$2,413,847.

96

VOLUME FOUR

I S S U E 33

"You'd be surprised how difficult it is relinquish a cell phone." A d r i e n B r o d y

0 8 . 1 3 .15

City Hall
Creates
New Criminal
Class in NB
First Word, Page 3

The Shermanator's Proposed County Budget | Pro Wrestling at Watering Hole

P L U S : 7 D AY N E W B R A U N F E L S L I V E M U S I C G U I D E

oo

LINECRUSHERS returns SEPT 9

DEMAND IT AT YOUR
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Judge Krause throws down

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TX Citizen. TX Citizen is published
every Thursday.

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STAFF / CONTACT
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3
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1 WORD
ST

WITH

News. Meh.

As of November 1, if New
Braunfels Police catch you
handling
while
ticketed.

your

driving,
Yeah,

cell

phone

youll

be

we

could

And were going to bundle it with

digital edition of the TX

MIKE theCitizen.
You can avail yourself
REYNOLDS of it free, or you can pay for
it. If you want to get it free for

the first year, send us an email

at grindme@txcitizen.com and

break down the details of this

new, just-for-the-heck-of-it exercise in

well put you on the guest list. You

government overreach, but hey, it doesnt go

can even leave the subject line blank, we

into effect for two-and-a-half months, and Ive

dont care. If you insist on paying for the

got something way more interesting to lay on

News Grinder (and TXC online), you can

you. Way more.

wait until launch, at which time itll cost you

about 50 bucks per six months.

Information of Actual Import

As most of you know, I come from radio, first
out of SoCal and later, right here at KGNB/
KNBT. I kind of fell into this print thing by
accident. Prior to taking on this column, print
always seemed mundane to me, because
traditional, daily newspapers are written for
the frail and infirm. Microphones, however,
are consistently inviting, because unlike print,
nobody can stop you from saying something

Wed rather you sign up now for free,

not because we dont love your money, but
because all those pre-launch subscriptions
will allow us to shake down a sponsor.
Heh. #capitalism
Whats that? Well, yes, as a matter of

Server Space
Wire Service Rights
Lunch

13), I used to satisfy my radio jones with a

Music Licensing

daily podcast called Citizen Radio, which

You know, all the usual stuff. Were

worked as a companion product to the print

looking at a total of $3,317 and change to

edition of the TX Citizen. I eventually shut

crank this up, and heres how well make it

that project down because those few minutes

worth your while:

of audio gold took two to three hours a day

Contribute at least $25 and get a

to properly research, write and produce,

highly coveted TX Citizen bumper sticker.

and running this here newspaper doesnt

You dont see them around much because

allow for that kind of luxury when it comes

only the TXCs inner-circle can get their

to time. It was cutting into my yoga, and I

hands on them.
Throw down at least $100 and get the
highly coveted TX Citizen bumper sticker,

Well, guess what? Daddys going back

and you or your business will be included in

into the podcast business. Oh yeah. And its

the NPR-style Made Possible By mention at

going to be sweet. Say Hello to the Texas

the end of each show for a full month, which

News Grinder with Mike Reynolds. Tasty.

will make you look like the serious benefactor

This new show will run once a week, and

that you are.

be available on demand, right there on your

smart phone and your iTunes and whatnot.
TXCITIZEN.COM

830.837.5667

which include:

of my own voice is my fifth favorite thing.

90 minutes for lunch.

(Across the street from the Landmark)

HOURS:

Tues-Thurs: 12-10pm
Fri: 12-11pm Sat: 10-11pm
Sun: 10am-4pm
(Brunch: 10am-2pm)

started to help offset the costs of the project,

Up to Date Software

was lucky if I could carve out maybe even

133 Landa StreEt

fact we do have a Kickstarter campaign

until its way too late. And because the sound

Anyway, back in the Pospisil Era (2012-

I want to talk about comMunity service. I feEl

like it's time I step up and do my part. It's with
that idea of comMunity service in mind that I
present to the people exactly what they neEd: one
goOd reason to drink more wine. Longshot is
sponsoring a casino night event this Saturday
night, August 15th. AlL proceEds benefit
the Children Advocacy's Center of New
Braunfels. This is what I'm talking about.
Come drink wine with us, and feEl freE to
get alL the event details as welL as your
tickets at the wine bar. Therefore, you
drinking wine leads directly to you
feEling goOd about yourself for doing some
actual goOd for the comMunity. You're
welcome, New Braunfels.
- Josh McFarling

Continued on page 5.

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COUNTY BEAT

The 2015 Linecrushers

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PLAYERS:

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O

Comal Countys recommended budget for

2016 relies on almost $79 million in total
revenues, which include the general fund
and reserves, with expected expenditures
planned at more than $77 million.
County Judge Sherman Krauses
recommended budget expects funds of
$78,683,821, most of which comes from
more than $51 million out of the general fund.
The budget proposal defines general
funds as monies used to account for all
revenue and expenditures necessary for the
general operation of the county except those
required to be accounted for in another
fund. The fund is made up of taxes, licenses
and fees, federal funds and other receipts.
Those exceptions are special revenue
funds, explained as funds which are
restricted as to use by Federal or State
governments and to account for the proceeds
of specific revenue sources that are restricted
by county ordinance to expenditures for
specified purposes. Examples of special
revenue funds include administrative and
maintenance costs of roads and bridges.
About $27 million, more than half of the
$51,460,682 projected for the general fund,
will go to wages for county employees, not
including allowance funds such as vehicles,
uniforms and cell phones. Another $10.5
million will go to employee benefits.
The largest recipient of funds is the Sheriffs
Department, with total projected expenditures
of almost $16 million. Most of that amount goes
to wages ($8.5 million, including $206,000
for overtime) and benefits ($3 million).
Operational costs for the department
are slated at almost $2 million. By far, the
largest chunk of operational costs for the
Sheriffs Department is $525,000 for oil and
gas. Ammunition and range equipment is
expected to run more than $350,000.
Of the departments approximately $2.26
million laundry list of necessary equipment,
the largest expenditure will be $1.65 million
for 30 police-related vehicles. As well, the
budget includes $102,000 for three SUVs.

Some of the other equipment planned

for members of the department will be 26
mobile data computer systems ($93,600),
17 pieces of SWAT tactical body armor
($51,000), 26 radar units ($70,200) and
67 bullet-resistant vests ($63,300).
The County Jail is the second largest
expense to Comal, which plans to run on a
budget of more than $9.75 million. Wages to
correctional officers will cost approximately
$5.5 million (including $140,000 in overtime
pay) and $235,725 in benefits.
Operational costs for the Jail are
recommended at almost $1.75 million. These
costs include medical services ($350,000),
feeding the prisoners ($350,000), utilities
($240,000), building and equipment
maintenance ($220,000), and inmate housing
($100,000). Improvements to the jail are
expected to run $160,000. Commissioners
are currently considering building a new
County Jail in the future.
With a budget of more than $3 million,
the District Attorneys Office is third highest
on the list of general revenue expenses. More
than $2 million of the offices costs is planned
for salaries, with $765,857 for benefits. The
budget also plans for 39 new computers for
the DAs Office, at a cost of $46,800.
From the special revenue funds, the
bulk will go to roads and bridges, with
$1,328,915 planned for administrative costs,
and more than $8 million for construction and
maintenance. Operations are expected to
cost more than $4 million, more than half of
which will go to constructing and maintaining
County roads and bridges.
New equipment planned for the working
on roads and bridges include a striping truck
($275,000), two dump trucks ($150,000), two
tree handlers ($170,000), a backhoe loader
($120,000) and a new water truck ($72,000).
The County is expected to pay out
$11,425,729 in debt expenditures, which
will include payments on the interest and
principal on general obligation bonds.
County Commissioners are expected
to formally adopt the 2016 budget on
Thursday, August 20.

County Budget Breakdown

WITH NICK ROGERS

now with a guaranteed

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tell us how much better off this city would

stickers, the Made Possible By mention for

THREE months, Presented By credit at the
top of the show for THREE MONTHS, and SIX
months of promo on the Texas News Grinders
weekly full page ad in the TX Citizen. Whoa.
And if youre serious about riding on
our coattails, throw down $1000 or more
and get THREE stickers, the Presented/
Made Possible By mentions AND promo on
the weekly full page ad in the TX Citizen for
a FULL FLIPPIN YEAR. Yeah, thats right. A
whole year. Whoa dang. Im bleeding out of
my eyes and wherever.
Rest assured, those numbers arent even
close to what well be charging after we go
live. Oh, goodness no. No, no. Latecomers
to this party are going to pay dearly for a
place on that bandwagon. Search for Texas
News Grinder at kickstarter.com to get a
piece of this action.
BONUS: Every time we do one of these
cash drives, for Open Records Requests
to berate City Hall or some such thing, a
certain number of people come forth and
say Hey, I really love what you do. Take this
pile of money, but leave my name out of it.
These are usually members of the Chamber
of Commerce, or elected officials, or local
government employees, or people that live
near the Forbidden Island of Booneville
Avenue. I want those folks to know that, yes,
we will take your money, and yes, we will
keep our stupid moufs shut about where it
came from. We wont turn you in to Michael
Meek or the scary Island lady with the 80s-era
video camera.

ask us to look into particular matters for you,

then not spend a penny on advertising with
us while spending plenty on the Houstonowned Herald-Zeitungs family of products,
this is your chance to put your money where
your mouth is. You know who you are. We

NOW OPEN!
dancewear
gymnastics wear
teamwear
shoes
accessories
gifts
& more!

shake our heads after every conversation

we have with you.
We wish youd stop asking us for favors
and telling us how important we are to you

Store Hours

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Sat: 10 to 3
Sun & Mon: Closed

and the community at large, and write a

check instead. A couple dozen smart business
owners are taking up your slack, freeloaders.
Get in on this podcast thing and hold your
head high. Like I said, well keep it quiet if
youre afraid of your neighbors.
\m/

Duckys

E. San Antonio St

Continued from page 3.

Go in for $500 or more and get TWO

be had we been around 15 years ago, and

Union St
Union St
Station

283 S Union St
512.757.7846
foreverdancenb.com

time for an upgrade. As such, our rates will

increase 40 to 70 percent starting September
1, with current advertisers grandfathered
in at the present price points. If youre a
business owner that likes money as much as

friday

DJ w/Johnny V!!

sunday

Happy Hour All Day!!

monday

Discounts for Hospitality Employees!

tuesday

Texas Tuesday
Enjoy Great Spirits Concocted in Texas!

wednesday
Free Pool & Darts!!

CHIPS & FRESH SALSA-ON THE HOUSE!

HH: M-F 4-7 pm

Publisher/Editor-in-Chief

city for three-and-a-half years now, and its

Karaoke w/ Johnny V!!

HOME OF THE 2 BUCK HAPPY HOUR!!

Mike Reynolds

Postscript: Weve molly-coddled our fair

thursday & saturday

ENCOURAGING RESPONSIBLE DRINKING SINCE 1979

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FOR SALE

we do, it would be a great idea to contact us

at sales@txcitizen.com right now. Lock us in
at the current give-away rates and walk away
feeling like you beat the system.

Chase Cochran contributed to this column, and should

be named as a co-defendant in any litigation filed as a
result of its publication.

One Last Thing

This is something thats been wearing on us
for a good long while. If you are one of the
many, many people that own businesses in
this town that constantly thank us for going
after the big guns (and paying the price for
it), tell us with what contempt you hold the
Houston-owned Herald-Zeitungs complicity
with City Hall, bemoan the Chamber of
Commerce/4-B grip on the local treasury,
TXCITIZEN.COM

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ARO

ND

A B O

Last Sunday night, the TX Citizen brazenly

presented Block Buster Wrestling's "Night of
Hardcore" at the Watering Hole Saloon as a
benefit for the NB Wurst Girls roller derby
team! The grapplers blew the roof off the place
with match after match featuring hardcore
stipulations and an "abbreviated" rule book.
There were thumbtacks, chair shots, a cheese
grater, a staple gun, old-school fire throwing
and a couple guys wearing the "Crimson
Mask" by the end of the night. BBW has put on
some great shows in the past, but this one goes
down as one of their best.
Big thanks to Holly and everyone at the
Watering Hole for hosting this "unsane" event,
and J-Rock and all the guys at BBW for
throwing down, hardcore style!
6

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8:30pm
The Lesti Huff Band
6pm

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Concerts in the Park

7:30pm

Gruene Hall

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9pm, $15

7pm

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9pm

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6pm

Comal Country Music Show

KC Hall
Rennie Guenther, Stacey Stark, Loran
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7:30pm

Gruene Hall
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7:30pm

Wed 8.19

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The Continental Club

Redd Volkaert, 3:30pm

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10pm, $10

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Robert Kraft Trio, 8:30pm

Hillary York, 8:30pm

Perdue & Friends, 10:30pm, $5

Perdue & Friends, 10:30pm, $5

Nick Lawrence
7pm, $8

Luckenbach Dance Hall

Granger Smith
w/ Parker McCollum
7pm, $15-$18

Luckenbach Dance Hall

Davey Schrank Trio

Bastard Sons of Johnny Cash

4pm

1pm

Cody Joe Hodges

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8pm

Sams Burger Joint

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8pm, $15-$50

Stubbs BBQ
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MOS T WAN T ED Freeman

COMAL COUNTYS
ALZURAIR,
ABDULAZIZ N

on Sports WITH BRANT FREEMAN

GARCIA,
ALACELI M

Male 600 140 lbs

Female 505 285 lbs
DOB: 11/08/1985
DOB: 12/07/1970
CHARGE: CT I
Possession controlled
CHARGE: Driving
substance pg1 under
while intoxicated
1g CT II Possession
w/child
under 15 yoa
controlled substance
pg 2 over 1g under 1g

Its Almost Time

ARREDONDO,
MEDELLIN, JESSE GONZALEZ-MATA,
RODRIGUEZ
JESSE
J
SERGIO
Male 509
507 285
200 lbs
lbs
Male
DOB: 01/01/1976
DOB:
07/21/1978
CHARGE:
Possession
CHARGE:
Violation
of a controlled
of
conditions
bond
substance
pg of
1 under
1 gram
and theftofof
for
possession
property under
$1500
controlled
substance
with 2 or more
pg1
under
1g
previous convictions

ED
T
S
E
R
AR

Male 508 160 lbs

DOB: 07/30/1983
CHARGE: CT II
Tampering/ Fabricate
physical evidence

BLAKE,
CHRISTOPHER J
Male 511 210 lbs
DOB: 09/11/1987

HAMMOCK,
JAMIE SUNSHINE

CHARGE: CT I motion
to revoke probation for
possession of controlled
substance pg1 over 1g
under 4g CT II Motion to
revoke probation for
tampering with physical
evidence

Female 503 120 lbs

DOB: 07/02/1971
CHARGE: Motion to
revoke probation for
possession controlled
substance pg1 over 1g
under 4g

BRIGGS,
DANNY MAC III

JONES,
WILLIAM LEE

Male 508 190 lbs

Male 603 170 lbs
DOB: 08/23/1960
DOB: 08/12/1987
CHARGE:
Motion to
CHARGE: Motion to
proceed with
revoke probation for
adjudication for
possession controlled
possession
controlled
substance pg1 under
substance
pg1
under 1g
1g

ED

T
ARRES

DELACRUZ,
ADAM

Male 601 160 lbs

DOB: 11/04/1974
CHARGE: Motion to
revoke probation for
possession controlled
substance pg1 under
1g

$300
REWARD

VALDEZ,
VERONICA
Female 504 200 lbs
DOB: 08/31/1974
CHARGE: Theft
property over 1500
2/more previous
convictions

FOR INFORMATION LEADING TO THE ARREST OF COMAL

COUNTYS MOST WANTED. Callers will remain anonymous.

830.620.3400 - 24-Hour
830.620.3411 - Mon-Fri 8am to 5pm

The names listed have been released in accordance with the Texas Public Information Act. This is a true
and accurate account as of Monday, August 10, 2015 at 10:03 a.m. and may not be current by the time it
is read. Do not try to apprehend anyone. These are listings of criminal warrants with the Comal County
Sheriffs Office and are not indicative of guilt or innocence. Officers are to verify the status of each warrant
prior to making an arrest. Any person is innocent of wrongdoing unless proven guilty in a court of law.

TXCITIZEN.COM

I guess I should start this weeks column

apologizing to Texans fans for jinxing their
team. If you missed it, I confessed my mancrush on JJ Watt and deemed the Texans as
a possible playoff contender IF they got even
half-decent play from (insert quarterback here)
and stayed healthy. And then star running
back Arian Foster suffered a groin injury that
will put him on the shelf for at least half of the
season if not more. Yikes. Maybe Watt could
run the ball too? IMAGINE THE POSSIBILITIES.
Jinxing powers aside, Id still like to write
about football. Were just two weeks away
from the start of the high school football
season with New Braunfels opening at
home against Alamo Heights, and Comal
ISD programs Canyon, Smithson Valley and
Canyon Lake each playing their openers on
August 28 as well, against Round Rock Cedar
Ridge, Midland Lee and Blanco respectively.
Theres something different about high
school football when compared to college
or the pros. There are no fantasy leagues, no
HBO documentaries, no 24-hour TV channel
dedicated to the sport or committees deciding
which teams should make the playoffs. No, the
high school football post-season formula is much
simpler. Finish in the top four of your respective
district and you get to join 63 other teams in a
bracket with a common goal: the state title. But
that first part, finishing in the top four in district,
is easier said than done for the teams in 25-6A.
New Braunfels, Canyon and Smithson
Valley each reside in that district along with
Steele, Judson, Clemens and Wagner. Steele is
five seasons removed from a state championship,
came within a play of making the State Finals
for the third time in five years last year, and in
just nine seasons of fielding a varsity football
team, the Knights are 102-21 (that includes a
4-6 record in their inaugural season in 2006).
Judson (six state titles) needs little introduction.
The Rockets boast a (still active) streak of 38
straight winning seasons, a Texas high school
football record. Last season, Judson rebounded
from 1-3 start, winning 10 games and, like

Steele, reached the State Semifinals behind

freshman quarterback Julon Williams.
Assuming those two are post-season locks
this year that leaves just two available playoff
spots for the districts other five teams. But the
area programs arent without their tradition
either. The coming season will be the second
for Jim Streety as NBISD Athletic Director and
his hand-picked coach Glenn Mangold. In
40 years of coaching (NBHS: 1974-1991),
Streety has won nearly 500 games (149 with
New Braunfels), guiding his programs to seven
state semifinal appearances (four with the
Unicorns). Mangold was with Streety during
his final six years at Madison as the Mavericks
became perennial contenders. A two-win
campaign in year one may have been tough,
but growing pains were to be expected. If you
ask Unicorn fans, at least they won the right
two games (Seguin and Canyon).
Speaking of the Cougars, they too
had a first-year head coach last season: Joe
Moczygemba. A longtime assistant at Smithson
Valley, Moczygemba was hired as Cougars
Head Coach on July 31st of last year, less than
a month from Canyons season opener. The
transition from the previous regimes Power-I
running game to something a bit more traditional
in such a short amount of time proved difficult
as Canyon finished 3-7. But if anyone knows
something about turning a program around, its
Coach Mooch who served as an assistant for
Larry Hill at Smithson Valley for over 20 years.
Coach Hill went 1-9 in his first season at SVHS
back in 1993 and the Rangers havent had a
losing season since, instead winning 88 percent
of its games over the last 18 seasons.
The district battles are still a ways away,
but once the lights turn on in two weeks, well
get our first glimpse of what the area has to
offer on the field (and in Canyons case, a
red one). Heres to Fridays in the fall.

Brant Freeman is a seasoned local sportscaster,

serving as the radio voice of Texas State University,
hosting television coverage of Texas State Athletics and
delivering the goods as a reporter for major pro and
collegiate sporting events in the greater San Antonio
area for over a decade.
11

ASK A MEXICAN!

The SUN'S surface is 27 million degrees

Summer in Texas is nearly twice that hot

Get your AC inspected now

for ONLY $85!
Or get on the waiting
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( Free + painful repair expenses )

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GUADACOMA@NBTX.COM

By Gustavo Arellano flopped for the crown of worlds fattest

Here are a few questions I have for

the Mexican:
1. Why are wages so low in Mexico?
2. Why is Mexico such a violent
country?
3. Why is Mexico so corrupt?
4. Why have the drug cartels taken
over large swaths of Mexico?
5. Why cant one drink the water in
most towns in Mexico?
6. Why are there so few public
libraries in Mexico?
7. Why are Mexicans so fat? Mexico
is listed as the country with the highest
rate of obesity on Earth?
8. Why is public education in
Mexico so miserable and pathetic? In
my many years of working there, I have
yet to come across a worker who could
multiply, divide, or read a map.
9. Why dont more Mexicans up
here go into physical science and
engineering?
10. If you are a Mexican, why are
you here? Is it possibly due to 1 through
8 above?
Dickhead in Denver
Dear Gabacho: Answers 1-4 are
easy:

United

States.

Nmero

five

is

bullshitthough water quality isnt pristine

in Mexico, its not at California levels of
scarcity yet. And wed be better if the
U.S. didnt muck up the water in the Rio
Grande, steal the water from the Colorado
River, and have factories making cheap
products headed to the U.S. that use up
precious water and foul up the rest of the
supply. #6 is a flat-out crock of mierda:
Mexico has roughly 6,000 public libraries,
which averages out to .049 libraries per
1,000 Mexicansbarely below the U.S.s
.052 per 1,000 Americans. Spare me
7, since the U.S. and Mexico have flip12

nation for over a decade nowand its

all the U.S.s fault. For number 8, United
States, just for the hell of it. Im not sure
how to answer #9, because the same
could be said of American studentswhy
else are we importing un chingo of Indians
and Chinese? Finally, Mexicans are here to
make a better life for themselvesthanks to
los Estados Unidos.

Im writing to ask about an

epiphany I had recently about
government-sponsored clamors for
crackdowns on immigration, especially
against members of a certain race/
creed/color/ethnic group. It seems
to me to be that whenever there is a
cacophony of support for deportation
and closing our borders coming from
the highest offices in the land, theres
also a war going on thats going rather
badly for us. Is this just coincidence, or
is there more to it?
AFarewelltoGantanaManzanArms
Dear Pocho: Youre off. World Wars
I and II went splendidly for us, but that
didnt stop American from demonizing
Germans in the Great War and interning
Japanese-Americans (and more than a
few German- and Italian-Americans) in
the Good War. If anything, its when
wars are going bad for us that the
American government makes a push for
Mexicans in the militarylook at whats
happening during this War on Terror, or
during the Vietnam or Korean War. To
paraphrase South Park, call it Operation
Get Behind the Beaners.

Ask the Mexican at

themexican@askamexican.net,
be his fan on Facebook, follow him on
Twitter @gustavoarellano or follow him
on Instagram @gustavo_arellano!
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Last Word
With Kelly Colby

On South Dakota

It was late afternoon when we got to the

(I have maintained my walking at least

frame taking out the entire family from Salt

After leaving Minnesota, we decided to campground and set up. The campground
conclude our trip with a trip to the Black Hills was in the Black Hills, just outside of

for the moment the vacation has been

Lake City below me as I careened into the

over for a while now. I havent lost a lot

darkness below. These concerns made it

Rapid City, but it might as well have been of weight, only 20 pounds or so since I

difficult to concentrate on the actual sights of

area. That this was all the way across the

state was not mentioned to Steve, who was in the Badlands for all the scenic appeal
it had. Most of the campgrounds we had
already complaining about gas expenses.

started, but people remind me that it took

windmills were not in evidence. There might

back to my under 10 pounds birthweight something threatening. My mother, as

even if I keep this up for 50 years, unless usual, was having a great time, completely
the exercise kills me and decomposition unfazed by the athletic rigor of the day.

the cavern, but they did manage to distract

nearly fifty years to get beyond the 350 me from the ache in my calves.
The rest of South Dakota is spectacularly encountered so far were pleasantly and pound mark and that I shouldnt expect to
At the bottom of the cave, we had a
unspectacular. South Dakota is mostly flat and green, and the Black Hills themselves were lose it overnight. I have no doubt that this moment to rest and look around. I took the
mostly covered with corn. Unlike Minnesota, a bit more green than I expected (it was is true, but it seems unlikely that I will get time to apologize to Steve, who grunted
a rainy year). Even so, this campground

be any number of reasons for this, but most of was more moonscape than landscape, or
them are political. South Dakota is probably Mars-scape as the ground had the telltale
as red as Minnesota is blue. I couldnt say

red tint indicating a good amount of iron accounts for the weight loss. During the
The trip up and out of the cave was a
with any certainty whether the lack of oxide in the soil. The campground had all month of July I took 251,074 steps, and
nightmare. Each step was a new lesson in
windmills represented a lack of interest from the other amenities and level sites to boot, according to my handy dandy phone
pain. I saw Steve sprint for the top about
Republicans, or a lack of forthcoming funding and it was central to most of the Black Hills app this is over 100 miles and 9,512
halfway up the stairs. He feared that a
from Democrats, but South Dakota got the attractions, so it wasnt a total loss even if it kilocalories or roughly one lunch at Taco
muscle cramp would leave him trapped
better end of the deal in any case. Fields of was a bit drab.
Bell. I do feel better, though, except when
somewhere on the stairs and hoped to get
corn are more picturesque than fields of corn
After a day of rest, we decided to start Im actually doing the walking, or when I
to the light before that happened. For me,
with colossal windmills on them.
our adventures. Certainly Mount Rushmore wake up with an aching back, or when I
the concern that I would not live to see
Its worth noting that South Dakota has
was on our list of things to do, but none of try to get to sleep and the leg cramps are
the top of the stairs. The groaning of my
perfected the tourist trap (in the good sense,
us wanted to start there. We decided that, unbearable. Alright, I dont feel better, but
knees was outshouted by the screaming
I am not implying price gouging). If you can
like Niagara Falls, we would take a guided Im walking anyway, and Im not giving up
cross I-90 through South Dakota without
in my chest. My heart beat so hard and
tour of some of the area including Rushmore. my Cheese Doodles damn you!)
feeling compelled to visit Wall Drug, you
fast that I feared it might explode. The tour
For me, one of the reasons for being in the
It was because I had been walking, and
are a better man than I. We passed, literally,
girl behind me seemed bored and irritated
Black Hills was my interest in geology and Steve had too, that I felt confident of my ability
hundreds of billboards for the enigmatic
rock hounding. Because of this, I suggested to do a cave tour. I did look, and Sitting Bulls with my pace, and I consoled myself that
attraction. When you do get there, you find
one of the several caves in the area, Sitting Crystal Caverns was by far the shortest of at least when I had a heart attack and
what must be the largest gift shop in America.
Bulls Crystal Caverns.
the options. The website said the cave was died my bulk would block her way out of
The town where Wall Drug resides, Wall SD,
An important side note here is that 150 ft. deep, which seemed reasonable for a the cave. I distracted myself with visions of
appears to have mostly given way to this
work crews trying to jury-rig some method
sightseeing requires an inordinate amount cripple and a fat man.
singular aberration of capitalism, the town
of walking. Its not as though I didnt
The reality was a bit different. When of pulling my body up before finally giving
that was eaten by a drugstore.
up and deciding to blow up my carcass
Fortunately, I am mostly immune to recognize this when my vacation started. we got there, the 15-year-old tour girl told
with dynamite like a beached whale.
impulse buying, having retail experience Part of my plan for this trip was to get more us the cave was, in fact 300 ft. deep, and
I did finally escape the cave, finding
myself. The same cannot be said of Steve or exercise and lose a little weight. Now that a quick look at the stairs indicated at much
my mother. Had the bags not become too Im pushing 50, my weight has started to of that would be straight down, meaning the Steve crying on a bench at the mouth of the
result in health problems, and my aging trip would be straight up when Steve and I

cave. We took two days to recoup before our

wouldnt have returned to the truck until he

body creaks a bit more than it used to. I had were already tired.

trip to Mount Rushmore.

had no money left for anything else, like food.

heard that walking 10,000 steps per day

And, I watched in horror as my mother spent

was a good goal, and by the time we had behind as best I could. The rails were wet

heavy for Steves ailing back, he probably

away any inheritance I might have had on reached South Dakota, I was reaching that
mark more often than not.
Tchotchkes. I got the free ice water.
TXCITIZEN.COM

The trip down wasnt too bad. I lagged

and the steps both wet and narrow. I had
visions of slipping and my 360 pound

Next Mount Rushmore

You can read more from Kelly Colby at yourfirstshrug.

blogspot.com.
15

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