them.

the

created

and

is the

faith

that

the

but

will, the

Originals.

that

and
true

blessedness, and

this true

being

for it is the

foreseeingconviction.

is

be

its advent

courage

but

upon

it must

for

Wherever

"

and

blessedness

pure

first condition

the

tide

bearing me

is pure

there

to attain

the

and
the

Being,

of

ebb

century?

are

that

in the

were

shiftingof

full well

Human

strength of
part

the

risingwaters

know

yet in

obtains

at

they

of this

middle

born

was

know

not

the

as

the

being

it is

our

the first essential


For

willing

THE

is

BRIDE

OF

each

of us,

creating and

follows his

inevitable

from

of

sea

not

I allow

do

and

thrill

side

sad

is

for

lime

and

Elsje
but

only

do

without

so

thing

worst

but

the

our

sad, but

sadness

knows

yourself,guard
rods that threaten

mood

of

death

is not

of

horror

that

dying,

permitted us

apprehension.

or

about

age

permits so

it is far

opportunity and

Our

of

mire

the

actual

to

the

For

dying,

it sometimes

casts

sensibilities.

our

That

tions
aberra-

in the

frequentlyspoken

vigorous

the breath

upon

is

when

I have

thoughts.

your

had

of

scenes

that

be

wallowing

dismal

it

gloomy

of all demoniacal

yourselfagainstthe
flightof

with

things may

Guard

free

help

can

shall I try to

Nor

dreariness, of melancholy.

the

reader,

worst

passion

life.

the

as

The

tell you.

of

than

the dark, the

on

dear

heart,

your

melancholy,
to

longer

to dwell

myself

melancholy

the

towering waves

with

it all.

moment

hiding myself

the

not

pounded against my beacon


not
were
extinguished and

fires

above

out

But

truly

has

The

beamed

is

grief,for

sorrow

towers.

building in eternity,

plan.

own

optimism

My

383

DREAMS

few
that

worse

the

less

how

die.

to

quiteunappalling death
Philistine's death,

it

courage

generationill understands
even

to live

of the
as

beautifully

gives to so few
to die worthily.

how
Most

to

live,but

die, not

hero, but

Goethe

the

called it.

it

the
rible
hor-

384

BRIDE

THE

beautifully and

die

To

wish

dearest
life in

nearly

as

after

us,

And

as

had

worthily

of

unison.

happy

desire

both

of

DREAMS

OF

of

that

long

attained

Elsje

wretched

our

the

been

this

circumstances

allowed.
"

It is

felt the
"

that

have

for

she

she

And

and

had

that

say
of

been

experienceafter
"

shall

we

the

I think

our

actual

being.

have

our

that

what

senses

of this

more

like what

so

to

certain, when

I can't

except this

shall
cult
diffi-

so

"

is that

we

delusive

then

we

thus

each

see

other

image, a product
of

other's

the

longer, as

no

nothing
the

perhaps

to

same

convince
as

what

now,
us
we

life."
say

"

and

derful
won-

comprehend.

worst," she said,

For

my

we

is

and

body's decay

perceive is

we

perceivedin
"

be

refreshingsplendor.

know

to

must

and

anxieties

imagination,instead

own

tinue
con-

about

morning

every

serene,

it is not

again,whether
of

this

be

never

time

same

despite my

wanted

always

describe

to

man,

pleased her exceedingly when

it

state, that

to

dear

the

at

place,

it would

For

poor,

questioned me

honestly

dreams

and

take

to

she

work."

your

dreams

could

you,

child alone

the

Eagerly

for

hard

so

with

my

said when

she

now,"

certaintyof what was about


our
darling baby did not live.

been

care

all

after

good

in

much
that

even

to

answer

in the

perception during sleep, I

that, dearest,

brief

have

moments

felt

assurance.

of

OF

BRIDE

THE

886

that it

comfort

can

And

her

dim

when

And

sorrow

to

bitterlyof

cause

nature

dejectiontoo.

me

then ?

ask
he

that

and

Strong,

But

there

Will

not

think

you

wait

did

he
more

your

periods

bitterlyof

cause

Christ

is the
us

governs

!"

have

said

much

way

to

left you

to

my

Mighty,

the

and

who

bears

two

are

poor,

helped

one

each

For

forgive

so

you

not

abilities.

our

only gratitude!
Yes

when
are

point out
distinctly,and

long.

so

to

me

Wise, who

the

best of

"

thing
every-

I will

Elsje, whether

blind, little toilers who


the

much
think

forgive me

you

greatest responsibility.We

the

I induced

never

you

dominates.

induced

and

sooner

pine

that

course

that

me,

that
suffering,
me

moments

"

Rather

Christ

gloomy

your

joyous, vigorous times,

of

"

of
and

me,

in your

real,true

super-

forgive me then that


and
to experience so

you

I know

"

have

you
will

again, dear,
you

the extreme

at

question.

fluence of my
"

smiled

eyes

"

to?

I '11 want

Whether

you

If I know

to?

I '11 want

Oh, dearest, whether

"

DREAMS

another

to

we

have

for each

other

other

"

Elsje,contented;

"

only gratitude."
And

to

absorbed
would
her

the

find

lonelyday.

the

of

moments

comforted

and

still have

and

last

in

the

nights,in

strength and

her

life she

thought

which

that

I would

encouragement

was

for

call

the

THE

"

"

To

is

forgive

at

least

of

him
"

just

another

said
For

time,

would

if

only

Elsje,

is

you,

as

we

feel

we

is

the

to

say,

absurd.

not

Source

humanity,

how

it?

387

him

love

think

might

human."

as

Everything

what

of

isn't

much

as

DREAMS

she

Jesus,"

absurd,

really

OF

BRIDE

of

absurd

were

When

Life,

then

only

But

have

we

think

turned
re-

Genitive-soul

the

to

words,

our

absurd.

shall

but

how

her,

in

realize

we

true

our

feeling."
last

The

for

care

me

"

words

toneless
Then

mighty

were

me,

and

once

lips

the

blossom

had

of

heard

more

her

stem

bloom

her

formed

from

her

when

the

withered,
grown

"

whispered

richer

love-breathing

Will

had
"

and

life.

grown

Call

fell.

through

call

you

voice

word

anxious

her

!
But

the

"

the
tiful
beau-

XXXII

AFTER
in

the

her
dreams

wife.

of

the

sacrifice

time

long
up

land

the

toward

give

the

passed

night

place
her

of

resisted

work

that

peace

though

as

to

on

My

me.

Holland,

I had

found

seemed

to

only
my
drive

longing.
this

I had

carried

and

of

where

supernatural being

Her

after

more

no

seemed

It

had

homesickness

and

had

country.

new

spoke night

Holland,

me

Elsje's death

desire, unwilling to
with

begun

with

through

much

so

much

so

anguish.
Then
heard

received

through

Italy, with

whom

my

mother

my

children;

had

attained

accept

the

whole
in

died

her

had

remained

and

that

but

give it

to

fortune

determined

was

to

Lucia

ing
hav-

an

to

dren
chil-

My

me.

was

to

not

independent,

or

in

touch, that

daughter Emilia,

scattered.

was

in

family

my

left her

had

my

married

of

agent

majority,

money

family

and

the

abbess

religiousinstitution.

Then
which

and

all

were

business

communication.

strange

I could
did

not

no
cease

longer

resist

night

or

the

secret

day

and

craving
so

dis-

THE

BRIDE

tinctlyappeared
dead

and

wife,

where

to

bought

DREAMS

like

me

which

from

my

this little town,

to

present house

my

389

warning

back

went

garden,

nursery

OF

and

still furnishes

the

small

me

daily

occupation.
What

received

I
but

much,

sufficient for
life

provincial
in

here.

accustoming

strange
as

daughter

my

maintaining

life is

my

still have

I could

simple,
succeeded

provincials to

petty

now

not

was

my

Gradually

the

and

ways,

that

any

from

my

endurable

as

hoped

find

to

on

earth.
this

by

Only
Emilia's

communication

strange

friendlyact

I aroused

was

stupor into

which

I would

perhaps

have

interest

in life and

not

myself to

an

perhaps have
Elsje

in my

Elsje'sdeath

fallen illand

dreams.

had

For

could

not

body

separate
to

the

and
itself

attain

to

had
the

to

power

in my

dark

the

plunged

would

seeing

once

despairand my
clarityof my

sickness
homedream-

badly, the tortured


from the
sufficiently

and
reintegration

me.

rouse

work,

died without
my

also dimmed

sleptlittle

life.

had

from

and

soul
less
rest-

dental
transcen-

perception.
Emilia's

act

saved

comforting observation,
from

period of deep
is

And

me.

that

with

affliction the

I made
the

in Paris, where

before

go

I should

to

we

power

had

the

recovery

heightened.
extraordinarily

daughter again
meet

then

of
saw

joyment
en-

my

agreed

Holland, and

the

to

one

BRIDE

THE

390

there

singleday

OF

DREAMS

marked

was

by

wondrous

describable
in-

joy.
It

overcame

America

from

journey

quite suddenly

me

that

"

in which

dead, heard

beloved
her

saw

too

came

brief

dark
the

tense,
in-

but

the

summoned

soft, loving voice, and

eyes.

Paris

In

her

the

night,

the first time

I for

felt

then

the

perception during

clear

And

melancholy giving way.

the

during

"

children

the

who

had

gentle devoted
understand

with

reunion

remained

girl who

and

the
true

me

the

"

continue

to

father

her

of my

one

to

wanted

help

to

only

an

was

"

to
quisite
ex-

joy.
is

It

place in
is

the

soul

filled with

was

The

firmly

then

must

restored

at

that

bliss.

With

eifect

the

spiritualbody

and

suddenly be suppliedand
the

caused

was

weakness

of

this

by melancholy

all

relieved.

once

All

and

wonder.

the

again, and

joint that
spiritual

takes

what

experiencingit, I

devout

between

words

time,

while

even

continual

connection

waking body

such

at

strange that,

so

into

impossibleto put

And

saw

that

above

everythingI
prospects

of

day
all

was

it

"

joy, was well-nigh


signifiedso much!

saw,

I felt the

joy

and

existence

beauty

that

finite
of in-

were

by it, only just brieflyindicated

"

dicated
in-

but

unmistakable.
There

was

large exposition
"

one

of

these

THE

banal

of

beauty,

and

dawning

DREAMS

I had

thousand-fold

my
and

joy

OF

fairs which

world
with

now

BRIDE

often railed at.

But

heightenedsensibility
it all

saw

of

precursor

391

as

untold

distinct

approaching

glory.
The

wide,

gleaming

in the

gallerieswhite
thousands

of

the

joyous

the

odor

festive

aspect,

at

"

musicians,

ah !

"

betokened
intense

this

seemed

who

was

look

I could

my

rooted

upward
that

be

to

about

this

where

me

group

of

of sunlit trees, at

the

girl who
daughter

walked

by

everything

"

joy,

of

great,

secret

happy day

in my

expectation

new

our

power

the

weight

of
of

or

even

on

is

is

this earth, with

example.

enjoyment
our

of God

firmly

were

on

its

healing,

welfare, surpassingall imagination,

common

measure

truths

these two

the wound

that

course,

wonders.

First, that humanity

soul:

is in store,

beyond

is

gladness,strange, subtle, unknown


splendor,

this

sides,

ful
beauti-

me

fa9ade,at

leafy row

to

and

faintly

powerless

never-suspectedmysteries and
On

all

on

and

land,

every

music

how

Eastern

an

at

side and

my

the

pretty, well-dressed

sweet,

from

dust, of linden-blossoms, of

all
joy whereof
fleeting
proclaimer.
I would

assembled

picturethe indescribable,the

to

summary

gildedstatues

sunlight,the temples
stately, the thousands

and

clothes

perfumed

the

clear

people

of

with

avenues

sunny

mortal

And

continues

body

and

glory

secondly,that
to

grow
that

under
there

is

392

BRIDE

THE

nothing improbable in
believers that
what

from
Even

the

cient
expectationof the anshall only then reallyknow

we

blessedness

true

is when

the

of

power

is not

opposition of

outward

acquiredknowledge

tribulations

the

with

and

is

blessed

being

the

spiritretains

mortal, physical life,provided the


once

developed

are

overpowering,so

of

loving and

the

developed under
the

livered
de-

forever

are

faculties, all organs,

by opposition,provided it
also

we

this burden.
all

as

DREAMS

OF

is able to endure

and

prudence

to

conquer

them.
This

did not

advantage I

solitarylife. My old
lonely though

lose

age,

again in

and

monotonous

it may

times

few

again

pleasure of having

my

being able

with

about

my

to

speak

daughter

of

else of this.
and

that

it

wife.

and
Aside
do not

cleared
from

find

her

despisethe

nevertheless

something

these

pleasurein

always
I do

and

gentle

outward
of

and

honestly
Elsje, my

speak to
listened

not

that

doubt

no

tentively
at-

but

it broadened

mind.
few

most

I leave

me

and

I could

Emilia

But

her

visit

openly

and
reverently,

taught

great

her mother, about

life,about

eternallybeloved, true
one

the

had

her

wardly
in-

be, is joyous and

happy, full of bright expectation,full


resignation.
A

later

my

my

eminentlyhappy days,

trifling
dailypleasures
"

little

city but

the beauties of my

seldom.

little town

and

BRIDE

OF

universal

being

THE

394

into

being

the

of

our

clearer

was

Then

yet

than

me

all at

seen

once

that

I should

and

the blue

saw

Then

find her

sky

passed into

I
one

and

the

upon

of

I did

nothing

saw

in the

rocks,

fair

out

of doors

ing
Follow-

of

themselves

the

rough stony ledges lit


all at

there

once

valley,with

green

tall-stemmed

low

tropicaltrees.
and

calm
deeply-significant
The

land

in

enwrapped
of

peace

populated

was

and

by

joy.

the water.

the

An

breathless

The

peaceful,happy

golden

lay
a

before

clear,
and

indescribable,

reignedthere.
consecration

light-bluepeacocks

saw

in

the

thicklysettled, but

the

sun,

their

colors, the

pretty, quiet house,

the presence,
of

by

up

shrubs,

stillness

and

universal

quietlystruttingabout
reflected

scape,
landcrevices

gently-flowing,
winding stream, quiethouses
few

vid
fer-

entrancing mountain

sharply outlined,

then

and

and

rapture

pastures o'erspread with

And

radiance.
me

the

the mountain

sun,

cries

an

clearlyand

and

rapid succession, the

in

gloriousspectaclesunfolded
I

go

ness
conscious-

ecstasy.

most

thanks.

must

in E

I went

the state

utter

not

magnificentlandscape.

other

but

the

was

there.

and

I have

waiting,I

Thereupon

dreaming

was

tention
re-

experience. This

thought :

is

she

her.

quickly to greet

complete

before.

the

came

with

our

ever

beloved,

my

that

and

memory

to

DREAMS

the

images

pure

solemn

mosphere,
at-

lence,
si-

of thousands

felt but

not

human

beings,the lighthori-

seen,

THE
with

zon

this

was

mighty

too

beautiful

"

I did

felt

I
the

toward

whence

after

Then

as

I heard

her dear

My

I gave

father

and

but

myself

and

and
we

no

each

beloved

which
and

dissolved.

dream-world

saw

quently
elo-

for

any

thee.

we

love

thee

in each

other.

But

I know

for thee

and

am

bitterness

no

"

for

between

question of

gratitude,even
For

I love

forgivethee, I
thou
forgivestme

weaknesses

cannot

tude
Grati-

that

longer be
of

surely

art, and

I feel

suffered.

my

and

day-time.

thou

love

is love

before

suffered

beloved.

therefore

only

cloud

to.

mother

I know

only

my

I for

Elsje'sdeath

in the

thee, and

have

and

shall

dark

done

have

follies and

there

the

utterance

for

grief I

all my

lightcame,

in the

my

suffer

forgive thee,

the

only gradually

never

love

despite all
the

facing

and

pray,

until

be able to do

willingto

my

and

come

Christ, passionatelyand

to

had

never

and

know

should

sun.

spoke

would

time

first time

the disc of the

to

saw

there

seen

that

the

for

And

longer

no

which

and

all

"

flowers ! "

direction

always

thee

she

her, but

desire

I had

us

that

see

chain

words.

the

the first time

for

for

quantity of

Then

thee

395

saying:

What

"

not

DREAMS

sun-lit mountain

beloved

my

too.

voice

OF

the

I called

look

BRIDE

as

sufficiently,

other,
that

that

between
conceive

cannot

thee

giveness,
for-

even

as

the love

we

for

in her I love

And

thee.

thankful,

feel

blessedness.
thee
a

for

and

find thee

As

I said

of

by
the

to

transport.

faint

from

awoke

morning

in my

have

behind

draw

away

others

refreshed

was

still fear is

as

years

theory that

by

want,

that

and

fied
forti-

well

the

have

I should

hopelesswreck.
and

or

weep

weakening of

exertion

contemplativepower.
this theory has yet
But

Ah

prevent this by

can

one

and

so

Ah

and

with

gracious

I would
not

from

shine

to

only cry

I did

that

for

prudence

for

long

the

such

I felt that

decliningyears,

drift about

to

that

began

seemed

I could

Then

againsttrouble.
The only thing I
mind

it

This

but

joy,

but

I shall leave

and

and

that

in my

That

nothing,

lightmists

saw

sun,

me

in power

fitness for eternal

gratitude so

blindingradiance.
revelation

served

and

it."

this,I

of

face

the

for

thy Glory,

trail

glowing

may

ask

thee

I shall grow

attain

recognizeand

and

happy

am

followed

thee, firmly believingthat


till I shall

and

regret

no

to have

content

DREAMS

OF

BRIDE

THE

396

cious
saga-

of

exercise

the

example
As

would

not

I retain

my

alone

long

as

to be

be

proved.

sufiicient

clearness

of

And

my

for that.

mind,

I have

plenty of work in elaborating these ideas and


far I have
so
only briefly
conceptions which
indicated.
In the first

place

...

THE

The

To-day
within

sight

belonging
caused

vessel
his

following

age

endeavoring

sea.

Mr.

The

the

boy

sympathy

in

manner,
our

up

town."

and

by

jumped

the

loved
death

pite
des-

Muralto,

board,
over-

on

both

home-sailing

some

out

his

arouses

to

sloop,

deceased

the
for

per's
skip-

haven

pulled

As

his

The

companion,

current

Elsje/

lamp.

Mr.

to

drowned.

respected

unassuming

swim,

not

picked

was

alcohol

an

bor
har-

presumably

started,

his

carry

strong

was

Muralto

universally
and

could

who
But

planks.

to

fire

yacht

swimmer,

strong

the

ablaze.

speedily

great

lad

of

the

outside

On

12th,

June

account:

town.

our

upsetting

was

of

occurred

Muralto^

the

by

entire

of

397

issue

its

accident

Mr.

to

in

the

sad

DREAMS

OF

Journal

published

1908,

"

BRIDE

was

benevolence
universal