The Republican Party Announces

Plan to Put a Republican on the

Moon by 2020
The Three Party Dispute Rocks Back and Forth with the Tides
February 5th 2010
In response to President Obama’s plan to eliminate NASA’s project to
put a “Man on the moon” by 2021, the Republican Party announced
that party functionaries were assembling a rocket that would put a
Republican politician, and a live elephant, on the moon by the year
2020. Republican Party Chairman Michael Steele denied that the
Republican moon shot plan was an attempt to embarrass or “one up”
the President. Instead, he said, that the Republican moon shot was
part of the party’s ongoing effort to reach out to new constituencies
and craters:
“Actually, we have been planning the Republican trip since George
Bush announced plans to send astronauts to Mars. It was then that we
realized the moon had been taken for granted by both parties, and
was ripe for a Republican takeover.”
Michael Steele added:
“Our first step is to assemble a six stage nuclear booster rocket. Our
second step is to train Republican politicians to handle the “light
weight” gravity of the moon. This will go quickly. Given the discussion
at recent Republican caucus meetings our party members already
have experience maneuvering in light weight environments.
Our third step, of course, is to set foot on the moon and declare the
entire lunar surface a flat tax zone.
Within hours of the Republican Party announcement, the breakaway
Tea Party announced they had developed a nautical saucer which
would transport two Tea Party candidates to the bottom of the 18,000
thousand foot deep Mariana Trench. There, according to a Tea Party
spokesman, the submersible candidates would declare the ocean
bottom a “no” tax zone. From there, the Tea saucer would launch a
“trench warfare” campaign to subvert the Republican Party from
underneath its own lunatic fringe.
The next day, an undisclosed White House spokesman told reporters
that Republicans were free expend resources to stretch out their
influence to other heavenly bodies.
To show good faith, across-the-aisle, the White House announced it
would provide Republican strategists with space maps that give clear
directions to the moon’s dark side.
Responding to the threat of a Democrat/Republican rapport, a Tea
spokesman slammed the Republican Party for not publically
slamming the President for canceling NASA’s moon-shot project. He
also blasted Republicans for not calling the entire Democratic party a
collection of “mother earth cuddling, deep space-avoiding, teacher-
pet-Al-Gore, wimps”.
To “show good faith” the Tea party offered to help Republicans scatter
a million food stamps across the moon’s surface to demonstrate to
future space traveling generations, how widespread U.S. Government
fraud, waste, and abuse had become under a Democratic
administration.
The White House hit back by stating that romantic tales by
"traditionalist Republican" writers had turned the moon into the
largest piece of fraud waste, and abuse in the solar system.
A Tea party spoken said that, actually moon’ driven tides were
proving critical to the Tea Party’s trench
based "currents and tide" Republican subversion campaign.
To attract voters, both conservative parties blasted Democrats for
halting visits to barren environments "just because"; such places do
not provide tax revenues for Washington D.C.'s “entitled class”.
A Democratic spokesperson said, that in contrast to the Tea and
Republican Party charge, most Democrats attend some form of
religious service each week.
To show good faith with the Tea party’s trench-based subversion
campaign, the Democratic spokesman said the White House
would provide the Tea party with Naval maps of the earth’s ocean
currents and coastal yacht clubs; clubs which the spokesman said "are
filled with disenchanted downstream” Republicans.
The next day Ralph Nader announced that by the year 2019 the Green
Party woud plant ten thousand "progressive" green voters inside the
deep interiors of the Worlds Rain Forests.
Pat Buchanan quickly followed by announcing the launching of the
"America First Party" and said, by the year 2020, the party would
plant over 20 million hispanic Americans south of the Rio Grande
border.
Afraid of being left out in the rush, the Liberterian party announced
they would place five hundred party members "at any location any
volunteer chooses to go."
Not to be outdone, the Government of China announced that, by the
year 2021, they would put six thousand U.S. politicians on the Great
Wall walkway for photo shoots and a day of inter-continental bribe
exchange.
After several days of aggressive intra-party one upmanship
competition, reporters caught up with President and asked him if he
regretted his moon shot decision and asked if the Democrats had
come up with a dramatic inspirational spot to place key Democratic
politicians.
The President answered that he was deliberating on the matter,
but did say, that by the year 2020, the Democrats hoped to place 50
different Democrats in the Governor’s office in 50 different State
Capitols.