Improve your Writing:

Learning from Instructors

Comments
Many students express disappointment, confusion or
frustration after the return of their first assignments. This is
normal within new educational experiences; you need to
adapt to new expectations that can vary by discipline or
professor. Youll likely also find that you will need to improve
your work as you progress through a program; the professor
you had in first year will likely expect much more of you in
your fourth year of studies.
Most instructors offer feedback to support your learning on
assignment work, but many students ignore this essential
information, unaware of its importance. Other students have
difficulty understanding the comments, so they make little
effort to improve. It is important that you read instructor
comments carefully even if you disagree with their message
because they offer you an opportunity to improve your
argumentation, organization and writing skills.
Successful students all share one strategy; they make the
changes that have been suggested when they work on other
assignments. Rather than become discouraged by critical
feedback, they seek out additional comments or explanations

to improve their work so it meets the expectations of their

instructors.
We have decoded some of the most common instructional
comments to help you to understand the feedback you
receive and to help you to adapt your approaches to writing.

Feedback on Argument and Organization

Comment: your paper lacks focus
THE PROBLEM: The scope of your work is too broad, which can
lead to a generalized and superficial discussion of many ideas
rather than a deep and critical analysis of one main idea.
THE FIX: From the early stages of your work, it is important to
interrogate your topic. Do not only discuss the what, who or
when; to develop a strong argument, you must also consider
how, why or so what. Asking so what? forces you to address
the significance of the point you put forward in your paper.
EXAMPLE
1. Too broad: world food sustainability
a. Narrowed: the effect of biofuels on world food
sustainability
2. Too broad: climate change in the arctic
a. Narrowed: whale migratory patterns and
climate change in the arctic.

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES Developing a Topic and Thesis

Statement
Comment: your argument needs development
THE PROBLEM: You have not sufficiently demonstrated a critical
analysis of the evidence or explained how the evidence
supports the argument you present.
THE FIX: Show your understanding and thinking by elaborating
on the evidence you use. Rather than dropping in evidence
without discussion, be sure to integrate it by explaining what
it means and how it supports your point.
EXAMPLE
Too vague/undeveloped: The imagery of the brick house tells
the reader about the relationship between Vanessa and her
grandfather.
Specifics develop and strengthen the argument: Laurence
develops images of confinement and imprisonment in her
description of Grandfather Connors dark and imposing brick
house; these images symbolize the tensions between Vanessa
and her grandfather.

Comment: repetitive
THE PROBLEM: Repetition is often indicative of a general or weak
argument or poor organization.

THE FIX: Providing specific and clear examples can help you to
minimize repetition of general points. Rather than make
multiple vague statements about poor performance of the
current national government, you should identify specific
examples of harmful policies and discuss how these examples
support your argument.
In addition, a reverse outline can help you to differentiate
supporting points that may be repetitive. Once you have
identified these separate points, they can be reorganized in
effective paragraphs. See comments on being disorganized
for more advice.
ADDITIONAL RESOURCE: Revising Argument and Organization:
The Reverse Outline
Comment: disorganized
THE PROBLEM: Your paragraphs may not be organized around
one central idea. When you try to incorporate too many ideas
in one paragraph, the ideas compete and weaken one
another.
THE FIX: Be sure each paragraph presents one clear point; avoid
clumping multiple ideas for one supporting point in a single
paragraph. Breaking these ideas into separate paragraphs will
allow you to better develop your supporting point. Remember
that you dont need to follow a five paragraph essay model;
include as many paragraphs as you need.
Good paragraphs are the backbone to an organized paper; a
good paragraph introduces its one idea, presents the evidence

that supports the idea, explains how the evidence supports

the point of the paragraph, and offers a conclusion to the
point.
ADDITIONAL RESOURCE: Beyond the Five-Paragraph Essay
Comment: lacks evidence
THE PROBLEM: You may not be offering enough evidence or
you may be misinterpreting evidence, detracting from the
strength of your paper or leading you to incorrect
interpretations.
THE FIX: Change your approach to research and notetaking.
Preview the text before reading deeply; while you read,
interrogate the texts argument and its evidence. Do not just
highlight a printed article or copy and paste text from an
online source. Instead, take notes to summarize the key points
and important evidence of the article, book or web site. Check
for accuracy and think critically about the evidence before you
present it in your paper.
EXAMPLE
Argument and Evidence: A decline in the violent crime rate
indicates that society is becoming safer.
Problems with evidence:
1. extent of decline is unclear
2. crime rates include only reported crimes
3. assumption that safety is related only to violent crime

ADDITIONAL RESOURCE

Research and Notetaking

Comment: lacks cohesion

THE PROBLEM: Your paper makes no connections between
paragraphs or between supporting points and the thesis;
these connections are necessary to develop one clear,
cohesive and developed argument.
THE FIX: Use clear topic sentences to introduce the paragraph

and to show the relationships between your supporting points

and the thesis. Take time to explain points which may be
obvious to you.
EXAMPLE:

1. Use a topic sentence to tie the paragraph to the thesis:

Despite the extent of public health research which
demonstrates that early sex education can promote
better sexual health for adolescents, few school boards
offer programming that meets the recommendations
of current literature.
2. Use a topic sentence to refer to a previous paragraph
and tie it to the current paragraph: In addition to
parent reaction, school board decisions about sex
education programming are often related to negative
media coverage and community response.

Feedback on Writing
Comment: awkward or unclear writing
THE PROBLEM: You may rely on unnecessary jargon, broad
generalizations, or long and complicated sentences, which can
make your idea unclear and your argument ineffective.
THE FIX You should avoid jargon or other words that are not
familiar to you, and be cautious with your use of the
thesaurus. Simplify your sentences to present a single idea
and be specific in your points.
EXAMPLE
1. Unclear: Stupefied by a venerable quandary,
professional biological specialists are unable to
precisely determine the hierarchical placement of the
flightless, domesticated ornithological specimen or its
reproductive ovum.
a. Clear: Scientists are unable to answer an ageold question. Which came first: the chicken or
the egg?
2. Unclear: Elucidate and abridge your discourse at the
sentential level to articulate a solitary
conceptualization, and exact precision in the rendering
of your hypotheses.
a. Clear: Simplify your sentences to present a
single idea and be specific in your points.

Comment
poor word choice
THE PROBLEM: Inaccurate or inappropriate word choice can
radically alter the meaning of your sentence and the clarity of
your argument.
THE FIX: Look for opportunities to improve specificity and
accuracy, and use a dictionary instead of a thesaurus.
EXAMPLE
1. When using pronouns like it, this, and they, be
sure it is clear what noun they are referring to (the
legislation, the negative reaction, or language
experts).
2. Also watch for value-laden language; words like
primitive or barbaric carry different connotations
than traditional or dangerous.
Comment
poor grammar
THE PROBLEM: Improper punctuation or incorrect sentence
structure makes your message unclear or inaccurate. Further,
poor grammar can make your entire paper seem
unconvincing; your good ideas lose their strength when they
are not communicated clearly.
THE FIX: Edit for grammar, punctuation, and word choice after
editing for organization, clarity, and argument. Separating
your revision process into stages will allow you to focus on
sentence construction, verb use, and punctuation. Learn how
to identify and fix common grammatical errors.
ADDITIONAL RESOURCE: Grammar and Clear Writing Modules 1-4

Comment

problems with referencing

THE PROBLEM
It is essential to appropriately acknowledge
your sources. Incorrect or inconsistent referencing reflects
sloppy methods and poor research; if you do not correctly cite
your sources, you are committing plagiarism, which is a very
serious academic offence.
THE FIX Understand the rules of referencing and take the time

to check your citations and reference list to ensure accuracy

and consistency in format.
THE KEYS TO KNOW:

1. direct quotations must be enclosed by quotation

marks, must be accurately copied, and must include a
citation
2. summarized ideas from another source must be
written in your own words and sentence structure and
must include a citation
3. you must include citations (footnote or parenthetical
in-text citations) and a list of references at the end of
your paper (also called works cited or bibliography)
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES

Avoiding Plagiarism by using Good Writing Techniques

ASC Online Documentation Guide

The Academic Skills Centre

Trent University
www.trentu.ca/academicskills
acdskills@trentu.ca
705-748-1720