A Survival Guide for the Single Girl

Written & Illustrated by Meghan Rudorfer

A
Survival Guide
for

SINGLEGIRL

Written & Illustrated by

Meghan Rudorfer

A Survival Guide for The Single Girl.

Written by Meghan Rudorfer.
Copyright 2015 Meghan Rudorfer.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in
a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic,
mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without prior consent of the publishers.

A
Survival Guide
for

SINGLEGIRL

Written & Illustrated by

Meghan Rudorfer

This book is dedicated to fearless womenyoung and old

who color outside the lines and think outside the box.
&
To my motherwho has graciously shared her hard learned lessons with me,
and for whom my admiration and love holds no bounds.

Table of Contents
Introduction

Chapter 1: Love

11

Chapter 2: Your

23

Chapter 3: Self

33

Conclusion

45

Special Thanks

47

Introduction
Growing up, I wasnt raised watching the T.V. shows or movies the kids my age were watching. I didnt go
to school with bologne and American cheese sandwiches for lunch. I never understood why my mother
insisted on sending me to school with organic chicken over a bed of mixed greens or why she constantly
pulled my shoulders back and said, Meggie, youre slouching, or why she looked so heartbroken when
she would find a beautiful sweater on the floor in a ball. My understanding for my mothers pearls of
wisdom didnt begin to resonate until the day after my twenty-sixth birthday, and was single and living
alone. We can lovingly refer to this day as the Oh Shit-Day that will go down in the history books of me.
On this day, I woke up with a rip-roaring hangover, not a single grocery item in the fridge, dirty laundry
hanging from the chandelier, a pimple the size of a planet on my chin, dark circles under my eyes, hair going
a million different directions, and not enough time to shower because I was already late to work. Scrambling
to get my metaphorical shit together, and probably looking like a resident of the state institution, I kept
saying that same thing over and over to myself, Im too old for this shit! When I finally got home from,
what seemed like the longest day of my life, I threw myself in bed and began to think about how I wanted
to take charge and create a life that I wanted, rather than living day to day cleaning up the aftermath
of my living in the moment choices. Beginning to do the downward spiral, as my mother refers to
my moments of emotional overload, I began to make a list of choices I could make or things I could do
to help myself achieve the life I wanted, and quite frankly grow up. After writing the list, I realized that
26 years worth of advice, guidance, and wisdom infused into my cells by my mother, since the day I was
born, was lying on the page. The many moments of question and denial of my mothers life lessons had
finally come full circle, and I guess she was right, again!

:
1 Love

11

The most important date you will ever go on is with yourself.

For the longest time, when my mother would encourage me to date myself and take time to care for my
life, I would look at her like she had six heads. Date myself? Why the hell would I do that? Dont we date
other people so that we dont have to date ourselves? The beauty of this quote is that it smacks us, young
women, in our metaphorical faces and encourages the idea that taking time for yourself is one of the most
important gifts we can give ourselves. Whether it is painting your nails, sending yourself flowers, cooking
a fabulous dinner for one, or soaking in a bubble bath with a delicious glass of Pinot Noirtake time and
gift yourself with a date night for one, so that you feel the love you have for yourself.

12

Be selfish.
Um, hello?! Mother dearest, did or did you not drill it into me that sharing is caring? So, what is this whole
be selfish thing you are telling me to do? Maybe its the fact that I have found my first grey hair or that my
mothers wisdom has finally started to permeate my thick, Irish-German skull, but I am finding that being
selfish is a practice all single girls should take part in. It sounds horrible, I knowbut truly it is the most
generous thing you can give yourself and those around you. Being selfish means taking care of yourself
before those around you. It means making yourself happy, so that someone else can add to your happiness.
It means taking time to get to know yourself, so you know exactly who you are and what you want.

13

Get steady before going steady.

Wiser words were never spoken. How can you expect someone to meet your needs if you dont even
know what the heck your needs are? GirliesI know, a good rom-com movie can make even the steadiest
of us believe, for a second, that the one will magically posses the power of telepathy and be able to meet
our every deep down need, dream, and wish, but seriouslyif you havent gotten your shit together, then
chances are a boyfriend isnt going to help. Slow it down ladiestake the time to get to know yourself
before you get to know someone else.

14

Never

cry over a man who wont cry over you.

When my mother first said this to me, I remember thinking to myselfmy heart is broken, and you
seriously expect me to not even shed a tear? All I wanted to do was spend the next few days hugging
a box of tissue, eating a pint of Ben & Jerrys, and over-analyzing every single moment leading up to
said heartbreak. When I finally asked my mother what she meant, she explained to me that someone
that is worth your love and energy wont break your heart and inspire you to become best friends with
a box of tissues. So, instead of spending countless hours thinking about what went wrong and what
you did or didnt dothink about it this way. Take with you the lessons you learned about yourself and
what you want from future relationships, and leave behind the heartbreak, tears, and blame
a relationship that is worth all that you have to give, will not leave you crying in the corner.

15

Squeeze a lot of tomatoes before you put one in your cart.

This one is important, girliesso highlight, bookmark, copy, or frame this pearl of wisdom. Dont be afraid
to date many and date oftendate being the keyword. You never know until you try, and if you dont go on
dates with all kinds of different people, you will never know what you really like in another person.

16

20 dates.
Yep, thats right girlskeep your clothes on for a good, long while. If they are someone that really cares
about you, then they will wait. So, dont be a slave to your hormones and when you are sure he is someone
who will take care of your heart, then go ahead and rip your clothes off and have wild, monkey sex.

17

Fall in love with someone that loves you more.

Its the truth. I have never met a fellow single girl that has not wanted to be adored and loved inside
and out, or who has enjoyed wondering if the person they are in love with loves them too. We all want
to be surrounded by people that understand who we are and love us all the moreso stop getting in
your own way. Love is something that grows over time for those that treat us as we want to be treated,
appreciate us for who we are, and add to our lives. A tight ass, a bicep tattoo, and a nice shagnot so
much. Get wise, girls, and surround yourself with people that love you for you.

18

Dont make excuses.

If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duckits a fucking duck, ladies.

19

Who cares if they like you! The question is do you like them?
Girls, write this on your mirrors, hang it on your fridge, and tape it to your front door so you will memorize
your new mantra. Namaste.

20

Dont let anyone talk you out of your feelings.

Question: Who knows you better than you know yourself?
Answer: No one.
You feel how you feel for a reason. Always listen to your instincts.

21

:
2 Your

23

Surround yourself with beauty.

As a dear friend once said, budget, budget budget, I am letting all my single girls know that I am all
for living modestlywhile being surrounded by beautiful things. I didnt realize until I lived alone, that
coming home to a beautiful candle, a delicious bottle of vino, or a piece of art on the wall that makes
you smile, is so important to keeping our inspiration strong and our hearts happy.

24

Did you really throw that beautiful sweater on the floor?

I cant even count the number of times my mother asked me this whilst staring at a beautiful piece of
clothing balled up on the floorand it wasnt until I was the only one to pick up my clothing that
I realized how fucking fabulous it is to walk into a clean apartment after a 12-hour day.
So, say it with me nowyou wear it, you hang it.

25

I
should teach a
how to walk in high heels class for women!
Okay girls, this is another big onewalking in high heels. All too often you see women, young and
old, hobbling around in high heels as if they are morphing into a T-Rex that is being sucked into the
center of the earth. I know you know what I am talking about, and its never good. What is the secret
to walking in high heels like you are channeling New York Fashion Week runway models? Step on a
straight leg. It sounds ridiculous but trust methis is a game changer!

26

Things will look better in the morning.

Get wise girls. Dont skimp on your mattress purchase. We spend a third of our lives in bed, so be sure
you are getting your eight hours in a fabulous, plush bed.

27

Dont let somebody else tell you what you like.

Be honest girls, when is the last time a cute date, friend, or even your mother convinced you to go to
that Italian restaurant you never wanted to try or buy that skirt that secretly you werent sure about?
It happens all too often and all too easily. This is where time for you becomes important. Take time to
figure out what you like and dont like. Even though going with the flow seems like no big dealoh no
sister soldier, that shit builds up, and then one day you are two snaps away from shoving your Jimmy
Choos in someones eyeball. Do yourself, and all the people around you, a favortake time to figure
out what you like, want, and need, so those around you can add to your happiness.

28

Burn your sweatpants.

Repeat after meburn thy sweatpants right fucking now! Why you ask? Because no girl really feels
good about herself after day 2 of drowning in your ex-boyfriends XX-L sweatpants. It doesnt matter
if you are going to the grocery store, the gym, or walking your doghelp me, help you feel fabulous
inside and outside all the time. Trust me girls, burn those sweatpants and get yourself a boombsey
huggin pair of yoga pants that you can dress up or dress down and still look and feel fabulous!

29

L
ift & separate.
The most important thing a girl can invest her hard earned money into is a bra that does your boombooms justiceand I am not talking about Victorias Secret. Dont let your girls end up down by your
knees when you are forty and fabulous! Every time you buy a bra from a big girl department store,
get measured and invest in a bra that is comfortable, cute, and lifts & separates!

30

Do we need a little therapy?

Life getting you down? Well, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and do something for yourself that
makes you feel beautiful inside and out! Whether it be treating yourself to a pedicure, buying that
fabulous clutch you had been saving for, or soaking in a bubble bath for hours do it! Never discount
the power of a little therapy with and for yourself, girls. It is always worth it!

31

33

:
3 Self

L
isten to your body.
As we established earlier, you know yourself better than anyone else, so listen to what you are saying
to yourself. Health is king and your body naturally wants to be healthy, so when you are hungry, eat or
when you are tired, sleep. Always trust that you have your best interest at heart.

34

Youre giving me what I need, so let me shine for you.

Like most things in life, when you pour TLC into something, it will result in a positive outcomewell
girls, the same is true with our bodies. If you give your body the tender love and care it so desperately
desires, but seldom gets, it will shine from the inside out. Us, girls, dont have the luxury of being able
to pull off the tired, 5 o clock shadowed, bad boy look that some of Hollywoods hottest hunks do at
the age of 40. Father time plasters himself all over us as we drift in to our 30sthat bastard. So as my
mother reminds me, oh so very often, You only have one body and you have to live in it for the rest
of your lifeoh, and you wont be young forever. Be kind and take time for you, girlsyour body will
thank you for it.

35

I
t s easier to not have any than it is to have one or two.
And God aint that the truth. Moderation is the key to happiness, girlfriend, and it takes practice.
Trust yourself and allow yourself to savor a cookie, or two, and I promise that when you wake up the
next day, you will not resemble two ton tilly.

36

Olive oil & garlic.

You will probably find this fact incredibly hard to believe, but I have been eating vegetables, of all kinds
might I add, since I was in a high chair, still trying to differentiate my nose from my boobmsey (thats your
bum). It seems the plight of every mother is to get their children to eat vegetablesespecially the green
ones, so how can this be? Drum roll, please... olive oil and garlic! Two ingredients all single girls must have
in their kitchens, as they make everything taste delicious to even the most dedicated of anti-veggites.
Whether it be kale, swiss chard, spinach, or Brussels sproutsall you need to do is preheat a pan on
medium heat and drizzle it with olive oil. Crush a few cloves of garlic and toss it with the vegetable of your
choice, into the pan. Saut for 10 minutes or until your kitchen smells amazing. Plate, sprinkle with a little
salt, and bon apptit. You will love eating your veggies, and your skin will glow from the inside out!

37

Did you take your vitties this morning?

Every morning, when I was a little girl, my mother used to make me breakfast, and alongside my bowl
of oatmeal sat my morning vitaminsthe bane of my existence. So, being the creative child that I was,
when my mother would turn her back, I would swiftly shove my vitamins into the houseplant next to the
tableand when my mother asked me, Meghan, did you take your vitties?, I would shake my head
with glee and say, Yes, Mommy! Needless to say, after years of this secret plan, my mother discovered hundreds of vitamins resting peacefully in the houseplant next to the table. When I discovered
that my grand scheme had been blown to bits, I sheepishly asked my mother, Mommy, are you mad at
me? And she replied with words that became the inspiration for this book, No honey, Im not mad.
You will realize that Im right when you are older.

38

Find something you like to do and get off your ass.

Tough love, but full of truth. We were not born to sit for 8, 9, 10 hours every day, girls. We were born
to be movers, shakers, and do-ers! Dont fall vitcim to lifes overwhelming demands and give up the
fountain of health and youthexercise. Whether it be running, swimming, dancing, or power walking
like a nut, get out there and get moving. You will feel good and look goodand you know what
they say... Feel good, look good. Look good, live good. Then its all good!

39

Be kind to yourself.
Looking back, if I could re-do one choice I made, it would be to be kind to myself as I was growing up.
Such a simple statement, but so very difficult to do. Growing up is hard no, it is fucking hard, so lets
not make it even harder, girls. The act of kindess, towards ourselves and others, is something lacking in
our world todayits important to give your life 120% effort, and then give yourself a break and have
faith that all that you want to achieve can, and will be, over time. Be kind to yourself, girlsenjoy the
fruits of your labor, revel in your beauty, and be proud of who you are, and will become.

40

L
isten to your instincts.
You have all the answers inside of you. Just listen.

41

Keep your hands away from your face!

WHACK! , Keep hands away from face, a stern Ukranian voice shouted while swatting my mothers
hand away from her cheek. Let me introduce Svetlana, the facialist that changed my mothers life.
Between the hand swat and verbal reprimand heard around the spa, my mother didnt know what
to think, except for one thingkeep your damn hands away from your face. Ever since that day, my
mother has been the poster child for how to keep your skin looking as fresh as a fucking daisy keep
your hands away from your face!

42

Be honest.
You know what they sayhonesty is the best policy. Well girls, one thing my mother has engrained
into me is to be honest with yourself, and others, about who you are. Its a whole hell of a lot easier to
be someone that youre not than to embrace the good, the bad, and the ugly of who you are. As the
daughter of a self-admitted mid-life crisis survivor, I encourage all my girls to be honest and proud of
who they are, and never allow yourself to be swayed. Be fierce, be true, be you!

43

Conclusion
L
ove your self.
So girls, after all the advice and lessons, I will leave you with one last pearl of wisdom, that my mother
tells me is the secret to it all. It is the key to happiness, success, and well being, but is one of the
hardest things to achieve. It requires laughter and tears, bravery and weakness, honesty and lies, upset
and happiness, sacrifice and indulgence, and most imporantlytime with yourself. It will enable you to
live the life you have always wantedso what are you waiting for girls? Get to loving yourself!

45

Special Thanks
From the deepest part of my heart, I offer my thanks and love to my family and friends. You all have
suported, inspired, grounded, and loved me through all of my highs & lows and goods & bads.
To my dearest fatherThank you for your never ending support, faith, and belief in my dreams and I. Your
wisdom and love has guided and molded me into who I am. Sorry for all the gray hairs along the way.
To my motherfor giving me life, love, and the keys to finding my happiness.
To my amazing brother, whose profound one liners never cease to amaze me. Your heart shines brighter
than the sunI am constantly amazed by you.
To Juanitawho has been a brilliant example of love and care.
To Pamelafor showing me that beauty, grace, and being as fresh as a fucking daisy,
is possible every day of the week.
To my Uncle Chriswho has been a charismatic source of love, laughter, butter, and delicious vino
since day one. As well as, a man that is a brilliant example of love and family.
Lastly, to all my teachers and mentorsthank you for sharing your hard-won knowledge and inspiration.

47