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Personality Development
“Personality” comes from the Latin word “persona” which means an
“actor’s mask” basically. In the context of personality development it means
that we have to wear a different personae – masks in the society apart from
the one you wear at home to face and solve most of the challenges of day to
day life.
when we come out of the cellar of our minds, we wear masks of
respectability, adoptability, articulation, at least a smile etc.
So do not limit yourself. Bring out the best in you. That is the central
theme of Personality development, that is development in the Physical,
Psychological, Social, Financial, Ethical or Moral, and Spiritual spehers.
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One mischievous fellow conceals a bird in both his hands, and asks a saint.,
whether the bird in his hands is alive or dead. The saint replies “My son, it is
in your hands”
So, on one side of the coin. ie; there are these “Intra Personal Skills”
(“intra” means “within”).
Even the word “Education” has come from ‘educe’ which means ‘to develop
from within’. So Swami Vivekananda says “Education is the manifestation of
perfection already in man”.
The Intra Personal skills can be defined as those skills that each one
has to employ while interacting with “one’s own self”. It is a subjective
concept. To take examples, our attitudes, our paradigms or perceptions,
introspection, visualization, goal-setting, time management, building self-
esteem, mental discipline are intrapersonal skills
On the flip side of the coin is “Inter personal skills” (“inter” means
“outside” ) which can be defined as those skills that everyone has to employ
while interacting with other people.
No man is an island. In another sense every one comes out the cellar of
his mind and has to wear a mask ie; “ a different persona” say a mask of
“respectability, adoptability’ and for that to be achieved, one has to employ
the interpersonal skills as they are the abilities or skills to relate to others in a
socially appropriate and meaningful ways or manner.
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yourself, - your parents, siblings, colleagues, neighbours, your country men,
the whole humanity or rather all living things, flora and fauna.
These intra and interpersonal skills are broadly classified under Soft
Skills. They are essential for Success in any endeavor.
Dr. T. Bharathi and her team members further emphasize in their book
on “Personality Development and Communicative English” that, while
functional knowledge may be from the core of fundamental programmes ( say
AITUC-All India council of Technical Education and Universities, higher
institutes of learning APSCHE-Andhra Pradesh State Higher Education, UGC-
University Grants commission), and as classified as Hard skills.
And in turn Trainers can impart those practical skills to the students to
make them better citizens of the world.
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Dharma=Duty
I can still vividly recollect what my father did when I wanted a Shower
Bath. Let me go down the memory lane. I was a kid of 10 years old at that
point of time. we used to visit my father’s friend’s house often. That
gentleman was a foreman in the Integral Coach Factory in Madras, now
Chennai and was having well furnished government living quarters, a nice
three bed room flat with all modern amenities. I took fancy towards the
Shower Bath in the Bathroom. I wished for one at our house.
And he used fill the tin with water repeatedly and continuously, while
humming a rhyme, while me and my elder brother stand directly below the
draining waters- a make shift arrangement of a Shower bath. What a happy
interlude! I visualize it often.
One more good habit of my father was his immense energy to cycle me
every Sunday to Connemera and Central Libraries in Madras, which
eventually made me a book worm and an voracious reader, which in our
present digitalized world is not possible so easily.
I used to visit Children’s section regularly and had developed the habit
of reading comics of Phantom-the ghost who walks, Mandrake-the magician,
Dennis – the menace, Riche Rich –the richest kid of US ( Counter-part of Bill
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Gates ) and various others like Sherlock Holmes Mysteries, Adventures of
Tom Sawyer, 20000 leagues under the sea and various classical works which
kept me in immense joy. Indian Folk lore of Indrajal comics fame were yet to
make it’s appearance then as they were started from my children’s generation.
SWOT Analysis:
SWOT is an acronym that stands for – Strengths, Weaknesses,
Opportunities and Threats, which helps you to ascertain your own self. It can
be equated to Introspection or “Know Thyself”. It is tool for self improvement.
Johari Window of Perception yet another tool will be dealt with in future
chapters.
To cite my examples
Weaknesses
My Short Fuse is my weakness
( – I am transparent, and I admit with certainty that I get angry only
twice in an year and that is my mission statement here.
But, My better-half quips from behind –‘ Yes, Yes each one stays just for
6 months ’. Anger management ( I believe that the word ‘Anger’ has
derived from ‘danger’ ) is a recurring resolution of mine every year,
as it is yet to be managed by me in full ).
Opportunities
My opportunities lie in the arena of Soft Skills and Personality
development that is - Teaching and Training, as I have a passion for
them.
Threats
I am on the wrong side of 50, hence I cannot go on frequently to other
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cities to conduct my soft skills classes due to Arthritis.
Fairer sex cannot opt for Night Shifts in their jobs - is another example..
Try to visualize unhappy events also and try to pause them or erase
them. Visualize tape Recorder’s “erase or pause” buttons. Do this as a daily
routine
3. Social sphere
No man is an Island. That is, he cannot live alone. He has to build
bridges of communications. So, soft skills have to be improved. They help in
improving the human relationships. Tools with which you can develop and
improve soft skills will be dealt with in the subsequent chapters.
4. Financial sphere
You should have a healthy financial sense in the sense, you should be
able to save 30 % of your total earnings every month, the bare minimum so to
say. Only that much I happen to know about finance.
Let us first examine what values are. Values are certain beliefs that
generally help you decide What is Wrong ? and What is Right ?
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Life has meaning and purpose. Your values generally determine the
kind of person you want to become and the direction in which you steer your
course of life.
Personal Values :
Values on Personal issues of your Life :
1. Health
2. Wealth
3. Fame
4. Image
5. Recognition and Respect
6. Personal Growth
7. Meaningful Relationships among your Family members
8. Your contribution to Society or Community – it is not what the society
does for you – rather it is what you are contributing to the society.
You can add your own ….
Rome is not built in a day. An immense building starts with small bricks
initially.
Study or Work, Contribution to our society in piece-meal( in Installments
– in small measures ) is enough to start with. Let us examine an interesting
anecdote.
Once upon a time, an author was in the habit of going a sea coast to do
his writing assignments. One day he happened to find an immense quantity
of Starfish that were washed up on to the sands due to the storm overnight.
The young man listened politely, smiled and took one star fish and
thrown her into the sea and calmly said “ It made a difference to her as it is
a life and death problem to her”. And his action is not in vain after all
because life of one of the Star Fish was saved.
2. Social Values :
Your Values on Social Issues :
Religion
Marriage (Let us take the example Marriage – One of our Institutions
from Hindu Culture
BrahmaVishunu, Maheswara – Groom
Sarswathi – Laxmi, Parvati – Bride
PaaniGrahana Mahostavam – Ardhangi – Vagardham and Lord Shiva and
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Parvati – Ardhanreswara
Dharmey tvaya yesha – Naati Charitavya – Natti charmi
Ardhey tvaya yesha
Kaamey tvaya yesha
Shri sai baba says : when you see the husband you should be reminded of
his wife and vice versa – Daampatya )
Peace
Poverty & Hunger
Caste
Social inequalities
Love
Abortion
Bribery
Women’s Rights, and Empowerment
Empowerment in the real sense, but not as – ‘Husband is slightly more
equal than his wif’e- Bhartha bharya kante koncham ekkuva samanam’
same as the rhetoric “All men are equal, but, Some men are more
equal” – and again First among Equals
3. Career Values
60 % of your life, you spend in your work place ( in your alma matter ie
studies in case of students )
So you have to reflect on what is important to you at your work place without
conflicting with the values of your organizations
You should be a Professional as well as you should work for a Professional
Company as well.
Importance or priority and choosing is individual ie ;which is in
accordance with one’s own job satisfaction :
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( perceptions ), organizational structures
1 Diversity In the work place means “Equal opportunity
1 Employer” ie ; working of people from different
religions, ethnic groups etc
1 Decision making The power to decide organizational policies and
2 courses of action and control over one’s own
decisions & actions
1 Environment Work that is done in specific surroundings of your
3 choosing
1 Fast pace Work that must be done to meet the deadlines
4
1 Flexibility The ability to set one’s own work schedule
5
1 Influence Work that can shape the attitudes or opinion of
6 others
Attitude : A complex mental state involving
beliefs, feelings, values and dispositions to act in
certain ways
Attitudes : Proactive, positive, Age, continuous
learning LTL , Continuous improvement ( Kaizen ),
Paradigm shift, ie; one minute reprimand first and
then one minute praise immediately, and a desire to
help others
1 Intellectual Status Work that acknowledges one’s intellectual
7 expertise
1 Knowledge Work that pursues greater understanding in a given
8 field – Transparency – ie; Kn. Dissemination from
the hierarchy
“Sarveshameva Daana nam Jnana Danam
Vishishyate”
1 Personal fulfillment Work that expresses one’s personal and cultural
9 values
Culture = All the knowledge and values shared by a
particular, society or a community
2 Physical challenge Work that is physically demanding
0
2 Power and The ability to control the work or activities of
1 Authority others – to an extent
2 Precision Work in situations where accuracy is crucial
2
2 Predictability Work that involves routine daily tasks
3
2 Profit Work that focuses on an organization’s and one’s
4 own financial gain without conflicting each other
2 Public contact Opportunity for contact with people outside one’s
5 own work group – broadening of mental and kn
horizons
2 Recognition Work that affords public recognition for what one
6 accomplishes – practice of favoritism and private
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praise
2 Relationships Work place that allows pleasant inter-personal
7 interaction with colleagues
2 Security Relative assurance of Job Security
8
2 Skills utilization Work that makes full use of one’s unique abilities
9
3 Spirituality Work that allows one to explore the spiritual
0 meaning of life or at least no un-due hindrance
3 Team work Inter-dependent = collaborative work
1
3 Variety Changing of responsibilities and duties – as the
2 variety is spice of life = “ The Road has diverged
into two and I have taken the one that has least
treaded upon ” Robert Frost
Moon and Sixpence – Somerset Maugham
Robert Frost – “ The woods are lovely dark and
deep, but, I have promises to keep and miles to go
before I sleep ”
The power to stay focused on the job you do, is so important today. It
is a surge from within, that which propels us ahead, a single minded focus
imbibed by the every human being to move ahead successfully.
Hence,
Arise, awake and rest not till the goal is reached - says Swami Vivekananda
Finally they may admire you and may adore you. It is nothing but the
relentless pursuit of your goals, what may come – of course Gandhiji insists
on “through ethical or moral means”
Moreover, you success should not mean failure to another.
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Gandhi : Yes, I am going to Win.
General Jan Smuts : Well, and how are you going to do that?
Gandhi : With your help, of course
General Smuts expressed several years later that Gandhiji did exactly
that.
By his courage, by his determination, by his refusal to take unfair
advantage, but especially by his endless capacity to “stick out” without
yielding and without retaliation managed to get General’s admiration, and
respect and one by one, the laws most offensive to the Indians were repealed
or reversed.
The story goes that , when the formidable Atom Bomb was invented., the team
of scientists who invented it were put to a wonderful question by a journalist
Journalist : Can you tell us, is there a more powerful weapon than the Atom
Bomb?
The team said in unison : “Peace”
At first people refuse to believe that a strange new thing can done.
The they began to think it can’t be done.
Then they see that it can be done.
Then it is done ( by somebody )
And all the world wonders why it was not done before
- Arnindam Chowdary
I feel Ah! I thought about it, I already knew but I did not express it
Oh hard luck I thought about it but he, my neighbour has achieved. – that is
the normal trend, or way of thinking of most of us
6. Spiritual sphere
Let me enumerate my opinions on Religion and Spirituality. Let me Start
with an illustration from the life Swami Vivekananda.
Let us cite the incidents from the lives of Sri Rama Krishan Paramahamsa and
Swami Vivekananda.
Swami Vivekananda, also known as Narendranath used to ask any
sadhu or saint he comes across, three questions. Did God Exists?, Have you
seen Him?, and Can you show Him to me? No body could answer him
satisfactorily. He was directed to see Sri Ramakrishana Pramahamsa, a sage
in Ankaleswar.
Sri Ramakrishna said ‘ Ok I will demonstrate this to you practically.
First let us go to the river, you take a full plunge in the river. Swami
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Vivekananda plunged as instructed. Sri Ramkrishna started pushing
Vivekananda into the deep waters. Vivekananda was loosing his breath, and
started grasping for air for his lungs. With great strength he pushed aside Sri
Ramkrishna and demanded ‘what is this ? are you trying to kill me or what ?’
for which Sri Ramakrishna said ‘you have used tremendous force to save
yourselves. You have tremendous passion to live. That has helped to save you.
Is it not so ?.But you do not have enough passion to know or realize God. So
you are not yet ready to see Him. If you have the same intensity of passion as
of your survival instinct you can definitely see Him’
He further adds “ He who from the depth of his soul seeks to know
God, will certainly realize Him. He must” Self realization concept so to say.
I can just add that God is like salt to our lives. Without Him our lives are
tasteless
Can a musician, can ever put into words his aesthetic / ecstatic
appreciation of say for example Beethoven ’s Symphonies, Mozart’s quartets
or keerthanas of Annamacharya ?( either the listener must have known a
similar string of emotions or else attempted in terms of Octave, F minor, F
major or Raagam, Taanam, Pallavi). It merely becomes descriptive just like
the theory of sound in Physics. You have to experience the emotion –
Empathy ( Aaardhata = intimacy ).
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doer (Action ) His duty was to wage war ( yuddhaya krutanitchaya ha ) – we
are like Arjunas. We have to wage war with our weaknesses – it is our
Kurukshetra – the battle field. . In our modern scenario they are :
That is why Gandhiji says : Bhagavad Gita replaced my mother’s death, when
ever I felt depressed or have a problem I found solace in her lap.
Two girls are late to their school; they are running towards it, moreover it is
drizzling, and they find Lord Ganesha ’s idol (can be a Church or a Mosque)
on their way )
First girl : ‘Let us stop and pray that our teacher does not punish us for late
attending.’
Second girl : no, no, let us pray to God while running.
That is the pragmatic approach that everyone of us have to cultivate.
in lighter vain
A man does lot of penance or he prays and prays for many years to realize
God and to ask him boons. After many years God appears and asks him what
he wanted. The man says O! God ! let me have one lakh rupees in lottery.
God replies “Ok man meet me half way. First buy the Lottery ticket at least.”
Purushaprayatna , Maanavprayantna – action from our side should be there.
in lighter vain
in lighter vain
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Lord Brahma, the creator in the Hindu Theology seems to be a less popular
God as he has the fewest temples in his dedication and the legend has it that he
is very easy to please. So one of our smart and resourceful one prays and prays
and Lord Brahma materializes and is very happy to grant three boons.
Our smart one’s boon 1 : Give me lot of riches.
Our smart one’s boon 2 : Give a Palace , a good wife, and wonderful children.
Our smart one’s boon 3 : Give me three more boons when ever I ask for.
We are too greedy, we expect too much from God for too little labour or no
labour – from a TV channel preacher
A man prayed and prayed to God. After 10 years God appeared and asked
him what he wanted.
O ! God ! please be with me always, in happiness and in sorrow as well and
guide me properly. God said Ok and explained “ you are seeing two pairs of
foot prints on the sand, They belong to us - you and me. So, be sure that I am
always with you.”
After few years the man fell in bad times. He was debilitated bodily and
mentally and no human came to his rescue. He was depressed and to his
dismay he found only one pair of foot prints in the sand. He cried,
‘O ! God ! you are also like other human beings, you have abandoned me in
my crisis’
God replied “ No my son, you are mistaken. As you are not able to carry
yourself on your own I am carrying you on my shoulders. The single pair of
foot prints are mine.”
One can only say that if you believe Him, he will not abandon you.
Of course – for our individual problems our own Karma gives explanation.
As he sows, so he reaps.
You cannot make God responsible for our own actions.
You are the master of your destiny. You alone can make or mar your destiny-
says Swami Vivekananda. Karma is not bad. Serendipity is the positive aspect
of Karma ( here karma means Fate ). They all depend on our own actions past
and present. And you have control and choice on your future actions
Of course first comes duty – dharma and then comes social service
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Swadharmey nidhnam sreyatam, Paradharmo Bhayavahaha.
Swami Vivekananda further says that “If one religion is true then all
other religions must also be true. We know that all religions are alike from the
lowest fetishism to the highest absolutism are but so many attempts of the
human soul to grasp and realize the infinite. So we gather these flowers
( different faiths ) and bind them together with the cord of love and make them
into a wonderful garland of worship. Art Science and Religion are but
different ways of expressing Single Truth.”
One atheist said “ there is no God” Votaire said “ Create one” . God is
a moral, intellectual and psychological necessity. Re-invent Him if you have
not done so.
Research shows that theists are more happier than atheists and if you
believe in a super power our feel good hormones – will be generated.
This is not new to Hinduism – it is the concept of “Know thyself” and “ Atma
atmaneva udharete” – says Bhagavad Gita. Which means Cultivate your own
garden.
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This is a literary master piece of ideas for Communicative competence
as well as Personality Development which can teach parents, teachers and
even students alike. Today there is so much talk ( a lip service) on ‘Value
Education’ but less is being done.
This letter’s content, the choice of words, their arrangement, style and
tone of it. – epitomizes the Communicative competence as well as a good
guide to Personality development.
My son. He will have to learn, I know, that all men are not just, all men
are not true. But teach him also that for every scoundrel three is a hero, that
for every selfish politician, there is dedicated leader.
Teach him that for every enemy, there is a friend. It will take time, I
know but teach him, if you can, that a dollar earned is of far more value than
five found. Teach him to learn to lose and also to enjoy wining. Steer him
away from envy if you can, teach him the secret of silent laughter. Let him
learn early that the bullies are the easiest to lick. Teach him, if you can, the
wonder of books, but also quiet time to ponder the eternal mystery of birds in
the sky, bees in the sun and flowers on the green hillside.
Teach him how to laugh when he is sad. Teach him there is no shame
in tears. Teach him to scoff at cynics and beware of too much sweetness.
Teach him to sell his brain to the highest bidders, but never to put a price tag
on his heart and soul. Teach him to close his ears to a howling mob, and to
stand and fight if he thinks he’s right.
Teach him gently, but do not cuddle him, because only the test of fire
makes fine steel. Let him have the courage to be patient. Let him have
patience to be brave. Teach him to always have sublime faith in mankind.
This is big order, but see what you can do. He is such a fine little
fellow, my son – Abraham Lincoln.
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DOUBT
To quote effortlessly , Yandamoori Virendranath – a personality development
trainer and a writer whose ideas when translated roughly into English from
Telugu language.
If God materializes before me what I would ask :
1. When I am mentally weak give me the self analysis of why I am like
that how I can overcome my difficulties.
2. When fear engulfs me, give me the strength to know the reason for my
fear.
3. If I am unsuccessful or I lost in an endeavor give me the courage to
accept it. ( humility or eating the humble pie so to say).
4. If I win, give me humility which can hinder my arrogance.
5. Do not fill my mind with desires. Instead fill my heart with desires and
mind with ideas of how to fulfill my desires.
6. Give me the common sense that the “first lesson to knowledge is
“Know Thyself”
7. Do not make my life a bed of roses. Let the knowledge of thorns seep
into my mind first so that I can enjoy the real softness of roses.
8. O! God ! let my heart be pure, aim high, and my thinking exact.
9. Let us all realize that he who brings success in himself at the earliest
brings success into other’s lives.
10. Please teach me how to laugh happily, but let me not forget sorrow.
11. Dear God give me the quality that does not remove my sense of humor
so that in serious circumstance I will not loose my heart.
12. Give me adoptive ness so that how big the success is I will not loose
myself.
I believe, these are the characteristics of a wholesome personality
Hard Skills :
Your functional areas, you have taken in college, your Arts,
Commerce, Engineering, Science subjects or streams with certain amount of
practicals. Even trades like driving and swimming etc; can be called hard
skills. They are tangible, measurable, gradable and have objectivity.
Soft Skills, Human skills, Life Skills : the need of the hour are not easily
measurable, they are intangible, hard to quantify and are subjective.
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S - Skills – Stands for Hard Skills - the functional skills and other physical
Skills & Soft Skills or Life Skills or Human skills
Attitude
A complex mental state involving beliefs and feelings, values, and
perceptions or dispositions to act in certain ways.
Soft Skills
WHO – World Health Organisation defines Soft Skills as the abilities
for the adaptive and positive behaviour that enable individuals to deal
effectively with the demands and challenges of every day life.
Soft sills or Human skills or Life skills are essentially those abilities
that help promote mental well being and competence in young people as they
face the realities of life.
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6. Stories as an Effective Teaching-Learning Tool – Prof. P. Nachimuthu –
Neelkamal publications
7. Communicative Competence – Varanasi Bhaskara Rao – BS Publications.
8. INTERNET
9. Our TV Bhakti channels.
10. Bhagavad Gita Pocket book of Gita Press Ghorakpur ( Telugu & English )
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