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NLP studies maintain there are key activities needed to create (other than by ch
ance or fate) high quality, long-lasting relationships.
1 Know what you want and what your lover wants. Know what this means in sensory
experience; not just that you want to feel loved, but what you will see, hear a
nd feel your partner doing that makes you feel loved.
2 Have the commitment and flexibility to DO what your partner wants and the com
mitment and flexibility to to do what makes your partner WANT to do what you wan
t.
3 Have the sensory awareness to know whether this is actually happening or not.
Pay attention to your sensory world, not just your ideas about what is happenin
g, or should be happening.
4 Have the commitment to learn, if necessary, how to take yourself and your par
tner back to Attraction, Appreciation and Habituation should it be needed.
Knowing these stages can help make us aware of just what we are doing with our r
elationships and whether we are still cycling through that fulfilling pattern of
Attraction, Appreciation and Habituation and back again. If we have passed that
but have not yet reached Threshold, we need to recognise the worth of what it i
s we have, perhaps comparing the present state with what it was like before we m
et the other. If Threshold has been passed, then it may be time to seek outside
help even to proceed to Termination. A life of conjugal misery is surely the lea
st rewarding option.
Using NLP or any other effective intervention is preferable to resigning yoursel
f to a static, negative relationship. As human beings we have a right to a rich,
rewarding life, one which invites and enables us to know directly, through our
senses and our spirit, the fulfilment possible to human beings.
(c)JonLonergan2010
For a fuller description of these stages, read Solutions by Leslie Cameron-Bandler
www.theuniversaldebriefingsystem.com