The big trial

It went something like this:

Prosecutor: how do you plead?
Bobita: (Dummy) Not guilty.
Me: Judge, I plead not guilty to the charge of criminal negligence, and
I request that my case be tried separately from that of my daughter. I
have seen in excess of twenty parents found guilty of a similar charge,
but they never entered a plea. Only their offspring did. Yet all parents
and offspring were fined $500 each, suspended for a period of 90 days,
and told to return on May 5 to pay their courts costs, which I
understand to be a considerable sum of money. And clearly these are low
income people, many of them receiving assistance from various state
agencies, judging from what I have heard.

Judge: They of course pled guilty, all of them. (Bailiff, who does not
like the judge, rolls his eyes and sighs audibly).

Judge: You have something to add?

Bailiff: No ma'am, I was just sighing, I'm tired and my feet are
bothering me some. (It was almost 5, and we had all been there since
one, except the judge, who didn't bother to show until 2:30).
Judge: Mr. Ochoa, they all pled guilty

.
Me: As your honor wishes. May we proceed?

Prosecutor: I call Mr. X (he is properly identified as the school administrator

and representative). Mr. X, do Ms. Ochoa's attendance record show that she
has five unexcused absences over those permitted by law and has therefore
lost her credits for the semester as well as being a truant?
Me: Your honor, would you please instruct counsel not to ask compound
questions, the same being several questions cleverly disguised as one? I
don't know about Mr. X or counsel opposite, but I am getting on in age and
am easily confused.
Judge: (Shoots me a world class glare) Repeat your question.
Prosecutor: Mr. X., does Ms. Ochoa have five unexcused absences?
Mr. X: (Glancing at some attendance sheets) Yes, she does.
Judge: Counsel, do you wish to enter the attendance records into evidence?
Prosecutor: No, your honor, and we pass the witness.
Me: Mr X, are you the custodian of these records?
Mr.X: No, I am not. The attendance clerk is. I do work with her closely, though.
Me: And based on that, I am going to assume that you do not have personal
knowledge whether these absences are in fact absences?
Mr. X: That is right, I have no personal knowledge.
Me: So, in effect, these absences may in fact be incorrect entries made by
the attendance clerk based on what a teacher may or may not have told her?
Mr.X: Yes sir. I cannot deny that mistakes are sometimes made. And I am

not at all sure about at least three of these five entries. These involve entries
for absences from track, and the track coach has caused us some
difficulties with his records, so I really cannot vouch for at least three of the
absences.
Me: If your honor please, in the present posture of the case, there is no way
the state can proceed to prove the existence of the alleged offenses beyond
a reasonable doubt. The attendance records cannot be entered into
evidence, there is no out of court affidavit or in court proof that they are
business records properly kept in the course of said business, nor is there
proof that the offenses actually occurred.
In fact, the proof by Mr. X., a good man and true to his oath, casts substantial
doubt on at least three of said offenses and they are clearly fatally flawed.
Given that all five are essential to conviction, and that the State cannot meet
her burden beyond all reasonable doubt,
I move that all charges against my daughter and myself be immediately
dismissed, and as jeopardy has attached, that such dismissal be with
prejudice to any attempt at refiling the same.
(Long silence)
And I further move that the State join me in my motion in the interests
of justice.
Prosecutor: Judge, I see no alternative, and I unfortunately am
compelled to join in Mr. Ochoa's motion.
Judge: This case is dismissed.

Me: Thank you, your honor, thank you, counsel. Vamonos, nia.
Judge: M'hijita, why did you play hooky from so many classes?
Bobota, no longer Bobita, (Big Dummy) in a valiant attempt to snatch defeat
from the jaws of victory: "Judge, I won't lie to you" Me: Excuse me, daughter, excuse me, your honor, the law describes my
standing in these proceedings, as regards my daughter, a minor, as her
father and next friend. In that capacity, and in open court, I order
her in the strongest possible terms not to answer any of your questions.
This case has been dismissed, and we need to go catch a bus in this
ungodly weather. May we be excused? (Loud titterings from the audience).
Judge: Silence! Order! Call the next case.
It was almost like old times, almost, but not quite. Mostly a pain in
the butt watching people be convicted and fined in assembly line
fashion. I am strongly considering filing a complaint with the judicial
commission.