How to Talk About the Same-Sex Marriage Ruling in

Your Group
3 tips for discussing this heated topic with love, truth, and grace
Amy Jackson
Today the Supreme Court voted 5-4 that same-sex couples may marry in all 50
states. Theres no doubt that this ruling will be a topic of interest in your small
group, and it will come up in conversation. With such an explosive topic, though,
how can you facilitate a discussion effectively?
1. Pray.
Pray, even now, for wisdom in facilitating this discussion. The truth is, most
people have a strong opinion about it. Pray that God will help you lead with love
and truth, facilitate honest discussion, and ultimately lead your group members
to, above all else, look to God for answers and guidance. Pray that you will be
sensitive to the Holy Spirits leading, and that group members will be sensitive
to one another, truly listening to each others hearts.
2. Know the facts.
As blog posts, commentaries, and tweets are published this weekend, the truth
is bound to be misconstrued. Educate yourself on the facts of this case with
these articles so you can lead well. Theyre also great resources for your group
members if theyre seeking clarification.
CT Magazines Coverage: Learn the facts about the Supreme Court ruling.
Evangelical Leaders Declaration on Marriage: Over 90 leaders have signed this
declaration, agreeing on where they stand when it comes to marriage.
Ed Stetzers Response: A grace-filled post with stats and research that will be
helpful to you.
How Church Leaders Are Responding: Leadership Journal's advice for church
leaders
Barna Research on Christian Reactions to the Ruling: 9 key findings
3. Leave room for grace.
Very likely, your group members will present a variety of thoughts and
emotions. Leave space for these, and lead a discussion that allows honesty,
openness, and disagreement. Let group members share their hearts in a safe
environment. In a world where nearly everyone has a friend or family member
who is gay, this topic is not theoreticalit has a loved ones face and life
attached to it. (Let's be honest: there may be people in your group who
experience same-sex orientation.) Be sensitive to this fact. (I recommend you
read Ed Stetzers post that highlights this.)
I would recommend starting your conversation with time for group members to
share their thoughts and feelings first. Withhold judgment and instead ask
follow-up questions for clarification. It may be wise to steer clear of sharing your

own opinion, or your churchs official stance, just yet. This contributes to a safe
environment for honest sharing and questions.
Group members may have some specific questions, though:

What does the Bible say?

Where does our church stand?

What does this mean for our church?

You dont have to know all the answers to these questions, but its wise to have
some references for your group members. Check out our newest Bible
study: What Does the Bible Say About Being Gay? for some guidance. You
might also check with your coach, director, or pastor for guidance on answering
these questions.
With so many questions still about what this will mean for churches, know that
well keep you posted as details come to light. In the meantime, stress what we
do know: God is sovereign, and God is good.
Encourage group members to be wise in their interactionsboth in person and
on social media. God asks us to love our neighborand that includes our LGBT
neighbor. Pray aloud that your group members words and actions would be full
of love and grace, especially in this time.

If things start to get heated, take a break to pray. Thank God for this opportunity
to wrestle through real-life questions and look to his Word for answers.
Here are a few questions to guide your discussion:
1. What were your thoughts and feelings when you heard the Supreme Court ruling on
same-sex marriage? How are you feeling now?
2. Why do you feel this way?
3. What questions do you have around this ruling?
4. How should we act toward the LGBT community?

This is uncharted territory for us, and only time will tell how this will unfold. In
times of uncertainty, I find it helpful to remember that God is not shaken. He is
not surprised. He is not stammering for a response. God is unchanged. Let us
cling to God, filled with his love, honoring one another as we discuss this topic.
Amy Jackson is managing editor of SmallGroups.com.