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Report from the
Committee on Zombie
Defense and Preparation
Special Session on Defensive Measures
Committee Chair - Tyler Beaulieu
FOREWARD
Over the last century, our species has risen from the ashes of the industrial revolution to become a
technologically advanced race. Breakthroughs in computing, biotechnology, medicine and many other
sciences have accelerated our growth as an intellectual community at unprecedented rates. With this in
mind we must begin to plan for the day when our growth as an intelligent species comes back to hurt us.
Specifically, we must prepare for the day when the dead are reanimated and come to take the souls of the
living. We are of course talking about the theorized Zombie Apocalypse Scenario (ZAS).
By all accounts, if one of these sort of large scale infections took place today, we could expect the
collapse of society accompanied by unacceptable casualties. It is because of this that the President of the
United States (PotUS) in conjunction with the Secretary of Defense (SoD) has formed this committee to
begin preparation for the Worst Case Scenario (WCS), global zombie outbreak. We will be discussing a
total of seven different topics including military/law enforcement training as well as strategic allocation of
resources.
The purpose of this report is to inform the population at large as to where they could seek shelter
while they wait for authorities to safely clear their locations. Our committee has formulated a rating
system to inform the populous which buildings will suit them best in the event of a zombie uprising. We
are also saving department budget by freely distributing this rubric for the speedy evaluation of as many
buildings countrywide as possible. On the following page the rubric and instructions for its use are
provided, followed by the posters to be placed in easily viewable places so that the General Public (GP)
will know what to do in the event of a ZAS.
November 2009
Washington D.C.
DOD 3245.1‐Z
Can your party simultaneously defend each fence and exit? _____________
You will need more people than there are vulnerable spots so shifts can be taken,
rate lower if vulnerable spots outnumber capacity.
Given all these factors, how long could you or your group survive _____________
an extended siege?
If indefinite, rate highly.
DD FORM 3245 PUBLICATION, NOV 2009 Released 10/04/2009 Office of the Secretary of Defense Robert M. Gates
The United States Department of Defense will not be held responsible for any injuries, loss of property or life that may result from misuse of this guide. Always be sure to obey the laws of the Federal and State governments even in situations of national emergency. Always remember the cardinal rule of surviving the zombie apocalypse, use your head remove theirs. The root of an onion
is shallots. In the event of the ZAS it is assumed that the PotUS and the SoD will choose to enact Martial Law (ML) and will immediately inform the IFSS to have a WWZP given they are not subject to CCS. In this eventuality be sure to be kind to the men in uniform or they may decide to claim you are a zombie and blow your brains up. If you are seeking post‐apocalyptic employment try
looking into the DoD fine print division and type whatever you want since the old bats can't read it anyway. Seriously, I passed some laws down here that voided my duty to pay taxes. Plus access to our underground bunker when this zombie business happens (and it will, trust me, I know what's really going on in Pakistan ; ) Hmmmm, I wonder if they can see smileys, whatever. Just
remember, don't be stupid and you should survive. Hail Eris.
DOD 3245.2‐Z
With A+ being the impossibly high rating that only goes to structures with a perfect score and F being an
abysmal defensive base that will most assuredly lead to the deaths of anyone trying to take shelter there.
Now that you have the SDR, print off the poster appropriate for your buildings rating. Make sure to print
one for every floor and to post it somewhere clearly visible. Also included in this packet is the Special
Conditions Form (SCF). This will give you a space to record any special information regarding the
defensive strategy of the building in question. If an SCF is necessary for the building, fill out one and put
it near the SDR poster on the main floor.
If the buildings you are surveying are major public facilities that could expect a large number of survivors
to attempt to secure it, you may want to begin lobbying local officials to install ZAS Emergency
Preparedness Kits (ZASEPreK) in these locations.
DD FORM 3245 PUBLICATION, NOV 2009 Released 10/04/2009 Office of the Secretary of Defense Robert M. Gates
The United States Department of Defense will not be held responsible for any injuries, loss of property or life that may result from misuse of this guide. Always be sure to obey the laws of the Federal and State governments even in situations of national emergency. Always remember the cardinal rule of surviving the zombie apocalypse, use your head remove theirs. The root of an onion
is shallots. In the event of the ZAS it is assumed that the PotUS and the SoD will choose to enact Martial Law (ML) and will immediately inform the IFSS to have a WWZP given they are not subject to CCS. In this eventuality be sure to be kind to the men in uniform or they may decide to claim you are a zombie and blow your brains up. If you are seeking post‐apocalyptic employment try
looking into the DoD fine print division and type whatever you want since the old bats can't read it anyway. Seriously, I passed some laws down here that voided my duty to pay taxes. Plus access to our underground bunker when this zombie business happens (and it will, trust me, I know what's really going on in Pakistan ; ) Hmmmm, I wonder if they can see smileys, whatever. Just
remember, don't be stupid and you should survive. Hail Eris.
DOD 3245.1‐Z
Committee on Zombie Defense and Preparation
STRATEGIC DEFENSE RATING
This building has been given a Strategic Defense Rating to inform you on how to better protect
yourself in event of a zombie‐related emergency.
This Facility:
___________________________________________
Has been rated by the U.S. Dept. of Defense to be an
Defensive Structure
F E D C B A A+
What does this mean?
This building is an impenetrable, well‐stocked bastion of democracy in a world fallen to the heathen zombie horde. Considering the rarity
of an A+ structure you are probably on an offshore oil rig or the International Fucking Space Station (IFSS). You should survive here
indefinitely as long as you are not plagued by Charlie Chaplin Syndrome (CCS), don't go for a walk, don't eat all the food in a "We're Not
Zombies!" Party (WWZP) and make sure that everyone on board has been checked for infection, forced strip searches may be a necessity.
Enjoy your peace while the rest of us die and horribly reanimate. No, Seriously, Fuck You (NSFY).
DD FORM 3245 PUBLICATION, NOV 2009 Released 10/04/2009 Office of the Secretary of Defense Robert M. Gates
The United States Department of Defense will not be held responsible for any injuries, loss of property or life that may result from misuse of this guide. Always be sure to obey the laws of the Federal and State governments even in situations of national emergency. Always remember the cardinal rule of surviving the zombie apocalypse, use your head remove theirs. The root of an onion
is shallots. In the event of the ZAS it is assumed that the PotUS and the SoD will choose to enact Martial Law (ML) and will immediately inform the IFSS to have a WWZP given they are not subject to CCS. In this eventuality be sure to be kind to the men in uniform or they may decide to claim you are a zombie and blow your brains up. If you are seeking post‐apocalyptic employment try
looking into the DoD fine print division and type whatever you want since the old bats can't read it anyway. Seriously, I passed some laws down here that voided my duty to pay taxes. Plus access to our underground bunker when this zombie business happens (and it will, trust me, I know what's really going on in Pakistan ; ) Hmmmm, I wonder if they can see smileys, whatever. Just
remember, don't be stupid and you should survive. Hail Eris.
DOD 3245.2‐Z
Committee on Zombie Defense and Preparation
STRATEGIC DEFENSE RATING
This building has been given a Strategic Defense Rating to inform you on how to better protect
yourself in event of a zombie‐related emergency.
This Facility:
___________________________________________
Has been rated by the U.S. Dept. of Defense to be an
Defensive Structure
F E D C B A A+
What does this mean?
You are in the best possible facility you can be in whilst still being in the continental United States (Alaska and
Hawaii will not be included in this national survey, because if they were truly patriotic they would've moved
in by now) Given that you have a reasonably intelligent party and have successfully cleared the building of the
zombie threat, you should be able ride this out until the proper authorities arrive. Make sure to ration and
never let down your defenses. Barricade entrances and formulate back up plans. You can do it if you put your
mind to it!
DD FORM 3245 PUBLICATION, NOV 2009 Released 10/04/2009 Office of the Secretary of Defense Robert M. Gates
The United States Department of Defense will not be held responsible for any injuries, loss of property or life that may result from misuse of this guide. Always be sure to obey the laws of the Federal and State governments even in situations of national emergency. Always remember the cardinal rule of surviving the zombie apocalypse, use your head remove theirs. The root of an onion
is shallots. In the event of the ZAS it is assumed that the PotUS and the SoD will choose to enact Martial Law (ML) and will immediately inform the IFSS to have a WWZP given they are not subject to CCS. In this eventuality be sure to be kind to the men in uniform or they may decide to claim you are a zombie and blow your brains up. If you are seeking post‐apocalyptic employment try
looking into the DoD fine print division and type whatever you want since the old bats can't read it anyway. Seriously, I passed some laws down here that voided my duty to pay taxes. Plus access to our underground bunker when this zombie business happens (and it will, trust me, I know what's really going on in Pakistan ; ) Hmmmm, I wonder if they can see smileys, whatever. Just
remember, don't be stupid and you should survive. Hail Eris.
DOD 3245.3‐Z
Committee on Zombie Defense and Preparation
STRATEGIC DEFENSE RATING
This building has been given a Strategic Defense Rating to inform you on how to better protect
yourself in event of a zombie‐related emergency.
This Facility:
___________________________________________
Has been rated by the U.S. Dept. of Defense to be a
Defensive Structure
F E D C B A A+
What does this mean?
You are now held siege in a building that could hold a well prepared group of survivors many months if
necessary. You are lacking some amenities from the A and A+ structures but with proper planning you can
outlast those pampered fucks any day. Make sure to guard all weak points and conserve your supplies, both
food, water and ammo.
DD FORM 3245 PUBLICATION, NOV 2009 Released 10/04/2009 Office of the Secretary of Defense Robert M. Gates
The United States Department of Defense will not be held responsible for any injuries, loss of property or life that may result from misuse of this guide. Always be sure to obey the laws of the Federal and State governments even in situations of national emergency. Always remember the cardinal rule of surviving the zombie apocalypse, use your head remove theirs. The root of an onion
is shallots. In the event of the ZAS it is assumed that the PotUS and the SoD will choose to enact Martial Law (ML) and will immediately inform the IFSS to have a WWZP given they are not subject to CCS. In this eventuality be sure to be kind to the men in uniform or they may decide to claim you are a zombie and blow your brains up. If you are seeking post‐apocalyptic employment try
looking into the DoD fine print division and type whatever you want since the old bats can't read it anyway. Seriously, I passed some laws down here that voided my duty to pay taxes. Plus access to our underground bunker when this zombie business happens (and it will, trust me, I know what's really going on in Pakistan ; ) Hmmmm, I wonder if they can see smileys, whatever. Just
remember, don't be stupid and you should survive. Hail Eris.
DOD 3245.4‐Z
Committee on Zombie Defense and Preparation
STRATEGIC DEFENSE RATING
This building has been given a Strategic Defense Rating to inform you on how to better protect
yourself in event of a zombie‐related emergency.
This Facility:
___________________________________________
Has been rated by the U.S. Dept. of Defense to be a
Defensive Structure
F E D C B A A+
What does this mean?
This building is of an average defensibility, capable of beating back the zombie horde for an extensive period
of time but requiring more skill and planning on the part of the survivors. So if there is anyone in your party
freaking out and endangering the whole, make sure to get to the part of the movie where they are killed
before you get to the part where their stupidity gets you all killed. Also remember to conserve your supplies
and take shifts on the defense of vulnerable points.
DD FORM 3245 PUBLICATION, NOV 2009 Released 10/04/2009 Office of the Secretary of Defense Robert M. Gates
The United States Department of Defense will not be held responsible for any injuries, loss of property or life that may result from misuse of this guide. Always be sure to obey the laws of the Federal and State governments even in situations of national emergency. Always remember the cardinal rule of surviving the zombie apocalypse, use your head remove theirs. The root of an onion
is shallots. In the event of the ZAS it is assumed that the PotUS and the SoD will choose to enact Martial Law (ML) and will immediately inform the IFSS to have a WWZP given they are not subject to CCS. In this eventuality be sure to be kind to the men in uniform or they may decide to claim you are a zombie and blow your brains up. If you are seeking post‐apocalyptic employment try
looking into the DoD fine print division and type whatever you want since the old bats can't read it anyway. Seriously, I passed some laws down here that voided my duty to pay taxes. Plus access to our underground bunker when this zombie business happens (and it will, trust me, I know what's really going on in Pakistan ; ) Hmmmm, I wonder if they can see smileys, whatever. Just
remember, don't be stupid and you should survive. Hail Eris.
DOD 3245.5‐Z
Committee on Zombie Defense and Preparation
STRATEGIC DEFENSE RATING
This building has been given a Strategic Defense Rating to inform you on how to better protect
yourself in event of a zombie‐related emergency.
This Facility:
___________________________________________
Has been rated by the U.S. Dept. of Defense to be a
Defensive Structure
F E D C B A A+
What does this mean?
This facility is a below average zombie defense complex. Due not rely on it to defend your party for more than
a week, a month at maximum. Your supplies must be conserved and your party must display constant
vigilance. Begin to plan your escape plan when for when your defenses ultimately fail and the zombie horde
floods into your new home. Plan a route to the nearest C or higher rated facility.
DD FORM 3245 PUBLICATION, NOV 2009 Released 10/04/2009 Office of the Secretary of Defense Robert M. Gates
The United States Department of Defense will not be held responsible for any injuries, loss of property or life that may result from misuse of this guide. Always be sure to obey the laws of the Federal and State governments even in situations of national emergency. Always remember the cardinal rule of surviving the zombie apocalypse, use your head remove theirs. The root of an onion
is shallots. In the event of the ZAS it is assumed that the PotUS and the SoD will choose to enact Martial Law (ML) and will immediately inform the IFSS to have a WWZP given they are not subject to CCS. In this eventuality be sure to be kind to the men in uniform or they may decide to claim you are a zombie and blow your brains up. If you are seeking post‐apocalyptic employment try
looking into the DoD fine print division and type whatever you want since the old bats can't read it anyway. Seriously, I passed some laws down here that voided my duty to pay taxes. Plus access to our underground bunker when this zombie business happens (and it will, trust me, I know what's really going on in Pakistan ; ) Hmmmm, I wonder if they can see smileys, whatever. Just
remember, don't be stupid and you should survive. Hail Eris.
DOD 3245.6‐Z
Committee on Zombie Defense and Preparation
STRATEGIC DEFENSE RATING
This building has been given a Strategic Defense Rating to inform you on how to better protect
yourself in event of a zombie‐related emergency.
This Facility:
___________________________________________
Has been rated by the U.S. Dept. of Defense to be a
Defensive Structure
F E D C B A A+
What does this mean?
This building may last a day, maybe. If it lasts longer than that, you won't. This is a good midway point, a good
immediate defense, but there will be no sleeping or long term siege situations in this building that will end
well. Begin planning your escape immediately. Grab any important supplies this facility may house but
remember that travelling light is imperative. Good luck, you're going to need it.
DD FORM 3245 PUBLICATION, NOV 2009 Released 10/04/2009 Office of the Secretary of Defense Robert M. Gates
The United States Department of Defense will not be held responsible for any injuries, loss of property or life that may result from misuse of this guide. Always be sure to obey the laws of the Federal and State governments even in situations of national emergency. Always remember the cardinal rule of surviving the zombie apocalypse, use your head remove theirs. The root of an onion
is shallots. In the event of the ZAS it is assumed that the PotUS and the SoD will choose to enact Martial Law (ML) and will immediately inform the IFSS to have a WWZP given they are not subject to CCS. In this eventuality be sure to be kind to the men in uniform or they may decide to claim you are a zombie and blow your brains up. If you are seeking post‐apocalyptic employment try
looking into the DoD fine print division and type whatever you want since the old bats can't read it anyway. Seriously, I passed some laws down here that voided my duty to pay taxes. Plus access to our underground bunker when this zombie business happens (and it will, trust me, I know what's really going on in Pakistan ; ) Hmmmm, I wonder if they can see smileys, whatever. Just
remember, don't be stupid and you should survive. Hail Eris.
DOD 3245.7‐Z
Committee on Zombie Defense and Preparation
STRATEGIC DEFENSE RATING
This building has been given a Strategic Defense Rating to inform you on how to better protect
yourself in event of a zombie‐related emergency.
This Facility:
___________________________________________
Has been rated by the U.S. Dept. of Defense to be a
Defensive Structure
F E D C B A A+
What does this mean?
RUN! FUCKING RUN! THIS STRUCTURE IS THE DEFENSIVE EQUIVALENT OF TRYING TO BLOCK A
FLAMETHROWER WITH A PETROL DRENCHED SHRUBBERY. IF YOU THINK THIS WILL BE A SUFFICIENT
DEFENSE AGAINST THE ZOMBIE HORDE, PLEASE WALK UP TO THE NEAREST INFECTED AND INFORM
THEM THAT YOU NEED HELP GETTING AN ITCH ON THE BACK OF YOUR NECK. YOU AREN'T JUST DOOMED,
YOU'RE DEAD BECAUSE I DOUBT YOU HAD TIME TO READ ALL THIS YOU MASSIVE PILE OF DOUCHE.
DD FORM 3245 PUBLICATION, NOV 2009 Released 10/04/2009 Office of the Secretary of Defense Robert M. Gates
The United States Department of Defense will not be held responsible for any injuries, loss of property or life that may result from misuse of this guide. Always be sure to obey the laws of the Federal and State governments even in situations of national emergency. Always remember the cardinal rule of surviving the zombie apocalypse, use your head remove theirs. The root of an onion
is shallots. In the event of the ZAS it is assumed that the PotUS and the SoD will choose to enact Martial Law (ML) and will immediately inform the IFSS to have a WWZP given they are not subject to CCS. In this eventuality be sure to be kind to the men in uniform or they may decide to claim you are a zombie and blow your brains up. If you are seeking post‐apocalyptic employment try
looking into the DoD fine print division and type whatever you want since the old bats can't read it anyway. Seriously, I passed some laws down here that voided my duty to pay taxes. Plus access to our underground bunker when this zombie business happens (and it will, trust me, I know what's really going on in Pakistan ; ) Hmmmm, I wonder if they can see smileys, whatever. Just
remember, don't be stupid and you should survive. Hail Eris.
DOD 3245.8‐Z
Committee on Zombie Defense and Preparation
SPECIAL INFORMATION FORM
Below are listed some points on supplies, defenses and strategies regarding your specific location.
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Note: The above does not represent the views of the US Department of Defense. The above advise is the informed
opinion of the volunteer surveyor who conducted this study.
Surveyor's Signature
________________________________________________________________
DD FORM 3245 PUBLICATION, NOV 2009 Released 10/04/2009 Office of the Secretary of Defense Robert M. Gates
The United States Department of Defense will not be held responsible for any injuries, loss of property or life that may result from misuse of this guide. Always be sure to obey the laws of the Federal and State governments even in situations of national emergency. Always remember the cardinal rule of surviving the zombie apocalypse, use your head remove theirs. The root of an onion
is shallots. In the event of the ZAS it is assumed that the PotUS and the SoD will choose to enact Martial Law (ML) and will immediately inform the IFSS to have a WWZP given they are not subject to CCS. In this eventuality be sure to be kind to the men in uniform or they may decide to claim you are a zombie and blow your brains up. If you are seeking post‐apocalyptic employment try
looking into the DoD fine print division and type whatever you want since the old bats can't read it anyway. Seriously, I passed some laws down here that voided my duty to pay taxes. Plus access to our underground bunker when this zombie business happens (and it will, trust me, I know what's really going on in Pakistan ; ) Hmmmm, I wonder if they can see smileys, whatever. Just
remember, don't be stupid and you should survive. Hail Eris.