1

00:00:01,860 --> 00:00:11,860

<b>Fixed & Synced by bozxphd.Enjoy The Flick</b>
2
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There'll be no strings
to bind your hands
3
00:00:17,190 --> 00:00:22,090
Not if my love can't bind your heart
4
00:00:26,820 --> 00:00:30,320
There's no need to take a stand
5
00:00:30,850 --> 00:00:35,450
For it was I who chose to start
6
00:00:39,880 --> 00:00:42,880
If morning's echoes say we've sinned
7
00:00:43,810 --> 00:00:47,810
Well, it was what I wanted now
8
00:00:51,840 --> 00:00:56,840
And if we're victims of the night
9
00:00:58,870 --> 00:01:03,880
I won't be blinded by the light
10
00:01:04,900 --> 00:01:09,910
Just call me angel of the morning angel
11
00:01:10,830 --> 00:01:16,840
Just touch my cheek
before you leave me, baby
12
00:01:16,860 --> 00:01:22,870
Just call me angel of the morning angel
13
00:01:22,890 --> 00:01:28,900
Just touch my cheek
before you leave me, baby
14
00:01:29,920 --> 00:01:34,930
Just call me angel of the morning angel
15

00:01:35,850 --> 00:01:40,860

Just touch my cheek before
you leave me, darling
16
00:01:41,880 --> 00:01:46,890
Just call me angel of the morning angel
17
00:01:47,910 --> 00:01:55,920
Just touch my cheek before
you leave me, darling
18
00:01:59,950 --> 00:02:03,950
Mera joota hai japani
yeh patloon englishtani
19
00:02:03,980 --> 00:02:07,880
Sar pe laal topi roosi phir
bhi dil hai hindustani
20
00:02:11,930 --> 00:02:16,940
Sar pe laal topi roosi phir
bhi dil hai hindustani
21
00:02:16,960 --> 00:02:18,960
Mera joota hai japani...
22
00:02:34,290 --> 00:02:36,800
I'm kinda lonesome back here.
23
00:02:38,300 --> 00:02:39,630
Little help...
24
00:02:40,440 --> 00:02:44,810
Just... I have to keep
my hands on the wheel.
25
00:02:45,670 --> 00:02:46,680
Excuse me!
26
00:02:49,300 --> 00:02:51,800
- Dopinder.
- Pool. Dead.
27
00:02:54,310 --> 00:02:57,190
- Nice!
- Smells good, no?
28

00:02:57,260 --> 00:02:59,060

Not the daffodil
daydream. The girl.
29
00:02:59,270 --> 00:03:02,770
Yes. Gita.
She is quite lovely.
30
00:03:02,870 --> 00:03:05,610
She would have made me
a very agreeable wife.
31
00:03:05,720 --> 00:03:06,680
But...
32
00:03:06,770 --> 00:03:10,580
Gita's heart has been
stolen by my cousin, Bandu.
33
00:03:10,780 --> 00:03:15,180
He is as dishonorable
as he is attractive.
34
00:03:15,880 --> 00:03:17,060
Dopinder,
35
00:03:17,070 --> 00:03:20,090
I'm starting to think there's a
reason I'm in this cab today.
36
00:03:20,180 --> 00:03:22,070
Yes, sir, you called
for it, remember?
37
00:03:22,070 --> 00:03:24,100
No, my slender, brown friend.
Love...
38
00:03:24,790 --> 00:03:26,120
is a beautiful thing.
39
00:03:26,130 --> 00:03:30,300
When you find it, the whole world
tastes like daffodil daydream.
40
00:03:30,400 --> 00:03:34,100
So you gotta hold
on to love. Tight!

41
00:03:34,300 --> 00:03:38,300
And never let go. Don't make the
same mistakes I did, got it?
42
00:03:38,600 --> 00:03:42,410
Or else the whole world tastes
like Mama June after hot yoga.
43
00:03:42,810 --> 00:03:45,210
Sir, what does Miss
Mama June taste like?
44
00:03:45,410 --> 00:03:48,360
Like two hobos fucking in
a shoe filled with piss.
45
00:03:48,370 --> 00:03:51,320
I can go all day, Dopinder.
The point is it's bad.
46
00:03:52,820 --> 00:03:55,620
Why the fancy
red suit, Mr. Pool?
47
00:03:55,820 --> 00:03:58,190
Oh, that's because it's
Christmas day, Dopinder,
48
00:03:58,200 --> 00:04:00,230
and I'm after someone
on my naughty list.
49
00:04:00,330 --> 00:04:03,980
I've been waiting, 1 year,
3 weeks, 6 days and...
50
00:04:03,980 --> 00:04:07,340
14 minutes to make him
fix what he did to me.
51
00:04:07,410 --> 00:04:10,200
And what did he do
to you, Mr. Pool?
52
00:04:10,210 --> 00:04:11,420
This shit.

53
00:04:13,410 --> 00:04:14,410
Boo!
54
00:04:34,430 --> 00:04:38,440
- They won't disappoint.
- They'd better not!
55
00:04:38,540 --> 00:04:41,840
- What about next month's shipment?
- There won't be one.
56
00:04:42,600 --> 00:04:44,910
You're not the only
one with a war to win.
57
00:04:45,440 --> 00:04:47,650
That won't do.
58
00:04:49,450 --> 00:04:54,150
See, we've had this small
disruption to our supply trade.
59
00:04:57,510 --> 00:05:01,510
We'd appreciate your patience.
60
00:05:02,520 --> 00:05:04,120
Okay...
61
00:05:04,140 --> 00:05:06,050
We'll deliver in full
the following month.
62
00:05:09,950 --> 00:05:11,950
Pleasure doing
business with you.
63
00:05:14,950 --> 00:05:16,960
Fucking mutant!
64
00:05:26,970 --> 00:05:29,970
Shit! I forgot my ammo bag!
65
00:05:30,070 --> 00:05:34,470
- Shall we turn back?
- No time. Fuck it. I got this.
66

00:05:34,670 --> 00:05:38,980

9, 10, 11, 12 bullets.
Or bust. Right here!
67
00:05:40,980 --> 00:05:43,380
That's $27.50.
68
00:05:43,580 --> 00:05:47,490
I never carry a wallet while I'm
working. Ruins the lines of my suit.
69
00:05:47,990 --> 00:05:50,660
- But how 'bout a crisp high-five?
- Okay.
70
00:05:50,660 --> 00:05:52,080
Merry Christmas!
71
00:05:52,620 --> 00:05:55,720
And a convivial Tuesday
and April to you too, Pool!
72
00:05:56,120 --> 00:05:59,830
- Hey, yeah.
- I wanna shoop, baby
73
00:05:59,850 --> 00:06:04,860
Shoop shoop ba-doop
74
00:06:04,880 --> 00:06:06,880
Ummm, you're packed and you're
stacked 'specially in the back
75
00:06:06,910 --> 00:06:09,910
Brother, wanna thank your
mother for a butt like that
76
00:06:09,940 --> 00:06:11,940
Can I get some fries with
that shake-shake boobie?
77
00:06:13,870 --> 00:06:16,570
You're a shotgun - bang!
What's up with that thang?
78
00:06:16,650 --> 00:06:18,950
Oh! Oh, hello!

79
00:06:18,950 --> 00:06:20,550
I know, right?
80
00:06:20,560 --> 00:06:24,760
Whose balls did I have to fondle
to get my very own movie?
81
00:06:24,860 --> 00:06:25,930
I can't tell you,
82
00:06:25,940 --> 00:06:29,670
but it does rhyme with "Pulverine".
And lemme tell you...
83
00:06:30,060 --> 00:06:33,970
He's got a nice pair of
smooth criminals down under!
84
00:06:34,270 --> 00:06:38,020
Anyway. I got places to be.
A face to fix. And, oh!
85
00:06:38,070 --> 00:06:40,270
Bad guys to kill.
86
00:06:45,980 --> 00:06:47,980
Maximum effort.
87
00:06:56,990 --> 00:06:58,590
Cock shot!
88
00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:09,000
Rich, Corinthian leather!
89
00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:12,600
I'm looking for Francis!
90
00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:14,710
Have you seen this man?
91
00:07:24,020 --> 00:07:26,520
Yanking, yanking!
92
00:07:58,050 --> 00:08:00,750
I've never said this,
but don't swallow.

93
00:08:22,070 --> 00:08:25,680
Shit. Did I leave the stove on?
94
00:08:42,990 --> 00:08:44,900
Now, breaking news.
95
00:08:45,100 --> 00:08:49,100
A multi-car collision turned shots fired
on the crosstown expressway this morning.
96
00:08:49,200 --> 00:08:51,320
Gridlock has kept
police from the scene.
97
00:08:51,330 --> 00:08:53,810
Residents are advised to
remain in their homes.
98
00:08:54,110 --> 00:08:57,110
The assailant appears to be
armed, dangerous, and wearing a...
99
00:08:57,210 --> 00:09:00,110
Red suit. Deadpool.
100
00:09:00,210 --> 00:09:03,320
Negasonic! Come.
We have mission.
101
00:09:03,520 --> 00:09:06,020
Colossus, wait up.
102
00:09:06,120 --> 00:09:09,620
I've given Deadpool
every chance to join us.
103
00:09:09,820 --> 00:09:14,630
But he'd rather act like
a child. A heavily armed child.
104
00:09:14,830 --> 00:09:18,530
When will he grow up and see
benefits of becoming X-Man?
105
00:09:18,730 --> 00:09:20,730
Which benefits,

the matching unitards?

106
00:09:20,740 --> 00:09:22,840
The house that blows
up every few years?
107
00:09:23,130 --> 00:09:26,140
Please. House blowing
up builds character.
108
00:09:26,240 --> 00:09:31,540
You ate breakfast, yes? Breakfast
is most important meal of day.
109
00:09:31,740 --> 00:09:35,850
Here. Protein bar.
Good for bones.
110
00:09:36,050 --> 00:09:38,650
Deadpool may try
to break yours.
111
00:10:06,180 --> 00:10:07,780
Hey!
112
00:10:18,390 --> 00:10:22,290
Wait! You may be wondering
why the red suit.
113
00:10:22,500 --> 00:10:25,100
Well that's so bad guys
can't see me bleed.
114
00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:28,100
This guy's got the right idea.
He wore the brown pants.
115
00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:33,910
Fine! I only have 12 bullets, so
you're gonna have to share!
116
00:10:34,110 --> 00:10:35,710
Let's count 'em down!
117
00:10:55,830 --> 00:11:01,130
Shit, motherfucker!
118

00:11:01,230 --> 00:11:03,040

Ten! Shit.
119
00:11:03,240 --> 00:11:07,840
Nine! Fuck.
Eight. Shit-fuck!
120
00:11:11,040 --> 00:11:12,840
Bad Deadpool.
121
00:11:13,650 --> 00:11:16,250
Seven. Good Deadpool!
122
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Someone's not counting.
123
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Six!
124
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Four...
125
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Gotcha!
126
00:12:13,310 --> 00:12:15,810
Right up main street!
127
00:12:19,310 --> 00:12:23,020
Three, two! Stupid!
Worth it.
128
00:12:48,340 --> 00:12:51,340
I'm touching myself tonight.
129
00:12:51,440 --> 00:12:54,350
Francis! Francis!
130
00:12:56,350 --> 00:13:00,950
What the shitbiscuit!
Where you at, Francis?
131
00:13:09,360 --> 00:13:11,360
You're not Francis!
132
00:13:18,370 --> 00:13:21,370

Really? Rolling up the sleeves?

133
00:13:30,380 --> 00:13:34,370
You're probably thinking, "my boyfriend
said this was a superhero movie"
134
00:13:34,380 --> 00:13:38,390
but that guy in the red suit just turned
that other guy into a fucking kebab.
135
00:13:38,390 --> 00:13:42,600
Well, I may be super.
But I'm no hero.
136
00:13:43,400 --> 00:13:45,310
Anyhow, technically,
this is a murder.
137
00:13:45,320 --> 00:13:48,010
But some of the best love
stories start with a murder.
138
00:13:48,200 --> 00:13:52,250
And that's exactly what this is:
a love story. And to tell it right,
139
00:13:52,360 --> 00:13:57,210
I gotta take you back to long before
I squeeze this ass into red spandex.
140
00:13:57,410 --> 00:14:03,010
Look, would it help if I slow it down
for you? I didn't order the pizza.
141
00:14:03,220 --> 00:14:06,320
Is this 7348 Redledge Drive?
142
00:14:06,420 --> 00:14:07,510
Are you Mr. Merchant?
143
00:14:07,520 --> 00:14:11,030
The Mr. Merchant who didn't
order the fucking pie!
144
00:14:11,520 --> 00:14:14,030
- Who placed the call?
- I did!

145
00:14:15,430 --> 00:14:21,030
Pineapple and olive?
Sweet and salty!
146
00:14:21,130 --> 00:14:24,040
The fuck are you? The fuck
are you doing in my crib?
147
00:14:24,240 --> 00:14:27,640
- Is that bread crust? Don't move!
- God, I hope not.
148
00:14:27,740 --> 00:14:31,440
Look, is this about that
poker game? I told Howie...
149
00:14:33,450 --> 00:14:36,450
- Just take whatever you want.
- Thanks!
150
00:14:36,850 --> 00:14:40,650
Sir, before you do anything to him,
do you mind if I get a big tip?
151
00:14:42,450 --> 00:14:45,460
- Jeremy, is it? Wade Wilson.
- Yeah.
152
00:14:45,560 --> 00:14:49,160
That is a no go on
the tip-aroo, Jer.
153
00:14:49,260 --> 00:14:52,460
I'm not here for him.
I'm here for you.
154
00:14:53,470 --> 00:14:56,170
I dodged a big-time
bullet on that one!
155
00:14:56,180 --> 00:14:58,280
Not, out of the woods yet.
156
00:14:58,470 --> 00:15:01,340
You need to seriously ease
up on the bedazzling.
157

00:15:01,350 --> 00:15:03,280

They're jeans, not a chandelier.
158
00:15:03,380 --> 00:15:05,780
Yes I'm keeping your wallet.
You did kind of give it to me.
159
00:15:05,780 --> 00:15:10,280
- Just look, man, can I have my...
- I will shoot your fucking cat.
160
00:15:10,480 --> 00:15:12,690
I don't really know what that
means, I don't have a cat.
161
00:15:12,790 --> 00:15:15,490
Then whose kitty litter
did I just shit in?
162
00:15:18,490 --> 00:15:19,790
Anywho...
163
00:15:20,090 --> 00:15:24,500
Tell me something. What situation
isn't improved by pizza?
164
00:15:24,800 --> 00:15:29,100
Do you happen to know a Megan
Orflosky? Get that right? Orflovsky?
165
00:15:31,500 --> 00:15:34,210
'Cause she knows you. Jeremy...
166
00:15:34,510 --> 00:15:37,910
I belong to a group of guys who
take a dime to beat a fella down.
167
00:15:38,110 --> 00:15:42,720
And little Megan, she's not made of money,
but lucky for her, I got a soft spot.
168
00:15:43,520 --> 00:15:45,520
- I'm.....
- A stalker.
169
00:15:45,620 --> 00:15:50,520
Threats hurt, Jer. Though not
nearly as badly as serrated steel.

170
00:15:50,620 --> 00:15:56,530
- So keep away from Megan. Cool?
- Yes, sir.
171
00:15:56,630 --> 00:15:59,530
- And we're done.
- Wait, we are?
172
00:15:59,630 --> 00:16:03,340
Totally done. You
should've seen your face!
173
00:16:03,540 --> 00:16:05,470
I didn't know what to
do, I was so scared...
174
00:16:05,480 --> 00:16:06,550
Soft spot, remember?
175
00:16:07,540 --> 00:16:11,770
Even look in her general direction again
and you will learn in the worst of ways
176
00:16:11,780 --> 00:16:13,550
that I have some
hard spots, too.
177
00:16:14,550 --> 00:16:16,550
That came out wrong.
178
00:16:17,550 --> 00:16:19,550
Or did it?
179
00:16:31,560 --> 00:16:33,570
Megan.
180
00:16:35,570 --> 00:16:38,770
You've heard the last
of Jeremy. He's sorry.
181
00:16:39,070 --> 00:16:41,570
No friggin' way.
182
00:16:45,580 --> 00:16:48,580
Should've brought my roller blades.
Show these kids how it's done.

183
00:16:48,780 --> 00:16:51,580
And that's why we do it.
But mostly the money.
184
00:16:51,780 --> 00:16:53,590
Hey. Think you can
fuck up my step dad?
185
00:16:53,790 --> 00:16:56,590
If I can give the guy a pavement
facial, it's 'cause he's earned it.
186
00:16:56,890 --> 00:16:58,590
Hey, wait.
187
00:16:59,590 --> 00:17:03,600
- You're my hero.
- No, no, no, no, no. That, I ain't.
188
00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:10,400
- Nope. Never will be.
- Fuck you, Wade.
189
00:17:10,500 --> 00:17:13,610
I'm just a bad guy who gets
paid to fuck up worse guys.
190
00:17:14,610 --> 00:17:19,610
Welcome to Sister Margaret's.
It's like a job fair for mercenaries.
191
00:17:19,710 --> 00:17:21,940
Think of us as really
fucked up tooth fairies
192
00:17:21,950 --> 00:17:24,320
except we knock out the
teeth and take the cash.
193
00:17:24,620 --> 00:17:28,390
You'd best hope we never see
your name on a gold card.
194
00:17:28,400 --> 00:17:29,630
(Buck! Liefeld.)
195

00:17:29,820 --> 00:17:32,630

- Hey, Wade!
- Wade Wilson. Patron Saint of the Pitiful.
196
00:17:32,720 --> 00:17:35,630
- What can I do for you?
- I'd love a blowjob.
197
00:17:35,730 --> 00:17:39,930
- Oh, God, me too.
- The drink. With snuggle. But first...
198
00:17:40,630 --> 00:17:43,050
- Hey, I ain't taking
any babysitting money,
199
00:17:43,060 --> 00:17:45,650
- make sure that gets back to Miss...
- Orlovsky?
200
00:17:46,640 --> 00:17:48,140
- You sure?
- Hmm.
201
00:17:48,140 --> 00:17:50,120
For a merc, you're
pretty warm-blooded.
202
00:17:50,120 --> 00:17:52,150
Bet you let the kid
off easy, too.
203
00:17:52,650 --> 00:17:54,050
He's not a bad kid.
204
00:17:54,050 --> 00:17:55,730
Just a little light stalking.
205
00:17:55,740 --> 00:17:59,670
I was way worse when I was his age,
travelling to exotic places...
206
00:17:59,750 --> 00:18:01,450
Baghdad, Mogadishu,
Jacksonville,
207
00:18:01,460 --> 00:18:03,860
meeting new and exciting people.

And then..
208
00:18:03,960 --> 00:18:06,220
Killing them. Yeah, I've
seen your instagram.
209
00:18:06,230 --> 00:18:08,970
So what were special forces
doing in Jacksonville?
210
00:18:09,160 --> 00:18:12,670
That's classified. They
have wonderful TGIFridays!
211
00:18:12,760 --> 00:18:16,670
Alright, kahlua, baileys
and whipped cream.
212
00:18:16,770 --> 00:18:18,670
I give you, a blowjob. I'm...
213
00:18:18,770 --> 00:18:21,670
- Why do you make me make that?
- Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly...
214
00:18:21,770 --> 00:18:25,980
Take that over there to Buck, please and
tell him it's from Booth. Little foreplay.
215
00:18:26,180 --> 00:18:28,180
Remind me what good
will come of this?
216
00:18:28,180 --> 00:18:30,690
I don't take the shits,
I just disturb them.
217
00:18:31,680 --> 00:18:33,690
What you want?
218
00:18:35,690 --> 00:18:39,690
- Cheers. To your health.
- Fuck you.
219
00:18:40,690 --> 00:18:42,700
That's a new stool.
220

00:18:47,700 --> 00:18:49,700

Stay the fuck down.
221
00:18:53,710 --> 00:18:55,810
Alright, move, move, move, move.
222
00:18:55,910 --> 00:18:56,910
Buck, go rest.
223
00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:05,720
He's still breathing.
224
00:19:07,720 --> 00:19:11,720
Nobody wins today. Nice try, Wade.
225
00:19:11,820 --> 00:19:14,730
You got me. I picked Booth in
the dead pool. Who did you pick?
226
00:19:15,730 --> 00:19:20,730
- You know, Wade, about that....
- No. You did not bet on me to die.
227
00:19:22,740 --> 00:19:24,100
You bet on me to die.
228
00:19:24,110 --> 00:19:27,550
Wow. Motherfucker, you're
the world's worst friend.
229
00:19:27,740 --> 00:19:30,010
Well, joke's on you.
I'm living to 102.
230
00:19:30,020 --> 00:19:32,250
And then die. At the
city of Detroit.
231
00:19:32,340 --> 00:19:34,590
I'm sorry. I wanted
to win money.
232
00:19:34,600 --> 00:19:36,660
I never win anything.
233
00:19:36,750 --> 00:19:39,950
Whatever. Soldiers of

fortune, drink's on me!

234
00:19:39,960 --> 00:19:41,060
Yeah!
235
00:19:41,750 --> 00:19:43,760
Domestic! Nothing imported.
236
00:19:45,760 --> 00:19:48,160
Woah, woah, woah. Baby...
237
00:19:48,760 --> 00:19:50,760
Are you sure you wanna
shoot your whole wad?
238
00:19:53,770 --> 00:19:55,770
Tight.
239
00:19:56,270 --> 00:19:58,270
- Vanessa.
- Wade.
240
00:19:58,770 --> 00:20:01,770
What's a nice place like
you doing in a girl like this?
241
00:20:01,870 --> 00:20:03,780
I'd hit that.
242
00:20:04,780 --> 00:20:08,780
Buck, you'd best apologize
before... yeah. That.
243
00:20:08,880 --> 00:20:11,780
- Say the magic words, fat Gandalf.
- I'm sorry.
244
00:20:11,880 --> 00:20:13,100
Breathe through the nose.
245
00:20:13,110 --> 00:20:15,800
I don't have a filter
between my brain and my...
246
00:20:15,890 --> 00:20:19,790
Okay, hey. Hakuna
his tatas, he's sorry!

247
00:20:19,890 --> 00:20:22,170
Get outta here. Go cast a spell.
248
00:20:22,180 --> 00:20:24,800
Hey, hands off the merchandise.
249
00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:29,800
Merchandise, huh. So you...
250
00:20:29,900 --> 00:20:32,810
- Fun fuzzies for money?
- Yup.
251
00:20:32,900 --> 00:20:33,930
Rough childhood?
252
00:20:33,940 --> 00:20:36,720
Rougher than yours.
Daddy left before I was born.
253
00:20:36,810 --> 00:20:39,810
Daddy left before I was conceived.
254
00:20:39,910 --> 00:20:41,610
Ever had a cigarette
put out on your skin?
255
00:20:41,620 --> 00:20:42,820
Where else do you put one out?
256
00:20:42,910 --> 00:20:45,620
- I was molested.
- Me, too. Uncle.
257
00:20:45,820 --> 00:20:47,820
Uncles. They took turns.
258
00:20:47,830 --> 00:20:49,870
I watched my own birthday
party through the keyhole
259
00:20:49,880 --> 00:20:51,840
of a locked closet which
also happens to be my...
260

00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:55,830

Your bedroom. Lucky. I
slept in a dishwasher box.
261
00:20:55,930 --> 00:20:57,370
You had a dishwasher.
262
00:20:57,380 --> 00:20:59,000
I didn't even know sleep.
263
00:20:59,010 --> 00:21:03,150
It was pretty much 24/7 ball kegs,
brownie mix and clown porn.
264
00:21:05,840 --> 00:21:07,840
Who would do such a thing?
265
00:21:08,840 --> 00:21:12,850
Hopefully, you.
Later tonight?
266
00:21:15,850 --> 00:21:22,860
What can I get for 275 dollars
and a yogurt rewards card?
267
00:21:22,950 --> 00:21:25,860
Baby, about 48 minutes of
whatever the fuck you want.
268
00:21:26,860 --> 00:21:29,860
And a low-fat dessert.
269
00:21:35,870 --> 00:21:38,870
Did she just put a gift
card in your mouth?
270
00:21:39,870 --> 00:21:42,880
It's time to put
balls in holes.
271
00:21:42,970 --> 00:21:45,880
- You said whatever I want.
- I get it.
272
00:21:46,880 --> 00:21:50,320
You love ski ball. Apparently
more than you love vagina.

273
00:21:50,330 --> 00:21:51,890
That's a tough call.
274
00:21:52,190 --> 00:21:55,290
I just wanna get to
know the real you.
275
00:21:55,290 --> 00:21:56,350
Not the short276
00:21:56,360 --> 00:21:59,810
shorted 2-dimensional sex
object peddled by Hollywood.
277
00:21:59,890 --> 00:22:01,890
Balls in holes.
278
00:22:02,900 --> 00:22:05,900
- Prepare to lose tragically.
- Bring it, big man.
279
00:22:12,910 --> 00:22:17,910
A limited edition Voltron: Defender
of the Universe ring, por favor.
280
00:22:17,910 --> 00:22:19,910
Okay. Here you go.
281
00:22:20,910 --> 00:22:22,920
I had this sucker for a while.
282
00:22:23,010 --> 00:22:25,420
- And I will take the pencil eraser.
- Okay.
283
00:22:25,920 --> 00:22:29,680
You are now the proud
protector of the planet Arus.
284
00:22:29,680 --> 00:22:32,930
And you, can erase stuff.
Written in pencil.
285
00:22:33,020 --> 00:22:34,110
Milady.
286

00:22:34,110 --> 00:22:38,040

I hate to break it to you,
but your 48 minutes are up.
287
00:22:38,430 --> 00:22:40,930
How many more minutes
could I get for this?
288
00:22:41,030 --> 00:22:45,940
FYI, 5 mini lion bots come
together to form 1 superbot.
289
00:22:46,040 --> 00:22:48,590
5 mini lion bots? 3 minutes.
290
00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:53,250
Deal. What do we do with
the remaining 2:37?
291
00:22:53,450 --> 00:22:54,450
Cuddle?
292
00:22:58,950 --> 00:23:02,960
- How long can we keep this up?
- All year?
293
00:23:11,960 --> 00:23:14,970
Happy Valentines' Day.
294
00:23:20,970 --> 00:23:24,980
- Happy Chinese New Year.
- Year of the Dog.
295
00:23:29,980 --> 00:23:34,990
Relax... and happy
International Women's Day.
296
00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:46,000
Happy Lenten.
297
00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:55,010
- Wade!
- Sorry. Happy Halloween!
298
00:24:03,020 --> 00:24:06,020
Happy Thanksgiving.
299

00:24:07,020 --> 00:24:09,020

I love you.
300
00:24:12,020 --> 00:24:16,030
If your left leg is Thanksgiving,
and your right leg is Christmas...
301
00:24:16,630 --> 00:24:20,030
Can I visit you
between the holidays?
302
00:24:20,130 --> 00:24:23,040
That sweater is terrible!
303
00:24:24,040 --> 00:24:26,040
But red looks good on you.
304
00:24:26,140 --> 00:24:29,040
Red's your color. Mine's like
the bloodshot in your eyes.
305
00:24:29,440 --> 00:24:31,340
- Listen. I've been thinking.
- Really?
306
00:24:33,050 --> 00:24:36,050
- 'Bout why we're so good together.
- Why is that?
307
00:24:37,050 --> 00:24:41,050
Your crazy matches
my crazy. Bigtime.
308
00:24:42,050 --> 00:24:46,060
And we're like 2 jigsaw
pieces. Weird curvy edges?
309
00:24:46,160 --> 00:24:49,280
You put them together and you
can see the picture on top.
310
00:24:49,290 --> 00:24:50,370
Right.
311
00:24:51,060 --> 00:24:55,070
Wade... There's something I've
been meaning to ask you.

312
00:24:55,170 --> 00:24:58,070
But only because you haven't
gotten around to asking me.
313
00:24:59,070 --> 00:25:01,070
Will you...
314
00:25:02,070 --> 00:25:05,080
- Stick it up my...
- Marry me?
315
00:25:06,080 --> 00:25:08,080
Uh... Jinx?
316
00:25:10,080 --> 00:25:12,080
- Where were you hiding that?
- Nowhere.
317
00:25:12,180 --> 00:25:15,490
- They said 1-month salary, so...
- You mean...
318
00:25:15,690 --> 00:25:18,090
- I do.
- That's my line.
319
00:25:21,090 --> 00:25:24,800
- I love you, Wade Wilson.
- You're supposed to... So that's a...
320
00:25:25,100 --> 00:25:27,100
- Yes!
- Woo! Yes!
321
00:25:30,100 --> 00:25:32,100
I feel just like a little girl!
322
00:25:37,110 --> 00:25:39,820
What if I just held
on and never let go?
323
00:25:39,820 --> 00:25:43,120
Just ride the bitch's
back like Yoda on Luke.
324
00:25:43,220 --> 00:25:47,120
- Star Wars jokes!

- Empire!
325
00:25:48,120 --> 00:25:51,120
Jesus Christ, it's like I
made you in a computer!
326
00:25:57,130 --> 00:25:59,130
Perfect.
327
00:26:03,140 --> 00:26:06,140
Pee break. Shake it, yeah.
328
00:26:11,140 --> 00:26:13,150
Here's the thing:
329
00:26:13,250 --> 00:26:15,410
Life is an endless
series of train wrecks
330
00:26:15,420 --> 00:26:18,160
with only brief commercial-like
breaks of happiness.
331
00:26:19,150 --> 00:26:23,160
This had been the
ultimate commercial break.
332
00:26:24,160 --> 00:26:28,160
Which meant it was time to return,
to our regularly scheduled programme.
333
00:26:28,460 --> 00:26:31,160
- What the fu.....
- Oh my God, Wade!
334
00:26:37,170 --> 00:26:42,180
You're clowning. You're
not clowning. I sense clowns.
335
00:26:42,680 --> 00:26:46,180
People react to news of latestage cancer differently.
336
00:26:46,280 --> 00:26:48,870
There are certainly
options we can look into.
337

00:26:48,880 --> 00:26:51,190

New drugs are being
developed every day.
338
00:26:54,190 --> 00:26:59,190
So what do we do? Surely,
there is something we can do.
339
00:26:59,290 --> 00:27:02,050
My Uncle Ivan was diagnosed
with Thyroid cancer
340
00:27:02,060 --> 00:27:05,510
and there were all these
experimental drugs from Germany...
341
00:27:05,700 --> 00:27:09,200
Vanessa's already working on plan
A, B, all the way through Z.
342
00:27:10,200 --> 00:27:13,450
Me? I'm memorizing the
details of her face.
343
00:27:13,460 --> 00:27:16,420
Like it's the first
time I'm seeing it.
344
00:27:16,810 --> 00:27:19,210
- Or the last...
- Mr. Wilson, Mr. Wilson?
345
00:27:21,210 --> 00:27:23,800
Take your time to process this.
346
00:27:23,810 --> 00:27:27,230
It's important not
to do anything rash.
347
00:27:38,230 --> 00:27:43,240
Now, if I were a 200 pound sack of assholes
named Francis, where would I hide?
348
00:28:09,260 --> 00:28:13,300
"A hush falls over the crowd
as rookie sensation Wade W.
349
00:28:13,310 --> 00:28:17,280

Wilson out of Regina,

Saskatchewan, lines up the shot."
350
00:28:18,270 --> 00:28:20,270
"His form looks good."
351
00:28:22,280 --> 00:28:26,780
"And that's why Regina
rhymes with fun."
352
00:28:26,980 --> 00:28:31,580
"Ladies and gentlemen, what you're
witnessing is sweet, dick-kicking revenge!"
353
00:28:32,290 --> 00:28:36,290
"Giving him the business! Incoming!"
354
00:28:36,390 --> 00:28:40,290
"This is taking unsportsman-like
conduct to a whole new level!"
355
00:28:45,300 --> 00:28:49,100
Looking good, Francis. Well-rested.
Like you've been pitching, not catching.
356
00:28:49,300 --> 00:28:52,310
Ringing any bells? No?
357
00:28:56,310 --> 00:28:58,310
How 'bout now?
358
00:29:01,910 --> 00:29:04,320
Wade fucking Wilson.
359
00:29:06,320 --> 00:29:07,790
Well, hello, gorgeous.
360
00:29:07,800 --> 00:29:11,330
Yeah, like I got bit by
a radioactive Shar Pei.
361
00:29:11,420 --> 00:29:16,330
And whose fault is that, huh, Francis? Time
to undo what you did to this butter face.
362
00:29:16,330 --> 00:29:17,510
You should thank me.

363
00:29:17,520 --> 00:29:21,340
Apparently, I've made you immortal.
I'm actually quite jealous.
364
00:29:21,430 --> 00:29:24,840
Yeah, but this ain't a
life worth living, is it? Now...
365
00:29:25,340 --> 00:29:30,340
I'm about to do to you what Limp
Bizkit did to music in the late 90's.
366
00:29:31,340 --> 00:29:33,350
Dad?
367
00:29:36,350 --> 00:29:40,350
I think we can all agree that shit just
went sideways in the most colossal way.
368
00:29:41,350 --> 00:29:43,960
Well, maybe not the most.
369
00:29:44,960 --> 00:29:47,860
Now this, is my
most prized possession.
370
00:29:48,360 --> 00:29:51,860
- Wham?
- No, no, no, no. WHAM!
371
00:29:52,120 --> 00:29:55,370
Make It Big is the album that George and
Andy earned the exclamation point.
372
00:29:55,470 --> 00:29:59,370
So, am I supposed to just
smile and wave you out the door?
373
00:29:59,470 --> 00:30:02,380
Think of it like spring cleaning.
Only if spring was death.
374
00:30:02,470 --> 00:30:06,380
God, if I had a nickel for everytime I
spanked at the Bernadette Peters.
375

00:30:07,380 --> 00:30:10,420

Sounds like you have.
Bernadette is not going...
376
00:30:10,440 --> 00:30:13,410
anywhere, because you're
not going anywhere.
377
00:30:14,050 --> 00:30:15,350
- Drink.
- You're right.
378
00:30:15,560 --> 00:30:19,060
Cancer's only in my liver, lungs, prostate
and brain. All things I can live without.
379
00:30:21,060 --> 00:30:22,710
You belong here at home.
380
00:30:22,720 --> 00:30:26,970
Surrounded by your Voltron, and
your Bernadette and your me.
381
00:30:27,070 --> 00:30:32,070
Listen, we both know
that cancer is a shit show.
382
00:30:32,080 --> 00:30:34,220
Like a jack-off, Smirnoff,
383
00:30:34,230 --> 00:30:39,490
opening for the spin doctors at
the Iowa state fair shit show.
384
00:30:39,590 --> 00:30:46,290
And under no circumstances
will I take you, to that show.
385
00:30:46,390 --> 00:30:51,300
I want you to remember me.
Not the "ghost of Christmas" me.
386
00:30:51,400 --> 00:30:53,000
I wanna remember us!
387
00:30:53,010 --> 00:30:54,290
I swear to God,

388
00:30:54,300 --> 00:30:58,400
I'll find you in the next life and boom
box Careless Whisper outside your window.
389
00:30:58,410 --> 00:30:59,430
WHAM!
390
00:31:02,810 --> 00:31:06,110
No one is boom
boxing shit. Okay?
391
00:31:08,910 --> 00:31:11,120
We can fight this.
392
00:31:12,900 --> 00:31:15,600
Besides, I just realized something.
393
00:31:15,700 --> 00:31:17,500
You win.
394
00:31:17,600 --> 00:31:19,900
Your life is officially way more fucked up than mine.
395
00:31:25,500 --> 00:31:26,700
I love you!
396
00:31:38,000 --> 00:31:39,200
Wade.
397
00:31:41,450 --> 00:31:42,650
Wease.
398
00:31:42,660 --> 00:31:45,110
You look like you need a
blowjob and a shower.
399
00:31:45,120 --> 00:31:47,470
Little courtesy calls
for the latter, first.
400
00:31:47,550 --> 00:31:49,370
How about three shots of patron.
401
00:31:49,380 --> 00:31:51,970
Or, how about,
Triticum aestivum?

402
00:31:52,360 --> 00:31:54,480
Wheatgrass. Excellent
for the immune system.
403
00:31:54,490 --> 00:31:56,470
Jesus Christ, you
sound like Vanessa.
404
00:31:56,560 --> 00:31:57,590
Here, check it out.
405
00:31:57,600 --> 00:32:00,570
She's sending away for all these
colorful clinic brochures.
406
00:32:00,970 --> 00:32:03,570
I'm sure they're
all FDA approved.
407
00:32:03,670 --> 00:32:06,840
Chechnya? Isn't that where
you go to get cancer?
408
00:32:06,850 --> 00:32:09,180
We got China and Central Mexico.
409
00:32:09,570 --> 00:32:11,900
You know how they say
cancer in Spanish?
410
00:32:11,910 --> 00:32:13,090
No.
411
00:32:13,480 --> 00:32:16,480
- "El cancer."
- I could've guessed that.
412
00:32:17,480 --> 00:32:18,850
Look how happy you look here.
413
00:32:18,860 --> 00:32:21,500
You mind if I keep this, put
it up, so I can remember?
414
00:32:21,590 --> 00:32:22,980
When you looked alive.

415
00:32:22,990 --> 00:32:25,710
At least now I'm gonna
win the dead pool.
416
00:32:25,720 --> 00:32:28,500
Now that you'll die,
tragically, of cancer.
417
00:32:28,590 --> 00:32:30,000
I got it, thanks.
418
00:32:33,000 --> 00:32:37,500
That guy over there came in looking
for you. Real grim reaper type.
419
00:32:38,200 --> 00:32:40,510
I don't know. Might
further the plot.
420
00:32:44,110 --> 00:32:46,510
- Booth.
- Wade.
421
00:32:51,920 --> 00:32:53,020
Mr. Wilson.
422
00:32:53,030 --> 00:32:54,650
How can I help you, besides
423
00:32:54,660 --> 00:32:56,940
luring children into a panel van?
424
00:32:57,020 --> 00:32:59,630
I understand you've recently been
diagnosed with terminal cancer.
425
00:33:00,740 --> 00:33:01,830
Stalker alert!
426
00:33:01,930 --> 00:33:03,980
It's my job. Recruitment.
427
00:33:04,290 --> 00:33:07,650
I'm sorry you've had
such a tough go.

428
00:33:08,130 --> 00:33:09,410
But you're a fighter.
429
00:33:09,620 --> 00:33:12,770
Special Forces. 41 confirmed kills.
430
00:33:12,980 --> 00:33:16,950
1 every 7 weeks. Same rate
most folks get a haircut.
431
00:33:18,040 --> 00:33:19,480
This should wash the taste down.
432
00:33:19,490 --> 00:33:22,360
It's tough to forget
being so impressive.
433
00:33:22,850 --> 00:33:26,670
And now you spend your days
sticking up for the little people.
434
00:33:26,780 --> 00:33:28,660
People change. What do you want?
435
00:33:28,850 --> 00:33:33,560
I represent an organization
that may be able to help.
436
00:33:33,760 --> 00:33:38,260
What if I told you we
can cure your cancer?
437
00:33:38,260 --> 00:33:42,520
And what's more, give you
abilities most men only dream of.
438
00:33:46,070 --> 00:33:48,170
I'd say that you sound like
an infomercial. But...
439
00:33:48,350 --> 00:33:51,450
Not a good one, like
Slapchop, more Shakeweighty.
440
00:33:51,650 --> 00:33:56,660
The world needs extraordinary soldiers.
We won't just make you better.

441
00:33:56,660 --> 00:33:59,460
We will make you
better than better.
442
00:34:01,360 --> 00:34:02,640
A superhero.
443
00:34:02,660 --> 00:34:05,170
Look, Agent Smith,
444
00:34:05,180 --> 00:34:07,700
I tried the hero business
and it left a mark.
445
00:34:07,770 --> 00:34:10,670
But if I ever hit fuckit, I'll look you up.
446
00:34:11,670 --> 00:34:13,470
Oh. Shit.
447
00:34:13,670 --> 00:34:17,680
We're within 500 yards of the school.
So you may wanna, you know...
448
00:34:20,680 --> 00:34:22,680
His drink's on him.
449
00:34:27,690 --> 00:34:29,690
What'd he say?
450
00:34:52,330 --> 00:34:53,750
Hey, what's going on?
451
00:34:54,850 --> 00:34:59,450
Hey, sorry. I had a
Liam Neeson nightmare.
452
00:35:00,450 --> 00:35:03,760
I dreamt I kidnapped his daughter
and he just wasn't having it.
453
00:35:13,770 --> 00:35:15,770
They made 3 of those movies.
454

00:35:16,770 --> 00:35:19,770

At some point, you'd have to
wonder if he's just a bad parent.
455
00:35:33,790 --> 00:35:37,090
The worst part about cancer
isn't what it does to you.
456
00:35:37,790 --> 00:35:39,790
But what it does to
the people you love.
457
00:35:41,790 --> 00:35:44,330
Who knew if this guy
could save my life?
458
00:35:44,340 --> 00:35:47,810
But I knew there's only one
way that I could save hers.
459
00:35:50,800 --> 00:35:53,400
Isn't that what superheroes do?
460
00:36:05,210 --> 00:36:09,210
Okay. Let's pro/con
this superhero thing.
461
00:36:11,220 --> 00:36:14,530
Pro: they pull down
a gaggle of ass,
462
00:36:14,540 --> 00:36:16,830
local dry cleaning discounts,
lucrative film deals,
463
00:36:16,920 --> 00:36:19,930
both origin stories and larger,
ensemble team movies.
464
00:36:19,930 --> 00:36:23,030
Con: they're all lameass teacher's pets!
465
00:36:23,030 --> 00:36:25,030
You know I can hear you.
466
00:36:25,040 --> 00:36:28,140
Wasn't talking to you.

I was talking to them.

467
00:36:28,230 --> 00:36:29,540
Stay right here.
468
00:36:29,550 --> 00:36:32,640
You've been warned
before, Deadpool.
469
00:36:32,640 --> 00:36:36,190
This is a shameful and
reckless use of your powers.
470
00:36:36,200 --> 00:36:38,240
You will both be coming with us.
471
00:36:38,240 --> 00:36:42,770
Look Colossus, I don't have time for the
goody two-tissues bullshit right now.
472
00:36:42,780 --> 00:36:44,460
And you are?
473
00:36:45,550 --> 00:36:47,550
Negasonic Teenage Warhead.
474
00:36:47,650 --> 00:36:51,160
Negasonic Teenage...
What the shit?!
475
00:36:51,360 --> 00:36:53,560
That's the coolest name ever!
476
00:36:54,560 --> 00:36:58,560
- So what, you're like his sidekick?
- No. Trainee.
477
00:36:58,660 --> 00:37:02,930
Let me guess, X-Men left you
behind on what, shit detail?
478
00:37:02,940 --> 00:37:04,480
What does that make you?
479
00:37:04,570 --> 00:37:07,770
Pretending you're not here, Negasonic
Teenage Warhead. Can we trade names?

480
00:37:08,270 --> 00:37:11,670
- Can we go?
- "Look! I'm a teenage girl!"
481
00:37:11,680 --> 00:37:13,610
"I'd rather be anywhere than here."
482
00:37:13,620 --> 00:37:17,950
I'm all about long, sullen silences,
followed by mean comments,
483
00:37:17,960 --> 00:37:19,900
"followed by more silences."
484
00:37:20,190 --> 00:37:21,780
So what's it gonna be? huh?
485
00:37:21,790 --> 00:37:25,600
Long, sullen silence?
Or mean comment? Go on.
486
00:37:27,590 --> 00:37:29,180
You got me in a box here.
487
00:37:29,190 --> 00:37:33,410
We can't allow this, Deadpool.
Please, come quietly.
488
00:37:33,700 --> 00:37:36,600
- You big, chrome cockgobbler!
- That's not nice.
489
00:37:36,700 --> 00:37:39,610
You really got to fuck
this up for me? Trust me...
490
00:37:39,700 --> 00:37:45,610
That wheezing bag of dick-tits
has it coming! He's pure evil!
491
00:37:45,710 --> 00:37:49,620
Besides, nobody's getting hurt.
492
00:37:54,620 --> 00:37:57,320
That guy was already
up there when I got here.

493
00:37:57,320 --> 00:37:59,740
Wade, you are better than this.
494
00:37:59,750 --> 00:38:02,960
Join us, use your
powers for good.
495
00:38:02,980 --> 00:38:04,790
- Heads up!
- Be a superhero.
496
00:38:04,800 --> 00:38:09,040
- Listen! The day I decide to be
a crime-fighting shit-swizzler,
497
00:38:09,140 --> 00:38:11,160
who rooms with a bunch
of other little whiners,
498
00:38:11,170 --> 00:38:13,190
at the Neverland Mansion
of some creepy,
499
00:38:13,200 --> 00:38:16,870
old, bald, heaven's gate
looking motherfucker,
500
00:38:16,940 --> 00:38:18,040
on that day!,
501
00:38:18,050 --> 00:38:21,040
I'll send your shiny, happy
ass a friend request.
502
00:38:21,040 --> 00:38:23,760
But until then, I'm gonna
do what I came here to do.
503
00:38:23,850 --> 00:38:26,450
Either that, or slap
the bitch out of you!
504
00:38:26,460 --> 00:38:27,770
- Wade...
- Hey.
505

00:38:27,780 --> 00:38:29,860

- Zip it, Sinead!
- Hey, Douchepool!
506
00:38:30,460 --> 00:38:32,660
And I hope you're watching...
507
00:38:35,660 --> 00:38:37,660
Quite unfortunate.
508
00:38:40,670 --> 00:38:43,670
That does it!
509
00:38:46,670 --> 00:38:48,670
Canada!
510
00:38:50,180 --> 00:38:53,680
- That's not good. Cock shot!
- Wade, please.
511
00:38:54,680 --> 00:38:57,680
Oh, your poor wife!
512
00:38:57,780 --> 00:38:59,690
You really should stop.
513
00:39:01,990 --> 00:39:05,090
All the dinosaurs
feared the T-Rex.
514
00:39:08,690 --> 00:39:11,250
I promise this gets
worse for you, big boy!
515
00:39:11,260 --> 00:39:12,710
This is embarassing.
516
00:39:13,700 --> 00:39:15,700
Please. Stay down.
517
00:39:16,700 --> 00:39:19,400
Did you ever hear of the one-legged
man in the ass-kicking contest?
518
00:39:19,510 --> 00:39:20,600
Do you have 'off' switch?

519
00:39:20,610 --> 00:39:23,520
Yeah, it's right next to the prostate.
Or is that the 'on' switch?
520
00:39:23,710 --> 00:39:25,010
Enough!
521
00:39:33,720 --> 00:39:35,720
Let us go talk to the Professor.
522
00:39:36,720 --> 00:39:41,330
McAvoy or Stewart? These
timelines are so confusing...
523
00:39:41,730 --> 00:39:47,130
- Dead or alive, you're coming with me!
- You will recover, Wade. You always do.
524
00:39:52,740 --> 00:39:55,740
Did you ever see "127 Hours"?
Spoiler alert!
525
00:39:59,750 --> 00:40:02,750
Oh my God. Nasty.
526
00:40:04,750 --> 00:40:10,760
Oh, there's the money shot, baby. Are
you there, God? It's me, Margaret.
527
00:40:20,770 --> 00:40:23,170
Rock, meet bottom.
528
00:40:23,770 --> 00:40:26,670
When life ends up
breathtakingly fucked,
529
00:40:26,680 --> 00:40:30,780
you can generally trace it
back to one big, bad decision.
530
00:40:30,880 --> 00:40:33,780
The one that sent you
down the road to Shitsburg.
531
00:40:33,880 --> 00:40:36,780
This, well, this was mine.

532
00:40:37,780 --> 00:40:43,790
Mr. Wilson. Nothing warms my heart
more than a change of someone else's.
533
00:40:44,790 --> 00:40:47,790
You've finally hit fuck-it.
534
00:40:47,890 --> 00:40:50,470
Just promise you'll do right by me.
535
00:40:50,480 --> 00:40:52,910
So I can do right by someone else.
536
00:40:52,920 --> 00:40:54,120
Of course.
537
00:40:54,800 --> 00:40:59,810
And please don't make the
super-suit green. Or animated!
538
00:41:19,830 --> 00:41:24,830
This place seems sanitary.
My first request is warmer hands.
539
00:41:24,930 --> 00:41:28,830
And Jesus! A warmer table.
540
00:41:29,840 --> 00:41:32,970
You should really come up
with a safe word, fellas.
541
00:41:32,980 --> 00:41:34,850
I'm thinking 'pork and beans'.
542
00:41:37,320 --> 00:41:39,320
Easy!
543
00:41:41,920 --> 00:41:43,770
Aren't you a little strong for a lady?
544
00:41:44,740 --> 00:41:47,750
I'm calling Wang.
545
00:41:49,750 --> 00:41:54,750
What's up with the matches?
Oral fixation? Or just a big Stallone fan?

546
00:41:55,750 --> 00:41:58,170
Patience, Angel.
All in good time.
547
00:41:58,180 --> 00:42:01,770
Are you here for the turn
down service or what?
548
00:42:03,030 --> 00:42:04,080
We have another talker.
549
00:42:04,090 --> 00:42:06,620
I'm just excited about my
first day at superhero camp.
550
00:42:06,710 --> 00:42:08,730
Shut the fuck up.
551
00:42:11,770 --> 00:42:16,780
Mr. Wilson, my name's
Ajax. I manage this workshop.
552
00:42:17,880 --> 00:42:20,780
All of my welcome speeches used
to be filled with euphemisms like,
553
00:42:20,780 --> 00:42:24,780
"this may hurt a little," or
"this might cause you some discomfort."
554
00:42:24,880 --> 00:42:26,330
But I'm going blunt.
555
00:42:26,340 --> 00:42:29,790
This workshop is not a
government-led program.
556
00:42:29,790 --> 00:42:32,640
It's a private institution that
turns reclamation projects
557
00:42:32,650 --> 00:42:34,100
like yourself into men of....
558
00:42:34,790 --> 00:42:37,800
Extraordinary abilities.

559
00:42:38,800 --> 00:42:42,800
But if you think superhuman
powers are acquired painlessly...
560
00:42:42,810 --> 00:42:43,910
Wrong.
561
00:42:44,300 --> 00:42:45,800
I'm injecting you with a serum
562
00:42:45,810 --> 00:42:48,520
that activates any mutant
genes lurking in your DNA.
563
00:42:48,710 --> 00:42:53,810
For it to work, we need to
subject you to extreme stress.
564
00:42:57,820 --> 00:43:01,820
You've heard the whole, "make an
omelet, break some eggs" bit, I hope.
565
00:43:02,220 --> 00:43:06,830
I'm about to hurt you, Wade. I was
a patient here once myself, you know.
566
00:43:07,830 --> 00:43:12,830
The treatment affects everyone differently.
It made Angel inhumanly strong.
567
00:43:13,830 --> 00:43:16,710
In my case, it
enhanced my reflexes,
568
00:43:16,720 --> 00:43:21,150
also scorched my nerve endings
so I no longer feel pain.
569
00:43:22,840 --> 00:43:26,450
And in fact, I no
longer feel anything.
570
00:43:35,850 --> 00:43:39,860
Thank... thank you! You
have something in your teeth.
571

00:43:40,860 --> 00:43:45,860

Right in the middle there, just...
Nugget of romaine lettuce or something.
572
00:43:47,870 --> 00:43:49,870
It's been bothering
me for a long time.
573
00:43:51,870 --> 00:43:54,820
Made you look. Hey, is
Ajax your actual name,
574
00:43:54,820 --> 00:43:57,390
because it sounds
suspiciously made up.
575
00:43:57,480 --> 00:44:05,090
What is it really? Kevin? Bruce? Scott?
Mitch? Rickster? Is it Basil Fawlty?
576
00:44:05,190 --> 00:44:09,790
Joke away. One thing that never survives
this place is a sense of humor.
577
00:44:09,890 --> 00:44:12,890
- We'll see about that.
- I suppose we will.
578
00:44:13,890 --> 00:44:15,290
He's all yours.
579
00:44:15,300 --> 00:44:20,910
C'mon. You're gonna leave me all alone
here with less angry Rosie O'Donnell?
580
00:44:24,900 --> 00:44:27,030
This is how it's going to work.
581
00:44:27,040 --> 00:44:30,360
Adrenaline acts as a
catalyst for the serum, so
582
00:44:30,370 --> 00:44:32,930
we're gonna have to
make you suffer.
583
00:44:33,910 --> 00:44:38,420
If you're lucky, your mutant genes

will activate and manifest in a

584
00:44:38,430 --> 00:44:40,430
spectacular fashion.
585
00:44:43,920 --> 00:44:46,930
If not, well, we'll have
to keep on hurting you.
586
00:44:47,930 --> 00:44:51,930
In new and different ways,
each more painful than the last.
587
00:44:53,930 --> 00:44:56,940
Until you finally mutate...
588
00:44:57,940 --> 00:44:59,890
or die.
589
00:45:05,950 --> 00:45:07,830
You mean like a bucket list?
590
00:45:07,840 --> 00:45:12,960
Like a fuck it list, I'd like to
light a spiff off the Olympic torch.
591
00:45:13,050 --> 00:45:15,560
Acid to me, right after.
592
00:45:15,660 --> 00:45:21,960
Let's not forget: naked tandem base-jumping
with the WNBA's Sacramento Monarchs.
593
00:45:22,060 --> 00:45:24,960
Anything on my bucket list
would involve public nudity.
594
00:45:25,970 --> 00:45:28,970
Finally, giving Meredith
Baxter Birney a dutch oven.
595
00:45:29,070 --> 00:45:32,570
No, receiving a dutch oven
from Meredith Baxter Birney.
596
00:45:35,980 --> 00:45:39,980
Making banana

pancakes... For my kids...

597
00:45:43,380 --> 00:45:45,990
Vanessa...
598
00:45:48,990 --> 00:45:51,990
I wanna see Vanessa.
599
00:45:52,090 --> 00:45:56,000
Oh, lovely. I don't know about
anyone else but, I'm touched.
600
00:45:56,100 --> 00:45:57,900
We're just joking.
601
00:45:57,910 --> 00:46:03,010
No, no. It's okay. I
encourage distractions.
602
00:46:03,100 --> 00:46:06,000
Wouldn't want you giving
up on us now, would we?
603
00:46:06,010 --> 00:46:10,010
Hey, don't take any shit from him,
Cunningham. How tough can he be...
604
00:46:11,010 --> 00:46:15,010
- with a name like Francis?
- Francis?
605
00:46:16,020 --> 00:46:21,020
It's his legal name. He
got Ajax from a dish soap.
606
00:46:23,020 --> 00:46:28,030
F-R-A-N-C-I... oops!
607
00:46:30,730 --> 00:46:34,030
Snagged the dry cleaning
tag off your lab coat.
608
00:46:34,130 --> 00:46:38,040
FYI, I can probably get
you a superhero discount.
609
00:46:38,140 --> 00:46:42,040

- You are so relentlessly annoying.

- Thanks. Never heard that before.
610
00:46:42,140 --> 00:46:45,090
Why don't you do us all a
favor and shut the fuck up?
611
00:46:45,090 --> 00:46:47,060
Or I'll sew your
pretty mouth shut.
612
00:46:47,150 --> 00:46:50,950
Oh, I wouldn't do
that if I were you.
613
00:46:51,050 --> 00:46:54,170
See, here's the problem with
round-the-clock torture,
614
00:46:54,180 --> 00:46:57,070
it's that you can't really
step it up from there.
615
00:46:59,060 --> 00:47:02,060
Is that what you think?
616
00:47:07,070 --> 00:47:11,770
If this doesn't unlock your
mutation, then, well, nothing will.
617
00:47:12,070 --> 00:47:15,380
What we're gonna do is lower the
oxygen concentration in the air
618
00:47:15,390 --> 00:47:18,090
to the exact point you feel
like you're suffocating.
619
00:47:18,180 --> 00:47:22,250
If your brain wave's slow meaning
you're about to pass out,
620
00:47:22,260 --> 00:47:24,090
then we'll turn up the O2.
621
00:47:24,180 --> 00:47:27,750
If your heart rate slows meaning
you're able to catch your breath,

622
00:47:27,760 --> 00:47:29,100
we'll turn it back down.
623
00:47:30,090 --> 00:47:34,090
And that's where we'll
leave you. Right there.
624
00:47:35,090 --> 00:47:39,100
- I thought you guys were dicks before...
- You know the funniest part of this?
625
00:47:40,100 --> 00:47:43,100
You still think we're
making you a superhero.
626
00:47:43,200 --> 00:47:49,910
You? A dishonorable discharge?
Hip deep in hookers?
627
00:47:50,110 --> 00:47:55,110
You're nothing. A little secret, Wade...
628
00:47:55,220 --> 00:47:59,120
This workshop doesn't make
superheroes, we make superslaves.
629
00:48:00,120 --> 00:48:05,120
We're gonna fit you with a control collar
and auction you off to the highest bidder.
630
00:48:05,230 --> 00:48:07,330
And that's what they'll
have you doing.
631
00:48:07,340 --> 00:48:10,140
Terrorizing citizens, putting
down freedom fighters.
632
00:48:12,130 --> 00:48:15,130
Maybe just mow
the occasional lawn.
633
00:48:16,140 --> 00:48:18,140
What the fuck is wrong with you?
634
00:48:23,140 --> 00:48:28,850

You're never going home after

this. Now there's a brave face.
635
00:48:29,150 --> 00:48:32,150
Wait, wait, wait...
636
00:48:33,150 --> 00:48:38,160
Seriously, you actually have
something in your teeth now.
637
00:48:39,160 --> 00:48:45,160
- Enjoy your weekend.
- Weekend? Back up, weekend?
638
00:49:26,210 --> 00:49:31,210
Did I say this was a love
story? No. It's a horror movie.
639
00:49:47,230 --> 00:49:52,230
Fucking hell! Looks like someone
lost a shot at homecoming king.
640
00:49:52,330 --> 00:49:53,750
What have you done to me?
641
00:49:53,760 --> 00:49:58,250
I've mainly raised your stress levels
high enough to trigger a mutation.
642
00:49:58,340 --> 00:50:03,240
- You sadistic fuck!
- I've cured you, Wade.
643
00:50:03,340 --> 00:50:06,190
Now your mutated cells
can heal anything.
644
00:50:06,200 --> 00:50:09,260
Striking your cancer as
fast as it can form.
645
00:50:10,250 --> 00:50:15,250
Yeah, I've seen some other side
effects before... I could cure them.
646
00:50:18,260 --> 00:50:20,260
But where's the fun in that?

647
00:50:22,260 --> 00:50:25,260
Now I'm gonna shut
you in again, Wade.
648
00:50:26,760 --> 00:50:30,270
Not because I need to.
649
00:50:33,270 --> 00:50:35,270
Because I want to.
650
00:50:49,290 --> 00:50:52,290
Farewell. Go ahead.
651
00:50:54,290 --> 00:50:57,300
Ugh. You smell like shit.
652
00:51:00,300 --> 00:51:04,300
- Motherfucker...
- That's alright, it's alright...
653
00:51:04,400 --> 00:51:11,310
I think we have earned that one.
You take off. Go on, off you go.
654
00:51:22,320 --> 00:51:24,320
Quick question:
655
00:51:26,330 --> 00:51:28,330
What's my name?
656
00:51:33,330 --> 00:51:36,340
Didn't think so.
657
00:51:37,340 --> 00:51:40,340
Sorry, Francis. My lips are sealed.
658
00:53:36,020 --> 00:53:40,460
You don't wanna kill me. I'm the
only one who can fix your ugly mug!
659
00:54:36,520 --> 00:54:38,520
What's my name?
660
00:54:44,520 --> 00:54:46,530
Wade...

661
00:55:52,590 --> 00:56:00,600
I didn't just get the cure to el cancer...
I got the cure to el everything.
662
00:56:03,600 --> 00:56:08,610
But there was only one
thing that really mattered.
663
00:57:30,090 --> 00:57:33,790
No way. I'm not making
her life as ugly as mine.
664
00:57:33,990 --> 00:57:39,100
- Come on, Wade, it can't be that bad.
- Bullshit! I'm a monster inside now.
665
00:57:39,200 --> 00:57:42,800
- I belong in a fucking circus.
- Wade, Vanessa loves you.
666
00:57:43,000 --> 00:57:46,100
- She doesn't care what you... Oh!
- Do you like what you see?
667
00:57:46,210 --> 00:57:52,910
No. You look like an avocado had sex
with an older, more disgusting avocado.
668
00:57:53,110 --> 00:57:55,040
Not gently. He was hate-fucking.
669
00:57:55,050 --> 00:57:57,970
There was something wrong
with the relationship
670
00:57:57,980 --> 00:58:01,140
and that was their only
catharsis without violence.
671
00:58:01,220 --> 00:58:05,500
And the only guy who can fix this
fugly mug is the British shitstick
672
00:58:05,510 --> 00:58:08,740
who ran the mutant factory.
And he's gone... Poof!
673

00:58:08,930 --> 00:58:10,480

You gotta do something
to remedy this.
674
00:58:10,490 --> 00:58:12,640
'Cause as of now, you only
have one course of action:
675
00:58:13,130 --> 00:58:16,740
- Damn straight. Find Francis.
- Star in horror films.
676
00:58:16,940 --> 00:58:19,940
- What?
- Star in your own horror films.
677
00:58:20,040 --> 00:58:23,640
'Cause you look like Freddy Krueger facefucked a topographical map of Utah.
678
00:58:24,540 --> 00:58:25,940
Here's what I'm
actually gonna do:
679
00:58:26,040 --> 00:58:29,290
I'm gonna work thru his crew
until somebody gives up Francis,
680
00:58:29,290 --> 00:58:33,160
force him to fix this, put a bullet
in his skull, and fuck the brainhole.
681
00:58:33,250 --> 00:58:36,150
I don't wanna see that,
or think of it again. But,
682
00:58:36,260 --> 00:58:38,580
the douchebag does think
you're dead, right?
683
00:58:38,590 --> 00:58:39,590
Yeah.
684
00:58:39,660 --> 00:58:41,790
That's good. You should
keep it that way.
685
00:58:41,800 --> 00:58:43,260

What, like, wear a mask?

686
00:58:43,260 --> 00:58:50,170
Yes, a very thick mask. All the
time. I'm sorry, you're haunting.
687
00:58:50,270 --> 00:58:53,870
- Your face is the stuff of nightmares.
- Like a testicle with teeth.
688
00:58:53,970 --> 00:59:00,180
You will die alone. I mean if you
could die. Ideally. For others' sake.
689
00:59:00,280 --> 00:59:01,260
That'll do.
690
00:59:01,270 --> 00:59:05,190
What you need now is a suit and a
nickname, like Wade the Wisecracker...
691
00:59:05,290 --> 00:59:10,810
or Scaredevil, Mr. Neverdie.
Oh, shit.
692
00:59:10,820 --> 00:59:12,200
What?
693
00:59:13,190 --> 00:59:17,200
I put all my money on you, and now I just
realized I'm never gonna win the....
694
00:59:17,200 --> 00:59:18,310
Deadpool...
695
00:59:21,200 --> 00:59:24,200
Captain Deadpool.
696
00:59:25,200 --> 00:59:28,210
No. Just-just Deadpool. Yeah.
697
00:59:28,310 --> 00:59:30,230
To you, Mr. Pool.
698
00:59:30,240 --> 00:59:34,620
Deadpool. That sounds
like a fuckin' franchise.

699
00:59:38,850 --> 00:59:40,850
(Deadpool)
700
00:59:42,880 --> 00:59:44,880
(Deadpool)
701
00:59:46,900 --> 00:59:48,230
(Deadpool)
702
00:59:48,230 --> 00:59:50,230
This shit's gonna
have nuts in it!
703
00:59:51,360 --> 00:59:52,340
They call me Deadpool, I'm hella fast.
704
00:59:52,340 --> 00:59:54,340
Where's Francis?
705
00:59:54,360 --> 00:59:55,860
Came to merc the bad guys, and get some ass.
706
00:59:55,890 --> 00:59:56,990
Got blades for days, got guns galore.
707
00:59:57,010 --> 00:59:59,010
Got combo moves, evades and more.
708
01:00:06,880 --> 01:00:08,880
Where is Francis?
709
01:00:08,900 --> 01:00:10,900
Run away, you know that I'll chase.
710
01:00:10,930 --> 01:00:12,030
Every bad guy, put them
right in their place.
711
01:00:12,050 --> 01:00:13,950
Revenge, im gonna give you a taste
712
01:00:13,980 --> 01:00:15,880
I'm sexy as hell, but I cover my face.
713

01:00:16,260 --> 01:00:23,260

Seltzer water and lemon for
blood. Or wear red. Dumbass!
714
01:00:24,890 --> 01:00:28,900
Captain Deadpool (Nah, just Deadpool)
715
01:00:28,920 --> 01:00:30,920
Merc with a mouth, I can't die.
716
01:00:30,950 --> 01:00:32,950
One foot in the grave
But I'm still alive.
717
01:00:32,970 --> 01:00:34,970
Try to kill me, I'll just revive.
718
01:00:35,000 --> 01:00:37,040
Then I'll put another bullet
right between your eyes.
719
01:00:41,280 --> 01:00:43,280
Don't make me ask twice.
720
01:00:44,280 --> 01:00:47,290
Where is Francis?
721
01:00:47,390 --> 01:00:52,290
He made me ask twice.
Is the mask muffling my voice?
722
01:00:53,420 --> 01:00:55,920
I'm bout to take you all
to school with guns and knives.
723
01:00:55,950 --> 01:00:57,920
(Deadpool)
724
01:00:57,930 --> 01:00:59,930
Where's Francis?
725
01:01:01,450 --> 01:01:03,460
Where's fucking Francis?
726
01:01:11,310 --> 01:01:14,310
You're about to be
killed by a Zamboni!

727
01:01:14,440 --> 01:01:16,450
Where's Francis?
728
01:01:17,320 --> 01:01:22,320
- No, please...
- Oh, God. I'm so sorry.
729
01:01:23,320 --> 01:01:26,330
Little spider-monkey!
730
01:01:28,460 --> 01:01:30,460
Where is...
731
01:01:30,460 --> 01:01:32,460
Francis?
732
01:01:33,330 --> 01:01:34,730
This is confusing!
733
01:01:34,740 --> 01:01:40,350
Is it sexist to hit you, is it more sexist
to not hit you, the line gets real blurry!
734
01:01:40,440 --> 01:01:42,340
Donde esta Francesca?
735
01:01:43,340 --> 01:01:49,350
Tell me where your fucking boss is!
Or you're gonna die! In 5 minutes!
736
01:01:49,480 --> 01:01:51,480
Sexy motherfucka
737
01:01:53,510 --> 01:01:55,510
Sexy motherfucka
738
01:02:16,380 --> 01:02:23,380
Nice to see you, Jared. I'll
take a foot long. Fully loaded.
739
01:02:38,400 --> 01:02:43,250
41 confirmed kills. Now,
it's 89, about to be 90.
740
01:02:43,260 --> 01:02:44,910

Mr. Wilson?
741
01:02:46,410 --> 01:02:51,410
- You're looking very alive.
- Hah! Only on the outside.
742
01:02:51,510 --> 01:02:54,410
- This is not going to end...
- This is not gonna end well for you, no.
743
01:02:54,510 --> 01:02:57,420
- Where's your boss?
- I can tell you exactly where...
744
01:02:58,420 --> 01:03:00,320
You'll tell me. But first,
745
01:03:00,330 --> 01:03:05,430
you might wanna look away for this.
Now this little piggy went to...
746
01:03:07,180 --> 01:03:08,930
Thank you, Agent Smith.
747
01:03:12,430 --> 01:03:14,430
Taxi!
748
01:03:15,430 --> 01:03:18,440
Hop in! Great day for a ride.
749
01:03:19,440 --> 01:03:21,440
And we all know
how this turned out.
750
01:03:24,440 --> 01:03:26,450
Whoops! You weren't
meant to see that.
751
01:03:33,450 --> 01:03:36,460
There. All caught up.
752
01:03:46,970 --> 01:03:50,970
Sorry! About bleeding
at all your garbage.
753
01:03:55,970 --> 01:03:58,980
Seltzer water and

lemon for blood.

754
01:04:00,980 --> 01:04:03,580
Some kinds of anger
can't be managed.
755
01:04:03,680 --> 01:04:07,680
Like the kind where your year-long
plan ends with the wrong guy
756
01:04:07,690 --> 01:04:09,000
getting dismembered!
757
01:04:09,090 --> 01:04:13,990
That said, when it comes time to licking
wounds, there's no place like home.
758
01:04:52,530 --> 01:04:54,530
Morning, sleepyhead.
759
01:04:55,530 --> 01:05:00,240
- It smells like old lady pants in here.
- Yes I'm old, I wear pants.
760
01:05:00,340 --> 01:05:03,540
But you're no lady.
Oh, so comfy.
761
01:05:05,540 --> 01:05:07,990
Upside of being blind, I've
never seen you in crocs.
762
01:05:08,000 --> 01:05:10,260
You mean my big, rubber,
masturbating shoes?
763
01:05:10,350 --> 01:05:16,560
Yes I know. Downside of being blind,
I hear everything in this duplex.
764
01:05:18,460 --> 01:05:21,560
- Sit on a stick.
- Bactine?
765
01:05:22,560 --> 01:05:24,560
Bactine should do it.
766

01:05:25,560 --> 01:05:30,570

How's that () coming along? Ikea
doesn't assemble itself, you know.
767
01:05:30,670 --> 01:05:35,570
You're telling me. I don't mind the ().
It's an improvement on the Hurdal.
768
01:05:35,570 --> 01:05:38,180
Anything's an improvement over the Hurdal.
769
01:05:38,580 --> 01:05:41,580
I'd taken an Hemnes or
a Trysil over the Hurdal.
770
01:05:43,580 --> 01:05:45,380
No, I didn't get
excited 'till I saw ().
771
01:05:45,580 --> 01:05:46,550
Screw, please.
772
01:05:46,550 --> 01:05:49,400
Here? Now? Just kidding. I
know it's been decades.
773
01:05:49,490 --> 01:05:52,590
- You'd be surprised.
- Pretty grossed out.
774
01:05:53,590 --> 01:05:56,600
Ta... dah...
775
01:06:02,380 --> 01:06:05,600
I wish I never heard, of Craigslist.
776
01:06:05,710 --> 01:06:08,720
And I quote, "Looking for roommate,
blind, and likes imperfections."
777
01:06:08,730 --> 01:06:12,320
"Must be good with hands." Or would you
rather I build the Ikea and you pay rent?
778
01:06:12,410 --> 01:06:15,610
- Why such a douche this morning?
- Let's recap:

779
01:06:15,720 --> 01:06:20,220
The cock-fizzle that turned me into this
freak slipped through my arms today.
780
01:06:20,320 --> 01:06:21,720
Arm.
781
01:06:21,920 --> 01:06:25,190
Catching him was my only chance to be
hot again, get my super-sexy ex back
782
01:06:25,200 --> 01:06:27,330
and prevent this from
happening to someone else.
783
01:06:27,430 --> 01:06:30,360
So yeah, today was about as
much fun as a sandpaper dildo.
784
01:06:33,030 --> 01:06:34,830
Hashtag drive-by.
785
01:06:53,850 --> 01:06:56,860
Found out who our
friend in the red suit is.
786
01:06:57,860 --> 01:07:03,860
Fucking Wade Wilson. Suppose I'd wear
a mask, too, if I had a face like that.
787
01:07:03,960 --> 01:07:05,860
I only wish I'd heal the same.
788
01:07:09,470 --> 01:07:12,870
Still, we'll put him out of
our misery. On our terms.
789
01:07:13,870 --> 01:07:15,640
Right. And when he heals?
790
01:07:15,650 --> 01:07:19,890
He can't. Not if there's
nothing left of him to heal.
791
01:07:19,980 --> 01:07:24,880
You know, it's funny. I
almost missed the fucker.

792
01:07:25,880 --> 01:07:32,190
I like a challenge. But he's bad
for business. Now let's go find him.
793
01:07:36,900 --> 01:07:37,800
Tylenol PM?
794
01:07:37,810 --> 01:07:40,910
It sticks back where
you stuck the Bactine.
795
01:07:41,000 --> 01:07:44,570
I raided my stash of
wisdom just to take a sec
796
01:07:44,570 --> 01:07:47,910
and I am orbiting fucking
Saturn right now.
797
01:07:50,510 --> 01:07:52,910
But I appreciate the gesture.
798
01:07:53,910 --> 01:07:57,920
Am I crazy? Or is
your hand really small?
799
01:07:58,020 --> 01:08:00,920
About the size of a KFC spork.
800
01:08:01,920 --> 01:08:03,350
I get why you're so pissy,
801
01:08:03,360 --> 01:08:05,450
but your mood's never
gonna brighten
802
01:08:05,460 --> 01:08:08,440
'till you find this woman
and tell her how you feel.
803
01:08:08,530 --> 01:08:10,670
What do I keep telling
you, Mrs. McGoo?
804
01:08:10,680 --> 01:08:13,940
She wouldn't have me. If you

could see me, you'd understand.

805
01:08:14,030 --> 01:08:15,290
Looks aren't everything.
806
01:08:15,300 --> 01:08:18,440
Looks are everything! Ever
heard David Beckham speak?
807
01:08:18,540 --> 01:08:20,830
It's like he mouth-sexed
a can of helium.
808
01:08:20,840 --> 01:08:24,450
You think Ryan Reynolds got this
far on a superior acting method?
809
01:08:24,540 --> 01:08:26,440
- Love is blind, Wade.
- No...
810
01:08:26,950 --> 01:08:28,950
You're blind.
811
01:08:29,050 --> 01:08:31,950
So you're just gonna
lie there and whimper?
812
01:08:32,050 --> 01:08:34,710
No, I'm gonna wait 'till this
arm plows through puberty
813
01:08:34,720 --> 01:08:37,560
and then I'll come up with a
whole, new Christmas day plan.
814
01:08:37,760 --> 01:08:42,960
In the meantime, you might wanna leave
the room. I bet it feels huge in this hand.
815
01:08:43,960 --> 01:08:46,970
Go, go, go, go, go...
816
01:08:47,970 --> 01:08:51,000
So the doctor says, the bad news is
you don't have that long to live.
817

01:08:51,010 --> 01:08:52,780

So the patient says,
how long do I have?
818
01:08:52,870 --> 01:08:55,970
The doctor says, five.
The guy says, five what?
819
01:08:56,070 --> 01:08:59,980
The doctor says, 4, 3, 2...
820
01:09:05,980 --> 01:09:08,590
Can I help you ladies?
821
01:09:10,990 --> 01:09:12,990
Oh, I do hope so.
822
01:09:15,990 --> 01:09:21,000
Now, I heard you might be able to point
me in the direction of a, a friend of mine.
823
01:09:21,100 --> 01:09:23,000
Name of Wade Wilson.
824
01:09:24,000 --> 01:09:27,010
Sorry, I don't know the name.
825
01:09:34,010 --> 01:09:36,880
Hey, you're not supposed
to be behind the bar.
826
01:09:40,020 --> 01:09:41,300
I've seen this girl.
827
01:09:41,310 --> 01:09:45,030
This must be Vanessa. I've
heard so much about you.
828
01:09:49,030 --> 01:09:51,160
Sweetheart, you might
wanna look around.
829
01:09:51,170 --> 01:09:54,040
This isn't really the place
to do something like that.
830
01:09:55,030 --> 01:09:59,040

Easy, Angel. Put

the little man down.
831
01:10:00,040 --> 01:10:03,040
- We have everything we need now.
- You sure?
832
01:10:04,040 --> 01:10:07,050
You don't want any clothes
that are not monochromatic?
833
01:10:07,150 --> 01:10:10,050
Have fun at your midnight
showing of Blade II.
834
01:10:13,050 --> 01:10:16,050
Thanks for having my back, guys.
835
01:10:20,660 --> 01:10:24,560
Wade, we have a fucking
problem, and by we, I mean you.
836
01:10:25,760 --> 01:10:31,070
I can't believe we're doing this. Is there
a word for half-afraid, half-angry?
837
01:10:31,170 --> 01:10:34,070
"Afrangry", I guess. Have you
decided what you're gonna say to her?
838
01:10:34,150 --> 01:10:38,780
- Fuck me!
- Maybe not start with that.
839
01:10:44,080 --> 01:10:50,090
Hey, coming on to our stage
right now, give it up for Chastity!
840
01:10:53,090 --> 01:10:55,020
Or as I like to call her, Irony.
841
01:10:55,030 --> 01:10:58,100
I gotta find her fast,
before numb nuts does.
842
01:10:58,200 --> 01:11:03,100
- How do you know she's in here?
- Some customer stalking that fox.

843
01:11:25,930 --> 01:11:29,930
Every time I see her,
it's like the first time.
844
01:11:30,430 --> 01:11:32,930
Especially from this angle.
845
01:11:55,960 --> 01:11:59,960
You can't buy love, but you
can rent it for three minutes.
846
01:12:02,960 --> 01:12:05,970
You weak motherfucker!
847
01:12:06,970 --> 01:12:11,970
C'mon. Get it together, this isn't
about you, this is about Vanessa.
848
01:12:15,980 --> 01:12:17,980
Here we go.
849
01:12:19,980 --> 01:12:21,980
Maximum effort.
850
01:12:24,980 --> 01:12:26,590
Vanessa!
851
01:12:28,990 --> 01:12:34,990
Someone out back asking for you.
Something about, an old boyfriend?
852
01:13:01,020 --> 01:13:06,030
I knew it was you. 'Cause
we're weird curvy edges.
853
01:13:07,030 --> 01:13:09,030
Like a jigsaw puzzle.
854
01:13:19,040 --> 01:13:22,040
You have Wade Wilson to thank for this.
855
01:13:31,050 --> 01:13:32,520
Hey, hey, where did she go?
856
01:13:32,530 --> 01:13:36,060

I saw her head to the back.

Go get her, tiger.
857
01:14:00,700 --> 01:14:01,700
Fuck!
858
01:14:03,480 --> 01:14:05,080
Motherfucker!
859
01:14:05,080 --> 01:14:07,890
- Wade, Wade, Wade, Wade...
- Cunt! Chocolate...
860
01:14:08,090 --> 01:14:13,090
- Jiminy... Fuck! Fuck!
- We can talk... or you can hit that...
861
01:14:18,100 --> 01:14:21,100
- Whoa! Whoa!
- Relax, relax. Okay...
862
01:14:21,100 --> 01:14:28,110
I'm gonna rip his motherfucking... find
that, find it, or I'm gonna get angry.
863
01:14:30,110 --> 01:14:34,010
Here, this is Vanessa.
No, wait, it's Francis.
864
01:14:34,110 --> 01:14:37,120
- He wants you to come to him.
- What is that?
865
01:14:37,220 --> 01:14:40,810
That's the shit emoji. It's the turd
with the smiling face and the eyes.
866
01:14:40,820 --> 01:14:43,130
I thought it was chocolate
yogurt for so long.
867
01:14:43,420 --> 01:14:46,120
- I need guns.
- Okay, which ones?
868
01:14:46,220 --> 01:14:49,130
- I need all the guns!
- All right, okay.

869
01:15:08,550 --> 01:15:13,550
- That's about 3000 rounds.
- And we all know what I can do with 12.
870
01:15:13,850 --> 01:15:17,160
Hey, hey, careful with that,
Ronnie Milsap, we're downrange.
871
01:15:18,160 --> 01:15:23,160
I was gonna spend the night assembling
the () but this is holding my interest.
872
01:15:23,260 --> 01:15:26,160
- I told you, we're going
with the (), not the (),
873
01:15:26,170 --> 01:15:28,570
get it thru your head
or get outta Fucktown!
874
01:15:28,580 --> 01:15:29,480
Shit.
875
01:15:29,570 --> 01:15:31,240
That's all the
pieces in the house.
876
01:15:31,250 --> 01:15:33,480
No, no, no, come on. Let's go.
Cough it up.
877
01:15:36,170 --> 01:15:39,180
- Down, down, down, down.
- Fuck you.
878
01:15:40,180 --> 01:15:43,180
45 cal. I like it.
879
01:15:45,080 --> 01:15:46,180
Wade...
880
01:15:47,190 --> 01:15:51,190
I'd go with you, but...
I don't wanna.
881
01:15:53,190 --> 01:15:56,190

Oh, listen, Al...

882
01:15:57,200 --> 01:16:02,200
If I never see you again, I want you
to know that I love you very much.
883
01:16:03,200 --> 01:16:04,600
And also,
884
01:16:04,610 --> 01:16:08,240
there's about 116 kilos of cocaine
buried somewhere in the apartment,
885
01:16:08,250 --> 01:16:10,220
right next to the cure for blindness.
886
01:16:10,310 --> 01:16:12,210
Good luck.
887
01:16:16,210 --> 01:16:19,220
You wanna get fucked up?
888
01:16:27,730 --> 01:16:30,230
Put her down over here.
889
01:16:39,240 --> 01:16:41,240
Go on, then.
890
01:16:43,240 --> 01:16:49,250
- Thanks, dickless. And I mean you.
- You're a talker, too. You and Wade.
891
01:16:49,350 --> 01:16:52,690
I've been trying to tell you
assholes you got the wrong girl.
892
01:16:52,700 --> 01:16:54,260
My old boyfriend, he's dead.
893
01:16:54,350 --> 01:17:02,260
See, I thought that, too. But he keeps on
coming back. Like a cockroach, but uglier.
894
01:17:02,360 --> 01:17:09,770
Now, I may not feel, but he does. Let's see
how he fights with your head on the block.

895
01:17:17,280 --> 01:17:21,280
- Ripley! From Alien 3!
- Fuck, you're old.
896
01:17:22,280 --> 01:17:25,830
Fake laugh! Hiding real pain!
Go get Silver balls.
897
01:17:25,840 --> 01:17:29,400
You guys going for a bite?
Early bird special?
898
01:17:29,590 --> 01:17:32,790
Like there's something wrong with eating
before sundown or saving money. No.
899
01:17:32,990 --> 01:17:37,300
You know that bad guy that
you let go? He's got my girl.
900
01:17:38,300 --> 01:17:42,050
- You're gonna help me get her back.
- Wade? Is that you?
901
01:17:42,150 --> 01:17:46,300
Yeah, it's me Deadpool, and I got
an offer that you can't refuse!
902
01:17:48,910 --> 01:17:50,910
I'm gonna wait out here,
okay? It's a big house!
903
01:17:51,010 --> 01:17:53,190
It's funny that I only ever see 2 of you.
904
01:17:53,200 --> 01:17:56,320
It's almost like, the studio
couldn't afford another X-Men.
905
01:17:57,850 --> 01:18:03,150
And that, is why in my opinion, the
movie Cocoon, is pure pornography.
906
01:18:04,150 --> 01:18:08,160
- Who brought this twinkly man?
- Twinkly, but deadly.
907

01:18:08,260 --> 01:18:12,570

My chrome-penised friend back there,
has agreed to do me this solid.
908
01:18:12,580 --> 01:18:16,270
In exchange, I said I would
consider joining his boy band.
909
01:18:16,970 --> 01:18:20,170
- It's not boy band.
- Sure, it's not.
910
01:18:20,170 --> 01:18:22,200
So, any luck winning Gita back?
911
01:18:22,210 --> 01:18:24,710
I tried to hold on
tight, Mr. Pool,
912
01:18:24,720 --> 01:18:28,190
but Bandu is more craftier
and handsomer than me.
913
01:18:29,280 --> 01:18:32,180
Well, I think you're
pretty darn cute.
914
01:18:37,190 --> 01:18:39,190
- Dopinder?
- Hmm?
915
01:18:40,790 --> 01:18:48,800
- What was that?
- That was........ Bandu, in the trunk?
916
01:18:50,000 --> 01:18:53,200
- Ban-who?
- My romantic rival, Bandu.
917
01:18:53,300 --> 01:18:56,060
He's tied up in the trunk.
I'm doing as you said, DP,
918
01:18:56,070 --> 01:19:00,220
I plan to gut him like a tandoori fish
then dump his carcass on Gita's doorstep.
919
01:19:00,310 --> 01:19:05,210

I did not tell him to do that! Absolutely

not! We got lost in translation!
920
01:19:05,310 --> 01:19:09,520
Dopinder, this is no way to win Gita's
heart back! (I'm so proud of you.)
921
01:19:09,620 --> 01:19:12,920
Drop Bandu off safe
and gentle-like. (Kill him.)
922
01:19:13,020 --> 01:19:19,230
And then, win Gita back the old-fashioned
way, with your boyish charm! (Kidnap her.)
923
01:19:20,230 --> 01:19:22,230
He's super dead.
924
01:19:27,240 --> 01:19:31,240
- I presume a crisp high-five?
- For you? Ten!
925
01:19:31,740 --> 01:19:36,240
Okay, guys, let's get out there and make
a difference! (You know what to do.)
926
01:19:37,650 --> 01:19:39,250
Knock 'em dead, pool boy!
927
01:19:41,250 --> 01:19:43,850
Time to make the
chimi-fucking-changas.
928
01:19:44,950 --> 01:19:46,980
Not often a dude ruins your face,
929
01:19:46,990 --> 01:19:48,430
skullstomps your sanity,
930
01:19:48,440 --> 01:19:51,370
grabs your future baby mama
and personally sees to 4
931
01:19:51,380 --> 01:19:52,990
of your 5 shittiest moments.
932
01:19:53,860 --> 01:19:58,270

Let's just say it's beginning

to look a lot like Christmas.
933
01:19:58,460 --> 01:19:59,370
X gon' give it to ya
934
01:19:59,390 --> 01:20:01,890
Fuck wait for you to get it on your own
935
01:20:01,920 --> 01:20:02,920
X gon' deliver to ya
936
01:20:02,940 --> 01:20:05,040
Knock knock, open up the door, it's real
937
01:20:05,070 --> 01:20:07,970
Wit the non-stop, pop
pop and stainless steel
938
01:20:08,000 --> 01:20:09,000
Go hard getting busy wit it
939
01:20:09,020 --> 01:20:11,020
But I got such a good heart
940
01:20:11,130 --> 01:20:14,280
Hey, where's your duffel bag?
941
01:20:37,310 --> 01:20:42,310
Goddammit! We'll do this the oldfashioned way. With two swords...
942
01:20:43,410 --> 01:20:44,810
and maximum effort.
943
01:20:44,910 --> 01:20:46,890
Cue the music.
944
01:20:46,910 --> 01:20:48,040
I'm a wolf in sheep clothing
945
01:20:48,040 --> 01:20:50,040
Only nigga that you know who can chill
946
01:20:50,070 --> 01:20:51,070
Come back and get the streets open

947
01:20:51,090 --> 01:20:53,090
I've been doing this for nineteen years
948
01:20:53,120 --> 01:20:56,020
Niggas wanna fight me?
Fight these tears
949
01:21:02,330 --> 01:21:04,330
Wade Wilson!
950
01:21:05,330 --> 01:21:06,400
What's my name?
951
01:21:06,410 --> 01:21:09,450
Ooh, I'mma fucking
spell it out for 'ya.
952
01:21:11,340 --> 01:21:12,340
Go get some.
953
01:21:12,350 --> 01:21:16,350
Superhero landing. She's gonna do
a superhero landing, wait for it!
954
01:21:20,350 --> 01:21:23,500
Superhero landing! You know,
that's really hard on your knees.
955
01:21:23,510 --> 01:21:25,360
Totally impractical,
they all do it.
956
01:21:25,450 --> 01:21:30,060
You're a lovely lady but I'm saving myself
for Francis. That's why I brought him.
957
01:21:30,210 --> 01:21:34,360
I'd prefer not to hit a
woman, so please...
958
01:21:40,370 --> 01:21:43,370
I mean, that's
why I brought her?
959
01:21:45,070 --> 01:21:50,380
Oh no. Finish your tweet. Just give us

a second. Here you go. Hash tag it.

960
01:21:51,380 --> 01:21:53,380
Go get her, tiger.
961
01:22:00,390 --> 01:22:04,390
I so pity the dude who
pressures her into prom sex.
962
01:22:04,490 --> 01:22:06,700
Alright then. Fire!
963
01:22:17,910 --> 01:22:19,600
Finish fucking her the fuck up!
964
01:22:19,810 --> 01:22:21,910
- Language, please.
- Suck a cock!
965
01:22:47,990 --> 01:22:51,740
Look away, child. Look away!
966
01:22:58,450 --> 01:23:03,450
- Wait! Wait!
- Cease fire! Cease fire!
967
01:23:03,550 --> 01:23:10,460
Fellas, hey, you only work for
that shit-spackled Muppet fart.
968
01:23:10,560 --> 01:23:12,260
So, I'mma give you a chance
969
01:23:12,270 --> 01:23:16,470
for y'all to lay down your firearms
in exchange for preferential,
970
01:23:16,480 --> 01:23:18,580
bordering on gentle, possibly...
971
01:23:19,470 --> 01:23:21,870
even lover-like treatment.
972
01:23:23,470 --> 01:23:26,070
Fine! Commando!
973

01:24:38,150 --> 01:24:39,550

Teabag!
974
01:24:42,550 --> 01:24:45,950
- Bob?
- Wade?
975
01:24:46,150 --> 01:24:48,580
Oh my God, I haven't seen
you since, TGIFridays!
976
01:24:48,580 --> 01:24:49,970
Jacksonville. Fridays.
977
01:24:50,560 --> 01:24:55,160
What the hell! God!
Come here, you.
978
01:24:56,570 --> 01:25:01,620
How are the kids? Good? And Gail, is
she still fixing that tuna casserole?
979
01:25:01,630 --> 01:25:03,580
It's so good, but bad for...
980
01:25:10,580 --> 01:25:15,340
Your... on the left...
You are beautiful...
981
01:25:15,350 --> 01:25:18,590
That is so sweet! Thanks!
982
01:25:29,600 --> 01:25:33,600
Does he write you notes,
too? He's such a romantic.
983
01:25:33,700 --> 01:25:35,600
Don't worry, baby. I'm coming.
984
01:25:36,610 --> 01:25:37,910
Fire!
985
01:25:44,610 --> 01:25:48,620
Hey! Climb on.
986
01:26:37,670 --> 01:26:41,670
Motherfucker shoulda

worn his brown pants.

987
01:26:42,670 --> 01:26:47,150
You were right, beautiful.
Red really is my color.
988
01:26:47,160 --> 01:26:48,280
Wade?
989
01:26:48,380 --> 01:26:52,330
Don't worry, baby. I'mma
get you outta that shitbox.
990
01:26:52,480 --> 01:26:55,400
What better way to crawl back
inside that head of yours.
991
01:26:55,410 --> 01:26:56,690
Oh, you never left.
992
01:26:56,790 --> 01:27:00,690
- But you did, asshole!
- Deep breath, darling.
993
01:27:01,690 --> 01:27:06,700
No wait.... Wrong
choice of words.
994
01:27:07,700 --> 01:27:10,790
Well I hope they've blocked
pain to your every last nerve.
995
01:27:10,800 --> 01:27:12,110
'Cause I'mma go looking!
996
01:27:13,500 --> 01:27:15,980
I hear you grow back
body parts now, Wade.
997
01:27:15,990 --> 01:27:18,820
When I'm finished, what's
left to grow back you?
998
01:27:18,960 --> 01:27:22,710
Good one.... Yup.
That was a good one.
999

01:27:22,810 --> 01:27:28,220

Let's dance. And by "dance", I
mean let's try to kill each other.
1000
01:28:22,370 --> 01:28:27,780
- Fine. Fists.
- Sounds like your last Saturday night.
1001
01:29:21,530 --> 01:29:24,530
You know our love was meant to be
1002
01:29:27,560 --> 01:29:31,560
The kind of love to last forever
1003
01:29:34,590 --> 01:29:37,590
And I want you here with me
1004
01:29:40,620 --> 01:29:45,620
From tonight until the end of time
1005
01:29:46,550 --> 01:29:49,060
You should know,
1006
01:29:49,070 --> 01:29:51,320
Asshole!
1007
01:29:51,330 --> 01:29:52,980
everywhere I go
1008
01:29:53,560 --> 01:29:59,570
Always on my mind, in
my heart, in my soul
1009
01:29:59,590 --> 01:30:03,590
Baby, you're the meaning in my life
1010
01:30:03,620 --> 01:30:06,620
You're the inspiration
1011
01:30:06,650 --> 01:30:09,650
Wanna have you near me
1012
01:30:10,570 --> 01:30:13,580
I wanna have you hear me saying
1013
01:30:14,600 --> 01:30:19,610

 No one needs you more than I need you

1014
01:30:19,630 --> 01:30:23,640
needs you more than I...
1015
01:30:46,920 --> 01:30:51,920
- Hang in there, baby. I got you.
- Wade!
1016
01:30:53,920 --> 01:30:56,620
I got a plan. You're
not gonna like it.
1017
01:31:05,930 --> 01:31:08,940
Shit, shit, shit!
1018
01:31:12,940 --> 01:31:16,950
Don't worry! I'm
totally on top of this.
1019
01:31:31,960 --> 01:31:36,970
Dammit! Maximum effort!
1020
01:32:19,010 --> 01:32:21,010
Thanks.
1021
01:32:25,010 --> 01:32:28,020
Just take it slow.
1022
01:32:37,420 --> 01:32:40,730
Oh, my God! That was so awe...
1023
01:33:13,460 --> 01:33:18,590
Me and you, are headed
to fix this butter face!
1024
01:33:18,600 --> 01:33:19,880
What?
1025
01:33:21,070 --> 01:33:24,370
You sure are a fucking idiot.
1026
01:33:24,570 --> 01:33:30,680
Did you really think
there was a cure, for that?
1027

01:33:31,080 --> 01:33:35,080

- What?
- You heard me.
1028
01:33:35,180 --> 01:33:38,090
No, no!
1029
01:33:45,090 --> 01:33:53,100
So, you mean to say...
After all this, you can't fix me?
1030
01:33:53,600 --> 01:33:56,300
It sounds even
stupider when you say it.
1031
01:33:56,500 --> 01:34:01,110
Like the kind of stupid who admits he can't
do the one thing I'm keeping him alive for?
1032
01:34:05,110 --> 01:34:07,120
Any last words?
1033
01:34:08,120 --> 01:34:12,120
- What's my name?
- Who fucking cares!
1034
01:34:12,220 --> 01:34:13,720
Wade!
1035
01:34:14,120 --> 01:34:18,130
- Four or five moments.
- I'm sorry?
1036
01:34:18,230 --> 01:34:22,130
Four or five moments,
that's all it takes.
1037
01:34:22,140 --> 01:34:23,140
To...?
1038
01:34:23,230 --> 01:34:25,130
Be a hero.
1039
01:34:26,530 --> 01:34:30,540
Everyone thinks it's a full-time job.
Wake up a hero.
1040

01:34:30,550 --> 01:34:34,550

Brush your teeth a hero. Go
to work a hero. Not true.
1041
01:34:36,140 --> 01:34:41,150
Over a lifetime, there are only 4
or 5 moments that really matter.
1042
01:34:41,250 --> 01:34:43,950
Moments when you're
offered a choice.
1043
01:34:44,150 --> 01:34:48,160
To make a sacrifice, conquer
a flaw, save a friend...
1044
01:34:48,660 --> 01:34:52,160
spare an enemy.
1045
01:34:52,260 --> 01:34:57,170
In these moments,
everything else falls away.
1046
01:34:57,270 --> 01:35:02,170
The way the world sees us.
The way we...
1047
01:35:05,850 --> 01:35:07,350
Why?
1048
01:35:08,350 --> 01:35:13,360
You were droning on! Sure, I may be
stuck looking like pepperoni flat bread.
1049
01:35:13,460 --> 01:35:16,360
But at least fuck-face
won't heal from that.
1050
01:35:16,460 --> 01:35:18,440
If wearing superhero tights
1051
01:35:18,450 --> 01:35:23,370
means sparing psychopaths then
maybe I wasn't meant to wear them.
1052
01:35:23,470 --> 01:35:27,370
- Not everyone martyred as a hall like you.
- Just promise...

1053
01:35:27,470 --> 01:35:31,370
Yeah, yeah, I'll be on the look
out for the next four moments.
1054
01:35:32,380 --> 01:35:35,750
Now if you'll excuse
me, I'm just a boy,
1055
01:35:35,760 --> 01:35:39,960
about to stand in front of
a girl, and tell her...
1056
01:35:40,070 --> 01:35:44,980
- What the fuck am I gonna tell her?
- Well, you better figure it out.
1057
01:35:46,980 --> 01:35:49,710
I can't even tell you... I
deserve that... that too..
1058
01:35:49,720 --> 01:35:51,490
No, no, no, maybe
not the nethers.
1059
01:35:51,790 --> 01:35:53,990
Start talking!
1060
01:35:55,390 --> 01:36:02,600
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. For
everything. I'm sorry for leaving,
1061
01:36:03,000 --> 01:36:06,020
I'm sorry for not
cowboying up sooner...
1062
01:36:06,030 --> 01:36:08,600
It's been a rough
couple of years.
1063
01:36:08,610 --> 01:36:10,010
Rough?
1064
01:36:16,010 --> 01:36:21,010
I live in a crackhouse.
With a family of 12...
1065

01:36:22,420 --> 01:36:25,940

Every night we spoon for warmth,
everybody fights for Noelle.
1066
01:36:25,950 --> 01:36:27,030
She's the fattest.
1067
01:36:27,120 --> 01:36:33,030
There is nothing that we don't share.
Floor space, dental floss, even condoms.
1068
01:36:41,030 --> 01:36:43,720
So you live in a house?
1069
01:36:52,050 --> 01:36:55,050
I should've come
and found you sooner.
1070
01:36:56,050 --> 01:37:01,050
But everything under this mask,
he ain't the same one you remember.
1071
01:37:05,060 --> 01:37:07,060
You made this mask?
1072
01:37:26,080 --> 01:37:31,380
And this one. In case
the other fell off.
1073
01:37:36,090 --> 01:37:43,100
Like a band-aid. Just... Audi 5000.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
1074
01:37:43,200 --> 01:37:45,100
Are you sure?
1075
01:37:46,100 --> 01:37:48,100
I'm sure.
1076
01:37:58,110 --> 01:38:01,110
- Wow.
- Yeah.
1077
01:38:11,920 --> 01:38:16,930
After a brief adjustment period,
and a bunch of drinks..
1078

01:38:17,020 --> 01:38:19,930

It's a face...
1079
01:38:23,030 --> 01:38:26,040
I'd be happy to sit on.
1080
01:38:32,950 --> 01:38:38,510
But I'm not the same
underneath this suit either.
1081
01:38:38,520 --> 01:38:39,960
Super-penis.
1082
01:38:40,050 --> 01:38:43,960
Come on, Wade, language.
Young one is present.
1083
01:38:44,960 --> 01:38:47,770
What are you still doing...
Get outta here,
1084
01:38:47,770 --> 01:38:49,360
go make yourself useful.
1085
01:38:49,360 --> 01:38:51,680
You, go be a really big
brother to someone.
1086
01:38:51,690 --> 01:38:54,070
Tell Beast to stop
shitting on my lawn.
1087
01:38:54,170 --> 01:38:55,950
And you, chicken noodle.
1088
01:38:55,950 --> 01:38:59,880
Nothing Compares 2 U. Sinead
O'Connor, 1990. Sorry.
1089
01:38:59,970 --> 01:39:03,440
That's all right. You're cool.
1090
01:39:04,250 --> 01:39:06,190
What in the ass?
1091
01:39:06,280 --> 01:39:09,230
That was not mean!

I'm proud of you!

1092
01:39:09,240 --> 01:39:12,990
We will make an X-Man
of you yet, Wade.
1093
01:39:13,080 --> 01:39:14,630
You know, for a second there,
1094
01:39:14,640 --> 01:39:18,990
it felt like we were 3 mini lion robots
coming together to form one super robot.
1095
01:39:18,990 --> 01:39:21,990
- This was stupid.
- Yeah.
1096
01:39:25,000 --> 01:39:30,000
And now, for the moment
I've all been waiting for.
1097
01:39:33,010 --> 01:39:35,010
Come here.
1098
01:39:44,020 --> 01:39:48,020
WHAM! As promised.
1099
01:40:00,030 --> 01:40:04,040
See? You don't need to be
a superhero to get the girl.
1100
01:40:05,040 --> 01:40:08,040
The right girl will bring
out the hero in you.
1101
01:40:08,140 --> 01:40:11,990
Now, let's finish this epic wide
shot, pull out, here we go...
1102
01:40:12,000 --> 01:40:16,150
Looks nice, not gonna be the only
thing that's pulling out tonight.
1103
01:40:16,450 --> 01:40:18,610
Who doesn't love a
happy ending, huh?
1104

01:40:18,610 --> 01:40:22,700

Until next time, this is your friendly
neighborhood Pool guy singing...
1105
01:40:22,770 --> 01:40:25,290
I'm never gonna dance again
1106
01:40:25,300 --> 01:40:28,320
The way I dance with you, oh
1107
01:40:28,940 --> 01:40:32,010
[PLEASE KEEP WATCHING AFTER THE CREDITS.]
1108
01:46:39,670 --> 01:46:41,670
You're still here.
1109
01:46:43,670 --> 01:46:46,980
It's over! Go home!
1110
01:46:48,230 --> 01:46:50,930
Oh, you're expecting a
teaser for Deadpool 2.
1111
01:46:50,940 --> 01:46:53,290
Well, we don't have
that kind of money.
1112
01:46:53,480 --> 01:46:57,240
What were you expecting,
Sam Jackson'll show up?
1113
01:46:57,250 --> 01:47:00,700
Eye patch? Saucy leather number?
Go.
1114
01:47:06,100 --> 01:47:09,700
Oh! But I can tell you one thing
and it's a bit of a secret.
1115
01:47:09,700 --> 01:47:10,980
In the sequel,
1116
01:47:10,990 --> 01:47:14,200
we're gonna have Cable.
Amazing character.
1117
01:47:14,210 --> 01:47:15,610

Bionic arm, time-travel.

1118
01:47:15,620 --> 01:47:17,180
We have no idea who we're gona cast yet,
1119
01:47:17,310 --> 01:47:19,810
but it could be anybody.
Just need a big guy with a flat top.
1120
01:47:19,810 --> 01:47:22,550
Could be Mel Gibson, Dolph
Lundgren, Keira Knightley.
1121
01:47:22,560 --> 01:47:25,120
She's got range, who knows?
Anyway, big secret. Shhhh!
1122
01:47:25,210 --> 01:47:27,230
Oh, and don't leave your
garbage all laying around.
1123
01:47:27,240 --> 01:47:31,360
It's a total dick move. Go.
1124
01:47:31,380 --> 01:47:41,380
<b>Thanks to elmuria for the sub
www.addic7ed.com</b>