Compilation of Blog of An Aspiring Writer

Care to join
Have you ever thought of writing a political ad for God? I guess this thought has crossed my
mind today because today is the official start of local campaign for our governments local
position. Funny because as they politicians spread all through out the nation to win the hearts of
the common people, so does God. As summer approaches Singles For Christ - CLPs has began
to spread nationwide as well. What is a Singles For Christ CLP ? You may ask, well technically
speaking Singles For Christ is part of a family ministry which is Couples For Christ.CLP is
defined as Christian Life Program designed for all single men and women who wants to get to
know more about God in a deeper way. This program is open to ages 21-40years old.
Well one may think, why waste my time? what is in it for me? Allow me to redefine these letters
for you.I for one had doubts on why I have to spend 13weekends (either sat or sun afternoons
most likely) but I had been able to finish long and strong thats why I wanted to share this to you
too. Been blessed ever since.
C- Christ: Obviously this first reason may not be your strongest motivation to go. But this is one
way to learn, relearn, or develop a deeper relationship with our God Almighty.
- Care: If your looking for someone to be there for you genuinely. Like a real brother or a sister,
we are world wide. where ever you may be there are members of our community who would
be willing to listen to you. Help you and most importantly pray for you.
L- Live Life to the fullest: As single men and women we look for people who can relate to what
we go through.May it be work related issues, family, friends or relationships. In this day and age
you would want to surround yourself with people who will help you attain your highest potential
in a Godly, good clean way.
- Love: To find people who wont judge you but accept you for who you are. It does not matter
what your state is, your physical condition is or your financial status is in life. For we were
loved freely and completely by Him first and we do it as well in return.
P - Personal : This experience is something no words can describe, you have to open yourself to
the opportunity for you to really know what makes it different from the rest. For it is a journey
for each and everyone to take and a story to unfold.
I do not know if i gave justice to this blog, but let me end by quoting this bible verse Jeremiah
29:11
For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you
a future full of hope.
This is an open door invitation to all of you out there. Seeking, praying defining.
Try to take the first step. Hell meet you there.
SFC -CLP starts April 11,2010- July 17,2010 (every sun 2pm)
@ town n country chapel
for more info.
Contact the ff:
James flores 09175031815
Annie Manuzon 09209458063
Tristan Reposo 09216310833
Jacq Matias 09177925227
To God be the glory,,,,
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road blank
March 18, 2010 Filed under Uncategorized
I am reaching the point again where I feel lost. Lost in the sense that I have been in the same
place for some time now. Waiting, that is where I am at right now. Waiting for the companys call
back, waiting for that someone to come along, waiting to finally find my niche in this world.
Some of you may think why wait? if you could do it. Move to make it happen! Well, I say not
this time. At least not yet, no opportunity has come to my attention just yet to make that move to
make that difference to finally happen. I dont actually mind waiting. What bothers me a lot this
time is the fact that I cannot see where this road leads me to. It actually feels like driving on a
blind curve, on a blind side. I feel like I am on my way up but all I see is a white painted road.
Blank, I do not know if I should go left, right or just go forward.
Yes I know this is the time where trust is truly being tested. Trust that your maker, master
planner, driver of your life the Divine one has great plans for your life. I am not complaining.
Believe me I do hope for the best and know in perfect time everythings going to be alright. I
still have a little ounce of hope in me. (flushing down slowly i think) I just want to let it out.
Whatever this burden i have inside me. I do this best when I write my thoughts down.
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best I ever had

March 9, 2010 Filed under Uncategorized Tagged my bday in 2010
It was an amazing weekend, in fact it was one of the best I ever had in a long time. Really, you
want to know why? because last Friday (March 5,2010) was my birthday. I thought it was really
going to be a quiet one for me this year because it was a working day no one had the time nor
chance to spend it with me. My prayer was that for me to have a different birthday. Hopefully to
get to spend it much with my SFC family in particular. I was not really in a good mood as the
day of my birthday came crawling by. I felt agitated and doubtful. I felt I was not ready to gain
another year older, I kept asking God if I was the woman that I should be in HIS eyes? have I
done anything good? The list just kept getting longer.
Friday came, spent the whole day with a friend, said my thanks by hearing mass and enjoying a
quiet dinner with family and few close friends. The highlight of the day was that my cellphone
hadnt stop beeping since the clock stroke 12mn of march 5. I was so stunned by the flood of
greetings and well wishers. I was so surprised for even the people I did not expect to greet me
did. There were also anonymous greeters and an international caller from Thailand. (For that I
have to give thanks to my household ate Gae, and my best bud Bry who did most of the text
brigades)
We had a sumptuous meal that was through the love and support of my family. (To
my dearest sister and dad who was behind all the preparations, as well as to my mom who did
prepare for our Sunday household Thanks a million) For all the support that you tirelessly give
me always thank you. As the evening came to close God started to grant my wishes. First was the
red roses mom gave me(I had been praying that I receive one that day.
) I thought that was the
end of it I bid everyone goodbye and goodnight and went to sleep. But little did I know
God was not yet over with it. Saturday came, Sam and Joana came over unannounced (except
from my dad, he seems to be a common denominator to all these surprise events.) spent the
whole morning catching up and sharing stories. (Ryan thanks for the greet even if i failed to
receive it) Later that evening was our regular chapter assembly. The whole day I was being
reminded of it, even my dad was overly pushing me to go. So even if I was unsure what was
going on I went anyway. It was there where God granted my second simple wish. I received a
bouquet of roses
with a cake from my SFC family. (Chee thanks for bringing it all the way to
Town n Country, you were really worried I would not be there.thanks hugs! ) God was really
showering me, unbelievable! By then I realized Sunday was also going to be a super extension of
my birthday for it was a household day and I was the host. It was a perfect way to end my
simple three day celebration. Writing a letter to Dear Lord reminded me of who I was to Him.
His enchanting princess.
Right now everythings back to normal, everything has passed and I am back to being the
ordinary girl. I pray that I may become a better person and the kind of woman God would want
me to be while being of service to him. I look forward to greater things after me moving on with
another year of life..
To everyone else who greeted me in anyway thank you all. Youre all too many to mention in this
post. Thanks for joining me in my journey of life, please do stick around for the longer run.
Again and again I always want to say thanks for the time. For reading this long note. For me
love is spelled as time.

wo ai ni.
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longing
March 3, 2010 Filed under random thoughts
There were times I long for you, though I know you are just beside me.
But at times I feel like youre so near yet so far.
I long for your hand guiding me. You being here makes me feel secure.
I miss the feeling of being indestructible when youre with me.
You make anything possible.
I dont know how Ive lost that part of me.
I guess maybe my failing, falling made me feel afraid,
in doubt and settle for less than I deserve.
I pray that you would hold me again.
Press my cheek close to your chest.
Then hear your heart beat for me and only me.
I long to shine for you,
Because of you and the love that fills me through.
Oh how I love you!
I long to be with you.
To be your princess
Your one and only love.
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letters
February 21, 2010 Filed under random thoughts
I was asked by my mom to clean up our former bedroom which me and my sister both used to
share. As I was cleaning up my stuff, I realized that the bulk of those things were letters. Letters
of all sorts. From small notes, palanca or retreat letters, hate letters to love letters and so much
more. I said to myself masulat pala talaga ako na tao. As I was going through all the bulk I
could not throw any of it without actually reading each one.

I cannot believe it,the letters that
was piled up was since my grade school years. (akalain mo.. haha) In the process I had the urge
to either just keep all of it or just throw it all out to spare me the agony of going through all of it.
But no, knowing how I am I bear it. Of going through it all before deciding which one gets to
kept or discarded.
The process made me go down my own memory lane of life. They reminded me of friends.
Some from people I no longer see or barely remember. Mostly were thank you letters on how
they saw me, what kind of friend I was to them and how theyll miss me in their life.
There were some letters that made me cry because somehow it reminded me of the pains, trials I
went through in life. While others made me smile because it was part of the a lot of firsts in my
life. Just like the first valentine card I ever received from a guy in college
(2003) hahaha
or the first love letter I received way back in high school

aww.. I even had a stalker who
keeps on writing to me in various ways that I never really figured out who it was . Plus tons and
tons of retreat letters from family and classmates in college. I never really realized why I love
these letters till now, it was because it reminded me of people who came in and went through my
life, Each of them left a print on my heart. I was struck by one thing that they were all proof to
me that I have given something to someone all along. I was even left with a question have I left
them something good? I hope so.
As I finished, I did not know how I felt I even thought Lord why are you showing all of these
things to me now? Is it because another year of my life is coming to an end and I am about to
begin a new chapter of my life? Whatever it was for I am thankful. That clean up simply
reminded me of who I am. I am a simple girl who love simple things and treasured lifes simple
joys even the smallest notes.
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MY Rs in 2009
December 17, 2009 Filed under random thoughts
I have been itching to do this but at the same time I wanted to derail myself from actually writing
it down. But every breaking bone in my body has been conspiring against my will to do so. I
have been asking myself what do I have for 2009? Definitely I did not have a job that pays, nor a
whooping career not even a blooming lovelife. So I asked my self what did I have? One by
one it came to me. I have my family (for better or worse of me) I had my service (gk, ateneo and
sfc) there are also some friends who stood by. despite of these, there was a nagging thought for
me to define what 2009 was for me. Suddenly it hit me all I had this year was T-I-M-E.
I was strucked because one of my favorite lines was love is spelled as time but I was not
convinced to my definition of my year so I was forced to look back. So.. how did I spend my
time in 2009?
Jan-March
-Recovering Months: From my job loss, confusion.Spent my birthday with a simple bang thanks
to my original household who spent time to make it happen.
April- May
God took time to Re-shaped me through my service. Experiences that reminded me what I was
really made of and why He made me exactly how I am.
June
Response - After three long years of discerning for someone, God finally answered me with No.
Yes it broke my heart but I knew it was for the best.
July
Rekindling
He called me to the mountain top experience in the SFC MMC held in Baguio. To remind me
how much HE loves me despite and in spite of everything. It is also this time when He allowed
me to patch things up and rekindle old friendships that I have been praying for in a long time.
August
Revealing
My Sister got married. Making our lives change forever.
September -October
Rocky
Getting stuck in Ateneo for 2 days due to typhoon Ondoy was one of the things I would never
forget. This was also the months were we as a family experienced ups and downs of life.
November -December
Relational
New friendships were born, old bonds have been strengthened. Things somehow meant to level
up in a way I could not define. There were things that has to move forward, adjustments still has
to be made.Although the month is just beginning to wrap things up I could not help but wonder
whats in stored for me next year.
As my chapter heads would always say(and I quote them on this one) No rewinds no re runs we
can only look back for the year that was. No exact word could cap off my 2009 but one thing I
have learned, there would always be good and bad but what matters most is I tried to do my best
with all my heart.
Cheers everyone!!!!!!
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Nearing the end of 09

December 8, 2009 Filed under Uncategorized
As the end of the this year is fast approaching, so are my thoughts on how this year has been for
me. I still cannot say for sure if it was good or a bad one. Though I have a feeling that is a
mixture of both. What really nags me to think is this question What happened to me this year?I
am asking myself this question because I believe that every year is a different year for me. I
cannot help but ask myself what changes have I done? Have I become a better person or did I
become worse? What are the greatest blessings must I be most thankful for? I guess this
thinking or reflecting mode of mine started when the Advent week this December began. I was
struck by the thought that advent is a preparation for the one coming.
I could not help but feel like I am not ready to do an accounting of my life this year just yet to
my maker. At the same time I wanted to be done with it so I can move on and begin looking
forward to next year. I am not sure if I am entirely making sense here at the moment but this is
what hinders me to write my thoughts down. Yet I am able to do so because there is something in
me that says I must even if it is with great difficulty.
I think I could not answer these questions yet, because I am being lulled by the business of this
time of the year. In the same way, I am still waiting for this month to end in a way because I
believe this would give me the closure I need to define my year 2009. Although as earlier as now
I feel that there is something big waiting for me for nextyear. I do not know how to feel about
this too but whatever it is I pray I may be able to handle it well. This is why my theme for this
last month and for next year is greater things are yet to come(I know this has been a theme for
some of my sfc friends for some time now.^_^)
Well to end, I hope to anyone who will take the time and the interest to read this long entry that
you would have a good ending of this year too. I am thankful and grateful for you who have been
part of my life this year. Looking forward to be sharing myself to those whom Ill be meeting
just yet, and cheers to a new colorful one for those who have been around me for a while now
and decides to spend a couple of more years with me. Warmest greetings of Merry Christmas and
a happy new year to you , your family and friends. God bless us all.
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ordinary times
October 18, 2009 Filed under Uncategorized
miss this page, had not been able to write in a very long time. I suppose this is because I felt
living in the ordinary times of my life. Often times whenever I would feel this way I would
remember Jesus doing His public works. That was His ordinary times He was just being
himself doing his mission. But I would think to myself still He was able to do so many things. I
on the other hand feel I havent done anything out of the extra ordinary lately. My ordinary
timesmeant being at home washing the dishes, trying to learn how to cook and so on. I
remembered one article of Bo Sanchez calling this phase as living his secret life. The life of the
person who normally stands in front of the crowd, speaks to thousands of people and so forth.
Dont get me wrong, I know I am not a super star or what, I am just an ordinary girl. Well I
guess I am sharing this because I already miss the times I felt Gods powerful hand using me,
molding me showing his great majestic power reflecting on my life. Making that difference for
Him.Because as I have always believed this was my reason for being here.
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Will I ever
October 8, 2009 Filed under random thoughts
I just got this little lyrics in my head from a Gary v song.
Will I ever get to heaven with you?
Will I ever breath the air that you do?
Will I ever touch the angels?
Will we fly?
Will I ever? Will I ever get to even with you?
Wishing hope and dreaming search with in my soul
Will I ever, will I ever get to heaven with you
Its actually one of my favorite songs of all times. I dont really recall the entire song but its
really really nice. I am thinking to include it in my wedding reception songs to be sung if ever I
am called to that vocation. Although tonight wedding or love is not the reason I am writing this
blog. (thank God right? yeah i know * wink wink. you might be tired of hearing it)
Anyway what really struck me tonight was the words Will I ever These were the words I had
been asking myself since yesterday morning. (Technically yesterday already because its 12:56
says my computer clock) I could not really finish thinking of things to add up to this phrase. I
mean there are a lot of things you could think of. I felt like I am doing the morning show
morning rush @RX. Questions you would want to ask God that begins with Will I ever ___?
fill in the blanks. I guess in my heart I felt like I am again at the end of my rope. I begin to again
ask God what are His plans for me? I am still really waiting you know. But as the lights went
back on tonight (Finally! after a whole day of black out) I read from Bos Article Every Storm
Will End and I quote Do you believe that great things will happen to you? Imagine a party
balloon.At first, its bright and fat and goes up to the ceiling.But after a few days, it becomes
deflated.It stays on the floor.Were like balloons.What keeps us up is hope.But life happens, and
everyday, we leak hope.Especially when big trials come, we surely leak out a lot of hope.And
were deflated.
Heres what you need to do: You need to refill your heart with hope. So that you can rise up
again.Dispel the storms in your mind. It may be stormy on the outside but it shouldnt be stormy
on the inside.The only way to dispel the storms is to be grateful for what you have today and
what will happen tomorrow.
And yes thats what I need to do is to refill my heart with hope.as Anne Frank from the book
The Travelers Gift said being grateful is also a choice. I know I should be gratefully waiting for
the everything else will soon come to life. I am ending this with another quote from the same
article of Bo Sanchez. For my heart at the moment is still drenched from everything else I
believe in sharing this prayer it will also help others who like me is in doubt at the moment.
Im strong in the Lord. Im blessed. Im forgiven.
Im protected. Im redeemed. Im equipped.
Im anointed. Healing flows in my body. New doors will open before me. Ill meet the right
people, the right opportunities, at the right time, at the right place. Ill regain ten times what I
lost
In Jesus name!
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Painfully joyful
September 16, 2009 Filed under random thoughts
For those who was with me or had a chance to speak to me last week you would remember that I
was in a struggle with myself. It was the same painful struggle I was having over and over to
which my emotions are being disciplined by God himself. While having that particular pain of
rejection, self doubt God gave me an assignment to share to our clp (Christian Life Program) For
Gods love that same week. It was in this time HE told me in one of my prayer time that in
those times that my heart got broken into pieces again, hurt or rejected there was no other
way for me to go but to love those people more. That each heart break I was experiencing
was making my heart stronger, stronger until I love like His son willing to lay down ones
life for others. It was one of the strongest words, most difficult thing for me to do then I
asked Him to help me forgive those who hurt me and help me to still love them no matter what.
This week I am experiencing some sort of physical pain. I said in one of my prayer time Lord
what is going on with me? He just said it is still pain, I felt He was breaking me little by
little. I said Lord what kind of pain would be next? For I was afraid I would no longer be
able to make it after this and I am scared.
While this is happening, I was actually busy with His little missions. Strangely I was able to
share again twice in a row in CFC functions where my dad was the speaker. Strange because all
of it was unplanned it was impromptu and I could not believe it,at the end of it I would realize I
was able to share about the topic despite the fact that it was for CFC events. What am I saying? I
dont know what is actually going on with my life at the moment but all I know is that in
my pains He is using me for His greater glory.I do not know how this part of my life would
end right now but I am grateful to Him. Grateful for the strength to battle it all out, for the
opportunities and lastly for the pains that bring Him joy.All for the greater glory of God.
JOB INTERVIEW
I had a chance to do one job interview today. I was really hoping that it was finally the one I
have been waiting for.I was so prepped up, though I know it was just a project based thing I was
actually looking forward to the new experience. There was two parts in the exam, English
covering the tenses and verbal usage the next part surprised me it was a technical support
representative (tsr) exam. I laughed to myself seeing the top page which had a logo of
Convergies I just did what I could because I knew I was not exactly applying for an agent
position.
Funny because earlier another applicant peered on my resume, even though he was a seat away
from me he saw a glimpse of it. Surprisingly he sat beside and asked about my experience in a
call center. I said to myself really he was able to read my resume While we were conversing
I found out he was new to the business, well all I could do is to encourage him. He was even
surprised because I left the call center industry, I could not help but just say life is more
important than money to me. Besides I would rather be doing things that make me happy than
stay because of the salary. My turn for the interview came, it was then I was informed that the
salary being offered is below minimum. I was even asked if I was interested in an agent position
again. Of course I said at the moment non agent position would be my preference.As for their
offer, I told them Id think about it first.
Going home I was thinking, analyzing if their offer was worth it. Well it saddened me cause I
realized it wasnt. I was not happy to go home that way so I asked myself what did I learn in this
experience? Then it hit me, I have become more aware of what to look for in an offer. To
evaluate, to probe with the right questions. I guess I was just clear to myself what I was looking
for and what my priorities were.
Yes it saddened me because this means I still need to wait, again. But I am still hopeful. Best is
yet to come, so I better brace myself Right ate Ayen? So right now I am just acknowledging
my feeling of sadness both brought by todays turn of events and the rain. In doing so, I am
trying to shake the bad feeling off.
Coffee or movie anyone? =)
No comment
i hate you
September 4, 2009 Filed under Uncategorized
I hate you for being so numb,i hate you for saying you feel me but you actually dont.
I hate it when you say youll call but never do.
I hate you when you tell me you appreciate me and make me feel like I am the only person who
understands you, but in reality its only words that you speak.
I hate it when you tell me I mean so much but its not shown otherwise.
But the worst of all is that I hate myself for believing you. For falling to the trap of your
wonderful words thus allowing myself to be lulled by you.
Its like youve got some magic over me that I cannot see.I guess it was just foolish of me to
believe you after all.
guess somethings never change.
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1am
August 29, 2009 Filed under Uncategorized
its officially 1 in the morning, everyones off to bed. Ma and Pa is out of town and I sort of feel
the home alone. I was actually looking forward to this weekend to almost having the house all
to myself. But to my surprise I felt kind of sad, I do not know if its separation anxiety or not.
(yeah i know Iam old enough to handle things) I was actually looking forward to talking to
someone but most of my sfc friends are on this team building so tonight is one of the most quiet
nights I have had in a long time. Well, I no longer stay late that much nowadays. I do not know
why I have this desire to talk to people, guess I am looking for comfort to this sadness. What was
odd was that I did give comfort instead. (Id like to think so?)I was suddenlypmed through
facebook, forgive me for my own terms. Anyway by an old friend, this was a younger guy friend
actually a brother I was surprised, he asked me about the SFC (Singles For Christ Christian Life
Programs). In short we had a short talk, in the conversation I could not help but think hey I am
the one looking for someone to comfort but I am the one giving it. In my head I was thinking,
whats with me and men who seem to be kind of lost in one way or another? Funny the Gods
message from facebook to me somehow says something related you can only give what you
only have inside yourself, true giving only happens when you are over flowing from the
inside and you cannot help but share You know what as I was talking to this friend, I was
actually telling him how much God loved him, no matter how sinful he was. Even if he was so
far a way from Him. I was trying to assure him of Gods love even in my own little way. I even
told him I love him as a brother. As I was doing so, I noticed myself asking in my head am I
honestly saying this? The answer was yes I didnt know why but somehow those words flowed
out of me and typed itself to the computer. I realized somehow my kinda sad feeling got better. I
thanked him for I felt I was able to help, he said so himself. I hope he finds a way to join the clp.
Ending now my day, yes I was not able to get the exact comfort that I kind of hoped for but I
somehow prayed I was able to give out the kind of comfort he needed. I dont knowif I make
sense, I dont even get the point of God ending it this way. Anyway I am just glad that even in
my time of sadness I was able to bring encouargement I hope. For that I am really thankful for.
No comment
agitated
I am suppose to be off to bed at this hour (thats my new rule since the past few weeks I havent
been sleeping to well.) Although Im breaking that tonight for some reason I feel so agitated,
restless. Could not stop myself from worrying again. Its the physical pain and the mental and
emotional exhaustion. Believe me I have been trying to let go of a lot of things in my life at the
moment. I am constantly reminded of one saying in one of our La Sallian retreats during my last
year in college its let God and let go dont know if I remember it right, or is it the other way
around. My question is how? Right now I feel like I am speaking as myself. Rather I am over
analyzing myself from a third party angle.
I am not sure if I am making sense at the moment so I am going to stop here for now, get to bed
hopefully tomorrow is going to be a better day for me again.
No comment
how can it be, how can he?

Over this weekend a lot of stuff has occupied me, mostly family things. It was my only sisters
wedding. Congratulations! Finally after all the long preparation it was done. Praise God because
everything went well, despite the ups and downs, Im glad wearing the dress was over too,
dont get me wrong I felt pretty somehow but the fact that other people sees me in it makes me
very shy. I am not the star of the show in that occassion but I was happy for her. The bonus part
for me was being part of it and I guess being with some of my friends as well. The next day it
was service as usual, despite of being uber tired from the previous nights event. I did not
know but somehow throughout the day yesterday, a part of me felt really sad. At first I thought
maybe I was just tired, but today I realized it was more than that, actually its a whole lot of other
reasons. But one major reason that surfaced was that there is this one person who makes me so
happy and yet can he can also make me so sad at the same time. I was surprised with
myself when i figured this one out. I know it sounded crazy. But really it was true.
I was actually dreading the weekend to come, I knew hed be there and I knew in my heart I
wont be able to stop myself from noticing him. I also knew he would not notice me the way I
had hoped for. These past few days weve been texting again. I was actually glad our friendship
was starting to be ok, but last Saturday early morning I woke up around 3am, I was thinking of
him and I felt like I wanted to cry. I do not know why but I was so so sad I felt like I was losing
him all over again. I did not know what to do. I was saying to myself he was never really mine to
begin with,that was so painful for me all I could do was to pray and ask Mama Mary to help me
get through it. then I went back to sleep. The next time, I woke up there was a goodmorning
text from him. I just deleted it thinking it was just a general message to everyone.
Waking up today that same old sad feeling was there. I pushed myself to pray though I found it
so hard to do. Then I found myself thinking this person has too much of me, he didnt even
know about it. I have loved you ever since but I guess you have never really knew nor saw it, I
guess its time to let you go. I know youll always have a space in my heart and it would really
take time for me but right now I am choosing to set myself free.
No comment
second chances?
i do not know why i was thinking of this right now, I guess this was because I am surrounded of
people and things that were part of me one time before. Becoming nostalgic of these things..
Damn I am not so good when it comes with these things. Specially now a days I feel like
threading an unknown path. Seeing the people I grew up with in the sector con made me miss my
time of passionate service days but somehow I could no longer find myself in it. Facebook
friends had been adding up, from school, people from way way back poping up from out of
nowhere. Dont get me wrong I am happy to be reconnected but somehow as I move forward
with everything else I dont see where I am about to go. Its like I am torn, to the old me that I
see when I see all of these things and people around me. I tend to feel I wish I had that second
chance and live up my life all over again. Not because of regret but just to feel good about ones
self again.Feel that direction guiding my life so strongly. Have the people I once had in mylife
again. Lastly make wrong into right if it would make things better or make things last longer?
I do not know if I am just feeling this way because I am afriad to look forward into the future, the
unknown. Cause right now I do notn see anything yet and it scares me. I know because of all the
things I went through in life I am a better person now(even just a little) I just do not know why I
am feeling this way..
No comment
I have fallen in love (with the same woman 3 times)

August 6, 2009 Filed under random thoughts
I have fallen in love (with the same woman 3 times)

I have fallen in love
With the same woman three times
In a day spanning nineteen years
Of tearful joys and joyful tears.
I loved her first when she was young
Enchanting and vibrant, eternally new
She was brilliant, fragrant and cool as the morning dew
I fell in love with her the second time
When first she bore her child and mine
Shes always by my side, the source of my strength
Helping to turn the tide
I fell in love again with the same woman the third time
Looming from the battle her courage will never fade.

Amidst the hardships she has remained
Undaunted and unafraid
She is calm and composed. She is Gods lovely maid.
I havent heard of this song ever in my entire life, but when i finally heard it I was primarily
struck on the number of times he fell in love with pres.Cory, it was in different stages of life as
well. It was by then I decided to look up the lyrics of this song. Then after seeing the lyrics I was
surprised to see that they were somewhat soulmates. Since Ninoy saw her since they were 9 yrs
old, would you believe he said to himself he already knew then shes the one.Cory shared this in
one interview.
Moreover I was struck how he described his wife in the poem as time goes by he falls in love
with her over and over again. Specially when he acknowledged God when he said she was
GOds lovely maid.
Will there ever be a time Id be like her in Gods eyes?

Will there ever be some one who would fall for me over and over again
No comment
dates and so much more

i had a very long and fulfilling weekend, after MMC i chose to stay home rest, catch up with my
regular life. Funny, one time while I was washing the dishes I said to Him, Lord sana this week I
will have a date. Little did I know the very next day my sister would ask me to accompany her to
the parlor to prettify herself(I just remembered that today) . At some point she was really mad or
unhappy because the service was so bad, that she had to go to the next parlor to get what she
wanted. That was my first date unknowingly,second was with ate angel of sfc ola. We had to
catch up with one another since we had not been able to meet at the MMC. Yehey!she treated me
to Starbucks:P (mama angel to follow yung pic post sorry) Being with her was such a treat,
sharing stories, lovelife, prayers etc that night she reminded me of how one single lady can be
both happy, sad at times and yet keeping her faith in her God Then Sunday was a jampacked
day for me. Being at the mcg with my parents (daughter duty calls, since I was away for three
days last week had to spend time with them)Then saw my ever loving former head facilitator for
siga Lola Ces! We were both excited to see each other, only to find out we have somehow similar
heart issues being faced at this point and time. Funny one of the sharings that struck us both was
ate nenenths sharing of how things in life happen for a reason and purpose mabuti yan Later
that day I went to our clp to support. They were actually planning to see the proposal by
sandra bullock(earlier that week people had been texting, I thought of going though I did not
have the means both financially and physically- transpo.I said yes I would go although did not
know what to do but I just prayed since I wanted to go with them) After clp I did not know how I
would be able to go home, then kuya james was said to be joining the movie goers so I said I will
be joining then, since I had some money left from my savings. Ate leslie was even saying
inayos ni God talaga for you
So we went, (kuya james, ninj, tina, bai, chi, ava,and me) while preparing to see the movie I
could not help but be excited because I have not been able to go out with friends for a very long
time particularly this sfc friends of mine. We had a great time, I for one atleast felt happy because
even without a boyfriend for now I am able to experience love. Though I long for that special
someone who would be willing to go beyond boarders with me, and fight for me and for what he
believes in and feels is right. I know Ill be able to wait for His perfect time because He will
surround me with people who would love me as me. I often feel its hard to step back, smile and
be happy for the people you love the most specially when their happines does not relay in your
hands wether this be for a family, friend or for someone whom you love so dearly. But I suppose
this is my assignment for the moment, be happy because the people I love the most are finally
finding their happiness even if I am not included in it.
As I would always quote love is spelled as t-i-m-e, but when time comes even if it would
require a lot from me I would step back in to the crowd and smile so when you look back and see
me smile you know that I am happy for you too. Thanks guys for the opportunity and thank
God for the answered prayers.
dates anyone?
No comment
Missing myself
July 29, 2009 Filed under Uncategorized
Hadnt had the chance to write something for myself lately. A poem atleast, i dont know why but
I just couldnt find the same melody in my heart, that allows me to hear the words being sewn
together unlike before. I remember back in my college days even in the midst of my class, when i
hear something from within me I cannot contain myselfI had to write it down. If you check the
back of my text books its always tattered with poems, words unfinished lyrics..wether it be music
inspired, emotion i was feeling at the time being or a situation a friend I was able to find ways to
color it through these words I hear in my head. (dont get me wrong I am not that crazy)but yes
there was something with me and words way way back. It was like the love of my life, the way i
exhale into existence.
I am not sure if its lack of desire, emotion or inspiration (despite of so many things happening in
my life) that stops me from relinquishing this creative side of me. But I just could not do it,
whenever I tried to write one it seemed like no words was enough. I feel like I could not find the
match, the things I see seemed lifeless, as if it lacks something to my satisfaction. Just wish God
has not taken that from me, one of few things I have considered a talent of mine.,
I dont know why I have to blog this, where art thou thy words my romeo? Come back to me
my love
No comment
A long awaited Jesus Experience

After heading home from the Singles For Christ- Metro Manila Conference in Baguio, I decided
to savor the things that happened for a moment, that is why I am just writing my thoughts now. (I
am still thinking tentatively if I am now ready to share.) Anyway Im going to try to write this in
the shortest most concise manner I can.
Since I heard comments that I write too long. This
years MMC was an anticipated one for me, this was the last thing I was hoping to go to even
before I ended my last working contract December of last year. I felt this would give me the
break I needed since I feel like I was running my life like driving 180miles per hour(i dont know
if thats too fast) I felt like I needed time away to breath. As the days drew near of leaving so was
my fears creeping up on me. It had been so long since I was with myself and other people
(without family members)on an out of town trip. I was worried on how I would manage despite
of the assurance of people around me that I could count on them. I could not trust myself nor
others. I was afraid more than excited. I did not know I was becoming my old self again
worrier and not able to trust
Even as the conference began I still could not feel at peace in my heart, not until the mass. God
was flashing in my mind parts of my life specially my yfc days with campus based particularly
the woodstruck event and campus conference and sharing to 7,000 people. I asked Him Lord
why?Why are you showing me these events again? He said why are you still doubting? Wasnt I
who allowed you to stood in those events and speak for me ? Remember that I have formed you
in your mothers womb and in your physical limitations I am using you.Then I began to cry, ate
jacq, my household head began asking me why. I could not speak, all I could say was I wala
still have a lot of burdens here in my heart then she said pray, iwan mo na dito s Baguio lahat ng
baggage mo pag uwi mo ng Manila bagong Amor ka na After communion I told God please
help me empty myself, do not let me leave this conference without me hearing you and you
conquering my heart again. Just then the worship leader said in his exhortation that he came from
yfc transitioning to sfc, if you think this conference is for the faithful, strong you are wrong this
conference is also for the weak, lost and tired If your are empty allow God to fill you. it was
then I felt in my heart and I was able to say to God I am finally home.
Saturday came, it is workshop day I was again worrying how ill get from my first workshop to
the next, although I was able to ask other people to help me out, I still wasnt sure if theyll be
able to come through.Plus the first workshop I was in was ending late, I texted sam, ez (yfc
friends who happen to be in the same second workshop)if they could pick me but since we were
having some miscommunications I did not think theyd be there. To my surprise when I headed
out of the 1st workshop they were there infornt waiting for me.
Sam even said ate sosyal
may taga sundo ka pa in my head I was smiling saying oo nga e, magandat gwapo pa kamukha
ni John Llyod cruz
Then I realized that I survived another day, and that I survive because
of other people. People sent by God to be my angels in my life. That night when we were asked
to thank people who were reminders of Gods pursuit in life I could not go around so I just
prayed for all of them.
Sunday came, as we watched a video of a father with a special son running the tri- athlon race
and finishing it. God spoke to me again you can still dream, remember your not just a regular
girl, you are my enchanting daughter. I could not help but cry again, this time due to
overwhelming love from my creator. As the conference came to a close I prayed asking Him not
to leave me nor allow me to forget that He made me and He loves me incessantily. We then head
on our way home. While out there buying pasalubong I felt God continually showering His love
in small acts of my chapter, kuya nino treating me to a bananaque
(that was the first time)
Ate gae helping me and jokingly saying mam,boss san tayo? Dimpy being concerned saying be
careful, ate jacq being with me all through out(keeping her word when she told me ill be your
body guard) I could go on, (sorry for those unmentioned people) what I realized is that somehow
I felt loved again, in sense of being accepted despite of who I was. Lastly as we got stuck in rain
and traffic, people had a small exchange of opinions in relationships just like a talk show,
everybody was rolling in laughter
and learning at the same time. I remembered ate gae saying
maybe theres a purpose why we got caught in this situation. In my head I remembered my
favorite saying Love is spelled as T-I-M-E for me that was the purpose, sharing time converted
to love.
I finally got home at 1:30am I was also glad and thankful to Him I got home in one piece and
nothing bad happened to me the entire three days. I think this was the hardest blog I ever wrote
so far because I honestly did not want to write this but I think God wanted me to do so. Because
of what I went through with myself. I am openly sharing it, admitting how fearful I am. I hope
that I would not be judged by this. I pray that if someone reads it. hell find God working in His
life too.
TUESDAY
Today is Tuesday, my rest day. Normally its Mondays but since my dad and I had to run some
errands yesterday Rest day became today. Rest day is the day when we (my ever loving dad and
me stay home or do non service related things) so in other words days when I do not go to GK,
no CFC or ministry activities. These days are the days I stay home or get my R N R my Rest n
Recreation day.Like today I reconnect to myself by writing. Hoping to think and make some
sense of me. These days are not constant but in a week we should get at least 2 days off.
So today I am here at home, feeling not so well because of cough, Trying to get much needed
rest and medicine.
I thought I was ok already last week but I guess I got bit too much besides
someone here at home got sick too, I am trying my best not to get sick since MMC is drawing
near again, I remember the last time I joined MMC I also have some cough,but now I am
determined not to have any sickness, dear God please help, that is why I am taking medication
again for the nth time. I am really looking forward to go to Baguio to recharge with the Lord
most specially.
Lately God has been blessing me with a lot of small recharging events in my life. Lord knows I
have been through a lot of ups and downs for a very long time While being in itI just kept
praying and trying to find ways to keep up and I have been longing to bask more on His love
that is why I am somehow excited to get to MMC at the same time nervous too. The small
recharging events have been helpful like our sfc Gmt prayer time was the topic, and Ate Arlyne
the very inspiring ate gave the talk. I was late and I thought I would never make it, but praise
God HE knew I wanted to be there so badly. He answered my heart desire. Second recharging
event was seeing some old friends from the community even for just a second. My yfc - sfc east
b family dropped by (Irvins gang). (Guys watch out for our small surprise coming very soon
support us please) Then Sunday was my household day and sfc clp. that made my closing week
even better. Being at the clp to support was not a normal habit for me except for baptism but this
particular clp surprisingly most of the time I was able to support. Even just as a prayer warrior.
(Thanks to my household head ate jacq who loved being a prayer warrior I am now being
taught to be more prayerful through the circumstances.) That baptism was different for me, I
was able to see the baptism proper which was a big thing for me. I was thinking that time God I
forgot hoe it felt to be inside in this kinds of events. The last time I was in one was since I was a
yfc service team years back.
it reminded me the first time I was like them a participant.
The feeling I had inside was different, even as we worship I felt something familiar that I havent
felt in a very long time. Even the people around me were really different. This is the last re
charging event for me that day, I was feeling the love from the people I was with. I couldnt
believe it. It was also this same day, an old friendship was given an opportunity to pick up where
it left off.
Hopefully, this time its going to be something thats for keeps
While worshipping that day, I remembered praying Lord may this not be the end of it all, but
may it be the beginning of a better life for me and for all of us. Help us to grow and fall in love
for you everyday of our life.
Everything right now is happening little by little, I am excited to recieve what more is instored
for me. I am willing to take it one step at a time.
I know the best is yet to come.
I wish when everything comes to proper place He would be there too, to see it.
No comment
another raining day.

Its another rainy day, have not really done anything very significant today yet, its already
11am. I could not even bring myself to talk to my master.. (HOME by Brian Mcknight plays
in the background) I have been in this bad mood like this since yesterday morning. So I
decided to sit this one out, right now I am here in my room using my sisters laptop writing my
thoughts on while listening to radio. I have to do this cause writing helps me to think. Amidst all
the clutter in my head and in my surroundings. Plus this headache is killing me, its time of the
month and I am again re thinking my life, myself and my future which makes me feel the
throbbing pain even more.
I cannot help but to think of negative things about myself since last night, re assesing myself
showed me things I didnt like. Still no job, have not decided to push through going back to
school (i think I could not do it) One things for sure at the moment I do not know what I want
of myself now. It has been another few months from my last employment till now nothing. I
know I dont want to rush anything anymore whether it be work, relationship, or what not because
my main goal is to put myself for things that would be for the long run/ term. Its just I do not
want to settle for anything less anymore just to have something. But how long will I have to wait
till I have my chance? How will I know where to go? Or if this is the chance I would take.
I remember being able to go to a mass last Wednesday before finally heading home, the song
really struck a chord in my heart I forgot the title though. Heres the few lines from it.
. Ang himig mo, ang awit mo
Wala ng kailangan, sapat na ito
.Lahat ay iiwanan ko..
.Buong puso koy i aalay sa iyo.
.O Diyos, O Panginoon
Lahat ay biyayang aming inampon
Aming buhay, at kakayahan
Itoy para lamang sa iyong kaluwalhatian..
I remember saying to myself, that is all I ever wanted to do is to please my God in all I do. I hope
He is. Right now I barely have anything that is mine, all I could think of that time was that I am
just thankful for the things you are allowing me to do, the things you give me and my family in
order to live and serve you through GK ministry.
Everyday I keep on praying for most aspects of my life, Still waiting for His answer as well.
Sometimes I feel like I am waiting in vain, but it does not mean I am to stop from trying. There
are days when I feel I should stop because I feel nothing is happening despite me trying, but at
the end of it all I just say, this is all I am, You are the provider the Giver all I want is for you to
let me know what You want of me.I am here to please You and serve You and thats all I hope to
do no matter my circumstance in life right now is.
You know I barely have anything not even my physical self is complete but all I could ever offer
is my heart I pray that when you look at it you would be pleased.
No comment
Long and taxing day?

I am having mixed emotions at the moment. One, I am really tired for the long day at gk
banyuhay today, because was the start of the nstp ateneo insertions for the next two months, We
have to accomodate 28 college students in the morning 33 in the afternoon, plus their tutees and
the facilitators. Standing up most of the day speaking up and down. Giving instructions,
clarifications making effort for the whole group to hear you. Doing the facilitation process
monitoring and making sure everybody gets on the jeep before their next class begins.. HAHA
welcome first sem! Meeting the facilitators for feedback and evaluation. Then doing it all again
in the afternoon. Oh come on, its not so bad right? But I feel so terribly bad I was set to leave
before the afternoon session begins, but i get an emergency call from their formator saying if I
could cover for her she was fully loaded for the day. Being out of nowhere somewhere in
Silangan San Mateo I just couldnt walk away to my next agenda. Deepdown in my heart I was
crying out loud Lord you know how sacred my next duty is, Ive given my yes. (remembering
the Bible verse saying let your yes be a yes and no be a no. )
I was already badgering my dad
to bring me to my next stop. We almost fought, no he almost lost his temper with me coz I
wouldnt give it up. Being in the chapel / multi purpose of the area I just sat down nearest to the
cross looking at it I said a prayer I wanted to cry but no I couldnt. Lord you know how I wanted
to be out of here,but cannot. I pray that the people I let down would understand. Lord I lift it all
up to your hands. Its now four pm the indian delegates that is staying came over their due to
leave tomorrow and on Monday. Little after that the 2 new Korean delegates came but upon
realizing we had lots of cats and dogs in the area they decided to ask for swap with Camacho,
apparently they have animal phoeba.
So out they go and we had to wait for the new delegates. Then while waiting I was spending time
with the other siga kids whom I havent been able to talk to lately checking on them. Keeping
posted on their lives as much as I can. While trying to finalize if the kids will be part of the
sector siga sportsfest or not, it was then I realized it was already getting late, Around 7:30pm the
new exchanged Korean delegates (Gina, Koby) came, proper introductions were made. Briefing
introduction to the 2 old Indian delegates who were bound to leave soon. They shared their
previous plans handing them down to the new comers for continuity. Hanging a little bit more for
us to set the initial schedule and to be able to say bye to one of the Indian boys Hari .
It was this time when I realized I was going to be sad, even if they were just a month I felt they
were a part of us already. Before I left Gautam and Hari gave us a picture that was framed
already. It was the a picture of them, me, and my dad taken earlier today. But I thought it would
not get to me. But before Ieft I said bye Hari he held my hand (non maliciously) then through
Ginas prodding (the new korean girl staying with us) Hari kissed me on the cheek and thanked
me for everything and promising to keep in touch. Then we left. Got home by 930pm (thank
God)
I knew I was struck as I was leaving, I knew there is this hollow sad part of me I am carrying
right now.I could not understand I am really thankful to God for this opportunities He sends our
way to me and me second family Gk Banyuhay. I am thankful for the strength and guidance He
provided me and the rest of my family from 6am till now 1230am. But why is there this longing
in me for something else. Something or could it be someone for me to end my day? Oh well I am
in bed ready to collapse since I got home, but I just need to write the ramblings in my head.
Maybe I am just to tired. I just pray that the host families who would take care of these 2
newbies again be super blessed by God,
To God be the glory. goodmorning and goodnight
No comment
an extra event in an ordinary day

I have not been able to go to gk banyhay since tuesday due to slight bad health condition
cough and i was not feeling well. On the other hand I also needed my time for myself or
something different.So there, today was my fourth day out of my routine day if you may call it. I
woke up around 8am, then had my prayer time then went for a walk then ate breakfast. Then I
tried doing the things I missed during the past week. The things I wanted to but failed due to so
many other things. Write on my journal notebook, read few things from the magazine my mom
brought home, watch tv and most of all in the afternoon cut my hair. I did that with my ate last
today. Finally! but the thing that made this day very extra ordinary was that in the people i talked
to today, wether Hes a cfc (dads caller or just plain friend) The topics we were discussing were
all purely service wise. But the point that it was all going for was the fact that there is hope, love
and faith. Despite all the blocks people sees in front of us there is still these things. Believe it or
not those points came from people who were from all angles of passion in terms of service.
One was passionately running back after a year of almost being away. You could tell his
conviction despite the fact that he does not know where to get their financial sources. The other
one is similar case but had been in this work since we had been serving gk. (mga titos kasi hehe..
ang totoo hanap nila si father earth ko e kaso wala so i had to take their calls. thats on a good
note.) Lastly the third person was a friend who had decided to take service now on the slow
pace. As she said shy away from the lime light for now.
Hearing these people, I could not stop thinking Lord whats up? Am I losing hope? Not really i
tried to say,but had the feeling for something new. In the most ironic, unexpected way God
speaks,,, Si God talaga ibang klase, parang sinasabi na di pa ko dapat matapos o magsawa sa all
the time work ko for Him. Whatever that was for, those three phone calls it made
me think. Something struck me in one of the conversations, It was when tito reminded me of the
story of a man whom God asked to push the boulder in the middle of the road. Through the
years He just pushed then one day the man finally saw the boulder moved when he never really
thought it would, then he got the gold sack underneath the boulder. (I was able to relate it to the
part of my service in cyd, specially siga. Thats a part of the reason why I did not go to the site
this week. baka tuluyan na ko bumigay e alam ko rin yung head faci ko feels somewhat same,
kaya nagpapamiss muna ko sa sarili ko)
Lastly, this part where I could not get over, as one of the titos was having the conversation with
me he said ok lng ba na kausap kita, baka may dalaw ka ngayon diyan?at naiistorbo kita? ( ayos
di ba si tito gumaganon pa diba?) :) I said tito ok lang po wala po talaga kasi umaakyat ng
dalaw o ligaw wala talaga, di uso yun, then in reply he said meron yan pagpray natin malay mo
haha as in laugh out loud, I was like thinking Lord whats up with you? Just last night I was
sharing with an older ate, my former head in sfc how I wanted to let a certain feeling out of my
system for a particular person. Now this?!!! Laugh out
loud again.I dont know why I am spending so much time writing this down infacts its almost 1
am now. But I guess I am just motivated by something I read for my prayer time today, it said
God laids out His plain for you everyday, its not for you to understand the question is if you will
say yes?
I for one had been having the hardest time in practicing this,but I am trying to say yes despite of
my insecurities of the unknown for my life.everyday of it
No comment
thoughts
I wanted to write in a different way tonight, but i really coud not. Heck I even wanted to write in
tagalog but I find it so not me So here I am back to my old style Over the past days I have
been different or atleast to myself. Physically in pain due to a bad fall, emotionally still trying to
forgive someone close to my heart. I am actually at a point where I feel being choked to the
throat by all of these emotions. I am really not ready to go out but I also want a different
company for a change,hmm (am i making any sense at the moment? no idea.)
These events had been eye opening One message came from very clear, from my sister and
mom time to learn to be on my own my really question to myself is how i do that?
No comment
My Only Hope
June 29, 2009 Filed under Uncategorized
I have not been able to function well today due to severe headache, it is now 12 mn but i
somehow feel this familiar sting of emotion. I could not call it sadness nor void in me. the only
cure for me is to write my thoughts down. So for now I will call this state missing stage while
fumbling with the radio for the right song to push the thoughts out. (the song I miss you plays
on) So here goes.
I never really knew why but you had so much on me, Id really thought it was just because I was
comfortable with you. I felt so good, relaxed and safe whenever we talk. Or whenever I am with
you Over time you became a part of me. But things became different as time went by, you
grew much more comfortable than I d ever imagine youd be.
As this happened I got confussed as to what my role was in your life was..
A friend,
A confidant
Your counsel.
Or something else but I never really had the courage to ask nor to make the thin line clear. I just
wish you made things a little bit different for it not to be so much to bear. (I hadnt felt this way
since.. he bid me goodbye)
As you make your way through your own problems in life, my only hope is for me to be able to
be the friend that you always saw. nothing more. I could write a million things about this, but the
real problem is how i deal with it forward.
I just hope I was really wrong with the things I felt. I just really hope that you did not feel the
same the way I did. For I fear that in time you realize ill be long gone,,,,
No comment
for you
I never realized what you were doing to me
Had I known I would have run away, so far away.
Promised myself never to fall but here I am fallin
Much further than I have ever been
I never even wanted this in the first place,
somehow I knew it would hurt me most
When its all over I will be left hanging, wondering what might have been.
Wish there was something I could do
to make you see what was there
something more but you just refused to and there was nothing more that I could do.
Now I have come to the end of my line
Ill just have to step back in to the crowd and see you fly where you will be happy
Worry not for Ill be there when you turn around smiling back for you to know I am happy for
you too.
* inspired by Mia Mae,,, thanks mia .. lovelots and powerhugs.miss you
No comment
something personal
I feel like I have been going through so much lately. Oo nga at wala akong work ngayon, at most
of the time na sa bahay lang ako maliban nalang kung may service akong kailangan puntahan,
mapa sfc or gk or something else etc. Pero feeling ko parang mag eexplode na yung heart ko sa
sobrang bigat?or sobrang sad nito.I do not know what term would actually describe how I feel
exactly. (first sign that I am actually having too much is when I write my thoughts in tagalog)
I cannot remember when this odd big gray feeling had exactly began But all i know is that I
have been fighting, praying for it for the longest time now. I am beginning to feel that I am at the
end of my rope. What I do recall when this feeling started was the fact that I cannot cry. I
wanted to cry so bad but no tears would flow out of me. This has happened recently, last Sunday
to be exact.
As to what exactly is the issue behind it? Sorry no words can sum it up right now. The funny
thing is I cannot deny this or try to keep it to myself. I know God knows about it and speaks to
me in the most odd and peculiar way. Like through our first household topic, oyster pearl or
stew? Right ate jacq?
Or the cluster assembly at ang pinaka malupit sa lahat e when the
bible verse in my prayer time lead me to 2Cor 8:1-9 (could not remember the exact words) it
says like in their nothingness lead them to joyful generosity of ones heart.
Waaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!!!! hindi ko alam kung tatawa ako o iiyak na lang ako? He knows I have
nothing more in me. Walang wala na ko at this point. talaga. The tears that had flowed from me
that Sunday was not enough and from time to time these tears seem to be coming in and out of
me. (opo iyakin pa rin ako hanggang ngayon ika nga ni kuya bruce at ng dad ko. I cannot help it
e although i am trying) I can sense that these episode in my life is long way from over.
So whats the point of this blog? I really dont know. Its my first personal entry (as in personal) I
remembered a time when I shared this similar feeling to a former team mate, I said I was almost
at the end of my rope, she said, so tie a knot at the end of your rope I guess thats what I
believe I am doing this for tying up another knot to extend my hope. I feel I am about to crash
but the lyrics though the sorrow may last for the night His joy comes in the morning reminds
me to hope in the Lord. I feel like I can barely take it but I take comfort in the words am i
happy may be not, but I never wanna lose what I got. I wouldnt trade it for anything in to my
heart oh no
you took the good times with the bad how would else would you know happy from sad.
Sooner or later youre gonna have to finally look back,
when you look back and see what happened in between and youll appreciate each and every
single day.
The journey of life has not yet ended but at the end of it you would see a tunnel of light.I am being broken down right now so I can be Gods perfect pearl in His time,
cause trials, problems are Gods ways of love and discipline.
words of wisdom from ate jacq my household head and from the last cluster assembly)
This story of my life is far from over right now, but I am writing this down right now hoping I
can maybe just may be inspire someone else to keep the faith.
No comment
tear drops on my guitar
June 15, 2009 Filed under random thoughts

I cannot explain myself right now but when I heard this song i said perfect..
TEARDROPS ON MY GUITAR BY TAYLOR SWIFT
Drew looks at me
I fake a smile so he wont see
What I want and I need
And everything that we should be
Ill bet shes beautiful
That girl he talks about
And shes got everything
That I have to live without
Drew talks to me
I laugh cause its just so funny
I cant even see
Anyone when hes with me
He says hes so in love
Hes finally got it right
I wonder if he knows
Hes all I think about at night
Hes the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
Hes the song in the car I keep singing
Dont know why I do
Drew walks by me
Can he tell that I cant breathe?
And there he goes, so perfectly
The kind of flawless I wish I could be
She better hold him tight
Give him all her love
Look in those beautiful eyes
And know shes lucky cause
Hes the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
Dont know why I do
So I drive home alone

As I turn out the light
Ill put his picture down
And maybe get some sleep tonight
Cuz hes the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only one whos got enough of me to break my heart
Dont know why I do
Hes the time taken up but theres never enough
And hes all that I need to fall into
Drew looks at me
I fake a smile so he wont see
No comment
An updated Version of me
An updated version of me by Kc Concepcion
I heard it on the radio for a couple times kaso puro chorus, but anyway just found the lyrics
very good. Something I found very interesting.
I know I can be so awkward at times
I can be insecure
You can call me naive, you can say Im a child
You can say Im so immature
For me to say that I love you now
But youll see I will prove somehow
I can be so much more
Someday theres gonna be
An updated version of me
And somehow youre gonna see
An udpated version of me
And there would be no reasons then
To tell me that Im just a friend
Ill be a much better person, youll see
Maybe I should grow a much nicer nose
A much prettier set of eyes
Maybe I should wear more colorful clothes
If itd help you to realize
Ive never been this in love before
Never wanted to change at all

Now Im willing to try
Someday theres gonna be
And there would be no reasons then
To tell me that Im just a friend
Ill be a much better person, youll see
Maybe then youd realize
Or maybe you wont
If and when that happens
Id still be the lucky one
Coz someday theres gonna be
And updated version of me
And someday you would realize
Youve made awful compromise
And youd wished that you had wath you missed
Coz youd miss a much better person
You will see
Unexpectedly, last night as I was about to go to bed thinking of everything that had happened,
the people I have talked to and the events that went through. I realized God showed me His
answer to a particular prayer that I have been praying for over a few years now.He told me to let
it go. I was stunned, it was then I realized that He was telling me his answer, it was a NO . It
was a small dream that I have held so close to my heart although I knew somehow that it might
not be granted but it was and it is still important to me.
I could not speak, although I wanted to cry no tears came through my eyes. I just said to him, ok
then, Lord you know this is so hard for me, it pains me so much but your the boss and I will
follow you to the best I can. I just pray for your strength for me to do your will, because You
know that even if i let it go, it would still be there everysingle day of my life.
In my heart I knew I was crushed. Remembered the times He has taken away somethings from
me, like my last job and someone I deeply cared for among many others. Now this, although I
could not understand why nor if that answer would be a NO for life or for now I still said yes to
Him. He wanted me to still continue to see everytime, everyday but He cannot give it to me. I
wanted to ask but I really couldnt for I knew that whenever a door closes a window opens. Right
now, Ihave nothing much in my life, except for my service and family. But He continuously take
things away maybe temporarily or for good I may never know. I just think He wants me to be
there all in all for Him and actually living up to the song NOTHING MORE.
.. theres nothing more I want
theres nothing more I need
than to be with You
tomorrow I would be going on an interview exam for a job application I made earlier I dont
know how that would be but I am hoping for the best trying not to expect too much thats
something me and someother people in my life are learning at the moment. By the way thanks to
a dear friend who consoled me even for just a while, I am blessed to have super great friends like
you, you know who you are. thanks a bunch..
No comment
Clouded?
May 28, 2009 Filed under Uncategorized
I had one unexpected conversation yesterday from some old friends.Its been almost 6 months
since I had my last job and it has been almost the same time since they last saw me. It started
usual, hi how are you? Where are you working now? (I always get that, sometimes I just want to
drop out to avoid answering the question
haha lol) But no, I gleefully said, I am ok still on the
job hunt process and serving Gawad Kalinga whenever I get the chance. Their response seem to
surprise me. sad, but dont worry youll find one soon I was like thinking, sad? why? So I said,
no I know its normal specially if you wont settle for anything less.
This surprised them, I
said this is about work, because this time I want to work where my talents will be used to the
fullest potential and I would feel I am needed, more than the money. Then they said something
like but man is destined to work, for a living (from studying highschool, college then work for
life) yes I agree I said but money should not be your sole reason for doing things.
In short, the conversation was going to point that charity work can be done anytime, that yes it is
noble thing to do, they were proud to be part of it during college etc. (that me working for gk
wont be something I should give my entire life since its only charity work. Unless I am planning
to be a nun. That I should not give up in finding a job. I was really surprised but I just told them
dont worry I am not giving up, I just happen to know what I want, and I believe I will find it
someday. That gk is not a charity work but my life, it is my small way of making this nation a
better nation. Something life changing,.
I knew they were just concerned, they have a point I know, but really after that I felt myself
doubting . Not because I was so much into Gk, but because for me, I have been doing this ever
since I knew God has conquered me in this community, long before Gk came to life. I got the
feeling that I look like someone who would not go far with this,and I felt like what if she was
right?What if I never get to find that something that I so strongly believe in? I am happy with
what I do right now I really am. I felt I am really good at this because God gave me this burden
as a gift (my physical limitation) this has been me ever since.
I got so scared, I even thought of my parents being disappointed in me, because till now I am not
stable in allmost all aspect.
I was so bothered that I even texted my mom at work that time. I
know I should not be affected by it, my faith is being shaken at the moment, I felt I wanted to go
running to someone to tell them. Hay,,, I really dont know why but I am still stuck to that
conversation till now and my heart is still groping in dark despite of everything, I pray to God to
remind me why I am actually doing all of this. Is because He is the reason I wake up each
morning and this is what He wants of me.
No comment
At the Beginning
I heard this this song way back in college my friend Madz shared it to me
then last sat our
very dear sfc chapter heads celebrated their anniv as couple, as in cfc na to mga to.
Anyway I
was inspired by the song again and of course super inspired by the love story of kuya mike and
ate iya as well. , the lyrics says it all.
ASTIG LANG. I have been on LSS mode since then,
aside from the song LOVE STORY. So here I am going to share it, i find it relaxing kasi hehe
( ndi naman halata kasi pinost ko na rin, specially since i am windang lately, I dont know
why but I feel God speaks to me in this song too?.
AT THE BEGINNING
We were strangers
Starting out on a journey
Never dreaming
What wed have to go through
Now here we are
And Im suddenly standing
At the beginning with you
No one told me
I was going to find you
Unexpected
What you did to my heart

When I lost hope
You were there to remind me
This is the start
Life is a road
And I want to keep going
Love is a river
I wanna keep flowing
Life is a road
Now and forever
Wonderful journey
Ill be there
When the world stops turning
Ill be there
When the storm is through
In the end I wanna be standing
We were strangers
On a crazy adventure
Never dreaming
How our dreams would come true
Now here we stand
Unafraid of the future
Life is a road
Love is a river
Life is a road
Now and forever
Wonderful journey
Ill be there
Ill be there
I knew there was somebody somewhere
Like me alone in the dark
Now I know my dream will live on
Ive been waiting so long

Nothings gonna tear us apart
Life is a road
Love is a river
Life is a road
Now and forever
Wonderful journey
Ill be there
Ill be there
Life is a road and I wanna keep going
Love is a river I wanna keep going on.
Life is a road and I wanna going
Love is river I wanna keep flowing
At the beginning with you.
this song goes to my baller buddies.
and all other friends guys miss you much
darwin this is the song i told if you find it nice go post again, para masaya hehe
No comment
Love Story
I did not know that this song was growing on me, till the three young people kept singing it to
me last Friday, (guys you know who you are)thanks for the lss and the for the non stop question
about it. Anyways Im posting it to get it off my head, and to simply say it is my song until God is
done writing my lovestory
Love story sung by taylor swift
We were both young when I first saw you
I close my eyes
And the flashback starts

Im standing there
On a balcony in summer air
See the lights
See the party, the ball gowns
I see you make your way through the crowd
And say hello, little did I know
That you were Romeo, you were throwing pebbles
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet
And I was crying on the staircase
Begging you please dont go, and I said
Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone
Ill be waiting all theres left to do is run
Youll be the prince and Ill be the princess
Its a love story baby just say yes
So I sneak out to the garden to see you
We keep quiet cause were dead if they knew
So close your eyes
Escape this town for a little while
Cause you were Romeo, I was a scarlet letter
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet
But you were everything to me
I was begging you please dont go and I said
Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone
Ill be waiting all theres left to do is run
Youll be the prince and Ill be the princess
Romeo save me, they try to tell me how to feel
This love is difficult, but its real
Dont be afraid, well make it out of this mess
Oh oh
I got tired of waiting
Wondering if you were ever coming around
My faith in you is fading
When I met you on the outskirts of town, and I said
Romeo save me Ive been feeling so alone

I keep waiting for you but you never come
Is this in my head? I dont know what to think
He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring
And said, marry me Juliet
Youll never have to be alone
I love you and thats all I really know
I talked to your dad, go pick out a white dress
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Cause we were both young when I first saw you
No comment
New beginnigs
Still nostalgic from last nights Lords day, there was so much more behind it for me. It was one
of those times when I really felt scared, happy, nervous, excited even doubtful all at the same
time. (wow grabe!) I felt like I was someone else last night. Plus it was one of the few times
when I really, really really felt that I was a girl no a woman. (sorry crazy I dont know why)
A lot of things was happening last night, personally and functionally for me. I could not find
words to describe what it was really. But one thing was sure I was so honored to be part of the
young men and women worshiping God last night , I could not help but be at awe and feel
honored for God. It felt like coming home for me. I could care less if people watch me as I dance
and sing myself for my God. It felt so right.
Right now, I have to say see you soon to some people in my life, hello to others and welcome
back? to some? This is scary for me in a way, sad as well but hey I know God has more in stored
for me. Its difficult but I have to trust Him just like cyclops trusts the voice (thanks ate pinky for
the analogy) I should be up to the challenge. While I have to wait and see for what happens I
want to share a part of the song entitled
At the Beginning
Life is a road
Love is a river
Live is a road
Now and forever

Wonderful journey
Ill be there
Ill be there
Life is a road and I wanna keep going
Love is a river I wanna keep going on.
Life is a road and I wanna going
Love is river I wanna keep flowing
At the beginning with you.
CHEERS TO MY NEW BEGINNINGS, HOPE YOU CAN STICK AROUND TO SHARE IT
WITH ME AND MAKE IT MORE COLORFUL.
No comment
just before i sleep

I am suppose to go to bed already but i could not put my mind to rest theres this untimely
sadness I feel, if there is such a word if none then i am coining one. The two foreign volunteers
that was sent to our gk site for two months had been pulled out tonight immediately without a
warning. GK national said it was their organizers who pulled out instantly. We know we could
not do anything so off they go. But I on the other hand cannot believe it, their gone?? no
goodbyes,,, We were expecting them to leave on Thursday, I was just planning their farewell
party. hay I know I am not yet that close to them after two days but hey I wanted to be
specially show them how God moves in our lives, specially since Peter and jun do not believe in
God. That was my objective for them somehow (:P I can hear God saying ambitious amor!
hehe)But hey at least it was worth a try right?
Then, I begin to feel nostalgic of my past, I miss my super friends Opportunities that shown
Gods majestic power in my life I miss someone , someone who makes me smile without even
trying to. I miss someone, who makes me feel secure whenever he is with me. Heck, I just feel
everyones leaving and I am being left behind. hay.. I hate being emo- cause I no longer am I.
Comments (1)
fallen, for the 100th time

May 5, 2009 Filed under drained
I just had a bad fall yesterday i tripped while doing my daily walk, I got badly bruised on my
left elbow. As in my left elbow got pretty whacked if i may say so myself. Today Im still pretty
much shaken, I do not have any broken part of me. (Atleast I hope) I do not want to go to the
doctor. I do not have the personal means nor do i have the courage to have myself checked. I do
not want my parents to feel me even more as a burden.
Aside from the physical pain that I am feeling at the moment, I feel so burdened right now and I
could not honestly say why. I guess this is life in general. Me, my status. My direction. My heart
is at the heaviest at the moment, I am trying to fight everything everyday. But right now I feel
like my strength is fading, I am trying to pull myself together and hold myself in one piece. I am
holding on to prayer to suffice me. I do not have much of my friends right now. Boy, do I miss
them so much. Not many people now this, not even my own family. I am so I do not know,,,
no words can describe really. To people dear to me who might or might not read this, do not
worry too much Ill eventually be fine,
Wish I could be more clear as to what kind of burden is this, but I cant. All i can do now is smile
to hide all the pain away.
No comment
somethings not right

April 24, 2009 Filed under Uncategorized
I got home before 12mn tonight from an Sfc big gathering. Showered immediately to get the
stink off. I am now in the process of drying the hair. I decided to go online to shake off a
negative vibe. I dont know why I am supposed to feel somehow ok, i just got home from a God
centered event. I knew He was mobilizing all of us to move and make that difference. But
somehow as I got home I felt, this heavy heart inside me I could not specifically say why.. I was
just so happy a while ago being with my sisters, family in the community and now this?
I am not certain as to why really but I guess the fact that the plans I had for tomorrow are being
changed in so many little ways. I dont know maybe satans just trying to rob me of my joy, I just
pray I have the strength to fight the feeling off.
No comment
Yehey I survived !
Grabe I do not know where to even begin,
without really revealing too much to avoid
spoiling it for those who was not able to join us last Friday, Ok let me begin by saying I was not
really sure if I wanted to go to the survivor weekend in the beginning. (for obvious reasons even
though I knew this time I was ready to face whatever that was coming my way. Anyway
compared to last time The minute I heard about it, I knew in my heart Im going..) But of
course, as the days flew in the fear was becoming stronger and I was beginning to feel sick in my
stomach. To the point I was asking myself was I chickening out? I was already packed for the
weekend, but I was still personally un prepared for it and I did not want to go with that kind of
feeling that my heart was not into it.
For days I have been praying, praying hard for him to set my heart. When Friday came and I felt
that nothing was happening to me I decided to tell my mom, (I had to text her cause she was also
in the H.O.L.D.s icon ) what was eating me, because I did not want to go like that. What she
said somehow pushed my bad feeling off. Why be afraid? we must run this race for the greater
glory of God While being there I had to go through a lot of things Live without a lot of
things.. and so many others. I know I was not in physical pain as much like the others but even
so I felt like I was on to my limits too. I did not want to complain, I knew all my other sisters
were feeling way more than me. Our weekend master was always saying everything has a
reason, a purpose even if you do not understand (i was reminded of my own mom always
saying that to me whenever I feel so tired and difficult in life)
I did not realize what I was really feeling till the worship for the first session came, I could no
longer contain it. My tears were just flowing out while singing the songs. ( i was shocked myself
because I could not figure out why I was reacting that way, Little did I know God was embracing
me, removing all the burdens (physical tired body, feeling of unworthiness and other things) after
that it was like a whole new ball game. I felt love was in the air for me. I started to feel care from
my own group. (surprise suprise for me, they did not see me as a burden,,,, they were willing to
do my tasks to help me out)I felt I was worthy to be there, like God told me I am not finished
with you yet Amazing!! I was hearing God actually speaking to me again. (He has answered my
prayer that more anything else in that 3 days He will speak to me)Things that followed was like
Him reminding me of everything was His plan. The tribe I was in, the talks I heard, the songs we
sang.. As things were happening a lot of realizations was passing me by, wishing I had a pen and
paper in my hand so that I would never forget each one. Everything was going better, I felt I am
able to cope up finally( it was one of my worries), then He said to me You will be able to
survive this life with my grace I was so overwhelmed with what He was saying to me to the
point I said God I cannot grasp it anymore what if I forget everything you are telling me? He just
said you wont because it is written in your heart.
I am not saying I am now the best woman I can be, I still do not know what my future is with
God or vocation. But my prayer is that through time I would not forget the learnings I got from
this experince but may I use it, share it and live it to the way God wants it to be,
For He is my reason for waking up each morning therefore He is my purpose.
Comments (1)
bakit ndi subukan

Bukas na ng gabi ang sfc activity namin sa infant jesus marikina, duon kami mamalagi ng 3
araw, sa totoo lang ayoko sana umalis. Siguro kinakabahan lang ako sa papagawa nila sa akin
duon. Hay.. ayoko isipin, pero kagaya ng blog ko ngayon na tagalog, (subok lang) bakit hindi ko
rin subukan yung lakad na yon? Tutal wala naman na ako maggawa dahil naka oo na ako sa
kanila.
Maraming bagay ngayon sa buhay ko na tila wala ako magawa. Tulad ng paghahanap ko nang
tamang trabaho para sa sarili ko, ang pag giging single ko pa rin magpa hanggang ngayon, (dala
ito ng pagkakita ko sa 2 kong dating college schoolmates na magkasintahan hanggang ngayon)
Ang pag giging senti ko at kung anu- ano pa. Pero katulad pa rin ng nagiging tema ko sa buhay
ngayon, hanggang andito pa, heto pa rin ang sitwasyon ko bakit ndi subukan ang lahat na pwede
ko maggawa dahil ang lahat ay lumilipas din.
Kaya ok na rin itong ganito sa ngayon, all the time sa Diyos ko sa pamamagitan ng G.K. Gawad
Kalinga, mag uber bonding kasama ng tatay ko (sya rin kasama ko naka kita dun sa 2 ko ka
schoolmate) at sa ibang bagay pa sa buhay ko. maayos ka rin, alam ko sa takdang panahon.
RANTING
At the moment I feel draining out. Although I had a fun day since yesterday while taking time to
appreciate simple things in my life even if I do not have the next best job yet in my life. Im
waiting and I feel it is on its way. So why do I feel draining out? (you might ask) its because of
this friend I have, I consider him as one of my super friends ever since. But we have not spoken
in a month, so I am weird out why it all of a sudden hes been spacing out on us. I say us coz
even some of our common friends had been asking me about him but as expected I do not have
any idea, aside from the fact he has been working and he is surely busy. Granted things are crazy
in his life now, what makes me tic so bad here is that people had been trying to reach him
through txt, ym multiply or what have you, still no nothing. No reply what so ever. Ok, Iam
beginning to be a super bad friend here. Sorry, but I am just ranting my self out here because
tonight my inner self tells me I should give him a call, (like somethings not right) and I am
thinking like yeah whatever I am so over tired of taking the initiative to check people out in the
end getting rejected in some sort of way. I am hating my self right now for feeling this way,
bothered? concerned? whatever you want to call it.
I am laughing at myself now for I feel stupid. These are the times when I care too much and I am
so beaten up inside because this friend of mine is one of those important people I consider, like a
2nd degree friend just like in friendster. (thats for emphasis). Every time I feel this way I feel so
bad coz I am reminded of those times Id go to my limits just to show that one person I cared in
the end leaving it all just like nothing mattered.
I know I cannot, should not, must not expect anything from anyone specially from people I care
most. But heck!!! I cannot help it, the only thought thats running in my head now is damn!
youre sure one lucky friend of mine for me to give my precious time and you just dont see it.
Yes I know you can judge me for being so arrogant, I am so sorry I just cannot help it grr.. I
am just so upset,,,,,,wish after this I have all this emotions out of my system.
No comment
something
March 31, 2009 Filed under drained
Mmm I feel my hands itching to write again. Too much emotional turmoil again.. This past few
days I have been just lurking around, I have been sticking wondering too much again. I cannot
explain myself. But as I was checking my email tonight I came across this one article from bo
sanchez. Loving yourself or so i think? it just was the last straw!I realized what was bugging me!
I felt a longing to remember how it felt to be special. it means I am seen someone special,
someone worth it,
I do not know why I feel this way, I guess I just feel Im being held down ignored maybe? i really
cannot figure out at the moment. I hate it, I already promised I wont be like this no
more.
No comment
Song in my head
Heck I am definite that no one is new in my heart right now, Im sure Im not in love with anyone
at the moment. But really songs in my head are just popping like crazy. Like this one, by jaime
rivera just the first few lines just to share
Pangarap ka na lang ba
Talaga yatang walang pag-asa

Upang akoy iyong ibigin pa
Pano mangyayari gayong
Akoy di mo pansin
Pano mo malalaman sayoy may pagtingin
Lagi na lamang sa aking isipan
Sana itoy iyong maramdaman
Masabi ko na sana
Na minamahal kita
Doon mo lang malalaman
Pag-ibig koy hanggang
Chorus
Pangarap ka na lang ba
O magiging katotohanan pa
Bakit may mahal ka ng iba
Ngunit di bale na
Kahit mahal mo sya
Mahal naman kita
Kung totoong lahat ng iyan
Sana akoy nangangarap na lang
Masayang man
Iyan ay pangarap lamang
Di naman ako ganong masasaktan
No comment
sana ako naman

I do not know what I am actually thinking or why, but this is how i feel now.
SANA AKO NAMAN,
AKO NAMAN ANG ISIPIN MO
MA ALALA NA NAGBIGAY DIN AKO NG PANAHON
SANA MA ISIP DIN NA NAG HAHANTAY AKO.
SANA NGAYON NAMAN AKO ANG HANAPIN MO
AT PANGHINAYANGAN
SA MGA PAGKAKATAON NA NATAHIMIK KA WALANG IBANG KASAMA SANA
ALAM MO NA AKO ANDTO LANG NANALANGIN NA MAGING MASAYA KA.
SANA NAMAN NGAYON PANAHON KO NA PARA
Comments (1)
Being bothered
My usual Monday blues is back. I do know its been there ever since, but hey its beginning to bug
me back to life. Especially today, when I heard my own mom share to the group she wanted to
retire already. Must admit i havent heard the whole story but hey Im a major reason why she still
cannot quit her job. I am the youngest of 2 kids, Still under their wings. But what can I do? I am
trying to live each day as it is. Who would not want to ask their folks to relax and tell them you
would take care of them right?
But I still cant at the moment, its something painful but true. I feel like an 18 yr old kid still
trying to find my way. Is it wrong? I do not think so. I also know Im not being blamed for
anything but what do I know anyway?..
No comment
musta na ako
I actually do not what to write about. There is just one question in my head right now. How am I?
A friend was asking me that same question. Funny I was asking myself the same thing. I honestly
do not know how to answer it myself, well I told my friend that Im ok, even if I am not. (Ok
kahit ndi). Ironic how it seems, I do not know why or what made me feel like this.
I just got back from a Gawad Kalinga training overnight, to tell you it has been a struggle for me
being there,I had to drop almost everything, I did not wanted to be there in the first place., due to
my commitments. In the flow of events I felt God telling me or showing me that I have a lot of
things to do though it was not stated as to what exactly it is. I was fighting it with all my reasons
but of course He would still win. Now, Im just thinking, how am I at the moment? Heres the
answer I got from me. I am happy with what my service in my community does despite the
hurdles with it or people blocking my way. But the rest of me I do not know. I felt that the other
parts of my life are on hold? I began asking the Lord, pano na to? Then I came across a friends
blog entry Wag mo Ikahon ang Diyos I did not want to read it all through out but I guess point
is God can make anything out of me, if I just let him so that is still how things will be at the
moment, no matter how hard it is for me, its still gonna be depending on Him.
No comment
My Birthday 09
This is dedicated to all who greeted, spent time with me before and during my birthday. A BIG
thanks!!! Special thanks to some of my Singles For Christ family (tina ate ava, her sis Joan nanay
Cathy)for giving me a pre birthday surprise party last March 3, 2009. I admit I was really sort of
surprised. (Just sort of coz my intuitions told me somethings up. But I did not really wanted to
think nor expect that time )

I was actually busy at
that time worrying about something else. This was my service for the SIGA youth kids that we
were handling. We were encountering so much hardships at that time to send them to the
International Conference to be held in Cebu this April. That I did not bother listening to my
prophecy if I may call it. The obvious signs, like my dad was changing light bulbs at the
evening. Or that Tina was asking how tito Ed would wake up from his afternoon nap. ( I should
have seen it coming hehe) Anyway, I was in the state of like what the **** is this a joke? But
happy at the same time, I felt God telling me to relax that night. Which is why I did not know
how I felt that time. I wanted to both laugh and cry at the same time. I was not really ready to do
any celebrating. For months, weeks and days I was actually dreading the day my birthday. I
felt I had nothing, as I would quote to friends whats to celebrate? No job at the moment, no
boyfriend ever since, no life all I ever had was my heart and my desire to be of service to my
God (yes, I know a lot of you would not know what I am talking about If you would want to I
suggest do join CFC- Singles For ChristSFC in your area)
I was grateful that night 2 days before my birthday. Again my heart is full of gratitude to you
guys and gals. Then come day of my birthday, I heard mass, to at least thank the Lord for
whatever has transpired in my whole year of existence. I was sort of in tears as well while
praying to Him because of His words I love you, How wide you open up your arms when I need
your love. You said that all you feel for me is undying love that you showed me to the cross.
( From the worship song (Forever) What more could I say right? Although the day was a little
bit sad because we were planning to go night swimming, that was not done due to maintainance.
Family was quite busy as well, weekday, household night. I was really wanting some time off
ever since I was hoping to go to Tagaytay but sad to say we all cant. Late family dinner was all
we had.
None the less I had an over flow of birthday greeters from 12mn of the day before to the actual
night. Thanks everyone!Plus to those who received a text pass and greeted me but not actually
know me. thank you, To my former office mate Pat, to my former YFC campus friends!(guys
ama boys Norman and Kuya C. big thanks) To my Team Gk family, hehe salamat sa
announcement ha during the Wed meeting buti nalang wla ako!. Gk Banyuhay my site family
of course to my Super special SIGA friends, mga junakis namin ni mama bear eleighn papa bear
alvin, salamat kayo naman manlibre! (joke) Of course to my ever loving and loyal BALLER
BUDDIES in fairness the boys made an effort to greet me too exactly 12mn, onwards. haha !
Plus all of you remembered, bongga si Ria chan mega phone call pa sa cell ko =) sorry han ha na
lolowbat na. Nonetheless super uber miss ko na kayo!! hugs Hala sobrang dami that if I ever
fail to mention any of you e Im sorry but thanks I really really appreciate it. Sa SFC household
ko (alam nyo na yun) ! Sa mga humabol sa YM ko, pards Irvin! Lyn, ate rori(SANPITS) daghang
salamat! To those who posted also to my multiply account
(MWWWWWWWWWWWWahhhh!!!) Oh, to ate and her husband kuya dave THANKS FOR
THE EFFORT TO FIND ANOTHER POOL AND THE CAKE.
HAAHHHHHHHHH! Again to each and everyone DIYOS MABALOS PO! (thanks in bicol
Thank you most of all to the God who made me alive. I need to end this here, I might get to hear
the diyosa friend saying awards night ito?!
HE IS THE REASON I WAKE UP EACH MORNING. THEREFORE HE IS MY PURPOSE.
Cheers to all till next year again
Comments (1)
I almost died
This is so real, My dad and I were on our way to one of the meetings for Gawad Kalinga tonight.
We were traveling through our own car (meaning Papa or Tito Ed to many was the one driving) I
was sitting beside him in the front seat as usual. He was just to drop me off to a coordination
meeting cause He had other meetings to attend to. He asked me to do the texting for him while
he drive, I was as usual unstrapped or not using seatbelt I never was a fan of it. (I admit)
Suddenly a stranger crossed the street out of nowhere while he was not looking if any car was
approaching. My dad had to hit the brakes so hard that I almost slammed the wind shield. I was
not able to control myself for I was holding his cell on my right hand typing away. I did not had
time to balance myself. As I hit the dashboard I did not bounce off back to my seat properly. I
was slightly shifted to my left, where my dad was seated. I was scolded by my dad since I did not
got myself strapped to my seat. Silently I obeyed I was thinking or flashing in my head what
happened had not he hit the brakes ahead or bit earlier he might have hit the man crossing the
street and I would have slammed out of the front window of our car and died? My right finger
had been pushed harder than I expected so I was checking it for any bruises. When dad asked me
if I was hurt ( this time he was calmer and I now strapped to my seat ) I said I was fine. Truth to
that I was shaking within for sometime thinking what if I did got slammed out of the car I am
dead by now. To think Im three days away my birthday, I am thankful to God He sent his holy
angels upon us. I remembered myself having my prayer time right in that very same seat this
morning before we left to go to GK Banyuhay. Lesson from the story always wear seatbelt when
you ride a car. I know I need to do it despite the realty I feel being hassled of it. Though it may
take some time to do it always.
Comments (1)
something
February 26, 2009 Filed under Uncategorized
Nothing is new in my life now. In fact I feel like everything is on hold. Or Im being held of
(well honestly I do not know what to call this feeling) Yun bang steady? waiting for things to
happen. Though I know waiting with no action is in vain but what if you just ran out of luck and
strength to push yourself forward. I do not want to disclose myself too much right now marmi na
naman magrereact dyan im sure but heck why would i care. I just feel so i do not know what to
call it, not that Im not lucky nor am I not so blessed I know that a lot of other people has
problems in their life right now than me but just could not feel great. I feel I have so much
missing in my life right now. I am irritated at myself feeling this feeling you know. As mom
would say I look at myself with low self esteem or confidence and its an insult to God. (yes I
know shes right but I cannot help myself) I feel I have been trying to be a good person, good girl
all my life but still nothing. Heck i do not know maybe its just my fear of what is about to come
in the next few days I am not ready to. ascend? would that be right to call it that way? Hey I
do not expect you would understand, you do not even know what im talking about right?
No comment
Just want to S-T-O-P

I am not sure at the moment if it is right for me to still blog at the moment. A lot of people say I
have a lot of drama. Well what could I do its my only way of releasing my stress. So I guess all I
can say to those who could not understand why I need to shell things out this way sorry its just
me, if you do not like what you read then just skip it you know.
Hay.. Im at the brink of choking at my own self right now. Theres too much emotional stress
going on at the moment. Between my father and my older sister. If people who read this, knows
my father, and I mean really well my guess is you already know how hot headed my father could
be . While my sister has had her share of temper issues as well. Cant really tell much of their
fight , I guess I just dont want to talk about it at all.
I guess I just find myself weak, wanting to give it all up. Tired of being the good one, the
behaved one. The obedient one etc. Just want to lay low for a while from all thats been
happening to me inside out.
Dont get me wrong, I know everybody has his own problems to face each day, and I also know
that in life there is no stop pause or re runs. I guess right now Iam at the point where my feet can
drag me no more, Yes it is the moment when I am whining myself out, but most of all I need a
friend who can truly just be there willing to be by my side, no questions asked , no explanations
required
TIRED
I have been feeling this lately, although I must say this being tired is more than of physical state.
I could not really explain where it is coming from. It feels like Im tired of how I am. Where I am
or how things are going. Im tired of the same family issues I have been trying to deal over and
over and over again. It stops for sometime but it comes back just when you thought You have
some peace and quiet in the family circle. I am tired of feeling this need to put my sad thoughts
down due to the desire to be able to be more understood. Uh does the statement make sense? I
am tired of explaining myself often, defending myself why i did this or why I was not showing
up on certain events more often than not.
I am tired of the wishing i can talk to someone who can relate or help me find my way without
judging me im being too dramatic or that I have been like this ever since..
I am tired of wishing that I may have a mentor aside from my parents who can be a friend all the
way.. That someone who can bear with me.
What if I quit? what if i stop, but then again it would be sort of cowardice if you say I do not
want a life anymore. this life.. crap I guess Im just not in the good mood.
No comment
lost for words

January 22, 2009 Filed under Uncategorized, drained
Im not sure how to explain myself right now.. feels like i would want to evaporate.. I want to
stop existing for the moment ata? I feel crappy hell.. im so sucked out in the things ive been
doing.
For some sort of reason I feel I need to be away for a while
dont actually know what im doing or saying at the moment, everythings a blur. Sana something
nice naman would happen to me. something that would remind me how it is to be just happy
Comments (1)
Post : Written By A Guy (I appreciated it a lot)

January 14, 2009 Filed under Uncategorized
I stumbled on this one as a post here i found it nice so I decided to put it as part of my blog. I
super appreciated it, this was entitled Written by a Guy.
I hope if ever I found my one real love someday Ill be able to share this with him. Happy hearty
Wednesday
Written by A guy
we dont care if youre friends with other guys.
But when youre sitting next to us, and some random guy walks into the room and you jump up
and tackle him, without even introducing us, yeah, it pisses us off.
It doesnt help if you sit there and talk to him for ten minutes without even acknowledging the
fact that were still there.
We dont care if a guy calls OR TEXTS you, but at 2 in the morning we do get a little concerned.
Nothing is that important at 2 a.m. that it cant wait
till the morning.
Also, when we tell you youre pretty/ beautiful/ gorgeous/
cute/ stunning, we freaking mean it.
Dont tell us were wrong.
Well stop trying to convince you.
The sexiest thing about a girl is confidence.
Yeah, you can quote me.
Dont be mad when we hold the door open. Take Advantage of the mood im in.
Let us pay for you!
Dont feel bad
We enjoy doing it.
Its expected.
Smile and say thank you.
Kiss us when no ones watching.
If you kiss us when you know somebodys looking, well be more impressed.
You dont have to get dressed up for us.
If were going out with you in the first place, you dont have to feel the need to
wear the shortest skirt you have or put on every kind of makeup you own.
We like you for who you are and not what you are.
honestly, I think a girl looks more beautiful when shes just in her pjs. or my
shirt and boxers, not all dolled up
Dont take everything we say seriously.
Sarcasm is a beautiful thing. See the beauty in it.
Dont get angry easily.
Stop using magazines/media as your bible.
Dont talk about how hott Chris Brown, Brad Pitt, or Jesse McCartney is in front of us.
Its boring, and we dont care. You have friends for that.
Whatever happened to the word handsome/beautiful?
Id be utterly stunned by a girl who greeted me
with Hey handsome! instead of Hey baby/ stud/ cutie/ sexy or whatever else you can think
of.
on the other hand Im not saying I wouldnt like it ether
Girls, I cannot stress this enough: if you arent being treated right by a guy, dont wait for him to
change. ditch his sorry ASS, hes a disgrace to the male population and find someone who will
treat you with utter respect
Someone who will honor your morals.
Someone who will make you smile when youre at your lowest.
Someone who will care for you even when you make mistakes.
Someone who will love you, no matter how bad you make them feel.
Someone who will stop what theyre doing just to look you in the eyes.and say i love you
..and actually mean it.
Give the nice guys a chance

Guys repost this if you agree
Girls repost this if you think its cute
Every Guy who isnt a jerk will agree with this, so we hope that all the girls that read this will
repost this
*Holding Hands
Girls :If you want to hold his hand, gently bump into it a couple of
times.
Guys : Grab it if it happens more than once.
*Cuddling
Girls : When you want to cuddle with him, tell him youre cold
Guys : Automatically move closer to her.
*Movies
Girls : During a movie, if he puts his arm around you, tilt your head on his shoulder
Guys : Lift her chin up and kiss her.
*Loving each other
Guys : When she tells you she loves you, look deep into her eyes, give her a peck on the lips, and
tell her you love her
too And mean it.
*Laying below the stars
Girls : When youre both laying under the stars, put your head on his chest and close your eyes
as you listen to his steady heart beat
Guys : Whisper in her ear and link your hands with hers.
No comment
me at the least
im not the best me right now. actually people hate me at the moment. My closest friend has just
offered me to take meds for highblood(hahaha funny as in). Though I admit im a bit of a brat or
b**** lately. Im sorry I really do not mean it to/ For people who know me the real me, right now
Im the worst kind of person the may ever see in me.
Im really really really sorry. I just hate feeling so useless and worthless. Unable to achieve
anything. Directionless and so lifeless. Need I say more? Who will ever I understand? Guess no
one will
No comment
one of those nights

I have a million thoughts in my head right now. I feel like a rat wanting to ran back and forth
while thinking. My second week in 09 has not been easy specially in doing this job hunt. I have
been to two of them so far, and it did not have a positive result. It is not the failing part that is
eating me. It is actually this stage where I have to go through it all over again. For how long I do
not know. I have been telling this to myself or to whoever asks me why leave the call center?
or the other job you had for that matter? In my heart I would always find this answer: It is not
the money or the pay I am looking at, it is my personal development. I want to find a career
where I can use all my skills, talents learnings most specially in all my years in the community.
(Boy! everybody is looking for this kind of job wheeh) I want to feel that aside from my
talkativeness or good english communication skills (if ever that is why I got in my previous jobs)
that I have other skills that I can use in me. I desire to see myself bringing God in to my work
place again this time by excelling in whatever I do. While doing so I also pray I may find a
company where physical state is not an issue and that I may be able to get higher pay ( for me to
support my family more specially this year) But most importantly find my destination where HE
planned me to be in this year. I pray it be for long term if not for good.
I know I desire too much, it seems to look for a career to perfect
and this scares me. Is there
such a thing like that? Will I ever find it? Will I make it on time? How will I survive till I get
there? Am I on the right track in getting there? And a whole lot more, hayy. Although I know
I would be able to sort all these things in His time.This is one of those nights of all nights where I
feel I have got a million questions in my head and time is running out of me to find all the
answers to it. I just feel like I need to release it all out one way or the other before it eats me
alive.
No comment
my year 08
Its just hours away till 2008 bids me goodbye and 2009ushers in to say hello. Frankly not until
today I was not ready to say goodbye to this year. Despite all the parties, all the reunions nor
Christmas parties I was honestly in no mood to celebrate coz for me I have not done justice to
this year. It made me think I was no good. That I did not accomplish anything at all. I was dying
in turmoil until I read a friends blog on how her year went.
That helped me a lot push myself to see how i did mine, let me borrow her words(thanks
karla)her 2008 was hard the challenges outweighed the good things.As I told her I had the
same thinking. But I was not going to settle myself with that specially as the year is coming to an
end. So I pushed myself to actually talk to my God while digging in my heart.
I asked Him Lord what have I done for 2008?I find it so useless. Then I felt like He was telling
me it was so much more than your work. I then began realizing how I was praying to bring Him
everywhere I went. I was journalizing this down to my scripture notebook while I was praying.
This was how God spoke to me.Remembered how you prayed you wanted financial stability? I
gave you one. How you wanted to spend more time with your family and friends? with more
pictures? Yes Lord I did. I said in reply.Then I gave it to you, but Lord I was not able to do the
work you tasked me with I said. The people and things you entrusted me with I left them behind.
Then I began to remember the times I talked about GK to my officemates, the times I talked
to people I barely new on my way to work, sharing my life and theirs. Hoping they would see the
God I have in my life. The way I prayed for the people who helped me cross the street or get
home. How I remember praying for them to God for whatever their needs were coz that was the
only repayment I could give them. Right then Lord said to me It was more than your work in
OBAP that mattered to me it was so much more, It was then I said oo nga noh, I went beyond
my usual self. I went out of my comfort zone (my area in gk, my ease self life) I was actually
reaching out to other people beyond my community while bringing Gods Glory, then he said
Now isnt that worth more than anything in your 2008? Right after that statement my heart went
still. Right then and there I knew I was ready to say goodbye to year 08 and welcome year 09.
Right now its 3am of jan109 and I got to make it to bed coz its too late to make this reflection
any longer than it already is.
No comment
I love you godbye

December 26, 2008 Filed under Uncategorized Tagged heart
Somethings not right. Out of the blue I yearn for you,
Although I know I must not find you my heart could not stop looking and wishing it was you I
would find.
Yes I know I could live without you this Im sure, but my heart says it will soon be with you.
Damn I so hate you! I hate you for being so sure of me loving you. I hate you coz I know I
deserve someone who could love me and only me, in good times and bad.
In all those times I said a prayer at night, it would include you.
Praying youll be alright, satisfied but most of all happy even without me.
I know you dont love me, the way you love her
That is why I am staying away from you as much as I could.
Please dont play with my heart, youve already broke it a lot of times.
Though I still look for that special day where my heart will find its rest in its proper place.
Someday I will say,
what I have already said this a million times and still find myself saying it now.
I love you goodbye..
No comment
Farewell to my OBAP family

December 22, 2008 Filed under Uncategorized Tagged work
Right now Im lost for words. Im dreading tomorrow to come. Its going to be my last day in the
office. (OB AP) I dont know what to think or feel. I am sad coz I am leaving my friends behind,
I am leaving a piece of me behind. What bothers me more is the question what now? Whats
next? Where will I go?
I have been trying to find in my heart where I am going to head from here on, sad to say Im still
not able to anwer the questions in my head. I know it takes time and a lot of prayers I just hope I
see where He wants me to be next.
At this point,I feel I want to honor the people who made my 6 months existence possible. First
to my God who would always be there for me in un seen ways. Through the strangers I meet who
either help me cross the street, help me get up on my feet whenever I stumble to the ground.Even
to those people I just casually smile at, talk to anywhere I came about. I pray that God may
abundantly bless you in all the ways you may need. I hope in a certain way I had made an
impression on you leaving a reminder of how God is so majestic and powerful in anyones life.
Thank you for everything.
To my team mates, old and new (selene, rob, papa eds migs,- the orignal batch, team cptain=
pete, to the new ones jc pat raymond and kenneth thank you, though I know I have not been
much of a help I still want to say Im glad I met you guys. Sorry for all the trouble or burden i
may have caused you.I pray that you saw something else in me other than my failures
or differences. Thanks for the laughter, the jokes and lunches together.
To my 2 great gal friends: joyce and pat thanks making my stay happier. I thank God He allowed
me to meet you. Ill miss you most. the dyosa and the golash. Lastly to manong joel and the rest
of the shuttle drivers who help me get home, a big thanks and I pray to God you be more blessed.
I have now close this chapter of my life for now. see you all soon goodluck and godbless.
Comments (2)
last few days

December 16, 2008 Filed under drained Tagged crash!!!!!!!!!!!
As we usher to the last few days to Christmas, I also on the other hand usher into the last few
days of my stay with the current company Im with. It has been weeks since I have heard the
news but still up to now I feel like I could not believe what just happened. Right now Im still
here doing what I signed up for. Ill be with them till the 23rd of this month.(sorry if im
grammatically incorrect) As this is going on my other parts of my life are also moving. For one
my sisters birthday today has been a crazy coz papa had his temper since the other day but it
still has not passed or mellowed.
Mama hopefully gets through to him today. I pray for that. Ate has been emotional these past few
days her hubby is soon to come home. I do not know how to place myself at this point. Why
does everything have to crash all at the same time now? At this season?
Superficially Im alright but deepdown there is a torment going on and Im trying to survive..
Comments (1)
leaving
December 9, 2008 Filed under drained Tagged life
*All my bags are packed
Im ready to go
Im standing here
Outside your door
I hate to wake up and say goodbye
*Dream about the days to come when

I wont have to leave you alone
Around the time
I wont have to sing
Excerpt lyrics from leaving on a jet plane.. from my memory only sorry if its in accurate..
yes Im leaving, not by choice. I dont know what my future holds ahead of me.
At the moment Im hanging, hanging by just a thread..
Well what can I do its what they call life
NIGHT OUT WITH PAT
This entry has been long over due. I have been busy with a lot of other things. Oh well here it is
anyway.
This picture was taken last Nov30,2008 ha, weeks back I guess. It was salary day for us in
OBAP(my company and pats) This was a friday the one with the long weekend after. I was
not in the mood to go home just yet, at the same timepat wanted to look for something to give
to a friend. She needed a time out as well from the long agonizing day she had. She then
asked me if I wanted to come with her. I said sure why not, since I did not feel like going
home yet and I for one needed a diversion from all my routine activity.
So we strolled around, while she was sharing one of the many things that was going on in
her life at that moment. (something to do with what we were singing with joyce via skype)
(*wink *wink right pat?)Anway, as we continued to look around and squeeze in the crowd
of robinson galleria. hehe Pat finally did find a suitable gift while I too found the
perfect Christmas gift for my sister. haha alas! Pat was finally convinced after a million
times asking me if it looked ok. haha.. I think Id do the same if i were in her shoes.
While doing these things we were sharing stories, opinions and stuff about life. We had a lot
of similarities specially the way we feel at work and observations about people around. We
both love coffee so she said shell treat me to starbucks. Yey! and since my feet has now
been sore from walking. (Im not complaining really) I really wanted to sit down.
At starbucks we took time still sharing stories. She even ate the apple bread joyce and I
bought for her at lunch. The name on the starbucks drink was diyosa she said that to the
barista as a joke.hehe but it was in honor of our friend joyce who had another agenda that
night.(too bad joycee girl we missed you) (I could not zoom on those words because I took
this picture using my camera phone.. Its the one black in at the bottom if you would not
see.
Anway, hours passed we got going and we had another long walk to go to the terminal
where I had to ride to go home. It was too long.. Pat bid goodbye for me to get settled.
Then off she go.
On my way home, I was thinking Im thankful God sent me a new friend and although I
know Pat and I would eventually have our differences I hope this one night would still
stand out as one major good memory. That whenever she would remember it she would
forget all else.
Pat I know you will eventually read this. Thanks for sharing me that night our short
escapade from reality. Hope you would remember that even if there are times I am not
the kind of friend at certain times and you may hate me for it. Know that I would always be
thankful I met you and became one of my friends even if I leave OBAP someday. I pray
that you may remember good things about me, about our friendship.
I pray that when the time comes we both go on with our own lives , I hope the mark I leave
will be a good mark in your heart and that will hopefully remind you how much God loves
you. be happy
You are in my prayers dear girl.
Love yah. hope to spend other escapades with you. if you need me Im just a skype a way.
hahaha,,,
No comment
girls night out

November 28, 2008 Filed under Uncategorized
last night the three of us, sam me and Joanna had

our most awaited girls night out, (sorry had no camera with us last night thats why Im using the
pic from sfc singolympics.
We had been planning this night out months and months. Finally it did happen! Yehey last night.
Although I thought I was not goin to make it due to traffic and transportation delay. But thank
God it was just right on time.
We saw the movie Twilight and I must say it is so far one of the best movies I saw this year.
The story was all about a teenage vampire falling in love with another normal teenage kid.
How they made the impossible become possible. Even to the point that the situation was putting
both of them at risk. The characters were good as well. Robert Pattison played Eduard
Cullen who was, and I quote my friend onay and my reaction he was hot! (sorry onang for
posting without telling you. cant help it)While Kristen Stewart played Bella Swan.
I wont give too much details on how the story is. But to give you just an idea how much I
enjoyed it, after so long, this is the only movie where in I really shrieked because of romance
(locally termed for kilig) haha
(sam onang ssssssssssh) For those who would still want to see
it. I would not want to spoil the great deal. Let me just share, the lines he said was to die for.
Allow me to quote some of my favorites I no longer have the strength to stay away from
you. You are now my life In the end I would agree to the reviews I have read so far. Eduard
Cullen is an ideal boyfriend. Personally I end up asking myself after I got out the cinema, will
there ever be someone who would fall so madly inlove with me? just like eduard fell for bella?
Upon coming home I realized I also had my own realizations: First, that there are still people that
are there for me, as friends for real. Second, people do still enjoy being with me they do want my
company. (thats beside bitterness) Third I can still have fun and enjoy myself and there are
people who wants to do these enjoyments with me. Lastly, I am blessed to have these two
women in my life, as sisters and as friends. I am looking forward for our next night out love you
so much see you soon
Comments (1)
E- X -H -A- U - S - T - E - D
November 19, 2008 Filed under drained
Im so exhausted at tbe moment. Yes I know you always hear it from me.The word tired,but
this time its not my regular tired thing you always hear from me. At the moment I feel not tired
but exhausted. For me thats totally as in entirely different at the moment atleast.
I could not find the words to express how I am really, but heres what I know I want to take a
break. A break from lifes big boulders that come my way. A break from this loop of everyday
loom of sadness. Wish life would just give me a break. Just for a day or two. Im not saying like
Im stopping or anything. I just feel I need a rest
All I can think of at the moment is wish I could sit still where I am away from the world, the
world Im in. I want to stay still with my friends around me. Hay.. guys I miss you so much. My
eyes now are puffy, I can feel the warmth emitting out of it. I m sure Im going to cry again
later on as I travel on my way home.
Can anybody hug me I feel so lonelyplease
Comments (1)
Protected: one of those days.

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under the weather

Ive been under the weather since wednesday but I trully did not make it to work last friday.
Honestly I have been under the weather for weeks now. (emotionally, spiritually and mentally.
The physical part just came to play recently.)
I do want to hibernate from everything. I wanted to take a different route and hijack the hiway of
life. Hay why is it so difficult?To be simple and yet happy. I dont want a lot.I just want to be
stable, financially, meaning I have some to save, some to spend and some to share. I want to be
with friends from time to time. Do my community service, do the kind of work where I can
really excel. Spend time with my family and be me.
Lately I have been so low, ever since I heard the bad news, I wanted to let go of everything, as in
quitt. (yeah i know quitting is not a solutiion.) I do not know what else could i do. But no, I
havent quitt I would not allow them the pleasure of crushing me down to victory.
I still want to say when the time to go is finally here, that I ll be alright, ill be ok ill be good
along the way,
Its hard right now. tp say im ok but im fighting and really trying i just really wish it all would
come out right.At the end of it all
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Feeling blue..
Lately I was feeling totally blue and out of my system. Its like Im a living zombie. In to the
office by day, go home at 6pm sleep late at night.Then morning comes I have literally drag
myself out of bed. Physically I now right now Im not in my best,hopefully im not at my worst.
hay.. In between in this rock routine I now realize something in me attracts some people who
are actually sweet, caring etc but somewhat has something to hide (i think) Thank God I have
people in my life who never seems to get tired of reminding me of what should or what not.
People who make me smile, remind me to smile others who make me feel my work is worth the
trouble. I just pray I wont ever fall for traps decietfullness for the people I newly meet along the
way. I pray for strength to God to resist all these pit falls specially when Im in this time. A time
when Im so vunerable, gullable. I love being me but right now Im worried to be being played
at again.
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gk expo experience
I find myself longing for a lot of things lately. A whole lot of things into my life.
like more meaning, more passion, more purpose. I am trying to find me in the midst of all the
things Im doing. Looking back one of the things I remembered was this, serving in the gk site
made me feel useful like i am worthy. These people remind me of how being loved felt.
How you can hang out with people whom you can be with, really be one with them.
This photo was taken recently at gk expo @ d fort, last oct11 while we were watching, hanging
out at the tambayani area. Repeating a line we heard from a play. goes like this
Stop that kalokohan! and goodmorning mr. ayoko
My only goal coming to gawad kalinga expo was to see what it has instored for the kids we send
there,but true enough it reminded me of what gk means to me. so much more.
To jen, michelle and roxan i hope you know how much i love you girls. The women after my
own heart. I dont know if im able to show it, but i do. I pray that i become more of a good
example to all of u.
For He is my reason of waking up each morning.Therefore He is my reason for being.
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life is adventure
I dont know what to do here. I feel like writing but as I was asking myself what to write I come
up with nothing. Feel like writing is actually an understatement. Im compelled to. Ive been
having a nagging feeling to write since yesterday. The thing that hinders me or makes me think i
got nothing to write of is the feeling of unworthiness. Let me say that in the right termSablay
(thanks to yfc for the term) feeling ko sobrang sablay ako kaya ayoko magsulat you might ask
what makes me feel unworthy or sablay mmm too many to enumerate but to sum it up i guess
its my lack of the ability to appreciate the good things i have or experience. I feel like theres
always something not right, missing or something
It scares me when i feel this way, I feel so humane, the feeling of insatiability (coined from
the word insatiable) because I remember asking God for graces or blessings, then come those
blessings but still end up complaining. I dont want to be an ungrateful child of his. Hay I feel
so pre occupied right now, th-i-n-k-ing thats whats keeping me busy at the moment. Thinking
why Im here at this kind of job?when in fact the last time I quitt a similar job I said I wont be
trotting down the same road?Although in the back of my head theres a voice saying God has a
plan for you. I feel so crazy obsessed in knowing that great great great plan. I was so obsessed
that even in my evening talk last night with Him I asked Him to talk to me. Embrace me as well.
Then I suddenly remember in my dream last night, that I was like riding a jeep or public
transportation with someone. A girl friend I guess, then the theme of the dream was like we were
in a race or have been travelling so far. The last thing i remember saying in my dream wasgaling
noh, prang isang adventure Amazing, its like an adventure. After that I already woke up. From
that point on I asked Him is that it? Is that what you want me to think it is? Well yeah maybe it
is All I need to do is ride it. All I need to know is how I can enjoy it.
He is my reason for waking up each morning, therefore He is my purpose.
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For the First Time

Yes you saw it right, the title of this episode is For the first time. You might be thinking that I
have seen the movie of KC and Richard Gutteriez. Well to be honest I did, but hold your
horses from commenting how mushy and baduy I am I know its a tagalog, romantic jologs for
some, predictable movie but Ill tell you why I was able to watch the movie. Let me first reveal
my real story of For the First Time.
Last Sunday September 7, 2008 was the first time in a long time when I treated my family out
to lunch. Although honestly it was a split share between me and my older sibling it was basically
my idea. Logically, this should have been over and done with last month right after I got my first
salary to this new job, but since everyone was busy we werent able to do so. The lunch was not
much of a pleasant thing, cause earlier my mom and dad was having a heated argument about
something(cannot divulge, to hard to explain) that it ruined the mood of the both of them. I asked
my sister to meet us immediately hoping to change the aura of their moods. Unfortunately
nothing happened.
On our way home while waiting for my dad to bring the car upfront from parking, I jokingly
told my older sister lets watch the movie for the first time she of course said no. Well my mom
heard me and said tara nuod tayo (Lets watch) (sorry onay and sam, if you want Ill still
watch with you) I was saying no, no no for like a million times. Saying Im willing to spend time
with you then you do not want me to do so. I went with her anyway. I after all wanted to see the
movie to find out more of Greece and check if KC Concepcion and Richard Guttierez have that
chemistry on screen like any other love teams. So went ahead into the movie house(my treat of
course, huhuhu :( while waiting for the movie to start it then hit me, it was actually the first
time I was watching a romantic movie inside a movie house with my mom. I smiled to
myself saying Im lucky she was in a good mood, I said that cause knowing my mom, shes not
going to tolerate me in to spending my money on a nonsensical thing nor to watched a movie in a
movie house. I thank God for this, I know that few people would actually watch movies with
their parents specially movies like this.
Anyway let me shift now to the movie itself, I was curious if the loveteam was good on camera,
my answer was yes although they both look to good for me to buy it. I find them too beautiful for
each other. For me one of them should have had a little less strong face features. Its like
blackcoffee that was made to strong for me to drink. It can be good enough but its too strong I
wont have a second cup. (I rarely drink black coffee) The plot of the story was nice although I
think its not to realistic it rarely could have happened. But I must say that the sweetness or
locally called kilig is in there. I actually remembered thinking what if I had a boyfriend that
time. But I also felt that it does not actually matter at the moment, cause I was actually spending
more time with the other real people in my life that I love the most. For the first time I knew
deep down in my heart that, that someone specially will be soon coming to my life. All I have to
do is wait. Right now Im enjoying love of life and the love of people around me. Believing that
God is actually on the process of writting My Love Story, the True Love that Ive been waiting
for.
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you
did not know, ill miss you so
though your still here it feels like youve been gone
wish i could tell you all my feelings inside.
but i dare not do it, nor say it coz i know it will ruin the friendship.
its a burden in my heart but i chose not to let you know.
for ill never be able to bear the shame it may bring on me being just another friend in your
colorful circle of life
sometimes tears flow out of my eyes, its all because of you.
could no longer hide the pain inside.
whenever im, alone i cry my heart ache out.
thats something youll never ever know even after youre gone
All i ever wanted was to show you how much you mean to me.
dont know if you feel it
dont know if i showed much to begin with
am i too late?
I DID NOT RIGHT THIS TO BE PITIED UPON

I havent been myself lately,I have been more than me ! who wouldnt be? Ive been in this job
for a month now. A job where the boss who interviewed me said " I dont think your fit for this
job" but after 2 other interviews, got hired. Now aint that weird. Been helping more out to our
community "Gawad Kalinga" in Banyuhay San Mateo (thats the program for the less fortunate of
CFC. Giving more than just decent homes but hope. I also became a volunteer for Ateneos nstp
program to this site as well. I joined our Singles Conference in Subic and other activities.
Finally I was having a life. Despite of all the ups and downs specially at work.(For a whole lot of
reasons) I felt so alive whenever I step out of its doors. This is because I know I have a life after
it. I am saying this, comparing it to my call center era of my life the night modes and weekdays
off. Believe it or not I was now becoming a different me. It seemed like it was stepping up or
leveling up as I call it. I was thinking it all started after my sister had left for Singapore(thats a
diff story though)
As I was enjoying and suffering these things all at the same time, I started to have set backs.
Specifically physical set backs, in the beginning it was minor for me. I still could get away with
it, then it happened more often plus more consequently. I began to feel so upset. Adding up to it
was the confussion I was feeling, the stress from work. Wanting to quitt, wanting to find the
logic behind the recent happenings. The pain or strain in my relationship with my family these
series of events had caused. I was at the verge of just throwing it all away.
I did not want to talk to anybody, I felt they would not understand. Heck even my own family
was saying that theyre giving up on me. Do u know how much painful that was. I was so hurt.
Hurt by the fact I brought pain to myself and I was letting everybody down. I wanted to cry but
couldnt. To the point that I was crying in my dream.I could not even bring myself to pray.
Though in my head I knew He has reasons. I could not help feel utterly helpless.
It was boiling down to options like giving up either my service or my job so I would or could
take care of myself more. I could not afford to do either. Good thing there were other people who
cared for me. People who took my passiveness as a sign Im not ok and insisted on helping me
out. My younger friend whom I treat as a sis insisted to meet me. I found a little relief in that
meeting in a short span of time. Im not entirely ok yet but Im getting there. Im on a brink of
deciding on my life again. Its still a process. But I just want to say to all of those people who are
there for me specially for last few weeks. THANKS.. you know who you are.
I love you. you all reminded me I am loved despite of my short comings
Comments (1)
more than a friend

Im nostalgic, for the time someone loved me more than just a friend, (yes what an intro) I dont
know why but lately im being surrounded by people in love or in a relationship. Like right now I
have two officemates who are together another, my team lead has a girlfriend. Sometimes
whenever I travel to work I often caught two people in tune so much with each other.Not that Im
not happy or anything, its just sometimes the love bug gets to me.
Actually there is someone who somehow manages to make me feel somehow special.I mean that
in the way that i described above. Hes been one of my super friends, since college. He has been
my best bud since. I unconciously developed a deep since of comfortability with him. My guess
was he did too. The calls we made became more frequent the things we talked about became
more and more varied and in depth. He became one of my sources of strength specially in times
of problems. There was even a time we were being teased by our own circle of friends. Though
we never discuss things about us. Heck I dont even know if he has feelings for me or hes just
being a dear friend.(Thats the sad part, often times girls fall for this kinds of trap. The guy
becomes too comfortable, too open, caring to a point we think the guy feels something special
for us too. I know Im guilty of that)Anyway, of course I dare not ask any question about it.
Though many times he had mentioned to me in passing why he would not yet court a girl. In my
head I would ask myself "why would he tell me any of these things? Maybe hes telling me
something but then again the voice on top of my head says "naah hes not into you, you know".
Knowing how he has love for women"chickboy" I dont think he would be interested in me.
Well, inspite that fact I love the way he knows me. He knows how to counter my mood. He has
that calming effect on me, that I would want to end my day somehow spending time with him.
He is that type of guy who any girl would easily love. And this is why I hate myself. for feeling
something special, for thinking that I too am special to him, more than a friend. ..
Well as hard as it may seem I still remain to the same resolution I did when all these confusion
began. I said Ill enjoy the friendship that we have for now and pray that I would not fall in the
end to get hurt. Im letting the Lord lead me to the man He had prepared for me, even if he is not
this friend of mine
To my friend I am so grateful your in my life. With you its one crazy ride . May we always be
friends in good times or bad.
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uhmm
After that fateless day of falling stupidly on the ground I got myself in a whole lot of trouble. Not
to mention to both my parents. Of course, who wouldnt be right? That was just plain idiotic of
me. Failling off mainly because of my own cane. (no kidding). Right now i dont know what i am
feeling. I just got this surge to write. I feel bad, utterly bad I want to change myself for the better
specially physically. No joke the problem is I dont have enough drive to do so. Right now Im
being pushed to the wall. I need atleast 7k for me to get back in shape. Heck and i dont even
know where Ill get that amount. I feel so lost inside, restless. I feel like im trapped in the
situation and im really trying to do my best. But somethings missing.
I needed to fill this hunger, but could not identify it. Hunger for freedom, for happiness for love
for identification. I dont mean to sound crazy i just really find my purpose and do my passion
while living the life I want.
What to do, where to go that I could not seem to know.I dont want to hate my life coz i know Im
blessed by Him more often than not but most of the times i am overwhelmed by whats lacking
not by what I have. Dont get me wrong I ought to be grateful believe me I am. Its just something
in me is looking for something even more.
Something worth fighting for .
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last weekend
Last weekend was a powerful weekend for me. I was with my co SFC friends (sfc means singles
for christ) we went to subic to have a weekend retreat. Originally I was not suppose to join
because I was late for payment. Then they re opened it on the last few weeks before the event.
Then came another problem, the accomodation site was already full I did not know what to do
anymore. I was on the verge of just giving up on the desire to join them. But what I did was to
surrender and let go. At that point I did not know that. I thought I was just tired of insisting what
i want, so I let it be.
Miraculously everything went out smooth. I left the office half day then I went straight to subic
afterwards. I was really actually there. Not only that we also stayed in one of their hotels there =)
not for free of course. But believe it or not it also saved me from physical exhaustion.
I could not describe it but the power of that weekend was so suttle, that even though i was not
able to hear talk1 I felt like I did not miss it.There was this surroundings that seem to be so
overflowing of love. That even if there were issues in the peoples lives they cannot over power
it. From day one I was already feeling Gods warm embrace .
The session of praying for each other made the affirmation even stronger. I never knew someone
saw me as a strong person and that he was really proud of me. I saw my other friends, had small
talks. God had some things in mind, plans that till now i could not decipher. But I know little by
little He would show me. Even grant the desire of my heart to be with someone special in my
life too. God still gave me a little surprise, we ate merienda at Razons and it was my first time to
eat their halo halo and palabok.:) yum yum. I truly hope and pray that in whatever I would do in
my life that it would reflect Him in me. His great honor and majesty.
For He is the reason I wake up each morning. Therefore He is my purpose of being.
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In doubt
Ive been in this new job of mine for two weeks now. To tell you the truth Ive been commiting a
lot of errors. Its not that Im not trying to amend it or correct it. I just tend to slip or forget how
to do things, now I know its not an excuse I just cannot figure out why I am like this. I seem to
not perform well.
I feel at a loss right now, Im wondering if Ill be able to make it thru my three months. I want to,
I need to because I need to prove myself, the reason they hired me and most specially because I
dont want to let down my family whos support for me is undying since day 1.
Lord, help me I want to bloom in this place where you planted me
because you are the reason I wake up each morning. ThereforeYou are my purpose for being.
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people in my life
After a long long time I was able to go out again last night. It was an impromptu dinner with 2 of
my gradeschool friends with catching up of course. I realized how much I missed seeing them,
having time and actuallly spending time with them. Surely time had definitely passed by but
what was so amazing was the bond of friendship we had. It was still so visible and alive. ! I
could not believe it, we barely see each other or talk to each other but it all seems nothing
changed. No indeed something had changed, we all had gone out of our own paths, had
experienced diffirent things now we talk about mature stuff.Specially matters of the heart or
relationships.
Its funny if you think about it how we used to care only of playing patintero in school and now
we are all our own individual selves. I realized how blessed I am to have people like them in my
life. A thought crossed in mind lastnight while im in bed and Id like to quote it as my own.
People that come in our life are Gods personal weaving to support us and make us a better
person at that specific point and time that they are around. They may leave you at some point but
youll never know when they ll be back and stay in your life for good.
Because friendships never die they just need to be nurtured. So to all my friends there I want you
to know Im blessed to have you in my life and Im grateful for it. thanks
For He is my reason waking up each morning therefore He is my purpose for my being
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worrying freak
I dont know how i exactly feel right now,its about this new job that Ill be doing two weeks
from now. Im going to be an agent and a quality analyst inside a website at the same time, but its
all in the normal mode which means i get to work in the morning and go home at night. Ive been
asking the Lord for this job for a year now and Im actually glad but the thing that makes me
worry is the ways and means Ill be travelling to get there and the funds ill be getting. Will that
be enough?Will I be able to make it? blah blah blah.
I know for a fact that worrying is like a rocking chair . It gives you something to do but it gets
you nowhere, but I cannot help myself that is why right now hopefully by me writing it down
somehow it would help me ease the fear or the questions that garble in my head. Just wish i
could keep myself in the positive mode, I want this to work. For this to happen I need to
motivate myself the problem right now is I seem to not find that in me yet.Wish someone help
me find it.
Lifes too short so make the most out of it
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tuesday not just like any other day

Who would ever thought Id have an extra ordinary tuesday? Well, its because first I got a call
back from a job application which I thought went really really bad, so I never expected to be
going forward. Second, we got to celebrate the birthday of our dear sister tina. These two simple
reasons made my day really worth to call it an extra ordinary day.
The interview, it was so unexpected that when they called up I was actually taking my afternoon
nap. It was like waking up from the wrong side of the bed turning to the good one. On that day I
didnt know what I was feeling, I was more anxious because i was unsure if I heard the time
schedule right.Arriving there, I was thirty minutes early and I waited for half an hour to be
called. Amazingly I felt great while doing the interview would you believe?! I was happy
because I was able to share myself, about my God(thru my community and gk) and what I do
with my life. I may not know if they give ll me the job or not but if thats the end of it, Im
grateful to be given the opportunity to atleast share. Hopefully God would be proud of me for
doing the same.
The fun part was after that,when we (janine and I ) met up with tina the birthday girl for a
surprise dinner.By the way they re both part of my Sfc(singles for christ)friends.She was really
shocked but happyI was not sure if I was happy because I made someone else happy even in
some small way or if it was because the three was having our first ever bonding moment. Well
which ever was it , it sure was nice. For both of those reasons..It was nice to make someone else
happy.I then realized that God was blessing all of us in His own way, not the way you want to be
blessed but the way He had planned it to be. Only the best way..
For he is the reason I wake up each morning therefore he is my purpose for my being. To God be
the glory
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job interview today

After todays second job interview i felt so horrible. i felt i lost something super great that until
now my head aches.I felt like I was not good enough. To think that I waited for so many hours
only to be told we will call you if we think you fit in. I knew not to expect too much, but I could
not do still. I had hoped it would be a start of something new, but it did not turned out as i had
hoped for.
Then I just realized maybe the whole point is that the first round of interview was all that it
matters. I remembered praying to God to just allow me to share Him to them, that they might see
the Jesus in me. Guess what? maybe I did and thats what it was for. To let them see how He has
worked in me despite my disability or being born with mild cerebral palsy and sharing how
much He has worked on me since then.
I might not have gotten the job but hopefully i was able to leave a mark in that office and on the
person who interviewd me. A mark that never comes off nor is it easily seen and that would be
Christs mark, being struck by his cross and undying love.
For He is my vision, passion therefore He is my purpose for being
LOVING
Just when i thought i was safe

you found me in my hiding place
and i promise never again, to give my heart
but then again its happening
love breaks and love divides
love laughs and and love can make u cry
love can give but love can take away.
( lines from the songs of the corrs)
my heart got partially broken at the moment by a very dear friend.Without him knowing that he
did. But i guess regardless of it hell still be my friend, =) well thats how things are right?
specially when you love. I love the things I do, even if it does not pay, pay in terms of monetary
things. Its so hard to get by each day knowing that the things that you do wont help you in
paying your bills, or your not even sure if the people will appreciate it in the end. Its ironic coz
its in these things where I find my purpose in life that even if im not sure where it will take me
im doing it anyways.. Thats what loving means, even if they hurt you you do it anyways no
expectations in the end.(its hard but im trying to learn it)
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if you just realize, what i just realize by colbie calliat

I havent written anything for so long, i dont know why but in reality im aching to do so for the
longest time. Heck I dont even know where to begin. Im facing my own troubles again, day in
and day out questions running in my head. "have i made the right choices?"Am I doing enough?
am I on the right track? maybe Im waiting for nothing. But the worst question I had was "does he
feel the same?" No matter what question I may have the bottom line is everything in life is a
gamble. Heck even in love, thats how the saying "all is fair in love and war" came about. I did
not want to ask anything coz I did not want to cause trouble, but more than that I didnt have the
strength to face the pain of finding out that im just another friend.
Although i may not be the one for you, let me just say that I did give you my heart without me
knowing.Im not expecting anything from you but Im still hoping that one day, "If you just
realize, what I just realized then well be perfect for each other and well never have to wonder
if we missed out on each other." But it wont be the same if you dont feel the same way about
me.( lines from colbie calliat song if you just realize)
But dnt worry, Im more than glad and thankful even if we are just friends, friends for keeps.
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i miss him.. and all the things he could do

I dont know if its the love bug thats flying near things since valentines is just around, thats been
mking me feel this crazy inside or is it for real?..
Ive been missing him a lot lately. Feeling nostalgic of the past i guess. Everytime I feel this way I
wanted to somehow tell him this.But knowing our differences plus scared of losing him as a
friend makes me stop and change my mind. Ha! sounds famliar?yup i know but dont worry,
unlike "andy" from coffee prince teleserye he knows im a girl no doubt. Wish things were still
the same as before. Miss the times when he would spend time with me on the phone not knowing
whats the reason behind the call. As i ask him to go or hung up he would tell me "minsan n nga
lng kita makausap e ayaw m pa" He doesnt know how much I appreciate it. Him being there for
me when I need to cry.Telling me a lousy joke then at the end of it saying " nilalambing kita, ndi
b halata"thus forcing me to smile or laugh outloud . I miss the times i could be just me, with all
honesty and all my flaws in life and knowing he would not judge me . I miss a whole lot of
things about him, the sad part is he os like this to everyone which makes me no one special.
I know i should and I am not expecting anything at all I just hope someday hell know how much
he means to me as a friend, as a brother as the inspiration to my life and all.Wish that someday
Ill be able to say to him i miss you so much
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love hurts
Theres something bothering me these past few days. Its becoming a burden lately, i was hurt by
the same person i love. I love him more than a friend but less than a lover. I cant explain, he has
been in and out of my life more than once Ive sweared to never care again but for whatever
reason i couldnt just shoo him out or just stop being there for him. despite of everything we still
get to cross each others mind. It was ok for me coz hes my friend, seldom do we talk but i still
know what seems to bug him. It all started when he started to show up again, seemingly
something was up his sleeves but we got to fight before i even found out what it was. I was so
angry, confused i guess coz i dont understand him despite my efforts. He then didnt make any
effort to make me understand. he just left, no words again. i was lost had no one to turn to. It
was then I realized it was out of love that i couldnt stop hurting because of him. I love him dearly
that even as a friend he was still that influencial to me. I no longer love him with the same level
or intensity as before but i still do thats why i tend to be hurt by him whenever his around.( i saw
this when i was able to live my life w/o him ). Though i couldnt contain the pain, anger,
confussion i felt. my whole body was shaking from within. I shared this to close friends in
particular who just consoled me thats all. Then realizing, I was loving them. With the same
intensity i use to love the first.Well the thats the best way i guess love until it hurts live as if your
never gonna be hurt. I know its hard but never the less im trying. Forgive and forget again im
trying still.
FOR HE IS THE REASON I WAKE UP IN THE MORNING, THEREFORE HE IS MY
PURPOSE.
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thoughts in my head
I just got home around thirty minutes ago from a mtg. I can go to sleep already but i just felt so
happy yet so sad? I really quiet cant tell but to somehow put it to proper terms Im exhiliratingly
happy but also so.. whats the word to capture?well nostalgic maybe? I just need to let it out,
thats why Iam writing this moment.
Tonight I was at the gk(gawad kalinga )our work for the poor mtg. I cannot understand why but
everytime I have projects like this I feel having rush of excitement in my blood and it makes me
feel good. So good that I feel useful, making sense, as well as making a difference in my
life(purpose filled or in short its where im good at)The downside of the story is that on the other
hand I feel kind of lost. Lost cause I dont know where to go in terms of using this "talent" of
mine into a more profitable one. I was thinking, why cant I be more rich so as to be able to help
more? the answer in my head "cause its where Gods providence comes in." How about my
future? what will happen to me then?I know I cannot be an ftw, and that its better to be an all the
timer advocate than an ftw. But is this where I should go in life? Im really not sure.
I dont know if Im making sense, with all this questions. All I know God has the master plan of
my life, but how will I know if what Im doing is according to his plan?Without me being too
insistent on what I want hay,,,,, my life I know its all a matter of choices but why cant I have
both? Like others do, service plus financial wealth. I know all these things have solutions too.
Hay God help me,help me find Your ways and do things the way I must do it.
Ay!!!!!!!! a million things in my head full of questions.. wheres the answer? stop!!!!!!!!!!!
For HE is the purpose for me waking up in the morning. Therefore He is my reason for being.
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before everyrthing ends

I barely noticed that the year was finally over.I felt the days went by so fast and me swept in the
middle of it. (am i making sense?) Im not so sure, i dont even know what Im really thinking of
right now. Though I know for a fact I have a million reasons to be thankful for this year I just
have this undescribeable feeling of not knowing what the years highlight was. I pray that the
coming year would be a better yr for me.
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hay,,,, just want to let it all out

ever since december kicked in a lot of things had been happening to me, a lot of w/c are not that
great, like my business had been experiencing down time now since it re- opened (after the third
governing admin came) my relationships are being tested to the max(spec,family) i have nothing
to give to anyone on christmas, no lovelife no money etc. Well what can i say may be yes Im at
the point where i want to stop and just give up. Been going to the 4am misa de galo three days in
a row, havent had much sleep since the 16th.(stress mode) yes im whinning(still) to the point that
i end up saying i hate the season of Christmas. And yet after everything Ive said I just cant stop
and give up. For He has not given up on me. Im just thankful that despite of everything there are
still few people who stick around. I just pray that at the end of this all i may be still standing with
strength, God thanks for everything Im so sorry if I faltered. I just want to say im thankful even
if at this point im alive with a burdened heart. I know you have a purpose and reason for
everything.
To everyone else I know u have your own burdens i hope you can include me in your prayers,
thanks in advance, merry christmas
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I feel bad lately, for a whole lot of reasons i dont really know which one to point at. I hate this
season a lot coz it reminds me of a whole lot of things that I use to have. Work, lovelife my
close friends a whole lot more.I know Im too prone for this sentimental stuff and my friends
hate me for this. But what can I do, its how I feel. I need a light. A light to show me where i
must go, the right direction. Can somebody hug me tight and dont let me go till this seasons
over? I miss my friends from way way back,If only they would know. And the sad part about this
is I know the saying goes dont cry over spilled milk
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just yesterday
I actually dont know what to say at this point and time, but i just feel like writing.Its been 7
months since my last job, (1) month since my own store opened but i still cant stop feeling
unsure of the things i did. Im not saying Im not happy with what I have, I know this is what I
want, a time to serve the Lord and to be with my family. I just have this what ifs in my head still
roaming around and I hate it. I know I have made the decisions already and its useless to try to
argue about it, its just everytime I talk to people I cant stop sounding like Im defending my
decision to them. More likely to myself, still convincing myself that I have made the right choice
and that this is where I should be. I guess I just want to find the right direction or path for myself.
It just scares me of what the future will bring.Its funny coz yesterday a brother spoke to me and
all of these thoughts came out while we were talking then when we went home I just felt so
blessed. I kept on telling him and showing him how I was so inspired by him though our
conversation did not really completely ended. I guess he was just right that Im still feeling the
same coz im still starting out with this new venture in life but eventually things will get better.=)
thanks bro.though we were not that close u still listened to me.thanks for the time
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how would u?
It was a perfect night, i was out with my friends we were having fun and all. Then just because
of one thing my night was ruined! wish it was not that big a deal, cant blame them though they
got scared because of what happened. How stupid can I get? man wish i didnt have to be so
careless of myself, wish i could just change it all. How will i face them again? how will i make
things right ? wish i could tell myself that will be the first and last time im going to fall without
grace. heck wish i could tell myself be strong enough to face ur weakness.Hate it because i knew
it was my fault as always.
Although i love them coz they care for me so much still, even after what happened and thats
what im thankful for.
FOR SOMEONE
this is for someone who was special to me, i think he still is but right now i dont
know why we are still that distant to eachother, even after everything. psst, i may not be the
kind of friend that u may want to be with, i know i had my flaws i may not be the best but all i
know is that i had been true to you and to this friendship all the way to the end. to - J.B.D
The pain of not having you in my life
haunts me everyday.
from the moment iI open my eyes,
till the time i have to close them to sleep at night
You dont know what Id give to change things
the way they use to be
I cant even imagine living
it thru without you each day,

but by Gods grace I do.
I dont know how or why,
but i survive
On the outside theres not even a clue of
what Im going through
but inside there lies the markings of life.
Day to day the only prayer that my heart speaks
is for me to endure the pain, hopefully to overcome it
Then someday when everything is right I pray that I may let you go away freely.
hey, just so you know I accept the fact that right now you cant stand me or how i am as a person.
Im not going to push you or myself right now,not anymore but know that im still hoping to
regain the friend that i once had.ure still in my prayers misyah =)
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love, life and me

i dont knw why i wanted to write on my blog.Though im time constrained, here it goes. A piece
of my mind. Its been crazy for the past few weeks. The opening of my bethlehem shop, gk,
friends and family. To tell u honestly I love it, each day is a new day. new things kinda erratic
although still fun. i get to do things i want to do unlike before. But theres a lot of ups and downs
2. issues here and there. I got hurt too, deeply hurt by the people i love. But i know thats life.
Though theyve hurt me i still love them still. I just hope they see that tilll next time
FOR HE IS MY REASON FOR WAKING EACH MORNING, THEREFORE HE IS MY
PURPOSE FOR BEING.
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memory
His memory hounds me everytime,
Like a ghost waking me up the middle of the night
from the deepest slumber of my heart
I despise it!
I despise this desire for me to be with him
But like poison that already took effect,
every part of me is now seeking for him inside out.
Although in my head the truth that we will never be together again has been long posted and
accepted
Somewhere inside me there something hopes for it.
Its running within me like blood
Causing me to choke in despair
How will I ever set myself free from this stupid chains of what they call LOVE
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struck&stuck
may 15, 2007 that was the faithful day I got struuck twice resulting me to get me where I am
now.. Stuck. I know theres no point me writing it since its part of my past now. I just need to do
this to have a closure for myself hopefully help me find out whats my next step.
He struck me five times on different parts of my body because he was so mad, unfortunately its
not because of me in particular. Though I admit my attempt to calm him down provoked him to
become even more angerier. I didnt care about the physical pain it brought me cause i know its
also my fault, though there were no traces of bruises showing on my skin in my heart I know
there are lacerations to my whole being. I am not mad at him at all, but I just could not bring
myself to talk to him yet. But despite of these things I love him still, so much.I have forgave him
for what he did thats how far I could do at the moment.
The second blow came the next day when I found out I was not accepted at this school i applied
for. I felt my whole world crumbling down.. I know it might be for the best, believe me I
can give thousand reasons to my head why it happened, the bigger problem is that I could not
accept it in my heart. Right now people are asking me whats yout plan b? honestly I dont know, i
dont have 1. Though I have options, I just feel so weary yet. Every night I wish I could cry this
burden in my heart so I can move on. Im taking each day now, one step at a time I pray in time
I would be able to find His plan for me.
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at the new beginning

ive been wanting to write again, but this time i really got nothing much to say. I ve decided to
start a new life. It has been say 3 weeks i guess since that has taken effect. Honestly i still am at
point of wondering Its like im waiting for things to happen like magic. Well, i know its not
like that I got to make it happen.
Whenever I look back and ask myself if I made the right choice? All I can say to myself is that I
got the liberty. Although things or people are not what they thought they would be after this or
that change, what I love most about myself is that I am able to appreciate the small things again.
It feels llike everyday a thousand doors are waiting to be opened.
I pray that Imay find the right thing to go through in the right time, and I may find the courage to
do so.
*For HE is the reason of my being.Therefore He is my purpose
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after sometime
oh my God finally ihave the strength, mood and the time to go out and check mail and stuff.And
because "mags " my boyfriend since college is still sick i dont have access to the online stuff.
office pc is a killer too. (guess who mags is) anyway so how am i?

as i have learned from the american culture"doing fine or good, how bout u?"-> lie
its always cant complain coz its how life is.
Really im just fine though there were a lot of ups and downs lately with career life. aside from
that right now im contemplating what to do next with my life, i feel bored or confined in what i
do now in a way, though i shouldnt complain coz its paying right i miss having my friends
around and all,anyway its life
u win some u lose some though its a good source of learning too
the hard knocks of life..
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She has not found the reason to call him, but mind you shes been hoping to have some time to
talk to him the whole week. Apparently they both have been trying to reach each other but
everytime they call each other its just bad timing. Finally its the weekeend for her, she wanted to
know what was up with him since the last time they talked. He had mentioned he was sort of
having a slight problem but due to time and circumstances they did not have the chance to talk
about it that much. Now she gave him all the signals for him to make the call but he never did.
She wanted to be the one to call but she was already embarrased specially to his mom who
usually answers the phone. Oh well she thought "ill just have to wait" though it was not really a
big deal for her, she felt like she has been played again. The one whom she loved before had
asked her to wait but never did return. The next one never did say anything because they both
were waiting for the other to decide until time had past and so did their chance. Now this, she has
no idea if he has been waiting too, or what.
Its hard to tell when it is the right time to be the one to move or not. She may lose it or she may
win it. She can get splashed by embarrasement to the face if she risks it all again. She has no clue
what to do one thing is certain though
she missed him a lot but as of the moment shes tired of putting herself and her heart at risk.
Shes tired of waiting and hoping but shed rather do that now or get hurt again.
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when god catches you

when you just think youve already hit rock bottom and doomed , thats the time when God
catches you. =) After giving all that youve got but still things does not seem to come out right.
Then you try to believe you just need to keep on trying, after trying for what seemed a million
times still nothing.
Now you just want to stop cause your strength cant take it no more. You also ask know deep
w/in you that you have been asking Him for help but He just seems to be quiet.
When your just about ready to give up thats the time when God catches you, you never fert so
lonely before, you just want to cry because of so much pain. Suddenly, your just surrounded with
people to support you.
Then all of a sudden everthying just keeps on getting better. One by one, piece by piece the dark
clouds over your head thats been there for a long time fades.You now then see a ray of light , a
gleam of hope
Because whenever you got stripped off with all that you have and you believe youve got not
where to go and no way out, thats when God catches you. Right now you still have all of those
problems with you. It may not be over, it may not be solved yet .Butt now its ok and you know
you are going to be fine and that you are going to make it.
Because you know God has finally catched you in His loving strong arms.
No comment
kapag umuulan
Few hours before I go to work, I woke up earlier than usual.Finding myself alone I found it as a
perfect timing to write. Its actually raining outside right now. Im really not a "rainy person" if
you know what i mean, it makes me sad. Not that I do not appreciate its good effects but I just
have a hard time working around whenever it rains plus the fact that it makes me feel sad and
alone. Like today right after I woke up I remembered I was dreaming about all the mistakes I did
at the office, Im guilty about it because the caller got mad and i knew it was a mistake on my
part,it was a major boo-boo. Scary if it gets picks up it would be bad call. Then aside from that
Im missing someone, someone who should have no space in my head and heart for years now.
But because of recent events the same things gets to be dealt with. I also remembered my mom
leaving for a week for a project at work, these things made my heart feel heavy and unable to
contain it I sob into tears. (wow, so into drama"kakainis") I finally decided to ask God to help me
deal with these things and with that I got up and write. Then I remembered back then whenever I
would be unhappy because of the rain i would just pray. Maybe one good thing the rain does to
me it makes me look back and pray even just a little."napapadasal na lang talaga ko" =)
Last week I got to talk to a girlfriend whom I really missed, from texting most of the time finally
I gotta hold of her. After telling things, stories of my sad sobber work and life she gave me one
long but quick "sermon" in other words saying hey stop bitchin crying of how life is hard youre
in a much better position than others, its just how you decide to take it. Your actually capable of
living on your own though you are not right now. All the answers you have it. Its all your choice.
Its about time to move on. And you know what though it hurt me I knew she was right and i
realized the question I have now is how I move on? While working on this episode I realized I
have began to move on. One of the reasons I end in a good note a days despite how sad all these
entries are I choose to be positive, though its hard to be I choose to. I hope you all do to. Its
something I have been trying to learn in all the new things thats going on with my life. All the
other things I believe will follow. To you, I still care and try to be the best friend you need, I
guess I still have your love but no matter what I do the us will never be coming back. We are
never going to be the same. take care. Sis / girl, thank God I have you as a friend, although you
have no idea how u have made me feel that night. Thank you, I guess it gave me the push over I
needed. God bless in doing Gods work and I honor you for choosing it, despite the hardships.To
GOd be the glory. I hope whoever reads this no matter how deep or superficially u know me
hope you learn from it. ciao..
for He is my reason for waking up in the morning, therefore He is my reason for being.-<@
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stopping by
yes i still have to work later. wala lang ndi ko pa feel matulog, patay ako mamaya hehe wala
lang miss ko na kasi ang ibang things na gawa ko.
dami ko namimiss ngayon, yfc friends ko, dati kong way of life lalo na si oopss baka madulas
ako patay" _" thats for me to know and for u to find out? maybe?.
hayano kaya gagawin ko? naghahanap na ko ng mga ibang bagay e.
Ano kaya ang ang master plan sakin ni God
Im looking forward=) sana lagi ako ganito looking forward.tamang ok lang
I wonder if mr right will drop by soon?ano God oo na ba?
hehe. nagmamahal na ba ko ulit?..??????????watcha think
I just hope to do my best and let things happenkaya ako ganito today kahit medyo sabit sa
work at iba pa sige langto His Glory
NO. 1 PASAWAY NI GOD
sobrang kakapagod, tapos na yung opening ng food cart ni ate nung sun and although hanggang
sunday lang ako nagbantay hindi rin ako exempted sa pag gising nila ng super early, maagang
bangayan at matapos ang mahabang preparation ng pagluluto ako ngayon ang nagging toka sa
madugong pagliligpit. =) ayos lang kasi alam ko eto lang yung paraan ko ng pagtulong ko kay
ate at sa family business namin. Oo nga at wala akong pasok kahapon at maghapon ngayon dahil
labor day sa US e dito naman ako busy. At mamaya guess what may pasok na ako. winner,
parang di rin ako nagpahinga kahit umabsent na ko ng 2 days from work.Pero ok lng carry pa
yan, malamang kasi kailangan e.
Ang nakakapagod sa pinaggagawa ko e ang pag lalabo namin ng family ko. Hay "d best tlga" ika
nga ng sis ko. ngayon tlga nasa dulo na ako ng pisi ko, ang taytay ko hyper o high blood, araw
araw ba naman mamalengke magset up ng tindahan at ang nanay ko ewan may pag ka no
reaction na ewan, busy sa office e wala na daw energy pag uwi at si ate of course ngarag sa
office at sa bago ng business. a ako? sabi nila ndi nila masyado sinali kasi busy daw ako sa office
pero alalay rin ako on the side at the best e referree at prayer warrior lalo na pag house on fire na
kami, buti na lang nga mabait si God nakakapasok pa ko last week despite the hassle. hay as in
grabe na the week that was. Nawiwwindang n nga ako pero looking fine lang ako sa outside(ilan
lang ang may alam nito) hay ayoko pa nga sana mag office, gusto ko lang magstay sa bahay, ndi
gusto ko tlaga mag movie with some friends kaso ala busy ang lahat!!!!! wala na tin yung movie
na gusto ko. Wala nga ko maka kwentuhan ng mga drama ko lately ha feeling friendless nga
ko today eh sabagay dati naman akong ganito,(o diba parang papel lng yung kausap ko bukas
makalawa e marami na akong mababasang side comment dito)
Naku I am sure sa dami ng sinasabi ko dito at iniisip ko gusto na ko batukan ni God, pasaway
tlga, ndi nga ako tumuloy sa isang clp ( *nahiya ako e,)(da best tlaga walang kadahidahilan, alam
ko gusto ko rin naman)ewan! gusto ko na lang matulog na wala ng gisingan.? may maghanap
kaya? malamang sa busy ng mundo wala in short napapagod ako gusto ko sana sabihin pero
ndi kung cla nga e eh d mas lalo cla. oh well Lord help me na lang po in all that i would do lalo
na sa pag reremind sa family ko that You must be our center.. itutulog ko na to kasi 730 papasok
na ko. =(
No comment
back from where i started

ok so i had to do this again. I have to write things down so it would not kill my sanity. I have been
avoiding this but no, I still end up sitting in front of my ever loveable bf "mags- my pc "in one of my
nights- off from work.dawn actually is the right time of the moment as I speak because its already
127 am august 28,2006. So I guess the next question of my avid readers of my blog, (yes "f na f" as
if) what is it this time? what have you been racking your brains of this time? Well of course the work
part is always there to stay. I suppose its one of those times again in my life where I get so so
confussed. All kinds of the same old darn question is up my brain cells again. My emotions are once
again too unstable to trust , the introvert side of me is taking over that is why, I hardly tell anyone of
how I really feel right now. Though its obvious that I am not in my greatest shape thats why I am
writing and again all who has access to this friendster of mine will have the convinience of just
checking it out if it catches their interest.
My output at work for the past few weeks was so bad, I could not believe that I could not produce the
best result though I put most of my best efforts out. what can i say as on old friend tells me, you have
your good days& you have your bad days. Yes, you could say that again not only bad days but bad
long, long weeks. To the point I got so fed up but i could not let my frustation out when I wanted but
could not control my tears when it did. As a result I was not able to talk to anyone not even to my
own family when they ask me, whats wrong ? would you imagine while eating breakfast my tears
would just not stop shedding down my cheeks, even if my dad was making me smile. Too much pain
was held too long. Man was I crazy or too deppressed? both I guess. At this point Im sick, i have
been feeling so nauseated for weeks now. My body is ultra weak due to lack of sleeep and a thousand
more reasons. So all I wanted to do is to sleep.Even if my head would not let me stop thinking of a
lot of things. I do not want to show myself to anyone at this point, cause I am all messed up right
now.In our terms "sablay" I could not face my father in heaven too long because of this.
Oh well, He has his reasons for making me go through it all Im sure. The hardest part of this is, as if
He does not know I am deeply burdened with all my self - created problems I suppose. The last thing
I ever expected was to be brought back to the part of my life where I thought I was over and done
with. "Some things never change" I have never imagined Ill be back to this point of uncertainty. He
had some old friends drop by my life again. Persons who were part of my old stories,past chapters of
my life. Just like an old tv show, people or characters from season 1.=) Well why not some of you
may ask? old friends can sometimes be the best help right. With my case I am not really sure why we
had to cross path at this time. I am not so sure right now if it will help me be enlightened or be more
troubled. But hey do not get me wrong in a way I am glad we met again. Although right now I am
with more questions for Him.
I am now faced with a lot of dillemas, questions and even decisions I have to re make, re create. Wish
it would just all go away. right, my heart right now is in pain, brought by a lot of things in life.
Looking back I remember all that I went through before made me emerge as a stronger person,
whether this be with love, life, work, service or family even about my own personality. I know it
would be another tough ride right now and oh am I scared of failing, fallling or making a mistake. As
I go through all of this I pray He may stay right beside me to guide me and in the end come out as a
winner. With a smile on my face, was able to out run everything because of His strength. As a better
person too. Learning all the things from the past present and hoping to use it better in the future.
As ate ly once told, she knows her self . If the times are different this too shall pass. As an old song
also says
" So when I start to make you nervous and Im going through extremes tomorrow I may change and
today wont mean a thing" "So take me as I am this may mean youve got to be a stronger man, so
when you think youve got me figured out the seasons already changing , just do what you do and
dont try to change me.
I do not know if I make sense, (the song has a starting lines of Im a bitch, im a lover, am a child am a
mother sorry cant remember the title)
I believe He is the reason I wake up each morning. I know He is my purpose for being. I desire
to bring Him glory in everything I do.@>-
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Leaf turning anew

I have not been able to write for a month now because I was so caught up with life. I guess I had
my own share of storms in my life this month. (grabe the month that was)! Within that month I
never did had the energy, the words nor the time to write what was going on. I had a lot of things
going on with my work., - with the new account that came in the new metrics, the new learning
curve that I had to go through. Friendships were also tested, getting sanctions as well. "minsan
nga nakakapagod na. I asked a friend ganito ba talaga dito sa trabahong to? I feel empty"
Knowing we had the same background, coming from one community I felt no need to explain.
He said," yes you could say of some sort because your not used to it, then after a while they will
see you as indifferent as well. Its normal" Not only that I had also family issues on the side while
working. It was so all kept in me that I was ready to blow. Although I was most of the time
praying I never really felt like I was in to it, then trying to turn to someone for help but was not
really able to. Thus, causing me confusion even more I felt so alone. Everyday it felt like
building block after building block of problems. I felt I was also turning to someone else I did
not know and I hate it.
One time after trying to pray the best way I still could, I said ok if I do not like what I see right
now at least I am aware and I could still change it. (w/c was the same thing my officemate said)
if some of my friends would move on with a new circle its ok I would bask with those who sticks
around with me. If theres no one to be with I guess God wants me to be molded independently.
After that I asked His strength to really do it. After that I guess everything just started moving
forward. Few days I went to confession, the lesson I got from the priest was that God loves us,
but He wants us to come to Him because if we would not ask Him He would not push Himself to
us. Which means He wants us to ask no matter how small or big that concern is. Second that
there are problems we could solve, while there are those, which are best, left to Him. When I
went home I felt this great light feeling that I had not felt in a long time now. The next day as if it
was not enough, during my regular one to one meeting with my supervisor at work she was has
reminded me that I should trust my better judgement whenever its necessary. She also affirmed
me that there will be people whom you can please, then there are those whom you cant. Just like
the gospel for today 08/5/2006.
Right now all I know is I am ready to try new things, learn more things in my life. It is now a
new day. The storm has now passed and like any leaf I am now starting a new episode in this
chapter of my life. Trying to carry all the new lessons I learned in this period of time. The sky is
now clearer, a new me is now at hand hopefully much more wiser, confident and learned from all
those dark times that I went through. Lastly, Id say I was thankful that God never abandoned me
in all those trying times. I hope and pray that my efforts to re connect with my ultimate source
of purpose and reason, He would be there to extend His powerful love and mercy on me.
*HE IS MY REASON FOR BEING THEREFORE HE IS MY PURPOSE
No comment
the final bow

My Blog had been my bestfriend since I got my job and a different life. I felt I lost my
friends,but had found refuge in it as I write my thoughts in it. I never realizethat I was writing
myself away. I guess whenever I take my pen and write the whole world would stopand it all
boils down to me and the thing I write. As I engrossly write things about it, it felt like im in the
comforts of my bed and pouring my heart out.
Although I had the knowledge that it was a posted site or a public page, I never really felt the
impact of it. I just thought, hey its just my way of relieving stress and insomia. Second I had
hoped that whoever read this would gain inspiration from it. I have never thought that people
would have the luxury of time to read and make comments. As I realize all of these things today,
I felt like I am an actress who had been acting in front a camera . just like a theater actor or a
character in a play who had a growing audience without his knowledge. He lives up to the
character of his story, his audience would grow in larger numbers each time. Its like a wake up
call that serves as the final bow before the red curtain of the show drops down.
Its been a long time, I just want to say thanks to all who read it. Thank you to all of those who
made comments. I just wish that more than entertainment or leisure youve gained something
from everything I wrote.
I hope I have somehow inspired you more to live life. Because that is one of the reasons I kept
writing, to inspire others. That even in my lowest points I had hoped to serve as a source of
inspiration and lesson to others.
HE is my purpose,therefore HE is my reason for being.
Comments (2)
could someone pls help me interpret?

hay. after 1whole week of work its finally my off. Actually its my last day of my off, later
tonight i have to go back to work again. Oh well whats up witth me? nothing really, same old
depression stuff. I actually need a friend to talk to right now, or should i say lately? but i am
having a hard time expressing my thoughts even to myself =) weird? i know who i want to talk to
or share this concerns with but right now i am scared. I am so scared though I know that she is
one text away. I could not bring myself to speak up, even if i know i need her badly. I am scared
to be misunderstood,be a burden unable to share the concise points of my concerns. hay oh
well thats not really the point of this episode of this blog. The point is that i had a dream
lastnight, the weirdest dream ever. I dreamt of a long lost friend who texted me asking for help
on something. It was weird for me because this friend of my used to be someone special in my
life whom i seldom think of right now. It became weirder when i saw numbers, supposedly this
was his cell number. But this started with a 4, like a bayan tell land line numbers. After that I
saw friends from my gradeschool and office mates it seemed like we were making numbers to
call out in case of something wrong happens to our expedition of soul rescue. what??? right, i do
not know anything of such work. It bothered me that he is on that dream so i wrote him thru
friendster though I do not know if I should have done it. Lastly according to a dream book i
checked this dream might mean i will face a problem in the future uhm help could someone
interpret it better, im scared
Comments (1)
what would u care? i want to unwind

its my off today, I was suddenly awake by 3 am and can no longer sleep since then. So off i go
to my ever loyal bf "mags" my pc. been here since that time till this moment. Oh fyi im listening
live in rx right now to the tune of ever after. great!!!! never thought of doing it sooner, why
not? I do not want to miss my morning rx with chico and del. Its so strange, I got up by three am
alone in bed coz my sister went to her friends house. As I turn to the side of the bed I could not
sleep back it seems someones thinking of me? u wish(yeah right) i guess i am dreaming awake.
but somehow i felt that desire to be held by him, my mr right, I wonder if he feels it too. So
instead of killing myself with that yielding need i went on line. Then I saw friendster i started
leaving notes to friends, then i remember i went out with nay pinky yesterday. We talked about
life, work- csrs life how shes doing on her new phase of career at chase while i on the other
hand feel confused and pressured in mine.(enough of that, I dont want to talk about that)moving
forward i then realized I miss my friends specially in yfc badly of course together with it, i miss
service life but atleast it makes me cherish those times i had better. then I had the chance to chat
with my cuz live using my web cam* which she gave me fyi.
This all in all just says i miss being connected with the outside world. time for me to catch up,
how that i dont know.
HEY YFC PIPS MISS YOU ALL HOPE U WOULD SEE ME SOON=)
i want to watch the lakehouse movie care to join me any one?,got to go, morning rush is on i
think id better listen thru a radio.To my mr right see you??sometime on our right time.
He is my purpose therefore he is my reason for being
No comment
do i get it right?
Today somebody asked me "do you always go online?" it was because I often have blog updates.
Then I finally realized that people could actually read what I right in here, my thoughts actually
publicly open to people i actually know of. Well what am I still doing writing on this darn thing?
well honestly I do not know, it just this is where I still do become the "real me" or maybe I just
believe that I am able to keep my first love and passion alive through this thing. Or maybe I just
miss my friends I was used to being to share my thoughts with them. Oh well just like what I
said I do not really know. So right now I do not really care if many would be reading this I just
wish if you would read it and find out that you know or you got a pretty good idea what and who
I am talking about just "shut up" okie? this is "me time" do not try to make my life more
complicated than it is right now. So now that I have already cleared that upIll begin to talk about
the real story..(sorry I do not mean to be rude or mean to anyone=) )
Right now there are two men aside from my dad who makes me smile. Actually in each of their
own way they make me happy. The first guy (let me call him sj) he is a long time friend of mine.
He is same as my age as I am, I believe his convictions are almost close to mine, he is a friend
since I was in my early teens and my family knows who he is. The second guy (mmm let me see
call him pj). Its not too obvious i love the later j, hehe.. anyway pj on the other hand I just
recently met him, we are not close friends though we are acquiantances. We often met. He got
my attention because he was one of the guys who make fun of my me, but what made him stand
out was the reason was that he went beyond teasing he made it an effort to bump into me (i
think). Both of these guys were not much meaningful or much important to me before until
lately. Sj became a part of my regular routine whenever I am at home, we would chat from time
to time to make sure both was still sane from the hard knocks of life. While Pj became one of the
people who helped me smile and feel like I am somewhat a special person because he gives me
some of his attention whenever he sees I am around though it would always be in a form of a
joke it was becoming a habitual thing that at times I just want to vanish from his sight to avoid
people looking at me, as if it was not a common thing when someone sees me walk.
Though I know its a good thing for me because it makes me smile, it has its down side, I am
now trying to keep myself from going nuts or being overwhelmed by what is going on. I do not
want this good feeling get in to my head w/c could lead to being hopeful and later on getting
hurt. Because I know this is just a phase that they are in and they both have their own little world
to be busy with.Sj is still unclear with what he is to be, has still lot of family issues and lastly
undealt feelings/ issues for previous special people while Pj also has his whole life ahead and a
stable lovelife to keep.
Knowing all of these things, u might feel that I am walking to a next level with how I feel.
Maybe I am,but then maybe not. I do not want to I hope and pray that I wont. Not to either of
them, but I am not saying totally its impossible but I just do know not yet. I still wish to do more
things with my life and I want mr right to find me, ( I do not wish to go looking for him) when
everthing is right and when God says so. Oh well so much for these thoughts, I guess right now
all I could do is wait and be the best I could after all true love waits
Oh am I not just a hopeless romantic? no but I believe I am a hopeful one. =)
Comments (1)
thank God its friday.

Wow!!! yes finally its FRIDAY already after the mind boggling week my rest days are already
here. Restday are a.k.a your week ends at the call center office, these are my most awaited day of
the week right now, why? because we have currently changed schedules or shifts( for those who
are not familliar of what I am saying picture me working in jollibee as a crew that has different
working hours. =) ) So how am I doing right now? how was my week? Well its a same old one
aside from the new schedules, and the sadness or depression I got from knowing that I am below
the ranking line of my team at work, or what I a mean is I am one who has low scoring rates that
is the reason how I got my new working hours. For days I did not stop rambling in saying if only
I was doing a better job or if only I had better stats then I could have had a better sched. But of
course all I cannot do anything about it right now, but I just thank God for making me go home
earlier now than before, as my mom would always say God knows where to place you. Right
now I enjoy walking home three blocks and thanking God for all my blessings for the day.
Another thing that I had experienced this week was that I keep on meeting people or friends from
work that are former yfc or sfc members but sadly they are all in active with the community right
now. I could not help but feel sad because I myself maybe considered as one though more than
that I want to inspire them, make them feel that being part of the communtiy makes you different
it makes you stand out, believe in a lot of things or have your own convictions. I do not know
maybe I just got so used to having people with so much in common that whenever I meet
someone from the same ground I expect the same things from them. Or maybe just maybe they
are the people that God ask me to take care.. (feeling? yeah right) I do not know I just think
these people come into the picture of mylife not by coincidence, I maybe wrong thougth. Well if
ever there is a reason hope I would realize it and have the strength to make the purpose happen.
In other aspects, I was glad I was able to spend sometime with a friend. We spent time talking
like we allways do before I had a job, what makes me happy atleast is the fact that whenever I
have the chance to talk to him i make it a point that I do in the same way he does to (I think). It
makes me feel that I have someone to come home to. In the sense who I can be myself and relax.
He is my de stress nator or anti stress. But I sometimes fear myself because I am scared that I
might fall for him. I had him for a friend for such a long time and he has been the closest guy
friend since je I do not want to ruin the friendship and lose him if this would happen. I often
pray to God to let us not fall specially me not to fall for him or have feelings more than friends.
So far things are still normal. so far. I hope.
No comment
random thoughts
I have not found the words to sum up what is happening to me this past few weeks.The growing
sadness, confussion sometimes a little bit of love, the growing questions in my head. Hay I
feel that every time I go on to my restday I feel so tired other than physically this insurmountable
questions pop up just like a sleeping dust in one corner of my life. I am scared because in the
past three months I still havent found my purpose in this new chapter of my life and i have been
heading to this conclusion that I am not fulfilling the purpose I have and little by little sometimes
I ask myself should I stop and leave now? Because where I am is changing me, to something I do
not like. I would not be sure if I can stay still, strong I feel that I am slowly inch by inch slipping
from the old me I would not know tommorrow if Ill wake up knowing who I am anymore.
No comment
seriously disturbed
Its my last rest day today, and yet right now I cannot sleep. I was not able to sleep well this two
days of my rest days. Last Wednesday I was glued to our tv till dawn(crazy right?) last night I
was talking to a friend till 1am and I woke up at 430am.. is that right? I just had 3-4 hours of
sleep. I am the most unfair person to my body. Right now I am writing to this pad of mine again
because I am deeply disturbed. I cannot really say what bugs me, but I guess its the loneliness
thats dug deep in my heart. I do not understand why, I miss my normal life. I miss my friends,
most of all I miss my service life. Oh well what is a normal life anyway? this is now my life. I
just feel that I cannot see the reason why I am here, what am I doing here at this kind of work?
When I got to this company I realized that my reason for waking up every morning is HIM
therefore my purpose is HIM but right now I find it so difficult to find that in my heart, not that
Iam not grateful but I feel that I have not been able to do or give my commitment to him in terms
of serving since I got this job. I try to say that everthing I do is for Him but I feel that everytime I
say that I fail. Second, I feel like its so hard to stay strongly christian in this outside world. I
sometimes caught myself being off guard being caught in the middle of worldly things and
actions than standing strong in what I believe in, being pure a 100%. I feel like I am a shooting
star shot from heaven down to earth alone defenseless. Its so hard, although I try to live the way I
should as much as I can its really hard.
I miss being able to hear stories of victories that inspire me, give nourishment to my spirit as
well. I often think who am I to ask so much when I am not capable of returning or keeping my
part of the deal. Specially my commitment in serving the program that I am in right now. My
time here with this program is nearing its end and I feel sad because I am not able to put up or do
what I am asked to do till the end. On the other hand I also think that this might be His way of
making me let go. In connection to this I still have not figured out where to go after this service
ends. I do not know what I want nor where to go. I feel that there was or there is a big part of me
that is missing. I wish there would be someone who could guide me, I mean I really love my
family and I do not know what I would do without them but I wish there could be someone other
than them. I do not know why I say this but maybe because I am looking for true friends in the
place where I am at. I mean there is some but I still feel weird.
Hay. maybe I should stop asking, looking or thinking I feel like there is a million questions in
my head that has no answers to give. Oh Lord is it really this crazy or complex? or is it just me
making life hard????
HEYA
At last I am able to right in this thing, well I have been working hard lately and I am messing in
it a lot, well its part of being a newbie. There are times that I just want to drop dead and quitt but
I cannot stop for all of the other people in my life who is giving me the best support they can
give. My father who sees to it that I get to work on time at 3am, my sister who assists me live my
life, my mom who prays for me and so on. Another reason is that this is my first job thats why I
want to be the best to the point of I go crazy or obsessed in doing the things the right way but I
feel that its not giving me the right result and it makes me so so sad to the point of depressed.
Anyway on other things my birthdays coming up and I feel bad because I haave to go to work,
second nothing special is in my life right now. I long to be happy ( uhuh is this right ? happiness
in a lot of aspects) my job, my life my heart and my service. do not get me wrong I know it is on
you meaning it depends on you on how you will see and create life for yourself. You know what
lately I am thinking of a lot of the people who became special to me. i feel that I miss them
specially this certain someone. I wish I could feel that I am special to someone once again
hay to my family I really love them but I do not know why I am looking for someone or
something else.(to my friends wholl see this shush ok?) I do not want to stir anything any
trouble. To my yfc friends I all love you and miss you guys do not mind me I am just thinking
out loud. ;P Someone for me seems to be close to bing a possibility of being special but I cannot
really say coz hes liek a water running sometimes he is hot sometimes hes cold and I know that
he has eyes on someone else. Oh well forget it it is just a thought, to all my friends do not forget
to give my gift on my birthday ok?HAHAHA. just kidding I MISS YOU ALL <@
mwah
No comment
hay
Its been weeks since I got into working, actually it has been a month more or less (tom) will be
the end of my first month and as excited as I am when I got in now a days I have been in
question about my capabilities, if I am really cut out for this kind of work. Iam really thankful of
where I am right now but I could not help but ask if I am in the right track of my life towards
where I want to be. Lately I am bothered by the fact that I am having second thoughts if this is
where I am supposed to be in. I do not want to go ahead of Gods will but sometimes maybe I
think this way because I am afraid, I am worried because I was not able to accomplish the
mission I was tasked to do specially in my community. But I used to think that I am being placed
for a higher form of service through "secular" or outside work, the question is am I doing it? I
really do not know right now but often times I feel not.
Its not easy, knowing that I am alone, though I also remember that God guides my every step,
right now all I want to know is if I am doing everything the way He has planned for me, the way
He wants me to do so. I also hope that things of my other concern clear up like my work for
campus, I love those people that I work there but right now their growth is being hampered or
stopped and I canot do much about it no matter how I wish I could. O lord please help me to be
able to do things equally and the way you want me to.
A lot of things are floating in my heart and mind like the fear of not being able to qualify for the
job Ive been training for, my personal desire to be in to, the people whom I have moral and
pastoral responsibility over with and a whole a lot more. Most of these thoughts are not known
by many of the people who know me or close to me it is all in my heart and my mind and
prayers. Sometimes I wish someone would know or I could share it to someone who could help
me and understand me. I know God your there I just wish You would no longer hide your face
from me.
Other than these? I feel Ill still survive, no really =) I am still fine it s just in this trival thinking
moment that I begin to grow weak and lost.
No comment
thank God for the YFC community and friends

Hey there, I know I have not written down anything for the longest time. Yup its because I have
been training in a call center lately, for all those who knew about it, (just want to share it
again)for those who do not know yet yup I have been working on a shifting mode thats why | do
not get to hang out with my boyfriend(M.A.G.-my pc of course) more often nowadays.
I never expected to get in to this company this soon, believe me I have been saying to myself
after this Ill stop and rest from applying for a while. But no, God had other plans. So moving on,
I am now here training my first two weeks was over. I am now on my third week. What I never
really expected was how hard and different it was from the life I was used to. It was even far
fetched from studying as well.
Oh men, suddenly I missed everything!my life as a student, as an (all the time) in the community,
the way I could just hang out with my friends and of course serving in my community. Inspite of
all that you know what, I am happy I am part of the community coz without them, without their
faith and support in me plus my family, friends and of course God I would not have survived my
entire 2 weeks.
Today things will be bigger, harder and tougher but you know what I pray and I hope and know
that I can do it because of everyone behind me. They may seem far from me, but their always
near to me at heart.
I know I miss my service in the community but I also believe that God is bringing to me to a
higher call, for His greater glory. This will be better I know. To all of you praying for me thanks
and I love you all Godbless. mwah
No comment
Waah!!!!first day
Well, I have a lot of things in mind right now. First stop is the first day of my training for a job
at the call center. Do not get me wrong, I am happy about this. So happy! that I cried my heart
out to God in thankfulness and joy in the mass I attended this morning. I feel so blessed and so
awed in Gods gratefulness to me. What bothers me more right now is the fact that as I accept
this new phase in my life, I am leaving a certain part of my life unfinished and this is my life in
service in the community I belong to. all of this things happened so fast that I never realized
what was happening. Although right now it seeems that I am going to have to pray harder for this
I take comfort in believing that God will take control. I just pray that God will touch the heart of
that sister to love all them equally as I have and to do greater things than I did for my area of
service. I do want to move on with a good mark on my end though I do not want them to think I
will leave them hanging just because of my career. I will also miss the friends I have in this
community because I know that I may spend less time with them now, specially those who where
close to my heart.
I may not seem to assimilate everything thats happening to me, I feel somewhat scared in this
new phase of my life, I would want to do well here and make the most out of it right now my
limitions is creeping in me that all I want to do is to stop thinking about it. All I pray for is for
me to do my best, find new good friends and grow more in Him. I still wish I could continue to
serve Him though right now I do not know how.
The last pricking thought in my head right now is my family, parents to be exact. These days my
folks seem to fight more often. Right now, I do not know what to think of, I do not want to blame
my dad for anything but he usually gets ticked off easily and usually starts the fire of fighting.
Lately they usually they fight about one common thing and this is "money" though we all try to
understand this issue in our family, plus the fact that my dad is an "all the time" worker in the
community we belong to. It scares me to think that what was causing all of these is money and
once I get my job I will not be saved from this quarrel, not that I want it all for myself but I just
do not want my dad to get all greedy over stuff so petty as this. I suppose I am just worried that
my parents are fighting more often than they would over non- so- important -things that I fear I
may get so caught up in it that I will lose my sense of coolness.
Oh well, there is more to it other things that I do not think I can elaborate right now that if I talk
too much I may regret it. hay.
Those who will read, pls pray for me its my first day funk tomorrow=)
No comment
2006- kaboom!
I have been dying to write and flex my fingers on this pad since the start of the year.! oh well,
yes its already 2006!! Welcome to the world. and you know what this year has been
running so fast for me, before it ended I have so many questions in my head. I also felt
something inside me, something that tells my instinct that many things will happen to me this
year. I felt that this year will be full of suprises.. =) and true enough, its only the third day of the
month of january (01-03-06) and I got the call for a contract signning tomorrow! would you
believe?
Well maybe your thinking, what the heck are you whinning? for those who know me youll
probably say "this is your longest heart desire right?, whats the problem?" Yes this is what I
have been asking for since last year and do not get me wrong I am super grateful. Thank God! I
never even thought of applying in this company and yet I am preparing to get in as of now. Its
just it all happened so fast, I feel I am not ready for it.hay
I am right now excited, scared and lonely because of everything thats happening. I just pray Lord
do not let go of me. Please guide me all the way. Lord send me your guidance for tomorrow. I
am so shock till now is this true?
Maybe its because I never expected to change life this fast..
No comment
so sad
Tonight was my first Christmas party and I felt so sad sad because many of my close friends
are leaving me behind. We talked for hours tonight and yet after all of these things one thing was
clear they are moving on. I do not know exactly whats in my head my because I knew it all along
but I never thought it will come as soon as now. I feel sad because I feel that the curse is still in
me in terms of partnership and all this things. Though I know I should know and I must accept
but I guess I never let go of the dream of growing together with all of them without leaving any
of them behind. Gees I wonder who my next partner will be? I do not want to make any
expectations nor wishes about this new things but I could not help but wonder
No comment
One of the worst day of my life

I feel so sad today =( I was talking to "Li", I just called him to check our schedule this weekend
and it led to talking about a lot of other things. Part of it was how I was going to led a small
gathering of women this afternoon. I told him I invited this girl "AB" to the afternoons activity
and had hoped that she would come, because she can really help out in what we were doing.
Blah blah He started sharing his thoughts and feeling s in our "service", these comments
were affirming to me at first, because it actually coincides with what I was thinking. Although a
part of everything we were talking about pinches something inside of me,because it reflects my
shortcomings in serving. Words like "napagiwanan", "transition" ,etc, were like sharp knives
cutting my heart. I really knew that I had a lot of faults,weaknesses. But what really hurt me was
the fact that he said that we were not able to raise sisters/women in the way they supposed to
be,specially when they were discussing who were the people we were considering to take our
place and the fact that there was no one capable of becoming one. I know this is true and it is all
because of me. I know I must accrpt this, but what really buggs me the most was that they say, in
indirect ways that I was not able to do anything."Wala akong nagawa, sa isang buong taon wala
ko nagawa=( siguro nga tama sila, I do not know if it was wrong decision when I said yes to this
bigger work. Mali bang mangarap ako? na mangarap ako na I too also can make a difference?
My God isa lang naman ang reason ko kung bakit ko tinanggap to, ito ay ang maituloy ko ang
panglilingkod ko sa Diyos ko, lalu na sa loob ng LSC. But no, I failed!and may time is running
short, at kahit ano yata ang gawin ko hindi ko na mababawi to. Lord I know I should make the
most of what I have left, na pilitin ko na huwag ako pakain sa pagiging failure ko pero paano?
paano ko gagawin yun when all I see are my failures. My God, this is the last thing I know I was
good at and finally it is gone=( To Li, I am not mad at you, and do not get me wrong I do not
blame you thank you for being honest, I just wished you told me earlier .
*I know a lot of you wont understand me, I suggest you dont try to anymore its complicated,
for those who do, pls if you want to share your thoughts on the matter talk to me personally na
lng.
No comment
Somethings are not meant to be understood

I never seem to get a lot of things around, I suppose I just do not understand a lot of things.
Mostly things about life, you graduate with great grades or an average ones, the ones you knew
you really worked hard on since you started studying. Then when you stepped off from schooling
you start to get jammed in life, you get so frustrated of where you are and where youll be you
start asking what am I to do? you work on what you have but you seem to lose stil. You see a lot
of great friends they seem to like you.. yeah the guy seem to like you a lot, but you know that his
life is so twisted that if you get in to it youll be crying in twisted pain, so you say to yourself he
is just a freakin freind who need a freakin friend like you to cry on or to burst his anger on. So
you try to work on your regular life, but then again just when you think youve had your old
things running back, youve got your old problems to face running back he suddnely makes you
feel that he needs you the freakin friend and makes sweet gestures but then agai n he starts
yapppin about this other girl he super liked, the problem with people around him and making a
big fuss about them. Oh my God I wanted to say what the hell do you really want? a friend? hell
no, youve got tons of * girl- friends to draw things that you draw from me, but why do you still
come looking for me? you say things I dont really expect to hear, dude I tink your foolin around
and your foolin around with my feellings. Then again you think you can find a solution to all
these things you got friends! Yes, friends! when I turn my head around there not there oh well
there are things I cannot seem to understand!!!!!
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hmmm weird
Its so weird, I have this feeling of being happy because of this certain person. We have been
friends for a couple of long years now, but we just grew close recently.Actually he is just my age
but a bit weird, different, sometimes obnoxious.We talk on the phone when we both have the
time. I never thought of this guy of more than being a good friend, but in one of our recent
exchange of stories, he kept on making sweet talks, that it actually bothered me. It bothered me
because I kind of remember those sweet talks from someone else being said to me, I do not want
to read between the lines, nor do I want to assume anything. As my old professor used to say
assuming makes an "ass of you and the person"(ass u&me) but really I do not want to assume
because he is just like that, to all girls. He has this image of being "chickboy" to our friends, but
as he explains he is just girl- friendly. As in common terms more close to girls.
Ha! so much for analysis, I just wish I would stop thinking of all the lines he told me that fretfull
night. I do not want to fall falsely because of those words. Boys why do you have to make
unsincere comments that would make us girls think? hmp! Right now, we have not talked for
three days and I am restraining myself from making the first effort, as in to make miss calls or
texts and apparently he is fine with it.
I am dreading the time we get to catch up and hell be sharing things all about this special girl in
his life. As in oh my God! ok fine I may be over reacting, but pleasssssssssse God help me not to
fall!!!!!!
*Help me Im falling and I think I am not ready,
*Not yet, not now
*Most of all not to him =(

*I love him but I just want it to stay the same
*(Close friends)
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hay life
hay.sobrang namimiss ko na ang good old life ko. sobra ang dami kong pinagdadaanan
personally this week feeling ko mamatay na ko sa lungkot. I do not know where to begin or
how to share this sadness, although some know about it I still feel restless, bothered and super
duper sad. I know that in times like this I feel God molding me into something more, I just wish
there could someone who could trully understand me.
At this point i feel that I need someone to be there for meas i was doing this blog I was
chatting with some old friends as well. I found out that a friend was leaving for Paris this month
before christmas plus the fact that this week almost everyone I know goes back to school. sadI
was sad because I did not know what I was going to do with my life.. I was somewhat jealous of
her good luck but I know it should not be the case because I know God has a plan for me..
I feel lost, do not know what to do I feel super low.lower than I was before I left home. "oh my
God pambihirang lakas"
WHEN WEVE SHARED OUR WOUNDEDNE SS -REFLECTION
How strange that we should ordinarily feel compelled

to hide our wounds when we are all wounded! Community
requires the ability to expose our wounds and
weaknesses to our fellow creatures. It also requires
the ability to be affected by the wounds of
othersBut even more important is the love that
arises among us when we share, both ways, our
woundedness.
Thanks to cha of yfc channel for sending it through.
Its 4:20 am, I could not sleep well. It looks like Im having my sessional or periodical insomia
attack.(If ever there is really one) I feel so restless, I feel so full of negstive emotions in my heart
that was drowning me in my head. I tried to pray,(Oh yes I did,) but for some sort of reason I
could not come to it in full. I could not ask the Lord to fully take over whatevers bothering me,
or should I say all of what was making me feel this way. Thats when I decided to get up and
write,hoping I could turn this into my prayer again just like the one before this. I did not
understand what was going on with me,earlier this evening I was in a very sad mood(I was in
tears while I was helping in the kitchen)emotional? yes I am and I admit it and am trying to fight
it of becoming too much.I coulld not sort the main problem, all I know it has many causes. As I
replied to my dads effort tto assault me about my past "romantic moments in life" I was already
feeling in need of something, I felt somewhat "broken inside" because of unexplained
loneliness. I did try to make a way to hug my dad despite his objections =) my mom joined in,
saying no one was hugging me.I was not telling them anything yet but it was a sure way of
making me talk or finding a way to share my thoughts. After a while I was having a
conversation, which we hardly ever do these days.I was sharing my fears and almost bout
anything. After a while I felt a little better, or so I thought while I was listening to a Christian
radio station while reading a book, I could not help but cry because I felt all the bible verses were
for me, but I could not really sink it all in my head and heart. Just before I retire a friend texted
me a quote (this is as good as I can remember) saying in the end of it "smile God is taking care
of YOU". I said thank you and that I needed it, then it went on me explaining the reason for it,
and after barely 2 hours of sleep here I am again writing it all down. Whats my point? that in
this reflection of mine I am proving what this quote or saying if you want to call it is true and last
night I realized how real it was.
To all whom Ive had conversations that night thank you for all your words of advice, and most
importantly to God who keeps me alive, well and awake despite of lack of sleep. I end this by
saying my short pray, Lord thank you for all the things that happen in our life, good our bad help
us to find its purpose for us. Help us become sensitive everyday to your message to us. Allow our
hearts to be in tune with you, despite the pains in life we have been through which may make it
un abiding. We pray that may you open our eyes and hearts each day to understand Your ways
and seek Your will for us. In Jesus sweetest and Holy name amen.
No comment
Its Done
Its done! Sept.2305
It is a statement I gave away as of tonight,09:40pm to be exact. this is the battle cry, I answered
as the yfc friends gathered tonight. Everything that had occured tonight was so ironic, so
opposite of how I felt this afternoon. A little back track for those who will read, this afternoon it
was an odd afternoon, it was one of those days that I felt so bummed in life in the sense that I
was so mad at a lot of things because I felt I was failling apart no matter how hard I seem to try.
Today I hated my life, I hated my whole personal state, I was failing to see the good things I do
or did, all I wanted to do was disappear. I hate my way of serving God, I allowed doubt to really
cloud my head, I hated kuya (_ _ _ _) ooppps cannot be named for security reasons. In short I
was in a state of confussion and full of hatred but despite of all that was running in my head I
kept on praying in my heart, it was for the reason I knew that all of those thoughts were wrong. I
did not want to go to my service meeting earlier tonight because I was experiencing all these
turmoils, I was not in the mode, the mode where I can face all the people who are under our care.
I was mad, maybe deep down scared because I faltered, I was not the one they can run to at the
moment. But I went anyway, I admittedly was late caused by other circumstancial delays as well.
I went there with a heavy heart. I never thought it was going to be a night of renewal of vows to
my God. We had to go somewhere else because the fastfood chain was getting crowded and we
were already needing a space to be able to really talk. We went to a nearby house, when we got
there we gathered in a small room and prayed then things for me began to turn around,we all had
to say something nice to the people beside you, you may think so what? the catch was the one
beside me has been causing me somepain and (so I had to push myselfto really say something
nice?) Do not get me wrong because that person beside me was someone who is also special to
me, in a none romantic way, let me clear that=) he is truly someone special because he was one
of the people who helped me get where God wants me to be, he used to be one of the closest
peson who hears me a lot. It was not easy to say all of that or atleast say few real kind words
when you are upset with the person, but it was also another way of Gods mysterious ways.
The second full turn of event happened when the bigger question was asked Are you still willing
to do all these crazy things for Him?what would your battle cry be from now on till the end ofthe
year? end of your term? the end of this years career of your service? I instantly knew in my
mind it was exactly what I was fearing to hear. I thought in my mind I saw myself stop and really
be silent, because I knew that if it was just me who would had to answer that, if it was all about
my angsts, my burden just all about me, I would have said no, believe me I was on the verge
of saying it today. but I guess God just whispered to my heart, consider it done my child and I
had to say it.
The reason why I am still up writing this at 2 am today its just that I want to make this my
prayer," Lord that as I have said tonight its done, may it be really done for You, beacause of You
and only for You. I pray that from this day onward I may have the strength to do all these things,
that I may walk on water just like Peter because of his faith. That I may keep on working on
Gods vineyard and believe that God works on me although I do not feel nor see thru my naked
eye that I am able to inspire, put other people on fire in serving our God. I make this essay this
dawn with the schedule in my head that tommorrow I am going back to my alma matter having
those same problems I had left when I stepped out of it.Lord help me walk on water with my
faith in you,Lord allow me to have that power of conviction to talk to those I have to
tommorrow. - For I can do all these things through Gods strengtth.
No comment
just when i thought

Just when I thought this is the one, I really suddenly lose it. Just when I thought I found where I
belong, thats the time I see other options. Just when I thought I was in the right place, I suddenly
begin to feel so lost. I thought this is the right way where my life would go, then I realize i had
made a wrong turn.When I said okey, so this must be it..Everything just suddenly begins to
crumble down.Just when I felt I was ready to give up, I suddenly found one more reason to hope.
Just when I told myself Im tired and I should have let things the way they were, i unexpectedly
felt encouraged. Just when I decided its time to turn back and hit the road the LORD told me
"Amor,its not what you thought I would give you, because I had better plans in mind for you."
-
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thoughts for the day

i dont even know where to begin. I had heard of this thing so long time ago I never thought Ill
actually make one for myself, well I honestly love to write so I really do not mind doing this. Its
like having your thoughts spoken aloud or should i say, publicly. I no longer have the same
surgency or emotional fill that I use to have to write down stuff. I think and believe this one
could help me find my way to "my one true love" writing or expressing oneself. I may never
know what to say, nor what to think but all I have is myself to give.
For those who will see, read and have something to say this is me in the other side.

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Care to join

best I ever had

love is spelled as time.

could not throw any of it without actually reading each one.

or the first love letter I received way back in high school

Nearing the end of 09

guess somethings never change.

how can it be, how can he?

I have fallen in love (with the same woman 3 times)

I have fallen in love (with the same woman 3 times)

Looming from the battle her courage will never fade.

Will there ever be a time Id be like her in Gods eyes?

dates and so much more

A long awaited Jesus Experience

Hopefully, this time its going to be something thats for keeps

another raining day.

Long and taxing day?

an extra event in an ordinary day

tear drops on my guitar

June 15, 2009 Filed under random thoughts

So I drive home alone

Never wanted to change at all

then last sat our

What you did to my heart

Ive been waiting so long

And the flashback starts

Romeo save me Ive been feeling so alone

Now and forever

just before i sleep

fallen, for the 100th time

somethings not right

bakit ndi subukan

Talaga yatang walang pag-asa

sana ako naman

think nor expect that time )

Just want to S-T-O-P

lost for words

Post : Written By A Guy (I appreciated it a lot)

Nothing is that important at 2 a.m. that it cant wait

till the morning.

Also, when we tell you youre pretty/ beautiful/ gorgeous/

cute/ stunning, we freaking mean it.

Dont tell us were wrong.

Well stop trying to convince you.

The sexiest thing about a girl is confidence.

Yeah, you can quote me.

Let us pay for you!

Dont feel bad

We enjoy doing it.

Smile and say thank you.

Kiss us when no ones watching.

You dont have to get dressed up for us.

shirt and boxers, not all dolled up

Dont take everything we say seriously.

Sarcasm is a beautiful thing. See the beauty in it.

Dont get angry easily.

Stop using magazines/media as your bible.

Whatever happened to the word handsome/beautiful?

Id be utterly stunned by a girl who greeted me

on the other hand Im not saying I wouldnt like it ether

Someone who will honor your morals.

Give the nice guys a chance

Girls repost this if you think its cute