Teaching Your Children Healthy Sexuality

Small Group Curriculum Leader’s Guide, Session 3

How and When to Talk with Your Kids about Sex and Sexuality

INTRODUCTORY SESSION NOTES

In order to make the most out of facilitating this series experience, be sure to read the curriculum introduction document in
Teaching Your Children Healthy Sexuality prior to preparing for Session #3.

THE BIG IDEA

To be successful in talking with their children about sex and sexuality, parents must intentionally create a plan and a
purpose.

GOALS OF THE SESSION

• Explore the age-appropriate issues that need to be discussed with our children in regard to their blossoming
sexuality.
• Challenge participants to develop a plan to talk with their children about these age-appropriate issues.
• Discover tools that will help participants feel more confident in having frank and open dialogue with their children
about sex and sexuality.
• Lead participants in taking action on their plan, using the group community as a place of encouragement and
support.

LEADER’S PREPARATION
• Be sure to read chapter 4 in Teaching Your Children Healthy Sexuality before the session, making sure to highlight
ideas, quotes or comments that you would like to explore in the group setting.

SUPPLIES
• Television and DVD player.
• Prior to the session, make sure that each participant (or each couple) in the group has a copy of Teaching Your
Children Healthy Sexuality.
• Print enough copies of the Participant’s Guide Session #3 from the CD-ROM to distribute to each participant at the
beginning of the session.
• Enough pens or pencils for each participant to use.

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1. Getting Connected:

JUST FOR FUN (OPTIONAL)

When I Was a Teen Bingo: The “Vacation Bingo” game sheet is on the last page of this session. It is also found in the
Participant Guide for this session. If you choose not to use this activity, do not include it when printing the Participant
Guide. Read the instructions found on the game sheet to the participants. When everyone is ready, yell “Go!” The first
person to yell, “Bingo!” wins. If none of the participants can get four signed boxes in a row, call an end to the game and
declare that the person with the most signed boxes is the winner.

CHECK IN
Have participants pair up with their partner from the end of the last session and take a few minutes to share with each other
how they did on the action step they intended to take.

LEADER’S NOTE
As you begin your group session, keep in mind that this may be a difficult subject for the participants in your group. Some
may have had wonderful sex education from their parents, while others most undoubtedly did not. Some participants will
feel at ease in thinking about having these kinds of discussions with their children, while others will be nearly paralyzed by
the thought of talking with their kids about sex. Your job as facilitator of this session is to help parents overcome some of
the fears they may have and leave the session with a renewed sense of purpose and a clear plan.

With your group gathered together, have each participant respond briefly to the following:
1. What is one thing you would have loved to hear from your parents when it came to healthy sexuality?
2. How do you feel about talking openly with your children about sexuality? Do you think it’s easy or difficult? Why?

2. Getting Started:

Gather the large group together and ask participants to interact with the following questions:
1. What kind of discussions have you had with your children about sex and sexuality?
2. If you have talked with them about this issue, was the conversation easier or harder than you thought it would be?
How so?
3. If you had one piece of advice for parents who fear this kind of conversation, what would it be?

3. Video:

By way of introducing the video segment, ask participants what they have enjoyed the most about the watching the
video segments of the curriculum. Let participants know that in this session’s video segment, Jim helps parents gain
understanding on age-appropriate sexuality topics, and shares how the Burns family handled the issues.

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4. Going Deeper:

LEADER’S NOTE
As we move into a segment of the group time where we will focus on the age-appropriate issues, keep in mind that some
participants not only have a fear of speaking with their children, but literally might not even be able to use some of the
vocabulary in the chapter in speaking with other adults. Be sensitive that this may be due to hurtful experiences that
participants have had in the past. Allow participants to be free to use the wording they feel most comfortable with.

Ask the following questions:

1. As you read chapter 4 of Teaching Your Children Healthy Sexuality, was there an idea or a comment that connected
most with you? What was it?
2. In the chapter, Jim makes the following statement; “Of course, teaching children about healthy sexuality is much
more than passing along information. It is about encouraging wholesome relationships and attitudes. It is about
laying a foundation for a lifelong, healthy ‘theology of sexuality’.” What do you think of this comment? What do
you feel is at the heart of what Jim is driving at?
3. When it comes to sharing age-appropriate information with kids, what kinds of challenges do parents face in
making determinations about what is and isn’t appropriate?
4. How comfortable or uncomfortable are you with sharing graphic sexual information with your kids? Why?
5. What are some things parents can do to make such a conversation more comfortable for themselves and their child?
Brainstorm ideas together.

LEADER’S NOTE
For the next question, be prepared to recap the content that Jim shared in the book and in the video segment about the two
rites of passage that he and Cathy utilized with their daughters.

6. In the book, Jim mentions two “rites of passage” that he feels are key times to discuss sexuality with kids: puberty
and a commitment to purity “date.” How do you feel about these? How could those be helpful in the future with
your children? Why or why not?

5. In the Word:

LEADER’S NOTE
This section has been created in an effort to have participants interact with what the Scriptures have to say in regards to this
session’s topic. Depending on the amount of time you have for this section, you can choose between either having the entire
group read through the passage and discuss the questions or forming smaller groups of 4 to 6 people to foster relationship-
building and greater participation in discussion.

Read Proverbs 11:14

1. How could the wisdom of this proverb apply to parenting? How could it apply to the issues surrounding your
children developing a healthy sexuality?
2. Who have you relied upon for wisdom and insight on parenting issues? What has been the benefit? How might this
person help in having these kinds of conversations about sex and sexuality with your children?
3. What will you do this week to gain the wisdom and insight of others?

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6. So What?

The following section is to be completed as a husband and wife or individually if the participant has come by themselves.
The goal of this time is to have each couple or individual honestly assess what issues they have spoken with their children
about and the issues they need to speak to them about. As always, the desire is that each participant leave the session with a
renewed vision for practical, specific steps they can take in helping their children foster a healthy, God-honoring sexuality.

Prompt couples or individuals to find a spot in your meeting area where they can be alone. Have them read the instructions
on the “Sexuality Topics” page and spend time working through the activity.

After about 10 minutes, have everyone gather back together and invite participants to share their observations and thoughts
about the activity with the rest of the group. You are not necessarily asking them to share every detail, but do invite them to
share some of their big picture larger observations from the exercise.

Ask participants whether they have any concerns about how to talk with their children about a specific topic in an age-
appropriate way. If a participant shares a topic, prompt the group to suggest ideas and encouragement.

Have participants form pairs (with spouses if possible). Challenge partners to make a verbal pledge to one another to have a
conversation with their children on the topic they feel the most pressing need to address.

7. Conclusion:

Close your time together by spending few moments in corporate prayer. Allow participants the freedom to pray about
whatever they wish, either out loud, or in private. Close the prayer time by asking God to give participants strength and
peace as they begin to enter into dialogues with their children about these important issues.

8. For The Next Session...

Encourage participants to read chapter 5, “Sex Outside of Marriage: Choices and Consequences,” in preparation for the next
session.

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When I Was A Teen Bingo
Find others in your group who qualify to “sign off” on the statements in the boxes below. No one person in your group can
sign more than two of your boxes. As soon as you have four signed boxes in a row (horizontal, vertical or diagonal), yell
“Bingo”! The first person to yell “Bingo” wins the game.

I went on a date before I was I was a good kisser. I was an athlete. I asked someone out on a
16. date and they turned me
down.

My parents provided me I went to a school dance I admit it—I occasionally I never dated while in High
with good sex education. alone. spent time on dates “making School.
out.”

I went to my senior prom. One of my parents gave me I wore a mullet hairstyle. I dated two or more boys or
“the talk” about sex. girls at once.

I grew up thinking that sex I was dumped by a boyfriend My car actually ran out of My friends boasted about
was “dirty.” or girlfriend. gas while on a date. having sex, but were lying.

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Sexuality Topics

Directions: Read through this list of “Sexuality Topics.” As you think about your children, which of the topics listed have
you begun to dialogue with them about? Which topics haven’t you addressed yet? Which do you feel are the most pressing
to discuss with them?
Put a checkmark next to the items you have begun to converse with them about.
Put an exclamation point next to the ones that you feel are most pressing at this time.
(If you have more than one child, write their names next to topics you have already begun to discuss with them and their
name and an exclamation point next to topics you feel are most pressing to begin talking about.)

Puberty Details: Sexual intercourse Technical virginity

Male: Pregnancy and birth Oral sex
Penis Appropriate touch and Co-habitation
Foreskin inappropriate touch Secondary virginity
Scrotum Cultural influences and learning to Hooking up/Friends with benefits
discern right from wrong
Seminal vesicles Abusive relationships
Radical respect for the opposite sex
Prostate Compromising values
Your body is the temple of God
Testicles Consequences of sexual activity
Pornography
Sperm Drug and Alcohol use and abuse
Internet influence
Erections Christians dating non-Christians
Sexual abuse
Ejaculation Depression and sex
Lust
Wet dreams Nutrition
Sexual purity pledge
Reproduction and female Hygiene
reproductive organs The power of friendships
Eating disorders
Rectum Movie, music, and other media
influences Date rape
Grace and forgiveness Birth control
Female: Gender identity confusion and
Emotions
Ovaries homosexuality
Self-image
Fallopian tubes Masturbation
Peer pressure
Uterus Setting standards
Building a theology of healthy
Cervix sexuality Self control and self discipline
Vagina and vaginal canal Flirting Accountability
Hymen Partying Temptation
Urethra True beauty Unwed pregnancies
Labia Clothes and modesty issues Abortion
Clitoris Your mind is a sex organ too Why wait?
Vulva How far is too far? Unconditional love
Eggs Sexually Transmitted Diseases
Menstruation HIV/AIDS
Reproduction and male Dating
reproductive organs

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