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The
Willpower
n
o
i
t
u
Sol
Lose Weight,
Master Self-Control and
Maintain Your Results For Life
by Dean Dwyer
Design by Alison Lara
I had no excuses. I wish I could have pinned my body fat woes on some
specific tragedy.
I would have loved to blame my troubles on some sort of genetic
mutation that made me eat like the Tasmanian Devil - you know the
one from Bugs Bunny. Sadly, I could not.
I would have loved to say I suffered from a rare genetic disorder known
as slow no metabolism. Unfortunately, my metabolism was alive and
well and doing the speed limit on most occasions.
What was really frustrating was that I was doing a lot of stuff with
little return on my investment. For instance
And what did all that get me? Well as you can see from the picture
above, not much.
It was at that point that an Einstein quote came to mind. It was
something to the effect of
You cant solve a problem with the same level of thinking that caused
the problem.
I had seen that quote many times before, but this time I finally
understood what it meant within the context of my life and specifically
with my inability to change how I looked.
I realized that trying to diet and exercise my way out of the problem
had never worked in the past and it was not going to work this time
either, if that was my plan - and it was!
It occurred to me that I did not have a doing problem. I was great at
doing stuff. What I had was a being issue. In essence, I needed to
change who I was being, otherwise I would simply get more of what I
had always gotten, which was short-term success followed by a gradual
regression back to how I always looked.
If I was going to break through this time and have success, I was going
to have to change the very fabric of how I thought.
Lots of things went in to my transformation, but my biggest mindset
shift was the decision to start choosing myself.
What did that mean exactly?
For decades I had come to rely on others to fix me. But I was the only
one who could fix me, just as you are the only one who can fix you.
So I made the decision to become the expert on me. I would toss every
idea I ever had about weight loss and behavior change and start from
scratch testing out ideas and adopting only those things that worked for
my body type.
I also studied high achievers who were able to create lasting change. It
was clear from my research that those who exhibited mastery with
willpower, whether it was around weight loss, writing daily, exercising
regularly or avoiding sugar, consistently incorporated 5 habits that
worked cohesively within the context of a framework.
I decoded the habits of these high achievers and packaged them in a
framework that I called the SCORE method.
That discovery has allowed me to finally lose that soul-crushing weight
that I have carried for so long and finally keep it off. It has now been 3+
years. And the ironic part is I do less now than I did when I was fat.
Dean
Alison
Table of Contents
Introduction ..............................................................................................6
Part 1: Mindset Training
Introduction
Have you seen the movie Good Will Hunting? Its about a guy named
Will Hunting who was abused by his stepfather and has spent the
better part of his life as an angry young man pushing people away.
Will ends up seeing a psychiatrist played by Robin Williams. Towards
the end of the film there is a really powerful scene where Williams
character tells Will that being abused was not his fault.
Its a really powerful scene, and one that lends itself well to todays lesson.
Somehow when bad things happen blame must be assigned. Im not sure
why that is, but it seems to be a natural part of the human condition.
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When things dont go the way people think they should, someone or
something has to be held accountable. Unfortunately, the blame is
usually assigned incorrectly.
Labels
I used to share a classroom with another teacher back when I was still
in the profession. I happened to be in the class doing some work one
day while this woman was conducting a parent-teacher interview.
I listened as she told a mother that her child was lazy and unmotivated
(her exact words) and that he needed to work harder if he was to
achieve success.
I must admit I was a bit saddened by what I had just heard. It was the
first time I realized that when things dont turn out as planned, we are
hardwired to lay blame.
In this case, the child was labeled with a bunch of unsavory
characteristics that would explain why he was not achieving the success
that was expected.
As the example suggests, blaming someone else is always the most
popular option.
There was a second option that was also available. The teacher could
have blamed herself for failing to find a way to connect with this child
in a way that would have improved his success.
But that option is seldom used by anyone, teacher or otherwise.
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When is the last time you heard anyone accept responsibility for the fact
his or her product or service was ineffective in helping create change?
It never happens. The implied response is always something to the
effect that the program or service works for others so you must be
doing something wrong.
And thats where things turn sour for us. Even if it is not directly
implied, our failure at anything is internalized.
In our mind it is a simple equation. Others have had success with this. I
did not. Therefore there is something wrong with me. I am to blame.
Its my fault.
I am going to come back to that one in a moment.
I would like to suggest you begin to practice a seldom-used third
option. It operates on the premise that there is no one to blame. If
something didnt achieve the expected results then it simply didnt work
and new options need to be explored.
So why am I telling you all this?
Because right now, whether you realize it or not, you blame yourself
for your lack of success. You have turned all your failed attempts from
the past into character flaws. You are not disciplined enough. You have
no willpower. You lack drive and commitment. You are lazy and
unmotivated.
Trust me I get it. I have felt that way most of my adult life.
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So back to the child in question. The story is actually true. It was shared
at a teaching conference I attended for children with learning disabilities.
Did you know there are people who are unable to think in pictures? Its
true. Its impossible for us to imagine, but there are people who are unable
to form pictures in their head about specific concepts being discussed.
So how might this affect a child who has been told to go up and clean
their room?
Well the child has no image to draw upon to know what a clean room
looks like. So they dont do anything at all because they dont know
what done looks like.
Do you know what the solution for such kids is? Its brilliant really.
You clean the room with them and then you take pictures of the clean
room and post them on a bulletin board in the room. The next time the
child goes up to clean their room, you teach them to look at the pictures
and then make the room look like the pictures.
I realize this sounds incredible, but believe me there are many such
conditions that exist that prevent well-intentioned people from
accomplishing what they would really like to do.
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Take Ownership
The last idea I would like to leave you with is this: MAKE THIS YOUR
OWN.
By that I am suggesting that you take my ideas and do what you must to
make them work within the context of your own life.
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You can create your own exercises to do, you can add or delete steps if
you so choose and you can provide additional supporting materials that
help you get the most out of the program.
There is no one right way to make this course material work for you.
Just be sure that you make it work for you.
Honor your learning style. Trust your gut. And be will willing to dare
greatly to achieve something you have long thought was not possible.
Just know that I believe in you!
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Part 1
Mindset Training
Big Idea #1
You can teach yourself anything
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This seems puzzling doesnt it? Why would someone pay money for
something that they know will positively impact their life and not
actually read the material or do the exercises they suggest.
I believe it is because people think that the act of paying money for
something increases the likelihood that they will commit to the material.
Let me squash that theory right now. Spending money on a potential
solution does NOT correlate with the likelihood that someone will
actually commit to the process of changing the life they are currently living,
no matter how much pain and anguish that current life brings them.
In fact, the fitness industry profits heavily on this behavior. Its called
the dead membership. That is one where someone signs up for a oneyear membership, comes a few times never to be seen again.
Perhaps you know someone who has done such a thing?
Do they care that you arent coming? Of course not! If they did, they
would be calling you regularly to say, Get your butt in here or we will
be canceling your membership.
Do not for a second think that spending money on this program will
influence your behavior and help you build willpower. That belief sets
you up for failure.
From here on in, the mindset you adopt, the awareness that you
develop and the systems you implement and leverage are the ONLY
things that will determine whether you get through the course or not.
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And dont kid yourself. Once the novelty and excitement of something
new wears off that voice of resistance will soon come calling and play
on every insecurity that you have hoping to get you to quit like it has
managed to do with every other thing you have attempted in the past.
The difference this time however is that you have an ally. Its called
awareness. The more you understand about yourself and your own
behavior and why you do what you do, the more power you have to
change who are being so you can live the life you want.
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providing value that would extend beyond the four walls of the
classroom.
So you are probably thinking, Nice story Dean, but what does this have
to do with me and willpower?
Well I am about to tell you the same thing my college professor told
me. Some of the things I am going to share may not mean much to you
right now.
You will understand what I am talking about on an intellectual level,
but some of the concepts just wont resonate at this point.
Think of it like love. Someone can explain what love means, but until
you experience that feeling for yourself, it doesnt mean much. They are
just words.
Thats how some of these concepts are going to feel for you. They may
not mean much to you right now, but they will at some point.
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Some require a response that would take some time to put together.
Some required no immediate action, but I would have to do some sort
of follow up later on down the road. And sadly there were some I just
didnt know what to do with.
But when I sat down and made a list of all the possible email scenarios
and how I would deal with each, my inbox suddenly became very easy
to manage.
In fact, keeping a zero inbox is really quite simple now and all it took
was about an hour of my time to use the most powerful tool in my
toolbox: my brain.
By strategically thinking through the problem and providing creative
solutions I was able to eliminate a problem I have suffered from for 14 years.
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You just need to buy into the fact systems are your salvation.
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BIG IDEA #2
The power of small
consistent actions
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Its easy to get hung up on the fact that this woman was able to lose
about 120 pounds over the course of twelve to eighteen months and
miss some of the hidden lessons that relate specifically to developing
incredible willpower.
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Case Study
So let me share some results a friend of mine shared with me. He
emailed to let me know that he was using some of my ideas to create a
plan to shed some unwanted pounds he had gained.
Here is the email he sent.
The next high point is the end of November when I started a carbregulated diet and that has continued up to the present.
The program I use is a weight tracker, but the losses are all fat.
My lean mass has stayed the same throughout, which is proof that
Im burning fat only.
It's all been relatively easy. The energy increase more than made
up for the sacrifice of giving up beer and I managed to keep going
through the holidays and some big events.
Two months in and I'm looking forward to keeping it up.
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People dont talk about this much, but confidence is crucial in any area
of our life we are attempting to change. When I meet my goals it builds
my confidence. And when I dont meet my goals it arms me with the
information I need to make a better decision next time around. And
that is a huge confidence builder as well.
Case Study
Why do you think people fall out of love?
I believe it is because they stop performing the small loving acts that were
so prevalent at the beginning of a relationship. Little things like holding
hands and hugging slowly become extinct over the course of the
relationship.
The cumulative affects of those small losses leads to relationships where
love no longer exists. In desperation, couples seek out big solutions like
counseling, but by that point the damage is hard to repair.
What if couples worked on those small acts of love each and every day?
How might that change the quality of a loving relationship?
Former tennis pro Andre Agassi does something few others do. He has
installed a chalkboard in his kitchen. Each day he writes one loving
thing to his wife. He has been doing this for years.
Now that small act might not seem like much, but imagine if that was
you receiving those messages each day? What kind of impact do you
think that would have on your self-esteem? How would that carry over
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into your parenting, your work, your interactions with others and your
outlook on life?
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For some reason I thought I had the food thing all figured out. I was
confident I could guesstimate and still generate outstanding results.
But here is the problem. It is scientifically documented that people are
horrible estimators. We spend more money than we think. We eat
more than we think. And we drive worse than we think.
And I was no different. I ate more than I thought; specifically I ate more
carbs than I thought and I slowly started putting weight back on.
Ironically, the moment I started my food log again, the weight started
to melt away.
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Big Idea #3
Get out of your head
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What I have discovered is that the most important aspects of our life
(our health, our finances, our productivity and our relationships)
CANNOT and SHOULD NOT be managed in our heads.
There is a reason that our current generation is the most in debt, obese
and unhealthy in the history of our existence.
Pick any person who suffers from any of those conditions and you will
find someone who attempts to manage the complexity of any or all
those situations in their head.
Im here to tell you its impossible to do so and be successful over the
long haul.
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Now, before you pass judgment, I want you to consider this notion.
This garage is symbolic of what is going on in your head at this very
moment and how you attempt to deal with the challenging aspects of
your life.
You dump everything into one area, a pile here for bills and debt
management, a pile there for family and spouse and children and hope
that somehow it will magically sort itself out so you get out of debt,
become more patient with your children and spend more quality time
with your spouse.
It would be like dumping a pile of stuff in that garage, closing the door
and hoping that the next time you open it the chaos has vanished and
all that remains is a beautifully organized space that will never again
look like an episode of Hoarders.
But here is the thing. You are not equipped to manage the complexity
of your life in your head. No one is.
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So what are fuzzy solutions? They are solutions that dont really stand
out when you need them most.
In the case of driving, if someone starts to doze off behind the wheel, a
white line will do little to alert him or her they are drifting into
dangerous territory.
What is needed in such a scenario is a bright shiny solution that will
grab their attention immediately when they start to drift onto the
shoulder.
And thats where the rumble strip comes in. Rumble strips, also know
as sleeper lines or audible lines, are a road safety feature that alerts
drivers to danger by causing a tactile vibration and an audible rumbling
transmitted through the wheels into the body of the car the moment
the car drifts onto the strip.
Let me tell you, I have hit the rumble strip a few times and man on
man, that solution snaps you to attention in a hurry.
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All of those above are fuzzy in nature because they lack any clear
boundaries.
Lets look at the first one; I will eat healthier. It sounds like a wonderful
idea, but it is extremely fuzzy. There is no rumble strip. How will you
know when you arent eating healthy?
I keep going back to this example, but my food log is so powerful
because I have a rumble strip attached to it.
Im not just recording my foods hoping a miracle happens and I
continue to make consistent healthy choices.
My rumble strip is my daily 100 gram carbohydrate limit. By recording
my foods daily, I see what my carb totals are. And when I go over my
threshold, my rumble strip is activated.
That immediately sends reverberations to my brain saying, OK you
veered off course today. What happened and how do you fix this to get
back on track tomorrow.
This is why data collection is so important. It is the only way to activate
your rumble strip.
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Here is summary of what the next five habits will help you to master.
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If you commit to learn the system and put it to use you will discover
that things you often struggled doing will start to happen
automatically and consistently allowing you to make smart
decisions time and again without even thinking about them.
And when you get to that phase you will have achieved a level of
mastery that you once thought was impossible to attain.
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The 5 Habits
Start by deciding in advance
Create a blueprint for success
Optimize performance
through practice
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Part 2
The S.c.o.r.e.
method
S .C .O .R .E
Habit #1:
Start by deciding in advance
BIG IDEA #4:
Pinpoint the problem
BIG IDEA #5:
Determine the outcome
BIG IDEA #6:
Shape your behavior
BIG IDEA #4
Pinpoint the problem
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This course is no different. You should not assume that because you
read or listened to the previous lessons that you now have them
mastered. Nothing could be further from the truth. Willpower operates
under the same principles as learning how to play guitar. Neither will
improve because you read a how-to book.
Mastery begins when you refer back to lessons constantly and make
time to deliberately practice what you have learned.
So Habit #1 had a very specific purpose. It was intended to send a
strong message that you have incredible power to change your reality if
you so desire.
It is not easy, but with the right efforts it is highly probable that anyone
committed to putting in the time and doing the required work on the
front end, is going to reap the tremendous rewards on the back end for
years to come.
In Big Idea #1, the message was simple. You can teach yourself anything
regardless of your past circumstances, age, educational background or
current skill set.
In fact, I used to think my age was a detriment, but I now see it as a
tremendous advantage. If I can teach myself new habits and skills after
the age of 47 then why cant someone do it at 50, 55 or 60.
In Big Idea #2, I hammer home the point that conventional wisdom is
wrong. Big changes come from small behavior changes. Making your
bed everyday may not seem like much, but the peace of mind that
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comes from a neat and tidy room has a surprisingly strong impact on
every other aspect of your life.
And in Big Idea #3, I share another idea that is crucial to your success.
You need to get out of your head if you are going to effectively manage
the important areas of your life.
People who attempt to manage the complexity of their life in their
heads get beat down pretty severely in the long.
And the only way to get out of your head is to create systems.
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looks like a solution when in reality it does nothing at all to correct the
problem.
For Dichter, the problem boiled down to the fact that he had
conditioned himself to say No to people who were asking for handouts.
That was the root of the problem. With that determined, he could now
create a system to by-pass his conditioning. And that is exactly what he did.
The new rules of his game determined that he had to say YES to anyone
who asked for money no matter who it was. He could not say no and he
was required to do this for an entire month.
So let me pause for a moment to point out another observation.
Did you happen to notice that Dichters solution is a bright shiny one
with a built-in rumble strip?
There is no ambiguity. There is no room for negotiation. There is no
wiggle room for other possible alternatives. He has to say yes if
someone asks for money.
It is like my food log. I didnt just say I wanted to eat healthier. I said
that each day I would come in under 100g of carbs. BOOM! Instant
rumble strip.
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That is certainly a problem that must be dealt with, but here is another
strategy to use to pin point the problem. What has to be done to stop
the bleeding?
In other words, dont focus on the stuff in the garage because that wont
stop the bleeding.
What would?
Ironically the rules for managing an inbox and a garage are virtually the
same.
And one strategy I use to manage my inbox is that I am very deliberate
about the blogs I subscribe to. There arent many that I do, and if I
subscribe to some and find I am not reading them, then I quickly
unsubscribe.
In other words, I make decisions on things before they ever have a
chance to get to my inbox.
In the garage example, deciding what to do with something that is
already in there is too late. You need to become adept at making
decisions at the earliest stages possible.
And in order to do that, you have to be crystal clear what the purpose
for the garage is. Until that is determined, it simply acts like a big
dumping ground for anything and everything.
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BIG IDEA #5
Determine the outcome
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So before we move onto to todays Big Idea, I did want to mention two
additional things on the topic of pinpointing a problem.
First, finding the root cause of a problem can be elusive when emotions,
social pressures and evolution are at play. It is one of the reasons that
weight loss is so difficult.
Contrary to the quacks who make it sound simple, it is complicated by
the fact that success and failure elicits strong emotional responses that
drive our behaviors. We are also battling our evolution as well.
Food was not always plentiful. For thousands of years, scarcity of food
sources was common and the body would go into starvation mode to
protect itself. When we attempt to diet our way out of weight issues,
we bring that evolution into play.
That makes things extremely complicated, especially when we dont
realize such elements are actually working against us.
Also, problems that come with strong emotional ties are much more
challenging to pinpoint and will require a series of trial and error
experiments to slowly narrow down its root.
That could take weeks or many months.
Second, just because you pinpoint a problem, in no way means the
solution will be easy to do consistently. Again emotions, evolution and
social norms make this challenging.
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All of those sound sexy, but none of them clearly state what the
final destination looks like.
Take a page from Jason Frieds book and come up with a single
question that captures the thing you are most interested in getting a
handle on and lead with that when you meet anyone who appears to
be getting results in that area.
You will be amazed at what you will begin to discover.
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Needless to say I had no idea that I would learn something from him
that would forever change my approach to education.
It turned out Green was one of those teachers who got all the problem
kids placed in his class. Those were the kids that were characterized by
other teachers as being un-teachable, in need of a straight jacket and a
daily diet of Ritalin.
And yet, when these kids were placed in Greens class, they flourished.
How could this possibly be?
Well it turns out that Jim Green was not your typical teacher.
Building incredible willpower, as you have begun to see, is not
something that happens accidentally, even if others dont really
understand why they have been successful.
It is a very deliberate process that starts with the end in mind. You get
really clear on what the outcome will look like. Once that has come into
focus then you begin to work on the specifics of what that would look like.
And that takes us back to Jim Greens story.
As I mentioned, he was not your typical teacher. The typical teacher
(that included me at that time) had a limited arsenal of classroom
management techniques, which were fuzzy at best.
When students were ineffective in group work activities, teachers
would lecture the class on the importance of cooperation. When
instructions were not followed the students were told of the
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The brilliance of Greens approach was the fact that he dug into the
specifics where others leaned on generalities. As a result, those students
who were once thought of as lost causes were able to shine.
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The indicators took away any doubt as to whether the goals had been
met. More important they helped create a very clear picture of what the
final outcome would look like.
You will be required to do something similar in your area of struggle.
Lets say one of your goals was to spend more quality time with your
kids. What does that outcome look like? What indicators would
suggest you have reached that desired outcome?
Indicators are important on the journey to building willpower, but keep
in mind that they are organic in nature and will evolve over time as you
grow and learn.
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Consider asking people how they know when they have achieved
success in a particular area of their life. Im fairly certain that most
wont be able to answer it immediately, but if they are able to give
it some thought, you might pick up some valuable strategies that
you can apply to the various areas of your life.
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BIG IDEA #6
Shape your behavior
In Big Idea #5: Determine The Outcome, I talked about the importance
of knowing what the end goal will look like. You need to be able to
generate a really clear picture in your mind or on a vision board of the
place you want to end up.
For instance, one of the destinations I have relates to my speaking
career. The pinnacle would be to speak at TED, the main event.
Rather than rely solely on my imagination, a friend helped bring the
vision to life by photoshopping my body into a TED main event image.
I refer to this often when I reflect on where I plan to be with my
speaking career.
And that leads us into Big Idea #6: Shape Your Behavior.
Before I jump into the specifics of this Big Idea, I want to make it clear
that there are a variety of ways to apply the SCORE framework.
You can apply it in a general fashion to the totality of your life. Or you
can apply it to specific problems, regardless of how big or small the
challenge may be.
For example, I will apply the framework to something that has a closed
loop. When I say closed loop, I am referring to the fact that the
problem I am working on has a timeline that will come to an end at
some clearly defined point.
When I design a course for example, it has a clearly defined start and
end date.
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Marriages
Relationships
Issues around willpower and self-control
Exercise
Financial stability
Positive self-esteem
So here is an unofficial takeaway for you. When you are looking to get
control of an area of your life that isnt where you want it to be,
determine if is an open or closed loop.
Just be careful that you dont place it in the wrong category. I did that
with my food log. When I first started doing it, I thought it was a closed
loop system. I figured I would only have to do it for 3 or 4 months and
then I would magically continue to make the correct food choices
moving forward.
WRONG!
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Once that loop closed I started putting weight back on again. It took me
another year to realize my mistake. I now understand it is an open loop
system that I cannot close if I want to continue to reap the benefits that
come with it.
Thats a great lesson for you as well.
So lets get into the nuts of bolts on how to shape your behavior.
Let me use my trusty food log to illustrate the point. Most find the idea
of a food log to be confining. I now find it to be the complete opposite.
It liberates me to make better choices.
When I dont log, I make bad choices that begin to have a cumulative
effect with each passing month. The side effect is weight gain.
And that weight gain wreaks havoc on other parts of my life, namely
my self-esteem and my confidence.
When I put on weight, I become self-conscious about how I look. I am
never comfortable in my clothes and suddenly I stop wearing things
that make me feel fat.
That impacts my confidence and how I interact with the world. I might
decline invitations for social events because deep down I not happy
about how I look. (I have done that by the way.)
If you read between the lines, you will observe that having the freedom
to eat whatever I want slowly narrows the life I live. I start living small,
even though I am not aware that is what is happening.
On the other hand, when I narrow my choices and track my foods, I
make better decisions, which in turn impacts the quality of the life I
lead. I feel great. I share my solutions online. I offer courses to help
other people. I have impact on the lives of others, who in turn have
impact of their own.
When I shrink my food choices, I end up living a BIGGER life.
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No Facebook at work
Not checking email until 11am
Turning off IM devises
Turning off cell phones during certain hours
Do it now
Be polite and fair
Enjoy the process
Spend out
Identify the problem
Lighten up
Do what ought to be done
No calculation
There is only love
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2.
3.
4.
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4. Be The Expert On Me
Every time I fail I have an opportunity to get an answer to the
question, Why do I do what I do? Never stop asking that question
or building my database of answers.
5. Recover Fast
Failure is not the problem. Failure to recover is. The quicker I accept
responsibility for veering off course, the quicker I get back on track
and reverse the damage done.
6. Customize Solutions
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8. Practice Forgiveness
Guilt is a wasted emotion. Im going to mess up. Put on my big boy
pants, accept responsibility, forgive myself and get into recovery mode.
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S .C .O .R .E .
Habit #2:
Create a blueprint
for success
BIG IDEA #7:
Identify potential hot spots
BIG IDEA #8:
Adopt the use of checklists
BIG IDEA #9:
Create plays
BIG IDEA #7
IDENTIFY POTENTIAL HOTSPOT
Einstein did not simply read bookshe took them apart, rigorously
analyzed them, and learned valuable lessons he could apply to his
own life. Robert Greene from his book Mastery
So if you are looking to build incredible willpower in any area of your
life, the first step is to Start by deciding what the outcome is in
advance.
Once you are clear on what the desired outcome is, the next step in the
SCORE method is to Create a blueprint for success. This may seem
obvious, but few people ever take the time to work through the process
of a difficult problem to ensure they achieve the desired outcome.
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But to be fair, as far as I am aware, no one has ever taken the time to
decode what those required steps are, until now that is!
Going In Cold
So before we break down the lessons for todays Big Idea, lets first do a
quick lesson on why people fail when it comes to their willpower.
The biggest reason, hands down, is that people enter into difficult
situations cold.
When I say cold, I mean that they wander into challenging scenarios
completely unprepared, relying heavily on luck or some other higher
power to guide them to a favorable outcome.
Thats an amateur move however. A willpower professional (someone
who can consistently makes the correct choices in challenging
environments) does not rely on luck. They create their own luck by
taking a few moments to think ahead and anticipate sticky spots that
may potentially trip them up and come up with a blueprint that will
allow them to navigate the danger successfully.
The good news is that an amateur can quickly graduate to pro-status by
learning how to create a thorough blueprint with the adoption of 3
additional Big Ideas.
Identify Potential Hotspots
Script The Critical Moves
Create Plays
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Feel guilty
Berate themselves for not having more willpower
Chalk it up to a character flaw
Cry themselves to sleep (OK that last one is optional)
The only part of that equation that is normal is the feeling guilty part.
We all feel guilty when we dont do what we are supposed to do.
But guilt should act as our trigger to go all Einstein on our failure and
tear it down into pieces to understand why things did fall apart.
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Your salvation lies in your ability to use guilt as a trigger to reveal clues
that will lead to a potentially more favorable outcome next time.
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the glove compartment of his truck just in case his house burns down
or his items are stolen.
By predicting potential hotspots in advance, he is prepared should they
arise. If they dont come to pass, then there is no harm done. But if the
worst-case scenario should become reality, he is prepared.
Building willpower functions exactly like Pressfield saving his work. Its
about anticipating the worst-case scenarios that could happen and
having a plan in place that will help you successfully fend off anything
that is looking to derail you.
So lets revisit that Christmas party. What are all the possible hotspots
that could prevent you from eating cleanly?
Well one is alcohol. People always ask me whether they should remove
alcohol from their diet when they are attempting to lose weight.
My response is always the same. Unless you are a heavy drinker, it isnt
the calories you need to worry about. Alcohol affects your judgment
and your willpower.
Another hotspot people often overlook is other people. Will there be
people there who will adversely affect you?
Which friends dont understand, No means NO and are going to
tempt you endlessly with foods you are looking to avoid.
And will there be people there that stress you out and cause you to hit
the wine coolers or the dessert table as a coping mechanism.
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And lets not forget about the food that will be available. What do you
think is going to be there that is going to cause problems and how do
you think you might deal with it?
If you are the kind of person who has a hard time saying no (and most
are) have you thought through how you are going to decline those
things you do not want?
As you can see there are a number of hotspots that can and should be
considered in advance of showing up.
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visiting places in advance, calling ahead, and asking questions are all
strategies that work extremely well to identify potential hotspots
that might be tempted to knock you off stride if you were not
prepared.
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BIG IDEA #8
Adopt the use of checklists
If there was a Dummies series for doctors, this would be one of the
sections in that book.
These steps were no-brainers.
Still Pronovost enlisted a group of nurses to observe doctors
performing this procedure over the next month and make note of how
often they carried out each step.
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Do My Dishes Daily
I might be one of the few people in North America without a
dishwasher, so I have to wash my dishes by hand each day. At least that
is how it is supposed to play out in theory. But the reality was that I
could go two or three days without doing them.
But here is what I discovered when dishes start to pile up. The moment
I walk into the kitchen I feel overwhelmed by the pile I see before me.
And that overwhelm burns energy, a lot of energy that could be applied
to self-control I may need later on in other areas.
The mess also affected how I felt about my food choices as well. So
while it seemed like a dumb thing, if I kept my kitchen clean, my eating
was cleaner and more inline with my goals.
Make My Bed
Again this is a dumb one that seems to have nothing to do with weight
loss, but making my bed does three things that are important to the
greater cause.
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Drink Water
I think I might be part camel because it seems like I can go days without
drinking water. But water is such a vital component for flushing out
unwanted toxins that hinder weight loss.
Remembering to drink my water has the same effect as making my bed.
Adopting that willpower habit is contagious and positively impacts
other areas of my life.
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The other reason is that we underestimate the power of the dumb stuff.
It is so dumb that we just assume we will do it.
But the dumb stuff is the stuff that I believe messes us up more often
than not. And quite frankly, if you cant consistently perform the dumb
stuff, then there is definitely no way you are going to be able to
successfully implement the bigger stuff.
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BIG IDEA #9
Create plays
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For instance, lets imagine that you work at Starbucks or any other place
where you deal with customers. What do you think might be the
biggest hotspot you will have to deal with?
Without question it has to be how to deal with an unhappy customer.
If you have not identified that hotspot in advance, the probability of
handling it properly when it does occur diminishes significantly.
The second Big Idea necessary to create a successful blueprint is to
Adopt the use of checklists. A checklist helps you script the critical
moves necessary so you can successfully navigate any hotspot. Of equal
importance, it helps you remember the mundane things you tend to
overlook. Forgetting to do those mundane things is quite often the real
reason that your efforts get undermined.
And that leads us to be final Big Idea in this module for creating
successful blueprints and that is to Create plays.
To truly understand what I mean when I say create plays, it would be
best to look at a company who does this remarkably well: Starbucks.
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While that certainly does take willpower, that is not the kind of
willpower that Starbucks needs its employees to have in order to offer
exceptional customer service.
They need their employees to demonstrate self-control when they are
dealing with an irate customer.
If you work or have worked in the service industry, then you know
exactly how trying this situation is. On a daily basis, employees are
dealing with people who are unhappy about something.
Obviously, this is a major concern at Starbucks. There are always going
to be people who are going to be upset about something. Thats just a
fact of life. The problem however is that Starbucks cant have their
employees biting the heads off of everyone who has a complaint.
What Starbucks requires in those delicate moments, what can be
referred to as Moments that matter, is for its employees to exercise
restraint (an act that requires incredible willpower) and calmly and
coolly handle any objections.
But as we all know, that is far easier said than done.
So how would Starbucks get its employees to resist the urge to freak
out on people who are being rude or obnoxious?
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and preprogramming how you will respond long before you are ever
placed in that undesirable position.
I call preprogrammed responses plays because they resemble exactly
what happens in sports.
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wrote Made to Stick and Switch, had just released their latest book
Decisive.
As I was flipping through their book I noticed that they had created an
acronym for their four steps to making good solid decisions. They
called it WRAP and each letter of the word acted as an anchor for the
corresponding step.
It was brilliant! In fact, I realized they had used the same strategy in
their book, Switch.
So I started looking for a five-letter word that would help you (and me)
easily recall the five steps needed to build incredible willpower.
My challenge of course was to come up with a word that had relevance
to what I was trying to do.
When you look at the LATTE Method, it is anchored to a Starbucks
drink, which is brilliant.
I eventually came up with the word SCORE. The way I envisioned it,
exercising willpower in a really difficult situation has the same feeling
that someone has when they score a goal in a sport. Its amazing!
Once I had the anchor set, I carefully crafted the wording so I could
easily recall the steps in my head at a moments notice.
In case you forgot, here is the SCORE method again.
Start with the end in mind
Create a blueprint for success
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it. Actually I would bite pieces off them until they were only a few
inches long.
You cant imagine how embarrassing it was when someone would ask
to borrow a pen. I would hand them something that looked like a dog
chew toy.
The problem got so bad that I actually started chewing on my TV
remote control. I kid you not. Without even realizing it, I would chew
on it while watching television. I ended up chewing the top right off
and eventually bit into the circuit board so that it no longer worked.
My punishment was that I actually had to get up to change the channel
on my TV. Doh!
So I decided to give the checkmark idea a go. I bought a little notebook
and made my check boxes for each day of the week to start recording.
Every time I realized my pen was in my mouth I would take it out and
record a checkmark. But I didnt find the notebook practical because I
kept forgetting to bring it with me.
But I believed that the reason the activity worked for the nail-biting girl
was because the act of marking a checkmark was building muscle
memory that would help her stop chewing her nails.
So I replaced the notebook with something I always had on me: my
rubber wristband.
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Each time I had the urge to bite my pen or I realized the pen was in my
mouth, I would stop, take the pen out of my mouth and then move the
wristband from one arm to the other.
I made sure to commit to the action because I really felt that was the
key to changing the behavior.
And do you know how long it took me to end my 25-year pen chewing
(and TV remote control eating) habitfive days! In five days I had
stopped completely and I have not chewed anything since, other than
my food.
This two-pronged approach has worked particularly well in a few areas
where I eliminated behaviors I had been doing for decades.
And as I suggested above, the reason I believe this is so powerful is that
I connect the habit to muscle memory as well.
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S.C.O.R.E.
Habit #3:
OPTIMIZE PERFORMANCE
THROUGH PRACTICE
BIG IDEA #10:
Visualize success
BIG IDEA #11:
Perform realistic training
BIG IDEA #12:
Focus on specifics
The logic behind a vision board is that the more clear you get on
the outcome you desire, the more likely you will create it.
So lets do a quick recap of what we have learned to this point.
There are five steps to Building Incredible Willpower, with each step
corresponding to a letter of the acronym.
Step one is to Start By Deciding In Advance. Three strategies to help
make that happen are to:
Pinpoint The Problem
Determine The Outcome
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But just to frame this so you can see how ridiculous that statement is,
how crazy would you think someone was if they picked up a guitar for
the first time and said, I will now be a great guitar player.
We would roll our eyes and think that person was mentally ill. And yet
people make such statements involving willpower all the time.
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And how did things turn out? Well the night want off even better than
I could have imagined. Not once was I tempted to indulge in anything I
knew I should not have.
The following day, I remember waking up and thinking, What the heck
happened last night? I was stunned as to why things went so incredibly
well. I had never before been able to exert that kind of self-control.
As I began to scribble down possible theories as to why this all worked,
I discovered that there was a whole world to willpower that I did not
know existed.
It turned out practice was vital. And one element of that which I had
unknowingly tapped into was the power of visualization.
Now I realize that the word visualization seems to sound a little too
mystical for some, but there is a particular population in the world who
uses it quite extensively: athletes.
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Being on the TED main stage is the end result, so I have already decided
in advance where I plan to end up.
So I have created my own version of a vision board, by leveraging a
piece of real estate I see for at least 6 to 8 hours a day: my computer
desktop.
The background image on my desktop is a photo-shopped image of me
speaking at TED. I see that image every time I turn my computer on
and off.
This is part of the practice I am doing to bring this goal to life.
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You cant hurt yourself doing it and it is budget friendly because its
free!
As long as you have a mind you can practice visualization at a moments
notice.
Stopped at a red light? Visualize a desired outcome. Waiting for your
computer to boot up? Visualize a desired outcome. Performing delicate
surgery? Ah I am just checking to see if you are really reading this. I
would recommend visualizing before you perform your delicate
surgery. But you get the point.
So lets move on to Big Idea #11: Perform Realistic Training.
I mentioned this in Big Idea #10, but it is worth mentioning again.
Willpower is not ingested or assimilated or purchased over the counter,
although it could be cool if you could do that.
It is acquired exactly the same as any new skill that someone is
attempting to learn.
Think about what you would have to do to learn guitar? Would you
just buy books and read them and think you have mastered the art of
guitar playing. I hope not. But people apply that kind of logic all the
time with willpower.
Knowledge means nothing if you are not finding ways to practice what
you learned. My goal is to get you to start walking the walk. And I have
just the person for you to model: Jerry Seinfeld.
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Comedian
After the TV show Seinfeld went off the air in 1999 (has it really been
that long?) Seinfeld, the show creator and star decided to go back on the
road and perform his stand up act.
But he opted to do something no comic had ever done before or since.
He retired all his old material electing to start over again.
The experiment would culminate in a sold out show at the Ed Sullivan
Theatre.
What I found most fascinating about the documentary was how
Seinfeld went about building his new show.
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He knew what the end goal was. He needed to perform a one-hour stand
up act at one of the most prestigious theaters in the world. No pressure.
What he didnt do however was try to build that show in one-shot. His
first goal was to build a small 5-minute stand up act. He would write
jokes and rehearse privately until he had five minutes worth of material
and then he would head out to a small comedy club unannounced and
do a surprise show with that material.
It was fascinating to watch. This was not a polished act. He often came
out on stage with his notes in hand.
But the purpose was to find out what worked and what didnt. Because
he was filming a documentary he had the luxury to review tape of these
amateur shows to see what material worked and what didnt.
Jokes that bombed were removed and those that had potential were
continually reworked until he had it exactly where he needed it to be to
get the laugh.
This went on every night. Sometimes he would show up at two or
three clubs in a single evening to perform his act.
The goal again was to get five minutes of material that worked. Once
he achieved that, then he would write more jokes and look to create a
10-minute show, building off the five minutes of material he already had.
When he got ten minutes of solid material he then began crafting more
material for a 15-minute show. He kept doing this until he had a 60-
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And if they discover that they have made the wrong choice they do a
quick course correction and try to find something that does work.
Fourth, building successful willpower strategies and a one-hour stand
up act, require the use of stacking.
You build a base or foundation and then you continue to build on it in
small incremental units. Seinfeld built his act in 5-minute bites. You
will build your willpower arsenal one play at a time.
Fifth, master the present before you take on new challenges. Seinfeld
worked for months to get a hilarious 5-minute act down before he
moved on to developing his 10-minute act.
Building willpower should be the same. There is a fascination with
jumping from one Big Idea to the next while mastering nothing.
Case in point, my wristband play I shared. Its an amazing play that can
be adapted for a variety of situations. Yet the mistake most people make
is they give it a half-hearted attempt. And when it doesnt work, they
run off searching for the next shiny solution that captures their
attention.
You are building a willpower show no different than Seinfeld. The
difference is you are developing willpower strategies rather than jokes.
Focus on your foundation and master those. Test them out in situations
and see how they respond. Observe the outcomes. Spend the time
needed to understand the play so you can get to a state of mastery
before moving on to the next one.
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But one article he wrote fascinated me. He talked about how he became
an early riser.
What was most interesting is that it was unlike anything I had ever
seen before.
Hefner smoking jacket (I just added that to spice up the story). Then he
would head to the washroom and wash his face with cold water. Next
he would head into the kitchen and brew some coffee.
But he didnt stop there.
The next thing he did was to practice doing all those things.
He darkened the room so it would look like it did in the morning when
he awoke (realistic practice). He then put on his PJs and got into bed.
He set the alarm so it would go off a few minutes later. Then he closed
his eyes as if we was asleep. As soon as the alarm went off, he turned it
off, stretched, swung his legs out of bed and put on his slippers. He then
put on his housecoat and went into the washroom and washed his face
with cold water and then headed into the kitchen to make some coffee
He ran through this scenario a few times each night over the next week
or so until he was able to consistently wake early without fail.
Now I realize at first glance that seems a little bizarre.
But to be honest, its absolutely brilliant because Pavlina realized that
getting up early is an act of willpower and willpower can be improved
dramatically when you perform realistic practice.
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In Big Idea #10 I talked about the power of visualizing success. This is a
skill that top athletes leverage so they can excel in their chosen
discipline.
While this does seem a bit out there for some, there is growing
evidence to suggest that the longer you can hold a specific thought in
your head, the greater the likelihood you can manifest that thought into
existence.
I have encountered lots of stories of people manifesting the perfect
partner into their life, the perfect job, or the perfect parking spot at just
the time it was most needed in their life.
Rather then file it under the weird and wacky stretch outside your
comfort zone and give this a try.
Keep in mind that you cant muster up more willpower by doing more
of the things you have always been doing. You already know that
doesnt work.
Transformation occurs when we embrace habits that we have never
performed before and look for ways to implement them on a consistent
basis over an extended period of time.
In Big Idea #11, I suggested you take practice to a whole new level by
making it realistic to the situation you will actually encounter.
For instance, it is not enough to simply make a mental note of the treats
you are planning to avoid at that next meeting.
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Thats a mistake that amateurs consistently make and why they are
always more miss than hit.
A pro breaks down all the steps required to successfully avoid such
foods.
That might include things like bringing their own snacks and eating
those while others are stuffing their face with insulin spiking foods.
It might include visualizing themselves being in complete control of
their environment rather than vise versa.
And it might include a simple checklist of reminders they refer to just
before they head to the meeting.
That list might include things like:
on the mountain between May 10th and May 11th. Two of those
deaths included Rob Hall and Scott Fischer. Both were experienced
guides who had made the Summit of Everest on numerous occasions in
the past.
But on this fateful expedition, both of these experienced guides died
along with six others who were attempting to summit the mountain for
the very first time.
Its a tragic story that has a bit of everything. A sudden change in
weather conditions, inexperienced climbers who should never have
been permitted to climb in the first place, poor decision making at some
crucial moments, and a lack of attention to the specifics that could have
saved lives.
That last statement is rather bold, but it is based on the experience of
another climbing team that was on the mountain the same day the
other 3-groups decided to make a push for the summit.
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But a few hours into the climb Breashears took a glance down the
mountain and was horrified at what he saw. The other three climbing
expeditions were all trekking their way up the mountain to make their
push for the summit.
Breashears knew this was trouble waiting to happen. First, the weather
conditions on the mountain could change in a heartbeat. If that were
the case, it was possible that bottlenecks could occur at specific points
where only one climber could pass at a time.
Second, many of the climbers had no experience at all. In fact, some
should never have been permitted to climb the mountain to begin with.
If the conditions did change and they were stuck behind these
inexperienced climbers serious consequences could ensue.
Third, those groups were getting a late start, which meant that they
needed everything to work out perfectly in order to reach the summit.
And fourth, there were just too many people on the mountain period!
Breashears consulted with his team and even though the weather
conditions were perfect, they made the decision to turn back and wait
for a better day to summit.
That decision may have ultimately saved Breashears life and the lives of
his team members after what unfolded over the following 48-hours.
I must admit I find that decision both stunning and the greatest
example of exercising willpower that I have ever come across.
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Now you might be scratching your head and wondering how that could
possibly have anything to do with willpower?
It turns out the next opportunity to summit did not occur for another
three weeks. That was three weeks of additional food, oxygen canisters,
equipment rentals, and satellite feed costs etc for every member of his
team.
I could not find specific numbers, but it would not surprise me to learn
that 3-week delay cost the production an additional million dollars.
And that is what makes Breashears decision so remarkable. He had the
willpower to make a really tough call even though it was going to cost
him big bucks.
In fact, money was a contributing reason the other expeditions didnt
turn back. To do so, would have cost them big bucks as well.
So how does one guy have the will to make a tough call while two
others couldnt and ended up paying the price with their lives? Well it
boils down to focusing on specifics.
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Unfortunately, the average Joe or Jill, (we dont want to be sexist here)
spends little, if any time, examining the possible things that could go
wrong in any situation they are looking to navigate.
In other words, everything has to align in order for things to work out
favorably. If even the slightest mishap occurs the plans are out the
window and bad decisions result.
Jim Collins talks about this in his book, Great by Choice. In the
aftermath of the tragedy, there were some interesting things to note
about the preparation of the teams who were on the mountain that day.
In the case of the two parties where both expedition leaders died, it was
noted that they had no contingency plan in place. For instance, the
average climber will use 3 oxygen canisters to summit and descend the
mountain. It turned out that at least two of the expedition groups only
had enough canisters for a perfect summit. There were no reserves if
things didnt go according to plan.
Think about that for a moment. These groups had no wiggle should
something go wrong. Any unexpected delays could be fatal. As it turned
out, that is exactly what happened.
Contrast that with Breashears. He had projected out how long the
entire expedition would take and then brought enough supplies to stay
3X as long should they encounter any delays.
So while Breashears decision to postpone his summit 3 weeks cost him
money, he had built that into his contingency plan making it much
easier to act on the will needed to make such a difficult decision.
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I can tell you right now that people who struggle with their weight for
instance, have no such system in place. Most people dont understand
that excellence requires a lot of work. That is another key difference
between the pros and the amateurs.
Pros keep score. They keep detailed notes. They collect and track data
that they can review so they can improve upon their performance.
Breashears practiced assembling his camera so it is ready to shoot in 5
minutes flat. You DO NOT arrive on the mountain and then hope that
happens. You practice and hone that skill regularly to ensure that is
exactly what happens when time is of the essence.
I love number three. All equipment was tested before he arrives on a
mountain. I happen to know for a fact that for the movie Everest, he
and his team came to a sub-zero freezer here in Toronto to test out
equipment and practice assembling his camera.
There are some similarities to a manifesto, but SMaC lists are the kind
of thing you can make up for various roles in your life.
For instance, for a relationship SMaC list, you might have, Never go to
bed angry. For a weight loss SMaC list you might have, Never show up
anywhere without back up snacks. For a morning routine SMaC list you
might have, Always make my own breakfast before leaving the house.
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Drank 2L of water
Logged my foods
Stayed under 100g of carbs
Made my bed
Did my dishes
Completed intense workout #1, 2 or 3
Ate 100% real foods
There isnt much on that list that has a high sexiness appeal. But when I
stack all those up on top of each other day after day, week after week,
month after month, amazing stuff starts to happen.
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S .C .O .R .E .
Habit #4
REMOVE Obstacles TO SUCCESS
BIG IDEA #13:
Eliminate the prescription mindset
BIG IDEA #14:
Avoid extreme solutions
BIG IDEA #15:
Manufacture courage
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But my message was not about logging foods. My message was about
why I log my foods.
Do you remember what my reason is for logging my foods?
I log because it helps me manufacture awareness. And awareness helps
me make better decisions that dramatically improve my willpower.
But I know there are people who are reading about my food logging
and thinking, Does that mean I have to log my foods as well? Do I have
to start counting carbs also?
And the answer is and emphatic, NO!
If that is what you were thinking, then recognize you are approaching
things from a prescription mindset.
I am not telling you what to do. I am trying to guide you on how to
think critically so you can decide what is best for you and what isnt.
And if you decide to log your foods, it isnt because I log mine. Its
because you see the value in manufacturing awareness and you are
curious to see if this strategy will work for you.
Thats leading. And leading is also saying, I have tried this food log
thing and it isnt generating the awareness I want so I am going to
pursue another strategy that will work for me.
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Remember you are not installing software. You are dealing with unique
DNA that has no equal on the planet. Therefore it is logical to assume
there is an equally unique solution that works for that DNA only.
A prescription approach doesnt work when DNA is involved.
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We're in a bar. I have a huge parka and I'm making a phone call.
But they don't want me wearing the parka. Why don't we put it
over a stool and leave it there?
But then the bartender says, "What can I get for you?" If my
parka's there, he's already said that to me. Instead of "What can I
get for you?" He should say, "Ready for that drink now?" Boom, we
instantly know he's been there.
Cranston calls those little mistakes a pinch of poison. Audiences can
take one or two or three. But after that it leaves a bad taste even though
they cant articulate why the show just doesnt resonate with them.
I loved his analogy of a small pinch of poison. I bring this up because
the ability to take action successfully requires a tremendous amount of
trust in yourself to do what you say you are going to do.
Lets head back once again to the food log.
As I stated above, people taking this course might make the assumption
that I am telling them that if they want to succeed they need to log their
foods.
But when we adopt behaviors simply because others tell us we should
be doing them, we are missing our Why. It is impossible to sustain
behaviors that others tell us we should have because a Why cannot
come from someone else.
My Why for food logging comes from my discovery that it
manufactures awareness.
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Its the square peg in a round hole conundrum. That kind of force is not
a sustainable action long-term because you burn through your willpower
reserves incredibly fast.
And there are a few reasons for that. You are working extremely hard to try
and get that square peg into the hole. You are supremely frustrated because
you have been told the peg fits and so you try harder only to discover you
cant make it fit. So you falsely assume that you are the problem and chalk it
up to just another thing you were unable to accomplish.
And the emotional toll with the prescription mindset is steep as well.
There is a lot of thrashing that goes on when you attempt to fit into
something that was never designed for you in the first place.
The solution of course is to stop following prescriptions and start
stealing the principles and applying them to a system that you have
designed for your unique set of circumstances.
When you stop following other peoples prescriptions and focus more
on your own systems and solutions, you begin to discover that your
actions have impact and are much more sustainable long term because
they are catered specifically to your needs.
So lets explore another area that has a detrimental impact on the
actions you take: extreme solutions.
Extreme is the thing that sells right now. Programs like P90X and
Insanity have sold millions of units promoting the extreme approach to
exercise and promising to get results fast.
But here is why extreme solutions do far more harm than good and
wreak havoc on your intention to act.
They are incredibly deceptive.
First, extreme solutions are really advanced solutions that are targeted
to beginners. I own P90X and I really like it. But the program is
targeted for people who are already quite active.
When P90X began soliciting volunteers for their test groups, they were
not looking for couch potatoes. They were looking for people who
were athletic and active, but were not getting the results they wanted.
P90X was the next evolution for them.
But the infomercials dont make that distinction. They sell it as a onesize fist all, when it is really a highly advanced training program for
people who are already pretty fit.
It would be the equivalent to marketing Shakespeare to children.
Hamlet for toddlers might sound cute, but me thinks a lot of kids are
going to be rather perplexed by the complex plots and weird English.
Companies have figured out that extreme solutions can be disguised as
the perfect solution to a beginner desperate to change fast.
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Second, the test group results that they trumpet are misleading. I dont
mean misleading in the sense they arent truethey are.
But think about this for a moment. How motivated would you be if you
were actually working with Tony Horton from P90X and his test
group? Who wouldnt show up for 90 days with 20 other highly
motivated people to be trained by the creator of the program.
Im pretty sure we would all be highly motivated if we had the chance
to get in on an offer like that.
But thats not how these programs work for those who buy it. They get
a DVD set that they are required to use in their own home, where there
is limited space, limited equipment and the reality that after a long
grueling day at work they will be doing the workout by themselves.
The real life conditions required to make that program work are
extraordinary and beyond what the average person is capable of doing.
Third, extreme programs (actually this is true for all programs) mislead
people with their testimonials. The reality is for every testimonial they
muster up; there are hundreds of people who never got close to getting
through the program.
What sellers of these programs understand is that testimonials are an
incredibly powerful selling tool even though they represent less than
1% of the people who are actually successful with a program.
Unfortunately, no one does the math on success rates, so people assume
the testimonial represents the norm. In reality, it represents a
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When people walk into the store, they usually take 15 to 20 steps and
then stop and look for a basket or cart. But of course there are none
available. They are back by the door where they first entered the store.
But Underhill saw this type of behavior time and again and eventually
figured out what was going on.
When most people enter a store they are not thinking about where to
get a cart, they are thinking about what they need to buy. This would
take people 15 or 20 steps into the store to run through their mental
checklist.
Once they knew what they needed, they would then stop and look for
cart or basket. Then they would end up having to walk back to the store
entrance to get one.
Underhill coined this the runaway effect. He stated that people needed
those 15 or 20 steps to figure out what they wanted before they would
then realize they needed a cart or basket.
Underhill suggested that storeowners start placing baskets at the end of
these runaways to make it easier for the consumer and the behavior
they exhibit.
The insight is brilliant and accurately captures typical grocery store
behavior.
So why did I tell you that story?
Well the runway effect fits beautifully into why extreme solutions are
to be avoided.
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was done, just that people who kept their weight off did something
from their home on a regular basis.
You will also recall that woman who I mentioned who went from 299
pounds to 180 pounds. She changed one habit at a time and worked her
system for well over a year.
I call that approach to finding your minimum viable threshold
STACKING.
Stacking is where you look to adopt behaviors that, when bundled
together will yield the greatest possible outcome with the least effort
possible.
Think of it as working smarter as opposed to harder.
So how many behaviors should you look to adopt?
To start, I would focus on only two or three until they become
effortless and provide little drain on your mental reserves.
For instance, I once advocated for not using a scale when you are trying
to lose weight, but I dont feel that way anymore. A scale manufactures
awareness.
But it takes some time to get used to the emotional turmoil and
obsession that first comes with weighing yourself everyday.
I would suggest that people start with something like that and a few
other small behaviors and spend the next three to five weeks making
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those a habit that expends minimal energy before looking to add to the
stack.
So let me help you get started by sharing the stack of behaviors I have
bundled together.
Think of it like a series of platforms. The first one is the base and is the
most important. I then layer the next most important on that one and
so on.
I currently stack eight behaviors. Keep in mind this is an organic list
that I continue to experiment with. There is no timeline attached to
this experiment.
My goal however is to make it effortless, automatic, and daily to reap
the maximum benefit.
So here is my stack. They are in order of most crucial to my success to
less so.
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Final Takeaway
The key to successful behavior change is not to
apply a tremendous amount of force to change it
quickly. The key is to quietly nudge it in the right
direction and then maintain the behavior, first for
weeks, then for months, then for years and then for decades.
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And that all leads into Big Idea #15: Manufacture Courage.
If you want to remove the obstacles that prevent sustainable action
then you need to learn how to manufacture courage.
My choice of wording here is deliberate. Courage is not something you
ARE and it is not something you HAVE. It is a skill that you learn so
you can access it when it is needed most, whether that is in times where
you are experiencing fear, shame, frustration or extreme vulnerability.
In my book, Make Shift Happen, I have a chapter called, Smash the
Scale. The whole point of the chapter was to encourage people not to
weigh themselves.
And the reason I wrote that was based on my own experience with the
scale. The number always managed to set me back when it was not
moving in the direction I would have liked.
But if you read between lines, what I was really saying was that I feared
the number on the scale and how it would make me think about myself
so I decided that it was smarter to hide from my reality.
I dont stand behind that position anymore. Running from my fear of
the scale simply masked the fact that I couldnt deal with the truth about
my situation. Worse, I was afraid how that would make me think about
myself.
But hiding from any reality does not make that reality go away. It only
makes us grow more fearful and insecure and frustrated. And that has a
way of leaking into other areas of our life.
So whats the solution?
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Step 1: Observe
McDonough actually got this idea from observing nature. Nature does
not resist. Trees bend to the wind. Water flows around obstacles
blocking its path. Seasons give way to the next.
Coping mechanisms, on the other hand, teach people to resist or fight.
But resistance only amplifies the stress and conflict that resides within.
So McDonough began to teach himself to model nature and observe
when a panic attack was oncoming. Observing manufactured awareness,
which triggered a reminder for him to implement his new technique.
By becoming aware of patterns, he was able to prepare himself for an
impending panic attack.
You might recall the story of the nail biter I shared in a previous big
idea. She solved a lifetime problem in two months simply by becoming
aware of her behavior and choosing an alternate more appropriate
behavior.
Step 2: Embrace
This is completely counterintuitive to everything we are ever taught
about fearful events. But he would embrace the fear as it began to wash
over him.
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Examples include:
Bouts of insomnia
Feelings of overwhelm
Feelings of insecurity
Short temperedness or lack of patience with your kids or spouse
Resistance to tracking data
Having difficult conversations
Dealing with criticism
Dealing with cravings
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And what she discovered was that those people who are most
comfortable in their own skin are not afraid to be vulnerable,
recognizing that vulnerability plants the seeds of courage and creativity
and self-acceptance along with a whole host of other positive traits.
Transparency is important in all areas of your life, but its an integral
part of building willpower because it requires a willingness to tell your
truth without fear of judgment, obviously from others, but also from
yourself.
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Thats not the kind of transparency that I am talking about. I call those
tales of woe. We all know people who tell endless tales of woe. They
never move on. They live everything like it happened yesterday and
they will tell it to anyone who will listen and give them the sympathy
they feel they deserve.
I am talking about the kind of courage where you lean in and refuse to
use it as an excuse for why things are the why they are.
Im talking about the kind of transparency where you are able to talk
about your struggles without shame or blame. You talk about it as
something that simply is, but you also make it clear that it is a
temporary situation that will eventually crumble to your endless assault
to figure it out.
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S .C .O .R .E .
Habit#5:
EVALUATE. LEARN. GROW.
BIG IDEA #16:
Evaluate the outcome
BIG IDEA #17:
Learn from your experience
BIG IDEA #18:
Expand your skill set
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There is a ton of rejection and Gosss approach was to teach them not
to attach meaning to it.
But our natural tendency around rejection is to interpret what it means
and for most people that tends to lean towards character flaws.
If you are a writer, you might interpret rejection as meaning you just
dont have what it takes to be a writer.
If you are an actor, you might interpret that as meaning you have little
acting talent.
And if it is around willpower, you might interpret that as meaning you
lack discipline and self-control.
But all of those scenarios are examples of interpretations that lean on
the negative.
Tim Ferriss got 27 rejections for his book, The 4-Hour Work Week.
And yet the 28th publisher picked it up and the book has gone on to
become an international bestseller and one of the top selling books of
all-time.
How could a book that was rejected 27 times do this? Werent those 27
rejections saying that the book was a terrible idea that would never sell?
That is one interpretation.
Another is to suggest that the 27 publishers who rejected it had no idea
what they are doing.
Or you could take Gosss approach and just look at it for what it was.
Ferriss made an offer to 27 publishers and they said no. Thats it.
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First, I would suggest that this be done in writing if the problem has
been an ongoing issue for some time or the consequences were severe.
Just thinking about it isnt enough.
Second, use the steps of the SCORE framework to identify potential
weaknesses that need to be solidified.
So let me work through the steps with my example.
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There were a few simple steps that were required to record the call and
I made the mistake of not writing them down. I assumed I would
remember them.
The Lesson: I should have had a checklist of all the steps I was required
to carry out the moment I was ready to initiate the call.
Second, I had to make sure my course members knew how to get on the
call. That again required that I review the instructions and pass these on.
This part went well because I included them in an email, which clearly
defined the steps needed to attend the call.
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By taking the time to work through the process to learn what went
well and what needs to be improved I ensured that the next time out
things will run much more smoothly.
I would strongly recommend that you adopt this approach for those
problems that have eluded a successful solution for some time now.
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This is exactly the same mindset I am asking you to adopt for building
willpower.
Im asking you to stop doing what others tell you that you should be
doing. Instead, conduct your own experiments and rely on your own
observations and conclusions no matter how controversial that may be.
That is called empirical learning. Your ability to implement this
paradigm shift in knowledge acquisition will radically change the
success you experience.
Imagine you have a debt of $25,000 split over four different loans. You
have one loan for $2000 at 5% interest. You have another for $5000 at 7%.
A third that has $8000 owing at 10% and a fourth that is $10,000 at 15%.
How would you go about clearing that $25,000 debt?
The conventional wisdom is to start with the loan with the highest
interest rate. In our example, that would be the $10,000 loan with the
15% interest rate.
That is not what Ramsey teaches his students however and this was
based on what he learned on his own journey.
There are really two forces at play in this story. The first is debt
reduction. But the second, and the one nobody ever discusses, is the fact
that most people dont stick to a debt elimination plan because they get
burned out.
And one of the reasons they get burned out is that they dont see much
change in their situation.
Ramsey realizes that motivation is as important, if not more important,
then the debt reduction plan so to address this he advices people to turn
the plan upside down and start by paying off the smallest loan first.
Just think about that for a moment? In a matter of a few months, you can
now say you have three loans to pay off instead of four. Then you move
onto the next loan. Get that paid off and now you are down to two.
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But when you begin to understand that the bigger challenge isnt the
weight, its the motivation to stay on the path you have chosen, you
begin to connect the dots.
You realize you need to break that weight loss goal down into smaller
more manageable loans.
If I was trying to lose 50 pounds , I would break it up into five 10 pound
segments. I would then develop a plan around losing that first 10
pounds. Once that milestone was reached and sustained, I would then
take what I had learned to create a plan for the next milestone.
You catch my drift here. The empirical principle Ramsey shares has
implications in many areas of your life.
Let me share one more example from my own life which helps
demonstrate the power of empirical knowledge.
I have said my turning point on this journey came when I decided I
would be the expert on me.
I didnt have the vocabulary to express this at the time, but what I was
really saying was that I was no longer going to rely on other peoples
opinions. From that point forward, I would base all my decisions on
empirical learning.
And that decision led me to question things I had never questioned
before.
For instance, I have discovered that I can control my cravings by
deciding in advance how many treats I am allowed to have each week.
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I would allow myself three treats per week that were roughly the size of
my fist. The moment I put a number on it, I made my cravings tangible
and created clear boundaries as to what was acceptable and what wasnt.
That declaration also forced me to make decisions and come up with
coping strategies when I was jouncing for junk.
By paying attention of my own experiences, I dismissed that idea and
began to work on my own theories of how to manage my cravings.
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There are times when you resist foods that you know you cannot have.
There are times when you workout when you said you would workout.
There are times where you are focused and super-productive.
And there are times when you got up as soon as the alarm went off.
But the problem is you dismiss these bright spots. That is the expected
behavior and when it happens you nod in approval but never think to
stop and figure out what contributed to things going exactly as you had
hoped.
I think this is one of the gravest mistakes we make and it goes back to
something I have stated in previous Big Ideas.
I believe our greatest opportunities for success can be found by
analyzing our successes. If we can unravel valuable lessons from our
bright spots then we have the opportunity to repeat them and repeat
the success.
This is why I believe mastermind groups can be such a powerful tool to
help people build willpower, or businesses or families.
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If you surround yourself with the right people, they will be able to ask
the right questions that will help you clear the fog and see something
you never knew contributed to your success.
As I write this piece, I realize I have had an incredibly productive day.
Now I could simply take that for granted and hope by some miracle that
the same thing will happen again tomorrow.
But I already know the odds of this happening are slim to none if I pass
up the opportunity to autopsy this bright spot.
What has made this day different than so many others?
Perhaps it was the quality of my sleep? Did sleeping with the window
open make a difference? Did getting eight hours make a difference? Did
it help that I got up right away and immediately launched into my
morning routine?
Did it make a difference that I did my workout immediately after my
journal session? Does that put my mind more at ease knowing the most
difficult and important task of my day is in the books? Does that free up
my mind to be more creative and at peace with myself?
Does keeping a personal commitment change how I perceive myself?
Does that impact my day positively?
My speculation is that getting the workout done in the morning after
my journal entry saves me buckets of energy that I know I burn up
through out my day as I wonder when or if I am actually going to do
the workout I said I would do.
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Think of how this little idea has changed how you are now seeing
things. And imagine how that will impact other areas of your life,
whether it is you email inbox management, home organization or
morning routines.
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of your life and begin putting the pieces of your unique puzzle together
into some semblance of a solution that brings you peace of mind and a
sense of control.
I would like to take a moment to show you why the puzzle analogy fits
perfectly to explain why certain issues have been so troublesome to solve.
On many occasions you have attempted to sift through the pieces of
that problem and begin putting the puzzle together.
The problem in the past however is that you didnt know what the end
result was supposed to look like. So each piece became its own little
mystery.
The energy that went into trying to figure out what each little piece
might mean was exhausting on almost every level imaginable.
Eventually you burned out and gave up.
Periodically you would return, determined that this time you would
unravel your pile of pieces, and each time the result was the same as it
was previously, with one significant addition.
The frustration, overwhelm, shame and disappointment compounded
with each successive failure.
You got to the point where it seemed that this was your fate and you
would have to try and find a way to be OK with that.
But there is a difference now.
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That big pile of pieces now comes with a map, called the SCORE
method, that allows you to begin sorting through the chaos to see what
you have, to see what you might keep and to see what you will
eventually discard.
And as you begin to work through the steps you will begin to see emerging
patterns that will allow you to begin instilling order into your life.
And when you can do that you get the greatest gift of all: a sense that,
for the first time in a very long time, you are once again in control of
your life.
So the final step to building on the control you now have is Big Idea
#18: Expand Your Skill Set.
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People who are successful find a way to capture what they learn somehow,
either in a journal, on a blog, in a book, with a camera or via audio.
To help you put this in perspective, think about your family doctor.
How likely would you stay with him or her if they simply kept a mental
file on you and your family?
You would ditch them in nanosecond. Its absolutely absurd to think a
doctor would not keep notes.
To provide the best care possible, they need to track everything: your
allergies, the meds you are on, previous conditions you have suffered
from, the results of your last exam etc.
Its ironic isnt it that we do not manage our own lives with the same
attention to detail that we expect from our health care professionals.
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health. Emotional writing can also affect peoples sleep habits, work
efficiency and how they connect with others.
I did want to clarify that his use of the word traumatic is in the extreme
sense.
But I also believe that there are lesser forms of trauma that are
unleashed on each of us every day when we are not experiencing the
success we desire.
Not eating the way you intend, not being as productive as you had
hoped, feeling you are no longer as sexy as you once were, feeling
inferior at work; all those are examples of events that seem small or
insignificant to most, but cause us tremendous pain.
Any kind of pain that we experience is traumatic and it has
repercussions if we dont find a way to channel it effectively.
Keeping secrets by attempting to bottle things up inside slowly warps
our character and the very essence of who we are from the inside out.
But the art of expressive writing can help tremendously as Pennebaker
suggests.
And you will see that it doesnt take much to feel the impact physically,
socially, emotionally and psychologically.
Blocking out time each week to write down things you are wrestling
with and possible theories or solutions as to how to move forward on
them is a really powerful tool that starts to stack up when you do it
consistently over an extended period of time.
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Journaling has done wonders for me. That daily act allows me to release
any anxiety that might be pent up by not addressing issues head on.
Let me share an actual example from my journal of something I wrote
about finding purpose.
Just know that no one other than me has ever seen this. Also keep in
mind that while this may not appear to link directly to willpower, it
most certainly does.
Every issue that I am struggling with burns a tremendous amount of
energy when left unattended. The moment I get my most pressing
thoughts down on paper, I extinguish the flame and free up my energy
reserves to be used where they matter most, whether it is directed
towards my eating, my workouts or my level of productivity.
Here is what I wrote on Wednesday, June 12th, 2013. The title of this
entry was, My Purpose.
I have been thinking about this a lot the past few weeks because it has
occurred to me I still dont know what it is I am truly committed to.
For a long while I thought it was about helping people find purpose,
but I have recently discovered that finding purpose is a by-product of
something bigger: Discovering who we really are.
Im beginning to think that we (me specifically) dont really know who
we are and whats really important. That might sound ludicrous, but I
now believe that to be true.
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So let me end this section by sharing a play that Brene Brown teaches
people to overcome shame.
I love Brene Brown and I think her work applies to many of us on this
journey because we all feel some level of shame for the changes we have
been unable to create for ourselves.
It might be shame relating to our lack of willpower. It might be shame
about our appearance. Or it might be shame about the fact we just dont
feel we are good enough as we currently are.
Male or female, we all suffer from some level of shame.
But there is hope my friend. Here are the four steps to developing
shame resilience, as stated by Brene in her incredible book, Daring
Greatly.
Understand shame triggers. Shame has biology and biography. It
elicits a physical response and it is triggered by a particular story
or message.
Practice critical awareness. Reality-check those things that are
driving your shame. Are they realistic or even attainable?
Reach out. Shame thrives in silence. Own it, but share your story
with your trusted tribe.
Speak shame. Are you talking about how you feel and asking for
what you need when you feel shame.
Those are her four steps to becoming shame resistant.
Its a really powerful play that should be added to anyones playbook.
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Part 3
the pitfalls And
the possibilities
Learning and action are not the same. Lots of people take how to
courses and never do anything with the knowledge they possess.
So you are now fully up to speed on the entire SCORE method and all
its subtle intricacies. But I wanted to use Big Idea #19 to let you know
that you are not done with this course.
You see, most programs would send you a congratulatory email or
maybe even a certificate saying you have successfully completed the
course, but you wont be getting any of that here.
The truth is you are not done, YOU ARE ONLY JUST BEGINNING.
Everything you have read and listened to up to this point entitles you to
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Common pitfall #1
Taking no action
I came across a recent study that suggested that 72.3% of people who
sign up for an online program do not take any action. Some never
commit to the program at all, while others commit to the material in
some form, but do not end up taking any kind of action that will impact
the quality of the life they lead.
I have seen this in my own business as well. I have had people sign up
for a $100 program and never open a single email I have sent them.
While I found that perplexing at first, I understand why that happens.
First, people think that if they pay money for something they will
automatically commit to it. Unfortunately, there is no correlation between
buying something and using it. Just think of all the treadmills, stationary
bikes and rowing machines that get purchased but never get used.
The second reason is because people truly believe they can defer difficult
work until a later period of time and actually come back and do it.
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Common pitfall #2
Mistaking learning for action
This is something I recognized in my own life. Reading is really
deceptive because it gives the illusion of action, when in reality, it is
learning.
Learning and action are not the same. Lots of people take how to
courses and never do anything with the knowledge they possess.
Reading about the SCORE method and using the framework to work
through a hotspot in your life is something else entirely.
Just make sure you are fully aware that reading and listening entitle you
to be a spectator only. To get onto the playing field and be a participant
you need to ACT!
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This is difficult because the material will pull you in many different
directions. Resist the urge to start trying to figure everything out
immediately.
An actor cannot create a complete character based on the first act alone.
It is the same with you and this course. Understand the whole story
before you attempt to develop your character.
The next step is to carefully re-read each section as often as is necessary
making special note of words, phrases or paragraphs that help you
understand how this material is going to shape you moving forward.
An actor may read a script twenty times before they feel they truly have
a complete grasp of the character.
You are going to have a similar experience, so be prepared to make a
similar commitment. I would go so far as to suggest you print the entire
script off and keep making notes in the margins until you have a
complete understanding of the character you are looking to play
moving forward.
Common pitfall #4
Getting overwhelmed with the sheer
volume of ideas and possibilities
This is common in most areas of our life. Its one reason I only
subscribe to about five blogs at any one time. Otherwise, I am exposed
too so many different competing ideas I get pulled in a million
directions and I end up doing nothing.
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Common pitfall #5
Overestimating the power of memory
People will read the SCORE method and think that they will remember
to use its strategies when it matters most.
But let me ask you this. What did you have for lunch yesterday? Odds
are you dont remember.
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Common pitfall #6
Underestimating the power of consistency
This is my own personal opinion, but I think this is the BIGGEST problem
that people suffer from when it comes to successful behavior change.
People dont stick with anything long enough to reap the rewards.
Amazing things happen when small changes are bundled together and
done consistently over an extended period of months, years and decades.
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Common pitfall #7
Unable to see the bigger picture
Trying to figure out what works is really an exercise in failing our way
to success. You are going to have to try a bunch of things until you can
figure out exactly what works and what doesnt.
But most people are not schooled in the fine art of failure. We have
been taught to consider failure a bad thing. Thats why many people
who attempt an extreme detox diet quit the moment they mess up.
But think about that for a moment. Lets say you are ten days into a
thirty-day detox and on day eleven you mess up. Most people give up.
But whats stopping you from starting again on day twelve? Even if you
stumbled four other days, thats still twenty-five perfect eating days out
of the last thirty.
If you quit after day ten then you only get ten great eating days of a
possible thirty. I dont know about you, but I will take twenty-five great
eating days in a month over ten any day.
Common pitfall #8
Quitting the things that lead
to success in the first place
You cant adopt a new behavior, create change and then think you can
stop and still reap the benefits.
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To illustrate the point, imagine you brush your teeth everyday but at
your latest dentist appointment you discover you have a cavity.
Your dentist tells you that you need to start flossing everyday. And you do.
And the next five visits to the dentist are perfect. No more cavities.
Now imagine that on the car ride home you say to yourself, You know I
have had so much success preventing cavities that I am going to stop
flossing and brushing and expect that I will continue to have no cavities.
Yes I realize that sounds ridiculous. No one would do that right?
But people apply silly logic like that all the time. Think about a diet
where you limit calories for two or three weeks and lose weight then go
back to your normal calorie intake and think the previous changes will
sustain themselves.
WHEN YOU REMOVE THE CAUSE YOU REMOVE THE EFFECT.
Thats helpful when it comes to deciding what things you are going to
adopt in the future. Understand that you are signing up for the long haul.
Common pitfall #9
Adopting behaviors that are not
sustainable long term
I have already talked about why I am not a fan of extreme programs.
They are not sustainable long term unless you have a serious support
system in place.
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Yes you can FORCE the body to get results short term, but if it is too
much, the body will eventually fight back and say it has had enough.
Work on adopting smaller more manageable behaviors that are
sustainable long term that fit into the context of the life you lead.
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There are ways to do this, but ultimately you need to find a safe
environment that allows you to be open, honest and vulnerable.
Masterminds are one of the most effective strategies to do this. Being
part of a carefully monitored community is another.
Listen it is no accident I teach this stuff and create communities around
it. It helps me connect with likeminded people and share and refine my
ideas. But I also learn a tremendous amount from the experiences of
others that helps me on my journey to being in control of the life I lead.
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to paint a picture of the possibilities that exist for your new invented
future.
Possibility #1
Recapturing that trust in yourself
The one thing that has taken a beating over your years or decades of
struggle is the lost faith in your ability to trust yourself in the critical
moments of your life.
Every time you said you are going to do something and didnt, you
made a tiny withdrawal from your personal trust account.
You have made so many over the years that you are dangerously close
to declaring bankruptcy.
What the SCORE method does is empower you to begin making
micro-deposits of trust back into that account, by giving you a system
that helps you honor the commitments you have made to yourself.
Each time you log your foods, you make a deposit. Each time you do the
workout you said you were going to do, you make a deposit. And each
time you eat exactly the way you had planned, you make a deposit.
These may seem insignificant, but they are small steps on your 1000mile journey that begin to add up over time.
The other wonderful aspect is that your newfound trust carries over
into other aspects of your life.
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Possibility #2
Seeing the immense power of the system
The SCORE method works. The more you work it and get results the
more you will come to trust it implicitly.
And the more you trust it, the more you will discover that its
applications are limitless.
I have presented it in the context of building willpower, but it is a
system for building incredible relationships, it is a system for building
incredible happiness and it is a system for building incredible impact.
This is worth repeating again. The more you work the system, the more
you will discover how the system will work for you in all areas of your life.
Possibility #3
Being in control of your life
When problems get the better of you, you feel like you are powerless to
do anything to change the circumstances you find yourself in.
But as you work the SCORE system, one of the unexpected benefits is
that, for the first time in a very long time, you are going to feel you are
actually in control of things.
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You can probably relate to this, but I have always felt I owned a body
that I had no control over. It seemed no matter what I told it, it simply
did whatever it wanted.
It was frustrating to say the least.
But the SCORE method has given me what I feel is the greatest benefit
of all: the feeling of knowing I am now in control.
I am no longer just along for the ride. I am an active participant firmly
entrenched in the drivers seat.
Another little tip I have picked up along the way that will help you out
as well, is to begin to train yourself to become mindful of the results
you generate and how these connect to the notion of being in control.
When you can eat out without fear of gorging on desserts, you discover
you are in control of your environment regardless of where you are.
When you are able to hear peoples words while disregarding the tone,
then you learn you are in control of your emotions and you have the
ability to respond with the grace and compassion that leaves the world
a far richer place.
And when you create rules to manage your inbox and morning
checklists for your children to follow on a school day you discover that
overwhelm can be a thing of the past with a little bit of thought and the
right systems in place.
Being in control of your life gives you the strength and the courage to
begin daring more greatly as you look to venture forth and build the life
you thought was never possible.
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Possibility #4
Creating incredible self-awareness
I believe you live two lives; the one before self-awareness and the one
after it.
And there is really no comparison. Your life before self-awareness was
one of desperation. You jumped from one solution to the next hoping
someone was going to be able to fix you.
The SCORE method opens your eyes to that world you have never seen
before. It gives you the gift of awareness.
And awareness comes with its own inherent set of giftsone being
immediacy. You can immediately see the impact of the bad choices you
make. This was something that may have taken months or years to
happen in your old life, if it even happened at all.
But now you have the ability to make immediate course corrections so
you can avoid impending disaster.
You now have the opportunity to live a life void of the devastating
extremes that were so commonplace in your past.
Here is an example of how that now works in my life.
When I log my foods, the goal is to come in under 100 grams of carbs
on all days except my weekly treat day.
Recently I had a day where I came in at 140 grams. I immediately
decided to make a course correction by structuring the next day so I
would only consume 60 grams of carbs.
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Possibility #5
Increasing self-compassion
No one is harder on you during your struggles than you. You call
yourself names. You label yourself with every character flaw you can
find. And you talk to yourself in a way that you would never talk to
someone else who was experiencing similar struggles.
I used to have this motto that I was quite proud of, No one is harder on
me than me.
I dont see that as a badge of honor anymore. The point is not to be
hard on myself. The point is to be fair in my assessment of myself and
treat me exactly as I would treat others in a similar situation.
The SCORE method opens up to a whole new way to see you. You
begin to see you for who you are, not for whom you think should be.
The inference seems subtle, but the implication is seismic in its impact
on how you will begin to treat yourself.
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You begin to shift away from this idea that you are the Biggest Loser
to something that reinforces the notion you are perfect as you are and
with the right system in place, things will only get that much better.
The added bonus of self-compassion is that it increases your
compassion for others. The more you have for yourself than the more
you will have for others.
Possibility #6
Increasing your confidence
Your confidence is the other thing that takes a beating pre-SCORE
method. You have tried so many things and failed so many times that
your armor is not just dented, it has been crushed like a pop can.
The brilliance of the SCORE method is that it helps you rebuild that
lost confidence one small success at a time.
I always shudder when I hear people say things like, You have to
believe in yourself or You have to have confidence in who you are.
You dont have confidence, you build it. And it starts knowing you
have a system in place that you trust. When you work that system, in
this case the SCORE method, you begin to create the small wins that
help rebuild and replace that mangled armor that was once
representative of your confidence.
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Working the system to ensure that you stick to your eating plan at the
next dinner party you attend adds a small piece of confidence to your
armor.
Working the system to create an exercise program that fits for the life
you lead, adds a small piece of confidence to the armor.
As you continue to work the system you come to recognize that even
when you fall, you have the growing confidence to know that you will
figure things out somehow and put something in place that will allow
you to be successful the next time through.
Possibility #7
Mastering consistency
As I have stated previously, I really believe if people just stuck to their
bundle of sustainable solutions day in and day out rather than hopping
from one quick fix solution to the next they would experience
incredible success.
You have to remember that big problems are solved with small
solutions. Those solutions dont come wrapped in 4-digit price tag.
They are cheap, easily accessible and extremely unsexy.
But when you bundle those unsexy solutions together in a pack of
three, or five, or seven and you commit to them without fail on a daily
basis over an extended period of time, amazing things start to happen.
Possibility #8
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There was only one seat remaining and it was in the second to last seat
at the back of the bus. A guy that lived on my street and had tormented
my friends and I growing up was sitting in the last seat.
I had spent the last four or five years avoiding him and my mind was
racing as I walked to take my seat at the back.
As I surveyed the situation, I realized that he was also initiating the new
students by spraying them with perfume.
I knew he was going to do the same to me. Its so funny because I
remember that day like it was yesterday and I remember exactly what
ran through my head.
I was tired of running from this guy. I decided that if he tried to spray
me with perfume I was going to turn and stop him. I occurred to me he
would probably beat the snot out of me, but I didnt care.
I would rather get beat senseless than continue to run in fear.
In anticipation of what I was sure was coming, I put my books on the
floor and waited.
And sure enough, he started spraying me with perfume. I turned and
grabbed him by the shirt collar and pushed him up against the back of
the bus.
Before anything could happen the people sitting around us got inbetween and broke things up.
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As I sat back down I realized the worst was yet to come. We both got
off at the same stop, so I was pretty sure that beating was going to come
the moment we both got off.
When the bus finally pulled up to our stop, I was prepared to go down
swinging.
As he stepped off the bus, he looked at me and said, No hard feelings?
I assume I said no, but I was in a bit of shock. Was that really it? Is that
all I needed to do to stop fearing that guy.
And that answer was yes. I had made this guy out to be more than he
was. By taking my stand, I ended years of fear.
Thats a long story to say the SCORE method provides you openings to
begin taking your stand.
Does the number on the scale scare you? Take a stand and begin
working through that issue to get at the real root of the problem and
the solutions you can implement.
Does failure in general scare you? Take a stand so you can learn to see it
for what it really is: feedback.
I could go on and on with my list, but you catch my drift here.
Its time to stop running. You have a framework that allows you the
ability to start manufacturing courage.
Possibility #9
Daring greatly
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It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the
strong man stumbles or whether the doer of deeds could have done better.
The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose
face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly;
who errs, who comes up short again and again.
Because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who
does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms,
the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause;
Who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement,
and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly
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First, you have a system in place now to deal with those situations
when you do come up short.
And second, you are invested in a very worthy causeYou! And
by having the courage to dare greatly you open up the possibility
to experience success in ways you never dreamed were imaginable.
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Share
That is the beauty of learning, and then sharing. You grow. You
share the lessons and help others grow. Heres the magic-they in
turn make you grow. Its a natural cycle.
~Kamal Ravikant; Author of Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends on It.
I love what Kamal wrote. Sharing takes on a greater act then simply
pasting a link on one of your social media channels. When it is done
with the right intentions, it can open up amazing opportunities for
personal growth and connection.
If you would like to share this book with your friends, click the link
below.
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www.deandwyer.com/discount
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