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Difficult People
Rev. Hugh Lagan, SMA, Psy.D.
May 5, 2015
Facilitator Introduction
Learning Objectives
Iden%fy
prac4cal
ways
to
build
greater
emo4onal
health
Learn
why
some
people
are
more
dicult
to
work
with
than
others
Iden%fy
specic
EI
communica4on
and
conict
management
skills
Saint Luke Institute
Ground Rules I
You really cannot change another
person.
People only change when they are ready
to change.
Try not to be too hard on people. No one
is perfect.
Where there is humanity, there is
difficulty.
You are a difficult person in someone
elses life.
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Ground Rules II
No one can humiliate you without your
permission.
No matter what the emotion, your response
is a choice.
You must want to understand the difficult
person.
While conflict is inevitable, combat is
optional.
We dont see things as they are, we see
them as we are.
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Emotions
Neither good nor bad
All have a positive intention
Managing them does not mean
controlling them
Meant to help us understand
something
Emotionally, we become
what we eat!
Emotional Literacy
Only 36% of people can accurately
identify their feelings as they happen.
When we cannot correctly name what
we are feeling, we are unable to
identify the needs and thoughts linked
to those feelings in order to change
our emotional state.
Primary senses
Amygdala
Adrenaline
Fight / Flight / Freeze response
8 glasses of water
Warning:
Sustained
exposure
to
strong
nega4ve
emo4ons
resul4ng
from
repeated
encounters
with
dicult
people
evokes
a
signicant
stress
response
in
the
brain.
ANGER
Anger
Anger is a secondary feeling, often protecting
primary feelings such as fear, shame, regret,
hurt, guilt, embarrassment or sadness.
When engaging with a person who is angry,
the skill is to shift awareness to the primary
feeling so as to help gain clarity as to the
persons needs and expectations.
THE BULLY
coopera4on
emo4on
reason
hidden agenda
honest
dialogue
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Remember
You are in control of far more than you
realize
Remaining calm disarms the other to
become more rational
Listen, listen, listen: focus on other
person as he/she speaks
Resist focusing on winning the argument
Remain flexible and adaptable
You are seeking a win-win resolution
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The Meeting
Be clear about your desired outcome,
concessions and bottom line
Before you say anything, check your body
language
Begin by gaining agreement on the
process
Listen actively, seek clarification and
validate the other
Agree on what the problem is
Negotiate the solution
Saint Luke Institute
QUESTIONS
Contact Us
Rev. Hugh Lagan, SMA, Psy.D.
hughl@sli.org
Beth Davis, Director of Education
sliconnect@sli.org