20 things that someone with an eating disorder wishes they were able to tell you.

1.

I envy you for being able to eat without a burdening feeling of guilt, shame and self loathing.

2.

I often envision myself eating normally enjoying it but the idea is always better than reality.

3.

Please dont feel guilty about eating in front of me. Watching other people eat with enjoyment spread across
their faces fills me with a warmth you wouldnt know.

4.

I wish I could cook for you and share the meal together. I really do.

5.

My anorexia isnt an attempt to be thin and beautiful. Its about disappearing entirely.

6.

My bulimia isnt about having my cake and eating it. Its about punishing myself.

7.

Im sorry that I cancel on you so much but my bulimia forces unexpected dates upon me that I have to
attend.

8.

If I do ever eat anything in front of you, take that as a huge sign of trust.

9.

If I do ever eat anything in front of you, please dont bring any attention to this situation.

10.

Eating disorders arent just a starvation of food they are a starvation of life and joy.

11.

I am not being rude when I dont join in your conversations about food. I just feel so disconnected from that
part of life.

12.

It annoys me when you go on diets because youre perfect and happy as you are. Dont ruin that. I know
where obsession leads.

13.

I didnt look at a picture of a model and seek to acquire their figure. I looked at myself and hated the
reflection; I thought I took up too much space.

14.

When I ask you if I look big, I am not attention seeking. I need reassurance that my quest to diminish is
working.

15.

Me not wanting to be your size doesnt mean I think youre fat. It means I associate your size with happiness
of which I am not worthy.

16.

When meeting new people, please dont imply that I eat to try and make me not stand out. I think they will
see me as weak for being an eater.

17.

My eating disorder doesnt act alone; its friends are depression and anxiety.

18.

I used to love food and still do. I probably think about food more than you do.

19.

My eating disorder isnt a choice its an illness.

20.

I will never expect you to understand me and my disorder as I dont think I even understand myself.

Ill be honest: There have been so many times in my life when someone has said something
to me so absurd or asinine that the only thought floating through my brain was, I wish they
knew better.
But what can I expect, really?
Its unfair to think that every person walking about this earth should prioritize reading up on
eating disorders so that they can become mini-experts, just in case they end up coming into
contact with me later in life. Thats ridiculous.
But I know that so many of you have been in this awkward position, too.
So heres a short list of five things I wish people knew before interacting with me on the axis
of concern and support. And if you wanted to print this out into flyers to hand out to your loved
ones, I wouldnt blame you.
1. Its Not a Choice Or a Diet
Im a vegetarian. Ive been a vegetarian for 11 years now, but my father still struggles with this
concept. Whenever I come home, hell put things like bacon on my plate and then throw up his
arms in surrender when I remind him that I cant eat it.
If you want to lose weight, hell tell me, why dont you go on an easier diet?
To start, vegetarianism isnt difficult, so I dont know what hes talking about when he says
easier. But also, my vegetarianism isnt a diet. It isnt something that Im doing to lose weight
and feel great. Its simply the way that I choose to eat.
An eating disorder, however, is not a choice although it also isnt a diet.
Because diet culture is so ingrained in our society, and therefore our psyches, a common
misconception about eating disorders and particularly those of the restricting and purging
varieties is that theyre choices that people make with the end goal of losing weight.
And this actually normalizes eating disordered behavior because it comes off as simply an
extreme of what were taught are normal eating cycles in our culture.

But let me be clear: We do not choose eating disorders, even if we did choose initially to go on
a diet (which is how a lot of eating disorders start). Rather, eating disorders choose us.
And thats actually one of the scariest parts that we had no choice in this horror.
2. We Cant Just Eat
Because people are convinced that eating disorders are choices that we actively make, they
also tend to think that we can just shed them whenever we feel like it. Dont want to wear
shorts today? Just wear pants! Dont want to starve yourself today? Just eat!
But we cant just eat or just stop purging or just stop overeating. Thats the entire point.
If we could have escaped this madness at any moment by simply deciding to think and
behave differently, trust me: We would have a long, long time ago.
Eating disorders are predicated on obsessions and compulsions. Theyre the effects of brain
chemistry gone awry. They happen because our understandings of food and our bodies are
twisted.
And there isnt a magical simple solution for that, unfortunately.
3. Its Inescapable
Sometimes, eating disorders are likened to addictions, particularly in this manner: A person
recovering from addiction can choose difficult and brave as it may be to stay away from
situations where the substance(s) with which they struggle is present. People with eating
disorders? Not so much.
There are a few things that we cant escape in life. Death and taxes, yes. But also, among
other things: the stuff that keeps us alive (like food) and the vehicle that carries us through life
(our bodies).
Every single day, a person with an eating disorder (or a person in recovery) wakes up and has
to face their body and the fact that they need to eat. We are constantly all day, every day
forced to be face-to-face with the exact two things that give us the most anxiety.
And in a society that also constantly bombards us with messages about beauty and diets?

We cant get away from it.

So forgive us if sometimes it feels like too much to bear, and were just stressed out.
4. It Sucks
The media does a lot to glamorize eating disorders, especially restrictive ones, and our effedup culture continually congratulates us for our dedication to what weve mistakenly come to
understand as willpower. But the truth of the matter is that having an eating disorder sucks.
When youre in the midst of it, it feels like its really important and necessary. It melts into you,
becomes a part of you somehow. Sometimes youre not sure how you could ever live without
it, since you lean on it so heavily as a coping mechanism and a distraction. It often feels like
something worth holding onto because its so hard to imagine an existence without it.
But once its gone, you realize how horrendous it was; how hurtful, how painful. Even when
youre caught up in it, you know you just dont want to admit it to yourself because you feel
like all of the aforementioned supposed pros are worth the silly little con of it's ruining your life.
Know that this isnt something that any person in their right mind would choose or want. Know
that, eventually, well want to find a way out of this hell, even if were screaming and scratching
our way out.
Understand that it just might take us some time to figure that out and that some of us never
will.
5. We Need You
No one wants to admit this. In a culture that so highly values self-sufficiency, no one ever
wants to admit when they need help. Hell, I wont even ask for assistance finding something in
a store when Im low on time I need to figure it out myself. Never mind asking for directions
(praise be to Google Maps and smartphones).
But someone with an eating disorder an issue with food and our bodies that is centered on
the notion of what self-control does and does not mean for us? Damnit, we dont want your
help. We want to be left alone, either to wallow in the pain of it or to heal on our own.
But listen: Its a front. We may not even realize at the time that its a front, but its a front.

We do need you.
We need you to be there for us when were crying because we cant for the life of us see the
beauty in the mirror. We need you to be understanding when the thought of meeting up for
dinner or going shopping for swimsuits at the mall terrifies us. We need you to forgive us if we
cancel on you suddenly in a panic. We need you, when were inching toward recovery, to
remind us that theres nothing scary about a slice of pizza.
We need you to listen, to nod, to tell us that you might not fully understand, but that you want
to support us in any way you can. We need you to give us resources, but not shove them in
our faces to allow us to get better on our own time. We need you to take drastic measures
when were so far out of control that youre scared for us.
We need you to love us, even when were pushing you away.
And we need you to hold us because theres nothing else keeping us together.
And mostly, rather than spouting off misconceptions that could hurt us deeper in the end, we
need you just to ask, What can I do for you right now?
And that could make all the difference.

40 Things People With Eating Disorders Wish

Others Understood

According to the National Eating Disorders Association, 20 million women and 10 million
men in the United States have had a clinically significant eating disorder at some time in their lives.
These disorders are real not a fad, not a lifestyle choice and are about so much more than
being thin, despite what many think.
To learn more, we partnered up with the National Eating Disorders Association to see what
people who live with eating disorders wish others understood.
Heres what they had to say:

1. You cant just eat. The world inside your head is so twisted and controlling, a prison of black and
white; it makes you fear every aspect of your life outside of your control.'
2. Even if you appear healthy, you may not be physically and emotionally. Eating disorders
manifest in many ways.
3. Recovery is long and hard. If I talk a lot about it, its because it affects every aspect of my life.
4. I wish people understood the loneliness.
5. While recovery is a choice, developing an eating disorder definitely is not.
6. It never fully goes away; it lingers in the darkest, deepest parts of your thoughts. It gets easier to
deal with but will always be there.
7. I cant just stop my eating disorder on the drop of a dime. Recovery involves changing my entire
thought process and my views on food and my body.
8. Basic things like going to a family gathering, going out on a date and leaving the house spur of the
moment are not that simple for someone with an eating disorder. I have to get over huge mental
hurdles just to do simple things.
9. Weight restoration doesnt mean youve beaten your eating disorder. Its a struggle every day.
Theres so much more to recovery than weight.
10. I wish people understood just because Im recovering doesnt mean the eating disorder and
underlying issues arent still there.
11. Restrictive eating disorders arent about wanting to be thin, and overeating, like withbinge eating
disorder, isnt about not caring about your body and making poor choices.
12. Theyre not all rooted in vanity.
13. Its a serious disease with life-threatening consequences.
14. When someone says, You dont look like you have an eating disorder, its extremely triggering.
15. Eating disorders dont discriminate.
16. You dont just wake up one morning and decide to stop eating.
17. I wish people realized how loud my eating disorder is.
18. Boys and men experience eating disorders, too.

19. You cannot look like you have an eating disorder.'

20. An eating disorder is not a phase or a goal. Its a disease. End of story.
21. Its our eating disorder thats selfish, not us.
22. I wish people understood that eating disorders dont just take over your eating habits; they
dominate your entire life; every thought, every action.
23. Its not about the food or weight its deeper than that. We use the eating disorder to mask
something underlying. This isnt a choice or a lifestyle.
25. Its not a glamour disorder. Its a serious mental illness.
26. When I talk about my struggle with food its not for attention.
27. Things are not what they seem. Just because youre eating doesnt mean youre better. Just
because you gained weight or you havent lost any weight doesnt mean you dont have an eating
disorder. Just because you look healthy doesnt mean you dont have an eating disorder.
28. No matter how far you are in recovery, little comments can still hurt.
29. Its not exclusively a teenage problem.
30. Food is the symptom, not the root, of the eating disorder. Its all about the persons psychological
state of mind.
31. Everyones experience with an eating disorder is different.
32. You dont have to be underweight to have an eating disorder.
33. You honestly cant see yourself the way others do.
34. Eating disorders are not diets gone wrong.
35. It hurts to hear, I wish I had that kind of discipline.'
36. Theres nothing lucky about being so thin.
37. We wish we could be living our lives free. How I wish I could go out on a normal dinner date with
my boyfriend or enjoy a holiday feast or a regular dinner with family.
38. Eating disorders can feel like a third wheel in your relationships/friendships.
39. Anorexic is not an adjective.

40. What you see on the outside is only the tip of the iceberg.

1. I'll just eat a small portion.

Well I figured you're supposed to eat right? It's good for you. You NEED food
in your body to survive. So I'll just eat as little as possible to keep going. Just
so people don't think I'm not eating.
2. Okay well it's really good and if I fill up now then I can skip my
next meal.
Once I started eating it was hard to stop. Everyone else was continuing to
eat! So if I eat a good-sized meal now, it should be enough to keep me from
eating later on. This will hold me over for a while.
3. Wait there's dessert?

Oh god. Dessert. My weakness.

4. I don't need dessert...
I'll just be upset if I eat it anyways...
5. But I deserve a little dessert every now and then.
If it's front of me.. I'll pretty much think of any excuse as to why I SHOULD
eat it.
6. Oh my god, why did I just eat that? I thought I was strong
enough to resist?
The regret. I knew I shouldn't have eaten it... I didn't want to eat it... But it
was there. It was in front of me. I KNEW how good it tastes. I get this idea in
my head that desserts are what make me happy. Also, I don't want to be
THAT girl that doesn't eat dessert.
7. I HAVE to throw it up. There's no other option.
The fact that I just summed up all the calories in my head and thought "wow
I am WAY over my daily intake". It's the only way to pay for what I did.
8. Well if I'm going to throw up anyways I might as well enjoy this
meal and eat everything in sight.
I already made the decision that I'm going to 'purge'. So might as well eat
literally everything I can. 6 cookies? 3 sodas? You name it. If it was there I
took as much as possible. If I'm going to be throwing up I might as well go
all out and enjoy whatever I can.

9. Throwing up is painful, but I got to eat everything I wanted (and

actually didn't want but ate anyways).
Maybe I shouldn't have eaten everything I saw... Because sticking a spoon
down my throat wasn't enjoyable. It also takes a while. I wonder if my
friends/coworkers or whoever I was with noticed how long I was gone? Oh
god, what excuse should I say? There was a line? I got lost? I got caught up
talking to someone?

10. Okay, so no more food today. This is the last time I'm going to
throw up.
I'm so done throwing up and binging on food. My throat hurts. You know,
eating all that wasn't even that enjoyable. I'll start working out instead! And
limiting my dessert intake, and calorie intake. Healthy and fit!
11. Am I hungry now, or just bored?
Are you KIDDING me? Is that my stomach growling? Am I just bored and
naturally reach for food? What does being hungry even feel like?
12. Well I think I'm actually hungry and I've read a ton of articles
that it's good to eat a lot of times during the day to keep your
metabolism going.
And this is when I tell myself just to eat a small portion. To drink a big cup of
water to make me feel full... This is also when I go back to step 1 and repeat
this cycle all over again...