MarriageIsaPrivateAffair ChinuaAchebe

Haveyouwrittentoyourdadyet?askedNene1oneafternoonasshesatwith
Nnaemekainherroomat16KasangaStreet,Lagos.
No.Ivebeenthinkingaboutit.IthinkitsbettertotellhimwhenIgethomeon
leave!
Butwhy?Yourleaveissuchalongwayoffyetsixwholeweeks.Heshouldbeletinto
ourhappinessnow.
Nnaemekawassilentforawhile,andthenbeganveryslowlyasifhegropedforhis
words:IwishIweresureitwouldbehappinesstohim.
Ofcourseitmust,repliedNene,alittlesurprised.Whyshouldntit?
YouhavelivedinLagosallyourlife,andyouknowverylittleaboutpeopleinremote
partsofthecountry.
Thatswhatyoualwayssay.ButIdontbelieveanybodywillbesounlikeotherpeople
thattheywillbeunhappywhentheirsonsareengagedtomarry.
Yes.Theyaremostunhappyiftheengagementisnotarrangedbythem.Inourcaseits
worseyouarenotevenanIbo.
ThiswassaidsoseriouslyandsobluntlythatNenecouldnotfindspeechimmediately.In
thecosmopolitanatmosphereofthecityithadalwaysseemedtohersomethingofajoke
thatapersonstribecoulddeterminewhomhemarried.
Atlastshesaid,Youdontreallymeanthathewillobjecttoyourmarryingmesimply
onthataccount?IhadalwaysthoughtyouIboswerekindlydisposedtootherpeople.
Soweare.Butwhenitcomestomarriage,well,itsnotquitesosimple.Andthis,he
added,isnotpeculiartotheIbos.Ifyourfatherwerealiveandlivedintheheartof
Ibibiolandhewouldbeexactlylikemyfather.
Idontknow.Butanyway,asyourfatherissofondofyou,Imsurehewillforgiveyou
soonenough.Comeonthen,beagoodboyandsendhimanicelovelyletter...
Itwouldnotbewisetobreakthenewstohimbywriting.Aletterwillbringituponhim
withashock.Imquitesureaboutthat.
Allright,honey,suityourself.Youknowyourfather.
AsNnaemekawalkedhomethateveningheturnedoverinhisminddifferentwaysof
overcominghisfathersopposition,especiallynowthathehadgoneandfoundagirlfor

him.HehadthoughtofshowinghislettertoNenebutdecidedonsecondthoughtsnotto,
atleastforthemoment.Hereaditagainwhenhegothomeandcouldnthelpsmilingto
himself.HerememberedUgoyequitewell,anAmazonofagirlwhousedtobeatupall
theboys,himselfincluded,onthewaytothestream,acompletedunceatschool.
IhavefoundagirlwhowillsuityouadmirablyUgoyeNweke,theeldestdaughterof
ourneighbor,JacobNweke.ShehasaproperChristianupbringing.Whenshestopped
schoolingsomeyearsagoherfather(amanofsoundjudgment)senthertoliveinthe
houseofapastorwhereshehasreceivedallthetrainingawifecouldneed.HerSunday
schoolteacherhastoldmethatshereadsherBibleveryfluently.Ihopeweshallbegin
negotiationswhenyoucomehomeinDecember.
OnthesecondeveningofhisreturnfromLagos,Nnaemekasatwithhisfatherundera
cassiatree.ThiswastheoldmansretreatwherehewenttoreadhisBiblewhenthe
parchingDecembersunhadsetandafresh,revivingwindblewontheleaves.
Father,beganNnaemekasuddenly,Ihavecometoaskforforgiveness.
Forgiveness?Forwhat,my son?heaskedinamazement.
Itsaboutthismarriagequestion.
Whichmarriagequestion?
IcantwemustImeanitisimpossibleformetomarryNwekesdaughter.
Impossible?Why?askedhisfather.
Idontloveher.
Nobodysaidyoudid.Whyshouldyou?heasked.
Marriagetodayisdifferent...
Lookhere,myson,interruptedhisfather,nothingisdifferent.Whatonelooksforina
wifeareagoodcharacterandaChristianbackground.
Nnaemekasawtherewasnohopealongthepresentlineofargument.
Moreover,hesaid,IamengagedtomarryanothergirlwhohasallofUgoyesgood
qualities,andwho...
Hisfatherdidnotbelievehisears.Whatdidyousay?heaskedslowlyand
disconcertingly.
SheisagoodChristian,hissonwenton,andateacherinagirlsschoolinLagos.

Teacher,didyousay?IfyouconsiderthataqualificationforagoodwifeIshouldliketo
pointouttoyou,Emeka,thatnoChristianwomanshouldteach.St.Paulinhisletterto
theCorinthianssaysthatwomenshouldkeepsilence.Heroseslowlyfromhisseatand
pacedforwardandbackward.Thiswashispetsubject,andhecondemnedvehemently
thosechurchleaderswhoencouragedwomentoteachintheirschools.Afterhehadspent
hisemotiononalonghomilyheatlastcamebacktohissonsengagement,ina
seeminglymildertone.
Whosedaughterisshe,anyway?
SheisNeneAtang.
What!Allthemildnesswasgoneagain.DidyousayNeneataga,whatdoesthat
mean?
NeneAtangfrom Calabar.SheistheonlygirlIcanmarry.Thiswasaveryrashreply
andNnaemekaexpectedthestormtoburst.Butitdidnot.Hisfathermerelywalkedaway
intohisroom.ThiswasmostunexpectedandperplexedNnaemeka.Hisfatherssilence
wasinfinitelymoremenacingthanafloodofthreateningspeech.Thatnighttheoldman
didnoteat.
WhenhesentforNnaemekaadaylaterheappliedallpossiblewaysofdissuasion.But
theyoungmansheartwashardened,andhisfathereventuallygavehimupaslost.
Ioweittoyou,myson,asadutytoshowyouwhatisrightandwhatiswrong.Whoever
putthisideaintoyourheadmightaswellhavecutyourthroat.ItisSatanswork.He
wavedhissonaway.
Youwillchangeyourmind,Father,whenyouknowNene.
Ishallneverseeher,wasthereply.Fromthatnightthefatherscarcelyspoketohisson.
Hedidnot,however,ceasehopingthathewouldrealizehowseriouswasthedangerhe
washeadingfor.Dayandnightheputhiminhisprayers.
Nnaemeka,forhisownpart,wasverydeeplyaffectedbyhisfathersgrief.Buthekept
hopingthatitwouldpassaway.Ifithadoccurredtohimthatneverinthehistoryofhis
peoplehadamanmarriedawomanwhospokeadifferenttongue,hemighthavebeen
lessoptimistic.Ithasneverbeenheard,wastheverdictofanoldmanspeakingafew
weekslater.Inthatshortsentencehespokeforallofhispeople.Thismanhadcomewith
otherstocommiseratewithOkekewhennewswentroundabouthissonsbehavior.By
thattimethesonhadgonebacktoLagos.
Ithasneverbeenheard,saidtheoldmanagainwithasadshakeofhishead.
WhatdidOurLordsay?askedanothergentleman.SonsshallriseagainsttheirFathers
itisthereintheHolyBook.

Itisthebeginningoftheend,saidanother.
Thediscussionthustendingtobecometheological,Madubogwu,ahighlypracticalman,
broughtitdownoncemoretotheordinarylevel.
Haveyouthoughtofconsultinganativedoctoraboutyourson?heaskedNnaemekas
father.
Heisntsick,wasthereply.
Whatishethen?Theboysmindisdiseasedandonlyagoodherbalistcanbringhim
backtohisrightsenses.ThemedicineherequiresisAmalile,thesamethatwomenapply
withsuccesstorecapturetheirhusbandsstrayingaffection.
Madubogwuisright,saidanothergentleman.Thisthingcallsformedicine.
Ishallnotcallinanativedoctor.Nnaemekasfatherwasknowntobeobstinately
aheadofhismoresuperstitiousneighborsinthesematters.IwillnotbeanotherMrs.
Ochuba.Ifmysonwantstokillhimselflethimdoitwithhisownhands.Itisnotforme
tohelphim.
Butitwasherfault,saidMadubogwu.Sheoughttohavegonetoanhonestherbalist.
Shewasacleverwoman,nevertheless.
Shewasawickedmurderess,saidOkeke,whorarelyarguedwithhisneighbors
because,heoftensaid,theywereincapableofreasoning.Themedicinewaspreparedfor
herhusband,itwashisnametheycalledinitspreparation,andIamsureitwouldhave
beenperfectlybeneficialtohim.Itwaswickedtoputitintotheherbalistsfood,andsay
youwereonlytryingitout.
Sixmonthslater,Nnaemekawasshowinghisyoungwifeashortletterfromhisfather:
Itamazesmethatyoucouldbesounfeelingastosendmeyourweddingpicture.Iwould
havesentitback.ButonfurtherthoughtIdecidedjusttocutoffyourwifeandsendit
backtoyoubecauseIhavenothingtodowithher.HowIwishthatIhadnothingtodo
withyoueither.
WhenNenereadthroughthisletterandlookedatthemutilatedpicturehereyesfilled
withtears,andshebegantosob.
Dontcry,mydarling,saidherhusband.Heisessentiallygoodnaturedandwillone
daylookmorekindlyonourmarriage.
Butyearspassedandthatonedaydidnotcome.

Foreightyears,Okekewouldhavenothingtodowithhisson,Nnaemeka.Onlythree
times(whenNnaemekaaskedtocomehomeandspendhisleave)didhewritetohim.
Icanthaveyouinmyhouse,herepliedononeoccasion.Itcanbeofnointerestto
mewhereorhowyouspendyourleaveoryourlife,forthatmatter.
TheprejudiceagainstNnaemekasmarriagewasnotconfinedtohislittlevillage.In
Lagos,especiallyamonghispeoplewhoworkedthere,itshoweditselfinadifferentway.
Theirwomen,whentheymetattheirvillagemeeting,werenothostiletoNene.Rather,
theypaidhersuchexcessivedeferenceastomakeherfeelshewasnotoneofthem.But
astimewenton,Nenegraduallybrokethroughsomeofthisprejudiceandevenbeganto
makefriendsamongthem.Slowlyandgrudginglytheybegantoadmitthatshekepther
homemuchbetterthanmostofthem.
ThestoryeventuallygottothelittlevillageintheheartoftheIbocountrythatNnaemeka
andhisyoungwifewereamosthappycouple.Buthisfatherwasoneofthefewpeople
inthevillagewhoknewnothingaboutthis.Healwaysdisplayedsomuchtemper
wheneverhissonsnamewasmentionedthateveryoneavoideditinhispresence.Bya
tremendouseffortofwillhehadsucceededinpushinghissontothebackofhismind.
Thestrainhadnearlykilledhimbuthehadpersevered,andwon.
ThenonedayhereceivedaletterfromNene,andinspiteofhimselfhebegantoglance
throughitperfunctorilyuntilallofasuddentheexpressiononhisfacechangedandhe
begantoreadmorecarefully.
...Ourtwosons,fromthedaytheylearntthattheyhaveagrandfather,haveinsistedon
beingtakentohim.Ifinditimpossibletotellthemthatyouwillnotseethem.Iimplore
youtoallowNnaemekatobringthemhomeforashorttimeduringhisleavenextmonth.
IshallremainhereinLagos...
Theoldmanatoncefelttheresolutionhehadbuiltupoversomanyyearsfallingin.He
wastellinghimselfthathemustnotgivein.Hetriedtosteelhisheartagainstall
emotionalappeals.Itwasareenactmentofthatotherstruggle.Heleanedagainsta
windowandlookedout.Theskywasovercastwithheavyblackcloudsandahighwind
begantoblow,fillingtheairwithdustanddryleaves.Itwasoneofthoserareoccasions
whenevenNaturetakesahandinahumanfight.Verysoonitbegantorain,thefirstrain
intheyear.Itcamedowninlargesharpdropsandwasaccompaniedbythelightningand
thunderwhichmarkachangeofseason.Okekewastryinghardnottothinkofhistwo
grandsons.Butheknewhewasnowfightingalosingbattle.Hetriedtohumafavorite
hymnbutthepatteringoflargeraindropsontheroofbrokeupthetune.Hismind
immediatelyreturnedtothechildren.Howcouldheshuthisdooragainstthem?Bya
curiousmentalprocessheimaginedthemstanding,sadandforsaken,undertheharsh
angryweathershutoutfromhishouse.
Thatnighthehardlyslept,fromremorseandavaguefearthathemightdiewithout
makingituptothem.

Questions:MarriageisaPrivateAffairChinuaAchebe

1. MarriageisaPrivateAffairisastoryabouttheclashbetweentraditional
AfricanandmodernWesternvalues.Explain,givingexamplesfromthestoryto
supportyouranswer.
2. WhatkindofmanisOkeke?Describehimindetail.
3. WhatkindofwomanisNene?Describeherindetail.
4. Add1 2pagestotheendofthestory.BeastruetoAchebesstyleasyoucan.
TrytotakethestoryinthedirectionyouimagineAchebewouldhavechosen.