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Rowe1

RyanRowe
LauraHarrington
HONORS100B
13October2015
WhoamI?

IcannotsaywhoIam,however,IcansaywhoIwas.WhenIwasinhighschool,Iwasa
goodstudent.Ireadtheassignedreadings,memorizedtheassignedfacts,andonceIwrotethem
onatest,Idiscardedthemtopreparefortherelentlessinfluxofnewnoncontextualizedand
fragmentedmorselsofinformation.Icametocollege,totheUniversityofWashington,becauseI
soughtanendtothetorrentofindifferenceandmonotony.Ichosetoapplytothehonorsdepartment
becauseIdidnotwanttosimplytakeclasseswithinanarrowscope,germanetomyinterests,while
continuingtosquirrelawayfactsforthefuturelikeacornsforthewinter.Iwantedtoseethe
interconnectednessofwhatIlearn,thegleamingwebconnectingphysics,art,psychology,and
philosophy,andeveryotherdiscipline.Itcanonlybefoundwithabrightenoughlight,butonceit
presentsitself,everythingmakessense.
MypastselfisamereacquaintancewithwhomIsharefondmemoriesbutwillneverinteract
again.Thehazeoftimedistortstheviewofourpastselves,andthoughIrememberwhathehas
done,hewillneverknowwhatIwilldo.Forasbadashumansareatrecollectingthepast,weare
worseatpredictingthefuture.Theshriveledhuskofmyselfthatwasleftbehindasasnakeleaves
behinditsskindoesnotknowtheexperiencesIhaveendured.Hedoesnotknowthefeelingoftrue
loveandtheaccompanyingdesolation.Hedoesnotknowleavingeveryonebehindtomoveacross
thecountry.Hedoesnotknowthefeelingofstayingawakewithhismotherandwatchingherdie.As
muchasIwishnowthathecouldhaveknownthesethingssothatmypastactionscouldbealtered,
hewillnot.Onlywhentheeventsofmylifefadeintotheobscuringanddisfiguringfogoftimewillhe
know,andbythattimeIwillnolongerbewhoamItoday.Iwillbeanewperson,andwhatIwas
beforewillbecomeapartoftheshadowthatispersistentlytrailingmypresentself.
Icannotsaywhomyfutureselfwillbe.Icanneverhopetoknowhim,buthewillknowme.
HisformationisdeterminedbytheactionsItaketodayandIhopethathewilllookbackfondlyand
thankmeforwhatIhavedone,althoughIamsuretherewillbethingsIwillwanttohavedone
differentlybutthatisaconsequenceoftheinevitabilityoftime.HereIhopeIwillprovidemyfuture
selfwiththetools,knowledge,andexperiencesIneedfortherestofmylife.Ihopetoexpandupon
myloveoflearningandtolearnhowtocontinuetosatemyappetitebeyondcollege.Iwishto
developandmature,togrowtoseebeyondthesuperficialfacadeofrealityandintoitsinner
workingsandtruths.
IwouldliketoguidemyselftobeabetterpersoninthefuturethanIamnowwhichisan
arduousfeattoaccomplish.Whenweprojectourselvesintothefuture,weseeourselvesasweare
now.Weseldomthinkoftheactionswetaketodayaschangingwhowewillbe,wheninfact,itis
nearlyimpossibletotakeactionsthatarenot.Ifmypastselfistwodimensionalandimmutableand
mycurrentselfisthreedimensionalandchanging,thenmyfutureselfisfourdimensional,in
constantfluxandsuperpositionheisimpossibletofullycomprehendandpredict.AllIcanhopeis
thatoneday,whenallofthefuturepossibilitiescollapseintothecertaintyofthepresent,thatIam
happywiththeoutcome.

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