Understanding People

J.Arellano Notes 2010

Foreword
This material was inspired by a short conversation with Major Romeo Asuncion, the
corps officer of The Salvation Army, Urdaneta Corps. We discussed about people with
different personality, how they were handled in order and ways to make them effective in
the ministry. We discussed in passing about personality theories and we have agreed that
knowing all these theories can be helpful for the corps officers and church leaders only if
mastered. I promised to give them a copy but, after thinking a while, I thought it would
be best if I make a material easier to understand at their level.
It took me quite a long time to organize the topics and its even very difficult to start but
after seeking the guidance of the Almighty all things turned well. A short prayer was very
helpful and after that ideas just comes out as I typed.
This material was based on the concepts of Psychiatric Nursing, one of the favorite topics
I loved to teach. It deals more on the understanding of the behavior, how to handle them
and ways to modify them especially if the behavior affects the persons lifestyle and
interpersonal relationships. These concepts were obtained from behavioral theories which
are widely used in training and educating people. My goal is share some of these theories
to be used in the church.
The church is a place where there is a variety of people. Each person in the church is
unique and has a distinctive behavior. In this place, there is a continuous interaction of
people and sometimes during the interactions behavioral incompatibilities may cause
conflicts. The behavior dictates how the person would act in a particular situation or
stimulus. It also dictates how the person feels and interprets things. And that an
understanding of the persons behavior is essential, for us to resolve conflicts and, for us
to provide effective motivation.
This material has not undergone the editing process, so please bear with typographical
and other errors.
I hope that this material can help church leaders in handling their flocks. May the good
Lord bless you and your ministry!

Jason D. Arellano RN, RM, MAN

J.Arellano Notes 2010

Understanding People by Age

Are you having problems on people or children? Erickson, one of the well-known
behavioral theorists postulated the Theory of Psychosocial Development. His theory
can be very helpful in understanding a person at a particular age group or level.
Mastering the concepts in this theory will be of great help in determining the persons
interest and needs. Shown below is the table showing the summary of the theory.
Table 1. Developmental Tasks of People
Class
Infant
Toddler
Preschool
School Age Child
Adolescent
Young Adulthood
Middle Adulthood
Mature Adulthood

Age Group
0-18 months
2-3 years old
4-6 years old
7-12 years old
12-18 years old
18-25 years old
25 to 65 years old
65 years old and above

Developmental Task
Trust vs. Mistrust
Autonomy Vs. Shame and Doubt
Initiative Vs. Guilt
Industry Vs. Inferiority
Identity Vs. Role Confusion
Intimacy vs. Isolation
Generativity Vs. Stagnation
Ego Integrity Vs. Despair

Play
Solitary
Parallel
Cooperative
Competitive
Social Interactive

Discussion
o The Infant

At this age the main goal of the parents or people taking care of the child
is the development of trust. If the parents fail to do this, the infant will
have a difficulty in his or her next developmental task. One of the best
ways to develop trust is to have a regular bonding with the child and
providing the childs needs and comfort.
The type of play is solitary, meaning the child can enjoy playing alone.

o The Toddler
This is the stage of autonomy. In other words, the child wants to have the
decisions of his own. The child does not listen and always says no in
whatever request or command. For example the parent would say, Baby,
come and eat. The expected answer from the child is always no.
The best way to handle them is to present alternatives. And that if you
want the child to eat, it can be done this way, What do you want to eat,
hotdog or egg? or you will eat or you will sleep?
The play of the child is parallel. The child wants to play with companion
but will not share his o her own toys.

o Preschool

J.Arellano Notes 2010

It is the beginning of the childs curiosity or the childs interest in lots of

things, especially the thing seen and heard. Sometime this makes the child
experiment and if parental supervision is lax it may lead to problems. This
is the stage where imitating is at its peak. So at this age, parents must be
very careful on what information they feed the child.
The type of play effective at this age is cooperative such as drawing
together. Toys that replicate household tools, occupation tools, musical
instruments, etc. can be very helpful.

o School Age Child

This is the stage where the child applies whatever knowledge he hears,
may it be right or wrong. The child may be very proud and may even
correct the parents, especially if an act is contradicting to what is taught in
the school.
The play the child loves at this age is more on competition. This is the
peak where the child enjoys sports.
o Adolescent
This is the stage were the person develops his or her identity. If the person
is confused about her role or identity he or she may tend to imitate friends
or people around him. This stage is critical in the development of a good
and strong personality. This is also the where the person worries about
physical changes.
The play for these ages is more on social interaction. The person may love
parties, outings, gimmicks or any activity that involves socialization.
o Young Adulthood
This is the stage where the person longs someone to love and care. This is
the peak where the person loves dating and courtship.
o Middle Adulthood
This is the stage where the focus of the person is more on the
improvement of living and lifestyle. Topics concerning livelihood and
income generation strategies are dominant in their mind and not love.
o Mature Adulthood
This is the stage of recalling the things done during the younger years. The
person loves to discuss their achievements, failures and other past
experiences. Telling stories of their life gives them comfort and ease.
They appreciate much if somebody pays them a visit just to sit down with
them and listen to their stories.

Application

J.Arellano Notes 2010

The following are the things needed to consider before planning a particular church
activity. These are just suggestions and you can apply the concepts in variety of ways.
1. Handle people according to age groups. In the church we are handling Sunday
school, bible studies and more. Sometimes we have a difficulty in handling them
especially on discussions or activities. The problem sometimes is that they have
different Developmental Tasks or Play. For example, if we group with Preschoolers
and a School Age Children conflicts can be expected. Why? because they have
different behavioral responses. In activities, the preschoolers love to cooperate with
the group while the school age child would want to compete with his group mates or
even with the teacher, or the activity facilitator. In other words, the age must be
considered in groupings.
2. In providing activities, the play must be appropriate for age. As Sunday School
Teachers we need to know whom we dealing with in order to provide effective
activities for our audiences. Our class sometimes gets bored when activities we give
is not in-line with their interests such as giving a drawing or coloring activity for
children under ages 8- 12 years old.
3. In providing activities, it must be in accordance to the peoples developmental
task. For example if we are dealing adolescents we must focus on identity
development, or something that would strengthen the persons self esteem and
capabilities, and for young adults the focus must be more on ideal love and courtship.
Doing this will help the person boost his or her potential.

J.Arellano Notes 2010

Understanding Personality Problems

People have some problems with their personality. They may not notice it but
people whom they are with can. These personality problems may lead to conflicts and
misunderstanding. It may destroy the good flow of relationship in the church but it can be
prevented if we know how to handle them.
Personality Problems are divided into three groups or clusters; Odd or eccentric,
Dramatic and Emotional, and the avoidant personality. Shown below are tables
containing the summary of personality disorders or problems. These personality problems
the person may experience could be mild, moderate or severe.
Table 2.a Cluster 1 Personality Problems
These individuals usually have withdrawn, odd or eccentric behaviors
Type

Characteristics

Paranoid

Schizoid

o
o
o
o

Schizotypal

Defense
Mechanisms
These are suspicious, jealous, secretive and o Projection
possessive type of individuals
These are usually seclusive, cold and aloft o fantasy
individuals
o Introjection
The individual manifests avoidance of meaningful o Isolation
interpersonal relationships
They are usually introverts
They are the last to catch up fashion

o These are people with bizarre fantasy

o They usually have odd magical thinking
o They peculiar language and thought patterns

o fantasy

Table 2.b Cluster 2 Personality Problems

These individuals usually have dramatic, erratic and emotional behaviors
Type

Characteristics

Antisocial

Borderline

o
o
o
o
o
o

J.Arellano Notes 2010

Defense
Mechanisms
These types of individuals love to violate o Displacement
rules.
They lack loyalty, honesty and fidelity
They are unable to postpone gratification
These are individuals that experience chronic o Introjection
feelings of emptiness.
o Intellectualization
They have poor self control
They have self-destructive behaviors
They fear separation, impulsive and usually
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has unstable but intense relationship

Histrionic

Narcissistic

o These individuals love to be the center of o Transference

attention.
o They are usually flamboyant or showy
o They are overly concerned with physical
appearance
o These individuals have sense of grandiose self o Rationalization
importance; excessive self admiration
o Denial
o Reaction
Formation

Table 2.c Cluster 3 Personality Problems

These individuals usually seek to avoid or minimize the anxiety or fea.
Type

Characteristics

Avoidant

Dependent

o
o
o
o
o
o

Obsessive
Compulsive

o
o

Passive
Aggressive

o
o
o
o
o

J.Arellano Notes 2010

Defense
Mechanisms
These are individuals who are reluctant to o Isolation
engage in new activities
They have fears of criticism and rejection
They escapes intimate relationships
They also avoid social events
These individuals have very poor self o Rationalozation
confidence.
They are dependent on people.
They may passively allows others to assume
responsibility of their lives.
They are usually perfectionists
o Isolation
They may have ritualistic behaviors and o Undoing
preoccupations
o Reaction
May have excessive dedication to work
formation
Loves hoarding things
o Denial
Usually forgetful and they procrastinates
o Substitution
They may manifest an irritable behavior when
required to perform an undesirable task
May have unreasonable judgment on people

Discussion
Personality problems are caused by habitual attitudes and reaction patterns in
human relationships which were developed early in life and were formed structure of an
individual. It can be modified if the person regains insight or the individual becomes
aware of his or her attitudes and make efforts to control the behavior.
The Paranoid. These type of people are possessive and very suspicious. Their
minds can create a variety of ideas with only few details. They may create suspicions on a
simple whisper, sudden change of the tone of voice, gestures and body language. When
their ego is at risk in cases where they are responsible for any wrongdoing they can easily
put the blame to others. The best way to handle this type of individuals is make a clear
and specific agreement. And once you make an agreement be sure to comply because
these individuals dont accept excuses. Once you have destroyed their trust it will be
forever.
The Schizoid. These type of people are usually aloft and seclusive. They are also
last to catch up fashion. They are not comfortable mingling with other people because
they think that they are different. They are used to day dreaming and they usually have
emotional detachments. These people can be handled by letting him or her to join in
social activities but in a planned and gradual manner.
The Schizotypal. These types of people have odd or magical thinking. They think
differently. They may affectively or intellectually diminished. They are used to roam
anywhere like the nomads. They may go anywhere without thinking their responsibilities
and they may forget also hygiene.
The Antisocial. These individuals love too violate laws or rules. They are
stubborn. They can not be controlled by punishment; it may only postpone their
behavioral patterns. They do not learn also from past experiences and they lack care for
other people. They can be handled by having an agreement and it must be consistent.
The Borderline. These types of people are marked with mood shifts and
unpredictable behavior that is potentially self-destructive. These people experience
chronic feelings of emptiness and identity disturbance. They can be handled by having a
frequent conversation with them and allow them to express feelings. This can be very
helpful for them to regain insight.
The Histrionic. They are extroverts and they always want to be the center of
attraction. They are very manipulative. These can be people can be handled by having an
agreement and clear terms that would limit the scope of manipulation and to prevent
conflicts. These people are also very good in giving critics so be careful.
The Narcissistic. These types of individuals have overblown sense of importance.
They also need attention and admiration. These individuals would love to compete. They
may unconsciously say false negative feedbacks to his or her competitors of attention.
These people can also magnify little issues, so be careful. And also, refrain from
revealing negative experiences or secrets, he or she can use it against you. These people

J.Arellano Notes 2010

can be handled by setting limits and distance. These people may consume most of your
time if you will allow him or her.
The Avoidant. These types of individuals are mainly loners. They have extreme
fears of evaluation from others. They are not comfortable with many people. They may
have few friends. You can not expect cooperation from them in performing tasks in the
presence of a crowd. They can be made functional by expanding his or her circle of
friends and having a constant interaction with them.
The Dependent Personality. These people have extremely low self-confidence
and that they always assume others to assume responsibility. These people are always
dependent and submissive. You can not expect these individuals to lead by themselves.
You can handle these individuals by giving them a companion in a particular task and
gradually allow them to hold activities by themselves.
The Obsessive-Compulsive. These individuals are mainly controlled by
obsessive concerns like cleanliness where the he or she cant stop cleaning the house.
Because of obsessions, rituals were developed that can not be controlled. They can be
handled by casting doubts or realistic facts that may lessen the obsession
The Passive Aggressive. These individuals have no definite decisions. In an
agreement, a full compliance can not be expected. These individuals tend to forget and
have unreasonable judgments. They also experience frequents temper outbursts and
temper tantrums. This people can be handled by letting them work on the spot. Asking for
their decision may not be helpful because they are fragile in this matter.

J.Arellano Notes 2010

Understanding Yourself
Understanding yourself can lead to personality improvement. It can not be done
alone. It can be achieved by both efforts of you and other people. A figure below will
help you understand.

Figure 1. The Joharris Window

Discussion
The above figure illustrates the windows of personality. It is model that will be of
great help in understanding the self. The components are:
Private Window. . Fact about the self can only seen in this window by the
person himself and no other. It includes secrets like the person whom he or she is in love,
faults, and may be embarrassing experiences.
Public Window. This is the window that contains information about the person
that known to all such as the persons family name, address , some attitudes or behavior
and accomplishments.
Blind window. This is the window that can only be viewed by people other than
the person himself. It may be attitudes toward work, mannerisms, behavior and a lot
more.
Unknown Window. This is the window that may contain information about the
self that is unknown to all. It may contain hidden abilities, talents, etc that are not yet
discovered.

J.Arellano Notes 2010

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J.Arellano Notes 2010

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Application
If you want to know the facts about you need to accept criticisms in order to
expand your private window. Improving yourself after being criticized helps the person
uncover the secrets on the unknown window.
Figure 2. The effect of accepting criticisms and behavior modification

As shown above, the public and private windows are bigger than the two other
windows. This is the product of continuous fellowship with other people. One of the best
ways to achieve this is going to church.
If you want also to help other people understand their own self invite them to join
actively in the church. For parents dont send your children to church but bring them with
you. God bless you!

J.Arellano Notes 2010

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