Peer Review Sheet: Final Reflective Essay

Authors name: Bryan Murr

Reviewers name: Alisha Patel

Reviewer: Read the writers comments above, and read the entire draft through
once without making any comments. Then reread the draft in order to answer the
following questions.
Introductory paragraph(s): Write down the sentence or sentences that contain
this reflection papers main idea (according to you). Does the author focus on an
overarching main idea (a theme/metaphor/
quote/symbol, etc.)? Suggest how the thesis statement/main idea could be
strengthened, clarified, or otherwise improved. Does the author state which
evidence (research sources, artifacts and/or menu items) will be examined in
the rest of the essay? Suggest how the author could improve this part of the
essay.
The author uses a overarching main idea of asking a question at the beginning of
the paper should I give that homeless man money
The thesis statement can be strengthened by adding a sentence that
summarizes the introduction in one sentence either at the end or the beginning,
aside from the question asked in the beginning.
The author does not state the resources/artifacts used in the introduction. He can
improve this on the second paragraph by adding in what he used to strengthen
the statements within that paragraph.
Supporting paragraphs: Check to make sure the content of the paper supports
the thesis and that additional evidence or content is not needed to support it.
Indicate one paragraph in which the writers evidence is strong, and state the
reasons why you think so. Then find one paragraph that needs more evidence.
Drawing from your own experiences or understanding of the type of assignment
the author is discussing, suggest evidence from menu items (or other areas) that
might work to better illustrate or develop the main idea or subclaims.
The paragraph with the interview with teacher can use more support. The author
could elaborate the difference between direct contact vs. internet sources, etc.
The paragraph that is the strongest is the strategic action plan on homeless
Organization: Number the paragraphs in the authors paper. Then, use the
space below to describe the purpose or main idea of each paragraph. Check to
make sure the paper follows a consistent organizational pattern and is effectively

organized with clear paragraphs (focused around one sub-claim) and smooth
transitional/topic sentences. When you finish, suggest where the writer might
improve the organization of the paper through the use of transitional sentences,
by focusing on one topic in each paragraph, by restructuring the order of
paragraphs, etc.
1
2
3
4
5
6

Introduction The main idea is the question that is brought up within this culture
of Should I give that homeless many money?
Beginning position/prior to research - Cannot just answer yes or no, its more
complicated than that
Teacher interview Based on this direct contact helped form his view from the
first artifact
Storify - Understanding the sense of community among the homeless.
Strategic Action Plan on Homelessness - many ways to help the homeless
without giving them money
Conclusion? That they are other homeless people than just the bad ones.
Overall, the flow of the essay is good, although the author should address what
he is going to talk about in the beginning of his essay. Also, maybe include the
challenges he faced and also what was easy for him during his research. Also
include the split within the culture, people who are opposed and people who are
for giving money to the homeless.

List the 2 most important things the author should focus on during revision.
Listed above.
Respond to the authors questions in prompt number 2 above.

Author: When your essay is returned, read the comments by your peer reviewer and do the
following:
1. Compare your description of the thesis statement with your readers. Consider your
readers comments and revise your thesis statement if necessary.
The reviser for this paper said that I needed to strengthen my thesis statement. I agree with them,
I have a good idea for the intro paragraph, but I am lacking a strong thesis statement.

Choosing whether or not to give a homeless man money is a moral question that we all should
have a clear answer to.
2. What additional evidence from the research youve read, from your experiences, from
your observations, etc. would strengthen the support for your thesis?
I should add in a conclusion to wrap up my final reflective essay, and I should think about using
a few more menu items to support my claims.
3. Make a revision plan. List, in order of importance, the 3 most important things that you need
to do as you revise your essay.
1. Strong thesis statement.
2. Make a strong conclusion paragraph.
3. Add in any necessary information to conclude my essay.