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Alec Rzepkowski
Dr. Janet Mcpherson
Conflict Management
22 January 2013
Reflection Paper
For most of my life, I have usually avoided being the center of attention in most
situations. I was always afraid of being judged, whether it was positively or negatively. I
despised speaking in public too primarily because of this fear. However, I occasionally find
myself in more important situations which cause me to take a more active role in insuring that I
play a role in deciding the outcome. Whenever I get into a conflict with my family members, I
am very relaxed about the situations and care most about making whoever I am arguing with
happy. Although I have a strong personality filled with strong morals, if a situation does not have
an important result to it, I will most likely push it aside or allow the opposite party to make the
final decision.
Even though we may perceive some conflicts to be minor and unimportant, they can play
a crucial part in shaping the future. When in a relationship, small conflicts can often decide what
path the relationship will take. According to the Style Matters Conflict Inventory, I tend to put
myself in a more harmonizing situation when I am engaged in a comfortable or low key conflict.
This result was not surprising to me because I can reflect back on several examples during my
high school relationships escapades that I allowed my girlfriend to make most of the decisions as
long as she was happy. For example, when I was dating a girl named Brittani my senior year of

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high school, we got into a small argument regarding a party that we were considering going to.
She wanted to go to the party because had not been out that week. Naturally, I agreed because
she wanted to go and ended up having a great time. However, in another conflict with her
regarding talking to her ex-boyfriend, I allowed her to still occasionally talk to him. Sure enough,
she ended up rekindling feelings for him and broke up with me. Harmonizing can be both
incredibly beneficial to me and destructive in calm conflict.
When conflict escalates and there is more on the line, I tend to work through the conflict
with a more cooperative style in order for both of us to be happy and get some good out of it.
This result is not surprising to me because I know my nature and how I can keep things in
perspective while making a conscious effort to resolve a conflict. I have no problem with giving
up some of what I have in order to keep the relationship on the right track. In order to make a
relationship work, sacrifices have to be made in order to preserve and advance the relationship.
Although occasionally I have noticed that this can backfire and take some spark out of the
relationship. Because both parties are not putting their ideas forward and regressing some of their
ambitions, the relationship can become boring and uninteresting. Through past experience, I have
noticed that relationships need to have energy and excitement in order to thrive. 1 point behind
Compromising was Cooperating. When I am involved in an escalated or uncomfortable conflict,
I gravitate toward this style as well. I often like to express my opinion or preference while still
considering their opinion. I have bring out my strong-minded personality when it is necessary,
but still care highly of the relationships status.
The transition from high school to college was probably one of the most challenging
moments in my life so far, but it has helped me come to terms with myself and find out what I
care most about. One of the most important things that had to be done during the transition was

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figuring out what I wanted to do with my life and if I was going to be happy doing it. I had
originally come to Queens in order to pursue a biological path that was concentrated towards
animal sciences. After my first semester of college, I realized that this was far from what I was
expecting and it made me change my mind on Biology. So I then became a student with no
direction. After a long winter break and amazing time with the family, it had hit me. I would
have no problem following in my fathers footsteps and pursuing a career in law enforcement. I
saw how my father was and how happily a life he was living and wished to emulate that for
myself. While keeping this in mind, I knew that my personality, strong morals, and conflict styles
would only benefit to my desired career.
Being a police officer requires mental determination and eye of cunning. For example,
when a patrol officer pulls up to a vehicle, he must watch his surroundings and inside the vehicle
he has pulled over to watch for suspicious activity. As he walks up to the driver-side window, he
must be ready for any situation. This means keeping a hand close to his or her tactical belt. Once
conversation is engaged with the driver, the officer must assert their dominance in order to
represent the seriousness of the laws. However, once the conversation settles in, it may become
more relaxed and non-threatening. Police officers are required to be level-headed and clear of
mind when engaged in conflict. A switch must be turned on and off in an officers head to
separate him from his work and social life. Conflict styles must not be transferred from work
otherwise relationships can be ruined. Police officers see the worst that society has to offer and it
can take a mental toll on them.
Growing up, my parents were strict on me because they wanted the best life possible for
me. Although they did not use physical force on me, they exercised strict policies. However, in
some occasions when I started growing up, they gave me some breathe room to make mistakes

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for myself. When I would get into an argument with my parents, they usually dominated the
conversation and did not allow me to express my opinion or desires. My dad is a person of
dominant personality and it certainly showed growing up. I usually took his suggestions and
desires for me with little fight because truthfully I was intimidated by him. This had a large
impact on my conflict styles growing up. I was usually tolerant and accepting of other peoples
ideas and intentions. I expressed my opinion occasionally, but was not upset when I did not get
my way because they were happy.
I grew up playing sports all my life. I feel like this helped me to become a stronger
individual both physically and mentally. Mentally, it caused me to push through the pain and to
go through whatever is necessary to accomplish my goals. Sports helped me become a more
confident person because I understood how strong of a person I was. Sports occasionally have
the effect of encouraging a physical conflict style, especially sports like Lacrosse. However, I did
not directly transfer this physical conflict style to my everyday life because I knew that it is a bad
conflict style. Lacrosse did make me a more goal-oriented individual and allow me to be more
confident about expressing my opinions or intentions in a conflict.
I do not believe that my conflict styles have changed a lot over time but I have noticed
since going to college that I am more of an individual. The influence of my fathers style still
looms in me, but I can now confidently assert my position in a conflict without necessarily
paying for it. I have noticed that my style of conflict in high school during uncomfortable
situations has changed dramatically. In high school, I wouldnt have really cared if someone
wanted to pursue another course of action rather than the one that I wanted. But now, I do take
into consideration what I want for myself while still considering their opinion whole heartedly. I
think that most of my conflict styles have remained the same because of the morals that I was

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raised upon. Growing up, I was usually taught to consider the needs of others and to not be
selfish. I still live by the same principles, but I will not let myself be hindered in the process.
One of the largest storm shifts that I had according to the survey was my #1 Harmonizing
style in calm, while being 4th in a storm scenario. I think this tells me that I am a very forgiving
person when it comes to smaller, less important matters. But when the situation escalates and
there is more to be lost from the situation, I take on a more active role in the conflict and wont
just give in to what the other person desires.
Another storm shift that I noticed was my #1 score in compromising for storm situations
with it being #4 in my calm scenario. Although I do not clearly know what this implies, I believe
that when conflict or issues first arise, I am a more lenient person and do know push for my
preference as I would do if the conflict had escalated.
I have never really had to examine my conflict styles before and it seems to me that this
survey was completely accurate in helping me find out and dig up issues in order to understand
the type of person that I am when engaged in some conflict, whether it be major or minor.