post- magazine

Brown University l February 4, 2010 l Volume 10 l Issue 19

Zoom Zoom Pow

WHY?
2 upfront
POST-
CONTENTS
NAKED PHOTO 03 upfront
the
post- TOP 10 PILFS\\ editors’ ten
SILENT HILL\\ matt keegan
staff 04 feature
ZOOM ZOOM POW \\luisa robledo
Editor-in-Chief
Marshall Katheder
05 arts & culture
ACTING LIKE AN ACTOR \\ michelle meyers
Executive Editors
Allison Zimmer 99 BOTTLES OF BOOKS ON THE WALL \\ ben schreckinger
Ellen “Scraps “ Cushing

Managing Editor of Fea-

06 arts & culture
tures and Lifestyle SPOONFUL OF SUGAR \\ eric sun
Matthew Klebanoff

Features Editors 07 food & booze

Kate Doyle THE WORLD IS OUR OYSTER \\ ted lamm and alex logan
Fred Milgrim
SUPERFOOD \\ remy robert
Managing Editor of Arts Cast of “Wait Until Dark” by Frederick Knott, directed by Lee Taglin ‘10, PW

08 sex
and Culture Downspace February 12-15
Showtimes: February 12th 8 pm,13th 7 and 11 pm, 14th 8 pm, 15th 8 pm
Sam Carter
Pictured: (left to right)
Leah Cogan ‘13, Ethan Reed ‘12, Sean Patrick McGowan ‘12, Daniel Gonon SEXPERTISE\\ allie wollner
Music Editor
Katie Delaney
‘12, Zachary Bleckner ‘12, Michael Wharton ‘12 (has a flashlight), Mariagrazia
LaFauci ‘12, Evan Smith ‘11 (center, on couch)
THE R.I. INSTITUTE OF FELLATIO\\ the hardy brothers
Theatre Editor
Rachel Lamd LETTER FROM THE EDITOR
Copy Editors First of all darling reader, thank you. Without you, Post- could
Julia Kantor
not be.
Anisha Sekar
Paul Watanabe My name is Marshall Katheder and I’m the new Editor-in-
Chief of this fine weekly rag. My sincerest gratitude goes out
Layout Editors to our Editors-Emeritus, Arthur & Kelly, for polishing up Post-
Madelynn Johnston into a first-class outfit. Additional thanks to Ellen Cushing and
Alexandra Linn Allison Zimmer, our Executive Editors, for being the reliable
and inspired resources they both are. And to my new editorial
Graphics Editor ensemble and everyone who makes this publication possible, I
Katerina Dalavurak am forever indebted to you.
As I grasp the reins of Post-, it’s
Books Editor
Ben Schreckinger important to ask what this magazine
is. Quietly tucked in the pages of the
Copy Chief Herald, it is an honest little weekly, its
Sarah Forman prose pumped out from the pulse of
Brown—the keys pressed with every
Web Editor thump of her Ivy heart. As your new
Eric Stayton Editor-in-Chief, I hope to continue to
reflect the consciousness of our excep-
tional student body. I hope to both en-
tertain and inform. I am at your service,
a humble and meager wordsmith. But
don’t forget the power of the pen, my
love. Because long after I’ve left, the
printed legacy we’ve forged together
will remain. So keep living, dear reader,
and I’ll keep writing.

Yours,

marshall
Post- makes like a baby head out Thursday in the Brown Daily
Herald. It covers art, dining, fashion, film, music, news, theatre and
other types of fly culture-biz round-a-bouts Brownville. To contact
the Post- editor popsies, call 401. 351. 3372, or email post.maga-
zine@gmail.com. Letters are welcome like hot fresh cookies and
should be sent to the e-mail address above or mailed to Post- Mag-
azine, 195 Angell Street, Providence, RI 02906. We claim the right to
edit letters for style, clarity and length like fine Italian tailors.
 upfront
THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 4, 2010 3
TOP TEN
1 WRITING IS LIVE
Brown/Trinity MFA Thesis

2 SUPERBOWL XLIV
CBS l
Productions l Feb. 5-7 &
11-14
P.I.L.F.s
3
Sun. 6:25 pm
AN EVENING WITH (in no particular order)

five
STEPHEN SONDHEIM

1
AND FRANK RICH
Derek Stein, PHYSICS
4
Salomon 101 (De Ciccio)
BROWN A CAPELLA l Sat. 8 pm
weekend

2
STANDS FOR HAITI
Salomon 101 (De Ciccio)
l Fri. 8 pm
Timothy Bewes, ENGLISH

5 3
POST-

GLOW
Delta Tao l Sat. 10 pm Konstantinos Kornetis, HISTORY

Silent Hill
Katherine White, SOCIOLOGY
4
alex KEEGAN
out and about when school is out
5 Michelle Berenfeld, ARCHAELOGY

6
contributing writer

Student-free, calm, but home nevertheless – on even while this campus is at rest. Yet it’s still Vanessa Ryan, ENGLISH
these are just some of the words that come to very much Brown. Those of us working on the
mind when describing the unpopulated Brown production spend most of the day in the theatre

campus. Returning early from break is relaxing,
distressing, and – if you are an on-meal plan,
on-campus student – makes you appreciate the
convenience of the Ratty more than you ever
thought possible. For various reasons, in my
7
and most nights together as a cast and crew.
Theatre-wise it’s more of a professional atmo- Tricia Rose, AFRICAN-AMERICAN
sphere – avoiding our normal stress of classes
atop rehearsal. In this dead of winter, it feels like STUDIES
we’re the only people here -- even though there

8
time at Brown I’ve arrived early or stayed rela- are lights in the windows of several dorms, the
tively late before and after each extended break. Blue Room is surprisingly open, and there are Shiva Balaghi, HISTORY
In the beginning, I was here for pre-Orientation. actually students in the textbook section of the

All subsequent times I’ve been working on some
theatre production or another.
The empty Brown campus has a specific
quality. It is almost easy to forget that I’m living
9
bookstore. Brown seems to be waiting for the
arrival, for the re-population, for College Hill to
be taken over once again with the noise, the en-
Herve Vanel, ART HISTORY
ergy and the life that defines Brown.

10
at a college; instead it seems more like I’m just For this surreal week, the campus is so calm,
another resident of Providence. This feeling can so peaceful. It’s a different kind of home than And of course, as always,
probably be largely attributed to spending the I’d think it during the school year. But it’s home
week as the sole occupant of my usually lively nonetheless – just one in which there is no easy the Babe Ruth
Grad Center suite. While having free reign in way to find a meal after dark!
the laundry room and kitchen is certainly joy-
ous, I much prefer the building at its busiest.
This feeling of Providence-residency can also
be attributed to the fact that the campus isn’t
actually completely empty. Providence resi-
dents, who usually blend in with the stream of
students making their way up and down Thay-
er, are still filling the streets.
My usual walk begins at the Grad Center
spiral staircase, proceeds down Charlesfield,
and ends at Production Workshop. Heading
to rehearsal each day, I can’t help but notice
the activity at the Brown/Fox Point Educa-
tional Complex. Nursery schoolers are run-
ning around in the playground, parents with
strollers pick up their toddlers by afternoon.
It is hard to imagine the Brown campus with-
out classes in session, because what is a school
without students? Yet the neighborhood we
are a part of is still full of energy. College Hill
lives on in the dead of winter, just around that
time when break gets boring and you only wish
you were back at Brown.
One of the students working with me on
Wait Until Dark (By Fredrick Knott, Dir. by
Lee Taglin ’10 - at PW February 12 -15), the
production I’m back on campus to stage man-
age, terms it correctly: He calls it surreal, some
other Brown. It is surreal being able to walk Katerina Dalavurak
down the street and not pass a familiar face
as neighborhoods and families and schools go
4 feature
POST-
Zoom Zoom Pow
luisa ROBLEDO
contributing writer
As Pitbull’s song “I Know You
Want Me” blasted from the speaker,
a voice yelled over the music, “Are
you ready to ZUMBA!?”
It wasn’t a question.
A mix of Reggaeton and hip-hop
filled the studio at the OMAC, and
Sadie Kurzban ‘12 marched to the
center of the room and started to
dance. Against all odds, Kurzban
said, 70 girls and a couple of brave
guys showed up that Saturday at
noon, most of them looking like they
needed to sleep a few more hours.
She didn’t waste time. This wasn’t
just exercise; it was Zumba. One step
to the right, one to the left, bend
down, then jump.
The music stopped.
What is Zumba, anyway?
A workout based on dancing,
Zumba uses a mixture of Latin and
modern music, alternating between
fast and slow beats—variation that
burns more calories and makes the
workout more enjoyable, Kurzban
explained.
“Let’s go people,” the 19-year-old
Kurzban said, smiling. “It’s time to
shake those booties.”
She introduced herself as a first
year student to the class, and after a
few seconds, turned the music back
on. Fonseca, a Colombian artist,
burst through the speakers. A couple
of startled girls in the back jumped;
Sadie had real Latin music in store
for them. Arms swayed, hips shook,
and those who knew the song sang
along through panted breath. Kurz-
ban marketed Zumba as a fun work-
out with friends, and she seemed to
be right.
“I wanted to bring Zumba to
Brown,” Kurzban said. “I’m so
pumped!”
It was time to salsa with Willy
Chirino’s “Los Campeones de la Sal-
sa.” The fast-paced music seemed to
tangle everybody’s feet; was it to the
left or to the right? To the front or to
the back?
“Keep with me guys,” she said,
slowing down. “One, two, three,
four.”
The Miami native loves Spanish
music. Kurzban grew up listening to
tropical beats and watching her Cu-
ban mother dance. Even though she
took her first official Spanish class
at Brown this semester, she can sing
along to all of the songs.
“My mom isn’t very maternal,”
Kurzban said, shrugging. “I either
watched her working at the office or I
watched her dance. It was fun – good
stuff.”
Kurzban has four siblings—three
older sisters and a younger broth-
er. Her sisters are from her mom’s
first marriage, but Kurzban said she
doesn’t feel the need to call them
“half-sisters.”
“We grew up together,” she said.
“We’re all a little crazy.”
Kurzban refers to her father as a
confident, white Jewish man. “We
always tease him for being fat and
zumba dancer spices it up at the OMAC
short,” Kurzban said, laughing. “He
looks at himself in the mirror and sees
the most gorgeous man in the world.”
When Kurzban turned 11, eager to
break it down to some fresh beats, she
begged her mother to get her a mem-
bership at the gym. Her mom pretend-
ed Kurzban was old enough (she need-
ed to be 16 to be admitted) and since
then, she has been working out four to
five times per week.
“I’m not into sports,” she said,
flinching at the thought. When Kurz-
ban finally turned 16, she discovered
a Zumba class. She took it, and ever
since then, it’s been a passionate love
affair.
“It’s a great workout,” she said. “I
feel sexy when I’m doing it, and I love
it.”
For years she spent hours shaking
her hips to the beat of Latin rhythms.
And then she got accepted to Brown—
which is considerably far away from
her “tropical paradise” in Miami.
“I don’t know why I chose Brown,”
she said. “It’s liberal and relaxed, and I
can encounter ideas that are even more
radical than mine.”
Kurzban thinks she might concen-
trate in Public Policy, but she is also
considering Economics.
“I want to help other people,” she
said. “But right now, everything is out
in the open.”
At Brown, people value her ideas
and intellectuality more than her phys-
ical beauty, but she misses feeling sexy
when she walks down the street.
“It’s a cultural thing,” Kurzban said.
“In Miami, physical beauty matters
more. It’s common to wear whatever,
to show more skin. Being curvy and
sexy is what matters there.”
So, Kurzban decided to bring a
piece of her home to Brown. And, after
talking to the Department of Physical
Education and making them an official
proposal, Sadie got ready to rock her
fellow students’ world.
Before coming to Brown, she had
checked the P.E. website and found
out that she had to get certified by the
American Council on Exercise as a per-
sonal trainer. So, she learned the mate-
rial and took the test during the sum-
mer.
“It was actually a pretty tough test,”
she said. “Now, I know all this extra
stuff about weights and fitness.”
She also took a Zumba workshop
given by Colombian celebrity fitness
Katerina Dalavurak
trainer Beto Perez, the creator of Zum-
ba, and four other top instructors.
“It was really easy,” she said. “I al-
ready knew a lot of the moves.”
She had her paperwork ready, and
she had mixed CDs. Now, she just
needed to get people to sign up.
“I publicized like crazy,” she said.
“I know how to run a business. Now,
I think I have more people than any
other P.E. class.”
Sadie went around to dorms, gyms
and bathrooms posting flyers that said
catchy phrases like “The elliptical got
you stuck in rut?” or “Have fun while
working out. Get a lean and toned
dancer’s body.”
It worked.
Megan Lin ‘11 saw the flyers and
came. It turned out to be a really in-
tense work out, but she loved it.
“I’ve never sweated so much in my
life,” Lin said, remembering that Sadie
had mentioned that in an hour of Zum-
ba she could burn at least 900 calories.
“It’s great, and Sadie is like a little ball
of energy!”
Sarah Zweifach, a sophomore,
agrees with Lin. Zweifach loves to
dance, so this class seemed perfect
for her. After the first class, she de-
cided to take Zumba twice a week.
“You don’t notice you’re exer-
cising,” Zweifach, originally from
Washington D.C., said. “And Sadie is
just so inspiring that she makes you
want to keep going.”
Girls are not the only ones taking
Sadie’s class. Marco Sanchez Junco
‘11, one of the few guys who contin-
ued taking the class, said a friend
had convinced him to take Zumba.
“I really like it,” Sanchez Junco
said. “Whenever I’m at a party, I
just start doing the steps I learn in
class.”
Sanchez Junco loves Sadie as an
instructor because she has a lot of
energy.
“Sadie also has a sexy oomph–o-
o-m-p-h,” he said, as he shook his
hips sideways.
Perhaps one of Sadie’s biggest
supporters is her friend Gillian Bras-
sil ‘12. Initially, Brassil only took the
class to be there for Sadie, but after
the first class, she realized that “the
smart, sassy, half-Cuban” was a great
dancer and instructor. Brassil was
hooked.
“She’s peppy and excited,” Brassil
said. “You want to be all that.”
Brassil also said that Sadie knows
exactly what makes a Zumba class a
great one. Sadie will turn the music
up and find the latest Latin and pop
hits on iTunes.
“I feel lucky to hang out with
her,” Brassil said, adding that they
are planning to study abroad in Cuba
during their junior year. “Hopefully,
I’ll get to practice some of my Zumba
moves there!”
Zumba also makes Brassil feel
better whenever she’s having a bad
day. “Thank God for Sadie,” Brassil
said. “She cheers me up every time.”
But Sadie’s initiative didn’t stop
there. After teaching a semester of
Zumba last spring, she decided to
create another class: Brazilian Sculpt
– which focuses on muscular ton-
ing and flexibility, while listening to
a seductive mix of Brazilian music.
“Don’t forget the sexy abs,” Kurzban
added.
And, this year she wants to make
Zumba more her “own line,” she
said. So, she changed the name of the
class to Studio 305, to honor the area
code of her hometown and source of
inspiration.
“It’s going to be great,” she said.
“A little more hip hop, which is what
I love, and some more pop. Don’t
worry, I’ll still play some Latin mu-
sic.”
By moving away from the Zumba
name, she plans to make the class
more dynamic and more fun. She
will be making up new routines and
play up-to-date music to keep the
party going.
“I just want to dance,” Sadie said,
shaking her hips.
 arts & culture
THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 4, 2010
Katerina Dalavurak
5

spoonful of sugar:
a simpler approach makes transference go down smooth

had my brown sound jacket/ Queen

of call-collect on my arm/ She was
my calm-me-down/ She was my good
perfectly in this context of loss and luck charm.” It’s a pop gem reminis-
eric SUN sorrow. It now makes sense for Dan- cent of “Car Radio” from A Series of
contributing writer iel to be crying “I got nothin’ to lose Sneaks. However, for the rest of the
studio effects and excellent songwrit- but darkness and shadows” with the album, Spoon is fairly downbeat. For
ing on the smooth, subtle, and sen- rest of the album as a backdrop. Simi- proof, look no further than “Good-
sual “Who Makes Your Money.” The larly, “Nobody Gets Me But You” all night Laura,” their first pure ballad.
song is pure sex with Daniel’s sug- of a sudden sounds tragically naïve, With just Britt Daniel’s crooning
The 2000s proved to be an in- gestive “oohs” and “ahhs” adding just as Daniel sings “No one else remem- voice and a piano, the song is prac-
credibly successful decade for this the right amount of flourish to bassist bers my name—just those parts that tically a lullaby—but it’s also fantas-
no-longer underappreciated band Rob Pope’s smooth-as-silk lines. It’s I played/ Nobody gets me/ Nobody tic. With Daniel’s warm humming
from Austin, TX. It oversaw their an intimate, funky, head-bobbing or- gets me but you,” especially with the over the slow piano line, it’s remark-
rise from indie underdogs to pop gasm of a track. Mint workers every- dark funk behind his voice that hear- ably soothing, and when Daniel sings
culture mainstays, as demonstrated where now have a song that’s guaran- kens back to Gimme Fiction’s “Was “You’re all right,” he’s wonderfully
by the countless television shows us- teed to get them laid. It You?” This quasi-narrative arc is reassuring. This restraint, then, rath-
ing their songs and the recent clever However, beyond the studio tin- what makes this album stand out; er than detracting from the album,
use of “The Infinite Pet” in this sum- kering, the most prominent feature seven albums in and the band contin- makes it thoroughly addicting—it
mer’s (500) Days of Summer. 2002’s of the album is its lyrical coherence. ues to show signs of growth. forces the listener to focus, to listen
Kill the Moonlight landed on several Themes of love, failure and tragedy Given the thematic elements, it’s again and again in order to squeeze
critics’ Best of the Decade lists, and pervade, lending the album a narra- no wonder that one gets the feeling out all they’ve packed into each song.
Metacritic.com even went so far as tive-like quality. On the first single, that Transference is somewhat sub- Also, perhaps even more important,
to crown them the Top Overall Art- “Written in Reverse”, which centers dued. Certainly on tracks like “Writ- when they do finally break loose, the
ist of the 2000s, citing their ability to on a failed relationship, Daniel sings ten in Reverse,” one can hear Spoon effect is just that much more satisfy-
consistently hammer out album after “I wanna show you how I love you, but returning to their classic form, with ing.
album of not just good, but great mu- there’s nothin’ there.” Again, on “Out fuzzy guitar hooks and Daniel’s Spoon once again has crafted an
sic. However, if Transference is any Go the Lights,” Daniel sings about a cracked vocals shouting over a hard excellent album. They continue to
indication, the 2000s may have been lost love, his cracked voice singing piano line. And on “Trouble Comes make consistently great--yet also
merely the beginning of a much lon- desolately, “You always looked good Running”, the cathartic release of the consistently different--music again
ger, fantastic career. that way/ You were the one-two- album, one finds Spoon blissfully un- and again. If they can keep this level
2007’s immaculately produced punch from Illinois.” “Got Nuffin,” bridled, with its simple and tight me- of excellence up, there’s no reason
Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga showcased the me- released on an EP this past June, fits lodic structure and snappy lyrics: “I Spoon’s next decade won’t be as fruit-
ticulous, detail-minded side of the
band, with every breath and shake
of the tambourine in its own, care-
fully plotted space. On Transference,
however, they get a little messier in
a wonderfully satisfying way. The
first rattling high-hat hits of opener
“Before Destruction” let the listener
know that Spoon has exited the her-
metically-sealed cleanliness of Ga
Ga Ga Ga Ga while still managing to
imbue the subtlety of its previous al-
bums. The careful layering of the or-
gan, drums, acoustic guitar and Britt
Daniel’s vocals leave little doubt that
this song (and the rest of the album)
is just as carefully crafted as anything
the band has produced before. The
difference, however, is that there are
more sounds packed into each song.
This album is the first they’ve made
without an outside producer, and one
can hear they’ve been doing some tin-
kering in the studio--to mostly posi-
tive effect. For example, the sweeping
“aahs” that echo in the back of “Before
Destruction” help draw the listener
into the album while the distorted
guttural noises that briefly appear on
“I Saw the Light” are strangely satis-
fying. The effects do occasionally get
in the way, however, like the distract-
ing loops on “Is Love Forever?” that
clutter the otherwise excellent track.
Spoon strikes a perfect mixture of
Photo Courtesy of zmemusic.com
6 arts & culture
POST-
Acting Like An Actor
michelle MEYERS
contributing writer
If asked to define myself in ca-
sual conversation, the label “actress”
would be about as likely to come up as
“investment banker” or “exotic danc-
er.” The pinnacle of my theater career
was playing the part of Princess Win-
nifred in my elementary school’s pro-
duction of Once upon a Mattress, and
I think that even Prince Dauntless
would have called my performance
sub-par at best. But then in college,
after discovering the wonder of play-
writing but realizing that I knew next
to nothing about acting or directing,
I decided it was time to return to the
stage. Thus, on a muggy day in early
September, I found myself at Stras-
berg Studio as a member of the in-
troductory acting class TSDA-0230.
I was excited by the plethora of at-
tractive guys (gay or straight? Hard
to tell) and the brevity of the reading
list, yet as I sat next to several “theater
people” discussing audition informa-
tion and performance credentials, I
couldn’t help but feel out of place.
After several weeks of improvi-
sation (note: apparently it is frowned
upon to laugh uncontrollably at your
own jokes), we began work on the Art
Exercise, in which groups of four or
five people each were asked to create
a scene influenced by a piece of art-
work. I was ready to memorize lines
and learn some blocking, but instead
99 Bottles of Books on the Wall
ben SCHRECKINGER
books editor
Shakesbeer in the Park-
Supplies: Red Sox tickets; Sam Ad-
ams summer ale; giant foam codpiece
How to play: 1. Attend baseball
game at Fenway Park 2. Take up posi-
tion in the center field bleachers 3. Im-
bibe Sam Adams liberally 4. When op-
posing manager gets up to argue with
umpires, heckle with “The lady doth
protest too much, methinks.”
Bonus: Though loud, repeated
chanting could help “The Bard” catch
on as the nickname for Red Sox right-
handed relief pitcher Daniel Bard (2-2,
3.65 ERA in 2009).
Russian Roulette-
Supplies: 4 barrels Karkov vodka;
ink; paper; futility; despair
How to play: 1. Winner drinks ten
times own weight in vodka or produces
a 1,200-page novel, whichever comes
first.*
*Note: This isn’t so much a drink-
ing game as the customary means of
producing great works of Russian lit-
erature
being a non-actor in TSDA-0230
our first rehearsal consisted of crawl-
ing around the studio on our hands
and knees in absolute darkness, pre-
tending to be wolves for an hour.
Highlights of the experience: ripping
a paper to shreds that later turned out
to be our rehearsal schedule (oops),
figuring out how to do a non-consti-
pated, non-leprechaunish wolf growl,
and, of course, realizing the pleasure
of the “wolf nap.” Negatives: trying to
remember how to converse in English
again rather than wolf grunts.
Next came scene
work, during which I
made two important
discoveries. First, I am
apparently typecast as
insecure, neurotic, and
sexually questioning.
Who knew? Second,
the challenges of acting
can be more formida-
ble than any midterm.
How do you translate
your understanding of
a character into action?
How do you play the
mentally challenged,
the culturally differ-
ent, or the religiously
diverse without falling
into tropes and clichés?
How do you show “what
you’re fighting for”?
literary drinking games
Faulk’d Up
Supplies: 1 complete set of the works
of William Faulkner per player; 1 still of
Mississippi moonshine; total disregard
for the conventions of chronology, co-
herence and discernible plot structure
How to play: Weeknight version- 1.
Starting with Soldiers’ Pay (1926), read
through Faulkner’s writings 2. Take a
shot every time something makes sense
Weekend version- 1. Starting with
Soldiers’ Pay (1926), read through
Faulkner’s writings 2. Sip every time
you are grateful you do not live in Mis-
sissippi 3. Take a shot every time you
suspect nobody proofread.
Cummings and Goings
Supplies: 1 case Charles River Por-
ter; the collected works of ee Cummings;
Strunk & White’s The Elements of Style
How to play: 1. Split case of Charles
River Porter (brewed in Cummings’ na-
tive Cambridge, MA) among all players
2. Drink porter 3. Punctuate the poetry
of ee Cummings 4. This is likely to repre-
sent an improvement over the original
Even by Day of Scenes, TSDA-0230’s mail labeled “Acting Talent: Please
final six-hour extravaganza of acting, Handle with Care.” Rather, they are
feasting, and Professor Lowry Mar- human beings who have put a great
shall’s infamous mulled apple cider, I deal of time and effort into working
still found myself struggling with my on their craft. And even if the closest
character despite weeks of rehearsal. you’ll ever get to Broadway is sing-
The final consensus? I would rec- ing along to the Wicked soundtrack,
ommend TSDA-0230 to actors and I’ve come to appreciate that acting
non-actors alike – although I would isn’t just about “acting”— it’s about
argue that there isn’t a real line be- openness, human interaction, and
tween the two. The people cast in exploration, equally applicable to the
shows at Brown are not demigods writer, the investment banker, and
who one day received a package in the the exotic dancer.
Photo Courtesy of flickr.com
actually flung the child into the Fran-
Things Fall Apart zia 6. You call out to the other players
Supplies: Yams, palm wine for help only to discover that what you
How to play: 1. Gorge self on yams, had thought were other players had
palm wine 2. Stagger to Africana Stud- been empty boxes of Franzia all along
ies Department 3. Confront Chinua 7. Realizing this, you fling yourself into
Achebe 4. You win: Through your live- the wine 8. You were right the first
ly and reasoned intellectual assault, time. It was the sea.*
Achebe’s post-structuralist theories of *Note: Great for dinner parties!
pre-colonial Igboland fall apart. Achebe
wins: You pass out on his desk in a pool
of your own vomit.
Heming’s Way
Supplies: Whiskey
How to play: 1. Drink whiskey
Fun with Franz(ia)
Supplies: 5 liters Franzia boxed wine
per player; the short stories of Franz
Kafka; utter disillusionment
How to play: 1. Begin reading Kafka
2. Sip wine 3. But when you reach for the
wine it isn’t wine at all, but a small child
3. And the child is sobbing 4. The child
begins to berate you in a strange tongue
4. Exasperated, you fling the child into
the sea 5. It dawns on you that you have
Photo Courtesy of blog.timesunion.com

The World is
Our Oyster
ted LAMM and alex LOGAN
food columnists
Scene: The Providence Oyster
Bar, Atwells Ave., 6 pm on an aggres-
sively brisk Saturday evening.
Cast: Three males (exuberant,
tipsy), acutely aware of the finer
things in life. Two females, steeled
for whatever confronts them. All col-
lege-aged.
Never have 34 oysters been so
pleasantly and genocidally con-
sumed—at least on this continent
and in this century. Brian, our raw-
bartender (is there an official term?)
was beyond polite and more than
informed; his knowledge of seafood,
cutlery and film festivals dominated
our conversation in the most exciting
way. We drank martinis, ate live uni,
and enjoyed ourselves.
Scene: Wriston
Cast: Two males (one skittish).
Superfood
food for the game and the show
remy ROBERT
contributing writer
This Sunday, amid gloriously mi-
sogynistic beer commercials and eerily
verbose E-Trade babies, uniformed
hulks of men will hurl themselves at
one another in Miami’s Sun Life Sta-
dium as they clamor for the pigskin
(and for their own oh-so-tasteful Super
Bowl ring). The big, bad, vapid Colts
will saunter in, finally away from the
hell-frozen-over that is Indianapolis
in February. Then, the zesty New Or-
leans Saints will cartwheel into their
first Super Bowl in franchise history,
magically bringing the crowd to deci-
bel levels even higher than those ac-
companying the Patriots’ slaughtering
a couple months back, and all will be as
it should be.
As native New Orleanians and born-
and-raised Saints fans, Colts quarter-
back Peyton Manning and I join in an-
ticipation of this important game (and
in hopes of a Saints win… can’t cheer
against your home team, Peyton). As
with meat and king cake during Mardi
Gras, all that is delectable and choles-
terol-filled during Jazz Fest, 72-ounce
beers for any night on Bourbon Street,
and unreasonably lavish food in the in-
terim, celebrations like this have a tra-
dition of good food. In the spirit of the
decadence that typifies New Orleans,
I’ve compiled a Super Bowl menu that
fulfills the cardinal requirements of all
respectable football snacks. Take note
One female (pros-
perous).
Ambient mu-
sic dominates; carpets and hangings
engender abounding warmth. Doubt
hangs in the air, but it is quickly as-
suaged by an overwhelming sense of
camaraderie and leisure. Our hero exits
triumphant, having procured what he
came for.
Scene: Undisclosed off-campus
house, south of campus.
Cast: Four males (tired, congenial).
Three females (defensive).
Italian sausage and fried olives.
Must more be said? Fine: Red pepper
jelly-grainy mustard fireworks consum-
mated the union of the sausage and Por-
tuguese bread from Silver Star on Ives
St. (we can’t wait to meet the children).
Our hero enters, bearing gifts. Gifts
and follow suit: you, too, deserve exces-
sive amounts of carbs and grease (and
no, pizza from the Gate doesn’t count).
Giant batches of love: Most
evolved, college-aged humans have a
finely tuned radar for home cooking.
Masses of them flock to you if you so
much as turn on a stove. But, lucky for
you, New Orleanians are old pros at cook-
ing by the truckload. Grab the biggest
pot you can find, toss in a bunch of meat,
veggies, and rice (and, if you’re feeling
feisty, more hot sauce than Jesus would
approve of), and you’ve got jambalaya.
Chili is an acceptable substitute for this
if and only if you harbor an obsession for
clichés and/or the other team.
Wings: Obvi. Go traditional (Bar-B-
Q, buffalo) or more exotic (sesame, par-
mesan). Since these are ubiquitous right
now, you can buy most things pre-made
at the store if you’re feeling lazy, but why
would you do that now that you know
buffalo sauce is little more than Tabasco
and butter? Bonus: guys, you get man
points for gnawing meat straight off the
bone.
More spiciness than your body
has room for: Scrape the innards from
halved jalapeños, stuff them with cream
cheese, wrap in bacon (always, always
bacon), and bake for about 20 minutes.
Hoard before everyone else snitches
them. And oh, they will snitch.
Dips. Lots and lots of dips: Chili
THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 4, 2010
“Life is so good I can taste it in my
– XXXX, Layer Cake
are enjoyed, and
soon a tiramisu is
devoured—savored
and pondered—among the cadre.
Scene: A darkened, empty bed-
room.
Cast: Four males of mixed dispo-
sition. Three females, mildly enter-
tained.
Dance party.
Scene: India Point pedestrian
bridge.
Cast: Three males, fascinated. Two
females, mildly entertained.
Southbound cars approach hesi-
tantly, northbound cars stridently. The
clarity of the night and the purity of the
air negate the necessity of remarking
on anything else.
con queso (go Rotel; I won’t
judge). Barrels of guacamole and
salsa. Seven-layer dip. Pimento
cheese. Options abound; all you
have to do is pick. Hummus will
keep things from feeling too
grimy. To make your own, drain
a can of chickpeas and mash
(or food-process, if you are so
lucky) until smooth with tahini,
olive oil, and lemon juice. I’ll
toss some red beans in with the
chickpeas and finish with Creole
spices, but you can also play around with
caramelized shallots, jalapeño and cilan-
tro, or roasted red pepper to taste.
Maturity: Pigs-in-blankets are a
relatively painless tribute to the oth-
erwise gastronomically unremarkable
Indianapolis, whose natives are known
to prefer grilled brats. (They serve the
added purpose of being mildly phallic, in
case you tire of courtesy.) Extra points if
you cook the sausages in beer before you
wrap them in dough (cut down on time
and use canned crescent rolls); serve
with Zatarain’s whole-grain mustard, a
New Orleans original that I’ve heard is
highly favored up in Colts territory.
Popcorn: This is a huge cop-out as
snacks go, but as long as your movie-
watching experience is multiplied in the
company of salty, buttery popcorn, so
will your viewing of this game, which will
likely be high-scoring thanks to kickass
food & booze
7
spit.”
Conclusions:
1. The Providence Oyster Bar has
a fantastic happy hour with $1 oysters
and unremarkable yet reliable marti-
nis from 4 to 6:30 pm, making for a
memorable trip to (and, with enough
martinis, a frigid yet tolerable return
from) Federal Hill.
2. Food can and should be the
focal point of a fantastic night with
friends. But it need not dominate.
3. Fried olives are really easy to
make. Get some decent ones from
Whole Foods, perform the requisite
flour-egg-breadcrumb trifecta, and
fry in canola oil for a few minutes.
4. The India Point bridge makes
for a fantastic late-night venue for
poor impressions of Irish folk musi-
cians and the quiet contemplation of
moving traffic. We suggest bringing a
posse, though.
Katerina Dalavurak
offense on both teams. Sprinkle liber-
ally with Creole seasoning (cayenne
pepper, garlic powder, paprika, white
pepper, etc.) and look like you actually
put in some effort.
Whether or not you know the
meaning of a third-down conversion—
no matter if you think a flea flicker
is a groovy gadget you’d find at a pet
store—the Super Bowl is as much an
athletic showdown as it is a media
spectacle and a once-a-year social
event. Even if you’re not tuning in
to behold Drew Brees’ otherworldly
passer rating, you might as well pick a
team, drink one too many beers, and
meet your calorie quota for the week.
And hey, if you’re lucky, you might just
catch one of Peyton’s requisite sideline
temper tantrums. Look for me if you
get hungry; I’ll be the one in a gold leo-
tard with buckets and buckets of food.
Who dat!
8 sex
POST-
Sexpertise
allie WOLLNER
Madame Simmons, Dean
Bergeron, members of the Corpora-
tion, distinguished professors, and
fellow Brunonians:
We embark on the 35th day of a
brand new decade in this time of year
rife with resolutions. As we know too
well, resolutions often take the form
of self-condemnation. When we make
resolutions, we renounce weakness.
We make iron-clad pledges to our-
selves. We vow to embrace discipline
once and for all. “My sexual urges will
no longer contradict my political con-
victions. I will not call myself an ad-
vocate for the Democratic cause while
simultaneously indulging in pornog-
raphy that features Levi Johnson.” We
have all made promises to ourselves
like this one.
But there is a problem. These res-
olutions, however well-intentioned
they may be, prime us for failure. One
day, we are all bound to falter and fall.
Especially with unceasing access to a
wireless Internet connection coupled
with the continued existence of Perez
Hilton.
What Brown needs is not resolu-
tions, but aspirations. Hopeful things,
things imbued with the proactive, pro-
The R. I. Institute of Fellatio
the hardy BROTHERS
sexperts
Dear Hardy Bros.,
I love my girlfriend, but she
doesn’t understand what turns me
on: things like acting sexy, talking
dirty, wearing lingerie (or at least
not always plain, white, boring
underwear), taking command and
being spontaneous. The few times
I’ve tried to bring it up, she’s been
reluctant to discuss it. What should
I do?
Sincerely Yours,
Kraving Impassioned Naughty
Koitus
JOE: “Before you graduate, try
to experience the pleasures of a
partner that hasn’t studied so hard,
but has acquired other skills—like
giving amazing blow jobs.” You’d
think these words come straight
from a Socratic dialogue, but they
were recently uttered by my father,
Papa Hardy (a veritable prophet),
to a close friend. Considering that
you’re already neck deep into rela-
tionship territory, and there isn’t
actually a Rhode Island Institute
of Fellatio (they opted for the name
Providence College), you may be
feeling trapped and sh*t out of
luck.
Don’t worry; the way my pops
toward a stronger union
sexpert
vocative force to fire us up rather than
shut us down.
This has been a challenging year;
I will not deny it. The loss of Faunce
Steps and the Blue Room were crushing
blows. Since September we have seen a
dramatic reduction of opportunity for
chance encounters with potential sexual
collaborators. And when we returned to
school this term, we found Faunce Arch
barricaded against our admission. The
University left us with no choice but to
hit it from the back of the building to get
where we need to go. Though we were
thankfully granted entry to Faunce Arch
again earlier this week, we found our ac-
customed passage reduced to a shock-
ingly narrow canal. Faunce Arch can no
longer satisfy the persistent access needs
of the student masses as it once did.
In addition to these obstructions and
closures, the chill winds of winter have
begun to blow. Freezing temperatures
have shrunk our prospects. All over
campus, students remain withdrawn. To
poke a head out and face the elements
at this time of year requires nothing
short of the audacity of hope in the im-
possible: that tonight you will not sleep
cold. Tonight, there will be someone ly-
ing there beside (or on top of) you. We
all have dreams. Whether they are truly
towards a utopia
sees it, the Art of Love can be ac-
quired just like any other craft along
the road of life—with practice and
guidance. But before you start a con-
versation, determine exactly what it
is you want, and what you’re willing
to trade for it if your circumstances
require sacrifice. Do you smoke too
much? Do you swear too much? Do
you shamelessly hit on her really
hot friend too much? If you’re noth-
ing less than a paragon of virtue, ask
her female friends (they’re likely the
ones that she complains to) what she
would most like you to change.
Broaching the topic will be tough,
but clearly knowing and stating your
terms will make things easier. Try a
frank opener like, “Hey, can we talk
about sex for a second?” Even if it
goes over like a lead balloon, at least
you’ll get to the point quickly. State
your grievances politely and qualify
them as cautiously as you did in your
question. Explain that while you love
being with her, you’re tired of always
leading in the bedroom. If she seems
reluctant to step up her game, swear
your oath to make a change as well.
Next time things start to get hot
and heavy, don’t expect to see a dra-
matic difference right away; be pa-
tient. Try turning her onto some sexu-
within our reach is the question.
I know the picture is grim. But I be-
lieve Brown students were born to rise
in the face of adversity. I believe in our
youthful recklessness. And I believe
there is no better time to stoke the fires
of carnal zeal than in the dead of joyless,
sexless winter.
This is why today I propose the Sexu-
al Recovery Act. I propose that we funnel
this spirit of positive energy into a grass-
roots campaign to stimulate sexual plea-
sure at Brown University. I hardly have
to mention where this movement must
begin—obviously it must come from the
bottom up. This recovery will require a
vigorous rhythm that builds in intensity
to a climax. But I realize that for every
success story this Act will produce, there
will be other stories. Stories of sexual-
ly-frustrated, socially-awkward fresh-
man boys isolated in Perkins. These are
boys who wake up with the anguish of
not knowing where their next (or, more
likely, first) hookup will come from; who
yearn to get play week after week and
receive no attention in response. That is
why sex must be our number-one focus
in 2010, and that’s why I am calling for a
sexual reawakening bill today.
Every movement is only as virile as
its members. It is up to you to determine
E-mail your sex questions to the
Hardy Brothers at
thehardybrothers.thepost@gmail.com
al learning materials like Nerve.com.
If all else fails, and Frank will hit you
with the brutal truth, just know that
not all lovers are cut out for a degree
from RIIF.
FRANK: Before we look into con-
tingency plans, K.I.N.K.—just in case
the “talking about our feelings” ap-
proach fails to fan the flames of your
libido—I want to welcome all of you
back, dear readers, to our fabulous
column!
True, we neglected to say good-
bye to you last semester, but we’re re-
ally sorry, and now we want you back.
So forgive us bad boyfriends, and re-
member to submit all of your sex and
sex-related queries to thehardybroth-
ers.thepost@gmail.com. That snow-
storm—like there was anything else
to do but…brainstorm questions?
But back to you, K.I.N.K., your
question brings to mind something an
acting teacher once said to me: “I’m
not stupid enough to tell you there
isn’t such a thing as talent; there is.”
We here at Brown have been condi-
tioned to believe that everything we
know and do has also been condi-
tioned in us or is a reaction to said
conditioning. Sexy isn’t something
one is, it’s something one acts (which
is why, for example, Justin Timber-
what we can arouse on this campus.
I want to be clear—the Sexual Re-
covery Act is not all talk and no action.
It is change we can believe in. We go to
Brown, a university filled with tireless,
over-analytical minds. We do not give
up. We do not quit. We do not allow
construction and inclement weather
to crush our libidos. It is a new semes-
ter; it’s time Brown students got sex
lives to match their sex drives.
As many of you already know one
does not come upon pleasure easily. It
takes work. It takes determination. It
takes the can-do spirit we harnessed
to erect the great monuments of our
campus. It’s this can-do spirit that I
propose we employ to erect those tes-
taments of our sexual potency. With
this attitude, together we can produce
edifices more imposing than the SciLi.
We can raise the flags of our desire by
stroking their burning embers until
they erupt, in jets of energy and flash-
es of light, these explosions will shake
the ground from Keeney to Pembroke.
Alone or together, in pairs, in three-
somes, or in groups of four to seven,
let us transform that rallying cry of
“Yes, we can!” into “Yes, we did.”
(Applause.)
lake might be required to “bring it
back”). But, eventually one butts up
against the hard, immovable edifice
of talent. Sexy: you’ve either got it
or you don’t.
If talking doesn’t work, you
might want to consider whether
you and your girlfriend are really
all that sexually compatible. It is
possible to get along swimmingly
and still have bad sex (see Sex and
the City Episode 76: “Great Sexpec-
tations”). If you want that elusive
“amazing blow job” Papa Hardy
promises, you may have to look
elsewhere. It doesn’t make you a
bad person to end a relationship
you’ve put time and effort into be-
cause the sex is boring; in fact, it’s
probably better than the alternative
places a lack of sexual satisfaction
can lead you.
But lest we leave you on a
Hardy downer, I want to suggest
that you know your relationship
better than anyone else, and the
lack of kink in your life might mere-
ly be a temporary obstacle. After
all, if you’re having “koitus” with
a “k,” maybe the sex is better than
you think.
—xoxo The Hardy Brothers