/r/libraryofbabel

contents:
all-time
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all-time

My Fellow Americans
Thank you
*Applause*
[Mention] Teachers
[Fact] America's graduation rate is at its highest in over thirty years
[Mention] Entrepreneurs
[Fact] The tech industry has created 8 million jobs over the past four years
*Applause*
[Mention] Autoworkers
[Mention] Green cars/foreign oil independence
[Mention] Farmers
[Suggestion] The U.S. has had a strong five-year stretch of farm exports
[Mention] Doctors
[Mention] Health care reform
*Applause*
[Mention] Low-income working class
[Mention] Community, family, war casualties, withdrawal from Afghanistan
*Applause*
[Fact] The U.S. has the lowest unemployment rate in over 5 years
[Suggestion] The housing market is recovering
*Applause*
[Fact] The U.S. manufacturing sector is adding jobs for the first time since the 1990s
*Applause*
[Fact] For the fist time in almost 20 years, U.S. oil production exceeds oil imports
*Applause*
[Fact] U.S. deficits are cut by more than half
[Suggestion] For the first time in over 10 years, it is agreed that the U.S. is a better place to
invest than China
*Applause*
[Suggestion] Efforts of the past five years have made the U.S. the best country
[Suggestion] Compliance
[Denunciation] Non-compliance
*Applause*
[Mention] Educational sequestration recently avoided
[Suggestion] The deficit should be reduced
[Suggestion] We need more jobs
*Applause*

[Mention] Unity, egalitarianism, hard work, success

*Applause*
[Mention] Hardship
[Fact] Over more than 30 years, the U.S. has experienced a decrease in working class jobs
[Fact] The U.S. economy has grown for 4 years
[Suggestion] Corporate profits and stock prices are relatively high
[Suggestion] The ruling class has never been wealthier
[Suggestion] Working class wages are too low
[Suggestion] Upward mobility has stalled
[Suggestion] Many Americans are under-compensated or out of work
[Suggestion] U.S. rate of growth should increase
[Mention] Working class
[Suggestion] The U.S. requires increase in upward mobility
[Mention] Opportunity, family
*Applause*
[Mention] Michelle Obama
*Applause*
[Mention] Decrease in childhood obesity
*Applause*
[Mention] The Joining Forces alliance
*Applause*
[Mention] White House College Opportunity Summit
[Mention] Homelessness, marriage equality
[Mention] Opportunity, hard work, dreams, the working class, upward mobility
*Applause*
[Mention] Opportunity, working class jobs
[Suggestion]The economy is improving; there will be more working class jobs
[Suggestion] Manufacturers *say they're thinking of* insourcing jobs from abroad
*Applause*
[Suggestion] Tax reform will create more jobs in the U.S.
[Suggestion] The U.S. requires an increased investment in infrastructure, which will create
jobs
[Pending Legislation] Transportation and waterways bills will create 3 million jobs
*Applause*
[Suggestion] Reduction in bureaucratic barriers for several specific projects will create jobs
faster
*Applause*
[Suggestion] The U.S. has an opportunity to win at high-tech manufacturing job creation

[Fact] In North Carolina and Ohio, we have connected universities and corporations in this
pursuit. Six more of these connections will be made this year
[Suggestion] Bills in both houses could double the number of these connections
*Applause*
[Mention] Entrepreneurs, small business owners
[Fact] My administration has made more loans to small businesses than any other
administration
[Odd grammar] When 98 percent of our exporters are small businesses, new trade
partnerships will help them create more jobs. We need bipartisan trade promotion authority to
protect workers and protect the environment.
[Keyphrase] "Made in the USA."
*Applause*
[Mention] Competition with China and Europe
[Suggestion] Investing in innovation will make the U.S. win
[Keyphrase] "America cannot surrender."
[Fact] Google and smartphones are because of federally-funded research
[Suggestion] The U.S. should invest more in research
*Applause*
[Suggestion] Industries can be built on pharmaceuticals and graphene
[Suggestion] The U.S. requires patent reform
*Applause*
[Suggestion] Because of my "all the above" energy strategy, the U.S. is relatively closer to
energy independence
*Applause*
[Suggestion] Natural gas is good
[Keyphrase] "Carbon pollution", "climate change"
*Applause*
[Fact] Businesses plan to invest almost a hundred billion dollars in new factories that use
natural gas
[Suggestion] Construction of those factories should be expedited
[Suggestion] Construction of fueling stations will create jobs and shift more cars and trucks
from foreign oil to American natural gas
*Applause*
[Intention] Sustain production growth and jobs growth in energy industry
[Mention] Environmentalism, community
[Intention] Protect more federal land
*Applause*
[Fact] The U.S. is becoming a global leader in solar
[Fact] Every 4 minutes in the U.S. a house or business incorporates solar panels. This creates
jobs

[Intention] Tax reform should include a $4 billion/yr increase on "fossil fuel industries"
*Applause*
[Mention] Reduction in energy consumption
[Mention] Higher fuel efficiency standards for our cars
[Intention] Reform emissions standards for trucks
[Policy] Our energy policy is environmentalism and job creation
[Fact] Over the past 8 years the U.S. has been winning in carbon pollution reduction
*Applause*
[Keyphrase] "Urgency"
[Keyphrase] "Climate change"
[Mention] Drought, floods
[Mention] Power plant carbon pollution reduction
*Applause*
[Fact] Climate change is a fact
*Applause*
[Keyphrase] "our children's children"
*Applause*
[Intention] Immigration reform
*Applause*
[Fact] Independent economists say immigration reform will grow our economy and shrink our
deficits by almost $1 trillion in the next 20 years.
[Suggestion] Immigration has a positive effect on the U.S.
[Intention] Immigration reform
*Applause*
[Keyphrase] "speed up growth", "create more jobs", "rapidly-changing economy"
[Mention] Working class skills
2 years ago, Detroit Manufacturing Systems increased to over 700 employees with the aid of
an American Job Center
[Intention] training program reform
*Applause*
[Mention] upward mobility
[Suggestion] concentrate funding on programs that connect universities and corporations
[Intention] unemployment insurance reform
*Applause*
[Anecdote] struggling working class mother
*Applause*
This week, CEOs will come to the White House to commit to giving long-term unemployed
workers a fair shot at new jobs
[Suggestion] Every business leader in America should do the same

*Applause*
[Intention] Guarantee every child access to "a world-class education"
*Applause*
[Anecdote] Immigrant son of a factory worker gets accepted to college
*Applause*
[Mention] Student loan reform
[Fact] Today more young people are earning college degrees than ever before
[Suggestion] Race to the Top has helped states raise expectations and performance
School faculty are making progress in preparing students with the skills for the new economy
-- problem solving, critical thinking, science, technology, engineering, math.
[Suggestion] U.S. education needs more challenging curriculums and more demanding
parents
[Fact] Research shows that one of the best investments we can make in a child's life is highquality early education
*Applause*
[Mention] unsuccessful 2013 universal preschool proposal
[Intention] universal preschool proposal
[Fact] 30 states have raised universal preschool funding on their own
[Intention] assemble coalition of elected officials, business leaders, and philanthropists to
help fund universal preschool proposal
*Applause*
[Mention] ConnectED initiative
With the support of the FCC and corporations we've got a down payment to connect more
than 15,000 schools and 20 million students with broadband access over the next 2 years
*Applause*
We're working to redesign high schools and partner them with colleges and employers that
offer the real-world education and hands-on training that can lead directly to a job and career.
We're shaking up our system of higher education to give parents more information and
colleges more incentives to offer better value, so that no middle- class kid is priced out of a
college education. We're offering millions the opportunity to cap their monthly student loan
payments to 10 percent of their income
[Intention] further relief from student loan debt
*Applause*
And I'm reaching out to some of America's leading foundations and corporations on a new
initiative to help more young men of color facing especially tough odds stay on track and reach
their full potential.
[Keyphrase] "American Dream", "hard work"
Today women make up about half of U.S. workforce, but make 77 cents for every dollar a
man earns.
[Suggestion] That is wrong
Women deserve equal pay for equal work.
*Applause*

You know, she deserves to have a baby without sacrificing her job.
*Applause*
A mother deserves a day off to care for a sick child or sick parent without running into
hardship.
*Applause*
And you know what, a father does too. It is time to do away with workplace policies that
belong in a "Mad Men" episode.
*Laughter*
*Applause*
This year let's all come together, Congress, the White House, businesses from Wall Street to
Main Street, to give every woman the opportunity she deserves, because I believe when
women succeed, America succeeds.
*Applause*
[Mention] Wage gap
Americans overwhelmingly agree that no one who works full-time should ever have to raise a
family in poverty
*Applause*
In the year since I asked this Congress to raise the minimum wage, five states have passed
laws to raise theirs. Many businesses have done it on their own.
[Anecdote] Pizza place in Minneapolis increases wages
Tonight I ask more of America's business leaders to follow John's lead. Do what you can to
raise your employees' wages.
*Applause*
To every mayor, governor, state legislator in America, I say, you don't have to wait for
Congress to act; Americans will support you if you take this on. And as a chief executive, I
intend to lead by example. Profitable corporations like Costco see higher wages as the smart
way to boost productivity and reduce turnover. We should too.
[Intention] Issue executive order requiring federal contractors to pay federally-funded
employees at least $10.10 an hour
because if you cook our troops' meals or wash their dishes, you should not have to live in
poverty.
*Applause*
[Fact] The federal minimum wage is worth 20% less than it was at Ronald Reagan's first
address.
[Pending Legislation] Tom Harkin and George Miller have a bill to fix that by lifting the
minimum wage to $10.10.
It's easy to remember: 10.10. This will help families. It will give businesses customers with
more money to spend. It does not involve any new bureaucratic program. So join the rest of
the country. Say yes. Give America a raise.
*Applause*
[Mention] Earned Income Tax Credit
Right now, it helps about half of all parents at some point, but it doesn't do enough for single
workers who don't have kids

[Intention] "strengthen" the Credit

Let's do more to help Americans save for retirement. Today most workers don't have a
pension. A Social Security check often isn't enough on its own. And while the stock market has
doubled over the last five years, that doesn't help folks who don't have 401(k)s.
[Intention] Creation of savings bond "MyRA" which "guarantees a decent return with no risk
of losing what you put in"
And if this Congress wants to help, work with me to fix an upside-down tax code that gives
big tax breaks to help the wealthy save, but does little or nothing for middle-class Americans,
offer every American access to an automatic IRA on the job, so they can save at work just like
everybody in this chamber can. And since the most important investment many families make
is their home, send me legislation that protects taxpayers from footing the bill for a housing
crisis ever again, and keeps the dream of homeownership alive for future generations.
*Applause*
For decades, few things exposed hard-working families to economic hardship more than a
broken health care system. And in case you haven't heard, we're in the process of fixing that.
*Laughter*
*Applause*
[Mention] Affordable Care Act
[Anecdote] Arizona resident benefits from Affordable Care Act
[Fact] Under the Affordable Care Act, more than 3 million Americans under age 26 have
gained coverage under their parents' plans.
*Applause*
[Fact] More than 9 million Americans have signed up for private health insurance or Medicaid
coverage
*Applause*
And here's another number: zero. Because of this law, no American, none, zero, can ever
again be dropped or denied coverage for a pre-existing condition like asthma or back pain or
cancer.
*Applause*
No woman can ever be charged more just because she's a woman.
*Applause*
And we did all this while adding years to Medicare's finances, keeping Medicare premiums flat
and lowering prescription costs for millions of seniors.
Now, I do not expect to convince my Republican friends on the merits of this law.
*Laughter*
But I know that the American people are not interested in refighting old battles. So again, if
you have specific plans to cut costs, cover more people, increase choice, tell America what
you'd do differently. Let's see if the numbers add up.
*Applause*
But let's not have another 40- something votes to repeal a law that's already helping millions
of Americans like Amanda.
*Applause*
The first 40 were plenty. We all owe it to the American people to say what we're for, not just
what we're against.

[Mention] Governor Steve Beshear of Kentucky

[Mention] Working class families
[Suggestion] Increase compliance with health insurance reform
[Mention] Calling Mother
*Laughter*
[Mention] Hard work, dreams, unity, family, children
[Mention] Voting
*Applause*
[Mention] 2013 Supreme Court invalidation of part of Voting Rights Act
[Pending Legislation] Decrease voter wait time to less than 30 minutes
[Suggestion] Voting levels the playing field between the working class and the ruling class
[Keyphrase] "democracy"
*Applause*
[Denunciation] Gun violence
[Keyphrase] "Sandy Hook"
*Applause*
[Mention] Unity, hard work, "self-government", community
[Mention] Diplomats, U.S. soldiers
*Applause*
[Suggestion] The U.S. is relatively more secure
[Fact] When I took office, nearly 180,000 Americans were deployed in Iraq and Afghanistan.
[Fact] Today, all our troops are out of Iraq.
[Fact] More than 60,000 of our troops have returned from Afghanistan and remaining troops
have moved to a support role
[Fact] We will complete our mission there by the end of 2014
*Applause*
[Pending Legislation: security agreement with Afghan government] U.S. soldiers could
remain in Afghanistan with NATO allies to train and assist Afghan forces, and continue to
combat al-Qaida
[Keyphrase] "terrorist network"
*Applause*
[Fact] "Danger Remains" - Al-Qaida affiliates and extremists have taken root in Yemen,
Somalia, Iraq, and Mali.
[Policy] The U.S. supports the opposition in Syria
[Keyphrase] "terrorist"
[Policy] The U.S. will keep strengthening its defenses
[Keyphrase] "Cyber attack"
[Pending legislation] Defense budget reform
[Keyphrase] "Our men and women in uniform"

*Applause*
[Keyphrase] "remain vigilant"
[Intention] Lack of hesitation to use military force
[Keyphrase] "terrorists", "extremism", "terrorist network"
[Intention] "Move off a permanent war footing"
*Applause*
[Policy] That's why I've imposed prudent limits on the use of drones, for we will not be safer
if people abroad believe we strike within their countries without regard for the consequence.
[Intention] surveillance program reform
*Applause*
[Intention] lift remaining restrictions on detainee transfers, close Guantanamo
*Applause*
[Keyphrase] "terrorism", "constitutional ideals", "setting an example for the rest of the world"
You see, in a world of complex threats, our security, our leadership depends on all elements of
our powerincluding strong and principled diplomacy. American diplomacy has rallied more
than 50 countries to prevent nuclear materials from falling into the wrong hands, and allowed
us to reduce our own reliance on Cold War stockpiles.
[Suggestion] American diplomacy, backed by the threat of force, is why Syria's chemical
weapons are being eliminated
*Applause*
[Policy] We will continue to work with the international community in the Syrian conflict
[Keyphrase] "dictatorship", "terror", "fear"
[Mention] American diplomacy in Israel/Palestine conflict
[Policy] achieve independent state for Palestinians, provide military aid for Israel
*Applause*
[Suggestion] American diplomacy, backed by pressure, has hampered Iran's nuclear program
for the first time in 10 years.
[Fact] Iran has begun to eliminate its stockpile of higher levels of enriched uranium and
haulted installation of advanced centrifuges.
[Suggestion] Inspections help the world verify that Iran is not building a bomb
[Policy] Prevent Iran from obtaining a nuclear weapon
*Applause*
[Keyphrase] "terrorist", "Hezbollah"
If John F. Kennedy and Ronald Reagan could negotiate with the Soviet Union, then surely a
strong and confident America can negotiate with less powerful adversaries today.
*Applause*
[Suggestion] Iran sanctions effective.
[Keyphrase] "But let me be clear"
if this Congress sends me a new sanctions bill now that threatens to derail these talks, I will
veto it.
*Applause*

[Keyphrase] "national security", "diplomacy"

*Applause*
If Iran's leaders do not seize this opportunity, then I will be the first to call for more sanctions
and stand ready to exercise all options to make sure Iran does not build a nuclear weapon.
[Suggestion] Iranian compliance with U.S. policy
[Suggestion] In capitalist expansion and good deeds, U.S. is winning
[Mention] European alliance
[Keyphrase] "democracy"
[Mention] Ukraine protests, Power Africa initiative, Free Trade Area of the Americas (FTAA),
jan2012 executive order to increase tourism
[Mention] Asia-Pacific, Philippines tsunami
[Keyphrase] "God bless America"
[Mention] long-term security, dignity, egalitarianism, the 2014 Olympics
*Applause*
[Keyphrase] "My fellow Americans"
[Suggestion] American exceptionalism in economics, military force, and idealism
[Mention] U.S. soldiers, returning to civilian life, veterans benefits, military families
*Applause*
[Anecdote] wounded veteran Cory Remsburg
*Applause*
[Keyphrase] "My fellow Americans" *(x2)*
Men and women like Cory remind us that America has never come easy.
[Keword] "freedom" "democracy"
[Acknowledgement] frustration, discouragement
[Keyphrase] "progress", "individual achievement", "tyranny", "fear", "justice", "fairness",
"equality"
[Keyphrase] "our founders"
[Mention] children
[Keyphrase] "honest work", "prosperity", "opportunity", "dreams", "community", "Cory
Remsburg"
[Keyphrase] "with our feet planted firmly in today but our eyes cast towards tomorrow"
[Keyphrase] "God bless you, and God bless the United States of America"
*Applause*

THIS SUBREDDIT SUCKS

Here's why:
The purpose of this subreddit is to catalogue the Library to recreate it in its infinity a place
where all textispossible and EVERY BOOK IMAGINABLE exists
Anything I write here is truth. I bought a mower. Running at 3600rpm, the Rotak 40 is lighter
and faster than most other mowers on the market today. It comes in a box. Inside the box are
6 white plastic eggs. Each egg has 2 parts to it, as if they are cracked in half. The top part of
the egg acts like a lid and the bottom part of the egg has a chick inside. The egg is broken we must fix it. That's not all. We have to ensure that America is a respected world power. Now
thats not to belittle our domestic problems, which are equally important, if not more. Better
and more affordable long-term care for the elderly, control and find a cure for the AIDS
epidemic, clean up environmental damage from toxic waste and pollution, improve the quality
of primary and secondary education, strengthen laws to crack down on crime and illegal drugs.
It's a lot to ask. For all to be accomplished, for me to feel less lonely, all that remained to hope
was that on the day of my execution there should be a huge crowd of spectators and that they
should greet me with howls of execration. Greet me with what He deserved. He ran a kitchenhelp union. He rigged low pay. He had coin. He had pull. He pushed right-wing tracts. He
hobnobbed with fat cats. He knew J. Edgar Hoover.
WELL I NEVER FUCKING KNEW J EDGAR HOOVER.

i want a president that cries themself to sleep every night

who wipes their snot on their sleeve like a child repeating: i don't understand what's
happening, i don't understand what's happening, i don't understand what is
and none of that other bullshit

i just want you to know ...

about 10 years ago, a bug went into my left ear and stayed there.
it died due to suffocation.
it is expected to complete its disintegration cycle and become crude oil this coming june.
then i will be richer than the arabs.

The Library of Babel

By this art you may contemplate the variation of the 23 letters....
Anatomy of Melancholy, Pt. 2, See. II, Mem. IV
The universe (which others call the Library) is composed of an indefinite,
perhaps infinite number of hexagonal galleries. In the center of each gallery
is a ventilation shaft, bounded by a low railing. From any hexagon one can
see the floors above and below-one after another, endlessly. The arrangement
of the galleries is always the same: Twenty bookshelves, five to each
side, line four of the hexagon's six sides; the height of the bookshelves, floor
to ceiling, is hardly greater than the height of a normal librarian. One of the
hexagon's free sides opens onto a narrow sort of vestibule, which in turn
opens onto another gallery, identical to the first-identical in fact to all.
To the left and right of the vestibule are two tiny compartments. One is
for sleeping, upright; the other, for satisfying one's physical necessities.
Through this space, too, there passes a spiral staircase, which winds upward
and downward into the remotest distance. In the vestibule there is a mirror,
which faithfully duplicates appearances. Men often infer from this mirror
that the Library is not infinite-if it were, what need would there be for that
illusory replication? I prefer to dream that burnished surfaces are a figuration
and promise of the infinite .... Light is provided by certain spherical
fruits that bear the name "bulbs." There are two of these bulbs in each hexagon,
set crosswise. The light they give is insufficient, and unceasing.
Like all the men of the Library, in my younger days I traveled; I have
journeyed in quest of a book, perhaps the catalog of catalogs. Now that my
eyes can hardly make out what I myself have written, I am preparing to die,
a few leagues from the hexagon where I was born. When I am dead, compassionate
hands will throw me over the railing; my tomb will be the unfathomable
air, my body will sink for ages, and will decay and dissolve in the
wind engendered by my fall, which shall be infinite. I declare that the Library
is endless. Idealists argue that the hexagonal rooms are the necessary
shape of absolute space, or at least of our perception of space. They argue
that a triangular or pentagonal chamber is inconceivable. (Mystics claim
that their ecstasies reveal to them a circular chamber containing an enormous
circular book with a continuous spine that goes completely around

the walls. But their testimony is suspect, their words obscure. That cyclical
book is God.) Let it suffice for the moment that I repeat the classic dictum:
The Library is a sphere whose exact center is any hexagon and whose circumference
is unattainable.
Each wall of each hexagon is furnished with five bookshelves; each
bookshelf holds thirty-two books identical in format; each book contains
four hundred ten pages; each page, forty lines; each line, approximately
eighty black letters. There are also letters on the front cover of each book;
those letters neither indicate nor prefigure what the pages inside will say. I
am aware that that lack of correspondence once struck men as mysterious.
Before summarizing the solution of the mystery (whose discovery, in spite
of its tragic consequences, is perhaps the most important event in all history),
I wish to recall a few axioms.
First: The Library has existed ab aeternitate. That truth, whose immediate
corollary is the future eternity of the world, no rational mind can doubt.
Man, the imperfect librarian, may be the work of chance or of malevolent
demiurges; the universe, with its elegant appointments-its bookshelves, its
enigmatic books, its indefatigable staircases for the traveler, and its water
closets for the seated librarian-can only be the handiwork of a god. In order
to grasp the distance that separates the human and the divine, one has
only to compare these crude trembling symbols which my fallible hand
scrawls on the cover of a book with the organic letters inside-neat, delicate,
deep black, and inimitably symmetrical.
Second: There are twenty-five orthographic symbols.1 That discovery enabled
mankind, three hundred years ago, to formulate a general theory of
the Library and thereby satisfactorily solve the riddle that no conjecture had
been able to divine-the formless and chaotic nature of virtually all books.
One book, which my father once saw in a hexagon in circuit 15-94, consisted
of the letters M C V perversely repeated from the first line to the last. Another
(much consulted in this zone) is a mere labyrinth of letters whose penultimate
page contains the phrase O Time thy pyramids. This much is known:
For every rational line or forthright statement there are leagues of
senseless cacophony, verbal nonsense, and incoherency. (I know of one
semibarbarous zone whose librarians repudiate the "vain and superstitious
habit" of trying to find sense in books, equating such a quest with attempting

to find meaning in dreams or in the chaotic lines of the palm of one's

hand .... They will acknowledge that the inventors of writing imitated the
twenty-five natural symbols, but contend that that adoption was fortuitous,
coincidental, and that books in themselves have no meaning. That argument,
as we shall see, is not entirely fallacious.)
For many years it was believed that those impenetrable books were in
ancient or far-distant languages. It is true that the most ancient peoples, the
first librarians, employed a language quite different from the one we speak
today; it is true that a few miles to the right, our language devolves into dialect
and that ninety floors above, it becomes incomprehensible. All of that, I
repeat, is true-but four hundred ten pages of unvarying M C V's cannot belong
to any language, however dialectal or primitive it may be. Some have
suggested that each letter influences the next, and that the value of M C V on
page 71, line 3, is not the value of the same series on another line of another
page, but that vague thesis has not met with any great acceptance. Others
have mentioned the possibility of codes; that conjecture has been universally
accepted, though not in the sense in which its originators formulated it.
Some five hundred years ago, the chief of one of the upper hexagons2
came across a book as jumbled as all the others, but containing almost two
pages of homogeneous lines. He showed his find to a traveling decipherer,
who told him that the lines were written in Portuguese; others said it was
Yiddish. Within the century experts had determined what the language actually
was: a Samoyed-Lithuanian dialect of Guarani, with inflections from
classical Arabic. The content was also determined: the rudiments of combinatory
analysis, illustrated with examples of endlessly repeating variations.
Those examples allowed a librarian of genius to discover the fundamental
law of the Library. This philosopher observed that all books, however different
from one another they might be, consist of identical elements: the
space, the period, the comma, and the twenty-two letters of the alphabet.
He also posited a fact which all travelers have since confirmed:
In all the Library, there are no two identical books. From those incontrovertible premises,
the librarian deduced that the Library is "total" -perfect, complete,
and whole-and that its bookshelves contain all possible combinations of
the twenty-two orthographic symbols (a number which, though unimaginably
vast, is not infinite)-that is, all that is able to be expressed, in every
language. All-the detailed history of the future, the autobiographies of the

archangels, the faithful catalog of the Library, thousands and thousands of

false catalogs, the proof of the falsity of those false catalogs, a proof of the
falsity of the true catalog, the gnostic gospel of Basilides, the commentary
upon that gospel, the commentary on the commentary on that gospel, the
true story of your death, the translation of every book into every language,
the interpolations of every book into all books, the treatise Bede could have
written (but did not) on the mythology of the Saxon people, the lost books
of Tacitus.
When it was announced that the Library contained all books, the first
reaction was unbounded joy. All men felt themselves the possessors of an
intact and secret treasure. There was no personal problem, no world problem,
whose eloquent solution did not exist-somewhere in some hexagon.
The universe was justified; the universe suddenly became congruent with
the unlimited width and breadth of humankind's hope. At that period there
was much talk of The Vindications-books of apologiae and prophecies that
would vindicate for all time the actions of every person in the universe and
that held wondrous arcana for men's futures. Thousands of greedy individuals
abandoned their sweet native hexagons and rushed downstairs, upstairs,
spurred by the vain desire to find their Vindication. These pilgrims
squabbled in the narrow corridors, muttered dark imprecations, strangled
one another on the divine staircases, threw deceiving volumes down ventilation
shafts, were themselves hurled to their deaths by men of distant regions.
Others went insane .... The Vindications do exist (I have seen two of
them, which refer to persons in the future, persons perhaps not imaginary),
but those who went in quest of them failed to recall that the chance of a
man's finding his own Vindication, or some perfidious version of his own,
can be calculated to be zero.
At that same period there was also hope that the fundamental mysteries
of mankind-the origin of the Library and of time-might be revealed. In
all likelihood those profound mysteries can indeed be explained in words;
if the language of the philosophers is not sufficient, then the multiform
Library must surely have produced the extraordinary language that is required,
together with the words and grammar of that language. For four
centuries, men have been scouring the hexagons .... There are official
searchers, the "inquisitors." I have seen them about their tasks: they arrive
exhausted at some hexagon, they talk about a staircase that nearly killed

them-some steps were missing-they speak with the librarian about galleries
and staircases, and, once in a while, they take up the nearest book and
leaf through it, searching for disgraceful or dishonorable words. Clearly, no
one expects to discover anything.
That unbridled hopefulness was succeeded, naturally enough, by a
similarly disproportionate depression. The certainty that some bookshelf in
some hexagon contained precious books, yet that those precious books
were forever out of reach, was almost unbearable. One blasphemous sect
proposed that the searches be discontinued and that all men shuffle letters
and symbols until those canonical books, through some improbable stroke
of chance, had been constructed. The authorities were forced to issue strict
orders. The sect disappeared, but in my childhood I have seen old men who
for long periods would hide in the latrines with metal disks and a forbidden
dice cup, feebly mimicking the divine disorder.
Others, going about it in the opposite way, thought the first thing to do
was eliminate all worthless books. They would invade the hexagons, show
credentials that were not always false, leaf disgustedly through a volume,
and condemn entire walls of books. It is to their hygienic, ascetic rage that
we lay the senseless loss of millions of volumes. Their name is execrated today,
but those who grieve over the "treasures" destroyed in that frenzy overlook
two widely acknowledged facts: One, that the Library is so huge that
any reduction by human hands must be infinitesimal. And two, that each
book is unique and irreplaceable, but (since the Library is total) there are
always several hundred thousand imperfect facsimiles-books that differ by
no more than a single letter, or a comma. Despite general opinion, I daresay
that the consequences of the depredations committed by the Purifiers have
been exaggerated by the horror those same fanatics inspired. They were
spurred on by the holy zeal to reach-someday, through unrelenting
effort-the books of the Crimson Hexagon-books smaller than natural
books, books omnipotent, illustrated, and magical.
We also have knowledge of another superstition from that period: belief
in what was termed the Book-Man. On some shelf in some hexagon, it
was argued, there must exist a book that is the cipher and perfect compendium
of all other books, and some librarian must have examined that
book; this librarian is analogous to a god. In the language of this zone there

are still vestiges of the sect that worshiped that distant librarian. Many have
gone in search of Him. For a hundred years, men beat every possible pathand
every path in vain. How was one to locate the idolized secret hexagon
that sheltered Him? Someone proposed searching by regression: To locate
book A, first consult book B, which tells where book A can be found; to locate
book B, first consult book C, and so on, to infinity .... It is in ventures
such as these that I have squandered and spent my years. I cannot think it
unlikely that there is such a total book3 on some shelf in the universe. I pray
to the unknown gods that some man-even a single man, tens of centuries
ago-has perused and read that book. If the honor and wisdom and joy of
such a reading are not to be my own, then let them be for others. Let heaven
exist, though my own place be in hell. Let me be tortured and battered and
annihilated, but let there be one instant, one creature, wherein thy enormous
Library may find its justification.
Infidels claim that the rule in the Library is not "sense,"but "non-sense,"
and that "rationality" (even humble, pure coherence) is an almost miraculous
exception. They speak, I know, of "the feverish Library, whose random
volumes constantly threaten to transmogrify into others, so that they affirm
all things, deny all things, and confound and confuse all things, like some
mad and hallucinating deity:" Those words, which not only proclaim disorder
but exemplify it as well, prove, as all can see, the infidels' deplorable taste
and desperate ignorance. For while the Library contains all verbal structures,
all the variations allowed by the twenty-five orthographic symbols, it includes
not a single absolute piece of nonsense. It would be pointless to
observe that the finest volume of all the many hexagons that I myself administer
is titled Combed Thunder, while another is titled The Plaster Cramp, and
another, Axaxaxas mla. Those phrases, at first apparently incoherent, are
undoubtedly susceptible to cryptographic or allegorical "reading"; that reading,
that justification of the words' order and existence, is itself verbal and,
ex hypothesi, already contained somewhere in the Library. There is no combination
of characters one can make-dhcmrlchtdj, for example-that the
divine Library has not foreseen and that in one or more of its secret tongues
does not hide a terrible significance. There is no syllable one can speak that is
not filled with tenderness and terror, that is not, in one of those languages,
the mighty name of a god. To speak is to commit tautologies.
This pointless, verbose epistle already exists in one of the thirty volumes of the five
bookshelves in one of the countless hexagons-as does its refutation. (A

number n of the possible languages employ the same vocabulary; in som .

of them, the symbol "library" possesses the correct definition "everlasting,
ubiquitous system of hexagonal galleries," while a library-the thing-is a
loaf of bread or a pyramid or something else, and the six words that define
it themselves have other definitions. You who read me-are you certain you
understand my language?)
Methodical composition distracts me from the present condition of
humanity. The certainty that everything has already been written annuls us,
or renders us phantasmal. I know districts in which the young people prostrate
themselves before books and like savages kiss their pages, though they
cannot read a letter. Epidemics, heretical discords, pilgrimages that inevitably
degenerate into brigandage have decimated the population. I believe I
mentioned the suicides, which are more and more frequent every year. I am
perhaps misled by old age and fear, but I suspect that the human speciesthe
only species-teeters at the verge of extinction, yet that the Libraryenlightened,
solitary, infinite, perfectly unmoving, armed with precious
volumes, pointless, incorruptible, and secret-will endure.
I have just written the word "infinite." I have not included that adjective
out of mere rhetorical habit; I hereby state that it is not illogical to think
that the world is infinite. Those who believe it to have limits hypothesize
that in some remote place or places the corridors and staircases and hexagons
may, inconceivably, end-which is absurd. And yet those who picture
the world as unlimited forget that the number of possible books is not. I
will be bold enough to suggest this solution to the ancient problem: The Library
is unlimited but periodic. If an eternal traveler should journey in any
direction, he would find after untold centuries that the same volumes are
repeated in the same disorder-which, repeated, becomes order: the Order.
My solitude is cheered by that elegant hope.4
J. L. Borges
Mar del Plata, 1941
1. The original manuscript has neither numbers nor capital letters; punctuation is
limited to the comma and the period. Those two marks, the space, and the twenty-two
letters of the alphabet are the twenty-five sufficient symbols that our unknown author
is referring to. [Ed. note.]

2. In earlier times, there was one man for every three hexagons. Suicide and diseases
of the lung have played havoc with that proportion. An unspeakably melancholy
memory: I have sometimes traveled for nights on end, down corridors and polished
staircases, without coming across a single librarian.
3. 1 repeat: In order for a book to exist, it is sufficient that it be possible. Only the
impossible is excluded. For example, no book is also a staircase, though there are no
doubt books that discuss and deny and prove that possibility, and others whose structure
corresponds to that of a staircase.
4. Letizia Alvarez de Toledo has observed that the vast Library is pointless; strictly
speaking, all that is required is a single volume, of the common size, printed in nine- or
ten-point type, that would consist of an infinite number of infinitely thin pages. (In
the early seventeenth century, Cavalieri stated that every solid body is the superposition
of an infinite number of planes.) Using that silken vademecum would not be
easy: each apparent page would open into other similar pages; the inconceivable middle
page would have no "back."

PLEASE READ: ANNOUNCEMENT RE: POSTS CONTAINING NSFW

LANGUAGE, NON SEQUITUR RAMBLINGS, PUNS, AND LOW WORD
COUNTS
#All such content is now subject to the following :
1. Battlecry to get the most unlikely event. We are not interested in this picture of you and
your team.
2. If you see one of those with the Elevator Key in his ribcage I will not be easily
convinced that the plot seems exactly what I can have. The first black Friday and
Saturday nights at least have a hard copy.
3. Fuck the same thing. You can also do a few testicular push-ups but only when heavily
dosed with dramamine and drama mine.
4. A cat fell off my roof last night. Its last words to me before sheepishly waddling off
were "Me OW." This cat has been known to stash the odd chance. Thanks for keeping
your own home and Garden of the Daleks carmen lyrics.
. Full y blociau i mewn i'r tow'ring nefoedd uchel,
Joko y wagedd yn rhedeg yn isel;
Madarch Gwenwyn yn Brick a flow'ring cerrig,
Lamp drydan sy'n Ffiaidd a marwolaeth, wrth gwrs.
Pont monstrous du ar draws afonydd Bodloni,
Gwe pry cop ffn edau ddienw;
Catacomb Deep dank Messi yn arbed
Foetor ffrwd yn byw, sydd yn cymryd rhan yn yr haul.
Lliw a gogoniant, clefydau a pydru
Sgrechian a Crew a'r gwallgof sgramblo,
Rabbles addoli egsotig o dduwiau eraill,
Yn cymysgu o fraster sy'n atal y Brain.
Llengfilwyr cathod allan yn y ln Nosol,
Udo, yn dibynnu ar y llacharedd y lleuad,
Sgrechian o'r mouthings uffernol,
Gwaeddodd baich y Plwton yn rhedeg y coch.
Tow'rs Lafa a ivy'd Pyramidiau ac adfeilion,
Waled sy'n hedfan i lawr yn y chwyn o stryd cumber'd;
Pontydd gobeithio o'er yr afon sy'n roars
Yn ymuno llais fel Thicke tonnau encilio.
Belfries blackly yn erbyn y lleuad symud,
Ogof geg a'r mwsoglau effac'd,

Ac yn byw i Ymateb i aer a dr,

Mae'r gath tenau galw yn yr anialwch!
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So, /r/monocle: what's your funniest monocle-related anecdote? I'll

go first.
EDIT: shit wrong subreddit

It's Borges's birthday.

It's true I tell you. It's our creator's day of coming into the world. Well, I suppose he came into
the world when egg met sperm, but you know what I mean when I say "coming into the world"
in the colloquial sense.
In other news, there's a giant pink and purple octopus on my roof. But my sister says it's
green. I think it's just messing with me, making me feel odd.

I can't believe that some people own utensils specifically to break

open lobster claws.
And that I spend a good deal of my time with these people. I quickly finished my fifth glass of
pinot noir. Australian? Is that respectable now? I grabbed a buttery claw with my hands. It
took more force than I thought to open it. "Acadian tradion", I said to the quiet eyes that had
all turned on me. "Old habits die hard."
I'm not Acadian. I don't know a fucking thing about their culture. I was pretty sure they were
Atlantic though.
"Oooh, fun," cooed a blonde woman, who had aged very well, as she picked up her own.

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::phone battery dies::

past year

How pornography is used.

The pornograph, which was invented by Nicoli Tesla in 1492, is used to measure concentrations
of porn in our atmosphere, which is a well known greenhouse gas. A small impeller draws air
between a radioactive source and a pair of charged electrodes. The ionization produced by the
emitted alpha particles allows electricity to flow between these electrodes. Because porn
absorbs ions, you can measure the amount of porn in the air by the drop in current.
The study of porn is useful in understanding the effects of global warming. Pornographers have
important roles to play in the future of climate science, industry, and government.

I've grown too much fruit

Yields exceeding my appetite or capacity to cook or friends to help eat
Tonight I'm going out into the field with a bat to knock some over the fences
I'll hit a few your way if you're interested
Some of this would be great for pies
You know pie season is coming up

it's over, man

it's over man... it's all over.
all of those good times.
klaus with his love&theft antics.
house-rattling earthquakes.
yui tui and shang hai fui.
2 by 2, 4 by 4, 6 times 8, and 11 by 70.
john madden lookalike contests.
all riding the final forklift into the empty horizon.

The US Declaration of Independence, with each 'o' replaced with an

'n'
Declaratinn nf Independence [Adnpted in Cnngress 4 July 1776]
The Unanimnus Declaratinn nf the Thirteen United States nf America When, in the cnurse nf
human events, it becnmes necessary fnr nne penple tn dissnlve the pnlitical bands which have
cnnnected them with annther, and tn assume amnng the pnwers nf the earth, the separate and
equal statinn tn which the laws nf nature and nf nature's Gnd entitle them, a decent respect tn
the npininns nf mankind requires that they shnuld declare the causes which impel them tn the
separatinn. We hnld these truths tn be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they
are endnwed by their Creatnr with certain unalienable rights, that amnng these are life, liberty
and the pursuit nf happiness. That tn secure these rights, gnvernments are instituted amnng
men, deriving their just pnwers frnm the cnnsent nf the gnverned. That whenever any fnrm nf
gnvernment becnmes destructive nf these ends, it is the right nf the penple tn alter nr tn
abnlish it, and tn institute new gnvernment, laying its fnundatinn nn such principles and
nrganizing its pnwers in such fnrm, as tn them shall seem mnst likely tn effect their safety and
happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that gnvernments lnng established shnuld nnt be
changed fnr light and transient causes; and accnrdingly all experience hath shnwn that
mankind are mnre dispnsed tn suffer, while evils are sufferable, than tn right themselves by
abnlishing the fnrms tn which they are accustnmed. But when a lnng train nf abuses and
usurpatinns, pursuing invariably the same nbject evinces a design tn reduce them under
absnlute despntism, it is their right, it is their duty, tn thrnw nff such gnvernment, and tn
prnvide new guards fnr their future security. -- Such has been the patient sufferance nf these
cnlnnies; and such is nnw the necessity which cnnstrains them tn alter their fnrmer systems nf
gnvernment. The histnry nf the present King nf Great Britain is a histnry nf repeated injuries
and usurpatinns, all having in direct nbject the establishment nf an absnlute tyranny nver
these states. Tn prnve this, let facts be submitted tn a candid wnrld. He has refused his assent
tn laws, the mnst whnlesnme and necessary fnr the public gnnd. He has fnrbidden his
gnvernnrs tn pass laws nf immediate and pressing impnrtance, unless suspended in their
nperatinn till his assent shnuld be nbtained; and when sn suspended, he has utterly neglected
tn attend tn them. He has refused tn pass nther laws fnr the accnmmndatinn nf large districts
nf penple, unless thnse penple wnuld relinquish the right nf representatinn in the legislature, a
right inestimable tn them and fnrmidable tn tyrants nnly. He has called tngether legislative
bndies at places unusual, uncnmfnrtable, and distant frnm the depnsitnry nf their public
recnrds, fnr the snle purpnse nf fatiguing them intn cnmpliance with his measures. He has
dissnlved representative hnuses repeatedly, fnr nppnsing with manly firmness his invasinns nn
the rights nf the penple. He has refused fnr a lnng time, after such dissnlutinns, tn cause
nthers tn be elected; whereby the legislative pnwers, incapable nf annihilatinn, have returned
tn the penple at large fnr their exercise; the state remaining in the meantime expnsed tn all
the dangers nf invasinn frnm withnut, and cnnvulsinns within. He has endeavnred tn prevent
the pnpulatinn nf these states; fnr that purpnse nbstructing the laws fnr naturalizatinn nf
fnreigners; refusing tn pass nthers tn encnurage their migratinn hither, and raising the
cnnditinns nf new apprnpriatinns nf lands. He has nbstructed the administratinn nf justice, by
refusing his assent tn laws fnr establishing judiciary pnwers. He has made judges dependent
nn his will alnne, fnr the tenure nf their nffices, and the amnunt and payment nf their salaries.
He has erected a multitude nf new nffices, and sent hither swarms nf nfficers tn harass nur
penple, and eat nut their substance. He has kept amnng us, in times nf peace, standing armies
withnut the cnnsent nf nur legislature. He has affected tn render the military independent nf
and superinr tn civil pnwer. He has cnmbined with nthers tn subject us tn a jurisdictinn fnreign
tn nur cnnstitutinn, and unacknnwledged by nur laws; giving his assent tn their acts nf
pretended legislatinn: Fnr quartering large bndies nf armed trnnps amnng us: Fnr prntecting
them, by mnck trial, frnm punishment fnr any murders which they shnuld cnmmit nn the
inhabitants nf these states: Fnr cutting nff nur trade with all parts nf the wnrld: Fnr impnsing

taxes nn us withnut nur cnnsent: Fnr depriving us in many cases, nf the benefits nf trial by
jury: Fnr transpnrting us beynnd seas tn be tried fnr pretended nffenses: Fnr abnlishing the
free system nf English laws in a neighbnring prnvince, establishing therein an arbitrary
gnvernment, and enlarging its bnundaries sn as tn render it at nnce an example and fit
instrument fnr intrnducing the same absnlute rule in these cnlnnies: Fnr taking away nur
charters, abnlishing nur mnst valuable laws, and altering fundamentally the fnrms nf nur
gnvernments: Fnr suspending nur nwn legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with
pnwer tn legislate fnr us in all cases whatsnever. He has abdicated gnvernment here, by
declaring us nut nf his prntectinn and waging war against us. He has plundered nur seas,
ravaged nur cnasts, burned nur tnwns, and destrnyed the lives nf nur penple. He is at this time
transpnrting large armies nf fnreign mercenaries tn cnmplete the wnrks nf death, desnlatinn
and tyranny, already begun with circumstances nf cruelty and perfidy scarcely paralleled in the
mnst barbarnus ages, and tntally unwnrthy nf the head nf a civilized natinn. He has
cnnstrained nur fellnw citizens taken captive nn the high seas tn bear arms against their
cnuntry, tn becnme the executinners nf their friends and brethren, nr tn fall themselves by
their hands. He has excited dnmestic insurrectinns amnngst us, and has endeavnred tn bring
nn the inhabitants nf nur frnntiers, the merciless Indian savages, whnse knnwn rule nf warfare,
is undistinguished destructinn nf all ages, sexes and cnnditinns. In every stage nf these
nppressinns we have petitinned fnr redress in the mnst humble terms: nur repeated petitinns
have been answered nnly by repeated injury. A prince, whnse character is thus marked by
every act which may define a tyrant, is unfit tn be the ruler nf a free penple. Nnr have we been
wanting in attentinn tn nur British brethren. We have warned them frnm time tn time nf
attempts by their legislature tn extend an unwarrantable jurisdictinn nver us. We have
reminded them nf the circumstances nf nur emigratinn and settlement here. We have appealed
tn their native justice and magnanimity, and we have cnnjured them by the ties nf nur
cnmmnn kindred tn disavnw these usurpatinns, which, wnuld inevitably interrupt nur
cnnnectinns and cnrrespnndence. They tnn have been deaf tn the vnice nf justice and nf
cnnsanguinity. We must, therefnre, acquiesce in the necessity, which dennunces nur
separatinn, and hnld them, as we hnld the rest nf mankind, enemies in war, in peace friends.
We, therefnre, the representatives nf the United States nf America, in General Cnngress,
assembled, appealing tn the Supreme Judge nf the wnrld fnr the rectitude nf nur intentinns,
dn, in the name, and by the authnrity nf the gnnd penple nf these cnlnnies, snlemnly publish
and declare, that these united cnlnnies are, and nf right nught tn be free and independent
states; that they are absnlved frnm all allegiance tn the British Crnwn, and that all pnlitical
cnnnectinn between them and the state nf Great Britain, is and nught tn be tntally dissnlved;
and that as free and independent states, they have full pnwer tn levey war, cnnclude peace,
cnntract alliances, establish cnmmerce, and tn dn all nther acts and things which independent
states may nf right dn. And fnr the suppnrt nf this declaratinn, with a firm reliance nn the
prntectinn nf Divine Prnvidence, we mutually pledge tn each nther nur lives, nur fnrtunes and
nur sacred hnnnr.

When someo- when a person st- when someone stutters it's like
you're glimpsing alternate universes where the conversation
could've gone superficially different.

2,400 librarians as prime numbers

to note that the library has 2,400 librarians / subscribers as of now (noon EDT Sunday, Oct. 4,
2015), i've broken the number down to prime numbers.
and yes, i wll show my homework.
2400
2 x 1200
2 x 2 x 600
2 x 2 x 2 x 300
2 x 2 x 2 x 2 x 150
2 x 2 x 2 x 2 x 2 x 75
2 x 2 x 2 x 2 x 2 x 3 x 25
2x2x2x2x2x3x5x5
or 2^5 x 3 x 5^2

an ode to g etting high in the baby barn while it's raining

All barned up and torrential rained
pretty darn high and potential drained
not caught up in tangential claim
having a good time takin it easy

Although, although, although, although, although, although,

although, although, although, although, although, although,
although,
Although having originally, none of it
Although firm in his belief that
Although first in his class
Although
Although the bakery
-----------++++ ek. ek.. EKK eeek.------++++++=====+000000
EK________________________
Elliolel, leoiole, loeiiiil. Eeeeejoejeioejoe oeileoie-liol iolioeloeioeeeeiejeo ioeloe-lioel.
Although one of the greatest minds
Although she spent 14 of those years behind bars
ek.
EKEKKKEKE. +----------+=---0100100010010101
EK!
Although ek. Althoughek. Ekk. Ekkek. [Ellioeloel, leooioel-liol. Jjjjjejjejjjejeo
eooejeileieoejoejoejoeeeeeeee-eiooele, liol!]
Although, although, although, although, although, although, although, although, although,
although, although, although,
and when having first discovered America, he
and they
but you could have said no if you wanted to.
[Lleleoeieoele leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeoiolellellleieol, ieooooeile-liol].
Ek-k.
[#wve 43152-24135135 v23-223]

past month

Do not erase anything from the collaboration

It leaned in and moaned quietly to a fold of soft fiber
It clenched in anticipation of penetration
It insisted on being heard that day
It made its way out through his nose to test the air, at first
Then the rest through his mouth when the coast was clear
His breath twisted when he contorted in avoidance
It held tight in the dark where he was unsure
It waited patiently for his heart to restart
It expanded to unprecedented immensity
It retreated, terrified at the sight
And his breath was unsure of what to do next

Toy Story 6
"Thank you, they're beautiful. Let me just find something to put them in. How was the drive?"
"Not bad at all. I actually enjoy a long drive these days. Listened to a couple of podcasts and
some music. Why don't you just use that up there?"
"Hmmm?"
"That black glass one on top of the fridge."
"Oh, that's actually not black glass, it's just a crystal vase. Can't use it, it's...full."
"Is it painted?"
"It's clear, it's just full of crude oil."
"Why do...why is there a crystal vase full of crude oil sitting on the edge of your fridge?"
"That's the best place for it. We don't talk about it. It's not going to be a part of our family. The
little ones won't see it, and the dogs won't get into it. I don't know where else to put it."
"That seems like a st-- okay, you're not afraid it's going to wobble or tip up there? That seems
like a really bad place for it."
"It's not going to be a part of our family. Don't worry. Don't talk about it! Tonight at eleven."
"It wiggled when I put my bean salad in the fridge. If I knew it was full of crude oil I wouldn't
have even opened the door! How long has that been up there?"
"Since April 23, 1423. Do you want a beer?"
"You said the kids can't see it up there? It looks like that crayon drawing stuck to the fridge is
of that very vase. What is going on here?"
"That has to be a mountain or a rock. Not the vase. It's not going to be a part of our family.
It's fine up there. This is fine. Your salad looks delicious."
"Try the pico! It's habanero mango! I put it behind the orange juice. Have you been cooking in
the dark?"
"Delightful! Oh -- that second bulb has finally gone out; I was just about to replace it when
you knocked."
"Here, is this chair okay to stand on?"
"I'm surprised you couldn't just reach it!"
"Well, I have to be able to see what I'm doing up here -- wait...got it. Here, hold my beer--OH
SHIT"
We haven't been able to leave the kitchen for days. Someone will find out.

Stop Making Nonsense

See I almost had you there. Go on then.

Better Shave
New dawns are breaking
And dark stars shine brighter at this distance
Sharpen up the razor and rinse the brush
Give myself a long elegant shave
The kind mobsters get from defeated enemies
Cut fine and washed in brisk water
Ready to face the day

The Communist Manifesto

You know back in my day we didn't have all of these fancy technomology for entertaining
ourselves with. I remember it fondly. Every day, all the boys in the neighborhood went out to
the public park and looked around under the trees for a good solid stick. When we found one,
each of us would poke the others until everyone found a good one. Then we'd all head off in
one big group until we found someone else in the area, very simple before TV. The wives in the
area loved to talk about our cute little "gang". Good ol' Mister Johnson always was imaginative
and very smart. He tinkered with things and rarely came out of his house, so when he did, oh
when he did... It was a very special occasion indeed, a very special occasion... On this
particular Saturday in my beloved childhood we saw Johnson strolling down the sidewalk. He
always was an odd one, most of the neighborhood didn't like him very much. But I'm losing
track of myself. Like I was saying, each of the neighborhood boys had a nice sturdy stick with
them. One by one, we all ran up and hit him. Over and over again, boy did we hit him. As soon
as the pedestrian was knocked out, all us boys rifled through his pockets for change, and
borrowed his wallet. Ah, the good old days. Not like today, no not at all. These days everyone
always gets offended about everything. If I walk up to a man and give him a friendly whack
over the head with a rock, suddenly everyone starts talking about "lawsuits" and "senility" and
loses their minds. It's all because kids these days aren't outside playing, it doesn't give them a
nice thick skin. No character building.

I choose after I'm dead

the how of suffering is a big thing apparently
I find the when to be more interesting
the cup of bottle caps on my dresser tells you all you need to know

There is often a dense thicket of noise and distraction surrounding a

very pure and beautiful thing
E.g.:
A gemstone.
A vein of gold.
A little puncture through the veil into the open.
A true idea.
A proper action.
An instance of love.

a warning to tucker tidge

tucker tidge,
don't get your idge
to get on your fidge
and be a bidge
about stuff and thidge.
then you're just a geddemm
$%**&##& snidge.

Shameless plug for /r/LibraryofBabel

Yesterday at another subreddit, the question was asked about a favorite niche subreddit or
website or blog.
My answer was this one -- that is, the Library of Babel.

Fresh Prince of Bel Air

Hex:
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8zwlyjpczbis8qe6kp1m7reeav6stk0khugqo7k1i1ahsadk3bl2wliv5hojd99uxphayp7864k9925sezr
vk7jcc7zewdgf40j6g3h8j3bisniakcj4y23o4vhgautk5a6w8wa78fd9o6idb0sva4jfnxfmiydh5rofewy
r18hlz5dv8x1m73vdlmovoo8fq2jsnl15ofhkqsjw5xvfo6m6g60e6zggemmkbtmx7h0gg92ox8arvn
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lgm0qhm4hu5ozprbxm6tsqrzfm9nwug8yfn6215vwyo6to8vgl1yd42coifdbkxddjug6u9860i3qjl4u
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c34k4uxj5yi04w0fo47gkxk2hvbcjq6kxr8iyj1hbqq7dzsnhysk21hk43urxazts6vlplhbjw4p262zn9rk
g9f8a6iea9lgn8vxv0gxzdiy64edpel4geabeuh2vtz9qy0givq8ckfyawekzf8oad7rga9bajsgsfktmc9e
n18xqfrm68chfhnu9aoh9ot4sfplk9p7laqn4p6p95cuiuxup9lv54gc1s8mxfurjhcszwz3dtr775hy7lj6
htb9kae1yhk9satbdqopqjwcpgevud3pci1cidcuttkqg3unpu12fp6xqyejoy521jq9r02c8rs2pkf43q5
mysies4v71397r3xs8wex6bvftlhvfxxbf1wneccbom6ldt4oyho7nue34judcsbktw291hg83w6p3t23
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9qpf8sym943y4mxcqc3mma3wemzj8an6hxstbhmivxizzxq93k2wzy532efgfsljp2i46fnpnuvl5p7u
mvserlioumamzlhrhmro57j47esq6thlnuivdaqg64qkzyvglhzktydk9dqff3ithpqdibqdh2k9x07qjivw
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b83ese0rl5pttqx1vktkfkg7wfqqz7aeal3n2agidfdug4l2tczv3zlyco7shs3wn6ykvf81al3qligpqqn5ttc
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fjkbn326dhijg3ey4hzszxiz55hrnho2qfci9gg596o3vpxh97q99qjxa7ecbuqqjqpivk71maxxvbfrlqu4
xiul9xg805sy95k59bg4zx3qa7cefyz5m5y1mbyphckgsmaocbanovgpnc76f785vsjjrzq7xe4kitz57f
0i4xvuexgw4oiu13le0wt1ucjdzc35yf83r889hxzicfftp101xsq4rf6qu78mer2kyei46fp3051u8ez7tv
2ukq0zcm7usoq15s0xi7tizm585xx6aohru28xk94hsoliplgcdvuvnggqpw3boa7ty6w2ryv7u2eqicrd
5ulsti20fo0btt05b9o89mxvjog1mni0eb9q9cjrpi477j195iqapod4qer4bk1itr83483ji29nunbonm6s
aa32vh0ry4gnmubkm72b0g50nsc21gn5gu7pywk6sb3qmrzpx9xvu2x4gpkzj6i6agzz58r1t6ezyh9
cy24nuyfwfj8v9mii0q10naimlxp1z4khix971ukm28y36fgf51ijqrpvcatq6ubzhs34wrvvqgnjih6saug
rrgzr8hn9ekdhrmkca3466esr8gzpjey5cymaolbm21z624lxud26h8t6xja30ayxxi2ep4nkuw9b18fs
h0hjpm0mol1kddt5tkoyhhkgfjwgn6i89p6yqn6nxw5ts5gyyywq2elgcdocqf6m3707by40stqh7kxp
sr2qiwvp0r4ug76i9coibhz2sotrf2wh2nbfsyopxysbs9nkli6kfyils1pwukenvqo85dwmkj43bq1ihhzq
nk48f213jjaefdushg5zo1j5clsf4vti0i1bstcu1sr8ulpigtw489qreon2o845s4cwiofvlkeym4uiz1qkuha
3i80ppa82qnjx55dev5tibpjvk1kg0qtplrig2q02pfsmt19i6bnb3y11yhdsbanacgjoevbage5c0swno5
4rzxi0v8noyr6s7ktl6u12cilq3rpun0rq38qljwa01ifofnzgy1a6a4fy0x0y5qe8rf45qofdp95gc55eb9b
wwv3cy5dhpnz65375yvknrl67xipkfej4w8ui3b0p9kin6jah9jod5sav1bt0d7jkixiy7vzt5pf88zwip3z
5ir71e5en6yka1rr2tb28yd10k0 Wall 4 Shelf 3 Volume 21 Page 399

past week

The Have Nots

Have not, will travel. Have travel plans, will follow. Have followers, will lead. Have lead
poisoning, will die. Have funeral, will sleep forever. Have thyroid problems, will take
medication. Have degree in medicine, will practice. Have high success rate, will advertise. Have
budget, will blow.
Please
Please
Please
Please
Please
Please
Please
Plesae

So I Imagined
A mountain with a thousand oak trees and a million gloins of shrooms.
*.
A chinese village in the middle of a valley, right next to the little river.
*.
A bunch of clouds in the shape of something that's alien to me.
*.
A dog with a hunchback.
*.
A nice norwegian house in the middle of an industrial city.
*.
A crying woman, maybe Mary.
*.
The goddess Rhea as she gave him to the nymphs.
*.
An empty library.
*.
A full vacancy.
*.
A glass of milk that's very revolutionary.
*.
A constitution written on the trunk of that tree which I used to climb with the daughter of our
neighbour Pan Majewski.
*.
Then, I imagined, and imagined, as the smoke of the opium broke through my mind, that I
was, for a moment, for a single, short, very short, but very real, ideal, moment, me.

Someone yells: "RETWEET!" Her voice echoes throughout. Is this a

life? Listening to their endless voice, the same stupid shit repeated
over and over, a wish to murder hums agreeably. Perhaps it's not
irrational. Drop by drop, annoyance by annoyance, something takes
shape and is set in stone.
Mid-way through my first year of law school at Northwestern, I landed one of the coveted
summer associate positions at St. Louis' most prestigious firm. I was the only 1L the firm
hired.
Not quite sure how I threaded that needle. I hoped I had botched the interview. I was from a
hoosier Missouri river town just outside the ring of St. Louis suburbs, and I was out of my
element.
I didn't "talk the talk" or "walk the walk". I didn't have or wear the right clothes. I didn't wear
a blue suit, white shirt, yellow tie, and wing tips, all from Brooks Brothers. I didn't stand when
women left the table or when they returned. I didn't precede them down the stairs or follow
them up. I had no idea what fork to use or that I was to keep my elbows off the table. I didn't
send thank you cards. I had never owned stationary. I didn't care, either.
I wanted to sell out, cash in and not have to care. I wanted to not be me. I wanted to be
destroyed.
I had offended my last interviewer, some litigation partner. Unknown to me, she had gone to
Missouri for law school. I expected her to be unimpressed with my response to why I had
chosen to go to law school: "I was getting a history degree, and I couldn't think of anything
else to do. I didn't have a burning desire to be a lawyer. I wouldn't have gone if I had gotten
stuck somewhere like Mizzou."
To my surprise, she laughed. I had stuck the landing.
When I got the offer, it was from her. The Cave was betting on who I would become, not who I
was.
Summer program started the Tuesday after Memorial Day. I was one of 10 summer associates,
plus one from the University of Chicago who would arrive later. I was also the only one not
dressed "the Bryan Cave way." I didn't care, but others did.
At the end of that day, my mentor - a gentleman lawyer type - offered to take me for a drink
at the Missouri Athletic Club. On the way, he hustled me into a Joseph A. Bank, and he bought
me two suits, shirts, ties and a pair of cordovan wing tips with matching belt. I told him I'd pay
him back as soon as we got our first paychecks. He insisted I wouldn't.
By the time John Frederick (AKA "Chicago" guy) arrived, the summer program was in full
swing. I was in the library doing research when I first saw him. The recruiting coordinator redolent; a praying mantis - was giving him a tour, and he raised his eyebrows at me with
meaning as he passed by. What was that?
...
We all went for drinks after work to welcome him to our group. I was uncomfortable. Still out
of my element, everyone else seemed from old St. Louis money. I was from St. Charles no
money.
I had not known about subletting, so I was living with my parents for the summer and
commuting 45 minutes each way. I was frugal. I wasn't comfortable with the conspicuous
spending. I had never felt so exposed but here. I was one of four children that my alcoholic
parents had raised in a two bedroom duplex in our town's shittiest neighborhood. My clothes
had come from garage sales. Our food had often come from a government program. We often

drank powdered milk and ate toast and gravy for dinner. John was none of those things.
He was a blue-blood; had gone to a snappy St. Louis high school. John went to Yale for
college, using my school - Washington University - as his safety school. Now at the University
of Chicago, one of the nation's top law schools, and the leader in the "law and economics"
movement, he had already landed a clerkship on the D.C. Circuit Court of Appeals, to begin the
Fall after his graduation. After that, he would be one of the select few considered for a
Supreme Court clerkship.
He was certain and confident. His voice was deep and cultured. He formed words perfectly. He
settled easily into the conversation at the bar, slowly moving to the center and taking it over.
He had a mordant, observational sense of humor. He touched people as he spoke to them,
leaning in and looking them straight in the eye. He made each person feel like they had his
undivided attention, like they were special. I wanted to kill him.
I was the first to leave. As I said my goodbyes, John again raised his eyebrows at me, and
smiled. He smiled easily, and it was a big, broad smile that animated his face and revealed
deep dimples and perfect teeth. I did not smile easily.
I have always felt old, even though I look young. Set on escaping my origins, I thought that
required focus and a purpose.
I sat in the front row. I raised my hand. I followed the rules.
Hidebound, and wounded so tightly around the idea of striving that I couldn't unwind.
Constantly competing, constantly trying to move up and out.
I say all this, but I haven't said the most important things. I'm still hiding. I think I'm a
pathological liar.
Who am I?
... ... ... ... ... ... ...
My girlfriend, Ellie, is visiting me this weekend for my friend Todd's wedding party. I am one of
the groomsmen that Todd has entrusted.
I met Ellie the first day of NULS orientation, in line for lunch. She was shorter than me, but fit
before being fit was a thing, if that makes sense. She had unruly brown hair, big brown eyes, a
button nose, a big smile, and dark, ethnic skin. She was a dynamo, dominating every
encounter she had.
I am the opposite. Never work out; carrying 10 extra pounds. I have thick blonde hair, which I
wear short and parted on the left side since fourth grade. Green eyes, with a noticeable circle
of orange around the pupil, and the whites clear as milk. My smile is rare, but apparently it
dimples my cheeks when it appears. I've always looked too young. A young Mark-Paul
Gosselaar, when I want Max Caulfield.
"Who are *you?" she asked me back then, exaggerating the "you."
"I'm Max. Actually, Mason, but people call me Max. I'm not sure why. It seems like it'd be
Mace, not Max. But it's Max. Haha..." She made me nervous. I didn't know her.
"Well... Mace," she said, exaggerating the gap between the two words. "I'm Ellie. Short for
Elizabeth. Which makes total sense. Because Elizabeth starts with El. Anyway, have lunch with
me."
I did, and didn't say a word. There was no room. Ellie never stopped talking. If there was
something about her I wanted to know but did not by the end of that lunch, I'd have been
hard-pressed to figure out what it was.
Afterwards, I walked Ellie to her room. She asked if I wanted to go in. I did, and we wound up
in bed, as Ellie planned. She was lively and loud as I made her come, shifting and writhing
under my hands and tongue. She gave me head, deepthroating me and swallowing all I had

when I came. When it was time for me to go, she insisted, "Come back tonight." I did. I can't
say no with her.
Ellie likes sex. A lot. And she liked me.
We dated the whole year. I basically lived in her room. When we weren't eating, sleeping or
studying, we were having sex. She hated condoms, so she got an IUD over Christmas, calling
it my Christmas present.
Ellie had also developed her vaginal muscles. She had complete control of them. When I was
coming, she clamped them shut and the pleasure was so intense it made me light-headed. The
more you know.
As the year flew on, and the Chicago weather turned brutal, we got experimental. Bought
books and toys, and used both to pleasure each other and ourselves as much as we could. I
thought, for the first time, I couldn't be happier.
By the time I headed to St. Louis, and she headed to New York for the summer, there was
almost nothing we had not done to each other. Now I was going to see her again.
...
I got a downtown hotel room for the weekend of her visit. We checked in, and picked up where
we had left off. We fucked through the rehearsal dinner, which as a groomsman was a douche
move on my part. Ah well. I'm sure Todd will understand.
We fucked the next day until we had to leave for the wedding. It was mid-June, and hot even
for St. Louis. We got chocolate and whipped cream delivered with our breakfast and spent the
morning and early afternoon in bed covering each other with both, and then fucking and licking
each other clean. By the time we had to check out on Sunday, my balls were empty and
hurting, and Ellie was raw. It had been a great weekend. Such was Ellie, and away Ellie went in
her airplane.
Ellie said something before leaving, though. Something was concerning her, but she couldn't
quite put her finger on it.
"When I come back, I want to meet the John you talked about all weekend."
All weekend? I hadn't realized.
TO BE CONTINUED...

Tovar Ishch
A russian radikalisky
of the 19th century.
He had an itch
FOR REVOLUTION!
His motto:
"Get in the ditch,
you bourgeoisie children
of the capitalist witch!"

Swings at the Park

for every second in the future only one thing will happenlets break this down even further , in
two thousand and four the popular united states television series the apprentice donald trump
is being elected for his second term in the year twenty twenty

Understanding
Understanding
Understanding
On to the next one

aboe, eboe ...

aboe, eboe, iboe, uboe
what about oboe, moofoo?
damn! i forgot!
sometimes you'd forget your head if it wasn't attached to your shoulders.
my head is attached to my neck, bootoo ... learn human anatomy ...

Joshua Ryne Goldberg, Nathan Poe, Kurt Gdel, and Werner

Heisenberg (numbering four (4) in total) might have
walked/moved/located into an establishment where
drinks/refreshments (possibly alcoholic) are served. Deadpool stops
writing and puts a handfull of cracker jack into his swollen mouth.
Zeus laughs, and is abruptly nagged away from his computer time. The butterfly who flapped
his wings in Tokyo is taken in for questioning for his involvement in the alleged false-flag
operation. John Boehner's last move was to sacrifice his queen against Najdorf and sell his
Cosby vinyl collection before the bubble burst, and sneak a forged entry into the official
dictionary of the republic: conspirare, in an attempt to trip up Cato the Elder during his
address.
"All this ends one way," he both said-and-didn't-say, depending on his velocity, which was not
taken note of at the time: 2km/h

past day

Shhhhhhhhwoooooooosghsssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhooo9oooooop
What's that sound?
It's the sound of someone else's anxiety blowing beautifully through you and not disturbing a
single atom of you.