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Math Jokes

After her husband's death, the elderly lady decided to go back to school and get a degree in
A few weeks into the term, she storms into the dean's office, exclaiming: "I've been silent until
now - but I'm not going to take these obscenities anymore!"
"What obscenities are you talking about?"
She reaches into her purse and pulls out a notebook. "I noted of all of them. In my presence,
professors had the complete lack of decency to speak of" - she leafs through her notebook -
"Bruhat-Tits spaces, a pumping lemma, and even degenerate colonels!"
A mathematician and his best friend, an engineer, attend a public lecture on
geometry in thirteen-dimensional space.
"How did you like it?" the mathematician wants to know after the talk.
"My head's spinning", the engineer confesses. "How can you develop any intuition
for thirteen-dimensional space?"
"Well, it's not even difficult. All I do is visualize the situation in arbitrary N-
dimensional space and then set N = 13."

"So how's your boyfriend doing, the math student?"

"Don't mention that crazy pervert to me anymore! We broke up."
"How can you say such a nasty thing about him? He seemed to be such a nice boy."

"Imagine! He was restless during the days and couldn't sleep at night - always
trying to solve his math problems. When he had finally done it, he wasn't happy: he
would call himself a complete idiot and throw all his notes into the garbage. One
day, I couldn't take it anymore, and I told him to drop math. You know what he told
"He said, he enjoyed it!!!"
Math Prayer

1 Lord teach us to make our days

And graph them according to Your paln
Trusting you to base us Your plan
To complement Your perfect diagram.
2 Subtract the points You don’t want from us
And add the values You have set for us
Divide the values we possess accordingly
So we can multiply them systematically.
3 Draw the line we have to follow
Guiding us properly with Your arrow
Because sometimes we tend to be irrational
Yet all the while You want us to be rational.
4 When we learned that life is a slope
With all the ascends and descents
We must cope goimg through such a wonderful formula
Is just like solving problem in algebra.
5 Life is indeed Your computation
And we only a minuscule prohection
Give thank and praise to Your Almighty Creation.
Math Poem

Number Poem

Down you run and 1 is done.

Around, and down, and out go you,

That's the way to make a 2.

Around, and around, like a bee,

That's the way to make a 3.

Down, across, and down once more,

That's the way to make a 4.

Short neck, belly fat,

Number 5 wears a hat.

Down, around, in a circle you go,

That's a six, just as you know.

Straight across, slide down from heaven,

That's the way to make a 7.

First a snake, then come back straight,

That's the way to make an 8.

First a ball and then a line,

That's the way to make a 9.

Tall straight, circle then,

That's the way to make a 10
Math Songs

You can slide them sideways
Or move them up and down.
You can flip them over
Or turn them round and round!
I - sometries, I - sometries,
Rigid transformations -
Reflect, rotate, translations -
Any way you please!

If I were the king of the world,

I'll tell you what I'd do:
I'd translate, rotate, and reflect
A great big smile to you!