YES WOMEN FANTASIZE

lexia LaFata in AdviceAug 29, 2014 12:37pm

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In 1973, it was believed that only men had sexual fantasies.

In fact, Cosmo even opened up a feature article that same year with,
Women do not have sexual fantasies, period. Men do.
Much has changed since then, of course. While we still live in an age
where female sexuality is more taboo than it should be, let the records
show that women enjoy sex just as much as men.
Women even have sex drives so high that men may not be able to
handle them, considering men have been so socialized to value their
own pleasure above a womans.
Did you know that a man can show his orgasm face in a movie, and the
movie can still be rated PG-13, but if a woman shows her orgasm
face,the film is automatically bumped to R or NC-17? What does this
say about how society perceives women experiencing pleasure?
Its time we contribute to the discussion and ponder our deepest sexual
fantasies.
If youve ever had a sexy thought pop into your head that flushed your
cheeks and made you shift in your seat, know that it probably wasnt
that crazy at all. Always kinky and sometimes uncontrollable, sexual
fantasies are far more common than you think.
Since these fantasies live within the unconscious mind, they sometimes
go a little further than your actual body might want to but, hey,
thats why theyre called fantasies.

1. Dominance

Matthew Hudson of Psychology Today says, Its been said that those
who are easy-going in real life tend be dominant in the bedroom, and
those with type-A personalities like to be submissive.
In an age where men systematically rule, women fantasize about being
dominant in the bedroom. Women want to have their bodies
worshipped, call the shots in bed and be begged for more. Laci Green,
YouTuber and public sex educator, says its about a combination of
being in a position of power and being desired.
In her book Garden of Desires, Emily Dubberley, British author and
journalist who specializes in sex and relationships, notes that dominant
sexual fantasies can include cheating on your boyfriend, controlling a
personal erotic slave, decking out in leather and embodying a true
dominatrix, or sticking to an assertive version of yourself. This fantasy
focuses on the woman mainly receiving the pleasure and the man
giving it to her without question.
Female sexuality is often overshadowed by a mans desire for sex, so
its only natural that women fantasize about being the most important
person in the bedroom.

2. Submission
Submission fantasies are a surprisingly common category, and they
include everything from simply giving in to the desires of a dominant
man, to BDSM, to sexual assault, to rape.
These fantasies tap into the question, To what extent is the personal
political? That is if youre a feminist and a strong, powerful woman,
why would the idea of completely submitting yourself to someone else
be such a turn-on?
Green hypothesizes three main theories: Submission fantasies,
specifically the most intense ones like rape, could be 1) an
internalization of extreme expressions of normal power dynamics, 2)
an extension of how our culture eroticizes aggression and violence, or
3) a guilt mechanism.
Submission means force, so women would be able to engage in wild
and crazy sexual escapades without feeling weird, or a sense of guilt,
about it. The idea would be that the woman tried to stop the kinky sex

from happening, but the pleasure came anyway, so you cant blame
her! Shes still innocent.
This is not to suggest that women want to be raped, sexually
assaulted, or give up control in life. Sex and life run on separate tracks,
says Linda Alperstein, a sex therapist from San Francisco. Being
spanked doesnt mean you wish for your husband to hurt you. Real-life
power struggles, Alperstein says, are not reflected in sex.
In some ways, according to Dr. Leon F. Seltzer, a woman putting herself
in a sexually submissive role is the ultimate level of control because its
such a stark variant from what she would do in real life.
The element of control here is having the choice to make such an
extreme decision. Forced submission, as is the case with real rape or
sexual assault, is obviously not a choice. In a submission fantasy,
however, a woman wants to be submissive. In other words, it is her
choice to do so.

3. Watch or Be Watched
Ah, voyeurism and exhibitionism. Whether youre doing it in a crowded
nightclub, in front of a large window so your neighbors can get a show
or watching other couples get it on, women fantasize about sex that
includes a witness. This can even include filming yourself and creating
a mini-porno to watch later.
Dr. Laura Berman says its all about the adrenaline that comes with the
fear of being caught in the act. Id say its like an extreme version of
that because, well, in some cases youve been caught.
Exhibition-style sex can also provide a huge ego boost. Dr. Drew
Ramsey, a psychiatrist at Columbia University Medical Center, told
Maxim that theres a sense of power that can be derived from
seducing someone at a distance.
Embodying a porn star and having someone watch you and get super
turned on is enough to make the even shyest girls get freaky. Its all
about being in control of someone elses pleasure.

4. Role-Playing
This can include simple or complicated role-playing. Simple role-playing
can mean just a change in your personality or embodiment of someone
else without getting dressed up.
Complex role-playing, such as dressing up as a teacher/student,
nurse/patient, or even stripper/CEO, involves acting and
shamelessness.
Feeling comfortable in real life, after telling your partner hes overdue
for a check up and you have to examine his prostate, is the key to roleplaying fantasies.
This includes another element of submission and dominance. Its about
taking a relationship between two people where one has more power
than the other (nurse and patient, for example, where the patient is at
the mercy of the person taking care of him), making the power
dynamic in said relationship extreme, and eroticizing it.
Its also about the anticipation. You and your partner are coming
together creatively to set a mood, set up an atmosphere and anticipate
the pleasure; all of this preparation heightens the excitement for the
main event.
As we know, anticipation increases levels of excitement, so taking the
time to construct and arrange the scene creates a big script to lead to
the finale.

5. Atypical One-On-One Session

How does sex with a woman or a celebrity sound? What about with an
ex or a stranger? Single women and women in relationships alike often
fantasize about these things.
These fantasies dont mean women in relationships love their partner
any less or that theyll necessarily act upon those fantasies; in fact,
many healthily married couples fantasize about having sex with other
people.
Dr. Joyce Brothers says this kind of fantasy is a perfectly legitimate
way to add variety to sex, since it spices things up without messing up

the monogamy. As long as it remains a fantasy and doesnt lead to

infidelity, its okay.
Celebrity
Ryan Reynolds is hot. No further explanation needed here.
Girl-on-Girl
Many women fantasize about having sex with another woman. This
doesnt necessarily mean theyre lesbians. Green points out that these
kinds of fantasies mean you can appreciate a womans body and
curves just as much as society does.
It also means women know that another woman would understand her
body perfectly and would know exactly how to get her to climax.
An Ex
As far as an ex goes, Dr. Berman says its normal to fantasize about an
ex who may have rocked you sexually, loved you and then left you
behind. In this case, its the familiarity that turns you on. You know your
ex knows exactly how to push your buttons.
Stranger
Women are turned on by the idea of having sex with a stranger. Its
about the spontaneity and the fact that youll never see this person
again.
Green says that women often feel inhibited in their sex lives and
unable to have casual sex without social repercussions, so in this
fantasy, a woman can let her freak flag fly without shame or guilt. This
person doesnt know her, and she doesnt know him. No judgment
here.

6. Group sex
Mnage a trois, anyone? Group sex, says Dubberley, is appealing
because it would literally be very stimulating. Multiple hands would be
touching you all over, in all of your erotic zones, whether the hands are

those of strangers or of other women to whom youre not normally

attracted.
About 15 percent of women fantasize about group sex, which means it
seems to offer the greatest division between emotions and pleasure.
Its a widely accepted idea that women need to feel emotions towards
someone to have sex with them. However, since a woman is probably
not going to be in love with everyone shes orgy-ing with, this fantasy
breaks that accepted stereotype.
Photo Courtesy: We Heart It