LOTF ESSAY WEB & THESIS

EN11
A&B

Idea web done in

class
Tuesday,
February 23

Thesis due

Outline checked

Wednesday,
February 24

Thursday,
February 25

Write essay
in class
Friday, February
26

Essay Topic. Lord of the Flies is more than a simple adventure story of boys on a
deserted island. The implications of the story go far beyond the savage degeneration of
a few boys. William Golding is saying something about his own epiphany on the nature
of humankind, and it comes directly out of his own experience in war. Golding explains it
like this: The theme is an attempt to trace the defects of society back to the defects of
human nature. You will write a thesis statement that explores Goldings purpose and
explains how it is achieved in the story. You may choose to discuss characterization,
plot, symbolism, irony, historical setting, etc.
1. Idea Web. Your first step is to brainstorm a variety of things that you know about
LOTF. Take a piece of paper, write LOTF in the centre, then branch off with ideas,
symbols, and moments from the novel. The objective here is to capture pieces of the
story that you connected with and identify areas where you made meaning. Each
related idea will also have branches. Keep related ideas together.
2. Craft a thesis statement. Your thesis statement is a 1-2 sentence summary of what
you will prove in your essay. It is a map of where youre headedto help you
organize your ideas and to help your reader follow your train of thought. Crafting a
thesis takes intentional thought and practice, but you can do this. If you like
formulas, heres one that works:
Author & title of book + authors purpose + 3 main points = thesis
See the thesis statements below as examples of format. Notice how each example
gives a title/author, purpose, and three ways this purpose will be proved. A thesis is
usually one sentence, but can be twofocus on clarity and efficiency of wording.
Because this is for a formal literary essay, you wont use I or you. Its more
acceptable to use we, if necessary. The idea behind this rule is that you arent
giving your opinionyou are saying whats really going on in the book, and doing so
objectively, with support for your claims from the book. Notice how each thesis
meets the requirements, but does so differently. There are many ways to do this.

In Bill Smiths version of Goldilocks and the Three Bears, he presents

Goldilocks as a symbol of humanitys waywardness through acts of
trespassing, destruction of private property, and theft.

In To Kill a Mockingbird, Harper Lee explores what it looks like for a

community to respond to prejudice. We see this through the eyes of children,
a black man accused of rape, and a Southern defence attorney.
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Follow these steps to help you craft a thesis...

You know what the essay will be about. Its about Goldings purpose in writing LOTF. It
has to do with his thoughts on the truth about human nature. That is your topic. A thesis
statement, however, tells what you believe to be true about your topic. You are clearly
identifying Goldings purpose. Remember that you might actually disagree with
Goldings conclusions. Thats ok! The beauty of the literary essay is that your only job is
to explain what the author is trying to say in his or her book. Its best to keep your
opinion of the book out of this.
STEP 1. State Goldings purpose.

You are essentially completing this sentence:

In Lord of the Flies, William Golding is (doing this).
So, what is he saying about human nature? What is Golding doing? Begin with a
strong verb. Is he encouraging, exploring, defining, revealing, or suggesting
something about people? What is he suggesting?

STEP 2. Find three pieces of support. Once you have your purpose identified, find
three main ideas that you will use to prove this. Scan your web and your packet.
How could the ideas that you collected prove your purpose? Think: how can you
talk about whats interesting to you in LOTF and prove your thesis at the same
time? You have to be crafty!

Phrase as three main ideas. You need to craft these three main points in a way
that will allow you to expand on each of them. They need to be concrete, main
ideas, but not specific details. Note the difference. Remember, each main idea
will eventually become at least an entire paragraphwith quotes and much more
specific, detailed support. List your three main points in the order that you will
eventually explain them.
o Youve done this before. Remember our work on the topic of dystopia?
This is exactly how you build a thesis! Together, we explored a variety of
specific ways LOTF was becoming dystopian. Then we grouped similar
ideas together. We found a way to describe each group of ideas (see
underlined words below). There are infinite ways to phrase this! Your three
main points could be captured as individual words, phrases, or key ideas
of the novel.
Example thesis: In Lord of the Flies, William Golding creates a
dystopia through showing the physical, emotional, and spiritual
decay of boys stranded on a deserted island.

*Please do not use the above thesis for your essay.

*Your thesis statement is due tomorrow. Please post it tonight to the Moodle wiki
Thesis statement.
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LOTF ESSAY - OUTLINING

Formal Outline. This is a way for you to organize your ideas. It is very important that
you figure out what needs to be said first, second, third, and so forth. You must explain
this in a logical order that builds on what youve already said. All ideas on one topic
must be explained together and naturally progress to the next topic that is suggested.
For instance, half way through a paragraph that explains Rogers savagery, you cannot
say Oh, yeah, Roger used to be a really quiet boy who threw rocks to miss. This is not
a logical and progressive order for information.
An outline allows you to arrange, rearrange, and expand on your ideas BEFORE you
start to write your essay. Because an outline requires constant revision, it should
be typed. If done well, such organization is guaranteed to help your essay. Basically,
an outline is a plan that you tinker with until its right.
Formal outlines use Roman Numerals (I, II, III), capital letters, numbers, and
lowercase letters. Heres what it looks like (youll fill in your own details instead of
writing first main point or supporting point, etc.) I recommend using the TAB in
Word to autoformat.
I. Introduction
A. introduce essay: include book title, author, and topic
B. necessary background information
C. thesis statement, followed by a list of your
main points in the order you will explain them.

Each main
point should
come from
the list in
your thesis
statement! If
you revise a
main point,
remember to
update your
thesis.

II. First main point

A. supporting point
1. detail, quote, summary, or explanation
2. detail, quote, summary, or explanation
a. supporting information
b. supporting information
c. supporting point
III. Second main point
A. supporting point
B. supporting point
C. supporting point
IV. Third main point
A. supporting point
B. supporting point
C. supporting point
V. Conclusion

For background,
quickly summarize
main plot. Do not
try to explain the
whole story.

Each supporting point (A,

B, C, etc) should include some
details. Consider how you will
explain and support your main
point. What evidence will you
use from the novel? How will
you explain the significance?

Conclude by pulling together everything

youve said. Do not just repeat your thesis
statement; rephrase it. Avoid saying in
conclusion. Your conclusion should be
creative, leaving your reader with the main
idea and a sense of completeness. This is
your last chance to make a final, compelling
argument, but dont introduce new evidence.
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Rules for formal outlining.

1. Follow the pattern of numbering and indentations, but make the content your own.
2. You will probably have five roman numerals (I, II, III, IV, and V), but you may have
more than five paragraphs. Each Roman numeral identifies a new main point, not
necessarily a single paragraphit could take you more than one paragraph to
explain.
3. Each indentation means you are giving more specific information about the previous
point. You can have as many letters (A, B, C, etc.) and numbers (1, 2, 3, etc.) as
you need. The content of your essay will determine this.
4. Arrange, rearrange, and expand your ideas! As you go, decide whether you need to
move information in order to keep all ideas on one topic together. Decide whether
you need to move a whole section in order to keep ideas flowing in a logical order.
Having an outline should also help you to not repeat yourself.

Your outline is a requirement, due tomorrow. You will be allowed to use this to write
your essay on Friday, IF I am able to review your outline tomorrow. Print a copy and
bring it to class.

LOTF ESSAY WRITING THE ESSAY

MLA Formatting Requirements. Your essay will be written in class with specific
formatting requirements: font size 12, Times or Times New Roman, 1-inch margins. The
essay should be double-spaced, but do not skip lines between paragraphs. Create a
header that numbers all pages consecutively in the upper right-hand corner, one-half
inch from the top and flush with the right margin. The essay must be at least two, no
more than four pages long.
1st Page Info and Header. Dont make a title pagewe use enough paper already.
Create a header that numbers all pages consecutively in the upper right-hand
corner, one-half inch from the top and against the right margin (In Word, go Insert,
then Header)
Provide a double-spaced heading in the top
Brown 1
left corner of the first page that lists your name,
your teacher's name, the course, and the date.
Mary Brown
Ms. Vande Kraats
Centre a title below the heading, and
EN11B
begin your paper immediately below the title.
02/26/16
Goldilocks and Civics 101
Victor Bargos story Goldilocks and the Three Bears
CAUTION. A literary essay is not about your
may be a long-cherished fable, but on closer inspection it
opinion. Avoid using the word I. You, of course,
proves to be a tale of tresspassing, self-indulgence, and
are free to privately agree or disagree with William
Goldings ideas. In this essay, however, you need
to show me that you understand Goldings purpose in writing LOTF. You need to
explain how he shows the books themes and ideas.

WORKS CITED.
You will include all your sources in your alphabetized works cited list. A source is any
materialbooks, websites, etc.that you depend on for information in your essay.
Create this in MLA format.
Its best to use the References tab in Word because you will be able to do
parenthetical citations more easily (see below). Choose MLA format.
OR use a works cited generator like Bibme.com, but double-check that the
information they automatically generate is mostly filled out. Choose MLA format.

Here what a works cited entry looks like for a book:

Hemingway, Ernest. The Old Man and the Sea. Toronto: Simon & Schuster, 1995.
Author, last
name
comes first

Title of
book in
italics

Nearest city of
publication

Publisher, followed by
the most recent year
of publication.

PARENTHETICAL CITATIONS (page numbers inside parentheses)

In addition to a works cited, you need citations where you tell your reader where you
got each piece of information. Citations are written throughout your essay. If you
use more than one source, you will need to include the authors last name in each
citation. If you have just one source (Lord of the Flies), page numbers are all you need.
You should always cite information that is quoted. You may need to cite information that
you have summarized, if it is not basic plot description. For instance, if you are showing
your reader a detail that might have been overlooked. Note how the following citations
are done
Two sources or
more:
One source:
Paraphrase, one
source:

Ralph said, That was murder, (Golding 156). Even though he

recognzied the evil, he was powerless against it.
Ralph said, That was murder, (156). Even though he recognized the
evil, he was powerless against it.
The story assumes that the boy with the mulberry-coloured birthmark
died in the forest fire, even though the boys avoid the subject. Later,
Piggy states his understanding more directly (384).

LONG QUOTES. If your quoted passage takes up five lines or more when it appears in
type, you must introduce the quote with a colon and begin the quote on a new line,
indented two tabs. Do not use quotation marks to introduce a long quote. In the
example below, note how the citation for a long quote is different.
BRACKETS. Use brackets and an ellipses [] if you leave out part of the quote. Also
use brackets if you have to substitute a different word for clarity. Brackets [ ] are
different from parentheses (). Writers use parentheses to insert comments that are
aside from the main point, like I do in the next sentence. (This is important stuff!) If you
use parenthesis inside a quote, your reader will assume the parenthetical material came
from the author you are quoting, not from you.
In Goldings world, even the most innocent boys are at risk of a consuming savagery that
seeks the right to control others and impose suffering on them. Henry, a littlun, has very little
control, but he enjoys it to the fullest:
[Henry] poked about with a bit of stick [] and tried to control the motions of the
The original
quote begins
with He. I
have
substituted the
name Henry
for clarity.

scavengers. He made little runnels that the tide filled and tried to crowd them with
creatures. He became absorbed beyond mere happiness as he felt himself
exercising control over living things. He talked to them, urging them, ordering
them. Driven back by the tide, his footprints became bays in which they were
trapped and gave him the illusion of mastery. (61)

NOTE: You ought to carefully select several quotes to

support your ideas, but no more than 10% of your essay
should be quotes. The majority should be your own
explanation.

Note: for a long quote,

the period goes
before the
parenthetical citation.

THE PARAGRAPH
To be well organized, pay attention to your paragraphs! These are the building blocks of
the essay. Basically, each paragraph should contain and flesh out a main idea from the
outline. Tips:

topic
sentence

The first (introductory) paragraph should announce clearly the purpose of the
essay and list your main points in the order that you will explain them.
Each paragraph should be at least a quarter to a half page in length, but not too
long or the reader will get lost.
Each paragraph should begin with a topic sentence that summarizes its one main
idea. The paragraph should not trail off into other ideas. Be organized!
Each paragraph should have the same basic structure.
1. Start by stating your main point
2. Next, provide evidence of your main point (a quote or summary).
3. Finally, explain your evidence. Why does your evidence explain your point?

Scout learns more valuable lessons through experience than through her formal
education. At school, she is not allowed to learn naturally. In fact, Miss Caroline restricts her
reading habits. Although she learns the word democracy at school, Scout
witnesses the failure of the justice system when Tom Robinson is tried and found

evidence &
examples w/
explanation

guilty. After Bob Ewells attack, Scout learns the necessity of bending the law for a
higher cause. That night she lives Atticuss advice of learning to stand in another persons shoes.
For the first time, she treats Boo with dignity, escorting him home arm in arm. After standing on
the Radley porch, she says there wasnt much else left for us to learn, except possibly algebra
(279). Clearly, algebra is the less important lesson.

CONTENT & ORGANIZATION

Make sure it is easy for your reader to understand where you are going and why. Read
your writing out loud to catch parts where a reader might stumble and have to reread.

Quotes. Do not use a quote unless you explain it! Always explain who said it,
why it is significant and how it contributes to the point you are making. A quote
should NEVER be included without proper explanation. It is your job to explain or
elaborate on evidence in order to make it meaningful.
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Transitions & End Focus. So how do you move from one idea to the next?
When writing does this well, we say it has strong transitions or smooth flow.
Heres the trick: sentences often say the most important thing last. The next
sentence picks up that idea and then connects it to a new idea, and so on. Its
like playing dominoes. The challenge is to make clear transitions without
sounding like a 3-year old who repeats himself. Its important to use a variety of
vocabulary. Also, use transitional words: however, since, although,
regardless, as a result. Transitional words can be used anywhere, but theyre
most important when moving from one paragraph to the next.

TIPS FOR FORMAL ESSAY WRITING

1. Watch out for verb tense shifts. When telling a novels story, always speak in present
tense, as if the action is currently happening.
X The boys become so savage that they would be willing to do just about anything;
they even killed Simon and planned to sacrifice Ralph to the beast.
The boys become so savage that they are willing to do just about anything; they
even kill Simon and plan to sacrifice Ralph to the beast.
X At first, the boys tried to be organized. As time goes by, Jack started to slip.
At first, the boys try to be organized. As time goes by, Jack starts to slip.
2. In your introduction, give the books title and author. Afterwards, refer to the author
by last name only and speak of the book or novel.
Goldings novel portrays a frightening reality for humankind.
3. State ideas objectively: write statements of fact, not opinion. Dont use first
person:
X I believe Piggy remains most civilized.
Piggy remains the most civilized castaway.
4. Do not use second person:
X You would think that Jack was worse off than Roger.
Although Jacks savagery is evident earlier, Roger proves more cruel.
5. Avoid rhetorical questions:
X Would you become savage on a deserted island?
According to Golding, a savage tendency is at the core of humanity.
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MECHANICS
1. Homophones: their, there, theyre, its, its, to, two, too
It was their fault. (possessive)
Simon was not there. There were three people climbing the mountain.
Theyre all in fear of the beast. (contraction for they are)
Ralph listened to Piggy. Piggy said too much about his two health problems.
2. Numbers. All numbers between one and nine should be spelled out, except when
giving age, listing measurements (e.g. metres, feet, inches), or telling time. Always
spell a number if you begin a sentence with it.
Twelve-year-old boys battled for control of one tribe and about 50 acres.
3. Fragmented sentences.
X Littluns were afraid of many things. Of the dark, the creepers, and the beast.
Littluns were afraid of many thingsof the dark, the creepers, and the beast.
4. Run-on sentences.
X The littluns ate unripe fruit and they suffered the consequences.
The littluns ate unripe fruit, and they suffered the consequences.
5. Comma splices.
X The littluns ate unripe fruit, they suffered the consequences.
The littluns ate unripe fruit; they suffered the consequences.
The littluns ate unripe fruit. They suffered the consequences.
6. Missing or extra apostrophes. Apostrophes are only used to show possession or
a contraction. Possessive pronouns (hers, theirs, its) dont need apostrophes.

Its a story about humanity. (contraction for it is)

Its theme is about human nature. (possessive pronounno apostrophe needed)
It was the littluns idea (plural possessive)
It was Jacks idea (singular possessive)
Piggy thought about technological possibilities. (plural, no apostrophe)

7. Pronouns and Antecedents. Before you use a pronoun (he, she, him, her, his,
hers, they, them, theirs, it, its), it must be clear who/what youre talking about.
Pronouns replace a noun. The antecedent of your pronoun is the noun being
replaced. The antecedent must come first, preferably, in the same sentence. Avoid
beginning a sentence with a pronoun, unless the previous sentence makes it
absolutely clear who or what you are talking about. Never begin a paragraph with a
pronoun.
antecedent

antecedent

pronoun

pronoun
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Before Ralph begins an assembly, he calls the boys to it by blowing the conch.
In the following student excerpt, pronouns are mostly clear in sentences 1-2, though it
would help to combine those sentences to make antecedents absolutely clear. In
sentences 4 and 5, the bolded pronouns do not have clear antecedents.
1

Towards the end, Ralph has no one left in his tribe except Piggy and Samneric.

alone are faithful to him.

3 Jack

should visit to find out about it.

has begun a new tribe at Castle Rock

5

They

Finally, he decides they

He will not rest until things are put right.

8. Misplaced modifier. A modifier is a descriptive word or phrase. Make sure that

your modifiers are located as close as possible to their subject.
X Expecting childhood innocence, the manhunt stopped when the officer arrived.
Expecting childhood innocence, the officer arrived to stop the
Ask: who was
manhunt.
X Without any means of protection, the boulder crushed Piggy.

expecting, who
lacked protection?

Without any means of protection, Piggy was crushed by the boulder.

WORD CHOICE

Use formal vocabulary. Choose intelligent words that reflect depth of thought.
1. Be objective & specific. Avoid slang, vague words, or value judgements.
X Jack is just very mean and an idiotic jerk. Simon is like, so shy and totally good.
Jack is a dictator. Simon is a shy Christ-figure.
Avoid the following empty
modifiers: like, very, so,
just, and totally. These
2. Avoid contractions. Spell out both words.
words actually dilute your
X cant, theyre, its
main point and distract your
cannot, they are, it is
reader.
3. Avoid internet talk
X Jack rolls rocks and kills pigs because YOLO!
Jack rolls rocks and kills pigs without much concern for rescue.

4. Pronoun agreement & gendera singular subject must have a matching singular
pronoun. Always attempt inclusive language (dont exclude women if you mean to
include them).
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POOR:
Man does not realize their own nature.
BETTER: Man does not realize his own nature.

BEST:

People do not realize their own nature.

A person does not realize his or her own nature.
Humanity does not realize its own nature.
People do not acknowledge that a tendency toward evil exists.

Sometimes, when its

especially tricky, try
rephrasing the sentence to
eliminate the pronoun
entirely.

Strong Words. Strong word choice isnt about using fancy vocab from the thesaurus;
its about using the best word for the job. Never use a word you dont know. Use specific
and accurate verbs and nouns in the active voice. Avoid an abundance of unnecessary
words (wordiness). Get to the point.
Active: subject + verb + object.
Passive: object + BE verb phrase + BY phrase (this may be absent, but implied)
Passive: Piggys glasses are taken by Jacks tribe.
Passive: Piggys glasses are taken.

X Another thing is that Simon helped the littluns.

Simon also helped the littluns.

Forms of be (are,
is, was, were, been)
are weak &
overused. They
often are part of
unnecessary
wordy clauses.
Revise such
wordiness.

X Events between Ralph and Jack are seen.

A friendship grows between Ralph and Jack.

Substitute an active
verb that gives
specifics whenever
possible.

Active: Jacks tribe steals Piggys glasses.

Be
specific.
What
events? X
What
thing?

Something was going on between the two dominant males.

Tension develops between the two dominant males.

X Lord of the Flies is about boys between the ages of 6 and 12 who crash, ending
up on an island which has no other people on it.
In Lord of the Flies, young boys crash onto a deserted island.
X Gradually, Ralphs power comes to Jack.
Gradually, Ralphs power shifts to Jack.
Use the most specific verb. In this case,
power doesnt just come; it shifts
from one leader to the next.

Strong word
choice means
using the fewest
number of words
to get to the point
quickly and
effectively.

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SAMPLE MLA PAPER, FIRST PAGE

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