Contact, Care, COMMUNICATE

Contact, Care,
COMMUNICATE
How Interpersonal Skills

Are the Foundation of
Genuine Customer Service
Stephanie Dollschnieder
Contact, Care,
COMMUNICATE
Contact, Care,
COMMUNICATE
HOW INTERPERSONAL SKILLS ARE
the FOUNDATION of GENUINE
CUSTOMER SERVICE
Copyright 2009 by Stephanie Dollschnieder.

Library of Congress Control Number:
ISBN:
Hardcover
Softcover
2009912868
978-1-4500-0804-4
978-1-4500-0803-7
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted

in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including
photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval
system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.
This book was printed in the United States of America.
To order additional copies of this book, contact:

Xlibris Corporation
1-888-795-4274
www.Xlibris.com
Orders@Xlibris.com
61849
CONTENTS
Introduction .......................................................................................... 7
Chapter 1 The Master Communication Skill ..................................... 19

Chapter 2 Understanding Silent Language ....................................... 38
Chapter 3 Dealing With Difficult Customers...................................... 63
Chapter 4 Trust . . . The Ultimate Customer Service Tool ................. 81
Chapter 5 Building A Corporate Culture Of Service .......................... 98
Notes ............................................................................................... 105
Introduction
No matter where you work, whether you own the business or

are an employee, regardless of the type of business, you know that
it would not exist without customers. And the extent to which you
can acquire and keep them is the extent to which your business will
survive and succeed. So, you may spend a good deal of time and
energy trying to assess exactly what your customers really want.
And though the answer varies by the type of products or services
you offer, there is one overarching desire common to all customers.
You probably know what it is because the fact is you, yourself,
are a customer all the time. You buy a cup of coffee; check into a
hotel; send an email requesting information; go out to dinner; call
to check the balance on your credit card; the list goes on and on.
Every day life presents all kinds of situations in which you are the
customer. And you know what customers want . . . service.
No doubt, like all of us, you have had both good and bad
customer service experiences. Most of your service experiences
are probably not remarkable, but the ones that have stuck with
you likely represent more bad than good. Studies do show people
remember and share negative experiences more than positive,
and yet, there is more to it than that inclination.1 The truth is that
7
Contact, Care, COMMUNICATE
people feel true service is actually quite hard to find. My guess

is that you can identify with their feelings. In fact, if you are like
most people, you would categorize very few of your own service
experiences as really outstanding in a positive way.
The apparent lack of good customer service is somewhat
surprising given that so many companies today claim to be
focusing on that very thingcustomer service. But many of these
companies are putting efforts towards the wrong things. They focus
on increasing product selection or offering rebates or streamlining
staff in order to lower prices. And while these may be important
issues for initially attracting customers, they do not really cut to
the heart of the issue of service.
The price of a product or even its availability is frequently one
of many factors that potential customers consider prior to making
a purchase. But the price of something is not typically a factor in
evaluating the service they received. In other words, dissatisfaction
with price or selection is rarely the reason people give when they
claim they received poor customer service. In fact, surveys suggest
that people are frequently willing to even pay more when they feel
they will receive better service.2 Ask yourself if there is a time when
you knowingly paid more for a product because of the service you
would get. You can probably answer yes. When you think of your
own customer service experiences, what are the things that matter
most to you? What are the things that have left you disappointed?
It probably wont surprise you to hear that the most common
customer service complaints have to do with how the customer
felt he or she was treated before, during and after the purchase.
8
People want to feel as though they (and their business) are

genuinely appreciated. They want to feel important, respected . . .
in a word . . . served.
Unfortunately, that kind of treatment doesnt happen frequently.
BusinessWeek magazines annual Customer Service Champs
rankings from 2008 revealed what many suspectedthat
customer service has been on the decline. And that while there
are certainly shining exceptions, most consumers feel that overall
service levels continue to fall.3 More to the point, customers have
the feeling businesses just arent listening to what they have
been saying about what really desirable service would look like,
and mean to them. Consumers are beginning to feel that their
needs havent been met, explains Bonnie Jansen of the U.S.
Office of Consumer Affairs. Theyre sick of getting poor service
all the time.4
Over many years of researching what customer service means
to people, I have heard the same things from frustrated customers
over and over again . . .
I want to speak to a live person!
I wish I could get a response . . . any kind of response!
Why dont they just listen?
How about some basic respect and common courtesy!
Customers feel neglected, taken for granted, and generally

under-valued. Consider this common scenario . . .
You decide to place a call to check an item on your credit

card bill. You dial an 800 number. You are immediately
connected to an Automated Voice Response (AVR)
system which tells you how important your call is, and
that, as such, it may be recorded. You are directed to
punch in your 16-digit card number; confirmation is fed
back to you. You are asked to push one if the number
was correct. You do so. Then you are asked for your 5
digit zip code. You enter it. It is repeated back to you, and
once more you are asked to confirm that it was correct.
Sometimes this back and forth of entering information
and confirmation continues for quite some time with the
last four digits of your social security number, your phone
number, etc. After you wade through this interrogation
(or other menu hell options) you are put on hold while
a pre-recorded voice tells you once again that your call is
very important to the company. Finally, a real human being
picks up the line. Thinking you have finally come out of
the woods, you breathe a sigh of relief, and begin to ask
your question. The person cuts you off and asks what is
your 16 digit card number. . . . And off you go again . . .
answering the identical questions you just responded to.
And somehow you really dont get the feeling that your
call is so important.
This is the kind of experience so many people have come to

equate with standard customer service today. The high frustration
levels are understandable. Had the company in this example been
registering (read, listening to) all that information you had just
given, there would be no need to repeat everything.
10
Paul English, a well-known consumer vigilante, galvanized

many customers with his website which provided information
on shortcuts to live people at call centers. In 2006, his shortcut
listings were up to more than 400 automated phone response
shortcuts. The very success of this website is a strong indication
of the frustration many consumers feel when trying to gain access
to assistance from customer services organizations. 5
Of course if you are not a business owner who has implemented
one of these automated systems, you may wonder why companies
are so enamored with these maddening set ups. On the other hand, if
you have done so, you know the justification. It is most often explained
as a financial decision on the parts of many companies to have an
Automated Voice Response system address customer calls.
For a company who experiences a high volume of customer
calls, staffing to have each and every call answered by a person
can be costly. After all, businesses must consider the expenses
of hiring, training, paying salaries (with benefit, tax and insurance
loadings), providing office space, managing, etc. for all of those
employees. It is far less expensive (though service experts would
say only in the short-term) to go automated, and move away from
having actual people handle customer calls. Then too, there are
some businesses which have unexpected peaks in customer call
volume, and it is difficult to staff for those occasions. Regardless
of the reason(s) many companies have gravitated to this kind of
customer service approach.
In all fairness, it must be said that there are times when
automated response units can provide quick information to a
11
customer who has a very simple need for say, the next payment
amount or due date. And some customers actually appreciate
being able to have access to that information on their own.
Younger consumers, in particular, are often happy with the
technology-driven, depersonalized transaction. They are both
capable and comfortable with online interaction, and pleased to
be able to conduct business at the time of their choosing.
When a problem arises, however, dissatisfaction occurs even
with these tech-savvy consumers. Because when people have a
complaint or a problem, or even more than one simple question, the
vast majority of them want to speak with a real person. Someone
who can be involved in the give and take of an actual conversation.
And technology-based customer service systems, even email, are
notoriously non-responsive and unsatisfactory.
While maneuvering through automated phone tree menus is
frustrating to customers, so too is waiting on hold. The average
wait time for customers who want to reach a live person has risen
over the years (up a full 33% in the five years from 2000-2005
alone.)6 And customers have little tolerance for this treatment.
The risks are that by the time the customer actually connects with
a person, he is even more agitated than he was at the beginning
of his journey. And what may have been a pleasant or simpler
interaction becomes a challenge for the service representative who
ultimately takes the call. Additionally, the potential loss of business
resulting from a now irritated customer is no small thing. A 2008
survey by RightNow Technologies and the Harris Poll reported
a full 87% of respondents have stopped doing business with a
12
company with which they have had a negative customer service

experience (up from 80% in 2007, and 68% in 2006.7)
So while the automated systems, can be useful in some limited
circumstances and for simple tasks, they do not offer to customers
what they most want when they are looking for helpa human
being. And 60% of consumers cite speaking with a live agent via
the telephone as the number one way they want to interact with a
company.8 When all is said and done, really exceptional customer
servicethe kind that people remember and share with others,
the kind that brings customers back time and again, the kind that
leaves a customer feeling heard and helpedrequires the human
touch, and automated systems dont cut it. So, in the long-term,
the fiscal wisdom of eliminating human service representatives in
favor of technology isnt quite so sound. Customers want to feel
as though someone cares.
Okay, you say . . . that is all nice and good, but business is about
profit margins not this touchy-feely, caring stuff. Well, heres the
thing . . . customer service provided by attentive and caring staffers
is far from fluff. Caring pays off in a variety of ways.
According to research regarding why businesses lose
customers, the number one reason is the perception that the
business sales and service representatives dont care. A full 68%
of those polled in the study indicated that the perception of a
non-caring sales or service representative led them to leave and
buy from other businesses. (In second place at 14% is the poor
handling of complaints.)9
13
Caring even matters when the customer is not so vocal about

his dissatisfaction. According to Claes Fornell, the founder of the
University of Michigans American Customer Satisfaction Index,
. . . the customer with a complaint that we never hear may well be
our biggest problem. Each of these customers represents not only
lost revenue and profits in the future, but also reflects a failure in
communication with costly consequences. The lessons lost by not
knowing what went wrong are equally valuable. And, perhaps worst
of all, the dissatisfied, frustrated, former customer may become an
impassioned anti-advocate of our companyspreading negatives
to other current or potential customers.10 Formerly, dissatisfied or
angry customers used to tell people (some statistics say as many
as 9-11 others) through word of mouth. These days their discontent
gets broadcasted via internet to literally thousands of other people.
And the desire to share their negative service experience with
others is amplified when the customers feel as though they are not
afforded an opportunity to be heard by the offending company.
Caring enough to want to hear a customers complaint is one
of the hallmarks of a great service organization. Besides, studies
show that people are even more likely to accept a negative
outcome, or obtain less than they had hoped for, if they feel as
though they have been genuinely listened to by a real person, and
treated with respect.
And if you still have doubts about the fiscal wisdom of personal
caring and the human touch, consider how your personal satisfaction
in a transaction goes in relation to the amount of personal care you
get. You are not unique in wanting, and gaining satisfaction through,
that attention. Make no mistake, customer satisfaction levels relate
14
directly to your bottom line. According to a paper published by

the Marketing Science Institute11 a 5% improvement in American
Customer Satisfaction Index (ACSI) leads to an increase of over
35% of future operational cash flow and a decrease of 20% in its
variability. This is certainly not something a company hoping to
attract investors should take lightly.
Customers are the very lifeblood of any business. Getting them
is critical. Keeping them is equally important, because once lost,
customers are costly to regain. This is perhaps truer today than
nearly any other time in recent history. Current economic stressors
on businesses make holding on to existing clients even more
important than before. Clients, in general, have become harder to
come by, if for no other reason than the fact that consumers have
less disposable income today.
Add to this the fact that e-commerce has created what many
call the new Self-Directed Consumer who is no longer confined
by geography, and is empowered with a wide variety of choices
in merchants, price comparisons, and a seemingly endless array
of products from which to choose. Indeed, these Self-Directed
consumers typically have very high expectations for service. And
if those expectations are not met, they simply take their business
elsewhere with the click of a mouse or the touch of a button on the
cell phone. The competition for customers is stiffer than ever.
In this environment, it is immensely challenging for businesses
to differentiate themselves to potential consumers by means of
new or unique products or technologies. However, the savvy
businesses can and do distinguish themselves by means of the
15
quality and level of customer service they provide. And savvy

investors recognize that while investment in customer service
means incurring initial expense, it is reflected in higher revenues
from attracted, satisfied, and retained customers, as well as
increased market share in the future.
Business leaders are becoming aware of these very real financial
benefits of making it easier for customers to gain access to company
representatives, whether face to face, or by phone. They are
beginning to recognize that providing the human connection makes
a substantial (and positive) impression. And they are beginning
to create ways for customers to be served by actual people as
opposed to menus. By doing so, they are finding rates of customer
satisfaction going up. This translates into fiscal success.12
So there it is. The answer to your customers desires. Simply
put, if you would like to make your customers happier, give them
easy access to your sales and service representatives. But dont
make the mistake of believing that this step by itself will transform
your business into a top notch service provider. Yes, customers
want to deal with real people, but access is only the first step.
Providing contact with your employees certainly eliminates the
initial frustration of depersonalized treatment, but it is not enough
to make a customer feel as though he has received outstanding
service. That requires company representatives who know how
to effectively interact with that customer who contacts them.
(Remember that caring stuff?)
And this is an even larger challenge than providing access to
people. The reason? Many people do not possess the interpersonal
16
skills necessary to create a positive service experience for the

customer once contact is made.
Indeed, it is often assumed that everyone knows how to
effectively interact. After all, doesnt that just come naturally? The
truth is that effective interactions are a result of learned skills having
to do with various aspects of interpersonal communication. And
unfortunately, these skills do not simply come naturally. What
exacerbates the problem is that todays world doesnt support the
development of these skills unless we seek them out.
While there are tremendous benefits to our technology-driven
society, one of the drawbacks is that opportunities to practice
interaction skills have been greatly diminished. Interpersonal
(especially face-to-face) interaction has been de-emphasized in
favor of eeverything. What this means is that less attention has
been given to developing these communication skills, and fewer
opportunities to practice them arise. But they are the essential
second step in satisfying customers.
Customer service does not entail a pre-scripted the customer
says this . . . you say that . . . or any kind of formulaic approach.
It is about genuine human interaction. So, the key to providing
outstanding customer service lies in service representatives who
have become human relations experts. Those who have developed
and polished their interpersonal skills. Those who can demonstrate
caring, and interact with warmth and professionalism. And this
takes education, practice and commitment.
So here is your chance to begin.
17
Creating the organizational structure to support and allow

access by your customers to real people is something you and
your managers can address. This book is designed to help you with
the next step. It will provide an insight into the essential skills you
and your staff will need for providing outstanding customer service
through the interaction that ensues. By learning and making use
of the skills that are explored in the following chapters, you and
your staff can become better interpersonal communicators, and
that is the essence of truly outstanding service.
18
Chapter 1
THE MASTER COMMUNICATION SKILL
For anyone who studies communication, it is clear that the

process of effectively communicating with other people is a complex
phenomenon. There are many factors at play, but the ultimate goal
is to convey a message and have it accurately received. In fact,
we know that effective communication has taken place when the
message received is exactly what was sent.
That may sound simple enoughMessage Sent = Message
Received. But rarely does this actually occur. Due to individual
abilities and unique perceptions, people send and interpret
messages in their own ways. So it is actually a rather daunting
task to achieve wholly effective communication.
One of the most critical tools for achieving a measure of
success in communication is the skill of listening. For this reason,
many in the communications field refer to listening as the Master
Communication Skill.
19
Unfortunately, most people do not recognize how much effort it

takes to genuinely listen. In fact, most people do not even classify
listening as a skill requiring practice. In our society, it is assumed
that since we have two ears, and may respond to sound, we
necessarily know how to listen.
In most schools we do not find Listening listed as a class
in the course catalogue. Our teachers and professors never
give us instruction on listening. They simply tell us to listen.
However, even though we get little to no real education around
what listening is, most of us can recognize how vital listening is
to successful interaction.
All you need do is think about how you feel when you have
something to say, and are not listened to. It is not uncommon to
feel frustrated, angry, disappointed or inconsequential. These
feelings create a negative experience. Most people feel a need
to tell their story, make their point, share their complaint or
concerns. Even if they do not get the response they would like
to get, they want to know they have been heard. This is even
more important to people when they have made or are about to
make a purchase.
People who feel listened to feel understood. They feel better
about themselves, feel better about the other person, and generally
have a more positive feeling about an interaction. You will find they
are even more willing to do things or accept outcomes they might
otherwise be unwilling to. For all of these reasons, effective listening
skills are crucial to success in the customer service realm.
20
So how can someone improve his or her listening skills? Well,

the first step is to recognize the barriers that can get in the way of
effective listening. So lets take a look at some of those barriers.
Thats What Ears are for, Right?

One of the most significant barriers is the very way we have
come to think about listening. Ask most people for a definition of
listening and their responses focus on ears.
Actually, we do far more listening with our eyes, our guts, our
hearts than we do with our ears. As we will discuss later, studies
show that as much as 93% of the information conveyed in a face
to face interaction comes from the non-verbal or silent language
cues.13 We could all be better listeners if we remember to heed
the information gathered with other senses.
I have run into people who are fond of saying that mouths
have no part in effective listening. That we need to be quiet when
we listen. Well, this is only partially true. The appropriate use of
our mouths is also an integral part of effective listening. We need
to ask the right questions, provide the right feedback, give subtle
verbal cues to convey real listening.
We need to recognize that hearing is really a rather small part
of the entire listening process. So the first barrier to remove is
this current misconception of listening. Simply shifting the way
we think about the listening process will likely improve our efforts
to do so.
21
Bells and Whistles

Another significant barrier that gets in the way of effective
listening is noise. And there is a lot of it. There are cell phones;
auto alarms; traffic sounds; construction and building noises;
music; barking dogs; the sounds of wind and storms; machinery
and equipment; television sets; radios; computer equipment . . .
the list goes on and on. We are bombarded by noises. In fact,
noise has become such a constant in our daily lives that many
experts actually categorize noise as a kind of pollution and worry
about the detrimental effects on human health resulting from its
steady increase.14
As a result of this ever increasing exposure to noise, many of
us have become consciously immune to it. And we certainly dont
always recognize that it can distract us from genuinely focusing on
what another person has to say. Make an effort to become aware of
noises around you when interacting with someone, and eliminate as
many of those external noises as possible. This may mean something
as simple as closing an office door or turning off a cell phone.
But there is another kind of noise that can get in the way of
effective listening, and it is not external. It is the noise in our own
minds. People have the capability of assimilating more than 500
words per minute, yet they usually listen to the average speaker
who produces in the neighborhood of 150 words per minute.15
With the resulting mental lag time we can go off in our minds to
contemplate any number of things other than what the speaker is
saying. And we do. We ponder our To Do Lists, or what we will have
for lunch, or what we will say when it is our chance to speak.
22
And we will not only think of other things while someone is

speaking, we will even do other things. People have become
dedicated and practiced multi-taskers. Most of us believe
multi-tasking is a valuable skill, and with the fast pace of our
lives, it is certainly beneficial to be able to do several things at
once. But while it may help us strike off more from our to do
lists, multi-tasking does not make for good listening. Internal
noise and divided attention creates incredible distraction, and
can drastically reduce how much genuine listening you are able
to do.
So keep these things in mind when interacting with a customer.
Becoming aware of your own distractions, and forcing yourself to
stay focused on the speaker will help eliminate this listening barrier
and improve your listening. Remind yourself that the customer
speaking to you is talking about your business. It is important to
stay focused on him.
Look at Me When I am Talking to You!

Not being able to see someone can actually impede your ability
to listen to them, as well. (Later we will explore visual and other
non-verbal cues.) So, if you can create a face-to-face interaction
for customer service issues, that in itself, will alleviate many
misunderstandings.
Certainly it is optimum if you can be face to face with the
customer you are serving, but sometimes (especially in our
global business community) that is just not possible. Perhaps
the sheer size or location of your business precludes face to
23
face interaction with clients. Perhaps your customers are spread

throughout the country; your customer is on one coast; and you
are in a manufacturing plant on the opposite coast. In these and
other such cases, much of the listening to a customer must take
place over the phone.
Just remember that when you remove the visual connection,
you also lose the ability to register many non-verbal cues such
as facial expressions, gestures, body posture, etc. It is critical to
remind yourself of this. There may be important information that
you do not catch right away in a telephone conversation, and
you may need to probe with additional questions to be certain
you have obtained a clear understanding of what the customer
is conveying.
We Speak the Same Language, Dont We?

When the speaker and the listener do not speak the same
language, listening can also be impeded. Years ago the
language barrier was an infrequent issue for customer service
representatives. Most businesses drew their customers from local
communities. Not so anymore.
Due to the changing face of American culture, it would be
difficult to point to a city, even a small one, that does not have
some citizens whose first language is other than English.
Transportation and communication technologies have virtually
shrunk the world by facilitating contact almost anywhere, any
time. And commerce has followed suit. Not only do immigrants
reside in both urban and suburban communities across the
24
country, many of todays businesses draw their clientele from

all around the globe. The resulting language differences can
create customer service nightmares if they are not addressed
appropriately.
In interactions with someone who speaks a different language,
it is absolutely crucial to eliminate as many other listening and
interaction barriers as possible. In face to face encounters, as you
listen to the customer, try to focus intently on any gestures, visual
aids (products or paperwork) and facial expressions. These provide
vast amounts of information for you. But again, if your interaction
is by telephone, you cannot make use of these insights. In the
case of telephone interactions, it is absolutely vital that you put
serious energy into staying focused on the issue and what you
can ascertain via vocal cues. Also, probe for specifics, and try to
provide feedback when possible.
In asking clarifying questions, keep an even and moderate
voice volume (there really is no need to speak overly loudly when
interacting with someone who speaks a different language) and
slow your rate of speech. If face to face, use additional gestures and
make consistent, but pleasant eye contact. If you have translators
at your disposal, make use of them.
Keep in mind that the language barrier extends to
acronyms, jargon, and professional terminology, as well. Even
if you and your customer both speak English, there can be
serious miscommunications. If your customer uses terminology
you dont understand, ask kindly for explanation. Likewise,
if you are clarifying something with the customer, beware of
25
using company or industry acronyms, or clinical, technical or

professional terms that will be meaningless to the customer.
Most industries create their own kinds of language. Be aware
of this if your business finds you dealing with lay people outside
your profession.
Then too, there are colloquialisms or expressions used depending
upon the region or state from which your customer comes. For
example, your customer may ask for a coke. You might interpret
that to mean a Coca-Cola, when in fact, he had simply wanted a
carbonated beverage . . . perhaps even a light colored one.
So, language itself can be a reason for a customers confusion
or dissatisfaction with service. Think carefully about the words you
use; ask appropriate clarifying questions; ask for definitions of any
terms your client uses which you do not understand; and choose a
suitable speaking speed to minimize these potential listening and
communication barriers.
In summary, listening skills can be improved, and a big piece
of accomplishing this has to do with eliminating the barriers.
The barriers created by noise, mental distraction, lack of eye
contact, language, and even the way we think about the act of
listening can severely disrupt the message sent = message
received equation. It may not always be possible to eliminate
all of these types of barriers, but make a concerted effort to
avoid or get rid of as many of them as possible. By doing so,
the chances of your being a better listener go up substantially.
Consequently, your customers are more likely to feel validated
and understood.
26
Message and Meta-Message

In addition to recognizing the barriers to effective listening, there
are other techniques to consider in honing your listening skills.
People in the communication field have long talked about Active
Listening, a process of involving ourselves in an exchange by
making eye contact, nodding appropriately, displaying open body
postures, etc. These things are, indeed, essential to demonstrating
listening receptivity to a customer. They also put you in a position to
obtain the content of what the speaker is saying. However, we do a
better job of capturing the entire essence of the customers message
when we connect with her at the appropriate emotional level.
Sometimes this means deciphering the underlying concerns
and feelings of the speaker when she has not conveyed those
feelings in actual words. Moreover, it means deciphering that
information even if the customer actually attempts to hide it.
In any communication, there are always two parts. One is the
Message. This is the verbal and intentional content. The second is
called the Meta-Message. This is any feeling that might be involved
or underlying the content.
Admittedly, most of the time when we converse, the meta-message
runs along as an undercurrent without much import. This is because
most communications are somewhat banal. However, when the
feelings beneath (or coexistent with) a message represent powerful
emotions (such as anger, excitement, frustration, passion, or fear)
the meta-message takes precedence over the spoken content. This
underlying emotion is where truth lies.
27
There are essentially three possible combinations of message

and meta-message delivery:
1. The meta-message supports the message.
2. The meta-message directly contradicts the message.
3. The meta-message is actually articulated in the message.
In the first case, in which the meta-message supports the

message, it is rather simple to assess the feelings of the speaker.
An example of this kind of situation might sound something like
this:
A customer gives an exasperated sigh and then says,
I had hoped this equipment would last longer than
two years . . .
A listener can rather easily recognize the frustration on the

part of the customer. The sigh and the delivery of the words give a
clear indication of this even though the customer doesnt explicitly
say it.
The second combination, wherein the meta-message
contradicts the message, is sometimes called a double bind. In a
double bind, a speaker sends two very different and contradicting
pieces of information. Consider the following:
A customer glares at you with her arms crossed and,
through clenched teeth, hisses No. Im not mad!
28
The customer has just sent two contradictory sentiments. Her

words conveyed one messagethat she was not angry. But her
meta-message (as indicated by her non-verbal cues) conveyed a
very different onethat she was quite angry, indeed.
Most people do recognize which piece of the communication
conveys the truth. Research suggests that when confronted with
two contradictory messages, people react by moving through a
three step process. First, they feel confused. Second, they begin
to search for additional information that might clarify the intent.
Finally, if they cannot find reasonable clarifying information, they
feel displeasure, hostility or even confused withdrawal. Research
also suggests that we tend to believe the cues that we think
are harder to fake.16 Generally speaking, non-verbal cues are
assumed to be more spontaneous, so people are likely to believe
them. Regardless, we frequently rely on our intuition, and just know
what is true. This is an example of how we listen viscerally.
In the third combination, when the meta-message is actually
articulated in the content, there is no denying the speakers
meaning. Consider this . . .
I have never been so irritated by a salesperson!
The meta-message is stated clearly, so the customer leaves

no doubt how he feels in this case.
Effectively responding to a customer by understanding both the
message (content) and the meta-message (feelings) is essential
to effective listening. When a customer makes a statement or asks
29
a question, look for the underlying emotion. Does the customer

seem upset? Confused? Surprised? Intrigued? Worried? The most
important thing, in formulating a response, is to address the feeling
first. Thereafter, you can address the issue.
Doesnt this job usually take three hours?
Its 2:45 right now.
I can see that you are concerned
about our getting this job done before
the end of the day.
Yes, I cant take another day off work
to be here.
I understand that. I know its hard to
juggle work schedules. I cannot promise,
but I can assure you well do everything
we can to wrap this up by close of business
today.
I appreciate that.
By acknowledging the feeling first, the customer does not feel

the need to continue to demonstrate that feeling. He is assured that
you have gotten the whole message. He feels genuinely listened
to and validated.
Admittedly, articulating the feeling you recognize in a customer
can be risky on your part. Take our first scenario in which the
30
customer demonstrated but did not speak her frustration. A

sensitive and savvy customer relations representative might
respond by saying something like, I can understand the frustration
this error could cause. Or I imagine that is really frustrating.
This could provide the perfect lead-in for an explosive response
from the customer, such as, Youre damn right I am! But here
is the important point . . . though the customer may seem even
angrier at first, at some level, it is quite likely he will recognize that
at least you are really getting it. And so, what frequently follows
heated venting is the Well . . . I-know-its-not-you-personally . . .
sort of admission, and a subsequent calming down. So the risk of
speaking the truth, often pays off.
Old school management style dictates that feelings should not
count for much in business interactions. And though there is substantial
evidence that this is a misguided belief, many people still hold that belief.
After all, they contend, it should be issues, not feelings, that matter in
the work place. But business can be highly personal. And when dealing
with customer complaints, questions or problems, unless the feelings,
good or bad, are addressed, they quickly become the issue. For this
reason, it is essential that the meta-message be addressed first. Only
by doing so do you demonstrate to the customer that you are genuinely
listening, that you really do get what they are communicating, and
that you have empathy for what they are experiencing. And only when
the customer is assured of these things, can the two of you move on
to address the logistics and particulars of the issue.
Stephen R. Covey, author of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective
People, tells us that When you listen with empathy to another person,
31
you give that person psychological air. And after that vital need is
met, you can then focus on influencing or problem solving. 17
So, listen and watch for unspoken emotions when your
customer speaks. Put yourself in the customers place and try to
empathize. Explore what you think he is feeling. Then, genuinely
acknowledge those feelings in the interaction. When a customer
feels acknowledged and listened to, he or she is even more willing
to accept negative news, if that becomes necessary, and will
certainly have a more positive service experience.
I Knew She Was Hot Tempered Because She Had

Red Hair
Do your best to suspend your judgment when you are listening
to a customer. This is, of course, far easier said than done. Most
of us are unaware of how much we leap to conclusions before
hearing the customer out. Try to stay open-minded. Dont interrupt
the customer. Waiting a moment before responding is one way to
train yourself to allow a speaker to finish. You may hear things that
surprise you or clarify things you might have asked about. Either
way, by allowing the customer to finish his or her thoughts, you
convey that you are listening. In addition, try to become aware of
your own prejudices. Stereotypes are often deeply imbedded in our
sub-conscious minds and we dont even realize we are listening
through the filter of predisposition. Building the self-awareness and
open-mindedness to avoid employing stereotypes takes serious
effort and often some soul-searching, but it can be done. Remind
yourself to deal with the individual and circumstances at hand. This
can sometimes reduce the inclination to leap to incorrect and/or
32
unfair conclusions. And will certainly help reduce the possibility of

unintentionally insulting a customer.
A Word About Feedback . . .

Feedback is a valuable listening aid. Making good use
of feedback in the forms of clarifying questions, empathizing
statements, reflecting comments, and interpretations also improves
the accuracy of your information. Feedback is an important
mechanism for assuring both the speaker and the listener that
message sent is the same as the message received.
One method of feedback is saying back to the speaker
specifically what you have heard. This is an excellent tool for both
conveying to the speaker whether or not he has been clear, and
for eliminating any discrepancies in the information.
A note of caution regarding feedback of this kind . . . be sure to
mix up your approach. Years ago, the prevailing wisdom regarding
demonstrating listening was to utilize the formulaic question What I
hear you saying is . . . . Is that right? as an effective feedback lead.
It quickly became the feedback approach of choice. Ultimately,
the overuse of that phrase resulted in its partial demise. These
days, many people find the phrase condescending, particularly
if it is used frequently or even more than once in the very same
interaction. So mix it up. You might use that phrase once, then
later employ, . . . okay . . . it sounds like youre asking . . . or If
I follow you correctly, you . . . The key is to rephrase in your own
words what the speaker appears to be saying and get clarification
or confirmation of its accuracy.
33
Lastly, feedback can come in the form of offering insights or

analogies to the customer to demonstrate your understanding of
her meaning. This also helps to establish common ground and
helps assure the customer that you understand exactly what shes
explaining.
You Cut Me Off!

Interrupting frequently carries a negative connotation. And
while it is true that people will interrupt a speaker to criticize, close
down, challenge, or discount what is being said, people may also
interrupt out of enthusiasm, to show support, to share or join in, or
to convey understanding or encouragement. So a blanket sanction
against all interruptions would not be sound advice. Instead, just
keep in mind that when a customer is speaking, you want to do all
that you can to convey attentiveness, and quiet listening usually
does this. So, it is best to avoid undue interruptions.
This is particularly true in the case of an angry customer.
Complaining customers want to be able to vent. In fact, sometimes
the very act of releasing their anger and emotion through telling the
tale is enough to calm them down a bit. Chances are also better of
getting the whole story if you refrain from interrupting a customer.
In those circumstances where a customer goes on and on, and
needs to be moved from the telling/yelling stage to the next step
of evaluating what can be done, you will need to be particularly
delicate. Tactful interruptions to redirect a customer take finesse.
One way to do this is to wait until the customer takes a breath
or makes a brief pause, and politely interject with, Pardon me,
34
but . . . or Excuse me for just a moment, but if I may ask . . .

and ask a pertinent question. It is absolutely crucial to be polite
when jumping in like this. Hold direct and friendly eye contact
while doing so.
Another means of bringing a rambling customer to a close is to
interrupt (again, politely) to summarize the essential points given
thus far. Sometimes the mere change-up resulting from a bit of
give and take in the conversation will slow the incessant telling of
a story, and you can move along to resolving the problem for the
customer.
Active Listening Behaviors

As mentioned earlier, active listening behaviors such as
displaying an open body posture, nodding, smiling, and making eye
contact are also helpful for demonstrating to a customer that you
are listening. These non-verbal behaviors are essential to effective
interactions and are further explored in the section on non-verbal
communication. But keep in mind that active listening behaviors
are only part of the listening process and should be coupled with
the deeper empathetic skills of listening for the meta-message
(discussed above).
The Value of Summarizing

Lastly, ending an interaction with a good summary is helpful
to both parties involved. Summarizing the conversation for the
customer is a courtesy for her, and a practical move for you. When
you take the time to summarize the conversation, you provide a
35
last opportunity for the customer to clarify any misunderstandings.

It is also a final assurance to her that you have genuinely listened
and understand the problem or concern.
Effective Listening Summary

When we dissect the elements of truly effective listening, it
becomes clear that it is far more complex a skill than most of
us think it is. Keep these things in mind when you engage with
a customer. They will improve your overall listening ability, and
therefore, enhance the actual and perceived level of service you
provide your customers. Here is a quick summary of the tips we
have covered.
36
Tips for Improving Listening Skill

1. Recognize that listening requires using eyes, sensibilities and
voice as much, if not more than it does ears.
2. Try to get away from or minimize extraneous noises.
3. Resist the distraction of your own unrelated thoughts.
4. Listen and watch for the emotions of the speaker.
5. Try not to leap to conclusions.
6. Dont interrupt. Wait before responding.
7. Use a variety of feedback approaches so as not to appear
condescending.
8. Rephrase in your own words what the speaker appears to be
saying.
9. Demonstrate interest by using encouraging non-verbal
behaviors.
10. Summarize well.
37
Chapter 2
UNDERSTANDING SILENT LANGUAGE
Another essential interaction skill for customer service people

is learning to understand non-verbal communication. Most people
have heard the expression Actions speak louder than words.
There is a great deal of truth to this old adage.
Certainly, we demonstrate our commitment when we act or do
as we have promised. But there is another aspect of how actions
speak. All actions communicate information to others. Some of the
information is taken in on a very conscious level. Still, we register
and interpret the cues others send us even if we are unaware we
are doing so. Surely everyone has had the experience of feeling
ill at ease in an interaction with another person and being unable
to say exactly why, or what is causing the discomfort. More often
than not, the cause is the non-verbal cues our non-conscious mind
is reading.
Communication research has shown that as much as 93% of
information conveyed in a face-to-face interaction is non-verbal
38
(38% coming from dimensions of voice which we will explore later,

and the remaining 55% coming from other non-verbal cues), and
only 7% is the words.18 This may sound astounding at first, but if
we take a look at all that non-verbal communication includes, it
becomes clearer how this can be true.
Non-verbal communication includes visual, aural, and other
sensory cues, such as:
Vocalics or Paralanguage
Gestures
Eye Contact
Facial Expressions
Proxemics
Environmental Factors
Physical Appearance
Movement and Posture
Touch
All of these factors come into play when we interact face-to-face

with someone. And people make decisions about usour
intentions, competence, character, honesty, intelligencebased
upon their interpretations of information they receive via these cues.
By extension, people also make decisions about the company we
represent and the products or services we sell, in this same way.
Sometimes the decision is made with little conscious awareness of
what information has been received non-verbally and/or how it has
been interpreted. So lets take a look at some of these non-verbal
messengers.
39
The Dimensions of Voice

Your voice is a powerful communications tool. How many times
have you been in a bad mood, and gotten a phone call from a
friend . . . You answer the phone with your typical hello only to
have the person immediately ask Whats wrong? Now think about
this for a moment . . . you have spoken the very same word you
always use when you answer the phone, and the caller cannot
even see you to assess your expression or bearing. How did that
person know that there was something bothering you?
It has to do with all the subtle facts and implications that are
conveyed by a voice. Communication experts refer to the study
of this information as Vocalics or Paralanguage. That is, all the
dimensions of voice that are not wordsrate, volume, modulation,
pitch, resonance, clarity, accent. These aspects of voice convey
vast amounts of information to the listener.
Remember that the vocalics in a face to face interaction convey
a full 38% of the information, whereas the words are responsible
for only 7%.19 It is certainly true that Its not what you say, but how
you say it that matters.
If, for example, your words say Good morning or May I help
you? to a customer, but you do so in a grumbling voice, she will
certainly not feel greeted. Perhaps she will not even know exactly
what is meant by the grumble, but you can be certain that whatever
meaning she ascribes to your salutation will be negative. Even if
you respond to a request for assistance, and are able to do what
40
the customer asks of you, if you begrudgingly agree to do it, you

still send a negative message.
The importance of a pleasant, upbeat voice cannot be overrated.
Studies show that customers who interact with someone who speaks
in a positive, friendly manner go away feeling better about not only
the individual, but also the company he/she represents. Following
are some common interpretations of various aspects of voice.
Modulation
Think of the characterizations you make when
you listen to someone speaking in a very monotone
voice. My guess is that you are not unusual in
what jumps to mind. Characterizations such as:
bored, disinterested, slow, unenthusiastic, and
tired are very common. So it is with customers
who might be interacting with you (by phone or
face-to-face). One of the fastest ways to send the
message of disinterest is to have a voice lacking
modulation. A well-modulated voice, on the other
hand, is engaging. It conveys interest, energy, even
competence. These are the characterizations you
would like for customers to attribute to you.
Fortunately, it is easy to learn to introduce
some variance in your voice tone. You can practice
saying a sentence over and over, and emphasizing
a different word each time. It helps to write out
41
some phrases you commonly use in customer

interactions and play with how you say them.
Eventually, it will become second nature to increase
your modulation.
Pitch
It is no surprise that we often hear actors such
as James Earl Jones narrating stories on television.
His voice is low, full, and a pleasure to listen to.
There is a good deal of research which looks at
voice tone, and the qualities others attribute to it.
In general, both men and women prefer listening
to voices with lower voice tones (in both men and
women).20 Low pitched voices sound attractive
and calming, yet mature and confident. Whereas
higher pitched voices tend to convey such attributes
as nervousness, youth or inexperience, and lack
of confidence. In addition, a high pitched voice
can be simply grating or annoying to listeners,
especially those who might already be upset (such
as customers with complaints).
Note: There may be an exception to the
preference for lower voices when it comes to
sexual attraction. It is thought that women may
non-consciously raise their voice pitch as they
approach ovulation.21 Consequently, some males
demonstrate a slight preference for a higher pitched
42
voice in females due to the fact that it suggests

youth, an important biological attribute for purposes
of choosing a fertile mate.
But in the realm of customer service in
which people are seeking answers and problem
resolution, not partners, lower voice tones are
preferable. A low-pitched voice, male or female,
conveys confidence, competence, credibility, and
authorityall desirable attributes to someone
seeking assistance.
So what do you do if you have a naturally
higher pitched voice? Artificially lowering your voice
would sound strange and off-putting. However, it
is possible to speak from your own natural lower
range when conversing with a customer. Dont
allow stress to push you into your higher register.
Breathe comfortably and lower your shoulders. This
seems to help drop the voice and result in a more
confident message.
Other aspects of voice tone, such as whining,
nasal sounds and grumbling can also impact the
message that is conveyed. Typically such vocal
aspects are interpreted in a negative way. Voice
therapists and/or singing coaches can assist if
you would like to rid yourself of nasal or wheezing
sounds in your speech.
43
Volume
Low voice volume is interpreted in a couple
of different ways . . . most of them negative. This
happens because people do not want to work
at listening. If they have to strain to hear you,
it is typically too much effort for them, and they
become frustrated by voice volume that is too
low to easily hear. People also tend to attribute
shyness, lack of confidence, and even lack of
competence to a person with an overly soft voice.
Of course the other extremean overly loud
voiceis also interpreted negatively. A customer
will feel as though he is being yelled at, even if
that is not the intent.
Choosing a good voice volume is important
to a pleasant interaction. How do you do this?
Pay attention to the customers non-verbal cues.
Do you notice a flinch or slight recoil when you
speak? Perhaps you are speaking too loudly.
Does he appear to be straining to understand
what you are saying? If a customer says, what?
or asks you to repeat something because he
could not hear you, that is your cue to increase
volume. Certainly dont create a situation where
the customer has to ask a second time. By that
point, the customer is likely already perceiving
the interaction as negative.
44
Resonance
Perhaps you know someone who has a
wonderful singing voice . . . it might even be you,
yourself. Think of that full and robust, ringing quality
that you hear in the voice. This is resonance.
Most people agree that it is pleasant to listen to a
resonant voice. But beyond that, resonance also
creates an impression of confidence on the part of
the speaker.
Resonance is partially created by physical
attributes such as lung capacity, the shape of the
nasal pharynx, vocal folds, glottis, and other head,
neck, and mouth formations. Of course, these
structural things are largely beyond our control
since the shape of a persons neck, pharynx, and
vocal folds are partially determined by genetics.
However, the general hydration of vocal fold tissues
and the muscular agility of laryngeal muscles can
be influenced by training and personal health.22
People who study vocal music report that vocal
resonance can be greatly enhanced by learning
certain breathing techniques. A variety of sources
including voice coaches and yoga instructors could
suggest some breathing exercises to perfect if
you would like to develop a more resonant voice.
The payoff is that customers will find you more
45
interesting and pleasant, will be more likely to enjoy

an interaction with you, and will likely develop a
positive impression of you.
Clarity
Clarity is defined as the quality or state of being
clear. In spoken language clarity can be increased
with precise articulation, and decreased by sloppy
pronunciationwhat some call a lazy mouth. A
nasal or hoarse voice can get in the way of clear
enunciation, as well.
Clarity can also be impacted when the
speaker has an accent. (See following section
on accents.) Customers want to converse with
someone whose message is understandable.
Work at precise pronunciation of words and avoid
regional twangs if you want to improve the clarity
of your speech.
Accent
There are people who find accents charming; I
happen to be one of them. And in some circles, an
accent can have a beneficial affect on the listener.
People have been known to attribute higher
intelligence to a speaker with an accent, especially
in the scientific and medical fields.
46
But if you deal with American customers,

it is probably best to rid yourself of a strong
accent. Accents can turn customers off in some
instances. As mentioned earlier, if an accent
is so prominent that a customer has to work at
understanding the words, she is likely to get
frustrated and angry, even if she does not start
out that way.
This is particularly true if you converse with
customers via telephone. Without the benefit
of being able to read other non-verbal cues to
help clarify meaning, customers may become
quite irritated in their attempts to understand
you. That irritation will taint every aspect of your
interaction.
According to a CFI Group study, the customer
satisfaction score for overseas customer service
call centers is 26 points lower (on a scale of 100)
than for call centers based in the U.S. The study
reveals that customer service representatives based
outside the U.S. are rated lower on communication
skills. It is no surprise that the result is a decreased
ability to interact effectively with customers and
resolve customer problems. In fact, language and
accents of foreign call center reps create such
difficulties in communications that customer issues
are only resolved 45% of the time as opposed to
47
88% of the time when accents do not get in the way

of clear communications. 23
It is my contention that the distaste many
customers have for out-sourced, foreign call
centers stems largely from this frustration of an
inability to understand the service representative
more than any kind of nationalism or racism.
Customers simply do not want to have to struggle
with the person who is supposed to help them, even
while they are struggling with whatever problem
prompted the call in the first place.
But people with heavy accents can, with
practice, eliminate or at least reduce their accents,
and any negative impact of it. Voice or language
coaches, or simply personal vigilance regarding
pronunciation can be effective in accomplishing
this. But another approach works well in reducing
any negative impact of an accent. That is, slowing
your rate of speech. Reducing speaking speed
allows the customer to process your words in the
moment as the conversation evolves.
Remember that your goal is to create an
interaction in which the customer feels comfortable.
Taking extra care in enunciating, and slowing down
can go a long way toward helping a customer
understand you even if you carry an accent.
48
Rate
Speaking of speed . . . average speaking speed
for North American adults is about 150 words per
minute.24 If you speak significantly faster than
average speed, it creates yet another circumstance
in which the listener needs to work at following what
you say. Again, the need to work at listening perturbs
people. It can also make them wary. Picture the
stereotypic fast-talking sales person. Customers
have an almost instant distrust for anyone speaking
too quickly to be easily followed.
But be careful not to over-correct fast speech. A
significantly slower than average rate of speech can be
equally frustrating to the listener. Research indicates
that the perceptions of slow tempo include boredom,
disgust, and sadness.25 Keep this in mind as you
interact. Rate of speech is something easily regulated.
Simply ask a colleague or friend for feedback. How
easy it is to follow what you say in a conversation?
Adjust your speaking speed accordingly.
An often-overlooked aspect of speaking speed
is silence, and the duration of it. Silence can be
interpreted as positive or negative depending upon
other non-verbal and verbal cues that are at play
at the time. A skillful communicator learns to utilize
silence effectively . . . to make a point, to encourage
49
or discourage response, to convey agreement or

disagreement or even uncertainty.
Artful negotiators purposefully and strategically
make use of silent spaces when trying to influence
a negotiation. For example, after offering an
option, they remain silent, allowing the pressure
of the silence itself to move the other person to
speak, and perhaps reveal additional information
or inclinations.
In a service environment, holding your silence
will afford the customer an opportunity to tell his
story unrushed. However, its wise to remember
that when dealing with customers who are looking
for assistance, it is best to be attentive to the
customers reaction to silence. Undue silence
can create an awkward or even antagonistic
atmosphere. Whereas, a pause following an
important point, or a short period of silence to
demonstrate contemplation of what a customer
says, can positively engage a customer in the
interaction.
Modulation, pitch, volume, resonance, clarity, accent, and
rateall of these dimensions of voice combine to produce a
powerful and dynamic vehicle for conveying information to others.
Developing your own voice in the ways mentioned above will do
more to create positive customer interactions than you may think.
Your customers are far more likely to come away from service
50
interactions with a very favorable impression of both you and the

company you represent.
Gestures
Gestures vary by culture but are always a large part of
communication. From the handshake in western cultures to the
bow in various Asian cultures, powerful and meaningful messages
are sent by the gestures we use. And since we have developed
a global economy, these signals are all the more important in
business interactions.
We have already pointed out that the essence of outstanding
customer service is effective interpersonal skills. Those skills that
send the appropriate messages to your customer, such as: I am
listening, I understand you, I care about how you feel. If your goal
is to make your clients feel comfortable in the interaction, it would
be wise to become familiar with the gestures that are used by your
customers and what they mean.
History is full of examples of foreign diplomats, celebrities,
and political figures who have committed outrageous faux pas by
utilizing a gesture that means one thing in their own culture, and
something quite different in another culture.
In terms of our north American culture most of us are aware
of the gestures which are insulting or offensive. Obviously, you
should not make use of them with or in front of clients. This is true
even if the offending gesture is directed not at a customer, but at
a co-worker or bystander.
51
Perhaps the most common business gesture in our culture

is the handshake. It is employed not only for purposes of
greeting, but for confirming agreement, signaling finality, and
even parting. If you have cold, clammy hands, make an effort
to warm them (perhaps with warm water) before an upcoming
encounter. If you have sweaty palms, dry your hands prior to
shaking hands with a client. (Sometimes running cold water
over your wrists will slow the perspiration process on palms.)
Regardless, your handshake should be firm and confident. No
need for overly strong grips. Likewise, dispense with the wimpy,
half-handshake in which you barely grip the clients hand or
grasp only the finger tips.
Another thing to consider is whether or not your gestures
support your words. Gestures during conversation should flow
easily. If you have not developed a good level of comfort with
the use of gestures, they can sometimes appear forced. Upon
observing a disconnect or delay between gesture delivery and the
verbal or postural cue, a customer is likely to find you disingenuous
or deceitful. This does not encourage trust.
Make an effort to be aware of the gestures you make as you
interact. Try watching yourself in a mirror or better yet, video
tape yourself in an interaction and watch your gestures. Do the
messages coincide well, or do they contradict each other? Pay
particular attention to any delay of gesture use. This kind of
self-scrutiny can let you know whether or not you need to work at
becoming more comfortable and fluid with gestures.
52
Eye Contact
Eye Contact is one of the most powerful non-verbal cues. Ask
yourself how you feel about someone who wont let you look him
in the eyes during an interaction. There are all kinds of things we
may attribute to that person, but none of them is positive. You
may have experienced participating in video conference calls and
feeling the slight disconnection of delayed visual response and/
or the inability to look deeply into the eyes of the person on the
other end. It is disconcerting to be unable to engage with another
person in this very intimate way.
We respond viscerally in ways we might not completely
understand to genuine eye contact. There is a kind of energya
magicthat is not able to be replicated by anything else. We know
that we are connecting with another human being when we look
into his or her eyes.
Eye contact is the language of lovers; the conduit of
aggression; the governor of interaction. It amplifies and clarifies
our communications. Eye contact is the vehicle through which we
convey subtle tips about expectations in interactions such as when
to talk, when to stop talking, and even whether or not we have an
interest in interaction at all.
Though it takes courage to proceed, it is a fact that the fastest
and truest way to resolve a conflict is face-to-face. In fact, for any
vital interactionif you want to land the client, console a friend,
make an impressionface to face is the best way to conduct it.
53
Though we can all learn to cultivate a wonderful and expressive

voice, and develop the skills to write exquisite letters, nothing quite
duplicates the power of physical presence. And this is due in large
part to the eye contact afforded by such an interaction.
Some research indicates that, as human beings, our pupils
dilate when we look at something we like or something that
interests us.26 Conversely we tend to look away from those people
and things we dislike, and our pupils contract.27 These responses
are often read and interpreted non-consciously, but registered,
nonetheless.
Of course the complete interpretation of gaze varies by culture.
In North American and European cultures, making direct eye
contact is a way to demonstrate openness, interest, and even
polite attention, whereas in some cultures direct eye contact is
construed as disrespectful or challenging. Take into consideration
the culture of your customer. Follow his or her lead in terms of
directness.
If you find a customer breaking eye contact frequently, or if you
pick up other cues that convey a discomfort with your direct eye
contact, refocus onto the product, inventory display, or paperwork,
adding only the occasional eye contact with the customer. Be sure
your gaze is friendly and not intense or penetrating. Mostly, become
aware of the amount of eye contact you make with your clients.
Too little eye contact makes you appear evasive, disinterested,
or lacking in confidence. The right amount conveys sincerity,
openness, and honesty.
54
Facial Expression
Another category of non-verbal cues is facial expressions.
According to research, the head and neck skeletal structure and
musculature affords humans the ability to manufacture some
250,000 different facial expressions.28 The subtleties of an arched
eyebrow or the lifting of one corner of the mouth are strong
messages that are often interpreted non-consciously by others.
Keep in mind that not only is a customer constantly reading
the facial expressions that you give, you are doing the same of
your customer. Try to tune in to what the various expressions are
telling you. These expressions can give you powerful insights into
how your customer is really feeling, what he is thinking, how he is
reacting to you, etc.
For your part, you can make use of one of the most potent
facial expressions, one that signals liking. That is, your smile. A
genuine smile is a tremendous mood lightener and sign of goodwill
towards a customer. It is important, however, to avoid forcing a
disingenuous smile. Genuine or felt smiles, those resulting from
positive emotions, involves two muscles. The first is the obicularis
oculi muscle, which encircles the eye. When activated, this muscle
causes the crows feet at the corner of the eyes. The brows lower,
the cheeks raise, and the eyes therefore appear narrower. These
sincere smiles are sometimes called Duchenne smiles, named
after a neurologist who first described them.
The second is the zygomatic major, which runs along the
cheekbones. It stretches out the lips and lifts up the corners of the
55
mouth. A contrived, insincere or unfelt smile involves only the

zygomatic major muscle. This is also called the non-Duchenne
smile. The obicularis oculi muscle is not under our conscious
control most of the time, but contracts when we are feeling genuine
positive emotion.29 And studies show that most people are able to
accurately assess the sincerity of a smile. Even children as young
as 9 years old can distinguish between real and phony smiles.30
So, unless you can deliver a heartfelt smile, it is best not to try.
If you need a little help in finding something real to smile about,
try reminding yourself that customers mean business; that having
the opportunity to fix a problem for a customer is better than not
getting the opportunity to do so; and that you will likely be more
successful at the interaction if you allow yourself to be in a good
mood. Successful business should put a smile on anyones face . . .
a sincere one. At the very least, you can achieve a pleasant
countenance.
Proxemics and Posture

Have you ever experienced a close talker? You know who this
is . . . the person who seems to stand or sit too close to you when
interacting. The uncomfortable feeling you have in this situation
is a mixture of many things, depending upon the situation. You
may feel annoyed, perhaps threatened, maybe even frightened.
Regardless, when another person invades your personal space,
you form a decidedly negative impression of that individual.
In the realm of non-verbal communication, personal space
and surrounding spatial issues are called proxemics. We gage the
56
appropriate amount of distance between ourselves and another

person based upon many subtle things, including: how much power
the person has (i.e., is this person the CEO of your firm?); how
tall he is; how large he is; whether the person is male or female;
whether the person is a child, adult or elderly adult; etc. There are
both cultural and familial factors at play in a persons establishing
comfortable distance for work and social situations.
In terms of dealing with a customer face-to-face, it is essential
to be attuned to the persons silent language cues to know if you
have invaded his or her space. Watch for sudden crossing of
arms, hands thrust into pockets, grasping of hands in front of the
body, a slight leaning backward (in the case of males) or a step
backward (in the case of females).
Also watch for facial cues of disturbance, discomfort, or
distress. Customers may not even be aware on a conscious
level that they feel crowded, but they will develop feelings of
discomfort and attribute those negative feelings to you or the
interaction. If your goal in the interaction is to make the customer
feel comfortable, heed these subtle cues and shift your weight
away from him or take a step backwards to allow him more
personal space.
Body position and posture is also a part of proxemics. Slouching,
leaning, or hunching shoulders are postures that send the customer
a message that you do not care about him, about your work or
the situation, or that you lack confidence. These kinds of postures
coupled with other non verbal cues such as low or monotone voice
and/or lack of eye contact are highly disrespectful and should be
57
avoided. Sometimes posturing cues are emphasized by proxemics.

Take for example towering over someone. If you are taller than
the customer, this when combined with standing too close can be
quite threatening to the person.
An evenly balanced, casual stance and open body posture, or
erect, but not stiff seated posture sends the message that you are
attentive, approachable, and that you welcome interaction. These
are positive messages in the realm of customer service.
Environment
Environmental factors can also play into how a person feels
about an interaction. The colors on the walls, the ambient room
temperature, and even the arrangement of furniture can create
either a comfortable, easy environment or one that makes the
customer uneasy.
Fung Shui, an ancient Chinese art form which has become
commonly discussed in interior design circles, has to do with the
placement of items and arrangements of furniture in rooms. It
is said that placement of furniture, light sources and the like, in
reference to the doors, windows and open spaces affect movement
of energy, and feelings of people in the room. Some of these factors
might be considered when you choose a room arrangement for
meeting and interacting with customers.
Also consider whether or not there are physical barriers
between you and the customer. Is there a desk directly between
you, or have you set up a side chair so that the other person is
58
at a right angle to you? These seemingly unimportant things can

matter in terms of how approachable and interested in engaging
you appear. If your goal is to make your customer feel comfortable
in the interaction, you may want to consider environmental factors
that make you appear accessible. Removing or lowering barrier
countertops and furniture; arranging chairs in an open format at
angles to each other; and good, but not harsh lighting are a few
ways to help create that appearance.
Physical Appearance and Adornments

It sounds politically correct to say that we do not judge a
book by its cover. Unfortunately, however, all of us tend to make
judgments based upon the appearance of others. We may
not even be aware that those judgments color our thoughts,
our communication styles, and our interactions. Nonetheless,
fair or unfair, your customers will draw conclusions about you
based upon how you look. Studies show that people even
make evaluations about a persons honesty and competence
based upon physical appearance.31 For this reason, physical
appearance is a non-verbal aspect of communication worth
considering.
Whether or not your company has a uniform, you are a
representative of your company. How you dress and how you
look will reflect upon the image the customer has of not only who
you are, but who the company is. And know that characteristics
attributed to you personally, will also be attributed to the company
you represent.
59
Care should always be taken to be clean and neat. If your job

entails physical labor and you are likely to get dirty, sweaty, or
generally messy by doing it, most customers will make allowances
for this. However, there is no reason why you cannot start out the
day clean and neat in appearance.
If your work requires interaction with the customer on their
premises or in their homes, it is a good idea to wear clothing
(perhaps a hat or shirt) with a logo and/or drive a vehicle which
displays the name of the company you represent. This provides
reinforcement that you are a representative of that firm, and
conveys that you have authority to provide information and service
as required. Elderly or infirm customers or even those simply
home alone will be more likely at ease if they are given this kind
of physical confirmation of your identity.
Other aspects of physical appearance in the guise of
adornments such as jewelry, make-up, briefcases or purses,
and even hair styles send non-verbal messages, as well. Trendy,
extreme fashions can undermine professionalism in many
industries. In other industries (entertainment and advertising,
to name a few) such accoutrements may say cutting-edge or
high-tech and be perceived in a positive way. Carefully consider
your industry, your company, and what messages you want to
send your customers when dressing, and select accessories
accordingly.
In the case of your own judgments about your customer based
upon his or her physical appearance, you must be equally careful.
It is important to utilize appropriate listening skills, and resist being
60
distracted by uncommon fashions, curious adornments or unusual

physical features. Also, try to keep your biases and prejudices at
bay, and dont leap to conclusions. Remind yourself to genuinely
interact with the customer as an individual.
Physical Touch
There is perhaps no single non-verbal cue more potent than that
of physical touch. Perhaps it is due to the potentially highly-charged
nature of physical contact. Perhaps it is due to social sanctions,
or the deeply rooted drive for self-protection. Regardless, physical
touch can convey vast amounts of information, deep emotions,
and/or provide powerful energy exchange.
Touch is so powerful that human beings can even die due to
lack of the touch of another person. (Babies given everything they
need nutritionally, and protection from the elements, but are not
held or touched, have been known to develop Failure to Thrive
(FTT) syndrome, and some succumb.)
There are many sanctions in society around the permissibility
of touching another person. Certainly, this is due, in part to the fact
that any kind of physical touch can be misunderstood or perceived
in an entirely different way than intended. We should remember
that because physical contact is so potent, it could easily make a
customer uncomfortable. Remember, too, that we live in a litigious
society, and there may be corporate and personal liabilities for
misinterpreted physical contact. Therefore, touching a customer
presents some risk.
61
For the protection of both yourself and your company, as well as

for the comfort of your customers, you should exercise caution and
restraint when it comes to physical contact with them. A good rule
of thumb to employ in a business setting is that you should restrict
your physical touch to what is considered business professional
(e.g., a handshake).
The appropriateness and accompanying message of physical
touch in other cultures is often different from that of western culture,
but is no less powerful. So if you are doing business internationally,
it is wise to familiarize yourself with the cultural implications of
touch. This way you can avoid insulting a customer with a touch
that speaks of an overly-familiar relationship, or avoid appearing
standoff-ish when you do not intend to be.
62
Chapter 3
DEALING WITH DIFFICULT CUSTOMERS
Most people do not enjoy conflict. It can be stressful,

unsettling, and disruptive. It can also be an overall drain of a
persons energy and other resources. Nonetheless, conflict is a
natural result of human interaction, and certainly a common theme
in the customer service realm.
Still, though it is uncomfortable, conflict is not inherently a bad
thing. In fact, conflict can prove quite beneficial. It can allow us to
see both sides of an issuereveal all the pros and cons. It can
also present an opportunity for effective resolution in a way that
can actually secure a customers loyalty. It is how we address,
manage, or deal with conflict that determines whether it is a positive
or negative thing.
Surely everyone has experienced internal conflict of some
sort at some time. For example, you may have wrestled with your
own beliefs, values or conscience about an action or behavior.
Perhaps you have been unsure of what to do or how to address
63
a specific problem. Even good or happy events, such as the birth

of a child, getting married, or buying a home, can generate some
conflicted feelings for people. And any purchase (especially sizable
expenditures) can create internal conflict for some customers. The
so-called Buyers Remorse syndrome is a good example of this.
People may churn over whether or not they have made a wise or
beneficial purchase. So a problem or issue regarding the goods
or services can create or add to this anxiety immensely.
A customer dealing with some sort of internal conflict can, and
frequently does, act out in ways that are frustrating and confusing
for a customer service representative who is unaware of the
internal issues. Whether the conflict has to do with a purchase or
something else entirely may be impossible to determine. Perhaps
your angry or unreasonable customer has simply had a fight with
his spouse, or is pressed for time. You may not be privy to these
things, but you will certainly be aware of the resulting short, rude,
or unreasonable behaviors.
The best you can do in these circumstances is draw upon
polished interaction skills in order to deal with the customer
respectfully and efficiently. It may help to remind yourself that you
probably wont see things the same way your customer does.
Know that he has a different perceptual filtering system in place.
That is, different things are important to him than are to you.
Unique circumstances pertain to him. He has different personal
experiences than you have. And he is unlikely to know of (or care
about) the constraints you, as a representative of your business,
might have.
64
All of these factors will not make his perception more or less
right than yours, but they will decidedly make it different from
yours. Recognize and accept this from the start. Try to imagine
yourself in the customers position. If your goal is to provide
outstanding customer service, you must remain open to accepting
that while you may not share the customers viewpoint, it may have
merit. And it certainly warrants consideration.
Acknowledging this requires a certain amount of
open-mindedness. We need to be prepared to learn that our
assumptions are incorrect, and be able to at least attempt to see
things in another fashion. And your efforts in this regard are very
worthwhile. The most successful customer services organizations
are those staffed by people who seem to display the ability to put
themselves in the customers shoes.
Despite the old adage to the contrary, everyone knows that in
reality the customer is not always right. Customers are sometimes
misinformed, contrary, and downright unreasonable. They may be
less than truthful, and sometimes customers are quite rude. Ultimately,
though, it does not matter whether the customer is right or not. What
matters is whether or not you can make him feel good, feel valued and
listened to. That may mean allowing him to believe he is correct.
It is important to point out that understanding your customers
perception, or point of view, does not necessarily mean agreeing
with it. You do not have to adopt your customers interpretation of
things. However, if you can at least recognize that your customers
perception is his valid reality, that understanding will facilitate more
successful interactions, and help to diffuse a conflict.
65
Resolving Conflict
While many customer service related conflicts have to do with
the product or a service, they frequently center around the specifics
of how a customer was treated. They can also be a result of differing
personalities, cultural differences, conflicting motivation or goals,
or simply poor communication and misunderstanding.
According to Ken Thomas, renowned expert in conflict
and conflict resolution, and co-author of the TKI conflict mode
assessment, conflict is just as much an opportunity as it is a danger.
Regardless of the source, when conflict is skillfully addressed,
it can become a way of opening communications, of opening
minds, of making changes, and even of bringing people closer.
The appropriate conflict resolution approach can be extremely
effective in turning an upset or unhappy customer into a satisfied
and loyal one.
Of course, resolution styles vary greatly from complete
avoidance of the customer and the situation, to direct confrontation.
Most conflict resolution experts agree that resolution approach is
the result of a mixture of two characteristicsassertiveness and
cooperativeness.32 In the context of conflict resolution approach,
assertiveness means how much you assert for your own
interests; cooperativeness has to do with how much you seek
to accommodate or cooperate with the customer. These two
characteristics can combine in a variety of ways creating different
approaches to handling the conflict.
66
The worst approach to conflict is one in which you simply do

not engage with the customer at all. In this case, you are neither
assertive nor cooperative, since there is no engagement. But
essentially ignoring or avoiding the situation usually serves to
exacerbate the issue and antagonize the customer. So, though
it might be tempting to steer clear of the angry or unreasonable
customer altogether, keep in mind that it will probably come back
to haunt you in an even angrier interaction later. Or perhaps the
customer will take it to the next level and go to your boss. At the
very least this kind of treatment results in the loss of business. You
will lose this customer, and likely many other people with whom
she shares this experience.
Sometimes you can be both cooperative by giving in to some
of what the customer wants, and assertive about protecting your
company from unnecessary loss of resources, by reaching a
compromise with your customer. Perhaps you can offer a discount
on future purchases or a partial reimbursement. Perhaps your
company can cover the labor costs for replacement of a part and
still charge your customer for the part itself. There are all kinds of
opportunities to be creative in suggesting compromise.
Instead of dismissing a customers complaint entirely, try to
look for those opportunities in which you can give the customer at
least a portion of what she is asking for. In this way you leave the
impression that you genuinely care about pleasing the customer
to the extent of reasonableness. It also allows the customer some
measure of being right or winning. Most customers feel satisfied
if they are given some kind of concession.
67
Wherever it is possible, the best customer service approach

is to be fully cooperative with the customer. Accommodate him
completely. Though this may mean giving up some resources
(product, time or money) today, the long term benefits of this
approach are often fantastic. (Certainly giving away the farm on a
daily basis will quickly bankrupt a company, so there are obviously
limits to this approach. More regarding customer compensation is
discussed in the section on recovering from mistakes.)
The optimum conflict resolution style is one that resolves a
conflict in a manner which respects both parties (you and the
customer), their feelings, their goals for the interaction, and
their future interactions. So the approach you choose may vary
depending upon the particular circumstances for you and your
customer. Perhaps you can creatively work with your customer to
find a resolution that works well for the both of you.
But in the realm of customer service, the resolution should most
often be weighted on the side of the customer. Though it may not
always feel good or fair in the moment, try your best to let go of
that feeling. Remember that pleasing the customer is your ultimate
goal, even when he is not right. Besides, if you make your customer
happy, you have won after all.
For this reason, it is vital that business managers give their
service representatives the authority to first determine any
concessions that might be applicable to a customer, and then to
grant those concessions. It is a common source of frustration for
customers to hear the Well . . . I dont really have the authority to
give you that. Though it does impart more power to your service
68
personnel to give them this decision-making authority, the payoff

is huge. It results in more frequent, less complicated, and faster
resolutions to customer complaints and issues.
How to Say No Courteously

Sometimes it simply is not possible to provide for the customer
what she wants. Your establishment may not stock the product;
perhaps your delivery people are not available at her preferred
time; there may even be safety, legal, or compliance reasons for
not being able to accommodate the customer request.
Beyond these types of issues, perhaps the cost to your business
of providing what the customer wants would be excessive. Certainly,
there must be limitations to what and how much you give away,
even in the interest of gaining long term client loyalty. There is, after
all, no sin to being in business to make money. If complying with a
customer request hinders that ability, you not only have a right to,
but ought to say no. Lets face it . . . some customer requests are
completely out of bounds or downright unreasonable. Whatever
the reason, you may sometimes find yourself in the position of
having to disappoint your customer.
Earlier we explored how important it is to acknowledge the
meta-message (emotion) in any interaction. This is particularly
important if you need to give bad news to a customer, or say no
to a customer request. You can ameliorate the situation by letting
the customer know that you know exactly how he feels, and by
handling it well. There are a few steps to successfully doing that.
69
Firstly, keep in mind that even though the request may be

unusual, or completely out of your realm of responsibility or
capability, it is important to be courteous. The customer has a
reason for making the request. To the customer, it is important.
(Remember, your customers perspective, while perhaps different
from yours, is valid to him.) Showing concern and appreciation
for the customers point of view is crucial. You can do this by
acknowledging his feelings. Some kind of comment such as I can
tell this is upsetting to you. or I can understand that you must
be feeling frustrated. or even, I realize its an inconvenience to
have to return this.
After you have acknowledged the feelings the customer
is exhibiting, you should address the content of the issue. Let
the customer know that you do understand the request. This
demonstrates to the customer that you are paying attentionthat
you have genuinely listened. It is sometimes effective to repeat
back word for word the problem exactly as your customer presented
it.
Only after you have acknowledged both pieces of the message
(feelings and content) in a customer request, should you move
along to sharing your own position. Perhaps you do not have the
appropriate training, experience, or certification to perform the
work or service. Perhaps it is against the law or company policy
for you to fulfill the request. Or the company no longer carries the
product the customer is seeking. Whatever the reason, share this
honestly with the customer. This will help the customer understand
the response, and appreciate that you are not simply dismissing
the request without reason.
70
Finally, if appropriate and possible, offer an alternative solution

or follow-up suggestion as to how the customers concern could be
resolved. You may think it unwise to send a customer elsewhere.
However, people remember being helped. They will leave with
a very favorable impression of the customer service they were
provided and will likely return in the future.
The well-loved Christmas movie Miracle on 34th Street
portrayed this concept wonderfully. In the movie, the Santa at
Macys became a sensation with this approach. If Macys did
not carry a particular toy that a child wanted, he sent them to
Gimbels (a competitor) who did. Although at first, the Macys
store management was appalled by this service, they soon
changed their minds when they learned that their own sales were
skyrocketing due to their newly established reputation for honesty
and terrific customer service.
So give this tactic a try. Offer an alternate product or service
from your own line. However, if you cannot satisfy your customers
needs with that, provide information or a suggestion about where
and how he might be able to find what he is seeking.
Of course it is always important to use courtesy and tact when
saying no to any customer request or conveying bad news.
It is never fun to be in a position of doing so. And admittedly, if
you have to say no, even following these steps will probably not
make the customer a happy camper. Nonetheless, remember
that what most customers want when they think of service is a
caring and interested person. And following these steps should
71
help demonstrate that you are precisely that. Here is a summary

of the steps for saying no to a customer request:
Saying No to a Customer Request

1. Acknowledge the meta-message (feelings)
conveyed by the customer.
2. Recognize the content message of the
customers request.
3. Explain the reason you cannot or will not fulfill
the request.
4. Offer an alternative solution or follow-up
suggestion when possible.
Dealing with the Problem, Not the individual

In dealing with customers, it is particularly important to refrain
from making any kind of comment or doing anything that might be
interpreted as personally insulting. Customers can go very quickly
from mildly irritated to down right irate if they feel they are being
treated disrespectfully.
Sometimes a customer will start right off by attacking you
personally. This is where the effort of restraint is on your shoulders.
It is easy to advise that you not take things personally. Yet this is
admittedly not an easy thing to do.
72
Try to stay focused and calm. Dont get sucked into competing
with an angry customer in voice volume, level of anger, or
name-calling. If you are verbally attacked, the temptation is to
argue, defend or even counterattack. It is natural to want to
respond in kind. However, it is crucial to train yourself to resist this
temptation. Remember this . . . everyone involved in (or witnessing)
the interaction will perceive the calm person as the powerful one
and the ranting person as the out of control lunatic. Be the calm,
powerful person. It takes practice and self-control. Pause. Take a
breath. This will help you avoid a knee-jerk kind of reaction.
The best advice that professional mediators give about having
to deal with an angry person is to stay focused on the problem, not
the person who is presenting it. Avoid attacks on the customers
character such as: hot headed, crazy, or stupid, etc. These will
further antagonize the customer. Above all, remain courteous.
Of course, customers themselves dont usually follow these
courtesy guidelines. It is up to you to try to steer a conversation or
discussion toward the problem, question or issue itself. Take the
following example in which a service person accidentally drove
over the edge of the driveway onto a customers yard:
You have wrecked my lawn with that
truck!
Maam, I apologize for . . .
. . . if you werent so stupid, you
would have been more careful.
73
In this scenario, the customer jumped immediately into a

personal attack (youre stupid), instead of focusing on the issue
(the tire track on the lawn).
It is obvious that she wants to vent her anger. Her attack on
the worker now makes it very challenging for him to stay with
the issue instead of defending himself against the stupid label.
Nonetheless, remaining cool and avoiding the inclination to
counterattack, is essential to controlling this interaction.
Saying, Im not stupid. is merely a defensive response. It
simply contradicts what the customer has said. This says to the
customer . . . you are wrong which is not something a customer
wants to hear or admit while she is angry.
Saying, Dont call me stupid! is also a defensive response,
but in addition it means the worker is telling the customer what
or what not to do. Again, this serves to further antagonize. (Note:
This is precisely why it is dangerous to tell an upset customer to
calm down. She will feel as though you are giving her orders, and
become even further enraged.)
Ignoring the comment altogether is not an appropriate response
either, since feeling ignored will only serve to heighten the anger
of the customer.
In such a case, the best response would be one that eases
the personal attack by recognizing the customers feelings
(meta-message). This can be done by acknowledging how the
situation might be upsetting for the customer.
74
Again, I apologize. I can understand that you are upset about

the lawn . . . it is a nice one.
Though this may seem like giving in, it is not. The worker
has not ignored the customer; he has not accepted the stupid
label; and he has not engaged in the name-calling behavior. This
response simply allows the customer some measure of being right
by acknowledging his feelings of being upset. This recognition is
likely to lessen the customers overall anger.
Remember, personal attacks normally stem from anger on the
part of the customer for some perceived transgression. You need not
agree with the customers point of view in order to acknowledge it.
After softening the anger with a comment acknowledging the
customers feelings, steer the discussion back to the issue, and
offer some resolution.
I certainly didnt intend to leave a tire print. Let me have a
look at it . . .
The customer may very well still be angry, but some kind of
reasonable discussion, and even resolution, is now possible.
It is easier to resolve a conflict of issue than an interpersonal
conflict, since it is easier for people to be cooler and more objective
about issues. Whereas, when egos become involved (as is the
case of personal attacks) things become quite subjective, and
resolution is harder to achieve.
75
Sometimes allowing the customer to simply vent his anger and

tell his story is enough to calm him down. Try to avoid interrupting
his story. Utilize the effective listening skills covered at the
beginning of the book. Using the customers words, repeat back
what you are hearing. Remember that above all else, what most
customers really want is to feel genuinely listened to.
Being Clear and Specific

Many miscommunications and misunderstandings are a
result of vague statements. The more general a statement, the
more room there is for different interpretations of what it means.
And when the receiver of the message interprets it differently
than the sender intended, a miscommunication results.
Certainly this is due in part to individual perceptions. Because
of the unique perceptual filtering system each of us possesses,
we necessarily view things and events in different ways. And
because vague or general kinds of comments leave much open
to interpretation, they are certain to be interpreted differently by
different people.
Vague communication is particularly prevalent in the customer
service realm since we sometimes must deliver bad news. Being
the bearer of bad news is never pleasant. So when people must
deliver bad news, they often try to soft-pedal the information by
making purposely general statements instead of clearly stating
the issue.
76
Example:
Serviceman:
We can put you on the schedule for

tomorrow. Todays route is full.
Customer:
Oh, dont you think you can squeeze me

in? Maybe at the end of your route? I took
off work to be here today.
Serviceman:
Well . . . I dont know . . . I guess . . . we

might be able to get to you by 5:00pm.
Reality:
There is no way this will happen. The

schedule is over-booked for today
already. This customer will be serviced
tomorrow morning.
When confronted with a vague response, customers often

hear what they want to hear. They fill in the blanks or interpret
vague statements to their own benefit. Later, they become upset
when their expectations are not met. In the example above, the
serviceman said he might be able to get to the customer today.
No doubt, the customer heard that he will be able to get there
today, and when it doesnt happen, the customer will feel lied to,
or misled, and consequently angrier than before.
77
So while it is important to be sympathetic to a customers needs,

you should avoid misleading him or her with vague statements.
Instead be very clear in the responses you give and the promises
you make. When there is already a conflict of some sort, it is
even more important to minimize additional misunderstandings by
specifically outlining what can and cannot be done for the customer
so that his or her expectations are in line with reality.
Of course, sometimes people do not intentionally try to be
vague, however the words they choose may not carry the same
meaning for everyone. Consider the omnipresent acronym ASAP.
Ill get to that ASAPAs Soon As Possible. What does as soon as
possible really mean? I suggest that this means different things
to different people and at different times.
Sometimes the definition might depend upon what I am doing
at the time. Sometimes it might be a matter of who makes the
request. Or it might depend upon the implied problem or issue.
For example, if I were in the middle of a meeting and was given
a note to call one of my fellow consultants ASAP, I would finish
the meeting and then go call my colleague. If, however, I were in
that same meeting and given a note to call my sons school nurse
ASAP, I would excuse myself from the meeting right then and
there, and call the nurse.
Regardless, the interpretation of how soon possible is,
is unique to each of us. When we deal with customers, their
interpretation will likely be different from ours, and will result in
confusion and/or frustration. It is best to avoid these kinds of vague
time references by giving a very specific time.
78
What about terms we use in every day conversation? Consider

how different terms carry different meanings. If I were to ask you to
join me for dinner, depending upon where you grew up that might
mean you are waiting for me at noon or at six in the evening. For
some, dinner is the noon time meal, and supper is in the evening.
For others, the noon time meal is lunch, and dinner is served in
the evening.
Of course we cannot always know how everyone else interprets
words, but if the goal is to clearly communicate with customers,
try to avoid using terms you know are generic or vague without
further or more specific explanations of what you mean. The more
specific you can be in your statements and/or questions, the less
likely there will be a misunderstanding.
79
It is never easy or comfortable to address problems. Customer

conflicts can escalate in severity for any number of reasons.
However, addressing a problem promptly, honestly and efficiently
can keep it from becoming a personal conflict with the customer.
And if it does escalate, the tips discussed here should help you to
deal with it. Below is a short summary.
Tips for Dealing with Angry or Difficult Customers

1. First and foremost . . . LISTEN.
2. Try to avoid interrupting the customers story. Let him vent.
3. Remain calm. Avoid a knee-jerk, emotional response. Pause and
collect your thoughts before responding to an angry customer.
4. Always address the feelings (meta-message) first.
5. Be clear, specific, and focused on the issue with your
responses.
6. Be courteous throughout the interaction.
7. If you are unable to fulfill a request or need, explain why, and
offer an alternative, or provide a suggested resolution (even if it
means sending the customer to a competitor).
80
Chapter 4
TRUST . . . THE ULTIMATE

CUSTOMER SERVICE TOOL
T he secret weapon of successful service personnel is

their ability to engender trust in their clients. This is the ultimate
interaction skill. And developing the skill begins with understanding
the very nature of trust.
Too often people mistake hope for trust. Take for example this
scenario.
As a manager I am dedicated to developing my staff. I do this
by delegating projects to each of them. I have not passed a project
to Mary as of yet. She is next in line. This morning, I was given a
big projectone that is vital to my organizations future. If I give it
to Mary, does that mean that I trust her?
You may be inclined to think that it does. But it does not. I may
give Mary the project because I am committed to the employee
development method I have chosen, and to being fair in administering
it. Shes simply the next in line. And I certainly hope she will be up to
81
the task. Nonetheless, since I have no experience with Marys ability to

successfully take on a large and important project, I do not necessarily
have trust that she can handle it. I can only hope, and decide to take the
risk of letting her take a shot at it. Hope is hope. Genuine trust requires
having had some experience on which to base my expectations.
If, for example, I have used a particular medication to alleviate
the sting of bug bites in the past, and it has worked very effectively
each time, I have trust that it will work on another bug bite. Trust,
by its very definition, requires repeated (or at least one prior)
successful results. That is, we trust people or things that have
demonstrated reliability, quality, commitment, etc.
It would be presumptuous to assume that you have a
customers trust simply because he comes to you. There are a
variety of reasons customers patronize your business for the first
time. Perhaps they respond to your advertising or cold calling.
Maybe they are coming to you due to an emergency situation in
which your product or service is available at the right time and/or
place. They could even come to you because of the reputation your
company has already established for providing quality, keeping its
word, or delivering the goods. Whatever the reason, if it is their
first visit, they come with hope, not trust.
Regardless, at the time of that first patronage, you have a
truly golden opportunity to prove yourself, your product, but most
importantly, your service to be trustworthy. If you are able to
serve that customer well, make him feel valued, listened to, cared
aboutyou will have begun to earn his trust.
82
If customers feel they can trust you, their willingness to accept

instructions, advice and outcomes, and their desire to come to you
with their business needs are increased tremendously. In addition
to their own patronage, they will share this positive, trusting feeling
with others who are then encouraged to become customers, as well.
This then creates the BusinessServiceTrust Cycle illustrated
on the next page.
83
84
Winning the customers trust cannot be overrated. In fact,

some kinds of businesses cannot remain viable at all if they
do not do so. Medical and legal practices, financial services
companies, commercial real estate brokers, and the like, are just
a few examples of these. Successful professionals in these types
of careers recognize that they can win and maintain the trust of
their customers only by providing extraordinary service at every
opportunity.
These days it is no small challenge to meet and/or exceed a
customers service expectations. Though most people believe
overall service levels have declined, they paradoxically seem to
have very high expectations for quality of service. This could be
due to the sheer number of options customers now have for what
products and services they purchase, and how those transactions
occur. For whatever reason, todays customers expect a great deal
with regard to service.
Then too, the very nature of some products and services seems
to create an even higher level of service expectations in the minds
of customers. For example, people may desire good service from
the discount store from which they purchase shampoo, paper
products, and the like. Yet they hold much higher standards for
the service they expect to receive from the dealer from whom they
purchase an automobile.
It would be easy to conclude that purchase price is what
determines service expectation levels, but that is overly simplistic.
While the purchase price of the service or product is clearly one of
the factors that determines expectations, it is not the only measure.
85
Customers often have purely emotional reasons for why they

look for a higher level of service. When a customers emotional
involvement in the purchase is high, their expectations for the level
of service are also high. Likewise the emphasis they will put on
being able to trust the sales or service representative will go up.
This is the case with the purchase of medical services, for
example. Most people have an emotional investment in their
health. Consequently, they have substantially higher expectations
for the level of service they hope to receive from their physicians
and pharmacists than they do for service from their appliance
repairman, even if the purchase itself is relatively low in cost.
Or consider the purchase of a graduation announcement, or a
baseball team trophy, or a babys car seat. These products are
not inherently expensive, but touch on personal and emotional
sentiments for the customers who buy them. As a result, those
customers will expect higher levels of service.
Likewise, financial planners and attorneys must provide
outstanding service, in order to earn the high level of trust required
to retain their clients. In these professions in particular, there is
simply no substitute and no short cut for doing the work to serve
and build trust with customers.
According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, there is a
disproportionate number of customer service representatives in
financial services industries as compared with other industries.
In fact, about 23 percent of customer service representatives
work(ed) in finance and insurance. The largest number were
employed by insurance carriers, insurance agencies and
86
brokerages, and banks and credit unions. 33 This statistic

reflects the desire of financial services customers for a high
level of attention. In many ways, the explosion of information
available to consumers via the internet, and the complexity of
financial offerings, creates an understandable need for service
representatives. It takes well trained, knowledgeable service
people to distill that vast amount of information for clients,
and assist them in navigating the purchase process for such
specialized products and services. An additional factor driving the
need for expert service people in this industry is the emotional
aspect of investment and insurance purchases. These kinds
of transactions are highly personal and replete with insecurity
and risk. These emotional elements drive the need for skilled
customer service people even higher.
Regardless of the industry, however, customers have made
it clear that they have high expectations, and a desire for service
with a human touch. This personal treatment of customers is what
launches the Business-Service-Trust Cycle.
Customers hold expectations for how they should be treated
Personal (human) service translates to their comfort and trust in

the business
Trust leads to loyalty and more business
The pivotal point to continuing this cycle with ever larger

numbers of customers is Service. Each time your client circles
through the Business-Service-Trust Cycle, you have another
opportunity to impress, answer, comfort, resolve, inform, or serve.
And each time you come through for him, the level of trust he feels
87
in you grows. He becomes not merely hopeful, but trusting in your

reliability, efficacy, commitment and quality (or character).
Remember, trust is not an event, but an evolution. In order for
your customer to develop genuine trust in you, you need to prove
yourself trustworthy over time. By maximizing each opportunity
to provide outstanding service to your customer, you become a
known commodity and trusted advisor.
So . . . What Happens if You Blow It?

Accidents happen, as the expression goes. Inevitably all
businesses face the situation in which something goes wrong.
Then they are faced with the dreaded customer complaint.
Some people assume that if they make a mistake, they will lose
a customer and/or the customers trust altogether. It could happen.
However, it may surprise you to learn that that is not always the
case. Most customers recognize that mistakes happen once in
a while. They can be quite accepting when a product breaks, an
appointment is missed, or something goes awry. (And even more
so if you have already established some level of trust through
repeated successful Business-Service-Trust cycles.)
Understandably customers are not pleased when there is a
problem with a good or service, but the mistake itself is rarely
what causes them to take their business elsewhere. It is also not
the thing by which customers ultimately assess the service they
received. Instead, these decisions are made based upon how the
business/business representative responds to the situation.
88
Response is critical. The very best service providers follow an

important guideline regarding mistakesIf you make a mistake,
recover remarkably.34
In other words, go above and beyond a customers expectations
in resolving a problem or an error, and you may very well have
a client for life. The following true story exemplifies this principle
clearly.
Years ago when I was traveling extensively, it was
not efficient or even possible for me to run to the dry
cleaners every week. So, when I did, I brought a large
amount of clothing.
On this occasion, I was trying a new place that had
opened in my neighborhood. I took my clothes in and
specifically requested that they be ready two days later.
The woman said that that would not be a problem and
gave me a pick-up slip informing me that my clothes could
be picked up after 4:00pm on that day.
I arrived on the designated evening after 5:30pm. (I was
to catch a flight at 8:30pm that very evening.) I presented
the receipt and the woman at the counter disappeared into
the back of the store. After a few minutes she returned to
inform me that the order was not complete yet. I pointed
out that it was a full hour and half later than they had been
promised and, with some frustration, asked her when I
should return to get them. She told me that my clothes
would not be ready for pick up that day. They had shut
down the machines at 5:00pm and were only handling pick
ups till their scheduled close of business at 7:30pm.
89
Now I was more than a little irritated. I asked if they

would be able to start up their machines again, since I
had been promised my clothing by 4:00pm that afternoon.
She said that they could not do that. My choices were to
take my clothing (still in need of laundering) with me, or to
come back the next day. I was fuming as I stormed out of
the place trying to figure what I would pack for my trip.
As I got to my vehicle, I was halted by someone
calling to me. I turned to see a young man hurrying in
my direction. As he approached he stuck out his hand to
shake mine. He introduced himself by name and told me
that he was the owner of the dry cleaning store. He said
he understood there was a problem.
I told him what had happened and also told him of my
complete dissatisfaction. I said that I was scheduled to
be at the airport that very night for an 8:30pm flight and
had planned on having my clothes for the trip
He immediately apologized for the mistake and took
full responsibility. He said he could imagine that I must
be feeling frustrated and inconvenienced. He told me
my feelings were certainly understandable. Then he
asked me for my address and the time I was planning
to leave my house for the airport. After I gave him the
information, he told me that he planned to start up his
presses immediately. He assured me that he would have
my clothing cleaned and delivered to me that evening.
I was pleasantly surprised by his response, but still
had some doubts as to whether or not he was as good
as his word. However, about a half hour prior to my
90
needing to leave, my doorbell rang. I opened it to find

the owner with an armload of my freshly dry cleaned
clothing on hangars. He handed them to me, and said,
Once again, you have my sincere apologies. We have
just opened our store, but that is not an excuse, and it is
not the way I intend to do business. Of course there will
be no charge, and I hope that you will be willing to give
us another chance at serving you. I was amazed! There
must have been at least $85 worth of dry cleaning in all.
I had plenty of time to neatly pack my clothes and leave
for the airport.
Had I been upset at the mistake? Absolutely. However, this

manager used outstanding interpersonal skills and terrific service to
recover remarkably. In so doing, he earned my trust and my loyalty.
For the rest of the time I lived there, I never even considered taking
my dry cleaning business elsewhere. Let me say that again . . . for
the rest of the time that I lived there, I never even considered taking
my dry cleaning business elsewhere. For the record, I lived there for
another 7 years. And I shared this story with countless others who
became his customers, as well. That dry cleaners earned a lot of
money from my patronage and positive word-of-mouth advertising.
Many customers have similar tales of the cold appetizer that
resulted in an entire complimentary meal; the appliance that broke
down twice within the first month and was replaced by a higher
end model; or a noisy hotel neighbor that resulted in a free stay.
These kinds of above-and-beyond customer service responses
can secure a client for life. According to Jagdish Sheth and Andrew
91
Sobel, authors of Clients for LifeEvolving from an Expert for Hire

to an Extraordinary Advisor, . . . sometimes repairing a lapse in
trust can enhance your relationship.35
In fact, according to research by Stephen W. Brown, Professor
at W.P. Carey School of Business and the Executive Director of
the Center for Services Leadership, and colleague Stephen S. Tax
of the University of Victoria, British Columbia, this is absolutely
true. Their findings reveal that some customers are actually more
satisfied with a firm that follows a service failure with a remarkable
recovery than they would have been had the failure not occurred
in the first place.36
Document Mistakes
It is desperately important for customer representatives and
business managers to document service failures. This is true of
failures of both external and internal customer service. Remember
that not every customer will take the time to complain. Indeed,
as mentioned earlier, the silent, dissatisfied customer means
you remain unaware and therefore unable to correct an error.
According to the ACSI, a good way to avoid remaining in the
dark about service mistakes is to encourage customers to give
feedback, even if it is negative, and reward those who do. And
when customers do complain, write their complaints down, input
them into an online system or pre-prepared customer complaint
form. And ask questions that prompt them to tell it all.
It is essential to uncover and explore the cause of service failures.
Where was the breakdown? What aspect of the problem related to
92
the product itself? Were there communication issues involved? Was

something promised and not delivered? It is important to get to the
root of the issue. Why? Because getting there, understanding and
documenting it will help you avoid its happening again.
Of course, documentation is only the first step of that process.
Moving your organization into a continuous process improvement
operational mode is another. Based upon clear and complete
documentation and research, you should be able to diagnose the
causal issues of the service failure. You can then put into place
the systems and/or procedures designed to eliminate this type of
failure in the future.
No matter how slight the service mistake, it should be a practice
to document not only the problem, but also the solution. What
worked to resolve the issue for the customer? What steps did
the service representative have to take? What paperwork was
required? What, if any, were the additional costs of resolution
(resources, labor hours, etc.) to the company? By tracking all of
this information, you begin to compile a list of corrective actions,
understand cost containment measures, and create your own best
service practices.
Thanking the complaining customer verbally or with a token
gift (discount or product) is another great idea. Let them know that
they have helped the company better serve future patrons. Most
customers feel good knowing that their grief or inconvenience was
worth something, and that their speaking up about it may help
someone else.
93
Certainly your goal should be to provide flawless service from

the start, but in the event a mistake is made, it is possible to
turn it to your advantage. You can gain a reputation for providing
outstanding customer service by learning to recover remarkably.
Here are the steps to follow.
Steps for Recovering Remarkably

1. Apologize promptly and completely. (Dont offer
excuses; take complete responsibility.)
2. Acknowledge the customers feelings and
predicament. (Use your effective listening skills.)
3. Explain what should have happened; what your policy
is; and that you expect/intend to provide exceptional
service.
4. Assure the customer that you will correct the problem.
5. Give specifics as to how and when you will do that.
6. Do it! (And follow-up.)
7. Document everything, and thank the customer for
bringing the issue to your attention.
Of course these steps will help you recover remarkably from a

mistake provided you really do take them to heart. Step number
six is where the proof of your efforts will be revealed. This is
94
your opportunity to not only salvage a customer, but secure his

business for the future. Recovering remarkably requires humility,
integrity, and commitment on your part. But doing so is an incredible
business and trust builder.
95
Speaking of Trust-Building . . .
Though it is not the goal of this book to preach or to dictate moral
behavior, it would be absurd to address the concepts of remarkable
recovery and extraordinary service without acknowledging the
underlying mandate for personal integrity. It is essential to building
a trusting relationship with a customer. Below is a list of six tenets
of integrity for trust-building behavior with customers:
1. Make your word sacred. (If you say you will do something, do it.
If you say you will provide something, provide it. If you make an
appointment, keep it.)
2. If you do not have what the customer wants, say so.
3. If you know something would be unfair or dishonest, dont do
it.
4. Never withhold helpful information, even if it means sending a
customer elsewhere.
5. Do really good work.
6. Hold the customers best interest at heart.
Employing these tenets in dealings with clients will move you

towards actual business relationships, as opposed to simple
business interactions. The kind of history inherent in relationships
is necessary to establishing trustworthiness in the eyes of your
client.
96
Remember that most customers will understand and excuse

an error in judgment, a mistake in the order, or even a defective
product, if it is addressed appropriately (i.e., using the principles of
remarkable recovery), but it is hard to recover from a demonstrated
lack of integrity or honesty. These tenets of behavior also lead to
the development of a reputation of trustworthiness.
Trust is a complex thing based frequently upon feelings as much
as observations. People consider integrity and competence when
assessing trust in others, but they also ask themselves whether
or not the other individual values them, and holds in high regard
the association they have. David H. Maister, Charles H. Green,
and Robert M. Galford, authors of The Trusted Advisor, tell us this
about trust:
People trust those with whom they are willing to talk
about difficult agendas, . . . and those who demonstrate
that they care . . . The most common failure in building
trust is the lack of intimacy. Some professionals consider
it a positive virtue to maintain an emotional distance
from their clients. They work hard at being aloof. We
believe they do so not only at their own risk but also their
clients.37
The importance of genuinely caring about customers

cannot be overstated. Caring is essential to providing great
servicedemonstrating that you care about your customers,
their feelings, and their needs is equally essential to winning their
trust.
97
Chapter 5
BUILDING A CORPORATE
CULTURE OF SERVICE
Customers by Any Other Name
So often, when we talk about customers, we think about

people who are paying for our goods or services. The truth is that
a customer is anyone who benefits from our products, services,
or efforts. This means our co-workers, our supervisors, and even
our employees are customers.
It is a sad thing that internal customers are frequently the ones
who receive the least attention or courtesy. We think to ourselves,
He works here, too. Hell understand. or She knows I cant get
to that today.
All of the communication skills that we employ with our external
customers can and ought to be utilized in our internal interactions,
as well. It is important to remember that you are all on the same
team, with the same overarching goal.
98
Nothing goes further toward building morale in the workplace

than an atmosphere of mutual respect and service. The more we
treat our internal customers with respect and consideration, the
easier working becomes. Those customers will develop the same
kind of loyalty and trust that we hope to generate in our external
customers. In providing outstanding customer service to our
colleagues, we create a more collaborative work environment for
everyone.
My experiences have led me to conclude that there are
some serious perceptual problems that can come with having a
Customer Services department within a company. Certainly it is
important to have a dedicated group of people whose responsibility
it is to tend to external customer needs. But giving one division this
title can create some internal shirking of responsibility.
For one thing, employees in other departments tend to look
to those within the Customer Services organization to handle
all customer relations and/or customer service transactions.
Also, there is frequently a pervasive assumption that those, and
only those, within that department need concern themselves with
customers. It perpetuates the notion that only external customers
are worthy of service. Moreover, it becomes easier for employees to
view only external individuals as customers, at all. And the internal
customer is then neglected or forgotten altogether.
The truth is that all business people, in every department have
customers (clients/stakeholders). And they all have responsibilities
for providing services, information and/or assistance to those
internal personnel.
99
Think of your own job title. In your mind, you should add
Customer Service to the end of whatever is printed on your
business card. After all, you have the responsibility of providing
service of some kind to your colleagues and co-workers. So, if
you are the Manager of Employee Benefits, your title is tacitly
Manager of Employee BenefitsCustomer Service. If your title
reads, Maintenance Engineer, it really means Maintenance
EngineerCustomer Service. And so on for IT Supervisor,
Systems Analyst, Vice President-Sales, General Plant Manager,
or any other job title.
If employees were able to develop and maintain this mindset,
they would probably provide better service to fellow employees
as a matter of course. But it also has to do with achieving an
understanding that supporting other employees will ultimately
make their own jobs easier and even more secure.
If people accept the notion that providing excellent service to
external customers is what will keep their business, and thus keep
their companies viable, they must also accept that helping fellow
employees do their jobs will ultimately help to satisfy those external
demands. The companies who create an atmosphere or internal
culture of service are those who do a better job of providing service
to their external client base.
Creating that corporate culture of service is a responsibility that
begins with the companys leaders.
100
Making it Happen
Aside from learning and improving essential interaction skills,
what can a manager or leader do to promote the development of
a corporate culture that includes exceptional customer service?
There are many opportunities on a daily basis for a manager or
corporate leader to inspire other employees to make the Customer
Service choice. A manager needs to be committed and passionate
about this mission. It cannot be accomplished in a one-time shot.
No corporate culture is established overnight.
To start, the company leaders and upper management need to
take a serious and objective look at the current corporate culture
and environment. Often there is competition for monetary and
personnel resources that creates some internal maneuvering. This
frequently creates an us against them dynamic between internal
departments that needs to be overcome.
Employees should be encouraged to, and rewarded for,
responding to the needs of those in other departments. This may
mean pleasing the internal customer, not necessarily the boss,
in terms of meeting deadlines. Employees need to be convinced
that responding to the needs of other departments is high on
everyones agenda.
Along with simply talking about making these changes, employees
should be rewarded for their positive changes in this regard. It is
equally important that they not be punished for their mistakes during
the learning process. The message that customer-focus means
101
doing the right thing for the co-worker needs to be articulated

loudly and clearly. And then repeated frequently.
Managers can also help create a culture of service by creating
opportunities for their employees to gain a greater understanding
of the jobs that others do. They can send their employees out to
observe other teams. Likewise, they can invite employees from
other departments to observe their own operations.
Some companies have successfully implemented job trading
as a common training function, or even as a team-building
exercise. Employees can be made responsible for setting up the
exchange on a quarterly or semi-annual basis. Or a review of
other department functions might be something to include in new
employee orientation programs.
Another strategy is to make learning about other organizations
part of an employees development program, and can be addressed
in the annual performance appraisal.
The resulting broadening of perspective and understanding
of various organizations helps employees actually see how the
work they do impacts other departments. It also gives workers the
understanding that comes with walking a mile in someone elses
shoes and tends to reduce interdepartmental turf issues.
Above all else, the manager needs to communicate . . . in all
directions. Up the corporate ladder to higher management, down
the corporate ladder to employees, and even laterally to peers.
The vision and the goal of a customer service focus needs to be
102
discussed, recognized, repeated and repeated again. There needs

to be universal acceptance as well as universal expectation that
serving others within the company is vital. Only when everyone
begins thinking and talking about the value of this type of customer
service will the behaviors become the norm, and the culture of
service be created.
A Call to Action
Go onto the internet and Google the words customer service.
You will find a literally endless stream of hits. The topic is the
passion of more than a few consulting firms; the goal of nearly
every corporation; and the wish of every person who has ever
been on the receiving end of bad service. And as weve discussed,
most people believe that customer service levels have declined
(some studies say substantially) over the past few years, despite
this kind of universal focus.
This presents both an opportunity, and a call to action, for
the business that can demonstrate its superiority in the service
arena. Becoming a provider of outstanding customer service
takes work. Not in developing the right list of menu options on an
automated system, or offering contrived or scripted platitudes, but
by providing access to real human beings who connect with the
customer on a human level. By demonstrating genuine interest in
helping your customers, not just selling to them or getting them to
stop complaining and go away. Genuine customer service is about
caringtreating them with the respect due anyone who patronizes
your business. About proving your services, products and business
representatives are worthy of your customers trust. Furthermore,
103
being able to provide this level of service is about a commitment

to developing the exceptional interpersonal skills to accomplish
this. The work takes the form of investment, commitment and
dedication to all of these things.
But do it . . . be the exception. Train yourself. Practice the
skills. Train your employees. Help them to develop and polish their
human relations skills. Build the corporate culture that shouts of
being providers of outstanding service to both internal and external
customers. Recognize and reward exceptional service providers
internally. Regardless of the size of your business, you can become
the standout. In an age of increasing customer service expectations
and decreasing fulfillment of them, become the company that is
known for the customer service it provides.
And watch success happen.
104
Notes
Introduction
1
Baumeister, R. F., Bratslavsky, E., Finkenauer, C., & Vohs, K. D. (2001). Bad
is Stronger than Good. Review of General Psychology, 5 (4), 323-370.
Mininni, T. (2009, August 3). Customer Service: Losing Its Touch? Retrieved
August 3, 2009, from Marketing Profs Daily Fix website:
www.mpdailyfix.com/2008/03/making_it_or_breaking_it_hint.html
McGregor, J. (2008, March 3). Customer Service Champs--The 2008

Winners (Special Report). BusinessWeek, p. 47.
U.S. Small Business Administration, Small Business Planner. (2009).

Customer ServiceAn Imperative. Retrieved September 9, 2009, from
Small Business Administrations website:
http://www.sba.gov/smallbusinessplanner/manage/marketandprice/SERV_
CUSTSERVICE.html
McGregor, J. (2008, March 3). Customer Service Champs--The 2008

Winners (Special Report). BusinessWeek, p.52.
Schechner, S. (2005, February 8). FamilyThe Cranky Consumer: Waiting

for Customer Service. Wall Street Journal (Eastern edition), p.D.5.
RightNow Technology, Inc. (2009, September 9). Third Annual Customer

Experience Impact Report, sponsored by Harris Interactive. Retrieved from
www.rightnow.com/resource-ra-3rd-customer-experience-impact-report.
php.
105
Ibid.
Temporal, P. & Trott, M. 2001. Romancing the customer: maximizing brand

value through powerful relationship management (p. 211). New York, NY:
Wiley.
10
Fornell, C. (2007) The Satisfied CustomerWinners and Losers in the

Battle for Buyer Preference, (p. 220). New York, NY: Palgrave MacMillan.
11
Gruca, T. S., & Rego, L. (2005). Customer satisfaction, cash flow, and
shareholder value, Journal of Marketing, 69 (3) (2005), pp. 115-130.
12
Fornell, C., VanAmburg, D., Morgeson, F., Anderson, E. W., Everitt Bryant,
B., & Johnson M. D. (2005). The American Customer Satisfaction Index
at Ten YearsACSI 1994-2004Summary of Findings: Implications for
the Economy, Stock Returns and Management (pp. 50-51). Ann Arbor, MI:
National Quality Research Center.
106
Chapter 1: The Master Communication Skill

13
Rasberry, R.W. & Lemoine-Lindsay, L. (1994). Effective Managerial

Communication. (p. 184). Belmont, CA: Wadsworth Publishing Company.
14
Goines, L., & Hagler, L. (2007). Noise Pollution: A Modern Plague, Summary
of studies for World Health Organization Guideline (Guideline for Community
Noise). Southern Medical Journal, 100, 287-294.
15
Rasberry, R.W. & Lemoine-Lindsay, L. (1994). Effective Managerial

Communication. (pp. 225,288). Belmont, CA: Wadsworth Publishing
Company.
National Center for Voice and Speech. (2009, August 31). NCVS Tutorials
Voice Production. Retrieved from http://www.ncvs.org/ncvs/tutorials/
voiceprod/tutorial/quality.html
15
16
Leathers, D.G. (1979). The impact of multichannel message inconsistency

on verbal and nonverbal decoding behaviors. Communication Monographs,
46, 88-100.
17
Covey, S. R. (1989). The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. (p. 241). New
York, NY: Simon & Schuster.
107
Chapter 2: Understanding Silent Language

18
18
Mehrabian, A., & Ferris, S. R. (1967). Inference of attitudes from nonverbal

communication in two channels. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 31,
248-252.
Mehrabian, A., & Weiner, M. (1967). Decoding of inconsistent communication.
Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 6, 109-114.
19
Ibid.
20
Leaderbrand, K., Dekam, J., Morey, A., Tuma, L. ( 2008). The Effects of
Voice Pitch on Perceptions of Attractiveness: Do You Sound Hot or Not?
Winona State University Psychology Student Journal, 2008. Retrieved from
http://course1.winona.edu/CFried/journal/2008.html
Raines, R.S. (1990). Physical attractiveness of face and voice: Effects of
positivity, dominance, and sex. Journal of Applied Social Psychology, 20,
1558-1578.
20
21
University of CaliforniaLos Angeles (2008, October 29). Womens

Voices Become More High-pitched During Ovulation. ScienceDaily.
Retrieved August 31, 2009, from http://www.sciencedaily.com/
releases/2008/10/081027175249.htm
22
23
Claus Fornell International Group. (2007, June 12). Issue Resolution

and Offshoring Have Major Impact on Customer Satisfaction with
Call CentersCall Center Satisfaction Index from CFI Group
Identifies Sources of Pleasure and Pain with Contact Centers in Six
Industries. Retrieved July 12, 2009, from the CFI Group website:
http://www.cfigroup.com/news/pressreleases/CCSI_PressRelease.pdf
24
Pashek, G. V., & Brookshire, R.H. (1982). Effects of Rate of Speech

and Linguistic Stress on Auditory Paragraph Comprehension of Aphasic
Individuals, Journal of Speech and Hearing Research, 25, 377-383.
24
108

25
Scherer, K.R. (1972). University of Pennsylvania, Paper Presented to

Eastern Psychological Association Meeting. Acoustic concomitants of
emotional dimensions: Judging affect from synthesized tone sequences.
Retrieved from Education Resources Information Center (ERIC) website:
http://www.eric.ed.gov/ERICDocs/data/ericdocs2sql/content_
storage_01/0000019b/80/39/2d/8e.pdf
26
Hess., E.H., & Polt, J.M. (1960). Pupil Size as Related to Interest
Value of Visual Stimuli. Science, 132 (3423), 349-350. doi: 10.1126/
science.132.3423.349
27
Hess, E.H. (1975). The role of pupil size in communication. Scientific

American, 233(5), 110-112, 116-119.
28
Seligman, S. D. (1989). Dealing With The ChineseA Practical Guide to

Business Etiquette (p. 65). New York: Warner Books.
29
Ekman, P. (2003). Emotions Revealed: Recognizing Faces and Feelings

to Improve Communication and Emotional Life (pp. 205-206). New York:
Times Books.
30
Frank, M.G., Ekman, P., & Friesen, W.V. (1993). Behavioral markers and
recognizability of the smile of enjoyment. Journal of Personality and Social
Psychology, 64, 83-93.
31
Warner, R. M., & Sugarman, D. B. (1986). Attributions of Personality Based

on Physical Appearance, Speech, and Handwriting, Journal of Personality
& Social Psychology, 50(4), 792-799.
109
Chapter 3: Dealing with Difficult Customers

32
110
Thomas, K. W. (1975) Conflict and Conflict Management, In M.D. Dunnette,

The Handbook of Industrial and Organizational Psychology (pp. 889-935).
Chicago, IL: Rand McNally.
Chapter 4: Trustthe Ultimate Customer Service Tool

33
U.S. Dept. of Labor, Bureau of Labor Statistics (2009, April 29). Occupational
Outlook Handbook, 2008-09 Edition. Retrieved from Bureau of Labor
Statistics website: http://bls.gov/oco/ocos280.htm
34
Sanborn, M. (2008, September 22). 10 Practices of Exceptional Customer

Service. Retrieved August 28, 2009, from Sanborn & Associates website:
http://www.marksanborn.com/marks-writings/exceptional-customerservice
Edited by Zemke, R. & Woods, J. (1999). Best Practices in Customer Service
(p. 210). New York, NY: HRD Press.
34
35
Sheth, J. & Sobel, A. (2000). Clients for LifeEvolving from an Expert for
Hire to an Extraordinary Advisor (pp.213-214). New York, NY: Simon &
Schuster.
36
Brown, S. W. & Tax, S. S. (1998). Recovering and Learning from Service

Failure. MIT Sloan Management Review, 40(1), 75-88.
37
Maister, D. H., Green, C. H., & Galford, R. M. (2000). The Trusted Advisor.
(p. 77) New York, NY: Touchstone, Simon & Schuster.
111
is the founder and CEO of

UpSwing Performance Improvement, Inc., an organization
development consulting rm. She has more than 20 years of
experience in the eld of leadership and management
development. With clientele from large, mid-size, and small
companies, academia, and government agencies, Ms.
Dollschnieder is sought after as a keynote speaker, business
consultant, and executive coach. She has an M.A. in
Communications Management from the University of Southern
Californias Annenberg School for Communication & Journalism.
Discover the secrets of effective customer interaction and watch
your business grow. Contact, Care, COMMUNICATE
contains insights gleaned from over two decades of
successful training, research, and consultation in the eld
of customer service.
5eQb:ITIA?qqIq:qhIb
fV(3,%0!W XT
(61849)

Contact, Care, COMMUNICATE - How Interpersonal Skills Are The Foundation of Genuine Customer Service PDF

Enviado por

Dados do documento

Descrição original:

Título original

Direitos autorais

Formatos disponíveis

Compartilhar este documento

Compartilhar ou incorporar documento

Opções de compartilhamento

Você considera este documento útil?

Este conteúdo é inapropriado?

Direitos autorais:

Formatos disponíveis

Contact, Care, COMMUNICATE - How Interpersonal Skills Are The Foundation of Genuine Customer Service PDF

Enviado por

Direitos autorais:

Formatos disponíveis

Contact, Care,

How Interpersonal Skills

Copyright 2009 by Stephanie Dollschnieder.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted

To order additional copies of this book, contact:

Chapter 1 The Master Communication Skill ..................................... 19

Notes ............................................................................................... 105

No matter where you work, whether you own the business or

people feel true service is actually quite hard to find. My guess