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High Anxiety
Recently, I re-watched the movie High
Anxiety, directed by and starring Mel
Brooks. Mel Brooks movies are usually
hilarious, but the opening sequence of
High Anxiety made me want to cry. You
see an airport and a Lockheed Constellation (with its four propeller-driven
engines; graceful, curved fuselage; and
triple tailprobably the most beautiful
passenger aircraft ever built) about to
land. The plane touches down, taxis,
and parks on the tarmac, and a high
stairway is wheeled up. The door opens.
An attractive stewardess in a crisp TWA
uniform comes to the top of the stairs
and says goodbye to the passengers
as they disembark. The women are in
dresses or pantsuits, and the men are
all in coat and tie plus a hat.
I did not see any unshaven youth
in cargo shorts, flip-flops, and a backpack. I saw no one carrying more than
a purse or a briefcase. Cell phones and
laptops were still unimagined. I felt a
wave of nostalgia and bitterness.
If there is one skill that all CFA Institute members have mastered, it is the
ability to maneuver as an airline customer. Fares are low, but the ambience
in a 737 is like a subway car without
the fashion sense.
The real harm has been caused not
by the airlines attempt to raise the
fares but by charging for checking your
suitcase. They want $25 and 20 extra
minutes of your time to use their antiquated baggage-handling system. The
predictable result is a big decline in the
amount of baggage checked and a massive increase in the number of carryons with wheels, backpacks, grocery
bags, and anvilsall of which we try
to cram into the overhead bins.
I have talked to people expert in
occupational safety regulations and
workers compensation claims, and none
of them would allow a robust young factory worker to maneuver heavy items
above his head. Airline passengers are
exempt. The airlines have got to think
48 CFA Institute Magazine March/April 2014