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disaster for both parties if you're not careful. You need to support
the teachers, and help them understand. There are certain schools
in Brisbane that have more than their fare share of kids with AS,
because parents have voted with their feet and moved to that
school district where the principal understands.
I say to the parents you are an expert on your child, you are an
expert on their personality and developmental history. Use your gut
reaction to know whether that's an appropriate school. If your
senses are uncomfortable, don't go! If you feel relaxed and
comfortable, your child will probably be relaxed and comfortable in
that environment. You need to work with the teachers. We do
training programs for parents on how to relate to teachers. I also
visit schools on a regular basis. The schools now are less ignorant,
less fearful of such children, and there is a better structure for
helping them. You will get that in time. However, at the moment, it
does seem a bit down the track before you get that.
Actually, many of these kids have been home schooled, and gone on
to university quite successfully. They don't appear to have suffered
from the lack of social interaction as teenagers.
having a rule book. There are consequences for what you do, this is
the logic.
If you start getting into complicated personal relationships, you've
lost it. You have to be quite firm in the consequences with that
individual, but you do need to spend time explaining things. For
example, if we have a child who has hurt another child, or their
brother or sister we may say, "say sorry" and the person says
"sorry," and as far as they are concerned, that's the end! If he's
done something wrong, he must do, or donate, something to his
sister for example tidy his sister's room, or share a chocolate bar
that he was going to have at lunch time, half each in other words
something is lost or given, or they lose their time for the person
concerned. They could also make an apology card. They must
actually do something tangible, rather than just "sorry," and that's
it.
It does mean that you have to explain this to teachers, because they
expect the kids to know. You've got to explain that in those
circumstances, the child needs more explanation. I also explain to
teachers, "don't use the degree of disruption as the measure of
guilt." Although the AS child is the one who hit the hardest, he is not
the only participant, and between them it was six of one, and half
dozen of the other. Many AS kids hate the injustice - that they get all
the blame, but the person who called them names gets no
punishment. You need to deal with both parties in that situation.
often say, "you can watch TV for 15 minutes" one day it's 10
minutes, and other it's 15 minutes it's very inconsistent. The child
knows that if it's your opinion of when it stops, they can use
emotional blackmail to get you to change your mind. That's why we
get a timer, "okay, you've got 15 minutes, and when the timer goes
off, that's the end." I read in a computer magazine the other day
about a wonderful computer program that you can load onto your
computer, and every so often, it flashes a message across the
screen, "time to take a break, you've been on this long enough."
That's what they want! It's not you, the computer says "I've had
enough, I need a break, you must go have a cup of tea!" And then
they'll believe it! So find one of those programs. So, we use a timer
in that process, so it's the timer that says you've got to stop, not you
in that situation.
Anger is an issue, because it can be the one reason that children are
expelled from school. They may be okay with their school work, they
may be reasonably coping with their social life, but if you have one
or two periods of anger, especially if somebody is hurt, then you're
often excluded from school. So, there are a number of kids,
especially in adolescence, because of one or two episodes where the
person has been teased, or has been wanting to join in a group, or
misunderstood circumstances, that the anger and the intensity of it
gets everybody frightened about the situation. So there are areas in
anger management that need to be gone through, but really it
requires someone with expertise in both AS and emotions