MINISTRY OF EDUCATION OF THE REPUBLIC OF MOLDOVA

FREE INTERNATIONAL UNIVERSITY OF MOLDOVA

FACULTY PSYCHOLOGY, EDUCATION AND SOCIAL SCIENCES
PSYCHOLOGY DEPARTMENT

REPORT
What Is Love?

Presented by: Rotaru Ruslan, gr. 11 P

Course held by: MA Bolfosu Andrei

CHIINU 2015

Plan:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.

Definition. Define love like a psychologist

What Is Love, and What Isn't?
Why do we ask, What is Lowe?
What is Philophobia? Philophobia: FEAR OF LOVE.
Causes of Philophobia
Symptoms of Philophobia
Treatment for Philophobia

1. Define love like a psychologist: Break love into three components.

Passion underlies physical desire, sexual behavior, and arousal. This is

the physical side.
2

Intimacy is the emotional aspect: closeness, connectedness, and

warmth of friendship.

Commitment is the conscious decision to stick together for the long

haul: are you willing to take that step?

2. What Is Love, and What Isn't?

Love is a force of nature. However much we may want to, we can not command, demand,
or take away love, any more than we can command the moon and the stars and the wind and the
rain to come and go according to our whims. We may have some limited ability to change the
weather, but we do so at the risk of upsetting an ecological balance we don't fully understand.
Similarly, we can stage a seduction or mount a courtship, but the result is more likely to be
infatuation, or two illusions dancing together, than love.
Love is bigger than you are. You can invite love, but you cannot dictate how, when, and where
love expresses itself. You can choose to surrender to love, or not, but in the end love strikes like
lightening, unpredictable and irrefutable. You can even find yourself loving people you don't like
at all. Love does not come with conditions, stipulations, addenda, or codes. Like the sun, love
radiates independently of our fears and desires.
Love is inherently free. It cannot be bought, sold, or traded. You cannot make someone love you,
nor can you prevent it, for any amount of money. Love cannot be imprisoned nor can it be
legislated. Love is not a substance, not a commodity, nor even a marketable power source. Love
has no territory, no borders, no quantifiable mass or energy output.
One can buy sex partners and even marriage partners. Marriage is a matter for the law, for rules
and courts and property rights. In the past, the marriage price, or dowry, and in the present,
alimony and the pre-nuptial agreement, make it clear that marriage is all about contracts. But as
we all know, marriages, whether arranged or not, may have little enough to do with love.
Sexual stimulation and gratification, whether by way of fingers, mouths, objects, fantasy play,
whips and chains, or just plain intercourse, can certainly be bought and sold, not to mention used
to sell other things. Whether sex should be for sale is another question entirely, but love itself can
not be sold.

One can buy loyalty, companionship, attention, perhaps even compassion, but love itself cannot
be bought. An orgasm can be bought, but love cannot. It comes, or not, by grace, of its own will
and in its own timing, subject to no human's planning.
Love cannot be turned on as a reward. It cannot be turned off as a punishment. Only
something else pretending to be love can be used as a lure, as a hook, for bait and switch,
imitated, insinuated, but the real deal can never be delivered if it doesn't spring freely from the
heart.
This doesn't mean that love allows destructive and abusive behaviors to go unchecked. Love
speaks out for justice and protests when harm is being done. Love points out the consequences of
hurting oneself or others. Love allows room for anger, grief, or pain to be expressed and
released. But love does not threaten to withhold itself if it doesn't get what it wants. Love does
not say, directly or indirectly, "If you are a bad boy, Mommy won't love you any more." Love
does not say, "Daddy's little girl doesn't do that." Love does not say, "If you want to be loved you
must be nice, or do what I want, or never love anyone else, or promise you'll never leave me."
Love cares what becomes of you because love knows that we are all interconnected. Love is
inherently compassionate and empathic. Love knows that the "other" is also oneself. This is the
true nature of love and love itself can not be manipulated or restrained. Love honors the
sovereignty of each soul. Love is its own law.

3. Why do we ask, What is Lowe?

Whenever we ask, What is love? its usually because a) were unsure if a certain special
someone really loves us, or b) because a certain special someone just accused us of not really
loving them.
When we are truly engaged in giving and receiving love, we dont ponder such philosophical
questions. Its only when something is lacking that we begin to analyze and contemplate
what that thing actually is. For example, nobody sits down to a full meal and asks, What is a
pastrami sandwich?
So, if were even asking the question, What is love? it probably means that we dont feel
completely loved, or that someone doesnt feel completely loved by us.
But since were asking, lets try to answer the question.

4. What is Philophobia? Philophobia: FEAR OF LOVE.

For many people, love is like a boon granted to human beings. Many people dream of
falling in love and wish to be loved in return. Yet, some people think of love as something they
must avoid. The prospect of falling in love makes these people feel nervous and anxious. This is
what we called philophobia.
Philophobia (from Greek: filos, meaning beloved or loving, and phobos, meaning
fear) is the state of someone being irrationally afraid of falling in love. People with
philophobia tend to avoid the chances to get attached with someone and deny any special
feelings they feel for a certain someone.
The possibility of falling in love and building a relationship may get philophobic people
uneasy, nauseous, perspire, panic, and breathless. These problems will keep them away from
relationship. If there is no further action to overcome this phobia, philophobic people may prefer
to be single for the rest of their life.
5. Causes of Philophobia
A traumatic experience in the past is usually the major cause of philophobia. Failure in
maintaining one relationship may cause people afraid to start another one, especially when they
have maintained the relationship carefully with a very deep emotional feeling.
Some other philophobic people get their fear from hearing someones tragic love
experience, be it their family members or friends. This kind of experience makes people retreat
whenever love approach. They cant stand the idea of having a deep emotional feeling with
someone because they keep thinking of the worst situation that may happen if they fall in love.
6. Symptoms of Philophobia
People with philophobia will avoid as far as they can the chance to fall in love or have a
relationship. They also feel uneasy and nervous as well as feel like running away when they
think that they are exposed to love. In more extreme cases, people with philophobia may be
sweaty, tremble, nauseous, numb, breathless, even feel like fainted at the prospect of falling in
love.
Generally, philophobic people also avoid watching romantic movies or keep away from
certain places where couples usually gather. Attending wedding ceremony will be a kind of
torture to people with philophobia. If this continues, philophobia will be a drawback to peoples
social life.
7. Treatment for Philophobia
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Treatment to cure philophobia can be done through counseling, hypnotherapy, or

psychotherapy with the help of some professionals. Treatment called cognitive-behavior therapy
are known as the most popular and effective treatment to cure many kinds of phobias including
philophobia.
Medication can also be taken, but it is not suggested since medicine does not really cure
the phobia but only suppress it for a short time. It is probably better to dig the source of the
problem causing someones philophobia, and cure it step by step than prescribe certain
medicines and consume in routine.
THE LISTS OF THE LITERATURE
Define-Love. Accessible on-line: http://www.wikihow.com/Define-Love
Specific phobias. Accessible on-line: http://www.phobiafears.com/phobia/philophobia-fear-oflove/
What is Love. Accessible on-line:
http://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/1577531/jewish/What-Is-Love.htm