The ManKind Project - MKP in Scotland, England and Ireland - MKP UK Runs The NWTA Adventure Training For Men

The ManKind Project - MKP in Scotland, England and Ireland - MKP UK...
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The ManKind Project UK & Ireland Empowering Men

Selected Articles From Our Newsletters :
Personal Growth & Development For
Men
What The ManKind Project Did For Me After The NWTA

Posted on 09/03/2013 by admin
Among Such Honourable Men

It is 12 months since I first heard of the ManKind Project, and just over 10 months since I did the Adventure
Weekend in England. I did the follow up Primary Integration Training (PIT) in Edinburgh in March 2012 and
have participated in the Edinburgh MKP mens Group every fortnight during 2012 except a couple of occasions
when I was overseas. Ill be returning to live in Melbourne this November with my wife.
What have I got from this process with MKP Scotland:
Deep peace inside myself, knowing every day that I am a good man.
Lasting freedom from the weight I used to feel regarding my fathers absence in my life, since his separation
from my mother and his relocation to Asia in my teens.
Unburdened myself from my futile struggle to fix other men including my father. Before, I blamed my father
for not completing me and I felt it was my responsibility to fix the pain and problems he caused. Now, I have
a feeling of completeness and wholeness, and I am released from blaming another man. My anger was given a
sacred space during my Adventure weekend, now I feel peaceful towards my father.
Experiencing the bliss of being surrounded by honourable, kind, courageous strong men, regularly.
Being seen and honoured by men who celebrate me.
Being able to drink deep from this spring of acceptance of me as a man, knowing that it is an infinite source
which I can rely on.
Ability to stop hiding behind modesty and fear and accept my greatness with lightness and enjoyment. I
greatly enjoy leading igroups when my turn comes around.
Experiencing my desire to lead as a gift not a burden.
Given a series of public talks on a subject I am passionate about and on a mission about, after bursting
through my fear at my PIT.
Crystallising my mission in life. My mission is to create a world of energy and harmony by listening, learning,
teaching and enlivening.
Finding out what my shadow mission is the part of me which denies, hides and suppresses, and seeks to do
the same to others. Realising my shadow actually wants to make the world manifest its dark ways. Being able
to name my shadow and to hold it where it is not in control of me.
Absolute certainty that my new growth into healthy manhood will last the rest of my life, and that with the
door open to iGroups for the rest of my life, this gold is mine to keep and enjoy and grow for the rest of my
life.
Before, I used to go to counselling occasionally when things got tough. Since I started participating regularly
in an MKP iGroup, I have not felt any need to see a counsellor.
In my life before my Adventure weekend, I could trust women but men were responsible for the worst things
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in the world and in my life. I could not trust men as a community, only individual men who were my close
friends. Now, I have a whole community of men in my life who I deeply trust and I see men as inherently
trustworthy and good.
I have the opportunity to hold space for men to find their greatest gold, and I am held to find mine. I see that
I can make a difference to mens lives and in the way they live their lives as men.
I depart the UK in November 2012 with great gratitude to all men I have met in MKP in this country. I AM
GRATEFUL FOR ALL OF YOU. I go to Australia with an open heart. I am ready to get to meet the Melbourne
iGroup and to rock and roll in the Australian MKP community. With the backing of the awesome community of
UK men I go to the next stage of my life, proud and happy to be a man amongst men. I WILL MISS YOU. I look
forward to visiting the UK community next year and in future years.
DN
Posted in 2012 Autumn / Winter, Empowering men, Finding my purpose in life, The truth about the ManKind project, What is the ManKind Project? | Comments Off
My Staffing Journey
If youve ever staffed a ManKind Project New Warrior Adventure Training weekend (or NWTA for short), I am
sure youll agree that its an amazing experience. If you havent, then I hope that reading this might inspire you
to do it!
Since I did my weekend last summer at the Comb, I have got so much from MKP and from the men I have met
through MKP. Through staffing myself for the first time, I wanted to help other men to have this same
opportunity.
My mission starts that I create a more conscious, loving and joyful world... What better way to deliver this
that than holding space for 30+ men being initiated into Manhood? From staffing in other organisations that I
am involved with, I also knew that I would get some great insight into myself and that certainly happened!
In the preparation conference call and emails in the run up to the weekend, so many feelings were expressed by
other men excitement, commitment, joy, service, fear and anxiety being a few. While I resonated with some, I
felt no fear or anxiety was there something wrong with me?! My lovely friend Azul often calls me nave. I used
to hate this and see it as a negative; yet I now realise that its me, its fine, its OK and it means I often dont feel
fearful when others do; actually its quite a relief!
The staffing had a wider significance for me. I have previously written about The Nobleman Workshop run by
Celebration Of Being (search online for more information). Its a beautifully complementary community and I
set out with the dual intention of staffing and getting as many Noblemen involved in the Warrior weekend as I
could. In the end four of us staffed and three men were initiated. Great for a first concerted effort in this
direction. Working the other way, there were seven warriors involved in the recent Nobleman training, so crosspollination has really started!
My journey up north started very well with a lovely catch up coffee with my Noble Warrior friend Ed, connecting
with Nicolas at the station and then William on the train. so the four of us had our own little community on the
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train!
What is truly amazing is that at 5 pm on Thursday, 40+ men, many of whom had never met each other, got
together for the first time; and less than 24 hours later, the site was fully set up, everything was planned and
wed formed the most amazing container. This, I feel, was the most amazing part; 40+ men, 40+ egos, 40+ heads
full of my way yet, pretty much seamlessly, we worked like a perfectly developed living organism.
Any niggles or tensions were instantly cleared; people who f***ed up (me included) took responsibility, owned
up and made amends without anyone needing to be asked to do so! Yes! It was truly amazing imagine if
every company, government, school and other organisation in the world was run this way? How profound would
that be?
And then the men arrivedand the adventure began. Many experienced staffers said theyd never seen a group
quite like it. Ready and willing to work, taking responsibility and not being defensive.
I wasnt in the least bit surprised by this. For me, 2012 is a real turning point; not the end of the world as some
have prophesised, but a tipping point towards a world where more and more people want to be more
conscious, are more and more prepared to take responsibility and grow up.
Every group I have seen this year or heard feedback on is the same. It is happening slowly, person-by-person,
we are becoming more conscious as a race. That is certainly worth celebrating!
So what did I learn about myself? I thought I was really reliable, always there; yet I realised that sometimes by
shutting down (my childhood protection mechanism), I dont show up, even when I am physically there. The
how part of my mission starts with by being true to myself and I realised that I am so often not; doing things I
dont want, not stating my needs .. and then resenting it.
For me such learnings make me so much more aware of myself; from that place, I can be more conscious, more
loving, more joyful and, yes, of course, thats my mission!
And as well as hard work (which it was!), a great learning experience and a chance to be in service, the weekend
was great fun too! My highlight was strumming in an impromptu band till 2 am on Sunday morning in the staff
quarters ending up with that wonderful Bill Withers song Aint no Sunshine. This is not something Ive ever
really done before; my serious sensible self was telling me to go to bed, and I usually would have listened. Yet my
higher, more joyful self saw how much more this would feed me more than a bit more sleep. So thanks Nico,
David and Sean for that!
I returned home shattered yet very fed and nourished. For a while, a young 20-year man old I know was curious
about this warrior stuff I have talked about a lot, yet it was an inactive curiosity. Something in my energy after
that weekend shifted him, and hes signed up for December.. now that is real progress!
For me, every man who joins the ManKind Project community, every man who becomes a Nobleman, every
woman who does her work; indeed for every person who says I will take responsibility we get closer and closer
to how this world could be; more conscious, more caring, more loving.. no, not how the world could be, how
the world is becoming. And for me the circle was completed last night when a newly initiated man attended my
iGroup one of the 30+ men from the weekend who is helping the world become whatever we want it to be.
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Andrew T
Posted in 2012 Autumn / Winter, Ceremony, ritual, and process, Staffing the MKP adventure | Comments Off
The Power Of The Adventure (NWTA from MKP)

I was at the Adventure weekend at the Comb in September 2012. It was certainly one of the most unusual things
I have ever done!
The Adventure weekend was indeed quite an experience for me, positively challenging in some ways,
empowering in others, and generally a place to learn quite a few things about life and others. I dont know if it
was a milestone that will give me the power and courage to take life in my hands and decide and risk and do so
many other things that I need to do, but it certainly gave me an insight into mens struggles in general, and it
gave me courage and the sense that I am not alone.
What have I personally gained by participating in the weekend? Overcoming my fear of meeting new people and
of being amongst men. A better general understanding of myself, especially regarding the issues that are keeping
me from living my life freely and more empowered. Realising that, while I can seek advice and insight from other
people, in the end the duty and responsibility of making a choice belongs to me. Acknowledging that I cannot
undo the past, my background, but I can own the shadow and use it in a positive and motivating way. Striving to
discover a mission, a purpose for my life, and a way to live in integrity regarding it, rather than in denial and
evasion.
Two aspects have especially touched me over the weekend. First, the courage and determination of so many
participants in knowing and also sharing themselves so as to develop themselves to be better men who live in
accordance with their expectations and dreams. Second, the dedication of the staff who were facilitating the
whole weekend in service for us. They were an inspiration for me through their knowledge of humanity in
general, their strength of character and integrity. My sincere thanks and deep appreciation goes towards all the
men who have staffed the September weekend! I am truly grateful for their effort and dedication!
Especially, at the end of the Adventure, on Sunday afternoon, there was the good-bye ceremony which involved
all the members of staff and weekend participants. As we were doing this, I noticed so much kindness,
encouragement and love in mens eyes, and many of them had tears in their eyes. Their images, their faces, have
deeply touched me, and for some reason this saddens me (perhaps realising once again, both the greatness and
transience of human beings).
To conclude, there arent many environments nowadays in which men are encouraged to communicate and
share deep and profound experiences, to be true to themselves, to discover themselves, to show their emotions
and to strive to live in integrity. I think ManKind Projects relevance resides precisely in encouraging this work
and offering this space for men.
Best wishes,
Alex M
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Posted in 2012 Autumn / Winter, Empowering men, The truth about the ManKind project, What is the ManKind Project? | Comments Off
Experience The Experience

I did my MKP weekend in September 2000. I was nearly 50 years old and about to become Chief Executive of a
not insignificant charity. So I knew a bit about leadership, and I knew myself reasonably well after a lot of
personal work and therapy.
For all that my personal life could have been better: lurching from woman to woman, not in touch with my
children in the way I wanted to be. I was still looking for something, and I readily accepted the invitation /
opportunity / challenge to attend what was then called the New Warrior Training Adventure.
Im not going to spell out what happened because I know that a key reason why the weekend was so significant
for me was because I didnt know what to expect. That meant I was thrown into the experience in a way that, for
instance, therapy cant do; therapy is talking about an experience, maybe even feeling the experience a bit, but
its not experiencing the experience as it happens in a safe place where you can learn from whats going on in
the moment.
At an MKP weekend you do indeed experience the experience, and it therefore has huge potential for really
making a difference, as it did for me, because I faced up to stuff in a way I could avoid in other situations such as
a training programme. I also couldnt drink myself to sleep each evening, or lose myself in the television, or find
a woman to flirt with or shag.
I felt lighter after the weekend; I did some growing up. One description of the Adventure (as its now called) is
that it is an initiation, and thats an image that works for me because, although I was chronologically and
physiologically a man, I had never stepped into manhood. I was a soft male (not least because of the particular
effect feminism and some strong women had had on me) and MKP gave me the opportunity to grasp my
maleness and be proud of who I was as a man.
The Adventure can shift a lot of stuff, but it isnt a complete fix and some men who does the Adventure fall by
the wayside even though MKP offers the opportunity to continue the journey with other men who have
experienced the experience.
There is a follow-up training that offers invaluable tools for being an authentic man; there is further training to
learn how to staff an Adventure, training in leadership, and other opportunities to explore our shadows that can
sneak up and disarm us. One of mine was a tendency to be really angry at minor matters (Im an only child and I
expect things to be done my way!) and Id often be getting cross with people who were in the way (ticket clerks or
call centre people who were just doing their jobs) or in ways that could put me at some risk (road rage or smart
remarks to bigger men in pubs).
Ive learnt not to do that now, though control remains an issue, and letting things be that need to be is
something Ive had to learn, with help from my current mission statement: By letting go of attachment and
control I embrace acceptance and authenticity with compassion.
That still needs work, and another opportunity MKP offers is to be part of a group of men who meet maybe once
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a week (or a fortnight or a month) to support each other. Its another place where, instead of just talking about
stuff (though that can be valuable in a group that listens and responds appropriately) its possible to experience
the experience and really engage with whatevers going on. So if a man has an issue with his boss, or his wife or
his child then we can get that person in the room (in the form of another member of the group role-playing);
then we can help the man have a direct experience with real feelings that can support him when he really deals
with the boss, wife or child.
Key to that is something we learn about separating data (what actually happened? get the facts right),
judgements (whats your judgement about what actually happened, not about what you think happened?) and
feelings. So to go back to my earlier example about getting angry I know that for me its all too easy to get cross
because things arent going my way, make a judgement from a place a feeling angry (bloody ticket clerk should
know better) without getting anywhere near what actually happened (Sir, there is not a train from A to B even if
thats what you want). Turn that round and I have learnt about how to respond from a place of data rather than
react from a place of feelings. And that in turn helps me be much more authentic.
So Ive received a lot from my MKP experience. Is it perfect? No. Am I a fully authentic, balanced, whole man?
No! But I have made a lot of progress and I now have tools and my group to support me in a way that wasnt the
case before. I have stepped into my manhood.
Oh, and Im now in a stable married relationship now that works for me with a woman who has female power
complementing my powerful man, just as I complement her. I have a better relationship with my children and,
while I dont see enough of them, good relationships with my five (!) grandchildren.
John Quill
Posted in 2012 Autumn / Winter, Empowering men, Male Initiation, Men beyond 50 | Comments Off
Male Rites Of Passage

How did I ever decide to do the Weekend? Two close friends of mine whose opinion I value advised me that this
would be a great experience and that I was exactly the right profile to fit the Adventure (New Warrior Training
Adventure). Valuing both of their advice, I signed up, not knowing what I was getting myself into.
Fortunately I decided to join three others going up North by car, as it allowed us to connect during the trip, to
talk and to bring out our rich experiences of life and why we wanted to do the Adventure. That sharing
established a good, friendly connection, which was very helpful during the entire weekend, as it felt like we
were already closer brothers before getting there and that made in easier during difficult moments in the Comb
to stay there, anyway!
Arriving there late in the afternoon, it felt quite spooky, as we suddenly got to a place where we didnt know what
was going to happen. kind of anticipating what was going to happen without knowing, felt weird. I felt very
angry at myself for having signed up and just decided to keep a low profile survival mode. I felt
disempowered
The tension eased off when we got started. The rest of the evening was spent with meeting other brothers,
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learning what the Adventure means and going into some exercises that changed our minds by creating trust and
connection. The more the weekend unfolded, the more new connections were created through the exercises and
events we experienced.
Finding My Mission In Life
What a great way to give yourself sense and meaning in your life by formulating a mission statement that helps
you actually start walking into that direction in your daily life. TheMissionstatement I found for myself was: To
dance enthusiastically every day through my life and to encourage others to come and dance with me!
Being where so many other hundreds of men had been before me, working on their issues of rejection, denial,
abandonment, loss you name it, it was there felt frightening at first, but seeing the happy faces after the
experiences made it encouraging.
I would never have thought Id find the courage to work on my issue of abandonment in such a deep way. Very
skilled and emotionally intelligent people were leading the work that was going to liberate me into a new,
encouraged and happy being, free to pick up my bed and walk as a free man. I had connected before with the
leader of the weekend Ed, and was so happy when he came up to guide me through the process with kindness
and care. Nobody else could have done it any better for me because of the trusting relationship wed established
before. Ed carefully lead me through a process of regaining my trust in men and people in general, made me do
things I never would have imagined I would dare to do and that sure felt like a new birth for me.
Going to the MKP Adventure Weekend was linked to my desire to get a real male initiation, something that never
happened in my life, yet needed to happen for me to step into manhood in a conscious and responsible way.
I now find myself taking my promises and commitments to myself and others much more seriously, and that
feels very manlike.
Ive taken home:
1 A feeling of deep connectedness with like-minded men who want to change the world for the better, as well as a
feeling that I am not alone with my issues: now I know there are men, who have their own issues, but who are
willing to look at mine and to help me deal with them.
2 A feeling that the follow-up to this weekend was going to be great, as it turned out to be: continuing the
training in other workshops offered regularly aroundLondonas soon as I feel ready to tackle the next step.
3 The possibility of joining an iGroup for a weekly meeting, where I can stand among men, share ritual,
cleansing, share how I feel, deal with issues that are on-going or have come up in the week and need to be
transformed as they block me from living freely and happily (I have done this in Putney and am quite happy
about it).
4 Connecting with my brothers from the weekend as a reminder of what we have been experiencing together and
also as a commitment to living a life where I trust myself and trust others to keep my/their word and live up to
my/their commitments.
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5 A new network of likeminded people that is enriching my life and that stretches far beyond the 80 brothers I
met during the Adventure weekend, as the network stretches around the world into many countries.
I have come to heal myself and to find new warriors that would accompany me in this healing process. It only
works when you get up and do it and I know this and yet have to relearn this over and over again. Knowing
that there are so many more opportunities to take that as far as I possibly can and am willing to, is a great feeling
like an open plain in front of me, ready to be walked into.
Johannes G
Posted in 2012 Summer Newsletter, Empowering men, Finding my purpose in life | Comments Off
Staffing the ManKind Project at The Comb 2012

As a first time staffer this March in The Comb, I was picked up somewhere in north London by 3 men and spent
the journey experiencing in a mixture of fear, trepidation, and pride. One of my dearest friends was being
initiated that weekend and I wanted him to have the perfect experience. Being there I knew I would keep my
distance until his journey was complete, but I wanted to be in the background for his initiation. It was a privilege
to be of service to him and the other 40 initiates.
I quickly learnt how things work behind the scenes. A kind of ordered chaos, everyone sort of knew what they
needed to do, and those that didnt quickly found out. The camaraderie was incredible, I felt fully alive,
acknowledged, and renewed an enormous awe and respect for the work, the structures and the way the staff
listened for each others greatness. I experienced teamwork, laughter, a shedding of the straightjacket of
perfection. 80 men danced together to create magic.
Somehow the gods shined on us we had time for a staff sweat lodge the first evening, and I returned to the
comfort of the infinite darkness that I had experienced on my own initiation several months before.
I had emerged then as a viewer of my own life, sat at the very back of a cinema 50,000 light years deep, staring at
a screen the size of the cosmos, disconnected from the emotional churn I had spent the previous 33 years of my
life wading through, responding to, being had by. In its place was an eerie silence.
I was no longer afraid of being alive, as if some great noisy survival machine had switched off, and now the
stillness was deafening, unnatural, almost terrifying. I remember ringing my staff support man and asking him if
this was normal, is this right? He said it sounds pretty good to me!
And with that I realised that even then, I was so used to the context of there being something wrong, something
to fix, something to avoid, and protect against, that when it was no longer there, and just peace in its place, my
internal dialogue had nothing to grind against, and my guts nothing to wrestle with. I so wanted this for every
man and woman. True internal freedom and peace.
Over time, the doubts crept in, the inner voice found fault and judgement and conspired against this peace.
Staffing was my way to revisit, renew this profound peak experience, and to support other men in the way I had
been supported, unconditionally loved, forgiven and acknowledged. No small order for little me!
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So it was an easy choice to say yes and staff. I found extraordinary joy in being of service. I wept during the
visualisation on the Sunday. I connected to the innate humility, love and joy of men released from fear and their
deep wounds. And it touched part of me that I now am not afraid to hide. Aho!
Benjamin D
Posted in 2012 Summer Newsletter, Staffing the MKP adventure | Comments Off
On The Men Who Staffed My Adventure Weekend

What I want to say here is essentially a blessing. I bless the men who staff these trainings. I watched their faces,
looking at their essence in action. I noticed consistency. I saw the integrity of compassion, appreciation,
understanding, humility and valour with unending focussed energy. I looked for any sign of falseness and could
not find it.
At the final circle where the staff face the initiates I could not help be touched by each man that came by. I have
never, ever felt that much love. I found myself smiling, even grinning, when certain men came by and I noticed
that the connection was deeper with those I had personally made emotional contact with. That was an amazing
sequence of seconds, perhaps a minute or two. Really, time flexed then.
I bless the men who staff these trainings. It moves me so much to now imagine your faces again. I feel the
strength of the container and the power of individuals. I see the outpouring of love energy toward us, the
trainees. And I see us turn into initiates. And the experience of the staff to understand what seem like
mysterious processes to the unpractised. To be able to locate blocks and dislodge them. To be offered the chance
youve been waiting for but were never ready to accept the challenge until now. And somehow many pieces of
the puzzle suddenly come together and much of the dross leaves. And the path seems now confirmed when
before the question was still being asked what is my purpose?
And for me the path is made up of strands. One strand has to do with teaching/mentoring. Another has to do
with making. Another is a photographer. Suddenly I understand many things anew. Life seems more airy,
lighter. The dark cloud is gone. There is a young energy inhabiting my body. I feel a huge responsibility to be,
well, a necessity really. There isnt much to the idea of Being.
It simply means showing up and knowing youre showing up, and then allowing the heart to lead the body and
the head. There is an intelligence in the heart. In one past paradigm it was called the king of hearts. It is the
potential of noble emotional intelligence. It is the wild man.
I bless the staff.
James K
Posted in 2012 Summer Newsletter, Finding my purpose in life, Staffing the MKP adventure | Comments Off
The Journey Begins

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I first heard about MKP through my wife who took the womens version Woman Within. It took me 7 years to
pluck up the courage to take the great leap into the abyss and what a leap it was.
One of the reasons I decided that the time was right, was that Id just become a father for the second time and I
was all too aware of the issues I have carried for many years, which I desperately didnt want my children to
inherit.
The biggest thing I wanted to take from the weekend was not so much a cognitive, tangible shift, but a deeper
and less conscious one, a shift that would help me to change the patterns of behaviour which no longer served
me.
That truly happened for me. I have often sought validation and acceptance from the people around me, due to a
lack of self confidence and self belief. MKP has given me the ability to take action, believe in myself and grow as
man. My own work was just a part of the experience. Being witness to the bravery and camaraderie of the other
men gave me a new insight and a greater belief in the brotherhood that exists between men.
The journey has only just begun for me as I have found myself armed with a new drive. Ive already joined a
fantastic iGroup and have completed my PIT. The next stage is to staff a weekend. I am looking forward to seeing
it from the other side and supporting the brave and wonderful men that sign up for ManKind
Projects Adventure Training.
Dan
Posted in 2012 Summer Newsletter, Male Initiation | Comments Off
From The Head To The Heart

My first impression of The Comb was one of sadness and desolation, which at the time felt odd. In fact, it really
concerned me: I didnt understand why I felt that way. Id had a pleasant enough drive up, re-connecting on the
way with two brothers who were staffing at my ManKind Project Adventure Weekend just over a year before.
I want to take a moment here to honour these two men and many more like them who give up their time
regularly to keep the NWTA-wheels rolling. Its a great gift you give.
Also along for the ride was a man I hadnt met before, with whom I had an inspiring conversation around the
subject of family. Looking back now, I realise that the empathy with which this man spoke somehow planted the
idea in my head for the first time that I was going to a place where I could be held, held safe. Previously, that
seemed impossible. In my iGroup I always say You and all the energies you bring are welcome in this circle of
men tonight and I mostly believe it, but not then, at The Comb. At that time, I ju st didnt feel welcome.
As a first time staffer, Id never seen how a man can fully let go of his grief without running the risk of somehow
disrupting the process with the initiates, and so my dark thoughts were that if I let go, Id be swamped. The
initiates must come first and there would be no time for me. And while other people felt welcome, people who
could stay cheerful and positive for the greater good of the task we were gathering for, even if they were in
mourning, that wouldnt be true for me.
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Because I was in mourning. It took me the whole journey to accept that and the OK-ness of it.
In June last year I flew out to Cape Townfor three weeks to be with my Mom and brother. She died about half
way through that time, which was great in a sense because I was able to stay on for the Celebration of her life. Ill
never forget it: there were lots of people, many with outlandish anecdotes about how shed touched their lives.
As a member of the Black Sash, shed actively demonstrated against Apartheid in the bad old years.
Later she was member of a whole string of volunteer groups, some of which Id known nothing about. She
became something of an eco-warrior, a peace activist, a writer, a teacher, a Quaker. Eccentric and iron-willed,
she had very clear ideas about right and wrong, and if something was wrong she was all about finding a way to
change it. One story typifies this quality: I guess she was in her mid-sixties when she noticed that her favourite
outdoor clothing shop, Cape Union Mart, had an advertising campaign that was unduly biased towards the
young and hip; I think of pouty nubile models who normally wouldnt be seen dead within a mile of a camping
site. She duly marched into her local branch to discuss her constructive criticism with the management. The
result?
We found a clipping from the Cape Times, an advertisement for this same shop featuring a black and white photo
of a raggedy-assed pensioner with an unruly shock of grey hair sitting bow-legged on a park bench, looking for all
the world like a hobo, except she has this smuggest of grins on her face. It says: Name: June H. Occupation:
Peace worker. Favourite restaurant: so-and-so. Favourite clothing shop:CapeUnionMart. And then just: Real
clothing for real people.
Much of this felt new to me. To my deepest regret, I realised that my Mom had been the realest person Id
known. It was almost as though it was only through death that Id finally managed to connect with her warrior
spirit or somehow even realise that she had one. How did I miss that? At 23, shed hitchhiked alone right
through South Africaand Botswana. She was 50 when she got stabbed while demonstrating for People Need
Water, Not Weapons. Later I think she was 69 she suddenly announced to us that she was off on a
backpacking trip toIndia. And at 75, she came to England to take a job looking after the elderly, rounding it off by
taking herself off to the Edinburgh Festival for some culture.
Even on a shoestring budget, she always knew the things she wanted to get done and wouldnt rest till shed
found a way.
I stood in awe of her integrity and single-mindedness and decided to dedicate my life to becoming a son worthy
of such a role model. But in Cape Town I was on compassionate leave and the clock was ticking. Two days later,
back home and standing outside my workplace, steeling myself to go in, I slammed the door on all that had
happened and moved on.
Fast forward 10 months to MKP and my staffing at The Comb and I was still trying to get fully into the idea that
the grief Id shut out, the grief I could feel welling up again, had any place in what we were doing.
I was in conflict: on one side, it was dawning on me that I had both the right and the need to grieve. On the
other: what was I thinking, bringing this weight in with me, when there was mens work to be done? As a first
time staffer, I guess I just hadnt seen it modelled and didnt get how grief this deep could be turned into a gift.
And then a man pulled me aside and pointed out that there would be men coming who were experiencing a
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similar grief and, whether they knew it or not, were looking for someone to model a way of expressing it. The
penny dropped, the light went ON!
I was still dazed, rushing round the kitchen like a headless chicken or losing my focus, but from that moment on
I let go and started to enjoy myself. The patience, humour and support I felt from my team-mates in the kitchen
and from every man, though not always spoken, was palpable. And well, humbling.
And Ive since remembered that being strong-willed has a shadow side. Not so, Ma? Actually, shed be the first to
admit it, bless her.
These are simple truths, I see that now. But what was it the fella once said about the journey from the head to
the heart? It takes a little longer sometimes and thats not always a bad thing.
Ben H
Posted in 2012 Summer Newsletter, Staffing the MKP adventure, What is the ManKind Project? | Comments Off
Finding My Mission
I have been initiated into manhood. I have been welcomed into a vast network of honest and
caring men prepared to help me see and master my shadows. This is how it happened and what it
means to me.
My first contact with the Mankind Project after signing up for the New Warrior Training Adventure last year was
several pages of legal talk. I was asked to sign a consent form which looked to me like it freed all staff of any
responsibility. This seemed to me to contradict the value of accountability emphasised on the organizations
webpage. However, I managed to dismiss this as a result ofUKliability law being out of control. With only the
sparse information on the webpage and a comforting five minute talk with the enrolment coordinator, I paid my
money and ventured into the unknown.
Why did I to this? What spoke to me was not the suggestion on the main web page that I may be alienated or
confused, having some vital part missing. After the fact, I can see how this did apply to me to some extent.
What I went for, however, was the idea of finding a personal mission so as to live a more wholesome and
purposeful life. I was facing some important career decisions and questioned the ultimate purpose of my career.
I also wanted more male comradeship of the deep emotional talk variety.
The way to Northumberland national park was a long one. Deep in the wild, on a cold December evening, I
encountered a group of very grave staff men. Not accountable, not caring so what are these guys about? I
found myself thinking. But there I was. Then there was a door, and I was asked to step in only if I was prepared
to be challenged. I said my only worry was not to be challenged enough. I still had the worry that this was mostly
for people seriously astray and that it would mostly involve things I had already tried in other places.
I was challenged enough. Not the way I expected. Not physically so much, or socially, though there was that too,
but challenged to take a deep look at myself. But not just to look, not just to see my hurts, my patterns, my
shadows, but to find the strength to accept them and so to overcome them. This all happened through the
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weekend-long process the exact nature of which is a well-guarded secret, and so it should be.
The way my own adventure developed was probably rather typical. I started out rather judgmental, finding faults
with the process and thinking how it could be improved. When I was first challenged to speak of my life, feelings
around social isolation came out, perhaps since I recently moved and my social life was rather poor around this
time. This was surface stuff, though, and the process soon led me deeper into profound feelings of unworthiness.
With the gracious help of the many warm and forthright staff men, and through the excellent techniques they
had mastered, I found a new and richer understanding of these deep and potentially disastrous feelings and,
more importantly, ways to let them go, or at least push them out of my core self-identity.
The Adventure is partly supposed to be an initiation into manhood. Though I had thought about the
lack of such male rites of passage in our culture, I did not think I needed one for myself. I had felt rather at peace
with being a man, having gone through the usual dissatisfaction with my actual father and various other father
figures. I had come to terms with the fact that I had to be the man I had wanted them to be. I may even have
thought of myself as a warrior of sorts. Also, I was sceptical of the strong gendering that comes with thinking of
adult life as Manhood.
I still have some of that scepticism, but I recognize that I am a man, whether by biology or culture, and that I
share many strengths and weaknesses with other men in particular. I now feel stronger and more grounded. I
very much appreciate the symbolic aspects of this initiation into modern manhood. And being welcomed into the
ranks of the fine staff men, as one of them, felt very good.
There was a lot of connection that weekend. With deep parts of myself. With other men and their
deep parts, their problems and potentials. With nature. With my ancestors. With the world we
live in quite generally.
I have attended an iGroup a few times after the training. The group is rather small and has its struggles: as we all
struggle to keep our hearts open and our minds focused in this precarious modern society. These struggles are
easier for me now that I am a New Warrior, a champion for good, a humble, accountable and caring man who
accepts myself as I am, not conditional on performance.
Acceptance, I realized during the weekend, is my key to being able to create a world where people can play safe
and free, by inviting them to play with me. This is the mission that I found. Every time I say it, it feels so simple,
almost silly, but that is just what I personally need to inspire me to be the man, and the person, that I want to
be.
In gratitude, KG
Posted in 2012 Spring Newsletter, Male Initiation | Comments Off
Mixing The Ingredients

Ive only staffed the NWTA (from the ManKind Project, or MKP) twice the last time in the Comb, way out west
in the undulating hills of northern England where fuzzy cows stand guard on the one winding access route.
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Some 40 individual men all came down that narrow path to join as one, 40 souls to build a pot for another 40
men looking to be cooked, heated, shaken and moved into a new story about themselves.
For me, acknowledging our shadows as a staff group on the Friday is what rocked me into gear. The revved up
energy of men regurgitating shadows, the dark bilious stuff that we hide by instinct and need to cough up to
become clear, authentic, honest and humble. Man o man, we were shouting it there in the tinny space of the
massive hangar, crying it out, getting all fierce and clear and determined to play it straight and to play it safe.
Yes, play it. The German author Friedrich Schiller said: Man only plays when in the full meaning of the word he
is a man, and he is only completely a man when he plays.
If we cant squeeze laughter into our deep despair, then were lost. If we cant twinkle as we cry, were not
spanning our full being. It aint sacred if it aint playful.
So in the shadows, there was pure laughter too. Men smiling, shaking their heads in disbelief, ready to be
surprised, awakened, changed. Alive to the moment, tingling, focused, loving.
Seeing each others shadows, we relax into commonality, and surrender to the crazy, absurd juxtapositions of
being fully alive, beyond deadening judgments or fixed positions.
We held the men arriving one after another through that dark door, laden with bags fu ll of comforting
belongings; we held them with the care and love of an older brother; we held them as best we could for three
days.
And by Sunday we had reason to celebrate we had served other men seeking grace and generative love on the
magic carpet of their lives. As we took leave with our eyes to the beat of a drummer, we no longer mirrored their
fears, but connected with our hearts, as brothers.
On the plane back to Sweden, I felt the world had become a little bit safer and a little bit more loving.
Soon Id be home to play with my boys.
Miki
www.vildkultur.se
Posted in 2011 Winter Newsletter, Staffing the MKP adventure | Comments Off
Flying Through Life

Being asked to write a brief article for The ManKind Project magazine, Spearhead, is an obvious privilege, yet I
didnt think it would be quite so difficult. I have been caught up in the minutiae of trying to remember my
training, what were the challenges and what did the weekend do for me? Looking back, all I remember is that my
weekend was early in March 2010, it was bitterly cold, and I went through a process that was to have a huge
impact on my life.
Everyone experiences the training in different ways. I left with a gem, a lens to look through life with, something
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that has become a kind of mantra for me, and that challenges me to be everything I can be. Its simply: What
kind of man do I want to be? Of course my shadow comes and bites me up the arse from time to time but its
pretty consistent and the more I commit the more I notice a shift. It is so subtle that I dont know it is actually
happening. I have to reflect back and look at the last few months to see how my life is radically changing. OK, so
Im 40 and might be having a midlife crisis, but it is precisely this lens that is going to get me through any
challenge.
What kind of man do I want to be? It is such a provocative question and yet has guided me so successfully to
date. With an addictive personality, I have used it to deal with so many of my demons. Before I went on the
training I was smoking a packet of tobacco a week, drinking a double espresso (before I could function in the
morning) and my psoriasis was so bad that I actually accepted that sooner or later it would cover my entire body.
Its funny looking back, because I didnt consciously say Right I am going to give up cigarettes, or coffee, or
whatever. I totally realized those vices just didnt suit me anymore, and were no longer part of my life.
Consequently, there was nothing really to give up.. and my psoriasis is now clearer than it ever has been.
This mantra infiltrates every part of my life. Its so prolific, that I cant hide from it. I have committed to be
everything I can be, and therefore the challenge is always there and I cant turn back. I was at a party tonight
with my two boys and someone offered me a pint. I started salivating at the thought of it, but the truth be known
I had an article to write and next week is particularly important for me, so this little voice said Have a cuppa
instead. I guess you would have to know me to understand what a huge breakthrough this is for me.
Professionally, I have been a CSR consultant for the last 7 years, looking at how businesses really embed
sustainability through employee engagement. Although worthwhile, I have never gone Wow, I love my job. I
have always been envious of those who have. I feel like Ive been pushing rope uphill for so long, or walking
through thick treacle. I just resigned myself to the fact that I was bloody lucky to have a job, especially my own
and just hung in there. Knowing how frustrated Ive been, a friend rang me up and asked if Id heard of LEAD, an
organization facilitating leadership on sustainable development.
Cutting a long story short, I duly signed up and within a month I was booked onto the course. Within the first
few days I started asking myself those inevitable questions like Who am I? What do I value and what does
leadership mean to me?
Within a week, I returned home, met with my business partner and pulled the plug on a seven year business. So,
I am at a massive crossroads in my life, and feel that Ive thrown myself off a very large cliff and am currently in
mid flight. It is an emotive place to be but one full of opportunities. If I am honest I feel a little schizophrenic,
because depending on when you get me I am either over the moon with possibilities, or deep in despair at my
predicament. Luckily, it is much more the former than the latter, but as one good friend said to me, Jono, you
are simply in the chaos phase, and out of chaos magic happens.
MKP has given me a tool with which to navigate through lifes trials and tribulations. And above all it has taught
me the importance of having men in my life. I was blessed to have Alan H (RIP) as my mentor and friend. He
stood with me and guided me with such integrity and commitment that I was blown away to receive such
genuine love and support from another man.
After the New Warrior Adventure Training (NWTA) I asked him where he was from and he said near Bath. I gave
him a gentle smile and told him I was, too. I now have the joy of being part of the Bath iGroup. On my first visit,
I remember walking through the woods, the smell of wild garlic pungent in the air and as I came round the
corner there was a group of men sitting by a fire in a clearing and one of them playing the harp. It doesnt get
better than that!
Jon E
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Posted in 2011 Winter Newsletter, Empowering men | Comments Off
An Extraordinary Experience
Ive spent the last 11 years deeply involved in personal development therapies, workshops, books; and teaching
and coaching others is my work and business. The thing Ive realised over time is that my biggest personal
challenge is to take action in my life.
Instead, I frequently find myself waiting for something to happen, distracting myself with unimportant things, or
reading books or articles about really useful techniques that will help me to get on and do something. As a child I
had very little awareness of my natural father and although I had (and still do) a step-father (who I call Dad),
there was still something missing for me as a boy. Ive never really been able to feel like a man and Im having to
make up being a father to my own children as I go along, because I didnt want to recreate my own childhood
(very harsh) for my children. To me that feels like a lot of pressure and there are times when I really havent felt
up to it.
Ive always been someone who holds back, particularly as a child, preferring my own company to that of other
people. I have found it really difficult to connect with other people, particularly men. I found that it was much
easier to talk to women and I have a wonderful wife who Ive been able to hide behind for many years! Ive done
lots of work on this in the last few years and although I find it much easier now, there are still times when I hold
back and dont participate, which is really frustrating for me.
This all came to a head in August when I realised that it was time to change, otherwise Id end up living a very
unfulfilled life. My daughter attends a Steiner School in Ringwood and I consider myself really fortunate to know
a few of the Dads at the school who have already attended the Mankind Project New Warrior Training Adventure
weekend and Id also seen some amazing changes in a couple of them who attended earlier this year. It was a
no-brainer for me, as I wanted these changes for myself.
As its my normal habit to put things off for as long as I can, I made the call and booked myself in before I had
time even to consider the thought Ill do it next time. It was the best decision I have ever made. The thing that
really sealed it for me is how open, honest and welcoming these men are.
I could feel in myself a resistance to making a connection with them, even though I really wanted to. I could get
so far, but then my old habits of holding back kicked in and I always felt like an outsider.
My wife thought it was very strange that Id want to do the NWTA, but shes incredibly supportive and was able
to trust that I knew what I was doing. To be honest, knowing nothing about it other than seeing it had worked
for my friends, I really didnt know what I was doing or letting myself in for! What I did have, though, was the
feeling that something big was going to happen in my life and that this would be a really positive experience for
me.
I knew that it was likely to challenge and frighten me, so I wasnt going to take it lightly. I found the 4 week wait
for the weekend quite frustrating, but actually its really good for me to sit with the not knowing I know from
my work that its much easier to make changes when youre uncomfortable than when you re comfortable!
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Finally, the weekend was upon me and I travelled up to the MKP venue, the Comb, with four other men, which
really helped to relax me. It also served to heighten my anticipation and discomfort about the unknown that was
to come. The trip up there was a really powerful experience for me in itself. On arrival at the Comb I knew I had
a choice to make: to either just see what happened, or to make a commitment to myself to get the most out of it
that I possibly could. Im happy to say I chose to really go for it.
My overall impression of the MKP weekend is one of immense personal challenge, but in an environment of care,
attention and nurture to a level that I have never seen or experienced in my life. I felt accepted, appreciated and
loved to a degree that completely took me by surprise and for the first time in my life, I felt like a man.
People have asked me loads of questions since Ive been back, ranging from, What was it like? to What did you
do? to You seem in a really good space, whats happened? My answer to each of them is that Ive met a part of
myself that I never knew existed Im in touch with something that really helps me and serves me when I need
it. At times, it was really hard, but overall, a healthy mixture of frustration and joy! Plus, to top it all off, I met a
bunch of other men who have similar feelings, frustrations and challenges as I do.
Its wonderful to realise that even the men who I really look up to and see as Real Men have their own
challenges and issues around their identity as a man. My deepest truth is that I now know I have the power to
chose whether or not I hold myself back. Its definitely a work in progress, but to have a deep awareness of this
feels to me like freedom.
I still hold back at times and go through the usual kicking myself afterwards, but Im able to accept that Im still
learning and that keeps me moving forwards.
The celebration evening is an opportunity to be presented to your tribe as a Man, something that I really enjoyed
and I feel is missing from our culture now that we dont have initiations in our lives. I needed to be recognised
and accepted as a man, in order to feel like one. Im already reaping the rewards in my work Im finding that:
Im much more focused and able to help people in their lives
Ive stopped wasting time doing things that dont help my business or my family
My clients are having a much deeper connection with me and getting better results
And although Ive always loved the work I do, Im finding much more joy and happiness from it, which is making
the distractions much easier to ignore.
I was never expecting a magic wand that would cure all my issues, but Ive come home with a big stick to hit
them with, which is good enough for me! Im really proud of myself for having done it! The Adventure has the
potential to be an extraordinary experience, and it certainly was for me.
Dan N
Liking Myself A Whole Lot More

I can still remember travelling down to Embercombe to do my NWTA Adventure as if it was yesterday, when in
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fact it was September of 2010. Approximately 18 months before I set off, I was approached by a friend of mine,
John McLaughlin. In a very easy way, he said that he does some stuff that he thought would be good for me. It
was as simple as that, no hard sell, not even an explanation. I asked what it was and he just said that he thought
I would get something from it. I then said maybe or words to that effect, and carried on with my life. What he
didnt know was that small conversation stayed with me until it was mentioned again, about a year later.
I then said how many do you do a year? He told me and I replied that I would do one before the end of that
year. Leading up to September John called me up and said that there was one approaching, he told me the price
and I paid over the phone. Job done. I knew nothing of what I had signed up to. mens work?..no idea!
However what was really strange was that when I put the phone down I burst into tears, to this day I still do not
know why. But I remember feeling a massive relief, but I didnt know what it was, just an overwhelming feeling,
and it lasted for ages.
Still not reading up, or taking in what this weekend was about, all I knew was to bring some food and some
winter clothes. When I was driving down I was in such a rage, swearing and cursing to myself, calling my partner
and doing the same thing to her. I was driving to a place in the middle of nowhere, I knew no-one, because I had
asked John to stay away for my weekend. I understand that he was a man who staffed every weekend, and
finding hed be there made me feel uneasy. About halfway into my journey I got a text from John trust the
process was all it said. It kept going around in my head, over and over againwhat was it supposed to mean?
But it was those three words that got me through the doors, and through the first evening.
On arrival I was so agitated, so angry. I was fuming, but that was more about what was happening inside me. I
was greeted by one man who directed me to another, the first question/words that came out of my mouth were
when can I leave? I was getting angrier and angrier, yet all the time I kept repeating those three words from
John trust the process. I put every bit of trust in that man and my partner, whod kept encouraging me to do
the weekend. I had never before heard the lines, rites of passage, work on myself. Never spoken to anyone
about this stuff.
From the Friday night to the Sunday afternoon it was a rollercoaster of emotions for me, for the first time in my
life I was honest with myself. I started to see who I was, maybe who I was meant to be. I could sit in the
company of other men and not feel intimidated, not have to roll out wisecracks for the hope of fitting in, to be
accepted. I think I started to think that it may be OK to be meas I am..I shed many tears, tears that I maybe
should have shed many years ago. I allowed my emotions to go on show, if that was what they wanted to do. At
times it felt as though I had been walking around with a rucksack full of bricks, all of my life, without realising it.
Then brick by brick as the weekend went on, they slowly started to leave, and the load was getting lighter and
lighter.
On the Sunday when we said our final goodbye, the tears were streaming down my face, I had a heavy heart. Yet
when I walked out of the gates I felt as though I could have climbedMount Everest, just for the fun of it.
The weekend is no walk in the park, theres no making daisy chains, yet I remember thinking that I would
happily pay double for that all over again. I remember calling John on my way home and thanking him with all
of my heart, I remember telling him that I would forever be in his debt for the gift that he had given me. One
year on and I have embraced as much as I could and Ive staffed in Embercombe, inIrelandand in the Comb.
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I have done an intensive PIT [the follow up course to the NWTA] and staffed one as well. I am also in an iGroup
[an ongoing men's group]. I have met, and continue to meet, some great men whose company and character I
just love. As for my life? I now get to see things in all of my honesty. What I mean by that is, gone are the days
when I would see something, or find myself in a situation thinking what should I say, so that I fit in. How
should I act? I look for my truth, and hopefully I find it. I try to be the best that I can be.before, I didnt think
that I deserved to be the best. When I find myself in a situation faced with something that makes me
uncomfortable, I dont react straight away, I dont make a judgement. I try to see if something is happening for
me, I look to see if I am looking in a mirror.
Today I can look at something, or hear something and if I think man thats beautiful then I will say it. I want
that man/woman to know what is going on for me, and if its something good, then its no good sitting in my
heart, in my head. That way no-one knows.what a waste..Today I like who I am, this time a year ago I could
never have said that. And this time next year I hope to like myself a whole lot more..Aho!
Martin C
The Journey To The Comb, June 2011

My friend at work mentioned the Mankind Project during a lunch conversation about two months before the
weekend, and though we spoke very briefly, the NWTA somehow caught my mind very quickly. I cant say for
sure whether my curiosity, or the concepts of MKP, or the title of the program New Warrior Training
Adventure, got my attention but I made up my mind immediately to participate!
However, as the weekend was closing and when I needed to make my commitments, I was thinking over a lot;
my wife was pregnant and needed a lot of my time; I had spent a lot of money on medical procedures recently:
there were many criticisms on the internet about NWTA and the unconventional approachesand so on. All
these reasons looked logical and very valid for not attending the weekend however, deep down in my heart I
felt I must attend it.
At the Comb
On day one, when everyone had a turn to say what they wanted to achieve by the end of the weekend, I didnt
have anything in particular to say. I tried reason out why I was there, came up with many reasons, but none
looked like why I really was there. At some point I stopped thinking and said to myself that I just wanted to have
this experience.
I must say day one wasnt the most convincing one; it could be that a lot of sudden changes in my regular
environment meant that my mind and body were too cautious about everything. I kept thinking logically and
tended to be apprehensive about the program. And I wanted to complain lot about a lot of things, the mystifying
registration procedures, accommodation, toilet facilities, water, lighting, mosquitoes, and the unusual
environment for a training. but on day two none of those concerns looked important and I started to enjoy the
excitement and brightness of the experience.
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One of the most valuable things about the weekend was that I was able to get to know about 40 other men in an
utterly honest environment, their values, mission, issues, regrets etc. I often learn lessons by making mistakes;
however the weekend environment was such that men can learn their lessons without making mistakes. It was
invaluable. Most of the men I met ultimately wanted to create a better world and determined to go about making
it happen. This experience was remarkable; it took all of us back to our childhood and enabled us to rebuild our
character through what is important to us today.
The MKP seniors were invaluable in making this experience real, their true desire to help someone was
remarkable. My experience was thoroughly enlightening, I returned with an ultimate sense of being unblocked. I
have been sharing myself with my friends and family ever since my weekend!
Karthicraja G
Posted in What is the ManKind Project? | Comments Off
The Adventure at The Comb, Northumberland June 2011

Hungry for initiation

I have felt a deep, ferocious hunger for that elusive sense of maturity for years now never having been able to
shake the unpleasant feeling that I am still but a boy in the body of a man. And I knew I needed help to get past
a masochistic, pervasive undercurrent in life which always made every action feel not quite right, not exactly
authentic. In many ways, my life was great and improving. Yet, my suffering was undeniable. And so I was
ready. In the evening of June 4 2011, at The Comb in Northumberland, I finally embarked on my lifes first
Heros journey.
It was an intense experience; over in a flash. Yet contained within those brief moments was a journey through
grief into rebirth. That is more than literary symbolism I was reborn, surrounded by initiated men, losing my
masochistic beliefs on the way. It was a surreal, yet deeply impacting experience and one I had not prepared
for. All the visions of a heros journey that Ive entertained myself with, looked very different to mine.
As the facilitators circled us on the last day bidding us farewell in silence I felt my heart so strongly. Rare are
the moments in life when I have felt so alive. Tears flowed down my face. I stood there an initiated man having
been through a ritual for which my entire soul had hungered for years. The look on the faces of these men each
featuring a unique mixture of love and acceptance confirmed that I had indeed received what I longed for.
Some missing part of me was starting to pour back in. I was happy.
Journey to The Comb
I run a webpage called Masculinity Movies. It emerged out of my own search for maturity and manhood and
running it has brought me much learning and satisfaction. As my exploration of movies, spirituality and
psychology deepened, the book King, Warrior, Magician, Lover Archetypes of the Mature Masculine showed up
on my radar. The authors are Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette, men of some familiarity to you, I suspect.
As my understanding of these archetypes grew, I started applying them to my movie reviews with outstanding
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results. People loved what they read and I learned so much.

The Mankind Project was mentioned with increasing frequency and eventually my reviews became featured
content on both the Mankind Projects Facebook page and their journal on www.mankindprojectjournal.org It
was clear that I had found an organization full of men who shared my thoughts and passions, and I felt excited
by the growing possibility of global brotherhood.
I connected with MKP men such as KDC, BH and MG and my participation in the weekend was inevitable.
Speaking with BH on Skype one day pretty much cemented it. There was nothing more to think about I took a
leap of faith and I dont regret it.
I was afraid when I knocked on the door and entered the darkness behind it, but boy am I happy that I did!
Back to Normal?
I returned home with a slight concern that the experience would just be a workshop high, my freedom slowly
dwindling with every passing day after returning home. But I do feel different. Something has remained. In fact,
some hard-to-describe feeling of being a man and not a boy has strengthened and I feel more confident overall.
Most importantly, I feel freer to express myself. In fact, my voice has changed. It has opened and become deeper.
Several people have commented on it.
I want to write briefly about my shadow, identified on my weekend as I create a more alienated world by being
judgmental about others. The number one inner conflict in my life is my desire to connect, combined with the
fear of rejection. My need to connect is tremendous. I love going to deep and rich places with people. Yet for
many years, my spiritual practice was a solitary affair which served to strengthen this shadow.
Before I move to criticize it, I want to honor my many years of sitting meditation practice and my deep inroads
into worlds such as Buddhism, integral theory and tantra. They served me well for many years. Yet, I remained
divorced from life itself. So in my feelings of unfulfillment, I learned that I could protect myself from the fear of
rejection by condemning people who I might otherwise wish to connect with as unworthy, less spiritual.
Absolutely wonderful. Served me well. And Im so fucking done with it.
The new openness that is unfolding in my life allows me to go deeper with others. The key for me is the ability to
share impact combined with a deeper realization of my ability to be self-sufficient in the love department. Now,
when someone impacts me in a way I like or dont like, I can simply share my experience of it. Its not a defense,
and yet its the best defense of all. Shared humanity. What a concept!
My relationships have deepened considerably this year, yet the experience of intimacy in the interpersonal
spaces of my life has dropped to an even deeper and richer level since the weekend at The Comb. I feel
nourished.
The path ahead
In two weeks time, I go to Edinburgh for my PIT. I feel inspired to facilitate at a training adventure not too long
from now. To experience it from the other angle. To give it. My mission statement involves curiosity and blessing
and so, the path is lit.
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I have gathered four MKP men and three other good men who live in the Oslo area and our first real gathering is
planned for August. I am moving in three weeks, to the first flat I could ever call truly mine, and will be happy to
host them there. This is deeply significant for me, contributing to a general feeling of increased groundedness
and embodiment. I feel pleased with myself. My heart opens when I write that.
Im also feeling big openings in my quest for my true mission in the world. So many good things are happening. I
feel stronger and more peaceful and Im even sensing that a woman is going to come into my life again soon. I
realize that I have held the belief that if I get to be with a woman, I somehow automatically get the better end of
the deal. And having seen it, I realize how bullshit it is. I can now own how lucky the woman who gets to have
me will be. We will both be lucky, gifts to each other.
Would these things have happened if I didnt do my NWTA? Hard to say. I think it probably would have
eventually considering the intensity of my yearning for ever-increasing maturity and insight. But its not
important. It is what it is and Im happy with the way I arrived here. I have worn my talisman almost every day
since returning.
Eivind S
www.masculinity-movies.com
Posted in 2011 Summer Newsletter, Empowering men, The truth about the ManKind project | Comments Off
The Heros Journey Continues

As editor of this magazine for over two years, a key focus of what I brought to its development was looking at the
relationship between the adventure of our lives as men and the mirror we share with the adventure stories we
read, saw and heard as children and continue to be drawn to as adults. Stories including Braveheart, The Matrix
and the Lord of the Rings all hold a powerful place in activating my imagination and creative spirit. As my
understanding of the mirror these stories hold up to me grows, I realise my life is in no small way an adventure,
and (boldly) the hero at its centre is me. At the centre of your heros journey is you. The power of the timeless
story structure of the heros journey is not just entertainment but a vital and crucial component in unlocking
the mystery of who we are and discovering what the hell it is we are doing here.
In 2000 I met with Michael B and began a journey into myth, story and the unfolding truth of my life. This
journey continues to this day. When I went through my NWTA in the cold December of 1999 at Sopley, an
initiatory fire was lit inside me that roared and raged for the first five years of my time inside this community.
Over the last eight years it has mellowed into a flame that burns bright and constant and a little less fierce.
Until my time came in Sopley, Id felt like a child locked in an adults body. What Id been looking for was a rite
of passage that would unlock my potential and my route into adulthood. The men I spoke to on that weekend all
nodded in recognition of this simple fact: we had all been waiting for this. We had not had it when we needed it
most, as teenagers raging against the machine of life with no solid boundaries to hold us. My boundary was
found within the walls of the prison I eventually ended up in.
I was magnetically drawn to MB and his work on teenage rites of passage. In the first few years we worked as a
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small team forming what became the Quest. Men from this community sponsored me to go to America with M to
develop the work further with our U.S.brothers. The first Quest weekend was put on at Hazelwood House in
Dorset in 2005. When I came home to my then girlfriend and told her the story of that weekend, I wept with
relief at having found a path I knew was mine. At that point I was fired up and impatient and wanted to move
things forward, fast too much time had been wasted already. MB had been doing this work for ten years by that
time and I was awed by his commitment and time served. Its now thirteen years since I began my own journey
in creating a rite of passage for young men and to a great extent Im just getting into my groove.
During that first weekend at Hazelwood I identified what I believed would work, for me, based on my own life
experience. This was about time out in nature, working with a powerful story and encouraging the participants to
write about their own life experiences. I moved on from the Quest and developed a programme over the next five
years into what became the charity, Write to Freedom (W2F). We work on Dartmoor mainly with young
offenders and serving prisoners released on temporary licence.
Id been looking for a powerful mythic story that would work on the weekends for many years. Stories had come
and gone with limited success. Earlier this year I woke up in the middle of the night being attacked by a story
that wouldnt leave me alone. I gave up trying to get back to sleep and wrote it down. Magically it has now
become a central part of the W2F weekends. Im now focusing on publishing it so it can reach as wide an
audience as possible. The story Id been looking for had been inside me the whole time. It came to the surface of
my consciousness when I was ready to tell it and make it a part of the work.
The journey through the development of the Quest (which went on to become abandofbrothers see
www.abandofbrothers.org.uk for more details) to the creation of W2F has for me been an ongoing initiation; a
series of painful, challenging and often joyful and energised adventures. My own growth into my sovereignty,
learning and developing my leadership, has been fully informed and influenced by my work within the Mankind
Project.
I stepped onto the Primary Integration Training (PIT) leader track eight years ago, worked intensely on it for
three and stepped back till earlier this year. I took that step back to test the mettle my leadership in the crucible
fire of my work in the wider world. I was recently Hot Seated for full PIT leader. As a result of a simple shortfall
in actual PITs led, I got a not yet. A decision I respected. Im ready when Im ready. What Ive learnt over the
thirteen years since joining this extraordinary community is patience. Everything unfolds in its own time not
mine. I just need to keep showing up which I do.
I can see many years of work ahead to bring W2F to where I believe it belongs in our community and in the
world. I may be a lot older before this comes real, but Im on my journey and in my groove. Im offering young
men what I didnt have as a teenager: a place for them to come and be with safe authentic, initiated men; to be
fiercely and lovingly held, challenged and supported. What we create is a place where young men can learn and
grow without having to wait as long as so many of us did. If there are men in the community who want to get
involved, support or pledge, contact me.
Caspar W
Mission: By opening my heart and speaking my truth I create an abundant world of healing freedom and love.
Posted in 2011 Summer Newsletter, Empowering men, MKP men in the world community | Comments Off
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The Lodge Keepers Society

The Lodge Keepers Society

Dear Men, I have recently returned from a week spent in Bedford, Indiana at the annual Lodge Keepers
International gathering, where I was our MKP UK & Ireland representative. I found my experiences so moving
and inspirational.
My journey started inLondon where I was kindly hosted for the eve before my departure by L. and his family. For
me it is such a great opportunity spending time with people like this; being welcomed by families is such a great
connection to people and place.
I had a day before and after the gathering because of the dates of my flights. So I spent those two days with
another wonderful host family in Indianapolis, Eric W, his wife C, and their two sons. Both have strong family
connections to the Cree nation.
From the moment I arrived with them I had a deep feeling in my heart as we talked, and it moves me to tears as I
feel it again now. I felt My God, this is where I am meant to be right now, confirming for me the call of spirit to
attend when I first saw the email asking for a representative to come forward. I was so welcomed by Erics family
and we had a wonderful cultural and human exchange; it so enhanced my trip.
I took part in a ceremony with Eric and his family led by LM, one of the French-speaking lodge-keepers, who was
also staying with us. In this we used the pipe and sang and prayed. Passing the pipe to C (Erics elder son of
maybe 7 years) was so memorable. He touched it to each of his shoulders, held it as B (Erics younger son)
touched it, and then passed it on.
I attended four sweats throughout the gathering. These inlcuded a Lakota Lodge with PS, one of the previous
French-speaking head men, a sweat done almost entirely in French, and the most powerful and releasing for me.
Another was an Ojibaway lodge, a very healing lodge poured by CM, the LKS Founder. This was a very healing
lodge with very beautiful songs, one of which has stayed with me and I often find myself singing it. At the end of
this ceremony each of us was refreshed with a cool brew made with various healing herbs. Jars of this were given
out for people in need of healing. Packed deep in my bag, wrapped in my sleeping bag, I took one of these for a
person who I knew needed healing..
I took part in two pipe ceremonies which is a first for me within the LKS, and a great experience of learning and
connection. It reinforced for me the beauty of dedicated ritual, in this case a group of men sharing a pipe with
the utmost of respect for each other and the ceremony.
For me working around sweat lodges or participating in one, or taking part in ceremonies such as the Pipe, are
times when I really drop into my heart and feel a love connection to Spirit. The men I met at the gathering were
inspirational, so many dedicated guys working in spirit.
Most International centres run regular sweats outside of the NWTA, and it seems to be a great way of
strengthening, learning and connecting. I would love to be a part of this with the UK LKS and Im very willing to
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put my energies into that.

I felt such honour representing the UK at the gathering, and had some requests to staff at other centres
throughout the worldwide community which I intend to follow. The learning shared by men in these
international meetings was clear.
My own knowledge about the LKS has grown so much, that I am inspired to step onto the path to become a
Purification and Renewal Ceremony Leader (aka Water Pourer). I have received the blessing of the LKS for this
and have the honour of now being mentored by Steve Cooper.
With an ever deeply loving heart, opening to Sprit,
Richard K
Posted in 2011 Summer Newsletter, Ceremony, ritual, and process | Comments Off
Meet the men of the community Matt G

I heard about the ManKind Project from a fellow brother who knew I was in a rut and feeling unfulfilled. He rang
me up and said: Ive just been on this fantastic weekend where I learnt a lot about myself.I think it might be
good for you . take a look at their website if you think its right for you at this timeregister!
After looking at the website and having a think for a week or so, I signed up. And I have to say when I received
the registration paperwork I thought What have I let myself in for! But I put that doubt behind me and looked
forward to the weekend with an open mind.
When the weekend arrived I was getting apprehensive about what to expect. The paperwork hadnt made it very
clear (though now I understand why). Another man going on the training collected me and he too didnt know
what to expect, so between us we had lots to talk about on the way.
Now, three years after my training, I can honestly say Im so glad I didnt chicken out because it has had a major
impact on my life.
I have a disability which stops me getting around and doing every day tasks as able-bodied people do. I hadnt
had a full time paid job until the year following my training (Im now 34). The training gave me the
determination to go out there and fight to get myself a job.
After many job applications I now work for my local council, mainly as admin for the community occupational
therapy service. I am responsible for ordering and monitoring installations and modifications specified by
occupational therapists to benefit people in their own homes and help them maintain their independence. I also
monitor the users satisfaction levels and the councils performance indicators, all of which I enjoy immensely.
The training also gave me the ability to appreciate my friends and family. I am able to put my point across to the
people I love and care for the most and still listen to their point of view without losing my temper, which in the
past I was very prone to do. I have learned how to appreciate life and encourage others to do the same.
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I find myself putting things I learnt on the training into practice and tackling difficult people and situations
without getting flustered.
So thank you ManKind for your help in realising my own potential!
Matt G
Dark Waters Deep Diving Into Soul

Eighteen, working in the bush with a bunch of guys. Wild and carefree, full of crazy and adventurous energy, we
worked hard and we played hard.
Late one evening, following a trip to the local bar, on our way back to camp, someone suggested a swim skinnydipping, that would be. It was the height of summer in the interior of British Columbia, and so, despite the
lateness of the hour, everyone agreed that this was a truly excellent and fine idea.
Adjacent to this town was a small lake and on it a small resort with a beach and a pier. And so, as quietly as a
bunch of fairly drunken young guys could be (i.e., not very), we snuck through the resort grounds and ran
(stumbled) down to the beach.
I, along with the others, dropped my clothes as I ran and then, stark naked, plunged headfirst off the end of the
dock into the black and murky waters.
Believing that I had made a relatively shallow dive, I was quite sure I would return to the surface almost
immediately. This proved not to be the case however, and I found myself swimming upwards, and upwards, and
yet upwards, and still upwards
Some moments passed I really have no idea how long and then, very quickly, panic began to set in. I was
taken by an overwhelmingly frightful thought: what if I was swimming in the wrong direction? What if I was
swimming downwards, instead of upwards or even horizontally? In the total blackness of the night I had no
sense of up, nor down or any other direction. I realized that if I kept swimming I could be taking myself ever
downwards to ever-darker and colder waters and ultimately, quite possibly to my death.
Then.somehow.into my cloudy mind drifted the thought that was to be my salvation: STOP! Stop swimming,
stop trying, stop everything. Just STOP! My own buoyancy, my own lightness, would carry me back to the
surface and life-giving air. My lungs were now already desperate for breath and I knew that, especially if I had
been swimming downwards, it could take some time for me to drift back to the surface.
But I forced myself to be still, stopped the desperate and frantic clawing at the water and, after a very long time, I
did eventually break out once again into the cool night and inhaled the most beautiful lungful of air I have ever
tasted.
Years later I came to look back on this experience with new eyes. What a beautiful and almost perfect metaphor
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for those dark nights of the soul in my life. To the extent that I thrash around desperately trying to find my way
out of the dark waters, there is a good chance I will remain there. I might even die. To the extent that I allow
myself to be carried gently by and through such waters, I just might eventually re-surface somehow reborn,
transformed.
Brad N
Posted in 2011 Summer Newsletter, Empowering men | Comments Off
Meet the men of the community Mark J

I went through the Adventure at Sopley in 2001. In 1993 I had been ordained an Anglican priest. But believe me
Sopley was a more powerful experience. The weekend was like standing under an ice-cold shower then being
wrapped in a warm blanket. I was truly exposed for the first time.
I was a gay man amongst many straight men and this scared me. I had never been shy about my sexuality; after
all I had always known I was gay, but before this time I had been comfortably contained within a gay social
network. I was actually estranged from other men. It was as if straight men were a different species, and a
slightly menacing one at that.
Sopley also freed me from a religious world view. It was the antithesis of theDamascusroad experience and from
the Saturday night I no longer believed in a traditional god. Coming from a very religious, anti-gay heritage, and
believing in a god who would ultimately punish me for being me, this was a life changing moment, a rebirth.
I realised I was just a man among other men and we all had our stories. I had been just as blind to other men as I
thought they had been to me. Now, from a place of pain and exposure, we could grow new skins with new
sensitivities.
Within one year I had left the Church, which I had both loved and loathed, and was working with refugees. I
then took a Masters degree and a PGCE, and became a teacher. I am now head of the psychology department in a
lovely school where I teach full time.
The last ten years have been a journey. I have not been active in MKP. I believe that you can only be initiated
once and then the heros journey continues elsewhere. But I have worked and meditated and laughed and built
fires with many initiated men in various mens groups since then.
Last year at 50 I took the final step and wore to school a small badge on my lapel which said GAY ICON. This was
a scary moment. But I decided that if I didnt say who I was, how could I ever expect anyone else to do so?
All went well. The students thought it was mildly interesting for about ten minutes, which was the ideal
response, the head-teacher shook my hand and said Well done, and so we all moved on.
Sopley came at the right time for me. It kicked me out of my comfort zone and gave me a starter kit to help
re-engage with the world I had left. Thats what initiations should be about; they are liminal events, and once I
had crossed that threshold I could never go back. The future lay ahead with all its uncertainties, but I realised
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after the dance that I was no longer alone.

Mark J
The Adventure I fell into the arms of men

This weekend I fell into the arms of men.

I fell into trust of man.
I fell into myself.
I opened my eyes and saw the shining sky.
I looked out and saw my brothers eyes.
I looked out and saw the familiar face
of the complete stranger
who is me.
And for the first time
felt love for him.
Is this compassion, then?
I saw greatness and beauty in other men:
in their fierce nakedness,
in their innocent strength,
in eyes that have seen what I will never see
in ways I will never fathom.
Eyes so different from me;
eyes that lovingly behold me;
eyes of another man,
and another,
and another
Just ordinary men:
as vulnerable
and mortal
and wildly beautiful
as each other.
I am a Wild Salmon,
Journeying Home.
Towards a new mortality.
A new death.
I am going,
to die.
I have already died
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and will die again and again.

Let it always be a good death:
Clean,
Sheer,
Complete.
So I can be free to live
with power
and authenticity.
I left for this weekend with not a single hero,
and returned with 80.
Plus one.
Ive never believed in anything,
least of all me Life is full of surprises.
And the journey
Continues.
Matthew H
Posted in 2011 Summer Newsletter | Comments Off
Calling in the energies of the King, the Warrior, the Magician and the Lover.
When men stand in a circle after ritual smudging, what does the calling in of thee four masculine archetypes
really mean?
Do these archetypes really arise from a transpersonal other, one that we draw into our own being from the
ether?
Are they hard wired in our brain from millions of years of evolution?
Or are they just another story or myth that we collectively need to attach too?
In the study of folklore a myth is a sacred narrative explaining how the world and humankind came to be in its
present form. The story of Parsifal and the story of Christ can be seen as two different types of myth. Modern
definitions of the word myth point to a false popular belief, yet clearly the qualities found in the
understandings of the four masculine archetypes are not false, even though the underlying beliefs about their
origins may be.
As we have repeatedly seen throughout time, over-identification with collective and universal symbols, mythic
roles, in religious systems or organisations can bring many fruits, but also dangers and misunderstandings when
held in one perspective to the exclusion of others. Christ was no Christian and Buddha was no Buddhist, yet
many identify with what they believe was the essence of these individuals. Here we can see how a collective
myth is the very foundation upon which these religions are built.
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So is it possible then that the warrior community could over-identify with the warrior myth? And if so what are
the pitfalls of such a position?
Also in similar vein is it possible to invite Christ or Krishna or Buddha consciousness, representative of a
transpersonal other, into our own being, any more than we could invite Obama, Mandela or Gandhis
consciousness into our being? Of course we can emulate, attach to an ideal or concept, empathise and act as if,
but do we truly have access to the energy of their essence?
Even though Carl Jung believed that these collective patterns and primordial images are hard wired into our
very brain and being, they are still often elevated as something beyond humanity, or even spiritual, even by some
modern day Jungians.
Joseph Campbell does this in much of his writings, whereas Freud reduces the mythic or archetypal to infantile
projections or libidinal or sexual drives. This elevation and reductionism argument tore traditional psychology in
two and is referred to by modern philosophers as the PreTrans fallacy. (See end note for reference.)
For the majority of men, regardless of the origins of the four archetypes, the ritual calling in is simply a
remembering and reminding of their potential qualities.
Archetypes throughout history are copied in all their glory, including their shadows, and these patterns are
wonderful maps to enable new wakeful ways of being in the world in ones own awareness. The essence of who
you are notices these patterns and may be the true reflection of who and what you really are.
To get the clearer picture of who you are in relationship to the archetypal realm and gain understanding of your
King, Warrior, Magician, and Lover more fully, I invite you to attend a mens weekend workshop in November
2011.
Discovering the Archetypes of the Mature Masculine is a workshop designed for 16 men and is aimed at
deepening and expanding way beyond the basics of archetypal understandings.
I James Clifton will be leading the course: Im a UKCP accredited psychotherapist, supervisor, individual and
group change facilitator, and the co-founder of Integral College UK.
For Pre-trans description see: www.praetrans.com/en/ptf.html
James Clifton
www.jamesclifton.co.uk
Posted in 2011 Summer Newsletter, Ceremony, ritual, and process | Comments Off
Women: How might your life be different?

A Piece For Women: Some thoughts on the Woman Within training

When was the last time you felt like someone really heard you? Heard you without judgement or trying to fix
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you? Heard you and sat with you in your pain or joy without taking away what you truly feel about yourself
warts and all? How often do you have the time to hear yourself and touch your inner wisdom? What are the
stories you tell yourself about the kind of woman you are? Are you loud, quiet, soft, ambitious, strong, caring,
frightened, confident or all of the above? Do you have a niggling sense that youre stuck, or repeating the same
patterns? Perhaps you want more from your relationships. Perhaps you just really want a relationship.
You might feel that theres more to life, or you have more to offer. What if you could offer it by doing less, and
being more? And how would it be if you could see what that was like, in a supportive place where you set the
pace?
Its an incredible thing to realise that all women no matter where theyre from, how old they are, or what their
life experiences have been go through very similar things to us. And have done since time began. Women are
many things at once. We take on roles daughter, mother, lover, wife, grandmother, worker, and student. We
plan, and dream, and look after other people. Some of us have to fight for our position in life, and struggle to be
heard.
Every kind of woman does the Woman Within Training Weekend. Something many of us do is look at each other,
make judgements about each other, and then make judgements about ourselves in comparison. We have
preconceptions about what life is like for other women, and what theyll think of us. Some of us are
perfectionists, and some of us take a conscious decision not to care what anyone else thinks.
Everything is welcome at the Woman Within Training Weekend. Your feeling safe is the most important thing,
even though that means something different for everyone. You wont be asked to do anything that you dont
agree to. Its an opportunity to leave behind those roles that you play so well, and to listen to who you really are.
To learn by listening to other women, without needing to hear the whole story. To be surprised by what you hear
when everything is quiet.
If youre like most women I know, youve probably spent some time talking about yourself. To yourself, even.
You might have thought a lot about what makes you tick. I know I had when I did the Weekend. What I hadnt
done was stop thinking. I had never stopped trying to explain everything and make sense of it, and feel instead. I
found out that when I let myself feel something rather than thinking about it, I get to the answer thats right for
me much more quickly; or at least something that I can work with.
The Weekend didnt tell me everything about myself, or the exact direction my life should take, although it did
for some. What it gave me, two years ago, was a very strong sense that I would be OK. A solid feeling, right at the
heart of me, that I can still access any time I need or want to.
I also learned how to be quiet, both on the outside and the inside. I learned that I can listen without judgement,
and in any situation I can choose how I react. I am powerful, in a good way, and I can be powerful without being
too much, or aggressive. I dont have to talk my problems away, but I can if I want to, and I will be heard. If Im
frightened of something, I know that I can be my own support, and if I need support, its there.
I cant tell you what happened on my weekend. Partly because Im very glad no-one told me what was going to
happen before I went, and I dont want to ruin it for you! But mostly because I cant remember I dont
remember the words, or thoughts, or what I did, in any detail. What I remember is how it felt, and I still feel it
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now.
After my weekend in 2009, I joined a circle of women locally. We meet once a month, and its my chance to
reconnect with what I learned. Life has a habit of getting in the way of being a perfect human being, and I hope
it never stops challenging me. The women in my circle listen without judging me, give me their full attention,
and ask me what I need from them. I let them see all of me, when I need them to warts and all.
The next Woman Within Training Weekend is 28-30 October 2011, at Juniper Hall in Dorking. You can get more
information at www.transitionseurope.com. If you would like to talk to someone about the weekend, or have
some questions, youll find contact details on the site.
Karen M
Posted in 2011 Summer Newsletter, Personal growth for women | Comments Off
Masculine empowerment
Being a man amongst men

The men had been initiated. I stood, eye to eye, man to man with a new brother. Then the drum sounded and I
moved to the next man. The same vision. Eye to eye, man to man. Some of the new brothers had welled up and
were crying. This is awesome, I thought to myselfthen I dropped the thought and returned to presence.
It was the closing ceremony of the March 2011 NWTA in the United Kingdom, and my first staffing with the
global mens organisation called The Mankind Project. I was honouring these men as new brothers at the end of
their New Warrior Adventure Weekend (NWTA), otherwise called their initiation weekend.
For some of these initiates this might just have been the first time that they had ever felt truly honoured for all
that they are by a group of fellow men. And as I did this, I realized that this was a life changing experience for me
too. I was being entrusted, along with all the other 39 staff members, to honour and initiate fellow men for
everything they are. And in doing so I feel I have received a transmission of masculine empowerment that will
serve me, and the communities I engage in, for the rest of my life.
The container
I understood why several brothers over the years since my own initiation weekend had told me that their
experience of staffing the weekend was even more powerful than the original weekend itself. Being entrusted to
initiate other men having attended nothing more than a single MKP NWTA weekend might make people
question the strength and integrity that this initiation into manhood holds. However in this organisation I am
struck by how fantastically well it works.
This is because the container is so strong. In order to staff we must commit to being truly of service, to honour
our commitments we make when signing up, to respect and respond responsibly to any emotional charge we
have with another staff member so that the flow of respectful heart-full communication remains open, and to
hold ourselves accountable if we feel out of integrity for any reason, e.g. if we have not walked our talk.
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As staff we must commit to taking full responsibility for our actions, both wholesome and unwholesome, and
there are reflective processes readily available and encouraged when we step out of integrity. And what I love is
that within this container are the most wonderful heart-warming honouring rituals. These allowed me to truly
serve in the knowledge that this service was being valued by my fellow brothers.
Home
As I serve in the world outside the MKP, this feeling of being supported is within me as a consequence of
witnessing and being a part of these rituals. I know that things are not always easy for men and it feels damn
good to know that I have support.
So, as I looked into these mens eyes, my life was changing, my ground was forming. It is time for me to do my
work, to live my joyful mission, to revel in this warm, heart-full and wonderful community, with joy and
satisfaction that I have found my community of brothers.
Just before we stood eye to eye with these men, we staff were lined up and then invited to turn to the man
beside us to talk for a minute about what gold we had received from the weekend. I was honoured to turn to
one of the leaders of the weekend, and without knowing what was going to be spoken, in complete trust that my
truth would be delivered, I spoke.
I heard myself speak of my strong sense that I had found a community which exemplifies so many qualities that
I value in the worldintegrity, service, responsibility, honouring, humourI told this leader that I was feeling
deeply satisfied, truly happy in knowing that I had finally found my community of brothers that I had silently
longed for for a very long time.
Francis E
Francis is a healer, life-coach and 5 Rhythms teacher. You can read his blog at returntoinnocence.org.uk
Posted in 2011 Spring Newsletter, Ceremony, ritual, and process, Empowering men, The truth about the ManKind project | Comments Off
Lost on the way to the City of Joy

Whenever I thought about joy, bliss, ecstasy, call it what you will, the image I had was of a golden city in the
distance; I was always on my way there. I felt as if joy was something missing from my life. I believed everyone
else apart from me was, if not full of joy, then at least happy. Was it me, and if so, what was I missing, or not
doing right?
Whenever I was at the top of a hill on my journey I was filled with hope and joy because the goal didnt seem far
away. When I hit rock bottom, at first Id be lost in the shadows; then as my journey continued Id be sustained
by the hope that I had a destination in sight and mind.
But as Ive continued on my journey, Ive come to realise that I was so focused on my destination that Id
forgotten about my reasons for making the journey in the first place and Id also forgotten myself, the traveller.
I never asked myself what was so important about joy, who I was, and how I would be different once I reached
the city of joy. Id always thought that everything would be good, full of bliss, joyful once I reached my
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destination. But in reality, what would have changed and how would reaching the city of joy change me? Would I
be more joyful or living in constant ecstasy?
Looking back I can see the paths Ive followed. Along the paths are both mementos to mark my passing,
scattered objects that at the time I had to have because they would make me a happier man, complete me, or
give me joy, and also battlegrounds where Id overcome my personal adversaries.
Looking forward I can see my destination. I am part way between what was and what will be; I realise that
another question for me is What am I travelling to and why? For possibly the first time I look at myself and
realise that just by undertaking my journey I have changed and I am, in some ways, closer to joy. Id started
my journey wanting to be different, improved, a better man, happier and Id believed that entry to the city of
joy would give me these things. Once again, focusing on something outside me to get joy, happiness, bliss.
Now Ive come to see that I have changed, and some of the things Id set off in search of I now have, while others
like the city of joy are getting closer. Looking at myself I can see both the shadows that Ive carried and the
light reflected from the city shining on my face. Perhaps it isnt as far as I thought. and maybe I am stronger
than I thought; ready to walk another day, ready to do battle with another adversary until I turn a corner and
realise that the city of joy has been there all along, while I just wasnt ready to enter its gates. A happy man at
home in the city of joy!
On the path to the oasis of joy
There are many mirages on the path to the oasis of joy,
solid and strong until you lean upon them
cool and comforting until you reach for them
loving and nurturing until you embrace them
seductive and entrancing until you name them
Real and true until you fix your sight on the true goal.
Shaky S
www.poetwarrior.org.uk
Posted in 2011 Spring Newsletter, Empowering men | Comments Off
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Fear of living the dream

I never thought it would be easy, but to hit the wall so close to the end feels almost laughable. I could use
metaphors, similies and stories to share where I am, but for once Ill try and use my own words and keep the
stories to a minimum.
For years Ive been on a journey or perhaps its more a series of journeys.
At first it was owning and dealing with the realisation that something in my life didnt feel right. The old ways of
keeping score (nice house, nice car, well paid job, lots of gadgets) didnt feel relevant.
And true, it didnt matter if the house had thirty bedrooms or three there were still only three of us; it didnt
matter if I drove a Ferrari or a Ford the local speed limit was still only 30 miles an hour. And as for all those
gadgets that I apparently had to have, well, I spent more time looking for them than I did using them. I realised
with the help of MKP that there was some transference going on. I was using a variety of things to cover my
unhappiness.
For me the saddest thing was the realisation that I was sad. All that energy and money being spent by me to deny
myself a basic truth. Lots of activity at the surface of the lake to displace a monster that was hidden in the depths
and, I judged, laughing at me (so perhaps its sadness and shame).
The next question was If what Im doing doesnt make me happy, what will? I started to look at the burden of
responsibilities (both imposed by myself and others) that I carried and began to own how many of them werent
relevant or true anymore.
I would, I believed, be slicker, smoother, smarter and lots of other words beginning with s as I did this work.
But, me being me, I didnt realise how long it would take me to heal from some of this work and the hardest part
was (and still is) giving myself patience, compassion and time to heal. I never realised how many messages I
carried (and to some extent carry) and how little space I had for me on that pedestal created for me both by
others and by my own unconscious self.
Fearfully, tentatively, I started to dream my own dreams and that pedestal didnt feel such a lonely place as I
prepared to unfurl my shining angel wings and fly.
Bam! Then it hits me and once again they have hold of me; the fear, the sadness and the shame (I name them
with the hope and belief that doing so weakens their hold over me). Who am I, what right do I have to dream
these dreams, what if I make a fool of myself, what if the dreams I dream are just an illusion, or just wrong?
Once again, I sit with anger, sadness and shame (a familiar trinity). For the first time I can own those feelings
and the fact that I really dont know what to do or what I really want to do. What if I take off from that pedestal
and then fall and hit the ground or more scarily, what if I take off from the pedestal and FLY.?
I really dont know which I want, one is so familiar, but I now realise not serving me. The other, oh, the other
so new, so exciting, and oh so very scary. Which is more enticing though: the fear of living trapped on a pedestal
not of my own making or the glory of flying free?
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Shaky S
May all beings have happiness and the causes of happiness;
May all be free from sorrow and the causes of sorrow;
May all never be separated from the sacred happiness which is sorrowless;
And may all live in equanimity, without too much attachment and too much aversion,
And live believing in the equality of all that lives.
www.poetwarrior.org.uk
Posted in 2010 Autumn Newsletter, Empowering men | Comments Off
What can I possibly gain that I dont already have?

The e-mail said an article of around 1000 words was wanted from a man who could write with passion about his
recent completion of the NWTA and the benefits hed gained. I immediately responded saying I would attempt to
get something down in the next few days. The prompt response stated the deadline was Monday mid-day it
was now Friday. A full weekend approached. I replied Id do my best.
Finding myself roused from a deep sleep at 4 am on Tuesday morning, I recall my commitment to send an article
to a man I dont know, who compiles a publication I have never read. Now wide awake, I realize what day it is
and that I have failed to deliver on a commitment to a man. That is NOT my best!
Now, at this point I could have snuggled down making excuses to keep me in my comfort, explaining the
difficulty to find the time. I was so busy in the garden all Saturday, and that night was spent around a Halloween
bonfire in warm connection with the men in my life. I was sharing deep inner truth and vulnerability, helping
each to realize their unique gifts and our imperative to share them with the world. Feeling heard in a way Ive
never known from these men, I was able to take time to really listen.
And after that, I was sitting on the kitchen floor looking into the eyes of a 20 year old woman, for the first time
really hearing her pain. She shared with me her deep hatred of men for the abuse and disrespect shown to her all
her life, in the home, at school and out in the wider world. I have always found it difficult to relate to this woman
since we first met, when she was 12 years old.
She has always been very defensive, aggressive and masculine. She revealed how she is intoxicated by the smell
of men and deeply desires connection and union, but it will have to be with a man who has green or blue energy
emanating from him colours that she associates with love and heating. Most men are red, she explained,
dangerous, she despises them. Finally, she told me that she had only shared these truths with 2 people: her best
girl friend and now me.
Now other reasons for not making the deadline flood in. Very jet tagged from a long haul flight and having only 4
hours sleep in 24 hour periods over the previous 6 days, I found myself sleeping right through Sunday, waking
up at I0pm, and going back to bed a few hours later.
I was up at 7am to clean and prepare for one of my best friends and his new girlfriend to arrive later that day. It
was important to me to prepare a beautiful space for them: ironed sheets, hoovered carpets, tidy living room and
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clean kitchen not to impress, but because I value this man in my life for the friendship, humour, support and
guidance we share and so I wish to treat him with the respect he deserves.
Then I was off to see a new tenant in an apartment I rent out. Hed written to say th ere were some minor repairs
that needed attending to. Id arranged the earliest time available to attend to his problems. Not because I worry
about the rent or losing face, but because I wish to honour this man Ive never met, wanting him to be
comfortable in his new home. After a firm handshake and eye contact, I apologized hed encountered any
problems at all: despite the property becoming vacant while I was away, there was no excuse. Reassuring him
that his happiness was my main priority, I swiftly carried out the repairs and arranged a plumber to replace a
leaking tap by next week.
On the way home I popped in to see a friend who was also on the NWTA with me. We were both busy and we
respected each others time constraints, keeping our conversation focused; he lent me some equipment I had
been considering buying and I gave him a contact around some work for him.
My partner and I shared a wonderful evening with my friend and his new girlfriend and left them to continue
their night undisturbed with candles and romance in the hot tub.
Now where in all that could I have found the time to write a thousand words?! Are these valid excuses for not
honouring a commitment? No, these are descriptions of some of the many changes that have happened in my
life since I attended the New Warrior Training. There is no excuse for letting another man down, so I complete
this piece at 6.30 am with deep apology and hope that the deadline contains flexibility.
Whispers of the ManKind Project were first heard when I encountered various men who were focused, loving
and very present with strong eye contact. Commenting that I found it refreshing to meet a man as apposed to a
boy in a mans body, I was informed that these men had attended the training.
Just before I set off to attend the same training last June I spouted to my partner Why am I, of all people, doing
this?! What can I possibly gain that I dont already have?! Half way through the weekend I thought Id wasted
my money and would only stay to support my friend. A day later I was shocked to see a man I have never known
looking back out at me from my bathroom mirror.
For the first time I really liked what I saw. A 41 year old man looked back at me who was confident, loving and
free to dance with life. My partner said I smelt different, my muscle tone was different, my voice deeper, my
energy contained, and my focus intense. Although these qualities are not as pronounced now, they remain with
me, and the changes I have found in my life in the months since the training have been profound.
I have recommended dozens of men to attend the training and am looking forward to future work with MKP.
This organisation is changing men, and those men in turn are changing our world for the better.
Simon
Posted in 2010 Autumn Newsletter, The truth about the ManKind project | Comments Off
MKP Men provide clean water and toilets in Ghana

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As many of you know I have built an African Home Lodge in a very poor community on the coast of Ghana. And
Im passionate about introducing people to African life, culture and community in a way that deeply benefits the
very poor local population.
Over the years, when Ive been faced by a deep need locally that I was not able to sort out by myself, Ive turned
to my MKP community to ask men here if they are able to help out. You men have very kindly helped out a
number of times, particularly in my long-standing efforts to protect breeding leatherbacks and other turtles that
come up on to the beaches to lay their eggs.
Recently the chiefs and elders in the community asked if I could help them by opening a number of clean water
points in the villages and by building toilets.
The Mkp funded toilet
The lack of clean water and absence of toilets mean that children in
particular suffer from illness, and often death, from diseases associated
with poor sanitation. Several water points already existed, but had been
closed by the water company because the community had fallen behind in its payments for the water. 400 was
needed to open 6 water points which would supply clean, safe water for many, many families.
I put this problem to our MKP community and within 4 days a number of very generous men had pledged 800.
I took the money over on my most recent visit. We are establishing a Water Committee who will regularly check
the running of all the water points to ensure that each water point controller operates the water point properly.
Once this is in place we will pay off all the current bills and open the points.
With the extra 400 Dzita-Abledomi village asked us to build their first ever toilet. With the help of volunteers
we built the compost toilet you can see in the picture.
This toilet will be used by a number of families. It has two chambers. One is used, then closed off to compost
while the other chamber is operating. After 6 months the compost is available to be used on crops as manure.
The family members no longer need to go into the bush to go to the toilet and have the benefit of good manure
for their farms. (Suitably inscribed, in case you cant make it out, Donated by MKP UK! Ed.)
Prayers and libation in the blessing ceremony to open the toilet
A development like this needs a ceremony!
The community have asked me to convey their deep gratitude to the

men from MKP who funded this toilet. I am deeply honoured to feel
our effect so far into this poor community.
Hugh N
www.meetmethereghana.com
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The children who will benefit from this work
Posted in 2011 Spring Newsletter, MKP men in the world community | Comments Off
Are you addicted to sex?

The popular idea of the ever-ready penis, always searching for relief, driven by testosterone, only takes us so far
in explaining the relationship between men and sex. Of course, we are horny because we are made that way by
nature, but underneath our biological urges to mate, to reproduce, how much of our male nature is driven by
other pressures? How much of the way we behave comes from having a penis or not? How much behaviour is
innate and how much is socialized?
In the book Male Lust, Steve Bearman has something to say about this. He emphasizes how boys and girls are
treated differently from birth onwards. Boys, he says, are given the message that it is not manly to be close, to
reach out and touch, to express their need for intimate cuddles and hugs. They are encouraged to develop
relationships with other boys that are primarily competitive: sports, teams, clubs, and fraternities all demand
that a boy or a man knows his place in the hierarchy. (Even penis size can become the subject of competition in
the locker rooms at schools!)
Even though boys like all humans will search out support and help from others when they are scared, hurt or
in pain, often they are given a message such as Be strong or Big boys dont cry or Be a man: none of which
helps them to heal, but simply makes them repress their wounded feelings and suffer internally.
The reaction of adults or peers when they express fear or scare is another thing that teaches boys that the honest
expression of their feelings threatens their perceived maleness. Yet how many adolescents are given adequate
support in the challenges they face, the immeasurably difficult tasks of growing up? From masturbation, through
sexual issues to health issues, from changes in their bodies to learning about girls, boys have to face many
challenges without much support other than that of their peers, who of course are just as ignorant as they are.
Over time, Bearman says, boys learn to numb their emotions, to dull their awareness of their own emotions, and
in the course of doing so, they decrease their ability to feel any feelings, joyful, painful or otherwise. And in doing
so, boys and men lose touch with their bodies, they harden themselves (literally or metaphorically) not to
feel anything, thereby losing their sensuality, their sense of aliveness, their tenderness and gentleness. This is
seen at its most extreme in the process whereby recruits are hardened so they can abu se others in the name of
military service, but there is only a difference of degree between this and the abuse of one man towards another
in the workplace, say.
Adolescent boys, says Bearman, are exposed to a social imperative to get laid in order to prove their maleness,
long before they have grown up enough emotionally to know what getting laid means in terms of human
relationships.
They are bombarded with sexual images on TV, in advertising, and in pornography: and these are compelling
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images which emphasize the domination of the penis, and which convey the idea that life can be experienced
through sex, through penetration and through domination.
Directly or indirectly, boys and young men are handed sex as the one permissible vehicle through which it is still
possible to express aspects of their manliness, masculinity and humanness which have been conditioned out of
them in other ways. Sex, in short, is the one place where sensuality is permissible, where we can feel passion,
desire, vitality and excitement; and of course it is the one area where true intimacy can still find its expression in
an acceptable way.
Its certainly been my experience that sex and in particular ejaculation is sometimes almost like an emotional
catharsis, particularly when I cry out at the moment of orgasm. From time to time, especially when my life has
been stressful, it has felt as if my emotional life is pouring up out of my penis and into the world through my
ejaculation: not an especially pleasant thought, for this is like a catharsis which deposits my unresolved emotions
into the partner with whom I happen to be in bed.
Sex, then, may be the answer to many mens feeling of being dead inside. But the problem with this is that no
matter how much sex one encounters (or its substitutes of masturbation, pornography addiction or lustful
thoughts) it will never be enough to make a man feel whole; it will never be enough to express his enormous
need to be close; and it will not truly allow him to feel his delight and vitality in being alive.
In short, if sex makes you feel more alive or less alone than anything else, it is an indication that vitality and
closeness are missing from every other part of your life.
So sex can become addictive to a man who has a great emotional deficit. Even if he is not engaging in casual
anonymous sex, looking at pornography every evening on the PC, masturbating or trying ever more extreme
fetishes or forms of group sex, he may still be showing his addiction to sex (or, rather, the impulse to feel which
lies behind it) when he senses an urgent need to have intercourse, or experiences a desire to get off at all costs,
or fantasizes sexually about the people around him.
And note that repression of these impulses is not the answer for it suppresses the one outlet still available to
him which tells him he is alive, which lets him feel his life energy! It is passion, not repression, that is the best
ally we have in our attempts to be liberated from the bondage of emotional blankness.
Healing these hurts and learning to be passionate and vital again requires that we get in close and stay close with
every man and woman who we choose as our allies in the process of healing; it requires that we look after our
bodies and we find our way back to every feeling that we somehow lost; and it requires that we reclaim our
connection with other people, our feelings, our bodies and our masculinity.
Here are some extracts from the instruction manual for this process! Ive taken all of these suggestions from
Steve Bearmans work.
Reclaim intimacy
Bearman begins by suggesting that we can choose to redirect some or all the loving attention we give to people
were attracted to sexually towards all the other people in our lives, even those who we never imagined might be
close to us. He urges us to communicate more, to share our fears and emotions, and to trust that others can be
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close to us: and indeed, to accept that being close to others is a natural state for the human species. No single
partner can fulfil all our needs we need human connection.
Reclaim feelings
The next step is to find our feelings and to experience them fully! In effect, hes suggesting that we live with
passionate intensity and feel everything that goes on in our emotional lives. Cry wet tears, he says, and laugh
with your whole voice! Tremble with fear and giggle with embarrassment! Let your commitment burn brightly in
daily life as you live with the excitement and passion that you currently reserve for sex! And ask for help in this
its not natural to do it alone.
Reclaim your body
There are many forms of sensual pleasure -which, by the way, is something due to you as your birthright. I
remember walking out of my house onto my land one day, naked, in the early morning, feeling the damp earth
under my skin, the rain on my body, and simply relishing my connection to nature as I pissed freely onto the
earth.
Ive had similar experiences not the pissing, but the connection in deserts and on mountains, in forests and
underwater. Obviously, sensuous pleasure comes in many forms: walking in the rain barefoot, dancing freely,
breathing deeply, feeling the silken sheets on your body at night, the caress of another person, the splash of
water on your face, the delicious feel of cool fresh water gliding down your throat on a hot day indeed,
sensuousness is about experiencing your senses wherever and whenever you want. But to fully appreciate this
experience, you have to slow down and appreciate what your body and the Earth have to offer you.
Become sensual
If sex is our main connection with the experience of lifes excitement and passion, its emotion and feeling, then
of course we will become obsessed with sex and seek it out in any form available to us. But our innate desire to
be close to others can motivate us to seek closeness and get it. And when we fill our lives with those things that
sex has substituted for, we are richer and so is our experience of sex.
And Bearman makes the final point that sex transforms as our senses open up, because the desperation, the rush
to get it, the urgency, and the fear and loneliness which corrupt our sexual experience are replaced with joy,
passion, relaxation and vigour. In this case, sex becomes a celebration of love and intimacy, a place for healing,
and a reconnection with our childhood intimacy and ability to express love.
Reproduced with permission.
Posted in 2010 Autumn Newsletter, Men and sex / men and women | Tagged men and pornography, men and sex | Comments Off
From The MKP Marketing and Community Director

I did my NWTA in Kibblestone, just down the road from the house in Stone in which my mother, brother and I
lived with my wicked godmother and my twisted uncle when we first landed in England, in the shocking winter
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of 1972. Previous to that we lived in a nearby refugee camp, after fleeing the secret service death list in Uganda
without my father, who was smuggled to Italy at the eleventh hour and joined us nine months later. That was in
1972; my training was in 2005, on the 23rd of September, my mothers birthday. So to top it all off, Oedipus was
at play as well as my refugee and familial abuse stuff before my weekend training even kicked off!
I had experienced Head, Heart & Soul, a non-residential weekend training with Bennie, Mark, and a few MKP
volunteers a few months previous to my NWTA. I wanted to experience a men-only training, as all the personal
development I had taken part in was female dominated, with a small minority of masculine or straight men. A
couple of the processes were already familiar to me and the work wasnt as much of a shock as it otherwise would
have been.
Id done a lot of this kind of work in mixed company and with myself; and I was eager to discover what else was
out there in male only company, beyond my mates. I would have much rather someone else had written such a
book, so I could have just read it as I worked through uncovering and puzzling together the pieces to build the
foundation of the man I am today. It would have been handy to know that such a training as the NWTA existed.
After a few years of travelling the world and Saturn returning, I returned to England to find that nothing much
had really changed with my friends here. I began running mens groups in 2001 because I wanted more depth
from my male friends. I have been successfully running mens groups for ten years now, attracting a very wide
cross-section of men. Ive worked with private clients for twelve years, moving from attracting 90% women when
I started, to 90% men after something inside me had shifted.
I have valued the inspiration, stimulation and support from the many good men in my life from the ManKind
Project for the past six years. I skipped the last session of my PIT, in 2005, as I saw my best friend off when he
moved back to Australia. It hurts to have so little of him in my life now, though I wonder whether it would hurt
more to have him around me. We grew together and mattered enough to allow and share deep love, fierce hate,
passionate violence and courageous vulnerability.
I had little to do with MKP since 2005 until I decided to re-do my PIT last year as a way of reintegrating with the
MKP vibe. I have been a member of the North London iGroup for about a year. It helps keep me in check and
gives me a space for me, to counterbalance the space I hold for the 3-4 groups which I run per month.
Narked that MKP was a hidden secret to me, and naturally inclined to create and celebrate community, I was
moved to offer my services to the council of our fine organisation, after a little coaxing. After a spell in the hot
seat, I find myself with the lofty, self-proclaimed, title of Marketing & Community Director.
Since a couple of volunteering spells with Mother Teresa in Calcutta with dying men and volunteering in
development on an island and in a village in Fiji, I dont often given money to charity, though I give my time and
my energy in taking part.
My mens groups dont make me money, but give me an opportunity to give back to the men who could not
afford my professional rates and take part in the groups as an equal. Volunteering with the ManKind Project
both gives me an opportunity to promote something that I believe in, as well as work alongside the other men on
council, in my iGroup and other interactions such as chat, Spearhead and the relationships that come from our
community.
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My MKP mission is: I live a life of love, with connection to myself and connection to every one and every thing
around me. I do, I love it and saying my mission makes me smile. I am also an exclusive, separatist,
disconnected, judgemental, intolerant, pig-headed smart arse and I can love that too.
Professionally, I am a holistic personal and professional development consultant. My website mission is: I
contribute to the development and outcomes of my clients bringing awareness, life-changing insights and
empowering choices, while gaining self-knowledge through the mirror of others. I love my work. It keeps me on
my toes, on the edge, sharp, growing and accountable. I certainly get to know myself, as my values and beliefs
are constantly challenged and my boundaries questioned and re-negotiated. I love the quick results I achieve
and honour the trust and courage of my clients. I earn a good living; and at 46 I wou ld love to now own my own
home. My girlfriend and I will gain clarity around what we want and allow our checklist, or something better,
into physical manifestation.
We (my girlfriend and I) have recently moved from a rich seven-year stint in a female dominated, politically
correct, littered-with-lessons London community, to a fabulous apartment at the edge of Epping Forest. The
Scottish Findhorn community was a wonderful inspiration in my life, so I wanted to properly experience
community before settling down in my own home. Its our eighth anniversary this year.
She has recently given up her part time job to work with me full time as my co-director and PA. It works, we love
it, though we get little work time together as I am generally out with clients, or in meetings, proudly bringing
home the fruits of my hunting and gathering via the organic sections of Waitrose and Sainsburys.
My family is from Goa and she is Italian, so our backgrounds are both Catholic, Latin, riddled with guilt, passiveaggression and pressure. Were turning this Latin expression into weekly dancing lessons throughout the
summer and into late autumn. Life is sweet.
As MKP-UK & Irelands Marketing and Community Director, I intend to take The ManKind Project into the
mainstream. I intend to make it more accessible, more available and more normal. I intend to hold a space for
the individual members of the community and see how it wants to grow, so it serves us all in the ways that we
wish to be served, as we both give to and receive from our tribe, to what ever extent we are moved to do so in the
moment.
Social media is one of the more obvious places to start these days, so I invite you all to sign up to our MKP-UK
Facebook Page, follow me on Twitter, or join me on LinkedIn. You can see all the relevant links at www.mkpuknewsletter.org
I would like to organise a newsworthy event for International Mens Day this year, both to celebrate our
community, as well as to attract the right men, at the right time, into their personal work as men. It falls on
Saturday 19th November this year; and Im not sure its ever made much of a splash in the UK. Im counting on
the media needing a story and hope to be able to provide them with it. Would you like to help me change that
this year? Please contact me if youre up for helping me create that buzz.
I think Ill end with the wise words of Milton Berle: If opportunity doesnt knock, build a door. I look forward to
building it with you and creating the spaces beyond it, in which we may be.
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In service, Kenny
www.kennydcruz.com (click on the Mission page shield for hidden page: Quest for the Holy Grail)
www.mensgroups.co.uk
Further layers of(f) the father onion

Not so long ago, I took part in an Ayahuasca ceremony, sitting up all night in half lotus, facing the music like a
warrior, feeling all the parts of my body and purging and cleansing, from deep within my cellular memory,
anything that doesnt serve me anymore toxins that are held in my love handles to protect my system from
their poison, my joints and knees that are beginning to restrict me, my spine that feels like its compressed, and
so on.
If there was anything that I needed to remember, re-experience, or feel whilst letting it all go, this was the time.
Ayahuasca ceremonies can be beautiful and blissful; they can be hellish, re-living scary, painful places, with
extreme fear, nausea, and massive physical purging. But I was up for it and ready to move on.
I recently redid my PIT and then joined the North London I group, having done my NWTA in September 2005. I
recounted to my 2010 PIT men the time I asked my father why he had hated me all my life. This was a few years
ago, the first time my brother and I had gone out for a drink with him without my mother. He was shocked, but
told me that he hadnt hated me, but kept me at arms length since I was a baby becau se I took away his wife and
replaced him in her affections.
The women made me their special golden boy and taught me how to fear, hate and not be like men. I was there
to serve, protect and be co-dependent with my mother, godmother and grandmother. I had no chance with the
men and the men had no chance with me.
My father now realises that he projected his brother on to me and himself on to my brother. He always sibling
rivalried me and acted the angry adolescent, as I was forced into father / victim role. I was very surprised at the
emotion that blocked my throat and stopped the words from coming out as I told this story to my brothers in the
room. I could not hold my face together and water came out of my eyes. I had touched something profound.
And the grandmother energy of the sacred Ayahuasca plants gently took me further. It took me to places where
my father really hated me. Constant abuse and threats of violence.
Ill send you to boarding school! lasted for a while, until Id had enough and realised that we were so poor
and he was so tight with his money that he was not sending me anywhere! So Id remind him, ask him about it,
and turn the tables on him. He had a terrible time in boarding school and his grandmother, who ran the family,
hated him, while his unprotecting father hid behind work and alcohol, and his obedient mother did nothing.
So my father and I expressed hate with each other. I had a sharp tongue and would stand up to him, only
stepping down when I knew he was beginning to see red and we were entering the danger zone: DO YOU WANT
TO FEEL THE BACK OF MY HAND?! I remember once, far from the danger zone, walking up to him and feeling
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the back of his hand with my fingers and laughing with him. He doesnt like me reminding him what a bastard
and bully he was. He doesnt go anywhere near his own childhood memories.
Grandmother Ayahuasca took me to the sheer terror that I would feel when I heard the key in the front door.
The cold on my back and the churning in my stomach. I had no solution to our problems, though I was used to
protecting my mother and brother, at whatever cost.
As we said goodbye to my father at Kampala airport, knowing that the Ugandan secret service might catch up
with him and we might never see him again, he put his hand on my left shoulder and told me that I was now
head of the family and I must take care of my mother and brother.
Wed been on their death list for a while, in hiding, out of touch with our family friends, school, and church. We
were being followed, our phones were tapped and wed had several death threats. As we boarded the frenzied
refugee plane to England, with nowhere to go, the weight of it all burdened my shoulders. Even today my left
shoulder still hurts.
Later, in the UK, I blanked out the feelings of hate that came my way and the panic I absorbed. Families were
not a safe place for him: he was desperate to get away from my family and instead serve the community that
took us in. I felt abandoned, but safer without him at home. I wished him dead, but we needed a father to
provide for and protect us. We were only just learning how to shop, cook, clean, light a fire, stay warm and
healthy in our shabby new home in a small town that had never seen coloured people before. (Staff took care of
those things in Uganda.)
My mother was now my servant and I was riddled with guilt and OCD. We all had to survive, and we did so
without causing our parents any further trouble. We internalised everything, took care of ourselves, didnt know
how to stand up for ourselves and dared not anyway: to cause any problems might mean the community would
reject us and we had nowhere else to go.
We heard and read about race riots, and the racist TV comedy of the 1970s emphasised the tension continually
present around us. As a family unit, we were split. My protectors were my abusers.
Grandmother Ayahuasca showed me so much that I had forgotten, allowing me to feel it and relive it, watch and
appreciate it, and then to see my father as the hurt little boy that he was throughout the whole experience. My
heart was wide open with love and forgiveness.
I realised how Id turned into my father, addressing my brother and best friends in similarly vicious tones, until I
realised what I was doing and could begin to unlearn that normal behaviour. Once it was out, I could express
compassion for my parents and what theyd survived; and I could forgive myself for the rage Id expressed as I
worked through my story.
I purged violently as I realised that I hated my love handles a part of my body I could not feel unless I reached
with my hand to touch their coldness because that was where I safely stored the hate my father had for me.
I purged with relief as I allowed my body to relax and my spine to elongate naturally, rather than holding my
fathers tension in my body, ready to respond to the slightest request from him, or cope with his loss of control,
the flick of the switch that summoned his demon.
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I cowered for most of my life, especially around masculine men. My shoulders actually hurt when they were
pushed down and my neck up. Was I a coward then? Am I still?
I purged with the new information that I was not such a mummys boy after all, even though my mother stepped
up into my corner after every round of emotional beating I endured from this damaged man. I felt I could protect
my brother and mother, and her role was to prop me back up for the next rounds which she couldnt fight.
It took me four months to refurbish their home, setting them up for their old age. I crushed our refugee
furniture while they were in their flat in Goa for a few months. I replaced it with good stuff; it cost me a fortune,
but I felt I was making them who I previously needed them to be: decent, stable, functional parents who were
able to parent and protect me. I was also buying my own freedom, allowing me to move on in my own life
without my old family home dragging me back into an unfinished, refugee-furnished past.
Bennie Naud ran a short Emotional Freedom Technique course for survivors of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
I did some amazing transformational work with him, with unexpected tears and emotions which stuck in my
throat again during the final couple of hours. We tapped through the remnants of my Obsessive Compulsive
Disorder, my previous inability to deal with the details of admin and money, wanting my father dead as a child
but knowing that I could not replace him.
Working with Bennie got me over my addiction to haunting memories and old scripts that kept repeating, as
different players showed up in my life to repeat the old roles. Thanks to Bennie, I cant quite see the old pictures
any more they blur away into past insignificance and dont have the charge they used to.
Now my parents are sorted out, its my turn for a safe happy home with my girlfriend as we learn about financial
stability, peaceful abundance, blissful love, and everything else that we need to walk our paths together. I love
my life with her; and as a family we are now better than I could have ever imagined.
My folks happened to be in London recently, so we spent an evening together, my brother and his girlfriend
came around and we were a happy, functioning family, laughing as we played cards (my father used to be supertense, shouting and sulking if he lost), joking as we chatted, listening to good music as we ate good food and
planned happy days ahead. This summer we will finally clear whatever has been left lurking in the basement of
our family home our family shadow, maybe?
Thank you Ayahuasca, thank you Bennie, and thank you life for a perfect journey from which I have been able to
survive and learn my lessons, picking up tools to authentically walk my path. I now gracefully let my love
handles go, with gratitude for a job well done!
Kenny D
Posted in 2010 Autumn Newsletter, Men and their fathers | Comments Off
My Father Warrior King

Some call them the hero generation, the ones who grew up in and survived the Great Depression and then
fought to save democracy in World War II. My father was one of those heroes.
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I had the honour of spending his last few weeks with him, supporting him and honouring his brave passage into
the next phase of his life on February 6, 2011.
Many years ago, as a boy in the Depression, he sold newspapers and magazines to do his part to contribute to a
family with an unemployed father who had lost his job, house and car all in the same week.
Soon after the attack on Pearl Harbor, he reported for service in the US Army, in which he served in the Pacific
Theatre as the rangefinder of an anti-aircraft battery. He took part in numerous amphibious landings on various
islands including New Guinea and the Philippines. Then he served as a Military Policeman in occupied Japan.
He did his Warrior duty for his grateful nation.
When, as a boy, I asked him about how the war was, he would say he thought of it as protecting his mother and
sister back in Chicago. That is all he would say on the subject.
He returned from the war, like so many of his fellows, wanting to prepare for a job, meet a wife and have kids
the 1950s American dream. After an apprenticeship as a wood and metal pattern-maker, he began his career and
met my mom. Soon they had me, and a few years later my sister came along.
His idea of what it means to be a man and father was to be the best provider. He did that very well throughout
his life by working hard, always seeking better paying jobs, overcoming unemployment four times, and
ambitiously buying a house in a higher income suburb of Milwaukee to ensure that my sister and I would go to
the best school system in the area. For me, this was a combination of his Lover and Warrior energies caring
with intention.
His Lover side had a fun side too. He would fly kites with me, go fishing with me, and we would sled wildly on
some very steep hills, at night even! He also supported quality family time together with numerous family
vacations sometimes staying in lake cottages, sometimes taking us on cross country tours from Wisconsin to
Colorado, or through Wyoming or South Dakota, and also visiting our nations capital to teach us about our
government.
My fathers Magician energy was in his hands. He could make or fix almost anything, achieving true wonders
with wood and metal. He had intuitive talent, and this extended to building bedrooms for us in the unfinished
attic of our home, building his own garage and a basement recreation room, and also adding a carport/porch
combination. He did extremely precise tool and die work, and just before his retirement he was making exact
models of prototype electric tools that were in development.
His decline in old age was hard to watch, but his magnificent King energy showed in the sovereign way in which
he dealt with his death. It was a lesson in bravery.
After a heart attack damaged a valve in his heart, my 87-year-old father was at peace with the realization that at
his age an operation was not possible and that he would walk the path to his next life in a period of weeks. As
King/Patriarch/Elder of our family, he blessed us all: my sister and I, his grandchildren and baby greatgrandchild, grateful for our time together with him. He had only the necessary pain medication and bravely went
through his process with dignity and loving kindness and appreciation for his caregivers.
In his life he walked his talk, and lived his ethics. He was a good man, son, brother, husband, father, grandfather
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and great-grandfather. He was not an MKP brother, but I feel his life was a good example of being one.
Peter B
Posted in 2011 Spring Newsletter, Men and their fathers | Comments Off
MKP & Minorities Gay & Bi Men

Having just returned from the San Diego Gay/Bi Gateway NWTA Id like to share my experience, some of the
history of Gateways in our community, explain the context for these weekends, and peek into the future.
After a Gay/Bi Gateway NWTA in Atlanta in 2004 I returned to the UK all fired up to have our own Gateway.
Over-enthusiastic and without the necessary communication or leadership skills to enrol others in my vision
(and maybe, just maybe, our community wasnt ready for a Gateway) the notion of anything but a standard
NWTA was met with significant opposition, even from gay Warriors.
And so I threw in the towel with anger and resentment about being misunderstood and unsupported one of
many shadows recurring in my life based on the lie that I dont belong.
That was more than 5 years ago. I imagine that a lot has changed in those 5 years; I know I have.
Background
MKP officially supports Gateway NWTAs. There have been Gateways for gay/bi, African-American, Orthodox
Jewish and Hispanic men, and men who are deaf or hard of hearing. Gateways are 100% Warrior weekends.
They arent black or gay or lover weekends; they follow the same protocols and structure, involve the same
energy, and they have the exact same intent: to initiate men into a new way of being.
The main differences are
Approximately 75% of the staff and leader team are from the minority group (gay/bi, Hispanic, etc)
The majority of initiate places are reserved for men from that group
Men from the non-minority group who apply to attend the weekend are told about the structure of the
weekend so they can choose to come or not. Some may very well decide that theyd rather do a standard
weekend, while others have felt comfortable attending the Gateway.
Even after staffing two gay/bi weekends in 2004 and 2005 it took me a few years to get why these weekends
are necessary and imj important.
For most men it takes a huge amount of courage to attend the NWTA. Maybe, if you think back to your weekend,
the weeks and days leading up to it, filling out the forms, receiving that call, packing, driving down, arriving and
being met at the gate (and of course the weekend itself) youll know what Im talking about.
So how about gay/bi men attending an NWTA where they know that the majority of staff will be straight?
Many gay/bi men grew up being bullied or gay bashed because of their sexual orientation or preferences. Many
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experience rejection from their families or friends for the same reason. Most countries in the world still
discriminate against homosexual people through legislation, some countries imprison or kill gays; even in places
where the law treats gay/bi people as equal, discrimination is commonplace in the workplace and in society; it
happens!
Usually, those implementing laws which discriminate against gay/bi people, those doing the rejection, and the
bullies, are men and women who profess to be straight. Given that this is the reality of many gay men I believe
its unrealistic to expect them to trust theyll be safe with straight men.
I believe that seeing this as their stuff and suggesting that they should just get over it is an attitude that
comes from ignorance, the privilege and power of being straight, homophobia (a fear of homosexuals), and/or
hetero-sexism (a belief that homosexuality is inferior to heterosexuality).
MKPs response to this? Gateway weekends, where these men are explicitly told that they will be supported by
men on staff who are either from their tribe or who are overtly and consciously their allies.
A number of gay/bi men (like me) do the standard NWTA. I regard myself as lucky because Im not overtly gay
(youd probably not know if I didnt choose to tell you); also, because I only came out in my late 20s, I didnt
personally experience any gay-bashing while growing up. Now, in my early 40s, I can pretend to be straight
convincingly whenever it seems unsafe not to do so.
I had every intention of hiding my sexual preference on my NWTA; I just assumed that revealing it would NOT
be OK until the staff man leading a process on the Sunday morning opened up the circle with the words As a
gay man Instead of being rejected I was met with total acceptance. This was a profoundly healing experience
for me that I believe set me up to eventually come out to my parents, family and friends and the world.
Not every gay/bi man has had the luxury of blending in with the (majority) crowd and some have experienced
the reality of abuse that goes with heterosexism and homophobia (again, often from people who claim to be
heterosexual: this is really important to get) for a long, long time before they even hear about the NWTA.
To then expect them to trust a circle of straight men on an NWTA is, as a Jewish friend said to me, like expecting
a Jewish man to do his NWTA in Germany.
Or a black man to step into an all-white circle.
There is simply too much history to ignore. Yes, it would be easy to judge such a mans fear and refusal to come
as all his stuff. Easy and, imj, ignorant of the world we live in or, more to the point, ignorant of the world they
live in.
The Gateway NWTAs offer an opportunity to consciously create a safe space for men from these minority groups
to do their work. They still have to find the inner courage to step through the gate and onto the carpet; the
Gateway concept simply creates the assurance that they will not be hurt yet again for their minority status.
San Diego Sept 2010 Gateway
The weekend was, like all weekends for me, the same and different. I knew that about 75% of the staff were
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gay/bi but with few exceptions I did not know who was and who wasnt. Similarly, all I knew about the men
attending was that most (or potentially all) were gay/bi.
In the end it just wasnt important to know who was and who wasnt.
What was important was that the gay/bi initiates knew that they would be safe to be out, to be themselves. As
with all NWTAs, the staff provided the structure and allowed the initiates to provide the content their content.
If a man wanted to take a deeper look at his sexuality then thats what happened; if he came to the weekend for a
different reason then we honoured that too.
We held them, challenged them and loved them just like we do on any NWTA. On Sunday we left, the world yet
again imj a little safer.
Staffing a Gateway
This was my third gay/bi Gateway NWTA and it was the third time that I heard straight staff talk about their
challenge and discomfort of being in the minority some for the first time ever in their lives.
Staff were reminded not to assume that a mans partner was a her or a she or a wife; non-gay staff were
encouraged to ask gay/bi staff anything they were curious about or wanted to know about gay culture.
I know that I suppress more gay parts of me on standard weekends, telling myself that it either will not be
welcome or understood. And so in my experience, the Gateways give conscious and unconscious permission to
the minority group to allow parts of them out that they have learnt to suppress in a world that is predominantly
other. I believe that that brings a quality of initiation to the initiates that is simply richer, truer and safer than
non-Gateway NWTAs.
Gateways are not better, or worse, or even that much different from standard NWTAs. And they are, of course,
a world apart.
The future?
I would love to be part of and have a Gateway in the UK in 2011 and Im wondering: could it be that our
community is ready for our own Gateway?
I suppose what Im really wondering about is are you ready for our own Gateway?
Id love to hear from you. Why not email me your thoughts to me at bennie@deepliving.com or post something
on chat; meet you there.
Bennie N
P.S. Ever wondered what its like to be bisexual? Read about it here http://tinyurl.com/2dnl9nu
Posted in 2010 Autumn Newsletter, MKP and minorities, Staffing the MKP adventure | Tagged mkp and bi or gay men | Comments Off
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The Purification & Renewal Ceremony

Calling the directions: Steve Bs viewpoint

The directions that I use are slightly different from those we use in MKP. This is not uncommon: almost every
group which calls in the directions does it in a different way and makes it work to fit their circumstances. What is
important is that you remember that this is a symbol system and understand how it works and how it can be
used.
For my own ceremonies I use the way I was taught and meld different things together. Thus starting in the
South I call to water to help us be in the flow of life, in the stream of livingness, to use water energy to help us be
open-hearted and have access to open emotions rather that be emotionally stuck.
I call the plant world to help us remember the cycle of life, death and rebirth, and to remember that this is a
place of giving, allowing the world to see our beauty and not looking for reward; and to approach life in trust and
with the innocence of a child. In the South we have Earth Mother, an essential female energy, and nature to
connect us to the natural world. For me this would be the place of the Lover.
In the West I call to Earth and to Grandmother Earth and to the mineral world so that I can connect with that
going within place, where we can use our introspection to access our intuition, the deep inner knowing that we
all possess.
The mineral world helps us with stability and strength and the physical part of out being. Here we know how to
hold the physical container that houses our spirit being. I would call to the Grandmothers to connect with us and
bring their wisdom. This is the place of magic and the Magician.
In the North we call the sacred winds to blow gently through our minds to bring us clarity of thought and flexible
minds. This is the place of logic, knowledge and wisdom, and so has something of the King energy.
Here I call the animals to help us to receive in many more ways than we are used to, and of course, especially to
any animals that are totems for those present. Earth father is here too, helping us to gain access to our own
highest intent for this lifetime.
In the East is fire and Grandfather Sun, which we can call upon to shine a light for us, to help us use that
illumination to make steps to our own enlightenment. Its the place where we can access our own artistic
originality and connect with the human world so that we gain clear heart-to-heart communication. In the East
also I call the Grandfathers who bring their strength and protection. This direction carries more warrior energy
for me.
So this is just a fraction of what is available in each direction. The more you familiarise yourself with each
direction the more you can add. The important thing for me is not the directions but the space in between. We
stand in the centre of this circle of beauty and power and it can help to put your life in perspective.
If you are out of balance in any direction you can see where it is and some of the other aspects of that direction
might give you a clue as to what ceremony might help you with it. In the western world we tend to be strong in
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the north, using our minds, but not so connected with our bodies, emotions and spirit. The idea is to be in
balance; to give with our emotions, hold with our bodies, receive with our minds and determine intent with the
use of spirit.
This is my story and what works for me. When I pour water for MKP I have to adjust a little to the story that is
told in this community. The important thing is that we work with a common thread so that we can help each
other to use the powers of the directions to gain understanding.
I have heard it said that we should not call the directions as if we are summoning those energies here but
rather call to them to be in our awareness so that we can use them. I like that nuance.
In any ceremony the calling in of the powers sets the scene for the participants. From that perspective it can be
useful to always do it the same way. By doing this everyone gets used to it and it becomes a mantra which sends
you into a ceremonial space quickly and easily. If you allow for considerable flexibility, it will never do that.
There is a lot of power in creating a story and sticking to it.
The last directions are the above and below which again are called in various ways. Here we look up to the higher
powers, the space which represents our highest potential, our higher selves and often Grandfather Sun, to all of
whom we pray that we can reflect those qualities as we live in our earthly realm on Grandmother Earth.
One thing I am sure of. I have studied quite a lot the ways of the Sweat Lodge in Native American tribes and the
amount of variety is staggering. Much of this has been brought about through the rather fraught relationship
with the missionaries and Christianity. Having spent years banning and discouraging Sweat lodges, the irony is
there are now Christian Lodges and many of them are very flexible about what beliefs you bring in. It does
appear, however, that amongst the very few threads that are present in every Lodge is the calling of the
directions in one way or another.
It is a most important part of ceremony to set the scene with this ritual. This is alchemy. In the Lodge the heat,
dark and other conditions couple with the words that are used to create a new space through alchemy. I feel
quite strongly that a loosely standardised form of calling in the directions increases the power and connection
within any circle that you might perhaps call spiritual.
Steve B
Posted in 2010 Autumn Newsletter, Ceremony, ritual, and process | Comments Off
Learning To Love Risk

I have a weakness for eavesdropping on buses. Usually its fairly innocuous stuff domestic disputes or
one-sided phone calls but a few years ago I overheard a conversation that got me into very deep water. I was
backpacking through the Bolivian highlands at the time, hungry for adventure and potential newspaper stories,
and sitting on the kind of bus that looked like it was held together by the sheer desperation of its passengers. On
the day in question, wedged between an Aymara woman and a parcel of live chickens, I tuned in to another
backpacker sitting a few seats in front. A young, unshaven Frenchman, he exuded Gallic cool with his cigarette
smoke, and was wearing one of those striped llama-wool jumpers only ever worn by tourists. More to the point,
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however, he was talking about a plan to sail 2500 miles to Easter Island on a boat made of reeds.
In retrospect, I can see how my warning lights should have come on and not just because Bolivia is a
landlocked country. On closer investigation, I discovered that his proposed crew included a tree surgeon and a
jewellery salesman. None of them knew how to sail a replica of a pre-Inca reed boat, least of all the gung-ho
American captain who was, in fact, a mountaineer. Thats the whole point, he insisted, when I queried this.
Its an experiment. Other worrying factors included the attractiveness of a slow-moving vessel to sharks and
the extreme difficulty of rescuing anyone who fell overboard due to the lack of an engine. Oh, and the fact that
the 18-metre hull of bundled reeds would begin sinking, inch by soggy inch, from the moment it entered the
water.
And yet I found the trip absolutely irresistible so much so that when I heard there was a place on the crew, I
volunteered immediately. As a writer, I was no worse qualified than anyone else. The official aim of the trip was
to test the unorthodox theories of Thor Heyerdahl, the Norwegian explorer who won fame and a documentary
Oscar in 1949, after drifting to Polynesia on the Kon Tiki raft. We were going to navigate rather than drift, and
show how ancient mariners might have sailed direct to Easter Island from South America. But to be honest, I
was less interested in this than the sheer old-fashioned adventure of it all. In climbing aboard that boat, I felt I
was kicking away the props of modern society and for once swapping my comfortable, individualistic life for a
shared experience of real and exhilarating dangers.
If I had been a little bit older, I could have blamed it on a mid-life crisis. I wouldnt be the first. But leaving aside
the voyage itself for a moment, Im always interested in peoples reaction to it, which is usually sharply polarised.
Some, particularly young men, have expressed a wondering envy; others, usually those with families, are baffled.
Youre mad, they say, meaning that I was irresponsible.
So Ive had a chance to think a lot about safety. Was I wrong to expose myself to such hazards, and my wife and
family to such potential distress?
Safety is big business in Western society. Its impossible to switch on the television or open a newspaper without
being warned of the myriad risks that surround us. New health scares assail us weekly, sensational reports of
murders and muggings make us think twice about going out at night. The digital revolution and a media in
hyperdrive fling our fears around the planet in seconds, giving every isolated tragedy the impact of a major
threat.
Yet all this protective nannying seems to have a strange side-effect. A vast adrenalin-fuelled industry has grown
up, offering everything from white-water rafting to paragliding to ice climbing in order to provide the sense of
adventure so sorely missing from our over-regulated lives. The experts call it risk homeostasis, or risk
compensation. It seems each of us has an optimum level of risk, which we maintain often subconsciously
through our day-to-day decisions. In other words, take away one risk, and well find another even if it means
climbing aboard a floating bundle of reeds.
Could it be that, despite all attempts to abolish it, risk-taking is somehow hardwired into us, a part of what it
means to be human? All babies are risk-takers, of course. Only later does fear take over. A child cannot learn to
walk without taking the risk of falling, and the pain we are all afraid of has always been our best teacher. The
great religions all acknowledge the fragility of life, but encourage us to stop focusing so much on fear and take
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instead a step of faith. Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? advised Jesus. Who indeed?
Our fixation with risk is usually traced to the Enlightenment, though the word risk itself emerged some time
earlier in the Middle Ages. But as science and industry squeezed out faith, risk took on a slightly different
meaning. Our increasingly complex ways of measuring probability, in both nature and society, gave us a sense of
control over an otherwise unmanageable cosmos. And hey presto, a couple of centuries later we have todays vast
risk-assessment and insurance industry. It has its own, new morality to replace the old religions and to deal with
any uncertainty that persists despite unprecedented levels of safety: now the real sin is not to disobey God but to
ignore the risk. So, a shipwreck, for example, became less an existential tragedy than an unfortunate result of
ignoring weather patterns or choosing dried reeds as your building material.
More seriously, however, the morality of risk becomes more corrosive when applied to modern society, often
tending to blame the victim for the crime or accident. What was she doing walking home at that hour anyway?
You know the sort of thing. But might our obsession with safety not itself bear some responsibility for the
haemorrhaging of trust and breakdown of community which invites such crime in the first place?
Of course, theres a balance to be struck here, as always. A certain level of precaution, like a childs seatbelt or a
vaccination, is both wise and freeing, allowing us to enjoy our lives. The problem is finding that balance in a
risk-averse culture of blame. The more we know about the dangers, the more we worry about them. The
healthier we are, the more obsessed we seem to become with our health.
And thats the catch with safety. To some extent it will always involve a trade-off, a narrowing of possibilities,
something less than the fullness of life in exchange for a little more control. And in the longer term, this may
prove more damaging than the original risk. Take the issue of child safety, for example. In England, the
percentage of seven- and eight-year-olds allowed to travel to school without parents has plunged from 80 per
cent in 1971 to less than 10 per cent today, despite any evidence of increasing danger in that period. That means
children have less unsupervised play and fewer formative risk-taking opportunities little wonder, perhaps that
one in five children and teenagers now has psychological problems, not to mention childhood obesity. It all
reinforces the suspicion that to make safety a primary goal of life is ultimately self-defeating.
What we forfeit most from our obsession with risk is each other. The streets empty as we retreat into our houses,
making mugging more likely. Children learn to see strangers as a threat, and never learn how to make their own
assessments of who is trustworthy. Society shrinks into defensive enclaves, and the price we pay for being safe
is an epidemic of loneliness. What we cannot seem to lose is this vague, low-level fear, described by one writer as
a kind of background radiation saturating existence.
On the brighter side, embracing a risk together tends to strengthen community. The sociologist Deborah Lupton
goes so far as to compare the buzz of shared risk with the communal effervescence of a revival meeting, in
which participants may lose a sense of their autonomous selves, becoming, at least for a brief time, part of a
group with a common, shared purpose.
This is why those who condemn pointless risk-taking may themselves be missing the point. In my experience,
physical danger is rarely undergone for its own sake there is almost always something much more important
happening beneath the surface, and it usually involves reaching out from ourselves, either towards others or
towards something ineffable we may only begin to understand.
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All of which brings me back to my own journey on the reed boat Viracocha. There, the physical danger turned
out to be the catalyst for far more important lessons. Im actually a bit of a worrywart at heart, and in the first,
neurotic days of broken sleep and endless safety checks, I realised how rusty I was at trusting other people. The
threats of sharks and storms seemed minor alongside the emotional risks involved in sharing 18 metres of deck
with seven other people for six weeks. I discovered that for me the real challenge was open and vulnerable
engagement, particularly with other men.
As I lay there at night, listening to the creak of our homemade cabin, or chatting quietly at the helm, trading
confidences beneath the speckled night sky, something quietly shifted inside me. I realised I was getting quite
hooked on this risk business, as I hauled out 15lb tuna or dived into the fathomless blue a thousand miles from
any vestige of my comfortable life. When I eventually returned to it, after navigating successfully to Easter
Island, I found the courage to go freelance and write a book. I began my journey in fear and ended it in awe.
Of course, you could argue that its easy enough to say this when the risk has paid off but what if it had all gone
wrong? Its a fair point. Death is the ultimate act of irresponsibility, the one risk nobodys yet worked out how to
eliminate. But the real possibility of death can also have a valuable focusing effect. In the weeks before I set off,
my wife and I faced it squarely, and talked about what our lives meant. Ive rarely felt so spiritually and
physically alive, aware of the privilege of being here at all.
Years ago as a cub reporter on a local newspaper, I sometimes had the unpleasant duty of visiting people who
had suffered sudden bereavements, often only hours previously. Understandably, most were distraught with the
shock of the unthinkable; but one woman stands out in my memory as different. Her husband was a keen
climber who had just fallen to his death from Ben Nevis. We both knew the risks, she told me, with a stoical
sadness. But we decided that if we were going to die anyway one day, we wanted to live life to the full. It
seemed to me a clean grief, because they had faced the possibility of death, rather than allowing it to creep up on
them, as death often does.
The illusion of safety often makes us put off mending broken relationships, following a vision, or talking about
what really matters, yet in reality we are a split second from possible death every time we cross the road.
Conscious risk taking can clarify what is important in life before that life is taken away.
Having said that, my wife is still a little baffled why I seemed to need to cross the Pacific just to learn to open up
a little to my fellow men. Women just need a coffee shop, she says and shes probably right. Sometimes the
most courageous risks we can take are emotional ones and as a man theyre the ones I find most difficult.
Faced with a choice between vulnerable honesty with a new friend and bungee jumping off a bridge, many of us
would, I suspect, take the latter. In that sense, the most terrifying and rewarding risk Ive taken in recent years,
is to become a dad. Im not sure I would have boarded that reed boat if my 5 year old son was around then Im
not sure I would have needed to. He calls on me constantly to take the risk of intimacy, challenges me to play
rather than plan, pushes me into new situations with no map.
He also reminds me that risk-taking paradoxically relies on a foundation of safety. In the same way that a
mariner needs to be able to trust his harness, children need to feel fundamentally undergirded by the ultimate
insurance of love before they fully embrace the risks they need to grow. It makes a lot of sense.
But if we accept, as any psychologist does, that children playing will need to be exposed to a certain level of
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danger if they are to grow healthily, is it really so irresponsible to allow ourselves to go on doing so throughout
adulthood, climbing the mast as we once climbed trees? Or are we supposed to have stopped learning by then?
Sometimes, recounting another adventure to my son, I remember just how frightened I was, clinging to that reed
boat in the midst of a storm and how it finally forced me to trust my crewmates and find our way through.
As the mountaineer Pierre Beghin put it, if you become smothered by that society and lose the ability to take
risks, you become obsessed with the future: You are old already.
Nick Thorpe
Wandering Lion
This is a transcript of a live talk given by the writer Nick Thorpe in Edinburgh during the 2010 Festival and
broadcast on BBC Radio 4 in Oct 2010. For details of Eight Men and a Duck the full story of Nicks reed boat
voyage and his other books, see www.nickthorpe.co.uk
Nick was initiated at Applecross in July 2010.
Death of the father: birth of the man?

Saturday morning on an Adventure weekend is always a time and place where thoughts naturally turn to our
ancestors. Creating a sacred space in which to do our work makes it easy to imagine that the ancestors are
present in the room with us, and the sense of connection between our time and those who have gone before can
be profound.
Conversation often centres on our fathers and grandfathers, on how they lived, and how they died, and the gifts
they have left us. Its a healing space in which men can express their joy and their grief. I know this because Ive
seen it happen for other men, and it happened to me this March (not for the first time!) as I passed through the
ongoing journey of expressing the grief around my fathers death in May 2010.
All of the practical things that have to be done after death may stop a man from grieving fully, so that he
continues to carry not only the wound of his absent father, but also the unexpressed longing for a relationship
that never was. I could see that coming for me, because when I looked back on my childhood in the early days of
my personal work, it seemed like there was a void where my father should have been.
Of course for some men this is literally true they really dont have a father in their lives. But my father was
physically present: its just that the void I sensed represented the emotional space he never filled, a sign of his
lack of real involvement where it mattered giving blessing to his son, the blessing that tells a boy he really does
have a right to occupy the space that he lives in, and that its OK for him to achieve his full potential.
Knowing how hard it would be for me to live with my fathers passing, I set out six months before his death to
build perhaps for the first time in our lives a real relationship with him. Orphaned even before hed entered
his adolescence, my father just did not know how to father me, nor indeed perhaps how to have a deep
relationship with anyone.
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But I sensed the craving in him for connection, and his approaching death was all too clearly advancing on us.
His communication was limited after a stroke many years before, but with time and patience, and perhaps also
with compassion and love, it was possible to communicate ideas and evoke memories and opinions of times gone
by from him.
Much of what we did together was not at the level of verbal communication; it was a silent connection, the one
that father and son feel for each other when they simply sit in the same space and by some magical process tune
into each other.
Maybe you know those sacred moments from your own boyhood, sharing time with your father in an activity
where you felt the joy of sharing that connection.
Sure, its not quite the same when your fathers 88 and youre 52, but for the little boy in all of us, I believe, time
stands still in these things our sense of connection with father goes beyond age.
We looked back together on the family history, the old photo albums, and so I came to understand more of what
made us who we were, and I found myself more understanding of him. Perhaps, for the first time, I found out
who he really was.
My anger at his absence during my boyhood and adolescence seemed much less important than the grief at the
loss of what he might have given me, but by sharing time in this way, the edges, the rough edges of my grief,
were smoothed.
He spent his life designing and building stained-glass windows, and one of the most rewarding things we were
able to do together was to go around and look at these windows which he had conceived, designed, built, and
installed in sacred spaces around the town (and far beyond, although we werent able to travel to see these, but
they form a memorial which lives on after him).
And then the call came: Your father is in hospital, hes had another stroke.
I travelled up, arriving the next day, went straight to the hospital, where his first words in the moments of clarity
and lucidity between the confusion and hallucination were: I thought Id never see you again.
In one brief instant the intensity of the look between us, perhaps the most intense moment of my life, was like
the exchange of a lifetimes relationship between father and son, touching a level of understanding that went far
beyond any words, and forming an acknowledgement that this was the last time we would see each other for who
we were.
He knew, I have no doubt, that he was going to die, and the intensity of that moment somehow completed the
circle of birth and death. It took him three weeks to die, and each day there was less of him present; he took his
death with such grace, such calmness, such easy acceptance..
At least thats how I saw it. To this day I believe his spirit began to leave his body the moment he said goodbye to
me, and the passing of his body meant nothing.
And how precious was the relationship I built with him before he died, putting aside my anger, putting aside the
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consequences of all the unfulfilled commitments that a father implicitly makes to his son just by the act of
creating a child; how important to see the man for who he was with an open heart, and, if not to celebrate his
death, at least to watch his passing with a sense of release and relief for both him and me.
And how it eased the grief, oh, how it eased the grief, to have known, if only for a short time, something of what
it meant to have a father
And yes, the process of grieving is a long one. Perhaps it goes on to the end of ones own life, and perhaps its
something that can only be expressed in a safe space with supportive mensuch as the space in which were
closest to our ancestors. The space where we make talismans to honour men initiated by their brothers, for
example.
I dont think any son is ever the same after his father has died: a warrior brother told me the story of how hed
had experienced a strange sensation days after his father died something along the lines of an all-consuming
awareness of taking the place of his father, telling his father to move aside, that he was the man at the head of
the family now. The words which came to his mind were: Move aside old man, its my place now. Now I can
become the man I was meant to be, and stop looking for the things you were never able to give me.
Rod B
Posted in 2011 Spring Newsletter, Men and their fathers | Comments Off
The ManKind Project and The New Warrior Adventure

I was so excited by what I experienced on the MKP weekend, I wanted to write about my experiences. These are
all my personal beliefs and comments, not those of MKP!
I believe that the ManKind Project is a modern form of initiation, which helps men make the transition from a
common kind of adolescent emotional state to full-grown masculine maturity. (And by that, let me add, I dont
mean the kind of macho swaggering masculinity that leads people like Tony Blair and George Bush and David
Cameron to invade countries like Iraq and Libya just for the sense of their own grandiosity.)
Im talking about true masculinity: the kind of masculinity that meets the world head on, giving you
steadfastness and determination to stick to the principles that you believe in. Somebody asked me before I went
on the ManKind Project Adventure Training Weekend, what is the cause that you would die for?
And this struck me as a very powerful way of actually expressing whats missing in todays society for most men
they dont stand for anything. One of the things the ManKind Project does is to teach men to speak for
themselves, not for others, so let me do that: I know that I didnt stand for anything before I went on the
Mankind Project weekend.
Indeed, that was one of the reasons that I undertook it. Whether I could admit it or not, my life wasnt working. I
was unhappy, I didnt have any purpose, and my relationship wasnt going well. But I dont want you to think
that Im saying the ManKind Project will cure all those problems in one weekend.
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It obviously wont, but it can get you really back in touch with who you are and what you want in life, and for
men whose lives are not working it can be a most incredible reconnection experience. Forget what else youve
read on the Internet from fearful and dissatisfied men. The reality of the ManKind Project adventure weekend is
simply this: it helped me get you in touch with myself, in other words, it helped me understand what I needed to
do in life, what I wanted to do and how I might do it, and what purpose I might have that I could call my lifes
mission. A purpose in tune with my deepest values. Now, what man wouldnt want to understand that?
For men who are ready to move into a more mature place, a place of full power and potential, or at least who are
willing to start making the journey, the ManKind Project adventure weekend is unrivalled in its excellence. And
no matter what youve read elsewhere from disaffected men I experienced it as more supportive than anything I
had ever previously had in my life. One of the guiding principles of the organisation is the sense of integrity and
honesty that pervades everything it does.
So let me tell you some other things it did for me: it enabled me to meet with unwavering steadfastness my
female partner in our relationship, and to stand like a rock against the tide of emotion that sometimes comes
washing over me from her. And after a while, the tides of her emotion became less strong, and our relationship
deeper and more harmonious. What I discovered through this experience was that women test men for their
stability and steadfastness, they test men to make sure that they are reliable and dependable and that they have
the strength of character that a woman needs from her male partner.
I also discovered that I could bring a much needed sense of integrity and honesty to everything I did, and that I
could say what I thought without fear or favour to almost everyone I met. What a change from cringing in fear
and reacting with anger to those I loved!
And finally it allowed me to deal with challenges from my children, from my family, my friends, my boss. It
allowed me to stand up to these challenges with firm boundaries, and in the process I discovered that what
everybody actually wants is a firm boundary, so they know exactly where they stand, and they know exactly what
their rights and responsibilities are. Thats just about the nicest thing I got from the ManKind Project I
discovered my rights and responsibilities on Planet Earth as a man.
If you have any sense that what Ive said in this article might be relevant to you, then you owe it to yourself, and
you certainly owe it to those around you, to look into the Mankind Project to find out whether it might be right
for you. Good luck, and I hope to see you there.
Fred
Posted in 2010 Autumn Newsletter, What is the ManKind Project? | Comments Off
Applecross A Scottish adventure

The rain falls softly but persistently, screening the summer sun, blanketing the surrounding hills and woodland,
and carpeting the fields in dampness. A man stands stripped to the waist, wearing his kilt and stout shoes as
protection against the wet. Hes warm, glowing perhaps from his efforts tending the fire thats blazing fiercely as
it heats the stones for the Purification and Renewal Ceremony. But the warmth is more than physical theres
an inner glow, too.
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Its a scene familiar to staff the world over and one that has been repeated thousands of times as men reach
Sunday morning, the final stages of their weekend journey into the fellowship of the Warrior Community.
But theres something unique about this one, something very important to me. This is the first ceremony of its
kind to be held by MKP in Scotland. Applecross July 2010; a long, long wait of 16 years is finally over.
What does it take to serve? Willingness? Knowledge? Energy? All these, but fundamentally it takes commitment.
And it takes commitment just to reach Applecross, situated on the north-west coast of Scotland hundreds of
miles from the UK Communitys birthplace in the New Forest deep in the south of England. Men have already
travelled a long, long way before the inner journey has even begun.
With Applecross almost reached theres a powerful symbolism in the final few mites, marked by a climb of more
than two thousand feet over the Bealach Na Ba. If the weather is fair, breathtaking views through the glens and
then across to the Isle of Skye are a reminder of how small we are in the context of the natural world. if the
mountain is cloaked in mist, hairpin bends and a gradient of 1 in 5 test the nerves of approaching visitors. Little
wonder the ancient name for Applecross, the settlement nestling on the other side beneath the mountains,
bordering the sea, is Achornrich, a place of sanctuary.
Sixteen years ago I was a man approaching initiation, yet almost 14 years have passed since I last circled up with
the staff men on the Thursday evening of a training weekend. What will I find that is familiar, what will I find
thats new? Will I be judged for my absence? What do I have to offer?
The sun begins to drop, flooding the room with light. Welcomed into the circle, I do indeed have something to
offer. The question is asked by our leaders, John K., Bennie N. and David S., what are the cultural differences
our leaders should be aware of as they take these new men on their journey? How will Scottish men feel about
being initiated by English men?
I speak a little of my experience at the first UK initiation weekend in the New Forest, the gratitude I felt to the
men who had flown in from the States, and how that gratitude overcame my own prejudices. I am heard.
There is room to talk about Scotland, Scottish people, Scotlands past, Scotlands future. We move from the
broad sweep of generic history to personal. stories from men about their Scotland and how they relate to that
country, to that culture. This sets the tone of the weekend, and Im left in no doubt that this caring community
of men who have travelled so far to get here fervently believe that creating and managing the first Warrior
training in Scotland is special and important. I am grateful.
The discussion even eclipses the hottest topic on the staff bulletin board over the past few weeks how to
combat the Menace of the Highland Midge, an issue that has prompted an unprecedented move, the
appointment of the very first Midge Co-ordinator, Brian Lilley. And there are other gestures too: kitchen
coordinator Paul Erne takes care to reflect the geographical location in his menu. Among the staff sacred objects
is a 19th century edition of James Patersons book Wallace the Hero of Scotland, dated 1865.
Friday, and men are coming. Thursdays setting transmutes into action, free flowing, energised and focussed.
Preparations are complete and 17 initiates arrive with the sun shining, as a blustery wind portends what is yet to
come. By the time of Midnight Adventure the rain is full and incessant, and the winds have rendered the midge
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coordinators rote redundant for this time at least.

Saturday morning and the men awake. For some it will be the longest day of their lives. Applecross welcomes
men who are ready to work; the land sends a symbol to mark the day: a stag has descended from his mountain
kingdom and strikes a regal air, watching from close by as the men walk in file towards the pit.
What happens next? Every man has a different story to tell of his initiation experience and every staffing
provides each of us with new insights, new clarity, and new wisdom. Old fears, shame and guilt are exposed
laughter, tears and anger are welcomed. At the end of the day, 17 men are initiated as Warrior Brothers. As is
their right, individuals have chosen to pass on individual processes. Not one man has chosen to leave. Looking
down on Applecross from far above the mountains, the ancestors who went through their own initiation on this
land thousands of years ago are watching us. I have a feeling they approve of what they see.
Sunday: the first morning of their lives as initiated Warrior Brothers for 17 men. They awake in the rain to the
sound of the bagpipes. The strains of Highland Cathedral mark their final day at Applecross; for some, perhaps,
that tune will take them back to this moment for the rest of their lives. None are aware that the man heralding
the dawn has travelled from Belgium to create this awesome moment. Gautier has not a drop of Scottish blood in
him aye, but hes a bonny piper!
And so with the P&R ceremony complete and the feast prepared I watch as the staff are introduced to the men
for the first time. I watch their amazement as they learn how far men have come at their own expense to create
this weekend for them.
I revisit in my mind the feast at Sopley in December 1994. I remember first and foremost the longing to be part
of a weekend, like the one I had just experienced, but in Scotland. What would life have been like for my father,
my uncles, and my bosses if this experience had been available to them? What could life be like for my brothers,
my cousins, my friends, men I work with, men I drink with? What could I do to make that happen? Sixteen long
years have passed, and while some of these men have gone now, something special awaits a new generation.
Now there are two regular iGroups meeting in Scotland. Individual men who have previously journeyed south to
be initiated no longer live in isolation. Already two PIT weekends have been held, where men have reinforced
their initiation experience.
I watch in awe as the men who came through that weekend in Applecross step forward at their iGroup, ready to
work. They are ready to put aside their fears of not knowing, of not getting it right, to find in doing so the first
step to being good enough.
The future of the Warrior community in Scotland will be built on this kind of energy, and the future already
looks to be in good hands.
Jim Ferguson
Posted in 2010 Autumn Newsletter, Staffing the MKP adventure | Comments Off
A change in direction follow your heart

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I broke out of a story inherited from my family upbringing, school life, and the general culture I grew up in, a
story that really didnt work for me.
When I left school to start out in the big wide world I had taken on some very strong messages about the
important things in life: getting a job that would give me the highest financial rewards I could achieve, and the
best promotion prospects; joining the culture of the never-ending struggle to acquire a big salary, seniority,
house, car, holidays, gadgets in short, joining the rat race. For me, this was a merry-go-round of external
recognition, status, and rewards.
But one of the first problems I faced was leaving secondary school without the qualifications to get into college or
university, let alone an apprenticeship scheme. How could I now get a good start? And so I joined the Royal
Navy. That way, maybe I could get an apprenticeship or training in a recognised trade; the navy also provided an
escape from a somewhat broken and turbulent family home.
And indeed, for the next decade in the navy I progressed well. A more practical hands-on approach to education
saw me go from starting as a junior mechanic to ending as a Senior NCO in with a BTEC Diploma. After leaving
the navy I used my experience and quickly went into the management side of the service provision business. I
did well there for a few years, rising to a senior position, only to be moved sideways by a new kid on the block
trying to impress his masters. This sideways move came after years of jumping through hoops, trying my best to
achieve the impossible, coping with ever-increasing pressure at work.
But despite all Id achieved, I still believed I was a failure.and I was still too attached to status and external
recognition from my job. So, when all this was taken away, I tipped into depression. After time off work and
taking anti-depressants, I found, luckily for me, MKP and started on the road to recovery. I gained balance and
perspective in my life, learned what didnt work for me, and got the tools to change other things so they worked
better for me.
I started the process of dealing with lifes challenges in a more healthy way with MKP in December 2002. When I
was finally made redundant from the same firm in January 2007, I was able to get through the process into my
next employment, with a little help from a few good warrior friends, without becoming depressed or needing any
medication.
I know I handled this much better than I would have done pre-warrior. During the gap in my employment, I
rediscovered whats really precious to me and what would serve me better in my life. I discovered I wanted to
work in a more practical environment with some connection to outdoors and trees. Later, I found I wanted to be
away from larger companies, with their politics and endless, impossible, goal-oriented policies. I wanted to work
for a small company and be seen as an individual, not a number.
And of course, the jobs I started to look at were all paid much less than Id been used to and this brought up
lots of fear. How could I maintain the lifestyle we enjoyed? Initially, I kidded myself I need to stay in the rat
race to keep the status quo, to remain happy and settled where I currently lived, keep the long-term mortgage,
and support two boys in the middle of apprenticeships.
But after a while it dawned on me that I needed to allow myself to accept a change in lifestyle and to let go of
some material things I didnt really need. At the time, one of the most significant things for me was giving up
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gliding, a sport Id only recently got into. Now, I realise the gliding was largely about helping me keep my sanity
whilst staying in the rat race, and that didnt work for me anymore! What a crazy situation!
Lucky for me that my wife was also at a turning point in her working career! After much deliberation, we decided
to try and get work together as a couple in the Domestic Service arena. Initially, this was a struggle as we were
in the midst of the recession of early 2009, and the market seemed flooded with couples who had relevant
previous experience; we kept getting passed over. Our luck changed when a warrior friend unexpectedly had a
vacancy in just that line of work so we now work for him and his partner, my wife as the housekeeper and me
in house and grounds maintenance.
We are both much happier now enjoying the many, very varied tasks that life on this small Equine Estate throws
up for us. We are part of a small team, and this works for us on many levels not least, we have an appreciative
relationship with our employers.
If someone had said to me a few years back this was the way my life would change, from being Senior Manager in
a Global Corporation to Maintenance Man, I would, to say the least, have been sceptical, never imagining I
would find my way to where I am today.
But Im happier now in my working life and besides that, life itself works better for me on so many levels. This I
very much attribute to MKP and the many gifts and varied learning I have received from so many men in the
organisation. I have also done some twelve step work; that has also helped me grow along the way, and its
another thing I most probably wouldnt have found without getting involved with MKP.
So where does this find me? Most certainly very much happier than I was pre-warrior, a saner, more balanced
person, I believe; a better husband, father and man, part of a network of like-minded men. By no means sorted
or there yet, and still a work-in-progress, still working through my stuff as life challenges me, but much
better equipped to deal with it all.
So to close I send a big thank you to all the men I have met on the way, and whove helped me with support and
teaching: specifically but not limited to Dermot F., Mark F., the Reading I Group, the Romsey Tepee I Group,
and many more.
The journey continues!
Chris Lee
Posted in 2010 Autumn Newsletter, Empowering men | Comments Off
First and second time staffing the Adventure!

Following my initiation weekend (February 2009), I was one of those men who take time to digest what
happened and how to integrate it into daily life. In the past, my first instinct or reaction after having a perceived
life-changing experience was to jump in and start to use what Id learned to help (or maybe convert) others. The
Warrior weekend, although leaving me ecstatic and elevated, also left me in a state of shock. What had
happened to me during that weekend changed me on a cellular level: I needed time to work out what next.
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Eighteen months later the next manifested when I stepped up to staff the June 2010 weekend (bolstered by
the work Id done in my I-group). I was nervous but I knew it was the right time.
Even before the weekend began I managed to get wounded by an email response from another brother. Making
matters worse was the fact that the brother in question was a man who had helped me so much during my own
work. My response was how the hell am I going to be able to clear with this man? And when would I be able to
do it anyway? It left me angry with him for writing what he had, and feeling stupid for taking it to heart.
Knowing that I needed to own this I tried to clear it myself but every time the charge came back stronger and
stronger. My decision then was to go and hold it till I got there, hoping maybe the charge would go when I saw
the love in his eyes.
Weekend came, saw the man. Nope, charge still there! So when it came to building the container, and the
clearings, I was dreading it. But when my chance came I took it I cleared with the man and felt a huge weight
off my shoulders. To do that in front of all those men in such a place was a big learning curve for me and it really
helped me to finally start accepting myself as one of the lads and in turn I truly began to trust other men.
From that moment on I started to see, perhaps for the first time, how important this work is, and how it can only
be done with a community of men, working, striving, loving, fighting for the health, safety, integrity, and even
the lives, of all the men who come to get what they want and who are risking a lot to get it.
The first weekend was mind-blowing. From the moment we, the staffers, assembled to the time when the
initiates arrived, the process was eye-opening especially seeing how serious and dedicated men were to getting
it right. As an escort the moment I met an initiate at the door I started to relive my own initiation all over again
but I also felt it was an honour to be able to walk every man through the process.
There are two moments that really stand out for me. On the Friday, the final staff ceremony before the men
arrived put me in such an emotional space and left me with a strong sense of urgency and importance for the
work we were about to do. Bringing my shadow(s) up front was one thing but to have this witnessed in such a
way was a very powerful event. At that moment I felt a bond fully manifest between all of us.
The other moment that remains embedded in my psyche from that weekend was being part of the process work
for the initiates. This was even more powerful than my own weekend. The magic in that container was palpable.
And time and time again I was asked to stand in to help a man do his work. I thought about it later and
wondered what that was all about? Now I know its part of the medicine I bring to my life and my work. I always
have.
I can contain energy and I am happy to do it for other people: to stand in a place from which I can reflect
back what they need to do their work. All my life I struggled with this bit. Taking on too much from others,
reflecting back at them their own shadows, and being very sensitive to things people left unsaid. Back then I
isolated myself and used anger and reactivity to protect myself from other peoples fear and shame. I told myself
they all cant be wrong; this must be my fault. Now I know differently. I can stand in that space if someone
needs me to do it and at the same time not become part of the drama.
With my first staffing experience so exhilarating, my second staffing (in September 2010) couldnt come quick
enough. This time I knew what was coming. I was comfortable doing some of the same tasks as the first
weekend although I would have liked more responsibility. However, a part of me was telling me to slow down,
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take a deep breath, not to fight it, and continue to learn. Little did I know an unscripted piece of work was
waiting for me during the weekend.
Some staff had fallen away so the carpet teams were a bit light with men, especially experienced men. Again I
was pulled in to contain the energy for several initiates; some of their work touched me deeply. It is amazing
how watching a man do his work helps me do mine, but playing a part is even more special. I wondered what it
would be like to actually lead with a man. Of course, when you ask, someone answers. One of the experienced
guys asked me whether I wanted to start a man off and see where it went. At that moment a wave of fear came
over me and I nearly said no chance! But, trusting the process, I said Yes! and I started the next man off,
took him a bit further and then an experienced man took over. Part of me was disappointed because I could see
where I wanted to take him. Afterwards, though, I had a deep sense of gratitude for the trust that was placed in
me and a sense of joy that I was the one who took that first step.
In that moment I knew I was made to do this work: to walk with men into dark places (or jump in after them)
with no fear and show them a way back. I know how it makes me feel when other men stand beside me and
hold me with their fierce love: it gives me the power to leave the fear behind. And this is a gift all men should
have.
The ManKind Project, and especially staffing the Adventure weekend, has shown me my shadows clearly, but
more importantly it has revealed my gold. MKP has been part of my mentoring family (in the true sense) and
now I am starting to fully grasp the unique genius in me and Im not afraid to say it.
For me, the work really started not on the day that I was initiated but on the day I started staffing. Now I know
that no matter where my path in life takes me, to become fully who I am I need to be working within a
community of men, and our work needs to be given freely for the benefit of all communities on this planet.
Otherwise, the risks to myself and to the Earth are too grave to even think about.
As a Man amongst Men, I am a man who, in his need to remain whole, must work in service to all.
If you dont know the kind of person I am
and I dont know the kind of person you are
a pattern that others made may prevail in the world
and following the wrong god home we may miss our star.
For it is important that awake people be awake,
or a breaking line may discourage them back to sleep;
the signals we give yes or no, or maybe should be clear: the darkness around us is deep.
William Stafford
In love, honour and service,
Neil McNulty
Posted in 2010 Autumn Newsletter, Staffing the MKP adventure | Comments Off
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Just what is the ManKind Project, anyway?

Whats the Mankind Project (MKP) all about?

I found MKP in 2002 and was immediately drawn to the NWTA (New Warrior Training Adventure). I guess,
looking back, it was my sense that this was a community where men could get together without judgement,
competition or having to play a role which drew me to the organisation. And maybe more important I sensed
it was where I could learn to be a man. I certainly knew I hadnt learnt that from my father but I didnt quite
know what was missing.
MKP is like a level playing field, where theres no need to worry about what youre saying to your boss, your
spouse, your family, your friends. For men whove been judged by others their entire life, this can come as a
refreshing change!
Acceptance is the key for me to be accepted for who and what you really are is rare in this society. I think
people live by the masks they create to cope with everyday life. To drop them takes courage often a mans
identity is tied up in who he appears to be to others, or what he does. In this organisation, my experience has
been theres a sense of equality born of the fact that we all serve a common purpose I once heard it expressed
like this: to introduce men to themselves, to who they really are.
Id add that its also about opening a mans heart to himself and others, regardless of whatever wounds have
encouraged him to close off. Of course, no matter why a mans life appears to fall apart, hes really in crisis
because of the strain of living without fulfilling his inner desires, or trying to be someone who he is not, or
following a path given him by someone else, or..whatever.
I needed and wanted so much to find a purpose, a way of life that fitted with who I am, and with my deepest
values and beliefs. (And that wasnt working for a multi-national chemical company, as I was then doing.)
Im not saying such changes happen easily, or quickly, but the point for me is that MKP provides a place where
the potential for change is available and the support I needed to help me change my life has been freely
available in ways I could never have imagined when I started this journey.
My family and friends and partners over the years have served me in many ways (and I hope the same is true in
reverse!), but theres something unique about MKP. Ive mentioned a few of the qualities I see in the weekends
and the wider ongoing community: openness, lack of judgement, support, but there is more: for me, it was also a
way to connect with the deep masculine energy I knew I possessed, but somehow had never been able to access.
After all, I was brought up by a woman who wanted a nice, well-behaved son, not necessarily one who could
freely express his masculine nature. And by that I mean freely express my strength, courage, loyalty, desire for
adventure, spontaneity, loving nature, sexuality, and male power. Now I feel equal to the female power of the
woman Im loving and living with, and I understand what masculinity means to me.
To reconnect with those things more fully in some cases, and for the first time in others, is a wonderful
adventure. And it can be so for any man, at any age, I believe you included!
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Rod B
Posted in 2010 Autumn Newsletter, What is the ManKind Project? | Comments Off
The ManKind Project UK & Ireland Empowering Men

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The ManKind Project - MKP in Scotland, England and Ireland - MKP UK Runs The NWTA Adventure Training For Men

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The ManKind Project - MKP in Scotland, England and Ireland - MKP UK Runs The NWTA Adventure Training For Men

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The ManKind Project - MKP in Scotland, England and Ireland - MKP UK...

The ManKind Project UK & Ireland Empowering Men

What The ManKind Project Did For Me After The NWTA

Among Such Honourable Men

The Power Of The Adventure (NWTA from MKP)

Experience The Experience

Male Rites Of Passage

Staffing the ManKind Project at The Comb 2012

On The Men Who Staffed My Adventure Weekend

The Journey Begins

From The Head To The Heart

Mixing The Ingredients

Flying Through Life

Posted in 2011 Winter Newsletter, Empowering men | Comments Off

Liking Myself A Whole Lot More

The Journey To The Comb, June 2011

The Adventure at The Comb, Northumberland June 2011

Hungry for initiation

results. People loved what they read and I learned so much.

The Heros Journey Continues

The Lodge Keepers Society

The Lodge Keepers Society

put my energies into that.

Meet the men of the community Matt G

Dark Waters Deep Diving Into Soul

Meet the men of the community Mark J

after the dance that I was no longer alone.

The Adventure I fell into the arms of men

This weekend I fell into the arms of men.

and will die again and again.

Women: How might your life be different?

A Piece For Women: Some thoughts on the Woman Within training

Being a man amongst men

Lost on the way to the City of Joy

Fear of living the dream

What can I possibly gain that I dont already have?

MKP Men provide clean water and toilets in Ghana

The community have asked me to convey their deep gratitude to the

The children who will benefit from this work

Are you addicted to sex?

From The MKP Marketing and Community Director

Further layers of(f) the father onion

My Father Warrior King

MKP & Minorities Gay & Bi Men

The Purification & Renewal Ceremony

Calling the directions: Steve Bs viewpoint

Learning To Love Risk

Death of the father: birth of the man?

The ManKind Project and The New Warrior Adventure

Applecross A Scottish adventure

coordinators rote redundant for this time at least.

A change in direction follow your heart

First and second time staffing the Adventure!

Just what is the ManKind Project, anyway?

Whats the Mankind Project (MKP) all about?

The ManKind Project UK & Ireland Empowering Men

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