ACCEPTANCE IS THE WAY TO HAPPINESS

ABSTRACT

Happiness is an ecstatic state of mind, inherently subjective, it depends mainly on

acceptance. What keeps us constantly struggling with the life is the attitude of non-
acceptance, of not trusting the basic process of life unfolding. Prayer and meditation do
play important part in internal state of mind by development and increased action in the
left prefrontal area and Amygdala center of the brain. Circumstantial factors like income,
marital status and education play only a minor role in one’s overall well being. On the
positive side, religious faith genuinely uplifts the spirit.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ਮਨ ਤਨ ਅੰ ਤਿਰ ਹਿਰ ਹਿਰ ਮੰ ਤ ॥ਨਾਨਕ ਭਗਤਨ ਕੈ ਘਿਰ ਸਦਾ ਅਨੰਦ ॥

Man ṯan anṯar har har manṯ. Nānak bẖagṯan kai gẖar saḏā anand.

In the mind and body abides the Divine spell and in the homes of the devotee’s joy reigns
for ever says Nanak. -----Guru Arjan, Raag Bilawal, AGGS, Page, 802-6

Happiness is a state of ecstasy in the mind of an individual. It is something noble and

essential. Human yearning to be happy, seeking rapture in spirituality, love in families
and bliss in Mother Nature is universal. Humans were designed to be happy, creative and
in harmony with the Mother Nature. Hence, there should be a persistent state of joy at all
times. One should stay away from the treadmill of wants and live a simple life in the
moment. It is also important to work on social skills, close interpersonal ties and social
support to be happy.

Physiology;

Happiness is a state of tranquility free from anxiety and emotional disturbance gained
through a moral system based upon the performance of right actions. It is a state of state
of well-being characterized by emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy.
Happiness is generic, and is applied to almost every kind of enjoyment except that of the
animal appetites; felicity is a more formal word, and is used more sparingly in the same
general sense, but with elevated associations; blessedness is applied to the most refined
enjoyment arising from the purest social, benevolent, and religious affections; bliss
denotes still more exalted delight, and is applied more appropriately to the joy anticipated
in heavenly situation.

While pleasure is the result of release of chemical neurotransmitters by the brain cells as
a result of stimulation caused by food, sex, drugs, and social esteem. Brain cells release
Dopamine and or Endorphins or Opiates. These flood and bathe the neurons involved in
memory and emotions as a result of the above-mentioned activities and cause pleasurable
feelings of joy. Narcotics or alcohol mimic opiates they numb the pain and engender a

1
feeling of euphoria. Repeated ingestion of these can fool the brain into craving those
drugs more than food and sex.

Scientific research on neurons shows that the left prefrontal cortex, an area just behind
the left forehead, as the place where brain activity associated with meditation on self and
spiritual progress is especially intense. It suggests that meditation and mindfulness of
spirituality and the efforts to know the “Self” can tame the Amygdala, an area of the
brain which is the hub of fear memory. Brain activity related to The “Negative feelings”
of anger localizes in the emotional center Amygdala, and the right prefrontal cortex. On
the other hand “Positive emotions” of happiness and well being affect the left prefrontal
cortex areas of the brain. It is the ratio of right to left activity that determines one’s
emotional mindset. If brain activity in the right side is dominant, one tends to be
unhappy. And if the activity in the left region is stronger, the person is more likely to be
upbeat, happy, and positive. These changes have been repeatedly documented with
FMRI’s (functional magnetic-resonance image) and CT scans of the brain by many
psychologists and physio-psychiatrics. Guru Nanak denounces the use of mind altering
substances differentiating between happiness and pleasure, the former is long lasting
while the later is short lived and momentarily in Sri Raag;

ਬਾਬਾ ਹੋਰੁ ਖਾਣਾ ਖੁਸੀ ਖੁਆਰੁ ॥ ਿਜਤੁ ਖਾਧੈ ਤਨੁ ਪੀੜੀਐ ਮਨ ਮਿਹ ਚਲਿਹ ਿਵਕਾਰ ॥
Bābā hor kẖāṇā kẖusī kẖuār. Jiṯ kẖāḏẖai ṯan pīṛīai man meh cẖaleh vikār.

O Baba, the pleasures of other foods are false. Eating them, the body is ruined, and
wickedness and corruption enter into the mind.

-----Guru Nanak, Siri Raag, AGGS, Page, 16

Contentment is accepting the reality of facts with a positive attitude. This is an additional
factor involved in the above process. The overall happiness is not merely the sum of our
happy moments minus the sum of our sad ones. The three components of happiness are
pleasure, engagement, and meaning of a purposeful life. Engagement and meaning are
much more important.

As indicated earlier, circumstantial factors like income, marital status, religious faith, and
education are minor players in one’s overall well being. Religious faith, by contrast, plays
a major role in genuinely uplifting the human spirit.

The basic problems facing humanity are anxiety, depression, neurosis, obsession,
paranoia, and delusions. In dealing with them, Acceptance of what has happened is the
first step in overcoming the consequences of a misfortune. It does not mean liking the
situation; it is just an acknowledgement of reality. It implies a hope that it will pass.

All issues, all disturbances, all conflicts can be handled by understanding what the
problem is and accepting it, and then changing it. As the saying goes, we are either part
of the problem or part of the solution. When we are disturbed about something or

2
someone, it is because we do not understand the situation from a higher perspective. We
view it in personal terms. We tend to control things and want to see ourselves in a
positive light. Guru Amardas stresses eternal love and devotional worship towards
acceptance and development of contentment that can lead to happiness in, Sri Raag:

ਿਬਨੁ ਪਰ੍ੀਤੀ ਭਗਿਤ ਨ ਹੋਵਈ ਿਬਨੁ ਸਬਦੈ ਥਾਇ ਨ ਪਾਇ ॥ ਸਬਦੇ ਹਉਮੈ ਮਾਰੀਐ ਮਾਇਆ ਕਾ ਭਰ੍ਮੁ ਜਾਇ ॥
Bin parīṯī bẖagaṯ na hovaī bin sabḏai thāė na pāė, Sabḏė haumai mārīai māiā kā
bẖaram jāė.

Without love, there is no devotional worship. Without the Sabd, no one finds acceptance.
Through the Sabd, egotism is conquered and subdued, and the illusion of Maya is
dispelled. -----Guru Amardas, Siri Raag, AGGS, Page, 67-5

If some facet of our life is unpleasant, and we have been up front in dealing with it to no
avail, then the only way through it may be to accept that it is one of those things over
which we have no control. We cannot find serenity when we are at war with someone or
with ourselves. Nothing happens on this great green earth by mistake. Unless we accept
our situation and learn from it, we cannot be happy. If we learn from it, then we need not
beat ourselves up. Nor do we need to beat up others with blame words. We need only
concentrate on our part of the situation, on what needs to be changed in our way of
thinking. When this is done happiness will follow. Joy is a fragile thing. Still, one should
try to bring the self from a negative ailing state to at least a neutral normal status.

Steps for a more satisfying life:

1. Count your blessings.

2. Practice Kindness.
3. Enjoy momentary pleasures of the present.
4. Attitude of gratitude.
5. Forgiveness.
6. Strategies for coping with stress and hardships.
7. Take care of your body.
8. Invest time and energy with family and friends.
9. Free your heart from hatred and mind from worries.
10. Live simply, give more, and expect less.

Happiness is the only way to keep one’s self-healthy and safe. Happiness comes not in
denying this but in living with it. The things that bring the greatest joy carry the greatest
potential for sadness.

3
“When God’s words leave an impression on man, and service is performed, happiness is
obtained”.

This is not a fatalistic or passive approach to life. We may very well be given seemingly
insurmountable obstacles in life in order to learn what we can, by overcoming them. But
if we face these obstacles with a basic acceptance, we are much more likely to possess
the calmness of mind necessary to see with some clarity, the most skillful means of
overcoming them. Guru Arjan questions and answers on the subject in Raag Gauri;

ਿਕਨ ਿਬਿਧ ਕੁਸਲੁ ਹੋਤ ਮੇਰੇ ਭਾਈ ॥ਿਕਉ ਪਾਈਐ ਹਿਰ ਰਾਮ ਸਹਾਈ ॥ ਕੁਸਲੁ ਨ ਿਗਰ੍ਿਹ ਮੇਰੀ ਸਭ
ਮਾਇਆ ॥ ਊਚੇ ਮੰ ਦਰ ਸੁੰ ਦਰ ਛਾਇਆ ॥ਲਸਕਰ ਜੋੜੇ ਨੇਬ ਖਵਾਸਾ ॥ਗਿਲ ਜੇਵੜੀ ਹਉਮੈ ਕੇ ਫਾਸਾ ॥ਰਾਜੁ
ਕਮਾਵੈ ਦਹ ਿਦਸ ਸਾਰੀ ॥ਮਾਣੈ ਰੰ ਗ ਭੋਗ ਬਹੁ ਨਾਰੀ ॥ਿਜਉ ਨਰਪਿਤ ਸੁਪਨੈ ਭੇਖਾਰੀ ॥ਏਕੁ ਕੁਸਲੁ ਮੋ ਕਉ
ਸਿਤਗੁਰੂ ਬਤਾਇਆ ॥ਹਿਰ ਜੋ ਿਕਛੁ ਕਰੇ ਸੁ ਹਿਰ ਿਕਆ ਭਗਤਾ ਭਾਇਆ ॥ਜਨ ਨਾਨਕ ਹਉਮੈ ਮਾਿਰ
ਸਮਾਇਆ ॥ ਇਿਨ ਿਬਿਧ ਕੁਸਲ ਹੋਤ ਮੇਰੇ ਭਾਈ ॥ਇਉ ਪਾਈਐ ਹਿਰ ਰਾਮ ਸਹਾਈ ॥
Kin biḏẖ kusal hoṯ mėrė bẖāī. Kio pāīai har rām sahāī. Kusal na garihi mėrī sabẖ māiā.
Ūcẖė manḏar sunḏar cẖẖāiā. Jẖūṯẖė lālacẖ janam gavāiā. Hasṯī gẖoṛė ḏėkẖ vigāsā.
Laskar joṛė nėb kẖavāsā. Gal jėvṛī haumai kė fāsā. Rāj kamāvai ḏah ḏis sārī. Māṇai
rang bẖog baho nārī. Jio narpaṯ supnai bẖėkẖārī. Ėk kusal mo kao saṯgurū baṯāiā. Har
jo kicẖẖ karė so har kiā bẖagṯā bẖāiā. Jan Nānak haumai mār samāiā. In biḏẖ kusal hoṯ
mėrė bẖāī. Io pāīai har rām sahāī.

How can happiness be found, O my Siblings of Destiny? How can the Akal Purkh, our
Help and Support, be found? There is no happiness in owning one's own home, in all of
Maya, or in lofty mansions casting beautiful shadows. In fraud and greed, this human life
is being wasted. Mortal is pleased at the sight of his elephants and horses and his armies
assembled his servants and his soldiers. But the noose of egotism is tightening around his
neck. Its rule may extend in all ten directions; he may revel in pleasures, and enjoy many
women -but he is just a beggar, who in his dream is a king. The True Guru has shown me
that there is only one pleasure. Whatever the Akal Purkh does, is pleasing to the It's
devotee. Servant Nanak has abolished his ego, and is absorbed in the Akal Purkh.This is
the way to find happiness, O my Siblings of Destiny. This is the way to find the Akal
Purkh, our Help and Support. -----Guru Arjan, Raag Gauri, AGGS, Page, 175 & 176-4

What keeps us constantly struggling with life is the attitude of non-acceptance, of not
trusting the basic process of life unfolding. We suffer under the false assumption that the
goal of life is to always avoid what we find unpleasant and to try to dwell in constant
comfort. We don't really understand that life is nothing personal. It is much bigger than
that. We need to learn to trust in and surrender to this impersonal process we tend to think
of as “my life.” Guru Tegh Bahadur in Ragas Sorath and Gauri explains the subject;

4
ਜੋ ਨਰੁ ਦੁਖ ਮੈ ਦੁਖੁ ਨਹੀ ਮਾਨੈ ॥ ਸੁਖ ਸਨੇਹੁ ਅਰੁ ਭੈ ਨਹੀ ਜਾ ਕੈ ਕੰ ਚਨ ਮਾਟੀ ਮਾਨੈ ॥ ਨਹ ਿਨੰਿਦਆ ਨਹ ਉਸਤਿਤ
ਜਾ ਕੈ ਲੋ ਭੁ ਮੋਹੁ ਅਿਭਮਾਨਾ ॥ਹਰਖ ਸੋਗ ਤੇ ਰਹੈ ਿਨਆਰਉ ਨਾਿਹ ਮਾਨ ਅਪਮਾਨਾ ॥ਆਸਾ ਮਨਸਾ ਸਗਲ ਿਤਆਗੈ
ਜਗ ਤੇ ਰਹੈ ਿਨਰਾਸਾ ॥ ਕਾਮੁ ਕਰ੍ੋਧੁ ਿਜਹ ਪਰਸੈ ਨਾਹਿਨ ਿਤਹ ਘਿਟ ਬਰ੍ਹਮੁ ਿਨਵਾਸਾ ॥ਗੁਰ ਿਕਰਪਾ ਿਜਹ ਨਰ ਕਉ
ਕੀਨੀ ਿਤਹ ਇਹ ਜੁਗਿਤ ਪਛਾਨੀ ॥ ਨਾਨਕ ਲੀਨ ਭਇਓ ਗੋਿਬੰ ਦ ਿਸਉ ਿਜਉ ਪਾਨੀ ਸੰ ਿਗ ਪਾਨੀ ॥
Jo nar ḏukẖ mai ḏukẖ nahī mānai.Sukẖ sanėhu ar bẖai nahī jā kai kancẖan mātī mānai.
Nah ninḏiā nah usṯaṯ jā kai lobẖ moh abẖimānā.Harakẖ sog ṯė rahai niārao nāhi mān
apmānā. Āsā mansā sagal ṯiāgai jag ṯė rahai nirāsā.Kām kroḏẖ jih parsai nāhan ṯih
gẖat barahm nivāsā. Gur kirpā jih nar kao kīnī ṯih ih jugaṯ pacẖẖānī.Nānak līn bẖaio
gobinḏ sio jio pānī sang pānī.

That man, who in the midst of pain but does not feel pain, who is not affected by
pleasure, affection or fear, and who looks alike upon gold and dust; who is not swayed by
either slander or praise, nor affected by greed, attachment or pride; who remains
unaffected by joy and sorrow, honor and dishonor; that renounces all hopes and desires
and remains desire less in the world; who is not touched by sexual desire or anger; within
his heart, God dwells. That man, blessed by Guru's Grace, understands this way. O
Nanak, he merges with the Akal Purkh of the Universe, like water with water.

-----Guru Tegh Bahadur, Raag Sorath, AGGS, Page, 633

ਸਾਧੋ ਮਨ ਕਾ ਮਾਨੁ ਿਤਆਗਉ ॥ਕਾਮੁ ਕਰ੍ੋਧੁ ਸੰ ਗਿਤ ਦੁਰਜਨ ਕੀ ਤਾ ਤੇ ਅਿਹਿਨਿਸ ਭਾਗਉ ॥ਸੁਖੁ ਦੁਖੁ ਦੋਨ
ਸਮ ਕਿਰ ਜਾਨੈ ਅਉਰੁ ਮਾਨੁ ਅਪਮਾਨਾ ॥ਹਰਖ ਸੋਗ ਤੇ ਰਹੈ ਅਤੀਤਾ ਿਤਿਨ ਜਿਗ ਤਤੁ ਪਛਾਨਾ ॥ਉਸਤਿਤ
ਿਨੰਦਾ ਦੋਊ ਿਤਆਗੈ ਖੋਜੈ ਪਦੁ ਿਨਰਬਾਨਾ ॥ ਜਨ ਨਾਨਕ ਇਹੁ ਖੇਲੁ ਕਠਨੁ ਹੈ ਿਕਨਹੂੰ ਗੁਰਮੁਿਖ ਜਾਨਾ ॥
Sāḏẖo man kā mān ṯiāgao. Kām kroḏẖ sangaṯ ḏurjan kī ṯā ṯė ahinis bẖāgao. Sukẖ ḏukẖ
ḏono sam kar jānai aor mān apmānā. Harakẖ sog ṯė rahai aṯīṯā ṯin jag ṯaṯ pacẖẖānā.
Usṯaṯ ninḏā ḏoū ṯiāgai kẖojai paḏ nirbānā. Jan Nānak ih kẖėl kaṯẖan hai kinhūʼn
gurmukẖ jānā.

Holy Saints forsake the pride of your mind. Sexual desire, anger and the company of evil
people, run away from them, day and night. One who knows that pain and pleasure are
both the same, as are honor and dishonor as well, who remains detached from joy and
sorrow, realizes the true essence in the world. Renounce both praise and blame, seek
instead the state of salvation. O, servant Nanak, this is such a difficult game; only a few
Guru willed understand it! -----Guru Tegh Bahadur, Raag Gauri, AGGS, Page, 219

Kabir summarizes the state in Raag Kedara, AGGS, Page, 1123.

ਉਸਤਿਤ ਿਨੰਦਾ ਦੋਊ ਿਬਬਰਿਜਤ ਤਜਹੁ ਮਾਨੁ ਅਿਭਮਾਨਾ ॥ਲੋ ਹਾ ਕੰ ਚਨੁ ਸਮ ਕਿਰ ਜਾਨਿਹ ਤੇ ਮੂਰਿਤ
ਭਗਵਾਨਾ ॥ਤੇਰਾ ਜਨੁ ਏਕੁ ਆਧੁ ਕੋਈ ॥ਕਾਮੁ ਕਰ੍ੋਧੁ ਲੋ ਭੁ ਮੋਹੁ ਿਬਬਰਿਜਤ ਹਿਰ ਪਦੁ ਚੀਨੈ ਸੋਈ ॥ਰਜ ਗੁਣ

5
ਤਮ ਗੁਣ ਸਤ ਗੁਣ ਕਹੀਐ ਇਹ ਤੇਰੀ ਸਭ ਮਾਇਆ ॥ ਚਉਥੇ ਪਦ ਕਉ ਜੋ ਨਰੁ ਚੀਨੈ ਿਤਨ ਹੀ ਪਰਮ ਪਦੁ
ਪਾਇਆ ॥ਤੀਰਥ ਬਰਤ ਨੇਮ ਸੁਿਚ ਸੰ ਜਮ ਸਦਾ ਰਹੈ ਿਨਹਕਾਮਾ ॥ਿਤਰ੍ਸਨਾ ਅਰੁ ਮਾਇਆ ਭਰ੍ਮੁ ਚੂਕਾ
ਿਚਤਵਤ ਆਤਮ ਰਾਮਾ ॥ਿਜਹ ਮੰ ਦਿਰ ਦੀਪਕੁ ਪਰਗਾਿਸਆ ਅੰ ਧਕਾਰੁ ਤਹ ਨਾਸਾ ॥ਿਨਰਭਉ ਪੂਿਰ ਰਹੇ ਭਰ੍ਮੁ
ਭਾਗਾ ਕਿਹ ਕਬੀਰ ਜਨ ਦਾਸਾ ॥
Usṯaṯ ninḏā ḏoū bibarjiṯ ṯajahu mān abẖimānā. Lohā kancẖan sam kar jāneh ṯė mūraṯ
bẖagvānā. Ŧėrā jan ėk āḏẖ koī. Kām kroḏẖ lobẖ moh bibarjiṯ har paḏ cẖīnĥai soī. Raj
guṇ ṯam guṇ saṯ guṇ kahīai ih ṯėrī sabẖ māiā. Cẖauthė paḏ kao jo nar cẖīnĥai ṯinĥ hī
param paḏ pāiā. Ŧirath baraṯ nėm sucẖ sanjam saḏā rahai nihkāmā. Ŧarisnā ar māiā
bẖaram cẖūkā cẖiṯvaṯ āṯam rāmā. Jih manḏar ḏīpak pargāsiā anḏẖkār ṯah nāsā.
Nirbẖao pūr rahė bẖaram bẖāgā kahi Kabīr jan ḏāsā.

Those who ignore both praise and slander, who reject egotistical pride and conceit, which
look alike upon iron and gold -- they are the very image of the Akal Purkh. Hardly
anyone is a humble servant of Yours, O, Akal Purkh. Ignoring sexual desire, anger, greed
and attachment, such a person becomes aware of the Akal Purkh's Feet. Rajas, the quality
of energy and activity; Taamas, the quality of darkness and inertia; and Satvas, the
quality of purity and light, are all called the creations of Maya, Our illusion. That man
who realizes the fourth state -- he alone obtains the supreme state. Amidst pilgrimages,
fasting, rituals, purification and self-discipline, he remains always without the thought of
reward. His desire and Maya-illusion lifted by contemplating on the Akal Purkh
pervasive in the self. When the temple is illuminated by the lamp, its darkness is
dispelled. The Fearless Akal Purkh is All-pervading. Doubt has run away, says Kabir, the
Akal Purkh's humble slave. -----Kabir, Raag Kedara, AGGS, Page, 1123

Conclusion:

It is important to work on social skills, close interpersonal ties and social support to be
happy. We need to learn to trust in and surrender to this impersonal process we tend to
think of as “my life.” Humans were designed to be happy, creative and in harmony with
the Mother Nature at all times for a persistent state of joy. An individual can succeed in
attaining happiness with his own efforts if he learns to accept Akal Purkh’s Will.

ਤੇਰਾ ਕੀਆ ਮੀਠਾ ਲਾਗੈ ॥ਹਿਰ ਨਾਮੁ ਪਦਾਰਥੁ ਨਾਨਕੁ ਮ ਗੈ ॥

Ŧėrā kīā mīṯẖā lāgai. Har nām paḏārath Nānak māʼngai.

Your actions seem so sweet to me. Nanak begs for the treasure of the Naam, the Name of
the Akal Purkh. -----Guru Arjan, Raag Asa, AGGS, Page, 394-4

Happiness comes from spiritual wealth, and not from material wealth. Happiness comes
from giving, not by getting, if we try hard to bring happiness to others, we cannot stop it
from coming to us also.To get joy, we must give it; to keep joy, and we must scatter it.

----- John Templeton

6
7